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3,309,662 | male | 25 | Internet | Aries | 08,June,2004 | Yesterday wasn't bad - in order to keep myself busy I cleaned the place up a bit - moved a book case to where it is going to live permanently, relocated all of my computers to the new desk, fitted a mod-chip to the X-Box and fitted a half length PCI graphics card to my Qube - whew! At least now I can use the nice shiny new urlLink LCD that I got from urlLink Iiyama rather than the television. Next thing to do is get Linux, probably urlLink gentoox , working on the Xbox. Not because I need another box, but because I hate it when companies like M$ try to dictate what you can and can't do with something you bought.......... On the bad news side, my lazboy chair which was going to be delivered today will have to wait til Saturday - they picked the one time to deliver it that I absolutely could not make it home - so much for a 4 hour delivery 'window'. Roll on Saturday :) At least my bed will be complete by this evening, I'm working from home (at the new desk) so I can accept delivery of the base. Sin é for now...... |
3,309,662 | male | 25 | Internet | Aries | 07,June,2004 | Jen left last night and it was 10 times worse than when we said goodbye back in the Old Country - at least then I had all the excitement of going to a new job, a new country, a new apartment etc. Even the fact that my Lazboy recliner is coming tomorrow can't cheer me up. It's DMV time once again this week too which does nothing for my mood - though hopefully they'll at least accept my application. Last thing I want is to have a nice shiny new car and not be able to drive it........ Anyways, I can't wait for September when she'll be back, then all I have to do is help her find a job here and she can stay! Here's hoping..... |
3,309,662 | male | 25 | Internet | Aries | 01,June,2004 | My apartment now looks like someone actually lives there, my DVD's, CD's and books are up off the floor, though not arranged in any meaningful order yet ;) As soon as the desk arrives (should be tomorrow) I'll post some decent pictures of the whole thing. The only disaster was the CD storage unit I got from IKEA - I put it together, after having a few drinks at 1 a.m. and managed to essentially put all the shelves int he wrong way so that the screws are visible - uh oh. Anyway, once full of CD's you can't see the screws, so not too much of a disaster :) The sofa/couch is ordered too, now all I need is a lazy boy and I'm sorted - should be going to the lazboy store tonight/tomorrow night to take a look at the options there. Of course none of this would be possible without the arrival of my lovely girlfriend who can drive while she is here. She's also pretty nifty with a screw driver and allen key :) Right now I believe she is amusing herself in Leesburg Outlet mall while I 'slave' away in work. Speaking of slaving, I better get back to it..... |
3,309,662 | male | 25 | Internet | Aries | 27,July,2004 | Unfortunately it sems that my webhosting company has gone tits up. Urban-ISP.net no longer resolves, they don't return e-mails and their phones are disconnected. Looks like that is that. Because I recently lost my back up of the site I have lost most of the content too :( A few exceptions are my blog (obviously) and a couple of pages I found in the Google cache. Ah well, I suppose the site needed to be revamped anyway - still, it is incredibly annoying..... |
3,309,662 | male | 25 | Internet | Aries | 08,July,2004 | OK, I knew that the whole Atkins diet low carb thing was big in the US but I was still surprised when I got here at how pervasive the whole thing is. I'm prepared to live with it because, lets face it, most of us could stand to shed a few punds - me definitely included :) But just now I saw an ad on the TV - it was for a low carb DOG FOOD from Pedigree!!! That is taking things too far - I mean, sure I got a great laugh from it, but it is getting ridiculous - if your dog is too fat, the TAKE HIM FOR A WALK MORE OFTEN - DUH! |
3,309,662 | male | 25 | Internet | Aries | 02,July,2004 | Decided it was time to flex my coding muscles this week so I've put together a little tool that converts IP Addresses, URL's and Host names into Autonomous System numbers and gives a few other little tidbits while it's at it too. It can be found here: urlLink AS Number Tool Of course it can be found on the old urlLink homepage too. It all came about because I couldn't find anything to do this for me - needless to say there's a command line version that I use personally too. Now most people reading this are probably wondering what the hell an Autonomous System is - well first off I'd like to clarify that I mean an Internet Autonomous System, not a Mathematical one. To use a poor analogy, think of them as the country codes and area codes used in the telephony world - without them you wouldn't have long distance calling because the exchanges and switches would have no idea where to send your call to. Well AS numbers are something like that in the internet routing world. Go to urlLink Wikipedia to learn more about urlLink them . |
3,309,662 | male | 25 | Internet | Aries | 01,July,2004 | Went to see Spiderman 2 last night - have to say that I liked it - didn't have the fun of the first one when you were learning how they were going to implement all the superpowers and stuff but still good none the less. Some soppy bits - to be expected in a blockbuster these days - but the effects were good and the action scenes were well put together. Special effects weren't as jaw dropping as The Day After Tomorrow that I saw last week - never has a film with such a weak story line been saved so well by special effects in my opinion. Oh, and I've found out that I'll have a choice as to where I can watch the Euro 2004 final. There's a bar in Arlington - Summers - and, if I'm too hung over, there's always Comcast PPV :) |
3,309,662 | male | 25 | Internet | Aries | 01,July,2004 | The site has been down/slow for the last couple of day - no idea why and I'm too lazy to find out. Hence the reson for the lack of new entries - I have confirmation that my shiny new Audi A4 is on the way to the dealer and everything is in motion - now all I need is that license. Unfortunately I have to wait until 15th July until I can do the test since there's a 30 day waiting period before you can take the test. Still, at least it gives me a little while to learn........ I may need the full license to get the car registered and released to me too, which is probably a good thing - having the car parked outside the apartment and not being able to drive it would drive me nuts. Hopefully I'll know today or tomorrow exactly how much of a dent this will make in my finances too. With insurance, the downpayment, the initial loan payment and sales tax - it's adding up pretty quickly. Fingers crossed the up front total is under $20,000 - anything more than that and I'll have to put off buying anything else for a couple of weeks - like food for example :) Back to work........... |
3,309,662 | male | 25 | Internet | Aries | 04,August,2004 | I got a letter yesterday, from Audi Financial saying my credit application had been turned down. Naturally, this frightened the crap out of me and it was too late to contact anyone by then. Thankfully it was all a false alarm, the letter was generated by accident and everything is fine with my car again :) Hopefully I can get my license by next week - I've booked an appointment for a test for next Friday (yes I know it's the 13th) which gives me another week or so to get everything down, which should be plenty. Now there's a change from Ireland - no 9 month wait to take a test..... |
3,309,662 | male | 25 | Internet | Aries | 02,August,2004 | Picked up the new car yesterday - I still can't drive it without a licensed driver in the car too but that should all be rectified soon enough. Pictures can be found urlLink here . On the techy front, I finally managed to get some of my content back up following the Urban-ISP disaster. The urlLink How to flash a FireWire/i-Link DVD page is back - people seemed to find that helpful, so I'm happy I got it back. Most of the other stuff is hosed however :*( |
3,785,178 | male | 17 | Student | Virgo | 30,June,2004 | I cant believe that im actually making another online journal/diary thing. The last time I had one of these I was in 7th grade. Seems a little immature to go back and make one. But like I told Matt, I enjoy typing a lot more than I like writing. I remember back in Middle School, EVERYONE who was anyone had an online journal. I still don't really get why people write about their secret issues like they would in a private journal/diary online, on a PUBLIC journal thing. Doesn't really make sense to me, but hey...im doing it aren't I? Anyway...I remember I had my online journal till the middle of 9th grade, then after two incidents I decided it wasn't worth it anymore. The first one occurred at the end of my 8th grade year with one of my close friends at the time, Teresa (she moved away, up to West Palm Beach). She obviously had an online journal as well and was actually one of the people that talked me into starting one. Well, to sum up Teresa, she was never the cool cheerleader that everybody liked or even the nerdy art student who everybody knew but pretended not to. She was apart of our little 'click' at school that everyone seemed to stay away from. And of course, people always made fun of us for the way we dressed and the music we listened to. It was so immature, but I guess that's middle school. Its funny cause I look back on it now and I think to myself...God damn was I a fat little idiot. And I see my sister going through the same fazes and changes that I did in/at her grade/age (wow, that's confusing to look at). Anyway, so we were all made fun of a lot and whatever. So Teresa writes about it in her online journal. And I think this was all about one or two years after the Columbine incident. And she's writing in her journal that she's gonna get these kids back before the end of the year and blah blah blah. But of course, all of us know she means just like make fun of them behind their backs because that's Teresa. She doesn't have the balls to walk up to one of them and hit them in the face. Or for that fact, bring a gun to school and shoot everybody up. So somehow somebody in the school reads that entry and decides to turn it in to the School board. And of course my journal has a direct link to hers and vice versa and I wrote stuff like that too in mine, so im not the little innocent angel either here. Well, we are both brought down to the office and blah blah shit happens. They talked to us about the 'seriousness' of this situation and all that other garbage, whatever. In the long haul, Teresa gets expelled and I get suspended, for like a day and then my dad goes down there and raises hell. And well, that's the reason Teresa moves up to West Palm. I feel kind of bad sometimes cause we promised we wouldn't lose touch and I guess we really haven't, but we aren't nearly as close as we once were. I think that might have to do with the fact that she's doing drugs and drinking now, but whatever. Well, that pretty much sums up the first incident. The 2nd one happened with my first girlfriend. The summer right after 8th grade, I meet this incredibly hot girl in my neighborhood through my friend at the time, Johnny, who is actually her brother...go figure. She was such a nice person to me, knowing that I had never had any past experience with girls or anything. This was the girl I lost my virginity to...the sick part was, another girl was involved. That was the one weird thing about Jennifer, is that she was bi-sexual. She had this friend who lived down the street named Megan who was such a little whore and she was only 14. I think I was like just turning 15, so I guess im no better than she was. And Megan would come over and just hit on me non stop...I don't understand why, I was so fat and stupid then...still am, but...a little better. So anyway, we dated for about 3 months and then she broke up with me for some bogus reason, I forget why. I was completely devastated by this too, being my first girlfriend and all AND the girl I lost my virginity to, I was pretty fucked up by it all, so anyway. I knew the real reason behind it. It was because she wanted to date other people cause she was a whore. So yeah, I wrote about it in my online journal. And I called her a whore in it and blah blah and how we had sex in a threesome with another chick blah blah. And im guessing she knew what the address of my online journal was cause she showed her new boyfriend at the time who was this 6ft tall, in shape, knew martial arts, black guy. Yeah, bad news for me written all over that description. Well, I used to ride the bus home back then, cause I didn't have a car and Freddy hadn't moved down yet so I couldn't ride with him. So, one day I get off the bus and he for some reason rode our bus that day. Well, I have my headphones on and im walking home, and this guy decides he wants to fuck with me. He gets in my face and I take my headphones off. This dude doesn't say anything, he just hands me this piece of paper, which I find out later is my diary entry. And when I look down at the paper I look up right after and he fucking hits me in the face. He fucking sucker punches right in the face. Me, never being in a real fight before (only instances with which I've punched a kid out and held one up against a locker with one arm, I had never actually been in a fight with another kid swinging at me) fell to the ground like a ton of bricks. Woke up, walked home with a swollen face and that was that. I never saw the kid in school again though. I wasn't sure if he transferred or whatever...and Jennifer ended up moving so yeah. Those are my two reasons for not having an online journal anymore. Wow...I ended up writing a lot more than I had intended to. Well anyway, till next time... |
3,785,178 | male | 17 | Student | Virgo | 06,July,2004 | So today was boring. Woke up at 9am...ate breakfast (which Lyn made for me and Amanda...it was goooood) then went swimming and then I went to work. Nothing exciting happened at work so im gonna flash back to yesterday, which actually was fun and im gonna re-title my entry right here. Also im going to speak in the tense as if it were yesterday...or is yesterday...i dunno... My Fun Day With Matt!! Today was awesome. I really need to hang out with Matt more often. I love it, cause even if we dont do anything, if we are just sitting around, we always find something to talk about, no matter what. If its music, movies, video games...doesnt matter, always enjoyable. The only somewhat not enjoyable part of the day is when Roxy and Manda decided to come over and have a sit down talk. Which we found funny because I had suggested it earlier, before they came, to do something like that later in the night. So, we all sat down and tried discussing everyones feelings on everything. I kind of think it may have helped, but then again...its easy to say something like that wont happen again, but its a lot harder for it to not actually happen. I dunno. Well, after that we all decided to try and patch things up by having a quick lunch together at Taco Bell before parting our seperate ways. After that Matt and I went over to Circuit City to check out some games that Matt was thinking about buying cause he heard that they were selling them for cheap. They ended up not having any that he 'needed' so went over to look at the music section, looked around there for a while where Matt spotted a three disk deal for only $20...he bought it and then we left and went over to Target. He got the stuff he needed and then we picked up Amanda and drove around looking for something to do but ended up just going back to his house. Stayed there till we had to go pick up Jason and then we went back to Matts and played some video games. It was a very enjoyable day. Im hoping Wednesday will be just as fun, cause thats my only other day off this week. Im also really excited about next week though...I get to go up to Port St. Lucie to visit my cousins who i havent seen for like over a year or two. The only downside is that my moms living there now and its gonna be extremely gay. Welp, till next time... By the way...I LOVE THE MOUSE! ITS AWESOME! |
3,785,178 | male | 17 | Student | Virgo | 04,July,2004 | What a shitty 4th of July. I guess it wasnt too bad...except for the awkwardness between certain individuals. Of course i had to ditch work to have this 'fun' day, and for that i got bitched at from my dad AND had a guilt trip given to me from my manager. Then me, Amanda, Roxanne, Matt and Courney drive down to Matt Harpers house to light off fireworks. That was actually a lot of fun, its really funny how afraid of fireworks Amanda really is. After all that, we (me and Roxanne really) decide we should go down to the beach, and Alex decides to come along too. So we get down there and its great, the waters so warm and me and Roxy give each other this look of 'Oh god we wanna go in!' So finally we do. I actually took my shirt off...ewwww...and i somehow talked Roxy into taking her pants off. All she had on was a pink thong...jeez was that hot. I felt bad for looking since Amanda was there, but she has been pissing me off lately. Well, to make a long story short, Matt doesnt come in cause he doesnt like the beach to begin with and then of course Roxy and Amanda call him anti-social and all that, he gets pissed blah blah, everyone ends up pissed at each other. Then we drive back and Amanda decides to go with Alex and Roxy back to his house and leaves me home by myself (cause i had to be home early because of my dad), fucking god she pisses me off sometimes. I dont even know why i listen to her. She only ever thinks of herself. Of course she always does the lovey duvey shit. Oh i love you this, i love you that. But thats all it is. She can never compromise a situation. Its either her way or the highway. And she wonders why i get pissed off sometimes. Ive gotten to the point that i just want to punch her in the face, just square in the fucking face just so she would stop talking or laughing or whatever she was doing at the time. I wish things were the way they used to be when we first started going out. But i guess everybody wishes that from time to time. She doesnt get how things work sometimes though. If i ever make her feel bad for any little fucking thing, im a dick. And then all this drama with Matt and Roxanne. They talked...that did a lot of fucking good now didnt it?! All Matt wants to do is make everything out to be his fault, i keep telling him it isnt, but he just wont listen. And then Roxanne just doesnt understand why things happen when she does stupid shit...its like Amanda in a way...just she sometimes thinks things through a bit more...sometimes...UGH! I love them both though, i really do. I dont think i could think about life without them as friends...even though i havent really known either of them for very long, i feel so close to them. I just wish they could get past this fucking...THING between them. Its so frustrating. God this sucks. I havent felt this way in almost a year. Having so much shit on my mind that I just wanna cry 24/7. Of course thats a real pussy thing to say, but who cares...no one reads this damn thing anyway. First my mom decides she wants to come back into my life. And of course my asshole dad constantly getting on my case all the damn time. Then theres the pressures of money and thinking of how im gonna pay for college...what college im gonna go to. I dont even know anymore. Now all this other shit with two of my best friends AND more frustrations from my own girlfriend of a year. I wish this thing would give me some kind of feed back for my problems. I guess that kind of defeats the purpose of a journal though, huh? I mean, in a real book one you wouldnt get any feed back. Eh, whatever...im done writing, till next time... |
3,785,178 | male | 17 | Student | Virgo | 03,July,2004 | So today was pretty damn uneventful. I had to wake up early this morning to go down to my dads old shop in North Miami. The place is called Aamco, its kind of funny that even though my dad doesn't actually work there, he can go in and use the shop for whatever he wants...and the guy who owns the place still pays him $150 a week...FOR NO REASON! Well, there probably is a reason, since my dads a fucking gangster, he more than likely owes him money or some shit and he's paying it off slowly, lol. So im there till about 11:30am then my dad asks me to do him a favor. He hands me $10 and tells me to pick up my sister and her friend from the house and then drive down to Sheridan Street. Which is like a good 10 minute drive one way, and I was exhausted to begin with. The really shitty part is, that on the way back, I got fucking lost...and then it starts to down poor. Like cats and dogs down poor, it sucked. I ended up having to call my dad to figure out where I was. I hate the high-way sometimes, its not descriptive enough. Like one sign will say, 'North,' but the street you're already on is going North. And then there's no other sign saying that the road you are on now, is going to start going in a completely different direction then the one you were going in. ITS SO CONFUSING! Maybe im just dumb...or not...who knows. So anyway, I get home, take a nap, and go to work. And work is fine, no problems, lots of conversation, not too boring...but when we close Chris comes up to me and tells me my fucking drawer is $6.05 short. I don't understand how that happen, its never happened before. Well, good news is we made a tip cup that night and I made $3, so I gave him the three and he said he would cover the rest for me this time. God damn did that suck, lol. Wow...what an exciting day...and now I have to hope that I can somehow talk Rich (the new General Manager at the store) into not making me come in tomorrow ::wishes self good luck:: Welp, till next time... |
3,785,178 | male | 17 | Student | Virgo | 02,July,2004 | GOD DAMN IT! This is another major reason why I hate writing online. Because if you have a shit computer, like I do, and it freezes when you are in the middle of a very long entry...YOURE FUCKED! Cause then you lose everything you just said! GRRRR! Well, I guess I'll just sum up everything I said before...basically I was saying how Friday nights suck because usually I have to work. And then I went on into how I get confused with my thoughts. Mostly due to the on going struggle between good and evil inside my head. I guess it wasnt all that much...but it seemed like a lot since I went into such deep detail. Fuck it, thats enough for right now. Maybe I will write later...till next time. |
4,036,952 | male | 26 | Museums-Libraries | Leo | 31,July,2004 | I heard about a couple of jobs at work I applied for the other day. I didn't receive an interview. I'm pretty dissappointed about it, I thought my application was quite good... I was never expecting to get either of the jobs, there are people at work who definitely deserve them more than I but it is still a sensation not dissimiliar to a kick in the teeth. All my friends rallied around to make me feel better but of course when you feel like that there is very little someone can do to help. It's a matter of stewing for a few days and then getting over it, I am becoming a master this year it seems. I offered my application to my friends at work for there opinion, they all said it was pretty good, but I only got a truly honest opinion from one, my good friend anthony, he told me that while it was good, I used passive language which they warn you against, I really appreciate his honesty, you have to respect it. I think he might be one of those friends you meet rarely that you should try and hold on to for the rest of your life.. you can't waste a good friend. I actually feel the bunch of guys I've met in the last couple of years while working where I am, are the best I have ever made, they are not like some of the friends I had in high school who seem to use when appropriate and forget you at other times and I honestly don't think they ever thought about it, or the friends they are unwilling or just unable to share any emotions deeper than a bottle of beer with you.. at some point you must grow up. I was told by Anthony the other day when he read this for the first time that adnd is an old acronym for Dungeons and Dragons dating back to 2nd Edition and that die-hards upon reading my first post would pick me up on it... and I have to say if that is so, then you really must start doing something more than dnd with your life, okay! I love the game, but really! |
4,036,952 | male | 26 | Museums-Libraries | Leo | 27,July,2004 | my wife just walked in and placed a big bag of pistachios on the table next to me... they are nice. I usually buy a handful when I go to play adnd with the guys, playing adnd is nice.. no actually it's awesome fun, very geeky, but hell what do I care! What matters more in the world than enjoying yourself with good friends? not much, that I can assure you. |
4,269,654 | female | 26 | Accounting | Aquarius | 20,August,2004 | Negative energy, don't we all have some of this within? I would think we would have to considering all of it that surrounds us. Is there a way to completely block it out and if so will it make me a happier person. You see, I am a fairly happy person. I enjoy laughing and being silly and letting the inner child in me come out to play every so often. So last night I and a few friends were having a little get together. Ya know some jokes a few bottles of wine couple hands of cards. The usual. Well I had heard this news story on the radio earlier in the day that just made me think....wow....Weird. Crazy. So let me enlighten you guys on this rather odd and extremely disgusting news tidbit that fell into my lap while driving. In some state that I'm unsure of last week there was a dentist who had his license taken away from him for injecting his 'happy juice' into the mouths of his un-suspecting patients, telling them it was a dental rinse, and then asking them to swallow it. Well, apparently a few of the poor women this happened to knew what it was they had just tasted and got together and sued him. Upon a search of the dentists office they found several syringes in his desk drawer full of said 'happy juice'. YUCK! Ok so the point to that was... my boyfriend walked in the room where me and my friends were all hanging out after he had come out of the bathroom and wiped his wet hand on me. Triggering me to think 'ewwww he just wiped pee on me' which then triggered me to think of the news story I had heard earlier cause it has to do with bodily fluids. So I tell my friends the story, mainly to gross them out as it did me. Then this guy, we will call him John. ( not my friend) starts telling me what a negative person I am and how he doesn't even listen to things like that because he doesn't allow negative energy to consume him. Okay, I am thinking John is a complete fucking moron. I was just sharing a news story. Then he goes into how he has this forcefield around him that no negativity can withstand. To quote him ' It would be like a spitball hitting an airplane.' What the fuck, dude??? By this point everyone is confused now and they all we all just keep saying, Huh? Huh? What? I'm confused. Sometimes I just do not understand where people are coming from. Maybe someone reading this will understand where he was coming from. If so let me know. Until next time--- |
4,269,654 | female | 26 | Accounting | Aquarius | 18,August,2004 | I would like to start out with a little explanation as to who I am and why I have created this little corner of my world. Although, I feel like who I am will probably reveal itself to you readers through these blogs more than I could ever explain. So on to why I have created this blog then shall we? I stubbled across this the other day while 'taking a little break' from work. You see I always read the Real World/Road Rules Blog spot. I just love both of those shows, it truely is an obbsesion. So somehow I ended up here and I thought to myself; this would be a neat thing to do. I can truley express real feelings on all kinds of subjects and the worse thing that will happen is no one will read it. Not so bad. I also could use the typing practice and learn a little more about my computer, also. So I am going to learn as I go, hopefully I wont do too bad. I do feel like I should tell a little basic history about myself though so here it is. I was born in Birmingham, Alabama where I grew up living a twisted version of a somewhat normal life until I was 16. At that age I got married ( yes I know 'married at 16, lives in Alabama' I am not that stereotype. Though I do meet all the qualifications!) and stayed married until I was 19 and living in Tampa, Florida. I left my husband and came home to Alabama. Then I met someone and left for Cleveland, Ohio, where I resided for three years and returned back to Alabama at the age of 21. For the past five years I have been living with my boyfriend in our house here in Alabama. I have had all types of jobs and many reasons for the choices I have made. Some not very good ones I will have to admit. However, I would not change a thing. I am mostly happy with the person I am today and where I am at. I do fight inner-battles constanty it seems and struggle with the state of the world and the people in it among many other things. I do not want to overwhelm anyone so thats where Im stopping for today. Till next time------ |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 27,December,2003 | One of my favorite topics..Its there cuz I had always been intrigued with it...And the intrigue ceased when I decided to try it out..But it wasn't for fun...I just felt bad....Felt alone...Desperate.. I felt like I had no place to go...Nowhere to hide and felt as if I had been left alone in the world...I wished for people who were true..People who really cared...Not just people who seemed to care...But really didn't...I was tired of being with hypocrites...Besides I had been having other problems and felt as if I had nowhere else to go....So it felt better if I could just disappear..Permanently..To just stop being...To cease with this unnecessary existence....To simply...Die.....And it felt like a good idea at the time....And yes I know the obvious questions.... didn't you ever think about those who love you??...What about your family...Your friends???? ...Well I did think 'bout them....But I they had decided to continue living it was their choice..And either ways they would continue living....With or without me....So I felt as if I didn't make a difference in their existence....If they kept living it was their problem....Wasn't mine...And if I had decided to stop...It was my problem then...So I was stuck with it...And I didn't want to have any more problems....So I just wanted to get away...And even though it seems stupid now..It felt right at the time...And it was decided...I was gonna kill myself....End the deal...And I did.... At first I thought about a gun...Fast and easy...But then again not that easy,...cuz...Where the hell could I find it???.....So I gave up on that one.....And then there was the knife idea.....After the first cut no blood came out....Well not as much blood as I wanted...Well as I needed to die...So it didn't work either...Then pills...I took right about 100 pills...But that didn't work either...It just seems they made the effect they should....But for a VERY long time...They were sleeping pills...And I felt snoozie(or whatever) for like about a week or so...Then I realized I hadn't been snoozie...Or sleepy...I had achieved my goal...I had died...I had ceased this existence..I wasn't there anymore....That's when I realized it wasn't worth it...That suicide wasn't worth the trouble..That everyone had problems....But tried to make them better...Not ran away like I did..And I regret it....Deeply...I got a chance to know how my loved ones were...How they reacted when they saw me dead...I had emotionally destroyed my family....My friends felt as if it had been their fault...And I tried to talk to them.....I tried to tell them. It hadn't been because of them...I was just not good at that time..And that I felt sorry.....But sorry didn't make it any better.....Sorry couldn't bring me back to life....cuz there was nowhere back from where I was...At was in the middle....Not in the beginning neither in the end...I was stuck in the middle because of my decision....Of that terrible decision...A decision that had marked my life...Well not my life...But my destiny...My happiness..happiness that had faded away...That had left my side...Like had left my loved ones' side..I was there I saw them...But they didn't see me they didn't feel my presence...But here I still stay...Stuck.....Confused...Living in my sorrow....Living in pain....Watching how everyone went on with their lives...And I didn't...And now it remains as my problem...But unlike the ones I had when alive this one can not get better... |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 30,January,2004 | Death-..Once again on my mind that simple desire for something that only time can bring...Or maybe that accident I've always dreamed of...To die doing something I love...Or just walking down the street...Alone...As always...Just to die now...Alone...All alone leaving nothing behind..No one to cry for my death..My disappearance...For the way I just left for my own will...I had gone because I wanted to...I really do..I wish it would be as easy as it seems...I mean..Its just dying..I actually don't care where I'll go after death..It doesn't matter where my destiny shall take me when I'm gone..As long as I was gone....As for what I believe...Anything is better than being alive and having to be right here...Right now....As if there was anything left for me in this world...Anything worth my time..Anything worth living...Anything worth that so called 'limited time' God.. (as if he was real jajaja) gives people is just shit...At least for me it is...If anyone could ever want it..Hey its yours...Its not like I'm gonna use it in anything better...I feel as if I didn't need it...As if there was no use in having to live...Living was just meaningless...I was..And am, gonna die anyways...So why not just do it now?.....Why live anything more?.Some say life toughens you by experience...Bad experience...But I don't want to get any tougher...No more experiences...No more suffering....No more life...Please I beg you...Take this away from me....Take my life where I cant ever find it again..Take it somewhere else...Hide it....Disappear it....Make it fade away...Put it in a box...Lock it away...Lock everything I once had away...Feelings..Memories...Thoughts....Wishes...Dreams...Take it all away...I don't want it in me anymore...I just want emptiness...I want to feel nothing..At all...Just to be empty inside...So that I don't have to go through anything that could harm me...Ever again...Just to be hole...Empty.....Useless.... |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 25,January,2004 | “There is neither happiness nor unhappiness in this world; there is only the comparison of one state with another. Only a man who has felt ultimate despair is capable of feeling ultimate bliss. It is necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good life is to live.”—Dantes(The Count Of Montecristo) |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 17,January,2004 | There she was..Standing there in the middle of the night..All tied up inside because of her problems...No where to go...No one to save her from what she was becoming....Losing her self in the atmosphere...Loosing her self in no ones dreams...Loosing her self in between....Lost...Trying to find her way...Getting nowhere...Trying to find a place...A spot to stop hiding...Start facing what was going on in her life...To start realizing NOTHING was alright...And it was never going to be...Not ever....Never again..To realize..That she had lost it all... |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 17,January,2004 | 'I walk down the face of this Earth, alone. I am holding no ones hand, and no one is behind me saying keep on going, or keep on moving. When I stumble, when I trip, no one helps me up. I have to get up myself. That is being alone.' -George Brooks- |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 14,January,2004 | There I stood..In that dark cold night...Staring right into those eyes who had been watching me as I walked through that dark...Endless forest....Those eyes that had watched me...That had followed me..All the way through the forest....Then I got lost...That's the only reason I saw the eyes on the first place..I felt watched ever since I entered the forest....But I didn't want to look back...So I just went on...But now...I was lost...I got lost and looked all around...But I stopped in the eyes...Dark eyes...I could only see some little shine on the...But no color...Just shine..And I was freaked...I looked into those eyes..But wasn't scared at all...Those eyes seemed to be admiring me...Meant no harm...But as I looked at them they drank my essence..I didn't feel anything..I just felt tired...But I wasn't tired...I was just dying...Slowly...Maybe too slow to notice what was happening...To really know that I wasn't ok..That my life...My essence was taken away from me...Because I got lost and looked into those eyes...Then I died...After hours of staring...I died...Those eyes took all my Essence...They took my soul...They took all that made me...Well...Me... |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 14,January,2004 | I said I had enough...Of you...Of the world..Of everything..Of existence...Of life...It's senseless to be fed up and still have to be..Please something kill me....Now!!... |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 13,January,2004 | Never thought I would end up here...Where I was...Lost stranded...But happy....It's that kind of happiness that simply exists and is there for no apparent reason...That happiness that becomes confusing after a while...It's great being happy....But that day it was stranger than ever before..I was happy...Yeah great but then again it had no explanation.-...And I wasn't just happy like any other time that happened...I felt stupid....I laughed at everything and it all seemed great....What the hell was happening to me???....I mean not only the happiness...That almost never happened...WHY??...I mean not only that there was no reason...But that even though I was happy it didn't feel good...But the day went on...As for my conscious side..It went to sleep.....Then I woke up on this room with cushioned walls....What the hell had happened last night??....Why was I in a mental hospital..??..What did I have a straightjacket on??...What had I done??...What the hell was wrong with me?????... Then the doctor came in...He told me I had been killing people...But that I wasn't just killing them...He said I danced with them...Told them how happy They should feel to finally understand the meaning of life....That they should be as happy as me...Then I understood...All those days I had felt *happy* I had woken up in a police station acussed of inappropriate behavior towards other people..I was hurting them...Trying to take their lives away...But I couldn't...Until today...The day I realized that happiness just wasn't meant for me..It wasn't meant to be..I'd prefer being condemned to a life in depression than a minute of happiness in which I ended up killing people...Taking their lives was what made me happy...Keeping them...Even more...But being stuck in that white cushioned room took all the happiness away cuz when insane...It's better to just do what your mind tells you...cuz if u don't...Things get worse... |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 10,January,2004 | Reach out..Find air...That's all that went through mi mind at the time...I felt tired...Had no air....Needed some air...To breathe...To live on to continue with this torturing existence...To live on in this pathetic side of the world...The only reason I had was you...And you in my mind always..I had to get over the place I was forced to live in...I had to become someone...Be something to get to you...To reach you....To finally get to be with you....To know myself...Cuz I find myself in you... |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 10,January,2004 | I never thought that I wouldn't hurt...I really thought it would...For life....But it just didn't....I thought the pain I was about to feel would change what I was..For ever...But it didn't....The pain of the knife, the pain of death, the pain of suicide...None of that's real...There's no pain at all...Watch as my life fades away from me....Watch me as I stand there...Bleeding....Bleeding like I never had before...The life that I had once had was fading away...Leaving my side...And it was through the blood....That life went away....From me... |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 10,January,2004 | Alone..Living by myself living in a world made for those 'sociable' ....Those considered normal...Common....But not for me....I turned out wrong...I went the wrong way around...I'm not a good part of society....Cuz I don't feel like part of any kind of society..Only my own...Not because I'm a bad person or anything like that....What happens is I'm not the same as everyone else...I've got my issues..My stuff..My things that make me feel good..But that seem *weird* for the rest of the people..I'm in my own little world....Living by myself..But still I'm happy....Cuz I don't have to be like everybody else to be happy..I just have to be me... |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 08,January,2004 | Time stood still as I tried to trace my way in the fog..I've never been so lost..I've been trying to find my way for so long..But now I guess where I am is where I'm supposed to be..This must be home..I was home all along..But home doesn't feel good..It feels..Well...Kinda lost actually..I'm stuck in this war between what I am..And what I want to be..And what I want to be just doesn't make me feel better..So it's awkward..But its where I am and what I am..So that's just it..Good or bad?....Who cares its just me.. |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 07,January,2004 | ..There I Stood In Front Of My Fears..Facing Them..Trying To Overcome Them..But It Was Just To Much To Take..The Lights Faded Away..And So Did I.. |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 07,January,2004 | actually I'm not entirely dead..Well my body is alive..But I'm not...My soul died..Very long ago...Ever since...Well, it's too long to remember..I believe people see me alive 'cuz its like a burden a have to go trough..Day in, day out of having to be in this fu*ked up place..Having to exist...It sucks ass..Who cares if my language is *inappropriate* ..You'd say the same if you had to live here...Believe me you would...There's nothing nice...Nothing good about it...To have to go through this...Everyday...I wish I could die entirely..But I cant..I just exist because I have to..There's nothing more to it..And I wish there was just nothing..At all...No existence no living...Not having to be.. |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 06,January,2004 | ...No sense in living..Life has no meaning..But death can't be controlled by the human hand..So.. Suicide just doesn't make it better..Damn is this boring.. |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 05,January,2004 | I'm cold..Freezing..Lost..Fading away..Feeling alone..Left out..Desperate..It feels bad..But not bad enough to look for you...I'd rather live a life alone than spend 10 minutes with you..I'd rather talk to myself..Invent people...Have imaginary friends..Anything is better than you..I hate you..I wish you had never existed..Never had come into my life to ruin it..I wish I had never been your FRIEND..cuz I was a true one..You were just like any other hypocrite..Trying to get things out from me trying to know my secrets to then make them public..Betray me like any other bitch..But who cares..??..I'm better off without you..And I'm glad to realize what you are..I hate you..Very very much..Please die..You should..Just keep it in mind.. 'later.. |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 05,January,2004 | Life..Death..//..Somewhere in between..that place where you see those you loved in life..but don't seem to be able to get close to them...to have any kind of contact..you see them...you feel them..but they don't..they believe you're dead..and you are..but it doesn't feel like death...you don't even know how death actually feels like because you had things in the world of the living that you didn't do..that's why you're there...stuck in the middle..no sense in trying to go back...cuz there's no way back... |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 05,January,2004 | Looking 4 a place...searching 4 a soul....to be just like mine...to like the same things I do...looking 4 you...to come and save me...to take me away from where I now am..to save my soul from me...from what I've become..from THIS....what I am....to take me away from where there's no way back..from where I cant escape..but now...I can't seem to find you..you're not here..and I can't search no more...I'm tired...exhausted of trying to find the one that will never come..now I realize I'm alone...left in pain..left in sorrow..left somewhere in between what is usually called Good and Evil ...left in a place where I have to decide where I wish to go..but I don't even know what I want....what I wish for..where to go...left or right..'good or bad'...I cant decide...but being where I am isn't better..and I cant decide.. |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 05,January,2004 | That night was freezing....the cold made me shake....I couldn't find warmth anywhere...I put up a fire....turned on the heating system at home....everything...even made some hot cocoa...which I hate...but I couldn't seem to get hot...or even a little warm...I kept frozen...so I decided to go out...find another place to stay...maybe at a friends' home or something...so I went out...and then...again.....the cold made my life miserable...the car didn't start...the engine was frozen...same as me.....so I walked...I was staying at a house in the mountains....but not that far away from some friends' place....so I went walking...but I got lost..the road had been covered with snow and I had no idea where to go.....then I heard a noise...it came from the trees...I went there and found a little girl...lost..crying...I tried to talk to her...to hold her so that she wouldn't feel cold...but she went away....well not exactly....she just rejected me...and continued crying..I stayed besides that tree....near to the girl...maybe someone would try and save her...and well...I'd be saved to...but she didn't seem to be looking for anyone....she didn't seem to want to go anywhere...then she calmed down...sat besides me...suddenly she pulled out a knife...but not any kind of knife...It was one of those hunter ones....with all sorts of edges...I got kinda scared...and then she did it....she stuck it in me....I screamed...a lot...but no one was there...just that little girl....killling me..she looked at me....into my scared...hurt eyes...all she said was she needed to quench its thirst...I got confused...but didn't care....the pain was unbearable...and had lost the strength to move....to scream...to fight....to breathe....I was dying slowly...with a little girl....who just said she needed to quench its thirst...then when she saw me almost dead...she said...- I'm sorry..but it controls me...I have no life...since I made this decision it has been controlling me...this feeling hasn't left my body..and it will never leave..it needs it....I need it...I'm sorry...believe me I am...but there's just nothing I can do...I was lost...just like you are...but at that time it felt better....it made me feel better...and now...I cant live without it...I just cant and I'm sorry....I'm sorry you had to be the one who had to fulfill its need...for blood... ...at that time I felt some strength coming back...and I was totally confused....What was that girl talking about???.....What was IT???....then I asked her....she looked straight into my eyes....I wanted her to answer fast....fast before I died...she said she couldn't tell me...I begged for an answer...I needed it....all she said was if she told me she couldn't let me die....and I tried to smile...and asked her..again...to tell me.....to please tell me and save my life...but she said it had been because of that intrigue that she was where she now was....lost and trying to escape...she said shed rather let me die...than save my life...so that I didn't have to go through what she was going...but anything felt better that death at that time....and I told her I didn't want to die...she said she had warned me.....but that it had been my choice...and I was going to regret it...very much.....but I didn't care...so she did it...she *saved* me.....by making me drink my own blood....it felt disgusting...and everything became silent....I fell asleep...I woke up...at night...again....but I felt no more cold...the night was the same as the one before...but I only felt strong...the cut the little girl had made me...Didn't hurt....at all....it had even healed off....perfectly...in one day....I freaked out...What had she done to me???...What had she turned me into...and....where was she????....seeing as I has stronger than I had ever been and the cold didn't bother me...I began to look for her....I searched everywhere....but couldn't find her.....then I felt this urge....this need....I craved for blood.....human blood....but I wasn't like the average vampire....I craved for it...but I also needed the meat...I remembered the little girl giving me some she had saved from another body....it tasted great....and made me feel strong.....stronger than I ever had felt....and...even though I knew it wasn't normal....I went looking for someone.....to eat....while I was /hunting/ I looked into my pockets....there was a knife....same as the one I had been cut with...it was new...well it seemed new...and clean...in perfect condition...it was perfect for what I needed....and I found the perfect victim....a young woman....who's car had broken down...I was looking at her...from in between the trees..and I came out....walked towards her...looking snobbish and interesting....she looked at me and asked for some help..I said I'd help her.....but the need grew stronger....I couldn't even act as if I didn't want to kill her...to eat her...to drink her....so I just took the knife y stuck it into her stomach...she was in pain...same as I had been the night before...but I didn't care...I wasn't like that little girl.....I didn't ask for the woman to forgive me...I just killed her....took her into the woods..and ate her.....drank her blood...feasted on her meat...and fell asleep...I woke up the next morning...even stronger than before....but my conscious wasn't clean...I remebered everything....to the slightest detail....it felt horrible....I had killed and eaten another human being...but I was no longer human...I didn't know what I was...I looked human...but there was something in me that had changed...and now I understand what the little girl had been saying....how I was gonna regret making that decision...and I did..I regret it...too much...now I know what IT was...she was young..and didn't know what she was feeling..she called IT the urge she felt....the need for human flesh and blood...and now there's no way back.....suicide just doesn't work....eating other people makes you stronger.....strong enough not to die...and now I have to live with this....without having the strength to control myself..to end this up....because IT moves me...IT controls me...and I'm not like any other cannibal...there's something more to it...something that cannot be explained...something that's stronger than me and that has taken over me...a dark force...that took the human away...and turned in the beast.. |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 29,February,2004 | So..then again, why am I ten feet under??.. |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 18,February,2004 | Death..My perfect state...That simple point where reality is a dream...A nightmare once lived...A simple memory that comes back to torment our soul...A place where no one wants to go back to...A point where everything seems worse that it is..Everything makes sense and it all sucks!...You stand in a point in which everything you do has a consequence...Everything takes you somewhere else..Somewhere worse than before...All of this shit that doesn't exist when Dead...Death is a rest...A simple lay back...Plain relaxation....A stage in which there is nothing..At all....An empty play..No actors..No actresses...Not even a back stage crew...Simple emptiness...No feelings...No dreams...No memories...No LIFE... |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 17,February,2004 | Maybe I'm just lost..Confused..Just trying to find something that wont come..Searching for a reason to continue..To go on.-...To hold on..To keep on movin'..Feeling..Living...Just to be...To exist...But not just physically...cuz I do exist..But I'm dead...My soul is...My essence once felt desperate and left me...And I guess its now I find out about that cuz I've been living under a shallow mask..Hiding under this costume of what some believe that I am...Of that fake me that never was what I wished to be ..What I wanted to become..But never did...And what I showed never felt like..Me....I was afraid of showing my true self...Afraid of being alone...Just afraid...Scared of societies reaction to...What I was...Then I faced and overcomed my fears..And showed ME..My true self..And everything I once feared happened..I was left alone left out....Hypocrites that once stood by me went away...Shallow thoughts and experiences were just forgotten...To me and everything I had lived them with...Then I just realized I was..And had always been alone...Just alone.....By myself..Alone in a world where fake...Is what they wanted..Fake..Is all they needed...FAKE...That is just not me.. |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 15,February,2004 | Then again...Death and suicide...Suicide and crime...Crime and murder...Murder and blood..Blood and...Me...Just me here...Once again with these dark thoughts that torture my fragile little mind..That make me doubt myself...My own mind makes me tremble...Stumble...Fall...Once again I've fallen....Straight down...I have fallen onto the ground...I've cut myself...And I'm bleeding...Finally bleeding enough...I'm dying...Finally....Life is going away...Fading away..Leaving my side...Finally....And..Ironically by accident...I'm dying..Death is finally getting close.....Close enough for me to feel faded...Weak...Giving out my last throes...Scribbling some shallow words onto a paper...A paper that...I'm sure will be thrown away..Cuz when anyone finds me it'll be way too late..All that I'm writing will be covered by blood..The writings will be ruined...Too blurry to be read and it'll be way too late...Now I'm dead..And as I said it was too late...No one saved me...I'm alone....I had always been....Shallow people stood by me...Fake words and feelings...Forgotten memories...Things that just faded away...Like me... |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 22,March,2004 | Everything's lost...Everything fades.....You have nothing...And you wish to go back....But hey....There's no way back.. ¬|WELCOME|¬ ...you've reached the point of no return....You and you mistakes are here..Nothing good lies in between these walls...Everything that once tormented you is here....Just to make your life miserable,...Here in the point of no return you live as if life was a simple burden...Nothing is good...And for some nothing's changed...Life is a burden...And it will ALWAYS be...If you don't stop running.......So STOP....Face everything you've done...Every mistake you've made..All of those things you've tried you run away from will haunt you if you don't stop running and start facing....Life isn't milk and cookies...And it'll never be..So it all depends on what you do..To continue running or start being YOU... |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 10,March,2004 | My mind got lost.......Last thing I remember...I was stuck in a hospital.....I think someone stabbed me....cuz there was a lot of blood...I woke up on a bed...I had been unconscious for quite long...According to what the nurse said....Still I can remember some parts of the surgery....All that blood...All my blood there..On the floor..On the perfect white sheets....On my friends' shirts...On the doctors cloak...There was blood everywhere.....That delicious dead-like smell....Blood mixed with some alcohol......Everyone's so nervous....All the doctors saying were loosing her!!.....Fuck she's leaving....All the nurses giving things to the doctor...Helping him....All of them saying....Pressure level is too low.....We need more blood....And some other injections....I cant remember very well....Then..Everything was black again..I fell unconscious.....Miraculously I woke up....I saw the nurse.....Asked her for a piece of paper...And some water.....She said I couldn't have either of them.....I tried to ask why...But the words didn't come out.....Everything turned black again...And light never came into my eyes again.....I was dead... |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 24,April,2004 | Blake has lured you into this dark alleyway. As you wait for your eyes to adjust, you feel something brush against your neck. There is a slight popping noise, of fangs sinking into your veins. You are paralysed, while the blood drains from your body. As the fangs retract, you feel a new strength, and a new coldness in your limbs. You have joined the ranks of the undead. |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 23,April,2004 | ...Once again I'm feeling hole...Empty...Useless.... ...I wish for this life to just go...go away vanish.... -I wanna go now...Can you PLEASE show me the way???....There's no way out now...Is it???...Damn...Oh well....Now what???....I'm bored of living in a world where NO ONE is true....Hypocrisy works!!..It's a good plan.....When you know how to pull it off right....Acting works..It helps a lot in getting shit......In getting shit into people's minds....To deceive them.....As we both once said....You only see what they want you to see...Never will you know who someone REALLY is...You just see what they want you to see....I guess you've shown enough now.....I'm not gonna beg anyone to be my friend.....It should be for your own will not mine.....You are someone else...I am still right here......You've changed..I know.....I guess you've told me so...Is that all you want???....Oh, no wonder you're talking to me again....I should've expected for that....For something to go wrong AGAIN...And I actually did....But now..I'm tired to trying.....trying to make things right again...Just trying...I'm fed up with that shit.....cuz that's all it is...Shit!..... |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 18,April,2004 | 'Through me the way into the suffering city, Through me the way to the eternal pain, Through me the way that runs among the lost. Justice urged on my high artificer; My maker was divine authority, The highest wisdom, and the primal love. Before me nothing but eternal things were made, And I endure eternally. Abandon every hope, ye who enter here.' The Gates To Hell -Dante |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 09,April,2004 | By: TIRI!!! I was sitting in the police station when someone called and reported a dead body in an apartment in Malibu Street. I was stuck with a lot of work but when I heard the name of the dead person I couldn’t resist taking the case. It was a guy that had been my friend in high school I just needed to know what had happened. I went to this house, was huge, I entered the room and I saw the body lying out there, I thought how could it be possible that a person could kill somebody that special. I started investigating and picking up evidence, in that moment I saw some papers and the phone miss placed, placed on a table that was beside the bed, they were all disorganized like if he trying to get the phone had disorganized them. I came up to the table and there was a name that caught my attention Jane Warrens, she was a girl that studied with us in high school, there was an address and a phone number. It made me think about why Stewart had this information, so I decided to investigate more deeply. This was because I knew that he had a crush on her since she knew her and the last time I talked to him he still thought about her. So I made my people check his phone bill; his accounts and thinks that could take me to some idea to start looking for a suspect. When I had all the results I noticed that the name Jane Warrens appeared in most of the phone calls he made. I decided to investigate her more deeply. I went to her house and in the moment she saw me she didn’t recognize me, but then when I presented my self she knew who I was. We started talking about how life was going for both of us and in between the chatting I told her about Stewart’s death. She seamed surprised and with the look of her face I started doubting about if she that was so sweet could kill somebody. Then I met her husband, Mathew, a tall and strong man. He was really kind to me and I didn’t waist my opportunity to ask him what he knew about this murder in this moment a saw his reaction, he was really nervous and he didn’t know what to answer. I started to suspect of him but I didn’t tell them anything. First I investigated Mathew’s life and see what he did for a living and how he spent his days for the last 2 months. In between months there was a week where he got out of work and he didn’t leave a message were he could be found, I started suspecting. I started comparing information about the two guys lives and about things that had happened through that time. I noticed something strange, in those two weeks that Mathew had left him office with out leaving a message; his wife had been receiving some messages and some roses from another guy. This made my suspects more accurate. Mathew had been spying on her husband since the first letter arrived and when he discovered that his wife was cheating on him he decided to kill him. One week went by and now I had all the evidence I needed to take Mathew to the police station to make him some questions. I went to their house and I asked Jane were he was. He wasn’t at home, she told me he was working and asked me what was wrong, I told her about the evidences I found and she freaked out but I couldn’t talk to her I had to get the guy as soon as possible. I went to his office and there he was, talking on the phone so calmed and sure of himself, but when I entered and he looked at me he freaked out and left the phone drop. I told him he had to accompany me to the police station that I had some questions for him. He said that he was mistaken that he had nothing to do with the murder but still I made him come with me. At the police station I told him what was wrong and why I had called him to ask him some questions. He felt so confused like if he didn’t know what I was talking about it made me doubt, but I still asked him all sort of questions. After a while of talking and asking question he told me the truth, the whole story. We went into my office so he could feel more comfortable, we sat down, and then he started talking. “Two months ago I was on a business trip, closing a really important deal for the company. I was away for two weeks and a half and when I came back I noticed that my wife was behaving really strange with me. At first I didn’t care I thought that she had a lot of stress on her because around that time she was organizing a family party that was really important. A week went by, the party was over and I still noticed that behavior. I started to suspect that something was wrong, she came late at night saying that she was with her sister or with a friend talking about further parties and events they were planning to do, but that became so often that I started to investigate. One night I went to her mom’s house and I saw that her sister was there, when before in that day she had told me that she was spending the day with her sister. It was strange but I thought that she could be with a friend, or that by that time she was going home and we didn’t cross over in the way. I returned home expecting to see her there but she wasn’t. 30 minutes later she entered and when she saw me in the couch waiting for her she started to act really nervous. I told her where she was and she told me she was with her sister. From there I knew something was wrong the next night I decided to follow her. She drove over to an apartment, I didn’t now from who it was, from all the friends that she had and that I knew no one lived there. I freaked out, but I said to my self not to panic that maybe she had a client for another party. I waited out side until she came out. When she left I decided to go up stairs and see who it was she was with. It was a guy I had never seen before, so I started to suspect that she was cheating on me. I didn’t ask her anything when I got home neither she asked me where I was.” This made me suspect even more about Mathew and I told him that if from what he was telling me he didn’t think I was going to suspect even more. He told me to listen to him. So I did. “The next day when I went out for the news paper I saw roses beside it. There was a letter saying “To my dearest and beautiful love, Hope you like them and see you soon, love, SK” I picked up the newspaper and the roses I didn’t mentioned anything at breakfast and neither did she. The next three day I followed her and she went always to the same place and every day I asked her where she was and every day she told me she was with somebody arranging things for some parties. The fourth day I followed her until the 5th floor where this guy lived I saw her kiss him as soon as he opened the door from there I suspected what was happening next. I felt betrayed, failed, I felt so bad I didn’t know what to do. I went down; I jumped in my car and drove away without course. The next day she was acting as she did before all sweet and beautiful as the day we got married, but from what I knew I was the one acting strange. I decided I was focusing more on my work and let her drown herself until she had to tell me the truth even though I was furious and wanted to kill the guy. For the following week and a half I dedicated my body and soul to work because there was a mayor problem with the deal I had make like a month before, so I had to go out and make some things to straighten things up and that’s why I didn’t left messages, because we didn’t want no body to know what was going on and it was a really huge deal that maybe the company could loose a lot of money. So we wanted to stay shut. I knew about the murder the day after it was committed and when I saw you come in to out home I was pretty nervous because two day before Stewart was killed Jane went out late at night with the roses that arrived that day, it seemed like if she was trying to free her self from it so I didn’t notice but well I had already notice a long time ago. The day the murder was committed was the last day the roses arrived. That night I went out with some of my colleagues to celebrate the success in closing up the deal and having solved all the problems we had. I was almost mid-night when I went home, when I was parking my car, Jane’s car stationed beside. I suspected that she had gone to see him; I was so furious that I got in my car and told her I had forgotten something at the office that was really important. I got into the car and drove to this guy’s apartment I was really mad, I went to talk to him I knocked on the door but there was no answer. I knocked several times and then decided to through the door down. When I opened the door I found him lying on the floor with blood all over the place, I touched his neck to see if he had a pulse but he was gone. So that was when I called the police and reported the murder, and that’s the whole story” I was shocked on what I just have heard. How could I have been so blind not suspecting of her first. She trying to incriminate her husband saying that he came in late without saying where he was and all sorts of actions that he was supposedly doing but the truth was that she was the one doing them. In that precise moment I stepped out of the office and went for and order to arrest this woman. We went to her house and told her to come with us she was resisting and saying she had nothing to do with what had happened. But still forced we made her accompany us. Right back at the police station we placed her in a room to ask her some questions. She didn’t want to answer and we couldn’t obligate her to talk. So I decide to look for another method. I asked Mathew to talk to her and he accepted. He entered the room and as soon she saw him she felt so guilty for making him go through what he had gone that she confessed everything. She murdered Stewart Kent. The roses were all fake, she sent them herself to make it seem like if it was a guy that was obsessed with her, and that she was having an affair. She made this be so obvious to his husband so he noticed that she was having an affair and he went to kill the guy for stilling his wife. In the end she saw that her husband didn’t care so she decided to murder him herself but leaving evidence that seemed as if her husband had killed him. She also said that the affair never happened that the made it up just because she was angry with him because he didn’t close a huge deal for a party from where she could get a great amount of money she could use to pay a debt that she had. We let Mathew out; he had his face red and his eyes full of tears. He was so sad. We told him that everything was going to be o.k now that she had confessed. He asked me what was going to happen to her and I told him that because she had accepted the crime and claimed herself guilty maybe the judge could conceder the penalty. He thanked me about everything. I walked him to the door and shake his had. Again he said thank you and with his soul in deep pain and tears running down his face I saw him walk away and jump into his car and drive away. |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 08,April,2004 | Y depronto despertó… Al parecer había tenido un mal sueño….de esos q dicen… “nunca te vas a acordar”…y trato…trato pero no pudo…sintió que había algo en ese sueño que tenia q saber….algo que necesitaba saber…algo que talvez tenia un significado que ella buscaba…algo que le diera un significado a su vida. Lo intento…mas que nunca…pero no pudo…no lograba recordar ESE sueño… …su vida continuo….vacía y sin ninguna clase de sentido…ella simplemente vivía cada día…sin esperar nada…sin anhelar nada….simplemente vivía…despertaba en la mañana…se tomaba un café…o un vaso d jugo d lo q hubiera quedado del día anterior...algunas veces…dependiendo de lo que tuviera que hacer en el día…se hacía una arepa...o algún desayunito típico para salir del paso rápido…salía…cogía un bus que la llevara a la 74 arribita d la novena …y llegaba a trabajar….a servirle tintos y a limpiarle los baños….a barrerle el piso a un montón de infelices, avaros y superficiales abogados que lo único que hacían era discutir el partido del Manchester el del día anterior…en como había bajado el dólar y era un buen momento para pasar el fin de semana en Nueva York….sobre como el nuevo cliente estaba dispuesto a llevarlos a todos a Ámsterdam para trabajar solo en su caso…y con mas tranquilidad...odiaba ese estereotipo del mundo high…del mundo bien…de un mundo en el cual la vida es fácil…la plata no es problema…y el nuevo BMW 740 del jefe es el carro q todos quieren…cambiar por su Audi A3...o su TT…porque ese ya es carro del año pasado… de igual manera odiaba ver como los nuevos trabajaban como esclavos…trabajando hasta altas horas de la noche incluso en vísperas de fechas especiales…o importantes…como trabajaban incluso el 24 de diciembre para lograr entregar “el caso” a tiempo…para luego lograr ser ascendidos y convertirse en ese estereotipo que ella tanto odiaba… Un día llego a trabajar...su jefe la llamo…y le dijo que no podían seguir teniéndola ya que habían puesto una oficina en Cali…y gran parte del personal había sido trasladado a Cali…que Florita…la empleada de toda la vida del sitio podía con todo el trabajo…ya que no habría casi trabajo…y que ella no podía seguir ya que no era necesitada…ella bajo su cabeza ante ese hombre….recibió su cheque por indemnización de 10 años y se fue…llegó a su casa…dio de comer a sus hijos...y a su esposo…fingió estar dormida y al ver que ya en su casa todo estaba calmado salió…llego a la entrada del edificio de su jefe…había visto su dirección por error un día y no quedaba tan lejos de su trabajo...por esto recordaba donde era…cogió el ultimo colectivo hacia este lugar…llego y entro fácilmente ya que el portero del edificio era su amigo...y no tuvo problema ya que ella le dijo que se le había olvidado entregarle unos papeles...y que la había llamado a decirle que eran urgentes…así que entró con gran facilidad…llego a su apartamento…rompió silenciosamente la chapa y entro…se vio envuelta en un delicioso aroma a canela…olía un poco a humo por lo que dedujo que habían prendido velas…continuo…vio a su hija durmiendo tranquilamente…también a su hijo…ambos muy tranquilos..en grandes camas...con cobijas de plumas y edredones hechos a mano...cosas con las que ella nunca habría soñado...ni siquiera para ella misma…luego entro al cuarto de su jefe…estaba solo...su esposa estaba en Cali...arreglando todos los últimos detalles en la nueva oficina y ella entro…lo vio durmiendo..muy tranquilo…sin preocupaciones…y en ese momento actuó…en un momento de desesperada ira le enterró un cuchillo en el pecho….el hombre abrió los ojos…adolorido la vio…intento gritar...pero no pudo ella no lo dejo…le enterró el cuchillo…lo giro para que causara mas dolor…y luego se fue…sabía que moriría...pero su ira la cegaba…estaba movida por tanto sufrimiento…que simplemente al sentir que ya no podría dar una buena vida a sus hijos ya que su esposo estaba desempleado...exploto...asesino al “culpable” de ese sentimiento…guardo su cuchillo y salio…al día siguiente vio el periódico atestado de exequias…y talvez se pudo arrepentir…pero nunca lo hizo…se sintió feliz ya que alfil se dio cuenta que era su sueño..había encontrado un significado…ese asesinato…había sido un simple deja vu! |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 06,April,2004 | I am Your Joy, Your Pain I am a Gift, A Torment I am An Allay and a Traitor The Reason You'll Be Remembered All Lost I am Your First Love Your Last Chance Own Me And You Own The Game *Adidas Soccer_ReInvented* Forever Sport |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 03,April,2004 | Yo c q esto no es muy típico mío....Y q talvez sea patético....Carezca de sentido y sea simplemente incoherente....Pero existen momentos en los cuales simplemente quiero escribir...Pero no c q...No c cmo poner lo q siento en este momento lo q esta pasando por mi tostada cabeza ahorita...Entonces lo q esta acá..Va a literalmente tener d todo canciones, frases..Ideas sueltas q simplemente salen...No c!...Esto describe mi cabeza en este momento... It's clouded...and so is my head.... I think tonight I’ll just take the long way......I guess taking it short would just make the pain come faster.....fog is tinted glass. I’m just confused....scared....CREEPED...ahhhh quiero largarme d aqui....puta!!!..... Aaagh...pero bno ya q....sueño....no wait..no es sueño...mamera! siii total mamera.....aburrición...así nisiquiera exista la palabra... GET OUT OF MY HEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!!!!.....puta sal d mi...Maldita vocecita.....-death in it's most hideous form-....stop whispering slowly......long lost words......can't find a meaning...still can't find what keeps me here...I wont let you....you wont kill me..!!!... uash....yo quiero tokr asi!!...Mike Portnoy..MI IDOLO!!!....am I ever gonna make it??...that far??.... By now you should’ve somehow realized what you’ve gotta do… So far down...Am I thinking about jumping???.......hey...everyone's had better days....there has to be something good......anywhere....waiting for me.... and you're in my head again.....T AMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....no sabes cuanto...solo puedo decir....gracias....! someday I’ll grow up....grow old.....and Die....... Someday somehow...jajajajajajajajaja algún día niño algún día....iluso mi amor!!...angel??.....c'mon!!! jajaja pero no me da cagada.....tons ya no jajajajaja... uy mk.....golazoooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!....wash!!!!....nooo q vergaaaaaaa.....!!!...nadie t supera....-'and Beckham Shoots...from the middle line!!...WOW..!!!....that Was Absolutely Fenomenal what an astonishing GOAL!!!'-..Uy va otro va otro....'oooh brilliant..!!..That’s a wonderful goal by David Beckham...Strangely enough his first touch was the best...but he took it out exquisitely...!”.....algún día lo lograre algún día...pero d cancha decente...no la del colegio...xq d esa vamos cmo pa 5 d mitad je...de rebote...pero=....entran!jajajaja Monsters...stupid little monsters...I think you're monsters...but....are you???.... Lay your head down.....you may not remember living after a while... I just wish you were real!!!.....come here and take me....take me away....I wish to fly.....fly away from here....fly away with you.... I'll Eat You Alive!!!!!!!!!!...uy no mierda...eso sonó muy Hannibal.....jajajaja and I can't change it....this everlasting feeling.....the crave for murder...suicide....the need for blood death and crime.....SEX AND SCANDAL!!! jajajajaja then I said.....and I was wrong....RUN....run....run...ruuuuuun!!!...escape.....hide...sleep...SUN...wake.....continue running.... just run.... Don’t mind...the consequences of the crime!!!!! uish no esa canción no jaja malas memorias!!....hay mucha gente MUY mierdera no??.....(8) hey you ain't nothing but a hooker!!...esq es perfecta...Canciones perfectas esa y (8)...cuz I WILL bring you down...I don’t wanna miss I don’t think you can handle this....----).it's so easy when you're always in denial...!! o no??...esq es perfecta pa esa personita.....simplemente perfecta.....la hipocresía es ley!!! wasssuuuuuuuuuuuuup??...staring at the sky....bno the ceiling!! jaja pero=......mejor pongo staring UP!TAMO seems my mind has knocked me off my feet again...tripping along the way....and I am running to you..if I could just go a little faster....trying not fall asleep.... don't try to fight the feeling cuz the thought alone is killing me right now...!!!! Vamos sube...tu puedes...no es tan jodido...tu puedes llegar...you're SO gonna make it...but....am I???...(8)bidibidibumbum oooh!!(8) Hoola chuuurrooooo jajajajaja...no mk lo veo y la incoherencia aumenta jajajajajajajajaja me perdí......where was i???....oooh yes.......LEY: El Que Ríe D Ultimo....NO ENTENDIO EL CHISTE!!! Wasn’t trying to pull you in the wrong direction...just in mine....was this more than a crazy idea???..... Cuz maybe..You’re gonna be the one that saves me!! Stones to throw at my |supposed| creator..!!....you don’t need to bother...I don’t need to be...!! Oh MY God..!!...What the HELL are you??? THE born slippy.....para allá voy!!....tiene mas reversa un delfín en un tobogán!!! Uuits!!!! Vamos tumbame vaca...tumbame pekeño embrión d elefante con mamut y buffalo...hey y tbn percheron....!!...Let's invite a ZOO!!!!!..Knock me down...I'm still standing up again....I’m soooo kicking your ass!!!!...oh my God...was that you're head??...I’m soo sorry...I’ll stick it up again!!! I’m sorry!!...(jajaja yeah riiiiiiiight!!! die bitch!!!)....knock 'em down throw 'em around c'mon defence lets work!!.....hey si pasa d ahi...falta!!! uuy...shark!!!...ahh no si no es white shark ya no da miedo...PROVIDENCIA!!!! (8)...quien es ese hombre....q me mira y me...-'puta q paso' (8) mírame yo soy la otra....-'volvió a empezar?' jaja acá 100pre hacen eso.....vaaa....(8) quien es ese hombre...que me mira y me desnuda...una fiera inquieta que da mil vueltas y me hace temblar pero me hace sentir mujer....NADIE me lo quita...menos tu zorra!! jajaja.....YO SOY SU MUJER!!! TOTAL PROVIDENCE 2004!!!!! How do i get back..?....is there a way back?? I hate the world today..!! Saving some kind of life...??? EL genio..?? jajajajaa obviooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! nadie se la cree......!!! cuz yesterday is not the same for me...is it the same for you??? clap....clapclap..... C|X---------------|----------------|----------------|----------------| H|----x---x---x---|x---x---x---x---|x---x---x---x---|x---x---x---x---| S|----o-------o---|----o-------o---|----o-------o---|----o-------o---| B|o----------o----|o----------o----|o----------o----|o----------o----| q tanta vaina le dice???....ud siempre habla mierda mijo.....honestidad.....ya deje d echarle flores...entienda q aquí no hay nada personal!!! jajajajaja toma!!! RUMBA!!!! ay si la vieras bailar!! jajaja q es eso..balada reggeatoneada?? jaja no joda!!!! vamos pa GÜISH2... have I ever told you...this world is not for you???... thnx 4 waiting SO long to show yourself...is there anything worth....life and shit??.... GRACIAS ------------------------------------------------------ |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 01,April,2004 | You think you're invincible...I know you do...You believe you're untouchable...That you can't be harmed..That everything goes over and beneath you..Never between...you believe things never touch you....You don't even ask for forgiveness when you ruin it all.....You expect me to apologize for things that you've done wrong...Expecting more from me than what I can give.....Just expecting...You've become nothing...And I just wish that I was gone....You're not being true...Not even opening up a little for me to come in...To come in and help...But you wont let me in.....Do you like to wish on things so impossible..??..It's just basic living....And you can't do it alone.....Simple society wont let you do it.....You'll be stopped and you will fail... ...................................Maybe it's right..But I can always be wrong................................... |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 26,May,2004 | My Dearest: I've missed you very very much since that last night we were together and will hold that night specially in my memories for years to come. I've been turning it over and over in my mind lately, I've read your letter through at least four times, and would probably read it more times before I'm through. I've been sitting here, looking at your picture and getting more home sick every minute. I've wanted that picture more than anything else i known of except, of course...you, yourself. I keep thinking of you darling, keep wishing I could be home with you. I want to leave in the worse possible way so I can come home to see you but...things don't look so good on that subject. This war has spoiled a lot of things for everyone I guess, I've never been so lonesome in my life as I am right now. I'm completely lost without you darling. I never realized i could miss any one person so much. I just can't wait too much longer until I'm able to be with you again.. And live a sane and normal life. Hidden Track. 'Violence' Blink 182 |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 22,May,2004 | ..they sink and they drown 2 mins before they hit the ground...so i feel this is coming to and end..are gonna be there 'till then??..so we talk...we say forever not knowing how long it is...we say forever and promises brake before they're made..we say forever and we go...we leave and forever brakes!.. ..we sometimes believe in things that seem perfect...perfection ain't perfect and that as a fact can be easily proved. looking for completeness..fullfillment, joy! for this fake concept of total hapiness that gets easily overwhelmed by despair, it dies and so do most of our souls..they die looking..still trying to find out a reason... |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 22,May,2004 | Am I freak in the darkness, or am I misfit? You speak them opinions to sink in so deep. But its alright, you're just an illusion confused by your narrow mind. Reality is up ahead in tha' distance, but that lack of persistance has left you behind. Now your reaching for your sanity, cause you're afraid of me, so don't fuck with me. You wanna ask me a question? Well I gotta question. How much longer can I tolerate this shit. Egos trip when your livin' on tha' flip-side. Drop out of a uterus and died, damn. I see ya' pointin' your finger, ya' stereotype me cause you don't like me? Well you don't even know me, punk. You don't know me. Stereotype me, cause you don't like me!! urlLink |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 22,May,2004 | Uich gwennen na 'wanath ah na dhin. [0.11] An uich gwennen na ringyrn ambar hen. Boe naid bain gwannathar, Boe cuil ban firitha. Boe naer gwannathach, [...] [1.33] 'You are not bound to loss and silence. For you are not bound to the circles of this world. All things must pass away, All life is doomed to fade… Sorrowing you must go, [and yet you are not without hope]. |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 08,May,2004 | By: TIRI!!(all rights reserved) Bill Moritz, known as the kidnapped boy, was a guy that had big expectations in his life, he wanted to finish school to go to university and study what he like best, ecology. He was a boy that liked exploration and he always said that he will dedicate all his life to go on adventures all around the world doing what he liked most, climbing. He had a great childhood, but when he was an adolescent he had a bad incident, he was kidnapped and kept for almost a year. But even though he had this bad experience in the past he had dreams of going to the highest mountains and reaching the top. Actually one of his adventures happened two weeks ago, when he decided to make a journey to El Cocui Snow Mountain. He was so excited he couldn’t wait one more day; he packed and got organized and left everything ready for his trip. Finally, the perfect and expected wild day arrived. He got on his car turned the radio on and left the station where they were giving the new because he wanted to know how the climate was on the area. Few minutes latter he stopped surprised of what he had heard over the news. He was really worried and scared, “The Cocui was filled up with guerrilla and the kidnap statistics was of a 90% probability.” But even though he was scared and not really sure if he should continue, he filled with courage and carried on with his dream. The next day he arrived to one of the most dangerous mountain of El Cocui, named La Laguna de los Verdes. Bill started to feel and smell the soft and comfortable aroma of the wind and he saw the beautiful colors of nature; he felt so secure and happy, he knew that he was where he belonged, free and in peace. After a moment he heard a really strange noise that made him come back to reality and remember his past and what he had heard the day before. He was frightened, he felt as if he were living a flashback. He heard some gunshots, he was frightened, he didn’t know what to do he was paralyzed; he just wished he had returned when he had the chance. He started to run in no direction and after a while of running he ended up in a dark and endless cave. He didn’t notice that in the cave there was some ice blocks falling from the top and that in the floor there were some human footsteps, so he continued walking knowing that there he would be secure. After a while of walking, he heard some screaming; they came from far away, it seemed to be from a girl, a KIDNAPPED girl, who was screaming for help. He continued walking and when he least expected he was eye covered and he felt that someone grabbed his arm and painfully twisted it to his back, he felt as it thy were taking his arm away. He heard a man’s voice ordering him to walk, but because he was so scared it seemed difficult to do it. After a while of not knowing to where he was taken, he heard the girls’ voice again. Every time the girl voice got closer, and closer. Then instantaneously the bandage was off and he had the chance to look down and when he did he saw a small girl. The man made him sit down beside her and ordered him to stay quiet. Even though the man told him not to, he talked for a while with the girl letting the time pass and the night to arrive. When it did arrived he didn’t remember falling a sleep. At some point in the middle of the night he woke up all sweaty. He was home, in his bed and the day of his journey hadn’t arrived. He realized that he was living a lie, everything was ok when he figured out what had happened he calmed down, nothing was happening. He would be living tomorrow and his trip was going to be the first of so many trips to come. |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 26,June,2004 | ..never to return again, but always in my heart. - Maroon5 - ..In my eyes Indisposed In disguise As no one knows Hides the face Lies the snake The sun In my disgrace Boiling heat Summer Stench 'Neath the black The sky looks dead Call my name Through the cream And I'll hear you Scream again - SoundGarden - |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 21,June,2004 | urlLink teniamos falta de plan y vale me queria mostrar como se ponian fotos en el blog.... tonces pusimos esta.... estamos male, nana, malu y vale pasndola muy rico en la casa d vale!!! jajajaja el caso.... los dejamos tenemos un inconciente que invocar! urlLink |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 19,June,2004 | urlLink ...no logro entender porque, pero me encanta! urlLink |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 18,June,2004 | ..de una vez pa ahorrarme problemas....esto puede ser un poco 'disturbing' para alguna gente.....ultimamente estoy escribiendo MUY 'crudo' y pues decidi meter esto aca...tonces pues.../continue at your own risk/ jeje ..se sentó en su cama, una vez mas esperando a su cliente, esperando al nuevito del dia...nada cambió, a la habitación entró un hombre desagradable, gordo y con poca clase...sabia que iba a ser una de las peores noches de su vida, sabia que podia impedirlo pero... el tipo pagaba bien y ella necesitaba ese dinerito extra, despues de todo la vida no es tan sencilla..nada es facil...y cuando toca, pues toca! ..la noche transcurrio como cualquier otra...hizo su trabajo y el hombre se fue a eso de las 2am..salió de la habitacion y se dispuso a ir a casa..se encontro con su jefe, éste le pago y le ofreció un taxi..ésta acepto se puso una gabardina negra que le habían regalado de navidad y salió..se montó en su taxi....le olia algo raro, pero lo ignoró..despues de todo a las 2am cualquier taxi tiene su vaina. Cayó profundamente dormida. ..depronto despertó, no sabia donde estaba..se encontró encadenada y encerrada en un cuarto oscuro. Asustada intento soltarse, no pudo...tanto era el miedo que la invadia q no fue capaz nisiquiera de gritar...pasaron unos 20 minutos y entró un hombre usando pasamontañas- tenia una voz algo aspera, poco confiable...ella pregunto donde estaba y entró en llanto... el hombre simplmente la miro..se le acerco..la violó y salió de la habitacion..luego oyó unos gritos, algo como 'usted sabia que no podia tocarla'..unos golpes y luego un tiro de pistola..simple silencio...no entendia nada, entró una vez mas en un llanto profundo, entró un nuevo hombre...le botó un plato de comida y le dijo que se callara si no queria q él la callara.. ella se callo, por miedo a otra violación o algo peor....comio esa desagradable 'sopita de frijoles' q le habian botado ahi. ..entró un hombre mas...se preparo para ser una vez mas herida...de cualquier manera. Éste nuevo hombre se quito el pasamontañas, era el taxista!..ella empezó a llorar de nuevo..este hombre la calmó...le dijo q estuviera tranquila...sino sería peor...le explicó q por ser la preferida de su jefe estaba ahi...q dependía de él si salía de ahí o no...no entendia nada...luego recodo una tarde llegando al bar...unos hombres estaban golpeando a Don Tito, su jefe...y este famoso taxista estaba entre ellos...todo tuvo sentido por un momento...luego recibió una llamada....la hicieron leer un papel q decia: 'Tenemos a Samantha, su favorita perro...le toco pagarnos o la matamos...volvemos a llamar mañana...tenga una respuesta o atengase!' ..samantha lloro.....creyó q la iban a matar, temia tambien de la vida de Don Tito, había sido como un padre para ella y no queria perderlo..extrañaba a sus hijos...necesitaba escapar. ..decidio intentarlo, le daban 20 minutos al dia para ir al baño, lavarse los dientes y demas...la ventana tenia unas barras..pero estaban algo 'flojas' ya....y así empezó su plan...iba a aflojarlas cada vez mas....a pedir un poco mas de tiempo en el baño dia tras dia....las iba a soltar....iba a escapar!...su plan funciono a la perfección...ese dia escaparia... ..entro al baño, como siempre...se paro en la tasa y quito todas las barras...lo hizo lo mas silenciosa que pudo......de repente la puerta se abrió!......el taxista entro...la puteo y se la llevo...la encerró una vez mas...las cadenas estaban ahora atadas a un poste en la mitad d esta nueva habitación.....con un pequeño colchon de un lado y le puso una telita inmunda y maloliente en los ojos.....era golpeada todas las noches por esto...aunque nunca mas violada... ..un dia entro el taxista, -'su jefesito no quizo pagar..y nosostros no podemos tenerla mas aca...nos dieron buen billete por usted...entonces hoy se va a su nuevo trabajito'...la cogieron y metieron en el taxi de nuevo... le pusieron una cobija encima....era ahora o nunca!..si en algun momento habia tenido algo totalmente claro fue ahi...o se escapaba o se escapaba...no habia de otra!..se quito la tela de los ojos....el taxi paro en un semaforo....el tipo que la iba cogiedo se levanto un momento para comprar unos cigarrillos.....quito muy sigilosamente el seguro....y abrio la puerta.....corrio como nunca habia corrido en su vida....solo corria...los dos tipos se bajaron del carro....corrieron detras d ella....simplemente no podia parar...ya habia logrado lo mas dificl...solo le quedaba correr...corrio hasta no poder mas...los hombres pararon antes...se escondio en una ferreteria...el dueño le pregunto q le pasaba...de buenas le toco un buen hombre..le llamo un taxi y le dio 5mil pesos para pagarlo...la vieja estaba traumada....ni a bate se metia en un taxi ya....entonces cogio bus, nada mas seguro q un bus...llego a su casa a su familia...a su vida!....volvio al trabajo al siguiente dia. ...sentada en su cama espero a su cliente....termino y salio...decidio caminar...y jamas volvió. |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 18,June,2004 | ...I just needed someone to talk to, you were just too busy with yourself. ..never again...I'll never be the same again...'los verdaderos amigos vienen solitos' so I might aswell guess who those true ones are..those who kept close now! ...I'm not afraid of ending up alone...I guess I just am right now..loneliness does not scare me...it flirts around untill it just stays here, in me...with me... ...or forever after ever had a chance to grow... ..what you lose is what you know, what I am is yet to show! ..just don't lose what you know...when I'm SO FAR AWAY!!!! ..but don't look back in anger! ..just so that you know...I'm into anger management right now...shhh 'How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.' -Marcus Aurelius ..gracias linis, gracias! so..life went accoustic...life went simple....life went around....life stopped red....life went wrong! -----------JUST BREATHE! ..there's nothing left to lose, nothing left to hide....here I am only with my naked soul to show...nothing but a soul....no heart no memories...a simple soul ..what I see is what's to be..kart weels to eternity! ..and it is worthy to say...that I've never felt this way, the emptiness inside scares me...but I'll fill it someday...hope to fill it trully and completely...not as it once was...not too long ago...but I had to find out today?...didn't I? ..and some may say you've got just what you wanted, but who could ever want this??? lies...lies...lieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslies!... ..here in my mind, you know you might find.....something that you..you thought you once knew, but now it's all gone and you know it's no fun, you KNOW it's no fun! ..now I'm lost, I'm stranded and fading...but there's no use now...I'm depending on a fuc*ing decision that I can't seem to trust completely... but there's no use..! I BROUGHT THIS ON MYSELF...damn can I be stupid! |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 11,June,2004 | urlLink Beckham, The God! urlLink |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 30,July,2004 | -..you got a candy? -..who do you take me for, Willy Wonka? |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 29,July,2004 | ..voy a volar como un águila! (o en su defecto caeré como una vaca.) . -JD- |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 27,July,2004 | .. follow the c o l o r s .. ..can you see the colors of the rain? ..do you dream or do you sleep? ..is anyone unbelievable? ..are you still here? ..do you mind? ..could this actually be real? ..do you hear or do you listen? ..are you obsessed? ..do you actually wish upon a shooting star? ..can you really pay attention? ..crushed? |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 27,July,2004 | urlLink It is the passion flowing right on through your veins And it's the feeling that you're oh so glad you came It is the moment you remember you're alive It is the air you breathe, the element, the fire It is that flower that you took the time to smell It is the power that you know you got as well It is the fear inside that you can overcome This is the orchestra, the rhythm and the drum It is the soundtrack of your ever-flowing life It is the wind beneath your feet that makes you fly It is the beautiful game that you choose to play When you step out into the world to start your day You show your face and take it in and scream and pray You're gonna win it for yourself and us today It is the gold , the green , the yellow and the grey The red and sweat and tears, the love you go. Hey! -Força-Nelly Furtado urlLink |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 25,July,2004 | urlLink ..toda la grandeza el buen juego y el 'empuje'..d un equipo grande..todo al piso por un mal arbitraje....a la mierda arbitros peruanos...esta si t la cobramos hpta!!!...y viva argentina!!!..la grandeza no la quita un titulo..la grandeza se hace de poder, nivel y sobretodo PASION!!!..y eso no se va tan facil... GRANDE ARGENTINA!!!! .. gracias por un buen futbol. urlLink |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 15,July,2004 | ...could I be all of them??? borracho, cha. (De borracha). 1. adj. ebrio (ǁ embriagado por la bebida). U. t. c. s. 2. adj. Que se embriaga habitualmente. U. t. c. s. 3. adj. Dicho de algunos frutos y flores: De color morado. Pero borracho. Zanahoria borracha. 4. adj. coloq. Vivamente poseído o dominado de alguna pasión, y especialmente de la ira. ..alright, alright...all but one...· 3..;) |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 13,July,2004 | urlLink THE perfect neighborhood...in the whole...deep blue sea...???..BIKINI BOTTOM ROCKS!!!! urlLink |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 11,July,2004 | urlLink Lies... make it better Lies... are forever Lies... to go urlLink home to Lies... to wake up to Lies... from the altar Lies... make you falter Lies... keep your mouth fed Lies... till your death bed... lies -Billy Talent- urlLink |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 08,July,2004 | When you have the will You learn to forgive and to forget You have to - Collect the broken pieces and Humble hearted Stand up from the place you hide If i wouldn´t know to miss anything It couldn´t hurt me no more Mistakes tought to build life From the ashes, that fell down to ground Without any pain it wouldn´t be the same Experiences made me strong - Not every pain hurts Deep inside When you learn to devide Don´t fear the danger Follow your heart to the light Live your dream and breath . -Lacrimosa- |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 08,July,2004 | urlLink Happy B-Day Oliver!!!! urlLink |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 07,July,2004 | Escribo mi propia historia Y sólo vivo al paso Soy el único que se percata de mí Y todas las voces que escucho Son sólo ecos de mi deseo Impotente enfrento a mi soledad E impotente le doy la cara Desintegrado en miles de pedazos Me arrastro en miles de direcciones Y no sostengo tu mano lo suficientemente firme Escapo en falsos sueños Me he sentado en lugares ocupados He buscado la gloria de estar contigo Y sólo encontré la ridícula soledad |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 06,July,2004 | urlLink nosotras en un dia normal del 2004... siendo nosotras... normales... como siempre tratamos de ser.. pero con algunas excepciones... claro esta... pero de todos modos... nosotras... AlejaP urlLink |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 03,July,2004 | If there is one ..I will, I would! I need one, at least one a reason to fight for. No need to cry your tears mean nothing now. No need to ask, to beg for forgiveness I'm not the one who decides. I'll be watching close NEVER to interfere again. ..I'll leave it, leave you all behind simple part of a past of which I don't want to come back to. Life once felt great Then life stopped red(doesn't have to make sense to you) ...then it all made sense to me you give a damn... so why shouldn't I? ..let it go ..let it be what once meant a lot ..is now meaningless GOODBYE |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 03,July,2004 | ..santi santi! My dear, sweet child, That's what I do... It's what I live for... To help unfortunate merfolk, Like yourself... Poor souls with no one else to turn to... I admit that in the past I've been a nasty They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch But you'll find that nowadays I've mended all my ways Repented, seen the light and made a switch True? Yes! And I fortunately know a little magic It's a talent that I always have possessed And here lately, please don't laugh I use it on behalf Of the miserable, lonely and depressed (Pathetic) Poor unfortunate souls In pain In need This one longing to be thinner That one wants to get the girl And do I help them? Yes, indeed Those poor unfortunate souls So sad So true They come flocking to my cauldron Crying, 'Spells, Ursula please!' And I help them? Yes, I do Now it's happened once or twice Someone couldn't pay the price And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals Yes, I've had the odd complaint But on the whole I've been a saint... To those poor unfortunate souls (...)(...) Come on, you poor unfortunate soul Go ahead! Make your choice! I'm a very busy woman And I haven't got all day It won't cost much: Just your voice! You poor unfortunate soul! It's sad, But true! If you want to cross a bridge, my sweet You've got to pay the toll Take a gulp and take a breath And go ahead and sign the scroll! Poor Unfortunate Soul, The Little Mermaid! |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 02,July,2004 | I'm never coming back I'm never giving in I'll never be the shine in your spit I disconnect the act I disconnect the dots I disconnect the me in me And you're mistaken, It's you that's faking Living and breathing and dying too This message is for anyone who dares to hear a fool You can't bring me back, you can't bring me back Cause I give it all back to you Thru sacred alleys, the living wrecks Wreak their havoc upon this world The disenchanted, the romantics, The body and face and soul of you is gone down that deep black hole Destroy the mind-destroy the body-but you cannot destroy the heart And you, you make me so I need to disconnect And you make it so real I don't need your love to disconnect To runaround kids in get-go cars With vaseline afterbirths and neon coughs Galaxies full of nobodies Giving us the farewell runarounds I took a virgin mary axe to his sweet baby jane, lost my innocence to a no good girl, scratch my face with anvil hands, and coil my tongue around a bumblebee mouth And I give it all back to you No way, I don't need it, I don't need your love to disconnect And you make it, so real, I don't need your love to disconnect No way to disconnect And you make it so real I don't need your love to disconnect No way to disconnect -Fuck You(AnOdeToNoOne) The Smashing Pumpkins- |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 09,August,2004 | You're on your way There's no way back You try to turn And see it all black Tears fall down your cheeks Is it despair within you? Walk Just walk Don't talk Continue walking I know it hurts The chains are heavy Are they real or, did you make them? Mind tricks Light... A little, simple but beautiful glimpse Light... Hope is back in mind Light... Clear, bright, unveliebable Light. You reached it You're fading Air? None Needing Much Fading Again Oxygen? None Light Fading You Craving Hard Try Harder by the minute Die |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 08,August,2004 | urlLink ...jajajajajajajajajaja!!! *cough* I mean LOL!!! urlLink |
2,559,416 | female | 15 | Student | Aquarius | 08,August,2004 | I'm losing ground you know how this world can beat you down I'm made of clay I fear I'm the only one who thinks this way I'm always falling down the same hill bamboo puncturing this skin and nothing comes bleeding out of me just like a waterfall I'm drowning in 2 feet below the surface I can still make out your wavy face and if I could just reach you maybe I could leave this place I do not want this [4x] don't you tell me how I feel [3x] you don't know just how I feel I stay inside my bed I have lived so many lives all in my head don't tell me that you care there really isn't anything, is there? you would know, wouldn't you? you extend your hand to those who suffer to those who know what it really feels like to those who've had a taste like that means something and oh so sick I am and maybe I don't have a choice and maybe that is all I have and maybe this is a cry for help I do not want this [4x] don't you tell me how I feel [3x] you don't know just how I feel I want to know everything I want to be everywhere I want to fuck everyone in the world I want to do something that matters -NIN- |
3,931,473 | female | 26 | Science | Sagittarius | 17,July,2004 | Kevin got an email from the sportswear place asking his salary range. Although unscrupulous, I intercepted this email via webmail and replied with a 25k-30k requirement, citing that the last job held paid 28k with benefits. After sending this email, I let it remain in the inbox to be downloaded to his outlook. As predicted, he saw the email and wanted to respond to it with a 25-30k requirement. I am good. So while he was indisposed in the shitter, I made a dummy email that said the same thing and sent it to a dummy email addy. It was bounced back undeliverable, but I deleted it from the inbox and deleted mail box so he'll never know the difference. When he came back in from the bathroom, he read the sent copy and was satisfied with the reply. Not that he should actually send his own stuff. I made the resume. I wrote the cover letter. I found the job. I applied him for it. Then he has the audacity to tell me he has to do everything because I ask him to bring me something from the kitchen while he is up and already in the kitchen. Hmmmm. He better get this friggin job because I'll be god damned if I have to sell my car so we can get by and I have to drive a junk piece of shit even though I make a ton of money. Sad, but true, I have to pay for every bill, plus my debt, rent, car payment, vacation fund (which I made a separate one for me) pet costs, food, EVERYTHING. He even asked if I could use my credit card to buy him toys. What? I don't think so asshole. If I have to do without some things I like, so do you. I'm contemplating giving up my car, that I worked hard for, but you want to go on buying fucking toys?! Not going to happen! |
3,931,473 | female | 26 | Science | Sagittarius | 15,July,2004 | I wish I could sleep all day and basically be unemployed and have no qualms about it. Just to be a slug and all. Must be nice. I have to make huge sacrifices and slug just sleeps all day. |
3,931,473 | female | 26 | Science | Sagittarius | 14,July,2004 | urlLink Google Toolbar FAQ Google is gud. |
3,931,473 | female | 26 | Science | Sagittarius | 14,July,2004 | I am making a secret journal for me to vent without anyone who I may vent about can read. I want to do this so I can blow off steam without offending anyone. I have considered keeping a paper journal, but I'm too paranoid. This is better and easier! |
3,647,746 | male | 39 | Education | Virgo | 28,June,2004 | In September of 1996, I was backpacking through Israel when I landed in the northern hill town of Tzfat (AKA Safed). Tzfat is the epicenter of Jewish mysticism and has become a...wait for it...Mecca for people interested in living a thoroughly Jewish life, complete with exhaustive ritual and worship, but with a focus on the more esoteric teachings of urlLink Kabbalah , rather than the more literal Judaism prevelent in Jerusalem. Often, people arrive in Tzfat wanting to merely dabble, but end up moving there and dramatically changing their lives. For lodging I stayed at a hostel run by an Orthodox Jewish organization providing free shelter in exchange for attendance at religious education classes held several times a day. It's no secret that many Jewish tourists traveling around Israel have a sometimes hidden (sometimes not) agenda to have some kind of religious or spiritual experience while in the Holy Land, especially Jews from the U.S. where spirituality is mostly marginalized. After all, when you return from a trip to Israel, you will invariably be asked by many people whether or not anything happened, and by the way the question is formed, you know they're not asking whether or not you got sick from eating too many dates. In Tzfat, something happened, but I've only recently figured out what it was. I had already been through Jerusalem and had prayed at the holiest Jewish site in the world, the urlLink Western Wall , the remnants of the Holy Temple destroyed by the Romans in 68 C.E. While it was indeed an incredible place to visit, and while I did feel the weight of history and the echoes of millions of prayers thick in the air, I came away feeling like something was missing, as if I was supposed to have had a catharsis or awakening. Indeed, nothing so dramatic happened during my entire visit. And so I came to Tzfat a bit let down, but not without hope that I'd pick up something of spiritual value. It was in that spirit that I attended a morning class with a Rabbi whose name, sadly, never stuck with me. We spent the entire hour talking about the first line of the Book of Genesis. Well, at least the Rabbi tried to contain the discussion to the first line, quoting commentary written over hundreds of years, analyzing every word in that first sentence. Every word, of course, had numerous possible meanings as there is a great deal of interpretation that comes with translating from Hebrew. So, I thought this level of scrutiny was a green light for me to ask a question about the rest of the creation story, a question that had bugged me for years. hjm: Rabbi, do you really believe that heaven and earth were created in 6 days? Six days as we know them now? Six twenty-four hour days? Rabbi: Yes, I do. hjm: What about modern interpretations that suggest the possibility that each of those 6 days actually lasted millions of years? Rabbi: No. They were twenty-four hour days, just as we experience them today. hjm: So, you actually believe that is has only been 5,755 years since heaven and earth were created. Rabbi: Yes. hjm: What about science? What about carbon date testing that shows fossils to be millions of years old? Rabbi: Scientists believe what they want to believe, and I believe what I want to believe. On the surface, there was nothing remarkable about this Rabbi. He wore the traditional black and white clothes, his hair and beard were characteristically unkempt, he was probably not that much older than me, but he'd forgotten more about Judaism than I had ever learned. In hindsight, what I realize now as significant was the utter sincerity, the quiet conviction, the peacefulness he exuded, comforted by his faith and under no pressure whatsoever to justify it to anyone. Sure, he taught the classes in hopes that others might share the rewards of his faith. Yet, he had no desire to force his views on anyone. So, it strikes me how different he was from other people I have met who profess a deep, passionate faith. It has been my misfortune to have more than once been confronted by religious zealotry, an entirely different practice in faith with a very different presentation. The zealot seems driven more by desperation than anything else. They have seen the light and operate from a place of panic, feeling that they are personally responsible for the salvation of others. For years after my trip, I liked to tell the story about that Rabbi, and it is with some degree of shame that I realize that I actually took delight in pointing out what, until now, seemed like the worst kind of blind faith, the shunning of fundamental scientific discoveries in favor of a literal interpretation of a document, The Bible, that scientists and scholars have made few solid conclusions about. I got a lot of mileage with that anecdote and missed the point completely. In the end, it was more important that the Rabbi was benevolent than whether or not he was right about the origins of the universe. One can have all the faith in the world, but if he/she does not practice tolerance towards fellow humans who have their own version of faith, if they are motivated by desperation rather than love, then not only are they are in no position to be prosletyzing, but they are hardly models of an enlightened being, totally incapable of demonstrating the benefits of faith. |
3,647,746 | male | 39 | Education | Virgo | 23,June,2004 | urlLink transcendentalfloss Okay, in 2004 here are the various forms of communication we may select: direct conversation paging postal mail: postcard, letter, package, etc. fax telegram e-mail: personal, work, online, etc. forum/bulletin board: post, private message, intra-e-mail, etc. instant message: AIM, ICQ, Jabber, MSN, Yahoo! blog memo telephone: home, car, cell, business, business cell, vacation home, etc. voice mail: home, work, cell, hotel, etc. et cetera Hey, Howard, did you get my message? No, how'd you send it? I forget. Edited: 11:18 PM THU 05 JUL 04 [Added some items -- this could be reorganized but it was meant as a flippant post. I'll reorganize another day.] |
3,647,746 | male | 39 | Education | Virgo | 15,June,2004 | urlLink Letterman, 6/15 |
3,647,746 | male | 39 | Education | Virgo | 15,June,2004 | 'Roll down the window and let the wind blow back your hair.' - Bruce Springsteen That's what this blog is all about, right there. My hope, dear reader, is that anytime you want to have that refreshing, exhilirating experience of sticking your head out of a moving vehicle, without the risk of looking like a dog, or of being beheaded by a passing semi, you will set your browser compass to transcendentalfloss. It is WAY too scary to boast that we will always be a breath of fresh air. On the contrary, it may occasionally happen that you'll have to contend with periodic gaseous emissions. I will promise you, however, that we will always do our best to leave the smallest possible footprint on our beloved spaceship earth, and we will never knowingly contribute to global warming. Enjoy. |
3,647,746 | male | 39 | Education | Virgo | 29,July,2004 | I don't have a cell phone, but I want one. I don't have an iPod, but I want one. I have a factory stereo in my car, but I'd love something better. I'm holding out for one unit to do it all, and here are two articles I read today that suggest that we're getting closer. urlLink Apple, Motorola to bring iTunes to cell phones urlLink Alpine offers details on forthcoming iPod interface My mouth is watering. |
3,647,746 | male | 39 | Education | Virgo | 22,July,2004 | Josh Marshall made a urlLink post to his blog last night that is very tempting to believe. He talks about the tone of the Democratic National Convention as being starkly different from the tone of the campaign amongst the candidates for the nomination. Much has been said in the media about how the rhetoric of the DNC has been surprisingly light in terms of attacks on the Bush Administration, and Josh offers his explanation in two points: First: On the surface, the fiery rhetoric and animus of 2003 and early 2004 were directed at President Bush. And to some degree of course they were. But the punch of that rhetoric derived not so much from Democrats' antipathy for President Bush as from a pitched battle, almost a rebellion, within the Democratic party -- the grassroots of the Democratic party insisting that Washington Democrats were compromising with the president over particulars when he was leading the country in a direction that had to be opposed across the board. Fiery rhetoric against President Bush was fiery rhetoric against compromise and accommodation with him. In other words, it was to a very real degree aimed at other Democrats. Second: Anger is often, and rage is almost always, an emotion rooted in powerlessness. That was certainly the position of Democrats in early 2003 (on so many levels), though less so as the year went on. These Democrats don't feel powerless. The mood is one of cautious optimism that they can drive the president from office, that the wind is at their backs. So, Josh thinks the change in tone is a sign of unity and optimism. That certainly is a glass-half-full way to interpret it. Yet, while I'd rather be optimistic, the polls showing Bush and Kerry in a dead heat, despite the glaring fact that the Bush Administration has dragged this country through the gutter, erode my ability to believe that the Democratic Party has what it takes to beat the Republicans. What Josh sees as a new found confidence, I see as fearful, tip-toe dancing around the swing voters. The point that anger is 'almost always' rooted in powerlessness, while likely true, rules out the potent combination of anger and confidence, righteous indignation, that occasionally surfaces during struggles for freedom and justice. As a model, I look to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. MLK spoke the plain truth and there was no way to hide the legitimate anger he felt about racism. He had utter confidence that he was right and deep faith that he would succeed. I find it deeply ironic that the most successful movies in America are blockbuster action films with heroes who act out of righteous indignation. It is a classic American icon, yet somewhere along the line the Democratic Party decided that this formula doesn't work. Yes, the media jumped all over Howard Dean for his post-Iowa pep rally. The key, however, was how the Dean campaign, and the Democrats in general, reacted. Rather than defend the emotion that Dean was showing, which I contend was much more that of enthusiasm than anger, they apologized and toned it down. This is classic pacification, and the worst part is that it is self-inflicted. |
3,647,746 | male | 39 | Education | Virgo | 22,July,2004 | urlLink The New York Times > Week in Review > What Boston Can Do for Kerry : 'Yet for all that, the American convention remains a singular moment in the nominating process - a relic of a bygone time, perhaps, but a relic that nonetheless keeps driving the story line of a presidential election. And that is no small matter for John Kerry, the likely Democratic nominee. Mr. Kerry will head to Boston - where the convention begins next Monday - remembering and trying to duplicate Mr. Clinton's success. Americans do not seem overly enthused about him. If polls showing him tied with Mr. Bush are to be believed, Mr. Kerry has so far been unable to take advantage of abundant evidence that Americans are looking for a change in the White House. Mr. Kerry's advisers say that it is not that voters don't like him; it is that they still do not know him, even after $80 million worth of television advertisements, close to 50 candidate debates and almost two years of campaigning. Yet Mr. Kerry's aides see these polls, and are clearly hungering for these four days in Boston to break this deadlock, preparing with a level of intensity and detail that serves as the ultimate validation of the power of conventions.' This year, the Democratic National Convention is taking place merely for Big Dems to glad hand one another and for some Little Dem wannabes to wait for the party to collapse. What is emphasized above I stated was Kerry's electability problem back in February/March (not here but elsewhere as t-floss hadn't been around then). Back then I was even leaning to voting for Bush if the Democratic National Party allowed the early primaries to elect a candidate who may have been winning the party faithful but had no chance of winning over the Democratic population at large. Sooner or later (with Kerry it may very well be later), the Dems need to wake up and realize they are flailing about in an identity crisis. That they have allowed themselves to become Republicans in dress and Democrats in name only is shameful. The Democratic Party needs an overhaul. Badly. Gore losing to Bush was plenty evidence. How many more Senators must they run out there to be slaughtered? As many others opine, Americans do recognize that Bush has his failings, but many of those same Americans look at Kerry and wonder. And think, ummm, that's a haggard Al Gore with a big coif. The insincerity meter runs high around Kerry in comparison to Bush. And that meter often sways elections (no, really, it does!). Bush may be a word-fumbling dolt on stage but he's a sincere word-fumbling dolt on and off stage. Voters who have doubts will go for the sincere incumbent every time no matter how much he bungled things. Kerry? Unlike rabble-rouser Howard Dean and his yyyyyyyyahp!ing, which in the long run would have been a positive, Kerry has said and done nothing to convince those 'looking for a change' to look his way. It has been 52 years since a convention really chose the candidate - when Democrats in Chicago nominated Adlai Stevenson. Over the next 40 years, conventions became the stage for presenting a running mate, as a way of keeping some interest in the event. Even that little gift of news has slipped away over the years; Mr. Kerry selected Mr. Edwards three weeks before the convention. Granted, the conventions are more about rallying and grooming but never (?) before were the early primary returns allowed to run roughshod over the entire primary process. The West Coast complains about early returns on the East Coast affecting elections, well, what about primaries?! Thankfully, Edwards was named to the ticket. If it wasn't for him, I'd be voting same as I did in 1976, Mickey and Minnie Mouse. Don't expect the DNC to change that matter. That is unless the Big Dems wisely allow John Edward to run the show from here on out. He is capable of reaching those seeking change. He is positive and upbeat. Kerry is a reminder of the past. A reminder of the shell the Democratic Party has become. Edwards is the future. Stumping will return. Speechmaking will return. But the candidate must be earnest. He must not be afraid to make mistakes. Kerry? Copies GW's advertising and doesn't differentiate himself in the least. He wouldn't want to do something the focus groups don't approve. He's a deer in the headlights. Rather, a deer in the bed of the Grand Ol Party's hemi. This is jek and I approved this blog. P.S. Edwards/Kerry |
3,647,746 | male | 39 | Education | Virgo | 19,July,2004 | Well, I done didn't do nuttin'. The fort was robbed and the muffins are gone. It's all about HoJo, the man with the vision. Here's a little sumthin'-sumthin' to try and makeup for the absence: You know how amazon loves long links? And how those long links break apart in e-mails? Well, there's a handy tool to crunch those link-a-dink-a-overhill&dale-a-roozies down to something more reasonable. The service, urlLink TinyURL , can be placed in your (browser's) Links toolbar. It's a snap! |
3,647,746 | male | 39 | Education | Virgo | 09,July,2004 | This will likely be my last post until Monday, July 19th, as I will be on a road trip with my family around the Selkirk Mountains, and I don't have a laptop. Oh, the shame! In the meantime, I leave you with these few items: 1. urlLink Update on Michael Moore's blog . The pattern appears to continue as he's only made two posts since his July 4th launch. I'm watching you, Mr. Moore. 2. urlLink Saturn's rings . Scientist believe Saturn's rings formed a few hundred million years ago when debris from colliding comets and moons was drawn into orbit around the planet by its gravitational influence. I read this to a co-worker and she said it's pretty funny to her how scientists think they can really determine that a few hundred million years ago, given the vastness of space, that comets, which on earth we only get to see every 50 years or so, actually collided with moons and the debris resulted in the rings. Science or science fiction? 3. urlLink Sticks and stones will break my bones ... I took real pleasure in reading about the sound ass-whoopin' the Bush administration received at a recent benefit concert that raised $7.5 million. After celebrities raised $7.5 million with a concert for Democratic candidates John Kerry and John Edwards , an angry Bush campaign challenged their opponents on Friday to release a videotape showing performers calling the president a 'liar' and a 'cheap thug' during the show. Actor Chevy Chase drew laughs and cheers from the Radio City Music Hall audience when he described politicians and their hobbies: 'Clinton plays the sax, John plays the guitar, and the president's a liar.' John Mellencamp sang 'Let me tell you a story about the Texas Bandito,' a tune that referred to Bush as a 'cheap thug.' 'If John Kerry is going to praise last night's star-studded hate fest and characterize it as the 'heart and soul' of America, he should share these values with voters everywhere,' Bush-Cheney campaign manager Ken Mehlman said Friday in a statement. 'We call on Kerry to release the video of this event so that all Americans can see what John Kerry has called America's 'heart and soul.'' The Bushies hate bullies. Now that's funny! |
3,647,746 | male | 39 | Education | Virgo | 08,July,2004 | Josh Marshall's got a urlLink post up today about news from Afghanistan concerning a mercenary of sorts who '...was arrested with others for conducting a 'self-appointed counterterrorism mission that included abusing eight inmates in a private jail by hanging them by their feet.'' Josh goes on to question what someone is doing operating a private jail, especially since it is very unclear who, if anyone, hired him. His last paragraph reads: It just seems like someone must have been paying this guy to do something, unless it's like a blog where you just set up shop and figure that someday a revenue stream might turn up. Sure, I see the intended humor, but I find myself very uncomfortable with the comparison. All in all, a disturbing story if you choose to follow the link to the ABCNEWS.com urlLink page it appears on. Makes me think of all those movie moments when a CIA agent or Special Forces soldier is given an assignment, and when he is told that the mission is top secret, he responds, 'What mission, sir?' |
3,647,746 | male | 39 | Education | Virgo | 07,July,2004 | urlLink Wilco has another great album out ( urlLink A Ghost is Born ), there's a lead story on Wilco and Jeff Tweedy in urlLink Rolling Stone , and still so few people, it seems, appreciate what Wilco has accomplished. From their inception and through the masterpiece urlLink Summerteeth , Wilco were master chefs, taking ingredients from their myriad influences and whipping them up into the yummiest of delicacies. Homage is a word that often comes to mind when listening to Wilco, since the musical references are so overt that it is impossible to label them as rip-offs. Yet, what is most remarkable about the band is what they have done in their last two albums - urlLink Yankee Hotel Foxtrot and now A Ghost is Born. What we've seen, or perhaps more appropriately heard, has been the metamorphosis from a band of masterful interpreters of classic pop/rock/country music, to the creators of their very own, unique sound. Yes, the influences are still there, but they are now relegated to background filler or the occasional, brief keyboard or guitar lick. It will be very exciting to watch where they will go from here. |
3,647,746 | male | 39 | Education | Virgo | 07,July,2004 | I don't know whether to be amused or disturbed by this urlLink article in Tuesday's (7/6/04) Washington Post. On the surface it seems like a simple look at how silly things get in the world of domain names. Six years ago, an Indianapolis bail bondsman, Kerry Edwards, created his own web domain - urlLink www.kerryedwards.com . According to the article, the day it was announced that Sen. John Edwards would be Kerry's running mate, Indianapolis Edwards was called by the Kerry campaign to discuss purchase of the domain name. Apparently, the asking price was too high. So, it seems like a fairly harmless, humorous human interest story. Right? Reading on we learn about other cybersquatters who have purchased domain names, hoping to cash in: Other obvious choices for a campaign Web site – KerryEdwards04.com, KerryEdwards2004.com, KerryEdwards-2004.com and KerryEdwards2004.net – have already been registered, according to publicly available Internet records. Yet, the disturbing part comes in this disclosure by one of these hopeful opportunists, Kevin Draftz of Chicago: Draftz said his first choice of buyers is the Kerry campaign, but would not rule out selling them to the competition. And we, or at least I, wonder what is wrong with democracy in America. It's for sale. |
3,647,746 | male | 39 | Education | Virgo | 06,July,2004 | I've mentioned urlLink Stellastarr* before -- well, not here and maybe not on the web, wait... -- but they just ripped out a great song on Kilborn. Stellastar* is a little bit Bowie, a little bit The Cure, a little bit Joy Division, a little bit Talking Heads and a whole lotta 21st century brass ones. Plus, they've a blonde on bass. As in ace. Or ass. Depending upon where you're staring. Anyway, blonde on bass. Win-win, baby! urlLink My Coco - WMP urlLink My Coco - Real |
3,647,746 | male | 39 | Education | Virgo | 06,July,2004 | urlLink Michael Moore celebrated Independence Day by launching a urlLink blog . It's amazing that it took him so long since blogging seems like a natural fit for him. July 4th, 2004 10:15 pm My First Blog Entry Hey, my first blog entry! Welcome fellow bloggers and blog readers! Blog doggers and blog loggers. Blogging away for the common good or just to keep from watching whatever crap is on TV right now. What is on TV right now? No new 6 Feet Under tonight. The Practice has been bounced. Can't Jon Stewart do a Sunday show? It will be interesting to see if he can keep it up. He's tried an online diary before, and subscribers to his email list can confirm that he regularly promises to write more often, but does not. The nerve! It's almost as if he thinks that writing best selling books and Academy and Cannes award winning movies is more important than communicating with his fans. |
3,647,746 | male | 39 | Education | Virgo | 02,July,2004 | urlLink Seventy Percent of Media Consumers Use Multiple Forms of Media at the Same Time, according to a study for The Media Center at API Key study findings include: * People who regularly or occasionally watch TV and read the newspaper at the same time: 74.2% * People who regularly or occasionally watch TV while going online: 66.2%. * For simultaneous online users, TV viewing is down 8.8% among 18 to 24 year-olds and down 12.2% among 25 to 34 year-olds in favor of video games * What people do as they wait for downloads from the Internet: listen to the radio (52.1%); watch TV (61.8%), read the newspaper (20.2%) * Importance of word of mouth when it comes to making purchase decisions: 72.5% of all consumers say it's very important versus 80% among cell phone users. One way to read this news is to understand that the quality of each medium does not warrant focused attention. Or Americans, ADHD, all of 'em. BTW, this is old news from March 24. |
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