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711,096 | male | 24 | indUnk | Libra | 04,May,2004 | Last night, I strayed back to the place I once knew as home. And it felt good. |
711,096 | male | 24 | indUnk | Libra | 04,May,2004 | On a dusty footpath, a child sat building castles of cigarette boxes... |
711,096 | male | 24 | indUnk | Libra | 30,June,2004 | I guess blogging no longer excites me. It's been ages since I actively blogged. I've got my kick out of it. Now, nostalgia is all i feel. |
711,096 | male | 24 | indUnk | Libra | 15,June,2004 | I have watched what I consider an obscene number of movies in recent times. Harry Potter and the prisoner of Azkaban, Girlfriend (to satisfy the curiosity of my friend -- we walked out half-way straight into Harry Potter), Troy, Deewaar and Van Helsing in the theatre's. While Last Samurai, Master and Commander, Nine Months, Dial M for Murder, Matrix, The Insider, Schindler's List, Finding Nemo, Toy Story 1, Toy Story 2, Gladiator and The Full Monty have seen me hog the idiot box at home. And all this with Euro 2004 going on as well. |
711,096 | male | 24 | indUnk | Libra | 15,June,2004 | I feel the values of old have degraded. No longer do I cast an unrepentent eye on what might have been but one filled with lust and jealousy. Whether it's just plain ol' talk or people, I am envelepoed by the need to to hear all and see all. There was a time I laughed at people such as myself. Thinking as I did then, of what use is lust when you are content in your mind. Now I realise being content is not as easy as that. I even wonder whether being content is the answer to any problem at all. Because if you are content you might as well striving to achieve perfection. Its an odd world indeed. In all the wisdom, I now see drops of foolishness -- mine, yours and theirs. |
711,096 | male | 24 | indUnk | Libra | 13,July,2004 | Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away Now it looks as though they're here to stay Oh I believe in Yesterday -- Beatles |
711,096 | male | 24 | indUnk | Libra | 01,July,2004 | To step into the unknown requires courage. But even more than courage it requires vision. Where do you go when you don't even know where you want to be? |
3,502,235 | male | 15 | Fashion | Taurus | 30,May,2004 | ...do I do? Did I just do it? Goodness, I am so trendy. |
3,502,235 | male | 15 | Fashion | Taurus | 19,June,2004 | (elipses) So Kevin, you desire me to update. And (don't start sentences with 'and,' must fix that in next draft)I suppose I should. However, my mother wants me to sleep at 12:00 a.m. today (or tomorrow, I don't really know, that's kind of tricky). And being that it's 11:48 p.m., I've only got 12 minutes to update. Wait. That didn't quite work out the way I wanted it to. See, I wanted to state the time I needed to leave and the time it is. Then the difference of the two times would be so small that I wouldn't even have time to update. Alas, that is/was/is going to be the case. So I can't really use that. So, so, so, and so. So it's now 11:50 p.m. I've wasted two minutes talking to you Kevin, via AIM. This is dumb. Also, me using words like 'via' without knowing what they mean cannot help. I mean, honestly, that sentence took one minute. Damn you via. In case you're wondering, reader, that was infact/in fact/in face/inface sarcasm. Sarcasm is rather hard to detect when it's put in a text format. That's probably because sarcasm depends heavily on tone of voice. So, so, so and so. Notice that that is the second time I've said all that. Strange no? Well, no. It's not really strange. 11:53 p.m.: still awake, trying urgently (correct usage?!?!) to waste my time in an efficient, non-time-wasting manner. Wait, wait, I forgot how I planned to end this. Shit. I'm going to type elipses/periods/dots until I remember.................................................................Ah! I remember now. So anywho, it's 11:55 p.m. right now. Five minutes to 12:00 a.m. Also, I am rather tired of typing. So I am going to end it. But before I stop, I would like for you to type the typos in this entry. 42 right? If you didn't find 42, then go to helle. Okay, 43. Go to hell. |
3,502,235 | male | 15 | Fashion | Taurus | 30,July,2004 | ...I find it to be kind of dumb to create drafts for a blog. |
3,502,235 | male | 15 | Fashion | Taurus | 26,July,2004 | 1999. 2000. 2001. 2002. 2003. 2004. 2005. 2006. 2007. 2008. 2009. 2010... |
3,502,235 | male | 15 | Fashion | Taurus | 09,July,2004 | I will post for a longer period of time! I hate it when I try to type 'know' and it ends up being 'kow.' I really do. I wish that one thing would go to hell and burn! That is, if hellexists,butIshouldn'thavesaidthatbecausesomereligiouspeoplearegoingtocallmeaheathenthenlightmeonfire.'Causethat'sreallyreallyreallyunheathenish,tolightpeopleonfire. So pretend I didn't say that. So, continuing. I was going to just type that first sentence up there, then just let the screen sit for like an hour, then post. Therefore, I would have posted for a longer time. However, I like saying random things, so I'm actually going to keep typing. I really like Iron Maiden. They're the new black! I love that phrase, especially when people say that 'pink is the new black.' 'Cause black is black and pink is just WAY too punk rock. Sometimes, I get the feeling that when people read this, they cry because I'm such a genius and they aren't. But then again, maybe they think I'm just some moron who types whatever the hell comes to mind. And they're right. Despite the truth in that ...thing, I will continue to do this. That is, until the Blog trend dies out. Then, I can't keep going, otherwise the football players at Temple City High School will beat me up. Sometimes they break my glasses for fun. It's really really mean. Plus, I can't see without my glasses. I kind of get the feeling that it's on purpose. Sometimes, the world is just really cruel. Then, I remember the time that that old man gave me his life savings. It made me feel warm and fuzzy, 'cause I got a lot of money and I nearly had a moneygasm. I really think it's funny when girls think I'm a nice, nonperverted type. Because really, I am randy. I mean honestly, a fifteen-year-old with access to the internet. Yeah, REAL conservative and reserved. What it is, it is, and what it ain't, it ain't. Sometimes, when people say really pig headed things about music, I really have to bite my tongue. If I didn't, I'd probably bite them. That means a lot, 'cause my tongue is more important than a lot of people. Seriously. I'm talking to someone about bloody noses. Don't you love it when all the blood clots in your nose? You can suck it up and spit out a bloody loogey. And that's really cool and not at all disgusting. I also think it's really cool that I almost spelled 'disguesting' while trying to spell disgusting. I did it again. Damn you 'guesting.' Tricky shoot. Little kids are funny. Especially when they cry. Because! It makes me want to squeeze their tiny little necks until their heads explode. But that's just me, I really can't handle little kids that well. Or actually, I do, but I don't enjoy it. I'm going to have a hard time when my kids' heads explode. Especially when I have to talk to them about penises and vaginas. What I really fear is having to deal with someone who has as much attitude as I do. Seriously. If I managed to talk to my person (not in the way that I already do), I'd probably want to punch him/me right in the nose. And kill him/me. Bastard me. You know what I enjoy? Reading really serious posts about serious topics. Especially when I think they're really dumb and over-serious. I actually was thinking about something else that I enjoyed, but that idea about serious topics jumped into my mind and dry humped the old one into oblivion. Wait, wait, here it comes. You know what I enjoy? I enjoying doodling weird pictures that make no sense, but I claim that it's just abstract art. Really, it's cool. I'm actually quite tired of this. However, I have a bracelet on right now that says 'LIVE STRONG ,' so I will do so by pushing through the tiredness. 'Cause that's really strong. Someone else read this, I'm tired of only having comments from Kevin. Let me into your circle of cool! And next time, don't just stand there and stare at my nose. I can't help that it has two holes and air comes out of them. I really can't, it's weird. Except for now, since my nose is stuffed. Yay. I just sent this to a friend online: 'How to die in cross country: Take a porcupine and remove three spines from it's back. Take one spine and stick it in your left eye, right next to the pupil. To the left of it, to be exact. Then run up to another runner and yell, 'I've got a pocupine spine stuck in my eye a little left of the pupil!' Then proceed to kick him/her in the nuts/boobs. Then take the remaining spines and stab them into your wrists. Roll around in poison ivy, then have a round of beer with a bear. Repeat as necessary.' Good huh? Shut up, I saw you. Alright, let's do it for the puddle guys. Come together. I'm sad to say this, but here is when I'm actually going to say something serious. I happened to stumble upon this analogy(?) by reading it in one of Douglas Adams' books. Or rather, a book of his writings made by someone else. Anyone who chooses to challenge the fact that he was a genius will be quickly lit of fire. Now, to the serious part. Wait, no, not yet, I had this one really funny comment in my mind, but now I've forgotten it. Again, periods until I remember.......................................................................................................... .................................................................................................................... ...Oh yes, SOMETHINGSOMETHING bless Douglas Adams, in whatever form may he exist in, wherever, whenever, however. Here we go: Suppose a puddle can think. Or rather, the water of a puddle (this is serious, honestly). It's there, nice and wet, thinking, 'My my, I'm living the life. I'm wet and I've got this great indentation to live in.' It then proceeds to think about this indentation. 'My my, this identation fits rather nicely. It perfectly fits my form, down to the very molecule. It even changes when I change. How is this possible? How can something accommodate me so well? Honestly, it's as if it was made for me. HEY! Maybe it was made for me! It makes sense! It fits me so well, it even changes for me. It must have been made for me.' Well, that just about does it. I'm tired. I've pushed. I've succeeded. Metallica vocals are horrible. Except for in some songs. Nevertheless, I'm successful. Therefore, I will leave before the bubble bursts. Peace guys, make love, not war. (Or just something that seems hippy-ish, yet intelligent at the same time) But, isn't it just a puddle? Yeah, that was my intelligent and serious portion of my post. |
3,502,235 | male | 15 | Fashion | Taurus | 09,July,2004 | (Continuing from title, please refer back to it if necessary) Blogger was called Blooger(s)? I'd bet it wouldn't be as popular. So anywho. Pink Floyd. And also, this is the end of my post. |
3,688,178 | female | 40 | Internet | Aquarius | 21,June,2004 | Yesterday while shooping for my husband, i am usually very nice and polite and try to use as much German as possible. But I always don't have the write words or i just don't know the language that well to come up with a solution to my conversation. Anyway I went to this store here called,'Budnikowsky'. It is smaller to our Rite Aides or Drug stores in the States. The only difference is they don't carry drugs. On the Apotheke pharmacys carry any such over the counter remedy's. My daughter had dropped her binki or pacifier while we were walking and so i had to get a replacement for her and the best to go for that was Budni. Kowing that they carried such items. After getting my stroller in the store and wading threw all the people i had found what i was looking for. I then heading for the line to check out. Since the store is crowed most of the time,even on Mondays, I had to push my way to get in line or other people would just get in front of you again with the no personal boudries issue. If you leave room for another person someone will think that it is meant for them and just cut in front of you no second thought. Well as i approached the counter of this young cashier, she of course never sported a smile to customers but instead basically looked up briefly and gave the look of NEXT! My turn! I said Hi! and she said Guten Tag, meaning Hello back. My total was 1,98 euros. I gave her 2. She then in turn was asking if i had any change but because I dont speak the language i didnt understand what she was saying to me. What kinda of change would she need for 1,98? Two was good enough. All she had to do was give me back two cents. But because i didnt understand what she was saying i did understand her body language which ended up in a huff and a puff from her. Like she was telling me you stupid idiot dont you understand and if you dont you dont belong in my line. Well of course after that gester and after dealing with my sick daughter all day shopping i had all I could take of the day and promptly recieved my change and replied to her, 'You know yo can eat shit!!'. From the look on her face i can tell she understood everything i said even in english. After that i felt great for the rest of the day. I find if you are nice to these workers they run all over you until you are nasty like them back and then they are your best friend. Viki C. |
3,717,124 | male | 15 | Student | Taurus | 10,July,2004 | Hey all sorry for not posting for the last ummmm week or sumit like that its because i have been busy looking for my bike that as you all no it got stolen !!!!!!!! Yesturday was ace it was a !!!!FRIDAY!!!!! and i was looking forward to go and see some 'friends' lol you no who u are!! Now that i have a new bike its a SPECIALIZED HARDROCK SPORT and its a jump bike and its the baby of my life except for one other person ;-) lol u no who u are. Any way the whole week has been crap. bikes been stolen someones bin on holiday and i keep getting kayla coming up to me and have a go at me for no apparent reason at all but no she is going out with craig it will get her of my back :) thank god. I have now decided that cherry is my favourite favour bu only 2-3 people no why!!!!???lol but u'll have to ask me if you want to find out. Any way im off to do my paper round now cuz im late. Cant wait till later i am goin to the cinema to see well actually i dont no what im goin to see yet. lol But i am goin with about 8 people in total and some are complete stranges to me *cough*mold*cough* lol Love ya all xxx |
3,717,124 | male | 15 | Student | Taurus | 04,July,2004 | HAVE A LOOK PLEASE EVERYONE urlLink Stolen Bike.doc I WANT INFO PLEASE |
3,717,124 | male | 15 | Student | Taurus | 01,July,2004 | Today the day was going ok at the start mainly because kayla wasnt in casue she had collage. In art it was really good i could properly talk to Annie and talk about some problems sofa is havin with oli. In english i had a massive agruement with kayla and she is startin to annoy me i want to kill her. In science i had a really kewl convo with damion and it was quite funny wot he was doin LOL. At dinner i rand annie and asked her where she was and she said she will meet me at the gym. She came down and she had kayla and dani and everyone else following them. Annie came up to me and said she had just had an arguement with kayla and she told me to keep away from her. So i got change and i came out and i could hear shouting from the LADIES changing rooms i was like WOMAN then i heard that kayla and annie are argueing and i was so annoyed i walked into the boys changing room and and punched the wall so hard my finger swelled up. I got up to the red grar and i had a feeling that Annie wasnt talkin to me cause she doesnt want another arguement with kayla. So i was so depressed. It was our turn to bat and Annie came up to me and said she is talkin to me and SHE GAVE ME A HUG :O i was so happy now. So we have now both decided to ignore Kayla now. I dont no what im goin to do tonight i mite go out if i aint grounded. Bye for nowww xx |
3,034,755 | male | 23 | Internet | Aquarius | 24,March,2004 | Today I watched the public opinion concerning to child labour in the country. I learnt that most of the people are against the child labour and all are emphasizing on children education rather than forced labour. Of course, I agree that, eduction is first rights of any child. But what I think is children who are doing hard labour are forced to work for themseleves. They get involved in such act due to poverty and responsiblity towards their parents & their youngers. Most of such children are from those backgrounds, where they have to support their home. Now next part is - people exclaims that government should look after such act and ban child labour and forced work. They should be admited to school for education. The point is, if they don't work, how they could manage to make money for food, cloths and shelther? People futher adds that government should facilitate expenses to educate them. I still agree that the only sector that could solve this problem is - government who is responsible for protecting this human rights. Now, again the question is - how could government arrange such budget untill and unless you pay tax to the government? Our tax is the only source of income to the government, which is how they expedite money in country's development. So, I guess that, root cause of this problem and solution starts from each citizen. If we are loyal to the government system, I am sure such activities can be eradicated from the country within next 10 years of period. |
3,034,755 | male | 23 | Internet | Aquarius | 23,March,2004 | I was talking with my friend online one day, and he said something about he had to go delete some files because a web site had uploaded his whole hard drive. I told him that was impossible, because it would take months to upload gigabytes of information on a 56K connection. He said he had gone to a web site that had a link saying something like, 'I have your hard drive, check it out,' and it pointed to C:\. It took me an hour to convince him that no one had uploaded his hard drive. |
3,034,755 | male | 23 | Internet | Aquarius | 01,May,2004 | we have successfully completed the PHP |
3,034,755 | male | 23 | Internet | Aquarius | 28,April,2004 | Me and ujjwal was pulling the chariot of Machhindra Nath, suddenly the chariot fell onto the ground. The sutiation was was like 911 in US sometime ago. Everybody was terrified. |
3,034,755 | male | 23 | Internet | Aquarius | 28,April,2004 | Please note the following when you are using the mobile. If you receive a phone call on your mobile from any person, saying that, he or she is a company engineer, or telling that they're checking your mobile line, and you have to press # 90 or #09 or any other number. End this call immediately without pressing any numbers. There is a fraud company using a device that once you press #90 or #09 they can access yur 'SIM' card and make calls at your expense. Forward this message to as many friends as you can, to stop it.... VERY IMPORTANT WARNING if you are using Internet Please Be Extremely Careful especially if using Internet mail such as Yahoo, Hotmail and so on. This information arrived this morning from Microsoft and Norton. Please send it to everybody you know who accesses the Internet. You may receive an apparently harmless email with a Power Point presentation 'Life is beautiful. pps'. If you receive it DO NOT OPEN THE FILE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, and delete it immediately. If you open this file, a message will appear on your screen saying: 'It is too late now, your life is no longer beautiful', subsequently you will LOSE EVERYTHING IN YOUR PC and the person who sent it to you will gain access to your name, e-mail and password. This is a new virus which started to circulate on Saturday afternoon. WE NEED TO DO EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO STOP THIS VIRUS. AOL has already confirmed the severity, and the antivirus Software are not capable of destroying it. The virus has been created by a hacker who calls himself 'life owner'. |
3,034,755 | male | 23 | Internet | Aquarius | 18,May,2004 | Even in its current, early state, available only to a few thousand testers, Gmail appears destined to become one of the most useful Internet services since Google itself. ... Gmail is infinitely cleaner, faster, more useful, more efficient, less commercial and less limiting than other Web-based e-mail services. Once Gmail goes live, Hotmail and Yahoo won't know what hit them |
3,034,755 | male | 23 | Internet | Aquarius | 16,July,2004 | GMail security flaw: I just discovered a rather serious security flaw in Google's a href='http://www.gmail.com/service, currently in beta. If I wanted, right now, I could access the mailboxes of at least a dozen people, alter their user information, send e-mail using their address and otherwise generally fuck up their accounts. I won't, of course. But if someone as essentially tech-clueless as I can do it, I rather imagine more savvy and unscrupulous parties are ready and waiting to exploit this weakness. Further: It's not a technical flaw with the GMail system. It's a combination of poor user interaction design and a little social hacking that opens up the system to potential abuse. I was poking around the urlLink site, just to see if by some miracle they'd opened sign-ups and not told anyone. (They haven't.) But I clicked on everything that I could, including the link under the login panel asking 'Forgot your password?' That takes me to a page where I'm asked to 'enter the email address you use to login.' At random, I picked the address of a friend I knew had recently obtained a GMail test account and submitted it. I then had to pass one of those tests where a graphic of a word or nonsense phrase is displayed and you have to type it into a box to prove you're a human and not a computer. After doing that, I'm presented with a security question, presumably one chosen by the GMail user to further verify their identity and help them recover their password. This is where the system starts to break down. Several people have custom questions, unique to them and requiring somewhat intimate information about themselves. In the case of the random friend's account I'd plugged in earlier, it was something I knew about them off the top of my head. If I didn't, though, I'd easily be able to ascertain the answer by reading their website. I gather that 'What is your Mother's maiden name?' is one of the default security questions. It's a bad one. In the case of at least three friends, I didn't know it but was able to easily obtain it by plugging their names into, yes, Google and having the information spit back to me from publicly accessible genealogy websites. Now having a security question isn't a bad thing, per se. It's just not very tight security, particularly when many of the people using the service are, themselves, web publishers and have chosen particularly poor questions with easily researched answers as the key to their account. But it still requires a little effort; it's not as though a simple computer program could batch through dozens of accounts and compromise them. It requires a thinking, Googling human to get past the security question. Ah, but when you do! In other systems, passing this hurdle would generate an e-mail to a second account, either revealing the password or containing instructions for resetting it. With GMail, though, I'm immediately presented with the option of resetting the password. Input a new password twice, click submit and voila: I'm in charge of another person's account. This makes GMail extremely insecure. There are two ways to address this. First, if you're using GMail right now, I'd suggest choosing a security question to which only you know the answer and which is not answerable by Googling for information about you. (Good advice always, but particularly in this case.) Mothers' maiden names are right out. Names of first pets? Suspect, when a lot of us have taken and published the results of 'What is your drag queen name?' quizzes on our websites. Old phone number? Probably tucked away in a long-forgotten, never-updated online database. The second is for Google to tighten up the process by requiring password changes to involve an e-mail challenge or some other means of resetting an account password. Knowing a person's GMail address and a little personal info about them is too low a hurdle to put the reset mechanism front-and-center where it is now. At last count, I could easily compromise the accounts of six friends, six prominent webloggers, a Google employee and one random fellow I've never met or heard of. I haven't and I won't. And another Google employee has graciously invited me to take a test account, which offer I'll accept, even though I wish the service worked with Safari so I could really get under the hood. In the meantime, I won't be trusting GMail for anything critical and I'll be picking a completely unanswerable (except by me) password security question. I'd advise you to do the same. |
3,034,755 | male | 23 | Internet | Aquarius | 12,July,2004 | Edging closer to a direct confrontation with Microsoft, Google, theWeb search engine, is preparing to introduce a powerful file and textsoftware search tool for locating information stored on personalcomputers.Google's software, which is expected to be introduced soon, accordingto several people with knowledge of the company's plans, is theclearest indication to date that the company, based in Mountain View,Calif., hopes to extend its search business to compete directly withMicrosoft's control of desktop computing.Improved technology for searching information stored on a PC will alsobe a crucial feature of Microsoft's long-delayed version of itsWindows operating system called Longhorn. That version, which is notexpected before 2006 at the earliest, will have a redesigned filesystem, making it possible to track and retrieve information in waysnot currently possible with Windows software.Google's move is in part a defensive one, because the company isconcerned about Microsoft's ability to make searching on the Web aswell as on a PC a central part of its operating system. By integratingmore search functions into Windows, Microsoft could conceivablychallenge Google the way it threatened, and destroyed, an earlierrival, Netscape, by incorporating Web browsing into the Windows 98operating system.A Google spokesman declined to comment about the new search tool.Although Google's core business rests on huge farms of servercomputers that permit fast searching on the Internet, the company hasalready taken several steps to move beyond that business.Last year, Google began testing a free program called the GoogleDeskbar that makes it possible to search the Web by entering words andphrases in a small dialog box placed in the Windows desktop taskbar atthe bottom of the computer screen.Google also sells a computer search system designed to index andretrieve information created and stored by a single organization. There is a rich history of less-than-successful attempts to create\information search tools for personal computers. In the 1980\'s, for\example, Mitchell Kapor\'s On Technology developed On Location for\retrieving information on Macintosh computers and Bill Gross, a\prominent software developer, led a group of programmers to create\Lotus Magellan for the PC.\\Digital Equipment\'s Alta Vista search engine group also developed a\search tool for data stored on desktop PC\'s. Today there are a number\of commercial products for desktop searches like X1 and dtSearch.\Moreover, both the Macintosh and Windows operating systems have file\and text retrieval capabilities.\\The Google software project, which is code-named Puffin and which will\be available as a free download from Google\'s Web site, has been\running internally at the company for about a year.\\The project was started, in part, to prepare Google for competing with\Windows Longhorn, which according to industry analysts will dispense\with the need for a stand-alone browser.\\The disappearance of the Web browser and the integration of both Web\search and PC search into the Windows operating system could\potentially marginalize Google\'s search engine. Google, well aware of\this threat, hired a Microsoft product manager last year to oversee\the Puffin project as part of its strategy to compete with Microsoft\'s\incursion into its territory.\\Microsoft has shown demonstrations of its new search technology, which\emphasizes the use of natural language in queries like 'Where are my\vacation photos?' or 'What is a firewall?' Microsoft believes that\Longhorn users will no longer think about where information is stored;\they will instead see a unified view of documents stored on both the\Internet and on the desktop.\\The looming confrontation between Microsoft and Google is coming as\Microsoft prepares to introduce its own advanced Web search service. There is a rich history of less-than-successful attempts to createinformation search tools for personal computers. In the 1980's, forexample, Mitchell Kapor's On Technology developed On Location forretrieving information on Macintosh computers and Bill Gross, aprominent software developer, led a group of programmers to createLotus Magellan for the PC.Digital Equipment's Alta Vista search engine group also developed asearch tool for data stored on desktop PC's. Today there are a numberof commercial products for desktop searches like X1 and dtSearch.Moreover, both the Macintosh and Windows operating systems have fileand text retrieval capabilities.The Google software project, which is code-named Puffin and which willbe available as a free download from Google's Web site, has beenrunning internally at the company for about a year.The project was started, in part, to prepare Google for competing withWindows Longhorn, which according to industry analysts will dispensewith the need for a stand-alone browser.The disappearance of the Web browser and the integration of both Websearch and PC search into the Windows operating system couldpotentially marginalize Google's search engine. Google, well aware ofthis threat, hired a Microsoft product manager last year to overseethe Puffin project as part of its strategy to compete with Microsoft'sincursion into its territory.Microsoft has shown demonstrations of its new search technology, whichemphasizes the use of natural language in queries like 'Where are myvacation photos?' or 'What is a firewall?' Microsoft believes thatLonghorn users will no longer think about where information is stored;they will instead see a unified view of documents stored on both theInternet and on the desktop.The looming confrontation between Microsoft and Google is coming asMicrosoft prepares to introduce its own advanced Web search service, backing away from its Internet dial-up service, looking instead to get\more revenue from the search advertising market that Google dominates.\\Web and PC-based searching is a particularly thorny subject for\Microsoft because the company\'s chairman, Bill Gates, first outlined\the idea of 'information at your fingertips' in a speech given at a\computer industry trade show in 1990. Yet the company did little to\innovate in the areas of Internet search or text and file searches on\the PC until it discovered how profitable search had become for\Google.\\Google\'s strategy is to move quickly while Microsoft is still\developing its Longhorn version of Windows, adding programs and\services like its recently announced Gmail electronic mail program.\The intent, say people who are aware of the company\'s strategy, is to\lower its vulnerability to Microsoft by adding businesses that are\'sticky' - in other words, businesses that create strong customer\loyalty or are hard to switch away from.\\Internet searching is widely seen by industry executives as a powerful\commercial service, but one that is difficult to defend. It is widely\presumed that Internet users who find a search service that is better\than Google\'s will be willing to defect.\\Searches for information stored on a PC, however, could offer an\advertising arena that is more readily defensible. Indeed, desktop\searching might be particularly valuable for Google\'s commercial\advertisers, which may be willing to pay dearly for the ability to\place targeted ads in front of personal computer users.\\Such services, while they may be lucrative, will also inevitably force\Google to deal with new controversies. Some privacy activists have\opposed the Gmail service because they are concerned that the company\is automatically extracting information from its customers\' Gmail\accounts.\',1] possibly later this year. The company is revising its MSN strategy andbacking away from its Internet dial-up service, looking instead to getmore revenue from the search advertising market that Google dominates.Web and PC-based searching is a particularly thorny subject forMicrosoft because the company's chairman, Bill Gates, first outlinedthe idea of 'information at your fingertips' in a speech given at acomputer industry trade show in 1990. Yet the company did little toinnovate in the areas of Internet search or text and file searches onthe PC until it discovered how profitable search had become forGoogle.Google's strategy is to move quickly while Microsoft is stilldeveloping its Longhorn version of Windows, adding programs andservices like its recently announced Gmail electronic mail program.The intent, say people who are aware of the company's strategy, is tolower its vulnerability to Microsoft by adding businesses that are'sticky' - in other words, businesses that create strong customerloyalty or are hard to switch away from.Internet searching is widely seen by industry executives as a powerfulcommercial service, but one that is difficult to defend. It is widelypresumed that Internet users who find a search service that is betterthan Google's will be willing to defect.Searches for information stored on a PC, however, could offer anadvertising arena that is more readily defensible. Indeed, desktopsearching might be particularly valuable for Google's commercialadvertisers, which may be willing to pay dearly for the ability toplace targeted ads in front of personal computer users.Such services, while they may be lucrative, will also inevitably forceGoogle to deal with new controversies. Some privacy activists haveopposed the Gmail service because they are concerned that the companyis automatically extracting information from its customers' Gmailaccounts. |
3,034,755 | male | 23 | Internet | Aquarius | 12,July,2004 | Abu Dhabi: I kept an eye out for the Arabian Sea even as we flew over the craggy, bald mountains of what I thought was a bit of western Pakistan under the blazing noon sun. The projection screen set up for the entertainment of passengers on the Gulf Air flight from Kathmandu to Abu Dhabi, kept warning of the searing heat outside, while some fellow passengers curled up in blue blankets of airlines issue. The sense of unreal that struck me at that moment kept recurring throughout our whistle-stop visit to Abu Dhabi, Dubai and Sharjah. As we approached the city of Abu Dhabi, the bleakness of landscape was punctured only by what appeared to be whimsical attempts at block building. Postage-size smudges on the endlessly stretching sand, looking more like rubbed-out sketches of a child, suggested human attempts at habitation. All this however changed the moment, our aircraft taxied into the Abu Dhabi terminal. We were met by a bevy of smartly attired women in slanting caps brandishing walkie-talkies. A neatly primed up gentleman with pronounced South Indian accent in his English, guided us through the duty-free shopping zone. The 12 of us who had flown from Kathmandu to Abu Dhabi, courtesy Gulf Air on a familiarisation trip, were soon overwhelmed with the attention and sleekness of the airport and its services that reflected sadly on our good old Tribhuvan International Airport. After a bite of superb dates and better coffee, we were shown around the marvels of the famed duty-free area. One of the marvels included a million dollar scratch-and-win opportunity for a lucky traveller who succumbs to the charms of shopping there. The more practical ones amongst us quickly latched on to a bottle or two that were clearly cheaper by about Rs 400 to Rs 500 per litre than the going price in Kathmandu. To the utter disbelief of our liberal Nepali friends, who found it out a bit too late, liquor could only be bought in Abu Dhabi city if you have a licence and are lucky enough to locate an outlet. Soon the 90 per cent humidity and 44 degree Celsius heat drove away such impious thoughts. |
3,034,755 | male | 23 | Internet | Aquarius | 19,July,2004 | What led Edison to light up our lives? What allowed DaVinci to accomplish so much in such different fields? How was Gates able to develop the Windows program? How can we be more creative and innovative? We can do it by learning to cultivate our creativity, another key success factor. Thinkers such as Edward De Bono, Tony Buzan, John Kao and Mauro Rodriguez Estrada believe that creativity is the ability to generate ideas, to see opportunities where others see only problems, to break out of the limiting boxes of our traditional way of thinking and to do something more original, quick, effective, profitable, aesthetic, functional, practical, productive or ecological. It’s not just for artists Although creativity is considered a quality related mostly with the arts and culture due to its obvious connection with painting, sculpture, writing and drama, this skill is also crucial in the business, academic and political sectors. Everyone needs a certain amount of creativity to succeed. If creativity is the ability of create new things and innovation is the ability to transform these ideas into goods, products and services that meet the needs of a specific market, our challenge is to become creative and innovative. To be creative, we do not need to be geniuses. Creativity is within reach for all of us. We first need to prepare ourselves. We must have the knowledge, attitudes and skills required to be creative. We must know how to generate ideas and must have the desire to generate them, demonstrating that desire when we encounter a problem or a conflict situation. We can be creative at home, in decorating our houses, preparing a new dish, designing spaces or organizing activities for our families. We can be creative at work, generating new procedures, new ways of doing things, new products or new services. We can be creative in society, finding better ways to live together, finding original solutions to problems that arise in our community. Break out of the Box Here are some of the recommendations from creativity experts: 1. Take a course or workshop on creativity. Learn what motivates you to want to be creative. 2. Change your normal daily routine to stimulate mental, emotional and physical flexibility. 3. Use colors and images in your note-taking and communications. Colors and figures stimulate your imaginative mental processes. 4. When you encounter a problem, ask yourself, “What is the solution that I am not seeing?” 5. Ask others. People who are outside a critical situation can usually see things that we don’t, so they are able to see alternate solutions. 6. Play another role. How would you solve this problem if you were a homemaker, an investigator, a mechanic, a pilot, or a doctor? Changing your role forces you to think in a different way and to consider new options. 7. Learn to play. Play establishes the mental and emotional conditions needed to produce ideas. We have defined creativity as a skill that can be learned. We have seen that creativity is not only for artists, but also for educators, business people and executives. We have learned how to initiate the simple, but effective process of basically exercising our creativity. Now we only need the humility to learn more about this magic function of the brain and the courage to dare to act differently. Source : JCI International |
3,034,755 | male | 23 | Internet | Aquarius | 18,July,2004 | What led Martin Luther King, Gandhi, John F. Kennedy, Margaret Mead, Simón Bolivar, José Martí, Nelson Mandela and Bill Gates to become great leaders? How did they achieve their goals in the way they did? What allowed them to excel? If we examine their qualities and skills, we can incorporate them into our lives and take another key step towards success. Harvard professor Howard Gardner performed a study on several recognized leaders in various fields such as politics, business, science, religion, academics and art. He shared the results of his investigation in his book Leading Minds, in which he identifies the conditions for exercising exemplary leadership. Gardner points out that in any society, few human beings become effective, exemplary leaders, yet without effective leaders a society cannot remain viable. Gardner offers an explanation of the problems that surround the development of leadership and insights into how best to nurture and sustain it effectively. In order to achieve exemplary leadership, every leader must have the following: 1. A Story: This is the message the leader shares based on the vision of the future. It must be inspiring, ambitious, achievable and detailed. 2. An Audience: This is the group of people that the leader gathers around himself or herself to share the story. 3. An Organization: This is the institution or organization that will give continuity to the leader's actions, even after he or she is gone. 4. Expertise: The level of competence that a leader must demonstrate with regard to the role he or she plays within the organization to give life to the story. 5. Embodiment: The degree to which the leader is consistent with the requirements of his or her story. 6. Influence: The way in which the leader influences others. Influence can be applied directly or indirectly or through a mix of the two. What is your story? Who is your audience? How large and how sound is it? Does your organization endorse your dream, your vision, your story? How competent are you in the areas required by your story? To what extent do you practice what is preached in the story you share with others? How do you influence them? Do you do it in person, face to face, or do you do it through the example of your work? Do you combine your personal contact with effective work? Answering these questions will help you become aware of the type of leader you are and how close you are to exercising exemplary leadership in JCI as well as in your family, profession or political group. We see fewer and fewer exemplary leaders committed to developing themselves and committed to helping others. We need men and women who have the courage to take on the challenge of being exemplary leaders, the type of leaders who, in the words of Joel Barrer, 'take us to places where we would never go alone.' source : JCI International |
3,034,755 | male | 23 | Internet | Aquarius | 18,July,2004 | In the past, employees have been permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective August 2004, a Restroom Trip Policy will be established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for each employee's restroom time and ensuring equal treatment of employees. Under the policy, a 'Restroom Trip Bank' will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given a Restroom Trip credit of twenty (20) trips. Restroom Trip credits can be accumulated from month to month. Within two weeks, the entrances to all restrooms will be equipped with personnel identification stations and computer linked voice print recognition devices. Before the end of December, each employee must provide two copies of voice-prints (one normal and one under stress) to the material department. The voice print recognition stations will be operational but not restrictive for the month of August. Employees should acquaint themselves with the station during that period.If the employee's Restroom Bank balance reaches zero, the doors to the restroom will not unlock for that employee's voice until the first of the next month. In addition, all restroom stalls are being equipped with timed paper toll retractors. If the stall is occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty seconds after the alarm sounds the roll of paper will retract into the wall, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will open. If the stall remains occupied, your picture will be taken. The picture will then be posted on the Distribution Centre Bulletin Boards. Anyone's picture showing up three (3) times will be immediately terminated. If you have any questions about this policy, please ask your immediate supervisor. They have all received advance instruction. Thank you and have a nice daySource: The Himalayan Times - Jul 18, 2004 |
3,034,755 | male | 23 | Internet | Aquarius | 18,July,2004 | As a mobile user I am still very amused when people call on my phone and ask “Where is this?” This is a common practice with land lines. I can’t help being amused over how people can ask this question. I usually tell them this is Putalisadak but in 10 minutes this will be Ratna Park. |
3,034,755 | male | 23 | Internet | Aquarius | 18,July,2004 | I still remember the day when one of my distant relatives for the first time bought a cell for himself. Two years back when the first phase of sim cards were distributed he too got one for himself. These new things were very expensive at that time and only a few could afford it. In those days people who owned mobile phones considered it a symbol of high financial status so this relative of mine had become a subject of conversation in his locality. But now things have changed. From street hawkers to officials and political leaders enjoy this mobile facility. Earlier those who owned the mobile phone drew people's attentions but it's vice versa these days. One funny thing I have noticed among the mobile phone users is that their phones often remain switched off. Many a times it also has happened that we call someone on his/her mobile and the person after viewing the telephone number on their screen switches it off without replying. Such pathetic behaviour of people compels us to draw a conclusion that mobile phones are more of a luxury then necessity. |
3,034,755 | male | 23 | Internet | Aquarius | 30,July,2004 | I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg!THE PAOMNNEHAL PWEOR OF THE HMUAN MNID Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch atCmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in awrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteerbe in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitllraed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raedervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? |
3,034,755 | male | 23 | Internet | Aquarius | 03,August,2004 | This is one of my best photography. Hope you would like it. |
3,034,755 | male | 23 | Internet | Aquarius | 03,August,2004 | I am looking for your high degree of support to maintain this blog. I expect you would regularly visit my blog. Header |
1,317,518 | female | 23 | Marketing | Leo | 11,June,2004 | I got an early phone call from a good friend and we talked about relationships and stuff, and how things could changed in just seconds, which made me wonder about life..my life. Sometimes, life can be so perfect, when everything seems to be just right and you feel like you can't ask for more because you already have what you want. We are blinded by happiness without thinking about what's gonna happen next. When we fail or when something bad happens, we start blaming ourselves for no reasons. We feel like we're stucked in one position and we can't move on. Or maybe it's us who don't want to move on? That's probably because we're not ready. And I don't think we'll ever be ready for everything. Sometimes you just have to accept for what you get in life, either it's good or bad. We should just enjoy the good and learn from the bad. Should people be afraid to hope or to reach for something? I don't know, I feel like I don't really want to give too much hope anymore. We live in this world to gamble and from what I've been through, I think there's no need to be afraid. But before we make efforts, we should probably be prepared about what the result's gonna be like. Again, it's easier said than done. But, hey..it's worth a try. |
1,317,518 | female | 23 | Marketing | Leo | 07,June,2004 | Can lovers stay friends after going through a painful break up? I don't know the answer to that. Some people say yes, but some people say no. Well..it's easier said than done. When two people with different characters are in a relationship, they are trying to learn about each other to make their relationship works. They become bestfriends and even like a family. You feel comfortable when you're together and feel like you're missing your other half when he's not around. You don't have to worry about what he thinks about what you're gonna wear or even your most embarrasing behaviors, because you know that you are loved very much. Just to hear his voice from the other end of a phone call is like a pain reliever after a long day at work. Just to receive a short text message on your cellphone from him has made your day. Just to see your instant messenger blinking with his name on it can make you happy, because you know that he's thinking about you. However, shits happen here and there. You can never predict them. The thought of loosing my very bestfriend and soulmate..has never occurred to me since the past three years. You can lie to everybody about your feelings and pretend like nothing happen, but deep inside you know, you're hurting. My friend once said that people need to be strong in this situation because the pain is not over yet. It will keep coming back and haunt you on every little step that you make, every minute, every day. Again, it's easier said than done. But I guess he has a point there. There's nothing much to do, except to believe that it all happened for a reason. You learn from the situation, which can make you a better person everyday. When the worst it's over, I know that things will go back to normal. Although it would not be as perfect as it was before. |
1,317,518 | female | 23 | Marketing | Leo | 22,June,2004 | Did you guys see that urlLink nip/tuck show on FX earlier? I thought it was so disturbing, but I kept watching it anyway..hehe. Plus Julian McMahon (Dr. Christian Troy) is so gorgeous!! I think this show is different from the other plastic surgery shows such as the one from MTV or the Swan, because they add more 'drama' in the story, which makes it more interesting. Can't wait to see more of it next week. Today I had a training for my second job, and it started at 9am until 4pm. It was so tiring! We had to walk around campus and went to advocacy offices to get information and learn about their programs. We also had to do a lot of activities like scavenger hunt and a bunch of games. And 'luckily', it was pretty nice outside. It was really..really hot and sunny. Oh well, let's just hope it stays. Tired..tired..tired..tomorrow I have to get up early again to work and do a lot of other things.. sigh . Nite, all! |
1,317,518 | female | 23 | Marketing | Leo | 21,June,2004 | Welcome to Colorado..It is the second day of Summer, but it doesn't feel like summer at all!! The weather has been really gloomy for the past couple of weeks. It's always raining and the sun only comes out once in a while. Today in Fort Collins is 55F and it will drop tonight to 45F. The weather here is very 'unusual', because sometimes the weather can be really nice and sunny, but it can change very dramatically at night. Or it can be snowing the next day. I remember last year we had a very big storm after Spring break, so we actually got a two-week break from school!! That was nice, but I didn't like 'the walking in the snow' part. It's slippery and wet. No thanks! Anyways, I just got home from work and feel like writing something on my blog. I've been working for 8-12 hours a day for almost everyday. I've been really busy. But, hey..I kinda need the money anyway, so that's alright. I have two jobs this summer, one in the dining service and one in the housing service on campus. I work in a dining hall for the students who live in a dorm. Basically what I do is just serving food or swiping their meal cards. It's not really bad. My second job is pretty easy and fun. I work for this organization called urlLink CREATE . My job is to create bulletin boards, posters, and display cases with different themes every month. They will be put inside the campus' dorms and apartments. We also organize and create events, which I always enjoy doing. I guess thanks to 'redlight'. I didn't take any classes this summer, so I can work a lot. But still..I have to finish my research proposal for my thesis. It's almost done, but I'm still too lazy to finish it. I decided to do a research on 'The Ethical Issues of Downloading Music via the Internet.' Do I download music? Yes..hehe, why do we have to buy music CDs if they are available on the Net? I guess I shouldn't be saying that. By the way, yesterday was father's day, so 'Happy Father's Day' to all dads!! I don't know why we don't have father's day in Indonesia. We have hari ibu on December 22 and hari anak-anak on July 1, but we never celebrate hari bapak. Why is that? Don't you think that your dad needs appreciation too? That is so weird. I want to get my dad something. I already know what he probably wants, but don't know when I can give it to him, because I don't really want to send the gift by mail. First, it's too expensive. Second, I don't want to lose it in the mail. Anyway, I found this really sweet quote on the Net: a father is someone that holds your hand at the fair makes sure you do what your mother says holds back your hair when you are sick brushes that hair when it is tangled because mother is too busy lets you eat ice cream for breakfeast but only when mother is away he walks you down the aisle and tells you everythings gonna be ok -Unknown Enjoy your night, everyone!! |
1,317,518 | female | 23 | Marketing | Leo | 04,July,2004 | Yay!! We're going to see fireworks at City Park, tonight. I hope it's not gonna rain again tonight, because it's kinda cloudy right now. But it's alright, it will be fun..fun..fun!! Finally, today's my first day off after working like crazy for the past two weeks. This morning I got a chance to have a cup of Starbucks' breakfast blend coffee with two slices of bread with chocolate sprinkles. Yumm!! And finally, I got a chance to go to sleep last night without having to set my alarm. I spent my morning by just sitting around in front of my computer, browsing, waiting for my bid at ebay to end, and chatting with urlLink Mur who's still having fun in Jakarta!! I 'envy' you!! I also talked to A-lie, one of my bestfriends since forever, on the phone today. It felt good to talk to her again. Actually, we laughed more than we talked!! I think the only people who can understand our jokes are us. We often lost touch, but we're still very good friends!! We talked about lots of things and came up with why people always ask sensitive questions to others such as virginity and sex. Those are like 'pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang kurang penting untuk dibahas ke orang lain.' Those are like something that..I think we should just keep to ourselves. Like in Friendster for example, lots of those bulletin boards questions are about these subjects. And of course, no one will really be honest about their answers. It's just dumb! Anyway, I'm thinking of moving to DC, which is where she lives right now, after I graduate, to apply for that broadcasting job that we're talking about. It sounds like a fun job, and it will be a great experience for me if I want to get a similar job back home. We'll see. I still have a year to go anyway. My weekend? So far so good. Me and some friends went to see Spiderman 2 on Friday. It was good!! I like it better than the first one. Yesterday, I had to wake up early at 6 A.M. to work (yes..I work on weekends) and spent my afternoon with friends. We went to Whole Foods Market, a new organic store in town. It was really crowded inside the store and everything was so expensive!! After that, we had some Japanese food in downtown for dinner. As usual, me and Puma ended up at my place, watching the Food network channel. It was an okay night. How's your weekend? |
1,317,518 | female | 23 | Marketing | Leo | 13,July,2004 | Just a little update from me. Nothing much going on lately. Still, I've been busy with work and stuff. Weekend doesn't feel like weekend anymore. I kind of miss the old times when I was still in Jakarta. Weekend seemed really fun. On Friday night I usually go out with friends.. kadang2 mencoba tempat2 baru..hehe . I remember when I was in high school, if we didn't have school on Saturday, we always went to new york cafe to watch the Groove on stage..hehe..they always knew our crowd, because we're all girls..hehe. On Saturday night we usually 'nonton midnite.' And on Sunday, I usually go out for lunch or just to 'socially drink' coffee at the mall with my parents..hehe. Gosh, I miss home so much. Last weekend (Fri-Sat) I had to go for a one night retreat. It was alright. I had fun, until I discovered that my room was full of bugs!! We finally moved to another room (which was nicer than the first one hehe), because we decided to not sleep with bugs flying around the room. What we did on the retreat was pretty much team building and playing games. The highlight of the retreat was when we got to do the drumming for diversity training. It was awesome..we could choose any kinds of instruments from drum to tambourine, and we just started playing them for more than two hours. We could all feel the energy that came out from the instruments. It was fun! The next day we all just felt exhausted and ready to go home. We stopped at dairy queen for ice cream on the way home..yumm!! Hmm..what else..I got home two hours ago from eating out with puma and went to Walmart to buy some stuff. I didn't really wanna go at first because it's 'Nip/Tuck Show' day..hehe..but I went anyway and got home on time to watch the second show. Hmm..I guess that's pretty much it. Tomorrow is another new day at work. How's your day people? |
1,317,518 | female | 23 | Marketing | Leo | 24,July,2004 | The weather sucks. It's cold and cloudy in July. Today is around 57 F and I think it's gonna rain again tonight. Oh well!! I just got home from work. I was sent home early because they have too many people. I asked my manager if I could go home and he said the big YES. Yay! But..I have nothing to do now. Maybe I'll just take a nap later :P Anyways, yesterday me and my friends went to see Bourne Supremacy. (Did you see Bourne Identity? Well, this is the sequel). We went there around 6 p.m. to catch the 7:15 show. We knew that there's gonna be a long line, because it's the first day it came out. When we got there..it was sold out!! Even the 7:45 show. Gosh, I thought we were early. We should had used urlLink Fandango . Then, we decided to go to another theatre, because we really wanted to see the movie. And..yay..We got the tickets. After the movie, we went to chili's for dinner. I ordered a cup of my favorite soup there, enchiladas soup, and buffalo wings with bleu cheese. Hmm..Yummy!! It was a great night and an A+ movie. Matt Damon is so gorgeous in his black long coat. I think I like this movie better than the first one, although I don't really remember the first one..hihihi. Can't wait to see the third one! I heard that there's gonna be the sequel to I, Robot too . Hmm..that will be interesting to see. It's saturday afternoon..I'm not sure what to do tonight. All my friends are still at work. Tomorrow I have to get up really early again to work for 12 hours from 6:50 a.m. Isn't that great?? How's your weekend so far? |
1,317,518 | female | 23 | Marketing | Leo | 22,July,2004 | I just got back from work and it's raining..again. It's been like this since this afternoon. I got a split shift at work today, so I got a chance to take a nap..hihihi. Anyways, my week has been going well. I pretty much work during the day and just hang out or eat out with friends. Here in Fort Collins, we have a lot of restaurants, but there aren't that many variety of food. Maybe I'm just bored with all the food. But one restaurant that keeps going up in my favorite list is Jeju. It's a Japanese-Korean restaurant, located in downtown of Fort Collins. They have a really good food there, from sushi to tempura to Korean barbecue. Hmm...Yummy. The atmosphere is also really nice. It's more like a loungelike with a nice light setting, where you can here Jazz and blues music. It's not like an Asian restaurant at all. Here in Fort Collins, we also have a lot of local owner coffee shops. I've only been to one of them, and it was..alright. Still, Starbucks is way much better. Many people here, well..maybe in the other states too, they're not really a fan of Starbucks and its monopoly power. What's with that anyway? So what, they have a good coffee, and they're making a lot of money from it. I found this Web Site about urlLink Why do I hate Starbucks? This guy..or gal came up with numbers of reason why he or she hates Starbucks: The majority of the coffee is grown using underpaid third world labor. Starbucks is spreading the world like a virus, infecting cultures with their formula of what a coffee shop should be. They are everywhere. They have predatory business practices. Doing things like paying landlords to not renew leases for coffee shops so that they can move in. They sell fake corporate responsibility. I think that their coffee sucks. It is always bitter. The gross profit margin per store is, on average, 59.1%, this is money that could easily be lost if they paid more than a dollar a pound for coffee. (read: livable wage for their slave labor) Faux ecologic responsibility. What do you think? Maybe some of them make sense, but I still love drinking their coffee anyway. And...they say that you will feel the Starbucks experience when you drink their coffee. I agree..whatever that means! Anyway, me and my friends had been wanting to see I, Robot. So, yesterday, after I got home from working long hours, the four of us went to see I, Robot. It was awesome, I like it a lot. It will be scarry though, if that's how 2035 is gonna be like..hehe, but maybe it will be really cool to have a robot at home. There are lots of good movies at the theatre that I haven't seen. And more good movies are 'coming soon' hihihi..Bourne Supremacy and Collateral are on the top of my list. The village? I don't know, I get scared easily by watching that kind of movie. I also haven't seen Fahrenheit 9/11, The Terminal, and The Notebook. Isn't that sad..hiks. By the way, I got a call from Neeru this afternoon. He's been having fun for the past two months in Jakarta now!! I'm so jealous. But I will see my parents too in about two weeks though. Yup..they're coming here. Well, I'm planning to meet them in Las Vegas. I made a lot of plans, and I just found out yesterday that I have to be in a two weeks full of training when they're here. It's kinda sad, but I'll see what I can do with the schedule. Well, that's all for now. Have a great night you guys! |
1,317,518 | female | 23 | Marketing | Leo | 03,August,2004 | Quotes from You've Got Mail: urlLink Frank : What about you, is there someone else? urlLink Kathleen Kelly : No. No, but, but there's the dream of someone else. You've Got Mail is one of my favorite movies of all time. I've watched it more than 20 times or more. I really like to watch the chemistry between Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. They look so cute together. The reason why I put the quote above is because I feel like I'm in the same situation with Kathleen. My friends have been asking me the same question over and over again, and my answer is still the same. NO. But the quote above is my real answer. I've been having this dream for years, even when I was still with my ex. Isn't that funny? What if..this dream keeps haunting when I end up with someone else? What if..this dream is supposed to come true? Although, I don't even know how to make it happens. The question that keeps coming up is, 'should I wait..or should I not?' |
1,317,518 | female | 23 | Marketing | Leo | 02,August,2004 | I can't believe that Summer is almost over. I have only 18 days left before school starts and I haven't done anything exciting this Summer. That sounds really sad isn't it..hihihi. Anyway, I really need to get out from this town. That's why, I'm planning to go to New York to meet up with my three best friends in a couple of weeks!! Yay..that's exciting. I haven't seen them in a while. Although it's only gonna be a weekend get away, I'm still really excited!!! Today, I had a picnic with some friends from work. Actually, It was supposed to be a meeting, but we decided to do it differently. We went to City Park at noon and had lunch there. Each of us brought some dishes or drinks. It was like a little pot-luck party. The meeting only took about 10 minutes, then we decided to play Bocce Ball, one of my favorite sports hihihihi. It is really easy and I'm not sure that it can be considered as a sport, because I'm really bad at sports hehehe. I got home at around 2 and spent my afternoon watching dvd and taking a nap :P I've been watching some movies these couple of days. I watched : stuck on you, monster, butterfly effect, 50 first date, along came polly, and the human stain . I didn't get to see them when they're playing at the theatre, so I just rented them. Butterfly effect ? That's the movie with Ashton Kutcher in it. I, honestly, didn't really get the connection between the Chaos theory and the butterfly effect. Well, maybe it's just me. This movie is..'interesting'..it's just like one of those Twilight Zone movies, but I prefer to watch twilight zone instead of this movie. So, don't waste your money to watch it hehehe. The other movies were alright, except for The Human Stain , I slept during the movie and watched it over when I woke up :P It's a little bit boring. I've been really enjoying my days lately. Although I have to work almost everyday, I still have some time to relax and have some fun. Sometimes just to sit at home, watch tv, and do nothing can be relaxing. Don't you think? |
3,941,452 | female | 14 | Student | Taurus | 26,July,2004 | Everything I Do Bryan Adams listen to it- urlLink http://www.kimcaldwell.org/audio/original/BrianAdams-EverythingIDo.mp3 Look into my eyes - you will see What you mean to me Search your heart - search your soul And when you find me there you'll search no more Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for You know it's true Everything I do - I do it for you Look into your heart - you will find There's nothin' there to hide Take me as I am - take my life I would give it all - I would sacrifice Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more Ya know it's true Everything I do - I do it for you There's no love - like your love And no other - could give more love There's nowhere - unless you're there All the time - all the way Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more I would fight for you - I'd lie for you Walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you Ya know it's true Everything I do - I do it for you |
3,941,452 | female | 14 | Student | Taurus | 24,July,2004 | Band camp is finally over! woo woo! Being with band people 12 hours for 6 days is just too much. It makes you realize how annoying some people really are. I dunno whats up with girls nowa days but they seem to think that acting like you're a ditzy blonde is cute.Well it's NOT- it's incredibly stupid and annoying! What do they want people to believe- that they can't think for themselves? Oh and what gets me is that some guys actually hang around these girls. Personally i'd rather slap the chick and tell her to stop faking it. And the clothes some girls wear- my goodness they are so sleasy! With their little booty shorts and low tight shirts. Its just nasty nobody wants to see that. What ever happened to having a lil decentcy and actually wearing something that covers you up? You don't have to dress sleasily for people to like you and if u do- well then your prob not a very fun person to be around anyways. Sorry this is one of my more 'angry' posts- i usually don't like writing them but this is something that will make the world a better place! haha |
3,941,452 | female | 14 | Student | Taurus | 17,July,2004 | Hiccups are the funniest thing! Your just minding your own business and WHAM they hit ya! And boy do they hit hard! Oh and theres no way to get rid of them! That holding your breath thing or drinking out of a cup upside down- they don't work! What is a hiccup anyway? And have you noticed they come in the most inconvienent times? Like during the prayer at church or while your trying to eat. It's like its a planned thing! |
3,941,452 | female | 14 | Student | Taurus | 15,July,2004 | I was just wondering why old people look like they do. I mean when your little as you get older you generally loose the cuteness but u still look good (for most people). So at what age do you start declining and looking saggy and shriveled? It just kinda happens! One day you're cute the next day your shriveled! And how does it happen!? Why do we look worse when we get older? Why isn't it the other way around? Sigh- I guess I'll hafta add it to my 'Ask God' list. |
3,941,452 | female | 14 | Student | Taurus | 15,July,2004 | For the past hour I have had about a million songs stuck in my head! A song will pop into my head and i'll just start belting it out. And its weird songs too like that retro stuff and old foggie kinda songs. It ranges from Oops I did it again to Oh Danny Boy to I'll Fly Away! It's crazy and kinda disturbing... Oh and when I'm talkin to myself if I don't watch it I'll start singing what i just said makin up my own song. It's not normal! I mean I can understand talking to yourself but coming up with songs about the conversations with yourself.... well thats just plum scary! |
3,941,452 | female | 14 | Student | Taurus | 15,July,2004 | This post is dedicated to all you troubled teens. Going out with people is supposed to be fun NOT mushy gushy serious weird stuff. So heres my theory which a friend helped my write: What people now days call 'going out' means that you claim eachother and are temporarily stuck to somebody for usually a long period of time in which u probally decide you don't even like this person BUT you don't want to break things off because it would be too much of a mess. So going out is basically a pointless, rather stupid thing that ends in a mess. Dating, however, is so much better! When you date, you're not really making a commitment you're just having fun. And then if you decide you don't like the person then you just don't answer their calls and you move on! Man I give good advice! On the dating subject- as I was goin to bed last night I was thinking about what kinda guy would be right for me and i came up with a list of some things i like in a guy and some things I don't like! So here it is: Top 5 things I like in a guy 1.Funny! I'm a happy person I like to laugh! 2.Respectful to parents and to me 3.Christian or just an all around good guy 4.Nice hair and pretty eyes- oh and they hafta smell good! 5. and a country boy preferably or an austrailian accent! oo ok when u comment gimme your list of things u like in a girl or guy! |
3,941,452 | female | 14 | Student | Taurus | 15,July,2004 | Dedicated with love to my dear friend Harry, Toddles, Ddot, and Todd. While i was trying to come up with my blog title i received many suggestions. Some like 'ROAR' I felt were too angry for my happy life. Others, like 'Smiley' I felt were, well, a bit too hippieish for my liking. One, however, i liked very much- 'I Like Big Butts'. But... I was afraid some of you 'more serious people of the world' wouldn't exactly find the humor in it or get the joke. So I had to turn it down. However I appreciate the suggestion and the thought that went into it. So have a funny day! Live a Little! |
3,941,452 | female | 14 | Student | Taurus | 15,July,2004 | This page is dedicated to Kristopher who helped me come up with my blog title! And it is also the page for the theme song of my blog!haha Now I'm Walking On Sunshine (whoa oh) I'm Walking On Sunshine (whoa oh) I'm Walking On Sunshine (whoa oh) And Don't it Feel Good (Hey) (All right now) And Don't it Feel Good (Hey) (Yeah) Theme quote for my blog: Life's tough- get a helmet. |
3,941,452 | female | 14 | Student | Taurus | 15,July,2004 | These are some crazy pictures of me and LB from Kris's profile! LB, you crazy thing, we really should be models! hehe We took these pics at a devo at the Entrekins (just butchered their name). These are just some of our weird faces and poses! urlLink http://homepage.mac.com/kristopher902/PhotoAlbum27.html |
3,941,452 | female | 14 | Student | Taurus | 13,August,2004 | Well it's Friday night, just finished watching Welcome to Mooseport- hahah- and I'm in one of those bored hyper kinda moods. Soo I decided to write in my blog since I havn't done it in what- 10 days?. Anyways this is gonna be one of those kinda pointless but very intresting posts, since of course, everything in my blog is so very intresting! Well school is just fabulous. I have to pass off a peice of music which by the way i can't play- oh and english is the perfect time to catch up on missed sleep! hahah! The great thing is I sit on the front row and sleep and mrs. Lashley doesn't even care! Care class- woo woo- character and realationship education (sex ed) man thats a weird class! Hmm I wanna go somewhere cuz im hyper but i guess i can't seeing as its 10:30 at night and i can't drive. I'm very random tonight. I want some glasses. I have contacts but i think i want some small glasses i can wear in public so i look sophisticated! Ohh a few days ago in biology we had this really hard question for extra credit on our test and since it was an honors class i didn't figure i'd have a chance at it anyways so i just kinda started writing things down, but then it started makin sense and i got it right. Haha i think i made everyone feel stupid cuz the 'dumb kid' got it! hahah it was great. I was so proud of myself! Ugg im soo hyper and theres nothing to do and no where to go!!! *sigh* I think i needa boy friend... I'm kinda tired of being single. But the problem is i havn't found anybody to like that i know likes me, and i gotta know they like me cuz i don't like takin chances on people. I'm so difficult. Wow it was kinda cold today! But thats ok i like it cold cuz i like to sleep under 3 or 4 blankets at night! I'm soo weird- haha o well its more fun that way! Popular people are so much fun to make fun of! Cuz they r so worried about lookin good and hanging out with the most popular people when in high school it doesn't really matter as long as u have a group to be with! Well those are my sophisticated thoughts of the night since I think im coming down off of my hyper- high! |
3,941,452 | female | 14 | Student | Taurus | 01,August,2004 | School- it's just so wonderful. I just love being a freshy and being bossed around by the more 'expierenced' hoodlums! Oh and i've decided we should have big signs tellin which way the classes are! I got lost soo many times and I just loved walkin round with a map shoved in my face like a geek! hahahah! Oh and u ask people where things are and they tell u take a right past the gym. I dunno where the gym is! I'm a band geek- come on! But hey i didn't get trashed or trip and fall on my face so I guess it's a good day! |
4,076,315 | female | 23 | indUnk | Cancer | 30,July,2004 | My skin crawled with anticipation all day as I watched the clock tick-tock. I was ready to be off. or I did not want to be at work. I only worked 12-7, but thoughts of being anywhere but the mall filled me so full they were spilling from my rims! [glasses joke] I guess you could say my eyes sparkled. Celebratory champagne. Today was going to be a good day. I was certain of it when I woke up. I was still certain of it when my car was full of steam from my rain covered seats mixing with the texas morning heat bath. So what if it smells like a wet dog, right? Gag me. I digress. things have been good lately. very good. I love that I am changing daily. I love the freedom I have been handed for simply giving myself to God. Things keep getting better and better. ! after work today, I went upstairs to the movie theatre. I stood in line and had every intention of finally seeing Napoleon Dynamite[spelling?] but for some reason, I turned around and left. probably because it was friday night and every 11 year old in north dallas was there and I didnt want my solo movie voyage to be ruined by the beeps and bloops of text messages sounding while braces faces kissed painfully in front of me.. I'll go to the matinee next week. it'll be less expensive, anyway. |
4,076,315 | female | 23 | indUnk | Cancer | 29,July,2004 | i have never been so excited for the future and what it has in store as i am right now. |
4,076,315 | female | 23 | indUnk | Cancer | 29,July,2004 | i'm just trying to figure out how this works.. |
4,076,315 | female | 23 | indUnk | Cancer | 18,August,2004 | boomerang bangs. watch out. |
4,076,315 | female | 23 | indUnk | Cancer | 12,August,2004 | well, after much thought and panick and prayer i know what ia m supposed to do. of course, its nothing even close to what i thought it would be but its been weighing heavily on me and i know its what i am supposed to do right now. i am scared and nervous and so unbelievably excited. i'll dig deeper into this later. but this is somethign i knwo that i have to do in order to feel like i can do anything i put my mind to. it may take a while, but i dont think i can let myself down. not anymore. when i say something, whatever it is. i mean it. and i dont let my 'right now' thought process get in the way. so in writing this, i am making it legitamate. even if you have no idea what i am talking about. i am holding myself to it. i'm not one to back out of anything i start. and thats not something thats going to change. i am beginning to suprise myself. actually, God is beginning to suprise me. more and more and more. i just have to remember to keep listening. whew! |
4,076,315 | female | 23 | indUnk | Cancer | 11,August,2004 | my webcam turns all my black t shirts purple? i dont really understand why.. maybe i should wear more of it. i'll look into that. today was awesome. it was like.. 70 degrees, so i hopped in the shark [top soo down] wearing the op shorts, flip flops and a hoodie and i went to super target i am so excited about fall coming! i bought my mom a cordless phone for her birthday. heres to hoping she doesnt know how to get to this website. wilco was on david letterman and john heder[napoleon dynamite] was on jimmy kimmel i never thought of myself as 'someone who watches talk shows' but apparently thats pretty much all i watch. [see also: oprah winfrey] unless its pbs. last night i couldnt go to sleep until the peter, paul and mary hosted pledge drive was over. like seriously could not go to sleep! as a result of that.. i overslept 2 hours. and i totally didnt even get in trouble. ! i am feeling very alive. praise God! |
4,076,315 | female | 23 | indUnk | Cancer | 10,August,2004 | i don't know whats happening. all i can do is keep praying. |
4,076,315 | female | 23 | indUnk | Cancer | 09,August,2004 | 'i need a miracle. someone to help me help myself' -david bazan i do not know what i would do without you lou. thank-you for being such a blessing. thank-you for reminding me the importance of fellowship. |
4,076,315 | female | 23 | indUnk | Cancer | 08,August,2004 | church tonight sucked. seeing as pastor is out of town, ____ 'played pastor' and i just left feeling very disappointed in today. it was so redundant and UGH! i am so mad right now. i shouldnt even be writing this. i feel like she was preeching so much and repeating the same things that people started acting like fools so that she would just stop with her redundancy. i also felt like she was rooting for everyone to get drunk in the holy spirit, almost forcefully, so that she wouldnt feel so self concious with a bunch of unimpressed kids staring at her. i walked in completely ready for a touch from God, and left feeling like i should have stayed home. i've never seen such a display of chaos. well, i have.. but this was certainly negative. it seemed to somehow falsify my belief that she was ready to be a pastor. ughhhh!!! make that TWO flat tires. last week[since its sunday] was VERY trying. and this start does not look good. |
4,076,315 | female | 23 | indUnk | Cancer | 07,August,2004 | my favorite time is when the sunshine shines through the clouds in parallel lines breaking in the sky between the blues and the whites. amen. |
4,076,315 | female | 23 | indUnk | Cancer | 05,August,2004 | of fresh air! the fact that i am continually reminded that i am a trooper [despite all the trials i continually face] really helps me out a lot. you're given what you can handle, and suprisingly, that includes support. i'm just so painfully thankful for every person in my life. especially those of you who continue to remind me that i really am a good person. i'm so glad tomorrow is sunday! hopefully ka and his lady will be at church. it will be really great to see their faces. despite today being so long and trying, it was full of talks of faith, love and reminding myself that i am never satisfied with just knowing how to do one thing. it was brought to my attention, that though i havent finished college, i have learned a a miriad of things i would have never learned how to do had i not followed that path i chose. i've learned such profound lessons and i don't know if i have ever been as satisfied with myself as i am right now. not to say i am happy to stay where i am, but i am excited to find out where i go next. have you ever actually thoguht about how great the concept of every day is a new day its fascinating. mindblowing. and so true. each day is a fresh start! [even if your day wasn't bad, the next holds the chance for completely new experiences] i can not wait for tomorrow.. and this all came from a flat tire... |
4,076,315 | female | 23 | indUnk | Cancer | 05,August,2004 | my day was just made instantly better because kanye west is on jimmy kimmel 'the way kathy lee needed regis, thats the way i need jesus' |
4,076,315 | female | 23 | indUnk | Cancer | 03,August,2004 | all i really did today was read and take a bath. i had a lot of things i NEEDED to do, and i basically just layed around all day. my focus was lacking and i feel like i have absolutely no direction. i'm absolutely dreading going to work the next 3 days. weekends are bad enough, then you add the fact that its tax free weekend AND friends and family weekend.. its like retail hell. i dont know why i get so stressed out about life. its like i KNOW how to live right and i can apply it for a little while. then i just fall down. but ah. i'm just sad i guess. my sisters are going to college and moving out and i'm going to be here alone with my dying miserable parents asking me for moneyand screaming at me and with no friends. there is ZERO positivity in this place.. i'm really really afraid of the days to come. i don't want to be like this. i don't know what to do right now. i'll just keep praying for answers, i guess. |
4,076,315 | female | 23 | indUnk | Cancer | 03,August,2004 | him: what are you doing in 15 hours? her: ! her: talking to you him: awww him: yes. him: I was hoping you'd say her: 'going to lunch with you' him: 'driving my boyfriend back to Dallas' |
4,076,315 | female | 23 | indUnk | Cancer | 01,August,2004 | so the Lord never ceases to amaze me... I mean, after all, he DID create us so anything is possible.. right? If before tonight I had any inkling whatsoever that he may not be working miracles, its been completely wiped away. Going to church tonight, I knew big things were in store. I knew God was waiting to burst in and do works that would add some sort of validity to our faith. WELL! praise God! The service started off normal enough. As normal as can be at DBC. We prayed and sang and things were going good. God was moving and I could absolutely feel his presence surging through the room. I've always heard pastor Cleetus talk about gold dust raining on everyone covering things, fillings turning gold etc. But I've always remained skeptical because 'that type of thing just does not happen.' I couldn't have been more wrong! As we prayed, we asked for fire to fill our hands. That the lord would bless us and change us and start a fire[etc etc same ol] Well as we moved on, I felt like I couldnt close my hands. They were physically heavy. I couldnt stop holding them out in praise..it was like i was holding a weight and I couldnt let go of it, I could share it but it wouldnt subside. I tried to ignore it and just rest my hands in my lap as Pastor went on, but it was soon brought to my attention that many of the other people in church.. I would say nearly half were experiencing the exact same thing. It was so insane. I've never seen or experienced anything like it. Something was obviously going on so we started to pray and ask God to continue to move. OUR HANDS! a person across the room noticed it first.. little sparkles on their hands.. I looked down and they were forming on my hands as well! I didn't know what to do. I was elated. I just submerged myself in prayer. As I continued to pray, glancing down every few minutes more and more showed up until it was completely visible. gold dust! we always pray for gold, and there- before my own skeptic sight! a miracle! So as to not assume I was seeing things, I went and sat with my sisters and their friend Braidy, who had never attended church before. It was apparent they all were experiencing the same thing. The fire had came down from heaven. Meri was sweating and a burn-like welt appeared on her hand. They too had gold dust covering their hands. Noone ever saw it fall, but it definately formed on a majority of the people in attendances hands. I was afraid to touch anything for fear it would disappear. I can't explain it. But I am certain it was the Lord moving. what a wonderful and magnificent creator we have. my mind is absolutely blown. praise God! |
4,076,315 | female | 23 | indUnk | Cancer | 01,August,2004 | i thought i had something to update but nothing is new. i wish it wasn't so expensive to exist. i had a really bratty day.. fortunately it was made better this evening. |
3,358,564 | female | 34 | Education | Scorpio | 31,May,2004 | Ok, I'm writing up a syllabus for my literature class which will start in about two weeks. They've changed the edition of the anthology. Certainly, I am glad to see that Shakespeare still matters--indeed! However, I'm getting annoyed with the enduring myth which claims Shakespeare's sonnets were written in the early 1590s. Do these editors who put together these anthologies even read the latest scholarship? I don't care what tradition holds. So sometime around 1595, Frances Meres writes that Shakespeare's Sonnets, were 'sugared,' and that is supposed to tack a date down for us? Katherine Duncan-Jones, in her latest edition of the sonnets, has suggested otherwise; maybe as early as 1603, to perhaps as late as 1608-9. I tend to agree. Let us consider the notion of revision for once. Shakespeare may have written some sonnets around or before the time of Romeo and Juliet, early 1590s, 1594-95, but most of the sonnets are indeed problematic, and dark, and cynical just as the latter 'problem' plays, which were written after the new millennia--1600. Surely before the publication, he had time to revise, being that the theaters had been closed and problems of plague in London. I find absolutely nothing in these poems which suggest any notion of Meres' 'sugared' sweetness, but scholarly tradition is adamant. Yet still, I think the common assumption is wrong. Let's just look at 'sweetness' in the poems: 'For sweetest things turn sourest by their deeds, Lilies that fester smell far worse than weeds' (94,13-14). Clearly, the lines are anti-sweet; in fact, the speaker seems to suggest just the opposite. Weeds are preferred over a multitude of sweet smelling flowers. The image is not nice: weeds are better than flowers. Really, who would rather have weeds instead of an abundance of growing flowers? And again, the couplet of Sonnet 118: 'But thence I learn, and find the lesson true, Drugs poison him that so fell sick of you' (118, 13-14). The language and imagery here evoke the illness and bitterness of being in 'Love.' This speaker is jaded. He's not sweetly in love; he has been poisoned by her. And this whole, 'sick of you.' It lingers. It's like he's saying, 'I'm sick of you, and how you intoxicate me, enchant me, as if I'm taking a bad drug.' It's like a chemotherapy experience to him. And certainly last but not least, Sonnet 147, one of my favorites, 'For I have sworn thee fair, and thought thee bright, Who art as black as hell, as dark as night' (147, 13-14). Clearly the speaker, is disillusioned. He once thought his beloved to be bright and angelic, but now he concludes that she is a diabolical imp. Essentially, he's telling her 'you are a lover from hell!' Is that a sweet term of endearment? And certainly, I could go on and on. There might be a few sonnets which evoke 'pathos.' However, debatable, how does one explain the cynicism as revealed in these couplets? And it is just not these three poems. All over the sequence there is this underlying sentiment of despair, frustration, and exhaustion. My point in all of this? How can scholars be so rigid in suggesting that these poems are indicative of a less mature Shakespeare? By asserting that these poems were indeed written in the early 1590s, we dismiss the complexity, the cynicism, the sexual frustration, and the over all peculiarity of these poems. I don't believe that the Shakespeare who wrote 'Romeo and Juliet' could have written these poems. This speaker/lover does not 'Kiss by the book,' as Juliet would say. No, this speaker is misogynistic like Hamlet, and he's disillusioned like King Lear, and slightly jaded like Prospero! These poems have been revised, and were written by an older Shakespeare probably around 1603, and then published in 1609. Somebody at the MLA please get the word out! Jumbled Chaos |
3,358,564 | female | 34 | Education | Scorpio | 29,May,2004 | 'Witchcraft,' I don't know why I've developed this strange pre-occupation with Frank Sinatra. I never listened to him while he was alive. But the day he died, I walked into the local coffee dive and suddenly, I discovered him. It was a tribute, and I was getting a posthumous revelation. H-- & V think I'm a little crazy! But really, he's quite deep! My whole life seems like that; I'm always catching things after the fact. I missed meeting the beautiful and great DWM's, Shakespeare and Milton. I missed the French revolution; I missed the roaring twenties. I even missed Che Guevara, and the sixties! I missed the sixties by being born. Hah! I suppose I am a little nutty. Nonetheless, My grades are done! I was having anxiety dreams over all of those papers; I graded every last one. Now, I am feeling like I'm experiencing some sort of recoil, still slightly swirling, I don't know what to do with myself. J spoke with me a lot this week. I'm might have gone out with him, but I had been too distracted. What I mean is-- that I don't think it is too healthy turning to J as I'm reeling from K. So maybe this coming week, if the weather of my heart is a little more clear, dissipated, I'll go out with him. I do like J, and I want to be fair to him. I just don't want to look at him and think, 'How come K isn't like you?' But J has his own charisma. He let me know a bit about himself. Both of his parents are teachers. He lived in Europe for several years, and he loves the French! You know what else? He's so, so, nice! That right there made me drop my papers right in front of him, and start stumbling over my words... Ah yes, intelligent young woman suddenly turns stupid syndrome returns! And that's just it; I never have had to play stupid around a guy, and I would never, ever , lower myself! When my smart girl friends play stupid to catch an idiot, it really irritates me. How demeaning! If the guy can't like you for your brain, then it is all a lie! But when I am really REALLY, attracted to a guy, I do suddenly go brain dead! It takes me a time to gather my wits about me... In my mind, I'm still stuck on, 'Oh my God, he's so cute, and so funny, and he's just so, so, so...' Usually, I can tell if I'm moved by the guy in view just by my tone, my humor, and if I've dropped something! Oh, I'll have to share some of the more momentous instances where I've dropped or spilled something in front of a possible lover. Sometimes, I am such a dork! I wonder would what Freud would think of my infatuation symptoms... On Tuesday, I carefully pulled my grade reports out of my box. I held them firmly in my hand. I went through my box pulling other things, books and what not. I was in the office area not really focused on anything. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a shadow of a figure pass by the door. J! He stuck his head in, and then rushed in the room. I looked at his beautiful blue eyes, and I suddenly felt so self conscious. I kept fidgeting with my shirt and running my fingers through my hair. And of course, I couldn't help, but smile and laugh! I'm not sure what we were talking about in those first few minutes. I just remember him saying something about 'Santa Cruz.' I was thinking of that old Police song, 'Do, Do, Do, Da, Da, Da, is all I want to say to you,' just fuzz. Then to snap myself back, I said, 'Of course, near John Steinbeck country...' I told him I grew up 'behind the orange curtain' in Southern California. At that moment, I thought I was really being my witty self again, but when I moved to the center of the room, my eyes grazed the floor. The grade reports had landed so nicely, spread out like we were going to do a ground view. He picked up all the papers. Didn't even say word. As to how I loosened my grip? I don't know. Certainly, I had been intent on being smart and non-angular. I thought I had it together!!! In the meantime, the secretary kept distracting him. Apparently, she wasn't too pleased with our conversation. Jim rolled his eyes a bit. I looked at the time, and knew I had to go. But J whispered, 'Come with me to my office...' So there I went! Too cute! I kept looking at him, and he kept looking at me. He asked my age indirectly. I told him, 'I'm going to be depressed when I turn 35; maybe, I'll get drunk.' He hesitated for a moment and said in a soft sweet tone, 'When I turned 35, I was in love!' I felt that one; I really felt that one! Trying to disguise my warmth, my red face, I smiled and said, 'Well, that's always so nice to be in love...' He then gave a qualifier, 'It's over now...' He told me that he is 37! Ah! Perfect! Too cute! I went on my way after he told me a bit more about his life, that he managed a bar in a small town in the North West. I don't know why it is so important for him to tell me his story. Ok, so now I'm really being dumb! He likes me too. Good! Very good! Ok, one more instance... I had to call him the next day to ask about a grading issue. Again, We had a very nice conversation. He said, 'Are you Italian?' I said, 'I'm pretty much French...' 'Then,' he explained in that sweet, soft tone, 'Don't feel guilty for giving that student an F; The French have no conscience, remember?' I had to laugh! The guy makes me laugh too! He went on to tell me that he knows a bunch of bad words in French. I didn't bother volunteering my French potty mouth; I mean, when you grow up with a French father, you get accustomed to hearing 'Putaine' this and 'Sallop' that. Yet still, he then said something really, really, cute, 'Well, when we have a more personal moment together, I'll have tell you all the bad French words I know...' Provocative indeed! So we ended it there. When I dropped off my grades on Wednesday, I didn't want to go by his office. I just thought I should give myself a bit of space; I want to be sure that I don't have any of K's prickles and stings left. But I must say, I think I'm looking forward to this 'personal moment'... Indeed, Jumbled Chaos |
3,358,564 | female | 34 | Education | Scorpio | 25,May,2004 | I know what my problem is! It's not like I'm in denial! I have long since accepted the fact that I am too romantic for my own good. Troubling, and yet those closest to me have always said, 'You're smart too, so that should shield you somewhat!' It's not good to be in love with love at my age. It hurts more, or maybe I'm lamenting my own foolish wound--again! Let me make an appeal to my vague and silent audience here; I'm sorry if my posts are a bit melodramatic, un-novel. Really, I am an interesting person, yet I tend to forget that there are a plethora of individuals, who I'm sure have and are, experiencing the same loss of connection with the other gender/or the same gender,depending on preference, of course. You see, I see what my problem is, but I am unable to move away from it. I have tried NOT to be romantic, but it always gets jumbled. Let me be more specific here: reading Pablo Neruda... The last line of 'Everyday you play with the universe: I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.' That line just moves me! I could read the poem again and again, and it hits me! WOW! I remember in graduate school friends talking about what it would have been like to have made love to Keats, or Yeats. I had to laugh because, in my head, I was thinking I'd always be second fiddle to Fanny Brawne, and Maud Gonne. But Neruda, or Marlowe, or Shakespeare--Oh, incredible indeed! 'Come with me and be my love...' Or, 'Love's fire heats water, Water cools not Love,' would be something I certainly would want to explore! And it's not just the poetry. It's my way of seeing things. I love rain. I love to go out in it, getting soaked, feeling and understanding what's around me. Or Taking a ride in the Jemez mountains, seeing the bright red earth amid the green of juniper against a perwinkinle sky, just makes me love. It makes me feel in love, and want to love and be loved! Or twilight around here; I can look up at a vivid sky, in this deep, deep blue, seeing one big star, and it speaks to me. Pathetic romantic indeed! And to waste a southwestern sunset on K! Like he could understand that there never will be another one exactly, exactly, the same! He is a want-to-be romantic, and when a want-to-be, you tend to be pretentious, if not, artificial. So much for imitations... Just now, I remember a conversation with the beautiful and brilliant EB. We were walking around somewhere, probably to class, and out of the blue he said, 'My problem, is that I'm too much of a romantic...' When he said that, I looked at him, REALLY LOOKED AT HIM, . Again, it occurred to me that he could have been in my bedroom listening to me speak at night. I couldn't really define this uncanny substance of Plato's otherness between us, so I smiled and said, 'It's a curse, isn't it?' And then I looked up at the sky so I didn't have to look into his eyes and he said, 'It's a beautiful sky, isn't it, ' and I said, 'Yes.' What can I say? The man seemed to speak the language of my soul! I suppose it is not good to remember so much about him; I need to give my next lover his own throne room of romantic intonations. I have to put EB back in the museum... Back to work, Jumbled Chaos |
3,358,564 | female | 34 | Education | Scorpio | 24,May,2004 | Grades are due on Weds. Ok, so right now I should be grading the pile of provocative research papers sitting on my right--hah! No comment! I was getting sleepy. I'm also doing laundry. I seem to be doing a lot of laundry the past few days. But I suppose it is something I need to do: washing out my soul. What is this Monday? I realize something about myself; I think I'd like a nice guy in my life. I wanted not to think about K, so I read Edith Wharton's 'The Buccaneers' in,like, two days. Yes, it was her last novel, incomplete, and I could sense where the other writer completed it. In the end, the language was too late twentieth century. Kind of like when you read the last of Shakespeare's plays, you can tell where Fletcher moves in. But anyway Back to Wharton, Guy Thwarte, is our hero in this novel. He is everything Ethan Frome, and Newland Archer are not. It seems to me at least, that Wharton finally wanted to create a male character who is able to live outside convention. Thwarte has this wonderful ability to be a nonconformist. He's so nice, sincere, kind, respectful, romantic as hell, and he gets it. He understands that life is more than what we have--things, things, things! He's just content to live comprehending poetry and art and Love! Ahhh! Maybe, I shouldn't read novels like this when I am in such a romantically disillusioned state. I must say, today, I am in love with Guy Thwarte! He was having a conversation with our heroine, Annabell (Nan)St. James, and he talks about this notion of 'beyondness.' In the strict setting of order and tradition where they find themselves, the lovers both share an understanding of the beauty of life. They both know that it cannot be defined with money, or influence, but rather through art, culture, & a deep passion for humanity. Oh, maybe my heart is just hurting a little! I don't even feel jaded because I knew how K was made. But, I just don't understand his meanness (is that a word?). It's something so foreign. Why be sour? I just need to be 'got', I suppose. I need to meet the right Guy. I'm not really lonely. I know how that feels, and it is something I'm not ashamed of, but it would just be nice to be understood by the other gender. One who says, 'I get you, and your nutty jumbled chaos.' And while I'm making all these intimate disclosures, I may as well write it--I need to be Kissed. K--didn't kiss too well! I could really use a deep kiss by a sweet and brainy and dreamy guy who speaks my language! And a long gaze too! A very long gaze into my eyes--yes, indeed! enough written, & I'm so glad nobody reads this gushing. (Nobody, right? uhm blush) Jumbled Chaos |
3,358,564 | female | 34 | Education | Scorpio | 23,May,2004 | 'Thinking, tangling, shadows' as it translates in English is one of my favorite Neruda poems. I have been rather pensive today--not withdrawn, just thinking about my life. I am so happy that my life is MY LIFE, and I am not at all envious of another life. And I know that life can be complicated, but you know what, it is my deal here. I just can't be cynical about life. I love it! Hah! When I was talking with K over dinner he kept saying, 'Life is hard, and my students will come to understand that!' Or something to that effect. Thank God, I teach non traditional college students; yes, I leave my students to debate the cruelty, and relative ease of life in writing. I only desire that they write something interesting, and when they come to my class, they leave all bad mojo out the door! But K kept talking about suffering... Who doesn't suffer in life? Yes indeed as Shakespeare put in the mouth of Romeo: 'He jests at scars that never felt a wound...' I can think about my sufferings; And it's really ok. Despite my bitter wounds, my life is so, so, good! Hah! I just can't share his reality of angst! I should have said to him, 'PLEASE, just get OFF the CROSS!' The mutual and I conversed this morning... I just wanted to hear from a voice away what K thought of the work. Funny thing, K barely said a word to him. K told the mutual,'it looks pretty good!' And that was that! You're damn right it was 'pretty good!' I suppose he does feel threatened by me--hah! Or maybe that's just my vanity!!! Either way, I've yet to get a message from K! But I'm really not expecting it either! Since I was having this EB relapse brought on by the amazing and gentle K,(notice my sarcasm?), I thought I'd put up some poems. Only the first poem is new; I wrote it about a month ago. The others were written about three or so years ago... ~For just one day, Beneath a white sheet and a thick blanket, watching the sun uncover the Sandia Crest, Your strong man legs wrapped around my legs, all quiet, all calm, hearing you breathe when we sip fresh coffee, What I would give for just one day-- A day made for whispers and laughter where You would take my hands to your mouth, kiss my fingers, and utter, 'I love you, I love you!' If I had only a day, A day like that where you touch my eyes with your eyes, my splintered heart finding its way into yours, A day made for soft words, where you tell me of your day before, where I tell you of the night before, where we just remember like the scent of coffee, like day after a rainy day, You speak, I hear I hear you whisper my name, You whisper 'history, Neruda, anarchy, or chickadee,' It doesn't matter, To hear only your voice, my laugh, your laugh, to feel, to see, to know today your fingers roam through my curly hair, as my nails gently brush your forearm, and in broad daylight you You toss the blanket over our heads, surely on such a day, we would know we would remember then, we both would know, know what it is to love again. ~Deluge I want to think of you as rain now, like July rain quenching Albuquerque, spilling on UNM or TV-I. I just want to think of you as rain, not as a shattered word in a broken glass, or a bitter glaze in rancid milk, Love I want to hear you like I listen to the rain, if just to hear you say, 'Baseball, Putumayo, a Trotsky dream, if the stars were French,' if only you'd say my name if only you'd come to me, Overdue kisses would flood infectious glances, Black clouds could gather our parched souls, tears in dusty arroyos, the water would be here, with lightning, with healing, rushing, it all would appear, fresh mud in Tijeras and thickness of love. ~What Love Is~ If you ask me what love is, I can only tell you of waves that die at their peak, of a trail of sand lost to the wind, and the wail of seagulls. If you ask me If I know how to love, perhaps I could answer, with the grin of a flirt in denial, and with what happens in a cafeteria after a history class, or with hands that reach through you like air, like water, Oh, I understand how love is: even the solitude of an oceanic sunset makes me weep, One cannot look into the face of love and easily forget. These last two poems are together; they are loss & hope. ~You say we all have a story to tell: It snowed the day after Christmas in Albuquerque, but nobody nobody saw us making our way past the soaking luminarias with the dogs. There were no ears that heard us laughing as we waited in line for our coffee and Frontier roll. No, there wasn't anyone to see us running the north golf course at sunset, or unfolding your picnic of fresh fruits, a baguette, and wine in Hidden Park No one saw our hungry kisses in the corridor of Nob Hill Center today, No one saw you greedily reach for my hand as we crossed Central into the book store, You did not read Neruda to me in Spanish, we did not talk about Peru, Colombia, You will not tell me you love me today, or that I feel like home to you, But what does it matter? I do not live in New Mexico, And I have no story to tell, Perhaps I will not even hear you say my name again, You are probably with someone else, kissing her as you couple her face with both of your hands, Your eyes look at her Your eyes see only her ~If love is love, then tonight I have to believe, believe for instance, that New Mexico watermelon sunsets and the twilight of the back road to Taos will be ours. Someone will hear our Lab barking in the back of of your vintage truck. Someone will shush us in the movie theater, There will be inside jokes, bike rides in Mexico, squabbling over the words of Mario Vargas Llosa, and thoughts on Shakespeare's depths, There will be innocuous lies-- covering your loss of hair, my weight gain, your white bell bottoms, my cooking, There will be long nights filled with swollen kisses-- And a morning will come It must be so, You will fold your arms around my waist, hide your face in my hair and say, 'You smell just like a good cup of coffee!' |
3,358,564 | female | 34 | Education | Scorpio | 22,May,2004 | When I was in the fourth grade at Pleasant View Elementary, I had a teacher who must have understood my love for words and imagination. It was a 'PERRRFECCT A!', on 'The Giant vacuum Cleaner,' I mean REALLY GIANT, that took over our beach city. Mr. Fletcher, a kindred soul, might have been even slightly amused that all our brave heroine had to do was simply pull the plug. With strength like Wonder Woman, she gave a yank to the cord, ending forever all that mass destruction of mass-sucking and mass-thrashing... Indeed, everyone was happy in the end. The sun set peaceably on Bolsa Chica Beach once more... How I loved and understood the power of literature in the fourth grade! No, I'm not sure that we read poetry at school then, but I know I was getting it from somewhere... Both my mother and father had an affinity for language, poetry, music, art, dancing! Nonetheless, in the fourth grade, it was my story, and it was a very good story, and it made me happy! How fiction enchanted my little forth grade life, and fifth grade, and so on and so on... Fiction, make believe, imagined words and power, happy la-la land of fiction; I get it now in present 34 year old College instructor terms--fiction, like what didn't happen to me this week, but 'What Should Have Happened:' K--called me at 7:30 on Wednesday. His words were kind, and deep. He asks about my day, and then we settle on a place for dinner. We sit in the patio of the restaurant going beyond, lost in Neruda, lost in VanGogh, lost even in each other. Kisses and touches. Awkward pauses! I go to his house, and he hides my beige, hush puppy mules under his bed... A long awaited night begins, and when we wake up, he says, 'Stay, stay, stay!' Ah, yes, 'What Should Have Happened' is just as ficticious as the Wonder Girl following the cord of the intrepid machine to save her city with a tug! But to the contrary, had the enchanting K story really happened, been de-fictionalized, it should have made me just absolutely happy and content! But really, I'm not unhappy right now. I love my life too much for that. I'm just disappointed and disillusioned and slightly depressed. And literally, I've shared my grand illusion of K here, about what should have been. Now for the truth to illustrate the grand disparity, the making of disillusionment. I called him at 7:30, and he did not return my call. After waiting and hour or so, I called once more being that I had to get the info, for the mutual. I had no choice but to call. We all have deadlines. He was the usual cold, rude, cantankerous! Out of self preservation I said, 'You throw barbs when I speak to you.' He didn't say a thing. I said, 'I do feel sorry for you.' or something to that effect... I was too tired. He was tired. He gave me the muted data/info, and then partially hung up... 'I will talk to you later/good bye' Breathe--I couldn't BREATHE!!! & then, The mutual talked to him the next day--Thursday... He got nothing out of it, so the mutual called me to try and figure. The mutual explains, that for some reason, he feels, 'I, JumbledChaos, am a threat to K, but K denies it...' I call K to straighten this mess out. He's unpliable, and yet simultaneously shifting information from the night before. Yes, even paradoxical! I maintain my professionalism; he jokes and says, 'Since we have a special relationship,' adding 'just kidding...' I say clearly and realistically, 'No, not especially, since you hung up on me last night...' And then I'm feeling it, slightly agitated, so I say, 'just leave me a message when you look at what the mutual gives you. I am more than curious since I did work with him on this for several days...' K says, 'Ok...' I end the conversation gracefully. Of course, I don't really expect a message from him. He doesn't know how to show courtesy; he doesn't know how to care. Caring would be for the K in the fiction piece. But then again, I didn't answer the phone yesterday, nor check the messages. I just didn't want to talk to anyone or to him; I wanted space, distance, air, silence, dust and sand, wind, anything to fill this gap between us--anything, but his voice, presence, being! But V called this morning to say, 'I just wanted to make sure you were out of bed, and that you hadn't gone and cut your hair, put on black, and sold all your clothes...' Ah yes, dramatically so, but in that instance, it was EB! I had been made suddenly alive! Love, that fire storm between us, rolled the enormous boulder away, and EB called forth to my depths, and I like a feminine Lazarus, did rise, rise from that frigid, dusty and lonely sepulcher! Really, had any woman, in her right mind, experienced the amazing and beautiful EB for the two years, four months and twenty three days that I did, it would have been blasphemous not to mourn for one's life! I never knew that Love could be like that--never! I swear I thought I had been reading WAY too much poetry, but then it did happen to me! Both V and H--remind me that it happened. And H--always remembers that he called me, 'My chickadee...' How cute is that!!! And when I need a memory boost, H--tells about the time that we went to hear William Jefferson Clinton speak. How, EB, was just dancing next to me; and how tight we were in the crowd... I remember feeling EB's long arms, on my arms! Just now, I smell the coffee on his breath, and feel how his skin felt on my skin! Sticky, steamy, sweet. I am so glad that I have the best two best friends on the entire planet! I'm so glad that they do remember EB, and all his good fruit in my life; because otherwise, I would be thinking that I had imagined it, more fiction, or that it was a grand hallucination, like that guy in the movie, 'A Beautiful Mind!' Ok, so at least this way I know that EB, did, really happen to me, and that I'm not as neurotic and crazy as I feel. And yet still that was so very long ago; I know as Neruda says, 'We of that time are no longer the same...' But looking back to EB always brings me great comfort--solace. I know I will love again, and I know how to love because I loved EB. And stupid game players like K really mean nothing! EB is the diamond and K is the foil! Like in Hamlet where he's comparing his father (the former king) to his uncle (the new king): 'This Hyperion to a Satyr.' After a week of unwanted drama and evocative fiction, I understand, and feel that comparison today: EB, my great Hyperion, to this pathetic K, just a satyr--indeed! Jumbled Chaos |
3,358,564 | female | 34 | Education | Scorpio | 18,May,2004 | What is wrong with me? Now I seriously think I've lost it! Why do I let him screw with me? My tactic for today was supposed to be evasive! E-V-A-S-I-V-E!! Screw it! At the request, or rather insistence of our mutual piece of work, I called him. MR, was worried about some work that he had done for him; I had to call him! I had no choice! Narcissistic, the guy is Narcissistic! So I try to be friendly; mind you, did he not just have dinner with me a week ago? Did I just not talk to him LAST MONDAY, TUESDAY, WEDS, and did he not just call me on Thursday? And he can't remember my voice??? Ok, I was calling from the cell, and yes I have a freaking cold, but still... He didn't know who I was???? A complete blank??? He told me that our mutual cannot rely on me for help, and that it was nothing that I did wrong... I didn't think I had done anything wrong! I should have said, K--'You know, if you don't try to belittle me or insult me it will be a first! In fact, every time I talk with you, you have something really crappy and demeaning to say!' Oh, But what the hell is his problem? I shall not ascend to his greatness no doubt--the enlighend one indeed! Ah, he really troubles me; he works me all up for nothing! I feel like crying over this complete ASSHOLE! He's not even worth my tears! Ok, back the phone coversation; So the mutual is stressing out in the back ground while I'm talking on the phone. So I say, 'I'll call you tomorrow... What time is good for you?' He gives tons of explanations, and lets not forget how my phone call would interfere with his damn swimming... 'I have to go swimming...' Does he want me to be proud of him because he goes swimming? Like his stupid, long and lanky body could use the muscle building! Nevertheless, I said, '7:30.' He said, 'I have my daughter..' What difference does that make? We're not going to have phone sex! I said 'I don't want to leave a message...' He said, '7:30 that should work...' Did he not suggest to me on weds of last week that I might call him for next week for this very reason? And now it is a little game? Jumbled Chaos indeed! He's putting me on the rack! I don't feel my age. I feel like a sixth grader. And the worst part about it is that I know he doesn't care if I call him or not. This man delights not in me! All of this TRAUMA he is putting me through, and it doesn't touch him one way or another... How does one live his life like that? Just absoultely numb to the vivacity around him? I don't get how he could be absoultely numb to this passionate, youthful, feminine, sexy, creation fluttering around him! Don't get me wrong, I'm not flaunting myself; I haven't sat on his lap. I haven't been agressive. But I have been simply me, and that energy I carry with me is undeniable. I know my own strengths! Usually, I am so noticed... Not that I look for it, but it is just always there. He's working me up to no end. I don't want to talk to him anymore! But in this instance I had to for the sake of the mutual. It was a mutual intervention if you will... I have to talk to him tomorrow, and I'm going to be BOTHERED all day about it! But K--he's probably not even worrying either way... I feel like telling him: 'You know, I don't expect you to remember my voice... It doesn't sound like yours!' No narcissus, it doesn't sound like yours! He's conceited. I'm not competing with him. I hate competition! I'm not a game player. He's got a chip on his shoulder. And maybe that's where I feel sorry for him. 'Pathos' he said at dinner. I don't want people to feel 'Pathos for me'... Well, I DO feel sorry for him! I can't help it! He's stuck on himself. He's got a cold and rotten temperament. He's selfish, and dark! He doesn't know what he wants; he's on a search. And when your searching for what you dont know, you end up with what you don't want... 'Oh, I am Fortune's Fool!' You know when EB, beautiful EB, exited my life, I told him, 'I am never going to be this close to your lot Again.' I meant it! I passed my education, away from the like. And with K, it is the same thing. I am never, ever, going to be in contact with the like! You see, maybe I have this wierd twisted fetish for men like this? And here I go, breaking everything down, analyzing it, for NOTHING!!! I am happy. I love my life. I just don't speak his language. I said that to him too. 'I don't speak your language,' and he spoke to me in Thai, so I spoke back to him in French! He has to compensate for his cantankerous personality through this illusion of good looks! I saw his picture tonight; the mutual showed it to me. I just looked at him, and I saw a very old man! In the sense that e.e. cummings writes; 'When men insist they are always right, then they are old.' I can't touch that; I can't break through that! I don't want to either! I just wish he wasn't getting to me; he's in me, in my gut, in my heart, and all over me like skin! Skin--Dammit! Jumbled Chaos |
3,358,564 | female | 34 | Education | Scorpio | 17,May,2004 | The drama continues... J-called me twice yesterday! He left one of the messages in French. You see, he gets me! But K! K is just K! Not a call, nor a word! I have to address our mutual piece of work this afternoon. I'm leaning towards evasion. Why am I not attracted to J? & What is wrong with me? And K, who does he think he is? Right--like he has it all going for him! He's temperamental... Difficult, very difficult! And arrogant as hell! Not to mention the fact that he's nine years older than me. H--said last week, 'You know, You had a very good relationship with your father; I don't know why you are so attracted to older men.' We had a nice strong laugh about that. K is nothing like my father! It's crazy. I feel crazy; nutty! He's making me absolutely crazy! I should be grounded in my thoughts and feelings, but this guy is undoing me! I should just say, 'You know, perhaps we should talk about the correct form of past participles--in bed!' Or 'You know, maybe we can debate the problematics of Melville, and Moby Dick in bed.' or better yet, 'I think we can put the practicality of appositional phrases better, beneath the sheets, in bed!' Ah! I don't want to hear or to feel his twisted grammar theories anymore! I am on fire! I am not calling him! Jumbled Chaos... |
3,358,564 | female | 34 | Education | Scorpio | 17,May,2004 | I talked to J-- today! He is so nice and normal--not neurotic like K--! He made me laugh. He's very, very cute! And, he makes me feel like a brilliant, young woman. But dammit, he's NOT K! Yes, Yes, I'm officially pining! What the hell is my problem? I get asked out nearly every day, and K--is immune to me. How odd that feels to be immune to someone. I don't feel like ice, nor even cool water. I feel like a piece of dry and brittle wood. A long hard piece of wood that you would find in the back yard; maybe, an extra piece of fencing that you had forgotten about. But all the same it is there fading from that deep red fence color to sun blanched. There are these little holes all about it, and on one side, it's still moist and wet from where it rests in the dirt. I taste the moist earth in my mouth today! I'm getting a cold too; maybe I'm love sick? I don't know, but nonetheless, I just don't feel good today. I had to shut off the radio. U-2, 'All I want is you,' was making me think, and feel WAY too much! I'm not calling him! Even if I have a problem with our little sweet situation, I'm not doing it. We'll both have to figure it out for ourselves! I am a game to him, or a joke... And I don't want to be his amusement! Since I didn't sleep too well last night, I sat up in the dark thinking about how quick K was to correct my speech! What a polarity from EB! I remembered how I suddenly got stupid around EB, and he was always so gracious. He would get stupid too; we could barely remember what we were reading at the time. LOVE IN THE TIME OF CHOLERA!!! How prophetic indeed! But still, EB would have said, 'Oh, don't worry about how you speak; I get you!' He'd look into my eyes, and it was just clear and simple; My eyes against his eyes--a mirror! But K! I can never tell; it seems at times he looks at me as if he is hungry, or in search of something, and then more than often it is just a look like something you would smell in a circle k or seven eleven. He looks at me causally as if one were deciding which pair of white socks to wear for the day... And how I look at him? I suppose it is a long simple glance that says, 'If you only knew...' Or maybe one that says, 'Touch me!' Ok well, now I see I'm sounding incredibly ridiculous and pining away too! I've got to go... Jumbled Chaos |
3,358,564 | female | 34 | Education | Scorpio | 16,May,2004 | I've wanted to do this for a while, but I didn't have time. My last class was Tuesday and I'll have to get the grades in next week. So for today, I have a little time to breathe. I'm pissed-off! K--pisses me off! I haven't spoke with him since Thursday, and I'm not talking to him anymore! I just don't get it; I'm baffled. You would think being 34 years old, I would have figured out, or at least somewhat deciphered the male species, but still I am a rebel without a clue! Maybe men are like copy machines. I know that I am copy machine inept; my students beg me to let someone else make the copies because they don't want to read upside down essays... Ah, what's the problem? K--said that he thought I might be a bit too 'FLOWERY' with my students! What the hell! So I'm just supposed to let my students throw what ever they want at me, and then pass them? No! It's not going to happen... But what does it matter? He's going to Thailand, or Tibet, or Laos for five weeks or so. We went out to dinner on Wednesday night, and you wouldn't have thought we live in a desert. He is cold and arrogant and cruel and moody and selfish and so very ugly--well, maybe not that ugly... Yet for all that, I'm so attracted to him! I can't believe it! I never wanted to be one of those women attracted to a complete megalomaniac, but here I am. I'm not calling him anymore. I just so, so, so want him out of my system. He's dangerous for my psyche! I am so not used to this; you know, I'm the one who is always doted upon. He called me Thursday; I missed his call. So I called him while I was driving home. We talked about the tasks at hand, and then I told him, 'I just want you to know I'm not attracted to you--I'm not. That's what I was trying to say to you last night after dinner.' And yes, I am such a LIAR! Hah! But he just pissed me off! He didn't say anything. He didn't even try to kiss me after dinner. He gave me this strange hug. I was looking at his hands for a moment; I was wondering what they would feel like in my mouth, on my body... I'm not supposed to be this emotional at 34. My life is supposed to be relatively calm. It is! I am very happy with who I am. I love my life. I love my house. I love my family and my dear friends. I love all my shoes! But K--is making me crazy! He's going away for five weeks, he said. But that sometime in the middle of July, he would call me, so I could come look at his garden. I don't want to see his stupid garden! I told V-- that 'I would go and see it, and that I'd bring my new husband and new baby and we would all walk through the sunflowers together...' V-- said,'Don't you think it is going to be a little HARD to get married and have a baby in five weeks?' Indeed, but that's besides the point! I told him, 'I'm not calling you because everything is about control with you. You are controllfull.' Yes I have a masters degree in English, and I couldn't add the proper ending to the word! He caught it. 'You mean controlling,' he said. Yes, exactly, I suddenly get dumb when I'm talking with you. But I do think that controlfull would be a great adjective! He does want to be the one who is full or consumed with control! It doesn't really matter to me anyway; I'm not talking to him anymore! I wouldn't have cared if K--were going on vacation... I'm always happy to hear when people are going. Hell, I'm happy when I go! But just the way he told me... It was like he was saying, 'I go travel to exotic places; I'm the only one...' I said, 'I might not be here when you get back. I'm going to Paris.' I wasn't lying. I just don't have to brag that I go every year. He doesn't like me. That is the whole problem. I've never had that happen to me before, and that's strange! I've never lacked for an interesting man in my life, but this one, just doesn't seem to like me! He doesn't like my hair, or my smile, or my body, or brain, and probably not even the sound of my voice! Oh, my vanity! Vanity and Vexation--indeed! Back to the phone conversation on Thursday... I was telling him to 'be safe' in his travels... We were talking for barely three or four minutes, and he said, 'I have a cramp in my neck.' I can't believe how cold he is! I just went into heart shock. It's like he is intent on being shrewd and cruel to me. I have never known a guy who is so positively indifferent. It is like he's absolutely numb as to what he says to me. Yet, Wednesday, he was a little bothered by the fact that I said 'I'm not calling you.' He insisted that I call before he left so we could discuss a situation... And when I do call, he tells me he's got a 'Cramp in his neck...' ?? What the hell is my problem? You know, it's not the cramp in his neck that bothers me just now... It's the stick! This, 'I want you, but I don't want you... I like you, but I don't like you...,'Attitude! I don't have time for his games! I feel today that K--is such a waste of time! He is a waste of time! Waste! I don't want to fix a man, or save one... I just can't go there! That's what he said to me last Sunday, 'Oh, your going to try to fix me...' I said, 'NO, I don't have time, and I don't want to fix anyone!' Hello, I'm the jewel here! I know this! I love my life. I love to laugh, and if he doesn't speak my language then screw it! I suppose I just need to stop being attracted to these egotistical, semi-tortured artist types... I sometimes think I must have an invisible neon sign that reads: CREATIVE, POETIC, ARTISTIC MEGALOMANIAC WELCOME HERE! Yesterday just thinking about K--and his b.s. made me cry a little. And I don't even know why! Really, he's nothing to cry over. He certainly is no EB! EB was my friend, my love, and you K are no EB! Hah! Well maybe that's it then. Nobody not even the rain is as beautiful as EB! His beautiful blue eyes, his lovely man-legs, his man-voice, his man hands! Oh my God--his very long, encompassing, lingering glances! Now that, I could cry over--again, and again! V kept saying, 'Don't worry, K, is just a jerk! He doesn't get you like EB! Remember EB, how he just got you! He loved your hair, your smile, even your clothes... 'Violets, Violets,nice dress!, he said'' And then V and I talked about how glorious EB was and is! V said, 'I never even met EB, and I'm in love with him!' Indeed, ''Certainty like that comes only once in a lifetime...'' And the fact that he is married now, and lives so very far away is good thing for both of us! I can't show up at his house naked, and he can't rock my world from this little corner! But I suppose I've learned a good healthy lesson from lost love. I'll know when the right Casanova comes along, he will be something like EB, but the timing will be right. We will speak the same language, and instead of giving me strange hugs, we'll be discussing grammar and Shakespeare, and Moby Dick--maybe even, Gabriel Garcia Marquez under the covers at dawn... We'll redeem the time! Yeah, I like that thought! To hell with you K! Jumbled Chaos |
3,358,564 | female | 34 | Education | Scorpio | 14,June,2004 | Love and war are the same thing, and stratagems and policy are as allowable in the one as in the other. —Miguel De Cervantes Don Quixote Thou art as tyrannous, so as thou art, As those whose beauties proudly make them cruel; For well thou know’st to my dear doting heart Thou art the fairest and most precious jewel... —William Shakespeare Sonnet 131 C. Guests . To prevent emotional turbulence, it is best that all visitors, welcomed and uninvited , obtain proper clearance. Whether a best friend, classmate, or sociology professor arrives at your lunch table, he or she must adhere to the following protocol: 1. Video tapes will not be permitted in or around the eating area. Should your sociology professor appear rather excitedly, but uninvited, and produce a video called, “Mama Coca” about the cocaine trade in Colombia, and explain rather loudly while pulling up a chair next to you, “I got it just for you; we are going to watch it in class today,” you might want to shun eye contact with your host while taking the video in hand and expressing your deepest thanks. If you happen to glance towards your host, do disregard the tempered look, and slight flush to his cheeks. He hasn’t been feeling well lately, and when the two of you are alone once more he will explain rather pungently, “there’s probably something wrong with my body today...” But your host’s illness is no cause for alarm, for soon he will be the perfect picture of health when he arrives at the very next luncheon with a former classmate. After handing her a tray in the gourmet food line, he will turn to you while you are gathering your own tray and inquire like a true host, “So, is Dr. Sociology going to be joining us today?” You will simply say, “I don’t know. I didn’t invite him, but he keeps showing up.” To which he will reply: “Well, you are so popular...” 2. All clothing matching personality is prohibited. When wearing a dress covered in violets, or stylish overalls with flowers printed about, do not discuss poetry, Latin America, or your astronomy class in the presence of your host or uninvited Sociology professor. Even if the astronomy exam is making you feel somewhat apprehensive, refrain from verbally expressing your anxiety. Your host may conclude that he would love to see you write an essay in astronomy such as, “If the stars were French...” Your sociology professor will then concede, “Yeah, look at her clothes—Flower POWER!” And once more your sociology professor who both you and your host call in secret, “Dr. Sociology,” will state at the top of his lungs, while waving his fist in the air “FLOWER POWER!” At this point, you may find it somewhat comforting to look at your host’s eyes, for indeed, although he is the catalyst of the embarrassment, he does now seem to regret instigating the said banter. He will project his, “Ok, so this guy is a little over the top” look, head turned slightly to the left, blue eyes open wide and bulging. 3. Any direct reference to, or discussion of that word—-LOVE is inadmissible. When your Sociology professor arrives at your table, once more uninvited, and pulls up a char next to you, proclaiming,“I’m in love,” you want to try and transfer the conversation to a more acceptable subject matter. Should the conversation go awry; do explain gracefully that you are familiar with the notion of being in love, although you find it somewhat difficult at times. If your sociology professor identifies the kind of love you are defining as, “A kind of selfish love, where the two of you are not thinking about consequences, but rather lost in your passions,” it is best to keep your head in an upright position. Do remember to blink and to breathe normally when he continues: “Secret love is hard; any love where you can’t express your feelings is hard; you want the other person, but you just can’t tell them.” Also, you might want to consider implementing the critical contingency plan: cease and desist from any gazing, glancing, or peeking at your host —-bleeding revelations can be fatal. And for the love of God, think twice before you utter, “Well, I think love like that sucks!” 4. Flirting with either your host or hostess is strictly prohibited . For security reasons, a zero tolerance policy is in effect for all flirtatious activity—except between the host and hostess, of course. In order to prevent the following conversation which could occur the day after you’ve asked your uninvited sociology professor to tell you about his trip to Cuba via Mexico, the ban on guest flirting will be strictly enforced : Hostess: (enthusiastically) Hi, how are you today! Host: You were nice to Dr. Sociology yesterday. Hostess: Yes, I was. Host: You’re cruel! Hostess: No, I’m not. I’m nice; I’m always nice. Host: No, you’re cruel. Hostess: I’M NICE Host: No you’re cruel! Hostess: I am nice! Host: Keep saying it; you’ll believe it! Hostess: Why then, am I cruel? Host: Because, you’re just a mean, mean, cruel person! Hostess: Maybe I should sit by myself today; I feel like I’m bothering you... Host: No, you’re not bothering me—yet! It is important to note that even before you could sit down and properly greet your host, the first words out of his mouth seem indicative of a severe breech in security. Likewise, you too might find yourself in a threatening scenario come the end of a luncheon: Former classmate: I just love your little voice. Don’t you (to host) just love her little voice? (large smile) Hostess: Thank you. I liked reading your short story. Former classmate: (insincere) Why, thank you for letting the two of us sit with you for lunch. Hostess: No problem. Host: (to hostess) So, are you ready to scram? Former classmate: (to host) So, what is the name of that Mexican liquor made from cactus? You really are so funny with all your great stories to tell... Hostess: (ignoring former classmate) Yeah, but I’m a little slow at packing up today... Former classmate: That’s ok, we’ll leave without you! Therefore: Any guests attempting to flatter, lick/lock lips, gaze, flip hair, or invoke excessive,infectious cheer/beckon the undivided attention of either the host or hostess shall be immediately removed from the cafeteria premises. For extra protection, you should eschew the following discussion which is likely to occur a day or two after you’ve eaten with the former classmate and your uninvited sociology professor: Host: Well, where is Dr. Sociology today? Hostess: I’m not sure; I have his class last. I was wondering about Ms. Former Classmate... Have you seen her today? Host: I don’t know where she is. Hostess: What time is it? Host: I’m sure Dr. Sociology will show; he’s always right on time! Finally, as an added security precaution and thereby avoiding any future allegation of “Death eyes,” all luncheons here after will be held at the back table of the secluded STAFF ONLY patio—-rain or shine: for all your lunching pleasure, the patio is conveniently and remotely located behind the retractable wall on the cafeteria’s west side. Remember : The patio Luncheon begins at noon, and relax, don't be shy if you aren't exactly staff; after all, as your host has sugested,'it ought to keep you away from Dr. Sociology...' Next--Etiquette: the art of flirting |
3,358,564 | female | 34 | Education | Scorpio | 09,June,2004 | “Love is not a fire to be shut up in a soul. Everything betrays us: voice, silence, eyes; half-covered fires burn all the brighter.” --Jean Racine Orestes, in Andromache “Speak low if you speak love.” --William Shakespeare Much Ado About Nothing B. conversation. Before ordering that perfect speech pattern for your next luncheon, it is helpful to note that communication styles may vary. Your host for example, prefers two of the trendier patterns. Pattern one : an opaque and semi-detached style. But still, it is very user friendly and durable enough for daily wear. He relies on this mode of conversation for everyone—everyone except you, of course. Pattern two : a more translucent, flowery style rich with sensuous adjectives, nouns, and verbs. Equipped with specialized volume, tone, and intimacy control, this pattern allows easy access to all comfort zones. Pattern two can be especially effective when discussing close friends, and “poetry, music, beaches, and dancing.” It is best to keep in mind that pattern two is just for you alone, and is subject to change. If your best friend has unintentionally snubbed the two of you for lunch, he might suggest in a very soft and slow voice, “We should tell her that I packed a picnic, a picnic of.......of fresh fruits...........a baguette.......a bottle of wine......and some cheese...” Never mind the fact, that your best friend does not drink wine, nor does she have a strong preference for the very romantic foundations of French cuisine. As usual take the necessary precautions: hands free of all sharp objects, and air passages clear. Also, you might want to avoid his extended gaze after the word, “fruits,” should your lips begin to quiver. As an extra precaution, place one hand directly over your mouth and turn your face slightly to the left, focusing on the NO SMOKING sign located on the back wall. Should your best friend arrive at the next luncheon, and he happens to tell her, “last week I planned a picnic,” with a smile meant for you, do not be alarmed when the traditional French food transforms into “Just goodies.” Certainly, your best friend already knows what he said to you last week, but a true friend is curious if he will, in fact, reveal the contents of the picnic once more. After pressing him with a suggestion of, “Chicken or??” He will simply reply, “Just goodies. I wanted to bring goodies,” while looking at you intently. Under such circumstances, you may forget to wonder what happened to the fruit, cheese, wine and bread. If your host finds himself in a tight situation, where he must make a rapid shift from pattern two back to pattern one , he should be able to do so with relative ease. While the two of you are discussing your reading of Mario Vargas Llosa’s, “The Secret Life of Alejandro Mayta,” and you happen to reveal that you do not exactly care for the author’s style, but you find his vivid description of Peru’s beaches, and mountain towns quite stirring, you can expect your host's immediate proposal of “I’d like to teach a class like that, you know, on Latin American music, poetry, beaches and dancing,” to be equally arousing. Be sure to smile, agree, and insist on being in the class so as to reach full dotage capacity. But should your sociology professor abruptly interrupt the conversation as an uninvited guest, he will make the switch rather gracefully when he explains, “I was just telling her that I need to teach a class on Latin American culture...” Again, while he is speaking, expect his eyes to remain solely on you and through you as if he is all too familiar with the very corridors of your soul. However, be mindful that you are now in the presence of unsolicited company; try to remove all excess of red from your face, and do cool down with a sip of tea or diet Pepsi before turning to greet your guest. After all, you don’t want your sociology professor thinking “History is your favorite subject.” And always remember: “Speak low if you speak love...” Next--guests: guess who is coming to lunch? |
3,358,564 | female | 34 | Education | Scorpio | 08,June,2004 | Duke. And what 's her history? Vio. A blank, my lord. She never told her love, But let concealment, like a worm i' the bud, Feed on her damask cheek: she pined in thought, And with a green and yellow melancholy She sat like patience on a monument, Smiling at grief. --William Shakespeare Twelfth Night 'It was inevitable: The scent of bitter almonds always reminded him of the fate of unrequited love.' --Gabriel Garcia Marquez Love in the Time of Cholera It happens with food. Lesson One At lunch: If a little hungry while waiting for your best friend to be through with her psychology class, and an all too familiar face finds you out side a dull college cafeteria, be sure to sit with him after he persuades you to 'try the gourmet food line.' You will find his proposal on secluded patio dining quite intimate. The first time will not be the last. A. appetizer and drinks . After you are seated, it is possible that you may have trouble with your hands; if you do not know where to place them as he tells you about a dream he had of Trotsky, try running your fingers through your hair. Or, you may want to pick at the cherry tomato in your salad as he inquires about your weekend; when telling him, “so much can happen in two days,” to avoid all choking hazards, be sure to swallow the tomato bit before he replies, “So much can happen in twenty minutes.” On cold days , rely on your Styrofoam cup filled with hot constant comment tea should you find his lingering glance too intense. You should be able to sustain any emotional fall out while shifting your eyes from his eyes to the white cup. To avoid biting down at the cup’s edge, lick your lips, smile, and employ your infectious cheer. On warm days , it is best to chew the crushed ice in your tea when an awkward pause occurs. Remember, this too shall pass; soon, he will put you at ease and on edge as he suggests more exotic, moist, places for vacation such as a stroll through the Amazon Jungle where serious allergic reactions to beautifully flowering plants are not uncommon, or maybe a little R& R in a café in Ecuador, smoking and drinking with friends. And when the need arises for an extended vacation, such as a vow to be out of the country during a presidential inauguration, you will find his pitch for a trek through Mexico more than advantageous. After all, cycle tours in Europe are all too common, and it is much better to be an 'Anarchist at heart.' But if in the mood for places closer to home, he may recommend an airy walk on San Diego’s infamous Black’s beach, or because you have an affinity for flowers, you might prefer a little visit to the Anza Borrego desert, or Joshua Tree being that “the blossoms will be extremely beautiful from all of the rain.” Or perhaps even better, a trip to New Orleans, since you are French, and would really enjoy the 'Franco-Spanish influence,' and the dark smoky bars awakened by the Jazz festival. Certainly, one of the many used bookstores might permit you to rescue a real keeper—an old copy of Neruda’s, “Twenty love songs and a song of despair.” Knowing that this poet is new to you, and you just love Neruda, he might even lend it to you; well, that is 'if you can be nice,' and if, he remembers to bring it. Still if there is an absence of cash flow and time, you might give serious thought to his preference for “The back road to Taos.” Indeed, the direct route is certainly less romantic and less interesting when traveling with the wrong person. But if it is just a setting sun you are after, you don't have far to go. After expressing how you “love the view of the volcanoes on the west side of Albuquerque,” he will not hesitate to inform you of his frequent rides up to the volcanoes, where he enjoys 'sitting there, seeing the pink, peach, and pale blue sky, while watching the sun go down.' When hearing his romantic sunset phrasing, avoid all fidgeting with clothes, and earrings. Also, take caution: if holding a drink, you are prone to spill it on your salad which you have barely eaten, or on your dress. Under no circumstances, get ahead of yourself; this is only the beginning. For there are still many discourses on sunsets to come, and as he will assert again and again, “There’s nothing wrong with flirting...” Tomorrow--Now You're Talking: Proper Lunch conversation. |
3,337,329 | female | 26 | indUnk | Libra | 13,May,2004 | Woke up at 7:15 am to finish editing a final presentation for my Revelation to John class, a New Testament course that pairs more typical textual analysis with artistic interpretation. Changed my view of seminary education and of my own learning. My presentation compiled some of the thoughts of my journal entries this semester about my study of apocalypic literature and the presence and role of apocalypse as a trope in contemporary American culture. 9:30 - finish editing, make copies of my work for profs and students - the piece is performative and participatory so I am a bit nervous. Just coffee and a power bar to keep me totally filled with both real nurished energy and my morning drug of choisetype energy. 10:15 - watching the presentations of other students in the class doing their final interpretations of Revelation, like Lois, who designed a beautiful quilt representing different images in the biblical text. Amazing, the power of visual imagery to infuse meaning into written verse and make it timeless with artifact. 10:50 - I am on. I go. It is over. So much work and then, boom, done. 11:30 - I am in someone else's performance, performing as the Bride of Jerusalem opposite Nicole, who wrote the place based on her reading of the relationship between the Bride and the Whore of Babylon. When I was studying Political Science at Swarthmore, I never imagined I'd dress up and wear a mask to class for a final presentation. Shit. 2:00 - presentations over. It is a fucking gorgeous day. I feel good but tired. Sit out in the courtyard sun, a sanctuary in the middle of NYC, anticipating the feeling I will have in a few weeks of no more classwork. 3:00 - in the library with Neil working on my Jewish-Christian relations paper which is 30 pages and counting (only needs to be 15) and somehow has become both a release of many emotions/observations of my experience as a Jew in this Christian environment as well as a place to synthesize my thoughts. But, god.dammit. this must stop. Hence the blog, where maybe I can funnel all that shit instead. 4:00- Neil convinces me to watch Oprah. He watches Oprah and I read Essence, the magazine for men that is entirely about women and sometimes I interrupt Oprah to read outloud, probably pissing off Neil who actually wanted to watch Cameron Diaz talk dumbly about very little. 5:00 - Back in the library writing. Isn't this exciting. 6:00 - Neil and I walk starting up at Riverside Church at 122nd down into Riverside park to the peer at 70-something and back up to some great salad joint on 114th and Amsterdam. It was five mile walk at sunset. Beautiful river light, fresh(er) air, happy-looking people, not the library, good conversation, expending stress, great salad. 8:30 - in library, baby... And off I go, onward in my quest to write thoughtfully about the most non-verbally expressable experience I have ever had. Yee-haw. -Turtle |
3,765,420 | female | 16 | Education | Cancer | 30,June,2004 | hrmm..another boring day....there was this s2pid pameran 2day...about colleges....it was so boring...ehehe~~Aihz....i was starving lyk mad when the physics tcher didnt let us go for our recess...just because of the PEKA we had to do.....blablabla...and pity Aleeya...she was blamed for not getting the 60gram plastisin....ekeke~ My BM tcher did not enter the class....and we were kinda lepaking around....hmmm..... me,jo lin and shereen saw sumthing 'Interesting' 2day in d toilet.....ekekeke~(seki-kun and jaylin, faham-faham lar....lolx) I cant understand why Vic Hung is alwiz pushing her hair behind.....aihzzzz.....=P Hmm.....today iz d conclusion for MVP Qing Ren....sobz...... I almost fell asleep in tuition.. =P |
3,765,420 | female | 16 | Education | Cancer | 28,June,2004 | Woke up at 6.00am today.....aihz...school! Early morning, Pn Tan came in....and scolded us...telling us not to spread rumours...blablabla....and i was busy taking sumthing out from lie hung'z beloved thumb...ehhe. Then...I kinda argued with Darshne..over some small matters....aihz..but at last we were ok again...ekeke~ Stayed back until 2.00...and saw many nice performances...ekeke! Went for tuition at 6.30...but Mr Jason didnt come....aihz...so malang...Went back....and then i came online! aihzzz......it had been a boring day!!! as usual... =P |
3,765,420 | female | 16 | Education | Cancer | 27,June,2004 | Hmm..this mornin...i had add mathz tuition.....darn! Couldnt understand anything..then....my cousinz came to visit....and we had Bak Kut Teh...hehe~ then...we went back...and it was like a warzone....bcoz of this,i couldnt do my Moral project which I have to pass up tml....oh man.. Since i couldnt do my moral project..i sms-ed joo ann and then went online...play Ragnarok...ekeke~ Thank god that my cousinz went back in the evening..... my parentz went out for wedding dinner....so im all alone...until 10.00pm....... darn...so boring...... |
3,765,420 | female | 16 | Education | Cancer | 31,July,2004 | boring... went to school today...then....went to kedah...boring.......zzzz |
3,765,420 | female | 16 | Education | Cancer | 24,July,2004 | went to school today...to se the 'dress and tell' and singing competition...ekeke~ they ruined so many songs!!! aijorrr........watz worse...they ruined the song 'My Love'!!!! -_-++ muahaha~ Wen lynn did great on stage today....akakaa~ aihz....today in add mathz tuition....me,charmaine,alice,chai hing...and the tuition tcher himself talked bout dogz..SPCA...how to take care of dogz...blablabla... ekeke~ hmm....i cant understand y some ppl can be so crazy over some mengada ppl who likes to be so mengada lar!!!(Seki-kun, i think u get what i mean)... aihz... oh gosh! i cant believe it!! Im actually staring at the Add mathz book wic i bought...trying to figure out how to do the Qz..akaka~ |
3,765,420 | female | 16 | Education | Cancer | 19,July,2004 | tiring day! wakaka~ woke up at 9.30am...went online from 1.00pm till 5.00pm...then....played basketball in my fwen'z grandma hse..felt so darn sesated there... aihz.. wen lynn's dog, Timmy was so darn shy...lolx~ i guess it doesnt like the owner as well...wakaka~ forever running away..and at last, me and my fwen will be chasing after it..susah....aihzz.. darn! i kicked my cupboard by accident...my beloved little toe...sobz... oh well..ntg else to say lar.... |
3,765,420 | female | 16 | Education | Cancer | 17,July,2004 | tym--> 10.00pm.. [currently replying msgs in friendster and sms-ing joo ann and sue may][dying of boredom-no one on9 in msn] so bored now... computer kena virus! terpaksa use my dad's laptop...only got MSN...aihz...no icq.. wakaka~ i got a nike bottle as me bday prezzie... thankz to wai teng..joo ann..and seki-kun! XD aiyohh...now damn sien larr... aihzzzz~ hmm....jz now went 2 taman rakyat in andalas...walk here walk there...ekeke~ then went to Berkeley to have dinner...yummy! ekeke~ came back and called siew kien..but they said tht her number is not in service[aihzzz....] |
3,765,420 | female | 16 | Education | Cancer | 11,July,2004 | boringnyerr...in kedah now.. aihzz~ cant reload!!! got sum probz...aihz...so cham...today...woke up at 8.00am..so early!!! aihz.. oh well..itz a boring day today..so ill talk bout yday! akaka! yday was the hari kecermelangan...i was lyk so sesat there...at first i thought tht i wud be the only one who was wearing shortz(shorts are not allowed to be worn in MGS!! c2pid!)...but Charmaine was wearing also..so i didnt reli feel so sesat...ekeke~ The performances was cool...especially the Indian dance~ akaka~ they can reli shake..lolx! Seki-kun! Fulamakk...take sijil also gaya! lolx! That was what Vic Hung said lar...not me...she was clapping so loud summore..akaka~ erm.. Now only i know that waiteng,Vic Hung, May Yin..etc etc have big buttz! lolx! They cant sit still..they juz have to push here..push there...akaka~ lolx! I ter-fall asleep when joo ann sms-ed me...akaka~ Replied her oni in the next morning..! i've got ntg else to say lar....aihz..... |
3,765,420 | female | 16 | Education | Cancer | 08,July,2004 | s2pid s2pid s2pid s2pid!!!!!! baka baka baka baka!!!! aijorrr.......so damn sien now lehhhhhhh!!!!!! Suppose to find for informationz to do da EST project...but ter-divert...as usual lar.. today was the second raptai for the hari kecermelangan thinggy.. 4 da first tym i was seeing Darshne dancing....shaking here n there...wakakka~ Stayed back till 3.00pm....and tht Vic hung...sudenly conteng on my Bio book..aijor....cant help ler...mad ppl are lydat.. =P aihz... juz now almost fell asleep in my English tuition...ekeke~ too bored d mar...cant help.. so sleepy now...better go zzzz first...lolx~ |
3,765,420 | female | 16 | Education | Cancer | 03,July,2004 | as usual...tuition in the afternoon!! Add mathz tuition....oh man..it was so boring... =P Went for the interschool Rally also....i went with Esther...aihz.. we were 2 hours late...malang.. Saw so many kenalan there...ekeke~ I didnt expect 2 terserempak with Vic hung there also.. :P Wakaka~ Yee Wern had a new hair style too!!! lolx! anyway, da rally was reli reli cool! Im home alone again...parents went out for some kind of buffet i think....akaka XD |
3,765,420 | female | 16 | Education | Cancer | 02,July,2004 | oh man..i almost fell asleep in class..during EST...it was so darn boring.... Whatz wrong with the tcherz?? Aihzzz..... Vijaya is mad....mad...mad....lolx... ZzzzzzzZzzzz........ |
3,765,420 | female | 16 | Education | Cancer | 01,July,2004 | today...i stayed back in school..until 5.30pm...ehehe~ busy painting a banner...ekeke~ Yeo Sok Ching!!! This girl gave us a headache!! lolx! She arrr........haiyooo...simply teleport to one of the classes for 45 minutes.....and we had to find her everywhere...aihz.... go back oni..kena letup by my mother...so cham... |
3,765,420 | female | 16 | Education | Cancer | 15,August,2004 | A boring day ler....Sundays ARE boring!!! aihz... went to church this morning...kinda sleepy....aihz.. Then went for lunch in Subang...then we went back.... =P Im just so darn bored!!! Aihz... hmm...at last! My CPU has been fixed up...hehe~ Went online....but...no one was online!!! aihz...sobzzz.....so cham.... var chatterbox = 'no'; Winamp: Ending Theme of 'Golden Faith'-Gallen Lo |
3,765,420 | female | 16 | Education | Cancer | 14,August,2004 | went to school today to see the chinese singing competition.. hohoho~ it was kinda nyc ler...scream until bo voice d... Fuish..kesian charmaine..her knee blue black...cham betul... but she still danced ler...dengan gayanya..akaka. aihz.. some form2z..lyk to fitnah ppl...hm..are form2z alwiz lydat?? I dun remember fitnah-ing ppl when i was in form2! akaka~ Hmm...i saw mun yin's sister....haha~ darn cute lar....ahhahaha~ hmm...vic was kinda kecoh today...akaka~ ppl ask her to keep quiet, she can still shout...aihz...kesian...aihz...i cudnt finish watching the whole competition ler..my mother came at 11.30am to pick me up...and tht time, Charmaine and Jian Hsin were singing..aihz.. Went home and then went for tuition... hmm..vic so darn sesat today.. she sms-ed me..and she thought tht she was sms-ing seki-kun...kesian betul... =P Played basketball with Wei Hong and Wei Xuan and Chai hing at the half court today..Wei Hong and Wei Xuan were attempting 3 pointerz moz of da tym... =\ Went to Sri Kota to visit sum ppl...then had dunner in berkeley...eat until so kenyang....bahagia betul... =P if (!chatterbox chatterbox != 'ok') { document.write('This urlLink flooble chatterbox is'); document.write(' temporarily unavailable. It will be back up shortly.'); } |
3,765,420 | female | 16 | Education | Cancer | 13,August,2004 | fulamak...itz not my day man....kena bomb from Madam Duck and Fauziah... Then Azwin came and sibuk also...aihz...tcherz these dayz.....dahlah dunno how to teach...summore wanna act so big there..well..i DO agree tht some are BIG..as in..BROAD and GIANT..erm...I think I shall just say FAT! =P Contoh baik:Krakatau! Tht c2pid krakatau is alwayz complainin bout our filez and books.....bodoh betul...watz her problem?? She cant even speak proper english...and shez actually teaching EST!! aihz.. tell u man..her writting is horrible... She luvs mumbling to herself also....retard.. =_= Ookokok~ lets not talk bout BROAD and GIANT (better word-FAT) Krakatau.... lets talk bout...bout...umm...talk bout..ragnarok!!! aihzz...i wanna play!! but no tym to play..aihz... i bought the 150 point card for ntg..lebih case...dah lah im only a poor lil lvl 40 sumthing archer.. with a s2pid apple shell on my head...aihz....so cham T.T hmm...according to ZamZam, we might be dissecting a frog next week...hmm..Froggy will be the BEST specimen! ngek ngek! Imagine the blood oozing out from the body....the blade...slice into the flesh....open it up...the sound of the flesh tearing apart....see the heart...pumping...the sound of the heart pumpin....the heart has been exposed!!! next step, take a drill...and muahahah~ drill the heart and let the blood splash out everywhere!! Then, take a knive and cut open the brainz...and then take the forceps and cabut some part out of it...let the blood pancut out like fountain!! fuishh! cant wait for that moment~~ HAPPY TREE FRIENDS!!! ngek ngek ngek... p/s: soundz kejam?? =P |
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