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1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 29,October,2003 | heh heh: this is my urlLink email personality ... sometimes i find quizzes pretty limiting coz they don't have the 'all of the above' 'none of the above' or 'other' options... i still enjoy doing them! Connector If we asked your friends and family, chances are they'd tell us that email was invented just for you. Maybe it's because email is the perfect complement to your already outgoing personality. Or maybe it's just another excuse to spend time with friends instead of tackling that growing pile of work on your desk. (Weren't you the one who got caught passing notes in 6th grade?) In any event, if there's a get-together that needs getting together, we'd guess you're the first one to dial in, grab your buddy list, and whisk off an irresistible invite. But with so many people to see and just as many places to go, a Connector like you needs multiple email addresses you can access through one account. Just imagine if you could manage your alumni, family, and friends' emails in neat little folders. And all in one email inbox! So next time you find yourself in one email account wishing you could access another, just remember you can! ********************* writing is moving ... slowly working on my characters, thinking of a plot for them.. why can't they just make it for themselves...? urlLink gurg is the best! he really is! i wonder why he doesn't write more himself. small things urlLink this is a pretty interesting article about the history and the different kinds of blogs people have. there's a something about the way she winds her article into a story and yet not a story about the ideal way blogs grow and touch the lives of bloggers - the blog-writers and the blog-readers... |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 28,October,2003 | i am stuck i don't want to write i don't know how to write |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 27,October,2003 | i don't know what got into me, but i've gone and registered at the urlLink nanowrimo . so, well. i'll be posting my progress on urlLink this page . do keep checking up. post ALL ideas suggestions, critiques and everything you can come up with - stay by my side through the writing and the writing blocks. there's a link in the sidebar too... so be with me. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 26,October,2003 | when i was in college, i used to think i was a poet.. check this out! (circa may 1999) THE LIGHTHOUSE Dwarfed now is its grandeur of yore By a multitude of buildings Thronging round it And a new lighthouse outside the coastal town. Like a wife of many years, Newly wed, is the only one In the eyes of her man, Stood the lighthouse In the beginning of her time Grand and amazing. She was the only one. Then crowded into the town The petty fry, Bickering for space and time. The new lighthouse like a mistress with finer looks and more alluring promises Stole from her the townsmen’s love. They extinguished her beacon of faith and hope Which had guided till then The ships, harbingers of abundance, Through times of fog and storm. But she keeps ever her place. Erect she stands Though seemingly not as tall She glows still on a sunny day Reflecting the sun like a smile. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 25,October,2003 | one of the most satisfying things in the world: sipping on a guava drink with a touch of rum. it's not that strong, it's not that sweet, it all blends wonderfully - not really a godsend or a miracle from cloud nine, it is one of those drinks you could call an ordinary delight. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 23,October,2003 | looks like that's all i am doing: urlLink writing lists . but it's writing something. other ideas are germinating in the head - meanwhile. (yes, urlLink crazy girl ! yes!) |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 23,October,2003 | well it's been years and years since i was born. 23 to be precise. here's what i've acheived: 1 - i can drive. it's been a big achievement coz i grew up in a world of non-cars = bicycles, bikes and bus no.11 (walking) 2 - i am slowly acheiving ideal weight. of course it's MY ideal weight, and has nothing to do with bmi, or weight charts. they all wish i was a skeleton. 3 - i know 9 languages 4 - i don't use too many of them and i'm afraid they're all rotting. hey! that's not an acheivement 4 again - i got a short story published in our institution's magazine. it made me terribly proud. i still have the extra proofs they'd sent me 5 - i've made 1 decent oil painting, but it's too small to be called an oil as such. of course there are 3 more but those were experiments with colour 6 - i've also made a large pencil sketch. but it was a copy from a book. so it doesn't really count. but so was the oil painting - a copy. so this counts too! - i don't really think there's anything else i can call a credit to myself. now i feel like a loser. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 22,October,2003 | so happy birthday happy birthday to meeeeeee! (i have loads of opinions about my own brithdate. that it's a special day (duh!) that there is no combination of numbers prettier than 22-10. that there's no season better than autumn. that i would'nt have wanted to be born on any other date, at any other time. same as i wouldn't have wanted any other name!) i have been lazy .. but have been working on a couple of posts. there have been some beautiful things happening around me. one of course is this beautiful birthday that's still unrolling *grinnyfeelin* another is a trip we all made to the hills (that's where the stars were -previous post-) and i'm working on my 99-100 list (thanks to urlLink none ) it's becoming more and more like one string of thoughts rather than a list. the importance of a list the 100 things about me list, the quizilla quizzes, the music i listen to, are all essential procedures that allow me to get to write. they're tools rather than gimmicks in the process of writing. precise eh? lol! i will be writing some more. i'm working on it. promise to m'self! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 20,October,2003 | and there were SO MANY STARS! if i could have reached out, and grabbed a few, no one would have known. the sky was a dense collection of energy burners. light years away. in a discussion (totally timepass) about time travel, someone was saying that if X could travel faster than light, he'd leave Star S at any given time, arrive here, take up a telescope and look at Star S to find himself waving back. the he-who-was-waving-back was the light that was emitted that many years ago as many light yrs the Star S was away from here. i promise never to read this post again. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 17,October,2003 | A - Act your age - umm allllmost 23. that's 22 years old and 360 days. and in 360 degrees. B - Boyfriend? - none now. one was a hormonal development, and one was a mistake. C - Chore you hate? - Housework - yay housework it is. arranging my room and everyone else's rooms when i've been told to. and i never do it even if i've been told to. so it's just a chore i hate, and not a chore i hate to do coz i never do it. D - Dad's name - PAPA! E - Essential make up item - kaajal. F - Favorite artist - changes all the time. some of radiohead, dave matthews, enya, u2 and so on and so forth. G - Gold or silver - umm both. jewellery n trinkets in any form. gold silver stone anything. a combination is best. H - Hometown - born and raised in punab, india. educated in pondicherry, south india. that did a lot of 'raising' for me too. I - Instruments you play - none. J - Job titles - good daughter bad daughter, assistant designer. good frnd, buddy to some, much respected and loved frnd to others. K - Kids - none L - Living arrangements - living at home with mom n dad. never lived here for more than a month at a stretch - for over 11 yrs. learning to do so now. it's tough. that's why i blog. M - Mom's name - MAMA! N - Number of people you've slept with - one O - Overnight hospital stays - a week when i almost died and they deleted some files from the good old brain. another when there was a relapse. a couple more here and there coz of terrible dehydration. as a 2 yr old i had jaundice. i hope there are no more. P - Phobia - umm none. Q - Quote you like - it's there at the top right of my page. it's the only relevant quote. everything else teaches u how to live life. R - Religious affiliation - aurobindo'nian. or so some ppl like to say. basically hindu, but it doesn't really matter. i observe celebrate n participate in hindu festivals, i visit sikh gurudwaras (they's far cleaner n thus it's easier to connect there). S - Siblings - one big brother - he's not so big T - Time you wake up - 7:30. when i absolutely have to so that i can get to the gym in time U - Unique habit - i pin down things (see previous post) - and it's sposed to be annoying. V - Vegetable you refuse to eat - can i mention a fruit? musk melon. W - Worst habit - make that a plural and put all my habits. X - X-rays you've had - too many. some that i don't even know of. Y - Yummy food you make - thai cheese, pasta Z - Zodiac Sign - libra - cusp with scorpio.i still have to figure out who i am with due thanks to urlLink crazy girl ! i stole this list from her. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 16,October,2003 | i'm a dryad S: what u upto? A: doing a dumb quiz A: to find out what mythological creature i am A: and turns out i am A: a VAMPIRE! A: vampires last forever and they are realistic and sensible... totally stoopid S: puhlese stop killing your brain A: gimme a good excuse not to S: no no..they're pretty unreasonable and very moody A: i am simple saying what the quiz said. i hardly agree with it. A: according to what i think i might be a dryad A: smirk smirk S: whats that? A: a Tree Fairy A: yes, that's what i am, i am a dryad A: wise beyond years and .. Ent-like A: only prettier, and i live in the trees instead of being a tree S: god! S: and whats that? A: ents? u ignoramus! lord o the rings... ! S: yes dear...didnt get a chance to read that A: o well ents are these wise tree beings with a consciousness^a million A: they are strong and wise and slow. A: i am a dryad, i am wise and wise and young A: yes that's what i am. A: u may now choose what u want to be A: a dragon maybe S: hmm. what else is available? A: umm demon A: naiad. but that's for girls only A: u could be a cloud A: but that's not mythological S: thanks! S: keep all the goods ones yerself eh? A: u could be a vampire A: but i don't recommend it A: ah dryads are pretty sexless. so if u want to shed the sexy dude image u can embrace dryad-dom most enlightening conversation S: you have a very strange mind-set S: not a mind set but a mind S: it got this habit of pinning things down S: here's an example: S: ÂA: bet ur bottom dollar A: paisa A: rupee A: blah blah A: the blah blah is when i lose my mind S: that wasnt the imp part A: i know A: i was pinning it down further like the obsessive compulsive disorder it is S: yes yes..i didnt want to put it that way S: a bit annoying actually A: i like the way u want to put it A: so u find it annoying? S: nothing disruptive S: just an eccentricity you'd be lovelier without..i think .......... an eccentricity i'd be lovelier without. what a wonderful way of putting things. maybe one day we could write a book with this for title. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 15,October,2003 | someone please tell me that this is wrong! whoever heard of a realistic n sensible vampire. You are Form 9, Vampire : The Undying. 'And The Vampire was all that remained on the blood drowned creation. She attempted to regrow life from the dead. But as she was about to give the breath of life, she was consumed in the flame of The Phoenix and the cycle began again.' Some examples of the Vampire Form are Hades (Greek) and Isis (Egyptian). The Vampire is associated with the concept of death, the number 9, and the element of fire. Her sign is the eclipsed moon. As a member of Form 9, you are a very realistic individual. You may be a little idealistic, but you are very grounded and down to earth. You realize that not everything lasts, but you savor every minute of the good times. While you may sometimes find yourself lonely, you have strong ties with people that will never be broken. Vampires are the best friends to have because they are sensible. urlLink Which Mythological Form Are You? brought to you by urlLink Quizilla |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 15,October,2003 | state of nerves: raw. there's a burning in the head. in the cranium. i could flare up at anything. i don't want to talk to anyone. irrelevant incidents about some bitchy person SM, keep re-appearin in my head. and i don't even know her or care to know her. she simply represents the nouveau riche with an accent cultivated by watching bold n b'ful (argh) - that's the only thing which matches her intellect, or lack of it. and yes, i almost forgot to mention it, i hate social get-togethers. or work related dinners or tea or snacks. anything that has an ulterior motive. i hate it. it rubs me the wrong prickly way. i feel like a hedgehog. and i hate making a menu, doing the dusting in a place that's dusted twfuckingice a day already. there are days when all this is ok, there are days when it isn't. these are the days when i can't forgive my dad for calling officers (well i don't know if they're dumb or corrupt or both or none) and i can't forgive my mom for being tired coz she works the whole day. these are the days i like myself a little less. which is a whole lot less than other days :( i hate not having my frnds around. i hate not being just a student anymore. if anyone says another word abt me being married by this time next year i swear i'll pull his/her hair out. if anyone rings up to find out if their clothes are ready, i swear they'll never get to see their b'ful clothes again. these are the days i wish i wasn't home. or maybe its pms. p.s missing half of kate n leopold (no i have never seen it before) doesn't help either. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 13,October,2003 | note 1 at the halvai with all due respect to gurg and his strange attraction for indian food, here's a report of the mithai wallah, the halvai, or the sweetmaker (how horrible) in the festive season. bansal's the best reputed lip smacking sweets ever ever ever. what with all these festivals, their business is in full swing. went to get some stuff (drove down myself! in all that crowd) and see these huge burners set up on a side. at each burner is a huge kadhai (semi-pot?) with ooodles of ghee at which presides a halvai. fat belly sweating in a banian. he is concentrating on frying matthi's. flat rounds/discs of flour fried in ghee, eaten with mango pickle. yumm yumm. so there sits the halvai surrounded by TINS huge tins of ghee, pouring monstrous ladle after monstrous ladle of ghee into the kadhai. then he slides the raw matthi into the ghee. it sinks to the bottom and then bubbles up like a u-bahn, sorry, submarine (ha ha private joke!!) then it's sent ofr a double fry to the next kadhai in line.. what a sight. and all that wowwerwhelming smell of ghee, much as i may love it, makes me un-hungry for a whole day. note 2 this is how you should have your coffee this is how, 3 parts water, 1 part milk, boiled. add strong coffee powder. add a spoonful of chocolate fudge - nirula's, or any other form of soluble chocolate. 10 ml of rum or brandy. this is how i like my coffee. how do you like yours? no more notes. just reading archer - to cut a long story short. have hardy, grisham, du maurier (frm which era i wonder) and a few more lined up, so don't expect to hear from me very soon! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 10,October,2003 | i made some mental notes, and now i've gone and forgotten them all. met an old school friend from fourth grade. just married and ResPlenDent with Smudged MakeUp After Having Worked at DadInLaw's Shop All Day With HUBBY. urgh. yes i'm horrible. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 10,October,2003 | urlLink gurg showed the path to the urlLink political compass and guess what? i was: Economic Left/Right: -2.00 Libertarian/Authoritarian: 0.00 can someone please explain what this means? i was never really interested in politics. the politicians in india are all selfish jokers, in search of that formula for perfect power. the current prime minister, although a sharabi kababi, is nice. at least he does good stuff. like the pokhran tests, his stand against pakistan, final inclusino of sikkim in india. he's reasonable, and constructive even if he's old. LONG LIVE VAJPAYEEE!!!! hip hip hurrah! ha ha ha! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 09,October,2003 | yes, this is finally post madness. not mad for posting, but post (as opposed to pre-) madness. i am back to my routine, finally, gym and early mornings. it's a wonder how an hour of excercise can make you feel energetic all day long. on the other hand, mom's been telling me to exert a little less. wah wah! that makes my day. the only thing left is to hear her tell me to eat cakes (which i am already doing! sigh!) damn i forgot to take notes again. my mind's all scattered. they want me come to mumbai again. probably a mindless casual visit, without any purpose so i am still waiting to see ... i don't know what's making me take up this commitment. ah, but i'll be learning something new. that's the biggest incentive. class type thigns again. yes i am a nerd. i like attending classes and having someone tell me stuff i didn't know about new stuff. and in this case it's diamonds. not that the pieces of rock inspire me more than silk does (which is also close to nil) but we shall see what we have to say after the whole training thing is done. --== more when i can make sense ==-- miracle of miracles: we had bloody mary's at the dinner table at HOME a couple of dinners ago. dad made 'em. now that's something new! if only it happened more often!! and then there was wine ysterday. wah wah! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 07,October,2003 | I could be the most delectable, the most delicious, the most wondrous peach in the world. And I could offer myself to everybody. But there are people who are allergic to peaches. They may want me to be a banana. And so often we become a banana for other people who don’t want peaches. Better to say: ‘I am so sorry, I cannot be a banana. I would love to be banana for you but I am a peach.’ If you wait long enough you will find a peach-lover. Leo Buscaglia How long is “long enough”? You could wait a long time, and then find a peach-lover, but not one who loves your colour, or flavour, or size. Wouldn’t it be better if I, the peach, became a peach who tasted a little like a banana; and you became a banana-lover who liked just that little bit of a peach in a banana? Compromise. Then, there are those who say, “Dhobi ka kutta, na ghar ka, na ghat ka.” (The washerman’s dog bleongs neither at home, nor at the river) They would say that the peach that tastes like a banana is no more a peach and that the banana lover who likes a peach is no more a banana lover. They would say that in such a compromise each party would lose its identity. So I ask you: have you come here to find company, a partner, harmony? Or have you come here to be a peach in all its entirety? |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 05,October,2003 | i am mad. insane. i am also very very tired and i wonder what it is that made me switch on the pc and sit to write my two lines. maybe it is what i think it is: i am developing a relationship with this bloggy thing. it's been 48 hours of maddening non stop takingcareofguestsandseeingtoithattheyarewelltakencareof = being a good hostess. my weet are forn out and my swead is dimming. yesterday i spent all day running up and down making sure the house was clean and inhabitable for the 10 or more expected guests. mattresses had to be laid out for the night, the lounge (read: sloth filth place = my junk) had to be cleaned up. my room had to gain a resemblance to a clean room too... sigh. mad work. and then.. i don't know what i was busy doing but i was dead by the time it was time to begin the party. this is my mehandi.. put the day before: i might take a pic of it soon, before the colour fades. -= later =- well it is later. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 02,October,2003 | i just changed the colors to something i think i like better... |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 01,October,2003 | the weather's a-changing. and i can feel it while gliding back home on a cycle rickshaw like a pseudo queen! ha ha! had to go book tickets for my aunt. sadly enough, i just got dropped and had to return on my own. now mine is a small town. to say the least. to say more, it's tiny, miniscule, miniature, petit, klein, piccolo, pequeno blah blah (and that's one of the things i don't like about it, and like as well).returned on a cycle rickshaw. i watched the new lights on the newly re-decorated shops; there was a heritage house (almost) [roshni from my kg days used to live there] saw huge UGLY signs on it saying AC & Deluxe rooms. ugh! the buildings are pretty - if anything here is pretty - and they've just about ruined that too.. the highlight of the ride was the breeze in my hair. imagine, sitting quiety behind this guy pedalling away, being carried like a pseudo queen (have i said that already?) on a dicey little carraige thing. it's october, you feel a chill in the wind as it blows in your hair. you want to grin and dance coz it's so lovely, but all you do is sit silently and tell the uncouth driver (pedaller??) to turn right.. sigh! ah, but the breeze got to me. intoxicating. the freshness and the slight chill. winter's coming! hmm i shouldn't be so excited coz i don't really like winter with all its thermals and socks and layers - but with it, winter brings a certain seductiveness. (ah! where'd that come from!) will have to put more thought n research into this thought... |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 01,October,2003 | i watched a feather float down, dance down fly down, from my terrace. i watched it fall on the water cooler and then into it. i thought about picking it out and letting it fly down to the garden - i didn't. all will vs. free will. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 29,November,2003 | i've been gathering david gray's music like there's no tomorrow. what would we do without friends who tell us where to turn for good music! oh and now there's a funny pic urlLink here |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 28,November,2003 | someone was talking to me about how strange it might be to share myself with strangers. why do i find it so difficult to share the link to my blog with people i already know (barring a couple of them, oh well, one)? i don't find it strange. dad wants to read my blog. why? why don't i want him to read it? mebbe it's got something to do with keeping a private life. tho' in this family, what u thought between the last moment and right now is public knowledge. there are no 'secrets' or unshared parts of life. so why would i not share this? not that i have any gory secrets... yeah. mebbe it's just to keep some part of me private, and away from scrutiny. even if that part of me isn't any different from the rest of the whole. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 26,November,2003 | stolen from urlLink gurg 1. What time is it: 11:03 AM 4. My nicknames are: motu, bha, googan - or other variations. i haven't been too adventurous with my name. or rather my friends haven't been too adventurous with it. 5. Number of candles on last birthday cake: none. but there should have been 23 6. Birthday: Oct 22 1980 - like i said, i think it's a beautiful date to be born on 7. Pets: doggie called peggy, now in doggie heaven - she left us at a ripe old age of 12 human years after a long life of no illness. 8. Hair color: shades of brown 9. Piercing: 2 on each ear 'like old grannies' 10. Eye color: Brown soft gentle beautiful brown 11. Favorite fashion: ee uumm.. jeans, salwar kameezes. just need to be comfyy.. 12. Town of birth: ludhiana, india 13. Town I live in: bloody village amritsar 14. Favorite foods: all! nah, spicy tangy pasta, gulab jamun, chocolate.. france beans with paneer, i could go on and on.. south indian khaana, punjabi khaana.. and on and on 15. Ever been to Africa: nah 16. Been toilet papering: eh? 17. Loved someone so much you cried: i cry a lot. i don't if it is out of love for someone else or out of love for myself who's hurt.. there's a theory about love shove, i must write abt that later 18. Been in a car accident: nah 20. Favorite day of the week: all days are same these days. 22 Favorite flower: umm difficult one. all the flowers in my garden. 23. Favorite sport to watch: uh oh, i don't WATCH sports. much rather watch movies, or cartoons. 24. Favorite drink: coffee with milk and honey. of course there's guava juice with soda and rum. we call it guava daiquiri :)) 29. How many times did you fail your driver's test? i never gave it. in my country u just have to know the right person to get it made. but i didn't drive till i was really sure of it, that is, till two months back, which means me no misuse the liscence. 31. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? i agree with gurg, not a fan of spending money I don’t have. 32. What do you do most often when you are bored? the question should be, what do u do all day, all night, all week all month all year.. (well it's not yet been a year). but technically i don't get bored. even if i have to sit at a platform and wait for 2 hours for a train, i watch people, listen to other peoples' conversations, think, daydream.. 33. Most annoying thing people ask me? 'are those real?' (the eyelashes) not being smug, i'm glad i have nice ones, but puleeze! 34. Bedtime? midnight-ish. a little before or later. 37. Favorite TV shows? don't watch enough of tv to have a favourite show 40. Ever been so drunk you blacked out? always wanted to, never did it. i know you wonder 'who wants to BLACK OUT??' but, seriously, i don't even remember getting really frunk. after a few shots, i just sit in a corner, put my head on the table and sleep. and wake up as good as new... 41. Ever Been Missing: everytime i enter a huge store. people around me still don't know that i will most likely be drooling over some new book in the book section. or probably trying out jeans.. 42. Been hurt emotionally: only when i do it to myself. i mean, u can let urself get hurt, or not let urself get hurt. no one can DO it to u 43. Kept a secret from everyone: there's always someone i have shared it with. old jungle saying: a woman can't keep a secret - even if it is her own 44. Had an imaginary friend when you were young: nah. had more real ones than i could handle 45. Wanted to hook up with a friend: heh heh, smirk smirk! 46. Had a crush on a teacher: sigh, i missed out on that one. for the record, no. 47. Ever thought an animated character was HOT: no again. 49. What was the last movie you saw: taken. the whole goddamn series. i went bonkers over it. 50. Wearing: shoes, jeans, t, sweater and a shawl - WINTERS! 51. Hair Is: brown, messy, half tied, half not tied 53. Drinking: wish i was, even a late would do 54. Thinking about: my freezing hands, typos, new clothes that we are making for me for cousin's wedding, THE LAST 24 HOURS-------- 1. Cried: no. 2. Worn a Skirt: i don't wear skirts. tho i wish i did, or could.. now there's a thought! 3. Met Someone New: no, sadly no. 5. Done laundry: the washing machine does the laundry, not me! 6. Drove a Car: i drove my car to the gym and then back, same old routine as same old everyday. then in the evening when i finally figured out a reason to go somewhere and buy something, i take the car out. now this is a tricky procedure, since the gate is at a funny angle to the road, and i am not a very experienced smooth driver. i have managed so far without any accidents, but shush! i took the car out - and up comes grand-daddy to tell me he needs it. so i do the hard work of reversing, and he gets to take the car. no fair :( DO YOU BELIEVE IN------- 1. Yourself: invalid question. to tell the truth, i do believe in myself. in the capacity to not finish everything i start. nothing. 2. Your friends: the friends who ARE my friends, yes. 3. Santa Claus: stop asking me stupid questions 4. Tooth Fairy: NO 5. Destiny/Fate: all ze time. i do believe i was fated to write this answer, and you to read it. i was fated to think about you reading it... but then maybe it's my choice. heard about free will vs all will? 6. Angels: not really angels. but i do believe there are beings on all different planes of consciousness. 7. Ghosts: same as above 8. UFO's: please! BACK TO QUESTIONS----- 55. Who have you known the longest of your friends? buds 56. Who's the loudest of your friends? me 57. Who do you go to for advice: myself, or sometimes mom. friends are for consolation and love 58. Who do you cry to: pillow darlin 59. Worst feeling: being unwanted. it's human, and admitting it is super human 60. what time did you go to bed last night? umm 1 61. paper or plastic? see if it's about carry bags, then none. i prefer NO bags. or i carry a cloth bag for veggie shopping etc. in case i can't help it, they are both as bad as each other. the paper is killed trees. and plastic kills trees. was this a question about trees? 62. what was the last book/magazine you read? does the morning newspaper scan count? 63. a tv show you can't stand to watch? i can't stand to watch tv. 64. what did you eat for lunch today? umm, chane ki daal with ghia in it (ugh), mushrooms, carrots n peas veggie (dry) some radish, and an apple. a big lunch that was!. 65. do you like being surprised? is this a trick question? 67. Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall? spring, dear. all those flowers in my gaaaarden... tra la la la! 68. favourite dessert? dessert? yes yes yes! anything sweet. tirmisu, frozen strawberry yogurt, halva, anything with fresh cream and homemade guava jelly... slurrrp! 70. favourite candy? i say no candy, only chocolate 71. what characteristics do you admire? in me: the capacity to decide what i want to feel. sometimes i hate it too. in others: the necessary condition of them loving me heh heh! 72. favourite time of the day: early morning. 73. favourite fruit or fruit smoothie: mango, strawberry, custard apple, kiwi, raspberry.. u want me to go on? 74. how many rings are you wearing? 3 75. what was the last card you gave someone? uh, there were 7-8 cards that i sent out to 'brothers' of mine, for a brother sister festival some time back. bhai dooj 78. do you play card games or board games? i wish i played scrabbles. i don't like playing all this stuff tho. pictionary's good. 79. nails polished or unpolished? generally unpolished, but they look equally seductive when polished ! heh heh! 80. What time is it now? 11:01 AM. i can turn back time :))! it's the next day, dodo. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 25,November,2003 | this is truly jinxed. urlLink CG said she lost the post she had written when she wanted to BIF (bloggitforward) - and the same thing happened to me. of course it could have been simply because my internet connection conked off - and i hit 'post n publish' without bothering to save my post :( anyway here it is. an attempt at recreating my previous post. Blog it forward (BIF in short) is a concept started by urlLink buzz to whom we are all eternally grateful.. it's about saying nice things abt ppl and blogs that you like, that touch you - affect you. what i fear is that my BIF is going to serve only as an introduction of one person to another - what with only two people or hopefully four who read my blog. here goes: meet urlLink Crazy Girl : a crazy girl with a big big big heart. she's running urlLink 500 miles to nowehere and watches movies while she does it. currently attatched to her laptop she's working really hard at her nano - and approachng her goal. i really really really wish i had something of that drive - way to go CG! meet urlLink Gurg : a wise man, known to his friends as guillermo, or william or a horde of other names that he just posted up on his blog, i call him gurgle, tho not really to his face heh heh! he writes wise things even when he is drunk. i don't know tho if he likes being called wise. i must ask him. no day of mine is complete without reading abt what my friends are upto. i also love to steal their quizzes and memes... i am sure they wouldn't mind coz u know, it's all about sharing in the blogosphere! eeeha! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 21,November,2003 | urlLink friday five well here goes, yet another mindless list: 1. List five things you'd like to accomplish by the end of the year. finish that novel (and find a name for it); lose 3 more kgs' (pretty improbable); go to pdy (hopeful); fall in love (wishful); figure out a way to keep my room clean without making any effort 2. List five people you've lost contact with that you'd like to hear from again. i can't think of anyone. i don't usually let my favourite ppl lose me, or i don't let them get lost. 3. List five things you'd like to learn how to do. html; play a musical instrument - guitar or piano - or even a violin but i know that's too tough. there is the sarangi but i don't even know anyone who plays it; learn to keep my mouth shut - and also to know when i should; learn japanese, greek and russian. that's more than five now 4. List five things you'd do if you won the lottery (no limit). i'd travel. go to italy, spain, france and the likes, spend a month or so in every place that i visit. build myself a 5star luxury swimming pool, huge clean, blue and perfect. while i'm at it, i might add a sauna - and have a masseuse (?? gender??) on duty full time - for me and any of my friends who'd care to join me. visit pdy as often as i liked. paint walls and walls and walls - umm that doesn't require a lottery. well i could get huge canvasses and paint em and then frame them in exquisite frames. or also the old photographs, of my g'dad's childhood and the likes, frame those. 5. List five things you do that help you relax. musica, my pc, just being in my room on a sunny winter day, swimming or working out, a massage ! heh heh! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 19,November,2003 | a visit to urlLink nanowrimo wasn't really helpful. it showed me the millions who have already finished their 50k, and the billions who've crossed 25k... and lookit me. i'm thinking of changing my plot. no, not really changing it.. altering it. coz i have kind of run out of things to say with the story i was currently telling. i'm thinking of writing storylets and then combining them under one title as a book. it all fits under the 'puzzle pieces' thingie on my urlLink nanoblog . let's see tho. i have started writing, so it should begin to work out. i did get someone to finally read at least part of it. surprisingly, i got a few very nice remarks, and suggestions. i wish my pc was in a closed room, and not in the lounge. the whole house resounds with my typing. it is a funny thing, the pc is here, upstairs, but downstairs near the kitchen you can hear me hitting the keys. darned place wasn't designed with acoustics in mind. uff! oh, and i have updated my urlLink list of 'things about me you couldn't really want to know'. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 18,November,2003 | and she says: by the end of it all i guess am going to put it down to a longing to be touched. there i've said it and may i be damned, but it's the closest to the truth and he says: i dnt tend and rationalize my behaviour when it comes to likin sumbdy - and luvin sumbdy - and wantin sumbdy - so it cld have been just abt anybody sittin there in frnt of u - is that what u are sayin and she says: not at all - it being u had a lot to do with it. so he says: that makes me feel better and then he says: but u know sumthn - ... ... u were made to be loved now that's a conversation i could use in my novel. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 17,November,2003 | got home last night. the train was two hours late. waited one hour on the platform. sigh. i didn't know there were so many people in delhi. not an inch was spared on the the platform, what with the tea and pakoda vendors, the coolies, the passengers-to-be standing with their luggage, without their luggage, sitting on a bench, or on their bags.. the train officials were there too, and so were security personelle. fat, slobby sardar policemen. what can i say, this is my world. over the whole week i gathered enough experiences to make the novel inch ahead. a new baby in my family, a 4 km drive up and down in one day (that's still less than the 500 miles urlLink CG is planning to run over the next few months! jeez!). there was a reunion, a surprise meeting, and discovering that i wasn't wanted in a place that was home to me for two years. or maybe i read the signals wrong. maybe i'm just not needed, which is normal, but not wanted.. that haunts me. it does. there is this human longing to be wanted. a place that was home, with some people to whom you were laughing crying companion, working slothing companion, for whom you made tea when they slogged and who cleaned up ur corner of the room when you managed to make it sloppier than u could handle.... of course everything changes. with a heavy heart. now we shall start working on the novel. and we didn't click any snaps :( but can post a sketch - some time in the near future... |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 15,November,2003 | well, now we are officially in happy place delhi. yesterday was an amazing day of girlie hugs, screams and loads of fun. class people met up at college and considering that we were al girls (practically) in college, now this was a total girl re-union. seeing each other after two months was as great as it might be after 10 years. who wants to wait that long to meet friends anyway! it's good to be here, alone, friends, no family. whew! road trip not a road trip in the usual sense of the word. late afternoon i discover that i am a brand new aunt of a brand new baby girl. so arly morning we take the car and drive drive drive 4 hours.. and then late evening we drive drive drive the four hours back home. tiring but worth the pleasure. the baby was just a day old - not even a day old when i saw her. the face was sort of wrinkled up and she was so goddamn tiny - i wouldn't have dared to pick her up for fear of dropping her unless my niece all of a year old insisted 'Maachhi aap mele baby ko uthaa lo' - translated from baby talk - hindi it means, my dear darling unmarried single and young aunt, pick up my baby girl. so there it was. the baby was hers. the baby girl didn't belong to her mom anymore. the road trip. i frgot to say anything about it at all. we started driving much before sunrise. so, it was after a long couple of months that i actually saw the sunrise. the soft famliar colours, the ball of mellow gold that began its journey at the horizon and grew progressively furious as it climbed up and away.. more later. oh and on the nano front: i finally have somewhere that i want the story to go. obviously muc influenced by events here in my life! but i ams till at 8 thou - and 50thou is nowhere in sight. NOWHERE :( |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 10,November,2003 | my blog has been invaded by nanowrimo. sigh. only it's not such a bad thing. the news is that we are going to delhi for an alumni meet. the news is that we are going to go there and have a super duper blast with friends. the news is that we are going to forget about this tension-less life here and go enjoy a tension-less 2 days in delhi. 2 friend-full days in delhi. where we will go to the cafe that G runs in our book heh heh! AND have the strawberry yogurt and pasta and ginger fizz... mmmmm drool drool. the tickets are in my hand. and the neck pillow's already been handed over. i just have to decide what bag i am carrying, dump my stuff and RUN ha ha! the wait till friday is going to be simply interminable. sigh. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 09,November,2003 | i know that i might not manage 50k by the end of the month. but i'd have managed a 30k story. and a story that i'd like at least in parts. -- don't know why all the sentimentality today. there was someone i had met recently. it's been a year, rather. we only talk online. i know this is dumb. i know this very very very dumb. but we've talked a lot, and spoken and seen pics and cam and all that. and when the talks got irregular, i felt slightly bad. both of us are short tempered. it's never been like this with anyone else. but we tick each other off. and now we don't talk at all. i've deleted him from my friends' list more than a couple of times. now he isn't there. but out of the blue he drops a message. he probably wants to talk... knowing men, or guessing how they are, i'd say he's just spending some spare 5 mins talking to me. and why should it matter at all to me - i have a strange attachment to him. of course it is dumb, very very dumb. but at moments like this when he msgs out of the blue, it hurts. because at some time, at some vague moment i must have thought that we had something going. and of course there's nothing. this is a stupid post but i'm posting it. i know i can always delete it. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 08,November,2003 | nano nano nano projected word count for the day that's ended:1670*7 = 11690 current word count: 4182. running a deficit of: 7508 saturday and sunday included, projected word count: 11690+(1670*2) = 15030 required number of words to catch up in next 48 hours: 10848 which means at the rate of 4 working hours per day: 10848/8 = 1356 feasible (speed of 23 words per minute) only at the condition of FOUR DEDICATED HOURS PER DAY. prior requirements: plot, or outline for writing to be done. time required: none. it can be done while talking, bathing, day dreaming, gymming. now tell me, what's to stop me from writing like a devil? small voice at the back of the head: maybe the fact that i am crazy and not for real. methinks to small voice: SHUTTUP! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 06,November,2003 | this post is dedicated to my longing for chocolate.. choooooooooocoooolaaaaaaaaaaaate :( :( |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 05,November,2003 | the noises inside and around a house define it as much as the looks of the place. when i was young, there wasn't anything much near my home. i mean, there were no adjoining houses. therefore there were no dogs in the adjoining houses that weren't there. and there was n construction going on with maddening hammerings on the other side of the wall or marble polishing machines and the likes. this post wasn't supposed to be like this! i didn't want to write about washing machine drones and sewing machine cliques.. i didn't even want to write about pressure cookers whistling in the kitchen and my tv noises at night.. now i wonder what was it that i did want to write. but then, maybe it's not so important. my house is lovely when it's silent too. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 31,December,2003 | there was a combinaton of things that happened to me today... added to the combination of things that have been happening to me in the last week, it is a surprisingly large number of lessons that life seems to be doling out. - the phone call there was some news about a cousin that i was simply delighted to hear. i wasn't really sure if it was supposed to be a fmaily news thing, not supposed to be shared with 'outsiders'. - she had concieved- that was the news. now that i am putting it up here, it's more public than anything else. anyway. i wasn't really sure if it was supposed to be confidential news. so i shared it -out-of-pure-and-simple-harmless-joy with my buddy. i got a phone call from the concerned cousin: i didn't want to share the news with your part of the family because i didn't want the whole world to know about it. the general train of thought goes thus, that if you want the news to reach everyone, just tell it to (me). i agree, it was a sensitive issue. in the end, immediate family who didn't have the news got it through some strangers. and many people were hurt, all because of this leak here. i made a mistake. i realized it. and now it hurts. there is nothing i can do about it now but be careful about things in future. but doesn't the court understand that it was a harmless gesture?? - the missing packet lesson number two of the day. this was nothing new. i was supposed to exectue something, get someone to collect something from my office. it was my job to get the packet ready. i got the whole thing done, but at the last moment, didn't check where the packet had been kept. in technical words, i didn't 'follow up' - see the job through. so when the packet was to be delivered, i was practically in tears. got to hear a handful from my mom. it was my fault obviously. and this wasn't the first time it was happening. we found it in the end and no harm was done. - an offer someone saw the visiting card i made for my mom. and now i have an order in my hand for a stranger's visiting cards. i don't even deal in such work. excpet for that teeny module in my course... what i want to know is... what's the divine scheme behind all this? add to this the recent visit to delhi. i wish i could simply drop all these things and go into exile. or just drop off the edge of the earth. sometimes i want to shut myself in a cocoon and sloth till i make myself do all the stuff i ever wanted to do. (sloth here is used as a verb - maybe i should claim coinage rights?) |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 29,December,2003 | the juicy news is that i found his phone number on my dad's cell. no i wasn't snooping. i was calling someone else and his name was just next to the one i was calling. now the thing is.. i am going to delhi - again - for someone else's wedding this time.. in jan first week... or maybe i am turning into an obsessed stalker. other news other news is that someone wants me do her visiting cards for her. weel... ahem ahem! this is lovely. i get to make some wonderful cards, do what i like, and she's going to be paying. wunnerful. there's this lovely idea of making cards with a white on white printing, with touches of silver. she's this spiritual healer/nurse... so. um. that's news item 2. the most important news comes in the form of an attitude change. it's not really a complete turn around.. but. there's some progress. some would call it a classic case of sour grapes, but let me not ruin it by killing it before it begins: i was wondering, this whole thing - meeting him and all that and wishing and hoping that he'd say yes.. was slightly off the mark. wishing that he would say yes is completely distinct from hoping he was the right one. and more, i don't think i should be compromising.. he doesn't have time. he is OLDer, and fat. let me be judgemental, at least it saves me some heartache. news to blow your minds i finally am convinced that you can sit at home and make money. one method is: 1 - sit in the sun. 2 - drink a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice. 3 - shut your eyes. 4 - and wait for orders for graphic design to land in your lap. 5 - it works second one is being promoted by msn. chatting with friends. 1 - log on 2 - find your favourite person to talk to 3 - land up with the most awesome idea that's going to make a play that's going to be a best seller in your time, and a classic piece of literature in the years to come. 4 - dream, next, of signing a book for your co-author (the friend you were chattin with) and of him signing a copy for you. 5 - wonderful. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 28,December,2003 | You are water. You're not really organic; you're neither acidic nor basic, yet you're an acid and a base at the same time. You're strong willed and opinionated, but relaxed and ready to flow. So while you often seem worthless, without you, everything would just not work. People should definitely drink more of you every day. urlLink Which Biological Molecule Are You? brought to you by urlLink Quizilla |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 28,December,2003 | i don't know what is wrong with me. i can't get the whole thing out of my system. every second minute a thought about the whole affair pops out of thin air and plagues me for - attention? completion? - he wakes up at 6 in the morning and jumps for his phone. - his factory works 24 hours a day, in three shifts. out of the three, he works two shifts and sleeps one shift. he wakes up at 6 coz that is shift-chage-time and he must take a full report of all that happened at work while he was asleep. - did i mention that he has a bodyguard?? - if there's trouble anywhere even at 1 in the night, be it brother's or sister's factory, it's he who must go. - he corrected me when i said 'status' (A as in Act) - as 'status' (A as in stAY) his father asked him what his response was. he says: give me time. father asks: how much time? he says: give me one week's time. this was on friday. today is sunday. end of Day Two. end of horrendous waiting day two. and nothing happened. there are still five more days that this silly brain of mine is going to convince me to hope and wait. why am i such a moron? I WANT CLOSURE. and i am going mad :( and not only that... i want a positive outcome. at least give me a chance to meet him again, will charm the shirt off his back. and he won't know what's hit him. i behaved like some moronic village girl when i last met him. argh. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 27,December,2003 | - he is 30. - almost 6 feet tall, almost fat. - she has one dimple, he has three. - he has a dog he calls tank. he weighs 50 kilos. - he has a machine that prints 300ms per minute. she has a man who prints 5 ms in 5 hours. his machine prints 12 colours. hers prints 4. - he says he is headstrong. - he calls himself a rebel. if his parents tell him to go left, he goes right. and she asks, 'even if left is right?' - he is a gadget freak. mobile phones, laptops, dvd players crowd his room. she suggested he build a museum of technology that would track the growth-progress of these obsolete (he called them obsolete) models. - he can do all of his business by phone. maybe he can live with someone else on the phone too. why would he need a real wife? - he is a car freak. but he doesn't like to drive in delhi. one can't drive and talk on the phone all the time. - he made me laugh. he made me comfortable. - all the time we spoke, we looked at each other directly across the table, eye to eye. this is not what happens with people who meet for the first time. maybe it was not 'contact' but critique and/or appraisal. - he doesn't like social do's. he hates getting up to say 'hello' to ppl he barely knows. - he is fiercely competitive. maybe he wants a wife who will be the same. cut-throat. - but he said, people should be different, and not totally alike. if one is hard, the other one should be soft. - he loves travelling. i wish i had travelled some. - it looks like he did all the talking, and she did the listening... - he didn't say yes. he wanted time. maybe that means he won't say yes. it'll just be a polite 'excuse me for not liking you.' unsaid. maybe i am weird. but all my life - all my short life i waited for the 'right person'. i never thought that i'd have to get up and run after someone to make him the right person. thought he'd come right out of nowhere, like a bolt from the blue - principe azzuro. we didn't DO anything to make this meeting happen. we didn't force it to happen. mom said she liked him (after she met him) and that was enough for me. literally. so the 'slot for the right person' was almost filled. almost. my mistake was imagining that it was really filled. inspite of the many things that i would have to compromise for, or change in future. i liked him. truth. i could learn to love him. that was my mistake. to be so open, simple, and naive. life's plans can turn things around when you least expect it. to simply leave it upto to 'life' and expect her to brng you happiness, you have to leave it totally upto her. no matter what games she plays. she might almost give it to you in your hands, and then take it away. if you snatch for it in the thin air... it's only your loss. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 20,December,2003 | all this time i was waiting wishing and hoping and dreaming and praying (like the song eh!) for something to happen. like a fairy tale, for the right man to come along and sweep me off my feet. .. it's like this, it's going to be arranged. the match. and so, while i waited for the day my parents would tell me, here, this, now.. i was wishing for it to happen inmmediately. but now, there is a family in delhi. the family has a son in delhi. the son works hard, is supposed to be a mature responsible hard working person. and now all of a sudden i have an eerie feeling in my stomach. somehow i don't want to go to delhi next week to meet them all.. somehow i find myself wishing that this wasn't happening. if it happens, it's going to be final. it's going to be that step of life that's going to change everything. no more small girl spoilt at home, happy and 'fresh' and sweet. no more lotsoffriends and carefree joy. i am scared. scared till my marrow.. writing is supposed to be cathartic. why isn't this helping. why have i finished writing about it in just a few words. is that all there is to it? or is there so much that one can hardly begin to tell. or is this not the timw to write about it. if i can't write here, where can i go. whom can i tell, whom can i talk to. yes, all of a sudden i am extremely scared - this will mean becoming a new person. i am afraid the man i am to marry will be old and boring. i am afraid he won't understand me. i am afraid that i won't have the chance to say no. i am afraid of saying no even if i had the chance to because i am afraid that i don't really know what is good for me. oh this is hopeless. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 19,December,2003 | yeah folks, this is the ultimate definition of drunkenness.. so if you think you were drunk, but don't really know (though that can hardly be the case with urlLink smiley !), take a look at this picture. yeah, you're seeing double! ha ha ha! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 18,December,2003 | the movie i watched 'my best friends wedding' all over again a couple of nights ago when i had nothing to do. it was actually mom who had nothing to do.. rather, she needed some unwinding and thus we took the fateful decision of watching that movie together. now, before you proceed, you must remember that my mother loves comedies. the happy simple movies without any undertones of, or jokes on, sex, feel good movies, the more the laughs, the better it is. but of course, like us all, she is also a sucker for senti old hindi drama movies. the emotional ones that sing vande mataram at the drop of a hat, and then go and fall in love with pakistani girls.. well i like those movies too, but this isn't about that. we watched my best friends' wedding, and it was probably my millionth time. glued to the screen, i wished fervently that it would end differently. not till the end, i wished till somewhere midway - as long as there was a chance for lady luck to change the course of events... after a certain point, you know what is going to happen. the end is then a foregone conclusion. but for a long time i wished, oh i wished! sigh. there is something heart rending about a blood-friend.. turning to someone else for life. in some scenarios it would be alright, but where there is attachment from one end... that is unfair. un fair the book after a long while of dawdling in modern day fiction, john grishams, salman rushdies.. i finally returned to good old thomas hardy. tess d'urberville. in the ill-judged execution of the well-judged plan of things, the call seldom produces the comer, the man to love rarely coincides with the hour of loving. Nature does not often say 'See!' to her poor creature at a time when seeing can lead to happy doing; or reply 'Here!' to a body's cry of 'Where?' till the hide and seek has become an irksome, outworn game. ill timed things have thus been explain by the master of tragedy. it might be strange, but in this era of harry potters, i still find the poignance of thomas hardy's books unbearable beautiful. things that ring true, touch the heart - he understands inexpressed sentiments and portrays them with extreme delicacy. an art. flutterby international fashion urlLink trends forecast butterflies for spring 2004. there couldn't have been a more beautiful creature to portray in womens' fashion - ever. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 14,December,2003 | i don't know why, but i can't view blogspeak comments in my browser. it also shows my own blog a little different than it appears in the preview or even in other computers.. there are changes in the signoff, the blogpost time and the comment line... any techie person have any answers??? i really want help on this one. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 12,December,2003 | talk to me about sunday the holiday of the week, and i will tell you about the one day of the week when i feel crowded. well, not really. but i must find something to whine about, and this is the chosen topic of the day. besides, i really wish there were fun things to do in this village. my old old old, really old school, i was there in first grade, was supposed to be having their annual fete today, or so i heard. but i heard too late, and couldn't go. i wasn't even invited, even though the princi's my dad's good good friend. bad eh? i had nothing to do, nowhere to go. so we went out in the rain, yes, cold december rain, and shopped at the smuggled market - often called landa bazaar, or pakistani bazaar - this i don't know why, because most of the things there are chinese duplicates. well, whatever. i bought myself a cheap transparent mascara on one side, and black on the other. now this is something you could do without knowing eh! state of affairs someone we know is planning some construction in his backyard. this is actually what was being discussed when we last met: A- so don't we have to inform the (municipal) committe or take permission from them, or pass the plans for construction before we begin? B- actually we must. but look at it this way. they'll say: no loo, so it's a commercial construction. pay tax. then get a completion certificate after the whole thing is done, if it isn't exactly the way they want it, which is going to be crappy, no certificate. if it is exactly the way they want it, then they'll find something else through which they can extract some more money. it's better to make the whole thing the way we want it, and then when they come bribe-hunting, pay a little. that saves us loads more money, and much more time. state of affairs in india, i fear, is not so good. i have seen this face of corruption for as long as i can remember. if what i have written is not credible or sensible, my apologies. because it was truly a sensible way of thinking. there is no gain for the average indian if he follows the law. all the tax money is spent on politicians cars and foreign trips (et al). no improvement to his living environment - there's a park near my house. a humoungously huge park. ill maintained. the municipal corp recently built a 'pretty' compound wall all around it - 4-5 km circumference. it was fashion in the old 'fort' style - or gurudwara style, i am no expert. it already has cracks and all it did was block the green view into the gardens... the bloody corp should have spent the crore (100 thou) or so on maintaining the park... that would have been far more welcome. but they generally choose the method that allows them to pocket large margin of the grant/fund for the project. sigh. this is sad. sad state of affairs. and i've only just got started on it. hic hic when i used to read enid blyton (pronounced: 14 odd years ago) i used to believe hiccups were fun. now that i have been hiccoughing for the last 15 mins at a go, i must send my headquarters a petition for change of opinion. it is positively annoying. news oh and i met gurg online yesterday. this is what we call new technology. sigh, i know it's not so new, but meeting new friends is new. it's always exciting interesting inspiring - makes you stop and wonder at what might happen next. oh yes! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 12,December,2003 | 1. Do you enjoy the cold weather and snow for the holidays? i enjoy holidays. period. 2. What is your ideal holiday celebration? How, where, with whom would you celebrate to make things perfect? till now i have spent all my holidays with my family. mebbe it was because i was without family all the other time. now that it is the other way round and i am with family all the time, without family would be a good way to celebrate.. what do you think? 3. Do you do have any holiday traditions? lots. i am indian you forget. there are lots of holidays' festivals, and each one of them means a billion traditions. of course you mean holiday=this season, xmas et al.. but we have a zillion other holidays too. 4. Do you do anything to help the needy? mebbe.. yeah sure. all the clothes the spoilt brat doesn't wear, warm and practically new, bags, books - that were - then.... then.. there's lots more. yes, the answer is yes. 5. What one gift would you like for yourself? dwelling on it... there's lots i could ask for. urlLink friday five |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 11,December,2003 | i was in the workshop when i heard one of the workers say to another: ' aaj toh pura yakeen ho hi gaya ' - (today i am finally convinced) ' kis cheez ka yakeen, gurdial sigh ji ?' i asked him teasingly (what about, gurdial singhji) ' ki bhagwaan hai ' (that there is god) i laughed thinking he was joking. 'no,' he continued, 'till yesterday i wasn't sure. but last night i saw god, he came in my dream, and manifested here, around me. now i see him in everything' - points at the wall, me, his pot of colours - he dyes fabrics for us. his face was glowing as he folded his hands and smiled beatifically wow |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 10,December,2003 | pictures!! in keeping with the posting of pictures spirit that we share with urlLink some here are some this is - me and more typically - me acting stupid i work here. this is mom's table. and i am just the spoilt brat sitting in the office - doing nothing constructive. some experiments with light - or rather, doodles of an idle camera another one: |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 10,December,2003 | and we are back. home is the sailor, home from the sea, and the hunter home from the hill! the wedding the wedding was in the family. a big huge family with tons of relatives from all over the place.. there were cousins and cousins and more cousins. mebbe if i had seen my big fat greej wedding i could have known if a comparison would be accurate, but it sure does sound correct. there were loads of ppl, loads of gana bajana - songs and singing (traditional wedding songs) and khana (food) and naachna (dancing). new clothes and looking pretty. it was one long party. quite like a wedding that one sees in hindi movies (bend it like beckham - kabhi khushi kabhi gham kinds). and then other things everyone fell ill. my nephew, my niece, my cousins' husband, my dad, my uncle, the grooms mom, my aunt, everyone i know fell ill.. fever, throat ache - some kind of viral. i have a cough too (no laughing-coughing here urlLink gurg , just a dry raspy cough). the hill station was terribly pleasant thoughout the 4 days we stayed there. the moment we began to pack up and move out, clouds moved in - we left just as the first drops of rain showed up. and now we hear there was rain and sleet, hail and snow. what a relief. it's cold enough here without having to face all that in the hills. an old mail - timeless moments 'saturday night... after a long wound tiring week. lots happened and lots didn't. right now alone at home, no roommate, no one around, it's almost like being back at the flat, on my own. at my own terms.. with music i love, a book close to me.. there's a feeling of timelessness about this. this hour, this mood, it's what you live for. it's when you live. all the other time-moments in the day, those are passing of time. how many more times will i feel this feeling, and who will i have, to share this with? there's that intake of breath, eyes shut, and you can feel time stop. everything is so normal then, the fan turning.. full speed too. not even the slow creak one could call nostalgic nor romantic. the fan turning, nostalgic (are they?) songs.. i crib and crave all day for some beauty in my life. it is right here. with me. moments stolen to be with myself.. or maybe this is loneliness. there are times when you feel like a statue. there is so much inside you that what is outside seems numb insensitive insignificant unimportant. no matter where i am, in the years to come, this feeling will remain just the same. this whole time-stopping thing. you can feel something inside you tighten, stop, wait to feel, to listen, to reach somewhere, way back in time, or way ahead in a place time-frame it has never been. and it doesn't matter whether it reaches back or forward. what you look at is the reaching out, groping almost for that anchor point, and it does find one. i still don't know what that is. it is a spot, a being with myself. it is just that time of the night or day, returning to a place, a world where no one interferes, where i am myself. yes, i know finally what i am. and who i am. and this is the one person i have always had inside me. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 04,December,2003 | or a not post... will be away for a few days. if you miss me, urlLink mail me or drop me a note. i promise to reply! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 31,January,2004 | i am now the proud owner and displayer of an overseas certificate for Patience. it comes from arizona. i qualified for it by waiting for it, patiently.. maybe so patiently that i even forgot that i was waiting... oops, does that mean i'm disqualified?? ;) |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 29,January,2004 | i forgot the word i wanted. the one that says that this is the time when you stand in front of your mirror and actually see the flab that's gathered at your waist while you were pigging it out at that mutton food festival all week (fictitious analogy!!) what i mean is.. it's something-something time. not really a rain check.. but time to face the reality time.. watever. what brings me to this is a new development in my life. this is a semi self created monster call my master's degree. i have just applied for a masters in english. the kind of totally boring and crappy thing that i thought i'd never ever do.. but dont ask me - for i dont know - why i'm doing it. in a way im excited about it, coz there's going to be all ths fun reading - somuch poetry, these novels (EIGHT!) and these plays (EIGHT!) - some of them might be interesting reads. but some (read birthday party - harold pinter) are going to be excruciating... anyway, torture when i get to it. right now am sitting with figers crossed coz ihave just sent in my forms. there's some trouble with my graduation certificates, so im afraid that univ won't accept me as a graduate.. anyway. hope for the best.. and pray with me, for me.. that i get through this, and i get through this alive (with my wits somewhat intact)... annywayz - that's the news. more about perspectives on life coming up in a forthcoming post ;) |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 28,January,2004 | if you feel that you have been wearing your shoe soles out pacing the length of your own dressing room, read urlLink this . a journal someone found of someone from 1975 - check it out. worth a read. puts quite a lot of things into perspective. i for one, am going to be following it up. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 26,January,2004 | 100 Books - Bold The Ones That You've Read - from urlLink over here 1984, George Orwell The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll Animal Farm, George Orwell Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy Anne Of Green Gables, LM Montgomery Artemis Fowl, Eoin Colfer The BFG, Roald Dahl Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks Black Beauty, Anna Sewell Bleak House, Charles Dickens Brave New World, Aldous Huxley Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh Bridget Jones's Diary, Helen Fielding Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres Catch 22, Joseph Heller The Catcher In The Rye, JD Salinger Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens The Clan Of The Cave Bear, Jean M Auel Cold Comfort Farm, Stella Gibbons The Colour Of Magic, Terry Pratchett The Count Of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas Crime And Punishment, Fyodor David Copperfield, Charles Dickens Double Act, Jacqueline Wilson Dune, Frank Herbert Emma, Jane Austen Far From The Madding Crowd, Thomas Hardy Girls In Love, Jacqueline Wilson The God Of Small Things, Arundhati Roy The Godfather, Mario Puzo Gone With The Wind, Margaret Mitchell Good Omens, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman Goodnight Mister Tom, Michelle Magorian Gormenghast, Mervyn Peake The Grapes Of Wrath, John Steinbeck Great Expectations, Charles Dickens The Great Gatsby, F Scott Fitzgerald Guards! Guards!, Terry Pratchett Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire, JK Rowling Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone, JK Rowling Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling His Dark Materials trilogy, Philip Pullman The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, Douglas Adams The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien Holes, Louis Sachar I Capture The Castle, Dodie Smith Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte Kane And Abel, Jeffrey Archer Katherine, Anya Seton The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe, CS Lewis Little Women, Louisa May Alcott Lord Of The Flies, William Golding The Lord Of The Rings, JRR Tolkien Love In The Time Of Cholera, Gabriel Garcia Marquez The Magic Faraway Tree, Enid Blyton Magician, Raymond E Feist The Magus, John Fowles Matilda, Roald Dahl Memoirs Of A Geisha, Arthur Golden Middlemarch, George Eliot Midnight's Children, Salman Rushdie Mort, Terry Pratchett Night Watch, Terry Pratchett Noughts And Crosses, Malorie Blackman Of Mice And Men, John Steinbeck On The Road, Jack Kerouac One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Gabriel Garcia Marquez Perfume, Patrick Suskind Persuasion, Jane Austen The Pillars Of The Earth, Ken Follett A Prayer For Owen Meany, John Irving Pride And Prejudice, Jane Austen The Princess Diaries, Meg Cabot The Ragged Trousered Philantrhopists, Robert Tressell Rebecca, Daphne Du Maurier The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett The Secret History, Donna Tartt The Shell Seekers, Rosamunde Pilcher The Stand, Stephen King The Story Of Tracy Beaker, Jacqueline Wilson A Suitable Boy, Vikram Seth Swallows And Amazons, Arthur Ransome A Tale Of Two Cities, Charles Dickens Tess Of The D'urbervilles, Thomas Hardy The Thorn Birds, Colleen McCollough To Kill A Mockingbird, Harper Lee A Town Like Alice, Nevil Shute Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson The Twits, Roald Dahl Ulysses, James Joyce Vicky Angel, Jacqueline Wilson War And Peace, Leo Tolstoy Watership Down, Richard Adams The Wind In The Willows, Kenneth Grahame Winnie-the-Pooh, AA Milne The Woman In White, Wilkie Collins Wuthering Heights, Emily Bronte |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 15,January,2004 | sitting in a middle of a veritable cacophony. there's a wedding in the house next door. the whole jing-bang is collected there and everyone's enjoying (i hope so) this very loud pathetic truck-wala hindi music. soon they will all be off to the bride's place with louder music played by the local band. among the very famous tunes, there's an indianised (or rather bandied .. i could go on counting for a long time.. added to the cacophony is the music in my parents' room. playing voyager on worldspace. surprises the hell out of me.. mom would generally call that true noise, but right now, anything would do to drown out the noises of the wedding procession. ah, well. im back. finally. after a not very short jaunt to delhi - again - wouldn't you guess? there's so much noise, i can't hear myself think :( as a last note, i am pondisick now.. pondicherry sick. sick for pondicherry :( :( |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 15,January,2004 | new look! - i like. fine tuning required. i will be back! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 15,January,2004 | i did. i had made mental notes abt stuff that i wanted to have it out with - deal with - purge from my system .. but it seems a devious karma gnome has gone and done the misplacing act with them. the notes. so here i am minus notes, minus backlog. it might just turn out to be a blessing. you know how having a clean slate always helps you live better. how exchanging the paper with the zillion crossed out thumbnails for a design - for a clean new blank sheet of paper can yield the most effective solution ever.. what you have crossed out, has shown you what cannot be - should not be - will not be. but the sheet is already ruined. the design will refuse to appear/manifest on this one. one must start all over again, but realise this we must - that it is the experience of the mistake that allows the design to manifest in its entierty. realise, common folk, that thus spake great methinks the thinker, once upon a while, in her village. these be no regretful thoughts aiming at catharsis. these be thoughtful musings of a mindle ide - oops idle mind. ho ho ho ho |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 14,January,2004 | urlLink this is spooky! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 12,January,2004 | eerie dream we were all very excited and happy and jumpy - of course no one said anything about it. it was a feeling deep inside.. we were off to a pub or someplace. funnily enough i was with three of my friends (all guys) - funy becoz in practice, i don't mix my friends.. like i don't mix my drinks heh heh.. well. so there we were, three guys and a girl. at a pub. drinking, and it was a party that i was attending with them. they weren't alll present at the same time. at the end of the party, i let go, and asked a 'someone' if he was a human or an alien. when he asserted his species as that of homo sapien, and not, as i feared, aliens who can take on the human shape (steven spielberg's taken??) - then i went ahead and kissed him. heh heh. nice kiss! then we returned (me nursing the thought that i had seriously let go... returned.. home? it was this lovely flat with wooden parquets that belonged to one of my friends.. he didn't really figure in the dream except for having that flat and probably being the one who took us to the party..warm wooden floors. dream like place. bright curtains. one room for each one of us... i think i woke up (in the dream) with a vague morning-after-good-sex feeling.. but i can't remember! i don't even assume that it could mean anything. maybe if it were real, i'd have loved it! i think i am 13 years old again. not that it is really that far down memory lane.. just ten years back. TEN YEARS BACK!! i can't decide whether i want to feel young or old.. anyway. i think i am 13 again with this moronic crush on this movie star. ok laugh. laugh and fall off your chair laughing.. but that's the truth. and here, this sensible girl has put him on her desktop wallpaper. you want to see who it is.. ask me! ha ha ha. it's probably more the character he plays in the urlLink movie . it was all the attention, and the way the character was moulded that draws my fancy. and.. umm of course the way he treats and manages the whole affair. heart rending and endearing.. sigh, don't get me started! my horoscope said If you're romantically involved, expect a marriage proposal. If you are already married, your partner might put forth the idea that the two of you take a long trip together by air. If you aren't romantically involved, you could meet someone interesting. Communication between you and that special someone should definitely improve. this is my daily horoscope. mebbe i should wait till midnight before announcing all horoscopes as bogus. but then, i have a lovely feeling inside of me. mebbe i am imagining it.. i wish it were true. confessions of a snoop. yes i admit it. i peeked in my ex's mailbox. last we spoke he wanted to know if i was sure i wanted out. then he dropped by the way a comment that meant that he was hoping that he'd found someone else in his life. it's his b'day today. and i - the large hearted sweetheart - wanted to make up - innocently, and send a simply bday wish. just, you know, to erase any unhappy memory that i might have left behind. so there we go, peeking in his mailbox to check if what he'd let drop was true. and yes it was. he's going around with a female who says 'honey' in every second sentence. eugh! sorry i shoudn't be bitchy! but i don't know what to make of it. should i feel glad that he's hopefully going to make it to the marriage pandal this time.. or should i feel sorry that everyone around me's finding their special someone.. and while i had the chance, i let it go.. sigh but nothing can take away that lovely feeling inside of me :) |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 08,January,2004 | funnily the days have been whizzing past, and i have no idea how this year has already begun, and is one week into january.. of course, there's nothing great about the change of year from 2003 to 2004.. and all that. but this fact does make me realise that i am not doing anything. nothing. seriously nothing. i might be going to the gym (no 'constructive work').. i help out here n there in the workshop, i am not indispensable, i do stuff at home. take care of things, make sure all ration paani comes, decide what khaana to make, make sure sabji is there.. and all that. but as i said, no one will miss me if i am not at home. i am not involved in something which would fall down flat in my absence. now i am not feeling this out of a sense of ego or something, that 'I' must have something which finds me essential.. but.. somehow.. towards what is everything going? sometimes, i feel it is easier for guys. they KNOW they have to work at something.. and that the something that they choose will probably be the permanent something in their life. here, i am not even sure of what i want to do.. how long i will be able to do anything.. that brings me to point two.. how long can i hold my breath, and wait to live? i keep thinking, i'll start working after shaadi, coz then at least one thing will be permanent. but i guess that's the wrong atittude.. i went and bought a book at the delhi station. ladie's coupe. anita nair. interesting to say the least. it's practically all about women.. as individuals. the book fights for the woman's spacein society.. who is she, and does she need a man to make her complete?? and all that. anyway, at some other point in my life, this book would have seemed superflous, but - it's about a woman travelling alone with 5 other women in a women's compartment (puraana zamaana) - the coincidences were great !! ha ha!! so it got me thinking. it makes me want to do something. i wish i could simply join a couple of classes and be happier.that would be the quickfix solution. but here.. i dont know what to do. i don't want to work in the workshop. it doesn't matter to me that it pays well. it doesn't matter to me that all the work is already organised, it doesn't matter to me (very selfishly) that mama has much more work than she can handle.. i just want to do something on my own. something fulfilling. that's why i've got down to some writing .. (hope i can complete something!) - a little bit of - not painting, but something inbetween, mixed media... i started aimless searches on the net for correspondence courses that i can do... |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 03,January,2004 | a familiar sense of familiarity i spent two days in a friend's house.. basically one night there.. and lots of time in a train and some other time in auto-rickshaws and all that. got back home last night, and there was nothing more wonderful than a long hot clean bath and oodles of my favourite cold cream... before going to bed. tell me, what could be lovelier? my brother was sharing my room.. actually it's our room, so while he was here, we lived in the same room. i know this sounds selfish, but it's just a fact that having the room to myself again was a wonderful feeling. aw, and he left home while i was in delhi. we met in delhi, near the station. he saw me off and then went to board his own train.. which was supposed to leave 15 mins after mine, but left 3 hours late. sigh. sad. point being, that i felt :( when i said bye bye to bro. :( guess it's going to be phone - life now... flushing him out of the system flushing mr.sharma outta mah system. it some talking my heart out to two very patient girlie frnds. and it was a miracle. things like 'he didn't give you a chance to talk' - 'if you feel bored with him.. what's the point' - who else but good frnds can point this out? that, and a blank call. he did sound pretty awful.. a little coarse, if i may be allowed to bitch about him, now that nothing is ever going to come of it! and i hope this is the last you will hear me speak of it. urlLink ladies coupe on my way back frm delhi, i bought this book frm the railway station. my complete mini-pseudo library that consists only of indian authors (mostly - give or take some salinger and bach) has been bought at railway stations. railyway station -rather. usually the delhi station. excpet for one or two from the chennai one.. heh, don't i sound well travelled. the only thing is that i do travel alone. and i love it. every single moment of it. there's this sense of isolation from time, place - location.. it's like being suspended - totally alone. no matter if it's a bearded man sitting beside me (usually chair car - you know, the seats are just that much more spacious than a plane's economy class) or an auntie from kolkata.. or some girl my own age. all i do is sit at the window (i make sure it's a window seat when i reserve the tickets - myself- at the station - in the queue -- this is a big thing for a girl from my family.. i mean. all the others just tell their father who tells their servant... but me. we likes to go on our own and get it done :) )so i was saying that i like to sit at the window seat, gaze out the window.. and dream. or read. - which brings me - fortunately - back to the topic - which i am afraid i was about to miss. the book that i bought this time on my return was 'ladies' coupe'. interesting reading. and a strange coincidence. the book - about a woman questioning the role/requirement/necessity of men in her life... meets all these other women when she chooses to travel alone by train... please note. i was travelling by train.. a week after a close brush with someone i could have landed up being married to. it made me think. i am still thinking. the one thing that counts - after the book - is the burning wish to DO something. to paint (like i used to- it's been so long, the hand is out of practice.. the eye sees no more. i have become old before becoming old!) to learn something new.. a new language.. to specialise in any of the lingo's i already know, to teach someone - small kids (but do i have the patience.. do i have the skill) at least it's made me want to do something. it's going to begin.. something's going to happen. watch! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 03,January,2004 | urlLink friday five What one thing are you most looking forward to . . . 1. ...today? I am going to delhi for a friend's wedding tomorrow. planning to wear a sari .. me and my friends. so mom's letting me wear one of hers.. a lovely bottle green sari. looking forward to getting the blouse altered to my size!! yippeee! 2. ...over the next week? well.. for now there's only the delhi trip. a welcome break from home. of course i have been going to delhi much too often of late.. but then! also, dad suggested i get a long overcoat made for myself. so... anyone have any good links or designs... im getting mine stitched but i need a good design... 3. ...this year? the unknown! the surprising turns i KNOW my life is going to take. 4. ...over the next five years? ditto, doh! 5. ...for the rest of your life? multiple dittos! but of course, the dream of the hopeless romantic.. to find someone to share my life with. sometimes i feel there is so much to share, there is so much i have to give, i would suffocate, die, if i had to bottle it up in me. sometimes i want to be a teacher.. but.. umm.. this is not the answer to the question! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 02,January,2004 | and a whole new leaf to turn, and a whole new tree to grow and a whole new chance to bloom... corny corny corny there's this very conveniently adopted attitude that allows me to say 'i somehow don't get the thing with new year' it's just another day. they don't rain chocolates from the sky! but still, we go along with the holiday cheer and wish everyone a happy new year. think i could make it to the National Jingle Writer's Competition'? kididng. yesterday was officially the last day of the week - the one week's time that we had allowed the buusinessman to think over his decision for life. poor chap doens't know what kind of luck he just passed over. sigh. some people really don't see good fortune even if it shares a cuppa coffee with them. i've been thinking about it. and i have finally come to the decision that i am SO not ready to tie myself down with golden shackles. garn. we wants to see the world. we wants to go roam around. we wants to work our ass off on something we likes. and we is going to do exactly that. the world can wait and watch, or the world can prepare to welcome the new ME! balls to all businessmen in their big cars and bodyguards. grr! frigging cold in my world these days. and yes, i am going to delhi this sunday . can i please be nasty?? |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 28,February,2004 | there is definitely nothing more delightful than a long hot shower in your own bathroom with your own soaps and towels - after having stayed out for months. the only other delight that can possibly supersede this one is sleeping in your own bed with fresh clean nice-smelling new sheets. now you know how i feel sitting at my pc and writing in my blog. i haven't really been out of town that long, nor have i been working overtime n not had a moment for myself.. my monitor was out of order. oh banal occurrence - it is surprising how the most insignificant, or negligble thing can upset your routine/ expectations/ plans. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 23,February,2004 | when the going gets tough, we get a haircut urlLink |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 23,February,2004 | apologies dear blog, i was away.. and apologies yet again coz im busy studying... in a while 'i'll be back!' |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 16,February,2004 | what can i say, i'm just miserable |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 11,February,2004 | there are a few new additions to my reading list - let me introduce a couple of my friends. - i believe some of you have already met.. but here you are: urlLink charles : started his blog only recently. basically a graphic person, he prefers photography to writing. what attracted me to his blog is his regular updates of this diary he found in some thrown away stuff - dated 1975 - you know it's not all that way back.. and it could be anyone anywhere to whom this diary belongs.. somewhere i feel i'm snooping when i read the entires.. but the curiosity is too great to be supressed. as for him, charles is still wondering why at all he started a blog.. so if you could help him find out... urlLink dee : newly discovered, i already feel i'm going to have to read her daily post before i make my day complete... urlLink wednesday whatevers 1. If you were to commit suicide, how would you do it? this is the question of the century. if i were a jury member on the 'Best ever question in a meme' contest, i'd vote for this. how would i commit suicide? this presupposes that i would want to commit suicide.. now for that i'd need lots of reasons.. to commit suicide.. i'm thinkin i'm thinkin.. well, if i were to commit suicide, i think i'd like to jump off a plane.. without a parachute.. of course i'd choose to jump over the sea.. the impact would kill me, but at least i will be sure i'm not landing on anyone's car in the city... 2. What is your best stress reliever? stress reliever.. working out, reading in bed, crying - yes, crying helps. it does leave swollen eyes and a delicate system.. but it helps. working out is the best, though. 3. How do you feel about jokes bashing the opposite sex? umm never thought abt it.. there are good men and bad men. the jokes against men are directed against the bad men, the good men are generally safe from these - in my perception! a very late urlLink friday five 1. What's the most daring thing you've ever done? i'm not such a daredevil.. bunked some important classes? sneaked out of home (hostel actually) for a drive with the then current boyfriend.. smooched on the road..?? what is daring? 2. What one thing would you like to try that your mother/friend/significant other would never approve of? ahh dunno.. as i said.. i'm pretty sensible as a rule. i wouldn't want to have a significant other who'd not approve of stuff i do on an impulse.. my most impulsive actions are impulsive shopping.. mom doesn't mind.. don't have friends who are allowed to mind.. ;) heh heh 3. On a scale of 1-10, what's your risk factor? (1=never take risks, 10=it's a lifestyle) 3, definitely three. i'm a pretty 'safe' and practical person. .. even the risks i take are practically sensible.. 4. What's the best thing that's ever happened to you as a result of being bold/risky? i got a new hairstyle.. or so i like to believe. 5. ... and what's the worst? i dunno. i have been lucky so far. other stuff i've been browsing and have found some interesting sites that help you write - even if it is nonsense. one of them urlLink fragments is rather interesting. i might be posting stuff from there.. on the writing in progress blog.. poor thing needs a reviving boost while my nano breathes in my thoughts.. i will never give up that story.. i will finish it one of these days in my life sometime (ah procrastination.. thy name is me!) |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 10,February,2004 | and i thought i'd have grown roots to the back seat of my car. sigh. we returned last night from a 4 day car trip which had stops at urlLink rishikesh , urlLink haridwar , delhi - i couldn't miss that, could i - and urlLink patiala . rishikesh - a himalayan dream haridwar - in the background.. the red area by the bank is where ashes of the deceased n cremated are surrendered to the Ganga an evening prayer - arati being offered to a big idol of Shiv-ji in the Ganga - if you can see, there's a blob of blue on the top right hand corner - that's Him in the middle of the River my whole happy family in a raft - the exciting part of the trip! brother dear with me dear so much for photos. i'm getting back to my books now. high time, what say you! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 04,February,2004 | there's this ad for a cola drink.. urlLink 'thums up' there's this gansta who arrives at a bar with his sidekicks, and accosts the man-to-be-accosted.. gun cocked he drawls ... any.. last wish? - koi.. aakhri khwaish? in hindi. in a sexy sexy sexy voice. ah. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 02,February,2004 | et voici mesdames et messieurs, le nouveau visage du blog de methinks. this is a whole new resoltuion based on yet another whim.. my blog is now going to be peppered - liberally - with lines from other languages. this, or else, i shall die with all of these rusting in my head. bon? e allora, ecco un giorno assolutamente nuovo et bello. e cosa sto facciando? molte cose.. primo c'era un'ora al gym. poi ho fatto lo breakfast.. and now im running out of steam! sigh. first there was gym, then i had to go and take care of the block printer... hey. this is beginning to sound like something i had promised myself it would never sound. strangely enough, in order to make a blog that rises above the common, that has a universal appeal (can't u just hear my tutor in these words? u can't? that's strange - coz i can! watch him say it again) for a blog that rises about the common, that has a universal appeal, it has to detach itself from the daily activites. people don't want to read stuff that they live everyday - OH STOP! did u just say - PEOPLE want or not want to read?? are u writing this FOOOR someone? are you out of your head? please refer to quote in sidebar. expecially the bold parts. that part was specially emboldened (ha ha) for you so that that would be the first thing to catch your measley attention. and now that you have somewhat remembered what we are on this earth for, we shall proceed. event one to be understood through the writing of it: i saw my ex yesterday - after a whole YEAR - with his new fiancee (i know she is his fiancee coz i've been snooping - ew - in his mailbox - ew) late at night at a cafe i just happened to visit (the only cafe, please note, in this village)... grr. i knew he was in town. i knew he was sort of engaged. and i now know he's also almost getting married. but - but - but i am not supposed to know all this. sigh. GR! added news is that he was in my line of vision - DIRECT line of vision, but he was facing a perpendicular direction. not once did he try n meet my eye - nor say hi nor greet nor acknowledge. no, it did not hurt in any tiny remote forgotted area of my consiousness. but i sure got shook up seeing up. with a girl. but i was glad. she seemed nice, sensible, grown up. my height, my weight.. fairer, pinker. working girl who says she loves him a million times per mail. not too bad eh? im glad for him at the end of the day. at least the responsibility of his -- umm despair at having been rejected has now been put in its right place. in the box of non-existence. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 02,February,2004 | further surfing shows www.bibliomania.com to be a decent site for complete texts of several plays, novels, etc. and excellent guides.. most downloadable - all free. three cheers for the era of free |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 02,February,2004 | this might be uninteresting, but it happens to intrigue me... yahoo - in a search for swead vegetables, turned up my site in the results. one of three. either it was someone attempting googlewhacks and i completely ruined their most ingeneous (sp?) efforts - or .. can someone tell me wat a swead veggie is??? or what swead even means! there are no deep thoughts anymore. all that i think of these days is stuff about the stuff that i'm reading.. plot devices that could've been better placed, characterizations that lack unity.. mebbe i'd make a good critic one day. a good critic to webster (the ancient playwright). darn. i should start taking notes about things i should write.. but im just getting more n more boring by the day. more when i'm more thoughtful... |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 29,March,2004 | i'm a simple nightsuit person. so, much was my surprise when my mom made me a lovely cotton-silk nightie, dull pink with green reflects.. like a rich man's daughter's nightie. so that was what it was called. rich man's daughter's nightie. all these years it gave me great pleasure, and my mom much amusement.. and now, i write its obituary. sigh. it's old, well worn, and worn out - and now has a recently developed slit at the waist in the back.. which i'm afraid is getting longer and longer as i get more and more reluctant to bid it goodbye. so with this final adieu ... may it Rest In Peace. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 27,March,2004 | a deluge of music all over again. i've suddenly begun to download music at an alarming rate. now that i've got most of what i wanted, i don't know what else to get! it's the compulsive shopper's syndrome.. i-want-shop-but-don't-know-what-to-buy. i know how that is because i AM an example of the compulsive shopper. shopping is therapy. new music in my room is therapy. one of the loveliest songs i just plucked from the freeforall net-tree is barry white's you sexy thing. soft corner for the oldies! and here's my theory why... as opposed to the concpet of 'harmony' in the western classical music, indian music is based on melody. one sinlge voice, or one instrument plays at a time.. a combination of notes - one at a time, generally.. to an accompaniment of beats - percussion - tabla. this melody thing , or so my theory goes, is to be found in the 'oldies'. thus i enjoy those coz they are more like my desi music than any other.. that is why you can hum oldies or hindi songs - and never songs like time of your life - green day. granted that the song can keep running around in ur head.. but try singing it without the music. and then try singing a hindi song without the music. u'll see the difference, you'll see the melody! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 26,March,2004 | i dreamt of sharma again. this is stupid. im putting him out of my head. there's a funny kind of tension/depression in the air inside my head. (you didn't know i have air imy head? - now you do). i can't put my finger on it. mebbe it has something to do with mounting pressure with looming exam dates. i have never sat for an exam like this, where you have to write for three straight hours. where content matters less than quantity. where worth is counted by number of pages. my whole education was different. why did i pick this up? exposure. mebbe i should learn to experience the 'indian' educaitonal system from inside? i don't know how this is ever going to help me later on, a degree in english which every tom dick n harry has these days.. but then, i never know why i do the things i do in the long run. nothing in my life has ever been planned. all decisions regarding my educaiton were impulsive. i don't regret any one of them. i don't regret anything that i might have missed along the way. but this exam thing is somewhat terrifying. i still don't know if i will be able to do it well enough. i don't even know how i am going to finish the long syllabus... that's tension number 1 tension number two is the - sigh - uncontrollable swaying of the weighing scale from one end of the spectrum to another. i hate it i hate it i hate it. and then i sometimes hate myself too for it. this. is. probably. the. one. and. only. thing. that. makes. me. not. like. myself. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 25,March,2004 | Disorder | Rating Paranoid: Low Schizoid: Low Schizotypal: High Antisocial: High Borderline: Low Histrionic: Very High Narcissistic: High Avoidant: Low Dependent: Moderate Obsessive-Compulsive: High URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/disorder_information2.html would the results be different if i were in a different mood?? it doesn't sound like me. n thnx gurg! lol! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 24,March,2004 | if i were a urlLink cyborg , i'd be: M.E.T.H.I.N.K.S.: Mechanical Electronic Technician Hardwired for Intensive Nullification and Kamikaze Sabotage |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 20,March,2004 | i swear there are days when a cloud of melancholy follows you around like a menace. and at unsuspecting moments it makes u crave for chocolates or some dessert or some stolen delights. all menacing calories :( - and then u indulge. sigh sigh. but the melancholy doesn't leave you. it's like when you're two drinks down, and then you get all nostalgic, and sentimental. and you want friends, and love and corny things in life. mebbe that's what happens when you have chocolate too (or at least in my case - mebbe im addicted to it -- is that possible?) - two chocolates down and you're all sentimental. you whine and feel tears welling up in self pity because you don't have friends. you behave like a moronic disbalanced teen.. i sometimes make myself sick. a persistent feeling of groping in empty space dogs me. i turn to talk to someone, and i suddenly see there's no one there. it's like this false security at all times, that my needs are complete. one person, even a girl-friend fulfills this need easily- and actually no one can do it better - this need to sit comfortably, without any blocks, resistance, without feeling that somethings have to be censored, or somethings toned down, or some feelings, however instinctive they are, might be unture, so they should not be aired.. i don't want any restrictions. i want to open myself up and let go, let myself be. but in a way, this restrictive life is kind of teaching me a discipline. but one requires a break from this once in a while. but this 'discipline is such that it can work in only this way - this way without breaks. it knows only this one way --- and i, i who have to learn, who have to grow and movie ahead, have to learn to be master of this. stronger than it. the only way is to let it control me, lead me for a while, till i learn to follow it well enough to change it.. tomorrow i shall wake up early and study from 6 - 8. what say!! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 20,March,2004 | the satisfaction of studying hard.. it sounds weird but true. of late i've been surrounded by piles of books, all open for references and writing away (as opposed to 'typing away', sigh!). and i feel like a scholar! heh heh! the funniest thing happened a couple of days back. i dreamt of sharma. that was weird coz he's been the last thing on my mind in a long long time. and there he was, in that gfrey shirt which had become the greek burning blue.. . so there he was sitting in front of me.. telling me 'and now it's only you, only you' i SAW these words speaking themselves. i READ them in my dream. i HEARD him say them.. and when i finished being dumbly stunned (it happens even in dreams) i faced him with ' and what about all those other girls?' he replies,'no, it's only you, only you.' weird, right? i am a much loved spoilt kid - i have no touch-deficiencies or any other weird love-deficiencies in my life. i know i wll get married some time down the line with someone super special.. but why this needy dream to see someone despicable say he will marry me! EW! and.. more! his mother called, i handed him his phone and he switched it off. and that, after my recent conjectures that he actually has a mother fixation. bloody oedipus! and .. even more! he started crying. so i held his hand and consoled him. FUNNY! why would my subconscious want him to say he will marry me! why does my subconscious want me to be wanted by him when i already have loads of superbly adoring and adorable people in my life.... downright fishy, i say. this subconscious matter... |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 16,March,2004 | my family is sitting in my room and watching the second one day international between india and pakistan - as if you didn't know. super exciting.. and nail biting. india loses this one by around 8 runs? that's what's happened. sigh sigh. all the super excited screams of FOUR! yes!! and the dismayed aww's and ooh's.. a family feeling prevails. my grandad has climbed up to the first floor to my room - which has the 'big tv, and the good reception' - so that he can further enjoy the match. dad and even mom are watching. now look what has replaced the long time favourite of the indian family - the soaps howling and weeping - the cricket match. and it is only the ones between india a pakistan.. living on the border.. 50kms away from lahore - we feel the distance like no one else. when we visit the border, watch the retreat at sunset, the whole ceremony acquires a whole new significance.. india on one side, pakistan on the other.. a tract of 10 ms in between of no man's land. ah! sorry i got all senti. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 15,March,2004 | so we had this interview. where urlLink keri got to ask me the five most important questions of my life. it took me over a week to answer them. i didn't er er er all week.. 1) If you could recover one thing you have lost in your lifetime, what would you wish to find? the state of having lost something is akin to that of regret. so far, i'm glad to say i have none (regrets, that is). of course there are lots of things i wish i had, like: control over myself and my life; a drive and a strong will power to see my projects through; patience with everyone, and everything. but then i never had these, so i can't wish to find these again.. conundrum! ah yes! i wish i had (and i know it will come soon with blahblah) the sense of intimacy - that - i - shared with j - a long long long time ago - we were kids, but it was delightful - no questions.. no unmet expectations .. semplicissimo 2) If you could marry someone that you presently know unromantically, and spend the rest of your life as their spouse, who would you choose? if i had to choose between the ones i already know.. it would immediately exclude the possibility of being romantically involved with anyone, coz there IS no one :(.. so who will it be?? i don't know how this sounds, but if someone could become the person my brother is.. the comfort levels we share, the values and all that. if i can find someone like him i'd marry him.. but then how would i deal with two of the same in my life.. this gets confuseder and confuseder.. but. ..umm...there is one i don't really know. it's just someone i have heard abt, met once, parents were thinking he'd be a nice match for me. the thing is, i need to choose someone i start a new life with - from scratch. what good would it do to him to know me the way i am.. it might just be a different person he's marrying. i sound awfully horribly old fashioned and limited.. or what? 3) You learned you have 24 hours left to live, how will you spend them and what will be the last thing that you see before you die? my last 24 hours, i would spend them like i spend any other 24 hours. daily routine. because if i give that up to do something i wished i was doing, i'd be missing the routine, the normalcy of my daily life, which is, after all, quite a treasure to be reckoned with. the last thing i'd want to see before i die, sunset in the fields outside my city. the last people i want to see before i die - my parents and my brother.. the last thing, the sunset. seeing anyone at all would be unbearable. painful. 4) If you just learned that tomorrow morning you are to be permanently exiled from your country and can take just three things with you, what would you take? lifetime supply of spices and pickles. all the other things can reach me wherever in the world i might be.. be it books, clothes, family - of course i can't carry my room with me. that'd look quite absurd eh? like a snail. 5) If you had to pick the most difficult question you could be asked, what would it be? there are loads of questions i have no answers to. like: why are you? the essential why and wherefore and purpose of my living. of my existence. i get fatalistic when i get to this point in thinking.. coz there IS not reason for me to be here. there is nothing i am working towards. there is no one i am living for. there is nothing i aim to achieve. happy the way i am, changing myself slowly into the person i want to be. that's what i'm living for. oh, now that we have an answer for this.. what's the most difficult question, again? THE RULES! 1 - Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed. 2 - I will respond; I'll ask you five questions. 3 - You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers. 4 - You'll include this explanation. 5 - You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed. simple! but a prior warning is not out of place.. it makes you think a lot. a lot. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 14,March,2004 | for the truly jobless: http://www.liquid.se/pong |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 13,March,2004 | all those who know the meaning of 'fatigue in my cells' or - my plasma is tired please raise your hands. or are you all too tired to do that? |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 12,March,2004 | 1. What was the last song you heard? a hindi one that's playing on the tv in the background. gah. dhola re dhola re dhola re.. gah gah. i'm going to choke to death. 2. What were the last two movies you saw? unfaithful and forever young. yeees, i know, i'm way behind the times. 3. What were the last three things you purchased? you really want to know? hot wax, a deodorant and earbuds! tee hee 4. What four things do you need to do this weekend? study. study. diet. study 5. Who are the last five people you talked to? grandad (in the other room), mom - downstairs, someone who'd come to see her, and one of the helpers in the workshop. nnooot that interesting. how much funner this would be if it read: atal bihari vajpayee, saif ali khan, my brother, my other haaaaalllf! :(( urlLink friday five |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 11,March,2004 | oh this just in - urlLink recently completed hundred things about me. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 10,March,2004 | that was a rant. it has had no permanent effects on me.. apart from lightening the load. see. i'm grinning! :D :D |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 10,March,2004 | what do you do when you have no one to talk to. what do u do when u realise that u have run through all the options in your list, and there is not a single person you can call to talk to ? what do you do when you suddenly realise that it's finally you on your own out there. being judged, being held responsible, with people who wish you were otherwise, with people who don't even remeber that you're around, with people in your daily life who are not satisfied with you. what makes you feel that you must live according to them? why, even if it is true that they wish you well, the best, why is that that u don't want them to tell you how to live. it's not as if you don't know how. i never knew i was non social. i never knew that i don't want to go out. the 'friends' have begun to bore me. i can't manage a straight face in front of anyone. it's always a bored one. however hard i try to hide it. why don't i get up and work. why don't i smile when i can't. why am i not the perfect person they want me to be. why do they want me to be something so difficult to be. everything is wrong. nothing is right. and today, today when i have nothing in my mind. when i can do whatever it is i am doing with a clean clear conscience, today they are stopping me from doing things my own way. for the first time, i didn't cry while she spoke to me today. listed out all my weaknesses in the glaring light. is it actually fair for them to know everything about me. just so they can put their hands inside me and try and mould me? what hurts is that i know that i am not strong enough to go and live on my own, with my own rules. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 09,March,2004 | after looking at my quiz results, i am beginning to wonder if i haven't suddenly entered a morbid phase in life. voldemort.. oooo! |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 07,March,2004 | urlLink Harry Potter Personality Quiz by urlLink Pirate Monkeys Inc. You will be smothered under a rug. You're a little anti-social, and may want to start gaining new social skills by making prank phone calls. urlLink What horrible Edward Gorey Death will you die? brought to you by urlLink Quizilla |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 07,March,2004 | a memory of the body that remembers cycling into the football field with the evening sun flashing in the eyes. that remembers splashing in the large rain puddles forming on the hot sidewalk in summer rain. that remembers the feeling of skin on skin, the taste of his breath. that remembers how it was - the other life. a memory of the vision that can still see in flashes things long gone. red mud hills, barren but for hardy bushes, baking in the afternoon sun. drenched in week long drizzles. a sea that chages colours with the shifting clouds. eyes like a childs. patterns in the mica table top. a life that continues to live in parts of us. memories that live on in the cells. how many lives are we then living? |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 06,March,2004 | afternoon drowsiness when you don't know what your hand is writing the music gets into your skin and you become something else. because now your thoughts brain sensations are swimming in guitar strings |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 05,March,2004 | someone i once knew wrote these for me - not to me - or so i assume.. The child in you what are you to me, my heart? The patterns on mud and the sheets of blood. A thousand dead people and the long cries of rage sobs from heaven. Please listen, the Pretty One. The child in you, what are you to me my heart? The patterns, the crazy leaves, the swing. The six smiling people and the kisses of passion. Your pillow a landmine. Please listen, the Pretty One. this one is for me to me mine mine mine...: I thought the cloth was blue why did it turn pink? Oh baby, things and memories yesterday and tomorrow Why are you so nice? My hair all wet, the thoughts blue but they soon turn pink. Oh babe, why are you so nice? i wonder.. should i be wishing i knew him more? |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 01,March,2004 | In time the strong and stately turrets fall, In time the rose and silver lilies die, In time the monarchs captive are, and thrall, In time the sea and rivers are made dry; The hardest flint in time doth melt asunder; Still living fame in time doth fade away; The mountains proud we see in time come under; And earth, for age, we see in time decay. The sun in time forgets for to retire From out the east where he was wont to rise; The basest thoughts we see in time aspire, And greedy minds in time do wealth despise. Thus all, sweet Fair, in time must have an end, Except thy beauty, virtues, and thy friend. - Giles Fletcher (1549-1611), 'The Elder' in time i become pleasant. in time life changes. in time everything does.. and what is this rubbish im evidently not too happy. pls overlook. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 01,March,2004 | urlLink What was ... 1. ...your first grade teacher's name? Mrs. Rana. i still bump into her sometimes, and she still remembers me.. always asks how i am, what im doing. we go to the same gym too! 2. ...your favorite Saturday morning cartoon? heh, we used to kneel by our oval white table. dad used to make toast with malai and jam, cut it into tiny squares... and we used to settle down for a 1 hr show of mickey n donald on sunday mornings. delightful! 3. ...the name of your very first best friend? umm sammy? all my best friends used to be taken away by other girls. there was sofia frm 2nd standard till 6th - when i shifted to pondicherry.. i hear she's abt to marry her high school sweetheart.. 4. ...your favorite breakfast cereal? corn flakessssss! 5. ...your favorite thing to do after school? this is one thing i don't remember.. used to get back home, do my homework with my bro and run out to play.. fun thinking abt when we were kids. lovely times those were. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 01,March,2004 | a catch of a tune, a face cut, a perfume.. vagabond instances that have no right to walk into your ken, into my ken. they open doors to memories i don't even know are there. more and more everyday, the little girl in me longs for that intimate balance i shared with him. there were hardly any complications.. the ones that were there, were there because of the grown up in me, comparing him ruthlessly with ppl whom i knew he didn't stand a chance to. a glaring gap of thinking between him n me.. but it's only grown ups who think. small children don't. innocence doesn't think. simplicity doesn't think. primitive sensations do not think. people now call me a person of the mind. i think too much. split hair. dissected thoughts. sometimes its sad to see my thoughts wander, and watch myself track them back one by one to the source that triggered them. i canconvince myself to love anyone. i can convince myself to do anything. i can't convince myself to stop disliking myself - luckily in this regard alone. regardless of how little importance the grown up is given, it sits in the back of my head, passing comments on everything i say or do. the child then remains embarassed for weeks over playful comments. writing is painful. it's been a long break. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 01,March,2004 | some more abt studies... for those of us who are acquainted with the system of education in india, i am amazed that we don't puke - or spend the rest of our lives hitting our heads on walls wondering how this perpetually 'developing' country is every going to get to the 'developed' stage... in short, no one studies in college - school. no one even bothers to attend classes.. where to tell the truth, nothing really happens - usually. everyone manages by attending 'tutions' = extra classes taken by the teachers who do nothing but sit in the classes. these tution classes are ways for the students to cope with the coming exams 'these are the questions that you can expect - coz i set the paper.' they are taught the right 'formula' to pass exams, and so on and so forth. what ever happened to good old enjoying the books, literature. whatever happened to studying in order to learn?? 'critical guides' have replaced original textbooks... rant rant rant.. it hurts me to see this kind of hollow educationg going on around me. i was luckily in a different education system, and now that im learning all this, it shocks me. and there is nothing i know i can do.. rant is a result of the tutor (hah!) i go to, because there are no classes in my course.. and i see the others studying. studying how? copying down answers of possible questions in every topic.. and learning them by rote. gah gah gah! okai, i have been urlLink writing.. some . |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 30,April,2004 | there are funy days and then there are abnormal days. today was one which came out of the blue. a day like none other, totally out of the context. when you feel that everything is moving towards a warped kind of an end. it begins like any normal day should - lazily. moves on to the gym where we work up a good sweat. return home to a slight minor lashing frm M. the weather turns cold and there's a consistent wind blowing from the north. we all go to the garden and enjoy the change from the heat we'd been subjected to. i go to the terrace and stand at one end, feeling the wind blow through my hair. this isn't something that happens here. this is something that happens only in pondicherry. only on the terrace of my apartment building. it's a private soul cleansing feeling - and it's out of context here. it doesn't belong here. in pondicherry i live inside out. my emotions and thoughts walk the streets - the very yellow-walled street and the straight one that leads to the burning blue sea on a hot afternoon. the events of my life happen on the phone to elsewhere. and then it began to rain. a strange thing happend, some drains got blocked and water poured into our drawing room.. impossible in the well behaved household. it poured, i was in my car. one with the drumming of the rain. living my experience on the outside. impossible in this part of the world. how can all this happen today. i am not in pondicherry. |
1,722,161 | female | 23 | Fashion | Libra | 27,April,2004 | so now it's just one more to go, on 5th may! so wish me luck! it's all about fiction. there's loads of strategy involved in giving exams in india.. there are eight prescribed novels and here they are. share my agony: joseph andrews - a picaresque novel by henry fielding; emma - a novel of 'sensibility' by jane austen; great expectations - gah gah, a choky horrible thing by charles dickens; sons and lovers - intersting psychological novel with an oedipus complex by d h lawrence; mrs. dalloway - stream of consciousness novel by virgina woolf - i quite liked it!; passage to india - don't even intend to read it - horrible colonial thing by e m forster; and jane eyre - still good for a second reading - a compliment to charlotte bronte! so you can basically see, that of the eight, i'm going to skip three, which means - as any good arithmetic student can tell - i shall have only five of those novels prepared. which is not such a bad thing after all. the amount of choice they offer in our MA exams is a miracle in itself. more on that topic later. the only thing i can say that it is a relief to be typing instead of scribbling at the speed of 5thou words in 3 hours - which means, quick quick, an average of 27.77 words per minute.. and with lots of pauses to look at the cieling, i can safely say that my average would have been close to 35 had i written non stop. which is a paradox in itself, coz if i hadn't stopped to stretch my arms and wrists and crack my fingers, or turn my neck, i would have stopped before the three hour time limit. blah blah i go on and on, but it'd be a dream come true to give exams on a keyboard. ah, the relief of doing away with hand written stuff and pens and calluses on fingers. my writing's going to the dogs. and i am going to pondicherry! cheer, dear world! 6th may, the day my exams end - i head for el PARADISO!! for those who came in later, pondicherry is where i sort of grew up and where my heart and my head and everything is. where i was moulded, and where i grew. of course that doesn't mean that my darling hometown here in punjab means nothing to me.. we will give it and its culinary delights their due credit another day. for now, here it is: ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for PONDICHERRY! urlLink all about pondi! this is the gandhi statue on the tiny and best loved part of the boulevard that runs by the now non-existent beach urlLink courtesy this is the view we used to have from our college classrooms. seriously, it was right there, on the road by the sea. and this is the ONE the ONE secret part of pondi that everyone knows and that i love. many thanks to urlLink her for capturing this most essential picture ever a urlLink street in pondi. this is one of those summer afternoons and the bright yellow ochre wall.. and urlLink this is the what and the wherefore of me. i know this is going to ruin all my efforts at remaining annonymous to the multitude who already know me.. but sigh. i leeeeeeaving on a jeeet plane. weeell, it won't be a jet plane (a train, rather) and it's not until 9 days from now. but what the hell! i can sing for the nine days... denver and kreva-whatever! turn in ur graves!!!! |
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