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4,210,174 | male | 15 | indUnk | Scorpio | 16,August,2004 | School starts in a day. Today I wanted to do something but no one could hang out for some reason or another. O, well I guess all I had to do is play all out on games TV music and the internet. My dad didn't get anything done yet on eBay like we were supposed to. Shit happens I wonder when we all have lunch? OR were dipshit shit is going to sit with will Dan ever become friends with Mandy again? That's cool with a new school year you just don't know what the fuck is going to happen!!! You don't know if you getting a girl friend or if your going to play a sport or who is going to fail a year or two DAN!!! I just like the beginning and the end of a school year a new start or a new end what will it be. New topic you can't trust anyone anymore in my thought most people want self gain. I just want gain I don't want to hurt anyone but I've met a lot of crazy ass people this summer. Go to a race track and you'll find out what I'm Talking about. Also Andy should have kept Mykell on the assistant he was really good Colin should have been kicked off a long time ago I hated that dude. Well tomorrow I will have to go to Dan's house and hang out And hope some personal matter get resolved and everything turns out ok on this. Which I refuse to tell. I keep this a journal to keep my thoughts on. |
4,210,174 | male | 15 | indUnk | Scorpio | 15,August,2004 | Well I know I have bad grammer o well. Today sucked really bad. I pulled a muscel in my back and my mom won't let me go to football tomarrow. Which sucks So I'am about to go to bed this was a very big waste of a day. I know I'am a rebel Dan but I wont sleep in parks like that one crazy girl we met at the water park. You know what you pissed me off I am going to tell your secert. Dan like to watch family guy. >_ You didn't think I was going to tell the one were you did that thing on that one thing and got mad at the guy because that thing happen and you didn't want anyone to know about that thing except you me Jason and who ever else you told to know and what you said about me that night. And how you kept hitting on me untill your parents got home and you said more things. True story Shakeaspear in love... |
4,210,174 | male | 15 | indUnk | Scorpio | 14,August,2004 | Today was fun. We had the block party and we got the cops called on us by that bitch behind us. Dan finally came around 8:30 PM which was lame. I ate a raw hamburger and got sick and did a lot of fun stuff. Me and dan decided to have sing in front of everyone. Jason thought it was the funniest thing ever. And I mean ever. We had a limbo contest and Dan quit and I pulled something in my back. And I got a thought today my dad wants me to be respect full to my bitch aunt and I decided that I will speak my mind of everything I think for now on. It's dumb but I get pissed and don't tell anyone. |
4,210,174 | male | 15 | indUnk | Scorpio | 12,August,2004 | Tomarrow is the block party. YA it cool. Dipshits mom invited myyself and my family over for a preparty. ??? Someone wants something. See doesnt talk to me all summer and thinks Iam out spoken I don't care I think she wants me to help Ryan out on the bus because no one likes him. he is a asshole and this is the list of people who hate him. Dan Abdallla Mike Affarano (what a hot guy) Mandy Hartnet (Can't spell it) My mom Dan's mom Ryan lomen (Can't spell it) Few fake people just created Larry couchmen Peter griffin Oh I got yelled at today for blocking a kid who was kicking me and they fell and started crying and the lady though she can yell at me. Someone was wrong. |
4,210,174 | male | 15 | indUnk | Scorpio | 11,August,2004 | I had to go to the doctors and I got a physical. Wasn't that bad though (cough cough) then they froze of my wart on my hand. I had to take an eye exam and I can officially see. I also got my box from ebay. Had six games all work and in good condition. Then that is about it I talked to Dan and I didn't get bit by a child today happy. I did find out that we are getting out of school ten minutes early each day which is very cool. So that is about it for my day. |
4,210,174 | male | 15 | indUnk | Scorpio | 11,August,2004 | Well, I never did this before. SO sorry if it sucks. Dan and I are talking again, which is cool because I think it was dipshit across the street that. I couldn't football which sucked really bad the school took all my stuff form my locker and I can't play then. Mandy told Mike that I told her all kinds of stuff about him. A little kid bite me today on the are because he is little. That kid sucks so bad. Bastard. Little kids are naturally mean. I think I have a way to get back at Dipshit across the street. FYI Dipshit across the street is really Ryan kuller or kellar I think well he is naturally the biggest a$$hole in the world. His Mom sucks too! The lady who called the cops on us on 4 of July is going to have to move her fence an entire inch off the property line. LOL bitch has no friends. Well that is about it. |
3,742,904 | male | 15 | indUnk | Aquarius | 26,June,2004 | Well here's the first of many to come. Enjoy =D... DBZ Character: urlLink Which DragonballZ Character are you? Cool! Though, I was hoping more for Gohan, oh well. DBZ Power Level: urlLink HAHAHA! I am a god! Bow down before my might. *stands still for a second* *blinks* Umm, oops. Sorry 'bout that. On to the next test! Anime Cliche: urlLink Kickin' Ass You're the risk taker that laughs in the face of danger. You seem to be a bit mysterious at times, but everything you do just makes you even more cool. Just be careful that you don't end up dead, like many bad-asses do. Sure, that's me. :/ ...right...no Kingdom Hearts Character: urlLink Take the urlLink Kingdom Hearts personality quiz, and visit urlLink Castle Diqueria . He's my favorite character. =D Well, that's it for now. I've gotta go to bed, it's getting early. =D 'Night all! |
3,742,904 | male | 15 | indUnk | Aquarius | 01,July,2004 | AZU MANGA DaiOH Personality Test! 1. Pick a word to describe you. A. ENERGETIC! HYAH! B. I guess I’m smart... C. I’m an airhead… Hey, that’s a candy, isn’t it? D. Animal lover. E. I’m a prodigy! F. I’m in charge, and I deserve best!!! G. Evil. H. Well, I’m mostly a nice person… ^ ^ I. Athletic. J. Pervert. 2. Say hi to your friend(s)! A. *cutely* Good morning! ^-^ B. G’morning, numb nuts! C. *raises hand* Hey. D. …..WAZZUP?! E. Hey there, can I borrow $50? F. *stare* *CHOMP!* G. *bows* Hello! H. Hiya! How ya doin’? *pat* *pat pat pat* *smack!* I. Uh… Hello. J. Hello girls!!! 3. What do you like to do best? A. Freeload off my friend! B. Stare at girls… C. Bite people. D. Pet animals. E. Day dream. F. Eat. G. Train. H. I like being cute! I. Tease people weaker than me! J. I’ll do whatever my friend wants to. 4. Pick a theme for your school festival! A. A coffee shop haunted by the ghosts of cuddly little animals! B. Stuffed animals. C. Whatever makes my students happy. ^__^ D. Ah, whatever. E. A haunted house!!! F. Bikini competition. G. Red stuff. H. Sports festival… festival. I. Fish. J. A coffee shop! ^.^ 5. What kind of food do you like best? A. The kind with red stuff in it. B. Hm… Bananas? C. STEAK! D. Ice cream! E. Chestnuts F. Whatever my friend eats. G. Watermelons. H. Girls… Er, grilled…cheese. I. Anything not made from animals. J. Hands. 6. Pick lyrics from a song that you like best. A. Forfeit the game before somebody else takes you out of the frame and put your name to shame cover up your face the pace is too fast you just won’t last. B. Baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka!! C. This is the song that never ends… and it goes on and on my friends… Hey, if it never ends, does that mean I have to sing it in my sleep? O.o D. It’s time for Aaanimaaaniacs! And we’re zaaany tooo the max!! E. Let’s cook together! Let’s cook together! Now, now, let’s see what we’ve made! F. Eat it! (Eat it!) Eat it! (Eat it!) Open up your mouth and feed it! G. I like big butts and I cannot lie! H. You want a coke? Maybe some fries? The roast beef combo’s only $9.95. I. Meow, meow, meow, meow! Meow, meow, meow, meow! (etc.) J. How much is that dog-gy in the window? Arf! Arf! The one with the wag-gley tail! 7. What do other people think about you? A. I’m mysterious and that also makes me cool for some reason. B. I’m cute! ^ ^ C. I’m a pervert so the girls run away from me… *sob* D. I’m skilled. E. My students like me because I’m a good teacher. ^__^ F. I’m spacey and slow. G. I have anger problems… YOU THINK THAT TOO, DON’T YOU?! *WHACK!* H. I need to go on a diet. I. I’m a spastic idiot! YEAH!!! J. I’m evil, yet cute. 8. WHY DID YOU DO IT?!!!! A. I couldn’t help myself I had to watch the girls changing!! B. I’m sorry, but at least you’ve learned your lesson. C. …I thought I was doing you a favor. O__o D. Because I’m evil. E. I’m very sorry, I hope you’re not mad! F. I’m sorry! I’m sorry! It won’t happen again! G. *daydreaming* ……Wha? H. I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!!! I. …Do what? O___o 9. Say something! A. Quack! B. Fuhgeddaboudit! C. DANCE! DANCE FOR ME, MY PUPPET!!! D. We didn’t make first place, but everyone gave it their all, so I’ll reward you! ^__^ E. WHAAAT?! YOU ALL GOT WHIPPED OUT THERE! LOSERS! BOO! BOO!!! F. You gotta smack ‘em around a bit… let ‘em know who’s boss. G. ….Like what? H. You can call me Mr. Kim-Kims, if you want. I. Trivia! Tofu originated in China!.....Ah, you’re no good. J. Let’s do our best! ^-^ 10. Look! It’s cute! A. Whoaa…So cute! B. Um…sure… o__o C. Aw, it is cute. ^__^ D. Is it a cute girl? E. *hugs cute thing* ^-^ F. YOU CAN’T FOOL ME! YOU’RE TRYING TO SUCK ME IN WITH YOUR CUTENESS!!! G. *Has “cute spasm attack” because it’s so cute* H. Aw… so cute……………*walks away* I. Wow! You are so cute! *pushes over cute thing* I, uh, couldn’t help myself. J. *stares at cute thing* *chomp* Just tell Mochi what you got on the test and she said she'll figure out who you are! :) |
3,742,904 | male | 15 | indUnk | Aquarius | 01,July,2004 | Here's some more of those pesky personality tests... Gravitation Character: Well, I got Yuki, but for some reason, the page cannot be found or something like that... Could someone tell me what Yuki is like? Thanks :). X-men Character: You are Wolverine! A loner by nature, you feel uncomfortable when around those you don't know and even those you do. You are awkward when it comes to relationships, but fiercely loyal to those you love. urlLink Which X-Men character are you most like? brought to you by urlLink Quizilla Cool! I've always liked Wolverine. He's so cool. Anime Legend: urlLink urlLink theOtaku.com: What Anime Legend Are You? Tenshi Muyo Girl: urlLink urlLink theOtaku.com: What Tenchi Muyo Girl Are You? Yes, I took a test on what girl I was, but at least I got Ryoko! Forest Creature: urlLink urlLink theOtaku.com: What Forest Creature Are You? Awesome! This is my favorite character in that movie. Cowboy Bebop Character: urlLink urlLink theOtaku.com: What Cowboy Bebop Crew Member Are You? Wow, that's a weird looking Faye pic! Anime Type: urlLink What Anime Type Are You? No, just kidding, what I really got was: urlLink What Anime Type Are You? =D Elemental Wolf: Youre the wolf of fire! You are the one who is most likely to be a leader. The wolf of fire has a deep passion for almost anything and is very noble. They are athletic and rough but are still tender on the inside. These are probably not the most rare type but they are still very special. A fire wolf is such a cool being the way they eat and hunt together. If you are the fire wolf then you are very social and proud although you are not always loyal. But, still being the fire wolf is a good thing because they are strong and do most things independently. urlLink What Elemental Wolf Are You? (with pics/read memo) brought to you by urlLink Quizilla Now that is cool! Greek God: Hecate urlLink ?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ?? brought to you by urlLink Quizilla Alright, that's it for now, there'll be more to come later on :). |
3,446,602 | male | 27 | indUnk | Aries | 25,May,2004 | Not too much to report thus far today. I've only been up since Noon because I didn't fall asleep until about 4am. Just doing some cleaning and getting ready to go to Lafayette GA tomorrow for my interview with the Parole Office there. Prayers are appreciated. I can actually see my computer desk top again! Yay for cleaning! I came across a cool CD, buried in the heap, someone once made for me called Chipperiffic tunes. That's what I'm listening to now...good stuff. Thanks for the CD, person who made it for me that I won't name by name, out of respect for an agreement entered into in April, but you know who you are. My dog is pretty restless today, all she wants to do is play!! Sheesh! If you're reading this, leave some comments so I know it's being read! Anyway, that's all for now, be good! Blessings and peace |
3,446,602 | male | 27 | indUnk | Aries | 25,May,2004 | It only took me about 30min to come back! watching TLC, great channel! I wonder if part of me is feeling lonely since I don't really have any friends in this stupid freakin' town! Gas is getting too expensive to keep travelling to Augusta and besides which, I don't have the money to keep doing that! I think this Sunday, I might search for a new church home. Better yet, maybe I'll go to the church that fired me for no good reason! Wouldn't that be an interesting experience!! But alas, I couldn't do that! I may be bitter, but I'm not vindictive. I generally try to avoid confrontations, therefore, going to that church, probably wouldn't be in my best interest. Besides which, I couldn't sit in one of those pews in good conscience and take communion from someone I don't respect. Along the same lines of not being vindictive, NO one has anything to worry about, I've taken careful steps to watch what I say here and in various other places to make sure that it doesn't seem like personal attacks etc..etc...because i have NO reason to attack ANYONE personally. That's just stupid. I don't have the energy for that kind of thing nor would I even want to go down that road. Hard to believe I was fired 3 months and a week ago. Feels like only yesterday. having had a couple of poor experiences as a church employee, really makes me wonder if I need to be in ministry at all anymore, volunteer or paid. Even though, ministry is awesome and I know I still have a strong desire to do ministry. yeah maybe I contradicted myself, but who cares! This is my place to vent! I just know that Youth Ministry isn't where I need to be at this point. Ahhhh....friends...you make some, you lose some and you keep some for life. I wonder which ones I'll keep for life!! I have a pretty good idea of the ones that probably won't be around much longer. Oh well....such is the game of life. It's funny how one day, you can be great friends with someone talking and hanging out all the time, and then the next day you don't talk anymore. Is it something I did? Hmmmm..who knows! Maybe it is, maybe it isn't....at this point in my life, I don't have time to play stupid middle school games with people. You're either my friend or NOT! Seems like this happens with the same people all the time...maybe I need to just cut the baggage and move on! I guess I just expect more from the people who want me to call them my friend. Funny too how I'm always there for them to listen and give advice, even though it may not be the right advice, but when I need an ear...where does everyone go? This isn't aimed at anyone in particular, just a general observation I've made. I thank those of you who are there to listen when I need an ear, you know who you are!! Ahhh yes...3am..and I'm rambling...venting, being pissy. Who cares....this is my place to vent! And it feels so good! Anyway....i'm gonna attempt to sleep again. Blessings and peace to one and all. |
3,446,602 | male | 27 | indUnk | Aries | 25,May,2004 | I figured I'd jump on the bandwagon and try this for a while! Heck, it might even do me some good to put my thoughts down on something. Why not for the whole world to see? I've been suffering from a horrid case of insomnia for the last week, I can't seem to fall sleep before 4am. It really sucks, especially when I'm attempting to try and find a job. yeah, this whole job search thing, sucks pretty bad. I can't seem to figure out what the problem is and why I can't get a job. I've gone on a few interviews, but other than that, NOTHING! There was a day when I could just walk into a place, have an interview and leave having a job. But that doesn't seem to be working right now! OH well...I'm sure there's a lesson to be learned from all of this but what that is, remains a mystery to me. I think what I need is some good quality God time, alone in a secluded place such as Honey Creek. I always feel God's presence on that Holy ground, away from the hussle and bussle and NOISE of everyday life. Anyway, that's about all for right now I guess. Check back periodically, there may be updates! There will probably be an update or 2 tonight! Since it's 2:24am as i write this...once again, not finding sleep! |
3,446,602 | male | 27 | indUnk | Aries | 29,June,2004 | Not me! That's for sure! I've been here at truck driver training for almost a week now. I don't think I would've ever seen myself driving a truck. But...it'll be a fun job for a while I think. Don't have to worry about anyone being constantly over my shoulder telling me what to do etc..etc...as I've mentioned though, desparate times call for desparate measures. This is probably the only job I could get that would pay me pretty decent. I certainly can't work for minimum wage and pay rent and bills etc. I'll actually be making MORE money than I was in ministry. Not that the money is the issue. I need time away from ministry to get reconnected to my passion I once had for it. I look at this experience as a mission field. It's exciting to think about the ministry opportunity that I can have as a truck driver criss crossing the USA. I'll be able to spend lots of time getting in touch with God as I drive down the road. I guess you could call it my mission field at this point in my life. Some people may frown on me driving a truck for a living, but I say to them, are you too proud to do what you have to do to make a living? I certainly am not. That's why I'm here. I just ask for prayers and encouragement as I embark on this journey and chapter of my life. I drove a truck for the first time today on the ROAD and it was actually easier than I anticipated. I caught on to the shifting pattern quickly even though I've never driven a stick shift before. These things have 10 gears in them! It requires double Clutching to find your gears etc...it's a bit of getting used to, but once you get it, you're money. It was an adrenaline rush today believe or not. I wanted more! Gotta work on my downshifting and stops but that'll come with practice. Of course, I aced 3 of the 4 tests to get my CDL permit yesterday and made a 97 on the hazmat section. Not too bad in my opinion. Then I was evaluated very well today while driving the truck my instructor was very good and patient and gave me lots of positive feedback. Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well. It'll be a while before I post again I'm sure and it'll be a while before I'm able to communicate via IM. I'll probably have to start communicating more via the telephone once I get out on the road. I'll be home in 2wks after I finish training, stay home about 1.5wks for a wedding and then I hit the road for 4-6wks with a trainer and then I'll get my own truck and start makin' the bucks!! wooohoo! Just pray I make it through everything. I don't want to get too cocky. Yeah, so what if I have a college degree....apparently those don't mean much anymore these days. In 4 months of unemployment, I managed about 5 interviews but no job offers. Oh well....such is life. Blessings and peace to one and all. Drop me an email sometime, I'd love to hear from you! |
3,446,602 | male | 27 | indUnk | Aries | 19,June,2004 | Ok....so I hate moving! I'm so tired from helping my buddy move! Moving in the 100% humidity and upper 90's sucks bad. Anyway, ok so this has been a pretty decent weekend though, considering the move. Tomorrow is my nephew's first birthday party!! It's gonna be a blast! Woohoo! Awkward moments this week with a couple of friends. I believe they have resolved themselves. Amazing what you can accomplish when people actually talk to you about what's bothering them. Thanks for that. I give and I give and I give but there comes a time when I can't give anymore and that happend this week with said friends. Thank God things are resolved! enough! time to attempt some sleep possibly. Have a nice day! |
3,446,602 | male | 27 | indUnk | Aries | 17,June,2004 | Not much to report today....just tired as all get out. I'm in Atlanta right now getting ready to help a buddy of mine move from Augusta to Atlanta. He'll be starting Law School in August. Interesting...never thought this dude would go to law school but more power to him. He's quite the entreprenuer. So anyway, I'm tired, so I should probably go. Sorry about the post from the other day! I was having one of those everyone and everything is annoying days. I'm better now...but I still mean what I put. Time to clean the friendship house again. Never hurts to get rid of the dead weight. So father's day is coming up this weekend, not really a fun day for me anymore. I think this year i'm just gonna give my mom a father's day card, because, she's now both parents since my dad isn't living anymore. Ok..ramble..ramble...ramble...time for me to attempt some sleep. Nite! |
3,446,602 | male | 27 | indUnk | Aries | 15,June,2004 | Well, it's come to my attention in the last few days how ignorant some folks can be. People who you think are friends turn out to be just exactly the opposite. At this point in my life, I have no time to play stupid games with people. My energy needs to be focused on other things. If you read this and have an overwhelming feeling that I'm talking about you then I would suspect you're making a correct assumption. I wash my hands of all the people in my life who tend to look down upon me or treat me like a piece of dirt. Face up to it folks...if you got a problem with me, tell me, don't run from me, that only makes it worse! Adults usually communicate their issues with each other. ON to bigger and better things, I may potentially have a job, I'll know on Monday! Not something I would've seen myself doing, but desparate times call for desparate measures! |
3,446,602 | male | 27 | indUnk | Aries | 13,June,2004 | You know, as I walked my beloved dog earlier, I realized that God truly is amazing. I walk her in an area away from the traffic and apartment buildings etc....it's a very dark area at night. The last few nights, especially tonight, I saw how beautiful God really is. Lighting bugs are amazing. To think God created these little bugs with lights in their butts that light up at night, is just simply amazing. God truly never ceases to amaze me. Granted, I'm sure I disappoint God on a daily basis. I don't spend as much time with Him as I should etc....but I know that God loves me no matter what I do. I'm really trying to see the Good in all people and see the good in the situations that have occurred this year. It's difficult to do...but I really am trying. I love God and I love serving God. THere's nothing in my life that gives me as much joy and peace than serving God. Therefore, I'm going to apply to a few different mission programs and hopefully, go overseas and live out my baptismal covenant for a year. Then upon my return finish discernment and go to seminary. Doing a year of mission work would be an incredible experience and quite valuable as well. Thanks be to God. In the mean time, I'm still attempting to find work....I am going to have to resort to a few of the things on the bottom of my priority work list....like trucking for instance!! Me...a trucker? Sheesh, what's this world coming to!!? but if it will pay the bills...then so be it. |
3,446,602 | male | 27 | indUnk | Aries | 11,June,2004 | There are lots of things that make me go hmmm......let's see....just to name a few, what on earth am I supposed to be doing with my life? 'friends' acting like 6th graders about situations, my dog running in crazy circles, lack of employment, lack of money, things that people do in the name of God and the list can go on. I'm in a big state of Hmmmmm right now....seems as though some doors and opportunities might be opening up and I'd like to explore them. There's a program through the church called the Young Adult Service Corps for folks 18-30 who want to do a year of mission work abroad. The program is also used to help discern if Holy Orders is in one's future. I think it would be an incredible opportunity to serve in this way. After all, Jesus calls us to serve him. It's time to get out of my comfort zone and serve. Anyway, I think I'm gonna go get some food, i'm hungry! And there's NOTHING to eat in this house! |
3,446,602 | male | 27 | indUnk | Aries | 08,June,2004 | I knew that the sunny days and no humidity wouldn't last forever!! Maybe I spoke too soon! I walked outside about 20min ago and goodness, I about died! Humidity is BACK! ARG! Anyway, well, I have decided that I'm going to actively pursue finishing the discernment process. A friend asked me the other day, 'Are you sure you're over your bitterness toward the church?' My reply went something along these lines, 'I'm not really bitter toward the corporate church. There may still be a lil' bitterness toward my previous employer, but hey, that's expected. This is something that I need to move forward with instead of continuing to put off the inevitable.' Which is the truth, it's been 4 months now since my unjust firing and well, it's time to get on with things. I guess I need to be more aggressive in finding a job. I'm currently looking for something in or around augusta. That way I can be in the same town where I'm doing discernment! I figure that if I'm gonna go back to school, I might as well just do what I'm called to do and hopefully go to seminary. I have a question...DOES ANYONE ACTUALLY READ THIS?? Just curious, feel free to leave a comment if you read it. Thanks! |
3,446,602 | male | 27 | indUnk | Aries | 07,June,2004 | I saw this on someone else's blog...figured I'd try...this is what I am.....find out what you are! urlLink The final book of Narnia, you're a sometimes disturbing story about the end of the world and the beginning of a new one. Your characters include an evil monkey, a misguided donkey, stubborn dwarves and all the human characters from the previous books. You manage to be heartbreaking and beautiful at once. urlLink Find out which Chronicles of Narnia book you are. |
3,446,602 | male | 27 | indUnk | Aries | 06,June,2004 | ARG....I'm really starting to get sick of this whole insomnia thing! Why can't I ever go to sleep at a regular hour? Sheesh! Anyway, here i sit....at 2:52am not able to sleep. I know i'm tired...I just can't seem to fall asleep. Oh well, such is life I guess. |
3,446,602 | male | 27 | indUnk | Aries | 06,June,2004 | I'm in shock! It's been sunny here in middle GA but what's even more shocking, has been the lack of humidity lately. I can't believe it's been comfortable during the day and at night. Normally, it's hellish. You can't breathe when you walk outside. This is a very unlikely turn of events in GA weather. I suspect it won't last for long....so I will enjoy it now! Well..I'm still unemployed...haven't heard anything from the latest round of interviews. I think I might just move back to Augusta and actively pursue putting the finishing touches on my discernment process for Holy Orders. As I reflect and update my spiritual autobiography, I STILL have a strong desire to be in ministry fulltime. The idea of some kind of chaplaincy is top in my line of thinking at this point. I've thought for many years of doing military chaplaincy or some other form of chaplaincy. So...I will put things in motion this week as I finish up my spritual autobio and send it to my supporting priest at my home parish. and then we can begin really getting into this whole discernment thing. I ask you to pray for me as I try and figure things out. Thanks! Blessings and peace. |
3,446,602 | male | 27 | indUnk | Aries | 01,June,2004 | Ok...so it's been a few days since my last entry...oh well. I just finished watching a VH1 special on AIDS..and let me tell you, it's amazing how we can become so complacent in our lives that we forget all about this disease. This disease is destroying lives all over the world, right in our own backyard and especially in Africa where drugs aren't attainable. It's killing whole communities of people in Africa. You may ask, so what's the big deal? Why are you so fired up about this? Well...I can only simply answer that question this way....strange how God works, I've seen several things over the last month about AIDS...during Third Day shows and now this special on VH1. And as I think back, during the President's State of the Union address. Each time something about AIDS is presented...I'm moved to tears. Maybe this is God's way of saying, 'Hey Jeff...open your stinkin' eyes. Do your part!' What my part is, I don't know, but Thank God for his grace and meercy. Maybe my part is to do AIDS related work..I don't know. I do know this...folks...AIDS isn't going away anytime soon....in fact, the number of people infected is rising!! And guess what?? It's our age group....(18-30) that are seeing the most increase in infections!!! Time to get smart....if you're gonna have sex use a condom..or better yet, just don't have sex. It's as simple as that! Please visit the following sites: www.youthaids.org www.psi.org Let's start doing our part....God calls us all to love our neighbor as ourself...so let's do it!! Let's come together to help fight AIDS! Now that I have that off my chest, hopefully I can get some sleep!! Just waiting for these sleep aides to take effect!! Peace all! urlLink |
3,446,602 | male | 27 | indUnk | Aries | 28,July,2004 | So....I'm still here!! My trainer, last time I spoke to him, was trying to get part of the trailer fixed that he picked up in Savannah, so here I sit, still waiting to get picked up! Haven't heard from him since 11:11pm last night....maybe he's sleeping..maybe not! ARG! Anyway, hopefullyI'll get picked up today at some point! |
3,446,602 | male | 27 | indUnk | Aries | 27,July,2004 | Today's the day folks!! I'm getting picked up today by a trainer and will begin my life as a truck driver. Strange I know..but kind of exciting in some ways. Just please keep me in your prayers. I'm going to take a notebook so I can journal as I criss cross the USA and then I'll transfer those to my blog whenever I can. I'm just ready to get going already! I need a paycheck. I am looking forward to seeing different parts of the US and Canada. I must go now and finish gathering my things to take with me as I hit the road for about 4wks straight. Grace, peace and love to all of you my friends and family who care so much about me and have supported me through the trials of the last 5months. Thank you for sticking by me. I love you all! |
3,446,602 | male | 27 | indUnk | Aries | 22,July,2004 | Well the weekend draws closer as I write this. I'm wondering if there's any kind of bachelor party for my friend getting married this weekend? Probably not since I haven't heard anything yet. Spent the evening at the mellow mushroom last night had a good time with friends that I won't see for a while. Had a couple drinks! Boy....I'm either gettin' old and can't handle my liquor anymore or it's been so long since I had any liquor that it takes a little less to make me buzz. Because last night, after 1 long island iced tea, I was feelin' pretty good! lol The 2nd was even better! Made for some interesting discussions! Anyway, my buddy derek had this little test thing on his Blog so I decided I'd jump on the bandwagon and do it..here are my results...interesting they are...accurate...somewhat: Big Five Test Results |
3,446,602 | male | 27 | indUnk | Aries | 20,July,2004 | Damn, I'm such a white boy! I realized this past weekend I haven't been swimming or in the sun at all this summer so far!! I have the world's worst farmer's tan. I took my shirt off on Saturday and was almost blinded by the amazing white light I saw. And I finally got around the shaving my head bald, my usual summer hairdo, and damn....my bald head is TOO white!! compared to my face and neck! So I've taken it upon myself to visit with the sun the last few days, tryin' to soak up some rays etc....without burning too terribly bad! I've managed to get a little color to said chest and head...although, the sides of my head are struggling, they're still white!!! Anyone have any suggestions as to how I could get some sun on the side of my head without having to lay sideways at the pool? lol I also have a terrible case of the sandal feet! lol....the sun just doesn't want to give me color on my feet or sides of my head! I've recently been reading the blogs of a good friend of mine...who I encouraged to blog..and they really are quite humorous!! If you want a good laugh...please visit urlLink http://silentparade.blogspot.com and leave Travis a message!! He will delight in knowing you've read his blog!!! They really are funny..especially if you're an 80's child like us! Wow, I can't believe a good buddy of mine is getting married this weekend! You know you're getting old when all of your younger friends are getting married before you! lol..oh well....marriage isn't in the cards for me at this juncture nor is a relationship. (which I never seem to have any luck in anyway, but that's ok...I'm used to it! lol) Although, I have noticed quite a trend with folks I've showed any interest in over the last few years...they always tend find 'THE ONE' after talkin' to me a while. So...if you want to find your 'THE ONE' just come on a date or two or show interest in me and then let's end it...and your 'THE ONE' will soon come to your rescue! (Girls only of course!) I guess I can take some pride in knowing I've helped propel many people toward the loves of their life!!! May all of you be continually blessed!!! |
3,446,602 | male | 27 | indUnk | Aries | 17,July,2004 | Ok..this is pissing me off, I wrote a huge post and now it's missing!! Even after I published it to the freakin' site!! What the hell? Anyone else ever have the case of the missing blog post occur? |
3,446,602 | male | 27 | indUnk | Aries | 14,July,2004 | Well I'm finally finished with my CDL training!! Never had any doubts. I'm back in Macon now trying to pack up my Apartment so I can put the majority of my stuff in storage. I'm going to get out of my lease! No sense in keeping an apartment if I'm never gonna be around to be in it! Just makes more sense to crash with mom or friends when I'm not on the road, which will be like 4-5 days a month. I've been thinking a lot lately about all kinds of stuff, particularly relationships with friends and family. I can't even begin to put in words how grateful I am to everyone for standing by me in difficult and trying times, although some shut the door on me. But that's ok, I may not understand it, but I'm sure they have their reasoning, however flawed it might be. There is light at the end of the tunnel, my almost 6 months of unemployment are coming to an end thankfully and I'll be working again. Might not necessarily be my desired career path at this point, but I see this as an adventure. I'll be able to experience things that most people don't ever get to experience, I'll be able to see our beautiful country for free and most of all, I look forward to my time that I can get in touch with my God. I've been pretty out of touch with God lately. Probably because I haven't had much faith in the direction my life has headed etc....I can't think of a better way than to go out on the road and be alone with God for a while. This is kind of a mission trip for me. I have no doubt that I'll have good stories to tell and use later in my ministry. The ultimate plan is to still head to seminary at some point. I thought about heading overseas for a year...but don't know about that now...it's been almost a month since I requested information from different places and haven't received a single shred of info from any of them. Maybe it's just not meant to be! My mother is the BEST mother in the entire world! I don't know what I would've done without her in the last several months. And now, she's going to keep my dog for me while i'm on the road! I'll miss that dog! My mother has helped me so much and I am eternally grateful. Anyway, I figured I'd drop a post today! I tried posting the other day, however, it wouldn't publish! ARG! Hope everyone is doing well! Blessings and peace. |
3,446,602 | male | 27 | indUnk | Aries | 14,July,2004 | Ahhh....I'm finally finished with my CDL training. It was a long 3wks but I did it and I'm glad I did it!! I can drive big trucks now! lol....who would've thought?? Not I!! lol...Anyway, it's been a long 3wks, and it sure is nice to be back in civilization. That town I trained in didn't have ANYTHING to do!! It was terrible! I felt like a trapped animal. I won't start driving with my trainer for a couple of weeks because I have some things to take care of before I go away for extended periods of time. Anyway....I hate to see people struggling...seems while I was gone a few folks have gone through some difficult times, don't know what about yet, but all I can do is pray. I hate to see people struggling. For those of you who are struggling right now, you're in my prayers. anyway, not much else to report. Well i'm sure there is, but I dont' feel like typing anymore!! Peace to one and all! |
3,446,602 | male | 27 | indUnk | Aries | 01,July,2004 | That's the only way I can describe myself right now. I guess this is good practice for when I'm going to be out on the road all the time. I'm more excited than I thought I would be about this adventure in my life! I actually can't wait to get out on the open road and drive a truck. I'm pretty pumped about it. I think I'm probably pumped about making money again!! Woohoo! Getting up at 5am EVERYDAY and being at class at 6am and going until about 5pm or longer is tough stuff. It gets tiring fast. Thankfully we've got a small class and they're gonna give us Monday off! Normally we'd have to go for the 20days straight before having anything off. I miss my friends and family of course and especially my dog! I can't wait to see my dog! I know, sounds stupid, but I love that dog! At least I'm getting good practice of not having regular internet access while I'm here...since I'll be on the road all the time. I just ask for continued prayers as I finish up this training and finally get out on the road. Who knows, maybe I'll be comin' through your town and can pop in for a visit!! How much fun would that be!! Aight, I'm gonna go now! Blessings and peace to all who read this! |
3,446,602 | male | 27 | indUnk | Aries | 10,August,2004 | Wow is all I can say....what a whirlwind the last 2wks of my life have been since I began my new temporary career. WE run hard and fast ALL the TIME. Never seems to be time to stop and breathe...of course, it won't be like this once I'm in my own truck and doing my own thing. I'll be able to stop regularly and connect to the internet etc...and keep abreast of what's going on in the world. I've been in EVERY state on the eastern seaboard except FL. Others include, AL, MS, TN, KY, IN, IL, WI, WV, NH, OH, etc..etc..etc...I think you get the point. in 2 wks of driving I have either stopped or driven through half of the continental United States. Who knows what's on the agenda for the days to come. Only 14 more days of having to drive with a trainer. It's not all that bad, thankfully I ended up with a half decent trainer and we get along well. My worst nightmare was that I'd end up with some scraggily, smelly old man that smokes 8 packs of Cigs a day!! But thank God that didn't happen! As I compose this, I'm sitting in a truck stop in Florence SC preparing to deliver a load to Columbia, SC tomorrow @ 2:30pm. I'm hoping maybe we'll get to go through Augusta for our next load but I'm not holding my breath. I must say that we do live in a BEAUTIFUL country. Driving through the mountains and seeing God's wonderous beauty is awesome! I've had a lot of time to think so far and the one word that keeps coming back to me is Amazing. How amazing is our God? How amazing is HIS love for us? Words can't even begin to express any of this. I'll have more and better time to think when I'm driving by myself. I've thought a lot about things that have happend to me over the last 8 months of my life, the people that have come and gone, the churches that have come and gone, relationships that have come and gone. I'm currently trying to figure out and discern where I'm headed next. What does Jeff need to change about his life? About relationships with people? How can Jeff be a better person and have better relationships? Any suggestions are welcomed. What is it about Jeff that makes Jeff feel like the odd man out all the time? These are just to name a few. When I have figred any of this stuff out I'll be sure to let you know! I've missed being able to communicate regularly with folks. I'll probably use my cell phone more when I have my own truck becaues I don't want to talk too much and wake up my trainer. Anyway, if you have my cell number feel free to call me anytime. Even if it's just to leave a message. It'd be great to hear a familiar voice while out on the open road. Alrighty, time to stop writing for a bit....gotta hit the restroom etc...and probably go to bed. There's still much to catch up on in the Youth Specialties world!! Peace my brothers and sisters. May the God of love who gave His only son to death on a cross, make his light shine upon you, within you and through you and may his Blessing be with you evermore. |
3,446,602 | male | 27 | indUnk | Aries | 01,August,2004 | The wheels keep on movin' friends! It's been nonstop since I got on the truck Wed afternoon. We've been on the go so much, I even lost track of what day of the week it is! I can't believe it's Sunday already! Wed. when I got picked up, we drove to MS to drop a trailer, then drove to International Paper in AL picked up a trailer, delivered that one to just outside of Chicago. Then went to Indiana picked up a half loaded trailer, drove to Wisconsin arrived at that shipper when they were closed, thanks to the wonderful Chicago traffic! So we dropped that trailer at a drop yard, went back to another part of Chicago to pick up another trailer full of tools that we have delivered today in Greenville SC. It's crazy, I've been through Chicago about 4 times in the last 5 days. And let me tell you, it ain't easy drivin' a truck in the middle of Chicago traffic! DON'T EVER cut off a big truck, we can't stop and we'll run you over!! Just a word of advice. Right now, I'm sitting at a Pilot Travel Center waiting on the next load to be given to us so i figured I'd steal a few moments to access the net and throw a post up really quick. Needless to say, I'm pretty tired right now...but not as tired as I thought I might be. It's not easy trying to sleep when the other guy is driving because you get bounced all over hell and back again! But if you're dead tired, I think you can sleep through anything! My turn to drive once we get dispatched for our new load. Who knows where that might be. I'll put up a more detailed sequence of events when I have more time. I've been meaning to actually do some journaling, but it's hard when you are driving down the road etc. Anyway, hope everyone is well! Feel free to call me anytime if you have the number! Peace brothers and sisters! |
4,301,799 | female | 23 | Education | Aries | 21,August,2004 | Welcome to the first day of class. Each class will be keeping a 'BLOG' as a way of accessing and rembering content that we cover in class. Each day one of you will be posting a summary of what we did in class. Writing this summary will earn you five bonus points to be added to your grade. Anyone can make these posts however, you must sign up with Mrs. Greer and make sure that everyone in class is given an equal opportunity to earn these bonus points. |
4,301,799 | female | 23 | Education | Aries | 21,August,2004 | Welcome to the first day of class. Each class will be keeping a 'BLOG' as a way of accessing and rembering content that we cover in class. Each day one of you will be posting a summary of what we did in class. Writing this summary will earn you five bonus points to be added to your grade. Anyone can make these posts however, you must sign up with Mrs. Greer and make sure that everyone in class is given an equal opportunity to earn these bonus points. |
4,301,799 | female | 23 | Education | Aries | 21,August,2004 | Welcome to the first day of class. Each class will be keeping a 'BLOG' as a way of accessing and remembering content that we cover in class. Each day one of you will be posting a summary of what we did in class. Writing this summary will earn you five bonus points to be added onto your grade. Anyone can make these posts however, you must sign up with Mrs. Greer and make sure that everyone in class is given an equal opportunity to earn these bonus points. |
4,301,799 | female | 23 | Education | Aries | 21,August,2004 | Welcome to the first day of class. Each class will be keeping a 'BLOG' as a way of accessing and rembering content that we cover in class. Each day one of you will be posting a summary of what we did in class. Writing this summary will earn you five bonus points to be added to your grade. Anyone can make these posts however, you must sign up with Mrs. Greer and make sure that everyone is given an equal opportunity to earn these bonus points. |
4,301,799 | female | 23 | Education | Aries | 21,August,2004 | Welcome to the first day of class. Each class will be keeping a 'BLOG' as a way of accessing and remembering content that we cover in class. Each day one of you will be posting a summary of what we did in class. Writing this summary will earn you five bonus points to be added to your grade. Anyone can make these posts however, you must sign up with Mrs. Greer and make sure that everyone in class is given an equal opportunity to earn these bonus points. |
4,301,799 | female | 23 | Education | Aries | 21,August,2004 | Welcome to our class blog's. As you can see I've decided to use the internet as a way of having my students document and keep track of things we cover in class. Having this record online allows easy access to all students and to you - so that you can see what we're doing in class. This particular blog can be used as an additional way for you to communicate with me. Please feel free to post questions or comments to this blog that way the student blogs can be restricted to class content. I look forward to working with you and your child this year. -Mrs. Greer |
3,533,332 | male | 17 | Student | Pisces | 05,June,2004 | Ok, it's the weekend before my first exam! Biology...hmm I did 6 hours of study today, 3 practice exams, and I still have to learn the theory more thoroughly! Stupid viruses...meanwhile, i'm waiting for my mum to bring the pizza home, so toodles! |
3,533,332 | male | 17 | Student | Pisces | 03,June,2004 | Ok, so I went to bed at 4.48 a.m. Yes, very late. But it's not my fault! The medicine makes me sleep earlier and then I wake up and voila, its that time. So I didn't go to school all week. Oh well, and I should be studying for exams, but if I sit in a chair, I just feel like fainting. Oh, and my mother is a bitch. My computer isn't working and she refuses to call Dell up to fix the problem! Ugh! Meanwhile, when I EVENTUALLY fall asleep, all I can dream about is my damn Biology exam. Maybe it's telling me that I should actually study. WHO KNOWS!? |
3,533,332 | male | 17 | Student | Pisces | 03,June,2004 | Alright, this is my first Blog post. So, I guess i'll write about what happened today. Well, just like the res of this week, I went to sleep at 4a.m. thanks to my damn headaches. So, I missed school, again. I supposed it can't be helped with all my damn problems, and the operation I had last week but anyway. I got exams next week! Not good, I only started studying an hour ago, and the exam's on Monday. Of course, i've always been one to procrastinate with my work and studying, it's just that now I have an excuse as to why i'm going to fail! Sigh! This weirdo called 'Yen-Po' wants to come to my house. He's this weird homosexual with alot of issues. I'm not sure I want to see him because he said he 'wants to see me' which conjures up some pretty vivid images in my sick little mind. I had a really weird dream last night. I was at the cinema, eating popcorn. Out of no where i'm sleeping in a bed with some weirdo and they are holding a cane. At that point I woke up, and then when I went back to sleep I had rather enjoyable dreams about my school, and how I was causing it mass destruction. Ahh, the joys of an unconcious mind. Well, this is it for my first post, i'll be back later - Kalinixta. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 30,June,2004 | it's all around me. people, as distinct entities, and the way they behold each other. the way they interact with each other, with me, me with them.. and through them. some of my friends say that i'm good at handling relationships. some others think that these ones are plain blind. i don't know where all this goes, but here it is, for the moment. all my wisdom about everything i know about anyone - from any point of view. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 21,July,2004 | so who you really are - lies in your hands. 'The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.' -Flora Whittemore we choose which ones of our parallel lives we want to live. our choices make us the people that we are. and what is it really that drives us to our choices? who is it inside us that chooses our choices? (sigh this is where all the grand old uncles and aunts of the world of philosophy come in - but here's what i believe) there are levels and layers and layers in our human consciousness. when we smack our lips in contentment after a particularly yummy meal of pasta - that's physical satisfaction. when we achieve our goal, complete our novel, solve a particularly trying case - it's generally the mental part of us exulting. and when we meet our lovely famlies, and other loved ones, or when we hang out with friends and have a blast of a time, it's the emotional (what, in my world, is called the 'vital') part of us that is happy about it. smiley says, 'No one truly knows who they are. They may have a slight perception. -- When you think you have it, things will change. -- It's just the way of the universe the yin and the yang. -- One big flux of varied possiblities.' the one big flux of possibilities is us shifting levels. when someone asks me 'who are you' the easiest answer is, i am where my consciousness is. the level at which my consciousness is currently most active in/at/whatever, i am that. if i am exulting in a large pitcher of beer, for that moment, i am first and foremost, a lover of a large pitcher of beer. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 18,July,2004 | keri says: ' But I'm probably not who 'THEY' think I am, either.' this is lesson number two. you are in all possibility not who THEY think you are, either. well and succintly put! THEY have a different image of you - different from the one you have of yourself (which as previously discussed, is probably wrong - incomplete or skewed too). and it's not just one different image they have of you. there are as many images as there are THEM. or THEY. each one sees you differently. and for each one you change.. over the years. sigh. the flux thing really gets my goat! so imagine how many of you's there are in the world. floating around -- waiting for a chance to materialise. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 15,July,2004 | our main occupation in life is us. ourselves. me and myself. i, you, we see myself as .. someone. and i obtusely presume that everyone else sees me the same way too. i forget that there's many a slip twixt the cup and the supposition. first of all, i don't know who i am. i think i am brilliant, and helpful, but slightly awkward in 'pressure situations'. my friends seem to feel that i'm rude and blunt enough to give advice where it's really not needed. sometimes however i am the person they might turn to when in need. thus proving that the picture i have of me, is dramatically different from that of what they have of me. or you. us. anyone. all of us. similarly, the image i have of you, is not the image someone else has of you. you think your wife loves the way you smell. isn't that why she breathes so deep when you approach her? but, sigh. she thinks you have bad breath. point illustrated. you go through your life thinking you are someone, and one fine day you suddenly realise that the other person, persons, whole world, has a completely different opinion about you. lesson number one: we are probably not who we think we are. quite surely. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 29,July,2003 | whew! after a long long day of registering at obscure sites, and breaking my head over html code - i am not dumb, diary, but i might be ignorant! - i finally found a thingy to post comments - something not too encumbersome. so now what matters is to hold tight and wait for the comments.. used to post on opendiary.com till tehy went paid. that's what's happening to my life, wherever i go, i hear ppl saying 'things just got worse' am i a jinx or something? kidding. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 28,July,2003 | blast it all. there's nothing worse than having ppl around throw cold water on ur enthusiasm. b***z to the whole affair. this family thing is terrible to deal with, blows hot then blows cold.. i don't understand it. highly unpredictable. and how the hell am i to learn to live with it. either keep a distance, if they don't want to keep a distance, then elbow space disappears and there's bound to be friction. to avoid friction we have to adjust, change a little bit. in order to adjust/adapt, we have to know the nature of the to-be-adapted-to. which is HIGHLY UNPREDICTABLE AND IT'S PISSING ME OFF! pah pah pah to the whole thing. they have a problem if i have a boyfriend. i don't have a boyfriend now. just friends with boys. and yes, it must be some fault in me that i prefer hanging out with guys.. not that, to tell the truth, hanging out with girls is also perfectly fine. it's fun.. my D friends are all wonderful fun. but - aaargh! they have a problem, unsaid, unmentioned but terribly obvious in disapproving silences and pursed lips. i hate it. i absolutely hate this. i change and change and change.. but they have to stick to their screwed up ideas... 'who will marry a girl who goes camping with a gang of guys?' 'who will marry a girl who goes out to drink (!!!) with only guys??' AGH! can i please pull off someone's hair! somedays i amaze myself with sudden silent outbursts of violent inclinations.. in the head. i never thought of it earlier, but there it is. i suddenly see myself hitting my head on a wall. or there's an urge to smash something... wise me would say it's time to return to the gym. i agree. monday onwards, gym HO! not only will it appease the local powers that be, it will also channelise the 'energy' (#%#@). ... ... ... ... ... ... moments of silent contemplation. silent brooding. brooding and sulking. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 28,July,2003 | yet another complaint to life.. insomnia.. or rather, growing insomnia. or sleeplessness bordering on insomnia. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 28,July,2003 | let this be about distances. have always travelled distances, had long-distance friends, parents, homes.. india's a big country. what to italians is a paris or a portugal, is just another city or a state to indians. travelling from the north down south all the way, all the time, across the country, living across, taught me distance learning. sorry. taught me the meaning of long distances. and that long is never so long that it can't be shortened. now that i am back north, the south is the long distance, the friends are longdistance-madeshort. isn't it all about adjustment, and seeing the important through whatever medium available? sometimes it gets tiresome. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 27,July,2003 | and no one writes to me. that, in short, is the tragedy of my life. i need someone to connect to.. and no one replies. it's like calling out in the dark - only, it's not an echo that i am looking for. or is it? na, echoes... no no. echoes are like you. mirror images of your own self, they feed on your strength. they have your defects, weaknesses. if you stumble, they can't hold you up. they fall too. you get weaker, they get softer. searching for a complement. have you ever felt the need for the other piece of the puzzle that you might fit into? (as they say in those mushy books). complements apart, the news of the day is, uh, that the sloth is sleepy. the sloth wishes the sloth could curl up and go to dreamland. no, no, not dreamland again. it's the same old dreams over and over again. i dream of place called p. a place called p where i leave a part of me everytime i visit it. a place called p where i grew up, to which i belong. belong to the sea there, to the bowl of sky there, to streets that cross at a perpendicular. i belong, or does it belong to me? it calls to me everytime i shut my eyes. the place called p, and boy called a. there's nothing about him. nothing except a sense of being familiar. a comfortable fitting in. there are rough edges, awkward silences. but there are content hours of - nothing. of being comfortable with each other. no, this is not the lifelong complement.. this is a friend. a friend.. this word sucks. comrade in arms, companion - NO. dude? part of the gang? yeah, like a sibling, thick as thieves.. whatever the relationship is, i dream of him. every night. him, his family, of me belonging there, like another sibling in their ensemble. psychotherapists would attribute this to a lack of the family feeling in my own life. that's not the case. that's so seriously not the case. there can't be a better family than mine. but i dream of a. in p. it's as if a subconscious wants to - has decided to stay behind, and live a life there. there's a new adventure everydream. it's like a daily life. and in the moments when i am alone, when i think back to the dream, of this night, of the night before, of the night before the night before... this world, this world where i type my blog, becomes unreal. dividing lines blur. the other is as real as this is unreal. maybe i am simply over-reacting. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 27,July,2003 | as i said, welcome! or should i rather begin with a 'dear diary'? whatever it is, i am glad i am here. i finally realised, instead of writing my heart out in pointlessly long and intimate mails to friends all around the world.. actually trailing behind in every place i live in for a short while .. it would be better to have it all here.. all the outpoured hearts, heartache, moonlight miracles, shining raindrops, grins, meaningless grins, sudden earthshattering discoveries.. all of it could come here.. consolidated. point one is, i should learn to not use points de suspensions . proper punctuation is the rule of the day. a short introduction to me. if this is someone else reading this, it's essential. if it's no one reading this, it's essential for my diary to know who i am. i am someone who dislikes bad spellings (unless they are intentional) dislikes bad punctuation. an inclination for languages and their structure that borders on insanity - not mine - i drive the others nuts with this behaviour (oh, i use british spellings). i grew up in a hostel - with the constant telephonic companionship of my parents and their 'guidance'. now that i am back home, to a town without friends - a town to which i used to return only for a month in a year, for 11 years of my life - now begin my grievances. the foremost being - loneliness. others are to be listed in the forthcoming blogs will be about conflicts with parents, changing values, changed values, lack of values, inclinations, baseless wondering, musings - stuff that makes up the journals of just about everyone else too. i guess that's but natural. the essential points: 22 (as of now), female ;) india. someone has to tell me if i would have been the same had i been anywhere else. no boyfriend at this point in time. lots and lots of guy friends - but more about them later. all the details shall slowly unfurl. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 31,August,2003 | cold feet cold feet cold feet.. i leave tmrw, and i'm feeling the empty feeling in the pit of the tummy.. jitters. - shal be back in a week.. and hope to god new things would've come up by then. i wonder why it is that i need to live off novelty; something new in my life? why do i getbored with everything after a while like it were an old toy? it's a dangerous thing, this fickle temperament. yes.. fickle. that's what everyone says. all the handwriting pundits, the long horoscopes (i must sure sound paranoid and an astrology - supranatural fan). the word fickle used to keep popping up - and all the while i thought it meant (find me a decent version of slut?) sigh yes. fickle's the word of the day. it's dangerous, and it wrecks havoc in life, relationships, career? - since when did i begin to bother? it's the mark of a petty mind that refuses to delve into anything fully. anything that requires concentration, dedication, single minded hard work.. it shies away from serious words. sigh.. i can't pinpoint a single time when i have given myself fully to anything - for a period longer than a month (even a relationship - something had to happen for me to stay). i am beginning to look awful to myself. and this was supposed to a be support and strength gathering blog. terrible. there's no telling what introspective writing can uncover to you eh? weeellll i look like i am changing in some aspects. i mean, for the new home-circumstances, it took me about 2 months and another of holiday away from home, to begin to adjust and to become the 'good girl' - patient, sharing work, un-distracted, participating in the work at the office.. hmm maybe even the 'fickle' part might change. but i fear it won't be very soon. i should never allow it to ruin my married life tho (HA HA! LOOK AT URSELF! AT LEAST GET MARRIED BEFORE YOU TALK OF ALL THIS). but i AM scared it might :( yesterday there was mention of U. how can one take it lightly? how do i pretend i didn't hear and that it doesn't matter to me? of course it's weird what i am doing. someone i have never met? attribute qualities and an image to him based on what my parents told me about him.. and the sending-vibes part. i thought i was dumb. now i know for sure. what makes me surer is the crystal clear certitude that i will not stop the sending-vibe - even in spite of this blog telling me i am dumb. all you librans out there, watch out! it could happen to you too! ah yes, and we do not stop hoping that something new would have been fixed by the time we retunr next week. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 27,August,2003 | restless. maybe it's all because i do nothing all day. a few moments of constructive suggestions.. they're good. but i guess the 'idle mind=devil's workshop' rings true in my case. mind runs in pathetic circles all day long picking at events or conversations of the previous day. this kind of lethargic restlessness is pretty contradictory. fruitless. someone suggested i should run. or any other equivalent. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 26,August,2003 | wrote this poem a long time back.. hmm not so long. thought i could keep it here (for lack of better content?!) .. pretty pathetic: roses for the dead regrets for the living. you feel nought but avoid. on a day of no surprises you turn my life around. roses for the dead... 'don't you think it is a little too windy?' casaurinas sighing in the breeze like whispers from the past. a forbidden memory of salt spray on my lips insides burning with passion unspent; bottled up feelings make my hands tremble. gauche in front of you - almost forgotten - a stranger with a myriad secrets; magnetism that still holds our fingertips together? my hand throbs with pain as i wipe the memory off my brow. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 26,August,2003 | feeling.. funnily.. feminine. no, there's no doubt abt my gender whatsoever, and i have no funny otherfeelings. but all of a sudden i feel feminine.. it's taken me loads of time to figure out where this feeling comes from.. there are some possibilities. a) extra attention from boston - or providence or wherever. b) monthly cycle.. or the blasted tide even tho i am far from any large water body. c) am i cooking and associating it with being feminine? urgh d) new hormones YAY! or maybe now my Body Structure's changed ;) e) anticipation of meeting my friends.. tho' that should only make me feel all excited and bubbly.. femnine doesn't fit. just feel as if i am bursting with the about-to-get-married feritility hormone. URGH! URGH A MILLION TIMES. when i started writing, the feminine feeling wasn't about fertility. it was about feeling beautiful, soft, utterly feminine. sigh.. all my dirty secrets in writing! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 25,August,2003 | finally packed up n sent the lot of shirts i made. that's one responsibility that's somewhat done, carried out reasonably well. i would give myself 6.5 for that. i was feeling good about something today, i can't really figure out what it is. it's there, bubbling right under the surface. it's the surprise party complex feeling. something's going to happen. . the i-am-getting-a-mail feeling when you check ur mail a trillion time for those 5 odd kb's *sigh* and what's worse is that no one even writes to me.. maybe it's coz i too have stopped writing.. largely. pshah! --- sneaky lil good feeling. some concentrate of some optimism sitting there.. sigh.. right under the skin! AH! I FIGURED IT OUT! at least 50% of it is caused by the lunch i made! yes my dear i cooked! ha ha! good yummy stuff.. yesterday and today, and salads and all. good .. learning stuff... but the sneaky feeling goes beyond this. maybe it's got something to do with the program which is getting finalised.. will never get finalised. i don't think project bluestars' ever going to work out. some talk in the air. and some more talk and then some more. god alone knows whats in the books. sigh! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 23,August,2003 | PAH! what an ultimately lousy day |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 22,August,2003 | random - on the verge of insane scared myself out of my wits today when one of the meandering thought-tag games led me to 30 yrs from now. the space under the stairs looks beautiful. that's coz mom takes care o it. what if it becomes dirty n messy n more like a store=that shouldn't happen here, the upstairs godown could become a store=only if the printer leaves, the workshop shifts or shus down=only if the person - mom - is not there. aaaaagh! ouch. that hurt. but 40 yrs from now... i can't beleive i saw it happen. as an aside, i dreamt i was in srinagar! one of those pretty houses being built by the lake had one interestin bougainvillea. it was so sensitive, it retreated, disappeared at human touch. i don't know what made me think it was beautiful - it was pretty plasticky to look at. the 2 ragamuffins came to take me out.. illegally. went.. dreamt i had a drink in my hand, was swirling it, sipping it - when i woke up with a start. and yes, i felt the high! funny. diet has gone to hell. in spite of all the excercise i have puton weight :( |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 21,August,2003 | stupid tests your subconscious mind is most preoccupied with issues around your love life On a conscious level, you might already be aware that something is troubling you, or eating up a lot of time when it comes to your love life. But it's also possible that thoughts and feelings about your romantic life have been preoccupying your subconscious mind — leaving you with nothing more than a general sense that things just don't feel 100% right in your life though you can't quite figure out why. You may feel your love life is unfulfilling and needs a jumpstart. You might be going through a lot of changes in your love life that you find emotionally draining. You might simply spend a lot of time thinking about romantic relationships. Or maybe you're so frustrated with your situation that you avoid the topic all together. Whichever feelings hold true, your test results indicate that right now, your subconscious mind is working overtime to resolve the issues confronting you in this area of your life — even if you don't feel aware of it. -------------- very very stoopid :( |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 19,August,2003 | somethings have happened. sigh one .. which is wonderful.. i really really believe in putting all the good news first. its' a tendency absolutely unique to the optimist. a long lost song discovered itself to me. *hits her head on the wall* uncovered itself to me.. translation: i finally found an mp3 of a long lost song. escape club: i'll be there. corny and sentimental, it helped me through college and other growing years. two.. and all the other numbers. i uncovered a chain of thought. bitterness against prescribed change=don't want to change coz i am happy the way i am=not happy but i believe in individualism no matter how negative=not really individual, just being distinct from the image of me as i should be=a revulsion for the image because it makes me have to change=and i don't want to change because i am lazy?=but why change? sigh back to sequare one. and i thought i had i all worked out. at least so it seemed in my head. put on paper (ok put in html) it doesn't seem to work out in the same equation. yes, a silent chamber that remembers itself. and a horizon that waits to be scanned, all along, flat and wide... expanse of ever changing hues. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 17,August,2003 | ah.. mails for no reason at all.. i missed being around with frnds yesterday. aww sick n tired of being a good girl.. but i guess this is adjustment. this is adjustment. a new life! sigh. sigh sigh.. is this how it is going to be? remembering 'those days'? *hits her head 'gainst the wall* *and again* i had always seen him as a - very specifically - travelling photographer? reporter? fashioned on the character in that book. maybe it was a foolish notion, but, i still see him like that. there are some people u feel a connection with. but over time - if you don't care for it, nourish it, clear out the weeds, it can die. some little thing dies in me.. like pappachi's moth.. gulp. and i want that moment of 'connection' - closeness - to be cast in a timeless fluid so that i can let that time flow again and feel the feelings again. patent it and share it with all the feelers n poets n artists in ze world. for that matter, a painting is just that.. only more solid. music.. ah yes. but not tangible enough. then there are funny feelings.. and yes, i seriously admire mom putting up with all my moods. sigh. sigh. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 15,August,2003 | AH WELL You represent... insanity. You're quite a quirky little creature. Your emotions are varying. You may appear childish and innocent, but you have a tendency to freak out. You're incredibly random, but it's good to be unique. People know you're an odd one, but you certainly don't mind. urlLink What feeling do you represent? brought to you by urlLink Quizilla maybe i AM going mad... |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 13,August,2003 | someone reminded me that i should write. sigh. laziness has settled in every bloody pore. another list is dying to come out.. list of things i should do. including the projects i thought i would get cracking on. sigh! sigh sigh sigh. there's this thing that's coming up.. a 'job' ?? and i don't even know why i am going towards it. what do i want from it? like everything else, this too is happening to me. there was meditation in the morning. sat for half an hour. all my mind did was jump from one thing to another. even if i wanted to concentrate -- lazy again! there is only one thing i concentrate on .. it is far from now, it is probably improbable. but is it true, if i think, wish imagine, picture something hard enough.. (it's been more than just a few months now) it wil come true? or is this imagining yet another stupid thing i am doing :( things that remember themselves... like the salt spray of the sea a phrase of music that haunts irrelevant yellow wall. a silent chamber that remembers itself i live the life of a letharge. does that word even exist? stuck to this chair and this screen.. meaningless notes in the background, sharing myself (pseudo) with ppl i have never met.. but know.. sigh. what a stupid life. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 13,August,2003 | from a mail.. of course! watched dreaming of joseph lees. hmm, it's a purely girl-oriented movie. for once it was a sensitive girl, underplayed.. slightly shrill at times tho :( .. there was something terribly sensitive abt the movie.. she was basically in loooove with this cousin of hers.. u have to watch it. it's slow. but u have to watch it. a simple thing like 'he was in her thoughts most of the time' they dealt with it delicately.. hmm iguess i am just repeating myself. and of course there was this chap (GOD KNOWS why she even went out with him-like some last resort) who went mad for her, without her.. so she basically chose him over the cousin - who also loved her.. - in the end like some goddamn responsibility to herself - like some bloody obligation. the movie didn't preach. the end was halfsaidunsaid. i think she chose the madman in the end n not the cousin.. but i want to beleive it was the cousin.. good. i am glad the end was halfsaidunsaid. then there was this younger sister of the lead (eva). silent grinner, giggling away with her sister.. she sort of knew all of the secrets (tho HOW it beats me!).. she had this amazing activity-catharsis-thinkingoutaloud. bouncing 2 balls on the wall she'd repeat some stupid ditty she'd make up based on the current events: like: my sister eva, she has a feva, was kissed by harry now he'll have to marry her.. some stuff like that.. mumbled under her breath.. excellent tool. like when she was upset, she couldn't make up a ditty. and she had this almost-telepathic connection with her sister. i liked the movie, in short. ah well. it got horrid reviews.. six years in the making!! urlLink urlLink |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 12,August,2003 | finally discovered something.. i used to think i was a wonderfully unique person coz i could 'decide' to not be attatched to blah blah.. and presto, so n so was out of my life. of course the out of sight-out of mind phenomenon used to conveniently dole me out on such occasions. well.. here's the terrible discovery, it's not detachment, it's a kind of selfishness. i , me , myself, am at the centre of my own univ. of course, that's how it should be for everyone else too.. after all, i should worry abt my own troubles.. and if i do worry abt someone else's then that person means something to me.. that's how it generally is... and so, class, we conclude that the 'me' factor in all equations is the central and most crucial element, without which the equation would have absolutley no relevance in the / my / imemyself world.. which is - watson! - the only world imemyself know. among other things, i bought myself a copy of catch 22.. to read for the millionth time. O well what the hell!! heh! one of my nicest-loved lines. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 10,August,2003 | found a letter dad had written to mom before - BEFORE - they got married. he ended: wishing you all that you would wish for.. :) sounds like something i end my letters with. now who says it's not in the genes! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 06,August,2003 | it is at moments after i have dreamed of the rare entertainment of your eyes, when (being fool to fancy) i have deemed with your peculiar mouth my heart made wise; at moments when the glassy darkness holds the genuine apparition of your smile (it was through tears always)and silence moulds such strangeness as was mine a little while; moments when my once more illustrious arms are filled with fascination, when my breast wears the intolerant brightness of your charms: one pierced moment whiter than the rest -turning from the tremendous lie of sleep i watch the roses of the day grow deep. e e cummings |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 05,August,2003 | what's new? what's NEW I ASKED!!! nuffin nuffin nuffin my muffin. we shall stop being silly, but there's seriously nothin new except that my throats' all dried up / parched with giving ppl instructions ............. sheesh i am getting a part time job.. or so it seems. more later' gator! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 04,August,2003 | hmm.. this is a little difficult. writing my blog when i know someone whom i know who knows me (literally! n everywhich way... 'sthat too much, buds?) reads it to know me more tho i really didn't know that was possible. hmm hmm hmm.. way too difficult! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 04,August,2003 | nothing deep, nothing philosophical - nor pseudo philo' to write today. was a little tired after that dinner. this is the millionth dinner we've just hosted. for those not in the know, i live with mom dad and grandpa, and inspite of our saying we are not social we know practically everyone there is to know in this tiny town. and we have to invite them all for dinner or something this month. i must have done the dinner thing .. have i already said it?... a million times. lay the table, yellow or blue? make the salad. now i have graduated to making the 'bhalla's.. that's something we have with curd/yogurt. this girl's growing up and learning stuff now. there's no grumbling either, nor any losing of temper. that's good that's good. but one more dinner and i'll throw in the towel. or the napkin, or the serviette or whatever comes handy. there's a dinner in september. a major thing end sept.. am so not looking forward to it. ah but the cousins will be here.. from EVERYwhere... !! okok. mom didn't like me msging A. now that's weird. she has problems with him too.. ah but she doesn't understand the rel. now that i have done it all, and seen it all (almost, haven't i) maybe now i am wise enuf to keep my relationships under control. i mean, after J. there's really been nothing else.. lemme see. PK yes. but very short, and he was the last thing in the line anyway. next up is.. ahh but that i won't say.. and the preparation begins tomorrow. o my blogness. if someone reads this blog they won't be able to make head or tail of it! :)) anywayz. that's about it. i guess i am missing my friends a little less. been thinking abt the REAL reason i wanted to go to pdy. the real attraction to that place. it's probably the fact that i am an individual there without the shadow of the Familee,.. and i tremble at the thought of A Familee i might 'marry' into. twill be like chiki. ah well. let the horror come when it does. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 02,August,2003 | it's a beautiful yellow morning.. with a yellow dress.. aagh! with the amount of yellow in my wardrobe, i think i should declare YOLK my nickname! sad joke! norah jones. can i please bury this ghost. everytime the music plays there's something inside me that gets squeezed.. hard. suffocating to a certain limit. reminds me painfully of pk. and i oh so seriosuly don't want to - oh so seriously dislike myself thinking of him. please please please. this is absolutely the last time i am mentioning him. let him not manifest in around me my life ever again. whew! think out aloud pad. this. my planning notebook this. there's rakhis to be made, bags to be planned, tops to be completed. hmm.. only if i get my ass off the pc. chalo more later diary doo. buhbye. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 01,August,2003 | finally get some time to myself. of course, there's always something lurkin behind me, behind my back, in the back of my head. i never feel on my own. there's some expectation, some guilt for not having lived up to the expectation and then lots of disgust at self, followed by over eating like some kind of wilful punishment, not only on myself but on the p's too because it's the last thing they want.. twisted.. gollum like twisted. sigh. i should stop sitting at my table like a sloth. however i might dislike it, working in the morning did help. something productive made me feel better. let there be a target of a certain amnt.. let there be a schedule.. and things will automatically improve. the gym's beginning on monday. that should be healthy. now things to do include the paper bags.. i have to get cracking on them. someone please help! i don't want to be so alone. i know i am not alone.. but then. that longing for a complement. back to scratch. longing for what you don't have. longing for what i don't have. longing for who i don't know. longing for someone i don't even know.. and i want to know the way he breathes. it's like i know already everything abt him.. constructed in my head. completely constructed in my head.. and yet there's supposed to be full space for a new person to come along and enter my life, to enter my life with his whole family and his own whole life: friends, job, aspiration, weakness, everything. and when is it even going to happen? i am tired of waiting holding my breath. the answer' right here i guess. the day i can prove to myself that i can work, that i can handle, all this. this is my challenge (this is my december) and no one else has to face it the way i have to. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 29,September,2003 | extracts from an enlightened mail to Ab. you know, when we get to know people, we see one aspect of them. the A u know, or the jag or the gaw you know, is not exactly the same person that the other people around him think he is. it's like this: the ab ur mom knows, is not the ab i know, is not the ab jag knows, is not the ab gaw knows and so on. my point is that the way u know me, the image you have of me, is not the one others have of me. it's understandable if you get surprised by something u just got to know, but you should remember that there's loads of aspects of every person. sometimes it's weird, coz we are so busy being the son, the daughter, the friend, the sister, the brother, that we forget who we are. sigh.. but then there's the converse: what we are when we are with others defines who we are, inside. isn't that true too? [...]i just wanted you to know that i am not only the A u know. and the same holds true for all the people you know. the same holds true for you vis a vis all the people who know you. and the fact that i am a nice person when with you is a compliment to you coz u bring out some of the best in me :) [...]this happy feeling u n i discuss, after a day of good studying or a day of good designing, [...]- this happy feeling gives a certain confidence u can't get from anywhere else. this happy feeling changes many attitudes, helps you grow. this happy feeling is The Happy Feeling the whole goddamn world is looking for. and all they manage to do is chase money. coz they think that that's the thing that gives THF. sigh. the poor ignoramuses. or ignoramii... (cactus - cactii; ignoramus - ignoramii?) [...... and so on] the real concept well the many personalities concept described above is a pet one. i got it from uno, nessuno, centomila by pirandello. (story behind the book is another post!) it's about genge, who suddenly discovers that the way he is perceived by his wife, is drastically different from the way he sees himself. (it all began with a pimple in the nose, sigh!) which leads him to discover that there are a million genge's: all images of him, but pretty unrecognizable by him, created by the people around him, based on the way they see him. imagine, everyone thinks you are someone else! and who do you think you are? (why else do you think i keep taking those dumb personality quizzes!) and how do i find out the truth unless it is through the other people around me. someone used to tell me that the people around me are but mirrors of myself. that i can recognise a certain trait in someone only because some of it, however miniscule, is there in me too. how true is that? and damn, this is just the beginning. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 28,September,2003 | sothere.com is a place for closure. write the letters u wish u could write n send. urlLink this one stopped me in my tracks. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 28,September,2003 | day four well it's day four. and last day.. in a couple of hours mom n dad will be back - from a semi honeymoon holiday! (ha ha!) to srinagar - which they could make coz i said i'd take care of the work. so ... conclusions.. anyway! with their return begins a mad week of -- madness. the PARTY is this saturday. i have no idea what i am going to wear. i have no idea what my responsibilities are. i have no idea of what all is left to do. that apart, the amount of work pending at the workshop is bordering on insane. don't know how mom'll handle that. well. day four. woke up late. hmm not so late, woke up at eight. K called up so i spoke to her about 'how to live life' and gave her loads of pep talk. by the time i got out of bed it was past 9 15. soul session came n went. had breakfast (alone, but for the last time) with the newspaper. by the time i wound things up, did the laundry, it was time to get dressed, time for the movie! went out today, first time since i've shifted back to this morose moronic town, with a semi-friend. (she works with us). watched urlLink a movie about a mentally challenged boy finding an alien who heals his brain.. blah blah typical hindi film melodrama. but somethings were a little more tolerable in the movie... chuck it. more later. tata. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 27,September,2003 | why i blog - it keeps me company. - a space to vent out words that keep clogging up my system unless i get em out (redundant). - there is also the faint hope that i'll write sense some day. tho how that can happen without any effort, i really don't know! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 27,September,2003 | day three that's right, day three. i forgot to write day two as a separate entry. so the words 'day two' that would have been typed as the heading for the entry that never was (distinct) got cheated of their right, cheated of their raison-d'etre . one would be justified in thinking that that's unreasonable reasoning - coz the 'day two' that was to be written as a heading never was, never came into existence - for the simple reason that the entry itself didn't manifest. so the 'day two' in this entry that's claiming insurance for having been cheated is, in reality, an impersonator. arrest him ! weeeell, getting down to the basics, day three was pretty much like day two. a little better because it looked like some of the work was actually done. there's nothing else really to say... wait! now this is something i did today. it's the beginning of a tablecloth and napkin set to match a dinner set i'd got for mom last year. it never got used (the dinner set) coz nothing ever matched. but now, let's hope this works out! another test that's another test result, and for once it might be close to correct: Romantic Realist Love over money is a no-brainer for you because you're a Romantic Realist. But no matter how smitten you are, you know love doesn't pay the bills. Your monthly budget, diversified portfolio, and penchant for bargains may sound predictable, but it doesn't mean you're not afraid to take a risk every now and then. Whether it's your new leather pants or that brooding stranger in the corner, you are entitled to your treats. But for you, true love is a long-term investment that has nothing to do with the trust funds and everything to do with trust. other stuff it's funny how easily you get used to attention. attention being showered on you. one day of lots of phone calls, and now i find myself carrying my phone around like a lifeline, and checking it every 10 mins for missed calls. what did i do the rest of the day? i made no notes. that's what i did. it's saturday night. all over the world people are freshening up at this time (9pm) and stepping out with their friends for a jollygoodtime. sigh. i can't find music i really want to listen to. tried pink floyd, sister hazel, don't want to venture towards tracy chapman, tired of david gray, enya puts me to sleep these days. finally settled on the misc. folder. it's not fair. i want someone to talk to. i want someone who'll sit with me and watch a movie without saying a word and then roll off with silent laughter for no reason at all. i want to step out of this increbile unrecognizable person i seem to have become. the first of the problems is that i don't know what i was. and i don't know into what i will be stepping when i do step out. why oh why couldn't They have made things a little easier. this phase of wondering what comes next is terrible. it wearies the soul. or so they say! (or so i say, who cares about what they say). going off to watch crappy tv. somebody make my day puhleeeeeeeeze! :( |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 26,September,2003 | i am a quiz freak! ENFP - 'Journalist'. Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 5% of the total population. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 25,September,2003 | and there's this: I do not sit down at my desk to put into verse something that is already clear in my mind. If it were clear in my mind, I should have no incentive or need to write about it.... We do not write in order to be understood; we write in order to understand . -C. Day Lewis |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 25,September,2003 | i write coz it keeps me company. and i dread the day someone'll make me read what i have been writing. especially of late, it's mindless drivel. recounting moment to moment events with no particular interest. (same old flow:A+ content:F) paranoia ( i am amazed that all i can write about is my family) be it a two day journey in a train that we've all done a zillion times together, or a trip my parents are taking as a work-cum-pleasure break. i get paranoid when they travel. bouton d'amour i am currently enjoying a huge overdose of affection and attention from my buddy (pronounced: friends since 11, constantly on the verge of a crush - either side, both sides) i have been told that all this adds colour to the cheeks! quite like the classic joke: mom: eat your salad dear, it will give colour to your cheeks. girl: but i don't waawnt green cheeks *sulk sulk indignantly* ha ha! i have written reams about him, to him, so right now i am quite out of words when it comes to him. foodie pigged on kulcha chana as promised earlier, for lunch. it was more amazing than i thought it would have been! *twinkle* spilling my guts heart whatever all over my blog i am working on figuring myself out. i am. following my conversation (a pretty long one!) i realised a realisation that's been sittingonmyhead. i can't recognise myself anymore. he says it's change. if this is change, then what was i before. sigh, i thought that these phases of figuringout happened only to teenagers. i can't believe (why do i always type it beleive?!!) that i am the same person who, a year ago, couldn't have imagined working in my mom's place, and sending her on a holiday. i could have never imagined myself being this good girl, who cooks entire dinners (simple though they maybe) for family friends and 'why don't you join us' dinners. i guess i had always told myself that i could do it, if i wanted to. but, the truth is, that i am dong it. and there is nothing else i want to do. not because this is what i want to do, but because this is there to do and i don't have a strong urge to do anything else. does this say that i am a passive person? *bites her lip anxiously* that's the kind i never wanted to be. tell me one project anyproject that i took up and saw it through on my own, a successful one. none. hmph. i should have been like my cousins : one with all that drive and hard work cooling his ass off in paris. the other with more than a couple of master's degrees under her belt.... she has a clear idea of what she wants to do. ambition, that's what i lack. or is it, ambition of material things? i wonder. i have a goal. not a goal. it's a wish, and something i am working towards in my own way. why do i have to be like the others? my GoalWish is an intricately constructed castle in ze cloudz. sigh. with a prinz in de cloudz (grr) it hardly HARDLY sounds intelligent, leave alone mature. teachers n frnds have told me to drop the lil' girl act. daddy's daughter. what am i without it?? don't know, don't know. why a girl writes the allan & barbara pease series (the men are from mars, women from venus list of books) has this strongly supported theory that women think out aloud. at the end of the day, a man can't bear to listen to a woman's 'nagging' coz he feels he is being expected to solve all her problems (while she's just sorting stuff out for herself with him as a sounding board). lookitme, i got no man, but i got a blog! special thanks to urlLink gurg for sparking off the why we/i write lead. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 25,September,2003 | urlLink the best reasons for writing : THE ELEMENTAL The ancient alchemists sought to change base metals into gold, explain life, and discover the secrets of immortality. Alchemists worked with one foot planted in science and the other in the quasi-religious. This sounds suspiciously like writing. Substitute 'writers' for 'alchemists' and 'words' for 'metals,' and I'd say you have a pretty fair description of what we try to accomplish and how we go about it. We try to convert base words into literary gold. We try to explain the world, communicate themes and philosophies, connect on a visceral level. And what is a published work but a slice of immortality? To work toward a complete, effective piece, we combine cold, technical aspects with sizzling spiritualness in the correct proportion. The writer who concentrates only on grammar, syntax, and precise definition will produce work that is sterile, soulless. Conversely, the writer who's all fervor with no structure produces work that rivals the forbidden speech of mad prophets. So where does one start? Like the alchemists of old, we begin with the elemental: we write. This may sound hackneyed and obvious, but it takes an existential leap of faith before we can honestly embrace this directive as truth. Of all the writing advice I have ever received or imparted, this is the purest. What makes us writers is WRITING. Not thinking about it. Not reading about it. Not fantasizing about it. We need to sit down, put pen to paper (or fingers to keys), and just write. Free write. Journal. Compose a story. Create a novel. Write. This is the only way we will learn, the only way we will improve. By writing, we get a feel for language. We begin to develop an ear for what sounds 'correct.' When we write, we give ourselves the opportunity to apply concepts learned from workshops, seminars, books, columns, and coffee-fueled brainstorming sessions. The more we write, the more confidence we gain. With confidence comes experimentation, which leads to discovery. Will we create gold every time we set out? No. Should we strive to create gold each time? Of course. The act of writing is wonderful and frustrating, transcendent and mundane, and it is ours to explore. But for the moment, remember the elemental: we cannot create if we don't begin. Now go scribble something. John Caruso [email protected] |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 25,September,2003 | home alone ctd well that was half the night. what can i say about the rest of it apart from the fact that i wish i could poison theneighbours' dog. i adore dogs, don't get me wrong, but this one?! i only feel bad for it and guess mine would only be a good deed coz i'd be putting it out of its misery. it goes thus: small house, NO garden, and BIG BIG dog in stupid weather. unhealthy atmosphere and no love in that house. the poor thing remains chained all day on the terrace! beleive me! isn't his fault if he barks his heart out all night. it's my ill luck that my windows are on level with the poor fellow's terrace. silent neighbourhood's shaken with his barking. and i poor girl can't sleep all night! i hate this cycle. those sardars are really going to get a piece of my mind today. well, last night was quite ok, after i complained for 15 straight mins to my bro on the phone about the dog, while he was suggesting ways i could get rid of the dog or the neighbours, i finally slept at 12. woke up fresh as dew in ze morning, like the good girl i am! no trouble with the car today, drove to and back hassle free .. even parking the car was quite a breeze! did other banal things like the washing and breakfast. bfst wasn't so bad today. i had the newspaper, and halfway through i came upstairs to sit at the pc with my coffee. had mah frnds online u see! that is sure a lovely thing. all the loneliness (all the possible loneliness) says a quick byebye the moment i talk to em! been working, organising work. felt a little more confident today and things were a bit better than yesterday because i could see that the embroidery was progressing. lunch time now, and boy, am i famished! gonna pig on kulcha chana . for those who don't know what it is, you're missing out one something YUMMY! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 25,September,2003 | day 1 day one of home alone. it started on a bad note coz i couldn't even reverse the car out of the house. the gates at a terrible angle, and then there's a slope, and there are loads of cars parked outside. it's a driving test in itself. got to the gym late, but managed my hour of jumping n all that sweat! i didn't really plan to park the car back in, i thought i could have asked cousins next door to do the dirty work but sk (the cook) was waiting with the gate open (well, he was chatting with gardner! n opened the gates when he saw the car) and convinced me that i should put the car in. with a little bit of guidance, i actually managed it! yippe aaii yay! so now folks, i am pretty qualified eh! - breakfast alone was pathetic. i missed mom n dad and the stuff that i eat frm their plates. eating all from my own was no fun at all :( hmm.. working in mama's place. now that was a new experience. worked a little harder. my comments were a little more important (and intelligent) than usual. the workers knew that i was the last authority, on any design, colour, cut.. so felt somewhat kingly! heh heh! got a few orders for new things. it was good. the printer's hand slipped n he misprinted something. i spoke to him and added another line to the whole thing. it was pretty good solution providing! :D that's one thing ... i get 7 for that! sigh, it's only 930. more later. at night. tata diary |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 23,September,2003 | my roomie's (ex roomie, coz i've finished studying) father passed away. damn. i don't know what to say or do .. even if i call her up, what can i say? feeling like a gounk . or whatever it is. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 22,September,2003 | today - special? today was supposed to be the special day. 22nd sept has been like a silent b'day for me, for over 7 years. for various reasons.. every year, since '96 something special would happen today. something that'd make me stop and think, and then know that somewhere i had changed, grown, gotten an opportunity that changed something inside of me. something for the better. positive. and today i forgot all about it. 22nd september is the day of special connecting with friends, with people who give me a new insight into my life. something special happens today. and i should respect this day. and all i have done today is do stupid quizzes, work a little bit.. and hmm .. nothing. sigh, i haven't even become a couch potato, just a letharge vegetatin in my own words at my own pc.. maybe tomorrow will be better. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 21,September,2003 | height of being jobless: 4 Things Name 4 things you have done today: - made sprouts - designed the orange outfit - decided upon my outfit for an important occasion - checked my mail a million times Name 4 things you are thinking about right now: - that i didn't do enough things today - the mails i should write - if the outfits will come out fine - duh! Name 4 scents you love: - 4 is too little! wet earth - freshly bathed n powdered me! - a passing whiff of jasmine (or any of its cousins at night) - all good perfumes Name 4 things you'd never wear: - big big clothes - saffron (or anything like that) nail paint - or that sparkly thing - fake eyelashes! - a tattoo Name the last 4 things you have bought: - this is the wrong time to answer this quiz! i don't shop so much now! - 1) woman of earth 2) face scrub - shorts for my workout + t-shirt n pajamas - toothpaste Name 4 things drinks you regularly drink: - water - milk - coffee - i wish there were other things! inaccessible :( Name 4 bands/groups most people don't know you like: - it changes all the time Name 4 bad habits you have: - eating too much - being unable to plan and execute (this isn't a bad habit is it? - it's a shortcoming) - refusing to take responsibility - sitting at the pc like a letharge all day long, unconstructive spending of precious time Name 4 things you wish you had: - a 'someone' - a doggie (hey! these don't count as things!) - a good figure (at least a little better than now) - good hair Name 4 people who know you best: - mom - dad - bro - buds, kirti This survey was taken at urlLink powersugoi.net ! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 21,September,2003 | and then there was some more: 4 Things Six things I'm good at: - talking - writing mails/letters - cooking, but it has to be simple - colours - giving unsought advice - lingo's Six things I'm lucky to have: - mah familee! - n my friends! - n my house - and everything i have - - Six good things about myself: - hmm, i laugh easily - i can forget to be angry, by will. but i have to will it. - my eyes - not my eyes - - Six people who love me: - mom - dad - bro - kirti - buds - hmm.. pretty short list Six people who I love: - ditto - - - - - this quiz wasn't designed with a libran in mind. Six things I could do if I really wanted to: - paint - draw - design, clothes, website, cards, blah - get thin - write - sigh, that reminds me of all the things i haven't done This survey was taken at urlLink powersugoi.net ! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 21,September,2003 | what's in a name? Brief Analysis: Your name creates a very versatile and creative nature. You are quick-minded and have the freedom of expression to mix easily with people. Because your feelings and desires are so changeable, you are never satisfied with conditions as they are. You have many ideas, plans, and ambitions, but too often they are for an easy way out of a difficulty or an easy way of making money. You seek change in order to have the opportunity for travel, new experiences, and new friends and associates. You find it difficult to systematize your efforts and to fulfil your obligations and plans as you are not inclined to apply yourself consistently to a job to reach your goals. Although you appear positive, you inwardly lack self-confidence and will-power. This name has caused you to feel unsettled emotionally and mentally, being too easily influenced through your emotional nature and by other people. The name makes it difficult for you to view life realistically, to be honest with yourself and with others. Instead, you live in your desires, longing for conditions and people to be as you would like them to be. zap me! Hindi or Navejo urlLink What Language Are You? |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 21,September,2003 | sigh. yet another grumbly self pitying log. when will it ever run out of steam and give way to something else? it is one of those timeless moments again, when it doesn't matter if it's midnight, 3 in the morning or 5 in the afternoon. what matters is that you are alone, with your thoughts .. when it could be any other time, and it wouldn't matter. the identity of this moment is not relative to where the moment is, or when it is. its identity, for once, depends only upon what it makes of itself. most of us live relative lives. relative to the family, relative to the friends who gather through various circumstances. we live like a daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, wife mother (and etc for the men). it is this that suffocates some people. they have something that pushes them into a world where they aren't 'related' to anything. where they can create their own identity. yet i feel that there are only a few who have the strength to choose this life for themselves consciously. for most others it is an escape from present circumstances: family pressure, peer pressure, society. ambition would cause people to leave behind the 'related' world. how many actually leave everything, KNOWING that they are leaving everything, and they leave it, because they have to leave it, not because something else calls and they can't take everything else along? news: given it a new look. pretty cool eh! wonder how to change the tranquility on top to nigglin doubts... later: it didn't work. a whole night of fiddling with html and all that, it looks fine in the preview, but not when i access it directly, so what's the point :( |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 20,September,2003 | random ramblings there is no real time when i actually focus on what i am, what i want. each moment of the day, i mould myself to the present 'mood' 'aspect'. you could call it fluid, you could call it fickle. it turns up again. 'forever trust in who we are, and nothing else matters'. i want that kind of confidence and drive. not to rely on others, not to depend, or need or want. to steer my life the way i want. people talk of girls studying - and studying, and being brilliant - then the girls get married and have housemaids at their beck and call all day. it's not that anyone, leave aside 'anyone', it's not even as if i myself deny the luxury of that life. but one must give it up to live life by one's own rules. by my own rules. to step out of this protective cocoon. i have lost track of any - if any - beautiful thing i ever wrote. sometimes i think i should dig up old drawers for my school and college essays. but then there's something that says, why should i recycle? if i could write then, why not now? WHY NOT NOW? bawl! how does one go about writing a piece of good writing? 1 - WANT to write 2 - HAVE something to write about 3 - WRITE about it ach! non posso nemmeno scrivere delle *istruzione. ACH! i can't even write instructions, leave alone writing that line in italian without a dictionary. it is as i feared. i have become a vege table . |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 16,September,2003 | now that it's really working - after some hard work - i am at a loss to write. of course, writing about being at a loss is enough not to be at a loss - coz i am writing, aren't i? but it's like one of those sad italian essays that had to be churned up in a minute for a last moment assignment - flowy language A+; content F. this urlLink gurg's got it all worked out. he notes down passing thoughts and works on them, picks topics from everydaylife to make a blog out of it. i have a lot to learn. - visited srinagar in june and lived in a houseboat for a week. it was right out of an ancient shehzaadaa - begum era. urlLink this is about the Seine in another corner of the world.. but it feels the same. i vow to think and write tomorrow. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 14,September,2003 | i hate this. when i can't view my blog, i don't want to write. and i hate not being able to write .. nor being able to view... bawwwwwwwl! -=- some time later -=- when i checked my template, we found that most of it was missing! had to re-do it. at least the posts didn't get mysteriously deleted. that's a relief. now it's working, now it's working! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 14,September,2003 | something's wrong with this thing.. i can't view my own blog :( and that was one of my most repeated activities of the day ha ha! it was like leafing through a diary.. reading re-reading.. and then getting disgusted. interesting thing is, i have a diary from my 3rd yr at college. it was sposed to document work to be done, and work that was done in the classes each day. the interesting discussions were (supposed to be) mentioned and personal point of view noted.. it's there only in a couple of areas.. when i was super-enthusiastic! then it also documents special days and events (when i fell ill.. and when .. yeah.. special things happened! ha ha!) good quotes. dry flowers. hmm quite a scrap book! i always wanted to start another one, but i guess this blog is as close as it gets.. been talking about the party of late. planning it. a hundred ppl! garden party. we spoke to the ppl who were to do the catering today. hmm things are moving. among the things to be planned is 'outfits for mom n me' - hilarious! but yeah.. mine's pretty much decided. duh - dumb meandering. dumb talk. downloaded some radiohead. is pretty interesting. they have a very pleasant sound.. more later. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 13,September,2003 | hah! funny thing is, i started the blog in july, and look! it's already september, and i am still writing! that's an achievement for sure! i think i am about the join the we-dig-pink-floyd/pink-floyd-is-god gang. dug most of the albums out of some remote corner. they were part of my bro's collection. i never really enjoyed that music. tho now that i listen to it, it's a league apart from the creeds n the linkin parks. david gray's fine. but this somehow fulfills a need i'd been experiencing - even tried - blasphemy - reverting to pop. but AGH! thankfully found this. radiohead's cool. downloading some of their music. was looking for some oriental motifs to begin the oriental embroidery range. wonder where to look for inspiration. sigh. am too too lazy to draw. all i do these days is trace stuff from here and there. i can't really get down to making a good motif. when will i snap out of this. after lunch we vow to begin working on the chinese thing. another of the tiny responsibilities alongwith its tiny deadline's come up. end of next week wants a lot of printed suits. hmm.. and young designs. what no one realises is that what i do is nothing more than the stereotype mix n match. there has been no really innovative design by me. nothing exciting. i thought was i was doing was good, but when i saw the records of stuff that had been made previously i seriously flipped. it's pretty sad eh? someone who's done all the fancy art n fashion things can't do a thing beyond stereotype. it's actually a little difficult to measure up to mom's work. but.. is it mom's work that i have to measure up to? or is it an image of me, expectations set up by (whom?) about my capacities. everyone says stuff like (including a pandit who's only seen my horoscope and knows nothing abt me!!!!) even if she puts in 2% of her full capacity into her work/life, she will get returns that are hundredfold in measure. sigh! what am i doing? should i think about working out of town? but why can't i stay here? aaargh! wore an old-ish t-shirt. the mirror says it is slightly looser now. isn't that something to celebrate! oh, and ah, a correction: it wasn't the wedding anniv celebration that dad was refering to, it was a b'day party for g'dad. now.. what should i make of that!!?? - confused! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 12,September,2003 | typeyourname heh heh, that's my new msn id.. or rather display name. there was a discussion over my possible sun sign in the gym today. at least have begun to talk to people there. never has there been a place or situation where i have been considered an introvert.. yet here.. funny thing was, trying to strike up a friendship with one of the girls.. (now for some clarification 1) i am a girl. 2) straight. no no no lesbian tendencies. 3) no friends in this lousy city, and no chance to make any - no matter how much everyone says that i have to go out and make some. because my honeys and my bunnys there is no out! ) she looked approximately my age.. or younger. bolt from the blue when she said she was married. .. and worse.. has a boy! AAAGH! what happened to all young girls.. with whom can i even ever go to watch a movie??? somebody?? anybody?? sigh. me the big sympathy extractor.. extracting it from myself! ;) dad wants me to diet.. think about this.. complete emotional blackmail.. 'don't you think it would be lovely.. on our wedding anniversary we're planning to throw a party... if you could go on a diet or something!' i mean whatthehell! whatthehell this is not fair so not fair so not fair. and now i know i will make some effort if not a lot. i don't WANT to make loads of effort. first it was - if u'r fat no one'll want to marry you. (how cheap does that sound tell me!) and now it's - for our wedding anniversary.. imagine how happy it will make us.. and you too. yeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaargh! *pulls her hair out in despair* gimme a break.. gimme some credit! i have changed. now i participate at work. i take responisbility for stuff. hell i even managed a whole dinner when some guests were over. mom didn't even know what the menu was! bawl! this is not the end of the issue. i know it's not. it's going to come back.. every fucking day. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 11,September,2003 | if anyone's ever read linda goodman, which to tell the truth is dumb, but then that's not what this post's about.. or is it? well if anyone's read her, i'd suggest she use my previous post as a description for the 'balancing act' of the libran. i suck :( o which reminds me, one of the hoardings in mbai read 'they suck we rock' i died when i saw that it was a hoarding of the govt, by the govt - anti terrorism. seriously. i died. - the autopsy didn't say if it was shame or delirium caused by laughing. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 11,September,2003 | back after a week the 'week where things were supposed to change' has come to an end. as an immediate after effect, i was dumbstruck. just dumb, and struck by some choices i'd have to make pretty soon. i used to think that life was a cake (what about the calories??!! one wrong thing is that i can't see myself doing it. while parts of me are saying 'things don't come out of the blue. the opportunity's given to me because i can do it, and because it's good for me' a good part of me says 'this isn't me this isn't me this isn't me'... - on further introspection one can safely deduce that the second part is un-plastic, inflexible matter that refuses to change/grow/improve. but, sigh, i am not responsible - DAMMIT i don't want to be responsible.. -- but i guess we can make of our lives what we choose to.. so i shall see what i want to choose when i begin this new thing. somefin else when i wrote this, it was all crystal clear.. and nothing was redundant: a more poignant blue stillness of an afternoon reigns over a frame - lived over and again a clip that is a frame of a more poignant blue dancing over burning golds. picture perfect frame burnt into the memory blazoned by an authority that claims you as its own. there is no choice, there is no turn to take, only a bend. only a bend that i must follow... and beyond? i give myself up to walk into the frame - inside the frame like into a still with a blurring sight - blurred with my own uncertainty while a more poignant blue watches over me with the calm strength of a dancing stillness. golds and greens simmering in a haze of things to come, a blue that is only what it was, and i am no more. neccesaire et suffisante then there's this concept that describes exactly how i want to be with - someone who's going to be with me all my life, with whom i am going to be all my life: this is the one supreme condition... that he and i be necessaire et suffisante (like some blasted propriete... or even cliched pieces of a jigsaw puzzle) for our existence - in order for us to live. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 31,October,2003 | now urlLink this is the kind of stuff i live for... a palindrome is a word that reads the same forward and back (malayalam - south indian lingo) . a palindromic pharse (madam, i'm adam) is fun. fun also is: '“Signa te signa. Temere me tangis et angis. / Roma tibi subito motibus ibit amor”, each half of which is cancrine (It was supposedly said by the Devil to St Martin, who had changed him into a donkey and ridden him to Rome. In translation: “Cross thyself, you plague and vex me without need. For by my efforts you are about to reach Rome, the object of your travel”.)' read through it, only make u richer by a phrase. someone like me, i'm memorizing it. i loved best the 'musical palindrome' - bachs' crab canon. tata, i'm off to look for it! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 30,October,2003 | and then there are days when i wish for someone else's life. only i don't know whose, and of what variety. 1 - i could ask for the workin-my-ass-off kind where the person totally loves his/her job and is dedicated to it and is good at it. each day is a success story. everyone looks up to him-her.. the - nice - kind of person. good at work, friends with everyone, gentle and witty.. oh :( 2 - maybe i'd want to fun life. workin hard partying hard. travelling loads, socialising and laughing. high adrenalin. 3 - or maybe the in-love life.. wake up in love, live in love, sleep in love. have the beloved by your side. (too pink??) but then there's sharing and growing. learning to love too.. what other lives can you think of? and if you had a choice what life would you choose? |
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