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2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | Strawberi107: but ya i had fun TearfiLLdRequiem: oh im sure you did Strawberi107: haha Strawberi107: i dont know what you mean TearfiLLdRequiem: lol TearfiLLdRequiem: of course you dont you little 'innocent' girl TearfiLLdRequiem: lol Strawberi107: ha i am Strawberi107: dirty boy |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | ahhhh! went and saw the musical! it was awesome! AMANDA LOEW ROCKS! she shocked Davida and me! we were just like DANG! it was great! and chris clark was totally cool! and trey was sooo good! ha! and vicky! oh and kari opened the back curtain! hehehe! i just had a great time! oh and Davida and i met Trey's gf! we were like 'hey! so you're the one!' lol. she's really cool! lol! well im tired and trying to talk to Ellen & James on the net so i must be off! bon soir mon amis! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | TearfiLLdRequiem: just walk away |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | hey. i have nothing to say. lol. here's a first. nothin really. i've been too busy worrying bout my friend's problems to even notice mine. i kinda like bein able to forget my problems...even if it is just for awhile. well i cant say i actually forget. i just get occupied with other things. i've still been rather bothered. i dunno why i put myself through this. its actually rather stupid. but yeah. i guess i really hope these problems are worth it. i think they are...but yeah. lol. i use that 'but yeah' phrase alot. i am trying so hard to not be sad about all this crap in my life right now. its really hard. i have to be so careful. i can feel it again. i can feel it trying to pull me down. it is so heavy. all this stuff. i am weak. not like i used to be. every since that night...when i almost took my life. i have never been the same person. everyday has been a fight. a battle to not let that control me again. that was the most frightening time of my life. can you imagine what it feels like to have no hope? to think that you will never be better. that you will never be able to fight back at depression. i know now that you can never be the same again...but i know that you can be better. i refuse to let that overcome me again. i dont care what it takes. but i am not going down. i am not giving up. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | TearfiLLdRequiem: im bored BlueIsTakingOver: me too can i come over , and we can get to work on the children TearfiLLdRequiem: oh yes baby TearfiLLdRequiem: lol BlueIsTakingOver: lol TearfiLLdRequiem: lemme go slip into somethin that's easy to slip off ;-) BlueIsTakingOver: lol TearfiLLdRequiem: so what else are you doin you horny little boy? BlueIsTakingOver: watchin some pornography BlueIsTakingOver: HAHAHAHAHAHA tottally jk TearfiLLdRequiem: oh riiiiight TearfiLLdRequiem: you're not watchin my webcam again are you?! BlueIsTakingOver: lol BlueIsTakingOver: YES |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | '...it's gonna be ok, Kris...' - a saint |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well i signed up for an interview to go to Rainbow Omega with church. i gave into some serious 'peer pressure' from Ellen. ha. she made me go. actually her interview is right after mine. maybe she can pick me up and we can go together...hint hint L! yeah. it should be fun. and its away from my parents and Erik. ok maybe thats kinda mean. but whatever. yeah. we have to sing the National Anthem for the 8th graders comin to tour the school. gonna be great. it sounds really good. but Rimes said she might make us wear our tuxedos and dresses. i really hope she doesnt. i just wanna wear all black. its alot easier and A LOT more comfortable. yeah. she didnt say anything to me tonight. i feel so invisible. maybe its not worth it. i dunno. im so just blah. lol. in the words of L: 'i'm just mad, sad, happy, and just stooopid!' hehehe! she's such a spaz. ha. ok well now is my time to go crawl up into my corner. so im pressing the post button.... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | today has been very....boring. yeah. i was like running on autopilot the whole day. so...yeah. i dont feel any better. but i dont feel any lonelier either so i guess i cant complain. ****** is frustrating me. its almost like she's ignoring me. i think im imagining it. she kinda signed off on AIM when i was talkin to her. she probably just had to go. i dunno. ha. i have this tendency to overreact and think somethin's really wrong and it ends up bein nothin. yeah. i need to work on that. probably help with my anxiety level. but whatever. im feeling so very lost right now. i dunno where to turn or where to go. i hope God has got somethin planned. and i hope i'm so blind that i miss it. this is another one of those times when that little thing God does would be great. yanno...when he makes it all ok. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | oh and James, i am 76.5% pure! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | a lone grand piano stood in the center of the stage. all the lights fell upon it. it was a beautiful sight for him. almost as beautiful as she was, her head resting on his shoulder. they sat their together, holding hands, in the empty hall. he kissed her lightly on the forehead. he rises from his seat, leaving her to wonder where he has gone. he approaches the stage and takes his seat at the piano. there he plays the song that defines him. the song that conveys every emotion he has ever felt. the Canon in D major. and as he sits their playing he glances to see his lovely darling smiling at him from her seat. a single tear falls, landing on one of the ivory keys of the piano. never had he felt such comfort. never had he felt so safe. never had he been so happy. all he could ever want...captured in this single moment. he never wanted it to leave. he wished so bad to be able to capture this moment in a song. and he realized that he had always had this moment. it was in the Canon that he was playing now. it would always be there. it was the music of his life. the music that had brought him from the depths of an earthly hell to the heights of heaven. it was his music. and this was his moment. his dream in D major. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i dont know why im writing in this thing. i really dont feel like it but i have nothing better to do. im extremely stressed out with a ton of things. i dont know who to talk to. my parents are too busy being 'parents' to listen. others are mad at me. others just cant understand. others dont care. my piano lessons suck. my mom is mad at me cuz i dont like to play outta the silly piano book. i'd rather play somethin i ENJOY to play. i dont want to not enjoy playin piano. and being forced to play these boring songs and getting people mad at me when i dont makes me hate to play. i dunno. im rambling. none of this is really important. i just hate...i regret so much in my life. i wish things where different. i wish my dad was different. i wish he was more like me. i wish we shared more interests together. i wish my mom would stop being such an instructor and try listening for once. i wish they would ask if they thought something is wrong. i wish my parents knew me. they cant see it now. they cant see me hurting. maybe they dont wanna, maybe they dont care, maybe they just dont know what to do. i wish i had been a better friend to so many people. i wish i hadnt even thought about killing myself. i wish i wasnt the way i am. i dunno. maybe i would be happier. maybe people could be happier with me. maybe i wouldnt be such a disappointment. all i want is to be happy. and i try so hard to find somethin that makes me happy and eventually all it does is let me down. whether its a person or a hobby or an accomplishment. something always goes wrong. i think i always do something stupid that makes it go wrong. no matter how hard i try. something goes wrong. i wish i had someone. someone to support me. someone that i could cry to now and would listen...and care. someone to hug me now. i've only known a few people who could do that for me. and they have never been my parents which i know sounds terrible. they arent bad. but i think they spend so much time being parents that they forget that while they're teaching me how to live, i am having problems in my life. and they dont see it. they are so blind. i've always envied people who have someone...anyone that they trust their lives with. a friend maybe. just someone. i've always envied people who can talk to their parents bout anything. who feel like their parents are their friends. whose parents like the same things you like. where you feel comforted in what you call your home. i dont feel comforted in my home. my home is a whole other set of problems. more stress. more hurt. welcome home kristopher. i want so bad to scream to them that im not happy in MY OWN HOUSE! but what would they do? nothing. how do i know? i've tried... i got nothing. i dont know what to do. ill admit it. i am so so sad. all i have is my piano...and now even me playing that is bad cuz im 'not practicing the right music'. well here's news. i play because it is one of the few things that makes me happy. i mean. if i were only allowed to take one thing from my house...it would be my Grandfather's piano. because it gives something back to me. it brings me comfort where no person could. granted it can never take the place of a person...but it has helped me when people refuse not to. i love that about instruments. people can be mean. but can an instrument be mean? you play it and it makes a wonderful sound for you. it wont hurt you. i love my piano. i love to hear it so much. i love the notes. the notes that compose my requiem of tears. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | TearfiLLdRequiem: k TearfiLLdRequiem: hello james TearfiLLdRequiem: kris says hi to james EnvyOfPain21: lol EnvyOfPain21: james says that he is nto goin over there for a while still TearfiLLdRequiem: kris wonders why not EnvyOfPain21: im raelly starting to miss talking to her.. and seeing her TearfiLLdRequiem: hey! TearfiLLdRequiem: where did james come up with this 1st person talk EnvyOfPain21: james is starting to miss talking to her, and seeing her TearfiLLdRequiem: kris just realized how much kari has changed...and how much kari doesnt know kris like kari used to even though kari thinks kari can read kris like a book EnvyOfPain21: aw... james can not empathize for kris, but will try to sympathize TearfiLLdRequiem: hold on...kris is confused...what did james just say? EnvyOfPain21: james can does not know how kris is feeling, but james will try to help u along TearfiLLdRequiem: james used the word 'you' TearfiLLdRequiem: which is a no no EnvyOfPain21: OH NO JAMES BAD JAMES EnvyOfPain21: james is sry EnvyOfPain21: james is confused james is sad TearfiLLdRequiem: and kris is feeling sad because kris hates how kris & kari's old friendship has slowly crumbled from what it was a year ago TearfiLLdRequiem: and then kris is truly confused about ****** EnvyOfPain21: oh ... is kriss relastion ship ending TearfiLLdRequiem: ****** is a confusing little girl EnvyOfPain21: that is so sad.. for kris, and for james TearfiLLdRequiem: no....kris's relationship is different TearfiLLdRequiem: not like the brother/sister relationship it was once TearfiLLdRequiem: thats what kris misses even more than the bf/gf relationship EnvyOfPain21: aw.. james feels for kris... and is sorry it turned out that way.. but james hopes that one day kari and kris can rekindle the relationship they once had... TearfiLLdRequiem: kris thinks james is just saying that TearfiLLdRequiem: lol EnvyOfPain21: james would never do that... EnvyOfPain21: kari is very cloes to james, as is kris.. and james only wishes the best to the both of them EnvyOfPain21: mroe for kris.. because kris is a boy like james EnvyOfPain21: and boys rock TearfiLLdRequiem: kris wants so bad for kari and him to be good friends again...but kris doesnt think kari wants him anymore TearfiLLdRequiem: course kris could try a little harder to be more friendly EnvyOfPain21: trust james, kari talks, adn kari is so very saddend by losing kris as a friend, EnvyOfPain21: and wishes kris would try to be nicer, and work on it more TearfiLLdRequiem: kris would also like to know that kari still wants to save that friendship EnvyOfPain21: trust james, kari does TearfiLLdRequiem: kris would like to hear kari say so...even though kris believes james EnvyOfPain21: woudl kris like james to.. hint kari along, or would kris like for kari to do it on her own TearfiLLdRequiem: kris would like for kari to do it on her own TearfiLLdRequiem: though kris was thinking of publishing this conversation in his blog because he thinks its freakin hilarious TearfiLLdRequiem: lol EnvyOfPain21: lol, kris is great, kris makes james horny TearfiLLdRequiem: kris thinks that james is a sick pervert EnvyOfPain21: james is laughing his rear end off because kris is sickend by james humor TearfiLLdRequiem: kris says that james a freak but he's still sexy as can be TearfiLLdRequiem: lol EnvyOfPain21: lol james loves kris TearfiLLdRequiem: ok kris would like everyone who is reading this to know that kris and james are not gay at all TearfiLLdRequiem: lol EnvyOfPain21: so would james EnvyOfPain21: james likes ellyn EnvyOfPain21: and kris likes some others TearfiLLdRequiem: kris likes ****** EnvyOfPain21: (females james hopes) EnvyOfPain21: well james must go to bed gnite sexy kris TearfiLLdRequiem: goodnight baby says kris |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | im really in a bad pissed off mood right now. its not cool at all. im so stressed bout all this crap. first there is the P department. i've got my Dad who doesnt understand me at all, which he does try to a little but he just cant. so yeah just bout everything he does is stressing me out. course he has no clue cuz im too scared to speak up. my mom, who usually understands me, has just been real moody. i dont feel like talkin to her about anything. erik is being his regular self, negative and an absolute jerk to be around. karin is being her nice sweet little self. she's the only one who never really makes me mad or stresses me out. yeah. well then there is the R department. yeah. thats a confusing one. i like this girl, right? and she doesnt know i do. i dont really know how to...make it more obvious. yeah and then there is this little connection ((person)) that her and i share that is kinda getting in the way. which is actually my fault cuz im sorta scared of what this 'connection' would think if she knew who this girl i like is. so yeah. yeah. and then im not totally sure i like this girl. i mean i do. but its more like a crush...i guess. grrr. this is why everything is so confusing. i dunno what to do. im so overwhelmed. my chest has started to ache a little. man its been a long time since i've felt that. im kinda scared that its coming back. i think i can handle it though. i hope. anyways. im gonna go now. yeah. not feeling too good. adieu. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | man i am so frustrated with girls! one i like doesnt like me the same way and has told me repeatedly that she doesnt. the other is clueless! grrrrrr! so yeah...blah. bon soir. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | eighteen. eighteen...and all it would have taken is one. gosh how the guilt still burns inside of me. those burns on my soul...made by crimson desires. forgive me please...for i did not know what i did. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | goodnight my darling girl. if only my dreams of you...were more than dreams....bon soir... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i can still remember that night. it is such a vivid memory i doubt i will ever forget. i remember her calling me. i was dreading whatever it was coming because i knew something was wrong. and then she told me why she had called. all i could do was start crying silently. she wouldnt have known had i been able to control my voice. but it was the sound of my voice that gave me away. i can still here her gentle voice say, 'Don't worry, Kris. Everything is going to be ok.' she was gentle with me. she knew that i needed to be held up during the hard times. and even though we were not together...she held me that one last time. she gently let me go. like a mother putting her child to bed. she put me to bed...and i cried myself to sleep. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | what are you thinking about? |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | EnvyOfPain21: u just wanna get into my pants |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well except for the fact that we didnt have school this hasnt been a great day. it's kinda sad...im starting to see a pattern. ha. i've been feeling really alone over here. i miss everything! everything i had! its so frustrating to look back...cuz it was great back then. now its just...blah. i miss all the friends that used to be so close to me. its so incredible how our lives change so quickly. its incredible how my closest friends have drifted so far from me. they are all doing great. even Christina out in San Diego is doing good. its me that has been left behind. which is probably most definitely my fault. but whatever. anyways...im getting better at playing You Raise Me Up. still needs alot more practice though. yeah. i think i shall go practice some more. i've been spending ALOT of time on the piano lately. guess i got nothin better to do. alright well bye! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | goodbye dear. have a great weekend. good luck! i'll be missing you. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i despise what i have become. i despise what you have made me. sometimes at night i myself to forget...yet in my heart i pray to always hold our bittersweet memories. how stupid i was to trust. how stupid i was to love. how could i expect anything from you? i do not blame you for you made your choice. i only blame myself...for letting you break me. for letting my walls come down. i blame myself for not protecting you from my emotions. for not protecting myself from my own emotions. i wish i could go back and correct my error. but i wish for so many things. too many things. all i can do is dream a silent requiem. this requiem of a tortured heart. my tortured heart. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i found the music for Angel by Sarah McLachlan. im so excited. im gonna try learning it. hopefully it wont be too hard. lol. yes well church was fun. i got to read 2 text messages 'someone' sent to L! they were sooooo funny! ha! anyways. im gonna go to bed cuz im really tired and tomorrow is the last day of school this week! woohoo! bon soir mes amis. je t'aime ******. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | hello people. i feel very tired at the moment. i dont think its cuz im going to bed too late. but i havent been sleeping very well lately. well...i never really have...but this week has been especially bad. i just cant go to sleep. i just lie there forever. im so glad that we have friday off. hopefully ill sleep in. you can never tell with me. sometimes i wake up at 7am even during the summer. just depends. so yeah. tomorrow. last day of school this week. rock on. i cant wait to go to church tonight. for numerous reasons. to worship God OF COURSE. thats a given but other than that...just to hang out. i need some of that relief. the few people that do i still trust go to church with me. lets see...i think thats what...two? i dunno. i can trust most of the people there...just some i dont have the chance to. its tough to talk to 60+ people in one night. anyways. lets see...anything else i wanna say? hmmmmm...argh. i feel so hopeless right now. its extremely frustrating. i have like no chance with her at all! and it just makes me wanna scream! GRRRRRR! ok thank you. i think im gonna go and practice You Raise Me Up some more. adieu. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | all night i toss and turn. i cant stop thinking about you. every smile torments my dreams. yet i still adore each smile. but still you dont see me. you, like so many others, see right through me like glass. to you i am nothing more than a friend and i long to be more. i desire so much more. i hope for you to see me. i have to dream that you will smile on me one day. je t'aime, ma belle. prenez-moi...s'il vous plait. bon soir. dormez bien. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | im feeling quite lonely today. maybe its the Alicia Keys' music im listening too but whatever. yes today has been...peachy i guess. just another boring day. i feel kinda left out right now. a WHOLE TON of my friends all have bf's or gf's. i know it sounds really childish...but i think im jealous. i guess its really cuz im frustrated with relationships at the moment. ha. i've had great relationships but in the end they've just disappointed me. sometimes i wonder if it was all worth it. i know that sounds terrible. probably is. i should be thankful...and i am. i guess its just that...its just that i get hurt so easily. each time it was terrible. i dunno. its like...i hardly even talk to my ex-girlfriends. i mean i do talk to Kari more now. but its not really 'talk'. its just friendly chatting. its really a shame cuz we used to be so close. even before we started going out. she knew everything about me. i was like an open book to her. and then Mallory. i dont even talk to her at all. just an occasional smile when we see eachother in the hallway. and its not cuz im mad at either of them. not at all. its just...it still hurts. alot. and i even just seeing them makes everything hurt again. i mean its alot easier to just hide it now then it used to be..but still i does hurt. and thats not their fault and they shouldnt feel guilty or anything. its my problem...not theirs. its just i dont know how else to handle it. i mean...i still have the feelings. and i know that sounds stupid. and i've been told so many times that they would go away. but they havent. all thats happened is that they are hidden a little deeper inside me. and i dont mean that i can never talk to them. thats not true i can. and like i said i do talk to Kari. but its takin somethin like 4 months or so to get to the point. yeah...i feel really stupid writing this but hey its my blog and i can put anything i want in it! yeah but its just that they all got what they want and i just feel forgotten i guess. thats all. i've been feeling very pathetic lately. sometimes i get so mad at myself cuz i have such a hard time controling my emotions. i can hide them pretty well...though some people would disagree...they see what i want them to see. but yeah. i really need to work on controling these emotions. i guess i have EMD:emotion management disorder. haha! ok ok...at least i thought it was funny. well i think im gonna go play some good mellow sad song on the piano. pianos are so cool. au revoir. je t'aime ma belle. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | you're such a lucky girl! even if he hasnt kissed you standing up! hahahaha! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well just thought i'd post somethin today. im just about finished learning My Heart Will Go On. i was just playing the broken chords in different ways to see which one i liked to best. other than that i got it down good. i love it. it sounds so beautiful. i like it in the this key. its in E major. usually i've seen it in F major but E major sounds alot cooler. anyways. im blabbing on bout music. i like to talk bout music. music is soooo cool. i was just talkin bout minor scales. songs in minor keys are awesome! they sound all spooky and haunting! i love 'em. lets see what happened today. my nose is stuffed up with this French cold. its awful. i hate it! and we're reading The Scarlet Letter in mrs yarbrough's class even though we had Mr. Douglass as a sub today! oh man! he gave us another speech! argh! oh dont even get me started! anyways! the book is cool. L said she finished it! but i so dont believe her! veronica and i are only on like page 40! there is no way that L is done! its impossible! man. oh i have this new Nemo desktop background! its really cool! its the big whale in the movie! just like the head. and next to the eye ball you can see little dory and marlin next to the whale! its awesome! i love it! hehehe! k well im gonna go and do somethin productive like watch tv. see ya later dudes! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | hello all you people with no lives that read this. ha. ok im just kidding. goodness. no need to get all flustered. yeah. i was look at Fannie Mare's profile today. 'single...n' crushin hard.' thats what caught my attention. that is so true right now in my life. lol. it really is. sad? yep. but whatever. life goes on. i've always found that to be quite dependable. no matter what happens. life always keeps going. it doesnt slow down so you can keep up. it just keeps going and going. i guess that can be a bad thing but i always think its a good thing. life keeps ya on your toes. yep. sho does. well yeah. im single and im crushin' hard. and now im gone. au revoir! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | betrayal is an art. courage is irrelevant. loyalty is fragile. people are flawed. such is life. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | '...i look at you and...im home. please. i dont want that to go away. i dont want to forget.' - Dory |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | welcome to the game of love. there are no rules and nothing is for sure. you play the game. you make no mistakes. you follow all the rules. then she says no...and you lose. game over. this is the game. good luck. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | watchin Nemo. i love Nemo. well actually i love Dory. but Finding Nemo is a great movie. they're going to school right now. man. this movie is awesome. awwww...you guys made me ink! you can tell im bored. i wanted to make some of that Mexican chili stuff of grandpa's. but i didnt have time. thats ok. ill do it later. anyways. i think i shall float away now. escapé! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | hmmm..dunno how im feeling today. life is kinda slow right now. its starting to get boring. that probably sounds terrible but whatever. school just didnt want to end today! goodness! i was just like sittin in mrs yarbrough's class thinkin PLEASE GET ME OUTTA HERE! yeah. not the best day in the world but yeah. im really bored. oh goodness and then there is the 'romance department' as James calls it. yeah...that department isnt havin any good sales. not that there isnt anything there that doesnt look interesting. but its all outta my reach right now. she is way outta my reach...for now. so..yep. that's how things are going in the wonderful world of Kristopher. i think its bout time i go and do somethin useful like make up some more music for My Heart Will Go On since im havin a hard time reading the music...i just make it up. its alot more...spontaneous and...risky! ha. well...au revoir for now. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | she looked so beautiful today. all the memories of us were stirred. memories of what we once were. they are beautiful memories. precious memories. how i love to get lost in all of the memories. to dream those memories and never wake up. she is so lovely and i miss her so much. i miss the confidence i felt with her by my side. i miss the way she could make it all just disappear. i miss her loving me. this is what i still have...these memories of that wonderfully beautiful lie. the best lie i have ever known...for it made me feel so at peace. all of this i will never forget...for she meant so much to me. i will never forget...this requiem of her loving lie. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | man...im tired. im really sick. my nose is all stuffed up and im freezing. i need to go to bed but im too lazy to get up right now. im really...down. its silly. i have no reason to be. well i guess i could have a reason...but its stupid. i dont really feel like writing about it. so yeah. life could be better. but im not dead so i cant complain. goodnight. sleep well. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i'm so desperate... its pathetic. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | remember... i will still be here... as long as you hold me... in your memory... remember... when your dreams have ended... time can be transcended... i live forever... remember me... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | man... i dunno what came over me today. but it just hasnt been a good one. this mornin i just broke down and started cryin... somethin i havent done in a long time. i was just remembering... everything. all the stuff from the past 2 years. friends... my mistakes... i want so bad to be able to go back and do it all again... i regret so much. it just makes me wanna cry more. and now... i like someone... and im scared. im scared of the future. im scared of my emotions. im scared of being rejected... again. and im so scared of being alone. i feel so pathetic right now. so weak. but im just... scared... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | High above the mountains, far across the sea I can hear your voice, calling out to me Brighter then the sun, and darker then the night I can see your love, shining like a light And on, and on, this hurt spins like a caroussel If I could travel ‘cross the world, the secrets, I would tell.... You and I... were meant to fly Higher then the clouds, we'll sail across the sky So come with me and you will feel That we’re soaring, that we’re floating off so high ‘Cause you and I were meant to fly Sailing like a bird high, on the wings of love Take me higher then, all the stars above I’m burning, yurning, gently turning, round and round I'm always rising up, I never want, to come back down.... You and I... were meant to fly Higher then the clouds, we'll sail across the sky So come with me, and you will feel That we’re soaring, that we’re floating off so high ‘Cause you and I were meant to fly.... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | love is such a strong word... thats why i use it. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | sigh... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well its mom's birthday today. and its graduation day for our seniors. i had to go to the practice at the VBC. it was totally pointless. the choir got set on the risers and we were supposed to STAY in our positions. well we go down and find out that in the corridor that we are backwards so we gotta swing a u-turn and get the other end of the line to go out... and what happens... not everyone makes the u-turn. so we're outta order. we all scramble up onto the risers when we go out there and we're all mixed up... we sing the national anthem. we get off... and they were so freakin slow gettin off the risers! so basically we 'practiced' gettin on and off the wrong way and messin up. then after we sang we found out that we would have our own corridor cuz we had been squeazed into one with some of the seniors. so now we're in a totally new place! its great! so the practice was utterly USELESS! i have to go in bout and hour and a half or so. i really dont want to... its mom's b-day and i dont wanna be at a graduation for it. so Mrs Rimes said i could leave early... so when we're done singing im just gonna walk straight out the exit and leave. so yes. it will be ok. so yes... i must be gone. so... good day to you. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | happy birthday Mom... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | yesterday i went to L's goin away party for Claire. we had fun... playin sardines! yes... lots of fun. well today... woke up early and got ready... then L came and picked me up and we went to Bailey's 8th grade graduation. GOODNESS! there are a ton of 8th graders! my butt was hurtin soooo bad sittin on those bleachers! ha! i saw that crazy Amanda Loew! lol... that freaky thing is just insane! after the graduation James, L, and i went to casa blanca with some of the 8th graders. it took them FOREVER to get their food. we were done before they even got their food... so James, L, and i went to the mall and walked around. that was fun i guess. now im home... church tonight! what what! cant wait... cept i'm like EXHAUSTED! i just hada pepsi so hopefully the caffeine will kick in. anyways... im gonna finish watchin the season finale of 24! oh yes baby! oh and man havent talked to Emma in a while now! where is that girl!? |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | just thought i'd post somethin before i go to bed. today was my last full day of school... im only goin for 2 periods tomorrow. mainly cuz i have to go to Drivers Ed. i need to get my licence thingy. then tomorrow goin over to L's house for a little 'party' thing i guess. we're gonna watch movies and eat food! yumm yummm! PARTY! then graduation on thursday... i have to be at the VBC all day for practice and then go at 6:15 to the actual graduation. that day is also Mom's 40th b-day! what what! Mom's over the hill! lol... im sure she'd appreciate me tellin that to the whole world! then on friday i'm pretty sure that im goin to Ellyn's b-day party... and then saturday i dunno.... hmmmm... if you wanna do somethin saturday then just let me know! then sunday is church and then RAINBOW OMEGA! oh yes! im startin to get nervous but thats ok! im still excited! and L wants me to go to camp but i think ill be in Florida so i cant go. then Dita is comin out to visit sometime! she hasnt been out here in forever! we always go to her! but it shall be fun! this summer is gonna be great! well anyways! if anyone wants to do somethin this summer just let me know! im game for anything... cept ICESKATING! goodnight world. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | Someday you'll see me walking down the street, Looking all competent and complete. Wondering if you made a mistake, Throw it away too soon. I'll wave and blow you a kiss, And say it's cool running into you like this. How you doing, how many kids, Do you ever look back, And wish that you could turn, Turn back time And make me change my mind But you didn't so, lets get on with letting go Almost doesn't count you know So remember |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i feel so sad... and i cant figure out why... help. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | TearfiLLdRequiem: its ok... if i were wearing a pink thong i probably wouldnt be in a good mood either SwEeTnSpIcE516: AHHHHHH SwEeTnSpIcE516: lol SwEeTnSpIcE516: gross TearfiLLdRequiem: hey! you're the one with it on! SwEeTnSpIcE516: what me no TearfiLLdRequiem: oh LOOK! you're nose is growing! LIAR! SwEeTnSpIcE516: ahh SwEeTnSpIcE516: make it stop |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | went out tonight and saw Shrek 2 with Ellen, Bailey, Claire, Ben, Julie, and David... it was a great movie! i loved it! lots of laughs! afterwards L, Bailey, Claire, Ben, and i went over to L & Bay Bay's house. i played some tunes on the piano... L got served! i can so play the Canon better than her! lol! i just got back... i did have a very nice night. i felt kinda lonely for most of it though... even though i had all my friends around... it was just.. weird. i think L could tell cuz she was bein overly nice to me... or maybe the fact that Ben was there put her in a really good mood... ill try and be positive and say she was just tryin to be nice to me... not that she's not nice ever. she's just sarcastic and stuff alot with me... its really our joke... but it bothers me sometimes. i guess it was nice to have a nice Ellen this night. she's actually started to be nicer and less sarcastic lately. i like it. but yes... anyways. Bailey was downstairs sittin next to me while i was playin the piano... but she kinda disappeared after awhile... i think she went upstairs... but i was wonderin where she had gone. well... i think im off for now. its late and like Claire said 'church tomorrow!' goodnight everyone. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | you lied... and i still can't get over it. i still cry... in silence. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i love Dory. i wanna marry her... if only she wasnt gay. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | its funny how life repeats itself. its the end of my sophmore year and i feel like i did at the end of my 8th grade year. alone and rejected. now i dont believe thats true... but i cant help but feel like it. i feel so left out... like some of my friends are ignoring me. of course maybe that means i need to rethink who my friends are. but i dunno. its all very confusing. i really should just stick with the friends that arent gonna hurt me... and i know who they are... its just i dont wanna have to let go of my other friends... cuz i love them sooo much. this is very hard. blah... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well im home from school at the moment. i didnt go cuz i have Mrs Rimes 1st and 2nd period and she isnt there today so she 'indirectly' hinted that we didnt have to come to her class... so i didnt. and then history i'm already exempt and our teacher doesnt care if i dont come to class. i have the highest grade in there its not like he cares what i do. so i didnt go to 3rd period either. unfortunately i have Mrs Yarbrough 4th period and i HAVE to go to her class. man... i almost had it made where i didnt have to go the whole day! i was sooo close! well i had BK ((Burger King)) for lunch today. twaz very good. tomorrow i think James and i are goin to Brittany & Ellyn's dance recital... still not sure but maybe. and then after that i might go with L and some kids to see Shrek 2. but thats another iffy thing too. but i'd really like to go and get out and see a GOOD movie... not like ELLA ENCHANTED! yucky... it was funny but girly. major chick flick. anyways... i think im gonna go play some tunes on the piano. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i asked for too much... i demanded too much... why did i have to be so selfish... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well... our choir concert went pretty good. we sounded ok... but man we had a time gettin on and off that stage. Mrs Rimes decided to mix up our pieces between the Concert Choir ((me)) and the Mixed Choir. it was crazy cuz everyone was talkin back stage and WE WERENT SUPPOSED TO CUZ EVERYONE COULD HEAR! anyways... other than that and the fact that i hate most of the songs cuz i'm SICK OF THEM . but yeah. other than that... i really dont feel like talkin bout anything else. its easier to keep my private life, well private. so yeah. maybe another time ill let you in on the woes of the life of Kristopher. but for now im off cuz there's a good show on tv and i dont feel like starin at this computer screen. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | the wounds will never heal. constantly they will be reopened. you can never feel the same. all your trust and faith is lost... and you have nothing left to do but cry. you wonder if you will ever be free of this pain. you have to let go... and though you will never be the same... you do have hope. just wait awhile... your hope will come to you... and then the flowing tears of this requiem will not be in sadness... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i need a new song to learn for piano. lately i've been workin alot on the Canon in D and You Raise Me Up. i got the Canon pretty good... You Raise Me Up could use a little more work... but i can do that later. i'm thinkin about startin to work on Five for Fighting's 100 Years. i really like that song. its a very nice sound. anyways. thought i'd through that in there. goodnight everyone. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | didn't we almost have it all... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | today was very boring. choir was terrible. i dont really like any of the songs we're singing. cept for Daemon and thats not even really a 'choir' song. and now Mrs Rimes has this idea of adding these idiotic movements to Bohemian Rhapsody. COME ON! WE ARE THE SPARKMAN CONCERT CHOIR AND WE ARE STILL DOING CORNY MOVEMENTS!?!?!?! im sorrry. im rather moody. and that was just really buggin me. then there is this issue of friends... none of which i feel especially close to. nows about the time for Dad to get transferred again. yeah... 12 yrs in one place... its bout time to leave. i dunno if i'd really miss anything. there is nothin really to miss. cept for maybe Ellen... oh and James cuz he's hilarious. well i guess i'd miss the whole youth group at Church.. all 70 or so. i love those kids. anyways... i'm not movin so there's no use dreamin. Tina and i have to go into school early tomorrow to make-up some quizes for Mrs Yarbrough's class. i really dont feel like it. im so ready to be out of that class. oh man! and we almost got to the part in Julius Caesar where I GET SOME LINES! and we stopped for the day. i was like man i wanted to be Octavius.... oh well. maybe tomorrow. oh and that part where they kill Cinna the poet cuz he has the same name as Cinna the traitor guy! oh now that was funny! anyways. i think i should be off to make some dinner since im rather hungry. 'goodbye everybody... i've got to go... gotta leave you all behind and face the truth.' - Queen |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | Remember When by Bailey Hester Remember when on May 16th you first rushed to the hospital, And you almost had me in the elevator at 4:00 that morning. When you looked at your beautiful 2nd child and now you recall, How you knew at once that I was a special thing. Remember when I broke my leg by stepping in that hole, At eighteen months before I could barely even walk! How we made cookies together and I licked the bowl. And all those important lessons on how not to stare and gawk. Remember when you used to pick out my cute matching outfits. And at preschool graduation how you thought time was flying! How I've grown up so much since then bit by bit, And now look where were at, you're reading this and crying. Remember all those great achievements, My first grade poster award, the talent show in 3rd, and now debate team. Don't forget all the fun we had on our Disney land trips and family camp-out in tents. And the four fun years of my life being on that basketball team. Remember when I used to have that blonde curly hair, And when I looked like a hippie with glasses in 5th grade. How I used to do your hair up in pony tails everywhere, Look at those special memories we've made. It's only 8th grade graduation, but I'll be gone before you know it, Off to collage, marriage, and my own life. So I wanted to take a moment to make sure you know it, For all that you've taught me and for sticking with me even through the strife, Thanks, and I love you! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i'm exhausted. im kinda likin this randomly posting thing. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | gosh i miss it. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i feel like crap. i'm starting to see a pattern. it's almost funny. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i had a grand time at the area-wide devo tonight. it was FABulous! Ellen and i joked around almost the WHOLE time! oh goodness... the singin was awful! we had some problems with off-keyness! Ellen almost cried it hurt so bad! and then we had like an Oreo party! we were twistin oreo's to see who was the best... i got beat. oh and then there was FABIO! but ill leave him out of this for right now... hehehe! then on the way back Ellen called Ben and i told him his new nickname! ha! that was funny! and Brandon raced the other 2 vans home and WE WON! so yes... i had a wonderful time. im still kinda down bout my current woes... but im tryin to just not worry about it and let God take care of it. i mean whatever is supposed to happen is gonna happen so why should i get so upset about all this... ha! its alot easier to say that than to live it... but i shall try. anyways... im very confused with life but it will be ok. i really want to talk about this to someone... but i cant decide who... i mean everyone seems to be too busy. which is fine... i dont expect people to stop everything for me. but yeah... anyways. i think i need to be off to bed now. school tomorrow... oh joy. but only for 8 more days i think.... man thats great... and then RAINBOW OMEGA! uh oh! this summer is gonna rock! well goodnight world. sleep tight. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | ' you could slit my throat and with my one last gasping breath i'd apologize...for bleeding on your shirt ' - someone who has loved |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | happy birthday Bailey... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | '...you knowing them, them knowing you...and the more they get to know ya,the deeper they get, until they completely tear you apart.' - someone wise beyond their years |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | why do i feel so empty? why do i feel so alone? everywhere i turn there is no room for me. everywhere i look there is nothing but a wall. a wall that i cant get past. i cant understand what i did wrong? what did i do to deserve this? i cant stand this emptiness. i dont know what to do... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i just wanna cry... i dont know how else to feel... life just sucks. everything that i want... i cant have. no matter how hard i try... i cant have it. i have looked so long for someone to be close to. someone to trust. i am so... just exhausted. i want a friend so bad. and its not like i dont have friends... cuz i do. its just... i am always second best. and i feel so alone. i feel unappreciated. course that might be that there is nothing to appreciate. if thats the case then i am to blame... but i dunno. argh... i feel so terrible. have ever wished you could go back and do somethin over again? yeah... i wish i could go back and live the past 2 years over again. i have learned so much. i am wiser... i'm smarter now. im not a stupid little boy anymore. it makes me so mad that people judge eachother on the past... but i guess thats the way life is. i cant really complain cuz i do it too. i wish it were different. i wish this world gave second chances.... i wish people gave second chances.... ha! dream on Kristopher... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | fear is a very interesting emotion. i was thinkin about it today. there were a bunch of quotes on fear on the front of the literary magazine at school. and i was just thinkin about it. fear is very powerful. thats probably the hardest thing for me to cope with. as a matter of fact... all of my stress is caused be fear in a way. its really frustrating when i cant control how that fear affects me. grrrrrr... i hate stress. yanno... i thought that after the past 2 years and all the counseling that i'd just be ok again... but NO! its so freakin hard to try think differently ((in less stressful ways))... man i just wanna scream! i mean im not like in pain and i havent really had any chest pains in a long time. so yeah... anyways. thats enough of that. i think it's time for bed. yeah so just go to bed... ill be there in a second to tuck you in... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | isn't life just peachy... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | it rained... i love rain... makes me happy... sigh... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i havent really made a nice insightful entry into the life of Kristopher. im feeling especially stressed bout my nonexistant R department. it is very frustrating... i want her to just give me a hint. i want to see somethin. i want somethin to give me some hope. its kinda hard being around her and everytime she smiles at me or laughs at somethin i say im just hopeing that it means something. that maybe she likes me... even just a little. it wears you done... gettin your hopes up and then havin them smashed. i dunno why i keep doin this to myself. i should just give up. but i soooo dont want to! blah. can you feel the STRESS! anyways... i think im done being insightful. bedtime. goodnight. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | here are some links to listen to our choir songs from the All-Star Musical Festival. they are AWESOME! hope you enjoy them! • urlLink O Sifuni Mungu • urlLink Homeward Bound • urlLink Daemon Irrepit Calidus |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | mrs rimes dropped one of our songs for the next choir concert. THANK GOODNESS! man... it was really soundin bad and nobody really liked it and it was just too hard so she dropped it. that's good i guess. our concert is in like a week... we really gotta get workin. i mean we know our music i guess its just we need to fine tune it. yeah. well thats bout it i guess... for right now. im off to piano lessons. havent really been feelin much lately... just kinda blah. like i dont feel anything... im just emotionless. i guess i've been rather cold towards people lately. its nothin personal... but whatever. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | as you can see i have a new look for this thing. im havin some issues getting all my links back and everything so just hold on a bit and ill try to have them back up. well... as i said Orlando was awesome. today Mrs Rimes realized that our regular choir concert is in a week so we are rehearsing like crazy... oh joy. anyways... i think im gonna go and... wallow... why not... hehehe. ok well goodnight everyone. sleep tight. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | ORLANDO WAS AWESOME! we had sooooo much fun! and on top of that... we WON! we got first place, won the Grand Championship award, and all 6 of our soloists got awards for their vocal performance! it was FABULOUS! Wet N' Wild was great! Universal Studio was cool! and Islands of Adventure ROCKED! course im like EXTREMELY tired cuz sleepin on a charter bus doesnt work too well... but i did put up some pics up in the Links section. or you can just click urlLink here ! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | ok well... choir trip tomorrow! what what! yeah... dunno if i'm excited or not but whatever! yeah. im actually very stressed out today. have been for like FOREVER! but whatever... hopefully this little 'break' will be nice... though i doubt it. its gonna be rather lonely... i will be missin her the whole time. but i cant help that. she is so cute... she makes me really smile. hehehe... not somethin i REALLY do on a regular basis. but yes... i really should be packin... but i dont feel like it... i guess ill do it tomorrow after i get my hair cut. i am finished with the Rainbow Omega essay... it was HARD! lol! anyways... im goin now... 24 is on! adieu... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | nobody loves me... nobody cares... why dont you quit the whining... stop complaining... and GROW UP! thank you listening to this little tid-bit of info! you may now resume your natural lives! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | dang... she is hott! i almost forgot how hott she really is till i saw her today... mmmm... yummmm! so fine! lol! ha! and yanno whats even better... SHE DOESN'T KNOW IM TALKIN ABOUT HER! i love bein all vague... its great! keeps ya wonderin! so you just wonder away! salut mon petit chou-chou! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | man... Alicia Keys is SOOOO hott! lol! she is! a girl who can play the piano is like a major turn-on! hahaha! yeah... Norah Jones is hott too! lol! lemme see who else is... Christina Aguilera can play the piano... but she's slutty so i dont like her! goodness.... why do they have to ruin their talent with all that smut! some of those girls are just stooopid! hmmm.... Sarah McLachlan can play but she's too old to be hott. lol... anyways! enough bout those hott pianists! today has been rather nice... if not bittersweet. it was quiet and relaxing. im kinda nervous bout goin on this trip to Orlando... not really sure why... just am. probably cuz my dad's goin... and i dont want him to but he... for some strange reason wants to go. but whatever. man.. and i still gotta finish that essay for Rainbow Omega. goodness... lots of stuff to do. well... it'll have to wait till tomorrow cuz im off to bed! NIGHT! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | how come whenever you walk into the room... i cant help but stare? how is it you can make me smile... even when i'm down? how come your eyes... make me light up? how come i cant get you outta my head...? sigh... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | happy birthday Kari! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well its the first of May. school shall be out soon. lets see... in 27 days. that's gonna be nice. then on the 30th im goin to Rainbow Omega for the first time. course i still have to write the essay thing for that. i think im gonna do it today cuz i wont be able to make to church on Wed. or Sun. cuz the Choir is goin to Orlando! what what! oh yes! lol! yes that shall be fun. im actually kinda nervous bout goin... but whatever. it'll be ok. yes. hmmmm... what else is happening. ummmm. nothin really interesting with the Kristopher sob story. its stilll... sobby. but i'd feel real awkward and hypocritical talkin bout that so ill just skip that one. i am sooooo soooo sooooo bored. there is nothin to do... i have no where to go... no one to go with... and yeah. im bored. yes. well i think i shall go... and maybe play some piano. couldnt hurt to work on You Raise Me Up some more... i've almost got the really hard key change part down... but its weird cuz like EVERYTHING is flat! ahhhhH! its hard! specially when the song already changes keys like twice! but anyways... im sure half of you dont know what im talkin about... lol! its ok! ha! ok now im gonna go POOF this is magically gonna appear on my blog! bye! POOF! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | UGH! i am so ticked off! i hate who i am. i cannot stand myself! why do i have to be so darn sensitive!?!?! why do i get my feelings hurt so easily?! WHY CANT I GET OVER IT?! i dont know what else to say. i dont think i've been this upset in a long time. goodness. i want someone to relate to. i want someone here that i can talk to... who will just understand me. and i hate... yes i hate being judged. being stuck into a category simply because i am what i am. and yeah its probably stupid. it really is. i really should just ignore what people say and just live my life, but sometimes it just hurts so bad. i guess its not the fact that i am being judged. its usually what i am thats being judged. and i despise that. not so much because its mean... more because it makes me feel so bad. i dunno. not many things can lower my self-esteem... other than my Dad and this. i feel so terrible... and i shouldnt! AHHHHH! I DONT UNDERSTAND MYSELF! ok... i'm gonna stop before i hurt myself. goodnight kids. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | we talked bout hope tonight at church. it was mentioned that when your hope is dependent you eventually be let down. i remember learning that the hard way... but i still struggle with it. i really need to try and do better. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | hmmm.. i think i'm about sick of the family. i need a vacation. thankfully our Ocoee trip with the youth group is this weekend. but really... everyone in my house is just really annoying me. mainly Erik and Dad. Erik though is at boy scout camp so i dont have to deal with his insanity and anger. Dad on the other hand has been here... he left today to join Erik up at the camp. but goodness. my Dad is a very emotionless ((unless is anger or annoyance)). he likes to joke around and tease and stuff. of course i doubt he ever thinks about how his 'teasing' affects his children. but if maybe i lash back and tell him to leave me alone or get irritated then he goes into this big speech bout how teasing helps prepare you for the real world. i can see that. but maybe people need to STOP TEASING to prepare themselves for the real world where NOT EVERYONE WANTS TO BE TEASED! ugh. i have so much built up anger. its terrible. after all the time with the psychiatrist i've been able to handle my emotions and feelings better... of course to me that's involved hiding them away. i dunno. alot of times its easier for me to hide how i feel. maybe i'm just scared to. it DOES seem that everytime i voice my opinion or try and talk bout how i feel that my parents or siblings get hurt or irritated. i dunno. its just so frustrated. my parents want me to talk to them... but i feel so 'pushed away' by them. and i know this is probably just some silly little teenage attitude that will most likely pass... but sometimes i wonder if i'm not just bein a crazy teen. but yeah. Dad's real insensitive. to him emotions get in the way and its easier to keep them to a minimum. to me emotions are life. i admit that i do let them control too much of me at times... but i try not to appear controled by them. course i guess thats not 'managing' them. but whatever. i remember one time my psychiatrist asked me 'You talk about how you're very similar to your mom. Are there any similarities between you and your dad?' i remember that so clearly. i couldnt answer her. i could think of nothing. and i know its sad. but i dont feel like his son. i mean half the time i'm afraid to talk to him. i hate askin him for things too. i feel so guilty askin for anything. but yeah. done with Dad. lets talk bout the brother. Erik. man. that child is outta control. not really. but his attitude and temper are outta control. he makes this house to be a living hell. i despise this house mainly because of him. Dad i can handle i guess cuz he's not home half the time. but Erik... goodness. it is so frustrating living with someone like him. all he does is complain. all he does is be totally negative. all he does get angry. and just bein around him stresses me out. i know that its really just the codependent side of me. if i cant help him or makin him happy or just stop him from bein so negative then i get so unhappy with myself. yes i know its stupid... but i've always been that way. i've heard all the little explanations as to why i shouldnt feel that way but i cant help it. i've learned to handle or hide the stress but i cant stop bein codependent. ha. at least not yet. yanno. i've been thinkin ((i know shocking!)). i've always thought that you're home is like your safe place. you're place to rest and just be away from all the stresses of the world. i feel happier and safer in the world. give me the stress of the world. i can handle that. i can live with that. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | sigh. wish you were here... so i could just be me. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | Through My Tears by Kristopher It's been so many years Since I gave that ring for you to wear We vowed to never part And I still love you that way You're the one God gave to me You're all I'm dreaming of You've always believed in me With you I am free Chorus Its time to say goodbye Time has just slipped away, and I Know that I'll be OK You'll be forever mine, and I'm Sure that I'll smile again Through all my tears You gave four lives to me And I could not ask for more Together we've grown old Each day a blessing from above You're the one God gave to me You're all I'm dreaming of You've always believed in me With you I am free ((Chorus)) And now its time for you to leave I'll miss you every single day But I know you that are not far, and I'll see you in eternity You're the one God gave to me You're all I'm dreaming of You've always believed in me You'll always be here for me ((Chorus)) |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | Every Storm by Kristopher & Karin Sad days have past. I smile again, and I have no fear with you by my side. Life was so dark until you appeared. You brought me light where I was alone. ((chorus)) You take my hand, and I know no sorrow. You give me faith to rise high above every storm I was so lost, but you pulled me through. You held me close, and I hurt no more. (( chorus )) Ooo.... Oooo... Oooo... You came to me when all turned away. You gave me hope and I knew I'd live through the storm. (( chorus )) |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well i'm feeling very lonely tonight. its pathetic. i've had a crush on a girl for like past 2 months and i dunno if i'm hurting myself cuz i dont wanna give up or if i'm helping myself by stickin in there. ugh. blah. i dunno what to say about this. i really wanna just tell her but i'm so afraid. it really stinks. i mean i think it would work. i'm pretty sure i could. but still i'm so scared. i just wanna scream. AHHHHHHHHHHHH! ok thank you. oh and L made this terrific post tonight bout how she feels bout dating. its excellent.. she put what i think into like perfect words. course i didnt always think that way... but after 2 relationships that ended with me gettin hurt i've learned to look at dating a different way. L's way. its so much easier. anyways... off to bed now i guess. have a nice night. sleep tight kids. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit in the kingdom of God? Do not be decieved, neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, 10 nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | in the still of the night i held you, held you tight cuz i love, love you so promise i'll never let you go in the still of the night |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | so close. you are so close. i look to you and i can almost see your beautiful eyes staring back at me. i just want to reach out and take you in my arms. but though you are so close... you are still so far. within grasp and yet out of my reach. and this is the requiem of a longing heart. a lonely heart. goodnight kids. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | now its your turn... to cry. so go on and just cry me a river. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | went and saw The Terminal tonight. it was an excellent movie. i loved it. Victor Nivorsky is the bomb. other than that i'm ticked... at life. dunno why... i just feel like bein mad. well.. its more like disappointed. or frustrated. oh goodness i dont know. i'm ticked cuz i'm mad, disappointed, and frustrated! there that makes sense! so yeah. i really cant complain. its not like life is terrible or anything. its just not goin exactly the way i'd like it to. but whatever. what's supposed to happen is happening and i cant change that. anyways. we'll see how it goes. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i was taught not to run away... cuz raindrops will always fall on your face... when it seems like all hope is gone. gotta get thru the storm... before you can see the dawn. this is all i am. this is all i know... and i won't never ever let go. no i won't let go. i walked thru the fire. fought thru the raging storm... til i found the peace... that's inside of me. i've got to be strong. i stand for my dreams. i was made for this moment. take me as i am... or nothin at all. i'll keep holdin on. raindrops will fall... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | now what about the guys who try the hardest not screw up? yanno the ones who are such 'good friends' to you. you keep sayin how you want to meet 'nice guys'. well they're right there in front of you! why do they get overlooked? what gives, ladies? |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | some guys are lucky. some guys get second chances. some guys get chances. then they screw it up. |
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