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3,734,462 | female | 23 | Arts | Aries | 29,June,2004 | i read a the abbot's blog about soulmates. i perfectly adore the comments. i used to beleive in soulmates aka 'destiny'. it is such crap for me now. i used to beleive that my ex was the one. i saw signs...actually, we did..everybody did. then things happened again...for reasons i can never explain.i am lost in space. i feel like i am a speck of dust in this universe. i dont even know the answer to a simple question of 'why'. it has been two months of no communication. i do hate him. it was a lie when i said i forgave him for i havnt moved on.i still feel the sting in my veins. i can hear the laughter of his family behind my ears every single waking moment in my life. was it his choice or theirs?? it doesnt matter..for he didnt give a fight. he just gave in. Now i question the four years that we shared. I may be mean. i may be cruel. I am just finding my way back again. i will never survive this pain knowing that i have not done nothing..like he did. Do you know how it feels late at night when you feel your ur heart is just like being crushed into a pit of fuckin emotions? i never cursed in my blogs before. i never felt such hatred. Its sinking in. This is the moment that i always avoided. to hate him.to dispise him.But feeling this way is inevitable. i feel my emotions is going 6 feet under. and all that will be left is anger..hate. when we parted, i shut my doors to everyone.i shut myself in a hallow box.there is no light for me to see. im blinded by everything. i shut it so tight that there is no air for me to breath.So tell me, is there such a thing called 'soulmate'? maybe.... maybe not. but this i know and proved, that there is a thing called pain.there is a thing called anger. there are tears. i always say that penguins are the most devoted creature in this world. they spend all their life looking for their mate..and when they found it.they will never be apart.they will stick together. that is 'devotion' that is more than love. maybe that is the reason of why they have wings but they dont fly. Not like us. we dont have wings but we try to soar far away...we are never satisfied. Cliche as it sounds but i know this is tru..' you will only know the importance of someone when they are gone' i feel that im joining the winds....like a grain of sand that was lost before..i will pick myself up and make a diffrence in my life. i still feel the 'hate'. |
3,734,462 | female | 23 | Arts | Aries | 25,June,2004 | I once read that 'Much of your pain is self-chosen. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.'. i know that all this pain that i feel is caused by myself. For the reasons that i havnt forgotten nor have forgiven the person who caused this. Many times i told myself that I am ok. I have forgiven. I dont want to hate.that will be the last thing i want to do. For so long I have searched for answers on how to make my life a complete solace. I have loved. I loved more than myself. For love cannot be measured.A person under the spell acnnot say i will devote myself to you 80% and the rest is for mine. For when you love, you love without limitations.Surpass even your own restrictions. Dont get me wrong, I can say that being with Him was the best and happiest moments of my life. I learned a lot.On how to be a woman as i am now.On how to love without expectaions. He was not just someone im inlove with..but he was a companion..a bestfriend...then was a fiance. They say things happen for a reason.That was what is inculcated in my head right now.So there is no room for hate..for questions.I did not say anything. I diod not ask. I swallowed the circumstances like a bitter pill. 'Beware of the man who does not return your blow: he neither forgives you nor allows you to forgive yourself.' Maybe i shoul have asked why. It would be better if i hurt him. but i did not. I was not given a chance to do so. So here i am. Always forgive your enemies—but never forget their names.As i type this down, I realized that 'forgiveness' is not for anybody else. Forgiveness is for myself. I have to let go. I have to Forgive. Not for him. But for me to regain myuself again. But is forgiving also forgetting? let me know. |
3,734,462 | female | 23 | Arts | Aries | 24,June,2004 | i lost my soul. i often wander around.walking like a faceless being. emotionless and numb. i remember not long ago..when i used to dance under the rain. lying on the wet earth. it bothers me not if all the dirt is smudged on my face... i would lay down in the cold wet ground...until my eyes sees nothing but blurry images. i remember not long ago when i can ran naked across the room. it bothers me not if i have my imperfections, for my imperfection is my being. not too long ago..i can close my eyes and fear nothing. i would roam my world freely...i care not if i stumble and fall.. there is no such fear in my head everytime its dark.. for in my heart of hearts i know... i am not alone. maybe life is not a box of chocolates at all. for i carried with me the box...for a long time... i did not open it fearing that the sweetness of life would end. then it did. I lost the box...my sweetness..my life... four years was my forever. and forever is gone. it was taken away from me so fast that i didnt have the chance for any reaction. days past.....nights of slumber. i hear the past echoing in my ears...like a nightmare... late at night..i often cry... like all nights..like the night before yesterday.. and the night before that. have you seen my soul? |
3,734,462 | female | 23 | Arts | Aries | 23,June,2004 | i have never felt so numb in my life. as i was walking trough the grounds of a certain college... i felt this cold eery wind.. the breeze gave me a feeling of such dispair... i looked at the time.(it was 4:42) i saw this guy chasing his papers being blown away infront of me... i didnt bother to pick it up...i continued walking.. why is there a nostalgic moment... i can see a lot of sillouettes around me... lots of sounds....people walking....like a ray of light.... glares....sounds..mumblings... but as if i have my own time and space... a diffrent zone...im walking slowly... im numb... is it because of the cold cold wind??? im scared...i dont know why....i cant feel my hands... after a while...the a cold breeze gushed in my face again... i stopped..it hurts so much... am i scared of the wind??? or the fact that i know im alone.... reality check... it is starting to sink in.... |
3,734,462 | female | 23 | Arts | Aries | 09,July,2004 | its really funny when i post something funny on my friendster...almost everybody reacts...but when i post something sad..or real..nobody does...nobody asked meabout my realtionship...nobody had the guts... maybe they know im hurting...or they just dont wanna ask anymore becoz they respect what i feel.. so i posted this last july 6.. diko alm kung sino magbabasa nito pero wala ako pakialam.sa mga magbabasa pa hanggang huli...salamat. mejo naisipan kong mag type.pag daw kasi emo mode ka..may mga nasusulat kang maayos. eto na emo trip n nmn ako.ayan..emo.emo dito..emo don. astig yang musika.wala ako pakialam kung ayw ng iba jan.sa mga hindi nakakaalam nyan, hindi yan yung tipong ballad ng pirated cd galing greenhills na may title na cruisin.aminin mo meron ka din nyan.marami din kame nabentahan nyan dati.daming orders.may mga mp3 ako nyan.pero hindi yan yung sinasabi ko. kinda punk rock na may emosyon.hindi din yung tipong avril ha?nakakhiya yun. alternative, yan...maganda din yan..syempre pa. april 29 nung umalis me ng pilipinas.nakaktuwang isipin na 2 buwan mahigit nako ditto.Sa loob ng 2 buwan at kalahati ang dami dami ng ngyari sakin.Sa buhay ko. minsan, may mga nangyayari ng biglaan.tipong caught unattended ka,na madalas, hindi mo nlng pinapansin.Iiwasan mo ng iiwasan pero dadating yung time na mag bre-breakdown knlng at iiyak Maghapon magdamag.Masakit na yung dibdib mo,tapos kahit uminom ka ng tubig, ayaw tumigil yung 'hik....hik..' alm ko alam nyo ibig kong sabihin. Hirap pala pag magisa ka.Nakakinip.pero madalas, namimiss mo mga taong bahagi ng buhay mo.Pati yung bahay namin.Nakaktuwa nga kasi kahit sobrang init sa mandaluyong tapos wala pang kwarto,ok lng sakin.Sabi nga ni ivan,yun yung pinaka masayang part ng buhay nya.ako din nmn. ayan..nagbabasa k padin. nung mga unang linggo na andito nko,i must admit,sobrang sakit ng mga ngyayari.Kasi may mga tanong ako na walang sagot.siguro,hindi parin handa masagutan.Hndi nmn kasi madali lalo na kung nahihirapan din yung tinatanong mo.Parang exam nung college,pag hindi ko alam, pinapasa ko na agad sa prof,akala nila ang talino ko pero wla tlga sagot..lolz. pumunta ako d2 na ang dala ko lng ay 4 na pants,ilang shirt,mga litrato namin,si ismeeh (doll) chaka mga bilin ng mama ko. umalis ako bitbit ang 4 na taong memories at pangako.Hindi kame handang maghiwalay.Nakakatakot diba? pero yun yung ngyari.Siguro,gumagawa yung diyos ng paraan para makita ng tao ang sarili nya.Yung mga bagay na hindi natin alam. Maraming oras na nagtatanong ako kung bakit ganto,bakit ganun..Walang sumasagot.wala kasi wala nga pala ako kausap.. Tapos na ako sa pag iyak.dumating na yung stage na nagalit ako.galit ako sayo.galit ako sa kanya.galit ako sa kanila.galit ako sa sarili ko.takot din pala ako magisa..Madaming tao ang sumuporta sa akin. Madami akong naging kaibigan.madaming nawala ,may pa send send lng ng msg na..'kaya mo yan'...'sayang namn kayo'.. pero hindi nmn tlga concerned. Dahil nga sa naiba lahat yung plano,pati mundo ko nag iba.Biglaan.Alam ko sa sobrang hirap nung sitwasyon,pati sya umalis.Mahirap nmn kasi talaga gumalaw ng magisa lalo na pag andun lahat yung alaala.May nagsabi sakin na itapon ko daw lahat ng gamit na magpapa-alala sakin nung dati.Natawa ako kasi mawawala lahat ng gamit ko.pulubi ang labas ko nun. Ngayon,hindi ko sasabihing ok nako.pero kung iisipin naten,hindi sayang eh.walang nasayang.Madaming magagandang bagay n ngyari,at madami kame natutunan.Nakakamiss.alam ko yun.lalo na yung mga kanta na post post sa board. tama si billy,baliw nlng nga makakalimot sa ngyari samin. Siguro,meron pang dapat makita.i mean,hindi sa ibang tao pero sa sarili.madami ang nalungkot,madami yung nasaktan,Ako?iyak ako ng iyak.kahit nmn sa movie naiiyak ako. Alam ko na magiging maganda ang lahat.hindi man agad agad pero mangyayari yun.sa dami ng mga kanta..sa dami ng movies, sa dami ng pagkain,sa dami ng kaibigan,sa dami ng toothpaste,sa dami ng chocolate,sa dami ng sabon at kung ano-ano pa, hindi matatabunan ng sakit o gulo yung lahat. sabi nga nila..yung forgiveness hindi para sa tao but para sa sarili mo. chaka hindi kame mahilig sa drama.puro comedy nga pinapanood namn dati eh. mahaba nto..may nagbabasa p kaya? kung sakali man na makasalubong nyo ako,may hikaw nko sa ilong. ok po ba?:) i got a msg alright...from him... i am glad... |
3,734,462 | female | 23 | Arts | Aries | 03,July,2004 | 'im falling into...memories of you..things we used to do..follow me there..a beutiful somewhere..a place that i can share..with you....' i was really aware of the things that happened to me before..all the memories i hold too.that makes me stronger now. i eamn whats the point being bitter and angry..we just need time to heal and be a better person by finding ourselves. somtimes..memories gives us a beutiful smile...you'll just see urself reminising... maybe..its all good... i have no regrets... |
3,734,462 | female | 23 | Arts | Aries | 03,July,2004 | while i was browsing my friendster...like a day to day basis... i saw a message from someone really familiar. yes. i got a msg from him. it was the usual masg. funny thing isa that ..i hear his voice while i wa reaing the short msg of him. still emotionless.still hollow. i replied to the message. I was honest as i always was with him. i told him i was mad.i am. i am hurting. too much pain has endured because he never told me answers to my simple questions. i dont know why he did that. why he just ran away. he always does. he ran away from his family before... he ran away from school.. he ran away from me..and ran back to australia. talk is cheap..you said that you will never go back there. you would stand on your own.. yuo love me..you want to get a good family.a good life...prove something.. but why do you always ran away? it hurts me that you are like that. that you never keep your words...not to them..not even to me. what is pride? regaining pride back is the only reason he gave me. but is what you did the solution to get the pride back? you just proved yourself that you cant stand on your decision before. i dont know the answers really.. everybody who loved you..every body who beleived and supported you... you just turned them down. without saying a word. without being a man. its not about money. its not how good your job is.. its about your word. what you said before..about showing and proving your family that you can make it on your own is gone. only you know the answer. so if pride is what ur trying to gain back.. you were 1 step close on getting it and proving it by standing on your word and fighting for the person or your future 'family', but all yuodid is throw it all away and lose all the people who gave you support and loved you like a family. mga lola, mga tita, kaibigan, lahat lahat na naniwala sayo, binigo mo lahat para lng sa sarili mo. parang sinabi mop na rin na ' hindi ko pala kaya... sige, kayo na bahala...' hindi habang panahon...tatakasn natin mga responsibilities natin... mga decisions... masakit magmahal ng taong hindi mo alam kung totoo. kung andun lng sya dahil wala sya kasama. mahal pa rin kita. yoko ng ganto. ayoko ng mahal pa rin kita kahit sobrang sakit. kahit hindi ko alm kung totoo lahat. dahil hindi mo masabi..hindi mo masagot mga tanong ko ngayon...kung kailan ako ang humihingi ng konting panahon mo para sumagot.Maliit na bagay lng ang hinihingi ko.... yun lng.malaman ko lng. |
3,734,462 | female | 23 | Arts | Aries | 01,July,2004 | Every time I hear a certain song… there is always…always a memory that comes with it. Just now, I listened to an eraserheads song. Funny how I was taken back in time. Back a couple of years ago. back in my college days. When everything was easy. everything was simple and friendship is sealed with laughter and a bottle of beer. My college days were the best moments of my life. I have met all the people who touched and continue to touch my life until now. I have stumbled and fall. I had my ups and downs. met the people whom I loved. Those were the times that I made decisions that changed my life forever. The path was never easy though, Lots of times I have cried too. But definitely with the people I really am close too. Living in the same house, sharing everything, may it be problems about school, about love, about life, about money. About family. How I wish I could go back to the times when we will drive late at night to the grounds of UP sunken garden and just talk. I want to go back to the times I just sleep and have someone to embrace every time I am scared. I want to go back to the times when I was not hurt. When I was not alone. When I was not crying. When I was not feeling this shit. Last year, I know that me, leaving the country was inevitable. So was scared to death for me finishing college. Not now. Not now that I am completely happy with my life. I know everything will change once I leave the country. And why am i stil shattered even though something inevitable will happen. I cant stop it.I know this years ago. I miss my life so much. I miss the old me. I still am not complete. I can’t let go of my past. Its haunting me like d devil. It is so hard letting go. I am not ready to leave my past and it is starting to give me too much pain. Damn. I hate it. I hate what I feel. |
3,485,026 | male | 23 | Student | Aries | 29,May,2004 | Hoping to find purpose, find direction, To end the wandering, destroy the void, Why must they always be here, never leaving, How can I escape from this place, boundaries. Boundaries set by me, restricted by same, Walls enclosing, thirsty in a desert of illusion, Hungry in a sea of emptiness, Lost inside a map. Needing something, but I know not what, Capture by meaningless, drowned by routine, Impatience persists, calculated to perpetuate, Hollowness, and fear. Doubt creeping back into the mind, Worth decreasing systematically, Shadow clouding my soul, Poisoning my heart. Progress past forgotten, Reversion to the horizon With darkness in the forecast, And a rut in the mud. How do I escape… How do I defeat… How do I move… How do I see light… How do I avoid past mistakes… How do I beat setback… How do I step forward… How do I wander aimlessly again… How do I handle torture… How do I fight demons… How do I survive…. Do I survive? |
3,485,026 | male | 23 | Student | Aries | 29,May,2004 | I have been thinking a lot so far this summer, just about my life in general, law school, and its direction. Law school has started to become a double edged sword in my life. I love the intellectual challenge, the order that the law can potentially bring to things, and the opportunity it can give. At the same time, law school seems very dark. Most people are pessimistic and distrusting concerning human nature. Sometimes, the nature of the very inquiries we are being trained to make assumes that people are inherently bad, and that when someone acts in an honorable and noble way, that it is the exception. Maybe this is true of all of society, but I know that the concept is overwhelmingly prevalent at law school. Anyway, I am not sure where I am going with this, it just something that has occupied some of my thinking lately. In addition, with Jackie graduating from SJC, she is now 2 to 2 1/2 hours away...and with her working two jobs, me in classes, gas prices being what they are, just seems like a recipe for a very stressful summer. The worse is that the future is so open ended with her job...depending on if and where she finds a teaching job, the next year before our marriage could end being very trying...trying not on the relationship, just on each of us individually. When she comes to visit, I am able to deal with the stress of classes better, I laugh more, I live more, and in general and a much happier person. Being here by myself leaves me alone with my thoughts too much, and I don't like where my mind goes sometimes. Overall, depressing thoughts have started to creep back into my life, and I hate that they have, especially when I know that there is so much good present in my life. Seems like things pile on... the uncertainty concerning the next year and beyond, the dissatisfaction with the atmosphere of law school, the living alone, hardly seeing Jackie or my other friends, and questioning what I should be doing with my life... Part of my overall frustration with things I know is traceable to the fact that I don't have a job this summer and I'm stuck taking summer classes. I know that the classes are better than doing nothing and working a typical summer job, but oddly enough, I miss working...I miss the feeling of doing something productive and seeing the results of it, a weird advantage to those summer jobs. My life has turned into a routine of books...which wouldn't be all that bad if I were choosing the books, and maybe doing some writing, instead of reading law case books and just having to attempt to hold onto all the information... At this point, I just hit on something...'maybe doing some writing.' I have always held that in the back of my mind, that I would love to write. Problems are that I do not possess good technical writing skills, and I can never decide on a direction, so anything I start to write seems to be completely sporadic, much like this and other journal entries. Sometimes I think that writing might be a solution for me, something that would give more purpose than just the law school, but something the law school could help me with. Still, it always comes back to the issue of what would I write about, what topic or group of topics would interest me sufficiently to put the time and effort into writing something substantial. I think about writing about some philosophical ideas, but I am to indecisive about those topics, and not sure if I can really discuss them at a great depth. I then think about writing about religion, and specifically my experiences with it and how I came to discover God again, and the general relations between the religions that I see, but who is interested in what I think...in reality, the only aspect concerning religion that I feel a lot of passion about is how people tend to compartmentalize their life, and leave religion, God, and so forth out of their day to day routines...but I don't think I could write for very long on that, which would then turn into an essay and nothing substantive, and I'v written essays, I have this desire to write something more substantial, something that is thoroughly in depth on a subject...and then I wonder if I have the patience to actually write something that is substantial and thorough. Oh well, I guess I have exhuasted some of my thoughts for now...I will leave myself with a message from the Dalai Lama, words of wisdom... 'It seems that often when problems arise, our outlook becomes narrow. All of our attention may be focused on worrying about the problem, and we may have a sense that we're the only one that is going through such difficulties, This can lead to a kind of self-absorption that can me the problem seem very intense. When this happens, I think that seeing things from a wider perspective can definitely help - realizing, for instance, that there are many other people who have gone through similar experiences, and even worse experiences. This practice of shifting perspective can even be helpful in certain illnesses or when in pain. At the time the pain arises it is of course often very difficult, at that moment, to do formal meditation practices to calm the mind. But if you can make comparisons, view your situation from a different perspective, somehow something happens. If you only look at that one event, then it appears bigger and bigger. If you focus too closely, too intensely, on a problem when it occurs, it appears uncontrollable. But if you compare that event with some other greater event, look at the same problem from a distance, then it appears smaller and less overwhelming.' Random quote 'Worry is the activity of the mind which does not understand it connection with Me' - God |
3,485,026 | male | 23 | Student | Aries | 30,June,2004 | Didn't know what to put for the title, just something to represent how I am thinking. I have finals next week and then the summer session will be over, which I have very glad about. I have noticed how tired I am this last week, and how much I really need a break from law school, just a chance to recooperate my focus and ethic. I am starting to experience with some user friendly linux alternatives to windows...in part due to my frustration in dealing with Microsoft products and in part to support the ideal of capitalism by lending support to the competitor. I have even started using a different word processor to get away from the autoformatting that Microsoft Word always does and ends up annoying me in the process. Anyway, I have also noticed that the urging to write something that I mentioned a few weeks ago has not gone away, but I still have no idea as to what and how and so forth...but maybe, after finals, something will come to me and I can start writing something. On to some thoughts... I had a discussion last night that made me think hard about being alone/loneliness and similar states. Specifically, I am thinking about what distinguishes the two states. I mean, one can be alone without being lonely, but what makes it that way. As I am writing this, I think that I need to think a little more in order to make my thoughts a little more coherent. I remember reading a book a few years back called 'Solitude' and am thinking of going back to that book to reflect more on my thinking. Anyway, I will get back to this... |
3,485,026 | male | 23 | Student | Aries | 16,June,2004 | I have been noticing as of late that I have had a hard time paying attention in my summer classes, not sure if it is because it is the summer, or if I am just tired from the previous year. But the class I am in now, The Legal Process, is by far the most bring class I have ever taken. The reading is horrendous, like reading a Math textbook where it gives you the problems then the answer right after it, so there is no thinking involved, like a book is lecturing. Then to make matters worse, in class we rarely cover anything that is not in the book, so we just end up repeating the textbook. The only time we leave the text is when the professor points us to some article or review that he is written and what his thesis is. And, if you have a question, you will never get called on. Last class, a guy had his hand up for 20 minutes, the professor looked right at him while he was lecturing, and kept going and never stopped to see what the question was. This summer I have gained experience with two new professors at the school, and I am not impressed with either, I actually rearranged my schedule for the fall and spring so I could avoid taking them. My professors during my first year were all really good at teaching, with mixing lecture and questions, and did an excellent job in relating the relevant material. These two professors this summer lack all of those characteristics. Anyway, enough of the complaining. Lately, I was surfing randomly over the web and came upon information concerning the Baha'i faith. I was really fascinated by what I read and learned, and found that much of what they believe relates to things I have thought about in the past. I especially liked the concept of continual revelation through the 'manifestations' of all of the major religions. I also liked the concept of breaking down the barriers between people and working towards actual unity in the world and justice for every human being. They also provided this free download of a library that has roughly 1,000 texts from various religions. The majority of the texts are from the Baha'i faith, but there was literature from Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism, Islam, and more, and it is an awesome tool to research different concepts of the religions and be able to quickly compare them to each other. I plan on doing so more research into the Baha'i faith, probably not to adoption, but probably similar to my relation to Buddhism, where I read the literature and embrace the ideas within the framework of my own spirituality and beliefs. In the spirit of my inquiry into the Baha'i faith, here is a short excerpt from a Compilation concerning Scholarship within the Baha'i faith: 'Knowledge is one of the wondrous gifts of God. It is incumbent upon everyone to acquire it. Such arts and material means as are now manifest have been achieved by virtue of His knowledge and wisdon which have been revealed in Epistles and Tablets through His Most Exalted Pen - a Pen out of whose treasury pearls of wisdom and utterance and the arts and crafts of the world are brought to light. Knowledge is as wings to man's life, and a ladder for his ascent. Its acquisition is incumbent upon everyone. The knowledge of such sciences, however, should be acquired as can profit the peoples of the earth, and not those which begin with words and end with words. Great indeed is the claim of scientists and craftsmen on the peoples of the world...In truth, knowledge is a veritable treasure for man, and a source of glory, or bounty, of joy, of exaltation, of cheer and gladness unto him.' |
3,485,026 | male | 23 | Student | Aries | 07,June,2004 | It is our mind that creates this world I found this quote from The Buddha while I was looking for some are online today, and I really like it. It puts into words very accurately and concisely how important I believe perspective is. I think it is unfortunate that at times we hear the cliché about how important attitude is that whenever we hear it we quickly dismiss it by stating that “we know” and “I’ve heard that.” And I do mean dismiss…I am not sure we really realize how significant our perspective is. From any point of view, philosophical, skepticism, religious, pragmatism, cynicism, and so forth all recognize the importance of perspective, while creating the interesting situation of being a perspective themselves, talking about the importance of perspective. But here is one short and quick argument for the absolute superiority of perspective. Philosophically speaking, nothing in this world, including the world, can be proven to exist. Descartes’ famous “I think therefore I am” is actually inadequate to prove one’s existence, as it assumes being before the being thinks when the statement is deconstructed. The best that can be said is that there I doubt, and doubt implies a doubter, but there is no guarantee that the doubt is “your” doubt. Science, which many people prove to, is based on a reasoning method known as induction. Deductive arguments proves something is true if the premises are true. Induction, which is science, makes it so that if the premises are true, the conclusion is only probably true. This means that all of the scientific “truths” of our world…i.e. gravity, light, sound, and the discoveries of biology, chemistry, and physics, and so forth, since they are all based on our senses and our interpretation of our senses, is induction, and therefore gravity, although our experience, which may not really be our own remember, tells us that it is always true. However, the point is that technically and logically speaking, all scientific truths are only probably true. This argument is only offered to show that since so much of our everyday world is unknown, and consequently very much out of out control in our everyday actions, that how we view the world may be the one aspect of our existence that we truly can exercise complete control over. Everything else, our knowledge, our experience, and our science are all, to some extent, outside of our control. Whereas, our perspective, while it can be influenced by external forces such as family, society, and circumstance, is something that can be determined independently. When determining our perspective, we can consider these factors and reject our accept them, their influence, in an ultimate sense, is dependent on us. This is very elementary at this point, but just something that I was thinking about…possibly the beginnings of something more involved and detailed. Just trying to show how important perspective is and how it may be the only thing that we can really control, and how we should have more respect for it. |
3,485,026 | male | 23 | Student | Aries | 01,June,2004 | Well, I am having some serious motivational problems right now. The case comment for the law review competition is due on Friday, and I haven't done anything for it. Part of me is starting not to care about it...all you hear about is how hard it is and how time consuming it becomes. But with my grades being a bit lower than I would like, I feel like I have to at least try and make it, even though in the back of my head I am pretty sure that there is no way in hell that I am going to make Law Review. Considering that I am going to spend two days on it, and I will need to either pull an all nighter tonight, tomorrow night, or Thursday night, and I am pretty tired right now, so tonight is probably not going to happen. This most likely means that I will have to stay up for both tomorrow and Thursday night, which will make my trip to Indy on Friday morning interesting...but at least all I have to do when I get back is crash and sleep for a day and half before helping Justin load some stuff and head over to Fort Wayne to see Jackie. Anyway, I guess that is about it for now, I think I will head to bed early tonight to try and get some good sleep so I can be as productive as possible tomorrow working on the case comment...hopefully I can at least get six pages of it done, which would be half of the maximum were are allowed. Oh well, enough for now, off to bed...zzzzzzzzzzzz |
3,485,026 | male | 23 | Student | Aries | 22,July,2004 | little bit hungry right now, so now sure how long this will be. Thinking about the word hungry, outside of the physical sense, I wonder what I am hungry for in life. This past weekend Jackie and I went camping with my familiy and I met my (step)nephew for the first time and was able to spend some time with him. It made me realize more than before how much I want a kid, and more to the point, how much I want the experience of being a father. I get doses of solitude in my daily life, I get little doses of fellowship when I talk to friends online, be it email or instant messenging. I get large doses of fellowship whenever I am able to talk to a friend on the phone or meet up and have dinner, hang out, and so forth with one or a group of friends. I get doses of love whenever I talk to Jackie, and almost always become overwhelmed with it when we can just be with each other. I get doses of the divine when I pray, meditate, and take in the wonder of the world around me. I get all of this, yet I still feel a yearning...I know some of it is a spiritual yearning, to have a deeper understanding and relationship with the Divine, but after the past weekend, I feel that some of it is also a yearning to be a father. Just a matter of being patient I guess.... I have been thinking more and more lately about the spiritual yearning/emptiness/hunger that I have been feeling. It never seems to predominant me, but it seems like it is always just there, nagging at me for some reason. I have gone to church in the last few weeks, but I have never been able to put myself forward and worship like that...just not me. At SJC, I got involved with retreats and Faith Group and I think that really was my form of worship, and enabled me to really connect with God more so than ever before. This last year at law school, I got involved with the Christian Legal Society and the Bible Study, and I think that came close to do the same thing, closer to the kind of worship that I think I am able to best do and form the best relationship with God. More and more, I realize that whatever church Jackie and I end up attending in the future, I need to be looking for one that has a lot more than just the Sunday worship, one with small informal gatherings of people dicussing faith, God, life, and experiencing fellowship in that way. Anyway, like I said at the very beginning, getting hungry so I am going to make some dinner... |
3,485,026 | male | 23 | Student | Aries | 05,August,2004 | A lot has been going on since I last wrote in here. First and most importantly, Jackie moved to Elkhart about two weeks ago. Consequently, most of my time has been spent there to attempt to help her adjust to living on her own...I know that she does not like it at all. I am just hoping that it becomes like last year at SJC was, where she was able to get so busy she didn't have the down time to think about being alone. Otherwise, she will probably end up being miserable for the next year living there, which will just make the year incredibly stressful for both us. The good news is that we only have 10 months or so before the wedding and the beginning of our marriage and the end of living apart at great distances. The experience of living apart has been incredibly difficult, especially after coming from SJC where you saw each other every day and for many hours. I think it has helped us put things in perspective to better appreciate each other and to be more patient individuals, but despite the possible good things it has been a hard road, and I am looking forward to its end. In other good news I found out about a week ago that I made law review. I am very excited about it. After I turned in my case comment I was pretty doubtful about it...anyway, making it will be a big boost to my law school career, and hopefully help my get a job in the location that I want. I also bought my books earlier today, always amazes me how expensive they are, makes my book purchases at undergrad look small. Oh well, I guess education is expensive. I am looking forward to the beginning of the school year...near the end of summer classes I was completely burned out...but now having a couple weeks of being able to relax and read things of my own picking have helped me get energy again for another go around. It will be a taxing year...classes being harder, law review, the job hunting process, and I still hope to get more involved with CLS...but I am looking forward to the challenge. I finally saw Nick on Tuesday night and was able to ask him about being co-best man at my wedding. My wedding party is now set...and I can't help but think about how blessed I am to have the friends that I do, and to be as close to them as I am. One thing I have always loved about the group of friends that I am in is the diversity of interests and talents. When at SJC, we were all involved in some stuff together, but we also were individually involved in other areas, and for the most part, were all studying different disciplines. Now, post SJC, we all are doing different things, working different type of jobs, some related to our degree, some not, some taking grad classes part time, some full time...I just love being able to be in the large group and talk and realize how many different things that we are doing. Anyway, can't think of anything else to write about for the moment...guess it's time to make something for dinner... |
3,552,576 | male | 26 | Technology | Libra | 06,June,2004 | Well, I just bought a house and it's a little daunting to think that I am going to be a homeowner soon. There are so many wonderful and scary things going through my mind. I know everything will be okay, but it just seems odd that I am not going into this situation with anyone. This was never a dream of mine. I always thought I would meet someone, get married and then find a 'home.' So much for dreams. I am very thankful though. I understand that everything has a purpose and, while not currently apparent, that I will see the light at some point. I have so much going on in my life right now. There are so many wonderful people in this world and I wish I could tell each one of them how grateful I am for their love and support. There is a certain family that I am so proud to be helping. I was able to give the father a job to help them pay the bills and to put food on the table. I don't want any thanks or recognition for that, because it wasn't me who gave him that opportunity, it was Him. I just wish that He would give me the ability to touch others the way I have touched this one family. I am grateful for everything I am given; the good and the bad. This may sound random as it is, completely, but I feel as though I need to start taking a journal. God Bless you all. |
3,552,576 | male | 26 | Technology | Libra | 05,June,2004 | On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,' said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.' He just knew what it was. 'Oh my,' he shuddered, 'its Satan and the Lord dividing the souls at the cemetery.' He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. 'Come here quick,' said the boy. 'You won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls.' The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me ...'The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been telling the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord himself.' Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord. At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me.' And one last 'One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence, and we'll be done.' (They say the old man made it back to town five minutes ahead of the boy on the bike!) |
3,552,576 | male | 26 | Technology | Libra | 05,June,2004 | 'Tomorrow morning,' the surgeon began, 'I'll open up your heart...' 'You'll find Jesus there,' the boy interrupted. The surgeon looked up, annoyed 'I'll cut your heart open,' he continued, to see how much damage has been done...' 'But when you open up my heart, you'll find Jesus in there,' said the boy. The surgeon looked to the parents, who Sat quietly. 'When I see how much damage has been done, I'll sew your heart and chest back up, and I'll plan what to do next.' 'But you'll find Jesus in my heart. The Bible says He lives there. The hymns all say He lives there. You'll find Him in my heart.' The surgeon had had enough. 'I'll tell you what I'll find in your heart. I'll find damaged muscle, low blood supply, and weakened vessels. And I'll find out if I can make you well.' 'You'll find Jesus there too. He lives there.' The surgeon left. The surgeon sat in his office, recording his notes from the surgery, '...damaged aorta, damaged pulmonary vein, widespread muscle degeneration. No hope for transplant, no hope for cure. Therapy: painkillers and bed rest. Prognosis:, ' here he paused, 'death within one year.' He stopped the recorder, but there was more to be said. 'Why?' he asked aloud. 'Why did You do this? You've put him here; You've put him in this pain; and You've cursed him to an early death. Why?' The Lord answered and said, 'The boy, My lamb, was not meant for your flock for long, for he is a part of My flock, and will forever be. Here, in My flock, he will feel no pain, and will be comforted as you cannot imagine. His parents will one day join him here, and they will know peace, and My flock will continue to grow.' The surgeon's tears were hot, but his anger was hotter. 'You created that boy, and You created that heart. He'll be dead in months. Why?' The Lord answered, 'The boy, My lamb, shall return to My flock, for He has Done his duty: I did not put My lamb with your flock to lose him, but to retrieve another lost lamb.' The surgeon wept.. The surgeon sat beside the boy's bed; the boy's parents sat across from him. The boy awoke and whispered, 'Did you cut open my heart?' 'Yes,' said the surgeon. 'What did you find?' asked the boy. 'I found Jesus there,' said the surgeon. |
3,357,167 | male | 24 | indUnk | Aquarius | 28,July,2004 | Using Cellphone is one of the most common means of communicating other people nowadays. Here in the academy it is true not only with other people but it is badly needed for communicating love ones. We are confined in the four walls of the academy and using cellphone is the fastest way to commuicate them. Our studies sometimes being sacrifice because of texting, in fact some cadets become text addicts already, hehe.. Last week i dispose my cellphone.. Goodbye texting!.. thats me now. I have to focus on my studies. But that is not the only reason. The real score ladies and gentlemen using a cellphone here in the academy is a risk. Using this unit was covered by so many rules and regulations, for safety purposes it is better that I should not use cellphone anymore. |
3,357,167 | male | 24 | indUnk | Aquarius | 27,July,2004 | life here in the academy is full of challenges. We are always busy and always in double time. During my vacant period i have lots of things to do like, studying, washing clothes, fixing my room, follow up underclass, letter writing, surfing the net and many other vaultfiles.. If you have talent especially in sports you have so many opportunity to compete outside. Like me, im a member of marathon corps squad and we always sent to manila and some other places to participate in marathon. Last sunday we've been in quirino grandstand in manila, we joined the 28th milo national marathon competeng with thousands of runners, i got in 30th place with a time of 36 minutes. I still need more pratice to improve my performance but, my time is not enough because of so many activities and academics here. My vacant period cannot be utilized for me to practice because it is closed call and we are confined inside barracks. |
3,357,167 | male | 24 | indUnk | Aquarius | 20,July,2004 | umpisa na naman academics namin after our exciting tour during our seaphase in cavite..we went to pasacao, camarines sur in bicol and experienced sailing with philippine navy ship brp bacolod city(lc 550). We have one month of training and tour in seaphase before going back here in pma. After 3days we went down again in naval forces northern luzon in poropoint la union, we have our swag training there and field training exercise while the army group including the 4cl and 3cl cadets went in the mountains of la union for their ftx and the airforce group billeted at the wallace air station where we attacked them during the last night of our ftx. After that exciting activites in la union we went back here in pma to face another battle..this is our academics(na naman!?)Go ahead!! |
3,357,167 | male | 24 | indUnk | Aquarius | 08,August,2004 | saturdays and sundays are the most memorable days in the lyf of a cadet.. during these days we used to rot and make happy. During saturdays we've experienced the most tiring part of cadets lyf. During friday night cadets are sleepless preparing things, fixing the room, ironing uniform, shining shoes, shining metal parts of uniform, follow-up underclassmen and etc. We are usually doing this in preparation of barracks inspection, ranks inspection and parade and review every saturday. Every saturday is a challenge and it adds up to our prestige everytime we overcome this day. During saturday morning barracks and ranks inspection, parade and review was done. During the afternoon cadets serving punishment take a tour around the boromeo field in BDA under arms to serve their punishment. While cadets who are snappy and not defficient in academics can have a privilege to go out in baguio city to visit their friends and poster parents otherwise cadets can entertain their visitors and friends inside the portals of the academy. Last friday night i went to sleep at 0100 at woke-up at 0430. First, i fixed my bunks and take a bath. I change my uniform for the sword and rifle drill early mess at 0530. at 0600, we rehearse the whole sequence of parade and review. We went back to barracks at 0700 to finalize our things. at 0745 i change my uniform to full dress white under arms for the barracks inspection at 0800, im happy coz i don't have any report of violations and demerits. At 0845 we went outside the barracks at quezon ave. for the ranks inspection, i got one report(loose thread, hehe). We are standing under the sun for an hour and went to the slope(the starting point of the parade). Usually, we waited for a long time before the start of the parade but that tym we only have 10 minutes and the parade starts. After the parade we have our noon mess at 1130. At 1250 we have the opening ceremony of our intramurals every companies have their muses. the assigned judges selects the best muse to represent the ccafp intramurals. the hawk company muse won, she is the former miss phillipines international and at present modeling at mexico. After the ceremony at 1600, 2cl and 1cl cadets went to baguio city for inviting privilege for the upcoming formal dinner and hop on august 21. we went back to pma at 2230. During sundays we have our religious services where in cadets went to their respective churches of their religion to worship. At sunday afternoon cadets who are serving punishment once again will tour around the boromeo field while those who does'nt have punishment enjoys the rest of the weekend. This sunday after the religious service all 2cl and 1cl cadets was given privilege to visit their poster parents. And i have visited too my poster parents. Now, another weekend will pass and another academic week to face...may god bless us all, always! |
4,276,559 | female | 15 | Student | Virgo | 19,August,2004 | HaHaxX..Today wake up at 10.30am..Not like normal days..Nit to wake up at 6am..HeHexX..Went to do laundry and sweep the floor..(So guai)..Den actually I and him today should go out one..But after the incident that day,I dun reali feel like goin out wif him or talk to him..Then I told him we tomorrow den go out..Den i started to online until 2 something in the afternoon..Den started to revise fer my maths..Den When my dad came home,we started to watch tv..After that,my dad came home..He told us a lot about what happened in the army..HaHazZ.. After dinner,Wen Hua called me..But after a while,Jean called me..She told me that she wanted to talk to me..So i hang up the call wif wen hua and we talked fer around 2 hours..But within the 2 hours,wen hua called me for more than 7 times..(hao fan)..He told me to call him after i finish talkin to jean..But after i n jean hang up the call,i wanted to go bath b4 callin him..But he called again and ask mi to go and sleep if i'm tired after taking my bath..BUT..After my bath,he called again and ask mi y didn't i call him..(WA LAO..Y HE LIK TT)..Den he ask mi y i dun reali care abt him n we started to quarrel..And i suggested that we break cos i stil can't forget what happen that day..Den we stil continued..Haiz..Den he say until like everyting is my fault..But actually i didn't do anything wrong lo..He's the one who did something wrong..Haiz..Den we decided to end it.. And this is the end of our relationship.. pinK virgO |
4,276,559 | female | 15 | Student | Virgo | 19,August,2004 | Oh my god..I hav been sick fer a few days le..Wondering when wil i recover..But even though i was sick,i stil went fer PE lesson today cos i noticed tt when i didn't do fer PE lesson last week,our PE teacher was not happy..Today's PE activity was done up by Sharifah's group..At the beginning,most of us was not very sure abt wat we sld do..Den after tt,our PE teacher asked them to explain again..Den we finally noe wat we sld do..Haiz.. After scl,i n kenny(brother bear) waited fer two gals call valerie and benardatte..Valerie was my fren's 'sister'..She told my fren tt benardatte was saying something bad abt her and even wabted to ask pp to *slap* her..Sec 1 gals are so voilent..Haiz..So my fren asked mi to find her..But in the end only benardatte came down to find us..When i asked her wat was goin on,she told mi tt valerie was the one saying bad things abt her..Haiz..So mixed up nw..Valerie claims tt she is the victim..benardatte also claims tt she is the victim..Haiz..Duno when this wil end if both of them claims tt the other party is wrong.. I started online since around 2pm and was busy since then cos i was doin up my blogger..But dar dar keep calling me..Den i told him tt i was busy but he says tt i dun wana talk to him and even say tt if this continue,he think tt we won't last long..Haiz..Whatever..But dar dar,remember lo..If u disappoint mi again..U sld noe wat i wil do k.. I think i end her le bah..Take care.. ~*^pinK virgO^*~ |
4,276,559 | female | 15 | Student | Virgo | 19,August,2004 | Ni hao** Today is the day i giv birth to my baby blogger and also the 9th day wif dar dar.. Actually today nothing reali happen lo..Den jean never come scl cos she woke up late den she don wana do the marsiling's dance..Secret secret :x HaHaxX.. Actually yesterday wana break wif dar dar de..But i thought fer two day liao.. Den i decided to giv him one last chance lo..Don make mi upset again k.. Nothing to write le bah.. pinkvirgo |
4,276,559 | female | 15 | Student | Virgo | 19,August,2004 | Today around 9am,felix told mi tt the hui wen want to *slap* mi..Dahx..But the matter doesn't concern mi wat.. Den at 12.30,after a math lesson n b4 english,hui wen n benardatte came down to our class..Den i ask hui wen whether she is reali goin to *slap* mi but she say she's not..Den after tt,at 1.30,wan lin n yee zhao told mi tt two gals r waiting fer mi outside the toilet..(it's the two gals)..But i didn't go..Den we was off at only 2pm..But they r having common test..So we waited until 2.30..Den started to talk abt tt matter..We talk fer a veli long time.. They keep mentioning of asking pp down..Haiz..Den can see most of the pp are against benardatte cos benardatte is actually the one tt the 9 of them there dun lik..Cos they find tt she has attitude n she even ask pp to go n *slap* the other gal..Haiz..Y her hand so itchy..This argument lasted fer around 1 hour lo..Sian..Den in the end,i was very frustrated..So i ask them to decide on wat they wanted to do..Den in the end,the 9 of them were together n benardatte was the one being left out..Somemore to wat one of them say is tt benardatte deny alot abt wat she did lo..Haiz..So b4 we go off,i tel them not to say each other's bad things or cal pp to find any of them lo..Den we went home.. Jean came my house at 5pm..Den we started to online until 7pm n go n hav dinner..After we finish our dinner,wen hua suddenly sms mi..This was what he said,'If i jio you patch can.. Me wen hua..' I was veli stunned that he wil ask mi this..Den i replied,'Don wan lo..that time i told u i 4giv u liao but i jux stil haven 4get den u stil say i never 4get den that time stil dun wana break..So the day b4 i break wif u lo..'Den he replied,'I know you forgiv mi oready..But i very angry of myself..so sorry..but you stil lik dun wan to talk to mi den you wan mi to do wat..'Den he say we jux dun know each other when we see..Dahz..wat is tt..den i asked him..but he didn't reply..He called mi..but i was talkin on the phone so i didn't ans it..den not long after i finish using the phone,he called..and he explained tt we pretend tt we dun know each other when we see each other..Den we hanged up.. pinK virgO |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 31,July,2004 | here's a fun link for all you anti-Bush! urlLink http://buab.blogspot.com/ very fun. lots of Bush-bashing. aww! Sensei's dreaming! don't you love little doggie dreams? All the adorable twitching! Sensei and Ahrodie are hanging with me in the den, while Mom and Sherayna hose down the patio. They've totally conked out. Today... i wore: a green, purple, and pink sarong, an orange tank that says pie on it (compliments of Sasja), and my blue sandals. yes I realize that that outfit happens to be entirely uncoordinated! but do you THINK i CARE??? *bad mood* i ate: a sausage. and two cups of coffee. i did: some serious cleanup. serious=dishes. oh yeah, I'm H-core! i like: dogs. and dancing, even though I can't do anything. i dislike: the world. except for Kevin cause he hangs out with me, and Zed's adorable kitten. brag moment: seeing Sensei dreaming. oh, how cute. (why are all my brag moments involving dogs?) cringe moment: the whole day was a cringe moment. at this point, the entirety of my life is a cringe moment. blech! i plan to: hopefully hang out with Kevin, and maybe Sean. but only if he calls me. I take rather malicious pleasure knowing that he can never entirely girlfriend-box me! not unless he wants to kill his goldfish! haha! he gets torture forever! what am I talking about...he doesn't even associate that fish with me, he associates it with cute. I bet he hasn't even taken down his pics of me. He is incapable of girlfriend-boxing me because he probably doesn't even remember everything I've ever given him! hahaha! bitch! I'll just go sit in a corner now. :( |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 30,July,2004 | I hate my life. a really lot. yesterday I found out that Geoff really wanted to break up with me but was too chicken shit to actually do so. He approached Gator and Beebur (Brianna) about them planting the idea of me breaking up with him in my head so that I would do it for him. Well, stupid move, seeing as how it's the Collective, and the Collective sticks together against ANY mere male. Laura and Brianna wanted me to pull a 'How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days' moment on him, and gift him with a love fern (which would have been extremely entertaining) but in the end I called him in a rage, and broke up with him. After I hung up on him, I went up stairs and trashed my room in a fit of pique, then boyfriend-boxed everything he ever gave me which is extremely unfair because there are somethings (like the Capricorn necklace he gave me for Christmas) that he gave me that I loved a lot. It is totally not fair that I have to lose everything I owned in a house fire that consumed all of my belongings, and then have to give up everything I treasure because it originated from him. I seriously don't know what his fucking problem is. I'm a good fuck when we're not going out but the moment we start dating again, I'm 'difficult'. He can shove difficulty right up his motherfucking poopchute. I am totally done with him. Last night I spent the night at Laura's after watching a hysterical movie called Being John Malkovich (*malkovich, malkovich...MALKOVICH!*) with Gareth. Then we lied on the kitchen floor with pillows and Laura's dog Becky. This morning after I got home I discovered an overgrown earring with is extremely not fun because now I have to cut one of my favorite earrings apart to get it out of my ear! The world SUCKS ASS! I'm supposed to be doing something with Laura and Kevin today, but I might not in favor of staying home and watching romantic comedies (standard procedure for after a bad breakup). Then I'll go pick up some detrimental detrimental rebound guys, have wild sex with them in their cars, and proceed to burn everything that Geoff ever gave me. Then I'll buy a cat. Then two. Then thirty. Today... i wore: jeans, a flowered tank, froggie panties, and the new blue thong sandals that I bought yesterday (they're identical to my old pink ones except for the color! and...I also bought them in white! me=loser) i ate: ice cream for breakfast (it's the only thing to eat in Gator's house, I swear!), Nacho Italiano Doritos, and Sprite Remix for lunch. I'm doing really well at this dealing with Geoff thing, don't you think? i did: some reading while waiting for the bus. also some cuddling of Laura's cute dog while she was showering. i like: my blue hoodie that makes me look cool even though I'm not, and Eileen McGann i dislike: Geoff!!! intensely! brag moment: seeing Dragon and Shadow at the house that we sold them to. they barked at me. I giggled. cringe moment: the second I discovered my earring crisis. i plan to: mope. |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 29,July,2004 | alright. I am a sad sad little loser. Laura has lists on her blog, and I am insanely jealous so I made like three drafts of my own, and am now going to post it. There isn't terribly a lot for me to talk about other than my lists, other than that Sherayna got a new mouse and mousepad, and the mousepad is one of those picture frame mousepads, and I convinced her to let me place on of my more amusing pics in it, the one of Geoff attempting to be all Zen, and Laura, and Brianna totally messing him up. I love it a lot! I'm seriously going to pay Sherayna when I move out to let me take it with me. (I seriously can't believe that I can write an entire paragraph about a mousepad! that's pathetic.) anyways, I gtg after this cause I gotta go buy new sandals *jeez, I just caught Stephen painting the kitchen table with peanut butter; goddamn kid* cause the ones I have now are so worn out I actually have holes in the soles...yikes. Today... i wore: tan shorts with a white tee. i ate: coffee. big surprise. i did: some ball toss with the mom. the dogs ran back and forth and stole the ball whenever we dropped it. i like: dogs and cats i dislike: Moni and her stupid withholding of our basement. brag moment: I taught Rob how to add using honeycomb cereal. tomorrow we're starting subtracting. cringe moment: we were about to take the dogs for a walk, and I left Sensei's halti outside, and Tika ate it. That equaled no walk for the dogs, and I felt really really bad. i plan to: head over to Gator's eventually to practice, (finally!) and buy sandals |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 28,July,2004 | urlLink http://www.matazone.co.uk/menus/lggmenu.html hey, this is pretty amusing! try Goth Girl and the Ice Cream Man. on the homepage, there's a bunch more anime stuff that also looks really interesting...have fun! |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 27,July,2004 | just got back from boating around Nanaimo harbour! OMG, it was the most amount of fun I've had in forever! I'm so happy to be hanging out with the Collective again. *sigh* it was so much fun! we boated from the harbour over to the dinghy dock pub on Protection Island for lunch. I had a chicken burger and cheese bread. I was going to have a teriyaki burger, and it's sad that I didn't cause if I had, Brianna would have made it my spy name. I'm the only one who doesn't have one cause I wasn't in Arts Alive. *intense sadness* Laura-Gator's is H2O, and Brianna's is Dr. Smooth, and Aden's is Green Grape (G. G. for short). Mel and Gareth and probably Barbara have one too. But I can't remember there's. Anyway we ate there, and had copious amounts of fun talking about scallop farming, and the aspirations of vegetables (I'm going to be a tomato! *hopeful face*). As we were waiting for our dessert (Sex in a Dinghy; NOT joking!), me and the girls invented this game called--um...wait, I can't remember what it was called. for the purposes of this blog we shall call it Tomato Toss. Cause that's what we were doing. We were passing a tomato back and forth using the coasters. That was incredibly infantile, and amusing. After that we clambered back aboard the boat, and sped our way around the island to the other side where there's this cove that's friends of Laura's family live on, and we swam off the boat there. We had this air mattress, and I kept falling off of it, and attempting to get back on to no avail. It was intensely amusing. Then we sang a few songs while sitting on the bow, which was intense fun, SERIOUSLY because I haven't sung with my girls for forever and a day. So we sang which was fun. Then, just as we started singing 'Do You Love Me', Gord started the boat and we did some more speeding around the islands. That was seriously hysterical, because we started screaming in excitement, but were still singing the song so it ended up being like, 'DO YOOOOU LOOOOOVE MEEE!' 'DOOO YOOOOUUU LOOOVE (ha ha ha!) MEEEEEE' 'DO YOU LOVE MEEE-EEE-EEE' 'DO YOOOOOOOOUUU (ack!) LOOOOOVE MEEEEE' 'DO YOU LOVE (ha ha!) ME (ha!) BABY!' 'NOOOOOOOOOW THAAAAAAAT I-EEEEEEE CAAAAAN DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANCE' (ha ha ha!) seriously. that's what it was like! and the wind had picked up so the water was really choppy at that point, and the boat was flopping us about all over the place. it was crazy fun, I tell you! then we headed back, sadly. It took us about twenty minutes to find a place to moor, but that was ok. We sure didn't mind! We didn't want to go back! while trolling around, we went past the Marine Petro Can, and there was this guy in this lime green t-shirt. We went by, and the girls and I were just lounging on the bow. And he looked up, and started smiling at us! We smiled back, and he waved, and we were like, 'oh yeah!' after that, I was like I want to take off my life jacket now. So I did, and lounged in my skimpy skimpy string bikini that doesn't look as good on me as I wish it did. But it did the trick! The next time we went past the Petro Can, Petro Can Boy came out to the edge of the dock, leaned against something, and just watched us go by. I smiled at him again, this time wearing only my itty botty bikini, and he just smiled back, and then as soon as we'd gone by, he just left. He hadn't done a single thing! It was such an 'I am woman, hear me roar' moment. We couldn't find a place to tie up, and eventually, harbour staff just let us double park somebody's boat. I felt really bad, cause we had to walk on the other person's boat to get to the dock. Then once back on the sea wall, we went to a cafe and bought ice cream. It was really really good ice cream. Finally Gord drove me home where I found that my Aunt who lives in Nova Scotia had sent me free makeup! yeah! I got mascara, lip glaze, lip chap, and nail polish. and my sister bought me my bus pass for next month. joy! I'm sorry, I'm going to not type for a while cause I want to do my nails with the stuff she sent me! ...ooh! elegant, yet understated! that's the kind of polish that I like! anyway, I never finished telling you about yesterday... we drove down to Maffeo-Sutton in Kevin's van which we picked up at my house. (I don't know why, actually, Maffeo-Sutton is only about ten minutes away walking). Zed's circus friends (don't even ask, I'm lost, too) were putting on a fundraising demonstration for their program. It was just a bunch of people and their children playing with hoola hoops, and swirly-things, and stilts, and gymnastic competition ribbons. There was this fantastic border collie that knew a whole wack of tricks. That was intensely entertaining. And a bunch of hand drummers. For a while, Zed, and Kevin, and Laura and I circle sang. It was ok, but not as fantastic as the times when Geoff, and Brianna sing with us. We me a friend of Zed's named Melanie. I got the feeling she liked him--a lot. Meh. so that was today, and last night. tons and tons and tons of fun. I'm tired, so I am going to go try out my new make up, and put my bus pass away. Maybe even do my toes. ttyl. |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 27,July,2004 | well, today is going to be fun fun fun. I'm going out on Gator's dad's boat with her and Brianna. finally! some Collective time! for all who read this blog who don't know, this isn't actually as much time I spend with my friends. They've just been crazy busy with everything. But not today! Today is a girl's day! With the girls! Woo-hoo! I really want to sing some Collective music. you have no idea how depressing it is to walk around a house trying to sing a song that you don't have the melody on. I love singing Sincerely, but I'm second soprano, and somehow without Brianna to do the melody for me, I always end up changing jeys like a mad fool. And it makes me so sad. But no longer! Yesterday was quite fun, too. The idea was that I would invite an insane amount of people over to my house for dinner, but it ended up only being me, Laura, Kevin, and Barbara. Geoff had to clean up, Dev went to a movie with Amanda (he actually talked to me first, suggesting that me and Geoff go with him, but the dinner plans had already been made at that point), Brianna couldn't go for some silly reason, and because she was sleeping over at Mel's. Zed just never answered the door when Kevin went to go get him. And the twin's friend Sean? I called him but he was at (surprise, surprise!) the twins house! whatever. I shall meet him another day. (I also have to recapture the name of his blog ; I went to it once, but I forgot the address.) So we ate spaghetti, while my dogs jumped in and out of the dining room window, and my neice and nephews charmed Barbara, and Kevin, and maaayybee Laura. Afterwards we went to Zed's house to see if he was there now, and he ws. We hung out, watching his insanely adorable kitten. He was in the middle of making dinner, so he gave us some. He served me first cause 'I was his favorite!' That tickled me plum. After Zed's house, we emerged to find the sun staring dolefuly at us. It was stinking RED man! seriously, it was red red red! It was terrifying. Then we walked down the street and saw a cop car and an ambulance at this house, and then I was really freaked. We decided that the end was near. Anyways then we went down to Maffeo-Sutton,a nd watched a circus, but can't tell you much cause Laura's here. gtg, ttyl. |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 27,July,2004 | sorry for the hiatus. nothing interesting happened for a while there. no. really. NOTHING. but I did hang out with Gator and Kevin, and Geoff last night! we had buckets of fun! we went to the park at Uplands Elementary (BTW, readers, me and my friends regress regularly by playing on jungle gyms, and swinging our brains out on the swings. makes a good place to go and be hoodlums at during Laura's p-tays). we found three empty Smirnoff Ice bottles (yicky! the Twisters are way better), and a Mikes hard lemonade. we were going to steal them to play Spin-the-Bottle with (also another favored juvenile activity of ours!), but them we got distracted by the idea that we might go rent a movie and sadly left without them. As we were walking down the street away from the park, we happened across an empty case of Smirnoff Ice (likely where the bottles came from). The general consensus was that it might be rather entertaining to put the box on our heads and walk around. So I did. And the handle cutout even served as a handy dandy eye slit! It was extremely entertaining. :) Then we walked by a discarded SOLD sign, of the variety that realtors put on house for sale signs. Laura began hitting herself over the head with it. That was also entertaining. We decided that now we were truly hoodlums seeing as how people walking by probably thought we had stolen the sign, and thought that the Smirnoff case was half full, or something. We felt baaad. Very baaad. (apparently I am a sheep.) We decided to walk up to Ty's house to see if he wanted to come with us. Along the way we say Nick, who, incidentally, was also going to the same place. So we all walked together. I convinced Nick to put the box on his head, and see how entertaining it was, but them he just took it off, and insulted the amusement value of the experience. I was offended. Just before we got to his house, Kevin had the bright idea to give the Smirnoff case to Ty as a peace offering. Then Nick pointed out that we weren't at war with him, therefor making the offering moot. (stupid Nick; spoiling our fun) so Kevin decided to fix that little conendrum by punching Ty as soon as he opened the door. He was confused. Then I walked up to him solemnly and presented him with the sacred box. He was confused. There was a great deal of racket at that point, what with Ty being confused, and Kevin and Laura and Geoff talking to Ty at the top of their lungs, and Nick somehow slipping his way through the crowd to make himself at home, and me gooing to Ty's dog, Spoxer (who is adorable! though not on the scale of Zed's kitten). Eventually we left, and down the road, we realized that in all the cacaphony, we had never actually asked Ty to hang out with us...*blush cringe blush* We felt embarrassed, but consoled ourselves by walking with sticks, and adorning ourselves with leaves (infantile, maybe, crazy fun, for sure!). I pretended to be Gandalf from LOTR, and screamed 'YOU SHALL NOT PASS!' to Geoff. He was intimidated. Or at least, I like to think so. On our way to Roger's, me and Laura decided to hole the SOLD sign between us, which was subtly amusing because, we were basically two couples walking together in a group. So Me and Laura advertised our takenness with the SOLD sign, while walking hand in hand with eahc of the boys. It was amusing. Eventually I pissed Geoff off mildly about something, and he dropped my hand. I immediately felt sad, and dropped the sign, because after all, without the hand as proof, I was no longer SOLD, now, was I? Then Laura suggested that I steal a FOR SALE sign observed in a nearby parked truck! I tried to, but they all stopped me. Then, not five minutes later, this lady pulls over, and screeches, 'Where did you get that SOLD sign?' and we were like 'We found it on the ground' She totally didn't believe us, and was like, 'Well, I'm a realtor, and we have to pay for those.' and Kevin being a tactful sort of gentleman said, 'Well, would you like this one?' and she was like 'yeah' in this snotty tone advice. She was convinced that we had stolen it off of some house! I guess we played the parts of hoodlums a little too well!! Now deprived of both our box, AND our sign (tragedy!) we made our little way to Roger's, and examined each video with care. We wanted Robin Williams: Live on Broadway, but it was out (again!). All the DVD's were out, and their only VHS had been stolen. Jeepers. So we considered Robin Hood: Men in Tights, and we considered Monty Python (for about ten seconds. I totally vetoed it, because Geoff's insane love of it has made me start to absolutely loathe it. sincere apologies to all Monty Python fans out there except for Geoff). In the end, we got Dogma. Half of which I ended up sleeping through. What I saw of it was pretty funny, though. On the way walking home, we saw the Northern Lights!!! I was SO excited! I'd never seen them before, because I thought we lived too far south! But I guess not! It was so pretty! It was this really big band of light green in the sky that kind of fluctuated. It was so pretty. I was actually moved. I started kissing Geoff and couldn't stop. And he humoured me, given that I'd never seen them before. Although, truly, I was seriously jazzed! We got home and ate ice cream, and sour candies. Kevin and I had an argument over who played the T-X in Terminator 3. He thought it was Julia Stiles! lmao! anyway, he bet me two dollars that it was Julia Stiles, and I bet against him that it wasn't. When we got back to Laura's, we checked it on the computer. Of course I was correct, so he payed up. When the movie ended it was quarter after one in the morning. Since buses had DEFINITELY stopped running I was forced to pay Kevin my bet money to drive us all the way home. But since Geoff lives in the North end, and I live in South Central, he refused to drive us both places, so I ended up sleeping over at Geoff's. (which was veeerry nice!) This morning I got home around eleven. Right now, I'm in the middle of cleaning hosue in preperation of having a whole whack of people over tonight. Laura-Gator, and Kevin, and Geoff of course. Zed, maybe Brianna, and Devin, and Barbara, and I'm deliberating about inviting that guy from Brad, and the twin's circle of friends, Sean over. He gave me his number, so maybe. Obviously he probably wouldn't think it too nuts if I invited him over, cause he said something about wanting more friends. And I'm always up for group expansion, so sure! Anyway, the dishwasher is done, so I've got to go put in a new load. Maybe, even, (OMG) put in a load of laundry! Or even, (*gasp*) shave my legs! heh! yeah right, like that'll happen! |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 25,July,2004 | I'm sqee. whatever the hell that is. You're Squee! Your parents hate you. Your only friend is a teddy bear. urlLink What Johnny the Homicidal Maniac character are you? brought to you by |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 24,July,2004 | ok, now not only am I the Slut in the high school stereo type, but I'm Saddam Hussein in the famous leader quiz!!! grrr.... urlLink What Famous Leader Are You? urlLink personality tests by similarminds.com goddamn, I'm the Godfather!!! holy crap am i that awful of a person??? |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 24,July,2004 | found another blog. I'm still clueless as to why she's mad at the bad ass lemur... urlLink http://dancinginfairyrings.blogspot.com/ |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 24,July,2004 | crapdammit means gay, except according to Laura-Gator, I'm not allowed to use that as an insult anymore. So all previously gay things are now crapdammit. No offense anyone. |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 24,July,2004 | k, I don't know where Kevin disappeared to after the fireworks, but I caught a ride home with Alex in his illegal-as-all-hell car with four other people in it. lol! anyway, yeah the cut on my toe still hurts really bad, as does the cut on my wrist (which I aqcuired yesterday, swimming at Colliery Dam where all the bodies are dumped in Nanaimo; I swear, that big concrete thing by the dock probably has fifty bodies inside. it's all the mob). And you're not even going to believe this, while swimming underneath the bridge during the fireworks, I scraped the back of my leg HORRIBLY!!! and then, walking back to Alex's car...I stubbed my toe, and practically sprained it! seriously, I was limping for like five minutes! and Geoff didn't even care! Erin was like, 'errmm, Geoff, you should carry her,' and he was like, 'no way, too tired.' So yeah, we all now know how much of a pathetic klutz I am. *cringe* no wonder I can't dance. anyways, I missed out on a kicking party at Shane's house. w/e. I had no ride there, or home, and no $$$ for booze, either, so it was a lose lose situation. Zed has the cutest kitten in the entire world!!! She's so cute! I love her so much! the first thing she did when she saw me was jump at my Capricorn necklace, and attack it! All Kevin could say was, 'aww' over and over again, and if you know glib-times-a-million Kevin, that's surprising. Anyway, he thinks his older cat (the mommy) is pregnant again, so if she has more kitties, I'm going to take two. Cause Moth is getting old and senile, and I don't care what my mom says. I must have more kittens. We've had puppies in our house for like seven weeks now, now it's time for kittens. That's right, the Poirier house of cuteness, that's us! I have found Kevin's weakness! He is a big lump of goo when it comes to infants of any species (except possibly worms, and insects; I dunno, larvae don't have much opportunity for cuteness). He seriously melted at Zed's kitty cat, and my sister's baby boy, Nicky gets so much coodling when Kevin is around. Watch out Laura! if you marry Kevin, you shall have no choice but to bear him his super offspring! lol! and I wouldn't worry, either. as doting as Kevin is, you wouldn't have to pay any attention to the kid at all, cause Kevin would be doing it all!!! ahh, I can hear Laura grinding her teeth, and tearing her hair at this very moment. *sigh* yeah, I'm a bit in a teasing mood today. I have had two cups of coffee, a small glass of really nasty sherry that Mom's friend Ken gave me (watered down with 7up, cause it was really REALLY nasty sherry; I don't even like sherry, why'd he even bother wasting it on me???), and I am clad mostly in underwear. Life is good. Ahrodie just got spayed, so no more puppies for her, and her haltie was forgotten at the vet's office, so we have to go back and get it, or no more walks for her, either. She'd never forgive me! I can't wait to get those kitties! I seriously don't even care what my mom says, I must have two more. Admittedly, it's alittle unfair to Moth, cause she deserves to live out the rest of her life without feline competition for attention, but she's only twelve. She could live for another eight years possibly. And I don't wanna wait until I'm twenty-four to get another kitty. I wanna get a girl and a boy, and name them Sebastian, and Charlotte. And I'll even keep the litter box in my closet, and do all the cleaning it out, and they can sleep in my bed, and I'll buy them kitty toys, and kitty treats, and play with them, and I'll love them tons and tons and tons! I REALLY want a kitty! And you know, when I say that I'll take care of them, I actually mean it. And I think I proved that with Ahrodie. A puppy is a bigger responsiblity that a kitty, and I took good care of Ahrodie. I seriously took her out to poop and pee outside four times a night! Once at eleven, once at midnight, once at one, and once at four or five. It was really hard, but I actually remember it as a good experience. Which makes me really enthusiastic about having a kitty, or two. Anyway...I'll just stop now. But let it be known, I WANT a kitty really really badly! I gonna be stuck in purgatory for the rest of the afternoon, and I have to go get ready for that. (I have to babysit the three older kids, while interacting with Ken the drunken sot of an asshole and that equals intense misery). I've decided to just avoid the house all together while Ken is there, and take the kids up to Gyro Park No. 3, and pack a lunch for them. And that means I have to start making the lunch for them, and getting them dressed now, so as to be able to leave the minute Mom and Sherayna leave. so I'll ttyl, got to go prepare for utter death now. wish me luck. :( |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 24,July,2004 | urlLink www.mutedfaith.com/quiz apparently, I'm the Slut...*sadness* I knew I should have put more of those 'death-to-the-world answers... |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 23,July,2004 | ok. I have a terrible time remembering people's blogs, ok? so I'm going to put a few down here for my own benefit, and for yours if you wanna go see these blogs, ok? PEOPLE I KNOW: Geoff- urlLink www.g-modthejesus.blogspot.com Laura- urlLink www.thereisnodragon.blogspot.com Brianna- urlLink www.queenbrianna.blogspot.com Kevin- urlLink www.kdobson.blogspot.com Ty- urlLink www.karmakaze.blogspot.com Brad- urlLink www.grungefreak.blogspot.com Amanda- urlLink www.wouldyoucaretodance.blogspot.com *I don't know the twins' blogs, but if I did, I would put it here. PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW BUT WHOSE BLOGS I LIKE: The Lemur- urlLink www.maliciouslemur.blogspot.com Jeremy- urlLink http://jermunns.blogspot.com/ Pissed Kitty- urlLink www.pissedkitty.com (not a blog, but fantastic nonetheless!) anyway, have fun blog surfing! |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 23,July,2004 | babysitting right now. kids needed lunch so I gave them all apples. too freaking hot to cook anything. dogs just spent an hour in the bathroom cause someone from the lodge needed to get into the basement. (for all those who don't know, the house I rent is owned by the owner of an old folk's lodge, and they've retained the use of the basement for their offices. therefor, we have people from the lodge going in and out of our house all the time, driving our dogs crazy. sometimes I just bring them in the house for a little, which is actually against the terms of our lease, rather than listening to them bitch). OMG! my family is wonderful! they brought me home an iced cappaccino! so, Brad now has a blog! lovely! now I can delve into the innermost thoughts of another person, who's motivations, and interests have previously eluded me! um...anyways. I'm going to invite Brad to do things with the Collective (oh! did I tell you? Gareth is now a part of the Collective! we have assimilated him!) this coming year. Cause Kevin, his best friend, is leaving for Taiwan soon, so he'll be semi-at ends with his time. I should definitely invite him to hang w/ the Collective more often. Who knows? maybe we could even assimilate him by the end of Grade Twelve? I would like that. I've always admired Brad for his talents and affability. k, one of Sherayna's friends is scoping me out to sing some of his songs. I dunno. Depends on if his stuff is any good or not. apparenty he's just looking to sell some of his songs, and get songwriting credits. No good. He doesn't have a band, and I doubt what he writes is arrangable. I don't even know if he's even ever written a vocal arrangement, and if you're not familiar with them, you tend not to write very good ones. Hell, I'm familiar with them, and I can't arrange very well at all! huh. I thought I had something to say in this entry, but I guess not. w/e. oh, yeah. I went over to Geoff's last night, and he totally ditched me for Erin and Alex! they went downtown to play some pool, and left me sitting on an uncomfortable bus stop bench for an hour waiting for the last bus of the day! and the infuriatingly ironic part about it was they were headed to a place that's about five minutes away from my house!!!! but Alex couldn't drive me cause of the new one passenger law. shitty deal. in other news, I'm so jazzed! I have readers! from Georgia no less! woo-freakin-hoo! ok, enough with the random enthusiasm. but I was excited. Maybe, given some of the personaly nature of this stuff I shouldn't really be excited that people I don't know are reading this (*blush*), but w/e. I'm a shameless exhibitionist. Deal with it. :) |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 23,July,2004 | I'm dying! isn't this Canada? shouldn't I live in an igloo, and eat seal meat, and shoot whales???? of course, that may have something to do with the fact that I am clad in flannel PJ pants. w/e (stole that from Brad, and Kevin! ha ha!). my own stupidity. I'm not changing! I keep wondering if other people from elsewhere in the world have been reading my blog. I suppose it's not terribly interesting. The title doesn't do much to excite the senses. Maybe I should change it to 'Click here for great sex!' nah...too much work. what a laaaaaaazy day. |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 22,July,2004 | I woke up today early I suppose to the endless noise of my fool mutts barking at someone outside. Alas, endless screeching from the comfort of the bed I wanted to be asleep in did not suffice to get them to shut their freaking mouths. I asked Sensei if he wanted to wear the muzzle (he hates it! ha ha!) and after a small silence which I took to mean acknowledgement, he resumed his noise, so I started swearing rather loudly, and clomped my way downstairs where I found my mom had beaten me to it. Therefor deprived of the malicious satisfaction of seeing my dog miserable and cowed with a man-made instrument of justice on his face, I grumbled my way back inside where I promptly collapsed on the couch and slept my way through to around an hour ago. I vaguely remember my sister giving me coffee (which I ignored in favor of snoozing), and my mom calling me a lazy bum. Finally I woke up, and devoured an endless supply of cookies and coffee. Very healthy. :) PS: God, what a windbag I am! Did any of that make any sense? |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 22,July,2004 | sorry, that was random...I saw it on a box of epsom salts--I won't even bother explaining. anyways, I just spent a very relaxing day with Geoff. very domestic. I like domestic! :) I went to Woodgrove with him in the morning (well actually it was early afternoon). and I suppose that part wasn't really that relaxing cause we were in the middle of a mall with a whole bunch of onnoxious stimuli aimed at getting me to be a consumer whore...so really everything I'm telling you is a lie! anyways, we were looking for this video game that Geoff wanted, but we couldn't find it. So I dragged him into clothing, and shoe stores, and he dragged me into knife shops. Me and Geoff in a mall is like a brother and sister in the backseat on a long car trip; exasperating, to say the least. Then we investigated an 88cent store, and I bought two picture frames, and two pops. (the totaly bill came to $2.95! joy upon joys!) then we went and got some fries, and then took a bus down to Music Maxx. They had crazy fish there! and a ring that I wanted a lot. after that we headed back to his house where we had some extremely gratifying sex. (I won't tell you the details, because for all I know, you could be dirty old Cambie's-man.) then we were lazy all day. he tried to teach me how to play Dynasty Warriors, but Jay, and Jon came back to his house and started playing drums, and I had no desire to look like a fool in front of Jay Smitka, so I went upstairs to blog, and talk to people. After that, we watched some TV. CSI, and a couple of movies. it was a very relaxing, very lazy day. there were two tense spots, actually. one was on the bus to his house. we were talking about his plans to get shitfaced in Tofino this weekend. Now I don't have a problem with this at all. And I think that that's very big of me, considering the hassle he gave me about getting drunk at the M + CdA cast party. The problem is, he still expects me to completely abstain! We were discussing it on the bus, and he said, 'I still don't think that when I come back, my position on this is going to change any,' and I was instantly enraged. I was like, 'You hypocritical bastard! You have no right, if you're going to indulge!' And he was like, I'm doing it for research purposes ONLY.' as if that's supposed to make it better. all I did was laugh in his face at that. and he tried to whack me on the top of the head, and I smacked his hand away from me. The second time was when we were waiting for the bus to come get me at the end of the night. Apparently, according to him, I am unable to be wrong. I never admit when I'm wrong, and I'm always trying to prove myself right, and yada yada yada. Nevermind that if I can prove myself correct, well that kind of predisposes that, you know, I AM correct! well anyways, he was feeling all bad, and I'm like Geoff, just stop, ok? you're pissing me off, and he takes my arm, and twists it behind my back using some akido shit! I was like fuck the hell off! I told him right there, when you're pissed, don't you dare twist my arm like that again. You know I hate it. then I had to suffer through him giving me a pointed stony silence until a creepy bug walked up to me, and I made him explain to me what it was. That got things back on normal terms again. I dunno, I'm willing to put up with his foibles up to a point. But when it gets to the point when twice in one day, he gets physical...I won't take that. He's a big boy, and he's been raised better than that. I don't give a rusty fuck how put down he's feeling. And that will be that. All in all, the day was actually quite nice. I'm not going to focus on the rough patches, because I believe I got my point across, and that's all I really needed to do. what matters is, I had a really good time, and I am pretty positive he did too. We were telling each other we loved each other all day long. I love it when we're like that. I mean he did that when we weren't together, but the fact that he's doing it again makes me think maybe we're doing something right this time. Anyway, I am very very tired, so I am going to go to bed now. I think I'll finish up reading that new Faye Kellerman I just bought. And then start the other Faye Kellerman that I also bought! :) (just FYI, I also got a Lilian Jackson Braun! me and my murder mysteries!) g'night, all! |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 22,July,2004 | sorry. that was terribly incoherent. I shall do some translating. I had fries, not fires for lunch, and the word does indeed happen to be lunch, not linch. and that whole paragraph concerning Laura and Brianna? it never happened, I was never there. capishe? |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 20,July,2004 | Aside from that rather aggressive sentiment, there is nothing much to report. I have a dull, dull life. (*don't forget, Alleah! Gator's blog addy is thereisnodragon.blogspot.com, ok?*) strange. I had really hoped she would have called it Fort Buzzard! He he! I seem to have wound up with these two random addies on my address list for email... I know who the one is, that's random blog guy named Zac, I think. The other, I have no idea as to the identity. Whatever. He/she shall be the recipient of my forwards from this day forth! Spread the misery! I'm actually at Geoff's house right now. For some reason, I have no interest in eating, although I haven't actually eaten that much today. I ate cereal for brekkie, fires for linch (approximately six of them) and half of a hotdog, and some grapes for dinner. Laura actually has some interesting things to say. I, in fact, do not, so if Brianna, you included me on that list of blogs for a reason, your desires for your readers to discover a witty, interesting modern young woman, well, then you happen to be dumb. Ha ha! You know, I've been noticing that I say ha-ha a lot, and if I was reading someone else's blog a lot, and they said ha ha after everything the way I do, I'd be ike why is she laughing at everything? That's weird. But what I'm sure you all don't know is I don't mean ha-ha in the 'ha ha, I'm a whiny insecure Hilary Duff-lookalike'kind of way, I mean it in a 'ha-ha, I'm a psychotic superhero' kind of way. Yes I realize that made no sense. Bitch. Anyway, Bad Boys II is on tonight so I'm going to go kiss my boyfriend and then watch that and some other bad movies, ok? ttyl |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 20,July,2004 | umm...Geoff and I got back together. (don't hurt me Brianna!) nah, jk. I, personally don't care what anyone thinks of this. This time, I'm going to just try to make this work. I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to accomplish this, but I shall endeavor. I am so nervous, and not confident. I'm really not sure how this is going to pan out. I don't even know if I should be doing this at all. I mean, I've given him my whole either you are or you aren't speech. Oh wait, you don't know what I'm talking about, do you? Well, yesterday, I was talking on the phone with him, and this was after he'd told me that he loved me but he wanted to get over me, and as we were saying good-bye, he said, 'I love you' and this waas the first time in like three days (which usually equals like five conversations) that he'd said that. And I was like, 'Don't do that to me! Make up your mind!' and he got pissed off and said, 'Fine, I don't love you!' and hung up on me. And last night, I went over to his house (cause if I'd stayed at mine I would have jumped out of a window, I was that stressed with the kids) and we were hanging out, doing normal things, and then we're were lying on his bed together. And the vibe is all, 'I want you' la la la, but he wasn't doing anything but rubbing my nose with his. Then later I said to him, 'you know you're going to have to work for whatever you want,' and he looked away, and was like, 'yeah, but are you going to smack me across the face if I kiss you?' well, eventually he kissed me and we...did some stuff. :) afterwards, I guess I was looking kind of melancholy (which is what I was feeling) and he asked me what was up. I can't actually remember what I said then (it was late) but he ended up telling me that we were together again. He had been saying 'I love you' all night long. I guess he seemed like he was really trying to convince me. So now we're together again. I really don't know what to think. I'm afraid to get emotionally invested again, for fear of a repeat. And if there is a repeat, I'm in this place where it could completely alienate me from him. This is the third time we've gotten back together and I don't knowreally what to do, or how to act. Anyway, I cannot continue to deliberate, because I have to go catch a bus, ok? ttyl. |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 19,July,2004 | This is pretty good tea. ginseng, peppermint, black current, and jasmine. My mom told me not to adulterate it with sugar or milk. I blushed. :) still checking out other people's blogs. what an unbearable snoop I am... ...ok, I am so jealous. I read part of this one girl's blog in which some random hot guy came up to this girl and said 'I think you're really hot' and he asked her for her number and stuff, and all she could say was, 'um...thanks' um, thanks? UM, THANKS!!!! girl, get with the program! jeez, things like that shouldn't be wasted on those who can't handle them! the only time I've been randomly hit on in the past month was by some creepy old Cambie's-man. He was like sixty years old! Skeez-master 4000! ick ick ick. ask Shane Murphy, he was there. btw, what the hell is a minotaur? I 've been wondering that ever since I found out that Mummy Maze on Popcap was based on a book called Theseus and the Minotaur. I wish i was one. Then I would meet someone named Theseus and have grand adventures! hmmm...Mom just threatened to buy a hundred lighters and tape them to the wall in each room. I wonder what the landlady would say about that? whatever, up her ass, we've got a yearlong lease! na na na na na! And now, a poem: DIE SIX FLAGS GUY, DIE. THOU OFFENDETH THY PISSED KITTY'S EYE. YOU KNOW YOU BLOW WHY DON'T YOU GO? I THINK YOU'RE NOT A GUY. DIE SIX FLAGS GUY, DIE. YOU AREN'T EVEN A GUY. YOU'RE PROBABLY A WOMAN WITH A BAD BALD CAP - I CAN TOTALLY SEE THE LINE WHERE IT ENDS AND YOUR FOREHEAD BEGINS. BAD MAKEUP PERSON, BAD. DIE SIX FLAGS GUY, DIE. YOU'RE TOO HYPER FOR AN OLD 'GUY'. IF YOU'RE GOING TO KEEL, HERE! USE MY WHEEL I'LL RUN OVER YOU WITH MY OWN CAR. DIE SIX FLAGS GUY, DIE. BECAUSE IF ANYONE IS FOOLED INTO ACTUALLY THINKING YOU'RE A REAL OCTOGENARIAN AND NOT A TWELVE-YEAR OLD GIRL IN THAT OLD GUY SUIT AND MAKEUP, OTHER YOUNG PEOPLE WILL START IMITATING YOU AND ABUSING THE SENIOR CITIZEN DISCOUNT OR ELSE OTHER OLD PEOPLE WILL START TRYING TO DANCE LIKE YOU, SPAZZMO AND THEY WILL HAVE MASSIVE HEART ATTACKS AND IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT. DIE, SIX FLAGS GUY, DIE. AREN'T SCREAMING CHILDREN ANNOYING ENOUGH?! NOW PEOPLE WILL COME TO A SMELLY HOT THEME PARK AND STAND IN LINE FOR NINE HOURS TO SEE AN OLD TWEAKER IN A TUXEDO DANCING REALLY BADLY?! I THINK NOT. DIE, SIX FLAGS GUY, DIE. I NEVER SAID THAT THIS WAS GOING TO RHYME. STOP SPAZZING OUT NOW AND TAKE OFF YOUR BALD CAP AND YOUR CHEESY THEME PARK FACE AND JUST DIE, ALREADY. GOODBYE. a girl after my own heart! she had thirty-five comments on that entry! (thirty-six after I was done) She's done us all proud. pissedkitty.com for all interested. hmmm toxicloveshock.blogspot.com I'm sorry, you're pretty boring, pearlgirl. ok, getting vetoed now by the mom. entirely this post has taken like two and a half hours to write. proud yet? I am a geek of the first order, I tell you. Huzzah for geeks! |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 18,July,2004 | k, this guy is hysterical, especially if you like satirical humour! urlLink http://jermunns.blogspot.com/ ps, I'm sorry, Amanda! |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 18,July,2004 | Oh, man, Amanda, I don't not like you, I promise promise promise!! I remember saying that I thought the bbq idea was kind of pointless, but what I meant was that I didn't understand why it was for Mrs. Sinclair! I didn't mean it like I didn't like you or your ideas, or anything, I promise! I'm so sorry I made you feel that way! I really really didn't mean it! I didn't know you felt I was critical of you, and I promise you, I definitely like you, cause you're Amanda, and Amanda is cool! :) I totally don't think the bbq idea itself is pointless, I think it's a really good idea, and we can start planning it as soon as possible, that is, if you want to. I hope so, cause I didn't think anything I'd said indicated a dislike for you in any way. I certainly didn't intend to make you think I didn't like you...I hope you don't hate me too much now! I'm so sorry for...whatever it is that I did. Talk to me soon, ok, Amanda? |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 18,July,2004 | I'm so so sorry, Amanda! I do too like you a whole lot, cause you're Amanda, and Amanda is awesome, I promise! If I am critical of your suggestions (I didn't think I was) I don;t mean to be, and you can smack me at anytime, I promise. I honestly did not think you thought that I didn't like you, I promise! OMG, how long have you thought this? I hope you don't hate me too much! *I still don't know what I did* |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 18,July,2004 | No, no, no, no! I promise I don't not like you, or anything, Amanda! I promise! I dunno who told you that, but I gaurantee you, they were misinformed! About the pointless bbq thing, I said that because I didn't understand why we would make it for Mrs. Sinclair, that's all. I didn't mean that I didn't want to do it. I'm so sad you think that! Are you mad at me? I really hope not, cause then I would be even more crazy sad. I hope you forgive me for...whatever I did. Talk to me on msn, and we can start planning this bbq right away, ok? |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 18,July,2004 | As in Sucky McSuckmeister. I freaking hate not being with Geoff. He gave me his decision (I love you but I want to get over you) and I respect that. But if I'm to get over him, I can't hear that he loves me every single day. No more I love you at the end of phone, or msn convos. No more. Otherwise I'll die. And I'll never be able to fall in love with anyone else, cause I will still be hung up on Geoff. I hate hate HATE not being with him. I HATE it! |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 18,July,2004 | Wow, other people are funny! Among the most amusing: -maliciouslemur.blogspot.com quite fun, quite fun. goodnight! |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 17,July,2004 | I'm randomly reading other people's blogs and there's this one thirteen-year-old girl from Virginia who likes the Beatles, and she uses this random thing that is supposed to be a heart in her typing. It looks like this: |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 17,July,2004 | this entry is for the sole purpose of seeing my name on the most recently published blogs! |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 17,July,2004 | goddamn, Geoff. If you wanna prove to people that you're mature you gotta make sure you're starting from high ground. First of all you don't have a job, and you don't have a license, and the only reason you've got a car is because Mommy, and freaking Daddy bought it for you. Second of all, you didn't get Shadow cause you couldn't get off your fucking ass, and buy him yourself, and if you couldn't motivate yourself enough to acquire him in the first place, how the hell were you going to take care of him? Third of all, the neatness of a room, or a house in no way indicates maturity which is a lucky thing for you because if it did, you would be fucking screwed! and last of all, a mature person DOES NOT sign off his msn convos with 'fine. if you're gonna be that way, I won't talk to you anymore' gonna tell the teacher on me, too? I'm fucking quaking! For all of you who have no goddamn idea what I'm talking about, observe the following: George Harrison says: ok, you proved there was more than one way to say Lau-ren George Harrison says: you happy now? Pinto says: yeah... Pinto says: why do you sound mad at me? Pinto says: i *heart* u... George Harrison says: stop being so paranoid. Pinto says: huh? Pinto says: what do you mean? George Harrison says: you spend your entire blog talking about me. Pinto says: so. Pinto says: so what? George Harrison says: well, I read it. Pinto says: and? Pinto says: ??? George Harrison says: I don't know. George Harrison says: you're being very strange, writing as if I'm not going to read it. Pinto says: well, the thing is, I didn't mind if you read it. Pinto says: everything I said would have come out in conversation sooner or later, or my real diary which you also read. Pinto says: there's nowhere where I can express myself and have you not find out, so I've just reconciled myself to having you know everything. George Harrison says: al...right. Pinto says: so. what do you think about it? George Harrison says: I don't know. Pinto says: Geoff. You can't just leave things at I don't know. Pinto says: will you please attempt to continue this conversation, please? George Harrison says: ok. George Harrison says: I still love you, Alleah. But I want to get over you, I just don't know how. George Harrison says: Alleah? Pinto says: I'm here. George Harrison says: talk to me. Pinto says: I don't really have much to say at this point, do I? George Harrison says: I think you do. Pinto says: what do you mean? George Harrison says: you always have something to say. Pinto says: yeah well, there's an exception to every rule. George Harrison says: Alleah, I never meant to hurt you in any way, if you're hurt. Pinto says: I know. George Harrison says: you know how hard it is for me to deny you anything. Pinto says: what's that mean? George Harrison says: well, I still love you, this you know. So, how hard do you think it is for me to say no, when you say you want me? Pinto says: what were you thinking when you read each post? George Harrison says: I was thinking..I don't know what I was thinking. I was thinking what a jerk I am, and how I'm going to deal with it when it came to this. Pinto says: what do you mean? I don't understand. George Harrison says: you say I'll never change, and you're shooting yourself in the foot. Pinto says: well, I am kind of fucking up my own Grow-Geoff-Up operation by continuing to be attached to you. George Harrison says: what makes you think you can make me grow up? Pinto says: Believe me, obviously I can't. Pinto says: I just thought I could help it along a little. George Harrison says: I think maybe you have to be a little more grown up yourself. Pinto says: how so? George Harrison says: well, you're not exactly the model of maturity yourself, Alleah. Pinto says: thanks. wanna back that up, or are you just retaliating? George Harrison says: I'm not a retaliatory person, Alleah. George Harrison says: but, let's take, for example, your house. George Harrison says: you don't clean up your room very often, if at all. George Harrison says: you whine and moan at your sister and mother to clean up, when you're perfectly capable of doing it yourself. The only way you're going to get them to do it is by doing it yourself, and setting a good example. From my own experience with your family, motivating themselves is not one of their high points. Pinto says: what is that supposed to mean? George Harrison says: the mature choice of action would be to set in motion the cleaning up of your house yourself, instead of just moaning and whining about it to them and every first, second and third person that comes to your house. Pinto says: I'm talking about what you said about my family's motivation. Pinto says: what the fuck did you fucking mean by that? Pinto says: you have no fucking right to talk about MY family's motivation, when you can't even get off your fucking ass to go make an appointment for your N test! George Harrison says: that's because I haven't even completed my driving lessons. George Harrison says: I don't know when they're going to be done, do I? George Harrison says: I'll make my N appointment when I'm ready. Pinto says: now, my family is on Welfare, but my sister has gone to more job interviews in the past week than you have in your fucking life! and my mom is goddamn UNABLE TO WORK!!!!! Pinto says: you think my family is lacking in motivation, and maturity take a good fucking look at your own godamn life before saying anything about mine! Pinto says: and you wanna talk about my room not being clean? Pinto says: the only time yours has been touched in the past month is when I did it! Pinto says: DON'T FUCKING TELL ME I'M IMMATURE! George Harrison says: fine, if you're going to be that way, I'm not going to talk about it anymore. I have to go paint. You should have made sure you had more proof before accusing ME of being immature, Geoff, because on that front I ain't got NOTHING on you! |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 17,July,2004 | this is my commenting entry. I'm bored of simply posting! I want comments! So now, I invite all of you to comment in the most sarcastic, cutting manner possible! I look forward to laughing my ass of, while licking my wounds! *man, I should really start watching 'The Tick' again! what a funny cartoon!* so! spoon! fly at her! get your sarcastic asses in gear! give me comments! -by the way, I stole everything I said in this post that was even remotely amusing from Kevin Dobson. yay Kevin. |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 17,July,2004 | I've been thinking about all my passwords, and online names lately. I honestly have no clue why when I make an account at something, I have no idea what to put! There are so many old jokes with the Collective! PintoFalls, theSantaBrianna, FortBuzzard (I think that's what Laura should name her blog! ha ha!) Hamburgurl. PintoSings. McBullshit. goodness. I shall never lack for passwords again! (and if you're a tricksy hobbit, you'll try every one of these, and other things I've mentioned lately if you want to hack into my files!) |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 17,July,2004 | I don't understand you, Geoffrey Moddle. |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 17,July,2004 | This morning it was marachino cherry. sickiningly sweet, but did it's job. Last night I was over at Brianna's. Apparently, she invited a whole bunch of people mostly from Arts Alive, but only myself, Mel, Gareth, and Rosie showed up. We talked out on the deck, then ordered pizza, and listened to Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat songs. I'm supposed to go help Gareth pick out Mel's b-day present today. Thank goodness it's only ninethirty, and I won't be expected to get off my ass for another few hours...*sigh* I'm worried about my future with Geoff. The last two convos I had with him, he neglected to return my 'I love you' 's like we usually do. I dunno, maybe he's just being typical Oblivious Geoff, or maybe he's really interested in someone else. It's making me really sad whatever it is. I dunno, it's not like he has to. We're not going out. But if that's never going to happen again, I think I'm going to be very very sad. I don't think I'm going to mention it to him yet. I suppose I'll just...let it pan out. I feel like all my energy concerning him has been totally sapped. It's so hard to deal with being girlfriend-esque when we're alone, and one of the guys when we're not. If Ucre could hear that, he'd probably be very disappointed in me for allowing myself to be strung along...I just don't care anymore. I'm a pathetic human being. At least the person I'm dependent on isn't an abusive, alchoholic rage case. Although he can be pretty annoying. |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 17,July,2004 | Ì'm finally hanging out with Brianna again, whoo-hoo, but I'm feeling very antisocial, cause I have a headache. At least I'm clean, and shaven! I really really wasn't for a while there... *blush* |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 16,July,2004 | Get your mind out of the gutter! Ok, so I just randomly spent the night at Gator's house with a whole whack of Arts Alive people. I got to meet Laura, finally. She's so sweet! And, God she is so pretty! I would kill to have eyes like that! no wonder Shane is obsessed with her. I would be, too if I had a penis! Ok enough for the creepy comments for today. I also met this girl named Lauren, pronounced Like Ralph Lauren. She was pretty cool. We all sat around on the front picture talking about random things. I told them about when my father died, and Rosie started crying, and I felt really bad. Apparently, according to her and Sasja, I'm like a cat in that I can sense when people really need someone, and 'if I'm in a good mood' (those were her exact words! lol) I'll help them. I also got to see Emilia, and Spencer again. I saw them a couple weeks ago, but only for a little while at that concert downtown. Pretty much everybody else I'd seen pretty recently. I missed Brianna though, and I was sad. So now everyone has left for a store in search of food, cause Laura has nothing. I'm down here checking my e-mail, and updating my blog. Kourtenay sent me this big email that was like a survey about her... It had all these questions on it like, 'Am I fat?' and I just got really uncomfortable. I really don't wanna fill it out right now, cause I'm really tired, but I'll probably do it later, even though I don't want to. Some of the questions will be really hard to answer, but I think she deserves the truth. I dunno, maybe I'll talk it over with Laura first. That would be the really smart thing to do. Anyway, I'm dirty and repulsive, so I'm going in seek of a shower now, k? see ya later. |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 16,July,2004 | My big brother, Ucre is giving me the what-for about Geoff. Some of what he's saying is inaccurate because of Geoff's personality. There are some things that are just not Geoff. For instance: 'Little says: yes, but heres the reality of it....men dont change unless they truly see the benifit in it or them selves...and its there idea....if a woman thinks a man needs to change....forget it....the game will be played just as long as he feels that he can still get something that he wants...ultimately he wont change.' That statement is simply erroneous. I know Geoff. He doesn't have a conspiratorial bone in his body. I don't doubt that maybe he's still interested in me mostly for the sex. That's definitely a possibility. But believe me, if I know Geoff (and I KNOW Geoff) it's subconscious. However, that leaves me at an impasse. I can't allow things to continue the way they have been cause #1, it's not fair to me, or to him, and #2 he's never gonna grow up! I'm shooting myself in the foot here! I know I have to do something. There's going to be one big event that determines the course of our relationship, but I don't know what it is, or how I'm going to make sure it ends the way I want it to. The thing about this situation is, he's not actually detrimental to my health in any way. Sure, he's a little immature, and he obviously needs to grow into himself before he can fully concentrate on a significant other, but he's not abusive, he's not a punk, or a shithead, or any other kind of devolved individual. So if I were to simply write him off, I know it would come back to haunt me. I am so positive that in four or five years, we are going to be perfect for one another, just as we were when we first started going out. Obviously things cannot continue in the present vein. I'm tortured. I'm so close to him, and yet just that much farther away because of it. I am pretty sure that what we are doing now is going to be detrimental to our relationship in the long run, but I don't quite know how to fix that so that what I most desire will be the outcome. I don't even know. I'm running in circles with this post. I don't even know if he still loves me or not. Sure he says he does, but in every single way he is still such a teenager. His feelings could change at any time. And the pathetic thing is, even if some sexy young thing burst out of the woodwork right now, I don't think I could move on! Geoff would be so perfect to love, and marry, and build a home with. I don't want to move on, and then come back to him later on and have that long hiatus between us. I will always love him. So if I choose to, I can wait for him, but I have no clue how I'm going to stay sane in that time, especially if he goes and does what I can't, starts dating someone else. He says he still loves me as a girlfriend, and he certainly acts like it. He's still just as protective, just as possessive. We still hang out, we still fight, we still make out, and make love. There is absolutely NOTHING different about our relationship except for the title, which is the one thing I need to stay the same. I'm stupid, I do know what I need to do. I need to give him an ultimatum: either I am, or I am not. And it'll be a learning experience for him, giving him more maturity, which is my main objective. But what if I am not? I actually cannot let go, especially if he stays a part of the Collective, which of course he will. I have no right to say who my friends hang out with. But as long as we have contact, I won't be able to let go. And it is equally unfair for me to have to exile myself from my friends because of my relationship with Geoff. So it comes down to one thing: I need to be with Geoff. Which comes down to another thing: he needs to grow up. Which comes down to another thing: I can't make him grow up. Which should point me in the direction of complete write-off, but then there's the problem of unsavory self-imposed exile. Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK???? it's so frustrating. |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 15,July,2004 | does anybody know why shoulders start t hurt after a while of using your mouse on the computer? |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 15,July,2004 | I just looked at Devin's profile, cause he told me to, and he talked about a bunch of his friends on it. I thought, I should do that...it sounds like fun. But then I logged onto my own profile, and I thought...no! I like my profile! so all I did was add the site of this blog, in defiance of Devin's friend-flaunting ways. then I felt sad, cause I'd sold my own friends out. So I decided to remedy the situation here. Now if this isn't a reason to check out my blog, I dunno what is, because in this entry, I am going to stroke the egos of every one of my close friends. (except Brianna! jk!) neways, here we go. (in no particular order) Brianna --oh, Brianna. you could say that you are the leader, the driving force of the Collective...but that would be stroking your ego! which I already vowed not to do! ;) at any rate, you definitely keep things interesting, and when you're around, EVERYBODY has a lot of fun. That is for sure! You should know that Laura and I value you not for what you can or cannot do, not because you change to be what you think we want you to be. We want you to be who you are, and whoever that is, rest assured, we WILL accept it. We *heart* you! Laura --ha ha! the substance of the Collective! you are who I turn to when I need an objective opinion, and when I need somebody to tell me the cold hard truth. I value that in you, and I hope you are never too shy to do that for somebody. I love your random obsessions (yeah, Jack Kerouac!), and the way you have no desire to conform. You are a true individual. You just don't accept the 'norm' and you don't advertise that. You don't need people to know how much of an individual you are, you just are, and I thank you for that. Your honesty is refreshing. Geoff --oh, my love. my first in many different respects, my only in others. you probably know more about me than any other person on earth, and that is not something I take lightly. I hope you know the trust that entails. You have such wonderful ideals. I know sometimes I don't take you seriously, or I try to prove you wrong. Just know that there will always be people like me out there. But if you can ignore them the way you've ignored me, you may just stand a chance of fulfilling your dreams. When you are mad at me, I hope you will refer back to the message I wrote in your yearbook this past year, because all of it is true, and will NEVER change. I love you. Monkey --the completing member of the Collective! and my big little brother! Don't forget, that means I will always have the power to a) get you to tell me anything about your personal life, b) tell you if you're being a jerk, or if you are completely right c) make fun of your gaming ways! ha ha! I hope you remember that whatever my status with Geoff, I'll always love you like the little bro I never had. Gareth --you were the second friend I made at high school. that puts you in the comfortable position of oldest friend excluding elementary school. (besides when you're an adult, elementary school just doesn't count, and besides, I never hang out with my elementary school buddies anymore!) you, of course, hold the title of wackiest friend, and how I value you for all your frog-loving, fairy dress-wearing, Mel-dating ways! for sure you are one of my very best friends! *oh yeah, and I'm sorry I grabbed your crotch when I was drunk! no gaurantees on it not happening again! ;)* Mel --my Melly! obviously my best friend that goes to another school (tied with Barbara). definitely the best dancer I know. Probably one with the best realistic ideals. Did you know you are the very first person who has ever spent the night at my house? crazy, huh? you're so much fun, and I love your sense of humour. you are definitely such an awesome friend to have, cause you're not afraid of telling me the truth about my problems. Even if I don't really listen to you! *blush blush!* You're also one of only three of my close friends who has had sex that wasn't with me! that deserves recognition all by itself! ha ha! *k, that made me sound like a slut!* Barbara --oh, Barb. what can I possibly say about you? how bout that you are totally randomly awesome! if I went to your school, and saw you more often you'd probably be my very best friend. I understand your personality, and you understand mine, which is a big thing with me. It doesn't happen too often. You, and Mel (not the Collective interestingly enough) deal with those children I live with the best. I vow to increase the amount of time I spend with you by fifty percent in the next school year. If I fail to do this, you can torture me on the rack. Is it a deal? Devin --hey, babe! you are an interesting species of friend to me, because you have always been the guy I can flirt with, with no consequence. You are, and will always be my first-choice dancing partner! You're the guy with whom I can talk about things that my other guy friends just don't understand, like clothes. (gotta love pinstripe!) I dunno, maybe it's a function of your sexuality, maybe it's the fact that you're an image-conscious person. Either way, I value it, and I thank you for it. Don't ever change, EVER, k, Dev, cause I love you exactly the way you are. Kevin --Kevin, rest assured you are the most well-spoken, and glib of my friends! the rate at which enormous, and surprisingly coherent words flow from your mouth is truly astonishing, and believe me it can make some of the best sources of amusement for me. I love that you have weird and obscure interests, and I'm sorry, Irish Pipe is THE best instrument in the world. Drummers have the best reputation pop culturally as instrumentalists (come on, when you think drummer, what image pops into your mind? I think Travis from Blink 182. very sexy!) but the instrument they play is just not sufficiently awesome to qualify as the best instrument in the world. Anyways...back to you! I have some of the best conversations with you, and your van is for sure a road trip vehicle (not me! nobody rides me all day and all night! NOBODY!) hopefully there are some really great p-tays, and memories to come before you leave for Taiwan. Brad --Hey Brad! I haven't hung out with you over the five years of high school as as much as I should have. You're a great person to hang with, and believe me, there was a helluvalotta reason (what a fun word!) for me to like you. For instance you are probably one of the MOST talented person I know at what you do. I love your songs, and I really love to watch you play one of the myriad of instruments you know how to play. You're very thoughtful, and obviously can hold up your end of a conversation with Kevin (seeing as how you've been best friends with him for a long time) the way I sometimes can't. I hope the best for you, Brad, whatever that is; you definitely deserve it! Caitlin --you, my dear, are the VERY FIRST person I made friends with at high school. From finding out about our mutual interest in Mercedes Lackey, to playing non-competetive volleyball in Nicola's backyard a little while ago, you've been such an awesome friend, and have been one for such a long time. You're the most athletic of my friends (no contest!) and, enviously, the hottest. I'm so happy you've gotten what you wanted with Josh, and am impatiently awaiting the details! (can anybody say girl sleepover at Laura's!) I hope I know you for much longer than the last year of high school we have left. Nicola --hey, girl! you're my dancing friend! you're definitely better that me at ballet, and I love to talk to you about dance. It's so much fun to hear about your latest celebrity crushes, and to watch a scary movie with you and watch you gasp and scream. The Ring will always be the scariest movie in the world, and I'm glad I watched it for the first time with you! You've always been the granola factor and yes...you always will be. But never fret! That's a good thing! You and your disapproval of my language and conduct (dirty bubbles!) will keep me in line for years to come, I hope! Kourtenay --Kourtenay, maybe I haven't spent as much time with you as I should have. I don't know why I haven't, because making that movie with you in tenth grade was absolutely tons and tons of fun. (yeah, Chinese store owner! Making you Death with makeup was certainly my esthetic triumph. what do you say? film and television makeup artist?). All those original parties from so long ago, with LCD, and makeovers, and the card game. (who would you rather give a blow job to? A) Jake, B) Mr. Jossul, or C) Brendan??? ha ha!) those were so much fun, and will always be fond memories of an innocent time never to return, a time spent with you. if you don't see your name here, it's not cause you're not in my heart. my excuse is that, in the interest of time, I included only my closest friends. I love you all, though, and you know who you are! |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 15,July,2004 | An event with my mom has forever changed my view of the word geek. It used to simply be an adjective used to describe my ex-ish boyfriend Geoff Moddle. (now in quasidatingville for all you who do not know.) But a couple days ago, my mom was trying to find a webgame that my family is obsessed with on the net, and somehow she got to geeklife.com. i was blown away! Not just by my mom's insanely incompetent handling of the net (God bless her), but by the name of the site itself! I thought, whoa, my God! I see pride! and pride in what? in being a... Geek? What an epiphany! I thought, if people can be proud of being unwashed untanned l33t-speaking gamers, why can I not be proud of being a trash-talking, sex-obsessed midget? it's only a LITTLE more creepy... so I decided...Geeklife is now my motto, my mantra, my general guideline to life. Be proud of who you are. Because if you do, people will approve, they will gravitate towards your self-confidence, and humour. And even if they don't, who cares, cause you've got your own self-respect! and that's all that really matters, correct? |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 15,July,2004 | Yes, ok, not only am I a loser, but I am a l33t retard. I regret to inform you that suck-soar, which I randomly typed without thinking about it's non-l33t ramifications. It is actually sux0r. I apologize to all. Hey, I didn't think it was that big a deal! I type w00t as woot constantly, and no one has crucified me yet! well, I suppose it was just a matter of time... my noodles are so gross. I had to leave for about five minutes in the middle of cooking them, and they absorbed three times as much water as they're supposed to. sadness. so anyways, I am really dirty, and really gross so I invite anyone to get me off my ass, and doing something. I gotta get out of this house!!! |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 14,July,2004 | you know, I've been thinking about when I called the Collective a social underground. We're not really underground. We're about as overground as it gets. I mean, come on, we're theatre people! We're the most flamboyant, out-there people on God's green earth. So we're not really underground. But then nothing is REALLY underground anymore. Not the crazy punk subculture of the eighties. no, no. that has risen to confront the light (wow, now THAT was cheesy). not even underground hardcore porn. you can get free access passes from so many sites, and not that many of them check your credit card for age verification... you know on a slightly different track, I was also thinking today (since my last entry, a whopping 31 minutes ago) that the name of my blog sounds suspiciously like a homemade porno site. hmmm...Fun With Pinto...jealous yet, Geoff? lol. too many people say that. and too many people say ppl. and u and ttyl. WE HAVE WORDS FOR A REASON!!!!! whatever. videogames are death anyway. unless you're original Nintendo. you know, I'm waiting for the day when somebody laughs at something I say, leans back, after their spasm of hilarity, sighs, '...lol.' I swear to God whoever does that to me will die a cold and ugly death. so there. anyway, getting back to the title of this entry, I don't even know who's Collective, and who's not Collective, and who's Lower Collective. it's like a big, not-very-well-organized cult...hmmm. we can drink snok, and sacrifice blahs to our theatre gods. sounds like a plan. You know, I love making Brianna laugh. it makes you feel so funny. ha ha ha. I know that was random. anyway, p-tays fast approaching, hopefully. I dunno, though, cause I'd have to use my babysitting money to make two more parties, and I'm only getting twenty. Now I did do the other choir p-tay on twenty, but it was one p-tay, not two, and it was for a third of the entire guest list of either of these two coming up parties. I think I'd better just wait until I can sell one of the kids. or maybe I'll just turn them into part cars, and sell their kidneys and lungs to mad scientists. mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha. Apparently Amanda is having one soon. a bbq at her house for Mrs. Sinclair, pointless, as that might seem. I was supposed to help her organize that, as well. I suppose I can do that. Brad should be having a p-tay relatively soon, or so he has said. and then there's his b-day p-tay, and Laura's 'Kevin has left the Building' p-tay, and the Copa cast party. (which is where my twenty bucks is going to. :) I love my vodka.) no, Moddle boys, don't get up off your couch and away from your video games. God forbid. I'll just smack myself in the head. Whatever, you can laugh at me if I get hungover. That'll be punishment enough. So you think this is ranting, and raving, I go on worse in my actual diary. This is just stuff I WANT people to know! Haha! Hmm, I'm in a boy-hunting mood. Well, put on your boy-chasing hat, and your dungarees, Cletis, we're ahavin' ourselves a man-hunt! (Quinn, you would be proud if you could hear the accent I just did in my head!) You know what's sad? I give the boys grief about playing video games all the time, but me and my Mom and Sister are about twelve times worse when it comes to nerd-o web games. Seriously, we were actually arguing about who was the best at Bookworm today. We were comparing how many times each of us had gotten Senior Librarian as our rank when we finally died, and at what point value, and what words we'd gotten (Lupine and Tragedy, both with golden letters!)mom almost got clandestine, but a burning letter ate one of her letters. anyways...*blush blush* For some reason, I've got Chantal Kreviasuk stuck in my head. Her rendition of Leavin on a Jet Plane (yes I KNOW she didn't write it!!!) Cause I'm leeeeavin, on a jet plane, I don't know when I'll be back again, oh whoa whoa something else... truly pathetic. I really REALLY should get to bed...but can't slow my mind down. I've tried TV!!! I've tried mindless webgames! I don't have any more books to read since I finished that Clive Cussler novel! and everyone else is asleep! that means I can't throw my ball against a wall until I feel sleepy! Well, that's a little inaccurate. I'm very sleepy. Complete with yawns, in fact. I just...am insomniac-ing right now. it's not that I don't wanna go to bed, or a I can't get to sleep once I'm there, it's that...I feel like I actually cannot get up, and go to bed. odd. GGGAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!! going to bed now.... goodnight. adios. a beintot. grr... ok, I actually cannot do this. I actually want to go to bed, and yet I also cannot make myself get out of this freaking chair and go upstairs. and I dunno why! you know what makes me crazy? stupid insert, that's what. you know how when you reach for the backspace to fux something, but you miss, and hit the insert, and you're not quite sure what you did, and there's no overt sign of anything wrong until you start typing in the middle of a phrase, adn all of a sudden the rest of your phrase has gone AWOL? you know that feeling? that massive sense of I am going to kill something, and dance in it's blood RIGHT NOW!! or maybe I'm crazy... |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 14,July,2004 | ok, I am a password werp. The username and password I used to make this blog are really similar, and I keep forgetting which one's which. yeah, I don't actually have a purpose for being here. the people who are online at this hour of the morning are all away, which probably means they're sleeping (like I should be) and I don't feel like playing webgames anymore. I just watched three and a half hours of A&E. No one should do that. Ever. I wish there was...I dunno what I'm talking about. It's early. Maybe one day, some scandal smelling celebrity reporter will dig up this blog, and publish it in a tell-all book that shoots to the top of the best seller list before anyone even reads it. Man will they be disappointed. I am a nerd. |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 14,July,2004 | Hey, this is going to be a quick entry, cause my mom wants the computer (suck-soar, sharing a computer with my ENTIRE family). But anyways, this is my first entry. Lovely. Steven got into the petroleum jelly today, and had it smeared all over his entire head of hair... and you guys like kids. fech. I'm so antsy about Geoff. I'm in that place where you need it to go one way or another. I mean, I gotta know one way or another. I want to be with him, but I also want to move on. I need a clear answer. But we know Geoff, I'll be pushing up pansies before I get one of those. It's just that...I'm willing to do what I need to do (eg, waiting patiently, albeit hornily) if I KNOW that he views the possible outcome of us dating again as desirable. Unless I know that, I just can't commit to him, nor should I have to. so there. I'm really sad and jealous of L + B. They both get to be in Bye Bye Birdie, AND in Copa, while I'm stuck with freakin ratface bitchwhore. I'm never going to get the lead I need for my scholarship! Ratface hates me, and she isn't doing a musical, which effectively cuts my chances of getting the lead by two thirds, and Elina gets every lead known to man outside Welly. My life is over. How am I going to pay for college? omg... I was supposed to go to Dover today to visit everybody. I didn't though, cause I'm freaking lazy, and I was also having really odd hald-second blackouts all day. Seriously, I would get up from sitting, or I would turn around really quickly, and I would actually black out for like a half of a second. And I was doing that all day...it was really weird. Ok, my blog is totally inferior to Kevin's. His titles are all like: 'benefits of communism' and 'I'm going to save the world with big words' (you can't hear me, but I'm using fat rat voice!). I'm so shallow. Whatever. Shallow girls get to check out asses. La la la. Ok, I'm vetoed now. So I thank you for reading what was inevitably going to be a whiny and pointless blog. Doesn't that make you want to keep coming back?! Yeah Fun with Pinto, my lily-white ass... Love Alleah. |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 15,August,2004 | today was an awesome day! hung out with girl Collective + Kevin. it was a ton of fun! Brianna called me almost as soon as I got up (though how she knew I was up, I have no idea; maybe cause it was quarter to twelve...*blush*), and asked me when we were supposed to be coming over to Gator's that afternoon, I said I didn't know, but that I would call her in a little while. She said ok, and we hung up. A little while later...I called Gator, and she was (urgfh) in the shower. I mean, come on, I'm bad enough, getting up at quarter to twelve, but she doesn't get up until roughly around then anyways, AND she takes hour showers! She's the slothiest sloth in the whole sloth world. So I called back about twenty minutes later (yikes, running up the phone bill!) and she finally answered. I asked her when her preferred time would be for myself and Brianna to make an appearance, and she said just come over now. She also told me to call Barbara and invite her, but Barbara had to clean in preparation for her mother's imminent return of today or tomorrow. So I convinced Ken (my mom's random friend who randomly gives me money in return for me allowing him to delude himself that I'm his daughter. Seriously. He gives me ten bucks, hugs me, and says 'I'm like a father figure to you,' every time I see him. Whatever. I get the better deal!) to give me a ride down to City Center bus stop, or I would miss my bus. I made it up to Gator's, and Brianna and Kevin were already there. We hung out for a while just talking about *ahem* Aden, and other things. Eventually, we decided we were restless, and that a trip to the mall was in order. Why the mall you say? I dunno, I suppose the endless barrage of stimuli marketing thousands of useless items could be an excuse to wear down our energy. First we headed to Mac's where we all bought huge Slurpees with strange flavours. Nobody finished theirs, except for possibly Kevin, but I am not sure... Kevin bought gas, and me and Gator and Beebur checked out the magazines. (Hey, Mr. Tanlines!) Then we were off, like a herd of turtles, to Woodgrove. We arrived and walked a ridiculous, and pointless distance around to an entrance where I saw (OMG) a guy that I'd met at the M + CdA cast p-tay. yes I know what you're all thinking. That foreign guy that Alleah made out with while she was horridly drunk? The one who's name she didn't even know? yes. That guy. I saw that guy. *cringe* and what made it worse, was going in, me and Brianna-Beebur noticed him at THE EXACT SAME TIME, so we looked at each other, and were like, 'is that the guy you--' 'Brianna, that's the guy, I--' and then just cracked into hysterics! and we kept turning to look at him, and Laura was like, 'what? what are you all laughing about?' and we told her, and she looked at him, and cracked up into the same hyena laughter that we were convulsed in! And by that time, he had turned around and was probably thinking something like, 'huh?' or whatever that word is in his language. And we were just cackling the whole way into the mall. That poor guy must have been so confused. Not to mention Kevin! *sigh* anyways, we got in the mall, and just roamed for a while. the first shop we went to was a shoes store, and we had a ton of fun drooling over awesome Converses, and pretty bags. (that one was mostly me.) or at least the girls, did. Kevin was all like, 'I'm a man.' Then we headed down to Spencer's. (the store, not to person's house) we checked out fun things there. I coveted all the Happy Bunny stuff they had there. I think the Happy Bunny company came out with more, cause all day, I saw a ton of new slogans. Jay was working there, as was Kat, the accompanist for Robinson Crusoe. Laura and Brianna decided I needed to buy this book that taught you how to have orgasms. (grr!) I decided I needed to buy outt he store of ALL their Happy Bunny merchandise. After that, we meandered some more, and Brianna and I decided we needed to explore the 88 cent store for sex bracelets. We couldn't find any, so we migrated to the EFAD'S (the Everything For a Dollar store), where we found an enormous selection of really good ones! I bought two packages, and Brianna bought one. However, a bunch of noteworthy stuff happened before that that I ALSO must tell you about that. Before going to EFAD'S we stopped in Claire, the girly store of the universe. I was in heaven! I found jewelry that I wanted, makeup that I wanted, and a huge selection of sex bracelets for incredibly ridiculous prices (which is why we didn't buy those ones). We found all this stuff that we wanted to buy for Caitlin, and Brianna was jonesing over this huge wall of punky jewelry. We decided that our substereotypes were (by sub, I mean, obviously, we're all theatre people, but within our group) Brianna as the punk, me as the twink/girly girl, and Laura as the folk god. Yes, we realize that folk god is not a general stereotype, but we defy you, cultural melting pot. We found these ridiculous hats that said Mrs. Timberlake, or Mrs. Kutcher, and I *heart* Ashton, and I *heart* Justin. Each of us girls put one on, and Kevin took a picture of us with his handy dandy digital camera. Hopefully, if this post doesn't go up right away, I can copy it onto this post. It was great. Move over Demi, I am now Mrs. Kutcher! then we went to Toys R Us to look for a surprise cone, but they don't sell them anymore. It wasn't a total bust, though, I climbed into a kiddy car, and Laura accused me of having a growth desease. I asked her to 'help me out, Mommy.' It was their idea of affordable transportation for me. after, we made a quick stop into Thrifty's where I discovered more Happy Bunny pins, and even more ridiculously priced sex bracelets. It was then that we made the fated trip to EFAD'S, and after that, we sat on a bench outside WalMart talking and adorning ourselves with sex bracelets. Kevin ran off to pee, and the girls and I fervently got in as much girl talk as we could before he returned. Then we went into Walmart, and in the photo shop, Kevin ran off prints of the infamous hat pic in Claire's, and also other pics, from the night I got stoned with Paddy. (ie, me wearing his mom's pants on my head, me getting bondage-ed with an akido belt, me + Foo wearing a plunger. interestingly enough, I was not under any influences when undertaking these random endeavors!) that was a ton of fun, especially as we found a random abandoned pic of some guy with a red mohawk, and patchy spots of fur all over the shaved part of his head. What made it better was that he was wearing leapard print! We decided I would put it up in my locker this fall, and we would tell people that he was my Russian boyfriend named Dexter Valistofski. (I dunno if that name is even Russian at all!) after moaning Dexter a few times in an extremely sexual fashion, we entered Walmart itself, and I bought bronzer, and Kevin showed me a sale on Wankinators. (two for four dollars! what a deal!) We roamed the store a bit after that, making many many jokes about the values wanking might have if one was, say, *stranded on a deserted island with a jar of peaches to open*. My response was to use some of the multitude of girly jewelry I would be wearing to signal a passing Air Force jet into finding Kevin, and dropping him off on the island with me so he could open the jar of peaches for me with his mighty mighty wanking skills. Brianna retorted that I should ask for someone bigger so that I could eat him later. after that, we returned to Kevin's club wagon to go home, but first we stopped at Roger's video to rent a brainless teen comedy. We got 100 Girls, which was surprisingly good for being amazingly sexist, and devolved. *oh sweet leaping jesus!* there were many many glib jokes that I fell in love with, but sadly cannot remember to include in this blog. Go rent it. You'll lose a few braincells for it's utter stupidity, but it's a good time. following that, Kevin made noodles, and Ragu, and Laura and Kevin wolfed it down cause they were going to be late for their Shae Apland concert. I told them to scream something at him for me. They have a choice between, 'Woo!', 'I want to have your baby!', and 'Take off your clothes!'. Anyways, Kevin dropped Brianna off (cruelly, at the bottom of her horrendud horrendus hill), and made me walk from where he parked for the Shae Apland concert all the way up Fitzwilliam, and down Kennedy. I begged for Foo's jecket for modesty (which was in the car), but he refused. *sniff* However, something good did come of it! The cutest doggy in the whole wide world came bounding up to me, and butted his cute little head against my leg while I petted him, and talked to him. The cute little pooch got excited when I said I had to go home, and jumped at me, and his owner had to come and grab his collar. Owner was not particularly interesting looking, but I did like his dog, which is a must. now, I am at home, and just hanging out. I have a feeling my blog will not post for a while, so I may have to save this on Word for a couple days before I can post it. crappy ass. however, I shall try. no lists for today, because it would just be redundant. goodnight, all! |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 14,August,2004 | phrase of the day ^^^. also, my special word, fucktard has now been replaced with the oh-so-vocabularly-amusing craptaculosity, compliments of Kevin! (who btw, spent an entire half an hour ranting at me about the dangers of drugs and alchohol.) In other news, Geoff continues to be *Ye Olde Asshole*, having been unblocked at the behest of Brianna, Laura, and the aforementioned Kevin in the interest of diplomacy during upcoming events such as Llowyn p-tay, and Kevin's farewell p-tay. However, then he proceeded to somehow piss me off in the span of ten minutes, thus resulting in resumed blockage. I don't know, I really think it's better this way. I don't think about him as much anymore, let alone obsess over him like I used to. I can now think about dating other guys, and it's a good thing! I am happier while not talking to him, and while I don't want to be bitter, or spiteful, or look back upon our year and three months as anything other than the wonderful time that it was, I feel that it is past time to let go. And detaching myself from him through lack of contact is, I believe, the way to go. And that shall be that. went blog-snooping again today. this time searching the database with key words. interestingly enough, the items you type into your favorite books, music, movies sections of your bios, and the interests sections of your bios become links to the profiles of others with the same interests as you. This is also true of your location. So I surfed through all the Nanaimoites on blogger (btw, why the hell are we called that? why not Nanaimers, or Nanaimians, or the Nanaimese? curious.), and found a couple interesting ones! low and behold, hours after commenting on his blog, I find a little popup on my msn, saying that someone who's email address I do not recognize has added me to their email! so this has happened quite a bit lately, the most cringeworthy of times was when I talked to my best friend since Grade One, Amanda Taft for about an hour before ever realizing who she was! (she had changed her email addy lately) so I just went along, and while chatting, looked up their msn profile. And I discovered Nanaimoite(ese) blog boy! woo-hoo! so we've just spent the past several hours talking. He likes old music! (thank goodness. after Lt. David, I got kinda worried) He gradded from Dover, lives in North End, works at the Woodgrove Save on Foods in the bakery. He can bake bread! lol. one might wonder why I am writing this at all, seeing as how we are blog buddies, and it can be assumed that eventually he will come across this entry. and assumably he already knows all this junk about himself, right? but w/e. he used to play drums in band. I didn't know Dover had a band! I suppose Welly is probably the most musical school in the district. But Dover is the most dramatic. (I am so jealous of Mr. A! I want to steal him for Welly's very own! And they took our beloved Mr. Beeston away from us! bastards! now who will discuss the 'little shitheads' in his class with me? *tears*) haha! and L + B are stuck in Film and Television without him this year! sucks to THEIR ass-mar! oh, goodness, I just thought of something...who is going to 'supervise' the Broadcast club? this is my grad year, I'm supposed to have the coveted Talent spot all to myself and one other! mother frick, everything is changing, and I DON'T like it. w/e, at least I still have choir. wonderful wondeful choir. *sigh* I know I had a lot more to tell you, but I cannot remember what it is. OH YEAH! Brianna is being stupid. The Collective has had ONE scheduled performance ALL SUMMER, and she KNEW about it, and knew it had been confirmed since before school ended, and she's still flaked out on us! She's going to---well, if I told you I'd have to kill you beofre she killed me because it involves some sensitive information concerning a --gasp-- male that she is interested in. But suffice it to say, that it is NOT a good reason to fuck up the ONE performance we've done all summer! I mean, hey! She had Arts Alive. Laura had Arts Alive AND Naramata. I've had jack shit! I have done NO performing all summer, not even at my big bros wedding, cause my two California bros don't even know I sing! it's NOT FAIR! I mean, with the Rufus fiasco, she had some cause to be a flake. (not a whole lot, but some.) but this is nothing but a guy! as mentioned in a previous post, I thought Collective 'stuck together against any mere male'. I guess not. I'm sorry, I guess this means that the saying 'chicks before dicks' has failed me. I am scarred. however, I am too tired to be suitably enraged right now. the blinding fury can wait til the morning. home life has been better since horrid freakout two days ago. no fisticuffs, and no moving out so far. blue skies (*smiling at me, nothing but blue skies, do I see*) all the way. Gator is finally back! I am hanging out with her and Brianna and Kevin tomorrow. Geoff was supposed to attend, but ran off to hide behind Alex and Erin instead. grrr. I'm feirce, and oh so intimidating, can't you see? Big, frightening four foot eleven me! (now THAT was sarcasm, Geoff) anyways, let's not get nasty, Alleah. oh yeah, the title of this post is totally true for me as well as stolen from Gator-Bator! I went to this dating service that Amanda Rossiter showed me. And I started rating all these people's attractivenesses on a scale of one to ten! I was like, omg! I am seriously going to hell very very soon! I can't remember exactly how I described it to Jesse (Nanaiman blog boy), but it was funnier than this. anyways, brain wobbling on rickety tracks, and is quite ready to fall into some slumber. must I have energy for lists? urgfh. today... i wore: denim shorts, and a white and orange halter top. blue sandals. i ate: coffee, noodles, pancakes, coffee and hamburger helper. (more than in a really long time!) i did: a lot of hanging with the kids (Sherayna's) at the water park. Got itchy, irritable and parasite-ridden. refuse to ever return to cursed water park. i like: my hair cause it looks good for a change! i dislike: Haliburton yucky Waterpark with it's recycled water, and revolting insectoid wildlife. and big spiders. brag moment: letting Tika chase me around the field at HyW. she liked that. cringe moment: having to be the one who strolled the stroller home, thus making it look like I was the one who had a six month baby even though he's my sister's, while icky icky young ice cream boys leered. filthy ice cream boys. I rate them a two on the hotness scale. Hear me?! a two!!!! granola moment: supervising kids at a waterpark, irritating as it was. i plan to: sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. goodnight, all in blogland. |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 14,August,2004 | ok, this is the fourth post I've attempted to put a link on. let's see if this works... urlLink Kevin you better publish this time, you bastard. |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 13,August,2004 | know what I just realized? in roughly three weeks, our beloved 'Grade Nines' will NO LONGER be grade nines! they'll be grade tens!!! oh how frighteningly progressive! and you know what else? if they are in grade ten, that makes myself and female Collective+Gareth GRADE TWELVES!!!!!!!!! as in Grad! yikes! I don't wanna grad. I vow to regress this entire year. Immaturity, here I come. oh, god! today is the fourteenth of August. I have roughly twentyfour days plus maybe a month to make two hundred and thirty three dollars. goddamn grad fees. fuckshitters. hey, yesterday, while surfing Kevin's old website, I found the most intensely amusing link EVER! I laughed so hysterically. urlLink www.whiskerscorner.com I love this website SO MUCH! it's so so good! The article 'Moving Suck II: The Coveted Whiskers Corner Fuck You Award.' gave me such an education in creative cursing than I hjad ever imagined possible. Like, take for instance, the best paragraph in the world, as follows: 'This still boggles my mind. As I was talking to Mr. PenisClown, how did he confuse 'please don't cash my check' with 'I want to donate that check to your multibillion dollar corporation?' How much fecal material must a person's head contain to make this kind of mistake? I realize that I have a SUPER SEXY VOICE, and King Anus must have been playing with himself, but if you can't jack off and do your job at the same time, then as far as I'm concerned, you're an urlLink incompetent fucktard .' fucktard is totally my new word. right after fuckshitters. I sometimes *heart* profanity! |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 13,August,2004 | so lazy. I'm such a lamer right now. Have not hung out with Collective in EVER!!! they must save me from my substance-abusing ways. *for shame* anyways, I have also been neglecting my lists of late, so I shall resolve that conendrum now. two days ago... i wore: my black sports tee, and scanty scanty denim shorts. and white sandals. i ate: I think that info was stored in the brain cells I lost over that past three days. i did: a hell of a lot of being embarrassed, some more hanging out with Foo, and Kevin, some attempted sleeping-over at their place that was confounded by their suspicious suspicious mother (who has great taste in reading material!), and finally some more dope-smoking with Paddy. thus resulting in more brain damage. me+Paddy Barry=brain death. i liked: the fact that I was totally irresponisible the night before. i disliked: the fact that I was totally irresponisble the night before. brag moment: having a fifteen minute shower. (seriously that's an impressive new time for me) cringe moment: I swear, all the cringe chi from the previous day maliciously saved itself for this day. goddamn cringe chi. granola moment: spending all day in front of the computer. i planned to: not get high with Paddy that night, but look how THAT turned out!!! yesterday... i wore: blue adidas shorts, and a black tee. slippers I believe for footwear. i ate: coffee, popcorn, and a LOT of water. i did: a whole lotta nothing. slept the day away. oh, and earned ten bucks for babysitting, even though I slept almost the whole time. i liked: sleeping i disliked: being disapproved on. brag moment: patting the sick baby back to sleep WHILE standing, AND sleeping! bitch! cringe moment: the enormously huge fight with my sister that resulted in our current avoiding of each other. it continued into today. granola moment: drinking coffee underneath the maple tree. i planned to: get up and be productive eventually, but failed miserably. today... i wore: a housecoat ALL DAY LONG!!! (I am Laze-bot. Fear me.) i ate: coffee, and a casserole-like thing with noodles, and chicken. i did: some bouquet-making, some sleeping, some wishlist making, and a lot more fighting with my sister. seriously considering taking Ahrodie, and my pictures, and becoming a hermit on Mt. Benson (note to self: stock up on shampoo). that's teach them! i like: the idea of music. (I have none of my own since the fire, and the Final Great Geoff Breakup) i dislike: being the crappiest person in the world. brag moment: my lovely lovely creation that is sitting on a table in the front hallway right now. roses, cosmos, dahlias, and yarrow fronds. I was proud. cringe moment: saying a couple things that were entirely cruel to Sherayna. granola moment: hanging out in my room in my housecoat and slippers. hugging my teddy. i plan to: maybe go hang out with friends. it'll take some serious motivation on my part however. I seem to have lost some of that lately. there, happy? my unhappy unhappy last three days in organized list format. my shoulder hurts. off to blogsurf, now. |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 12,August,2004 | nobody posts anymore!!!! even Kevin hasn't updated since before last night! intense sadness. I discovered Spencer's blog today. It's at Live Journals I think the addy is something like urlLink www.livejournals.com/users/teary_smile or something. that might be wrong though. no, never mind, that's correct. live journals allows you to have 'I'm feeling' icons. that's cool. take a hint, Blogger!!! I wish I was attracted to someone. I need a male to focus my attentions on. me and my family have been getting into more and more intense fights lately. my sister hit me today, and I punched her back. I fear tensions may indeed be moving toward moving-out-ness. life sucks. as usual I love how I never use indents when blogging. I feel so rebellious. *I defy you, modern rules of English!* tired. need to check comments. hopefully someone still reads my blog. |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 11,August,2004 | why am I such a dickhead? why whyw hwy why why? I can't beleive it. I went and got stoned AGAINwith Paddy last night! I'm SOO dumb! And I said I was going to learn. fucking learning. shit I've lost braincells I can tell. crap crap crap. |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 11,August,2004 | and my eyes are swollen, and my face is greasy, and my muscles ache. and my hair is dirty. and I've got scratches and bruises that I don't know how I acquired. and I'm not sure how much I remember from last night... *big sigh* I'm such a whiny baby. I'm a really weird person because...I like who I AM, but I don't like my LIFE. isn't that weird? I mean I like being Alleah, and being all the things that Alleah is. But the things that happen to Alleah tend to suck a lot of ass. (except for that hot DJ! haha!) (*refer to mmm...men in uniform--The Virginia Trip for an explanation*) anyways, HITF Productions meeting tomorrow. I suppose I shall committ to this endeavor. I reserve the right to not be surprised if it doesn't work out, though. I dunno, all the people who are in on it are fabulously talented and all, and there's not a thing wrong with any of them, but alas, I've been in on about three too many 'projects' that were going to 'work out awesomely' and didn't for me to succumb to the excitement of another. however, I'm impressed with the number of people who are terribly excited about it. good job, all. my forearms hurt. |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 10,August,2004 | fun games! the first one at the far left is so mind-numbingly amusing. good music, too! urlLink http://www.ferryhalim.com/orisinal/ have fun, Alleah, + friends! |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 10,August,2004 | I've been sitting and ruminating over that post I just did for about a half an hour now, and I am SO done with moping around and hating myself. I want to have fun. Now I feel rather defiant about last night. I am sixteen years old, and I have at least another school year of going out and getting stupid all I want. So yes, making out w/ Foo all night was idiotic idiotic, but I DON'T CARE!!! well, at least not enough to keep feeling bad about myself. so let's start with the good news. I have a head for alchohol rather like my big bro's. He gets drunk, passes out as if he's dead. Like we're talking a full brass band could play in his face, you could destroy his hearing with a fog horn in his ear and he wouldn't wake up. But he wakes up the next morning, just POPS out of bed, and goes and takes care of business. He's never missed a day of work after going out to get smashed, he's said. Well, thankfully, I am blessed with the same head. (except for the F of M + CdA cast party. I hadn't eaten anything the night before so I had a yucky hangover the next morning) However this morning, I was up and at 'em at a lovely 8:45 in the morning! I don't get up that early when I'm sober! And aside from a nasty case of dehydration, I have lived the morning with nary a headache, vomiting spasm, or even a nauseous burp of grossness! Life is good. next happy thing to talk about: dogs! I love my dogs so much! We let all of them in the house today, and Sensei got in insane trouble cause he chewed up a new pair of my mom's sandals. (I was sad, they were nice.) Ahrodie got to stay in the house for a really long time after that, and she was just being a total sweetheart! She was all affectionate, and pet me, and I'll lick your hand! It was so sweet! Eventually, Mom made her go outside, though. Then we were talking to the cute dogs from inside the sliding glass door. And I opened it up to talk to Sensei, and he just jumped right in the house! It was so cute! And then Ahrodie jumped in, and we gave them intense pets. Poor Tika, though is still too small to jump through the windows, so I had to go outside and invite her in through the back door. However, she rolled over when I was petting her, and rolled in some pee, so I had to wash her in the bathroom sink as soon as we got insode the house. Finally she was clean, and I let her run around int he hose, but Ahrodie was being a total bitch and was growling at her, and being all jealous of me, so I had to whack her nose, and send her outside. Once there I put her on her chain, and put the muzzle on her. She was so miserable! I felt bad, but dammit, she's gotta learn! But when I came back inside, what did I find? intense intense adorability, that's what! Sensei was playing with Tika, and he's always SO GOOD at playing with puppies! You wouldn't think so, cause he's such an enormous dog, right? but he's always so gentle, and he lets them fight back just enough to make them have a good time! he's so patient! I mean, it's sweetness times a million because he's so gigantic, and you know that if he tried, he could break her little neck without even thinking about it. But he's gentle, and loving, and patient, and long-suffering with all the ankle-biting that she does. I'm always so proud of his for his wonderful virtues when I see him playing with puppies! so, one good thing to come out of last night (don't get your hopes up, this is minor minor) was that we ordered pizza. And they brought us the wrong order, cause we'd ordered a medium Hawaiian, and a medium meatlovers, and they brought us a Canadian instead of the Hawaiian, so we got a FREE Canadian pizza out of it! score! and as an added bonus, the pizza boy rated around a nine to nine-and-a-half out of ten! double score! yeah I know I'm shallow, but wtf/e. hahaha! Anyways, I don't really have much else to be happy about (oh how depressing) other than that judging from Kevin's blog, and Brianna's enjoyable phone call that she just made to me, my friends do not appear to be murderously enraged at me in any way. So thank God for that. And, Kevin, and Brianna, I love you guys tons, and I'm sorry sorry sorry! (repitition makes it more believeable! *wink!*) So I'm off to check my email. ttyl! |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 10,August,2004 | oh, dear god. I have just entirely ruined my reputation in a night of drunken mischief. And not only that, but I am so talented, I also managed to ditch two of my very best friends in the process. I SUCK A LOT!!!!! I'm SO sorry, Brianna and Kevin! give me the rack, I deserve it... Anyways, you get no details, exept for the harmless, amusing anecdotes, but let's suffice to say that I arrived, succumbed to the seductive powers of gin, and ice up (straight gin is so nasty!), then once the ball was rolling couldn't stop. by the end of the night, I was drunk, high, and smoking like a fiend (oh hypocritical, hypocritical) as well as being promiscuous promiscuous with Kevin's little brother Foo. now there's a cringe moment... Not that I don't like Foo or enjoy his company, but I'm sorry, being a theatre slut with other theatre sluts is one thing, but I don't know Foo too well, and even if he isn't the bragging type, his friend will blab everything to everyone and probably make some things up, too. Well, even if that happens, let's get one thing straight, people: HE DIDN'T GET ANY. so there. strictly second base, which is bad enough as it is. I've totally just lost all respect the younger grades might have had for me. Life sucks, and it's all my own fault. urgfh. oh, god, intense shame. |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 10,August,2004 | ferries, planes, and yucky yucky smog I'm finally back from Virginia! yes, I know you all were wondering why I hadn't continued my three or four posts a day streak, and it was because I was in Quantico, Virginia on the Marine base, watching my big brother, Buckshot, get married! It was a six day trip filled with me chasing boys, and other boys chasing me! (I'll tell you about that later.) And not to mention the ridiculous ridiculous Washington, D.C. traffic! absolutely insane. And all the Marines? oh...the Marines! *drool* The trip was tiring and a little infuriating, but for some reason I enjoyed it immensely! We left on the third of August at five in the afternoon. All we did that day was drive down to Gramma and Grampa's in Sooke, and we stayed the night there. As far as I was concerned it was a total waste of time, and we should have left early in the morning of the fourth so that I would have been able to go to Laura's p-tay on the third which I missed. :( but at any rate that's what we did. the next morning we left about nine'o'clock, and drove into town (Grampa lives outside the village limits) to exchange our currency, and get last minute things (like a watch that looks like a thicker sex bracelet, more makeup, and more sex bracelets). Then we drove to Schwartz Bay, and took the Spirit of Vancouver Island (which is an extraordinarily large ferry) through the Gulf Islands and across the Strait of Georgia to Vancouver. On the way, we wound our way through all the islands, and we got to go through Active Pass which is a small strait between a bunch of islands that is no more that two to three hundred feet across. It's such a miniscule pass, and so picturesque! While in Active Pass, we passed by four other ferries! They all honked their horns at us as we passed, and we returned the courtesy. It was all very nice and West Coast. After we arrived at Tswassen Ferry Terminal south of Vancouver we drove through Surrey and then down to the American border where we saw the Peace Arch. I've seen it before, but I always like the Peace Arch Park. Big big lawns. Then we drove for another two and a half hours down to Seattle where we arrived at the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport. When we got there, we got all our baggage out and dragged it around with us in the outside part of the terminal. Our flight wasn't until eleven forty the next morning, so we had a TON of time to waste. We had some really disgusting soup for dinner with pathetic crackers that crumbled at the touch of a feather. Then we got a temporary pass that would let us in and out of security and into the concourses. Usually you'd get a boarding pass to do that but we couldn't get our boarding pass until two hours before our flight so we had to get that. So we went into the concourse to wait out the night. Before the sun went down me and Mom went walking around the terminal and watched planes taking off and landing. It was okay. We left Sherayna watching the luggage because you can't leave it alone or airport security will take it and destroy it in case it's a bomb. When we got back, Sherayna and Mom went wandering, and I watched the luggage. I figured it was a good time to do my nails cause I hadn't done them for the wedding yet. So I did my fingers, and my toes, then had a really long conversation with this woman from Oregon about education options, and Mom and Sherayna STILL aren't back from wandering yet, and it's been like two and a half hours AT LEAST! so I start looking for one of the cell phones (we brought two with us) and I can't find either one. They had taken them both with them! silly girls. so I go over to a pay phone, pop my quarter in, and it won't work. I figure out that it wants fifty cents from me instead of twentyfive! Goddamn rightwingers. So I get another quarter. It STILL doesn't work! Finally I figure outt hat I'm trying to use Canadian quarters, and it needs American change. lovely. so that nice woman I'd been talking with lent me a couple of quarters. AND THE STUPID THING STILL WON'T WORK!!!!!! *brain anurism*finally, the lady agrees to watch my luggage for me while I run down to security in search of a phone. So I find the nearest security check point, and I go up to the supervisor, and give him this pathetic woe-is-me look, and say, '...I have a problem.'he goes all sympathetic on me, and says, 'ok, what is it?' (I've already got him eating out of the palm of my hand! ha ha!)i say, 'i can't find my family, and they have both of our cell phones with them. could I use yours?'and he just melts, and lets me use his phone! it was so sweet of him! so finally I got Sherayna and Mom back, and we all read our books for about an hour. By that time it was about eleven, so I figure it's about time to go to bed. So I stretched out on an airline bench and attempted to snooze for a spell. Not working. I'm freezing my bottom off. I sat up and told Mom I was uncomfortable and she said it was because we were in front of an enormous bank of windows, so we went and found a different bank of chairs to snooze on. I was still freezing my arse off there, but there wasn't anything I could do about it so I simply curled up into a teeny ball, and tried to sleep. It was really funny, actually cause I kept asking Mom for her jacket to wear, and she would let me wear it, but then she'd get cold, and ask for it back, and I wouldn't want to let her have it. So we solved that problem by Mom putting the jacket around her shoulders, and putting one arm in one sleeve, and letting me stick both my arms up the other sleeve while lying my head in her lap! I gathered it was quite a comical sight. Anyway, eventually even getting up at a ridiculous time of day was preferable to more attempted sleep, so we got some coffee, and made our way to our gate that we'd be leaving from at about six fifteen in the morning. I was still intensely tired. Mom and Sherayna went to go check our bags, and get our boarding passes, and I stayed and people-watched. They came back, and we all ended up striking up a conversation with a woman with a South Western accent and two children. She was quite nice. Now this leg of our trip was to be on a plane, obviously, and I'd never flown before. So as excited as I was when I arrived at the terminal, the sixteen hours of waiting I'd gone through before boarding the actual plane was extremely anticlimactic. But finally our plane arrived, and we boarded it. It was much smaller, and darker than I'd expected. Up to this point, I had entertained every single possibility, from a hijacking, to minor turbulence, and I was quite nervous. For a while there, I was absolutely convinced (although I kept my mouth shut) that somebody was going to be a terrorist, and the plane would be hijacked, and everybody on board would die. But I didn't say anything, even to my mom, and once on the plane, I of course claimed the window seat. The plane eventually taxied out, and started speeding down the runway, and I was extremely excited. I had my nose glued to the window with figurative super glue. Then the plane actually took off, and I was just like, 'Oh...oh! Oh!' There was that crazy feeling of your stomach being in zero G almost that I'm sure all you flying veterans have experienced before, and watching the ground pull away from me at a rate of a hundred feet per second was incredible. I could not stop looking out the window at the houses that went from being defined, and recognizable to little teeny boxes laid out in a visible pattern. And all the highways went from an understandable route where cars, and trucks and motorcycles went to a foreign strip of gray that was identifiable only in theory. The Sea-Tac Airport is right by Mt. Rainier, so we went by the mountain about two minutes after take off. It was cloudy, so all you could see was this snow covered peak jutting through this thick carpet of clouds. It was in that general vicinity that I experienced my first bit of turbulence. And I didn't freak out, and I didn't point out the obvious to my family ('Mom, we're going through turbulence now! That's turbulence!'). Curiously, I took it in very staidly and stolidly, and decided that the feeling was akin to going over a bumpy road. I can't say it didn't occur to me that there was in fact NO road beneath us, only thousands of feet of space, but even knowing that, I was very calm and analytical about the whole experience. My nose never lft the window the entire flight to Salt Lake City, Utah which took about an hour and a half respectably. What's that? Salt Lake City you say? You thought I went to Virginia, didn't you? Well I did! But the plane was not going on to Baltimore-Washington International, it was going on to a different place, and we had to switch planes. So we did. At Salt Lake City, there wasn't much to look at. It was interesting upon landing and take off to see the huge salt deposits, the way the city was laid out around the moutnains, and glimpses of the lake that gives the city it's name. But we were only there an hour (cause our plane from Sea-Tac was delayed; it was supposed to be two hours) and no, we didn't see any Mormons. At least no one visibly Mormon. Although on the Spirit of Vancouver, and in Sea-Tac coming home we did see a few Quakers. The landing at Salt Lake City was extremely smooth, and entirely comforting to someone who has never flown before. We ate some Pizza Hut there, and I had an enormous mocha latte which was very very yummy. The pizza boy thought he was cute, but unfortunately wasn't. While waiting for our next flight, we went and watched more planes landing and taking off. Mom and I saw this absolutely enormous jet that looked like a jumbo jet, but I wasn't sure if it was or not. We had seen it taxiing around outside, so we were hoping it was going to take off, but we saw about fifteen planes take off without ever seeing Mr. Pseudo Jumbo Jet, so I suppose it had just landed. Mom came up with this whimsical name for the Alaskan Airlines jets that were teeny tiny as far as jets go. Since they always shot up upon take off like someone had kicked them in the arse, Mom devised the whimsical name for them, the Jolly Jump Ups. I think we amused the guy sitting near us with our bickering over who to ask if the Pseudo Jumbo Jet was a Boewing 747, or not. Then we got on the second plane, and this time, because Sherayna and Mom wanted window seats, but I didn't want to give up mine, we all sat in different rows in the window seats! ha ha! Talk about monopolizing! The flight was full, so I ended up sitting beside a couple of guys that looked fifteen and thirteen respectively. The fifteen-year-old was acceptable-looking, but he was sitting in the aisle seat, and buried his nose in a book the entire time (except for when I forced them both to stand up because I needed to go to the bathroom! hee hee!). The thirteen-year-old was very unsuitable, not particularly attractive, and listened to annoying music the whole time so I pretty much ignored him the whole way there in favor of staring out the window. This flight was roughly three hours. It was supposed to be three and a half but we were early. The air over the east coast was totally revolting. There was a smog layer that reached right up to fifteen thousand feet above the earth. And there was another smog layer a few thousand feet above that that was a least a thousand feet high, and was intensely thick. Absolutely no breakage in the cover anywhere. When the sun went down while we were still in the air, the smog glowed this angry red that was rather terrifying. *I am Pollution God of Anger!* we went over Chicago, and Washington, DC after dark, and all we could see was this enormous spread of city lights, which was interesting. the entire flight from Utah to Maryland we had crazy turbulence. We were only allowed to take off our seatbelts twice. I don't know, though, for some reason, I was completely fine about the whole deal. The turbulence didn't make an impression on me even though it was seriously harsh. I don't know if there's a switch not connecting in there somewhere *points to brain* but I did not register. We landed in Baltimore, Maryland at the Baltimore Washington International Airport at about ten'o'clock. About five minutes after we landed, on our way down to Baggage Claim, I noticed someone moving up quickly directly behind us. I turned and noticed it was Ucre, my big brother, but didn't say anything cause he motioned me to shush. Then he grabbed Mom's shoulder, and she nearly jumped out of her skin! It was quite amusing! We all had a round of hugs, and went to go find our luggage, which *relief* came through ok. I had had daymares about that, too! I watch too much Airline on A&E. About five minutes later, Lee (my mom's first husband, and my brother's and sister's dad but not mine) came strolling up, and we all went to go find a rental car shuttle, which was a bus that was identical to ours back home except for the coloring, and the luggage racks. We rode that for about five minutes, until we came to a huge rental car place that had about five different rental car outfits in it. We found an enormous van, and Ucre rented it. We all piled ourselves, and the luggage in, and off we went to go find Quantico Base. Ucre was driving, and Lee was doing directions, but apparently the map service Buck had emailed to him was rather inferior, and they couldn't figure out the exits. The infuriating thing was, every time they pulled over to look at the directions, they'd fight about which way to go, and I'd try to say something from the back seat about it, but they either didn't hear me, or wouldn't listen to me and were ignoring me. And then every single time, I was RIGHT! It was so annoying, so I just went to sleep on the seat. Quantico Base has some rather interesting 'scenery'... We didn't get to the security checkpoint entering the base until one thirty in the morning! The Marine who checked the adults ID (they didn't check mine cause I was with four ID'd adults) was extremely cute, and since we'd just gotten there, we had to have the van searched as well. The same Marine opened up the side door, and he looked inside. I had just woken up, and looked at him all bleary-eyed, and surprised. He asked me (well really all of us, but he looked at me), 'How are you ladies doing tonight?' and Mom and Sherayna echoed fine, and I said'...alright' then for some reason, he didn't close the door right away, but he wasn't looking around in the van, either, he was kind of looking at me, and in my jet lagged stupor (losing three hours; blech!), I thought he was expecting me to say something. So I blurted out, 'How are you?' Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking either, but it didn't really matter at all, cause he just burbled an unintelligible answer, and closed the door, all gruff-like. I think I surprised him. Then I was in for unmerciful teasing at the hands of my sister and mother.Finally we got to the hotel on base, and we checked in. I fell directly into bed, and didn't get up until ten the next morning. Ucre came by the hotel room, and woke us up just in time to get the last of the complimentary continental breakfast. I stayed in bed, and got a bagel. That day we all got up, and went sight seeing--kind of. We didn't go into DC to see any of the monuments, for which I was sad. But we walked around the base. We saw the chapel Buck would be getting married in. There was a funeral going on for which we felt bad. We found some forest which was very strange cause there was zero ground cover. Like NONE. Quite Virginian. We tried to go swimming but the pool was closed. We also went out to Q-town as the Marines call it (that's Quantico, the civilian town part), and bought some groceries for the stay. We got grapes, and turkey and bread, and this really nasty pop for fifty cents each that was so intensely laden with sugar, it should have been an energy drink. I couldn't even finish one of them! Then we went and hung out at the hotel room for a while. In the afternoon, we got a call from my Auntie Barb, and cousin Michelle who had also come down for the wedding from Nova Scotia. She was at a Ramada off base. So she decided to come in and check in at our Crossroads Inn, to be closer to the wedding. So they came, and we all talked in our hotel room for an hour. Sherayna and Michelle went off by themselves. I ate grapes while listening to Mom and Auntie Barb. Barb and Michelle had to go to Wal-Mart for some reason so we all piled in the car, and went off to Wal-Mart where I got shoes and shampoo. That was okay. I got yelled at for sitting on office chairs, by an employee. I had strange muscle cramps in my legs, and Mom said it was from sodium depletion, so she bought me some chips. Miraculously, the cramps disappeared! Coming back to the base, something so funny happened! At the gaurd post, we found another extremely sexy Marine, (they were seriously all over the place) who checked Barb's ID, and was like, 'Noh-vah Scoh-tchya? never heard of that one before.' Auntie Barb was just like, 'it's in Canada' and he was like, 'huh. you learn a new thing everyday!' and I was laughing hysterically at him from the back seat, and he glanced in and gave me a big grin! man was he ever hot! When we got back to the base, it was time to get ready for the rehearsal dinner. So we all got dressed, and went and watched the rehearsal. After that, we went over to the Officer's Club for the dinner. It was fantastic. Literally the best meal I had while I was there, including the wedding reception. We sat at a big table with Barb, Michelle, Ucre, Deon (his wife whom he went to pick up from the airport that day), Lee, and Buck's friend Lt. David Chin. Extremely extremely visually pleasing Marine Lt. David Chin! They'd roomed together when they'd first gotten into the core. He's twenty-two. Well anyway, David had nothing but good things to say about Buck so we all got on together fine. It turned out that he'd graduated with a degree in Mathmatics. He asked me where I was from, and I said, 'Nanaimo. It's on the West Coast of Canada. On Vancouver Island.' he gives me this look, and says, 'where's that?' 'British Columbia,' I say, and he gets this look of recognition and says, 'oh, ok! that's on the east coast, isn't it?' I was like...oh man! But he was still interesting-looking, and incredibly sweet. He had this nice aww, shucks demeanor that was (I'll be honest) rather endearing! The night withered away among Shirley Temples, and and soon-to-be-newly-acquired family that we weren't quite comfortable with yet. We met Stephanie's parents, Donna and OJ. OJ is a Colonel in the Marines, and a very nice guy. Lots of fun to be around. Donna has this insanely thick Jersey accent even though she's from Southern California. Her side of the family is Italian. In fact a lot of the people there were from SoCal. Big West Coast family. Buck and Stephanie got married in Virginia because Donna and OJ had gotten married there on Quantico Base. The bride's side was noticeably larger than the groom's. A lot of Buck's relatives couldn't make it. Although Quinn tried really hard. He probably didn't have any good ID. Buck was really mad about Quinn not coming. Eventually we headed back to the hotel, and coming in, heading to our room, the funniest thing happened! Another big huge sexy pectoral-muscle-laden Marine came out of his room as we were just entering the hallway, and passed us on the way down. Now I don't know if it was just that he had only came out to check the time on the wall in the lobby, or what, but he followed us back down the corridor a ways, and I was joking with Mom and Sherayna about something, and from behind, he made this funny little comment that related to what we were saying, and he gave us this big huge grin, and we all laughed girlishly. You should have seen this guy! Man was he such a stud! I'm sorry, but dear god, they don't come better looking that this guy. Chiseled features, sculpted arms, and what a grin. *sigh* Anyways, that night, Auntie Barb, and Michelle stole my mom and sister for a game of cards that turned into two games of cards, then three games of cards. I was fine, though, cause Buck stopped by my room to take a look at the laptop he sent me which wasn't working right. So he looked at it, and narrowed the problem down to the backlighting in the screen probably had some damage where it connected with the base. He gave me a website to go to when I got home to check out, which I should do soon. Then we just sat back, and talked for the rest of the night. Watched an episode of JAG together. It was really nice, cause I almost NEVER get to spend a significant amount of time with him. We talked about Quinn, and Ucre, his plans for their honeymoon, religion, and Geoff. It was very nice. However, he didn't leave until twelve forty or thereabouts, and I'd planned to have a bath and shower, so I did until one thirty. I created an ocean out of the floor. Very nice shower, though. wedding day--crunch time The next morning, they got me up early to go help set up at the reception hall which was on another base. So I got up, got some coffee, and hopped in the car with Sherayna, Deon, Donna's best friends Kathy, and Chris and sped up to Fort Belvoir. It is such a lovely place. The trees, and grass, and the smell of the air! The architecture is so beautiful. Wonderful old Colonial houses with brick facades, and some Officer's Quarters with columns in the front. American flags everywhere. Such a beautiful place. I just loved it. I would be thrilled to have a plantation in Virginia one day. We were in the Potomac Room of the O Club on base, and we could see the Potomac River, and across the river, we could see Mt. Vernon, which is not a mountain, it is the house that George Washington lived in. Very cool. So Kathy put me to work organizing the place cards. I used the seating chart to put the cards in order, and as organized as I was, the whole thing got truly messed up, cause I found names that weren't on the seating chart, and the diagram that showed the table numbers was all stupid and incoherent, so I got all the tables wrong except for the head table, table one and table two. Eventually, OJ had to help me by calling Donna and finding out which people sat where, and who wasn't coming. He was a ton of fun. In one instance we were switching two groups of place cards from one table to another that was right beside it, and we missed two names. I got frustrated, and was like, 'How can two cards just disappear from there to here?' and OJ just said, maybe they've been doubled up, and the first card he checked turned up the missing cards! He burst into laughter, and just crowed, 'Oh yeah! Was that ever a good call!' he has this huge, enthusiastic laugh that isn't overbearing in any way. I like him a lot. Halfway through this endeavor, I started feeling uncomfortable, and crampy, and by the time we left, I was feeling extremely nauseous. Well, I didn't want to be a bother at all to Donna's friends with whom I wasn't sure of myself yet. So I just suffered in silence. And of course, wouldn't you know it! We got stuck in midday traffic! Utterly ridiculous, bumper-to-bumper gridlock traffic! no one was moving at all! man, people might complain about their rush hour traffic! well I gaurantee you, it is a drive in the park compared to Washington, DC traffic on the I95 at midday ON A SATURDAY no less! it was simply to spite me, I am convinced. So anyway, I am sitting here squirming as little as possible, trying to just HOLD IT IN, as we go over each bump, each pothole. I'm telling myself over and over that no, I CANNOT get out of the car, and go throw up. But *it's not easy being green,* because Sherayna noticed, and was like, 'Are you ok?' even though I hadn't said anything. Then we all went to McDonalds! Kathy and Chris were hungry. it was the most insane thing in the world. You're feeling nauseous, the last place you want to see is McD's! Kathy asked me what I wanted, and I just told her I didn't have any American money (which I didn't) but she said, 'I'm buying lunch for everybody,' and you just don't refuse that from a woman from the East coast. They take extreme offense to any suggestion of inferior hospitality, such as turning down a lunch. And yes, some of you may think I was being over sensitive, but believe me...you do NOT offend an East Coast American woman. You just don't. So I choked down a McChicken burger, and fries (one thing I thought would not make me more sick), but alas, after that, I was a complete loss. I coud not get back to hotel fast enough. I had to throw up, immediately. Thankfully, they took a short cut back to the base, so as soon as we got back to the hotel, i ran inside double time and vomited as soon as I got into my room. I felt so bad. Mom had just gotten her hair done at a salon, and looked lovely lovely and all I could say was, 'move move move move!' quite sad. but eventually I made it out of the bathroom, and immediately medicated myself heavily. I love drugs. a lot. I collapsed on the bed in pain, and Mom was like, 'No! You have to get up, and get ready! you have twenty minutes! you have to get dressed!' and I was like, 'noooooooooooo' but eventually Mom dragged me off the bed and shoved my dress at me, and I was like 'glorg' but I got dressed, and put my jewelry on, and my make up. Then medicated myself some more. Then I went out and faked it. There wasn't any way I could just not go! Mom forced me out the door, and she knew that once out, I would not let anyone see me in that condition. So I had to smile, and be nice, and eat lots of tic tacs. it was so entirely not fair. so I went to the wedding, and I was sooo nauseous in the car going to the chapel. Before everyone got in, I was just hanging out the door dry heaving badly. But I didn't vomit. Congratulations to me. What an accomplishment. Once there, I sat in the pew, and was extremely uncomfortable. There was an honour gaurd of Marines that walked the mothers of the bride and groom up the aisle, and three of them sat next to me. I think I made them feel extremely uncomfortable because I sat there and squirmed the ENTIRE time. and this was a full-blown formal Catholic ceremony so it was not just a wedding, it was a full Catholic Mass, and it was about an hour long. the medication still hadn't kicked in yet, and I was NOT having a good time. But I was paying attention enough to get teary eyed when Buck and Steph exchanged their vows. When he slipped that ring on her finger, you should have seen her smile! Now that was a recipe for instant waterworks! even Lee sobbed a little! Finally, it was over, and we went outside to wait for the display of swords that Buck and Stephanie would walk under. By that time the meds finally started working a little, and I started noticing things. I got a camera from Mom and snapped dozens of pictures of people, and finally the Marines doing the sword cross. It was so fantastic! They came out in two lines, with David commanding. They turned, took out their swords, and raised them in salute. Buck and Stephanie came out and stood beneath the raised swords. David (it was so funny!) then said, completely deadpan, 'Welcome to the core, Mrs. Mattson,' and whacked her on the butt with his sword!!! I laughed so hard!! I loved the whole display. It was so picturesque...so then, we all piled into cars, and went to the reception hall which, like I said earlier, was to be held at the O Club at Fort Belvoir. By then, kitchen staff had finished all the stuff that we hadn't done, like set the tables, and everything, so we all found our places, and signed the guest book. And I ended up being somewhat of a tour guide because I had been there before, and no one else had! So I led my entire elevator to where the reception was, and I even garnered an introduction out of it! woo-hoo! There were hors d'vours to start, and we all wandered around for cocktail hour. We really didn't know anybody, so Mom and I went out on the deck so she could have a smoke. Out there, this lovely old woman named Betsy from outside Tampa, Florida came up to us cause she'd heard that Mom was the mother of the groom, and struck up a conversation. I could sense Mom getting a little shy once the general hi-how-are-yous were out, so I just leapt into the conversation with some retarded comment about the county she lived in. I don't even know if it was correct information or not, because I'd gotten it out of a book that was set in Florida! But it did the trick, and got the ball rolling quite nicely, and before long, Mom and Betsy were chatting like long lost friends! I was quite proud of myself, and excused myself discreetly to find my way to a Shirley Temple. At that point, Buck and Stephanie came in, and the reception began in earnest, starting with dinner. It was a four course meal, respectively, starting with salad (which I didn't touch), then meats and cheeses (which I also had none of), then the main course which consisted of one medium done filet mignon, two crab cakes accented with shrimp, steamed broccoli, and garlic mashed potatoes. Finally, there was desert, which was, of course, the wedding cake, which was five teirs, and five flavors. I got lemon. Out of the entire meal I ate one bite of the filet mignon, four bites of the potatoes, and one strip of broccoli. And one bite of wedding cake. And four Shirley Temples. I was still heavily medicated, but also still queasy. After dinner, the most fantastic thing happened! The DJ, who was a twenty-nine to thirty-four year old white male, and not bad looking offered something to the wedding guests. He came on the mic, and said, 'I have over 100, 000 songs in my database, so if you have a request, something you'd particularly like to listen to, come on up, I'll probably have it.' Well, at this point, I was so heavily medicated that I just soared right up there; I was more than a bit 'happy'. I went up there and asked if he had Rufus. And he said, 'yes, what song?' and I asked for 'Instant Pleasure'. He asked me if I was related to the newlyweds, and I said, 'yes, I'm Buck's sister.' Now that I look back on it, I suppose it was a bit of a come on on my part, because as soon as he mentioned the request thing on the mic, I got up, and stalked him down. When he saw me coming he had given me a big smile, and I gave him a big smile right back, and his grin became even wider. Now what I had intended to say with that smile was simply, 'yeah you gave me a challenge, I'm gonna take it,' but I think what he may have gotten was, 'you're interesting.' And when I requested 'Instant Pleasure'...well come on, he knows the song, and what it's about. It's only a small leap of concepts! I mean, hey, all guys live in hope. And this one was one of the worst, as you'll find out soon! Anyways, having made my request, I make my way back to my seat, and twenty seconds later, he comes on the mic, and looks at my brother at the head table and says, 'she wants Liberachi, I don't know!' and we all laughed. Then, maybe five minutes later, Mom and I head over to the bar for some drinks, and the guy comes steaming up behind me, puts his arm around me, and says, 'So, does Buck's sister have a name?' and I smiled and said, 'Alleah.' And he's like, 'And is Buck's sister over twenty-one?' !!! Well, me and Mom just burst into laughter, and I was like, 'no!' and he just went, 'oh.' and just zooms right back to his control panel! We laughed hysterically about it all the way to the bar, and then out into the restroom. I swear, if he had known I was sixteen, he would have shit a brick!!!! that memory still makes me feel real good about myself! *grin* *girlish laughter* I felt bad for him after that though, cause after that, he just kind of sat there fiddling with his computer screens, not saying much. then they started doing a bunch of special dances for the father and bride, and the mother and groom, couples in love, and the requisite couples who'd been married the longest dance. That was quite amusing to watch. Then came the speeches. Oh...the speeches. First came OJ, and Donna who got all teary-eyed at speaking at her daughter's wedding. Then Ucre, who was Buck's best man. His speech just made me turn into Niagra Falls. He spoke about how Buck, and my Grampa were always said to look so much alike. Then he told this story about how he once asked Grampa when he knew that Gramma was The One. And Ucre said, Grampa thought about it real hard, then finally got this ear-to-ear mischeivous grin on his face, and said--he just knew. The Ucre went on to say that a couple months ago, he got the opportunity to ask Buck the same question. And Buck thought about it real hard, and got this ear-to-ear mischeivous grin on his face, and said--he just knew. It was such a beautiful speech! Me and Michelle were crying so hard by the time he was done. We were just weeping horribly. It was so sad. Then finally all the dancing started! For quite a while my table didn't really dance very much. I did more wandering than dancing really. But then I went and sat beside Ucre. Buck, and Ucre both were trying to get me to ask David to dance, and I was like, no, no! He's tall! But finally, he just did it for me, cause we started talking again at the table, and he asked me to dance! success! so we danced, and he was taaaaaalll. But it wasn't unpleasant. However, as we were dancing, he let it fly that he didn't like dancing to all this old stuff, and I was like, ??? huh? I looked at him, and I was like, 'you don't like Frank?' cause it was a Sinatra song we were dancing to. and he says, 'no not really.' and I was at a loss. 'the Beatles?' I asked. I got a sneer and a head shaking. I was totally flabbergasted. How can anybody who has any depth to them not like the Beatles??? place a minus on the chart. Demerit! but then he regained some credibility, because I suggested, 'Led Zeppelin?' and he said, 'yeah, I respect their stuff' so it was somewhat of a lesser evil. Respect can blossom into enjoyment, right? But I think he was just as flabbergasted by my obviously uncommon love for oldies. He asked me, 'is this something all you Canadian high schoolers do up there, listen to old music?' and I was like, 'yep!' *big grin* boo-yeah, Theatre People! Finally, it was time for the bouquet toss! Of course, I went out there. And when she threw it, I wasn't expecting it, so I missed my chance to actually catch it, and besides, all the flowers were just falling out of it. But it landed at my feet, and before any of the other girls could think to grab it, I reached down and snatched it off the ground! I don't know how slick that was, but I got it! That counts right? :) Anyways, so for the rest of the night, I wandered around with Michelle, and danced with my brothers, and talked with Mom. We had a few snaps taken by Stephanie's family. It was all in all a quite enjoyable night, I say. Afterwards, we finally made it back to Quantico Base after getting totally lost in Fort Belvoir. Back in the hotel, after saying goodnight to Auntie Barb, and Michelle (was was half snapped), Mom and I went in search of laundry soap to do a load in the hotel laundry. But the front desk was all sold out, unfortunately. In the lobby, we saw David who was apparently waiting for Ucre. I said goodbye to him, and went back to my room. No heartwrenching parting scenes, so I suppose the feelings didn't run too deep at that point. But I say, I wouldn't disagree to seeing him again... on the road again... the next morning we had to leave to catch our flight at BWI. We missed the brunch Steph's parents threw to wind up the festivities, but it was ok. I was all partied out by that point anyway. I thoroughly missed my dogs. So I woke up at a ridiculous time, and we all checked out of the hotel. Ucre, and Lee, and Deon had to leave the same day, so we all drove there together. It was insanely early, so I just snoozed in the back seat on Mom's lap. We finally got to the rental car place, and returned the van. *sob* I had to drag about four huge bags back to the airport shuttle bus. I was laden down like a pack mule, I tell you! But nobody cared. meh. Anyway, we got on the bus, and then into the airport, and checked in for our flight. Mom set off the security thing as she went through it, but it turned out to be because of the hairpins that she'd left in her hair. So we travelled on. We went and sat at our gate for the hour and a half or so left before our flight. I was supremely stiff, so I sat on the floor, and did some dance stretches, which felt really really good. I was sitting there on the floor, spread eagled as far as I go, stretching my lower back, while fixing up my coffee, when this random guy walked by, and was like, 'nice stretch!' I was like, 'oh...ok, thanks.' finally we boarded our flight which was actually to Pheonix, Arizona! just a little out of the way! Most of the trip there was cloudy so we couldn't see any of Illinois, or Kansas or anywhere else we flew over. And besides, Sherayna was in the window seat, so there was nothing I could do. However, I managed to snaffle it just in time for the descent, and landing into Pheonix. so I got a first rate view of--dirt! red dirt no less. NO vegetation, except for a few palms that they imported, and somehow teased into growing. it was crazy. I'm a West Coast baby. Temperate Rainforest! I'm not used to no greenery! Anyway, it was a lovely 102 degrees on the ground. Mom and Sherayna were dying, but I just basked. I absolutely adored it. However, there is no way in God's not-so-green earth that I could ever live in a place like that, where the only colour is blue and red. Sky and dirt. And kick in some gray for pavement. Yucky. The flight from there to Sea-Tac was totally interesting though! No clouds whatsoever the whole way from ten minutes out of Pheonix all the way to Seattle. We saw the Grand Canyon from twenty five thousand feet! It was so fantastic! It started as this tiny (relatively) crack that just grew and grew, and the pilot announced over the PA that we were looking at the Grand Canyon. eventually it started getting wider, and deeper, and then it branched out miles and miles perpendicular to our flight path! and finally we flew right up a tapering arm of it. It was so fantastic! The rest of the flight was boring and flat. You could see west for miles and miles and miles, but it was all so boring! There were huge salt deposits in the ground that you could see, and I briefly entertained the notion of the polar caps melting, sending a gigantic tidal wave eastern over all that flat land to fill up the Grand Canyon, but eventually I decided that it was probably physically impossible for a tsunami to reach past the SoCal mountains, or for a western bound tsunami to make it that far across the continent, let alone let enough flow in the fill up the Grand Canyon. Still it would be interesting to travel 1000 years ahead in time, and see if there is a Grand Canyon Lake on North America... yes I realize I am a hopeless nerd. anyways, we went over Nevada, and probably Las Vegas as well, but if we did, nobody pointed it out. The terrain only started to get some shape and some altitude to it well after we'd entered Washington state airspace. As we came up of Seattle (around twenty minutes out) we started seeing mountains. First we saw Mt. Adam. Then came poor Mt. St. Helen's, hunched over like a bitter old woman, still feeling the pain of her wounds, 24 years after the fact. Spirit Lake is of course gone, but if it had been there, we would have seen it. And we went right past her proud strong brother, Mt. Rainier. I've always been jealous of Mt. Rainier for Mt. St. Helen's. You know, 'why wasn't it him, and not me?' kind of thing even though I'm...not a mountain. *blush* But still I feel for her. My mom used to have this beautifiul painting of Mt. St. Helen's before the eruption that hung in our dining room before our house burned down. I always loved that painting. I wanted to inherit it as well as Auntie Pat's painting of the lake that hangs in Gramma and Grampa's dining room. But the fire put an end to that notion. Anyway, we finally arrived in Sea-Tac, and Grampa was waiting for us, right at the gate! We walked down to Baggage with him, and I viewed that airport with a jaded eye after spending sxteen hours there getting aqcuainted with the place. We found our baggage, no problem, and loaded them up in Grampa's car. However, you might think that that was the end of our trip, but no. We arrived at five after five PM, and we still had seven or eight hours non stop travelling ahead of us. However it didn't end up being eight hours, because we drove to Grampa's house to sleep after the ferry, instead of going straight home to Nanaimo.So we started off on the I5 up north, and me and Sherayna just hung out, jetlagged from gaining three hours, while Mom and Grampa talked and talked in the front seats. We stopped once to get gas at somewhere around fifty cents a litre. Ridiculously cheap American gas. Then again before we crossed the border at a rest stop with an enormous tree that was so big it had the bottom cut out of most of it, and a car could drive through! It was very cool. Then we got back in the car, and drove until we hit the border, which took us roughly an hour and about forty five minutes to get through. It was so ridiculously gridlocked, that Mom and I were able to get out of the car in the middle of traffic, stroll over to the lawn, and walk all the way up, and through the Peace Arch itself. It says all sorts of patriotic, and brotherly things on it, such as Brethren living together under God, and May these Gates Never Be Closed. then we crossed the road to the other side, the Canada side, to the little water garden we made there. There were canna lilies, and this little hut made of six different kinds of tree bark to symbolize Canada's diversity. Mom was just plum tickled with that. Finally we got back in the car and waited and waited and waited and waited to go through customs. It was entirely stupid. Finally we got through, and back into Canada! land of beavers, and toonies, and Timmy Hoe's and my home. *sigh* anyway enough with the patriotism, life still sucks, Canada, or America. We sped our way through Surrey and Tsawassen, and just missed the nine'o'clock ferry to Schwartz Bay. So we decided to grab a bite at the terminal commisary. It was the first real appetite I'd had in three days! I ate chili, and chocolate milk, and Coke, and it all tasted better than anything I'd had in the States. not cause I'm predjudiced. cause it was really really yummy, and I hadn't even been able to look at people chowing down at Burger King in America without feeling ill. The sight literally made me sick to my stomach. How can anybody eat that crap day after day after day? I'd starve! salad for me, thanks. once on the ferry when it arrived, I immediately fell asleep in a horribly uncomfortable position on that old old forty-year-old ferry that smells like pee, the Queen of Saanich. (yes, spelt with two a's.) i was so exhausted. next thing knew, Mom was waking me up to get up, and go down and get into the car. So I stumbled along behind everybody else, and once in the car decided my purse was now commisioned as a pillow. And it lived under my head for another good two hours to Grampa's house where Mom again had to beat me into waking up, getting up, and moving my sorry ass into a real live bed. Once I did, though...didn't stir until nine, ten'o'clock the next morning, when Mom poked me into waking up, and having a cold peice of chicken for breakfast. I found my coffee, and stumbled my way out the door to where Mom and Grampa were. While they looked at flowers, and talked about plants, I collapsed on his back lawn and slept for another good half an hour. Finally Mom rousted me into getting up and getting ready to leave. She kept saying, 'We're going home, you gotta get up, and get live.' and I kept thinking, 'what are you talking about? this is the island! I AM home!' so we embarked on the last leg of our trip, the two hour drive home to Nanaimo, and dogs, and Hecate Street, and Brianna, and Laura, and ocean, and trees, and all that good stuff. very uneventful, very vindicating to get home to our estatic dogs and unfortunately ill children (they've all got colds. great). but that was my trip. thanks for reading, and come see us here at Pinto is Fun Bloglines for all your vacation story needs. Welcome to Sleepsville. |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 02,August,2004 | Disclaimer: normally, writings by me do actually include pronouns, but not today! *sigh* approaching my fiftieth post. what's that you say? shall I have a big black tie bash, and invite all the big names in Nanaimo Theatre? no. unless you want to pay for it. nothing but blog-surfing, and dog-walking this morning. Sleeping in my own bed was enjoyable beyond comparison. woke up, drank coffee, fought with my sister, and stormed out of the house in a rage, towing Ahrodie along behind. Formulated plans to move out. Must leave. MUST LEAVE. Cleaned up SHERAYNA'S CHILDREN'S breakfast dishes. Will probably end up cleaning up her puppies poop, too. Thanks a bunch, 'big' sister. while blog-surfing, I came across Sarah Bobarah's blog. (I say that as if I know her well, but in all serious, I was actually too shy to even post a tag on her blog for fear she would think me creepy; ahh, insecurity.) She speaks about blogging bringing out the geek in everybody. I heartily agree. For all you just logging on to Pinto is Fun Bloglines, I am not this gorky and neurotic, it has merely been a rather trying day. oh, who am I trying to kid. me=dork. anyway, I hereby demand that everybody who actually reads the entire post above must leave a comment, so that I know who I can babble to about the trip, and who I can't because they've already read the post. Besides, it also tells me who to compliment on reading stamina, for if you can get through the entire thing without dying of boredom, then you deserve kudos. bought a cool shirt! has frogs on it. wedding pictures turned out crappy crappy times a million. have pics of David! but don't own scanner anymore. life sucks. Today... i wore: tan shorts, my new orange froggie tee, my mutilated old pink sandals, cause I haven't unpacked the blue or white ones yet. and a matching set of underwear. and of course, a hundred sex bracelets. I shall begin distributing them soon. i ate: coffee. too angry for appetite. i did: some Ahrodie walking that involved taking her down to Maffeo-Sutton, and continuing her interdog relation training, and her water-familiarization training. those terms mean nothing, I just want her to be able to swim, and not attack other dogs. i like: the idea of living in my own place away from my stupid family. i dislike: my stupid family brag moment: throwing the ball into the water for Ahrodie, and having her warily wade in to retrieve it. Progress. As well, she seems to be rather well-behaved around smaller female dogs, and larger male dogs. odd. cringe moment: walking down the sidewalk, blinking tears of rage out of my eyes. I hate crying cause I'm mad. granola moment: lying on the grass in the shade in Maffeo-Sutton with Ahrodie. unfortunately the closeness of the ocean was not as comforting as it usually is. *disappointment* i plan to: hang with Kevin eventually after I finish the current babysitting of Rob and Kaelyn. Steven might have croup so Sherayna's taking him, and the baby to the doctor's. :( |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 02,August,2004 | seeing as how they're half the weight of my PUPPY, it was insanely simple to walk them with the mom today. while walking them, I discovered that Laura lives extremely close to Wilson Pascoe's old house which I thought was interesting. We walked her dogs on his street, and then found a tot lot behind his backyard. after that, we (me and that woman who gave birth to me) went up to Woodgrove, and put a couple rolls of film in. They were both my sisters who takes the most boring pictures imaginable. They were all of either her kids, her puppy or flowers. How irritatingly cutsey. Then we searched for completing items for our wedding ensembles. I found the perfect cover, (the one that my stupid relatives insisted I wear) but Mom went postal cause it was--oh my fucking god, no--twenty four dollars. What a pathetic amount of money. Which was especially ridiculous cause she spent ninetyfour bucks on shit we didn't need at all, and the one thing that was specifically requested of me to have, she can't cough up the bucks? That is entirely retarded. we also both got purses (mine white, hers blue straw), and pairs of shoes (enormous Oriental patterned wedgies; mine are red, her's are blue), earrings, makeup (body wash for me), and foot scrub. We spent a ridiculous amount of money that we probably didn't have to spare, but w/e. It's not my problem. On the way home, we stopped by Amanda Taft's and I borrowed that red and white skirt that I wore in the fashion show that she made. It was a nice lazy day, considering the mad cleaning we did last night (scrubbing, sweeping, tidying, organizing until roughly three in the morning, then my horrible horrible body had the audacity to wake me up at four-thirty to go throw up for NO good reason). Today... i wore: pink tee, and retro kids pants. and oodles of sex bracelets. i ate: spaghetti for lunch, AND dinner oddly. and coffee. i did: some more dogsitting, and dogwalking, and some stalking of Wilson Pascoe (maybe I shouldn't say that on the internet...*blush*) i like: clothes. so sue me. I'm a consumer whore. and how. i dislike: my stupid stupid dogs who were misbehaving horridly on THEIR walk today. I must have been spoiled by walking Laura's dogs. brag moment: finding an entire column of awesome awesome shoes at Wal Mart for fifteen bucks. cringe moment: the entire time I spent with Shane and Nolan and Dylan today when I ran into them at WalMart and acted like a total gorkus. granola moment: packing. surprisingly enjoyable. i plan to: sleep, in order to awake at a ridiculous time tomorrow morning for departure. *I'm leeeeeeaaaavin' ooooon aaaa jet plane...I don't know wheeen III'll beee baaack again...* |
3,932,072 | female | 16 | indUnk | Capricorn | 02,August,2004 | you know you're pathetic when. yesterday, I was doing dishes at Gator's house while dogsitting (she's in Vancouver with her Mom; it's Mom month for her), and I absolutely could NOT open the cap of the dish detergent! it was so sad! You'd think that 'SQUEEZE CAP SIDES' is pretty straight forward, but noooo, simple child safety features confound Pinto the Stupid. lovely. so at this point, I am completely superfluous in every sense of the word. The only thing I can do ever is finish my laundry so I can pack. Sux0r. I'm heading up to Gator's later with Mom to walk her dogs, and spend some time with them, and feed them and stuff, and then I have to finish up some last minute shopping. I need to find new boots from Value Village. Mine are completely falling apart. I also have to get some sleeper earrings, and maybe more sex bracelets. But I bought a new package yesterday at the mall when I bought my wedding jewelry, so I don't particularly need them. I just found out that I'm leaving on the morning of the third which means no Laura p-tay for me! Life sucks a LOT. well, I did a post yesterday but my idiot mom closed the window before I was finished without saving so I lost it all. So I'll simply do yesterday's lists. Yesterday... i wore: denim shorts, and a big black tee that had a picture of Smurfs on it. i ate: coffee, thai kitchen, and grape soda. and burgers that made me nauseous in the middle of the night. i did: some dogsitting, some reading, some shopping, some moping, some laundry. exciting life, huh? i like: my new jewelry. i dislike: not having oodles of money. brag moment: there wasn't one. I did nothing extraordinary. cringe moment: my unnatural unnatural demeanor around Jesse Janzen on the bus. Now the entire world knows just how much of an awkward nerd-o I am. here's a new one! granola moment: folding laundry in the kitchen while being scrutinized by my big old dog. How domestic. (a granola moment is something that is refreshingly ordinary and nice and relaxing) so those were yesterday's lists. I am not going to do my lists for today cause it's only ten in the morning, and nothing's happened yet. so you are deprived. *weep weep* anyway, laundry awaits. have fun blogging, bloggers. |
4,227,384 | female | 33 | Consulting | Aries | 18,August,2004 | I don't know what's up with me. But, for some reason I can't get out of this funk. At work, I only do what I need to get by. At home, I don't answer the phone. Clean my house, have a drink and veg out in front of the TV. I know I should go work out, but don't have the energy to do it. It's only across the parking lot from me! This is how lazy I am! I know it would make me feel better, look better and it's free. I'm tired all of the time and just want to sleep. I'm already on prozac, and have upped my prescription once already this year! Haven't been to the shrink in awhile, but I don't think she was doing anything for me anymore. But, listening to my stories. She use to recommend self help books, now she recommends trashy novels with characters that do things I would do! Yeah...I wasn't looking for another gal pal! Let's see, my 3 biggest stresses are... Bills/debt: I can't get ahead! I've cut way back on spending money and still, can't get ahead! I guess it's because I am still not use to having to pay rent! I haven't had to for the past 5 years. I'm pretty much use to spending what I want, when I want! On stupid shit! No more stupid shit for me, which sucks!! I haven't bought a new pair of shoes since April! And, I'm use to buying at least one pair a week! Thinking about getting a part time job during the holidays. Weight Issues: If I were to spend more time working out, I would look better, feel better, sleep better etc. I know all of that, I just am having a hard time finding the motivation to get off my ass and do it! I thought about doing something childish like giving my self a star when I work out, and when I get 20 stars, getting a pedicure or something like that! Then, that brings me back to issue #1 and being stressed about debt! Friends: I've lost touch with some of my friends since the 'break-up'. There is a whole group that were 'his' friends and a group that were/are mine. Here's the thing...most of my friends are married! Which was fine when I was in a relationship and thought that I was in a similar place as my married friends. Now, I find that I don't have as much interest in looking at toys, baby clothes, talking about child birth, their kids etc. Not to mention feel like a 3rd wheel when doing things with them, or the fucking nanny. Now that I'm single, I realize that I have very few friends that are single too! Which is a bit depressing! I guess I'm just feeling alone and sorry for myself. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better and brighter day! |
4,227,384 | female | 33 | Consulting | Aries | 16,August,2004 | Why do I feel like I didn't get a weekend? I didn't do a damn thing all weekend. Left the house 2 times, didn't answer the phone or call anyone. Which really isn't like me. I guess I needed a break! Today, I feel like I could sleep for the rest of the week. I need to work out, take drugs or something! The ex was suppose to come by this weekend and drop off the rest of my shit. I ignored the phone when he called. Didn't feel like dealing with him or being nice. After all, do you know how many times I had to wait on his ass for a call returned? Lots! Let the bastard think I was 'to busy'. Didn't hear from the 'F.B.' this weekend. Left him one message on Saturday night. His phone was turned off..hmmm...Suspicious! I think he started a new job today, so I'm taking bets on when I will hear from him again...I'm going with Wednesday (of which week, I'm not sure) |
4,227,384 | female | 33 | Consulting | Aries | 13,August,2004 | Is he just a fuck buddy or is this going somewhere? Okay...a little history! Just got out of an 8 year relationship that ended in January. Lived together for 4 years. He just kind of decided he wasn't happy and hadn't been for the past year. Nice of him to let me know huh! Was devastated for about a month, cried a lot, drank a lot, then got my shit together, moved out and moved on. Realizing that it would have never worked out in the long run, it was a blessing in disguise and all of that other crap! So then...Meet a guy at a bar in May (I know, never a good sign.) Gave him my number, he called the next week. Talked for awhile, we both had plans to be out of town the next 3-4 weekends. Decided to get together when we were both back in town. In the meantime, I'm close to his house, at a bar, call him up around midnight and he comes to meet me for a drink. Gave me a little smooch good bye. Don't hear from him for awhile, then he calls, wants to get together, we go for a drink, we go back to my place, fool around and well....you know! I have to say I didn't regret a single moment of it. So, we're suppose to go out the following weekend, I don't hear from him. Left him the 'what is up with you?' message. Hear from him again the following week, I ask if we are done here ior what. He says not at all, blah blah blah, I cave and ask him to come over. Do you see a pattern forming here? So, I don't hear from him for 3 weeks...just when I've decided to completely write him off and delete his number from my cell phone. He calls!!! Says he's been out of town for 3 weeks, coming home tonight, let's get together soon. So, we go out to dinner a few nights later, have lots of drinks, come back to my place, open a bottle of wine and well...you know! We both go out town the following weekend, (not together), he calls when he gets back and stays over. Here is the thing. I do like him, but really don't know him all that well, or what his deal is. We get along great, are very attracted to each other, are totally comfortable with each other, which we both admitted was a little creepy. He says he's a very 'private' person, which I interpret as 'a lying, cheating, sneaky bastard.' I found myself actually trying to catch him in lies. (I think because my ex use to lie about stupid shit all the time.) But, I was not successful! Which you would think would be a good sign, but it just confuses me. |
1,705,136 | female | 25 | indUnk | Pisces | 27,May,2004 | colourful displays of affection beaming with the happiness of a smile to be envied by others. |
1,705,136 | female | 25 | indUnk | Pisces | 26,May,2004 | I want to hide away tonight with you climb into the darkness, into the warmth beside you I want to hide my face from the world and feel the warmth in the dark places beside you into our cave away from everything else away from the world I want to climb into the warmth of saftey into the darkness will you come with me my love? will you hide with me and hold my hand? will you pet my hair and whisper giggles? the warmth is so inviting beside you I feel safe with my eyes closed. |
1,705,136 | female | 25 | indUnk | Pisces | 20,May,2004 | such a smile takes away all worry how strong hands can cup and hold so gently my face a gentle kiss melts the world away making this depression slip aside into the light some days are so horrible I know the pain that lurks within me and how it creeps taunting me with the loss of you filling me with fear that you may leave you help me fight. you give me strength so I may fight harder I will make it go away! with you beside me, I will overcome this pain and torment... We will fight together and win! this sickness will not control me any longer. |
1,705,136 | female | 25 | indUnk | Pisces | 19,May,2004 | ...pulling my leash with urgency until my face is so close I can smell his scent everywhere. He pulls the leash to bring my face to his. I pull away, teasing. A hand is at my head and wrentching my head back by my hair - the leash wrapped around hand and yanked forward - tongue shoved into my throat as he makes me kiss him - hand strengthens its grip until it hurts - leash pulled closer, tongue becoming more urgent. I am released. I am in love. |
1,705,136 | female | 25 | indUnk | Pisces | 19,May,2004 | beyond the call of gods and of heroes beyond that taste of salt on lips i feel the infinite wonder i taste what gods feel within their caves of plato what majesty is within these walls feeling the stone never to be toppled the eyes never to close out the light the infinity of darkness within these strong barriers protecting soft hands and delicate sensations from damage the will of Her that allows passage from one to another to another and then to end resolution. the world changes the surroundings alter the mystery understood to be complicated again the power of Her to be enclosed in another form another gender another being and myself patterns seen but not understood too quickly life seen in photographs. |
1,705,136 | female | 25 | indUnk | Pisces | 19,May,2004 | take me home with you forever where I may rest and sleep in your arms now all is forgotten I have no cares nor woes my hands are stained with earth the air is filled with the smell of life the sun is warm and does not burn me I hold your arm and smell you beside me feeling your smile on my face the night wind is chilled it flows through trees like water the ground is firm and holds them firm against the warmth of the earth the shining light of the stone the fire within that cannot exist I feel the life beside me when I am safe against you forever I feel the earth inside me and the presence of the Divine around and through me |
1,705,136 | female | 25 | indUnk | Pisces | 23,June,2004 | seductive secretness behind doors warning me to never let in the silence warm air inviting sleep and quiet reflection wind moving and creating the noises that silence me strong arm protecting me from the nightmares that envelop my mind in the darkness his body warms me while his eyes consume me blessed be this place of saftey and serenity I am at peace at last with him that holds me at night. |
1,705,136 | female | 25 | indUnk | Pisces | 21,June,2004 | For being so kind to me when I need you most; for holding my hand and petting my hair when I cry; when you bring me water and chocolate icecream; when you offer cuddles without saying a word. Without you my life would be so much less - Through you I have learned what happiness truely means. Because of you I can see myself with a family and dream dreams of children and family Yules together. For making me stronger then I ever thought I could be; for making me believe in myself; for making me feel beautiful when you look at me like you do; for helping me see the sight of love when I look back at you. Thank you my love. You make me so happy. |
1,705,136 | female | 25 | indUnk | Pisces | 09,June,2004 | blurry outside sounds as people mingle and pass in the darkness focus on hazel eyes filled with wonder and ... searching lips moving; mind's attention soaked with longing the background melts away bodies moving closer without moving touching without intent feeling the warmth of another's breath the past fades away I have found my heart within him I know the meaning of desire at last. |
1,705,136 | female | 25 | indUnk | Pisces | 07,June,2004 | my body feels broken while my mind rejoices at the thought of you the warmth of a smile dulls the pain in my legs the promise of an embrace erases the sight of another hill sweaty bodies mingle in the dark warm places of the mind sleep envelopes me safe within your arms to be awoken with a slight kiss |
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