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4,262,796 | male | 17 | indUnk | Aquarius | 12,August,2004 | Just writing to explain the title. Once I figure out how to do it, three of my friend will join the blog. I promise they are more interesting then I am. |
4,262,796 | male | 17 | indUnk | Aquarius | 12,August,2004 | This is not your father's blog. (I have yet to impregnate anyone, so don't come to me trying to get child support for your sorry ass.) This blog will usher in a new day. A day of sincere, honest, and powerful writing. Writing of real people, for real people, and by real people. Or it will suck and wallow in the mediocrity of almost every other blog out there. But you can only find out if you read it. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 27,June,2004 | When I went to do a little digging into the root causes of jealousy as a phenomenon that occurs in more humans (and within ourselves) more times than we care to admit, I was surprised to find the word ‘love’ absent from any arguments and theories attempting to explain the emotion. I use the word ‘emotion’ loosely here, because the act or feeling of jealousy is really a complex combination of many elemental emotions- primarily fear, anger, loss, the need to be validated, the need for attention, and so on. There are so many theories as to the roots of the matter, and all valid in their own rights, that it’s hard to focus on just one or two. However, in this post, I have decided to stay within my own experiences, and elaborate on two theories- historical and developmental. The first talks about how insecurity within a relationship is, to a certain extent, built into our psyche from the get-go. From a female point of view, since males can procreate with any number of partners, and at a much higher rate simply by inseminating multiple females, while women can procreate only a certain amount of times, and with only one partner at a time, they have much more invested in their offspring. Hence, they are keener on keeping track on whither and when their chosen partners stray, and have an active interest in keeping that straying to a minimum. In the case of the male of the species, since they can not procreate on their own, rely on the females to do so on their behalf, the threat of the genetic bond between a father and his offspring is by definition, doubtful because of the female’s ability to have extra-dyadic relationships. Neither gender is so strongly bonded to the other without the volatile concept of ‘love’, that there is no possibility of doubt in the relationship. Another train of thought explores how infants, particularly those with a high level of imagination and hyperactivity are prone to disregarding the possibility that their caretakers have a life outside of the relationship shared between them. The children that, as they mature, realize that their guardians have relationships, interests and activities in their lives that are completely removed from their wards, usually tend to be less insecure through adolescence and adulthood. However, those that can’t accept that fact, tend to surround themselves in these fantasies wherein the child is singularly important to the caretaker, and most often, in cases where the caretaker tolerates these fantasies, as the child matures, these fantasies not only grow in intensity, but they are also transferred to others in his/her range of vision. Here, the child goes to the extreme of attempting to destroy the connections and thoughts of the caretaker that do not pertain to the child and its interests. The extreme of this phenomenon leads to the child (and the adult) becoming unable to make the distinction between attacking the ideas of those it cares about having outside relationships and interests, and attacking the subject of its jealousy. Another reaction that the subject has when affected in this manner is the development of a strong vigilance in monitoring their partner’s behaviour, their actions and interactions. Stemming from their own feelings of inadequacy, fear of rejection and abandonment, they tend to take a more than healthy interest in the comings and goings of their partners, believing that the partner should be responsible to them in all respects of their existence. No action should be taken that is perceived as unnecessary or ‘wrong’ in their eyes of the subject. This is especially important when it comes to outside relationships between the partner and those of the opposite sex. The subject translates all their feelings into the conviction that the partner (or the friends) are sexually attracted (to their partner), and are actively making advances on them in their (the subject’s) absence. In my own experience, the second theory holds true. In a fit of bad judgment, I spent a fairly large portion of time pandering to what I knew were unhealthy and unreasonable requests by this person I was involved with, and ended up losing a lot more than I had gained from the relationship. Receiving neither comfort nor support through that period of my life, I found myself constantly having to explain my actions to this man, having to give up on external relationships that meant a lot to me, and at the same time, watching as every request granted turn into another, more unreasonable one. The tendency toward violence was present also, and though never brought to fruition, was a definite threat, and ultimately what ended the relationship. Upon discussion with a psychologist (namely, my mother) I found that this problem of insecurity was caused in a large part by his feelings of inadequacy, that he felt that he was unable to be loved, appreciated or admired. He would go out of his way to point out his fallacies, and then demand to know whether I still loved him. Eventually, I realized I didn’t. Entirely too much of his own life and how he looked at himself was dependent on how much I was willing to give up for him, it almost got to a point where if I wasn’t willing to give in, then the relationship wasn’t working, or there was something wrong with me, which lead to the conclusion that I must be cheating on him somehow. What is possibly the most discouraging fact is that these issues are most often so deeply indoctrinated within a person’s psyche, that it is virtually impossible to conquer them. Most people live their entire lives in this manner, and their partners (especially those that don’t have this problem) have a hell of a time dealing with it. The same fights will happen, and more so in a long term relationship, the more secure of the duo will end up sacrificing relationships and external interests in order to keep the peace. The more insecure of the pair, possibly due to these problems, tends to be the more aggressive of the two, and the cycle continues- where at first it was the caretaker pandering to the child’s fantasies, now it is the partner. The problem is that, especially in Indian households, where the woman is still to be the submissive of the two, an insecure male dominates her life, and since she is expected to acquiesce, her life becomes meaningless outside of serving him and his needs. There is no way to break this cycle however, without extensive counseling, and frankly, I’m yet to encounter someone taking themselves to a shrink to get over being jealous, at least of their own accord. As for me, I’m just beyond relieved that I’m not in one of those situations any more, and as wonderful and philanthropic the idea of 'saving' or 'helping' someone is, I ain't got the patience. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 25,June,2004 | There is a school of thought that claims that human beings are separated from animals by our ability to control instinct, for without self-control we're just smarter monkeys. This of course, is bullshit. Instinct cannot be controlled by definition. That is not to say that trained thought and concentration cannot take remedial action, but rather that we will do what instinct forces us to before our brain can control it. How many times has somebody thrust their hand up close to your face to make you blink? Even if you know that its coming you can't stop your reaction. It can be pretty annoying. A lot of emotion has to do with instinct. Noone teaches you how to feel sad or happy, its built in. In our capitalistic modern world we place heavy stress on individuality, creativity and emotion. We even aggrandize emotion and say that it is the root of our humanity. The difference between us and animals. The contradiction is obvious, if you're willing to believe that all emotion is based on instinct, but perhaps there is room for a hybrid of these two viewpoints. Of all the emotions we have, and it is a fairly extensive repertoire, I'd have to say jealousy is one of the least controllable of all. It is intertwined with desire, another fairly strong emotion which makes it even more potent. Intelligent people turn into blithering idiots, people that have it all 'together' become barely recognizable contortions of themselves. I think its fair to say everyone feels jealousy at some point or the other, the thing that differs is how they handle it. How much control their will can exert over it. In my personal experience I can control it almost everytime. I feel it but don't mention it and don't take action upon it. Alas not everyone has my iron mental grip on their emotions. I've been on the receiving end of jealousy more times than I can count and it has not been pretty. That's not to say I didn't like it. While it is a destructive force in a relationship there is a kind of solace in it. At least the other person cares enough to get jealous in the first place, right? I know a lot of women that use jealousy as a kind of 'love yardstick'. The more jealous a man gets, the more he loves you. Of course, they bitch and moan about it but the bottom-line is that you need jealousy. Jealousy is like this ultimate form of flattery: it means this person desires you in the basest, the rawest of all human emotion. I would be lying if I said I didn't like to see a little jealousy in my significant other. My lack of jealous displays has raised a few eyebrows in the past. Like some freak people point and stare at. 'Your girlfriend has been talking to that guy all night! Aren't you going to say something?'. It finally boiled over one day and I had to explain the fact that I did feel it, I was just good at not showing it. So now there's this new rule. I don't mention it right away but rather on the way back home. Something like: 'You know when that guy gave you a big hug hello? Yeah I felt a little jealousy back there'. And we're all good. In my opinion, it is the instinctive nature of the emotion that causes this behaviour. We need to see jealousy to prop up our egos and give us that lovin' feeling. Its stupid, its irrational, its illogical and we love it. As long as you get some balance of control and instinct going you can use jealousy as a method of both measuring and maintaining a healthy relationship. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 25,June,2004 | My technologically retarded brain finally realised that I had blocked the Blogger.com cookies ages ago. So. Here I am. And the champagne's on ice. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 24,June,2004 | Pillowmint is a collaboration Blog between Vishal Parpia and Roma Ebrahim. We plan on covering a range of topics and making lots and lots of politically incorrect statements. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 04,August,2004 | I'm not exactly holding the fort either, work has exploded into a hideous cocktail of 30 different things that need my immediate attention. I'm afraid that more interesting things like this blog will need to take a back seat but fear not, we shall return. And we shall kick much ass. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 03,August,2004 | My deepest apologies for being so neglectful to the baby. I've been totally overwhelmed on various fronts, including personal, professional and educational. Most recently, I've been told, with much delight from my sadistic genius of a 'Competitive and Strategic Analysis' professor that I have to come up with an analysis technique all by my retarded little self. On Marketing Warfare, no less. What the hell do I know about developing strategic analysis techniques? Zip-a-doodle, that's what. I have a week before I need to submit this. My middle name should be procrastination. Followed by misery. And insommnia. And caffiene. And neck-muscle spasms. Roma Procrastination Misery Insommnia Caffiene de la Neck-Spasm Ebrahim. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 29,May,2004 | Saw this urlLink Interview with writer Karey KirkPatrick on urlLink Slashdot who is the screenwriter for the movie. I hope he doesn't screw it up. Seems a nice enough chap and I did like Chicken Run. I have recently gained faith in the Hollywood writing/directing process because I thought The Lord of the Rings was genuinely good. As were a lot of the Superhero adaptations I've seen. This is a completely different cup of tea though. Best of luck to him. I wouldn't want his job. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 26,May,2004 | Finally got these suckers working. You do need to define the control that needs to be validated before hand. After that it works like a charm. Probably the biggest time saving feature I've seen in .Net so far. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 26,May,2004 | I like the fact that they killed the President. Why is it that the Vice President is always the asshole though? Is it impossible for a movie to depict the President as being an asshole? I mean we know they are assholes, the present one being the case in point. At least the President in the movie seemed to be an idiot. Very realistic on that score. Dennis Quaid is an idiot too. Believable as a rugged arctic adventurer, harder to believe as a real human being. I just hate the way he acts. I think he is a boring person in real life. Other than that, I thought the movie was great. It's always nice to see stuff blow up. The scene in LA with multiple twisters was awesome. That and the waves of the sea frozen so it looks almost like a desert. Isn't there some saying about the desert being the sea of the land... Or something equally paradoxical? Donnie Darko is in it which was weird but added to the endearment factor. What the hell is his real name anyway? urlLink Jake Gyllenhaal is Donnie Darko, IMDB owns your ass. Well worth my Rs. 150. I might even pick up the DVD. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 26,May,2004 | Been messing about with ASP.Net and was having trouble getting CustomValidators to work correctly. I wanted Server Side validation for a Username (check to make sure that the username does not exist). I got it to the point where it comes back if an error occurs without writing to the database but it didn't display the error. Found this page: urlLink 4 Guys from Rolla that provided an easy server side only example. Still didn't fix why my message wasn't being displayed though. I think it has something to do with setting the controls to validate at design time in the design window. I am currently setting those properties at runtime through a function. Lets see how it goes when I switch that. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 26,May,2004 | Hey everyone out there. Finally got around to setting up the site on Ron's server. Blogger does a nice job of ftping and keeping everything looking good. Look forward to more words of (questionable) wisdom in the coming weeks. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 21,May,2004 | I just got done reading this article: urlLink Eurogamer.net - Microsoft set to offer XNA technology to consumer electronics rivals . This is the right way to go about it. If you're making games today the hardest choice is having to pick a platform or pay out the waazoo for a piece of the other hardware manufacturer's pie. XNA might just be a the best way to go about it. I'd love to have a competing open source standard (As OpenGL is to DirectX) but I think it takes somebody with the muscle to put out it's own console that will be able to drive adoption. If the Phantom guys at urlLink Infinim want to survive they'd be jumping on this bandwagon as soon as they find the trail. I was concerned with the reference to movies and about how it is the 'perfect analogy'. Firstly both movies and music are far less complicated technologically when compared to games. There is a 'right way' to see a movie. It scales down to a smaller screen, the sound drops from Dolby Digital whatever to mono as required but as long as you're capable of churning out upwards of 30 fps you can play a movie. There is also a 'right way' to play a game. It needs to be played on the platform it was designed for. You can't expect a game written for a PC to work on a handheld. That means theres a hell of a lot more work involved in making games as flexible as movies. That little handheld can't possibly have enough juice to play your game as well as a PC could. You'd end up making an entirely new game, oftentimes sans 3D for that mobile platform. How is that the same as movies? The PSP will play your movie, the iPod will play your MP3. I think it's an oversimplification to believe that the game will work perfectly on so many platforms just because it uses XNA. Games are not as simple as movies. At best it is an analogy that falls apart at the end. XNA has the right idea, but it's going to take something special from Microsoft. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 30,June,2004 | With much pomp and fanfare, urlLink pillowmint has been launched. Stop by for completely conflicting opinions on inconsequential topics. Suggestions for new topics are always welcome. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 26,June,2004 | I don't even have to say what the fuck. It is implied. Read this urlLink press release at Gotham Comics and you'll understand what has got me to this point of pure anger. Apparently Peter Parker is now Pavitr Prabhakar. When I first saw it I thought it was a spoof or something. But this is the Gotham Comics website. It's a goddamn press release. There's some fairly high quality artwork of Spider-man in a fucking dhoti. Honestly, who the hell are they trying to appeal to? Even the farmers in India have better fashion sense. Look at the shoes! Someone has completely lost their minds. They call it transcreation. I call it crap. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 24,June,2004 | Finally, the LZW compression patent runs out and Unisys doesn't get it's grubby paws on money for every single application that uses GIF compression. The urlLink Unisys Website has some more details about the whole thing. But really, at least open source software can build in the damned thing to distribution binaries instead of making me rebuild it with some obscure switch turned on. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 18,June,2004 | This one's for you: urlLink Jeffrey Zeldman Presents: The Ad Graveyard . Thought you'd get a kick out of it. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 17,June,2004 | I'm new to the blogosphere. I knew it existed, frequented a few blogs here and there and never thought about setting up my own. Which is rather weird, now that I think about it, since I'm all for trying out new stuff. Anyway, the reason I finally got involved was because I read a blog with a beautiful design, actually it was this very template. As a web developer by profession I was naturally attracted to the simplicity of a page that lost none of it's beauty because it didn't have aqua buttons or flash or javascript trickery. I had no idea what I was getting into when I right clicked to view source. It was nothing short of a revelation. Nestled comfortably in this elegantly coded html file was nothing whatsoever. That is to say there wasn't the stuff I expected to see. Instead of the nested tables and IE/Netscape hacks with indentation from hell I saw no content formatting code at all. The content was there in simple <div>s and <p>s but that was all. They had managed the holy grail of web design: Separation of content from formatting. CSS is finally living up to it's promise. Now I'm not an idiot. I know what CSS can do, hell I use CSS on every site I make. I just didn't know how far people had managed to get it to go. There were always compatibility issues, unsupported properties and a plethora of other problems that had no solution. Things have moved on since the last time I looked. I've been gobbling up information on the new way of doing things. urlLink A list apart , urlLink CSS Zen Garden and urlLink Douglas Bowman's Stopdesign (he's the guy that made the template I'm using and redesigned Blogger) have all been incredibly useful resources. Needless to say I'm moving urlLink ActivElement 's site to this kind of separation and all new projects will use this method alone. To hell with Netscape 4. Job #1 is to redo urlLink my home page with pure CSS. It should then be relatively simple to get this blog to match. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 15,June,2004 | This is one of those 'Why didn't I think of that?' sites. urlLink BugMeNot.com offers logins for all those sources of information that require registration now. Brilliant idea. Add to favorites for sure. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 12,June,2004 | There are those that have so little faith in the American judicial system that they think SCO actually has a case. I beg to differ. This is a company that have been duped by their lawyers into believing they can win this thing. urlLink Groklaw has a write up on Judge Kimball kicking the case out and giving SCO 30 days to make good. The odds of SCO making good are slim at best. It is almost comical to see SCO play the bad guy trying to get money from people giving software away. Linux is obviously the good guy, grassroots movement, everything for free, tree-hugging hippie of the software world. As with any good hollywood movie, the bad guy gets what's coming to him and the good guy gets the girl... which in this case is probably more market share. This entire fiasco can only make Linux stronger. It's like a huge PR exercise to prove to people that the Linux code is not only utterly free (because the copyright holders have chosen to release it under the GPL), but that it is so good that SCO, the makers of UNIX, think it has to be a rip-off of their operating system. I can think of no higher praise. SCO are done for. To all you SCO stock holders, a word of advice: Eat the loss and sell now. It will only get worse. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 08,June,2004 | Holy moly! I have got to get me one of urlLink these ! |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 04,June,2004 | As usual, Robert Cringely manages to blow away everyone by seeing something where others don't. The man is remarkably perceptive and, perhaps more importantly, is capable of delivering his message to enough people thanks to PBS and his geeky fame. urlLink Engines of Change is just another great piece of thinking. Everyone knows the technology exists, he just plugs enough of it together to make something completely different happen. What I want to see (and haven't seen yet) is a cheap IP phone that uses WiFi. It only needs 802.11b but needs to be in the approximate price range of the Nokia 3310. Now that would make me a rich man. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 02,June,2004 | Been busy redesigning my urlLink website . Here's a sneak peek at the graphics I plan on using there: Hopefully this one will get completed. The old one was under construction for an obscene amount of time. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 28,July,2004 | Wow. Look at this: urlLink Forbes.com: Trio to combine cell and wireless LANs . Sure it only works on Avaya Access Points right now but holy crap this is EXACTLY what I mentioned earlier. Can't wait to see this technology proliferate. The end is nigh for the phone companies. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 12,July,2004 | One of the most irritating and arcane aspects of the internet has always been the slow propagation of DNS records. Well for the first time in memory urlLink VeriSign have done urlLink something good . This couldn't come at a better time for me. I'll be switching all my sites over to my new DNS servers very soon and this just makes it that much less painful. Nice work VeriSign, course you should have done it ages ago. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 10,July,2004 | Saw this on urlLink Business Week . I think the man raises some valid points. Apple products have long tempted me to switch from the hell that is the PC world but the pricepoint has always been a tad too high. I tend to 'convert' to PC terms and find that I usually get a far better deal. Of course I'm still waiting for the day that Apple finally decides to release their OS on the PC platform. How I shall enjoy removing Windows from my system. MUHAHAHA! |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 05,July,2004 | Well it happened. The whole tournament came full circle and had the same result. What was worse is that from the very beginning it never once looked like Portugal were going to win it. urlLink ESPNSoccernet.com has the whole match summary as well as some interesting statistics and things. Should have bet on it. Would have made a packet. |
3,373,204 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 08,August,2004 | I cleaned the case of my iPod today and was surprised to find that the case had popped out on the side. Now I've dropped it a couple of times by accident but I hadn't noticed the bulge on the side of the metal case. I proceeded to frantically press and pry to get it back in place, but alas, to no avail. Obviously the next step was to Google for it. No results seemed to match the problem I had. Finally I searched for how to open an iPod thinking that would at least give me a tip as to how to get between the plastic top case and the bottom metal one. Lo and behold this turned up results. The recommendation was to use thin plastic used in Radio Shack packaging. With no Radio Shack within a 1000 miles of Pune I started hunting around my room for a suitable piece of plastic. I now have the case popped back into place... and the implement used? A rigid strip of cold medication (Cold-Act to be presise). So now you know. And knowing is half the battle. G.I. Joe Zindabaad. |
4,222,160 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 20,August,2004 | After a lot of hard work, complicated JS ;-) and some nifty tricks, I have completed the first version of CFX_JImage Studio to demo our latest Java Custom tag. The demo is cross browser (Mozilla and IE) and may (or may not) be slow on your connection. To check it out, click the button below. Please send feedback to urlLink [email protected] |
4,222,160 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 19,August,2004 | Here is something you might enjoy! To boost our wonderful CFX_JImage tag and offer more 'Bang for your buck', we have developed a DHTML interface to the custom tag that people can use to either try the tag out or host online to quickly edit an image file on their server. The main bulk of the application is complete but there is still a small matter of server-side organisation of files, REDO/UNDO and loading of image files etc Above is a quick snapshot of what the application looks like. I am currently working on the Filter Browser dialog while Peter is tracking down some nasty Java bug that is preventing images that have been read from being released by Java. Looks like in the loading class, the Input file stream isnt being closed properly.... I am most proud of the Rubber Band effect used for cropping the image and placing the text for drawing! |
4,222,160 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 16,August,2004 | Peter is currently packaging up and writing the documentation for our latest CFX release on CFTagStore.com. This tag rocks! It has various features and enhancements over similar solutions especially the rather cool cropping feature. The best part of this tag is the price! Be sure to check CFTagStore.com and grab a copy of this tag ASAP! :-) Dan. |
4,222,160 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 13,August,2004 | About 3 weeks ago, I got an invite to GMail. I singed up and was blown away with the interface and the DHTML etc (Especially the Spell Checking) but didn't really expect myself to use it as I rely heavily on my email account [email protected] But then something strange started happening! I have 3 computers on my desk, my main work PC, an iMac and my laptop. The laptop is controlled by my Desktop via PCAnywhere (Cuts down on swapping mice and keyboards and is handy for transferring clipboard contents etc) During my normal day, my Laptop sits there getting my email and its a dog of a laptop now. There are so many apps running as services. I develop on my Desktop. I now find it easier to use my GMail account to answer tech questions due to the extremely handy feature of grouping all emails together in a conversation . Normally, I answer up to 20 emails a day and its time consuming to look for previous emails to refer back to but with this new feature coupled with GTray, I get my email instantly all grouped nicely together! Google Mail, you are my new best friend! Dan. |
4,222,160 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 13,August,2004 | Just finished my latest assigned project for a client bang on time! The code is safely written to CD and ready for deployment tomorrow. The project is an Intranet for a newspaper company which will allow storage of important information in a single database and help boost inter-office communication. The particular project was completed 2 yrs ago but a much needed CRM section was required so thats what I have been working on for the last month. I actually have to admit that its looking savage! Its near perfect on both Mac and PC. Being a newspaper, the Mac was a prerequisit so we had to get an old iMac in to help with compatability. Its amazing how far modern browsers have progressed! IE5 on Mac sucks! Dan. |
4,222,160 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 13,August,2004 | We are always striving to make better applications here at Digital Crew. Many of these applications, widgets and components make their way onto urlLink CFTagStore.com so developers don't have reinvent the wheel when it comes to developing similar pieces of code. I would like to give some insight into whats in the pipeline here at DC. TeamWork Intranet TeamWork Intranet is our main product encompassing all our components and applications into a group-based Intranet Environment. We dedicate Fridays to complete development of the product and are excited about its potential. For more information : urlLink www.TeamWorkIntranet.com CFX_JImage Peter is currently working on a Java CFX Tag for image manipulation that allows developers to perform a number of editing functions on images right from ColdFusion. I am currently working on a complimentary DHTML interface to show off its capabilities and its looking damn fine. Most proud of the Rubber Band effect for cropping images. More to come on that.... CFX_JSpell My own personal delving in Java CFX tags is a GMail type Textarea spell checking component. The DHTML side takes all inspiration from GMail and is compatible with Mozilla and IE. The server side code (CFX) can be run against a dictionary seperate from our DHTML interface. The Spell Checking Engine being used is Jazzy (Open Source on SourceForge.net) CFX_JZip This is an update to a tag I am selling on urlLink www.CFTagStore.com . The new update will allow the user to Add to a zip file aswell as provide a spiffy DHTML interface for manipulating Zip Files. CFMyAdmin We are also excited about releasing Version 2.0 of our ColdFusion Based MySQL Database Manager urlLink www.CFMyAdmin.com The new version will support Indices, foreign keys and a full user account manager. We are also taking this opportunity to over-haul the data display and entry section. So, thats a synopsis of whats in the pipeline and to give an oversight of what we're all about coming into the Autumn. Regards, Dan. |
4,222,160 | male | 25 | Technology | Aries | 13,August,2004 | Finally, I have taken the plunge and started a ColdFusion Development Blog on the latest developments in ColdFusion personnally, with Digital Crew and CFTagStore.com Seeing as this is the first post and I'm trying to work out what the hell is going on with the feeds and everything, I'll keep it short and sweet! I'll say this though, the Interface for Blogger is savagely good!! Dan. |
4,013,263 | female | 23 | Automotive | Aquarius | 31,July,2004 | Ya know, my boyfriend always tells me how disappointed he is in me for not doing whatever he says at the time. Its mainly going out and drinking for the most part. He is always disappointed that I get tired at 2 am and that I dont stay up with him as late as I do my other friends which is 4 am because I cant get them to leave before then. He tells me every week how disappointing I am and how predictable I am because I get tired at the same time, I work a regular work week and do the same things after I get home. He lets me know he doesnt want me. He doesnt even know he doesn't want me yet. I feel like I am only around until something better comes along. I am the first girl that has never cheated on him and he is disappointed in me all the time. I am one of the few girls that has not broken up with him and it is almost like he cant break up with me. Sometimes I think he is only with me for the same reason any other person would be and when something better comes along he will be gone. I cannot give him what he wants because he wants me to be someone else that I am not. He is so busy focusing on what he thinks is wrong with me personally. I dont see him saying anything good about me anymore. I cannot change anymore than I already have. I have done so many changes that were necessary. |
4,013,263 | female | 23 | Automotive | Aquarius | 30,July,2004 | Yesterday I went to the Internal Medicine doctor that I have. I have a total of 5 doctors and I am losing 4 out of the 5 when my new insurance switches over. I am bummed about it, but i found out something interesting yesterday at my visit. All those specialists I have been going to, I could of went to the internal medicine doctor all along. No more psychiatry, dermatology, gastrology, gynocology, and the internal medicine doctor. I am rejoycing. Insurance companies are willing to pay for an internal medicine doctor way over anything else. I am so excited that I will not have millions of appointments all the time anymore. In the last 2 years, I have switched insurance companies 3 times. It has been a rough ride when it comes to deductables and copays. Hopefully, this new insurance I will be on for awhile so I won't have to deal with this BS anymore. My new deductable is only 250. The old one is 1,000. Big difference! |
4,013,263 | female | 23 | Automotive | Aquarius | 27,July,2004 | Lately I have become obsessed with a particular musician. I don't really know why. It's not like he's cute or I would want anything to do with him sexually. Its more like a mind pick. He is so strange that I cannot help but to read his words and listen to his music. I look at his art and obsess over the meaning. I obsess over his traumas that have made him who he is. He is so strange that I just want to understand or be able to see through his eyes at things. I wonder why people who they are. I usually attach myself to people who are considered different. This singer is called Marilyn Manson. He's so strange that even his girlfriend(fiance) is a fetish film maker. I don't think shes a porno star, but pretty close. She's even eccentric. I have been reading his book trying to get a better idea, but it only leaves me asking more questions. Kinda like, theres got to be more to it than that. He is such an outcast that he has gathered all the outcasts and made them the majority while everyone else has turned into an outcast. He is one of the most apatheic people I have ever heard of. He writes all this hatred yet he tries to come off as if he doesn't care. I don't get it. Its like an unsolved riddle. Unfortunately, I will never solve this one because he is a human being. Its not like I can actually talk to him and go,'what's going on up in that head of yours to make you so unique?' And even if I could, its not like he can answer a question like that. Who can! I know I cannot about myself. Well I guess I will continue to wrap myself up in his mystery/misery trying to guess what is going on and what is the route cause and why am I so drawn to a tortured soul? I guess one thing about reading that book is it has made him more human. I have stopped having nightmares about him and dreamed more that I was him and can feel what he is feeling emotionally. I play out the scenes in his book in my dreams. I guess that is my own fault since I read it every night before I go to sleep. In any case, from one person to another, he's pretty different. I respect that. |
4,013,263 | female | 23 | Automotive | Aquarius | 26,July,2004 | The most popular religion in America is Christianity. My dad's father was a Baptist Preacher. My dad has always been a little hypocritical to religion. My sister is a bible thumping fanatic. People get so caught up in something to believe in, that no one really stops and thinks about what it can sounds like. To me, the bible, is a bunch of fables that teach moral value. Those people might have existed at some time, but the stories are more like tall tales of what really happened. People don't see the bible as a teaching tool. They see it as a form of reality and a desperate grasp to understand why they are on this earth. Now, you may get pissed of at my viewpoint. I am not writing on here to piss people off. I just want to talk about things. To me, my religion is more practical. My God is nature, science and mathmatics. We have no purpose here on earth. We are random acts of chemicals. We are powered by a soul that is energy (electricity). When the energy dissapates, we die and return to our God aka nature, science and mathmatics. We are put into this earth and we are gone. There is no heaven or hell. Just a transfer of energy into a never ending cycle. That cycle will only be broken if one of the energies or chemicals dissapates (sun, gravity, earth, oxygen). Who each person is, is our nature. Chemicals and matter make up our individual personalities. Personalities and moods can be modified with outside chemicals whether they be illegal drugs or prescribed drugs. I am an example of this. My personality is modified with prescription drugs to make life seem more livable. If our personality is part of our soul, then we shouldn't have any capabilities of modifying who we are with chemicals. Ghosts to me are natural phenomena when energy is displaced. It might be from a person that was on this earth, but that ghost does not inhabit the personality of the energy's past. Ghosts may be around us all the time. It might be something we electively see from time to time, if at all. When we see these ghosts, we might make them into an image we will understand such as a person we know whom has died. People instinctually force things into categories so they can bear to process the information. It is also true that this very thought of ghosts debases the whole heaven and hell theory of Christianity. We can only have one and not the other. What is the answer? Who is right? When you try to make Christianity black and white, you can't. When you take my theory, it seems more plausable and easily transfers over into black and white. You can call my religion Panthiesm if you need the label. |
4,013,263 | female | 23 | Automotive | Aquarius | 25,July,2004 | To everyone out there that discriminates, disrespects, and disbelieves mental illness should take the time to understand it first, then make a judgement call. There are a lot of people out in this world that take those mental illness labels and try to fit them into one tightly sealed 'container' filled with the same thing over and over again. People fail to realize those terms are blanketing terms that are very general and non specific to most of the characteristics of the illness. Because of the stigma of mental illness, most Americans after being diagnosed with one, tend to lie about it in the future because they are afraid. They are afraid of losing their jobs, friends, and family. They are afraid that they will be wrongly judged and called psycho or crazy behind their backs. They are afraid that no one will listen to them anymore or think what they say is valid or real. Some people think that mental illness is a joke and a trendy epidemic in America. Some people think that people with mental illness are better off dead. Do you know what I say to these people? FUCK YOU! I was diagnosed initially when i was 16 years old with clinical depression. When I hit 18, i was diagnosed with clinical depression and social anxiety. When I was 20 years old, I was diagnosed bipolar type two and general anxiety. The last diagnosis still stands to this day. A lot of people in this world will look right at me and start trashing someone with a mental illness of a similar label as mine. These people do not know I have those labels as well. I let these people talk, but it makes me steam because of the ignorance of what they are saying. Most people think that mental illness makes you crazy or disabled. My illness sometimes gives me creativity, vision, and the ability to see differently than others. It has made me who I am. Right now, I take medication. I only take it because if I dont, then I stop sleeping very well. I also take medication to make me less filled with stress and tension from being scared. The nature of my disorders are not extreme. They are so mild in nature. I have never been hospitalized or drugged up because I was going to hurt myself. The way a movie portrays mental illness does not help the stigma. You have out there 'Me, Myself, and Irene', 'Girl Interrupted', 'Secret Window', 'A Clockwork Orange', 'A Beautiful Mind', and countless others. They do not shed the light on the reality of what it is, but the extreme nature of what a person can go through if they have it. The majority of this world does not have it extremely bad. And most of those people are never treated. I found this poem that I relate to. It really touched me and pointed out something about how society is concerning mental illness. It is as follows. To Be a Mental Patientby Rae Unzicker (1948-2001) To be a mental patient is to be stigmatized, ostracized, socialized, patronized, psychiatrized. To be a mental patient is to have everyone controlling your life but you. You're watched by your shrink, your social worker, your friends, your family. And then you're diagnosed as paranoid. To be a mental patient is to live with the constant threat and possibility of being locked up at any time, for almost any reason. To be a mental patient is to live on $82 a month in food stamps, which won't let you buy Kleenex to dry your tears. And to watch your shrink come back to his office from lunch, driving a Mercedes Benz. To be a mental patient is to take drugs that dull your mind, deaden your senses, make you jitter and drool and then you take more drugs to lessen the 'side effects.' To be a mental patient is to apply for jobs and lie about the last few months or years, because you've been in the hospital, and then you don't get the job anyway because you're a mental patient. To be a mental patient is not to matter. To be a mental patient is never to be taken seriously. To be a mental patient is to be a resident of a ghetto, surrounded by other mental patients who are as scared and hungry and bored and broke as you are. To be a mental patient is to watch TV and see how violent and dangerous and dumb and incompetent and crazy you are. To be a mental patient is to be a statistic. To be a mental patient is to wear a label, and that label never goes away, a label that says little about what you are and even less about who you are. To be a mental patient is to never to say what you mean, but to sound like you mean what you say. To be a mental patient is to tell your psychiatrist he's helping you, even if he is not. To be a mental patient is to act glad when you're sad and calm when you're mad, and to always be 'appropriate.' To be a mental patient is to participate in stupid groups that call themselves therapy. Music isn't music, its therapy; volleyball isn't sport, it's therapy; sewing is therapy; washing dishes is therapy. Even the air you breathe is therapy and that's called 'the milieu.' To be a mental patient is not to die, even if you want to -- and not cry, and not hurt, and not be scared, and not be angry, and not be vulnerable, and not to laugh too loud -- because, if you do, you only prove that you are a mental patient even if you are not. And so you become a no-thing, in a no-world, and you are not. Rae Unzicker © 1984 |
4,013,263 | female | 23 | Automotive | Aquarius | 24,July,2004 | Ok, I have this awesome computer with a DVD burner +-. It is absolutely the most complex piece of machinery I have ever owned. You can't just copy DVDS. You have to decript them, then you can burn them with Nero. Problem being is you have to have all the correct settings in order for this to work. Also, If your movie needs subtitles, you can just forget about zipping something up to burn. It is a long and complicated process. My friend Jon was over last night working on it for 4 hours. Finally I was like, GO HOME! I am tired! I feel really sleepy today as a result. We didn't even figure out how to burn the subtitles either. I just wanted to sleep for the night. Anyone know how to burn those DVD subtitles? I wish there was an all in one program to do this. |
4,013,263 | female | 23 | Automotive | Aquarius | 23,July,2004 | I met Brian in January 2003. We started dating February 4, 2003. He is the longest boyfriend I have had that was not over a distance for some time. We started living together in October 2003. I love him very much. He is my friend, lover, and future husband (Hopefully). I do not want to have children and he does not pressure me to have them. We have our disagreements about something, but they have always seemed to work out. The only thing that hinders our relationship is the fact his parents hate me from the get go. They hate everyone. Brian is really hard up for their approval (which he will never get from anything he does) from them. We fight about his parents more than anything. He still has not told them we live together. He has not spoken to them in almost 7 months. It is a really long time not to speak to your family. I talk to my family about once a week. I think the fact that I wrote them a letter telling his parents how I feel and what they are doing really made Brian mad. Brian cannot stand up for himself or anyone to them. So I stood up for myself. I don't think I did anything wrong except putting things in writing instead of only calling them. Spoken words fade away. Written words people can dwell on their misery. I spoke the truth from my viewpoint. I tried straightening up what they thought about me, but they only made me cry and pushed me away. They are the most miserable people I have ever met in my entire life. Brian tends to get sucked into their misery and believes sometimes it is his fault. Brian has a hard time with people. He always wants other people's approval for everything. He struggles with this on a daily basis. He suffocates what he really thinks so people will like him. There is a line you draw when it comes to people's approval. I think Brian is willing to cross the line sometimes. He becomes so concerned about what people think of me, that it is irritating. I don't care too much what people think. I have good and bad days and if someone catches me on a bad day, or if I do not like them, I do not hide my feelings. Brian has a hard time with this. He would rather me suck them all in and squash them as he does with his. I think Brian has a lot of growing up to do and a lot of hardening up as well. Brian has never had a job where his life depended on the money. He always had something to prevent that situation. He doesn't understand when I am tired because he can sleep however much he needs. He cannot understand me wanting to sit around because I am never home. He is always at home. He cannot understand that I am around people all the time and need my space. I think all this will change once he finally is completely on his own and working full time to pay off his debts from being in school. Don't get me wrong, Brian is a wonderful person, but every wonderful person has their flaws. |
4,013,263 | female | 23 | Automotive | Aquarius | 23,July,2004 | My new job is great. I stay busy most of the time. The only time I am not busy is on Fridays where no one is here. I have excellent benefits and excellent pay. I enjoy the work I do and I enjoy it when it is complete. I do not mind coming into work every day. I sit right behind my friend Margaret. She is the one that helped me get this position. I have been here for almost a month now. Things couldn't be better. One thing about this job is I feel it has separated me from my friend Deborah, from my old job. All I can really say is my life is great now, and hers isn't. Her misery does not rub off on me anymore. I think it takes away from some of the common ground we had together. It is tough not to feel like I am bragging about my job when she is around. I do not have any major gripes like I used to with the old position. Misery loves company, and now I am not good company to her. I think she is one of those people that is addicted to misery. My job is kinda interesting. It can be called a more complex version of Data entry and customer service. I administer a program along with a process that people use to publish new projects. Eventually I will be involved in process improvement. VW does tuition reimbursement. I am going to go back to school in the Winter for my Masters of Science in Business Information Technology. Hopefully that will put me in line for management positions at VW. This company is the kind of company I could work for, forever. One condition is that I get better positions as the years pass. Right now VW is ranked 88th best IT place to work in the country voted by ComputerWorld Magazine. One of the cool benefits is I get is a discount on a vehicle. I am going to lease, and when you lease, they pay for your car insurance. Right now my car is a dump and I cannot wait to get my convertible VW Beetle. I currently have a Beetle, but I have had it for 5 years and it is turning into a pile of junk. I feel that VW takes care of their employees very well. I feel that they are fair, just employers and I don't think they would allow the things that happend at my old company to occur here. I recommend this place. Its essentially the best place I have worked in my entire life. |
4,013,263 | female | 23 | Automotive | Aquarius | 23,July,2004 | I have four cats because.... I am insane? no.... Because I wanted them? partially. Ok here is the story. I have 4 cats because of one cat and a boyfriend who don't get along. Somehow along the way, my precious Winter became terrified of my boyfriend, Brian, after we moved in together. He started shitting in places he wasn't suppose to as well as peeing. It got in his fur, in my closet etc. It made my life hell for 3 months. I had to lock Winter up in a cage. Me and Brian moved into a 2 bedroom apartment in February. Winter got his own room. Winter was still terrified and doing all those bad things even though he could hear Brian but couldn't see him. So, I thought that getting another cat would help. Well, I couldn't find a place who would not call my Landlord about having another cat. So I went to the vet and they were selling 2 cats for the price of one. They were littermates and just under a year old. I took them because I wanted something and if this is all I could get, I would take it. Winter got immediately better. Brian's attitude towards cats improved by 100%. Then a few months later, I got an email from a friend saying he knew someone who wanted to get rid of their black persian. I couldn't resist since a black persian was my dream cat. Now I have Winter, Midnight, Jasmine and Jayma. My least favorite is Jayma because she beats up the cats to the point where she is vicious. She breaks things and shreds on things. She begs for food all the time. She is annoying. I wouldn't mind getting rid of her. The two kittens are compulsive over eaters. They eat so much that I had to have set feeding times for them. When they don't have food to eat, they like to eat things that are not food and they chew on wires. It is annoying. They are extremely obese. My two persians, Winter and Midnight, are so precious. They play together and have fun. They are so beautiful that it takes my breath away. I really love those two cats alot. I would be torn up if anything ever happend to them. So that is the story of why I have 4 cats instead of just two. |
4,013,263 | female | 23 | Automotive | Aquarius | 23,July,2004 | This is the first use of my new Blog. I hope it is as entertaining as it is thought provoking as I want it to be. I guess I can give a little background information about myself. My name is Breanne. I am 23 years old. I live with my boyfriend, 4 cats, and 1 scared beta fish. I just started a month ago at my current job. I work in the Information Technology field. I waited long and hard for a position in IT. I graduated from college in November of 2002 with a BA. in Computer Information Systems. I tried my hardest from August 2002 to December 2002 to get any permenant job. I had to give up and go to temping. From there is where I worked at several places including the place I am a permanent employee now. I was at VW as a temp then had to leave because they wouldn't hire me perm. I went off to Sho-Link. Who would of thought it would go from bad to much much worse. I never knew a 'Dilbert' office or an 'Office Space' office really would exist. There I encountered all the things that made a bad business. There was nepotism, favortism, shovanism, sexual harrassment, drug usage, and just plain stupid people. My first day, I met everyone. I went in there thinking everything will be good and fine. My first day wanted to send me running. They smoked in the office, causing me to get migranes all week. They did take me out to lunch the first two days but the rest of the week I ate alone and from that point on I ate alone because they didn't want me in their clique (3 people were really clique). This girl, Deborah, was the administrative assistant. She seemed loud, angry, and repressed. After me and her were left there at the end of the day while all the higher up people got to leave before 8 hrs was up, she would sit with me and bitch about how horrible the company was. She told me past stories of things that absolutely struck fear into my heart. I would often go home and cry. Her misery spread into my misery. My misery over the next 10 months turned into my own misery, a reality that I couldn't bear. Jenny, my supervisor, was the dumb blonde that always laughed at what you said yet when you complained, she would brush you off. She talked incessantly about herself and would completely tune out others while she went on and on. All you really had to do was knod and say yes every once in awhile. I started avoiding her after 3 months. Every once in awhile she would corner me in my office and make me talk about something about herself that I didn't give a rats ass about. She didn't give a rats ass about me, so I could hardly care for her. While I was there I got really sick. The pressures of having to be at the office 40 hrs a week with no leeway was too much. I had a rough February with moving into a new apartment. They weren't particularly fond of anyone taking off work and would talk trash about the person if they were gone. It made me reluctant to be gone. It made me want to be around so they wouldn't gang up on me behind my back. I also attempted to ask if I could leave 30 minutes early for two months so I could take a class, and they said no. I couldn't believe Jenny. Her excuse is she has an office to run, but she is never there. Also, 30 minutes isn't asking for much. At that point, I loathed her. I was determined to leave Sho-Link at this point. At Sho-Link, I was a CS Rep. There was a girl, Shannon, that had my position before me that worked at one of the other companies we did business with. Ironically enough, not only did they attempt to fire this girl in the past, but recommended her to the other company, Derse. This girl hated me instantly because I had her old position. She tried to make my life hell at that company. And it worked. She got exactly the reaction from Jenny and the president, Alan that she wanted. She constantly was trying to get me in trouble. It first started with her stating I did an order wrong that cost them tons of money. I ended up proving her wrong. Another mistake is one time she called 15 til 5pm and I said, Oh I turned off my computer. Let me turn it back on. That next day I got 'disiplined' by my supervisor, Jenny. I couldn't believe they were making this such a big deal. The things that girl got away with when she worked here were far greater than turning off a computer a little early. She would stretch the truth about me always. She told them I turned off my computer an hour early. It was quite ridiculous. She couldn't prove anything, but I could because Deborah was there. Another instance with this girl, Shannon was she came to an office baby shower uninvited. Everyone felt really uncomfortable. When she left the room, I said she makes me feel uncomfortable to the VP, Scott. He took this comment, told the president, Alan, and the whole office got in trouble for it. I thought it was insane that everyone got in trouble over that. I had a right to say how I felt in a non-insulting manner. After all the things she had done to me, I had a right to feel SOMETHING. Sho-Link has a end of the year party every year(its really a Christmas Party). Me and my boyfriend went. My boyfriend that night got totally tanked. While he was dancing with me, he slammed his head into mine, cutting open his skin above his eye. We had to rush him to the emergency room. The VP, Scott, took us there. My boyfriend was puking everywhere and crying. I ended up taking him back to the hotel and I left him for a few minutes. I went up to the Presidents room where they were having a party. Alan attempted to take a cleevage shot of my breasts. I left the room. I was already humiliated enough. I ended up staying up all night cleaning up Brian's vomit. I wanted to never see those people again. When I went to work that next week, they laughed and teased me about it. They said something happens to someone every year. My opinion of the majority of these people was not a good one. I didn't feel any better being compared to someone else at that company. While I was there, I slowly became good friends with Deborah and Carrie. Deb more than Carrie though. Deborah was really fun to be around. She was smart, inteligent, deligent, and on her way to becoming successful. I clung to her for the only intelligent conversation and common interests we had outside of work. Carrie and I shared an office and became friends in a way that made me learn a lot from her. She made me laugh and was fun to be around. She would talk about anything. In March of 2004, I received a call from my old friend Margaret at VW. She said they were going to have an open position in her area and I could do that job. She asked if I was interested. I said yes. I wanted out. I never thought it was going to happen. Two months trickled by without a word from anyone. Finally, while searching Monster.com, I saw my job on there! I was outraged, upset, disturbed, and sad. I was passed up again! So, I applied again anyway. A few more weeks goes by and I get called in for an interview. I was nearly jumping out of my skin for weeks. I was so excited. I went to the interview and it was awesome. I did better at that interview than any other one in the past. I was not even nervous. I thought for sure I had this one. At the end of the week, I received a call offering me the job. I was stoked! I put in my two weeks notice the following Monday and here I am. I work at VW in the field of MY CHOICE. |
4,013,263 | female | 23 | Automotive | Aquarius | 15,August,2004 | I have come to realize how most of me, is inside my head. I think more internally and hardly ever vocalize what I am thinking. I think what if, if then, type scenarios, act them out in my head and come to a conclusion to what will happen. I realized this because me and Brian were at his friends house and everyone was talking. I kept dazing off and people wandered what I was thinking. Most of the time I do not realize I am psycho analyzing a situation until I really stopped to think about it(once again). It helped me realize who I am more. I realize now why I am not very articulate. I am so used to explaining ideas in my head, that I have no practice telling someone else these things, because I miss telling all the links that brought me to the conclusion. I definitely need to work on this attribute because I need to be better at articulating my thoughts at work. I need to fine tune my words of persuasion and speaking in complete thought processes. I internalize so much, that I never really realized this part of me. I just expect people to fill in the gaps naturally. What is so weird is, when I go into myself, it is like the outside of me shuts off and I look blank or angry or sad, when really, I am just somewhere else completely. |
4,013,263 | female | 23 | Automotive | Aquarius | 13,August,2004 | I do not know what is with me lately, but everything smells horrible. I wonder if this is normal. People's body odor, breath, etc are driving me crazy. The smell of skin even. Kinda weird. I also think I imagine some smells. For example, sometimes when I have gone down on a guy, I think i smell urine or like old cum on them. It kinda grosses me out. And I feel like my sensitivity to smell right now is turning me into an ice queen. Ever notice how awful sex smells? Ugh, I cannot stand the way it smells. Also, the room that I sleep in smells bad. Me and my boyfriend open a window and it does not help. It has permeated the room. The sheets even smell bad from it along with my boyfriend's clothes that are in there. It seems like smells are so intense lately. Maybe it is hormonal. Maybe it is because I have all these smelly litter boxes everywhere, so I am constantly bombarded with a horrible smell. Or the fact that my boyfriend doesn't take out the trash enough, so the trash starts smelling. Maybe it is the fact that my boyfriend also likes to dump food down a drain, and it starts smelling like rot. Constant exposure to horrible things has probably gotten me oversensitive. You would think I wouldn't smell it after awhile. One time my friend came over and his feet smelled. I felt like it was so strong, I made him bathe his feet. I couldn't believe I did that. How rude can I get?? LOL. |
4,013,263 | female | 23 | Automotive | Aquarius | 09,August,2004 | This weekend was pretty good. Me and Brian had random fights as always. And as always he likes to categorize and assume I will do things because I have done things that way in the past. It is really frustrating to always be put into the negative that way. His assumptions are negative always. He never says a good assumption. He can pretty much give me attitude about everything then reflect how I did something wrong in his eyes, drawing away the critical point of it all. For example: Korn has been calling you way too much dont you think Brian? Reply: Well I only answered because YOU were in your room and I didnt have anything better to do since you were in your room. I was bored. (AKA my fault). This stuff gets to me. It irritates me. At the time I brought this up, I was looking to buy a vacation for the two of us and I just got soured by the reception Brian gave me when I made a comment on how much Korn calls. It was such a turn off. But otherwise I had fun. I enjoyed the Symphony (of what little we got to hear since it started raining) and I enjoyed paddle boating (despite Brian's attempts to fill the evening with commentary because he felt uncomfortable in our silence). People are so strange. We headed over to Christina's afterwards yesterday and when we are about to leave she says she wants us to come over next Saturday. She gets interrupted, and i say well anyway what were you saying Christina? She goes oh so you wont come over unless you hear what is going on? I say no, I just wanted you to finish what you had to say. I hate all these verbal battles. It is such a turnoff. |
4,013,263 | female | 23 | Automotive | Aquarius | 07,August,2004 | Today, me and Brian went and got photo's taken. It was really fun. The photographer accused me of practicing. I honestly just like taking photos. Brian had fun too it seemed. It was just so cool. Now I have photos to give to my parents and some to put on my desk. Tonight we are going to the chicago symphony orchestra at Ravina. We are going to have a picnic and stuff. It will be very romantic. We are celebrating our year and a half together. It doesn't seem like it could possibly be this long that we been together. We go through alot. We deal with each other alot through many issues. We are still together though. It amazes me too. We never have broken up once in all the time we have been together. I guess things work out if it is right. |
3,395,106 | female | 14 | indUnk | Cancer | 23,May,2004 | Pissed.. yep thats it.. morning, dad gone back to hong kong.. missed him but cuming back on tuesday with grandma.. brother had a call.. asking if we could adopt 2 hamsters... i went with him to see but too bad it was different than ours.. ours was grey and white (dwarf) and theirs was brown and white.. somemore bigger than ours.. at first mum said if same then we can get but since its different we rejected it (sort of).. they wanted to give us the cage as we afraid will fight then our precious little 1 may die... but our house no space.. mum say ask dad lor so ask... he say too messy and blah blah blah... always like tt 1.. he also not here most of the time.. only care abt his cleaniness.. grrr. fed up lah! so ya.. the hamsters dun know what they will do with it.. pity the hamsters lor.. so poor thing.. bought by people and just 1 day wanna say bye bye... angry llah.. how can people do such a thing... see if i buy u then keep 1 day, next say say wanna give u away, see how u feel... pissed (im a animal lover tt's why...) drop the subject!! getting very angry!! had breakfast at holland village.. crystal jade.. yum.. then went 7-11 bought slurpee... me mixed grape and blue colour (dun know what tt is).. quite nice however... returned home... and here comes my bad news... got my hair cut.. hate cutting my hair but still had to do it.. i cant live it till it touches the floor or what so ever... went swimming.. bro accidentally hit a womans head and i suppose din say sorry.. his boyfriend (very old liao)got angry lah..keep staring at me... what i murder u or wat... aniway i din hit her head so dun give me tt face lah..he then go sit at the steps with his girlfriend and talk dun know abt wat.. he want to go tt time got someone pei ta.. keep looking back at me pointing some more.. whatu wanna do to me.. i stare back lah... (a bit scared lah hor) i wanna go home tt time.. walk down the slope then see him sitting down at the fountain... grrr... want to eat me izzit... then i heck care lah.. just go home.. reach liao i look down (can see from myhouse window mah) he gone liao... took my nice bath and here i am... guess todays the worst day ever... am so pissed of... dun know what will happen in school tomolo.. hope will not get back exam papers except english.. i wnna enjoy my holi in peace without any nagging... tada.. |
3,395,106 | female | 14 | indUnk | Cancer | 22,May,2004 | woke up at around 10 (not exactly, cos dad woke me up) grrr.... still wanted to sleep but since he woke me , how am i suppose to go back to sleep... went to ghim moh 4 breakfast.. had fishball noodle.. quite yummy but very little... still hungry.. haha im a pig.. brought home some bread and i played the com for abt 2 hrs till 2plus and looked at some old (i mean very old.. '94 photos) with mum...went out at 3 with my mum onli.. went to orchard.. had to do my facial and she went popular.. finished at 5 and went to look for mum in popular.. whoa she bought so many files abt 15 i guess.. got 2 ,3 ,4 rings 1 never see b4 until today.. haha... bought chicken rice home.. reached home.. nth to do as usual.. took a bath and did a bit of my glass deco... so cute but not completed.... had dinner and here i am... played my neopets and wheee did i earn lots of money today.. love playing the freaky factory.. so fun and the blobs are so cute... me just getting crazier and crazier.. haha see u soon... (talking to miself) wierd... |
3,395,106 | female | 14 | indUnk | Cancer | 21,May,2004 | Why did i name my title bored?? obviously isnt it.. for the whole day, i didnt do anithing but just laze around the house.. see, i dun have to go to school today so i woke up around 10(thats me)haha..my bro had to go to school so yay! i got the computer to myself 4 the whole morning.. didnt had anithing to eat 4 my breakfast but still didnt tell my little teddy .. waited for my bro to come back (around 1) b4 i could have sth to eat.. had instant macoroni and felt so full... as usual, when my bro comes back i wont have anithing to do as the com and tv will be occupied... grrr... went to do some of my glass deco.. pasted my little rose on my window (so nice)... then bored so went to sleep.. woke up around 5 plus as it was so damn hot.. didnt on the aircon nor the fan( see i so guai, save electricity) the stupid sun was like staring into my face.. trying to make me blind or wat??! parents came back from dun know where.. dad brought home KFC yay... ate half the potato and 2 chickens.. that was abt 6 plus so had late dinner ( not exactly.. around 8) was kinda of full so din eat much.. im a glutton... haha... night time watched men at forty.. so funny.. played the com and here i am now... i dun know how im going to survive the next2 days.. hmph... of cos, waste my time lazing around... not until someone can suggest sth 4 me to do... thats all .. i suppose now u know why its called bored... haha |
3,395,106 | female | 14 | indUnk | Cancer | 20,May,2004 | Yippie!! at last i have decided to have my own blog!! ok lets see what i have been doing for the past few hours... Finished all my exams today... or should i say i finished it 2 days ago?? yesterday was only home econs and today art.. din have the mood to draw today so just scribbled.. who cares its just art.. wont help me in my future... ended school at ten and went straight home.. i just dun understand the weather... when i just wwalked out of school, it started raining so heavily.. at clementi central, went to &eleven and bought a bag of potato chips.. took 7 home and when i was abt to take my umbella out, it stopped raining.. grrr... reached home bathed 4 an hour, ate instant noodles... watched television for pathetic 30mins (well its better than nothing).. at half the packet of potato chips and slept.. thats me.. when i'm free, i just jump onto my bed, hugging my soft toys and Zzzz..slept till abt 4 and here i am... mums cuming back from hong kong today.. cant wait to see her.. miss her so much!! das cuming a bit later in the night.. gd thing is i dun have to go to school tomorrow (sort of) supppose to go for joseph but who cares.. i'm not interested.. none of my classmates are going aniway... ok i thinki have to stop here.. wanna watch barney!! i know i'm childish!! hehe bye!! |
3,839,094 | female | 16 | Student | Libra | 28,July,2004 | I just read your comment and I don't understand your comment so I would like you to write another comment to explain your comment. Mmm... I think I have confused myself. Who are you angry at-I don't get it. When you read this maybe you could explain furthur (even if you are no longer angry.) Think of nice things like bunny rabbits and chocolate oh, and McFly. Try and channel your energy. I know you won't read this for ages so I'll have to ponder over it myself. I'll leave you with another question 'If there weren't any people to watch it would the tide still go in and out?' - soooo philosophical. Love your ever confused friend. |
3,839,094 | female | 16 | Student | Libra | 16,July,2004 | Hello again. I have just been on holiday. It was alright. We lay on the beaches a lot (when it didn't rain). On Sunday mum had a brainwave and decided that we should all go birdwatching. I wouldn't of minded so much if it hadn't been raining and windy. I mean, if I had wanted to see some birds I could have just looked out of the window in the dry. But, I guess, we had to do the whole 'family bonding' thing. Surely there must have been something more fun to do? Oh well, it's over now but it was a very traumatic experience! Mmmm...I still haven't learnt all my lines for this audition. I have to do it next friday. Never mind. I still have about a week but I also have to prepare it (may be taking an onion with me(it's a crying scene!)) someone has offered me there performing sevices to help me prepare but this was Ondrej. Although I've been on holiday, I don't seem to have much to write. I could talk about the weather but I've done too much of that already. Maybe I should go and learn my lines or read all the zillions of books I have to read before I go back to school. I could go and be sociable with my family but I feel I've done enough of that already. Oh well, the fun might start tomorrow! |
3,839,094 | female | 16 | Student | Libra | 16,July,2004 | Hello. Been a good day. Weather has been a bit odd yet again today, Global warming is definatly out of control and nothing can be done about it. (oh dear, I'm going on a ramble. No, not a walking holiday with wellies and a stick but a ramble about the weather. Actually, I'm not so sure which is better?!) I still have nothing too great to tell. I am going to 'the festival' tomorrow which should be fun, if it doesn't rain. But who really cares if it rains? Festival weather-it's predictable. My mum has started being secret policewomen of our road. She is keeping very close watch on everyone who happens to go past (especially across the road). I would not be suprised if I happened across a police uniform in the washing machine! She believes that there is a bit of drug dealing going on in the caravan across the road (to be honest there is a pretty good chance that she is right!). However, this is the house of Ondrej, (tennis champion and fishing extrodinaire!-not) and I'm sure if he found out about this there would be many bananas thrown and windows broken! Anyway, I shouldn't be talking about other peoples buisiness! La-di-la! My brother road his bike to Nailsea today (crazy boy). God knows why. I'll give you the lowdown. It is raining, it is cold, he didn't have to wait very long for a lift there and he could have spent an hour or so with me and Holly! (mmm...I see his point). Aaaarrrgghhhh, I am slightly scared about my audition (having never had one before). Why do I put myself through this? It always seems so good at the time! I have to 'break down into incoherant tears' what in the world does that mean, I don't even know if that's how you spell it! Oh well, I can't change my spontanious decision of wanting an audition! Well, I'm going to go to bed now, and read my ever so thrilling book. I'll leave you with a question: 'why are bananas yellow?' No, I don't know either! |
3,839,094 | female | 16 | Student | Libra | 15,July,2004 | hey people im on jess's website i am really cool. my name is holly and i am so boring i have nothing to say. apart from how great jess's website is :D thankyou and goodbye x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x |
3,839,094 | female | 16 | Student | Libra | 15,July,2004 | Hopelessly trying to return to normality after being with Lynne for many hours! Wow, I haven't written for ages...I think I have lost my rhythm!i.e not knowing what to write! It has been a long day. I went to the cinema, very much fun. Shreck is very cool although I think they should stay being human at the end as living as an ogre can not be all that good and probably isn't all that happy and they are meant to be living happily ever after. I guess they want the moral of the story to be 'no matter how ugly you are, you still have a chance of finding true love', however it comes across as 'people like you more if you're pretty so if you want to marry an ogre be prepared for people not liking you'?! What is strange about the film though, is that at the end of Shreck 1 they were all ready to live happily ever after and they went off on their honeymoon with everyone liking them. Yet, when they return home, in Shreck 2 everyone, seems to have forgotten this and they don't like them anymore. Oh well, not all of us can be as intelligent as me! Mmmm...what to write about now? The book I'm reading? It's very...graphic! I'm sure people, like myself, should not be exposed to this kind of...adult behaviour! It's supposed to be about world war 1 but I haven't read anything about the war so far. I think the English department should read these books before telling us to read them! I am, of course, reading it for English. I would not read books like this because I feel like it although it can be quite amusing! Well, tomorrow is my clarinet lesson, hopefully. It was cancelled last week, without me knowing! So it had better be on tomorrow otherwise I will...not be happy! Anyway, I'm going to watch Eastenders now and then print out some more pictures of Paris for my picture board. I'll write again, probably. Not sure when though! |
3,839,094 | female | 16 | Student | Libra | 10,July,2004 | This is one of your friends here, wonder if you can guess which one?! i am going to the cinema with you today, and my name is not Jenny. Well, done it's Lynne!! Hee..Hee.. I'm going to go and do something intelligent now, not sure what yet, maybe solve world hunger or something!! |
3,839,094 | female | 16 | Student | Libra | 10,July,2004 | Raining again! Did you see the hail stones this morning (it was quite early so I'll forgive you if you didn't!)? What is it with the weather, has mother nature gone completely mad? I'm guessing it's all down to that disastrous thing called Global Warming! It has been the coldest July for 50 years! And if you compare it to last years...Well, we must now be living in the Antarctic! I got my photographs of Paris back from the chemist and they are very good, I think. Everyone I have shown so far has liked them! I have also organised my trip to the cinema, with Lynne and Jenny (see, I can be organised) and we will be seeing Shreck 2. So this is good, however it still leaves me with many weeks of not doing much as this cinema trip will only last a few hours. Hopefully people will be camping in my garden at the weekend, if the rain holds off otherwise, I've told them, we will be sleeping in the garage (I'm sure my parents will be pleased!)It should be a fun weekend if everyone can make it here maybe I will have to invite extra people incase some people can't come! I will try and make it a bit like Glastonbury, apart from the toilets, and the mud, and the scary people. Ok, so it won't be much like Glastonbury! Never mind! Lalala... I'm not really sure what to write! I would tell you about my amazing next door neighbours but we don't have any at the mo. Or I could tell you about my friends...not much to tell there then (I'm so mean). Ummm, my secret love affairs...no don't have any of them either! Oh well. I'll have to stop writing for today then. Maybe I could go and invent something like... a nose warmer as my nose is very cold, probably because the window's open! Oh dear, I can be blonde sometimes! |
3,839,094 | female | 16 | Student | Libra | 09,July,2004 | I am very bored (yet again)! I am also confused. Mainly about a trip to the cinema and aboout my clarinet lesson (which I won't go into!) I don't know when I'm going to the cinema or who I'm going with or what I'm going to see. I want to see Shreck but everyone has seen that now but I am still going to go and see it anyway! I, also, now have a million weeks to amuse myself until we go back to school in September. I could get a job but I don't know where. I also have an audition to prepare for but I kinda don't want to as I'm too scared to do it. I tried reading it aloud to myself yesterday and I even scared myself! I have to read a zillion books over the holidays too so that will also waste some time. Hopefully I will have finished at least one by the time I get back from the Isle Of White but you can't be too ambishious can you! But I am not and I repeat NOT going to spend the whole of my holiday reading books but what else can I do? I am finding that many of my friends are getting, or have got jobs, or are going on holiday. I think I'm feeling a bit left out (jealous perhaps?). I dunno. Life is a bit perculiar at the mo. My family has finally lost the plot. My father is running round the house squealing like a girl and my mother is having a childish tantrum about the chair she wants to sit on; 'I'm there' she complained, (so thats where I get my selfishness from!) It's not that I want to sound moany and unreasonable, it's all true. I do love my family (most of the time) but sometimes I wish I was out of the house (especially on friday nights) having a laugh. It does happen occasionly but it is very rare! In saying that, I did go out last friday night. I went sailing down the Seine! (hehe, it sounds sooo posh) Well it wasn't really sailing more kind of boating in a large boat with millions of people but suprisingly not too many Japanese tourists (not that I'm complaining about them to much but if I had wanted too meet some Japanese tourists I would have gone to Japan! As I told Lynne, 'that is where most of them like to hang out!') Oh well, I only went out then as I was on holidaybut these little outings are not regular occurances. Maybe I could get a hobby. Stamp collecting? No. Not even I would stoop that low. I could try doing some exercise but it rains too much in this country to even imagine going outside and anyway my parents would think of it as some sort of joke. When I told my mother my shoulder hurt the other day she told me it was because of my lack of exercise and I should try and move a bit further than up to my bed and too the fridge. That's parenting for you! Anyway, I think i have written way too much and I have probably written things that are classed as racist and parentist and I have also complained about my friends! Oh dear. I am now going to go and do something energetic...does turning the television on count? No, seriously...there's not much room to exercise in my bedroom, however I'm sure stepping over all the stuff that's on the floor must count for something! Well, I'll write soon, with, hopefully no more nasty comments! |
3,839,094 | female | 16 | Student | Libra | 05,July,2004 | What a day. I went to school and learnt that I should probably keep my comments to myself rather than post them on the internet. I should learn to 'hold my tongue' (not literally). I think I like being back at school it's more fun than daytime TV, there is only so much of 'Richard and Judy' a person can handle! I went to the dentist (I'm sure you're extatic for me!) and changed the colour of my brace to blue and blue! Unfortunatly I had to go to school afterwards to go to English Lit. I learnt from someone that there will be eight people in our drama class this year (that's quite a lot) this is good as the people I knew who were going to be in it I don't think I could stand being around for too long so I hope the new people are nice! Don't want to write much more as I want to do something else (don't know exactly what yet, but I sure it will be fun!) I'll write soon! |
3,839,094 | female | 16 | Student | Libra | 04,July,2004 | Feeling lonely and needed to write something. I have no one around to talk to now after last week and it's really weird. Actually feeling happy about going to school tomoz as I will see my friends again! I am watching the football at the mo, is anyone else? Maybe I should learn something intelligent to do (too much like hard work tho) I could read a book I suppose! (bit of advice: never read whilst eating, unless you want a mouthful of...Harry Potter? a lot of people read that dont they?) I may visit some people next week, when I have nothing to do (which is quite likely) and I'll have to go out somewhere if I have enough money. This is called planning ahead (I'll never go through with any of it but it makes me feel better). My life isn't lways this dull if that's what you think, I can be interessting, if I try, (wearing a box on your head is interessing, isn't it)! |
3,839,094 | female | 16 | Student | Libra | 13,August,2004 | Hello! The fiesta was fun. Me and Lynne saw many bands and people. We saw Rachel Stevens, Big Brovaz, Girls Aloud, Sugababes and many others! Oh, and Peter Andre (very exciting.) There were thousands of people (really, there were) and when we were stood very near to the front and looked back there was just a sea of people for millions of miles! Me and mum have pickled more beetroot this morning and there's still more to go. We could feed all the people at Ashton Court for the whole weekend! My fingers are all purple now. My dad's just got back from ASDA and no, he doesn't live there! He was doing 'the weekly shopping', it has taken him about two hours though but there you are. My parents have decided to go to Yorkshire or somewhere next week. I don't think they realise that if we're getting rain here then it must be pretty bad up there. They want to go walking, up a hill. Don't ask why. They are a bit odd. My mum said 'oh you should come Jess, we won't be walking far' 'How far?' 'Only 5ish miles' Up a hill, she must be joking. Hills in that part of the world are more like mountains. Talking off mountains, the Olympics start this weekend (I think). You have to be very olympic to be able to walk up those hills. Oh, exciting news...I've finished my book!!! It's only taken me about a month. It was sooo boring (as I've said before) and I've got to read another one that looks even more boring! Great. Anyway...I'll leave you with...a question. Ummm why is the world round? So we don't walk off the end. |
3,839,094 | female | 16 | Student | Libra | 12,August,2004 | Hey, I'm back. It did rain but it's sunny again now. Mum just rang to say that they are on their way back now! They said it's raining where they are and they are stuck in a traffic jam! (well, we can't all be lucky) So yeh, my audition was alright, until I forgot this one line and it threw me completly. But never mind, I can always try again next year! I went horse riding on monday with Jenny and Anna and it rained, alot! We got absolutly soaked and now I think Jenny has pneumonia! I went shopping with mum yesterday and she bought me many things! I got some new converse shoes that are pink and I put pink laces in them. I don't think I will wear them tonight as the grass at Ashton Court will be very wet! It's been a week since I last wrote properly (that's a long time) so mum will be going to yoga again tonight! I think there are lots of things happening this weekend, if only I could remember them. Oh well, I have learnt to go with the flow and sort of just wait for things to happen and hope that they do happen (which they usually do) and hope that they are nice things! I feel incredibly calm just waiting for things. You would think that I would be worried that nothing is going to happen but there you are! Maybe it's something to do with Norah Jones, (that's what I'm listening to at the mo) her music is soooo calming and relaxing! There are many campervans and caravans going down our road at the mo, to the farmers field because of the festival. It's like caravan city. The welsh caravans have all put HUGE welsh flags up. My mum drove past them yesterday and said 'do they want to be burnt down?'. You can tell she doesn't really like the welsh but it is true. Some people round here don't like the welsh so it's not a good idea to advertise that you are welsh by putting flags up around your caravan. It does however, show that there is a little colonie of welsh people in one corner of the field (tres amusing)! Oh dear, they can't help being welsh. Ummm...is that racist (I hope not!). Anyway, enough of that. Maybe I should stop writing now, this has turned into a small essay. Maybe I should become a writer, (any comments on this subject will be taken into consideration, just don't be rude about this statement) it make actually turn out as a more likely career than an actress or a farmer! Anyway, I really am going now. I may write again tomorrow if I can get my hands on this computer instead of my own. Any words of wisdom...ummm... always take the right path,... not the wrong one! |
3,839,094 | female | 16 | Student | Libra | 05,August,2004 | Hello! Long time no write! My computer won't let me write on it anymore, it's sooo odd. Anyhow. I have loads to tell ! My brother rang from Devon last night at about 2am saying he wanted some one to go and take him home. At that hour? I don't think so! I did my audition and I think it went ok. I am hopeful but I'm not counting on anything-if you see what I mean. Ummm...the balloon fiesta is today so I'm going up there with Lynne (should be fun, if it doesn't rain), it looks as though it's about to rain now so... Oh, you know I talked about my farmers genes, well my mother has really got into pickling beetroot at the moment. We have already made about 16 or so jars of the stuff and thats only about a fifth or so of what we've actually grown in the allotment! The other day we got a little bit of a production line going-one person cooked, one person peeled and the other person squished it into a jar. Everyone turned purple during this process (heehee). I've practically finished the book. I have about ten pages left so I will finish it today! My parents are now accepting the fact that we will go to America next year. My mum even got an American brouchure from the travel agents. It looks so cool. I have decided we should have a day in Las Vegas (I'm a gambler at heart). I think there's a thunder storm a brewing! It's gone incredibly dark! Anyway I'll have to write again later as Beki's coming to put something on my computer. This is not goodbye... |
3,839,094 | female | 16 | Student | Libra | 05,August,2004 | Hello! I have an audition tomorrow! I'm quite scared (as I have said many times) but I am also excited-which can only be a good thing! This time tomorrow and it will be all over. Guess what. I have been on my bike every day since Friday (how energetic), I even think I am growing muscles! (now that's a new experience!) Mmmm...I don't have a lot to say, but then I never do! Although I have been doing all this exercise I wanted to eat an ice cream today. Usually this ice cream van comes down our road at about 5 but today I could hear but it didn't go past! How rude! My mum and dad are out at the moment (coinsidently, doing exercise). My mother is doing yoga. She is really getting into it actually. Maybe a bit too much. She keeps going on about your inner this and your inner that and how to balance your chakras etc. She also makes a great deal of fuss over her yoga mat. I mean, it's only a mat! My father is 'training' (not sure what for), he goes to the gym and lifts a couple of weights (can't be training for a marathon then). They will be home soon. Anyway, I'm bored now. I'm going to go and read over my lines a couple more times-I think I know them now (I hope I know them now). Well, that's all for today. I'll leave you with some words of wisdom: If the string breaks, try another piece of string. |
3,839,094 | female | 16 | Student | Libra | 03,August,2004 | I went shopping today. And I bought some stuff! Oh, I was going to tell you last time about 'the new neighbours'. They moved in next door (suprisingly). They have a little boy called Jake (who is very sweet) and a dog. They have turned into my personal alarm clock. They always seem to be outside with a barking dog and a screaming child at about 9 o clock! Anyway, I've almost learnt my lines for friday. God, that seems soooo close now. I don't think I'm scared (yet) maybe a little nervous and full of anticipation! It's quite weird, I'm quite weird. I still don't know why I want to do this. I put myself through all this and I might not even get anything out of it except the experience of being terrified! I've also still got all those books to read before school starts again. I think I'll get down to that after Friday. Ummm...I found out something today. Someone I know, who I've known since I was little, well, her parents are splitting up-or have split up. It's really odd. I've always thought they were very different people but I never thought this would happen. They're going to have to sell the house and everything. This is sooo weird. You don't expect this type of thing to happen. I mean, whats going to happen to them all. Okay, so it's not the end of the world, but I'm sure it feels that way for the kids. Anyway, it's something to think about. How would I feel if that happened to my parents? Mmmm...life is perculiar. I feel as though I should do something but I know that's stupid. I have a headache. Too much stuff is going on at the mo. I can't even attempt at at a funny comment. Sorry... |
3,839,094 | female | 16 | Student | Libra | 01,August,2004 | Happy, happy, happy! I don't know why. The sun is out the sky is blue I'm going brown oh, whoop-di-do! Where do my talents end! Maybe I should take up a job in poetry land. Mr Shakespeare, Mr Blake, Roald Dahl, stand aside, poetry genius coming through! Well, maybe I still need a bit of practice. It is all true, though. About the sun and that. Mmmm...any stories to tell? I know, I believe I have farmers genes (that's genes as in chromosome type things not, as my mother thought, farmers jeans, when I told her) I went to the allotment yesterday and picked peas and beans and ate a few strawberries too. I was stung by a nettle and scratched by planks of wood (very rural stuff). When we got home me and mum popped the pea and bean pods. I believe I have pea popping genes (now that would be funny if they were pea popping jeans!). Anyway, I only have one other story, I think. Yesterday night, around 11pm, I was watching TV in the living room and happened to look out the window (that wasn't the story, just the build up) the security light came on outside the Toman's house and this person was walking around looking around the bins, at the door and then started waving this big stick in the air. At first I had a funny feeling that it could have been a burglar but then I thought only a very stupid burglar would wave a huge stick around in the air. Mum opened the window and shouted out to it. Then a large afro appeared, closely followed by James. He had got home without a key and no-one was in so he thought he would amuse himself with a large stick. Oh well, not everyone can be a genius. I might go shopping tomorrow unless it's hot, then I won't go shopping tomorrow. I'll write soon. I won't leave you with another 'mind bending' question as I seem to have run out of them...For now! |
4,321,554 | male | 33 | Technology | Sagittarius | 24,August,2004 | What's really important? What's it all about, this Hellenism thing? Hellenic Wiccans Hellenic Reconstructionists Hellenic Traditionalists: a term in flux, characterized by detractors in various ways (which we should really put to bed). HT can also be used in contrast with HR in the sense of reconstructionism being an activity. Hellenion: an organization of which I am a member and in which I am taking on more responsibility. Hellenion is suffering from some identity issues which should be resolved in order for the organization to move forward in a well-founded way. Has been called 'too liberal', 'too conservative', and 'trying to be all things to all people'. The last accusation should be better stated: 1. Define the term. 2. How does it apply to Hellenion? 3. Even if it's true and applies to us, is it really all that bad? OSNT has been called too inaccurate to recommend to newbies. Perhaps a good way to put this to bed is to recruit the detractors, asking them to detail the complaints they have with the book. Hellenic Wicca: By all reputable accounts, a 20th-century innovation. It seems based on WMT, masonry, etc. There's fair enough reason to see Wicca as an off-shoot of WMT with a polytheistic wrapper of sorts. Most Wicca do not appear to be 'hard polytheists', but influenced by Jung, Joseph Campbell, etc. and see deity as archetype. Some of the particulars of Wiccan symbolism may stem from ancient Hellenic mystics, though. Wiccans who attempt to incorporate Hellenic deities as archetypes aren't going to be very popular with Recons, but we can benefit some of the more polytheistic Wiccans by providing research that can inform them. Eclectics vs. dedicants of specific traditions: Eclectics may choose bits and pieces from traditions that seem to fit well together in their eyes. When eclectics are contrasted with recons, the recon will tend to lean toward a more holistic approach to a given cultural framework. Eclectics may be more likely to change fairly radically in view and practice over time, whereas recons will endeavor to become progressively more consistent in dealing with the specified cultural framework as more is learned and new research sheds new light on the subject matter. Hellenic recons have a lot more to work with than some other recons who reconstruct cultures in which there was less literacy or from which less material survives today for various reasons. We have to make decisions about whether we're going to reconstruct within our own cultural framework (animal sacrifice, women's rights, and pederasty being hot button points). Assuming we're going to do this, we have to deal with other issues, such as researching the ancient culture really well to transcend what Wittgenstein might call a 'language game' separating ourselves from the ancient culture we're reconstructing. Language Games: Even under the best of circumstances (face-to-face conversation between people sharing common language and culture), language games limit communication. The greater the divide between individuals (due to language, culture, etc.), the more severe the limitations placed upon communication, and the more challenging the reconstruction process. For instance, there are serious differences between an English-speaking 21st-century North American and an Attic-speaking Athenian from the era of Socrates, which present situations with which we simply need to come to terms. Most HR's I have encountered so far seem to have a basic respect for this. Adopting antagonistic stances further complicates the process of communicating and reconstructing effectively. Once one states a position, one becomes open to criticism and 'Socratic' questioning. It might be tempting to turn the tables on the accusers, but this is generally not a good idea. Readers and viewers of this sort of thing can generally see the pettiness and egocentrism of it. A better solution is to extend xenia and hospitality to our detractors as much as possible, not as a strategy but to reinforce community. We're an amazingly small minority and should come together as opposed to further driving one another away. Differences need not imply divisiveness. A communitarian and inclusive approach, founded on mutual respect and humility before the gods is the way to go. We need to beef up our programs such as Hymnodia and publish lots of practical material for people to use in their own study and practice. If our publications are criticized, we should accept the criticism. If the criticism is spurious, accept it as so and move on, but if there's something in it we can use to improve our work, let's be grateful for it and use it to enhance the integrity of our efforts. More on culture: We have to be honest with ourselves about some of the realities we're dealing with. It is astonishingly difficult to reproduce an ancient culture with great precision, which does not imply that the effort lacks merit. Some people rely more or less heavily on UPG, which is perfectly fine but presents challenges when it comes to persuading others of one's findings. If you don't present your findings as founded on good research, you need to rely on something else in argumentation, such as results of some kind. Not everyone is going to go for your approach, no matter which approach you employ. Even if every single Recon on the planet does agree with you, we're a startlingly small fraction of the world's population. So ultimately I think it's really important to invest your energies and efforts in something important to you and in which you find satisfaction. |
4,321,554 | male | 33 | Technology | Sagittarius | 23,August,2004 | Recons have a fascinating tendency to focus on minutia (which is one of those words that doesn't look right when you see how you've spelled it, but passes the dictionary.com test). This can be both great and positively miserable (maybe simultaneously, but misery has a way of making it hard to see greatness). Some of what's great about it is that we can sometimes make really neat discoveries in the process of picking little crap apart, which can then be passed on to those who have lives. Some of what's miserable about it is that one can fail to 'see the forest for the trees' as the old saying goes. For instance, I recently read a great deal of discussion about libation, which is a well-loved topic for me. (See the meaning of the term sponde for more on why.) In the discussion, I saw the libation process picked apart, but much more emphasis seemed to be placed on how a certain author had really screwed up by describing the libation process in a manner that didn't set well with some of the people involved in the discussion. One simple fact of the matter is that libations (like many other facets of ancient Hellenic religious practice) were actually quite varied in detail depending on who was libating under what circumstances. To cite Burkert's Greek Religion (which may be over-hyped, but is still a darn good book), p. 71: When Achilles sends Patroclus out to battle, he takes from his chest the cup from which he alone drinks, cleans it, washes his hands, and draws the wine; then, stepping into the court, he pours out the wine and, looking up to the sky, prays for the victory and safe return of his friend. Libation could be quite simple. Period. Elaborate rites were carried out, as were simple, spontaneous acts of devotion, prayer, desperation, etc. But (and seriously check this out), even the ancient Hellenes practiced Reconstructionism! I kid you not, and cite Burkert again (p. 107): The meal in the sanctuary may be marked as extraordinary when, in contrast to normal civilization, the ancient way of life is imitated: a bed of twigs, stibas , takes the place of seats or banqueting couches, and the house is replaced by an improvisational hut, skene -- misleadingly translated as tent. The twigs on which one sits assume a symbolic character which varies according to deity and festival: pine or willow for the Thesmophoria, and wild olive branches in Olympia. So..... Should we have Recon banquets in which we reconstruct the ancient Hellenic practice of reconstructing even more ancient practices? And did any ancients ever come down hard on other ancients who used the wrong twigs for a given festival? |
4,321,554 | male | 33 | Technology | Sagittarius | 23,August,2004 | I'm a bit concerned about some of the divisions I see within Hellenic polytheism these days. It's not the divisions themselves which concern me, because variation is good. We shouldn't be overspecialized, but should represent the diversity present within the community. Hellenic polytheism includes, but isn't limited to Hellenion and other 'Hellenic Reconstructionist' groups and individuals, Hellenic wiccans, people devoted to Hellenic deities but not all that concerned with reconstructionism, a 'group' (for lack of a better word) called 'Hellenic Traditionalists' and more. What does concern me is what seems like divisive behavior driving potential wedges between us all in ways that aren't necessarily healthy or helpful. I'm talking about antagonistic behavior, of which any of us can be guilty from time to time, but which I've been witnessing more than I feel comfortable with here lately. Drew Campbell's book is not beyond criticism, but it's also far from worthless. I've seen Hellenion called too liberal, too conservative, and that it tries to be all things to all people, and the simple fact is that these can not all be objectively true at the same time. People make statements reflecting their subjective impressions, and those statements are objectified (sometimes by the speaker, and sometimes by offended readers/listeners). Can't we all try to get along? Since the very first day that sponde.com came into being, I've tried to get people from various camps to contribute articles, hymns, and pretty much anything else. But so far, almost every word of content on the site has come from members of Hellenion, the organization that everyone seems to love to hate. Does this mean that only Hellenion members are publishing things of value? I'd hesitate to go that far, but I would much rather be able to offer a definite NO . I'm not sure I have one simple solution to this problem, but I do think that we'd be better off if we poured more of this energy into actual Hellenic polytheism. Isn't that something we can agree on enough to put all this other stuff to bed? |
4,321,554 | male | 33 | Technology | Sagittarius | 23,August,2004 | So, I'm replying to Kyrene. Don't want to keep doing this anonymously..... Says here you can have an account in just 3 minutes! Woot! So, now it appears I've got another blog. Thanks, Kyrene..... I blame YOU! ;) |
4,071,938 | male | 16 | BusinessServices | Sagittarius | 31,July,2004 | yo sup...should haf tution at 6pm but last minute it was cancelled bcos the fat teacher couldnt make it...should also haf another tution at 8pm and it was also cancelled cos i don feel like having tution....so 2day i declared as tution free...jejeje....woke up at 11 plus watch some VCDs then start to use computer until ard 4 plus...felt veri tired so went to take a nap and my fone rang telling me tuiton was cancelled 2day so went back sleep again...when i wake up i was already 8pm...took dinner at 8:30 and watch some stupid comedy series....tok to my mother asking her to increased my pocket money to $60 a week not veri much rite????it is still at pending....time for VCDs....peace out... |
4,071,938 | male | 16 | BusinessServices | Sagittarius | 30,July,2004 | 2day is friday so 2morow must be saturaday then the day after tt must be sunday...it gonna be another 3 days without able to see her...gonna miss her lots....2day go skool as normal and early in the morning get kp by mr mui for not going to cross country...haf to do the don know wat corrective work order as punishment...after skool when to play pool wit hiphoppig and mojojo...it was a owning session for me...i was OWNED by them...don know y also...after pool we went to our lunch at abt 5p.m if i am not wrong...after which they came to my hse to play cs and borrow some VCDs from me...TV time now..cya guys... |
4,071,938 | male | 16 | BusinessServices | Sagittarius | 18,August,2004 | sup! how life man...wt i am going to sae 2day is i am going to kill all the chee bye kia and all the hypocrite whu had been trying to be veri nice to me on the surface but deep in their heart they r doing cb things...the most cb most kia is Gwee Chia Qing...wan to get iron??? nxt life bahz...the most hypocrite is Carlos Tan...try to be close to me and try to act in front of me treating me as an idiot...too bad i am arent an idiot...wanna play punk wit me???come on...bring it on...u all will start the ball rolling and i will stop the ball rolling and let u all cry like a baby...hang on man...the game is going to start... |
4,071,938 | male | 16 | BusinessServices | Sagittarius | 12,August,2004 | hi all...it had been days since i blogged...suddenly got the feeling of blogging...2day got my mother tougue chinese O'level result back...it quite depressing seeing tt i got a C6...althoght it a pass but it not my best...i knew it myself...i know i can do better...cant be blame..i reap wat i sow...i was playing com all the way oni bother to scan throught the chinese guidebook...2day also got a dental check-up...the farking indian dentist i gonna screw her up...the oni word i can think of describing her is PYSCO...after check-up she asked me to take a X-ray of my teeth and sae tt i haf to go for a roof canal treatment..sad...i realli wondered is it painful?????the word roof canal treatment sound like veri painful...i veri scare....wahaha...the treatment also veri xpensive...one session $250 and i haf to go for two sessions...i gonna be a waste of time and money sianz...all edmund fault...screw him also... |
4,071,938 | male | 16 | BusinessServices | Sagittarius | 06,August,2004 | hihi...haf national day celebration 2day so nid to reach skool by 7:15 but i wake up on 7:05...quickly bath and changed to my uniform and asked my mother bring me to skool...reach skool just in time...got singing contest,marching and giving out awards....Bah...Boring...after celebration,the whole group of Mofos go find trouble wit ppl..haha...bo liao...Kh whack a malay guy on his cheek...the malay guy is just a small kid whu wanna act xia lan...useless...went to tb to wat breakfast...after eating went home to sleep a while cos veri tired...3 plus when to lucky plaza find astroboi they all...after tt went to Lido to catch the movie 'village'...pui...oni four letters word to describe the movie-SUCK...went to find christ they all at lucky plaza to play pool...they r all noobs...Yawnz...sissy mus don know how to play pool so see us play all the way...it must be veri boring for him...sad sad sad...went to far east plaza 7 eleven to drink alcohol drink and sat outside toking and drinking...wanna 10 lioaz then we zhao lioaz...christ they all went clubbing and i went home...haiz...so tired now...bye guys... |
4,071,938 | male | 16 | BusinessServices | Sagittarius | 04,August,2004 | hello....wake up at 6:45am as usual and get ready to go to skool...haf to stand throughout the whole morning assembly bcos i don haf ani MC and letter to prove i am sick...haha...my throat still hurt alot during morning so 2day drank alot of water and haf to kept going to the toilet...first time in my life in gan eng seng i bath in skool...wooo...felt veri refreshing after bathing...had a social studies test 2day and i know confirm sure got less than 3 marks one...after which haf another math mock exam...kaoz...i was wondering is the math exam paper a A'level one...so damn farking hard...after the test slack around and went to eat my dinner at henderson hawker centre wit my friends...went back to skool's library at 6:35pm to contiune studying till 8:50pm like tt...tt yuting keep li xiao my ai ai by using my hp to msg her...haha...ok nth to sae liaoz...sleeping time... |
4,071,938 | male | 16 | BusinessServices | Sagittarius | 03,August,2004 | sups all...haf a tought day...the moment i open my eyes this morning i could feel my head spinning gosh my body temperature measured 38.2 degree song no nid to go skool..then my cough also got worse sad....mojojo called me to at 7 plus asking me to bring him a CD but how am i going to pass it to him?so i get back to sleep and got up at 11 plus to see a chinese doctor...cb doctor gave me so many tablets to eat...Tablets suck...so after eating medicine went back to sleep at 3 plus hiphoppig call me to go gym...haha...i don even haf to strength to walk to my own toilet still ask me go gym...eat noodles for my dinner yuck it taste suck...after eating three rounds of medicine i think i got alittle better...still don know whether can go skool 2omorow...aiya 2morow thing 2morow then sae..and now is time for me to sleep...cya... |
4,071,938 | male | 16 | BusinessServices | Sagittarius | 02,August,2004 | hello...kaoz it was a long day in skool from 7 plus to 9 plus...siao rite...study so long wanna make my brian explode oni...by the way i also find it a waste of time cos i also nv realli do my work...but nvm lahz at least better than i am at home..at home oni use com nv even do my work...2day got chem test alamak sure flung like fuck one...so sad 2day i was coughing all the way so noisy sure got pissed ppl off one..sorri guys just bear wit me...haf a english mock test 2day and didnt realli do my best after which slack around in skool and went to tbp to haf my dinner..ate my dinner wit a big group of friends...yea..my ai ai was there also...but also nv tok to her....fark me lahz...don know wat da hell i am thinking also...after which went back to skool and study...studying halfway felt like peeing so decided to go to the toilet and the cooridor was like total darkness...scare me xia so ask mojojo pei me go...ask him pei me pee then he go smoke...idiot...time to sleep lioaz cos in less than 10 hrs i will be in skool again...haiz... |
4,071,938 | male | 16 | BusinessServices | Sagittarius | 01,August,2004 | hey guys...just reach home oni...woke veri early bcos CARLOS tt bastard call me at 08:30am asking me to paly pool wit him 2day...after he call me i cant get to sleep lioaz...all bcos fo his fault tt y i am feeling so tired now...Yawnzzz..went to my father stall to help out until 4 plus then went home to get changed to get ready to meet carlos...play pool till wan 9 O'clock lioaz then mojojo ask me wan accompany him go eat dinner or not then me and carlos went to tiong bahrua and went for him to arrived...by the time he arrived it was already 10 plus...wtf!!!make me wait for long...but in the end also nv eat cos all thoese fast food reasaurtant had already closed..sad sad sad...so end up toking till wan 11pm lioaz so time to go home...feeling real tired now...bye guys...by the way the pending is over and i got $70 per week instead of $60...yea...peace out... |
1,077,954 | male | 26 | indUnk | Gemini | 17,January,2003 | Those who give up liberty for the sake of security deserve neither liberty nor security.--- Ben Franklin |
1,077,954 | male | 26 | indUnk | Gemini | 17,January,2003 | Welcome to my Blog!!! |
1,077,954 | male | 26 | indUnk | Gemini | 19,January,2003 | Football Fan's!! I went out to dinner with my family tonight. My cousins were in town so me, my mom & dad, my grandmother, & my aunt & uncle went out for Chinese at a great buffet place, & came home went to NFL.com to find out the Tampa Bay BUCS are the NFC Champions. Congrats to the BUCS!!!! I then turned on the Titians Vs. Raiders game to see the Titians were holding there own only down buy 3 point in the 3rd quarter, but the Raiders were the stronger team and prevailed, and the Oakland Raiders are the AFC Champions. Congrats to the Raiders!!!! Super bowl XXXVII will be a good one!!!!! |
1,077,954 | male | 26 | indUnk | Gemini | 22,January,2003 | I took the urlLink Dirty Mind test !!! my score was 80 This probably isn't much of a shocker, but you've got a one-track mind! Either your hormones have taken over your brain or you're feeling deprived in some way, because s-e-x is the first thing that pops into your mind on almost any occasion. This may or may not be a problem, depending on the point to which your fantasizing takes over your mental processes - thinking about getting it on is a vital part of any healthy sex drive, but it can bring trouble when it's too extreme. As long as you are still able to shut off that part of your brain when need be (while working, for example), there's no cause for concern. |
1,077,954 | male | 26 | indUnk | Gemini | 25,January,2003 | How ya'll doing tonight i was at our local county fair tonight Volunteering selling refreshment in the expo building and got to see john anderson, what a great show. just thought i would share my cool experiance. |
1,077,954 | male | 26 | indUnk | Gemini | 25,January,2003 | Funny thing happened today. i live in Florida, South Florida actually, and in the 19 years i have lived in this state the news has never reported snow. thats right SNOW, yesterday(1/24/2003) in Sebastian, Fla there were snow flurries. i wasn't' at all surprised since the tempatures were in the low 30's to low 50's. on a lighter note i got Linux on my laptop FINALLY!!! |
1,077,954 | male | 26 | indUnk | Gemini | 27,January,2003 | Football Fans!!!! Super Bowl XXXVII was a great game. Tampa Bay Bucs - 48 Oakland Raiders - 21 Dexter Jackson as Super Bowl MVP was a good choice. |
1,077,954 | male | 26 | indUnk | Gemini | 01,February,2003 | Febuary 1, 2003 Crew of the space shuttle Columbia....REST IN PEACE heros!!!! |
1,077,954 | male | 26 | indUnk | Gemini | 03,February,2003 | Football Fans!!!! - Well the 2002 NFL season is officially over, and was caped off with a blowout victory buy the AFC in the Pro Bowl. Final Score: AFC - 45 NFC - 20 Miami Dolphin Ricky Williams was the MVP of the game which made me happy since i am a devoted Fins fan. Jason Taylor, Zach Thomas, and Sam Madison also had a great game. Augest isn't close enought. the highlight of the game other then Ricky being MVP was Colts QB Payton Manning Calling his kicker an Idiot for comments he made about Payton. funny stuff. |
1,077,954 | male | 26 | indUnk | Gemini | 04,February,2003 | RANT!!!! - All this talk about not going back into space is ridiculous. It is a tragic thing that happened on Saturday, but the Astronauts that risked there lives to explore space wouldnt want us to abandon the program because they lost there lives. Exploring space is like exploring the depths of the ocean. Many have died exploring the ocean, but that doesnt mean we still dont have submarines. If you ask me the lose of 14 astronauts, and 2 shuttles in a 22 year period isnt that bad of a number, yes its sad 7 astronauts lost there life in 1986 when challenger exploded on lift off, and its just as sad that 7 astronauts lost there life in Columbia on reentry, but those are the risks and the brave men and women that have that opportunity knew that before lift off and during reentry. my thought are with the families that lost loved ones on Febuary 1, 2003 |
1,077,954 | male | 26 | indUnk | Gemini | 04,February,2003 | Thanks goes to urlLink Chris Pirillo for the urlLink STS-107 Tribute link. |
1,077,954 | male | 26 | indUnk | Gemini | 09,February,2003 | Went to starbucks tonight and got a Grande White Chocolate Caffe Mocha |
1,077,954 | male | 26 | indUnk | Gemini | 10,February,2003 | Right now the Enzo is my dream car!!! |
1,077,954 | male | 26 | indUnk | Gemini | 10,February,2003 | I am Scooby-Doo!!!!! urlLink What cartoon dog are you? Brought to you by the good folks at urlLink sacwriters.com . |
1,077,954 | male | 26 | indUnk | Gemini | 23,March,2003 | urlLink Nascar - I can't help but notice that urlLink Dale Jr. (#8) is starting his season like urlLink Tony Stewart did last year, bad showing at Daytona and had good season, and urlLink Tony Stewart won the WC Champ. urlLink GO DALE!!!! |
1,077,954 | male | 26 | indUnk | Gemini | 23,March,2003 | As I watch the Liberation of Iraq, I can only hope the men & women of the US Armed Services stay safe and come home safely. |
1,077,954 | male | 26 | indUnk | Gemini | 27,March,2003 | Computers - Tonight I decided to install Redhat 8 on my Pentium 4, well it's 2:42 A.M & running great. I just hope i can get the programs i want to use to install. |
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