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2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well i be back! MAN! we had an awesome retreat! it was totally cool! oh dang! loved it! Our Gatlinburg excursion was fun! cept i got dragged into that girly store Claire's! i guess that what you get when you walk around Gatlinburg with 9 girls. awww but it was fun! we had the best time in Gatlinburg! we rented out a rec center and we had free reign of it for a few hours! Allison & Kirsten were shootin EVERYONE with their marshmallow guns! oh it was great! sunday we all got to spend most of the day hangin out. then we went to play Laser tag and arcade games at like 12 at night. yeah there was like no sleep on this retreat at all! we were goin to bed at like 3:00 every night. it was crazy! yep! twaz awesome! OH AND I HAVE PICTURES! Click on the MCOC Joint Retreat Pics link in the Links section over > there to check 'em out! oh yes...James has made me a cool person! so in return i want everyone to know that James William Calhoun is a cool person too! ok thank you. now i must go. i do have alot i want to write about later. but alot of it isnt really happy and im in a really good mood right so i cant exactly write about it so...au revoir. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well tomorrow is gonna be a busy day. first ill be gone from school all day. choir's goin to a like festival thing where we sing and get judged on it. oh yes...lots of fun. im actually kinda nervous. and im not too happy about havin to wear a tuxedo for that long. blah. i mean yeah im like the FINEST thing on earth when i wear it but it can get a bit uncomfortable! hehehe! yeah well we do get out of school for the day and we get to eat at the mall so i guess its not that bad. well then afterwards im goin on a youth retreat with MCOC Youth Group! Madisonites ROCK! ok sorry...just had to through that in there. we're goin to Gatlinburg! its like the best retreat of the year! oh yeah its fun! nonstop fun! wake up like 7:30 or 8:00 and then just have blast till like 3:00 in the morning. its awesome! im so excited! well its like the whole weekend so i wont be postin this weekend. au revoir mes amis! je t'aime! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | yanno what...? i love piano! pianos are so wonderful. they are like my absolute favorite instrument. well i do like violin's too but pianos are just the best. i dunno. i just love really pure sounding songs. like Pachabel's Canon ((of course)), Claire de Lune, Moonlight Sonata, oh and i guess Fur Elise even though that one is a very weird song. it changes too much. but yeah i love pianos. today has been kinda just...blah. but thats ok. the choir has a festival/competition thing on friday. same day that i leave for the Gatlinburg retreat. so ill be out of school the whole day singin and then i go right to the retreat. what fun. i really dont feel like singin. well actually i dont feel bein stuck in a tux all day. i really hope we can change or somethin cuz that is gonna be REALLY uncomfortable. aww well. guess ill get over it. and yeah. im done complainin now. hehehe. k well im gonna go chill up in ma crib. word. night people. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i feel real pathetic today. i dunno. just not too happy bout how im doin things. im lonely...especially right now. goodness. my feelings are all messed up. i dont even know how to explain it. its just like...grrrr. screwed. i feel empty. i feel worthless. i know im not. Jenn made sure to let me know that i wasnt. she's real sweet. ha. i cant believe im sayin that about her but she really is. we were talkin about helpin people. she said i really have helped her...and ellyn ((though i dont know how i helped ellyn...well ok maybe i do)). but jenn really made me feel better a little. i was glad to help. i do love to help people. its like a challenge to me was how i described it to Jenn. like one of those challenges where you want so bad to overcome it. you are so determined to get it done. thats how i get. and then if i try but i cant i get all frustrated and upset. which is how i've been lately. i dunno...i just havent felt like i've been helpin anybody out. i get so discouraged sometimes when i cant help. i really shouldnt cuz sometimes there is just nothin that can be done but i have such a hard time accepting that. i just feel like there is always somethin i can do. and when i dont help...i feel like i just failed. that i didnt try hard enough. it can be really frustrating. well whatever. im goin to bed. bon soir. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well i hurt someone again. i feel like crap. gosh sometimes i can be so stupid! argh! i just wanna never be seen again right now. gosh. i suck. yeah this is beat up kristopher time. i feel like it. i can be such a jerk sometimes! it makes me so mad! sometimes i wish i would just think instead of just actin on impulse. grrrrrr! i just really feel like...i dunno...worthless. i mean i try to be helpful. i try to make people happy. whether it be listening to them, trying to make them smile, or whatever i just try to make them happy. i dunno. i guess sometimes i might help. i dunno. seems alot of times i just hurt them more. gosh. i dunno. i've done alot of stupid things in my life and im sick of it. im so sick of makin stupid mistakes that hurt people! its like these are things i can help. its not like i dont have control over them. i do and i just mess it up! gosh it can be so frustrating. man you dont know how bad im feeling right now. im so freakin upset. grrrr...crying yet again. i swear crying is becoming a constant part of my life. i dunno if its good or not. hopefully good. i guess its better than not doing anything when i get upset. goodness...im trying to listen to my favorite song to cheer me up. its not workin. im so frustrated. i want to help people so bad. so many people. some im really focusing on...but i want to help everyone i can. i've failed so many times. i couldnt help Grandpa. i cant help Erik. i cant help Mom. and a few others who im sure wouldnt like their names mentioned. they probably dont know how much i worry about them. goodness i worry bout alot of people. i want so bad to help them. there are so many that are hurting. i would give anything to help. anything i'd need to. i dont care. just as long as they are ok. ok this has like been weird. i start out talkin about how terrible i feel because one incident and i end up talkin about how i feel deep down. goodness. oh well whatever. i still dont feel great. in fact i still feel like crap...but thats ok...i deserve it. bon soir mes amis. je t'aime. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | Between the Plaque By Kari Doubleday With Regards to Kristopher Bjorkman February 8, 2004 The note under the pillow stated: UNDER PENALTY OF LAW THIS TAG NOT TO BE REMOVED EXCEPT BY THE CONSUMER The fairy’s wings fluttered slightly in confusion. Humm, she thought, for some reason, I don’t think this is the note. Henrietta flew back under the pillow. Finally, she found the rather large piece of paper folded around a small wooden box. Well, small wouldn’t exactly be the words Henrietta would describe it. Only being two and a half inches high, the box was about the size she was. Sighing softly, she took out her wand and said a few words. The box and the paper shrank to a size where she could pick them both up easily. After prying them out of the young boy’s fingers, Henrietta read what was written on the paper: Dear Mis Toof-farie, i lost mi first toof today. mommy told me to put it uder mi pello. she too said dat u wood gime a dime! THANK U, TOOF FARIE! wif luv, Billy Awe, how sweet! Henrietta whispered softly. The little boy’s hair slid gently over his sleeping face. What a cute little kid! Being the tooth fairy and all, Henrietta often got letters similar to Billy’s. They were no big surprise, and yet, each time, she wrote back. Henrietta drew out her small pencil and paper. Being careful to use words he would understand she began to write. She wrote a brief reply and placed it under his pillow. Next, Henrietta opened the small wooden box and swapped the tooth with a shiny dime, as promised. Well, I guess I’m done here, she thought. With a light kiss on the cheek, the fairy disappeared into the night. Henrietta traveled back to her home at Pearly White Estates. It was where all tooth fairies lived. She flew up to her one bedroom apartment and opened the door using the star at the end of her wand as a key. Once inside, Henrietta let out another soft sigh, took out the many wrinkled pieces of paper consisting of misspelled words and random drawings of fairies and put them in her “Letter Trunk.” It was already getting rather full of the children’s notes, but she didn’t care. They were what made her job bearable. A loud knock thundered, knocking Henrietta out of her thoughts. When she opened the door, a fairy dashed in. Agnus, again. “Hey, Henny! How was your night? Mine was great! I can’t believe I’ve been a tooth fairy for almost a week! It’s so amazing! I couldn’t imagine a better job than this in the world! One kid even wrote me a letter! TO ME! Can you believe it?! Oh, also, Victor is mad at you. He was rambling something about you not bringing in the teeth right away. You may want to go and talk to him. Henny?” “Yes, Angus. I’ll go talk to Victor. I’m glad you’ve had a good week.” Henrietta sighed. Poor Angus. He didn’t understand how boring the rest of his life was going to be: going out every night, gathering teeth, and coming home again. At least the Cavity Council was considering changing the job rotations to every other day, due to the immediate interest in Tooth Fairying jobs. “Okay Henny. Guess what?! I’ve thought up a new name for us Tooth Fairys! Take a guess!” Angus spoke so fast that it was hard for even Henrietta to understand him some of the time. “I don’t know Angus. Why don’t you tell me?” “THE MOLARINATOR!” he cried excitedly. “Yeah, Angus. You should really bring that up to Victor next time you see him. I’m sure he’d love it!” Henrietta laughed to herself. Victor, the Vice President fairy of the Cavity Council had no sense of humor at all. He also had no respect for new innovations that the Council proposed. “Wow, you really think so?” Angus asked, a look of confusing spread across his face. Before Henrietta could reply that she was joking, a bell rang throughout the Estate. “What’s that?” Angus whispered. “I don’t know. We had better go find out.” Henrietta answered worriedly. They don’t usually sound the bell unless something dreadfully bad has happened, she thought. The two fairies flew down to the square where everyone was gathered, all confused. Victor wavered above them, speaking in a loud voice. “Quiet everyone. What has happened here today has taken us by complete and total astonishment. Never before has any fairy had the nerve to contradict the Council’s power. I will promise you all, that he will be punished in the strictest matter possible.” “What happened, Victor?” a voice spoke up. “Well, to be completely honest, I don’t know what the motivation of the crime was, nor do I know how long it has been going on. I ---” “Geez, man! Just tell us!” A fairy yelled, with many others around him nodding in agreement. “Okay okay! Everyone here is aware of Marcus, right?” Victor asked the people. Marcus was a fairy that every other fairy knows. You couldn’t miss him. He was always getting into trouble somewhere, somehow. “He has been caught selling teeth on the Plaque Market.” Victor told the group. Dead silence. So many questions were running through Henrietta’s mind, and yet the most important one was what where they going to do? “The D.L.E. will be sent out to capture Marcus and his team before they can sell anymore teeth. We will need everyone’s help. Half of you will work double shifts to ensure that the world of children will not know of our crisis. The other half will be split into groups to help resolve this. I need two volunteers to go with the D.L.E. Anyone?” Victor waited as the group soaked in the information. Angus raised his hand high. He was willing to go with the D.L.E ((Dental Law Enforcement)). Henrietta thought for a few seconds. If Angus can do it, so can I! Anyway, he’ll need me along. She raised her hand. Victor said a few more words and then motioned Henrietta and Angus to follow him into Colgate Hall. After the group was settled in to a conference room, and many more people joined them, the meeting started. “Now, you two are going to be joining a group of the elite D.L.E. forces. You will be led by Agent Kristo. He will give you a briefing in private with the other D.L.E.’s. Good Luck!” Victor along with the other fairies left the room. Dressed in a black tuxedo, Agent Kristo stepped into the room as the last fairy left. He gave a small nod to Angus and Henrietta, and then sat down at the end of the long table. Several other fairies, all dressed in black, filed into the room and sat at the table as if they knew exactly what they were doing. When everyone was seated, Kristo made a small cough, and spoke. “Well, we are all here. Let us begin.” And so it began. The most perilous and daring adventure two simple Tooth Fairies undertook. Well, Henrietta thought, maybe being a Tooth Fairy wasn’t such a bad idea after all. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well i had an excellent time tonight. I got to ride in Bon Bon's Ford Escapé!!! i was so excited! lol! the devo was tons of fun. cept STEPHEN ELBOWED ME IN THE FACE! NOT COOL! well it was an accident so i forgive him. hehehe! oh and then L and her cousin were playin some video game and Todd and Kenny Pinc and I were all rootin against her! oh man! talk about laughing! that was so much fun! ha...can you tell that im in an unusually good mood! its actually rather strange. i havent been in a good mood in awhile. i dunno i had fun today! first i finished my autobiography for mrs yarbrough which was awesome cuz i was glad to be rid of it! and then i helped Kari write her story and that was fun...i got to think up cool names! hehehe! oh and I GOTTA PART IN THE STORY! i was so happy! maybe ill post it later if she lets me! its pretty funny! and then the devo was so much fun! oh and then on friday we're leavin for our youth retreat in Gatlinburg! oh i cannot wait! man you just wait! Cindy and I are gonna take over the Mafia game since Allison is gone...oh well. LOL! im like blabbin on now. im so like excited! course tomorrow ill probably be like all blah but thats ok! i dont really wanna go to health tomorrow. its SO BORING beyond belief! i mean come on...when you're kissin a dummy for 96 min you start to get bored! im listenin to that 100 Years song! i love it! i didnt even know it existed until Tenea told me bout it. now i cant stop listenin it! its almost as good as Pachabel's Canon...not quite but its close! hmmmm...what else do i feel like writin about. ummmmm...goodness this song is makin me cry. i love it. i dunno why...i cried alot today...dunno why. it wasnt bad crying...it was good. thats the crying i like. i love it when someone cries because they are happy. gosh when they start then i do. its lovely. i should write about emotions someday. maybe tomorrow. i love emotions. they are so cool. yeah yeah i know im a weirdo. get over it! hahahaha! 'when ya only got 100 years to live...' man that is so true! life is so freakin short! yanno what i really want. i want to have some good moments. some nice sweet memorable moments. i havent had one of those in a long time. oh yanno what i was just thinkin about! i've got my perfect like moment in my head right now. my dearest and i are in the middle of a massive concert hall. in the center of the stage is a lone grand piano. and i have my arm around her and she has her head on my shoulder. and the best piano player is on stage playing the Canon in D. and im crying because i am so happy. and she looks up at me and kisses me on the cheek right at the best part of the song. and i am content and dont want that moment to end. ha! corny right? yeah well i sure would mind living in that moment forever. that would be so wonderful. sigh. well im off to bed. goodnight everyone. hope you had a great night. goodnight dearest. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | this is my absolute favorite verse in the Bible. i cry just reading it. it helps me live each day. it gives me hope and confidence. goodness...the Bible: the best book ever written! 'Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.' - Matthew 11:28 |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i love this verse...its somethin i look forward to everyday. and i have just been ordered to mention that this is Kari's favorite verse in the Bible! please make a note of it! 'For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.' - Revelation 7:17 |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i just wanna know someone cares...i wanna know you care... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i love Pachabel's Canon! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i love you...more than you will ever know...more than you can understand...but maybe one day you will see... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | Five For Fighting's '100 Years'. its an absolutely awesome song! i love the piano. makes me cry. great song! I'm 15 for a moment Caught in between 10 and 20 And I'm just dreaming Counting the ways to where you are I'm 22 for a moment She feels better than ever And we're on fire Making our way back from Mars 15 there's still time for you Time to buy and time to lose 15, there's never a wish better than this When you only got 100 years to live I'm 33 for a moment Still the man, but you see I'm a they A kid on the way A family on my mind I'm 45 for a moment The sea is high And I'm heading into a crisis Chasing the years of my life 15 there's still time for you Time to buy, Time to lose yourself Within a morning star 15 I'm all right with you 15, there's never a wish better than this When you only got 100 years to live Half time goes by Suddenly you're wise Another blink of an eye 67 is gone The sun is getting high We're moving on... I'm 99 for a moment Dying for just another moment And I'm just dreaming Counting the ways to where you are 15 there's still time for you 22 I feel her too 33 you're on your way Every day's a new day... 15 there's still time for you Time to buy and time to choose Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this When you only got 100 years to live |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | why did the moment have to end...? please...oh pleace...give me one more chance...give me one more moment... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | dont be afraid to feel this way...gonna make you understand...its not about you cuz I am the fool...building castles in the sand...if I am crazy, just don't care...it doesnt mean I dont want you near...this is the story about me and you...and it's called......faith...right beside you is where I'll stay...oh faith...just take me as I am...so please...have faith......so many times and so many ways...I didnt know just where to go...you gave me a sign and opened my eyes...thats the reason why I know...that you are different, you're still here...I guess you figured me out right then...now I believe that we can make it through...and that's called......faith...right beside you is where I'll stay...oh faith...just take me as I am...so please...have faith...just take me as i am...so please...have faith...please...just have faith...... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i am SO confused...my mind hurts...i have no idea what is going happen...i have no idea what has happened...whatever it is its not totally comforting...just like....wow...i dunno whether to be happy or sad....its just like...its not disappointing but its not as exciting as i'd hoped...i dunno...maybe i dream too much....i dunno...its so confusing...i dunno what to do...i think im abusing the word 'i dunno'...yes that is one word in my book...argh...my brain hurts...gosh maybe i hope too much...or dream too much....i dunno....but i have to wonder...and i have to dream... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | DEAR FAMILY.... I AM HOME IN HEAVEN, DEAR ONES; OH SO HAPPY AND SO BRIGHT THERE IS PERFECT JOY AND BEAUTY, IN THIS EVERLASTING LIGHT ALL THE PAIN AND GRIEF IS OVER, EVERY RESTLESS TOSSING PAST I AM NOW AT PEACE FOREVER, SAFELY IN MY LORD'S ARMS AT LAST DID YOU WONDER HOW,I SO CALMLY TROD, THE VALLEY OF THE SHADE OH! BUT JESUS LOVE LIGHTS UP, EVERY DARK AND FEARFUL GLADE AND HE CAME HIMSELF TO GREET ME,ON THE ROAD SO HARD TO TREAD AND WITH HIS ARM AROUND ME, COULD I HAVE ONE DOUBT OF DREAD THEN YOU MUST NOT GRIEVE SO SORELY, FOR I LOVE YOU STILL LOOK BEHOND THE SHADOWS, PRAY AND TRUST OUR FATHER'S WILL THERE'S WORK STILL WAITING FOR YOU, SO DO NOT IDLY STAND DO IT NOW WHILE LIFE REMAINS,THEN YOU'LL REST IN JESUS LAND WHEN THE WORK IS ALL COMPLETED, HE WILL GENTLY CALL YOU HOME OH THE RAPTURE OF THAT MEETING, AND THE JOY TO SEE YOU COME MY LOVE TO YOU ALL.... WAITING FOR YOU.... Dad |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | A LETTER TO Dad IN TEARS WE SAW YOU SINKING, WE WATCHED YOU FADE AWAY YOU SUFFERED MUCH IN SILENCE, YOU FOUGHT SO HARD TO STAY YOU FACED YOUR TASK WITH COURAGE, YOUR SPIRIT DID NOT BEND BUT STILL YOU KEPT ON FIGHTING, UNTIL THE VERY END 'GOD' SAW YOU GETTING TIRED, WHEN A CURE WAS NOT TOO BE SO HE PUT HIS ARMS AROUND YOU, AND WHISPERED,'COME WITH ME' IT BROKE OUR HEARTS TO LOSE YOU, BUT YOU DID NOT GO ALONE FOR PART OF US WENT WITH YOU, THE DAY 'GOD' CALLED YOU HOME WE LOVE YOU AND WILL SEE YOU SOON YOUR LOVING FAMILY A LETTER FROM Mom , Gina, Lauren, Freda and Ron |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | ok here's a question. well i guess it could be a riddle. i dunno..its confusing...if you figure out an answer then IM me! oh and yes some of the names have been changed to protect the identity of the original people....JUST KIDDING! Richard paints a fence in 3 hours. Cindy paints a fence of the same length in 6 hours. If Richard and Cindy paint a 3rd fence together, how many hours will it take them to finish? |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | JENN! YOU ARE SO AWESOME! i cannot believe how much better you made me feel! wow! WOW! i feel like 10 times more confident! and a gazillion times less stressed...which brings the stress level down to a 2 out of 10! LOL! whew! i dunno why im so happy...i dunno...relieved i guess. not like anythings happened...jenn you just really raised my spirits...thanks so much...love ya! bon soir mes amis. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | ok so here it is. this the plan that tenea (and i added some parts) came up with so that we can live happily ever after. ok. this is what happens. tenea and i go to an Aerosmith concert with backstage passes. Then we meet Stephen Tyler, the lead singer. Then we tell him that I'm interested in his daughter, Liv Tyler (the hott elf from LOTR!). and then when i do Stephen will say 'RIGHT ON!' and then he'll pay for our plane tickets to go see her. and when she sees me she'll be like 'oh kristopher!' and I'll be like 'yeah i think we should go out babe' and she'll be like 'of course' and then I'll be like 'hey babe we gotta hook tenea up with Orlando!' (Orlando Bloom). and then Liv will be like 'oh i have to call him tonight! i've finally found the perfect person for him!' and she'll call him and he'll be like 'omgosh! i have to meet her!' and then Tenea will go fly to him and marry him and they'll live happily ever after! as for kristopher...well he'll marry Liv Tyler and they're gonna live happily ever after. and everynight Kelly Clarkson will sing songs to them cuz her voice is awesome and then Alicia Keys will play the piano and recite poetry cuz i love the way she talks and then Norah Jones will wake them up with her soothingly wonderful voice. and life will be perfect. WELL THATS THE PLAN! isnt it great! WELL OK I THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA! it made my day just a little better! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | who cares...? |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i swear one of these days im just gonna explode! IM SO FRUSTRATED...oh and not to mention stressed! yanno i dont even know why im writing this. its probably pointless. maybe i should just give up...i dunno...is this worth it. i so wanna believe it is. im probably spillin everything right now and i dont know if i care right now. im probably gonna just say it all within the next few days...I DUNNO! i dunno why im doing this. grrrr...I JUST WANNA SCREAM EVERYTHING TO THE WHOLE WORLD! goodness im so just WOW! ok im gonna just stop....im losin it. ill probably post tomorrow. oh and James, im sorry man....i really am. bon soir mes amis...et ma cherie. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | goodness. Drew's entry today reminded me how much i love rain! i dunno. i hadnt even realized how much i love rain. i've been too stressed too even notice. but man rain is awesome. i love rainy days. gettin to sit at home and listen to it. or sittin outside on the porch and listen to it. oh gosh i love that. its like...rain is so peaceful. i wish i could be rain! that'd be cool. well not forever of course. but yeah. i dunno how im really feeling right now. kinda blah. yeah thats it. blah. i dunno things right now could get better...or they could get worse. it just depends. hence the BLAH! ok well we shall see what happens. au revoir. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | this is torture. gosh. its tearing me apart. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | if only there was no pain. if only there was no sorrow. if only there was no anger. if only there was no hate. wouldnt that be such a wonderful world...if only, if only... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i am so freakin confused! grrrrrrrr! and i hate it! its not cool at all! im scared too. and thats not cool either. and i feel so crappy. i dunno...someone just told me somethin that really made me feel terrible. im not mad...cuz they didnt mean it when they told me...and it doesnt have to do with them anyways...but man it hurt. i've felt like throwing up the all night and so far today. it really sucks. i just wanna scream! and cry. i've been crying alot lately. its been really weird. well not actually...i usually cry when im stressed...gosh im such a sissy. i feel like im just waiting here for somethin to happen. and i hate it cuz i dunno whats gonna happen. and cuz im afraid of what might happen. and becuase i feel like CRAP! GOSH! i want to break something! only im not that kinda person so i cant! GRRRRR!! more frustration here. i feel so alone. thank you to those who are trying to help...you guys are awesome. i think im gonna go eat somethin maybe...i dont feel like eating but i cant stop eating like i used to so anyways. au revoir mes amis. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | almost....so close...almost... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i want to belong. i want to be needed. i dont want to feel alone. please. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well i went to piano lessons last night. i was really excited. i had a new song i wanted some help with learning. well i get there and show her the piece i wanna learn and she said she wouldnt help me out cuz its above my level. and she was all like 'i have to teach the theory before i can teach you that' and i was just thinkin i have learned every freakin' bit of theory you have ever taught me . so now what am i learning, besides my practive book? FUR ELISE! what the crap is up with that. fur elise is like so much harder than the song i wanted to learn! its such a bunch of crap. and then she was all like oh you're so much better than i was when i was a senior and you're only a sophmore. the way you can learn music is incredible cuz you do it by ear and you're so much more gifted and blah blah. but i have to teach you the theory.' BUT SHE ALREADY HAS! now yeah i dont know everything. but i know what she's taught me so far. and half of that i learned in choir before she taught me. grrr...it just makes me so mad! so im just trying to learn the song on my own. without her help. it's My Heart Will Go On. i can play the beginning. which i think is pretty good. course i am doing it by ear but she wont teach it to me the right way so what choice do i have? goodness! im so ticked. im gonna go play this song. adieu. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | she is so blind...but she cant help it. she is innocent...so why am i mad? i can be so selfish sometimes...and stupid. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | isnt it amazing how our lives have changed so much. you once said you loved me...and now i feel all but forgotten by you. maybe its my fault. maybe its not. but i still miss you. i still remember our moments together....and i wish they never had to end. even if i didnt deserve as wonderful a person as you. and though i feel forgotten...i want you to know...that i will never forget you... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | love is so beautiful. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | vacations can be so empty...when you feel so alone... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i've added 2 links over at the Links section. they are to some sites with pics from my trip. just click on over and check 'em out! anyways. im extremely tired. right now its like 2pm in the morning to me. ouch. bon soir. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well today was fun! i went to the tower of london and got to see the crown jewels...as well as tour the caste! really cool! the jewels were awesome! very expensive! then we went and walked by st. paul's catherderal. we almost went in but they were closing. so instead we went to Shakespeare's Globe theater. it is actually a complete exact replica of the original theater. very cool. yes well it is 11pm here so i must be leaving. im exhausted. bon soir! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | just got back from Paris! it was AMAZING! j'adore Paris. oui. it was great...i saw Sacre-Coeur, Versailles, the Louvre, Place de la Concorde, the Arc de Triomphe, the Eiffel Tower, the Paris Opera House! it was great! ill put up some pictures when i get back to the States on sunday night maybe. i might have to wait till monday after school cuz ill be so tired. yeah. long flight. tomorrow we are going to see the Tower of London. alright. au revoir mon amis. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | sorry i didnt post yesterday. i know you guys are just dieing to know whats happening over here. yesterday was awesome. we took a train into London in the morning and went around to see stuff. the first thing we saw was the London Eye. its the this HUGE wheel...kinda like a faris wheel only different and it took you up to the top and you could see all of London! then we walked over to the Houses of Parlaiment and got to see Big Ben! and guess what! their were these protesters that had jumped the 'guarded' fence and had climbed up to the top of the clock and they were protesting the war in Iraq! it was funny cuz when they got down they were arrested since crossing the stone wall is illegal...oh well...sucks for them! lets see...then we saw Westminster Abbey....very big church. and....Trafalgar Square...but there were a bunch of protesters there too. we went to Coven Garden and had lunch and looked around at the shops. nothin great...cept we got this butterfly in a case...dead of course...we got it for mom cuz last time mom wanted a butterfly but dad bought a spider instead...hehehe! and i got a t-shirt. and lets see...we went to see Buckingham Palace...again it was very big. i will put up some pics when i get back cuz i cant right now...im in the terrible world of PC's....no Mac's around....its pathetic...lol. hmmmmm.....oh today i went to Windsor Castle! man it was soooo cool! it looks just like a...CASTLE! and inside we got to see all the very fancy rooms! where the king and queen would live! it was VERY nice! gold everything! we couldnt go into some parts cuz the queen actually does live there sometimes...along with Buckingham Palace. but she was there at Windsor so we couldnt go into the cool parts! goodness...spoiled royalty! hehehe! well tomorrow we leave for Paris on the EuroStar train...oh yeah baby! 190 mph straight from London to Paris! ha! 3 hrs. not bad. ok well i shall leave you then. i will post again on friday maybe when we get back to London! hope everyone is having a good break! au revoir! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well today has been fun. Dad, Beke, and I went into London to the Imperial War Museum. we rode a train from here in Walton-On-Thames to Waterloo station in London. they we went to a small sandwitch place to get somethin to eat. afterwards we walked over the museum and spent the rest of the day their. they had a whole bunch of exhibits there. world war 1 & 2 exhibits. and their were all of these old planes and tanks and submarines. it was really awesome! but their was this terrible exhibit on the the holocaust. it was gross. sickening. anyways. tomorrow im supposed to be going either back to London to walk around and see Westminister Abbey, Big Ben, Tower of London, Trafalgar Square, Buckingham Palace, and anywhere else. and then maybe sunday we will go Windsor castle. and then monday is PARIS! woohoo! alrighty then. its bout 11PM here so i think i'm gonna go to bed. bon soir. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well i have arrived here in London. got here this morning at 2:00 AM to you but 8:00 here in Britain. Beke & Claire picked us up and brought us to their home. then we walked around their little town of Walton. and tomorrow we shall be going to London. well im extremely tired from the jet lag so im gonna go rest. ill post again tomorrow. au revoir. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | ok well im leaving today for jolly old London town. im so excited! my flight leaves at 3:45 or somethin like that and we arrive in London at like 7 in the mornin tomorrow morning. its crazy. the time change is like 6 hrs ahead of us so its actually gonna feel like 3 in the mornin to me. oh joy! hehehe! i will be checkin my email while im there. and i might be gettin on AIM occasionally. and i will be posting on here whenever i can to let ya know whats happenin! i might put up a site with some pictures. ill send out an email bout that whenever i do! ok well hope everyone has a great break! oh and James! you are not allowed to roll my house while im gone! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | bon soir mes amis... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | life. what a long journey it has been so far. and to think...its only starting. life is so amazing. we go so many places. so many avenues. we meet so many people. we form so many friendships. many that last a life time. we touch eachother's hearts. and yet there are so many friends that we never see again. so many that were so dear to us. each person we meet...each friend we make. we affect their lives. we leave with them a piece of ourselves. that they will carry until they die. what pieces are we giving them? the good...or the bad? |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | 'just tell the truth from the beginning so people don't get hurt. it will make everything easier i promise.' - Jessica |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | 'I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. I will face my fear. I will let it pass through me. Then only I will remain.' |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i woke up this morning with a smile on my face...and nobody's gonna bring me down today...been feeling like nothings been going my way lately...so i decided right here and now that my outlooks gotta change...that's why i'm gonna say goodbye to all the tears i've cried...for everytime somebody hurt my pride...feeling like they won't let me live life...and take the time to look at what is mine...i see every lesson completely...i thank God for what i got from above...i believe they can take anything from me...but they can't succeed in taking my inner peace...they can say all they wanna say about me...but i'm gonna carry on...keep on singing my song.......i never wanna dwell on my pain again...there's no use in reliving how i hurt back then...remembering all of the hell i felt when i was running out of faith...every step i vowed to take was towards a better day...cuz i'm about to...say goodbye to every single lie...and all the fears i've held too long inside...everytime i felt i could try...all the negativity i had inside...for too long i've been struggling...i couldn't go on...but now i've found i'm feeling strong and moving on...i believe they can take anything from me...but they can't succeed in taking my inner peace...they can say all they wanna say about me...but i'm gonna carry on...i'm gonna keep on singing my song...... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | grrrr! i have this stupid history project thats due the day we come back from the break! and I WONT BE HERE THE REST OF THE BREAK! talk about frustration...hehehe! and i cant find my CD enyclopedia thingy! more frustration. anyways. im gonna scramble away and TRY to finish! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | im over it. ha. that simple. those feelings are hidden away...and hopefully they will stay that way. i said i was stronger now...and i am. i can move on. ((i have moved on very well...WINK WINK! LOL!)) i dont have to be upset. i know it will be ok. so i didnt get what i wanted...its ok. maybe what i wanted wasnt right for me. you dont have to wait for me. i understand. but i will still be here, as i always have been, for when you need a friend. goodnight, dearest friend. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i wanted to believe you were worth it. you were all that i wanted. but i guess it just wasnt meant to be. i dont understand why. i never did. not at first and not now. and i guess thats the worst thing. i want to be able to let go. to move on. but my heart needs answers. i have to know why. what is wrong with me? and if you cannot give that to me...then i understand. but you must understand that it will never be the same. i will never be the same. you have slowly lost all your comprehension of me. you can no longer read my like an open book. because you closed it before it was done being written. the boy you once knew is gone. i am not the sad pathetic scared person i was before. i am stronger now. and wiser now. i so want you to know the real me...the me now. not the me you once knew. the me that is not hidden by anxiety or depression. i will try to be what you want me to be. i will try and give you what i have always given you...me. the friend. i need time. please...wait for me... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i'll make you smile. i'll make you laugh. i will give you the joy of life. i'll show hope. i'll make you believe. i will dream your dreams. i'll hold you when you cry. i'll raise you up when you are down. i will love you. and then i will crush the last of your humanity from existance and leave but a broken shell of what you once were. i will be your reason to cry. and all that i will leave you is this...my requiem of anguish. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | im so extremely tired. i should go to sleep...but i dont think that it will help. im watchin this show bout Princess Diana. its soooo sad. she was such a beautiful person. a beautiful person who was misunderstood and lived a depressed, upseting life. its such a shame. she could have been so much more. she had so much more she could have given to the world...had she lived. my gosh. 'I like to draw out the darker parts of people.' she said that. Princess Diana said that. its almost frightening...the similarities. it is something that is fascinating...the darker, deeper parts of people. the parts that no one will show you. the parts they dont want you to see. the parts that define what you are. if could have anything in the world...i would have the gift and curse of seeing those dark depths of people's souls. and i wish i could show people me. the real me. underneath everything. i think only one person still knows me. and slowly...slowly she is losing her understanding. its kinda sad knowing that it is dieing. but everything must come to an end. someday ill let someone else read me like an open book. but for now ill just keep me tucked away. dunno why. no point in lettin it all hang out. im not the kinda person who just lets everything out...i have to trust before i share. well yeah. i really miss talkin to someone i trust. not that i dont trust anyone. thats not true i do trust people. but only in a certain way. only to an extent. my trust has been violated too many times to trust people completely. show me your darkest part...then i will trust you. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | they all have their someone and they are so happy...where is mine...? |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | this world really sucks sometimes. but i guess most us already knew that. blah. the highlight of my day? getting the sheet music to '100 Years'. i wanna sing it as a solo at our next choir concert. its really a pretty song. b-e-a-utiful. im leaving on wednesday to go to europe. yeah. but i gotta do my history project before i leave. then i gotta do these stupid packets for mrs yarbrough on the plane. and i have a headache right now. and i really wanna go to europe but im not feelin that excited about it. just...yeah. listening to the Canon rights bout now. i will marry the first girl who plays this song for me. its wonderful. its like so happy and sad at the same time. like its a song full of memories. good and bad. at least thats what i think about when i hear it. great song. so is Mozart's Requiem but thats too long and its bout death and all that and im not in that kinda mood right now...haha. well yeah. ok. must go now. adieu. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i dont understand. i never did. i dont think i ever will. maybe i am not meant to understand. i dunno. why? what is wrong with me? what makes today any different from that day a year ago. that wonderful day...one year ago. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | Mozart's Requiem urlLink |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i miss watchin Nemo with her. man i could sure use her help now. she always knew what to do...and she could always point me in the right direction. why did i have to lose her...? course if i still had her...would i be having this problem...? |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | wow. man. wow. life is confusing. wow. i cant even begin to describe it. man. im going to bed. this is just too much right now. whew. goodnight. sleep well. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | I found out today that you went on a little trip...to somewhere you don't belong...I want to be your friend...made just a little slip...so I'm taking a little trip of my own......and I'm going to meet you...I'm going to greet you...at his back door as you're coming out...I just know......cuz I used to have angels that used to watch over me...Love was not a stranger, but love ain't not what it used to be...and I don't want these angels they're knocking at my door....no, I can't love you no more...... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well tonight was our choir concert. it was fun. wasnt our best but thats ok we'll do better next time. had some great songs...my favorite was Danny Boy ((or Donny Boy if you're Amanda Loew!)). it was great. cant wait for Orlando now. i guess i've changed my mind. it shall be fun! oh and at our next concert Mrs Rimes thinks i should sing 'You Raise Me Up' by Josh Groban...i dunno though. its kinda high for me...and yeah i could transpose it down but then it gets too low for me. but i might sing 'When You Believe' by Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston as a duet instead! now that would be awesome. i make an absolutely stunning Whitney Houston! hehehe! life is very blah right now. im so confused. and upset. i dont know what to do. but im tryin hard not to let it get me down. lemme tell ya...its hard. i dunno. well i know i got God and music to always remain constant. im so glad God gave us the gift of music. i love to make music. mainly playin the piano...but hey singing's fun too! yeah. well i just bought sheet music for '100 Years' and 'When You Believe'. i cant wait to get it! yeah. ok. well i've had a good cry tonight so im exhausted. i feel so just blah. i dont know what to to feel. im too tired to feel anything. or maybe im just trying desperately not to feel anything so yeah. i dunno. i dont feel like talkin about this....so i guess i shall be off to bed. bon soir. je t'aime ma cherie... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | cellophane...mister cellophane...should have been my name...cause you can look right through me...walk right by me...and never know I'm there...I tell ya...cellophane...mister cellophane...should I bend my name...mister cellophane...cause you can look right through me...walk right by me...and never know I'm there...never even know I'm there... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | all my life I've been waiting...for you to bring a fairytale my way...been living in a fantasy without meaning...it's not okay I don't feel safe...I need to pray...why do you play me like a game?...always someone else to blame...careless, helpless little girl...someday you might understand...there's not much more to say...but I hope you find a way...still I wonder if you know...how it really feels...to be left outside alone...when it's cold out here...well maybe you should know...just how it feels...to be left outside alone...to be left outside alone... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | life....blah....life just sucks....why does it have to be this hard?! yeah i know...ill get over it. right. Lord, do that nifty little thing where ya show me what to do. please...? |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | for so long now you have captivated me. for so long my thoughts have lingered on you. the memories of what once was still live within me. the memories that i relive over and over again. the dreams of what i could have. there are times when i wish that i could stay in those dreams...forever. where my soul is at peace and nothing can harm me. where i am safe...and not alone. i have searched...and there have been others...yet my heart could never let go. and though i have been crushed so many times...i still cannot let go. and so now all i have left are the memories and the dreams. haunting shadows of hope. tormenting me with every glance...with every laugh...every smile...and every tear. welcome to my haunting requiem. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | 21 'Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter . 22 Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?' 23 And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.'' - Matthew 7:21-23 |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | ' 26 If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but decieves his own heart, this man's religion is worthless.' - James 1:26 |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | one last time......one last time......one last time......goodnight..... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | 'I wish I could have seen him...one last time.' -Arwen |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well today has been rather boring. nothin really happenin. i really wanted to go out and do somethin but i had nowhere to go. yes...very boring. the Forever Young Banquet is happenin tonight at church. Brandon called me and wanted to know if i wanted to play song...but i was really not in the mood. i dont even think im gonna go. im in a very strange mood. like. tired and blah. oh well i guess i could just say blah. that kinda covers the tired part. i cant say life stinks cuz it really doesnt. i am content in a way. but then im restless too. yeah well...anyways...that bout all i gots to say bout that. im gonna run off and some of my mexican food! oh and maybe some tortillas too! havent made those in forever... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | must i only have memories...all alone in the moonlight...? |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | 'I'm tired of being second rate...of not believing I can do better...of being mean for no reason, for judging people when they never asked to be judged, saying things that hurt people down instead of building them up...I'm tired of not living each day to its fullness...of disappointing others in my selfish pursuits...I'm tired of standing on the sidelines when I could be out there...for shirking when I should be outgoing, for not taking chances worth taking...for not being there when people really need to talk, or when they need a smile or a compliment...I'm tired of not meeting new people for staying in the shadows, of lying to people, for slandering when they never did anything...I'm tired of waking and feeling tired...I'm tired of putting off the change...the time has come.' - Momma Hester |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | 'If I'm cold will you hold me? If I fail will you succeed? When I'm wrong please be right and if I cry wont you cry too? You fill that place...your the place where im not...where I don't reach...when I'm too small you reach it for me...you are...' - Momma Hester |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | catch me as i fall...say you're here and it's all over now...speaking to the atmosphere...no one's here and i fall into myself...this truth drives me into madness...i know i can stop the pain...if i will it all away...don't turn away...don't give in to the pain...don't try to hide...though they're screaming your name...don't close your eyes...God knows what lies behind them...don't turn out the light...never sleep never die...fallen angels at my feet...whispered voices at my ear...death before my eyes...lying next to me i fear...she beckons me shall i give in...upon my end shall i begin...forsaking all i've fallen for...i rise to meet the end... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | and so my heart aches. it is so hard to talk about 'stuff' with her. ha. and i thought i could forget her. phh. yeah right. nothin would ever happen anyways. it was just a hope. just a childish wish. if only...'It is but a shadow on which you love.' |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | HAPPY BIRTHDAY KARIN! 11 YEARS AND COUNTING! LOL! LOVE YA! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | ' 29 How much severer punishment do you think he will deserve who has trampled under food the Son of God, and has regarded as unclean the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has insulted the Spirit of grace? 30 For we know him who said, ' Vengeance is Mine, I will repay. ' And again, ' The Lord will judge His people. ' 31 It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God.' - Hebrews 10:29-31 |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i love Pachabel's Canon! its the best song ever written! ever! it makes me feel so much better whenever im not havin a good day! sigh. it makes me cry. click on the iTunes button if you'd like to listen to a sample of it or buy it! urlLink |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | sorry i just have to post this! L and i were lookin at this list of differences in casual friends and real friends...we both thought this one was so true! and hilarious! lol! - A casual friend listens to you whine. A real friend tells you to get over your selfish pettiness and get on with your life. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i forgive you. i forgave long ago. for all the tears i cried... i forgive you. for all the lonely nights... i forgive you. for your ignorance... i forgive you. for all my unanswered cries... i forgive you. for leaving me alone... i forgive you. for everything... i forgive. but still the hardest thing for me... is learning to forget. goodnight... please dont let my sacrafice go to waste... be happy. for me... and please... forgive me... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well... its a wonderfully overcast friday afternoon. nobody is online. no one to talk to. i was hoping i'd have some alone time tonight but no... Erik & Dad's little camping trip got cancelled so they're gonna be home... so much for some nice quiet time. i am VERY disappointed. but whatever. im not really in the best of moods. man i wish their thing hadnt been cancelled. that sounds terrible i know. but i really need some time where this no NOISE! and they are the main people that cause noise and just get on my nerves! yeah. well the past 2 days have just flown by. i really cant even remember what has gone on. i am so upset with where i am in life at the moment its not even funny. i never thought i'd feel this way again. i thought i was stronger since the last time. just goes to show you how weak people really are. i am a perfect example. torn apart by emotions, rebuilt by logic, and now destroyed again by passion. its amazing how the mind works. how your feelings can affect you so greatly. ha... whats really amazing is how powerless i feel when it comes to my emotions. blah. ya anyways. im spilling too much. we shall save the rest for another time. for now its out to eat. au revoir... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | its cold. its dark. i feel so empty. so tired. i am so weak. how i long for you to come and hold me. for the assurance that i am safe. for the peace only you can give. now if i could only find you... on this cold, dark night. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | IT'S RAINING! RAIN ROCKS! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | my darling 'milkshake' wrote this for me... she's so great... she's an amazing friend and i love her to death... I know you can't feel and it hurts inside and all you can do is sit back and cry but when you least expect it she'll be there for you standing right by your side and you wont have to hide anymore Cause the pain leaves when the love's around and what is lost will soon be found You just gotta stand strong and believe that one day, one day she will see. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | sometimes life sucks... now is one of those times... blah... goodnight... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | just let me cry... i have nothing left to do. no where to turn. i dont know what to do other than cry. gosh i love the Canon in D. i cant even describe to you how it makes me feel. especially now. i am so pathetic. i am so hopeless. so pathetic. I FEEL SO ALONE! i have felt alone for so so so so long. i cant even remember the last time i felt... content? i guess thats what im lookin for. i guess happiness too in a way. i want love. i want it so bad. i am depressed. i can feel it all again. ha... its all to familiar now. in away it does feel different. i feel stronger than i was before. i can still stand. but at the same time i feel so weak. i havent felt this sad in such a long time. i cant freakin cry like i need to cuz my mom is sittin here. i wish she'd go away. i want to be alone... its better to be alone and feel alone then to feel alone and yet still have people around you. i guess it makes it less frustrating. goodness... i am having such a hard time even tryin to describe how i feel. i just cant stop crying. i want so bad to be held. i want so bad to be different. i want support. i want to feel loved again. i want to trust someone. i want to feel special. right now all i feel is... nothing. God, please just let me cry... hold me... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i long for her stare. so much. i just want her to see me. just to notice me standing there. i wish i could be somethin to her. i wish i was more than just a friend. i am so sick of being just a friend. to everyone. thats all i am. i dont mind of course... i love being friendly... but then when i like someone its always someone that i am friends with. and what happens. im ignored. not cuz anyone is tryin to be mean... but i guess there is some 'rule' that if your friends you guys cant go out. its so freakin stupid. i WILL NOT go out with anyone who is not my friend first. grrrrrr! anyways. im rambling and probably not makin sense. in the words of Trey, 'i know what im talkin about and thats all that matters!' |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | TearfiLLdRequiem: yeah you better cuz im your bf! LizsSpecter: no you are not TearfiLLdRequiem: I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHIN SPECIAL! LizsSpecter: we do TearfiLLdRequiem: tear LizsSpecter: in the Milkshake kinda way TearfiLLdRequiem: WOOHOO! LizsSpecter: kris you are my friend TearfiLLdRequiem: I LIKE MILKSHAKES! TearfiLLdRequiem: friend with benefits you mean |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | man i have been PMS-ing all day. i've been real irritable lately. just bout everyone has been gettin on my nerves. nothin personal of course. then i've had these terrible cramps. really its freakin me out. i must have some girl in me! NOOOOO! hahaha! anyways. yeah.... today could have been better. i am excited bout goin to Orlando with choir. its gonna be crazy! yeah well im goin to bed. its late and im tired. bon soir. je veux entrer dans votre pantalon! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | is she worth all the pain? is she worth all the lies? is she worth all the tears? is she worth all the cries? is she really worth... all of this? you must answer for yourself. feelings...? are they really feelings or just desperate attempts to justify your hopes? you are young. your emotions are still so fragile. like mine once were. i know what you feel. i know the frustration and the desperation. you have to learn to let go. though you feel it is right... you must realize that it is not. it is not worth your heart. you deserve better. let go. just walk away... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | its been 2 years... since everything started. so much has changed. so much has happened to me... good and bad. so many choices... so many dreams. i still cant believe how far i have come. and i remind myself of how far i have left to go. but even now... through all the storms.... these questions remain in my head... was it worth it my darling...? all of this...? could i have made this easier for you...? could i have made it easier for myself...? did i have to sarcrafice my most precious possession to ease my weary soul...? was it worth losing you...? these questions have haunted me for so long and continue to haunt me. but one haunts me more than any other: will i ever have the answers...? |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | goodnight... je t'aime... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well i had an AWESOME time this morning at our Choir Pancake Breakfast! it was absolutely crazy and i loved it! it was great! oh yes. i so wanna do it again! hahaha! course wakin up at 6am isnt exactly the best thing bout it but it was worth it. hmmmm... dunno really what to talk about. church tomorrow. i love church. especially singing. oh and im gettin good at playin You Raise Me Up. some of the chords are kind hard to hit quickly but more practice will fix that. yeah. i love that song. anyways. not really feeling that much better emotionally. right now jokin around with James is keepin me from thinkin about it. anyways. im gonna go. goodbye. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | lets see. today...? ummmm... i dont really know what's been happenin today. nothin really spectacular. im feeling very strange at the moment. i love night time... its like when i feel the most alive. the most... calm i guess. at ease. but there are times when it is the most lonely time in the world for me. like right now. i just... i dunno. i feel so so so sad. i really shouldnt cuz i have nothin to really be sad about... maybe to be frustrated about but not sad. yeah. its so hard to explain. i dont really want to just unload since i dont know exactly who reads this. BUT I WANT TO SCREAM IT ALL OUT! i hate having stuff locked up inside me... but it helps when you know how to let that stuff out in an appropriate way. knowing me i'd probably just get everything off my chest and then realize that i didnt wanna say all of it. speaking of my chest! i've been havin some chest pain lately. but what else is new. it actually did go away for a long time. but then i guess i let its slowly creep back. its rather annoying but at least i havent started having panic attacks and anxiety attacks again so im not gonna complain. anyways. i think im just gonna post and then go wallow. goodnight. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i feel so hopeless. so pathetic. i dont know what to do. what am i supposed to do? will you ever see me? or am i just dreaming...? wishing for something that will not come true...? prenez-moi... s'il vous plait... please... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | oh goodness im so confused. my little secret is slowly spreading. i dont like it. i dont like people talkin bout me and my little crush behind my back. its bothering me. and i dont like that L is avoiding this subject with me. i mean... i know why... she's too closely connected. but she's like my best friend... well one of them... and i talk to her about everything and now i really cant cuz she wont. i dunno what to do. or where to turn. not that i dont have other friends or anything... just none that i trust as much as her. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO! and yanno what i really dont like... people tryin to 'help me' or whatever. i mean its nice at times and can be a good thing. but when they start takin my life and my feelings into their own hands i dont like that. i dont like feeling out of control. GRRRRRRR! i am VERY VERY frustrated! bye. |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | The Knife by Davida Yarbrough She ground the knife against the wall. Life was all in vain. She was sick of dreaming and hoping. She was tired of wishing and getting horror in return. Why could know one see that behind the happy child was a child shredded and ripped by the hands of life. She was afraid and alone. She was tired of trusting and then getting deeply hurt. With each flick of the knife the decision grew easier. Only a few would know she ws gone. Not many would care. Though the world did not revolve around her, her existence would not really effect many. No one would miss her in their life. So , she raised the knife for one last plunge.. for one last breath. it scares me to think... it could have been me... one more moment... and all i would have had left was... one last breath... i love you Vida... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | well i had a pretty good day. this mornin the choir sang for the 8th grader's parents. oh yes. tons of fun. then we all changed and got on a bus to go to Florence to compete in some state festival thingy. we did pretty good. we got and 'excellent' rating for our prepared pieces and then a 'superior' for our sight-reading. that cuz Mrs Rimes gives us a freakin sight-reading practice sheet every day! we practically breath Do Re Mi Fa Sol La Ti and DO! goodness! ha! but it was fun. yeah then we got back to school at like 4:15 or so and i went home and had pizza for dinner. then L picked me up and we went to church to get interviewed to go to Rainbow Omega. we got to have our interview together! woohoo! two perfect people in one room! goodness its tough. ha! some of those questions! like the one where we had to brag about ourselves! those were hard! haha! oh and Brandon said i couldnt wear any halter tops, spaghetti straps, short shorts, and nothin with Bud Light on the front! darn! there goes half my wardrobe! lol. jk! well yeah. then my day got wrecked by my mom's insensitivity. first time i've ever seen my mom like that. i usually expect it more from my dad. as a matter of fact i always expect it from my dad. but man. she shocked me. couldnt have come at worse time when im already sick of my family and just ticked at all of them. this just reinforces that they dont understand... cuz i was just tryin to explain to my mom why i was so upset and she just got mad and tried to make it like this was all my fault and that i was a weak push-over and.... gosh. im so not happy. and next i have to go to Orlando with choir and my dad is goin too. i wish he wouldnt. i wish he would just leave me alone. he does such a good job of ignoring me and my feelings most of the time it shouldnt be that hard. but whatever. and now i have what little trust i had in my mother is gone. she proved tonight that she doesnt understand. she's too... defensive to notice anything wrong with me. to even see my unhappy. i feel so pushed away. i want so hard to talk to them... but everytime i try to drop a hint they automatically go into parent mode and just try to prove that its my fault. i want to leave. i want to go anywhere. just away from them. i need a distraction. i dunno bout ******. i have such a crush on her. she's the cutest thing. but she doesnt see me. im just kristopher. a friend. i am always just a friend. im so sick of it. why do i have to just be kristopher? why cant i be more? what have i done wrong? i cant figure it out. i am so freakin stressed out. this is one of those times where i wished i had said yes to the pills. maybe they could have helped me handle all this better. i dunno. i thought i had learned so much from the psychologist. its so much harder to handle in real life. but yeah. im blabbing. ill just pray. for something. anything. bon soir.... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | TearfiLLdRequiem: sorry SwEeTnSpIcE516: yes well u should be SwEeTnSpIcE516: now go sit and have quiet time and think about what you have done SwEeTnSpIcE516: go TearfiLLdRequiem: im sorry! i didnt mean to! PLEASE FORIVE ME! TearfiLLdRequiem: ill never do it again! i promise! SwEeTnSpIcE516: no now go SwEeTnSpIcE516: ok have u thought bought it Auto Response from TearfiLLdRequiem : in corner havin quiet time. thinkin bout what i have done. SwEeTnSpIcE516: are you ready to say sorry SwEeTnSpIcE516: lol! TearfiLLdRequiem: i am sorry TearfiLLdRequiem: what did i do again? TearfiLLdRequiem: lol SwEeTnSpIcE516: don't take that tone of voice with me SwEeTnSpIcE516: uh huh SwEeTnSpIcE516: thats wut i said TearfiLLdRequiem: you can be very abusive TearfiLLdRequiem: you know how to lay a guilt trip too! TearfiLLdRequiem: goodness! TearfiLLdRequiem: wait a min! im older than you! WE'RE THROUGH! TearfiLLdRequiem: YOU ARE GROUNDED! TearfiLLdRequiem: hey! dont you ignore me when im talkin to you! SwEeTnSpIcE516: HAHA SwEeTnSpIcE516: yea right! TearfiLLdRequiem: do we need to take this outside? SwEeTnSpIcE516: young man i told u not to make me mad TearfiLLdRequiem: bring it on baby girl! TearfiLLdRequiem: i can soooo take you! SwEeTnSpIcE516: ahah wud eva TearfiLLdRequiem: lol TearfiLLdRequiem: you're just scared TearfiLLdRequiem: its ok SwEeTnSpIcE516: haha SwEeTnSpIcE516: umm no SwEeTnSpIcE516: well im gonna go sit on the couch and watch tv and be a couch potato SwEeTnSpIcE516: cuz its fun SwEeTnSpIcE516: so i'll ttyl once you've changed your attitude TearfiLLdRequiem: I CHANGED I CHANGED! TearfiLLdRequiem: I DID I DID TearfiLLdRequiem: ! SwEeTnSpIcE516: sry too late TearfiLLdRequiem: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO TearfiLLdRequiem: im gonna have a temper tantrum! |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | i realized my biggest mistake in my relationships. it kinda just came to me the other night when i was talkin to L. we were talkin bout my family and how i dont feel... well how she really isnt a huggy person and i am. and how i live in a very not huggy family... and it bothers me. i dont like it... but i cant really change that... its just the way they are. but yeah. its weird... i like to FEEL love. yanno. like physically. it like helps support the mental emotion. i know its weird. goodness you dont have to remind me. but i realized what my biggest mistake was in my relationships... well mainly with Kari. not so much Mal. i couldnt help that one. that was her choice. but with Kari. i was young and stupid. i let my emotions take too much control. i became too attached. i've realized that i look for the love that i cant find at home in my relationships with other people. that was my biggest mistake. i expected too much. i still do. im trying sooo hard right now to fix that. its hard though sometimes. i dont feel... well ok i do feel loved. i know people love me. but... i just dont FEEL it. are ya gettin me here? maybe just a little? yeah ok... i think i've just totally confused you guys. i think im just gonna shut up now and go and wallow. bon soir... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | hmmm... i dunno what to write about tonight. there's nothin really to say. had fun at church tonight. my favorite part of church is singing. its very... relaxing. im watchin this scary movie on tv right now. its called Along Came A Spider with Morgan Freeman. its some like kidnapping mystery movie. its kinda hott. lol. like this pretty blonde was supposed to be a good guy but she's a bad guy. and she shot her bf in the head cuz she didnt need him anymore. oh man thats just turns me on! LOL! JUST KIDDING! hahaha! had ya goin there... didnt i? haha! ok well... i think im feeling a little better than i have been. had a LONG chat with L last night. helped alot. yeah well i must be off to bed now. i was up till like 12:30pm last night so im REALLY tired. bon soir mon amis... |
2,219,341 | male | 16 | Student | Virgo | 02,August,2004 | TearfiLLdRequiem: so how do you like it baby? normal or... freaky? TearfiLLdRequiem: lol BlueIsTakingOver: she said she likes it freaky TearfiLLdRequiem: ha! i was talkin to you loser! |
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