tasksource/blog_authorship_corpus · Datasets at Hugging Face

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2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	30,July,2004	urlLink Official Mary Prankster Website A few years ago, using napster, i found out about a singer/songwriter from the Baltimore area name Mary Prankster. Her music can best be described as cow punk, its a little country, a little punk, and a lot of foul mouthed swearing :) Check it out, I recommend 'Tits and Whiskey'
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	29,July,2004	urlLink The digital cam pic is coming out kind of badly, so I fooled with it in photoshop to get rid of some of the glare. This looks a little better....  urlLink
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	29,July,2004	urlLink Still a work in process, added some detail to the ladies face, a light glaze and glasses, next up will be white glaze coat on the fence, and then red diagonal stripes  urlLink
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	29,July,2004	Today I lived office space.  The corporate audit team came in and interviewed us one by one.  I was the last to go in.  It sucked ass!  I get REALLY nervous when shit like this goes down.  I talk really, fast, and start revealing information that I shouldn't reveal.  They asked questions like, 'How many hours do you work a week?'.  'Do you ever work from home?'  Call me paranoid, but that shit makes me nervous.   I think getting laid off does that to you. I am forever scarred psychologically, yet I am only 26 years old.   In other news, maybe I will start looking for a new job.........
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	28,July,2004	urlLink Ruel Loehr's Blog Just a test....
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	28,July,2004	The good Reverend Sharpton, he is truly an unbelievable speaker. Don't believe me? Listen to this: urlLink Al's speech Al rocked the democratic convention last night, in what was one of the best speeches so given so far. I truly hope he will join the Cabinet at some point in the future. In other news, flies have invaded my home. We slayed no less than 234 house flies last night. Our personal discovery is that a vacuum cleaner makes a great execution tool for the little bastards.
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	28,July,2004	So my latest project at work has me writing code to customize a huge software package IBM sells. Everything is on a remote AIX box, and is written in C++. My brain is churning trying to remember the easiest way to do this shite. So far I am kicking cygwin on my xp laptop, and using remote emacs to get to the files. It feels strangely comfortable, like reuiniting with an old girlfriend.
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	27,July,2004	urlLink orange  urlLink
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	27,July,2004	urlLink a doodle  urlLink
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	27,July,2004	urlLink work in progress  urlLink
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	27,July,2004	urlLink pastel again  urlLink
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	27,July,2004	urlLink fred chillin  urlLink
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	27,July,2004	urlLink pastel  urlLink
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	27,July,2004	urlLink ?  urlLink
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	27,July,2004	urlLink bedroom  urlLink
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	27,July,2004	urlLink kitchen  urlLink
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	27,July,2004	urlLink kitchen  urlLink
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	27,July,2004	urlLink more living room  urlLink
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	27,July,2004	urlLink Inside che loehr  urlLink
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	27,July,2004	urlLink living room  urlLink
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	27,July,2004	urlLink Home sweet home  urlLink
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	27,July,2004	urlLink Done with markers and pastels  urlLink
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	27,July,2004	urlLink A sketch I colored in photoshop  urlLink
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	27,July,2004	urlLink A self portrait done last year...  urlLink
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	27,July,2004	urlLink Close up of the tounge girl  urlLink
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	27,July,2004	urlLink 3 girls I painted last winter. I like the one with the tounge the best.  urlLink
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	27,July,2004	I am a bad blogger, so I am going to try to catch up.   New news: I now live in Austin Tx.   I can't wait until November to vote. I work for IBM again (since march) I am going to upload all of my paintings here, as well as other cool stuff I encounter along the way. I found a listing in the austin chronicle about a vintage flea market on Sunday.  I am oh so there.   quote of the day: It's not about being liberal, it is about recognizing the obvious.
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	27,July,2004	urlLink One of my latest paintings. This is an almost finished version.   urlLink
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	05,August,2004	urlLink added first part of the fence  urlLink
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	04,August,2004	I am still working on the painting currently entitled Old Lady and child. I am putting some lines on the fence, and it is kind of a bitch. I tape areas, paint, then let it dry for 2 days before i can do it again. Its slow going. I found out today at work I have to go back to Germany twice in september. I have tickets for a pixies concert in mid september, (seeing the pixies play is on my life to do list), of course, manager man wants me to skip it. HAHAHAHAA i say. Not a chance, sucker. So now I will be flying back to texas to see the show, then getting back on a plane (20 hour travel day) to go back to work. You know what? It's worth it. Some things you just have to stand your ground on.
2,284,644	male	26	Technology	Scorpio	02,August,2004	The alarm on my cell phone went off at the oh so early hour of 6:15. I awoke from my NyQuil induced slumber to realize I had to go to work. What a jip. The weekend was quite calm. Since we have white trash tendencies, our house was a wreck. Let me explain. We have this huge dining room area (see the pics from the earlier post). Now, since white trash boys don't like investing in things like tables and chairs, my brother chose to use the dining room as a workshop to build a speaker box. 3 days later, it was filled with lumber, sawdust, tools, and blood. Oh yeah, he cut his pretty bad. Then he passed out and bled on the floor. What a puss. Anyways, The house is now immaculate for at least a day. Much like the terror alert scale our dictator uses, I will make one for my house. We are currently at orange alert, which means a full scale mess is a possibility. I saw an indy film this weekend called the station agent. Probably the best movie I have seen this year. Its a must see. PS I get to go see the Pixies in September. Top that, chief.
936,098	male	17	Student	Gemini	18,July,2004	Just recently, Sara's been getting emails from some Spanish guy or something, and then today I received an email from an Indian guy, talking about how his family leads a church there and is helping out his community a lot. It was a really long email, and it said his family encouraged him to be pen pals with me. Pretty funny. The subject of the email was 'Dear Friend in Christ!' and he ended the email with 'Thanking you.' He also gave me this urlLink URL which doesn't work , and I found urlLink this one that does .  In the mean time . . . Blogger is looking kind of flabby around the HTML, and I had a lot of fun in the past few days, despite the lack of sleep. I'm glad we got to hang out with Tim, Brice and Steve, although it wasn't for very long. I don't really have time to post in detail about that, or going to Sugarland today, but it was a pretty great weekend. Does this blog exist? Is anyone reading this? Do you people think this blog is a waste and that we should just keep two old blogs? Does anyone other than Donna, Sara, and Ugly read this or intend on commenting, ever?
936,098	male	17	Student	Gemini	14,July,2004	This post is dedicated to the memory of Ronald Reagan, who passed away earlier this millenium. Thank you, Ronnie, for two great months of funeral memories and media exaggeration of the importance of your death. We are indebted to you for giving us something to fill our newspapers with. For our English class, we were given two assignments to be due this week: a 'narration essay' and a 'description essay.' Except, neither are really essays, and the assignment is a lot more strict than the names suggest. The 'narration' secretly has to be something that happened to us, and it has to have a conflict, so it's a combination short story/memoir. Then the description is really a description of a person, so it's actually a profile. And he suggested combining the two assignments, so now it's a short-story-memoir-profile-essay. And since each one was supposed to be 1½ pages, and he never gave us a real length requirement for the combination, mine is barely 2 pages. I almost turned it in today but we have to have a rough draft so I'm changing five or ten random words in the story. Yesterday, when we walked in the door Sara's watch turned to 9:41, and the class starts at 9:40 supposedly. The instructor called us late, then insulted us a few times. So today we walked in at about 9:31, and almost everyone was already there. Then, at about 9:33 he started calling role. Sara said 'so apparently he calls role before the class even starts.' We've been trying to play DDR everyday, and we've been pretty successful. I think Era is still my favorite DDR song--there are songs with more intense or difficult steps, but I really just like the song a whole lot. We've actually played a couple that weren't Abyss or .59. Exciting.
936,098	male	17	Student	Gemini	11,July,2004	The site lost about 27 MB of extra weight because I deleted so many images that had '_small' at the end, and some other unneeded stuff. I wasn't expecting it to free so much space. Unfortunately, it's taking 9,00 years to upload, so I'm going to go to bed and check it out when I get up.
936,098	male	17	Student	Gemini	09,July,2004	After we watched Vegas Vacation and left Sara's dad's house, we realised we had a lot of time, so we went to the beach and looked at the stars for a little while. We could only see half the stars because of clouds, and lightning was increasingly rampant. RAMPANT. There was a cop driving by, and then he stopped and turned around, so we thought he was going to steal our fireworks but he didn't. My hero. Little did we know . . . a few minutes after that we were wishing he had stopped us, because it started raining out of nowhere. And it wasn't pansy rain, it was Brazoria County rain, meaning raindrops the size of basketballs. We couldn't see a thing past the water. It was nearly impossible to know if we were headed out to the ocean or about to slam into a dune--the only thing we could see well enough to use as a point of reference was a trashcan, until another car appeared. We asked them how long until another access road, and they told us a couple of miles. The water was rising, and we were in it. Sara's car was repelling the basketballs pretty well, but her tires needed a miracle to . . . not . . . get stuck in the sandy mud. I thought we were going to be washed out to the ocean; the water was probably six inches deep at least in some parts, and it happened pretty instantly. We were trying to find an access road but it was impossible to tell if we were passing them because the rain was so intense. (If we had been on any other road we would have had to stop and pull over to wait out the intensity of the rain, but obviously this was the worst of our options at this point.) I decided we should pray, so we held hands and I prayed out loud that God would make us safe. Less than ten seconds later , we saw the headlights of a truck on the access road, turned in, and followed the Bluewater Highway towards home.
936,098	male	17	Student	Gemini	09,July,2004	I'll go ahead and blog about yesterday's events. We went to English and discovered that we have a different teacher. He's an older man that kind of reminds me of Mr. Hendrick. He seems nice enough, just a little talkative. After English I went home and cleaned my room/bathroom and took a shower. Then Mark and I went to my ( . . . ?) Nina's house to give her a bunch of shirts that Donna had asked me to drop off for her brother-in-law. While we were there we decided to pick up a few jigsaw puzzles because she is the queen of them. When I asked her if we could take two or three she said 'Take ten!' so we took 15. That should keep us busy. After Nina's house we went to El Superior to eat cheese enchiladas for lunch. For 15 minutes we were the only people in the entire restaurant. It was really cool. I feel guilty for leaving so much queso left in the bowl. It was so delicious. We walked over to the Pet Shop to look at fish and aquariums because I'm going to buy one soon. Mark pet this hairy pig-dog thing almost the entire time because if he stopped it would bark at him. We went to his house and worked on urlLink our website for a few hours. And then we drove to my dad's house. We ate dinner and watched Vegas Vacation. I'll let Mark take it from here.
936,098	male	17	Student	Gemini	08,July,2004	(And then I remember purgatory.) Today I listened to 106.5 a lot. I decided I like it better than 103.3 because it's more dramatic music, with less accordion. Less. We heard the word 'corazon' (heart) in a song, and we both noticed it. I always point out how much they use that word in Mexican songs. Then, a Dr. Pepper commercial came on. (El sabor de la originalidad?) Somehow, they managed to say 'corazon' in the Dr. Pepper commercial too. Then, on the way home, I left it on and I heard another song with 'corazon' in it. Three in a row. A pretty extreme storm happened lastnight, and I would blog about it but right now I'm going to clean my room. I just though that 'originalidad' was definitely worth mentioning briefly.
936,098	male	17	Student	Gemini	08,July,2004	Sara, I don't have administrationalism on this blog yet, so we should fix that. (I'm mostly posting that so I won't forget.) Are the URL and title tentative? I think we could do better. I just danced with a pool cue for a guitar, through all of Devil in Jersey City, by myself . . . again. What a hot CD. I'm excited about cheese enchiladas for lunch. All of a sudden it's raining, with I'm excited about cheese enchiladas for lunch. urlLink sporadic lightning. I'm going to go ahead and turn the computer off . . . after Delirium Trigger ends. . . . And this isn't a blog merger. It's a blog marriage.
936,098	male	17	Student	Gemini	07,July,2004	I raise my jones soda of victory says: whatsup? Sara says: I'm trying to motivate myself to clean my room so I can go see Mark again. I raise my jones soda of victory says: is mark not enough motivation? Sara says: He sure is. But I just dropped him off at his house. I raise my jones soda of victory says: lame Sara says: Lame? I raise my jones soda of victory says: yeah I raise my jones soda of victory says: tell him he is coming on the 19th I raise my jones soda of victory says: and staying forever Sara says: No. Sara says: He's mine. You can't have him anymore. I raise my jones soda of victory says: ill cut you Sara says: If you cut me I'll cut you back. I raise my jones soda of victory says: ill cut you so bad, ill split the ATOMS IN YOUR FACE Sara says: I'm starting to get angry tommmy. You don't want to see me when I get angry. I raise my jones soda of victory says: FACE FISSION Sara says: It isn't pretty. Sara says: Oh. Right. Face fission. SURE. Sara says: JERK! I raise my jones soda of victory says: if its you, im sure it is pretty I raise my jones soda of victory says: makeoutwithme Sara says: Pretty . . . where's the insult? I raise my jones soda of victory says: pretty FAT Sara says: Thank you. I raise my jones soda of victory says: DDDAUGH
936,098	male	17	Student	Gemini	07,July,2004	Yesterday I went crazy getting completely registered for the first semester of English IV at BC, and afterwards Sara went crazy changing to the English class that I was signed up for, so now we both have it from 9:40 to 11:09 every morning until early August. About ten minutes ago Chess said, 'Happy summer. Enjoying no college?' I ran into my room and slammed the door. The class was very easy today. . . . And since I don't know where my mom is or what she wants me to be doing right now, I'm going to post about it, elaborately. The teacher was completely new, and called it 'Brazoria College' on accident, and then corrected herself. The teacher seems pretty nice, but at the same time relatively incompetent. Kind of like Mrs. Munson. Except Mrs. Munson wasn't very nice. I think that people in general are pretty fascinatingly terrible so here are some interesting and excessively detailed descriptions of the people in our class: There's a woman in our class who's probably around 30 who told the teacher a lot of terrible stuff, since we spent the whole class period talking casually. First the woman went outside for a smoke break. Then she said, 'You do NOT want to see me when I haven't been smoking.' And she told us about how she had been smoking since she was 14, she spent her senior year in alternative, she knows where there are whorehouses in town, she did drugs and alcohol but found them less addictive than cigarettes, and then comes the most illegal part--they started talking about police, and the woman said, 'how do you think I got off my probation early? You pay off who you gotta pay off.' Everyone in the class was pretty disturbed and/or alarmed by her saying that, and she said it in a very matter-of-fact way, like someone would say, 'my pickup was making fun noises this morning, and then I found out the fanbelt was loose.' The kid who sat in front of us was a senior at B'port, and he said that he was going to be a pre-med student, and then he cussed a few times, talked to no one, laid his head down like a kindergartener, and walked out twenty minutes early. There was a girl who had made a face when she was three years old, ignored her mother's warnings, and got her face stuck that way. She was looking around the room while people were talking, and for the entire class period, her face seemed to say, 'why isn't anyone licking my shoes?' The guy who sat next to Sara was really goofy. He said he was home-schooled. He had his shirt tucked in, he was unshaven, and he had pretty big glasses. He was passing around the role sheet, and he slid it into Sara's water, which fell over, and he laughed in a really goofy way. Well, I'm done talking about those people, and I'm pretty sure that was enough to keep anyone from ever looking at this blog again. So there you go. Sara's at work right now, and I want to help my mom (who is home now) but she's on the phone, and has been for about ten minutes. Who thinks that Sara's blog and my blog should get married? Any opinions? You wouldn't have to read about the same day more than once. Ehh? Ehh? Okay, I give up. I'm going to find something else to do.
936,098	male	17	Student	Gemini	03,August,2004	Wait. What?
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	...I have come to the ultimate conclusion that life would be much less complicated if all involved would adopt the fatalistic attitude,and accept what was predetermined. Although that particular existence would be quite fruitless,we might then feel secure. Maybe then, people like me would have a right to complain about the injustice of it all, as opposed to now, when we do,regardless of whether we have license to, or not. Yet,when you really contemplate it, would we really feel any more secure? Knowing you are being hurried down a blind past, knowing nothing of how it may end. Unsure of whether anything you accomplished,attempted, or felt passionate about would mean anything in your inevitable end. Can living ever be simple? Have we lived in this somewhat mildly predictable,yet,sometimes extremely random method so long,that the inherent unpredictability in the behavior of a natural system would overwhelm us?...
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	The Addams Family, or The Munsters?
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	Bitter cynicism: Not only the latest trend, but most effective means of survival. Not only fashionable, but now, necessary...Who would have thought? How tragic.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	The United Parcel Service: friend or foe? You decide.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	I have obviously put far too much time and effort into this...Everyone should listen to Braid. Well,that's enough randomness for one day...
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	We live in a time of rampantly spreading, highly contagious emotional issues, and everyone's got something. Inability to commit, dishonesty, loneliness, fear, neediness... These conditions,which are potentially crippling in ones ability to function in a relationship, are not inherited, but developed. These are, unquestionably, learned behaviors. The insecurities are present in people,because, somewhere,at one point,someone made them that way. This only further proves the point of the cruelty of humans, by their very nature. Emotional abuse... blah,blah,blah ...The point is,the emotionally fucked up, go on to fuck someone else up,and the cycle continues. Consider the casualties...Most people have more emotional baggage then an airline luggage check. There seems to be no reasonable solution.Short of quarantining all of the emotionally ailing, to protect them from others, and themselves, there is no way around it. In the age of this plague-like epidemic, we are all marked and infected...
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	I fear that, to Andrew, I may very well be invisible. Which was not what I was hoping for,in the least. He intrigues me, amuses me, enlightens me, fascinates me, makes my flesh tingle when he touches, makes my heart want to explode...And he knows nothing of this. I want him to understand. I need some sort of connection. He melts me; I could burst.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	The charade that everyone has taken to so quickly has grown old. Depressed, self defeating, theatrical, cutters, lushes, bulimics,sex fiends. Going to great lengths to make themselves appear 'deep' and 'complex'. Inflictions just for show. Taking a little bit of sadness,and running with it. Whether the objective is sympathy, the dramatic effects they have at their disposal, exaggeration and exploitation of every even-the-slightest-bit-natural emotion...Turning minor discontent into hopelessness and despair...Slight annoyance to rage and anger. How did we begin this? The burning desire to hurt, or at least appear so?
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	Change is usually for the worst. Well, maybe it has the best intentions to begin with,but, rarely does it end well...But, as they say, 'The road to hell is paved with good intentions'...Prime example:..Sunny Day Real Estate..They dared to be different..Jeremy Enigk was just a teenager with an ethereal falsetto, and a painful honesty. At the release of Diary they had given indie kids some hope...Hope that not everything honest was gone. Then, the heavenly voice became a born-again Christian...It was all downhill for there...Musically,at least...Not to say anything is wrong with Christianity, but, it wasn't the faith that ruined their once-incredible work. After this discovery, the lyrics became less honest, and more proselytizing...Evangelical...He was no longer being truthful, but only saying what was expected,now that he was saved...Yet, I see no problem in believing...I'm just sad that it had to end..I don't know where I was going with that tangent...
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	Why is it that everyone has a friend named Luke (Luc, and other alternate spellings)? There was a Luc in my French book. I was intrigued. I bought a new belt yesterday, its very exciting...Its great how little relevance these titles hold..
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	I think Brandon has lost interest in me... I'm not sure how to react...?? Anyways, sweet dreams, Kids.....
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	I was venturing to the video store tonight, when I saw an old green mustang I'd seen before... I went in, and saw the usual employee, to whom I gave the nickname Grizzly Addams, was present...Then, standing there, looking absolutely gorgeous, was a young man in a black Used t-shirt, long raven hair in his eyes. He was beautiful. We walked around, accomplishing nothing, because we were fawning over him. We picked out a movie, checked out,and went to the car...As they were driving off,they waved...Then, I realized, that I used to know him...His name was Dustin,and he used to do theater stuff. He is so gorgeous...I hope to see him again... [Exeunt.]
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	Well, its been over a week, and I remember very little of the details. To be in the presents of one who can see you have something on your mind, and being unable to bullshit your way out of the 'What are you thinking?' inquisition is exceedingly difficult. He is the cause of my heavyheartedness, yet, the one who could relieve me...By saying what I want to hear. Which is exactly what my problem seems to be...There must be someone who would tell me exactly what I want(possibly need) to hear...Yet, it would be meaningless coming from any other...He has, easily, addled me more than any other could even attempt...This problem stemmed directly from our very eerie likeness, from a physcological standpoint. He has been the only one to ever 'figure me out' and I, him. As a result, no games, no facades, no bafflement with bullshit. Its truly hard to be totally honest.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	10:30 AM, Saturday morning...I just got home...I left at 7:30 last night. Do I remember a lot of last night? No. Though, I should...I am,after all,sXe. I remember having a surplus of energy....That was fun. I found James...And, upon seeing him again, realized that,not only have I gotten over him, but that he was all style,no substance. He was never real. But, I think I've been fortunate enough to find someone who is...
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	Sitting in the library when I should be in class, getting educated. But, its P.E....I'll spare you my opinion on that...James is still missing, I may never find him...Maybe that would be to the benefit of both. Maybe its his erradic behaviors, or his undeniable charms, but, nonetheless, bad news. Yes,that's it....My dear friend,Sarah, had an interesting experience this last weekend....She was plastered,in the back of a car,with a groups of X's, making....Interesting comments,and drunk dialing...I got great enjoyment at her expense.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	Tired. He's MIA again. This day has left me feeling like an ashtray. I doubt tomorrow will be much better. Pray for me, kids.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	It seems as though all his wrongs are forgotten when we are alone. The fight we had,or what he did is pushed far out of mind when he touches me the way he does. Its neither healthy,nor reasonable that when he does what he does,he is perfect. Yet,how could he not be...Its incredible when he bites,scratches,pulls my hair,licks,beats,bleeds,strangles,slaps me the way he does. Its sick....This I know....Yet,I don't care in the least. Whether its considered cruel,destructive,sadistic,or evil matters not.....fucking choke me! I want it! That sounds a lot like our relationship in general.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	He disappears. I locate him. Approximately one day later, gone again. If I didn't love him, I wouldn't be here,...Yet,he knows nothing of this. He loves no one. And, what are his intentions? He told me before,yet, was he being truthful? Can I trust him? Could I be any more addled?
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	Petty vandalism is never worth the repercussions. Whether the intent behind it is good-natured,or laced with malice, you will feel the wrath. I was told this,(speaking of the blog in general,of course)is a 'cry for help' and a 'plea for everyone to stay real'. Hmmm...Tonight, the carnival. Strangely enough, today, my thoughts are of Kyle...What does this mean?
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	Neck and wrists sore, I wait for him to call. He makes every night perfect. My emotions mixed, not thinking much, tired.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	To all who read my thoughts as casually as the morning paper, my deepest sins I confess: I love him...Oh,yes, it gets better...He loves me. I will not bite my lip,and forego proclaiming all that has happened, over a realized fear of who may consume this. I want him. Hold me down, bite me, choke me....My mind is racing.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	This is probably the most unhappy I've been in quite some time. I despise how angry I am. I don't want to speak to him. I will not change and I will not be nice. My life is in constant turmoil. I,and others like me, put ourselves in situations of chaos to the highest degree. Complaining incessantly about it. Returning to it. Almost as if we don't know how to exist in a life without it. I doubt I could... When, even for the briefest of times, my life is peaceful and serene, I somehow sabotage it. Which makes me question, Could I handle a life without a certain level of this chaos? As far as I have seen, I can't. I desire it, but, could I maintain it? All I truly desire is James, and he is nowhere to be found. I'm sorry Morisseys' birthday was such an unhappy one; It, of all days, should have been a joyous one. I will make it up,next year.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	I refuse to let him dominate the subject of my posts any further. Rilo Kiley is a really amazing band,Jenny Lewis is incredible. But, I'm sure you knew that,already. I've started reading '1984' and, I find it quite enjoyble. I think I'm done.. urlLink
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	Seasonal distraction is in full effect; I accomplish little or nothing. I'm greatly looking forward to this weekend. Staying out, sleeping in...Maybe James will honor me with his company. It seems as though everyone can find something about him,to dislike him for. Unfortunately, I cannot. He's sporadic, hyper, has little to no attention span, his liquid dancing skills, etc. Yet I find no reason to dislike him. Wow, I definitely need to find something else to consume me. I promise I will write about something else,tomorrow. K-Luv likes Modest Mouse! Yay!
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	My body is worth 620$
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	Tuesdays and Thursdays: best days of the week for blogging. Why? Because, here, its peaceful and quite, and I get out of my mediocre,second-rate classes. This week may be decent,after all. Sarah and I have a house to ourselves until Sunday. James is missing,again(that's becoming very redundant) I've often questioned why I constantly put myself in this position. But,we all know why. Today, I gauge my ears...That makes me happy.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	It seems as though almost everyone has over-stepped their boundaries with me, this past week. James and I are finally getting along(surprised? So was I....When he showed me the tattoo he had recently given himself...Of my initials) Brit has pushed the limits,as well. I grow annoyed much easier of late. Is the request for even a minimal amount of reliability too much? I was told I am 'impossible,for the sake of being difficult.' and that I 'speak a cryptic language.' Could this be true? From where I stand, what separates you and I ,what holds everything in,and keeps you out,is simply a door. No key, arson, magic, or force is needed to open in. There's no bolt, chain,stop,or handle. Just push. From where I stand,its easy. But, then again, anything is easy if you know how to do it. Its only 8:46 in the morning,and I'm already bored. So this is what it feels like to be young,and tired of sex.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	My only desire now is to die. I am no longer worthy of the explanation, time, or effort of anyone. Brandon refuses to talk to me. I am unsure as to what I have done wrong, and, I have no means of making amends. He is everything, and if injecting bleach is the only way to prove that, I am more than prepared. Once again, I fucked things up. I have nothing.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	3:21 on Friday afternoon, setting up my plans for the weekend. Lots of parties,which is good...I need some fun. Happy Rex Manning day!
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	urlLink Oooh, yeah..
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	I don't know what I have done to make me, so suddenly, abhorred and avoided. Would anyone like to tell me?
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	Sitting two seat to the left of the eccentric physics teacher, staring blankly at the screen. This would be typical of a Thursday, but, its Wednesday...Today, while watching 'Pirates of the Caribbean' in French class, I decided I should pursue a career in such a field. Thievery,murder and such...I may also be suited to taking up a job as a con artist...Either occupation would be mentally stimulating. The only possible issue would be my fear of the ocean, which comes from my mild agorophobia. The little spat between Sarah and I wages on. The cause still unknown. But, it continually comes back to how she handles conflict. She will be upset for some particular reason; Instead of informing you of what you did, or how to mend it, she isolates herself and pouts for days upon days, being snide, until she gets over it. Acts as if nothing has happened. Philosophical question of the day: Is it possible to live a fatalistic life?
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	James is gone again, and,this time,he made off with my vinyl pants! Although,they did look good on him...I may be moving in with him. That will be glorious... Camille can't come here this weekend...Sad...I got to drive Josh's Malibu,...It was great. Tomorrow may or may not be good,it could go either way.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	This is a terrible end to a good day. I am, yet again, miserable. But, this time, it wasn't the usual suspects that have caused my discontent. I've questioned my life quite a bit, today. Lots has happened, and, the only thing that has changed is now, its something different that's making me miserable. I was very prepared to leave, the clincher was that I was not allowed to do so. I will not bite my tongue! I am still ready to go at any moment. Whether or not I will be any happier is unknown to me. James told me I could stay with him, but, I doubt I can handle that. Despite how often he says he loves and respects me, I know what he is, and what he does. And, even though I am aware of these facts, I find it easier to deny that they take place as long as I do not have to witness it. Call it silly; call it what you will, but, its far easier then facing what I know. All I desire is serenity.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	45 minutes until summer officially begins. Long year. Tonight, James, Sarah squared, Ashley, and I are going camping. After we go to a show, of course. Yes, its going to be great fun. Sarah and I have a radio show. We start Saturday (7-11 pm.,107.1 FM, 496-1071) VERY excited.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	I'm agitated with everyone...Well, almost everyone. It's just one of those days. Lack of food isn't helping.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	Despite the situation with Ciara,and the advances Danny makes towards both of us, nothing could ruin my mood. Last night, he proved his love to me...With a 16 gauge needle. It was strangely exhilarating, on his part,as well...
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	Its incredibly difficult to reach someone who lives in a world totally unlike your own...Or so it seems. That is how I feel about James...I would tell him, if only I could reach him. He could have my secrets...Then, he wouldn't need to ask me whether or not I was his. I realize that the chaos I live in now...Really is my choice. I continually choose it, so I must live it. I loathe it, and see my inevitable demise,as a result of it. Yet, I push on, foolishly rationalizing that the 'here and now' will be worth the catastrophe to come. I, without the slightest bit of hesitance, put everything on the line. No regrets. Because, I'm reckless. I see it coming, like a train wreck, a head on collision. You know how it will end, you see the spools of fate turning, life ending, chests falling, and you could swerve, duck, leap, cover...But, its all too intense. You do nothing, and die. Because you were too caught up.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	James and I are officially broken up; Sad, but, I met a new guy name Elijah...He's pretty great. Very hot. I don't know...Maybe one day I'll be over James, and find a nice boy who won't break my heart.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	If I have ever, in the history of my life, been as or more miserable than I am right now, I will politely recede my point and put a bullet in my head. My discontent is apparent, because I know longer can conceal it. Everything is out of hand. Life is a gun, loaded with a single bullet. You pull the trigger knowing that eventually it will go off, but, you have no choice. You must continue... click, click ..Until the click is stifled. Then, its partial relief, its over. No longer do you dread the moment it will go off. I pray for that day to come soon. He broke me down, coaxed me into trust, and removed all barricade I had, to keep the 'Harmful one's' out. He turned out to be the one I should have feared. He has begged, and pleaded with me, to stay. And, I wanted to... I would have given everything simply for the will to stay. When it rains it pour...I've braved one storm after another, and I have no will to push on. I will accept all, because I am too worn down to do any different.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	Consumption of this will be, unavoidably, detrimental to your health, as well as mine. Why, you may ask? That's undecided, but, I'm almost positive its true. Maybe Ill fall on a piece of glass and die...I'm slowly freezing to death.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	urlLink The ghost on the stage
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	urlLink To love and to be loved...
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	Another amazing night. Went to a show, met a gorgeously hot boy in a band. His name is Mark; he showed me his van, where we got really, really close... So close that he...Leaned in slowly, lightly bushing the hair from my face, tilting my chin slightly,..I felt his light,shallow breathing gently caressing me... So close that we...Could feel eachother's hearts beating...Pulsing so rapidly...That we...ALMOST kissed. I know, I know, that story should have ended better,but that's just how my luck goes. I almost had it..Then, time expires and I am rushed off by friends, leaving him there (though NOT by choice) And, now I'm sad, because, I may never see him again. But, not ALL hope is lost. He may e-mail me, which would be great. That would make me very happy. I really like him, a lot.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	urlLink sexy
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	Despite the fabulous night I had (which consisted of some heavy making out with Elijah) I thought it was only fitting, being I hadn't thought of this before, to make a list of all of the boys who have ever broken my heart...Going form least to most crushing...Not that all of them weren't,but,you get the idea... 7) Kyle(he knows nothing of this) 6) Chad(not horrible,but, bad enough) 5) Chris(enough said) 4) Vinn(he's pretty far up on the list, but, I've moved on) 3) Andrew(I don't hold it against him, there was nothing he could do) 2) Martin(..Really cut deep, and, occasionally, I can still feel a sting) 1) This place is reserved for only the most skillful, and cunning. The most vicious and heartless..A place saved for the one who went farther than breaking my heart...Bent, tore, snapped, set it aflame, ground it in to a fine powder, and snorted it...This menace is the one I loved most...James Ellis.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	James has been permanently removed from my life, and I've never been happier. His bullshit no longer has any power over me. Tonight, I'm going to make out with Elijah again. It will be excellent...He's so hot. I love you, Marc!
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	I admonish all: James is detrimental to your health. Stay away. He has caused nothing but misery and depression. And, I'm finally over it. Today, I made out with Elijah, on my couch for an hour. It was excellent. And, from what I have heard, it has made James terribly jealous.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	Fought with James, quit smoking, almost got a couple tickets...Tomorrow, I get to hang out with Elijah...What will happen is unknown. I miss James. I love him, despite his bullshit. He is everything. Now, I just need to move on.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	I spent the day with Elijah...Alone, yesterday. It was very nice. Today has been quite uneventful. Hopefully tonight will be better. I conversed briefly with Brit today, and,in typical fashion, we bashed, slandered, and verbally crucified James in every way possible. Always amusing. I feel so heartless taking joy in his misery and jealousy, but, I just can't resist. I think I may be falling in love with Elijah. Yesterday, I found that we had something else to add to the list of the thousands of things we have in common. We have the same birthday. July 27. What does this mean? Any thoughts? Yes, I know its sickeningly pink, but, I desperately needed a change.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	Tonight was great. Elijah and I spent the night together, and Sarah came over for a little while but left, because I wouldn't abandon Elijah just to go driving around with her. I'm growing very attached to that boy. Tomorrow he is coming over and we will finally be totally alone...I'm not sure what we will do, but, I am certain it will be fun.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	Traded the usual plans for spending the evening with Elijah and his friends. We had a great time but they had to be home early, so, I wandered for a hour or so..Maybe tomorrow night we will spend more time together...Alone. He makes me so very happy. Things seem to be going my way, for once. This is all so new.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	I found my serenity; my contentment. Leaving the drama far behind. Sweet Elijah is mine, and I am his. He helped me find this felicity. All the storms having been pacified, I can sleep easy. I have tasted love, and living... I will no longer simply survive.
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	It has been a while. I am guilty of being lustful, and a nymph. I have alot more sex than most people should, but have no complaints. Sexual expression is very healthy. Agree? I think I may be in love with Elijah. It is a distinct possibility. We are very happy together, and have fun. I saw my ex, K.C., a few days ago. I was very curious as to what I saw in him. The only word that really could describe him is 'bland'. Its short. Simple. Direct. Truthful. He is just bland .
3,059,476	female	17	indUnk	Leo	02,July,2004	I feel a change come over me now, and am effected greatly. In the past I've used this as a platform for my cynicism and confusion. But, being that I am no longer bitter about the events that mark my past (yet confusion comes and goes, as it has and will) I feel it would be over-staying a welcome to continue this any further. I simply have less and less to whine about. The addelment I feel now is not negative or extremely pressing. I have finally 'moved on'. I am grateful that I had an outlet for my rants and over-dramatized sob stories, and am thankful for everyone who took time to read them. I still have decions to make, and things to mend, but, I can handle it now. Let coincidence take you. I'm going to leave this exactly how it is. Spelling errors and all. Because anything else would be less than perfect.
3,833,251	male	14	indUnk	Virgo	06,July,2004	Yesterday was fun i woke up at around nine and went to the lake with a friend....Scott..hes really into Water sports so we had a kneeboard and a tube and even water skis....the water felt so good..but probably becuase it was soo hot out...first we kneeboarded which was awesome becuase no one was hot there and the water was nice and crisp..although i suck i had some fun falls and was able to stay on..(YES!! big accomplishment)...next we went tubing which i found the most fun..we rode double on a one person tube so we were hanging off the end of each side flying down the river...my body is SOO soar from all the crashes...there was this one point when we got so high in the air his dad said he turned around and saw us above him...well our legs at least...but overall it was great..i got really tanned or tanner than before and im burnt on the shoulders like always...that night i slept over at Scotts house and we chilled playing games and watched the Ring..i personally like that movie..my favorite part is when the scary lookin chick walks out of the TV...sppoookky....yea well that was yesterday...Today i just chilled watched the new Peter Pan with my sis and then went to work were i worked...(i know its wierd how that worked out)haha....and after i went out to eat with my mommas and that was fun...now im at my dads and packing to go to NY where i will see my family and hopefully see my old house..thats all...later
3,833,251	male	14	indUnk	Virgo	04,July,2004	yea....um....i dont know to much about the national day we freed each other or whatever happened but i know that its a day with tons of fireworks....Today when i woke up it was around 1030 so i got dressed and went to church which is always fun but today ecpecially becuase we got food....then we all (me, mary, all sams, and jeff) went to Two guys since NY Pizza was closed which we couldnt believe....no one had any money and it turned out to be 30 bucks so Baynes paid for half of it while the rest of us split the other half...yea you know it hes a dealer...no, but then i went to the record store with him and he bought some gangster wanna be rapper CD... Nitorous B or something like that...when we got back to Church i got picked up and chilled till nightime when i went over to a friend Dustins house...over there we set off tons of fire works with alot of friends and i saw some people that i hadnt seen in a looong time so it was fun....now im at home and reflecting...i still miss the people from BYC soo much that was awesome....later
3,833,251	male	14	indUnk	Virgo	03,July,2004	First i must say i forgot about the first days so i only wrote what i remembered and second im not good at writing long things i get drifted off into other topics so try to stay with me... BYC was awesome this year...i hadnt gone in two years becuase i missed last year so it was cool seeing everyone again...when i first got there it was a little akward because i wasnt sure whether to jump up and greet everyone or just stay relax and chilled...so what i did was just hang with the people from my church until either people came to me or i met them...two days later i was hanging out with everyone and was so glad to be back...that day i went tubing which sucked and was soo boring that i got out with Cameron which was cool becuase we just sat and talked....which is what we did in the river of HELL except we didnt freeze our asses off....when i got back i took a HOT shower and it felt really good becuase out there you had to wake up at the crack of dawn to get one...so i took cold showers every morning...anyways back to the topic...i went up to dinner and then it was time for the afternoon activity which was a game show....that was alot of fun and then i went to bed...the next day we just chilled and then at night it was the bonfire night so me 3 sams wade and jeff all acted like we were high so dillion would get mad....and it worked wonderfully....he got soo pissed and thats when we learned how good of a friend he was...he was trying to keep us straight during a church meeting so we wouldnt get caught even though we knew what we were doing...it was cool...after we told him he got mad and it was soo funnythe next day i woke up and while i was trying to tell everyone not to go on the river but of course no one listened and they all went and all came back miserable....but i must be honest while they were gone i went up with Jessi to the girls cabin and got some drink..yes it was time for Captain Morgan the greatest man alive....i got pretty drunk and was running around during free time trying to play soccer when i really couldnt....that night we had a dance whihc was awesome....i loved it when the seniors got up and sang queen and the mosh pits....what a fun night...but then the next day we had a serious group meeting which was really interesting becuase since it was a church camp we prayed and stuff...but this time we got to go to different people and they were standing there with a candle and we prayed for whatever we wanted...everyone was crying...and i even caught myself crying to although no one saw me its all good...I prayed for everyone else once and the other time i prayed for my family...it was alot of fun....afterward we had a talent show which was really funny...and the next day we all left which was really sad...hopefully though i get to see those people agian really soon like sometime in the winter so i dont have to wait a whole nother year...alright welll im oing to go...later MY DAYS MIGHT BE MIXED UP its hard to remember

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30,July,2004

urlLink Official Mary Prankster Website A few years ago, using napster, i found out about a singer/songwriter from the Baltimore area name Mary Prankster. Her music can best be described as cow punk, its a little country, a little punk, and a lot of foul mouthed swearing :) Check it out, I recommend 'Tits and Whiskey'

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29,July,2004

urlLink The digital cam pic is coming out kind of badly, so I fooled with it in photoshop to get rid of some of the glare. This looks a little better....  urlLink

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29,July,2004

urlLink Still a work in process, added some detail to the ladies face, a light glaze and glasses, next up will be white glaze coat on the fence, and then red diagonal stripes  urlLink

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29,July,2004

Today I lived office space.  The corporate audit team came in and interviewed us one by one.  I was the last to go in.  It sucked ass!  I get REALLY nervous when shit like this goes down.  I talk really, fast, and start revealing information that I shouldn't reveal.  They asked questions like, 'How many hours do you work a week?'.  'Do you ever work from home?'  Call me paranoid, but that shit makes me nervous.   I think getting laid off does that to you. I am forever scarred psychologically, yet I am only 26 years old.   In other news, maybe I will start looking for a new job.........

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28,July,2004

urlLink Ruel Loehr's Blog Just a test....

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28,July,2004

The good Reverend Sharpton, he is truly an unbelievable speaker. Don't believe me? Listen to this: urlLink Al's speech Al rocked the democratic convention last night, in what was one of the best speeches so given so far. I truly hope he will join the Cabinet at some point in the future. In other news, flies have invaded my home. We slayed no less than 234 house flies last night. Our personal discovery is that a vacuum cleaner makes a great execution tool for the little bastards.

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28,July,2004

So my latest project at work has me writing code to customize a huge software package IBM sells. Everything is on a remote AIX box, and is written in C++. My brain is churning trying to remember the easiest way to do this shite. So far I am kicking cygwin on my xp laptop, and using remote emacs to get to the files. It feels strangely comfortable, like reuiniting with an old girlfriend.

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27,July,2004

urlLink orange  urlLink

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27,July,2004

urlLink a doodle  urlLink

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27,July,2004

urlLink work in progress  urlLink

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27,July,2004

urlLink pastel again  urlLink

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27,July,2004

urlLink fred chillin  urlLink

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27,July,2004

urlLink pastel  urlLink

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27,July,2004

urlLink ?  urlLink

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27,July,2004

urlLink bedroom  urlLink

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27,July,2004

urlLink kitchen  urlLink

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27,July,2004

urlLink kitchen  urlLink

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27,July,2004

urlLink more living room  urlLink

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27,July,2004

urlLink Inside che loehr  urlLink

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27,July,2004

urlLink living room  urlLink

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27,July,2004

urlLink Home sweet home  urlLink

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27,July,2004

urlLink Done with markers and pastels  urlLink

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27,July,2004

urlLink A sketch I colored in photoshop  urlLink

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27,July,2004

urlLink A self portrait done last year...  urlLink

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27,July,2004

urlLink Close up of the tounge girl  urlLink

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27,July,2004

urlLink 3 girls I painted last winter. I like the one with the tounge the best.  urlLink

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27,July,2004

I am a bad blogger, so I am going to try to catch up.   New news: I now live in Austin Tx.   I can't wait until November to vote. I work for IBM again (since march) I am going to upload all of my paintings here, as well as other cool stuff I encounter along the way. I found a listing in the austin chronicle about a vintage flea market on Sunday.  I am oh so there.   quote of the day: It's not about being liberal, it is about recognizing the obvious.    

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27,July,2004

urlLink One of my latest paintings. This is an almost finished version.   urlLink

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05,August,2004

urlLink added first part of the fence  urlLink

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04,August,2004

I am still working on the painting currently entitled Old Lady and child. I am putting some lines on the fence, and it is kind of a bitch. I tape areas, paint, then let it dry for 2 days before i can do it again. Its slow going. I found out today at work I have to go back to Germany twice in september. I have tickets for a pixies concert in mid september, (seeing the pixies play is on my life to do list), of course, manager man wants me to skip it. HAHAHAHAA i say. Not a chance, sucker. So now I will be flying back to texas to see the show, then getting back on a plane (20 hour travel day) to go back to work. You know what? It's worth it. Some things you just have to stand your ground on.

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02,August,2004

The alarm on my cell phone went off at the oh so early hour of 6:15. I awoke from my NyQuil induced slumber to realize I had to go to work. What a jip. The weekend was quite calm. Since we have white trash tendencies, our house was a wreck. Let me explain. We have this huge dining room area (see the pics from the earlier post). Now, since white trash boys don't like investing in things like tables and chairs, my brother chose to use the dining room as a workshop to build a speaker box. 3 days later, it was filled with lumber, sawdust, tools, and blood. Oh yeah, he cut his pretty bad. Then he passed out and bled on the floor. What a puss. Anyways, The house is now immaculate for at least a day. Much like the terror alert scale our dictator uses, I will make one for my house. We are currently at orange alert, which means a full scale mess is a possibility. I saw an indy film this weekend called the station agent. Probably the best movie I have seen this year. Its a must see. PS I get to go see the Pixies in September. Top that, chief.

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Gemini

18,July,2004

Just recently, Sara's been getting emails from some Spanish guy or something, and then today I received an email from an Indian guy, talking about how his family leads a church there and is helping out his community a lot. It was a really long email, and it said his family encouraged him to be pen pals with me. Pretty funny. The subject of the email was 'Dear Friend in Christ!' and he ended the email with 'Thanking you.' He also gave me this urlLink URL which doesn't work , and I found urlLink this one that does .  In the mean time . . . Blogger is looking kind of flabby around the HTML, and I had a lot of fun in the past few days, despite the lack of sleep. I'm glad we got to hang out with Tim, Brice and Steve, although it wasn't for very long. I don't really have time to post in detail about that, or going to Sugarland today, but it was a pretty great weekend. Does this blog exist? Is anyone reading this? Do you people think this blog is a waste and that we should just keep two old blogs? Does anyone other than Donna, Sara, and Ugly read this or intend on commenting, ever?

936,098

male

17

Student

Gemini

14,July,2004

This post is dedicated to the memory of Ronald Reagan, who passed away earlier this millenium. Thank you, Ronnie, for two great months of funeral memories and media exaggeration of the importance of your death. We are indebted to you for giving us something to fill our newspapers with. For our English class, we were given two assignments to be due this week: a 'narration essay' and a 'description essay.' Except, neither are really essays, and the assignment is a lot more strict than the names suggest. The 'narration' secretly has to be something that happened to us, and it has to have a conflict, so it's a combination short story/memoir. Then the description is really a description of a person, so it's actually a profile. And he suggested combining the two assignments, so now it's a short-story-memoir-profile-essay. And since each one was supposed to be 1½ pages, and he never gave us a real length requirement for the combination, mine is barely 2 pages. I almost turned it in today but we have to have a rough draft so I'm changing five or ten random words in the story. Yesterday, when we walked in the door Sara's watch turned to 9:41, and the class starts at 9:40 supposedly. The instructor called us late, then insulted us a few times. So today we walked in at about 9:31, and almost everyone was already there. Then, at about 9:33 he started calling role. Sara said 'so apparently he calls role before the class even starts.' We've been trying to play DDR everyday, and we've been pretty successful. I think Era is still my favorite DDR song--there are songs with more intense or difficult steps, but I really just like the song a whole lot. We've actually played a couple that weren't Abyss or .59. Exciting.

936,098

male

17

Student

Gemini

11,July,2004

The site lost about 27 MB of extra weight because I deleted so many images that had '_small' at the end, and some other unneeded stuff. I wasn't expecting it to free so much space. Unfortunately, it's taking 9,00 years to upload, so I'm going to go to bed and check it out when I get up.

936,098

male

17

Student

Gemini

09,July,2004

After we watched Vegas Vacation and left Sara's dad's house, we realised we had a lot of time, so we went to the beach and looked at the stars for a little while. We could only see half the stars because of clouds, and lightning was increasingly rampant. RAMPANT. There was a cop driving by, and then he stopped and turned around, so we thought he was going to steal our fireworks but he didn't. My hero. Little did we know . . . a few minutes after that we were wishing he had stopped us, because it started raining out of nowhere. And it wasn't pansy rain, it was Brazoria County rain, meaning raindrops the size of basketballs. We couldn't see a thing past the water. It was nearly impossible to know if we were headed out to the ocean or about to slam into a dune--the only thing we could see well enough to use as a point of reference was a trashcan, until another car appeared. We asked them how long until another access road, and they told us a couple of miles. The water was rising, and we were in it. Sara's car was repelling the basketballs pretty well, but her tires needed a miracle to . . . not . . . get stuck in the sandy mud. I thought we were going to be washed out to the ocean; the water was probably six inches deep at least in some parts, and it happened pretty instantly. We were trying to find an access road but it was impossible to tell if we were passing them because the rain was so intense. (If we had been on any other road we would have had to stop and pull over to wait out the intensity of the rain, but obviously this was the worst of our options at this point.) I decided we should pray, so we held hands and I prayed out loud that God would make us safe. Less than ten seconds later , we saw the headlights of a truck on the access road, turned in, and followed the Bluewater Highway towards home.

936,098

male

17

Student

Gemini

09,July,2004

I'll go ahead and blog about yesterday's events. We went to English and discovered that we have a different teacher. He's an older man that kind of reminds me of Mr. Hendrick. He seems nice enough, just a little talkative. After English I went home and cleaned my room/bathroom and took a shower. Then Mark and I went to my ( . . . ?) Nina's house to give her a bunch of shirts that Donna had asked me to drop off for her brother-in-law. While we were there we decided to pick up a few jigsaw puzzles because she is the queen of them. When I asked her if we could take two or three she said 'Take ten!' so we took 15. That should keep us busy. After Nina's house we went to El Superior to eat cheese enchiladas for lunch. For 15 minutes we were the only people in the entire restaurant. It was really cool. I feel guilty for leaving so much queso left in the bowl. It was so delicious. We walked over to the Pet Shop to look at fish and aquariums because I'm going to buy one soon. Mark pet this hairy pig-dog thing almost the entire time because if he stopped it would bark at him. We went to his house and worked on urlLink our website for a few hours. And then we drove to my dad's house. We ate dinner and watched Vegas Vacation. I'll let Mark take it from here.

936,098

male

17

Student

Gemini

08,July,2004

(And then I remember purgatory.) Today I listened to 106.5 a lot. I decided I like it better than 103.3 because it's more dramatic music, with less accordion. Less. We heard the word 'corazon' (heart) in a song, and we both noticed it. I always point out how much they use that word in Mexican songs. Then, a Dr. Pepper commercial came on. (El sabor de la originalidad?) Somehow, they managed to say 'corazon' in the Dr. Pepper commercial too. Then, on the way home, I left it on and I heard another song with 'corazon' in it. Three in a row. A pretty extreme storm happened lastnight, and I would blog about it but right now I'm going to clean my room. I just though that 'originalidad' was definitely worth mentioning briefly.

936,098

male

17

Student

Gemini

08,July,2004

Sara, I don't have administrationalism on this blog yet, so we should fix that. (I'm mostly posting that so I won't forget.) Are the URL and title tentative? I think we could do better. I just danced with a pool cue for a guitar, through all of Devil in Jersey City, by myself . . . again. What a hot CD. I'm excited about cheese enchiladas for lunch. All of a sudden it's raining, with I'm excited about cheese enchiladas for lunch. urlLink sporadic lightning. I'm going to go ahead and turn the computer off . . . after Delirium Trigger ends. . . . And this isn't a blog merger. It's a blog marriage.

936,098

male

17

Student

Gemini

07,July,2004

I raise my jones soda of victory says: whatsup? Sara says: I'm trying to motivate myself to clean my room so I can go see Mark again. I raise my jones soda of victory says: is mark not enough motivation? Sara says: He sure is. But I just dropped him off at his house. I raise my jones soda of victory says: lame Sara says: Lame? I raise my jones soda of victory says: yeah I raise my jones soda of victory says: tell him he is coming on the 19th I raise my jones soda of victory says: and staying forever Sara says: No. Sara says: He's mine. You can't have him anymore. I raise my jones soda of victory says: ill cut you Sara says: If you cut me I'll cut you back. I raise my jones soda of victory says: ill cut you so bad, ill split the ATOMS IN YOUR FACE Sara says: I'm starting to get angry tommmy. You don't want to see me when I get angry. I raise my jones soda of victory says: FACE FISSION Sara says: It isn't pretty. Sara says: Oh. Right. Face fission. SURE. Sara says: JERK! I raise my jones soda of victory says: if its you, im sure it is pretty I raise my jones soda of victory says: makeoutwithme Sara says: Pretty . . . where's the insult? I raise my jones soda of victory says: pretty FAT Sara says: Thank you. I raise my jones soda of victory says: DDDAUGH

936,098

male

17

Student

Gemini

07,July,2004

Yesterday I went crazy getting completely registered for the first semester of English IV at BC, and afterwards Sara went crazy changing to the English class that I was signed up for, so now we both have it from 9:40 to 11:09 every morning until early August. About ten minutes ago Chess said, 'Happy summer. Enjoying no college?' I ran into my room and slammed the door. The class was very easy today. . . . And since I don't know where my mom is or what she wants me to be doing right now, I'm going to post about it, elaborately. The teacher was completely new, and called it 'Brazoria College' on accident, and then corrected herself. The teacher seems pretty nice, but at the same time relatively incompetent. Kind of like Mrs. Munson. Except Mrs. Munson wasn't very nice. I think that people in general are pretty fascinatingly terrible so here are some interesting and excessively detailed descriptions of the people in our class: There's a woman in our class who's probably around 30 who told the teacher a lot of terrible stuff, since we spent the whole class period talking casually. First the woman went outside for a smoke break. Then she said, 'You do NOT want to see me when I haven't been smoking.' And she told us about how she had been smoking since she was 14, she spent her senior year in alternative, she knows where there are whorehouses in town, she did drugs and alcohol but found them less addictive than cigarettes, and then comes the most illegal part--they started talking about police, and the woman said, 'how do you think I got off my probation early? You pay off who you gotta pay off.' Everyone in the class was pretty disturbed and/or alarmed by her saying that, and she said it in a very matter-of-fact way, like someone would say, 'my pickup was making fun noises this morning, and then I found out the fanbelt was loose.' The kid who sat in front of us was a senior at B'port, and he said that he was going to be a pre-med student, and then he cussed a few times, talked to no one, laid his head down like a kindergartener, and walked out twenty minutes early. There was a girl who had made a face when she was three years old, ignored her mother's warnings, and got her face stuck that way. She was looking around the room while people were talking, and for the entire class period, her face seemed to say, 'why isn't anyone licking my shoes?' The guy who sat next to Sara was really goofy. He said he was home-schooled. He had his shirt tucked in, he was unshaven, and he had pretty big glasses. He was passing around the role sheet, and he slid it into Sara's water, which fell over, and he laughed in a really goofy way. Well, I'm done talking about those people, and I'm pretty sure that was enough to keep anyone from ever looking at this blog again. So there you go. Sara's at work right now, and I want to help my mom (who is home now) but she's on the phone, and has been for about ten minutes. Who thinks that Sara's blog and my blog should get married? Any opinions? You wouldn't have to read about the same day more than once. Ehh? Ehh? Okay, I give up. I'm going to find something else to do.

936,098

male

17

Student

Gemini

03,August,2004

Wait. What?

3,059,476

female

17

indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

...I have come to the ultimate conclusion that life would be much less complicated if all involved would adopt the fatalistic attitude,and accept what was predetermined. Although that particular existence would be quite fruitless,we might then feel secure. Maybe then, people like me would have a right to complain about the injustice of it all, as opposed to now, when we do,regardless of whether we have license to, or not. Yet,when you really contemplate it, would we really feel any more secure? Knowing you are being hurried down a blind past, knowing nothing of how it may end. Unsure of whether anything you accomplished,attempted, or felt passionate about would mean anything in your inevitable end. Can living ever be simple? Have we lived in this somewhat mildly predictable,yet,sometimes extremely random method so long,that the inherent unpredictability in the behavior of a natural system would overwhelm us?...

3,059,476

female

17

indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

The Addams Family, or The Munsters?

3,059,476

female

17

indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

Bitter cynicism: Not only the latest trend, but most effective means of survival. Not only fashionable, but now, necessary...Who would have thought? How tragic.

3,059,476

female

17

indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

The United Parcel Service: friend or foe? You decide.

3,059,476

female

17

indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

I have obviously put far too much time and effort into this...Everyone should listen to Braid. Well,that's enough randomness for one day...

3,059,476

female

17

indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

We live in a time of rampantly spreading, highly contagious emotional issues, and everyone's got something. Inability to commit, dishonesty, loneliness, fear, neediness... These conditions,which are potentially crippling in ones ability to function in a relationship, are not inherited, but developed. These are, unquestionably, learned behaviors. The insecurities are present in people,because, somewhere,at one point,someone made them that way. This only further proves the point of the cruelty of humans, by their very nature. Emotional abuse... blah,blah,blah ...The point is,the emotionally fucked up, go on to fuck someone else up,and the cycle continues. Consider the casualties...Most people have more emotional baggage then an airline luggage check. There seems to be no reasonable solution.Short of quarantining all of the emotionally ailing, to protect them from others, and themselves, there is no way around it. In the age of this plague-like epidemic, we are all marked and infected...

3,059,476

female

17

indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

I fear that, to Andrew, I may very well be invisible. Which was not what I was hoping for,in the least. He intrigues me, amuses me, enlightens me, fascinates me, makes my flesh tingle when he touches, makes my heart want to explode...And he knows nothing of this. I want him to understand. I need some sort of connection. He melts me; I could burst.

3,059,476

female

17

indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

The charade that everyone has taken to so quickly has grown old. Depressed, self defeating, theatrical, cutters, lushes, bulimics,sex fiends. Going to great lengths to make themselves appear 'deep' and 'complex'. Inflictions just for show. Taking a little bit of sadness,and running with it. Whether the objective is sympathy, the dramatic effects they have at their disposal, exaggeration and exploitation of every even-the-slightest-bit-natural emotion...Turning minor discontent into hopelessness and despair...Slight annoyance to rage and anger. How did we begin this? The burning desire to hurt, or at least appear so?

3,059,476

female

17

indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

Change is usually for the worst. Well, maybe it has the best intentions to begin with,but, rarely does it end well...But, as they say, 'The road to hell is paved with good intentions'...Prime example:..Sunny Day Real Estate..They dared to be different..Jeremy Enigk was just a teenager with an ethereal falsetto, and a painful honesty. At the release of Diary they had given indie kids some hope...Hope that not everything honest was gone. Then, the heavenly voice became a born-again Christian...It was all downhill for there...Musically,at least...Not to say anything is wrong with Christianity, but, it wasn't the faith that ruined their once-incredible work. After this discovery, the lyrics became less honest, and more proselytizing...Evangelical...He was no longer being truthful, but only saying what was expected,now that he was saved...Yet, I see no problem in believing...I'm just sad that it had to end..I don't know where I was going with that tangent...

3,059,476

female

17

indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

Why is it that everyone has a friend named Luke (Luc, and other alternate spellings)? There was a Luc in my French book. I was intrigued. I bought a new belt yesterday, its very exciting...Its great how little relevance these titles hold..

3,059,476

female

17

indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

I think Brandon has lost interest in me... I'm not sure how to react...?? Anyways, sweet dreams, Kids.....

3,059,476

female

17

indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

I was venturing to the video store tonight, when I saw an old green mustang I'd seen before... I went in, and saw the usual employee, to whom I gave the nickname Grizzly Addams, was present...Then, standing there, looking absolutely gorgeous, was a young man in a black Used t-shirt, long raven hair in his eyes. He was beautiful. We walked around, accomplishing nothing, because we were fawning over him. We picked out a movie, checked out,and went to the car...As they were driving off,they waved...Then, I realized, that I used to know him...His name was Dustin,and he used to do theater stuff. He is so gorgeous...I hope to see him again... [Exeunt.]

3,059,476

female

17

indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

3,059,476

female

17

indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

Well, its been over a week, and I remember very little of the details. To be in the presents of one who can see you have something on your mind, and being unable to bullshit your way out of the 'What are you thinking?' inquisition is exceedingly difficult. He is the cause of my heavyheartedness, yet, the one who could relieve me...By saying what I want to hear. Which is exactly what my problem seems to be...There must be someone who would tell me exactly what I want(possibly need) to hear...Yet, it would be meaningless coming from any other...He has, easily, addled me more than any other could even attempt...This problem stemmed directly from our very eerie likeness, from a physcological standpoint. He has been the only one to ever 'figure me out' and I, him. As a result, no games, no facades, no bafflement with bullshit. Its truly hard to be totally honest.

3,059,476

female

17

indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

10:30 AM, Saturday morning...I just got home...I left at 7:30 last night. Do I remember a lot of last night? No. Though, I should...I am,after all,sXe. I remember having a surplus of energy....That was fun. I found James...And, upon seeing him again, realized that,not only have I gotten over him, but that he was all style,no substance. He was never real. But, I think I've been fortunate enough to find someone who is...

3,059,476

female

17

indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

Sitting in the library when I should be in class, getting educated. But, its P.E....I'll spare you my opinion on that...James is still missing, I may never find him...Maybe that would be to the benefit of both. Maybe its his erradic behaviors, or his undeniable charms, but, nonetheless, bad news. Yes,that's it....My dear friend,Sarah, had an interesting experience this last weekend....She was plastered,in the back of a car,with a groups of X's, making....Interesting comments,and drunk dialing...I got great enjoyment at her expense.

3,059,476

female

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indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

Tired. He's MIA again. This day has left me feeling like an ashtray. I doubt tomorrow will be much better. Pray for me, kids.

3,059,476

female

17

indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

It seems as though all his wrongs are forgotten when we are alone. The fight we had,or what he did is pushed far out of mind when he touches me the way he does. Its neither healthy,nor reasonable that when he does what he does,he is perfect. Yet,how could he not be...Its incredible when he bites,scratches,pulls my hair,licks,beats,bleeds,strangles,slaps me the way he does. Its sick....This I know....Yet,I don't care in the least. Whether its considered cruel,destructive,sadistic,or evil matters not.....fucking choke me! I want it! That sounds a lot like our relationship in general.

3,059,476

female

17

indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

He disappears. I locate him. Approximately one day later, gone again. If I didn't love him, I wouldn't be here,...Yet,he knows nothing of this. He loves no one. And, what are his intentions? He told me before,yet, was he being truthful? Can I trust him? Could I be any more addled?

3,059,476

female

17

indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

Petty vandalism is never worth the repercussions. Whether the intent behind it is good-natured,or laced with malice, you will feel the wrath. I was told this,(speaking of the blog in general,of course)is a 'cry for help' and a 'plea for everyone to stay real'. Hmmm...Tonight, the carnival. Strangely enough, today, my thoughts are of Kyle...What does this mean?

3,059,476

female

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indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

Neck and wrists sore, I wait for him to call. He makes every night perfect. My emotions mixed, not thinking much, tired.

3,059,476

female

17

indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

To all who read my thoughts as casually as the morning paper, my deepest sins I confess: I love him...Oh,yes, it gets better...He loves me. I will not bite my lip,and forego proclaiming all that has happened, over a realized fear of who may consume this. I want him. Hold me down, bite me, choke me....My mind is racing.

3,059,476

female

17

indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

This is probably the most unhappy I've been in quite some time. I despise how angry I am. I don't want to speak to him. I will not change and I will not be nice. My life is in constant turmoil. I,and others like me, put ourselves in situations of chaos to the highest degree. Complaining incessantly about it. Returning to it. Almost as if we don't know how to exist in a life without it. I doubt I could... When, even for the briefest of times, my life is peaceful and serene, I somehow sabotage it. Which makes me question, Could I handle a life without a certain level of this chaos? As far as I have seen, I can't. I desire it, but, could I maintain it? All I truly desire is James, and he is nowhere to be found. I'm sorry Morisseys' birthday was such an unhappy one; It, of all days, should have been a joyous one. I will make it up,next year.

3,059,476

female

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indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

I refuse to let him dominate the subject of my posts any further. Rilo Kiley is a really amazing band,Jenny Lewis is incredible. But, I'm sure you knew that,already. I've started reading '1984' and, I find it quite enjoyble. I think I'm done.. urlLink

3,059,476

female

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indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

Seasonal distraction is in full effect; I accomplish little or nothing. I'm greatly looking forward to this weekend. Staying out, sleeping in...Maybe James will honor me with his company. It seems as though everyone can find something about him,to dislike him for. Unfortunately, I cannot. He's sporadic, hyper, has little to no attention span, his liquid dancing skills, etc. Yet I find no reason to dislike him. Wow, I definitely need to find something else to consume me. I promise I will write about something else,tomorrow. K-Luv likes Modest Mouse! Yay!

3,059,476

female

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indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

My body is worth 620$

3,059,476

female

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indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

Tuesdays and Thursdays: best days of the week for blogging. Why? Because, here, its peaceful and quite, and I get out of my mediocre,second-rate classes. This week may be decent,after all. Sarah and I have a house to ourselves until Sunday. James is missing,again(that's becoming very redundant) I've often questioned why I constantly put myself in this position. But,we all know why. Today, I gauge my ears...That makes me happy.

3,059,476

female

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Leo

02,July,2004

It seems as though almost everyone has over-stepped their boundaries with me, this past week. James and I are finally getting along(surprised? So was I....When he showed me the tattoo he had recently given himself...Of my initials) Brit has pushed the limits,as well. I grow annoyed much easier of late. Is the request for even a minimal amount of reliability too much? I was told I am 'impossible,for the sake of being difficult.' and that I 'speak a cryptic language.' Could this be true? From where I stand, what separates you and I ,what holds everything in,and keeps you out,is simply a door. No key, arson, magic, or force is needed to open in. There's no bolt, chain,stop,or handle. Just push. From where I stand,its easy. But, then again, anything is easy if you know how to do it. Its only 8:46 in the morning,and I'm already bored. So this is what it feels like to be young,and tired of sex.

3,059,476

female

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indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

My only desire now is to die. I am no longer worthy of the explanation, time, or effort of anyone. Brandon refuses to talk to me. I am unsure as to what I have done wrong, and, I have no means of making amends. He is everything, and if injecting bleach is the only way to prove that, I am more than prepared. Once again, I fucked things up. I have nothing.

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female

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Leo

02,July,2004

3:21 on Friday afternoon, setting up my plans for the weekend. Lots of parties,which is good...I need some fun. Happy Rex Manning day!

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female

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Leo

02,July,2004

urlLink Oooh, yeah..

3,059,476

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Leo

02,July,2004

I don't know what I have done to make me, so suddenly, abhorred and avoided. Would anyone like to tell me?

3,059,476

female

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indUnk

Leo

02,July,2004

Sitting two seat to the left of the eccentric physics teacher, staring blankly at the screen. This would be typical of a Thursday, but, its Wednesday...Today, while watching 'Pirates of the Caribbean' in French class, I decided I should pursue a career in such a field. Thievery,murder and such...I may also be suited to taking up a job as a con artist...Either occupation would be mentally stimulating. The only possible issue would be my fear of the ocean, which comes from my mild agorophobia. The little spat between Sarah and I wages on. The cause still unknown. But, it continually comes back to how she handles conflict. She will be upset for some particular reason; Instead of informing you of what you did, or how to mend it, she isolates herself and pouts for days upon days, being snide, until she gets over it. Acts as if nothing has happened. Philosophical question of the day: Is it possible to live a fatalistic life?

3,059,476

female

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Leo

02,July,2004

James is gone again, and,this time,he made off with my vinyl pants! Although,they did look good on him...I may be moving in with him. That will be glorious... Camille can't come here this weekend...Sad...I got to drive Josh's Malibu,...It was great. Tomorrow may or may not be good,it could go either way.

3,059,476

female

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Leo

02,July,2004

This is a terrible end to a good day. I am, yet again, miserable. But, this time, it wasn't the usual suspects that have caused my discontent. I've questioned my life quite a bit, today. Lots has happened, and, the only thing that has changed is now, its something different that's making me miserable. I was very prepared to leave, the clincher was that I was not allowed to do so. I will not bite my tongue! I am still ready to go at any moment. Whether or not I will be any happier is unknown to me. James told me I could stay with him, but, I doubt I can handle that. Despite how often he says he loves and respects me, I know what he is, and what he does. And, even though I am aware of these facts, I find it easier to deny that they take place as long as I do not have to witness it. Call it silly; call it what you will, but, its far easier then facing what I know. All I desire is serenity.

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Leo

02,July,2004

45 minutes until summer officially begins. Long year. Tonight, James, Sarah squared, Ashley, and I are going camping. After we go to a show, of course. Yes, its going to be great fun. Sarah and I have a radio show. We start Saturday (7-11 pm.,107.1 FM, 496-1071) VERY excited.

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Leo

02,July,2004

I'm agitated with everyone...Well, almost everyone. It's just one of those days. Lack of food isn't helping.

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Leo

02,July,2004

Despite the situation with Ciara,and the advances Danny makes towards both of us, nothing could ruin my mood. Last night, he proved his love to me...With a 16 gauge needle. It was strangely exhilarating, on his part,as well...

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Leo

02,July,2004

Its incredibly difficult to reach someone who lives in a world totally unlike your own...Or so it seems. That is how I feel about James...I would tell him, if only I could reach him. He could have my secrets...Then, he wouldn't need to ask me whether or not I was his. I realize that the chaos I live in now...Really is my choice. I continually choose it, so I must live it. I loathe it, and see my inevitable demise,as a result of it. Yet, I push on, foolishly rationalizing that the 'here and now' will be worth the catastrophe to come. I, without the slightest bit of hesitance, put everything on the line. No regrets. Because, I'm reckless. I see it coming, like a train wreck, a head on collision. You know how it will end, you see the spools of fate turning, life ending, chests falling, and you could swerve, duck, leap, cover...But, its all too intense. You do nothing, and die. Because you were too caught up.

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Leo

02,July,2004

James and I are officially broken up; Sad, but, I met a new guy name Elijah...He's pretty great. Very hot. I don't know...Maybe one day I'll be over James, and find a nice boy who won't break my heart.

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Leo

02,July,2004

If I have ever, in the history of my life, been as or more miserable than I am right now, I will politely recede my point and put a bullet in my head. My discontent is apparent, because I know longer can conceal it. Everything is out of hand. Life is a gun, loaded with a single bullet. You pull the trigger knowing that eventually it will go off, but, you have no choice. You must continue... click, click ..Until the click is stifled. Then, its partial relief, its over. No longer do you dread the moment it will go off. I pray for that day to come soon. He broke me down, coaxed me into trust, and removed all barricade I had, to keep the 'Harmful one's' out. He turned out to be the one I should have feared. He has begged, and pleaded with me, to stay. And, I wanted to... I would have given everything simply for the will to stay. When it rains it pour...I've braved one storm after another, and I have no will to push on. I will accept all, because I am too worn down to do any different.

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Leo

02,July,2004

Consumption of this will be, unavoidably, detrimental to your health, as well as mine. Why, you may ask? That's undecided, but, I'm almost positive its true. Maybe Ill fall on a piece of glass and die...I'm slowly freezing to death.

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Leo

02,July,2004

urlLink The ghost on the stage

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Leo

02,July,2004

urlLink To love and to be loved...

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Leo

02,July,2004

Another amazing night. Went to a show, met a gorgeously hot boy in a band. His name is Mark; he showed me his van, where we got really, really close... So close that he...Leaned in slowly, lightly bushing the hair from my face, tilting my chin slightly,..I felt his light,shallow breathing gently caressing me... So close that we...Could feel eachother's hearts beating...Pulsing so rapidly...That we...ALMOST kissed. I know, I know, that story should have ended better,but that's just how my luck goes. I almost had it..Then, time expires and I am rushed off by friends, leaving him there (though NOT by choice) And, now I'm sad, because, I may never see him again. But, not ALL hope is lost. He may e-mail me, which would be great. That would make me very happy. I really like him, a lot.

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Leo

02,July,2004

urlLink sexy

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Leo

02,July,2004

Despite the fabulous night I had (which consisted of some heavy making out with Elijah) I thought it was only fitting, being I hadn't thought of this before, to make a list of all of the boys who have ever broken my heart...Going form least to most crushing...Not that all of them weren't,but,you get the idea... 7) Kyle(he knows nothing of this) 6) Chad(not horrible,but, bad enough) 5) Chris(enough said) 4) Vinn(he's pretty far up on the list, but, I've moved on) 3) Andrew(I don't hold it against him, there was nothing he could do) 2) Martin(..Really cut deep, and, occasionally, I can still feel a sting) 1) This place is reserved for only the most skillful, and cunning. The most vicious and heartless..A place saved for the one who went farther than breaking my heart...Bent, tore, snapped, set it aflame, ground it in to a fine powder, and snorted it...This menace is the one I loved most...James Ellis.

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Leo

02,July,2004

James has been permanently removed from my life, and I've never been happier. His bullshit no longer has any power over me. Tonight, I'm going to make out with Elijah again. It will be excellent...He's so hot. I love you, Marc!

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Leo

02,July,2004

I admonish all: James is detrimental to your health. Stay away. He has caused nothing but misery and depression. And, I'm finally over it. Today, I made out with Elijah, on my couch for an hour. It was excellent. And, from what I have heard, it has made James terribly jealous.

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Leo

02,July,2004

Fought with James, quit smoking, almost got a couple tickets...Tomorrow, I get to hang out with Elijah...What will happen is unknown. I miss James. I love him, despite his bullshit. He is everything. Now, I just need to move on.

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Leo

02,July,2004

I spent the day with Elijah...Alone, yesterday. It was very nice. Today has been quite uneventful. Hopefully tonight will be better. I conversed briefly with Brit today, and,in typical fashion, we bashed, slandered, and verbally crucified James in every way possible. Always amusing. I feel so heartless taking joy in his misery and jealousy, but, I just can't resist. I think I may be falling in love with Elijah. Yesterday, I found that we had something else to add to the list of the thousands of things we have in common. We have the same birthday. July 27. What does this mean? Any thoughts? Yes, I know its sickeningly pink, but, I desperately needed a change.

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Leo

02,July,2004

Tonight was great. Elijah and I spent the night together, and Sarah came over for a little while but left, because I wouldn't abandon Elijah just to go driving around with her. I'm growing very attached to that boy. Tomorrow he is coming over and we will finally be totally alone...I'm not sure what we will do, but, I am certain it will be fun.

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Leo

02,July,2004

Traded the usual plans for spending the evening with Elijah and his friends. We had a great time but they had to be home early, so, I wandered for a hour or so..Maybe tomorrow night we will spend more time together...Alone. He makes me so very happy. Things seem to be going my way, for once. This is all so new.

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Leo

02,July,2004

I found my serenity; my contentment. Leaving the drama far behind. Sweet Elijah is mine, and I am his. He helped me find this felicity. All the storms having been pacified, I can sleep easy. I have tasted love, and living... I will no longer simply survive.

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Leo

02,July,2004

It has been a while. I am guilty of being lustful, and a nymph. I have alot more sex than most people should, but have no complaints. Sexual expression is very healthy. Agree? I think I may be in love with Elijah. It is a distinct possibility. We are very happy together, and have fun. I saw my ex, K.C., a few days ago. I was very curious as to what I saw in him. The only word that really could describe him is 'bland'. Its short. Simple. Direct. Truthful. He is just bland .

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Leo

02,July,2004

I feel a change come over me now, and am effected greatly. In the past I've used this as a platform for my cynicism and confusion. But, being that I am no longer bitter about the events that mark my past (yet confusion comes and goes, as it has and will) I feel it would be over-staying a welcome to continue this any further. I simply have less and less to whine about. The addelment I feel now is not negative or extremely pressing. I have finally 'moved on'. I am grateful that I had an outlet for my rants and over-dramatized sob stories, and am thankful for everyone who took time to read them. I still have decions to make, and things to mend, but, I can handle it now. Let coincidence take you. I'm going to leave this exactly how it is. Spelling errors and all. Because anything else would be less than perfect.

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Virgo

06,July,2004

Yesterday was fun i woke up at around nine and went to the lake with a friend....Scott..hes really into Water sports so we had a kneeboard and a tube and even water skis....the water felt so good..but probably becuase it was soo hot out...first we kneeboarded which was awesome becuase no one was hot there and the water was nice and crisp..although i suck i had some fun falls and was able to stay on..(YES!! big accomplishment)...next we went tubing which i found the most fun..we rode double on a one person tube so we were hanging off the end of each side flying down the river...my body is SOO soar from all the crashes...there was this one point when we got so high in the air his dad said he turned around and saw us above him...well our legs at least...but overall it was great..i got really tanned or tanner than before and im burnt on the shoulders like always...that night i slept over at Scotts house and we chilled playing games and watched the Ring..i personally like that movie..my favorite part is when the scary lookin chick walks out of the TV...sppoookky....yea well that was yesterday...Today i just chilled watched the new Peter Pan with my sis and then went to work were i worked...(i know its wierd how that worked out)haha....and after i went out to eat with my mommas and that was fun...now im at my dads and packing to go to NY where i will see my family and hopefully see my old house..thats all...later

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Virgo

04,July,2004

yea....um....i dont know to much about the national day we freed each other or whatever happened but i know that its a day with tons of fireworks....Today when i woke up it was around 1030 so i got dressed and went to church which is always fun but today ecpecially becuase we got food....then we all (me, mary, all sams, and jeff) went to Two guys since NY Pizza was closed which we couldnt believe....no one had any money and it turned out to be 30 bucks so Baynes paid for half of it while the rest of us split the other half...yea you know it hes a dealer...no, but then i went to the record store with him and he bought some gangster wanna be rapper CD... Nitorous B or something like that...when we got back to Church i got picked up and chilled till nightime when i went over to a friend Dustins house...over there we set off tons of fire works with alot of friends and i saw some people that i hadnt seen in a looong time so it was fun....now im at home and reflecting...i still miss the people from BYC soo much that was awesome....later

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Virgo

03,July,2004

First i must say i forgot about the first days so i only wrote what i remembered and second im not good at writing long things i get drifted off into other topics so try to stay with me... BYC was awesome this year...i hadnt gone in two years becuase i missed last year so it was cool seeing everyone again...when i first got there it was a little akward because i wasnt sure whether to jump up and greet everyone or just stay relax and chilled...so what i did was just hang with the people from my church until either people came to me or i met them...two days later i was hanging out with everyone and was so glad to be back...that day i went tubing which sucked and was soo boring that i got out with Cameron which was cool becuase we just sat and talked....which is what we did in the river of HELL except we didnt freeze our asses off....when i got back i took a HOT shower and it felt really good becuase out there you had to wake up at the crack of dawn to get one...so i took cold showers every morning...anyways back to the topic...i went up to dinner and then it was time for the afternoon activity which was a game show....that was alot of fun and then i went to bed...the next day we just chilled and then at night it was the bonfire night so me 3 sams wade and jeff all acted like we were high so dillion would get mad....and it worked wonderfully....he got soo pissed and thats when we learned how good of a friend he was...he was trying to keep us straight during a church meeting so we wouldnt get caught even though we knew what we were doing...it was cool...after we told him he got mad and it was soo funnythe next day i woke up and while i was trying to tell everyone not to go on the river but of course no one listened and they all went and all came back miserable....but i must be honest while they were gone i went up with Jessi to the girls cabin and got some drink..yes it was time for Captain Morgan the greatest man alive....i got pretty drunk and was running around during free time trying to play soccer when i really couldnt....that night we had a dance whihc was awesome....i loved it when the seniors got up and sang queen and the mosh pits....what a fun night...but then the next day we had a serious group meeting which was really interesting becuase since it was a church camp we prayed and stuff...but this time we got to go to different people and they were standing there with a candle and we prayed for whatever we wanted...everyone was crying...and i even caught myself crying to although no one saw me its all good...I prayed for everyone else once and the other time i prayed for my family...it was alot of fun....afterward we had a talent show which was really funny...and the next day we all left which was really sad...hopefully though i get to see those people agian really soon like sometime in the winter so i dont have to wait a whole nother year...alright welll im oing to go...later **MY DAYS MIGHT BE MIXED UP** its hard to remember