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2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | sang Beyond The Sea today... got a standing-o too... made me very happy. but other than that i'm feeling very drained. my emotions hurt. if that makes sense. ha... probably not... i dont make sense. i dont really mean that i'm hurt.. though in a way i am. but i just mean that i'm so emotionally drained that it hurts. oh there! that sounds so much clearer! i'm really sick of all my feelings. and i'm tired of being 'sensitive'. supposedly this is a good thing. i must be missin somethin cuz i see absolutely no benefit in being a sensitive guy. course what am i gonna do? its the way i am. i think everyone has this problem where they wanna be part of something. to feel wanted and belong to somethin. i cant say that i dont belong to anything. but it feels alot like i dont. very lonely. its no one's fault... its just that everyone has their bestfriends. everyone has their group. not that i dont have friends... but i dont feel really that close to any of them. i mean there is L... and i can always talk to her. but even she has those other people she's probably closer to. oh and Laura Beth is a great friend too but still... not as close as i've had before. ha... Kari was the last person i felt totally open with. she was a great friend... the closest friend i ever had. i guess thats what i'm lookin for still. someone to fill the void left by her. not to say that i havent had great friends... cuz all my friends are wonderful. i just want more... that sounds selfish i know... but everyone seems to have that one person who they tell everything... that they trust with anything. i want that so bad... again. man.. i sound so depressed. i think its time for some Canon in D... its good for the soul. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i really have nothin to write about tonight. no one is talkin to me online cuz they're all busy. it seems that lately everyone is 'too busy'. not that i'm complainin. cuz its not like i have a right to have anyone pay attention to me... its just nice, yanno? so yeah anyways. my throat hurts still from singin today. in choir we had like me and this kid Nathan singin tenor and the rest of our section didnt! i was like come on guys! i shouldnt have to hurt my voice to give us some volume. if we ALL sing then we will sound good! it makes me mad cuz like we are the advanced choir and i cant hear any advanced tenors besides myself and Nathan! ugh. come on. i've been real moody lately. i've started to become a kind of mad person. i dont like it. like everything makes me mad. including myself. i'm really very mad at me. i wish i could just like take myself back to the drawing board and redo me. make myself differently. top of the list.. we're gonna get rid of this pathetic fear of rejection. ha... i need one of those extreme makeovers for my personality. that'd be great. i guess i should be 'happy' with the way God made me... man that sure is tough one. its frustrating. but anyways... i did pretty good for not havin nothin to write about. ha. i think its time for some zzz's. night. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i'm watchin this thing on ABC about Jesus and how he MIGHT have been married to Mary Magdalene. and man its makin me sick. i hate these tv shows where reporters interview 'experts' about religious stuff and they just make Christianity to be stupid. they are so full of crap. it makes me so mad! they try so hard to make Jesus like a man. here they're saying that Jesus was married to Mary who was a 'loose woman'. its like they're tryin to say that the SON OF GOD was married to a prostitute. and this whole story is based on some research that was done for that book The Da Vinci Code . but i mean really. this is so stupid. the INSPIRED WORD OF GOD never says they were married. now if some of the book says so then wouldnt that fall under that part of the Bible that says that anything that contradicts the Word is false. now sure the Bible doesnt say that Jesus wasnt married to Mary... but it does say that Jesus was sinless. that he was pure. now name me a pure man that was married to a whore. and yes i just said whore. i am really fired up bout this. it makes me so mad when people try and analyze all this and start makin stuff up just cuz they wanna good story. but what other purpose would it serve to know that Jesus was married than to undermine his divinity. oh my goodness! now they just said that there are holes in the Bible! who do they think they are! THERE ARE HOLES IN A BOOK THAT GOD WROTE ?! ugh! some people! goodness... just wanna take some people by the hair and just shove their face in a Bible... maybe they'll read it! oh wait its gettin better! now they are talkin bout other 'gospels' that are not in the Bible.... hmmmm wonder why? you think maybe if they were inspired by God that they would BE IN THE BIBLE ! ok thats it... i'm done for now. i could go on for hours but i'm gonna have to go to bed. so yes... night kids. sleep well. oh and by the way.. on this show full of crap, they are now saying that Mary Magdalene was an 'apostle'. can you spell S-T-U-P-I-D? |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | so today was awful at school. it was soooo boring. i had a precal test... i'm pretty sure i did good... it was easy thankfully. and then in ap history i thought Mr Reynolds would jsut never stop talkin... i was about to fall asleep it was so boring! and he repeats himself like 50 gazillion times. i honestly think he just forgets what he's already said cuz he's like ANCIENT . choir was fun as usual. we're singin some weird song that i dont like though... its called White Horses and its just plain weird. the lyrics make no sense. then we're singin an old jazzy song called Stormy Weather . i love it. mom likes that song... so i've heard some of it before. i love all those old songs. especialy the old jazz and blues stuff. i love that music. after school Davida and i have decided that we're just gonna hang out in Mrs Rimes's room till the parking lot clears since its a madhouse out there. So we just go and play some piano. well i play piano. ha! Davida walked out for a minute and i started play 100 Years on the piano and she comes runnin back cuz she thought i was Mrs Rimes playin the piano! hahaha! talk about a compliment! well then i got Mrs Rimes to play Beyond The Sea from Finding Nemo. she said i could probably sing it as a solo for our next concert. but i sang it... the first time i sang it i guess i wasnt too loud cuz she asked me to sing it again with more force... so i did. she said it sounded really good. so yase.. i'm excited bout singin that song. i love it. one of my new favorites. anyways. cant wait for church tonight. i absolutely love church. sigh. God & piano. what i love in life. the 2 most consistent things i know of. they never fail. well piano's might sometimes. but still... they never fail to make me happy so that works. i think i shall go play some piano now. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i couldnt be a cop. no way. i know i'd probably just lose my temper and kill someone. i was watchin this 'reality' tv show about NYPD cops. oh goodness... the where tryin to catch some gang members that gang-raped and beat a 15 yr old retarded girl. ugh. it made me so mad i was crying. why do people do that ? why ? i just dont understand! where is the respect in this world? where is the decency?! how can people be so cruel! so selfish ! they just use people like that. abuse people like that. INNOCENT PEOPLE ! its not fair! it just makes me sick. but i dunno if i could control myself i was one of those cops. i promise it would cross my mind that i could kill this person... man.. just ticks me off. blah. anyways. i bought the 'Beyond The Sea' song from the end of Finding Nemo. i love that song! its awesome! i wanna sing it as a solo at our next choir concert. hopefully the Rimes will let me. well i think its time for some Zzzzz's. night. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | random topic time. woohoo! ok now dont get tooo excited! tonights topic comes from television. well really its more like commercials. ok. when i'm watching my shows... which is rarely... but still when i'm watchin my shows i DO NOT wanna see some commercial bout tampons or bras or anything else! ok... i mean really. why do they have commercials for those kinds of things? WHY ?!?! come on! every girl who wants to use a tampon knows which kind she's gonna buy... or she doesnt really care and just buys whatever she picks up first... so why do we have tampon commercials ?! and yeah i know the 'tv people' try and put girly commercials with the girly tv shows... but really... do they think that i wanna see those silly tampon commercials when i'm watchin CSI? uhhhh... how bout not! oh and then there's those bra commercials. like the Victoria's Secret ones. now do i really need to be seein a bunch of girls in their bras talkin bout how 'comfortable' they are and how much 'support' they offer. i mean PLEASE ! i dont wanna know! and i mean honestly... when they make those Victoria's Secret commercials are they makin them only for women? or do they have guys in mind too? sex sells... remember? oh yeah... and i think that most girls probably already have decided what kinda bra they're gonna where? why do we need commercials about them? girls ALREADY buy them... who else are they tryin to sell bras too... huh ?! so the bottom line? can we just cut all these girly commercials... there is really no point for them. they are just waaaaaaaaaaay too much info. goodness... just please spare me . my iTunes >> urlLink Beyond The Sea |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | oh yes folks... its random topic time. tonights topic kinda popped into my head last night. have no clue why... but it was one that irked me so i thought i best write bout it. ha.. you're lucky though cuz i almost forgot about it during the course of a horrid day at school. anyways... here goes. alright. it really really irks me when guys refer to their girlfriends as 'my girl'. i dunno. maybe its just me.. but that almost makes them sound like property. or like they're somethin that is yours. and girls are not property . again... this all may just be me. girls are just as independent as guys. they can make their own decisions. you dont have to lord over them and try and 'protect' them. now i dont mean that you dont try and protect them if they're gettin bullied around or somethin. but there is such thing as overprotective . thats kinda where it gets a bit outta hand. where a guy totally freaks out if his girlfriend even talks to another guy. i guess this kinda goes back to that gettin too serious stuff. yanno... people get all 'oh i'll love you forever' and junk and they get this idea in their head that their girlfriend/boyfriend is 'theirs'. i dunno bout you... but i am no one's till i am married. that girl will be the only one i ever call my girl . so yeah... lets cut the 'my girl' junk. they are not yours . you have no right to be with them. they are giving you a chance. they are letting you be there boyfriend. so show some respect . give them the respect they deserve. and dont say they're 'yours'. dont treat them like they are somehow bound to you. cuz they can leave you whenever they want. there's nothin stoppin them. if anything is... it sure isnt you. so yes. and i'm not sayin that guys should be insensitive or anything like that. lol.. you will never here somethin like that come from my mouth. just try and be a better guy by not bein so overprotective and possessive. well thats it for my ramblings tonight. well actually i may post somethin else later... but whatever. my iTunes >> urlLink Come On |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | those eyes... your eyes... sigh ... i am so hopeless. such a silly stupid boy. sometimes i wish i could just close my eyes and dream... and never wake up... sigh . that'd be nice. my iTunes >> urlLink More Than Words |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i am sarcastic for once. L is not. what is the world coming to? |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | SwEeTnSpIcE516 : ahhh my stupid computer is messin up TearfiLLdRequiem : show it who's boss Bailey! show it girl! SwEeTnSpIcE516 : im tryin! SwEeTnSpIcE516 : its fightin bak my iTunes >> urlLink Lullaby |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | 9 And He has said to me, ' My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness .' - 2 Corinthians 12:9 |
3,829,066 | male | 23 | Religion | Cancer | 27,July,2004 | So this week begins HELL week. What is HELL week? Well, in my life there are three HELL weeks. The first one comes early in the year. We also refer to it as marathon week. This is Holy Week before and including Easter. Starting on Monday of Holy Week there is mass every night. The hard part begins on Thursday nights when we have the re-creation of the last supper/washing of feet/Prayer in the Garden. Starts off with Mass up to and ending at the Eucarist. Then the ceremonial washing of feet as Jesus did to his diciples to remind us that we are each servants to others. The lowliest to the highest leader is each a servant to all. The night ends with Eucaristic Adoration and praise/worship singing till midnight. Then comes Good Friday. Since the Mass the night before never ended we pickup somewhere in the middle with more reading in the liturgy followed by yet again Eucarist. This time after Eucarist the living stations of the cross are preformed and once again we head for Eucaristic Adoration and praise/worship until Midnight. Sat night is something similar yet since you have been there every night ALL night since Thursday it can seem to do one of two things. Totaly uplift you or totaly make you crash. We arrive at the church just as the sun begins to set. This is sunset mass, the first celebration of Easter Sunday. Once the sun sets we light a bonfire and from that light and prayer light the new Easter Candle. Then everyone lights smaller candles from that and processes into the church which is pitch black and only illuminated by the hundreds of candles. We then listen to readings for a few HOURS and sing intermitently. Then we get a short break and come back 30 mins later to listen to MORE readings. We then renew our baptism vows and are sprinkled with holy water from the fountain. Following is the Eucarist of course. Finaly we end in a final prayer and sing for the first time since Lent began Alleluia and listen to one final Gospel reading before processing out and saying for the first time since mass started Thursday 'The Mass Has Ended'. Essentialy the Mass started Thursday and did not end until that moment on Sunday morning at 12:30 or 1:00 am. Sat was a long mass huh? Wait, I'm not done yet! Since I am one of the youth coordinators I have to be BACK at the church for sunRISE mass at 7am with the teens. Talk about a LONG week. Well, thats not this heel week. heh, I bet you are all wondering 'Why in the hell did he explain all that for nothing'? Simple, more to read. This week is inventory week at work. From this monday until NEXT sat. I work 12-13 hour days and have no days off. OMG this sucks. I call this mini HELL week though because this is only the mid-year inventory. We do it ALL over again come december for end of the year inventory and that is even worse considering we have to scrutinize EVERY SINGLE SPEC OF FRIGGIN DUST in the warehouse. So yea, if ya don't hear from me soon I'll be behind a pallet of door skins taking a nap. ADIOS! |
3,829,066 | male | 23 | Religion | Cancer | 18,July,2004 | I've spent this entire day since 8am thinking about this weekend, the things I have said and done, and the changes I never noticed. After my last post I laid there on that hard couch and the anger in me just exploded. I have always thought of myself as a nice guy, not perfect, but nice. I swear though the anger was so intense I could have started swinging. Even at the time of feeling that I felt this pange inside myself that made me want to turn that fist back against myself for feeling that way. Am I jealous of something? Have I become selfish and self-centered? Have I become the Drama Monster that I despise so much!? I sit here now back at Tyler and I's apartment, the time of us moving out growing ever so near. Part of me is afraid; another part sad; and yet one other portion of me is happy. Afraid I will lose even more than before the person I care more for than anyone else in this world right infront of my other best friend David whom I also almost lost to a move to Florida as well. Part of me is sad because I know Tyler wants to do something different and/or move out on his own instead of into another place with me. The happy part has sunken and hidden itself deep inside my fear that it will go away. That happy part is the excitement of owning my own condo, but I am afraid I will not be happy with the ones I might have to settle for. Back to the subject at hand concerning this weekend and my intense inner-reflection. I find my mind comparing me to someone that lost Tylers friendship recently. To some on the outside they would have thought the two of them were inseperable friends for life. Living with both of them however you get to see what goes on in the real world. She owed him tons of money as well as was never any fun to hang out with anymore because of her constant moods and attitudes. Her possesive bitchiness when she was not his center of attention, and her constant abuse of his good heart and nature. If I have not already in some ways become this ugly of a person I fear I fast approach. Even this post reflects some of the letters she had written him in apology, even though this is not directed completly at him and more myself. My debt to Tyler is growing, and while I know I have no intention of not returning what he has assisted me with there is no doubt in my mind on some level it irritates him or at the least hurts him monetarily because he could use the extra cash right now. My moods this weekend are startlingly crazy. I as of last night viewed the entire Birthday trip as a horror and failure. What I have come to realize is I am a complete dumb shit. Yes, there were some bad things that occured but that should always be expected. When it happens and is over most people move on and have fun. I instead have been focusing on those crap moments and they shaded out the super awesome times this weekend. Take for instance last night I had the most fun I have had in a long time dancing up on the box. Once I got my ass off the sidelines and let myself go I had a wonderful time. The night before, Tyler got drunk and he is always a blast when he gets drunk (As long as he doesn't get sick ;-)). Kristina bought me this awesome shot and we had some laughs even though I was tired beyond measure. People knew I was not having much fun because I was tired but they tried so hard to all for my benefit and not their own. Last night I had a BLAST at dinner even though i was stressing for no reason and the limo was wonderful while my idiotic mind starting picking out all the imperfections I could find no matter how minor. When did I become like that? As a Christian I should KNOW there will never be anything that we do that will be perfect. It's the focusing on the things that ARE right and good that we should be doing. There have been extremely few times I have EVER yelled at Tyler. However last night Kristinas judgmental view of the other most important person in my life hurt me really bad. The situation may have made her uncomfortable yet I was not sympathetic to that. Instead I took it out on Tyler and yelled at him as if he was to blame for his friend. Being your brothers keeper in absolutly no way applies to that instance! The bed thing, which is such a STUPID and MINOR thing I blew up into a huge ordeal! HOW THE FUDGE DID I DO SUCH A STUPID THING!? How could I have let that ruin the night when I had been having fun? How could I also have been so damn selfish? Yea, I paid for it and Derek didn't. Big deal, I had the bed the night before. Plus I didn't come back till WAY later than they did. Why shouldn't he have had the bed? Why should I have expected him to sleep on that hard ass couch when there is room on the bed with his friends? Okay, here we are at Derek. This is where that mention of jealousy comes in. Derek is Tylers best friend, my mind has formed that into more of a competition for a position I have no right to intefere in. Tyler and I don't seem as close as we were before and I blame Derek for it. That is totaly not fair. If anything blame myself. Derek, while I attribute alot of his actions as stupid in reality he just knows how to have fun. He is more outgoing, talkative, and willing to do whatever even if he gets labeled as stupid or whatever. He doesn't care what others think, he has fun and that is fun to be around... for those who let it be. I have come to the realization that I have become so damn uptight that I no longer know how to sit back, relax, and just have fun or let fun come. I am no fun to be around. Who wants to spend most of their time with someone who has a contagious bad mood? I can only think that habitual 'bad mooders' who thrive off it can enjoy each others company. Have I always been this way and just never known it? Or did it just appear over time and I just let it seeth through? I am so afraid of loseing my best friend even more that I am blind to the fact in reality I am going to be the cause of the loss unless I do something. Now the question is CAN I change? How long if so will it take? I don't know if I can do it overnight. The best course I can think of is to stop dwelling on it now. I have done the thinking, come to the conclusions, and now that I have them I have to CONSTANTLY be self-aware. If I dwell on it though I continue to do the same thing as before. Think of the bad things and therefore they become prominent. Gosh this is super difficult, huh? :-P Oh yes, one side note. Thanks to the one constant in my life that never changes, always stays the same, and will never leave me no matter if I change or am the above. In my time of need and in my time of joy my Father is always with me. The Spirit never allows me to be lonely and I would like to contribute todays realization to the Prince of Peace whom centered me in my dispair as he always does. The church was stranger to me, the mass was nowhere near my favorite, and the Priest could barely be understood. Through that all I was able to be centered in my state. The anger was removed and I was comforted. Praise be to the one who never fails. Amen. Oh stop looking at me like a fanatic :-P Above all powers that becomes my strength. I know even most Christians are not that straight foreward and it might seem overdone, but that is the one place where I have never let what others think influence me like I let some as like posted above. I can crank up the latest Worship song in my car and sing horribly at the top of my lungs and nothing can phase me, not even the cute boy in the car next to me makeing a 'crazy' gesture to me of my idiocy. Okay, stop reading now. I begin to ramble if i go further. |
3,829,066 | male | 23 | Religion | Cancer | 08,July,2004 | Okay, so I turned 23 on Friday. I hate getting older. It wouldn't be so bad had my Birthday trip not been such a fucking bomber. What happened? I really don't think you want to know. I'm going to tell you anyway. Here's the deal: I planned a trip to Houston with my best friend Tyler. I rented this awesome room in the urlLink http://www.hotelderek.com Hotel Derek. The room costs 175 a night. Awesome room... I don't mind paying, hell it is my Birthday. On top of that I rent a Limo for Sat night and plan to take all my friends out just for fun on my buck. Not a cheap thing I might add. I told my friend he could take his two other friends that he hangs out with along. One of these people totaly get on my nerves a lot but I thought 'Hey, I can deal with it and Tyler will want him to go'. I worked 1/2 the day on Friday and got off at 3pm. The PLAN was to leave by 4pm so that we could beat rush hour and have time to chill in the room. Guess what, didn't happen. We didn't leave until fucking 6pm. Means we got into Houston around 10pm. Okay, I'm not exactly pleased but I can deal. The weekend is gonna be a blast. So here we are at 10 in the room. We plan to goto South Beach with my friend David who is staying in another hotel. We don't end up leaving for the club until midnight. David wants to go pickup two of his other friends. TOTAL DRAMA HAPPENS. His friends are not ready. Somewhere along the line the other friend of Tylers get this paranoid idea that David is upstairs with them doing drugs. She gets pissy, starts to call a cab to leave and all that mess. Mind you that my friend is a COP and also a Registered Nurse. I also HIGHLY doubt that he would have taken us there so he can do drugs while we wait in the living room. I mean, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! If you know me at all you know it takes a WHOLE FRIGGIN LOT to make me start cursing alot let alone use the Lords Name in vein. There it is folks, big capital letters, but you know what? I'll get over it. Actualy, no I won't. Not till the next day. By the time we reach the club I am tired, pissed off, and ready to cry. My Birthday was a total fucking bomber. On top of that the friend of Tylers that gets on my nerves get piss ass drunk and is acting like a total and complete fucking retard. Thanks a whole fucking lot. We FINALLY get his god damn lanky ugly ass out of the club. Literaly have to DRAG him out. We go back to the hotel. Guess how fucking long it takes to get his ass into the room. MORE THAN 30 FUCKING MINUTES! He's tripping around like a total fucking loser making a fool of himself and grabbing for attention. He could not have been THAT fucking drunk, I guarantee he was just grabbing for attention. Oh yes, he also breaks Tylers 400 dollar glasses. What a great friend. There is more to that night but I don't want to get into it. I was hoping this venting would help me calm down but I am only getting angrier so for now I will stop. Let me just say that right now his fucking ugly ass is sleeping in the bed I AM PAYING FOR and he isn't giving a fucking dime for when his ass should be on the hard couch that mine is on. Oh yes, I don't even get a MOTHER FUCKING BLANKET! I am useing a fucking TOWEL THAT DOESN'T REACH PAST MY WAIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD! I HAVE CRIED 3 TIMES ALREADY ON THIS TRIP AND I AM ABOUT TO AGAIN. I JUST WANT TO FUCKING SLEEP AND GO HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
3,829,066 | male | 23 | Religion | Cancer | 08,July,2004 | Okay, so today I was a bad boi. Last night (weds.) I went out with JC. We went to the Comedy Club which was fun and a change of pace from the norm. I do have to admit that while not bad, the show was most likely the worst I have seen there. Especialy the 2nd act, he totaly bombed. What I think was funny about the guy though was that a lot of his material was gay-oriented. Okay, well, BAD gay oriented. Usualy if a comedian is good it's funny more then deragatory. This guy was somewhere between neither and none. He was just stupid. I do swear though that he would look over at me while telling his stories and rather random crap and something would trip him up. Either he knew we were gay, or could tell he was bombing. That's the best thing about being at one of the tables infront of the stage. Anyways, the comedy was mediocre and the bar tab was huge. Overall not a bad time though. After the comedy club we headed off to the Quarry and went to see Spiderman 2. From what I remember of the movie it was pretty good. he alcohol from the club though kind of put me to sleep durring the movie. I hope JC wasn't too upset at that. We came back to my place and then proceeded to watch a Drew Barymoore movie. How better to send yourself to sleep than laughing at her dresses and antics in this movie. We cuddled to sleep and then came the crappy realization... my alarm went off at 6:30. Time for work. No sleep, early morning, and a serious wish to stay in bed. I got myself up however. Drug myself to get ready and off I went, leaving JC sleeping in bed like a little baby. Awww, how cute. So here I am at work... 7:30 am, the rumbles of machinery and scrambling of forklifts all about me. So i take my happy ass upstairs into the breakroom to finish my paperwork from the previous day. The cool air sends me off to lala land in no time and here rolls around 8:30. I suppose I could have stayed and slept a little longer, but nawww. I went down into the warehouse and just walked around a bit. I know my boss isn't too happy with me, but oh well. If she has a problem she can take it up with my dad. It's not like I goof off all the time. Shes just mad becuase people have talked about her while shes been taking a few days off. 10am rolls around and I can't take it anymore. I'm tired, i'm hot, and I have a hotboi sleeping alone in my bed. The picture just doesn't look right. The easiest solution? BYE BOSS! I'm sick! I'm going home! So home I went, whistling and coughing. I jump back into bed and cuddle-sleep till almost 3pm. I coulda stayed in bed longer but we ended up going to H-E-B and buying some food for lunch. I came home and fixed my lemon-butter chicken pasta which usualy elicites this huge responce from my friends... think I didn't use enough lemon this time though. JC unfortunatly went home and I zonked out till about oh... 9pm. Thinking about zonking out again cause I gotta work in the morning and this time actualy do something. Latta. |
3,829,066 | male | 23 | Religion | Cancer | 06,July,2004 | So maybe I reacted too soon. Here I am being an idiot thinking I totaly FUBARed this opportunity with JC. Less than 30 mins after that last post he called me and was wondering why I thought he was mad and would never talk to me again. I most likely need to erase my last post, I laid it down pretty thickly. But you see, that's how my mind works... me, I tend to over-analyze a situation. I come to un-founded conclusions which got me into this mess in the first place and which sent me to the place I was until his call. From now on I need to take a step back and look at things and say 'Hey, slow down! RED LIGHT! Do not pass go until next dice roll.' Maybe I can learn a valuable lesson from this excercise? Or maybe I will need to be hit upside the head with a 2x4 before I realize what a fool I am. Maybe I am making myself move to fast. Each time I find someone I am interested in I tell myself to take it slow... but it is like a teenager who was just bought a brand-new Dodge Viper for his 16th birthday. I grab the keys from my parents, give'em a hug and rev it up. Before you know it I am sailing down a residential street at 112 MPH. Sooner rather than later I am either going to get pulled over by a cop and thats my warning or my tires are going to spin out and I will lose control into a telephone pole or into on-coming traffic. I think I was just handed my speeding ticket here folks. Now it's time to fess up to the parents that they owe a $500 fine for speeding through a residential school zone and payed no attention to the work crew laying down pavement. The penalty for that is a lot better than running over one of the workers. Not that it has ever really happened to me before. I may be a spoiled brat since I was an only child... but like hell I will be given a dodge viper. |
3,829,066 | male | 23 | Religion | Cancer | 03,July,2004 | Well, I never got to finish my post about the best day I have had in years. Let me summarize really quickly what transpired and then let me explain to you guys why I am such a blasted idiot and may have screwed something up that I will not forgive myself for. You have me smiling like a fool out in this warehouse. I think that is where we left off. So here I am basicaly a road kill target for the first forklift driver who flies past me. Do I care? No, why? Because I have met the sweetest guy I have met in a very long time. The night before I came to work we just layed in bed all night cuddling. In the time that I spent with him there, my arms just wrapped around him, I wanted to be nowhere else. If someone were to tell me that heaven never existed and that our time on this Earth were only to be made in what we did here and now then this would have been my Heaven. I will never trade anything in the world for the moments that night I spent with him. Again this past Sat. we spent the night at my best friends house. We cuddled all night and then in the morning we held each other till almost lunch. The prior night he had told me that the only time he felt alive was on the dance floor. That morning I told him that I felt alive just being there with him in my arms. Nothing could be further from the truth. I wanted nothing more than to do whatever I could to make him happy. That 4th of July we spent at my friends house, the entire time we held hands - I layed in his lap - and we smiled at each other. It was more than I could ask for. I left that afternoon to goto a picnic with the owners of my company. He was going to leave as well and I told him he could stay. I went to the picnic and had a decent time but all I thought about that night was when I would see him again. Monday afternoon we talked and joked and everything was fine. I e-mailed him the pictures of us from the night before and stated how much I hated how I looked like a friggin chipmunk. He stated how much he hated how he looked like a racoon on crack. When someone types 'lol' you might find something 'heh' funny, but when he said that I truely laughed out loud. Things seemed great. Even though plans we had to hang out that day had fallen through he said we would work something out this week and I was happy just to know he still wanted to know me. Now this is where the me being a total and complete idiot comes into play. I talked to him again that evening, he was doing the family thing. I tried to get him to come over and watch a movie before he went to work. I even tried the guilt thing and the puppy dog face over the doesn't quite work as well as it does in person. Oh well, no big deal. I had been making the stupidest joke about him and my best friend as well that day and I went a little too damn far. Why do I just not know when to quit!? Why can't i just leave well enough alone and move on to something different? Why do I try so hard to make someone laugh that it becomes un-funny anymore and then serious? Finaly, why do I have to go and say something that I know for a fact is not true and make something of it? I hate drama, I can't stand to be a part of it. Here I am the one who causes it. Dammit, it is like I can't stand for myself to be happy so i go and fuck it up for myself. Not only did I make myself not happy, I made the one person that I want to make smile and laugh hate me now. I hate myself for it and I wish I could only be given another chance. I wish there was some way to fix this. I have tried apologising in voice-mail. I have tried text-msging him. I would gladly do anything to fix it and yet I don't know what to do. JC, if you are reading this, please try to forgive me. I don't want to be a cause for saddness. All I wanna do is try to make you happy and work to become part of your life. I promise to do whatever it takes to make things right. I wish I could be perfect but I admit that I am not and never will be. I just wish that you would give me one more chance and set things right. I have always said that 'I wish I could give someone the world, even though I could never afford to.' Now I only ask if you can settle for someone who just wants to make things right and make you happy. To everyone else reading this, if you know where I can find a copy of the book 'Dateing For Dummies' please let me know. I desperatly need it. |
3,829,066 | male | 23 | Religion | Cancer | 03,July,2004 | Alright then, so maybe it is way past morning time. So I got my post time a little later than I planned. Actualy I also would not be posting now if someone was not kinda poking me in my side to do so. Oh yea, one more thing, the same person poking me in the side is gonna be mentioned in this post so I dunno if I will write everything I intended to write or just kinda play it safe and keep a few things locked away in my 'top secret' folder upstairs. So where do I begin? With the crap that happened to me about a month ago which kind of slapped me in the face and started my transition to the upward turn in my life... or with my Absolutley Fabulous day? Okay, we will save the slap in the face for some other day. So... day Ab-Fab. It happens to me once through extremely long periods of time. Kind of like when you really want work to be over and keep starring at the clock but 5 never comes around. You would think a Thursday on the job would be like any other day counting stupid wood door skins and triing not to get run over by the forklifts as the drivers... who I don't know how on God's green Earth got certified to drive a death cart of who knows how heavy industrial equiptment... whizz to and fro thinking about the 6-pack they will be drinking after work and the blowjob they will get by their fat girlfriends. Yes, especialy after describing it that way how and why did this become to best day I have had in years? I spent all day with the grin on my face that just makes you want to beat the shit out of someone wearing it on the sidewalk. It's kind of like 'You bastard, your to happy for me to let you continue to exist. Come back to reality with the rest of us losers.' However here I am... with that damn grin around 10 death machines and a convient grinder for making saw dust, singing away the worst songs ever... mainly one or two that I wrote but sometimes don't claim. Everyone thinks that the white boi has completly lost his mind. Got the picture? Okay, now you get to keep that picture in your head for awhile and wonder WTF is up. I kinda just lost my mood to smile and write about it. Oh, don't worry, it's not like I will fall off the side of a cliff tonight and you will never get the chance to find out why the white boi was inviting pain into his life by being happy. Even if so, then the world will just be short one more stupid white boi... ***To Be Continued*** |
3,829,066 | male | 23 | Religion | Cancer | 03,July,2004 | I do look blonde, don't I? Okay, that was a total rhetorical question. Seriously though, the first title to the first post in what will hopefully prove to be an amazing and successful adventure (That is assuming of course I can keep up with my own life) explains everything that will follow for the next few posts. Things have begun to zero in on a specific moment in my life which promises to be most interesting as well as a mental growth spurt in terms of expanding on who I have become. There is absolutly no doubt in my mind that the events which have begun to take place will have a most profound impact not only on who I shall grow to be years from this very moment but as well as on whom I once was. What is with the dazed and confused part then? Simply put, before I can document this change in my future history I must first lay the basic building blocks of who I am prior to this evolution. If I were to say this will be an easy journey then I would definatly be lieing off my fat a$$. It is sure to be a rollercoaster ride straight... excuse me, 'Gay-ly Foreward' from the right hand of God into the living room of Lucifer himself (Who's bringing the stuff for smores?) and hopefuly right back on up again. Oh nonono, don't think I am going to bore you with my lifes history here people. Hell, I am sure that will be evident in a basic oil-painted picture as we move along. I say we because I sure hope I will not be taking this journey solitaire. Once I get this damn disclaimer and welcome to my life post out of the way we should start getting to the fun stuff. Just in the past 2 days itself I have much ground to cover on how I ended up here with a grin on my face while moments later the proverbial bat was knocked upside my head. Of course we will get to that in a post and two later. Let's not get ahead of me here though. This is after all my disclaimer and my intro... First things first - I'M GAY. If that might prove to be a problem for some of you it damn sure isn't mine. I like who I am and I like who I like. Now if you got past that first brick thrown at ya here comes a larger one - I am a Christian. Yes, I can be both and I proudly accept both as who and what I am. Hmmm, now that I have killed four birds with two bricks (Let's say for continued readers sake we can count out Homophobics, Militant Non-Believers, Hardcore Baptists, and the Pope) I can safely say you are in for a fun cataclysmic ride with a half hair-dresser/half Jewish-carpenter, walking, talking, breathing, singing amusement ride. I can shift from many different moods in my days to many different writing styles in my posts. Some might have you laugh; some might make you cry; and as someone said to me earlier, you might just throw up a little. There is a convient bag located in the front pocket of your seat for just such an emergency. Okay, I need to stop running everyone off... here is what is left for this(my worst and dumbest written post you will ever see here) blob of text. I will briefly explain my Blogs name/title even after all those definitions. Lastly I will list a preview of that is to come in the next post or two(which will be made in the morning when I am not half asleep and can actualy write creativly instead of crappy and think clearly) in a very short listed format. M.ulti F.aceted P.lane of E.xistence Hopefully you all kinda got the meaning of all the words... but how does it apply to me? Each and every individual on the face of this Earth is very complex and unique in their own way. I myself like a Diamond (even one still stuck in a piece of coal) have many different sides and shapes. Some people know more about me; some know less; some of my best friends know things about me my other best friends do not and vice-versa. There are things kept wrapped up inside that I may never tell anyone at all. This Blog is partialy here to see how all these Facets fit together in my one life and also prehaps discover why. I'm even interested in learning something new about my own self in writing all of this. Kinda got it? If not stick with me on my posts and I am sure it will be made cleaer as time goes on. Okay, here is the end to this boring long piece of text and an explination which will lead into the REAL Blog's beginning. In the coming posts I will be covering what happened yesterday on the best damn day of my life in nearly four years(Hence-forth refered to as 'Day Ab-Fab'), why it may have been such, and who may have made that possible. The saying what goes up must also come down is definatly a line I shall never agree with. The farther it goes up the more it must also come down and sometimes even defying the law of gravity it will speed up on it's way in. So thats it for this thing here. Watch back after I get a good nights rest for the real Blog to start. Afterall, I haven't slept more than 3 hours in 72. I sure hope you can see fit to forgive me then for what hath started out on a ricky road but will roll on into some fun and interesting stuff. |
3,314,029 | male | 43 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 11,May,2004 | Pacific Blue Brings Sydney More Competition To More Of New Zealand Flights To Wellington And Christchurch Take Off Today Pacific Blue’s^ two newest services from Wellington and Christchurch will touch down in Sydney today, bringing full loads of enthusiastic travellers and new opportunities for New South Wales’ buzzing tourism industry. The first return flight to Wellington will take off from Sydney at 9.05am following official celebrations featuring Breakfast Cocktails and gift-bags filled with goodies for departing Guests provided by the excited team from Positively Wellington Tourism. Among those on hand to celebrate the historic first flight to New Zealand’s Capital city will be David Huttner, Head of Virgin Blue/Pacific Blue Strategy and Communication, David Taylor - Sydney Airport General Manager, Corporate Affairs and Human Resources and Chris Lamers - General Manager, Positively Wellington Tourism. The first flight between Sydney and Christchurch will also depart from the International Airport at 6.00pm today following a New Zealand flavoured wine and cheese tasting farewell party, featuring products from the Christchurch Canterbury region and a traditional Maori ceremony. Today’s inaugural flights herald Pacific Blue’s first foray into New South Wales from its home base of Christchurch, with Sydney being the first city the airline will operate services to and from Wellington. Mid-Week Mini-Fares between both Sydney-Christchurch and Sydney-Wellington start from $199* one-way on the net, making travelling to New Zealand more affordable for more people wanting to jet across the Tasman to hit the ski slopes in the South or visit to Wellington with its many cultural attractions such as the Te Papa Museum and the easy access to some of the country’s best wineries. For those with family and friends in New Zealand, it provides an affordable excuse to fly over for a visit. Pacific Blue currently operates daily services between Brisbane and Melbourne to Christchurch, and the addition of the new Sydney services are also set to boost tourism and business travel from the two key New Zealand ports to the NSW capital and beyond, with Virgin Blue’s connecting services across Australia. Pacific Blue CEO Tony Marks said, “Sydney is obviously one of Virgin Blue’s most popular destinations domestically and we have no doubt the city’s beautiful beaches, buildings and shopping attractions will appeal to New Zealanders looking for a weeks entertainment or a weekend mini-break. The flight times are also great for Kiwi business travellers who can spend the morning in the office in New Zealand before hopping on a flight to Sydney, arriving in time for dinner with clients in Sydney.” He added, “Australia is the most popular international destination for New Zealanders, while New Zealand is where the majority of Australians go when they travel off-shore. We are confident the expansion of Pacific Blue services will get more people travelling between the two countries, and this can only be good for everyone.” “We are certainly giving the other carriers a bit of a run for their money and at the same time, offering Aussies and Kiwis alike something they haven’t had enough of to date – low cost, high service, daily flights across the Tasman”, Tony Marks finished. David Huttner, Head of Virgin Blue Strategy and Communications said, “Until now, only Auckland had real competition instead of a cosy duopoly. Since Pacific Blue announced its intentions we’ve seen Qantas increase capacity on Christchurch and Air New Zealand increase capacity on Wellington. #8220;Pacific Blue is proud of its role as a catalyst in ensuring that these two key cities are finally benefiting from high quality, low fare services across the Tasman”, David Huttner finished. Pacific Blue fares to Brisbane, Melbourne and Sydney can be purchased online at www.flypacificblue.com or by phoning 13 16 45. ^ Pacific Blue is a New Zealand based low fare carrier operating a fleet of bright red, brand new Boeing 737-800 aircraft, emblazoned with flypacificblue.com on the side. The aircraft are fresh from the Boeing factory in Seattle and carry the most modern technology in the South Pacific. The aircraft carry 180 Guests and feature leather seats pitched to 31” or more. Bookings can be made by logging on to www.flypacificblue.com, by calling 13 16 45 or by contacting your local travel agent. * Fares include all taxes, are quoted in A$ and are for flights booked on the Internet ex-Australia. $10 more by phone. Mid-Week Mini-Fares are for travel on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Fares are subject to availability and may not be available on all flights or peak days. SCHEDULE |
3,314,029 | male | 43 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 11,May,2004 | Airline From Virginblue News Update 22 April 2004 Virgin Blue & Alteon Flying High with Multi-million Dollar Partnership New World Class Aviation Training Centre Lands in Brisbane Note: Grand opening event at 12.30pm – 3 Melia Street (Brisbane Airport Precinct) BRISBANE, AUSTRALIA, April 22, 2004 – Alteon Training L.L.C., a wholly owned subsidiary of The Boeing Company (NYSE BA), and Australia’s award winning low fare airline Virgin Blue will today officially open their brand new A$45-million aviation-training centre near Brisbane Airport. The partnership between Alteon and Virgin Blue is the first truly commercial aviation simulation training centre in the Australasia Pacific region. The 4,200-square metre facility in Queensland, Australia can accommodate up to 250 trainees per day, involving pilots, maintenance engineers, and cabin crew. The Brisbane Aviation Training Centre will initially serve Virgin Blue Airlines, Boeing Business Jet operators, and carriers in Australia and the nearby Pacific and Asian regions. The state of the art facility houses two full-flight aircraft simulators: one Boeing 737-800 and one 737-700/-800/-BBJ full-flight simulators. All simulators are certified to CASA Level “D” standards, which is the highest level of certification for Pilot Simulation Training. The centre also has a number of briefing and training rooms including a special cabin crew drill room that features equipment such as an emergency exit slide, raft and the replica of an aircraft interior which is used for hands-on training and certification for airline recruits. A number of key VIP’s from Seattle and Australia “flew in” in the Simulator especially for the opening, including Queensland Premier Peter Beattie, Virgin Blue CEO Brett Godfrey, Alteon President Pat Gaines and Boeing Australia President Andrew Peacock. Premier Peter Beattie said, “This Flight Training Centre has added another 50 new jobs to the 4,500 new jobs already created in the Queensland aviation industry since my government took office in 1998.' “I am determined to cement our position as the aviation and aerospace hub for the Asia Pacific, in the same way that I have been determined to establish Queensland’s reputation as the Smart State.' The training centre will provide pilot training, aircraft maintenance training capability featuring networking and other advance technology training devices, and learning tools at the centre including workstations equipped with self-guided, computer-based training and desk-top maintenance trainers. Virgin Blue Chief Executive Brett Godfrey said, “This joint venture is an enormous benefit to Virgin Blue, to the state of Queensland and to the aviation industry in the Asia Pacific region in that it offers a second to none facility in our own backyard.” “For Virgin Blue it means we no longer have to go through the expense and inconvenience of sending our pilots offshore for their simulator training and we have a consolidated and convenient environment in which our pilots, cabin crew and engineers can continue to receive the highest levels of training.” “We have always placed the highest priority on our training and our new centre is testimony to our ongoing committment to ensure Virgin Blue and its team members remain at the cutting edge of aviation technology and pass on the benefits to our Guests.” The Hon. Andrew Peacock, AC, president of Boeing-Australia, said the training centre illustrated Boeing's commitment to investing in Australia and its airline partners. 'This centre is another great example of the support Boeing brings to airlines in Australia and the South Pacific region,' Mr Peacock said. 'In addition to economic benefits for South-east Queensland, the facility will also save airlines the substantial costs of sending staff outside the region for training.' Alteon President Pat Gaines said the opening of the centre is part of the company’s global expansion strategy of establishing a worldwide network of training centres. “We are committed to provide customer-focused solutions and cost effective quality training to support airline operators world-wide,” said Gaines. “We are consistently increasing training value by placing training centres at locations that support our customers’ operational needs.” Alteon will manage and operate the training centre while supporting the expansion plans of Virgin Blue by fulfilling the training needs of the airline. The Brisbane Aviation Training Centre is one of several facilities Alteon plans to strategically locate near customers throughout Australasia Pacific. It is the company’s fourth in the region, joining the existing Alteon training centres in Kunming, P.R.C.; Seoul, Korea; and its affiliate centre in Singapore. In addition, Alteon operates numerous training centres in Europe, Africa, and the Americas. Alteon Training is the world's preferred aviation training partner and the industry leader in providing customer-focused aviation training solutions. The company is able to provide customers an expanding and integrated services portfolio that includes flight, technical and cabin-crew training, and training materials. Alteon is a wholly owned subsidiary of The Boeing Company within Boeing Commercial Airplanes' Commercial Aviation Services group. The training organisation supports the world's aviation community with more than 70 full flight simulators in 20 locations around the world. For more information, please visit urlLink www.boeing.com Virgin Blue is Australia’s award winning low fare airline operating a fleet of 43 Boeing 737 aircraft with an average age of less than two years. The carrier currently flies to 20 destinations nationally and has recently launched Pacific Blue, its New Zealand based sister airline operating Trans Tasman services. For Virgin Blue bookings, log onto urlLink www.virginblue.com.au , phone (in Australia) our friendly Guest Contact Centre on 13 6789 or contact a travel agent. |
3,288,986 | male | 26 | indUnk | Scorpio | 26,May,2004 | This is the coolest thing! I just figured out how to get the blogger shortcut on my google toolbar! Now I can blog at the touch of a button! O' the joys of technology! |
3,288,986 | male | 26 | indUnk | Scorpio | 25,May,2004 | Well it was Brents going away bash this past weekend! It was great fun! The padres kicked in for food and beer...they got not only 1 keg of the glorious C-, but 2!! It was awesome! And you would think that 2 kegs would be too much, but not for this group of partiers! We pretty much finished both! I couldn't believe it! And I have to say that Jay and I kicked ass at Beirut! We were the first team to take Brent and Matt to sudden death overtime! O' yeah baby! We didn't quite get the big W, but we gave them a run for their money! The night came to a close with, of course.....the hot tub! Its amazing how we always end up in th hot tub at 3 in the morning and why we think that is normal, I don't know! LOL! The next morning we were all feeling pretty chipper. I think we attributed that to the second round of sausage that the grill master cooked up at 2 in the morning! Thanks Cory! Well now Brent is off to Sea for 4 months, and he will be missed but it was great that we got to send him off with a bash! |
3,288,986 | male | 26 | indUnk | Scorpio | 25,May,2004 | Well I think its time to go home. Im still at work, which sucks ass. I bought LOTR:Return of the King today and I want to go home and watch it. This week is pretty much going to suck I think. Im looking forward to the weekend though! We are going to have a bar-b-que at our casa on Sunday. Everyone is invited! On to some good news. Brian told us today that we should never work both days on a weekend from here on out. That was pretty comforting to hear after having to work a couple weekends both days. He also said that he would not ask anyone to come in and work on Memorial Day weekend. But of course that is a load of crap, we have to come in for at least one day. Im going to just work Saturday and get it out of the way so I have the rest of the weekend free! Well I've been here long enough, it time to head home! See ya all on Sunday hopefully! |
3,288,986 | male | 26 | indUnk | Scorpio | 20,May,2004 | urlLink See, now this guy has a good job. |
3,288,986 | male | 26 | indUnk | Scorpio | 19,May,2004 | Did I mention that work sucks? Just in case I did'nt.........work sucks. |
3,288,986 | male | 26 | indUnk | Scorpio | 19,May,2004 | So i rode my hog, a la GT I-Drive style, on over to the old Mackay house to see what the fellers were up to. Lundberg had the THQ MX Unleashed game for XBox - so sick. Maybe honey pants would like an Xbox for her birthday!? The graphics and the sounds effects escpecially of the monster truck were awesome. Reminds me of riding my two stroke dirt bike in the hills of hungry valley, speaking of which we should plan a date for the peeps to go rent some dirt bikes and create a little havic! |
3,288,986 | male | 26 | indUnk | Scorpio | 18,May,2004 | Well, E3 is over and it was awesome. It seemed to come and go so fast. I got to see all my friends from back up in the bay area. We basicly got drunk every night and then went to the Sony party and saw Black Eyed Peas, Missy Elliot and The Crysal Method. All in all, I would say a great E3! As far as going back to work goes....it sucks. We are crazy busy around here and look to stay that way for a while. We get a break somewhere towards the middle of July, but other then that we are crammed. This is really putting a stress on all of my Summer plans! Hopefully I can work though it though. Jay is back in town and we hung out with her and the peeps this weekend down in the RB. It was sweet. Got drunk on Saturday out at the pier at this new place called Underground. It was actully a pretty cool place, and I think I will be going back there for sure. After that we hit up the beach on Sunday and chilled all afternoon to wind down. Im not sure what the etiqutte is on how long these blog posts are supposed to be so im going to cut it short...until next time... |
3,288,986 | male | 26 | indUnk | Scorpio | 13,May,2004 | Ok so I have checked out the Redondo police report and the Beach Reporter crime watch report and no such arrest of an irate man that was rear-ended and arrested on Saturday, May 8.....This is not complete proof that it did not happen.....But I am smelling a big hunk of bullshit! If Cory can actually find an arrest record I might be convinced, but otherwise the smell continues to permeate! |
3,288,986 | male | 26 | indUnk | Scorpio | 12,May,2004 | All I have to say is that I HATE Windows XP! My employer (and IT department whom I've spoken with about 30 times over the past 3 days) for some reason thinks that this 'operating platform' is God's gift or something. I hate to break it to them but... IT SUCKS ROYALLY! I can't do anything in it. And the best thing is that the software I use to actually DO my job doesn't run on this freaking system. What is up with that? |
3,288,986 | male | 26 | indUnk | Scorpio | 10,May,2004 | So we have plans to go to the beach on Saturday afternoon with the infamous k-dog...I am thinking.....he is really making efforts to redeem himself..this is a good thing. Its 2pm and Cory has talked to him at least 4 times that day working out the details. Cory and I get to Hermosa, hanging out eating sandos and waiting for K to show up with the beer. Cory really wants a beer so the minutes are like hours...lol...So K calls and says he has to pick up ice, and then he will be there....well another hour goes by and no beer!! We have been there for two maybe three hours at this point, so we take off and don't hear from him for the rest of the day/rest of the weekend! I guess its par for the course and solidfies the 'flakester' nickname he has earned! But wait, I get a message this morning that he was rear-ended on the way to get ice and ended up getting in a fight with the guy that rear-ended him......it gets better....the cops showed up and he got arrested and his car was impounded!! He said he spent the last two days in jail and just got his car back!! Is this story for real?!?!?! I dont know what I believe anymore....... |
3,288,986 | male | 26 | indUnk | Scorpio | 10,May,2004 | Whew, almost an hour later and I finally can post up to this blog. I had to scour the net to find a web hosting space to stash my cool avatar pic. Come on, Carl is the coolest F'n character evar. Anyway, I just want these next 2 days to pass as fast as possible because the coolest nerd convention of all time is occuring here in sunny so-cal. Much like Cory, I can't wait to geek out and play all these damn games that I have been reading about this past year. Ok, I think I could write here all day, even though this is my first time writing to a blog. I feel like a young virgin breaking her cherry for the first time.... oops, I think the fcc might come down on this place already. Gotta go! One last thing, don't you hate it when the bathroom stall is outta TP when you sit down? |
3,288,986 | male | 26 | indUnk | Scorpio | 10,May,2004 | E3 is coming up this week and I cant wait! There are going to be tons of new games and things to see. All my friends are going to be coming down from the bay area too, so there is going to be some serious partying going on as well! |
3,288,986 | male | 26 | indUnk | Scorpio | 11,June,2004 | Well its been pretty hard ot keep up with the blogger lately. There has been so much going on here at work that I barley have time for anything anymore! Last weekend was really dope. We hung out with Larry and Colette down in the South Bay and surprise, surprise, we got wasted! Nothing like a little dip in the hot tub/pool at 3am! The fatty neighbors were not so happy about it, but thats OK. =) On to this week. Basicly this week has been all about work. We are trying to get our Focus disc and Public Beta disc done this week, so I have not been home much at all. I hope that next week tones it down a bit. All this work time is getting to just be too much! This weekend. Its going to be sweet. We are going to the KROQ Weenie Roast on Saturday! We being Christi, Paul and I. Im really stoked to see the Beastie Boys and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. We have lawn seats so we are going to have to get there early and its going to be a long day. Im looking forward to those $7 beers! Well better get back to work.... |
3,288,986 | male | 26 | indUnk | Scorpio | 02,June,2004 | urlLink Christi and Cory's amazing new futon in living color! |
3,288,986 | male | 26 | indUnk | Scorpio | 13,July,2004 | So we just got back from a weekend of motorcycle mania. It was quite fun I must say. Not so excited to be back at work though. My first full week in about a month. Pretty much sucks even though I'm doing more of the emailing than the working...but whatever...I still have to be here which pretty much blows. Why can't I have a sweet job that gives me the summer off and pays me for it. Or shoot...why not the whole year! What I wouldn't do for that job. Anyhow, here are some highlights of the weekend: 1. Cory and 8ball on the walkie talkies. I think their next occupation should be truck drivers. They've aced the most important part of the job - CB radio kings. 2. Fixing Christi's car hood on the side of the 46 at 2am. 8ball mcguivered it with a license plate screw, strap, and duct tape. The key to the job was definitely the duct tape. What a sweet ride that was after its makeover. The green machine definitely would have made the Top 10 list of Best Hoopdies. 3. Wine tasting. Enough said on that subject. I mean really...we all know I'm the wine queen! 4. Riding on a motorcycle with 8ball. I was pretty much scared shitless and swore that I would never get on one of those death machines. But 8ball finally wore me down. I had a great time and am looking forward to riding with him again. I just need the proper equipment. My sister has pretty much stated that I will be murdered if I do not get proper footwear. So I'm going out this weekend and getting some steel-toed boots that will save my little footsies from serious damage. (And I'm definitely of the mindset that I don't really ever want to have to put them to the test! So you better be safe with me Mr. 8ball!) 5. Motorcycle races at Laguna Seca (the whole reason for the trip). 8ball brought them up a couple of months ago and stated that he didn't want to miss THE races at Laguna Seca. I was thinking that 2 days of watching motorcycle races was pretty much going to be the death of me. But thankfully...they rocked! I had a great time. We sat in awesome seats, right on the track, in the Aprilia tent. Those guys ride SOOO fast! It's pretty cool watching them on the turns and hauling ass down the straight-a-ways. Very fun. On the whole, the weekend rocked. The Laguna Seca Race Weekend will definitely make it into the 'annual vacation' register on the ol' calendar. :-) On a side note...can everybody say Kern River in one week's time? WOO HOO!!!! |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 30,June,2004 | Welcome to the Carey/Cashman Blog! |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 27,July,2004 | Kurts wants captin willer not to judge him because he thinks he will judge him as crazy he doesent see himself as crazy also i think he dosen't like aneyone jugeing aneyone it sort of reminds me of the part in the story where they are talking about if you take away law's and goverment and everything else that has ever taught that person something will thet know the diffrence inbetween right and wrong captin willer thinks that kurts no longer know's the diffrence inbetween right and wrong |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 22,July,2004 | I think kurts is crazy, beacuse of the things he does and the way he thinks and talks, he has completely lost his mind, he kills people, burns the jungle for no reason. He plays god with the people, he created his own kingdom. Captain Willard had a lot a chances to kill kurts but he waited so he can get to know him better. when he had the talk with kurts, kurts told him not in a direct way but he made willard think it was ok to kill him, that he wanted to be killed so he can get away from the pain. so he wasn't just finishing his job he was helping Kurtz. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 22,July,2004 | Kurtz says to Capt. Willard, 'You have the right to murder me, but you don't have the right to judge me.' DOES Capt. Willard judge Kurtz? Do you? I don't think that Captain Willard really judged Kurtz. The reason that Kurtz thinks Willlard is judging him is because he has encountered men that wanted to kill him because they judge him as a lunitic. Which to me is what I think of him. He is so crazy he is not thinking straight and to him everyone is judging him. Although when Kurtz says, 'You have the right to murder me, but you don't have the right to judge me.'Willard is sitting in sort of a daise as if he was thinking about what Kurtz was saying. Then that is when Kurtz thinks he is judging him. But Willard had to had been judging Kurtz because why else could he go through with his mission. The reason Willard did kill Kurtz was because he kept on telling himself Kurtz is crazy and he need to stop the darkness that Kurtz has brought upon the people of the jungle and to himself. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 22,July,2004 | Kurtz says to Capt. Willard, 'You have the right to murder me, but you don't have the right to judge me.' DOES Capt. Willard judge Kurtz? Do you? I do not think that Capt. Willard judged him. Capt.Willard murdered him because he could not found any point to judge him. I would murder him too, because there is no chance of judging him. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 22,July,2004 | Kurtz says to Capt. Willard, 'You have the right to murder me, but you don't have the right to judge me.' DOES Capt. Willard judge Kurtz? Do you? Yes, he did judge Kurtz. I think he is influenced by Kurtz, there is some change in his mind. After listening to Kurtz, Capt. Willard startes to understand Kurtz's mind, then he judges him and decides to kill him. Willard is sick of the Vietnam war, he is tired of killing people. Kurtz is insane. The enviroment has changed his thought, he lost his ability to judge what is right and what is wrong. We can see there are corpses everywhere in the movie, and Kurtz is like a KING in that area. Poeple in that kind of place seems to go mad easily, Kurtz was born in a civilize enviroment. After fighting the war, his mind is totally different, he started to act like a barbarian, he started to develope his own kingdom. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 22,July,2004 | Kurtz says to Capt. Willard, 'You have the right to murder me, but you don't have the right to judge me.' DOES Capt. Willard judge Kurtz? Do you? Capt.Willard didnt' judge Kurtz, he just followed his mission from what the machine said. He was only thinking about murdering Kurtz, and when he was murdering Kurtz, he didnt' think anything, he was nonhuman, he just acted like a machine. If Capt.Willard had judged Kurtz, maybe he didn't kill Kurtz, he would judge in different way. Even he succeeded his mission, there is nothing left. As I think, even though I got mission to murder Kurtz, I will not follow the mission if I don't want to, becuase I know it's not right thing to do. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 22,July,2004 | Kurtz says to Capt. Willard, 'You have the right to murder me, but you don't have the right to judge me.' DOES Capt. Willard judge Kurtz? Do you? I do not think that Captain Willard judged Kurtz. The reason is that the guy ( Marlow) did not really think. He was going insane and he had no time judge Kurtz. And if he had judged Kurtz then he would have done something instead of just murdering Kurtz. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 22,July,2004 | Kurtz says to Capt. Willard, 'You have the right to murder me, but you don't have the right to judge me.' DOES Capt. Willard judge Kurtz? Do you? Captain Willard doesn't exactly judge Kurtz, Kurtz has met some soldiers over the past few years that was sent out for the missions. I think that Kurtz said that is because the soldiers went there before had judge him, so Kurtz said that is just warning Captain Willard. I dont judge Kurtz, because he is living in a place that in uncivilized and he is not civilized, so i think in that condition he is just doing what can help him survive. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 22,July,2004 | Kurtz says to Capt. Willard, 'You have the right to murder me, but you don't have the right to judge me.' DOES Capt. Willard judge Kurtz? Do you? |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 22,July,2004 | The movie is based on the story Heart of Darkness. Therefore, there are many similarities between the book and the movie. First similarity, the natives are all treated like nonhuman. The army destroyed a village for they like surfing there, and hundreds of natives die or injured. In the book, the British also treat Aricans as ants, they think the natives are insignificant objects, there(natives) life depends on the mood of British. Secondly, both US army and British are going crazy. The madness in their minds cause a lot of problems, such ass: killing people, destroying the enviroment. Even more, they suicide. That proove they are totally insane, they are no defferent barbarians. Thirdly, the description of jungle are pretty much the same:dark, specture, sombre, eeire, dangerous, blooming, damp. The setting makes readers think of indefinable unsure of the enviroment. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 21,July,2004 | so far of what I have seen of the movie I think the biggest similarity with the book is where it takes place, the jungle, in the book is Africa and in the movie Vietnam but still the description of both are the same, the book describes it as sad, gloomy and a dark place and in the movie it shows you the same thing it shows it to us like the way to hell were everybody looses his mind it represents the darkness of the story. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 21,July,2004 | In what you have seen of the movie so far, what do you find to be the most important similarity with Conrad's Heart of Darkness. Why? The personality of the character in the movie and the place that the movie took place are really similar. In the book Marlow is the main character who tells the story and in the movie, the guy plays the same role as the Marlow do in the movie. And the way the guy thinks in the movie and the way Malow thinks are kind of similar. The description of the book about the place was kind o f similar to the place that the movie took. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 21,July,2004 | In what you have seen of the movie so far, what do you find to be the most important similarity with Conrad's Heart of Darkness. Why? There were some similarities with the book and the movie. The first one is the little ships arraving to the land. I know it is not same with the book, but the thing that is same is how the savages scared and can not protect their selfs or fight with the soldiers. They are just nothing. Another thing is Marlows personality it is similiar with the book. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 16,July,2004 | In what you have seen of the movie so far, what do you find to be the most important similarity with Conrad's Heart of Darkness. Why? There was a big difference between the movie and the book, but still I could find some similarities between them. At first, I could see the main character named Marlow, and he has same personality in the movie as in the book. He didn't talk much, I think he liked to quiet, but did only when he needed. Also the place where the stroy takes was same, where was in the Africa. I didn't read the book much, so I don't understand the character and the background clearly, but still I could find some similarity. I wondor why don't they make more similarties in the movie as book that readers can understand easily when they saw the movie. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 16,July,2004 | In what you have seen of the movie so far, what do you find to be the most important similarity with Conrad's Heart of Darkness. Why? The most similarity from the movie and book I have noticed is all the killing that is taking place. Because of all the killing it shows what type of people are in the story and movie. Some people die for no reason at all so that the killer can have some moments of pleasure. The bad part about the movie and book is that the killer enjoys it. And they treat the poeple as if they were ants and they could just step all over them. And another similarity between the book and movie is that the killers are going crazy. Just the way they act and the description of people make it obviose that they would. They become people that can't be explained. They are faced with serious promblems within themselves. It will effect everyone mentioned in the book especially people that are not strong willed. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 16,July,2004 | In what you have seen of the movie so far, what do you find to be the most important similarity with Conrad's Heart of Darkness. Why? The place is similar to the movie, the description of the place in the book matches with the one in the movie. The actor seems to have a very similar personality aswell. Both of them seem to be not scared of anthing and kind of adventurous. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 16,July,2004 | In the book the heart of darkness the character Marlow seems to be simeler to the main character of the story however in the book marlow is going to africa ind here he is going to veetnalm the theme is also the same because in the book and movie they take over an island and on top of that there just taking over the island to go surfing. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 16,July,2004 | In what you have seen of the movie so far, what do you find to be the most important similarity with Conrad's Heart of Darkness. Why? I think the most important similarity between the story and the movie is the personality of Marlow, i think the reason why it is the most important similarity is because the personality will effect how the story or the movie later on, and also the other reason is because that it's based on the story so i think there wont be a big difference of the personality of the main character. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 16,July,2004 | In what you have seen of the movie so far, what do you find to be the most important similarity with Conrad's Heart of Darkness . Why? |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 16,July,2004 | Some of the adjectives that described the Thames River some of witch including “The Nellie”(1), “a cruising yawl” (1), “The sea-reach of Thames stretched before us like the beginning of an interlude water way. In the offering the sea and the sky were wedded. I think the story uses great descriptions and adjectives like the examples I used above. The descriptions and exquisite vocabulary make the story difficult to read in my opinion. The story uses a combination of mature themes, difficult adjectives, and hard vocabulary to make one stunning story |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 14,July,2004 | There is a fair amount of description of the Thames River in the beginning of Heart of Darkness. What role does the Thames play in British history? Thames River was important role in British history, because it served all the men whome the nation is proud. Some people were fighting for their countries and tried to discover the world. Other people traded some expensive things each other. It heped people in many ways, and it affect to the British history. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 14,July,2004 | How does description (particularly setting) contribute to meaning in this story? The setting was really important in this story becuse it made the story even more realistic. Setting is really important in every story but for this one, setting helped the readers to understand more easily and made readers to be interested in the story. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 14,July,2004 | There is a fair amount of description of the Thames River in the beginning of Heart of Darkness. What role does the Thames play in British history? The Thames River plays a role in British story as home of men and the river was the place to fight for their country. And also, it was one of the ways to find new country and discover new world. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 14,July,2004 | The river Thames plays a big role in the English history, because it served a lot of famous knights of Great Britain and great ships. They fought on the river and explored different countries. Two different ships tried to find the North Pole, but they never came back. The Thames helps to make money, to trade ad find precious things. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 14,July,2004 | Thames plays an important role in the British hisory. Many great people such as Sir Francis Drake, Sir Joh n Franklin....etc. They all departured from this river to fought for their country, to find a new colony, to trade and find the wealth. Every thing they did made the strong Britain. The bottle they fought defeat the enemies from other country. The colony they fond, encrease Britain's taritory. The treassure they discovered, directly affect the industry revolution. Those things are the pride of Britain, the bones of Britain. Therefore, river Thames is very important. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 14,July,2004 | There is a fair amount of description of the Thames River in the beginning of Heart of Darkness. What role does the Thames play in British history? The Thames river served all the men of whom that the nation was proud of, some people faught on the river and protect their own country and some people went out from that river to discover the world, for example some people try to find a route to the north pole. The reason why lots of people went out from Thames river is because this river connects to the sea and because people wanted to find things they wanted, so lots of people went out and discovers lots of things. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 14,July,2004 | There is a fair amount of description of the Thames River in the beginning of Heart of Darkness. What role does the Thames play in British history? It plays a big role because it servised a lot of men to whom the nation is all proud of. Some men go and fight for their country or they go to discover different areas of the world. Some come back and some don't come back, all for the task that they set out for. People go out for treasure for the thought of becoming famous. The sea is a part of history because it is an allie to the person who despritaly wants something. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 14,July,2004 | Thames is a very important thing in British History.This river helped Brtitsh people to discover and learn new lands.Then this discoveries help them to improve their culture and make their lands wider.The way that they do this is when they departure to the river then the river takes them to new places. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 14,July,2004 | There is a fair amount of description of the Thames River in the beginning of Heart of Darkness. What role does the Thames play in British history? |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 14,July,2004 | Í think the description of the story is very well-written.It gives more expression to the story. People could imagine pretty well how hot it must have been. Also, how painful Durantes death was, because he was so thirsty. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 09,July,2004 | The author was trying to lead the chatacter to the helpless enviroment. Therefore, the setting in the story is very eggective, the wrong setting will lead the story to the wrong imagry, then, the reader will not able to understand what the story's main idea is. In this story the author create a desert to the character. I think this is a perfect setting. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 08,July,2004 | How does description (particularly setting) contribute to meaning in this story? The setting is really important in every story, because it tells you the background, where the story takes the place and even the time. In this story 'Wine on the Desert' placed on the desert, and it really effect strongly to the story. If it was just placed on the forest under by strong sun, the story would be okay, but it doesn't touch across to your heart. Which means not enough power on it. The background is really important even for you. After you have all those background or basics, you can go next step after that. Can the baby run before they crawl? No, there are some steps to follow. And the setting is one of those basics in the story. It can decide the value of story by the setting or background. It was really hard to read this book because there was so many things are described by other things. But those kinds of things grab my attention. I couldn't stop reading the story. In some parts, I just read over and over again to understand clearly. It was the best short story I ever had read. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 07,July,2004 | How does description (particularly where it was taken place) contribute to the meaning in the story? Description is particularly important in the setting because it tells you what the setting is like. It makes you feel and see the way the writer wants you to. In the book there were lots of very good descriptions in it, it went step be step which helped me to understand. It made me want to read it more and caught my attention. The way I felt was exactly what the book said and it was amazing because I never had such feeling like that through a book. It was one of the best stories I have ever read. Example: the desert contributed a lot to the story and I understood mostly everything. I could feel the heat from the sun and thirst Durante had through out the story. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 07,July,2004 | The setting of this story is very important, because the setting gives us an imagery of how the story is going on and what is happening, the setting is also important in this story because the way how they describes the story is related to the setting so when the author changed the setting to other places the story will be meaningless. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 07,July,2004 | How does description(particularly setting)contribute to meaning in this story? Setting in this story is the most important part,beacouse if we changethe setting in this story then the whole story will be meaningless.r exaple let's change the setting and imagine that this story takes place in Cushing. There is almost everyday raining, there are machines to have drinks everywhere so the story will be very silly. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 07,July,2004 | I think the the setting stands out in whine in the desert because supposadly there making whine in the dssert and there is an exterme drout then suddenly it rains hard and they start finding bons scattered. I think that it is sort of an 'Imporable plot' - Andrew L. Kostin |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 07,July,2004 | What account for the fat man's breakdown at the end of the story?Why does thw woman's question affect him so powerfully? The fat man motivated everyone with his meaningfull speech about his son.Thenthe woman whose children was goingto the ar asked the fat man 'Is your child really dead'.After that moment suddenly the fat man brokedown and falt extremlly bad.What I understand from the fat mans feelings are, he remembered his child and for a moment he realised that he won't be able to see him again.I think the fat man din't think like that before so he felt very sad and couldn't stop his tears. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 07,July,2004 | How does description (particularly setting) contribute to meaning in this story? |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 07,July,2004 | What accounts for the fat mans breakdown at the end of the story? Why does the women’s question affect him so powerfully? It seems to be that ever since the fat mans son died he never cried or felt sorry for himself. And when his son dies he looked at it as the son died happy and for the country. Although the fat man never looked or though of it realistically, it was all just a big front so he didn’t have to show his emotions. And deep inside he is very sad and when the women asked him if his son was really dead he then realized it was true. The fat man all those years kept all his emotions in for so long. And in that very moment he realizes his son is really dead and all the memories of his son go through his head. That is when he has his breakdown. It is a emotional topic and is going to affect him mentally and physically, although it has already happened, he just hasn’t shown it. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 07,July,2004 | What accounts for the fat man’s break down at the end of this story? Why does the woman’s question affect him so powerfully? People in the train talk about their sons going to army and it can lead them to the death. They do not know when their sons going to die. At first, they were all sad about death of their sons, except one fat man. He said their sons could die happily for their country. Then everybody feel better. But at the end of conversation the woman ask to the fat man about his son, “Is he still alive?” There was only silence with the fat man’s wipe. Yes, the fat man was totally forget about that, he just thinks that his son die happily, he didn’t think he can’t see his son again, never. It just remind him about his son's death again. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 07,July,2004 | The fat man seemed stoically at first, but we can find some hint in the story that the fat man was actually protecting himself. I think he still couldn't accept the death of his son. Therefore, when the woman's question came into his mind, it remainded him of the fact which made him feel terribly bad. Thinking about the process of how he nourished his son and that he would become lonely for rest of his life, his stresses inside the heart were released at the time. That's why it effect him so powerfully. The woman's question broke his protection. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 07,July,2004 | what accounts for the fat man's breakdown at the end of the story? Why does the woman's question affect him so powerfully? I think he was really sad that his son can't come back and actually realized the fact that his son died. The question affected him so powerfully becuase it was a direct question that reminded him of his son's death. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 05,July,2004 | I think that the man breaks down at the end of the story because it finally hits him, his son is dead, he will never be to se him again The book shoed sighens of him growing weak in the end i think the the women and the man almost end up swiching places. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 05,July,2004 | I think the reason why the fat man brokedown at the end of the story is because that he can't totally forget all the bad things that is happening to his son, because his emotion can't face the truth of his son's death so his mind thinks that his son died honorable and they want to be in the war. When the woman asked 'is your son really dead?' this question reminded him that he wont able to see his son again and his son might be dead in the war, so this question had broke the mind wall that he made by his mind. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 05,July,2004 | In this story, how can you account for the old man's sudden breakdown at the end? Why does the mother's question affect him so powerfully? |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 29,July,2004 | |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 28,July,2004 | I do believe that Willard does judge Kurtz. Even though Kurtz told him not to I do believe he did judge him. He does have the right it judg him because I believe everyone is entitled to their own oppion about someone. Their oppion may change as time goes on, but people get a first impression of someone and then judges them. I'm sure Willard did judge Kurtz from what he knew and read about him. That way at least he had some idea of him. I did judge Kurtz when I first heard about him based on only what I knew. I may not have the right, but I do have the right to my own oppion of what I think of him. From what I knew I juged him as a man who has gone insane and lost his mind. My oppion of him never changed from what I saw him and read about him. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 28,July,2004 | I think that willard has judged kurtz but really has no idea what kurtz is like and has no idea what kurtz has been through. So 'NO' willard does not have the right to judge kurtz in any way because of this. He might be able to judge him based on his appearence, but as to what he is really like nobody has the right to judge him. Although the man could be completly insane he could be the nicest person in the world. Until you find out what is really going through someone's head you have no right to judge anybody. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 28,July,2004 | i think that kurts is a man of knowledge and that he has seen many things, things that most men would lose there minds over. kurts believes that what he is doing is wright. he feels and believs in his caus so much that he will stop at nothing to prove his point. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 28,July,2004 | While in the jungle captain Willard arrives to where Kurtz is staying. At this time in the story we come to a point in which we do not know whether or not we can or can not judge Kurtz. Can Willard judge Kurtz? Well what I have read and the darkness put around these men Willard has a right to judge Kurtz. In the storyKurtz has been in the jungle for some time now with cannables and tribes out to kill one another. During this time at some point he had to of known what would of been right or wrong. But then again the darkness in the story can eat your soul and you would belong to the jungle. So even though Willard may feel he should not judge this man he can. In my mind Willard has a right to judge what he has done and what he will do to him and to the tribes he has put himself up as a God to. In my right mind I do judge him and what he has done to people and I can honostley say that this man is crazy and he will do anything to protect himself and his people. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 28,July,2004 | No human, by any moralistic right, can judge another human, because of the fact that they are human as well, and they are just as guilty of any sin as the person they wish to judge. When Kurtz tells Capt. Willard 'you have the right to murder me, but you dont have the right to judge me', he was right. Willard, in his journey to find Kurtz, learns more about him and his past as he gets closer. Knowing what he does about Kurtz, I believe that Willard does indeed judge Kurtz for his actions, at least at first. When he finally confronts Kurtz, he begins to realize what is going on around him and is more understanding about his own mortality. No mortal can judge another, because of the fact that he IS mortal. I do not judge Kurtz for his actions. I dont agree with or condone what he's done, not by a long shot, but I do realize that I am just as capable of becoming Kurtz myself, and therefore I am not worthy of laying judgement on him. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 28,July,2004 | Although it would seem natural for Willard to judge Kurtz in some way or another it appears to me that there is no indication of Willard doing so. At best it seems that Willard has a sort of respect for Kurtz's character, however there is no moral judgment in regard to his actions. When Chef is freaking out about the evil he is surrounded by and how insane Kurtz is Willard offers no comment, he just tells Chef what to do to help him destroy it. Willard does not respond to Chef by praising Kurtz either. Ultimately Willard never gives any sign of judgment, good or bad. In this regard Kurtz is portrayed not as immoral, but rather as amoral, as free from moral restraints, somehow beyond them. He cannot be judged because he is one of the soldiers he talks about, he acts without judgment. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 28,July,2004 | Kurtz tells Captain Willard, 'You have the right to murder me, but you don't have the right to judge me.' DOES Willard judge Kurtz? Do you? In my mind, I believe that Willard does judge Kurtz in numerous ways. One of the was in which he judges Kurtz is when he was first sent on the mission to find and kill him, Willard thought to himself why would they want to kill an officer who was one of the best there was. He thought that Kurtz might have gone crazy from being in the jungle too long and it was not safe to have him around. Kurtz was building a society which worshiped him. Another way in which Willard judges Kurtz is when he sees a bunch of dead beheaded bodies laying around and thinks why would someone do this. I also do judge Kurtz because of what he did. He was one of the best in the military but he chose to lead a group of people in Cambodia instead. He also sacrifices and beheads his own worshipers which does not go well with me. So I believe that Willard does judge Kurtz as I do. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 27,July,2004 | To judge is to tell whether an action is wrong or right based on a concept of good and evil. In a civilized environment it's easy to judge, the rules are set and everyone knows them, but in the jungle, in the darkness, the concepts of right and wrong change. Survival seems to be the only rule, even though surviving implicates the extermination of others. Kurtz is just surviving in the jungle. We cannot judge Kurtz, for our rules of the game do not apply to him. From our point of view, he might look as a ruthless murderer, atrocious and mad. But to those who follow him, who have lived what he has lived, and seen what he has seen, he is a genius, a king, a god. Judgment depends on the point of view. Captain Millard judges him at first as insane, but as he himself enters into the darkness realizes that he cannot judge, only survive. Kurtz murder is presented to us as a sacrifice because it is parallel to the ritual of the cow, a necessary sacrifice, not punishment. In a world of darkness, where all is taken away from you, the rules of the civilized cannot apply to your behavior, survival is the only priority. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 27,July,2004 | I think captain Willard does judge Kurtz, since he finds his actions atrocious and ends up finishing his mission as an 'errand boy' and kills him; though, before he does that, he seems to pity him a lot because he had many opportunities to kill him earlier and he did not do it, but dedicated his time to learn about Kurtz's whole ideology and to study him, which is very logical, due to this character's brilliant mind and how interesting he is. When Willard is staying in Kurtz's 'temple' he makes the observation that this man appears to be more anxious that him for the killing and he seems to be asking for that favor that will give him peace; this shows us that he might not agree with this man's way of thinking but he does see him as a very troubled human being and that he understands him. When it comes to me judging Kurtz, I guess I automatically do judge him, because I do not find beheadings and sacrifices pleasant or justified, but when I think about it I really can not judge him, because he is in an environment that strips his mind of all prejudices, ethics, and rules, except for the necessity to survive in a world where survival of the fittest is the only law. Kurtz acts like a god in front of this natives and does what he think is right, and, in the end, it is right because he is surviving where most men perish. I think Marlow is extremely right when he says that we can not understand his situation from where we are, so the only way to realize that we can not judge Kurtz is by putting ourselves in his place and forgetting all that has been taught to us in the civilized world. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 27,July,2004 | Kurtz tells Captain Willard, 'You have the right to murder me, but you don't have the right to judge me.' DOES Willard judge Kurtz? Do you? |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 21,July,2004 | i think that the most similerity of the story and the movie is the setting. And also in the story its sais that'he sees piles of decayng machinary and a cliff being blasted for no apperent reason.' The same is happening in the movie. The soldiers blew up a village just to go surfing. An other similairy is Kurts in the movie. the jungle made him go crazy. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 16,July,2004 | There is a similarity in the movie with the book. In both of them there is a Mr. Kurts that the main character has to go see. Also, everyone thinks that Mr. Kurts is a great man. This is important because it is what the story is really based on. Finding this man Kurts. Hunting him down and doing the assignment they are given to follow. Also, finding out things about Kurts along the way. As in the book and the movie there are many stops along the way to finding Kurts. This is an important similarity because both the book and the movie are focused on finding Kurts. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 16,July,2004 | The biggest similarity that I see between the movie and the book is the similarity of Kurtz and Marlow losing their minds. In the book they lose their minds because he has been away from real civilization for such a long time. The captain in the movie also loses his mind because he is away from the civilization that he was used to. For the unknown reason the two men lose thier minds and they start to take over 'godlike' qualities such as debating what to do with peoples lives. In the book it was the African Americans and in the movie it was the Vietnamies. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 16,July,2004 | In what I have seen so far of the movie, the most important similarity that it has had with the book 'Heart of Darkness' is the part when the captain says: 'When you are out there, you want to go back home; but when you get home, the only thing you can think of is going back to the jungle' just at the beggining. It reminds me of the fascination for the detestable, the attraction for the abomination that Marlow describes in the book when he narrates his experience in Africa.It is a sight so hateful, so detestable that the person strangely feels strongly attracted to it and ends up losing his mind. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 16,July,2004 | Apart from the obvious similarity of the setting I think one of the most important similarities so far is what is encountered along the river. In both Heart of Darkness and Apocalypse now the actions of the people on and along the river are absurd. The absurd actions in both works include waterskiing in a war zone, attacking a nonexistent enemy with a warship, capturing a village for the sake of surfing, and blowing up a cliff just because it's there. Though the absurdities in the two works are very different they create a similar feeling. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 16,July,2004 | The main similarity I found between Apocalypse Now and Heart of Darkness is the characters and the missions they are assigned to. In the book, it is Captain Marlow is assigned to employ Kurtz but in the movie its a little different. The captains name is Willard and he is sent on a mission to kill Kurtz. Also, the setting is somewhat both different and the same. It is different because it takes places in two different countries, Viet-nam and Africa. The settings are the same in the sense that they are both dark and have a sad feeling to them. |
3,862,883 | female | 15 | Student | Aries | 16,July,2004 | The similarity I saw between the two, is the tone. The tone is dark in the movie as well as in the book. In the opening scene in the move the lighting is poor and everything is dark and hard to see. In the book, comrad uses dark terminology, like gloomy, and dark. I think that the director wanted to reflect this in the movie by using dark lighting as often as possible. He wanted to stay true to the books purpose. |
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