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2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | go ahead... bring on the rain. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i'm crying again. this world is such a cruel place. i hate it. why do such terrible things happen to good people? why? where has the decency in the world gone? why... why does God let this happen? i guess i'll never know until i see Him... someday. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | If you spend all your time dwelling on what you aren't... you'll miss all the things you already are. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | confused.... still. its like... i like one girl... but she doesnt know it and i dont think likes me. then there's another girl... who i think likes me... and she's really nice. its very confusing. but i dont feel like typin it all out. so yeah. we'll see what happens. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | girls are confusing... or maybe its just that i am... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | deep thoughts time. everyone take a seat! ok. i was thinkin about like all these cute little couples i know. friends from church or school. mainly from church since i'm really not seein too many from school. but anyways. i like watching those couples. its so interesting to watch people you've known for awhile behave totally different. like people you used to think were so sarcastic and 'tough'... those people who are now softened by a boyfriend or girlfriend. its amazing. even the toughest, coldest people can be brought to their knees. i guess i like seein couples around cuz it reminds me of the feeling. i mean yeah it does kinda make me sad... but on the other hand it makes me happy to see people together. it makes me happy to see people happy. ha. there's that codependency within me again. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | then you look at me... and I always see... what I have been searching for... I'm lost as can be... then you look at me... and I am not lost anymore... and you say you see... when you look at me... the reason you love life so... though lost I have been... I find love again... and life just keeps on running... and life just keeps on running... you look at me and life comes from you. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well... i'm back from Florida. i had an ok time. really the only thing i enjoyed were my long walks down the beach. that was the actual vacation. the hour or 2 away from my family. those were very nice. other than that... it was a just as stressful and irritating as it is at home. probably more. anyways. i had alot of stuff i was thinkin about. but i cant remember it all... my mind is just a big jumble. i'll probably post some more 'deep' thoughts tomorrow when i'm rested. cuz right bout now i'm totally exhausted and ticked at some members of my family who dont actually know... but whatever. goodnight kids. sleep tight. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | you were so lovely... you still are. sweet dreams, darling... wherever you may be. goodnight. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | it rained tonight. it was lovely. Marbles and i sat out in the garage with the back door and the garage door open and just listened. beautiful. i really do love rain. it just makes me feel so good. yeah. i did somethin that i never really thought i'd do today... i read some old papers. i'll leave out which papers they were... but it was weird looking at them. cute... but sad. very strange. goodnight kids... sleep well. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | Hi. My name is Kristopher. To you though, I'm just that guy who hangs around sometimes. That guy you played. That guy you hurt. I'm that guy you won't see. I'm that guy you just use. To you, I'm just that guy. Now why am I your friend again...? |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | goodmorning World. well actually its almost lunchtime so i guess its not too much of a goodmorning but oh well... you can just get over it. today the family is runnin around like mad cleanin up and gettin ready to leave for Florida. when i say family i meant Mom. cuz us kids are too lazy. well actually... i just dunno how i could help... but whatever. i do have some more irksome topics i'd like to write about... but they will have to wait since i'm not exactly in the mood. but yes. let's see.. anything exciting goin on? ummmm... not really. yeah well i'm gonna go get some food cuz i'm starving! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i hate all this self-pity. people all like 'oh poor me poor me FEEL SORRY FOR ME' it makes me just so sick. like they talk bout how terrible it is for them and yet they do nothin to corect their problems. gosh. i hate that. and i cant say i'm just totally innocent... cuz i know i do it occasionallly... and i used to do it alot. but some people just do in this certain way and its just soooo annoying! grrrr... and the hard part is that alot of them are good friends of mine... but sometimes i just dont wanna be around them cuz they're like that! grrrr... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | it's official. i'm a dork. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | today has been mostly boring. i got my haircut... which feels wonderful. no more long hair. took some new pics of me... well Karin did. they are very nice. then i spent the other half the day makin a slideshow of all my pics... it was very nice... i was impressed. Grandma is talkin bout comin down to visit... well more like comin out since she's in California. i'm very excited! i can't wait! and 4th of july weekend MCOCYG is goin to the Ocoee river to go rafting and have a GREAT time! can't wait for that either! anyways... im blabbing on. i think i shall go and watch some tv or chat online or somethin random. who knows! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | but... why is the rum gone? |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i am so lonely tonight. i wish you were here. i wish i could hold you. my darling girl... i wish we could be close. i wish you would smile on me. i wish you would look my way. i'm right here. prenez-moi... s'il vous plait. please... take me. je pleure dans ton ombre... and i just keep crying... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | deep thoughts from Kristopher just arent flowin today. i wanted to take some more pics for my site of me... it was rainin today. i love the rain. i went out and took some pics of the rain hittin the pavement outside... they didnt turn out how i thought they would but they were still good. i love to go sit out and just listen to the rain. its really peaceful. and it was really cool like a couple of min ago... in my backyard it was sunny but the rain was still comin down... really pretty. lol... i must be like the only guy who goes out and sits for hours listenin to the rain. ha! its ok... it makes me feel good! yes... well now the suns out and shining.. so moment over. ha... well i think ill be off to do somethin productive. what that is i have no idea. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | Let it burn... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | 'There is no remedy for love but to love more' - Thoreau |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | this is like my first REAL day of summer. its been pretty calm. ha... ok its been boring. but dont tell no one! lol. well its offical... we're goin to Florida next week. not sure if im too happy bout it. i mean i do love it... but it gets old fast. but hey! i get to take my long 4 mile walks down the beach... i do love that. cuz i get to be ALONE! well mostly... cept for the 60 yr old women in thong bikinis which is not absolutely disgusting. it is very nasty. hmmmm... i really wanna write about somethin deep and emotional... but i can't think of anything. oh i got one! ok... actually this irks me. are girls thinkin that guys are totally emotionless and stupid. i've always hated bein marked with that stigma. here lets give an example shall we... the other day i was offering to help a girl who was havin trouble with her guy. i didnt think i could help save a relationship... personally i didnt think it needed saving. i was offering help with how he might react to a break-up. since... well there were some very scary similarities to the situation and my situation with Kari. i kinda had a good idea how he would react... since it would probably be the same way i had reacted. so far...it actually has been. but im gettin off topic... she didnt accept my help... which was fine. it was actually cuz she couldnt with her mom over her shoulder... but anyways. the next day we were talkin and it was a few of us and she told me that she had broken up with him... and i said that i could help. and this other girl just comes out and says 'but you're a guy.' oh my goodness... almost passed out again i was so mad. its like HELLO I KNOW WHAT IM TALKIN ABOUT! ITS THE FACT THAT I AM A GUY THAT COULD HELP! grrrr. really made me mad. anyways. that thing were guys are automatically characterized as emotionless, mean, stupid, etc. just really bothers me. now i'll admit that MOST guys do have at least one of those qualities. but not all. i hate being discriminated because i'm guy. i've never really felt comfortable around guys. like... i've never met a guy like me that i could be friends with. all my friends are girls... save for maybe one. but even he is like a stereotypical guy a little. i mean... im emotional... i cry... alot. i get attached... i'm very intellectual... and sensitive. i dunno. ha... then that is connected to my frustration with girls. i always thought that those were qualities that girls liked... and i guess they do since ALL of my close friends are girls. but i wish i could be more than a friend to one... blah. anyways. dont wanna talk about that. i think this post is PLENTY long enough. i just had to get that out. oh i do wanna say that Emma is awesome! she's like exactly what i'd want a sister to be! great minds think alike! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | Heopenseyes : btw...you should know Heopenseyes : I was showing my sister some pictures ofyou that I saved on my puter and she's like...OMG he's so hot! TearfiLLdRequiem : lol TearfiLLdRequiem : man i wish there were more girls here who thought the same way! TearfiLLdRequiem : lol Heopenseyes : yea, and a couple of my friends are like, Emma, we need a blog so we can meet people like that TearfiLLdRequiem : have you just been show off the goods to everyone?! Heopenseyes : ofcourse I have |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well lets see now... today has been pretty good. i have a terrible headache though. everytime i bend down to pick somethin up my head just hurts soooo bad. not fun. this morning i was a bit irritated. i think its cuz im tryin to get used to livin with my family again after bein away from them for a week. personally i rather enjoyed bein away from them. having to go back and be all patient and quiet like i usually am is not cool at all. but thats life. we were talkin last night at Casa Blanca and somehow we got on the subject of my brother. everyone there was like 'oh he's so cool and he's soo funny' and all this stuff. and honestly what they saw of him... he really was cool. when we went on our Joint Retreat at church and he went... i mean.... i had never seen act that way. he was cool and he was funny and he was just neat to be around. it's like he was a totally different person. he is nothin like that at home. well anyways... i was just sayin how i really dont enjoy his company... cuz he really is not a fun person to live with. all he does is argue... he cannot be corrected cuz he thinks he's always right... he treats my sister like crap and always has since she was born... he's loud... he has no temper at all. now i want to say that he in no way is overly mean to me... not meaner than any other brother in the world. but just living with him is not fun. in fact i despise it. its why i like to get away from my house. yeah true my dad isnt much better... but i can live with my dad. he's alot like my brother... in fact i think my brother is like dad when he was young. but dad isnt as obnoxious or hardheaded as my brother... i think its cuz he's an adult and has learned how to be a little different. like i was saying... i said that i didnt enjoy his company... and some of the people there were like 'you need to be a brother to him!' and i about died. it hurt my feelings so bad. like its my fault that he's the way he is...? i mean i'm nice to him... i dont do anything to him on purpose. i rarely talk to him cuz whenever i try to really 'talk' to him about anything important... he just gets all mad and tells me to stay out of his buisness. and like im so upset. cuz i've always wished i'd have someone close to me. in my family. so far the closest people to me have always been outside of my family. i dunno. alot of people have really good relationships with their siblings. i have no relationship with my brother. its like... all he is someone who lives in my house. other than that i have nothing to do with him. and its not cuz i dont want to . i try to be friends with him... but its like tryin to hug a cactus. all i do is get hurt everytime i try to be nice to him. it always backfires. he always does somethin to hurt my feelings. and its like... i dont do anything to him! there is no reason for him to hurt me! it is very frustrating. and it just really made me mad and REALLY made me feel terrible when they told me to be more of a brother to him last night. ugh. i'm not mad at them really... they know only what they've seen of him. and what they see of him is someone i have never seen before... someone totally different than what he really is. i was shocked on our retreat. it was like i'd lived with him for 13 years and never seen the boy who was there. he was totally different. and it made me so sad... cuz i so wanted him to be like that all the time. i mean... that would be just so cool to have a brother like that. man... he was just so funny. sometimes i wish my sister were older... i could so talk to her. i mean... like share experiences... talk about my problems. i've always wanted a sibling close to my age. i wish it were Karin. ha... this is so stupid... but sometimes i dream of having a sister or brother maybe like a year younger than me. that would be so great. well actually i dunno... im just assuming it would be. but whatever... they are only dreams. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | 1 Peter 2:21-24 21 For you have been called for purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, 22 who commited no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth ; 23 and while being reviled, He did not utter revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously; 24 and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well movie night was great... a bunch of us from church went to see Harry Potter 3. very good movie. very different from the book but still good. then we went to Casa Blanca... twaz great. and Jenni Quig is here! yep! she went with us. soooo good to see her! but yes... tonight was wonderful... one little detail in particular... rather silly it is... but ill let you keep wonderin about that one. ha... oh man im so evil! lol! oh and i am very glad to have my piano back after a week at Rainbow Omega... i really did miss that! oh and i was surprised that i hadnt forgotten any of the Canon... even though i had to refresh my memory a bit. i really love to sing... lol. random thought there. i like singin with other people. maybe like one or 2 and just makin up harmonies. i love it. havent done that in awhile... sometimes when mom and i are cookin we'll harmonize some random song. i love it. oh man! we stayed in this church down there in Anniston... and one day i walked into the auditiorium there.... and it was empty... just me and one of my friends. and i just sang... and it sounded so cool with the acoustics. awww man i was in heaven. it was great. anyways... enough of that. im off to listen to some music. maybe bed later... goodnight kids. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i feel you close to me... and i know what love is. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | ok Rainbow Omega was a BLAST! it was sooo much fun! we worked hard... we had a great time... and it just rocked! i have to admit that the first 2 days or so i didnt fully enjoy myself... mainly because i was distracted. but after that i really started to get into it... so many memories... BURGER KING! 'so many injuries, so little time', GEOLOGICAL MASTERPIECES! YASE! NAME THAT BOOTY! HEART, BUBBLE, or GHETTO?! and the list goes on! this years memories shirt is gonna be awesome! anyways... im glad to be back. Fannie and i were just sayin that we're glad to have our beds, computers, warm showers, and everything else back! no more sleepin on hard gym floors and cold showers! lol! yes... this trip has really lifted my spirits. i feel better about my current situation... though im still very strained about it. but i guess it's ok. we shall see. i put up some new sites with pics from the trip.. they are great! hahaha! well... dunno whats next... i guess Florida this weekend for the next week... but not sure. alright... well im gonna do somethin productive like watch a movie. bon soir. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | random thought time. altos are so sexy. ha! i know i know... kinda strange topic, Kristopher. but its true. i cant resist those altos. not that they sound any better than sopranos... sopranos sing wonderfully too. but those altos... WOW ! i've always loved the alto part for songs. it sounds sooo cool... and even better when they sing it. its great... i could just listen to an alto all night... sigh. i love singin with altos too. tenor and alto parts sound so cool together cuz they're so close in harmonies. whew... i just love it. ok enough of that. i'm feelin very lonely.. probably why i'm talkin bout strange stuff like how sexy altos are. hahaha. everyone i usually talk to has gone to sleep. David Thomas is too busy with his poker... ha! no crazy funny convos tonight. church tomorrow... YAY ! then cookout at the Brodies and i think a senior high devo later. it shall be fun. i'm listenin to Kellie Coffey's new version of Luther Vandross's 'Dance With My Father'... sad song. it makes me cry ((again probably cuz i'm in a strange mood.. oh well and i'm too sensitive)). but it really is sad. it reminds me of my grandma.. she's so sad after losing grandpa... its been 6 months. but she's still so sad. i know i remind her of him. its freaky how much i look like him when he was young. and i play piano by ear... just like him. i even have the first piano he ever owned... the one that the San Francisco Conservatory of Music gave him. its a beautiful upright piano. i love it. i played 'My Heart Will Go On' for grandma on it when she was here. she was in tears afterwards... i shouldnt have played that song but she asked me to. when i was done she looked at me and said 'That piano still sounds beautiful.' and then she broke down. poor thing. there's no way i can understand how that feels. to be married 45 yrs and then lose the one you love. its beyond me. but the devotion she showed to him over all those years touches me. love is so beautiful. i could see that beauty in them... just like i see it every other couple. its so lovely. makes me shed some tears. i cannot wait to find the person i will spend the rest of my life with. its weird to think about it... but somewhere out there is the person God intends for me to marry. she's out there somewhere... just waiting. gives ya somethin to live for. it gives me somethin to live for. goodnight kids... sleep well. my iTunes >> urlLink Dance With My Father |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | I Have To Dream by Celine Dion with Jennifer Newman Sharpe >> urlLink Listen What lies before me What stands between No one can tell me What I have seen Some see the tarnish I see the gleam I have to wonder I have to dream One dream can change you One dream can make All the difference One heart can take I dream of flying I'm in mid-air I have to wonder What's out there The skies the limit Today's the day (The) Heavens are still there When skies are gray Some days are better Than they seem Some days are better Because you dream On rainbows to rainbows On starlight to star To dream isn't that what Tomorrow is for Only a dreamer knows what I know What it's like to wonder And then let go On rainbows to rainbows I know what I seem I have to wonder I have to dream |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | yanno whats really sad... people who are critical. people that just find every little bad thing about something or someone. its so sad. cuz most of them really will never end up too happy. they're always gonna be lookin for somethin to criticize. but there's somethin even sadder! people who find joy in criticizing. the kind of people who just pick things apart till there's nothin left. i feel bad for those people. cuz they just dont do nothin but criticize. i mean why cant we stop criticizing and maybe try APPRECIATE . people would be so much happier if we could maybe compliment instead of criticize. try it. my iTunes >> urlLink In The Still Of The Nite (I'll Remember) |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i was quite bored today. so to pass some time i updated my photos and calender site. now i divided my photos into my personal ones and my youth group ones. then i updated my caldender and changed to urlLink MCOCYG Events with whatever's comin up in the youth group. so yes. if any of you madisonites wanna know whats comin up you can go there. lol... believe it or not that did take awhile to do. ok so what else do i wanna talk about. i'm really tired. ha... even though i slept in till 12 or so. very lazy i know. Mom is cookin somethin and it smells soooo good. oh and its been raining off and on today... its lovely. if i had it my way then it would only be sunny maybe 2 days of the week.. the rest would need to be rainy... with an occaisonal storm. ha... in my dreams. yase. well... i'm kinda hungry so i shall set off in search of food. au revoir. my iTunes >> urlLink If I Ain't Got You (Acoustic Exclusive) |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | dont judge the book that you never bothered to finish reading. you have no clue where it goes. you have no clue what happens next. it just became too much for you. and maybe the author should have thought about that when writing it... but still you couldnt handle that book. you closed it. and never opened it again. its a shame... you never got to the best part. my iTunes >> urlLink I Will Remember You |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | went and saw The Village tonight with my favorite kids! the movie was... not as scary as the previews made it out to be. but it was a typical M. Night Shamaylan movie: weird setting and opening plot that eventually has a twist. all of his movies are like that. which is what i love about them. so yeah... the movie was good... i was just expecting some scary so i was slightly disappointed. i really wanna see i,Robot... and the Bourne Supremacy... but i'll probably wait for that to come out on DVD... but i've heard i,Robot is really good so yes.. that will probably be the next movie i go see. so yes... after the movie we went of to L's house... Todd and i TRIED to make up a song about L's hair... didnt work to well. L made some cheesecake which was good by the way. the kids upstairs played poker... kinda disappointing since i dont like playin poker and i really would have liked to spend sometime with some of them. thats ok cuz L, Todd, and i went outside and talked about stuff and such. yase.. then i went home... lol. ok enough bout what i did. time for somethin different. i was thinkin bout my current problem ((which i discussed with Ashley at the lock-in)). where the majority of my friends are girls... but thats ALL that i tend to be. extremely frustrating. yeah. sometimes i feel like the background in the some beautiful painting. its wonderful... it brings out all the important things in the picture... but people really dont notice it... they always focus on whats in front of the background. i hate being a background . i wish some girls would look past what is in front of the background... i promise i'd try not to disappoint. but whatever... i cant change the way people are... only dream. oh yes... i've decided to start posting a little 'my iTunes' thing at the end of my posts. i'll put a link to the urlLink iTunes Music Store for whatever song i'm listenin to... so yeah. goodnight kids. my iTunes >> urlLink Nemo Egg (Main Title) |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | DTHOMAS01 : you are good luck kris! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | this second of day of school was just as boring as yesterday. i was worried that i had parked in some senior's spot this mornin... cuz they're already started assigning spots for seniors. crazy.. i dont get to turn in my application or whatever till tuesday. i have a question though... how are we supposed to know which spots are already assigned and which ones arent ?! huh!? think bout it! so confusing. our school is so messed up. i dunno.. its always been pretty stupid but so far this has topped all. so yes.. very strange. choir is gonna be fun this year already i can tell. and guess what! MRS RIMES SAID I WAS LOUD ! lol.. you dont understand! i have never been loud ... the past few years they've had to tell me to sing louder... now i'm like the only guy who is singing loud! i am so proud of myself... i am loud . my iTunes >> urlLink She Will Be Loved |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | man i was so busy today i forgot that i even had a blog. so strange. today was our first day back at Sparkman State Prison ... i mean high school . sorry. yes it was just loads of fun. first off... we have 2000 students in a school built to hold 1000. absolutely insane! trying to get through the hallways was awful. its all the rednecks in large numbers. they dunno how to make TWO LANES ! so that some people can go one way and others can go the other! goodness... get some of us New Yorkers in there and we'll fix 'em! oh yes... i feel real sorry for the freshmen this year. yanno.. they're always kinda lost when they come to high school but now its just so crowded and everything is just so crazy... its honestly is ridiculous. yase. and i had homework in Precal! on the first day! what was this guy thinkin! and on top of that he didnt really tells us how to do it... what he did tell us didnt help at all. so yeah... i've spent the past 2 and a half hours doin that. yase... insane. i really dont wanna go back tomorrow. but hey choir is gonna be great! we have 50 people! and there are GUYS and more importantly TENORS ! i'm so happy! i dont have to sing alone anymore! hahaha! last year it was like me, Tyler, and Dominique! yeah thats right we had a girl singin tenor... she was the best one too! hehehe! i had to sing a 'solo' today. lol. actually i was just like the only guy who knew the tenor part for the National Anthem... so yeah. i was like the only guy who was singing it... lol... so everyone heard me singing.. somethin that doest happen much. haha! i cracked on one note... ha it was pretty funny.. and then everyone was nice and clapped when 'i' was done. hehehe... very nice. anyways. guess what! more school tomorrow! must be off to bed. night kids. my iTunes >> urlLink I Believe In A Thing Called Love |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | does He still feel the nails? man that question hit me really hard tonight. Jason did a lesson on the song 'Can He Still Feel The Nails?' and man. it really makes ya think. it puts a different perspective on it. like... everytime you sin you're basically hurting Jesus. you're sayin 'hey bud, You died for me but i still wanna have fun, do what i wanna do, so i'm just gonna yanno put ya on hold for a bit.' i cant imagine what Jesus thinks sometimes. when i screw up. there is no way i could ever understand what He feels... when i hurt someone's feelings. ugh... just the thought that Jesus hurts because of my mistakes makes me sick. makes ya think bout how you're living... doesnt it? |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | people seem to have a problem with judging others. everybody does it. i do. but man its so stupid. and pointless! i mean really... people judge you on what they see of you or what they hear. then they judge you. its really kinda sad. cuz they have only ONE side of the story or situation. only what they see... and even that is biased. and so then they judge you... and you're not too happy bout it and you guys get all annoyed with eachother. and its sad cuz the person judging is really a nice person.. and if they knew the whole story they wouldnt be judging. so lets make this simple. dont judge. lets try not to be so critical of eachother and try and be more understanding. make the world a better place... be nice. 1 ''Do not judge so that you will not be judged. 2 For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by you stand of measure, it will be measured by you.' - Matthew 7:1-2 |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | Strawberi107 : i know im soooooo brilliant that its mistaken for stupidity most of the time |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well the lock-in was fun. we really didnt do too much. we did go and bowl but a couple of us had our own little group that didnt feel like bowling so we just hung around. yase. L and i ran up the stairs! yep! we were workin out! buildin stamina and what not. we even got some others to come join us. twaz great. it was very long and we didnt have much to do. cuz we were 'locked-in' to the Madison Room.... who would have thought! but yeah. i did get to talk to some kids bout my current woes in life. man that was fun. i felt very open and comfortable. it was nice. so i wanna say thanks to Laura Beth, Ashley, and Bailey... i love you ladies ! and dont forget the 'friends' meeting on thursday! hehehe! oh yes! and i'm so thrilled! some nice person from our lodge at Ocoee found my lost wallet and mailed it back to me! so nice of them! i am VERY thankful! yase. well i'm gonna go get my hair cut since these curls are just killing me! hahaha! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | mincus32 : you sleep in the nude??? mincus32 : thats soooo TearfiLLdRequiem : sexy? TearfiLLdRequiem : i know mincus32 : AWESOME!!!! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | TearfiLLdRequiem : i sleep in the nude beaversnducksYG4 : awesome! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | ever since i tried to kill myself i have felt so guilty. i guess its cuz i live while other good people suffer and die. i know that its not fair. there are people out there that would never dream of throwing away God's gift and yet they are many times the ones that hurt so much. and here i am... i tried to kill myself and yet i am blessed. i am blessed because i was givin another chance. i guess thats why i feel so guilty. i want to help. i feel like a debt to the people. and i want to help those with troubles so badly. i think thats why i wanna be a psychiatrist. i just want to help peopel so bad... and i feel bad if i cant help someone. which i guess isnt really good. i shouldnt be so critical on myself... but the guilt is enormous sometimes. sigh... anyways. there's a lock-in tonight at church. tiz gonna be fun. the last big thing to do before school starts on Thursday. yuck. we're gonna go bowling... but i really am not much into that. i dont like bowling. L said we should just skip and go swinging so maybe a couple of us will do that. i sure wouldnt mind. then maybe some movies and stuff too. so yes that should be fun. i think i shall hit the post button. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | David Thomas on NAME THAT BOOTY.... DTHOMAS01 : sheesh DTHOMAS01 : i've gotten like 4 right? DTHOMAS01 : i need to sharpen up my looking at butt skills |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | why cant i have what i want? i dont know what i'm doing wrong. i pray to God and keep asking, 'what is it You have for me? what do i do, Lord?' maybe i'm too blind to see His answer, but i still have no clue. i dont know what direction i should be going in life. i know what i want, but no matter how much i beg i never seem to be able to grasp it. i'm so confused. for all i know i am getting what i want and i just dont know it. i wish God could slap a little ' This is for you, Kris! ' label on everything he intends for me. that would be nice. sometimes i really wish i could see my life from God's perspective. i wish i knew what he wanted me to do. i'm really gettin sick of all this confusion. i want to understand . |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | Broken by Seether & Amy Lee i wanted you to know i love the way you laugh i wanna hold you high and steal your pain away i keep your photograph; i know it serves me well i wanna hold you high and steal your pain cause i’m broken when i’m lonesome and i don’t feel right when you’re gone away you've gone away, you don't feel me anymore the worst is over now and we can breathe again i wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away there’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight i wanna hold you high and steal your pain cause i’m broken when i’m open and i don’t feel like i am strong enough cause i’m broken when i’m lonesome and i don’t feel right when you’re gone away cause i’m broken when i’m open and i don’t feel like i am strong enough cause i’m broken when i’m lonesome and i don’t feel right when you’re gone away cause i’m broken when i’m lonesome and i don’t feel right when you’re gone you've gone away, you don't feel me anymore. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | a simple hello. thats all it takes to brighten up a sad person's day. or maybe just a little smile can stop someone from going home and taking their lives. i try to think bout that as i walk around places where there are strangers. or when i'm with people whom i might not be very good friends with. something i do could have a big impact on someone else's life. i dunno bout anyone else... but sometimes all it takes is someone sayin hi to me and they've just brightened my day. i remember once a long time ago when i was depressed... i walked into church wednesday night and one of my friends who hadnt really said much to me in awhile turned around and just said 'hey kristopher!' in the most exstatic voice... like they were happy just to see me. that helped me so much. just that ONE time. another nice friend did the same to me today. i've been feelin really down lately... ha just look at these sad depressing posts. and this friend just said hey to me. and it just made me happy to know i was noticed. that i was singled out! and really it didnt take that much effort for this friend to say hi. he/she probably didnt think it was much. but that one hey has just made me feel good all day. you never know. you never know what YOU can do. you can change someone's day with such a simple thing. you can save someone's life with just a simple thing. a simple hello. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | ugh. sigh. blah. sigh. etc. sigh. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | quite lonely tonight. i've been moody all day. just bout everything has irritated. it would have been great to have some nice long quiet time today... but instead we went to Chattanooga so instead i got to ride in a van with Erik & Nick bein loud almost the whole time. i nearly lost it. i feel so stressed about my friendships... or lack of friendships really. i dunno. its weird. cuz like i thought i had all these friendships and now all of the sudden i feel... nothing. i guess this is one of those times where you find out who you're real friends are... who the ones are that will remember you. but i feel so upset about it all. i really should just get over it and move on. but its hard... its like you know that its not their fault... its my fault for seein somethin that wasnt there... but at the same time i feel betrayed... but then i dont cuz i wasnt betrayed. haha... i'm confusing myself and probably everyone who reads this... if thats anyone. lol. so yeah. i really dont want school to start. its not gonna be cool. all i'm lookin forward to choir which i found out is 2nd period. better than 1st period last year. i havent ready A Raisin in the Sun for Honors English 11 and i dont really plan to... so hopefully i dont have english first semester... which isnt very likely... i've never had english first semester. yep... well i think thats it for tonight. night kids. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i've realized that i made a big mistake. ha. and i even just mentioned it yesterday as a mistake that people should never make. i put too much faith in people. in friends. i did it with Kari... and Mallory... and i got hurt both times. cuz while people are awesome... some people are so nice... and Kari & Mal both were great... but they are only human. i shouldnt have put so much of my faith in them. i thought i was gettin better at it since i used to be that way all the time... but obviously i still have a ways to go. i used to rely on people so much... for my happiness. in a way i still do. but this time... this time i was relying too much on someone to make me feel good about myself. and as with all the times before i was disappointed. its not this person's fault really. its mine. i expected too much. never expect too much of people... you WILL get your feelings hurt. ok... i think i'm done. goodnight kids. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | When You Lie Next To Me by Kellie Coffey maybe tonight we could close the door and lock ourselves inside take time to feel i don't want to miss the chance to be so real the days all fly away, and i forget the truth everything that matters is in this room when you lie next to me breathin the air i breathe we don't have to speak and just be our love's a precious thing don't wanna waste a day or one more minute without you in it life is so sweet when you lie next to me my heart is yours and every part of me still wants to give you more more time to love cause you never know when life will leave us i want to take in all the beauty here let the world around us just disappear when you lie next to me breathin the air i breathe we don't have to speak and just be our love's a precious thing don't wanna waste a day or one more minute without you in it life is so sweet when you lie next to me when you lie next to me breathin the air i breathe we don't have to speak and just be our love's a precious thing don't wanna waste a day or one more minute without you in it life is so sweet when you lie next to me when you lie next to me... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | yanno i really envy kids i know that grow up having their whole family bein Christians. living here in the South there are tons of families that have gone all been Christians since the beginning of time it seems. half their family are either ministers or elders or deacons in the Church. which is great. they have so much support. they have an easier time being solid in their Christianity. because they're surrounded by it even when they go to see their family. not all are so blessed. i am only the second generation in my family that is Christian. well.. i'm the second generation that can truely call themselves Christians. cuz we have others in our family that SAY they are Christians but they really dont follow the Bible. there seems to be alot of people like that. people who dont follow the Bible yet call themselves Christians. its like they only follow the parts that they agree with. only the parts they want to follow. is that really Christian? its more like Me -stians. its all about them. what THEY want. not what God wants. and some people dont realize they're that way. they just believe whatever they've been raised to believe. they're so blind. i mean they're preacher could get up and preach some crazy thing like 'its ok to commit adultery!' and they'd probably believe it. its like they're not independent at all. they dont believe in God or the Bible... they believe in their preacher or whoever they respect. one of the biggest mistakes is to put your faith in a man. because you WILL be disappointed. but now thats gettin back to what i started talkin about. i guess its a blessing to not have all your family Christians... in a way. cuz i can see all these different beliefs. these examples of what not to be. others mistakes. still... i wish i had REAL Christian grandparents to visit. REAL Christian aunts and uncles. that'd be nice. it would be some great Christian support. i would really just like to know what it feels like to be surrounded a Christian family. sigh. that'd be nice. instead of feeling alone as a Christian. i mean my parents are both Christians... but you know what i mean... my extended family. that'd be great. but awww well. cant have everything in life. gotta settle with what ya got. anyways. gonna go do somethin constructive... haha yeah right! whatever! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i feel like the past 2 years have been stolen away from me. i am older than my years . i know that it was my fault that i wasted away... but it still upsets me. i mean... to tell ya the truth i havent enjoyed the past 2 years. between anxiety, depression, family, and everything else i havent had much time to just slow down and have fun. not that i havent had fun... just... its alot easier to have fun when you dont have terrible stressful things on your mind all the time. again.. thats my fault. i wish i could go back and just live it all over again. i betcha alot of people wish that. but i regret so much. and i know that the me of the past 2 years wasnt me. it was me takin control by all the stress in my life. it makes me sick to think of it. cuz i know i could have been so much better. i could have been better to Kari. i could have been better to Mallory. i could have been better to Erik and Karin. i could have been better to all my friends. i could have been better to God. we were talkin at church tonight about people who blame God for their problems. like everything that happens to them is God's fault. i'll admit that i've wondered. ' why did you make me this way? how does this benefit anyone? why do i feel this way, Lord? ' and i know its a stupid question. i am the way i am because it is a test. its a reminder. Paul in the Bible often refers to a 'thorn in the flesh'. no one really knows what this 'thorn' was. the most likely theory was that Paul had poor vision. but Paul asked God 3 times to remove this 'thorn'. God declined... he told Paul that this 'thorn' was there to remind him that he was human. that he must have faith in God. in our weaknesses God is made strong. my weakness... my anxiety. all the worrying... all the stress... this is my 'thorn in the flesh.' it took me 2 years to realize that. ha... talk about slow. but now i know that where i am weak God will be there to make me strong. in Him i feel strength. honestly... thats what keeps me alive each day. God's love.. and His strength. the love of God... the most awe-inspiring thing ever to exist. my eyes water just thinkin about it. goodnight kids. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | 'no. no you cant. stop! please dont go away. please. no one's ever stuck with me for so long before. and if you leave...if you leave...i just...i remember things better with you...i do! look! p sherman 42...42? i remember it...i do...its there...i know it is...because when i look at you...i can feel it. and i...i look at you and...im home. please. i dont want that to go away. i dont want to forget.' - Dory |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | dreams... i guess were just made of dreams... and nothing else matters as long as we believe. i'm lookin at you and i see my life passing before my eyes... and when the journeys over and all dreams come true... i'll dream of you. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | am i just plain screwed up? is that why i have so many ridiculous problems? i mean lets think bout this for a moment. i have generalized anxiety disorder supposedly. i have some symptoms of social phobia. thats kinda screwed up right there. all because of this constant fear of rejection and loneliness that i cant seem to get over. again... very screwed up. i tend to have this codependent reaction to certain situations. i feel bad when i cant make somethin right. or when someone else messes up. once again.. very screwed up. i also tend to screw things up. first my relationship with Kari. which of course was my fault. i was so stupid. she knows it too. though i wish she had told me... but it was still my fault. my depression. my fault again. i let all this stuff get to me and it really brought me down. Mallory? well honestly i dunno if that was my fault or not. but i do kinda feel guilty for that one. ha. it seems i always find these great girls then somehow i lose them. i think its probably my problems that mess up this stuff. like i said... i'm screwed up. it just makes me sick that i cant go back and fix this. i mean... i know Kari probably thinks i'm just so messed up after all that i did. ha... she has good reason to think i am. but i dont wanna be remember by anyone as the sad little pathetic boy who couldnt control his feelings. and so far i feel like thats all i've given people. sigh... thats it for my sad pity post. night kids. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | random topic time. man i'm just on a roll. alright. this has bothered me about girls since Kari and i broke up. its the buttering you up before they let ya down thing. all that 'oh you're such a good person. you're so wonderful! blah blah blah etc.' and they're all complimenting you and junk. and then they're like 'so yeah with that said... SEE YA!' goodness that really bothers me. and girls wonder why guys dont take the hint. its cuz you butter them up with compliments before ya break up with them. then when you do the guy just doesnt get it, right? yep. he's all thinkin 'so wait a min... she says all this great stuff about me. tells me how good i really am. and then she breaks up with me. what is up with that?' and lemme tell ya it eats away at them. at least it ate away at me. its like the ultimate confusion. she says your wonderful... but obviously not wonderful enough for her. same thing with just friends in general. they're all 'oh you're such a good friend. i trust you so much and i tell you so much and you're just a great person that i like to be around. blah blah blah etc.' and then they go and dont even treat you like that. its like everyone is so full of compliments cuz they're afraid of hurting people's feelings. compliments that dont even mean. but in truth all they're doin is makin it hurt more. cuz now they havent just hurt your feelings by break up with you or not treating you as a friend... they've lied to you... which hurts your feelings even more. so yanno how we can solve this problem? cut the crap . dont lie. tell the truth. you break up with someone. dont tell them how wonderful they are. because to you its obvious that they dont mean enough and all you're doin is settin them up for disaster. makin them feel worse. if you arent friends with someone... dont pretend to be. dont lie to them and make them believe that they are. cuz when they finally realize they arent... then its just gonna hurt them so much more. just stop . stop lieing to yourself and to them. stop building people up only to bring them down again. get a life and while you're at it.. a heart too! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i'm feelin quite terrible. actually i'm feelin horrible now. but what else is new? this too shall pass. anyways. i forgot that a day or so ago i posted somethin bout how its strange that people can make you feel so much better even if they're not tryin to. someone left a comment on that one 'you do that for me everyday.' i am so so so curious about who that is. i must know. its been buggin me. and since i'm feelin so down at the moment i decided to write bout it. lol. if i can do that for this person everyday then maybe they can do the same for me just this once. lol. ok thats really cheesy. hahaha. but i do wanna know who it was. so yeah. another random topic. on sunday Mike preached a lesson bout how Christians ought to act like Jesus. ((hence the word christian: Christ-like)). he said that people should be look 2 places if they want to actually see Jesus Christ. the bible and Christians. that really just hit me. like it was just a great point. as Christians, people should be able to look to us to see how Jesus would be. we should be walking Jesus's in our actions. what really bothers me are all these people that call themselves Christian yet dont even attempt to be Christ-like ! and then they come up with all these excuses like 'oh well no body's perfect'. the bible doesnt say you have to be perfect. God doesnt expect you to be perfect. but come on! at least put some effort into bein a Christian. dont just say it and DO nothing. oh and my favorite excuse! 'i'm not Jesus.' oh thats a good one. if you dare call yourself a Christian ((remember ONE WHO IS LIKE CHRIST !)) then dont you have to be LIKE Jesus! goodness. ok. lol. i'm done preachin it. that kinda stuff just really bothers me. not sayin i'm perfect or anything yanno. but i do know that i try. 21 'Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. 22 Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?' 23 And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.' - Matthew 7:21-23 |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | why dont ya just rip my heart out and tear it to shreds, friend...? |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | man i'm just full of random thoughts tonight. it must have been all the singin i did today. anyways. here's a good question. what is normal? i mean lets think bout it here. everyone is always talkin bout whats normal. people judge eachother sayin 'hey thats not normal!' well really... what is normal? who defines normal? what i may consider normal maybe be considered abnormal others. everyone has different thoughts as to what is normal. so really is anyone normal? is there such thing as normal? |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | so yeah... i was thinkin the other day about how this world has totally corrupted the idea of love and made it somethin that is almost shunned upon. i mean look for example. all the movies out with these 'explicit' scenes in them! and even on TV for cyin out loud! where is the decency in that?! i mean... first off the people involved are not portrayed as married and while they try to make it look like there is some love involved there isnt. its all lust. thats the problem nowadays. people get love and lust so confused. oh and goodness dont even get me started on stuff like pornography. i dunno bout you but porn to me is just not attractive. its disgusting. i mean God says that sex is ok... he condones sex BETWEEN A HUSBAND AND WIFE ! not with whoever you want. and pornography is just that. its all built around lust. its disgusting. and the people who make them! what kind of sick perverted freaks are they?! they have no respect for themselves nor anyone else. they just put there body out there and use it for perverse things. it really just makes me wanna puke. ha.. and then there's the people that watch it! you notice no one wants to be associated with porn but they sure have no problem watchin it! hyprocracy. get a life. ugh. our society is so sexually driven. that really bothers me. and it gets worse every day. before yanno it you wont be able to turn on a Disney movie without having to worry. who knows! maybe they'll just throw out the G-rating since there are hardly any movies left that can be rated as such. oh its pathetic. and then there's all these people ((girls mainly)) and they way they dress. ooo man that really gets me. they think its soooo attractive to have their boobs hangin out... or to have a shirt so low that you can see there butt cheeks. i mean come on. COVER YOURSELVES PLEASE ! i honestly find none of that attractive. what i do find attractive is a girl that respects herself enough to cover herself. a girl that knows about this little thing called MODESTY ! now thats hot. all this stuff... porn, movies, clothing. its all based on this sexual thinking that this world is tryin to shove down our throats . its all this lust. and its sick. so do yourself a favor. just say no. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | so yeah... i was talkin to L earlier and we were talkin bout how sometimes people want somethin so bad that they kinda get sucked into this fantasy world where they know they wont get what they want but they keep believing they will. its just so crazy. and i guess in the long run its really just hurting you. cuz you're gettin yourself all hyped up and all hopeful but you know nothin will ever happen. you know you're not gonna get what you want. but you let yourself get all wrapped up in it anyways. and then when you finally decide to stop livin in your stupid fantasy world it ends up hurtin really bad. like right now. i've come out of my dreamworld. i've given up on Bailey. and yes... the mysterious 'other girl' was Bailey. i have no fear in admitting it. she is a great girl... and she always seems to make me laugh which is absolutely adore. i'm glad that she is my friend... and i guess its probably better that we stay friends. friends are friends forever . like i said i knew it would never happen... i just needed a little kick to get me out of my fantasy world. and i will thank my trusty L for givin me that kick. lol... i love L, she's a great friend. she can always tell me whats best for me. she gives me just a totally different view on life. i wish i were more like her. i wish i thought more like her. she's helped me so much in past year or 2 even if she doesnt know it and she's such a good Christian support for me. anyways... i'm gettin too sappy. lol. i'm in a very strange mood. well, goodnight kids. sleep well. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well i was told to write about somethin happy. so i was thinkin bout places i like to visit. one of my absolute favorites is the urlLink North Californian coast . its so beautiful there. well some people might not think so but i love it. just the dark rocks and cliffs and the waves smashing up agasint them. all the white foam from the waves. i just love it. its so beautiful. i really would just love to live there someday. like have a nice, quaint little house on a cliff overlookin the water. oh that'd be lovely. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | When She Loved Me by Sarah McLachlan When somebody loved me everything was beautiful. Every hour we spent together lives within my heart. And when she was sad I was there to dry her tears. And when she was happy so was I. When she loved me. Through the summer and the fall we had each other, that was all. Just she and I together, like it was meant to be. And when she was lonely I was there to comfort her. And I knew that she loved me. So the years went by. I stayed the same, but she began to drift away I was left alone. Still I waited for the day when she'd say 'I will always love you.' Lonely and forgotten, never thought she'd look my way. And she smiled at me and held me just like she used to do. Like she loved me. When she loved me. When somebody loved me everything was beautiful. Every hour we spent together lives within my heart. When she loved me... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | feelin quite horrible. ha... i'm startin to notice a trend here. i dunno why... lol... another trend. i havent been myself lately. i've been so unreasonably sad lately. i mean... i dont think i'm depressed... sure this isnt exactly the brightest time of my life but i'm pretty sure i'm not depressed. so yeah. i've been listenin to alot of Sarah McLachlan lately. i love her... she's so cool. and she plays the piano... sighs... drool. lol. right now i'm listenin to I Will Remember You . which is a great song. i have the sheet music and i think i'm gonna start learnin that... so now i've got that and Somewhere Over the Rainbow to learn. but yeah. i'm gonna go wallow now in my loneliness. hehehe. whatever. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i just listened to Your Song by Elton John. i reminded me of my dear milkshake, Davida! i havent talked to her in FOREVER ! cant wait for choir to start back up so we can hang out again! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | all along the road less traveled, i have crawled and i have run. i have wandered through the winds and rains until i found the sun. the watching eyes asked me why i walk this narrow way. there may never be a reason for the hope i have today but... i am blessed. from when i rise up in the morning until i lay my head to rest. i feel you near me. you soothe me when i'm weary. for all the worst and all the best... i am blessed. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i am so bored and have nothing to do. the story of my life. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | isn't it funny how one person can make you feel just so much better about yourself... even when they're not really trying. sigh. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | ugh... i feel so terrible. i dunno what is up with me. its all these feelings and emotions. goodness i hate it! i hate feelin all messed up inside! its crazy! i want to just stop feeling all this junk. it would really make life alot easier if i wasnt so emotional. i overreact at everything. i always think that people dont like me. i worry about everything! i try so hard to just let it all go and just live my life... but its so hard. i mean i knew that it this was gonna take time but goodness its been almost a year now and its still just as hard. the person i've become hates the person i am. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | had fun at VBS last night. twaz great. especially, Hollye, Todd, and Casey's cabin. they had ONE KID . it was sooo funny. they had so much fun. tonight they said if they have one kid there just gonna take him to get ice cream! lol. ((they wont though cuz thats against the rules! hehehe!)) oh yes.. i spent all last night takin pics with Mike Baker's camera for the slideshow tonight... and i had my camera too for takin my own pics. so it looked pretty funny.. me walkin around with 2 digitals around my neck. i need to get some new batteries for tonight. the ones in mine right now are runnin low. i'm feelin better bout everything as of now. well cept those stupid miniscule things that i mentioned yesterday. but as far as friendships go... much better i think. the girl... ? well someone told me to 'get over' her. sigh. that really got me thinkin. i dunno. ugh. it almost complicates things. cuz now i have to decide whether to follow my feelings or my mind. yanno i think thats one of the biggest problems people face. following their emotions or their logic. more emotional people follow their emotions and more logical, realistic people follow their minds. but both types sometimes must choose to follow what they are not used to following. i know i'm one of those emotional people. really i'm too emotional. and i try to incorporate my logic into my decisions. i want to balance. i think thats what all people really want... to balance the logic and emotions of life. i need more time to think about my decision. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | night two of VBS went alot smoother than the first night. people knew where they were goin so it was better. i'll put up some pics of the whole week on thursday or friday. after VBS last night a bunch of us from the youth group went to the Passon's house. we had ping-pong, air hockey, and lots of food! we watched Dumb & Dumber cuz Jason wanted to. very funny movie. when it was over there was a bad storm goin by so we all just hung around and chatted and watch some tv. then around 12:15 we all went home. twaz late and i was tired. only when i get home i couldnt go to sleep. i've noticed that over the past week or so i havent been sleeping well. i actually dont ever sleep well but it was especially bad this week. i dunno. i'm very stressed. all this stuff is really driving me crazy. i'm worrying about these friendships that might not be as close as i'd think. then there's this girl. and my family and my home that i'm STILL not happy with. then there's all these miniscule little things. i say miniscule cuz really they're not that important but to me they are very important. so yeah. uh huh. now its off to see what i shall be doing today. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | smile for me... make me melt all over again. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | have you ever looked into the eyes of someone without hope? someone finds no joy in life? somone overcome with the empty feeling of worthlessness? i have. i used to see those eyes everyday. everytime i looked into a mirror... there they were staring back at me. i cannot forget how they looked. it makes me cry to remember how that felt. to wake up every morning and feel nothing. to have nothing to live for. i cannot describe that feeling of desperation. i live ashamed everyday because of what i almost did that night. that night when i let go of everything. there is no doubt in my mind that i would have killed myself. had it not been for guilt i might not be here. but what i felt that night is so indescribable. i want to say empty or hopelessness but that does not even begin to describe how terrible i felt. all i had to do was pick one of the 18... and i could have ended everything. i could have been free. but it was guilt that stopped me. guilt. how could i look into the eyes of my family on the day of judgement? how would i explain myself? or what about my friends? how would i tell them? it was guilt that showed me by killing myself all i would be doing is causing more pain. and was that not what i was trying to escape? how could i tell those people that ' i just couldnt stand the pain... so instead of living with it i gave up. and thats why YOU had to cry for me. thats why i wasnt there when YOU needed me... because i was weak. ' and what would i say when i came face to face with my Lord on that day? what would i say to the one who bore the sins of the world? ' i'm sorry, Lord. you died for ME. you gave ME salvation. you gave ME hope. yet i was too blind to see. i just couldnt live with the pain of life. i couldnt handle it. though you bore the pain of the world on that cross. i couldnt bear the pain of one single lifetime. this is how i repay you, Lord. this is the fruit of your sacrafice. me. the weak pathetic soul that gave up. ' how could i do it? how could i spit in the face of the Christ by giving up the gift he gave to me? my guilt saved me that night. and i now live each day with a different view of life. i am not afraid to die. nor am i afraid to live. i am thankful for what God let me see. i am thankful for the experience of near suicide. it has made me stronger and wiser. but i still feel the guilt of what i nearly did. i live everday with the shame. i feel so terrible that i live while other good people die and suffer. people who never would have through God's gift away. why cant it be me? why cant i suffer for them? i was the one who threw away His gift. they dont deserve the pain. i have known for so long now that i would die for anyone. to save one life... i know i could give mine. i feel so humbled in the presence of my friends from church. because i know that most of them would never dream of throwing away their gift. i feel so ashamed to call myself one of their friends... and i have never told anyone. ever since that night... i have felt so unworthy of the second chance i have gotten. i am blessed. because i now can see both sides of life. i've seen the joy of life and the emptiness of life. and i can now help. and thats what i intend to do. i want to spend the rest of my life helping those who have no hope. i want to give them a reason to live. that is my goal in life. if i can help just one person... then this second chance God has given me was not in vain. all that i have just told you is my darkest confession of what i almost did. it is what haunts me everyday. deep inside... in the back of my mind i know its there. this that i have shared is my requiem . |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | VBS was fun. i guess. i'm REALLY upset about missin everything my youth group did last night. especially since Todd and i had been talkin bout it FOREVER! ugh. anyways. i'm feelin so sick. my head hurts. i'm exhausted. i really am not feeling much... emotionally that is. if anything its loneliness but i doubt even that is what i'm feelings. its more just like nothin. not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing. but yeah. right life is really confusing. i dunno. man i'm just like all messed up. its so hard to describe how i feel. i just cant think of a good word. blah. no thats not the word. i guess broken works. yeah. broken. hmmm.... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i've decided to start learning Eric Clapton's Tears in Heaven on the piano. it doesnt look too bad... course i decided to use the easy version and not the hard one but i'll get to that sometime. my fingers are kinda sore. they tend to feel like that after i play for a while. Mom's gone at the moment. i think she went to the pottery place to work on these bowls she's makin. they're actually pretty nifty. Erik and Karin are bein quiet for once. well Karin is usually quiet... but thankfully Erik is too today. earlier he was yellin at the computer cuz he couldnt beat some silly game. i hate video games. i KNOW that this house would be alot more peaceful if we would get rid of all these stupid video games he has... i mean for goodness sake he has them on both computers plus his PS2. and its like when he gets sick of yellin at one he'll move to another. i mean really... arent these games supposed to be fun? all he does is yell at them. and Mom & Dad say they're trying to get him to stop. i dont think they do so as well as they say. half the time he's yellin and they just ignore it. but i dont get it. whatever. he's not my kid. psh... all i have to do is live in the anger he creates. and i cant correct him or stop him cuz it will just make him mad. and i'm not his parent so its not my place either. its a rather impossible situation. anyways. VBS starts tonight. i am a 'camp counselor.' its gonna be fun! take the kids around to the different posts and stuff. course i think they already have a ton of counselors... it sure seemed like it and i dunno if they're gonna need teams of counselors so i might just end up walkin around with the digital takin pics for the church website. i wouldnt mind though. well off to make tortillas. yum. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | Nemo... sigh. good times. i miss 'em. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | ugh! i am sick of this self-pity junk! GET OVER YOURSELVES PEOPLE ! i mean i understand complaining. everybody complains sometimes. but it sure does get annoying when everytime you open your mouth you're playin the pity violin. goodness! i'm done. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | another random topic from me. oh yes i know you all are just soooo excited. so yeah. i want to address this issue of 'liking' someone or whatever. and this 'oh i dont like you anymore' stuff. one thing that i think i've had a hard time explainin to everyone is that, for me, its not somethin that just ends. ok hold up. i think i've already confused you. i'm trying to say that i never really STOP liking someone. i just CHOOSE to pursue someone else. a good example is Kari. we both went through alot. and we both got hurt i think. well i know i did. but i still like her. its not somethin that just stops. the attraction is still there. same with Mal. i've just chosen to not pursue that attraction. especially since both would go no where. there is one more attraction i've had for someone else. i dont wanna name names. just cuz. but its like... i still like the girl. i always will. there is that attraction. but i dunno. its just i've chosen to keep her as a friend. and not pursue that attraction. not that i couldnt ever. just that it seems to be better to leave it alone. true i will always like her... i probably dont seem like it. its not somethin that is just active in my mind. but in the back of my head its there. sometimes it makes look at her different just for a second... she really is a great gal. and like i said i do like her... i think there is always that attraction between guy's and girl's that are just friends. at least for one of them. i mean is not friendship an attraction? thats why i really think that friends can date. friendship is the first step into more serious relationships. and personally... i like my relationships to be with friends. it makes it more fun... at least i think so. anyways... those are my thoughts on friendship and 'liking' a friend. so yeah. as far as my current life goes... i'm still in this relationship dilemma. for right now i dont have to deal with it... i can focus on what i truly want for now. but i know that eventually i will have to confront this. ugh... not lookin forward to that. so yeah. friendships... those have been cleared up. well.. any doubts i was having were definitely takin care of and its all good now. so yes. i actually cant complain much. life is pretty good. ha... life is actually great. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | a lifetime is not to long... to live as friends. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | today was mostly boring. what am i saying. it was all boring. cept for maybe cooking which i love to do. that was probably the highlight of my day. other than that i was absolutely bored. i was thinkin bout my friendship issues. i think i've realized what the problem is. its my fault. i guess i feel alot closer to these people than they feel to me. so when they dont treat me the way i'd expect them to i get my feelings hurt. so yeah. i know i cant blame people for that. its my fault that i didnt realize that. but oh well. i need some ice cream. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | Strawberi107 : i feel like an old person in a young persons body |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | everytime i see you i cant help but stare. you're all that i see. you're smile. you're lovely blue eyes. i cannot help it. you're a joy to see. yet you dont see me. and everytime someone tries to break my lingering glance... you give me just one look. and i melt all over again. g'night kids. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i dont know what to do. ugh. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | heard this awesome song by this group called urlLink Bond . they're a bunch of hot girls that play like violins and cellos! and they make this cool music! its so cool and hot! go check it out! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | ok just an off the wall topic that i was thinkin bout this morning. its all this trying to impress people stuff. it bothers me. cuz really what are people who try to impress doing? they're building a lie. they try so hard to impress that the person they appear to be is not who they really are. its sickening to me. i mean i think its good to make good impressions but not to overdue it and always try to impress people. i mean think about it. you try to impress people because you want them to like you or whatever. but really... i mean come on. doesnt that mean you're just unhappy with yourself. why do you have to impress these people to make them like you? why dont they just like you for who you are? i dont get it. not that i've never done that before. but not in a long time. maybe i should... maybe that would make my current relationship woes just a bit easier. but i refuse. i will not become someone i am not. i will not live a lie to impress people. i hate it. people need to come less dependent on other people. its something i struggle with everyday. i am far too dependent. blah. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | man. i am so bored. i really wanna talk bout somethin deep and meaningful. but i cant think of anything. i've become so fed up with all this relationship stuff. its so just... ugh. i mean... the girl that i like doesnt even give me a second glance. granted thats probably cuz she has no clue. but still... you'd think i might get maybe some more friendliness even if there was a small remote chance. maybe some openness. just something! its so frustrating because i just cant stop thinkin bout her. i mean i'm not obsessive... even though it sounds like it. its just that she is just sooooo funny. and her personality is just so attractive. its people like her that make me happy to be alive. they make the world fun. then there's this other girl who i think likes me. and she's really nice and all. as a matter of fact she is probably one of the sweetest people i know. but like i dunno if there's a connection. and we like dont talk bout anything really. and thats important to me. i mean... i have to be able to have a decent, meaningful conversation with any girl i'd call my girlfriend. but i dunno. i am so so so so CONFUSED ! grrrrr. sigh. anyways. these are my current relationship woes. i thats it for tonight kids. goodnight. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | went to see Spider-man 2 yesterday after church. it was the 9:45pm showing so i didnt get home till like 12:30am. twaz very late. i enjoyed the movie though even if it was a bit corny. on the relationship front... i'm still very confused. i'm almost just sick of it all. so yeah. friends. i'm also frustrated. the number with whom i felt close to has dramatically dropped. very depressing. but c'est la vie. i'll get over it. i'm quite bored at the moment. feeling very lazy. or maybe i'm just ticked and i dont feel like bein messed with. either way i dont wanna get up and i know my mother is gonna ask me to go with her to go get somethin real soon. how this is relevant to you... i have no idea i'm just typing whatever comes into my head. so yeah. anyways. gonna go poof and just disappear. POOF! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | today hasnt really been that great. i've been really kinda upset all day. for many reasons. my current feelings towards some of my friends... thats really got me pretty ticked. and sad. like i wanna be mad at them but i really cant. i have no right to be... so i'm just sad bout it more than mad. and then there are a ton of other personal stuff that i dont wanna complain bout it cuz its stupid. but yeah. not too happy. i did pretty much nothin today. i'm workin on a website for my Mom's soap buisness thing. she needs one desperately. i need to get the second book for our summer reading stuff. i read The Great Gatsby. it was pretty good... especially at the end when everyone started gettin killed. lol. that sounds terrible. but really it was pretty boring besides that. and it took place on Long Island... sigh. Dad said yesterday that we arent goin up there this summer. we're gonna wait till Fall break. so that should be fun. i really dont wanna go back to school which we must do on July 29 i think. it stinks. hmmm.. it looks stormy outside. it was pretty bad last night. i loved lookin at the rain though. it was cool cuz the wind would blow it and you could see like waves of rain move accross the road. lol. well i thought it was cool. yeah well... lol. i really have nothin interesting to say so i'm just gonna go. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | ok the plans changed. i went to the DMV and got a new license... instead of goin outside and raking up some grass. which i think i shall do tomorrow. anyways. i did say i would post somethin bout my current feelings as to some friendships. i've had this terrible feeling lately that some of the people whom i consider friends may not think of me as close to them as they are to me. i've noticed that some people talk to me and all... they're nice to me and all. but only when i talk to them. otherwise i'm nothing. then all these other people get all their attention. kinda makes me feel crappy. especially when i 'thought' that i was at least somewhat desired as a friend. it hurts. but whatever. its probably more my fault for seeing somethin that really wasnt. but still... i really thought that these people considered me a good friend. course then they treat these other people so differently... they treat them better than me. one of the things that i just always remember is that they'll say goodbye to certain people and then like not say a thing to me. i mean... yeah its really no big deal. but HELLO?! I'M HERE TOO! WE'RE FRIENDS REMEMBER?! ugh. i love people... but sometimes they can be so mean. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | so yeah... i'm sittin here. all bored and stuff. and then i think.. HEY i gotta good idea! i'll post somethin on my blog! ha. man now you know i'm bored. i hardly ever post stuff in the middle of the day. well i guess its not really the middle of the day. its 3:13 here at the moment. hot outside as usual. Dad wants some stuff raked up outside. i think i shall go out there when i'm done. i've been tryin to be nicer and more understanding of my parents since the other day. lemme tell ya... its kinda difficult. but i'm trying. i just keep thinkin before i respond to anything. to make sure i dont sound irritated or anything. but yes anyways. i need to get my license replaced cuz i lost my wallet and everything. i guess Mom and i will go down to the DMV and get that fixed tomorrow or somethin. we're not sure if we're gonna go to NY anymore. i really want to but none of our friends up there would be there so Dad's thinkin bout waitin for October. that would be cool. i havent been back to Long Island during the fall in a LONG time. hmmm... what else. i'm a little upset bout some friendship stuff but i think i'll write bout that tonight. so yeah. time to hit the post button. au revoir. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | ugh. i'm very confused. very frustrated. maybe i should just give up on this relationship stuff. life would be simpler. well not really. ugh. i'm confusing myself again. whatever. i'm going to bed, kids. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well kids... lets see what interesting though Kristopher has today. first off. i last night i told my mom & dad what it was bout our home that made me unhappy. we had a 2 hr conversation bout it. i dunno what shall become of it. they listened though i dont think they will be able to change any of the problems. i know i cant change people. my dad told me that i could always talk to him and that he can be just as open and emotional as i am... even if i hardly ever see him as such. i dunno if i've really accomplished anything. i mean sure it was probably good to tell them how i feel. but i dont expect things to change. i mean they cant change the way Erik acts... at least not in the time that i will still be living in this house. i really cant expect them to change their personalities. so yeah. i think this is a problem that i cannot fix. i'll get over it. but i did realize somethin the other day. it was actually pretty funny cuz it was somethin i had never thought about. so here's what happened. i was thinkin bout Kari & Mal and how i got attached and too serious with both of them. i was too demanding. i asked for too much. and i realized what i wanted was love. not just any love. i was looking for something to make up for the love that i cannot get from my home. someone to remember me and hold on to. i honestly thought i was 'in love'. but that wasn't what i wanted.. though i thought i did. i wanted to be hugged. i wanted to be wanted. i wanted to feel appreciated. it was the affection that i could not find at home. that was the love that i longed for. i'm smarter now. i know what to expect and what to not ask for. i'm wiser. sigh. that's it for now. i'm done. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | this is a random topic. ha! wow. kris? random? who would have thought! anyways. i've noticed alot that people always have to tell me 'hold up, i gotta restart!' or 'hey my comp is messin up!' whenever they're IMing me. and i know... its terrible but i laugh. my computer never messes up. it hardly ever crashes. as a matter of fact i dont think that the computer has EVER crashed... i've had a few apps go out on me but i've never had the computer crash. so what sets me apart from the others. oh i use a Mac. lol. i know everyone's like 'eww yucky Macs!' typical answer. i really think people misunderstand Macs. especially today's Macs... i must say they are very nice. most people actually shun the Mac even though they've never used one. i can say i've used both... i still do. and after lookin at both for awhile i've come to the conclusion that my Mac is so much less of a problem. the Dell laptop? crashes all the time. constantly havin to restart and it hasnt even been plugged into the internet. that thing is virus clean and has none of these buggy programs on it... but it still crashes. my eMac? everything just works. i turn it on and start goin. i have my email client, browser, instant messanger, my iTunes, and whatever else i want open and the thing just doesnt crash. i mean even if i tried i probably couldnt make it crash... i'm sure someone smarter than me could eventually crash it but so far i havent figured it out. of course this all boils down to what your computer is running. My eMac runs Mac OS X Panther. where as pc's usually are running Windows XP. i can honestly say that Mac OS X is MUCH more stable and gives MUCH less problems than Windows XP. now some people say 'Well I can do more on a PC than I could on a Mac!' lol... obviously someone who has not used a Mac lately. granted there are things that PC's can do that Mac's cant... but those things are usually just stupid little useless functions that no one uses. personally, i'd rather have a computer that can actually DO the basic stuff than one that has a bunch of bells & whistles but still cant do my basic functions without crashing |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | some people just cant live without drama. its pathetic. get a life. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | tomorrow its off to Ocoee for our wonderul rafting trip. i cannot wait. cept for the fact that we're leavin at 6:30am. not the best time for me but hey its definitely worth it. especially since this year the water park has a lazy river and wave pool! oh i cannot wait! anyways... i really should continue packing and then get to bed. wont be back till July 4... i know you're just gonna miss these wonderful insightful posts. dont worry... you'll live. everyone have a great weekend! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | 'I love weddings! Drinks all around!' - Jack Sparrow |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | my name is Kristopher. i am afraid of the dark. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i think i want what i cannot have. sigh. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | Older Than My Years by Cherie >> urlLink Listen you say that you are leaving they say that i'm too young for you you say its for the better and that one day soon i will understand i believe... that i know you like no other lover i believe... my love is older than my years it's wiser than your fears it's darin' you to stay and not to go love is wisdom from the heart it tells us who we are so look beyond the years i'm older than my tears you say that life's a journey they say i'm only after stars you say its a beginning but it feels like the end if we're to be apart and i believe... that i know you like no other lover do you believe... my love is older than my years it's wiser than your fears it's darin' you to stay and not to go love is wisdom from the heart it tells us who we are so look beyond the years i'm older than my tears don't let my innocence deceive you cuz there's more to me than meets the eye don't let this feeling turn to sorrow there's no good you'd find my love is older than my years it's wiser than your fears it's darin' you to stay and not to go love is wisdom from the heart it tells us who we are so look beyond the years i'm older than my tears love is wisdom from the heart it tells us who we are so please look beyond the years i'm older than my tears i'm older than my years... |
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