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SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU By Taking Ambien
POST: This actually happened last night. I take prescribed Ambien for insomnia. Those of you who know this drug are probably nodding your heads and saying, "Oh fuck this is gonna be a good one!". So, I took my pill, and went to take a shower before bed. After that, I knew I had to go to sleep soon, or I'd be up all night with the Walrus. I went downstairs to get a glass of water, then my roommate offers me a beer. That's my last coherent memory. I didn't even realize what had happened until later at work today. I was mopping the floor, then it started to come together. Last night was not an ordinary night. Using mediocre deductive reasoning, and a few returned memories, I had a minimum of three beers, two more Ambien, and an Adderall. I don't know if it was a nightmare or not, but I have the vague memory of being groped. I feel like such an irresponsible jackass. But anyone who's taken Ambien knows that your judgment vanishes and is replaced with delerium and hallucinations. Never letting my guard down, or even leaving my room while on it again, if I ever take it. FYI I'm a 21 year-old male.
TL;DR: | Learned the hard way. Unwittingly mixed pills and alcohol, Roofied myself, and possibly got molested. I'm a giant fucktard. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [27 F] with my BF [28 M] 5 years, Why won't he confide in me?
POST: A little background into our relationship: He's honestly the sweetest, kindest man I've ever had the pleasure of being in a relationship with. He's very affectionate and easy to talk to, and he's helped me out of a lot of emotional turmoil that I have gone through in the past. I confide in him with my issues all the time and he always listens, hugs and kisses me, and makes me feel better. He's pretty much the best boyfriend I could ask for.
But recently I noticed that he was troubled. He wasn't as happy as he normally is. This had been going on for a few weeks and he refused to admit that anything was wrong. He was doing a lot of late nights at work. When I told a few of my friends this, they were baffled, and one night when he called me to say that he was working late one of those friends (she works in the same building as him) saw him leave and followed him to a hotel. Thinking that he was cheating on me, she knocked on the room that he was in and he opened. He wasn't cheating. But in that room was my BF, two of his closest friends (both male, be only really has male friends), and an old man. My friend asked him what was going on and my BF told her that recently his cousin died and that for the last few weeks he had been mourning with his friends and consulting his psychologist (the old man). He asked my friend not to tell me, but she told me right after.
Here's the thing, he never told me he had been seeing a psychologist, and he never told me that his cousin died. While in the hotel room, my friend asked him why he didn't tell me, but he just said that she would never understand, and that she didn't know what it was like to be in a relationship with me, and that she didn't know what it was like to be a man.
My boyfriend doesn't know that I know, my friend didn't tell him that she told me, and so he keeps on pretending as if everything's fine. But why? Why doesn't he trust me? And what should I do?
TL;DR: | BF's cousin died a few weeks ago, has been depressed every since, but never confided in me about it and has been consulting his friends and a therapist for weeks behind my back. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [28/m] having relationship issues with bf [22/m]
POST: First - Throw away account.
On to the post!
It's coming up on three years with...let's call him Travis. Travis and I love each other, we're not breaking up (yet...) and we rarely fight.
My issue is this; Our schedules have basically been polar opposites this term. He didn't register in time for class, so he's unable to really work more than 18 hours a week. I work overnights, and was unable to get my transcripts into the university on time to register for fall, so i'm pretty much working myself 60+ hours a week just to cover all the bills.
add to that, that our schedules basically force us to live opposite lives. I sleep during the day (as in i'm going to bed in 2 hours.) He has to wake up to meet his study group around that time, so as usual he'll be getting up to leave and I'll be laying down to sleep. When I wake up, he'll be doing homework and getting ready for bed since he works tomorrow morning.
We physically cannot make time for each other. With the whole me working to support both of us, while he works 18 hours a week, and our inability to spend any time together, I'm seriously considering just ending it because I'm tired of feeling like I'm nothing more than a cash cow for him to cuddle on the rare chance he gets out of class early and crawls into bed with me.
I need advice.
TL;DR: | Relationship's foundation is pretty solid. I work nights. he does school/occasionally works days. No real time to do anything together. Causing stress. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [26M] can't stop thinking about her [24F]
POST: together for 5.6 years she breaks up with me and got in a new relationship right off the bat now she is planning to move states with him after being in a relationship for less than 3 months.
I had the talk with her to leave me alone and don't talk to me because every time we talked my emotions would get stirred up. every time i get close to not thinking about her she contacts me again. like 2 days ago i was about to leave work when my boss hands me the phone, its her asking me to come check her car out because she thinks its broken. i tell her that sucks and i had to go. now i can't stop wondering what's wrong with it how she is dealing with it etc.
i can't do anything without it triggering a memory of us especially right now because we worked at a Halloween store, every time i look at another girl i think of her, every time i masturbate i think of her, literally everything makes me think if her and its mentally exhausting.
its been about a month and a half since the split and i feel like shit. i miss her, i want her back, i hate her for leaving me. i hate how i can't be my own person because the majority of my adult life was spent with her a person who broke my heart.
TL;DR: | gf of 5.4 years broke up with me dating new guy can't stop thinking about her hate my brain. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me 24 F with my BF 25 M 2 years. He is being insensitive/shallow and trying to force me to lose weight unhealthily.
POST: Recently, my BF and I had a big fight about my weight.
I have become curvier since we got together, all the women in my family got larger around my age so genetically it's expected for me. But my boyfriend is being really awful about it.
When I first gained a little weight he asked if I was pregnant. I told him no but then he kept questioning as I gained a bit more.
I explained to him about the women in my family but he basically ignored that. He doesn't understand that it's just natural for me, and he shouldn't exactly be complaining because my boobs got crazy big and awesome too! But he kept trying to say I was unhealthy.
Fast forward to know and I am sort of at my natural bigger size now, and my boyfriend is telling me that I need to diet and join the gym. My eating has not changed at all since we met and I was thin, and I am on my feet all day for work.
I tried to tell him that I already eat extremely healthy and am active and that he knows that, but he starts saying I should think about joining the gym and going basically excessively and starts talking about obsessive shit like counting every calorie I eat, who even does that?
So I got pretty pissed off and yelled at him, told him he did not love me and didn't deserve me, which made him really angry. So he said that he's going to "just eat whatever he wants and treat his body like shit too"
First off I don't eat bad food and am really healthy, secondly him deliberately getting overweight would just be spiteful. It's natural for me to be bigger and he's naturally slimmer and muscular. I told him as much.
After that he basically just stormed out and won't talk to me now. How so I make him understand how one sided and shallow he is being?
TL;DR: | my BF is trying to force me, a healthy larger woman to be unhealthy and obsessive to get back to the weight I was when we met, and threatening to deliberately become overweight to teach me a lesson as if it's the same thing |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: I was approved for a credit card and learned something.
POST: I know this won't be fascinating but I've read *many* questions here regarding how to improve one's FICO, such as "Should I carry a balance on a credit card?"
Maybe this will help answer some questions.
I applied for a credit card over the web which took 5-10 minutes.
I receive a call a few hours later saying that I was approved.
Because I was on the road, I didn't bother asking what the credit limit or interest rate was.
When I out of the vehicle I called back. I was quite surprised that the limit was so low and the interest rate so high.
Turned out that since I had frozen my credit report and they didn't have access to my FICO so they gave me the default amounts.
I unlocked my credit report and they checked my FICO. It's over 800.
Now the credit limit jumped to the number I requested and the interest rate plummeted.
The only factor in determining my limit and interest rate was the FICO. I think most people already know this.
I pre-pay my other credit cards. If my current balance is, let's say, $400, then I'll pay $500 several days prior to receiving the bill (the excess $100 is in case I use the credit card from the time I sent the payment to the closing date).
When I receive the bill, I don't need to make a payment. I do this in the event that if something goes wrong and the payment isn't sent out or received when the bill arrives, I'll have sufficient time to correct the problem. Yes, this happened to me.
I hope this settles the issue of should "Should I pay off my credit card each month or carry a balance to improve my FICO"?
TL;DR: | If possible, pay off your credit card each month and don't pay the interest. Carrying a balance will not improve your FICO. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25 M/F] too good of a catch/nice guy?
POST: Been debating posting this awhile so I'm curious what the female redditors/guys who have been in this position with some more life experience think.
Basically, the last 3-4 girls I have dated for a period of months I actually liked quite a bit, but they all ended for similar reasons: they claim that I'm a catch and they would want a long term relationship with me instead of a fling (and either they were moving away soon or were worried of my impending move as I end grad school). I consider myself a reasonably cool, nerdy, athletic guy with a great profession ahead of myself so I can see what they're saying and resigned myself that this was more of a good thing than bad thing.
After this weekend though, I have noticed that when I'm hooking up with girls they claim similar things and it is actually stopping me from getting any action or just hanging out on a casual basis. I'm not just interested in just wonton sexification, but I would prefer to hang out with girls who I actually like on a casual basis and maybe be a fwb instead of someone seen as relationship material.
So I guess my question is, am I doing something wrong/should my behavior change to be more...of an asshole? Is this actually a good thing that appears shitty due to multiple instances?
TL;DR: | Girls say I'm too much of a catch to date casually who can't get into serious relationships themselves; would rather at least be fwb than stop dating. Should I start being a jerk instead? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: When is the right time to go all the way?
POST: Lemme first preface this with we're both 19, been in the relationship for two weeks, and aside from this small concern have no other issues. Also, I'm still a virgin by choice. IE in I've had plenty of times to lose it but none have felt right as I grew up in a very traditional household and was taught that while you don't have to be married, you should love (or at least deeply care for) someone before having sex.
Now then, she has had a slew of past sexual relationships. She had a 3 year relationship in high school, and a 2 month fling in between then and college, and is now with me, so to her it's obviously less than a big deal. Well we were getting hot and heavy the other night and it came up, and we talked about it. She's ready to do the dirty, but me with my mindset of how sex should be treated, respectfully turned her down and I explained why. She understood but was obviously disappointed. So my question is: when do you deem yourself ready to have sex with someone? What was your first time like? To be honest, I'm mostly worried about "wasting" it away on someone undeserving, as the all the other chances I've past up till now have been good calls in hindsight.
TL;DR: | girlfriend is ready to have sex, I'm still a virgin, when did you deem yourself ready to have sex with someone for the first time? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, I need help deciding what to spend 50 dollars on.
POST: Originally, I had planned on buying book (house of leaves) and a shirt (its a my little pony shirt, but for the sake of your help, imagine that it is a doctor who, breaking bad, or some other show you like shirt) I am hesitant on buying what I had initially planned, the library is having new copies of the book sent in and I am wondering if a shirt is really worth 30 bucks... I then thought "hey, I could buy a gamecube and a good 25 dollar game with 50 bucks!" But now I'm wondering if buying a console is really worth it, after all, it is just gonna cost more and more money for new games.... what are your suggestions on things to buy?
TL;DR: | was gonna buy book and shirt, then gamecube and game, now I don't know, help me spend my cash. |
SUBREDDIT: r/travel
TITLE: Advice on tramping around the U.S.? xpost from r/Askreddit
POST: Hi everyone!
A little about myself, I'm 25 married (wife also 25) and we have both always had some serous wanderlust. Recently we came up with the idea of leaving our old life behind and buying a motorhome and go wander. We both are dissatisfied with our jobs and have no possesions that we are terribly attached to.
We plan on leaving Jan 2013
Our main idea was to work on selling as much stuff as we can until the day our lease is up (July 1st). By then we plan on having our motorhome and living out of that in her parent's driveway (lame I know) and continue working at our jobs until our tenative leave date. This will allow us to make extra money - almost entirely to be dumped into savings and to pay off any remaining debt. Then with only a month or so before we leave, we sell both our cars and wave goodbye to our old lives for a while.
The trip is going to be open ended meaning we don't have a definite return date but our guess is probably a year.
We plan to stop in towns and get basic labor jobs once in a while to supplement our savings. She's excellent with money and can stretch a dollar. Also at the advice of Cheap RV Living we can also find jobs at campgrounds doing maintenance in exchange for a free site and after a determined amount of hours: cash.
Our biggest concern so far is lack of health insurance. Which to me, is nothing, I lived half my life without insurance and I rollerbladed, skateboarded, etc.
When we decide we had enough we plan on either heading back to our hometown or to another town we found along the way and living out of the RV but having real jobs until we can afford an apartment and rebuild our lives again. We both have handy skils I'm a truck driver and she's a certified English teacher.
What I'm asking is what else should I be worried about? Ideally, I'd like to hear from people who have done something similar.
TL;DR: | My wife and I plan on selling all our stuff and living a life on the road for a while. What should we know? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21M] broke up with my [21F] a year ago, still can't get over
POST: Me and my ex-girlfriend dated for over 2 and a half years. It was my first serious relationship and definitely my first love. We broke up amicably as she was moving to a university on the other side of the country and we were fighting all the time. The first 6 months after the break up, I was miserable, completely heartbroken, extremely jealous, the whole 9 yards. I desperately wanted her back, even though she didn't feel the same way, and in the end we got on extremely poor terms. No connection on social media, and when we are in the same room we won't say a word.
Lately however its been much better, I am much more confident, happy and I am extremely sexually active. I have been seeing someone for a while and we get along, though I don't have nearly the attachment I did with my ex. Although I don't necessarily miss her, or the thought of her keeps me up at night, I cannot get her out of my head. I'll go on my friends phone just to see what she's doing or I'll have dreams about her. By no means am I still heartbroken about this, I just want to get over her.
Redditors, any suggestions??
TL;DR: | Dated for 2 1/2 years, broke up a year ago, not upset or anything but still think about her all the time. Would like to get over it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me 28M with 24F dating 2 months, just discovered she has a STI and it has ruined our relationship
POST: When I met Helen, we pretty much clicked right off the bat. We started falling for each other hard, we had just recently exchanged "I love you's" to each other when she got news the other day that she tested positive for chlamydia.
She immediately told me that she doesn't feel she can date me any longer as she doesn't know if it came from me or her ex. I reminded her that I got tested right before we started dating, and that she told me she suspected that her ex had cheated on her.
But right now she just admitted that she is mad at me, as she doesn't know if she should trust me, or the guy she dated for 4 years (he claimed he is clean after she just spoke with him). She also feels completely tainted and doesn't want to do anything physical with anyone ever again (at least how she is feeling right now)
So I don't know what to do. I'm getting medicine from the doctors tomorrow since I've been exposed, but how do I save this relationship?
I even called to check with the last partner (most awkward conversation of my life) I had unprotected sex with and she said she has been tested since me and her results were all negative.
I really do love this girl, but it feels like in one afternoon, I was basically broken up with and given a STI.
Any advice? I hate to see a relationship destroyed when I think both of us are victims but I'm not sure what I can do/say to fix it.
TL;DR: | Girl I've been seeing recently just discovered she has a STI. Doesn't feel like she can trust me/is ready for a relationship and I'm at a loss at how to fix it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I don't know what to do about my trust issues with my FWB.
POST: I'm F(22) he's m(25)
Backstory: We dated five or so years ago for five months, then he broke up with me for his most recent ex. I never found out the details, but the woman's ex said that he was cheating. I'm not sure. I just assume he didn't, since he stuck to saying he didn't. They dated for four years, then broke up about a year ago. He still talks to her, has pictures of her on his facebook and talks about his 'past' with her. All of this makes me completely uncomfortable, and all I can ever think about is him getting back together with her. We've been fwb for a few months and I know we could possibly turn into something more. (He thinks of me as a girlfriend)
Here's my problem: The past messed with my head a lot. He was the first person I had sex with after a Rape, and my first real relationship. He broke up with me for this other girl, which he basically wanted to marry up until about a year ago. He said he was miserable for the last few years, but didn't realize it until they broke up. Everyday I wake up expecting him to get back together with her. I don't want a repeat of four years ago. I can't shake these trust issues and I feel like they would affect any relationship I would have with him a lot, if we were to become something bigger. Does anyone else have this problem? Any advice? I'm at a standstill. Sometimes I just emotionally detach myself from him just because of it. He notices, and I feel like shit for doing it to him.
TL;DR: | We broke up five years ago because he wanted someone else, they broke up after four years and we are fwb, I don't know if I can trust him for a relationship. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Difficult financial situation regarding my in-laws.
POST: I [28M] gave my in-laws access to one of my credit cards to pay for a vet visit for their sick cat and they would make payments to me to pay it off. It was supposed to be a one time thing, but the credit card company sent my FIL a card with his name on it for my account. I didn't think much of it, because my MIL is trustworthy and I figured that she would ask to use it if again I the situation ever came up again. They ended up using it for another vet visit without asking me, which I ended up being okay with. I should also mention, that I have Autism Spectrum Disorder and it is very difficult for me to be assertive with other people. I also know that they are very emotional and if I ask for the card back they will most likely get very upset, thinking that I don't trust them and I am sure that I will say something I will regret. I should also mention that they are currently living with me while renovating their new house. I have asked my wife to tell them I need the card back because I am currently away for work and the whole situation is stressing me out. She is also worried about asking for it back because she knows how they will probably react. I can also simply take him off the account since he is not an actual joint account holder and have his card deactivated. I know this is passive aggressive, but honestly, it would be the least stressful way for me to solve the problem. I really don't know what to do. The only thing I am sure off, is that I will not allow another thing to be put on that card. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
TL;DR: | I gave my FIL access to my credit card for an "emergency" situation. He used it again without my permission and I need to put a stop to it without damaging the relationship if possible. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [18F] might have feelings for my FWB, [19M] real headache.
POST: If you would like a little precursor, I was nervous and asked how I should go about asking for a FWB on here earlier this month if a little more history is needed for your curious soul. :) (should be one of the only things in my history, throwaway!)
So we hung out a few times, smoke, drank, made out. No sex. It was really flirty over the phone sending each other stuff over the last 2 weeks, but we were both really busy in our lives to really sit down and initiate something as intimate as actually having sex. When we got intoxicated, we wouldn't do much, just have rather deep talks like normal people, FRIENDS even. It was sober kissing and the occasional grinding. I enjoyed it! He would tell me all the time how "I know you told me that you don't want me, but I seriously want you (as a girlfriend)." and it was really nice being chased and actually having a conversation, it was really different from what I expected as my first FWB relationship.
But just today as I text him "hey, you have some extra time to see me today?" he hits me with "sure, but I just want you to know this will be the last. I found a girl I want to go with so the fun stuff has to stop for now."
Excuse me?
I don't know what I miss more and what exactly is making me feel this torn over it, the feeling of being chased and flirted with, the fact that the relationship was premature, or if I actually have feelings for this guy. Nor do I know myself well enough to categorize myself in any of the options listed. Should I puff myself out and make a big deal or let him go? I suppose it is MY fault initially for saying that I don't want anything serious, but is it something deeper how quick he dropped our fling, whatever it was? TIA, Reddit.
TL;DR: | Boy tells me he wants me, gets everything set up for some rockin' sex, boy stops drops and rolls out of my life. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [20M] relationship problems with [18F]. I don't have anyone I want to talk to about this in real life. Please help?
POST: I've been dating my 18yo girlriend for almost 3 years. We met when we were still in high school, and although there was a larger-than-eaverage age gap, we fell completely in love and enjoyed spending all of our time together. We'd have 4-hour phone conversations, I'd write her love notes all the time, we had a bunch of inside jokes and things that made us feel our relationship was incredibly special and personal.
As time went on, though, those things started to happen less. I still really love her and want to be with her, but that loving spark has sort of died down. Now I find that most of what we do is argue. She'll get mad at me for doing things that I don't think are necessarily wrong (hanging out with friends, having to leave to go do homework, etc).
I think I get where she's coming from. She doesn't feel like I'm paying enough attention to her. I'm not in high school anymore though, and neither is she. I have a job now. I want to do really well in school and have some kind of social life. I make the effort to call her every morning and have a quick conversation with her, and to either visit her at night on the weekdays or have a longer phone conversation with her. We hang out every weekend. I give her massages. I buy her flowers. I'm really, really trying. I don't understand why she's so unhappy in our relationship. She tells me she loves me, and I really do love her. I want to fix our problems, but I don't know how. I'm becoming a nervous wreck. I can't sleep at night. I'm not doing as well in school. I constantly have that terrible sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. What do I do?
TL;DR: | I'm trying really hard to make our relationship work, but she constantly gets mad at me and I don't know how to fix what I'm doing wrong. |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: I'm a terrible friend.
POST: My buddy, we'll call him CatholicBoy, has trouble having a physically intimate relationship with a girl unless he's exclusively dating her due to his religious upbringing. He's been seeing a girl recently who I've been friends with for a while (we're in a couple classes together) and always found attractive.
The other day, we were studying together, and she confessed that she's getting really sexually frustrated that CatholicBoy wouldn't do anything other than kiss her. It got late, and we ended up leaving the library and hanging out at my apartment. One thing led to another, and we wound up sleeping together. We talked about doing it again since we have great physical chemistry, and she and CatholicBoy aren't technically exclusive.
I know that it would really hurt him and probably ruin our friendship if he found out, but all I can think about is it's not like I'm taking anything away from him since he's the one not making a move with her. I'm not sure if I'm just rationalizing away my guilt, or if I'm a sociopath, but neither answer is really comforting.
TL;DR: | My friend is seeing a girl and won't get physical with her until they're exclusively dating. I slept with her, had a great time, and don't know if I hate myself or just don't care. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [M35] said something to my girlfriend of 1 year [F31] last night. She's upset even though it's a complete misunderstanding.
POST: My girlfriend and I have been working out a lot together and last night I was checking out my progress in the mirror. She jokingly said that I was going to leave her for someone better (which isn't possible) now that I've got muscles growing. I was going to make a joke about how I'd dump her after meeting someone at the gym (we always joke like this). I refrained from making that joke and told her, as I always tell her, that she's perfect and that I couldn't imagine anyone possibly better.
In the next breath though, because I had been thinking about making the joke about the gym, I remembered that I had seen a mutual acquantince working out, too. My girlfriend has referred to her as being the prettiest girl in town. While she is certainly attractive, there is absolutely no contest!
Unfortunately, in the next breath, I said, "oh, btw, did you see X at the gym tonight?". So, my girlfriend got upset because in her mind, when she said I would leave her for someone better, I must have immediately thought about X. Ugh.
I don't think I did anything wrong, it's just a really unfortunate thing to say and now she's upset and thinks that I'm full of crap when I tell her how beautiful she is and how lucky I am. I've always been honest with her about my feelings and it kind of kills me to think that a careless remark like this could hurt her so much.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend and I joked about me finding someone better. I unfortunately mentioned right after about seeing one of our attractive female friends at the gym. Now she thinks that I must think the friend is more attractive than her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/BreakUps
TITLE: 23M - 2 year relationship ended. Need some help.
POST: About 2 weeks ago my girlfriend who I lived with for a year and a half and then went LDR with for the past few months wanted to take a "break". She says she's not sure she wants to do the LDR thing for the time we will be in grad school because she says she doesn't think we'd have time for one another and it wouldn't work out. I agree to an extent that it would be very difficult to be 13 hours away and both doing grad/law school.
However, her reasoning recently became that she just wants to be "free" and not have to work at anything right now. She's been going to parties and things and doing drugs and stuff now that I'm not in the picture technically and I'm not against this, however, it seems to me to be more of a break up than just a "break". We had talked of our future and it seemed our futures coincided with one another, but then out of nowhere she said she thought our interests were just different now.
My problem is I tried cutting her out completely and I couldn't do it. Not because I still think things could work or anything, but because I don't want to lose what could become a friendship over this. Also, she has a habit of changing her mind and getting bored easily so I feel like in the future she may come back to me looking for security and that normality we had and I don't want that. I'm confused as to what she's getting at and I want to move on.
TL;DR: | 2 year relationship that I know wouldn't have worked in the long run. Getting mixed signals and can't cut her out completely. What can I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by forgetting something really important
POST: This fuck up actually happened today.
So a little backstory: I am currently on America visiting my family and today I was headed to an aunts place who I was going to spend a couple of days with before I left this Sunday to my country. Anyways, woke up this morning and the person driving me is my cousin who is out on a work day, so when he gets out of home he can't go back until the end of the day (you can probably tell where this is headed). So I had my stuff packed up all ready to go, I say goodbye to my family, make sure everything is set and we head off. As we're halfway to the train station where I'm being dropped off I get a call saying that I left my bag home. Yes I mean my luggage which I need for the flight in 2 days. So I end up going through a whole day at work with my cousin and his partner with nothing to do, not even internet.
TL;DR: | forgot the most important thing for my flight, had to go through a full day of doing nothing and left my aunt a very sad woman. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [23F] have been in a series of really dysfunctional and abusive relationships since 16. What do I need to do to make sure the future holds something more promising? Will it get better?
POST: Throwaway account as my genuine reddit account has loads of identifying information.
I am just feeling a bit exasperated. Recently broke up with my boyfriend of nearly a year after finding out he was cheating on me with more than 1 girl. This is following 2 long term relationships (2years+) that were pretty dysfunctional and abusive.
I'm moving to a new city this weekend for a fresh start, but am wondering what should I do to prevent this from happening in the future? I feel I might be too drawn to broken people and too accepting of their faults. People take advantage of me.
Should I go to therapy?
Has anyone met the love of their life after a string of bad relationships? Is there hope for me? Feeling very alone.
TL;DR: | Just went through a string of bad relationships and am feeling very lost and pessimistic about the future. What do I need to do to prevent this from happening? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (23F) mom (42F) had a fight with my step dad (43M) about how I spend my money and now being kicked out of the house. Advice needed.
POST: Okay, this started last Christmas when my grandma lost my lightsaber and obviously I was upset cause it was given to me by my favourite relative as a graduation gift. My step brother (17M) overheard my conversation with my mom about buying a new one which he told my step dad about and complained that instead of buying expensive things, why couldn't I just use the money to pay for rent in our house. Now, except for my mom, nobody knows that I pay a part of the electricity and we keep it quiet cause my step dad gets upset that my mom makes me pay for utilities.
Anyway, my step dad got mad at my mom for allowing me to buy expensive things which I don't understand cause I'm already working and have a sizeable savings account. My mom told me about it and we had a conversation about how my step brother shouldn't care what I do with money since I work hard for it. My step dad gets mad at my mom when he found out and asked me, my mom, and my half brother (4M) to get out of the house. My mom now gets mad at me for even suggesting to buy a replacement lightsaber and blames me that I'm so spoiled.
After a couple of days, my mom and my step dad reconcile but with the condition that I move out of the house and I asked my mom why and my step dad says it's because I don't contribute anything to the house. Which brings me to my question, should I move out and rent a room or just pay the rent I'm going to pay for a room to my step dad? But my worry is that my step family treats my half brother like shit and my step dad acts like he doesn't care and my mom can't do anything about it. Should I let my mom choose between me and my step dad cause I'm seriously getting frustrated how my step dad is so fucking inconsistent?
TL;DR: | step dad is making me move out of the house cause he thinks I don't contribute when I do. Should I just rent a room or pay the money to my step dad? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [26m] need some advice on what to do about a girl [27f] that I have been on a few dates with.
POST: We have had some excellent dates and I thought things were going really well. Last weekend she said she was free on Saturday and we should figure out something to do. Suddenly yesterday she forgot about plans she had. She said she was busy and didn't suggest a different time. When I asked if friday would work I also mentored I am pretty free next week, giving her multiple options and I haven't heard back from her. We have been texting for about a month now and usually she responds within an hour. It's been more than a day. How should I approach this? What should I say? Maybe she didn't see the message and she is really busy. How do I not sound desperate at this point?
TL;DR: | I need advice on how to not sound desperate when asking a girl I have been dating if she is available to get together. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Am I [27F] justified in leaving a friendship with my friend [29F] who's dating a scumbag?
POST: I really loved her. I had some of the best time in my life with her.
However, she has a tendency to date awful men. Her last boyfriend killed one of her pets and it was a 10-year relationship of emotional and physical abuse.
I met her after she ended that relationship and was doing things to be healthier emotionally. We grew extremely close.
She started dating again, once again to someone who is unsavory, to say the least. During the two year ordeal, he had cheated on her multiple times, became a felon for responding to a craigslist personals ad posted by a minor, and refused to get a job or stay in school.
I tried being her shoulder to cry on as long as I could, but every time I tell her he's a scumbag, she tells me I'm being judgmental and not respectful of her life choices. She says I embarrass her when I become critical. And it's not like I was judgmental at the start. I was supportive. But after two years of this crap, I'm not going to have nice things to say anymore.
What's worse is that she thinks it's okay to vent to me about whatever horrible thing he got himself into this time, yet doesn't wanna do anything about it. I'm really exhausted of listening, because I don't care anymore. She interprets this as a lack of caring and friendship on my end.
I don't know what to do. I tried having empathy. I know about the cycle of power and abuse. I really don't want to have to cut off contact with someone who I once shared my heart with, but I'm starting to go nuts. My emotional well being is being affected.
I want to be there for her, but I can't. She accuses me that I'm not there for her anymore. It's frustrating.
TL;DR: | I want to break up with my friend who serially dates scumbags but I don't know if I should be supportive and still be there for her |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Please tell me that I am not losing my mind!
POST: To make a very long story short here's the bullet points:
started dating in Aug last year
been in a committed relationship since Jan 2015
I am a 25 year old male she is a 26 year old female
My gf and I were talking about hat our issues are and how to improve them
she said she wishes she could "live life"
I asked what she meant
she said that she wanted to be able to go out and do things with her friends
I told her that was fine
she asked if going to the club was ok
I told her it depends, "I'm fine if you go, even with a group of mixed gender friends"
Can i dance with the guys?
no
why? whats wrong with dancing with another guy even if there is no grinding?
because last i checked the two of us are in a committed relationship and there are certain lines you don't cross
well you have a thick line
been tension ever since and it goes on from there but you get the point - please tell me if i was in the wrong because it feels like im in the twilight zone
TL;DR: | ! GF wants to be aloud to go to the club and dance with other guys and i said no. Am I in the wrong? |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: 25 y.o., ~60K in debt, unclear future, some assistance appreciated.
POST: So I was in a grad school program in 2011 with a bright future. Ended up having a health scare over Thanksgiving, had to drop out of the program and eat all the debt (currently at 56K; undergrad included), plus my terrible credit card debt at the time nearly 100% of $12,500 limit over 2 credit cards (7500 at 29.9% 5,000 at 9.8%).
That was essentially the start of 2012 for me. Since then I've cleared $8400 in CC debt (the entire balance of the ridiculous apr card) and 4100$ remaining on my lower interest rate card, and $0 in savings. But I still have 56K in student loans with the most notable loans currently accrusing interest being a 23K loan at 6.8% interest and 8K loan at 8.9% interest, along with a myriad of other smaller loans. My students loans come into repayment pretty soon around 300 bucks for a couple of months and then up to $800ish near the middle of this year.
Luckily I was able to find a job I enjoy, but it has no future/upward mobility and I can only make 21-23K pre-tax annually based on the number of hours I get (but Health Insurance YAY). At the same time I have been spending a lot of money on post-baccalaureate courses so I can try to find my way back into a grad program or some other field with an actual future.
I have moved back home with the folks and they are supportive. At the time I do not pay rent but I can't in good conscience do that for much longer. I have a reliable car with no car note. I spend very little on myself aside from gas, food, and gym membership.
Terrible fortune aside, what should I do? This is operating under the assumption I can't get back into school in the immediate future. Should I just throw everything I earn at my higher interest student loans? Save? Invest? Fake my death?
TL;DR: | Appx 60K in debt (56K student loans, 4K cc, 0 savings, make appx 21-23K atm) How should I approach my finances? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My brother [23] and I [21f] are having problems with his best friend/our cousin [22m] stealing from us.
POST: Obviously we've known each other for 21-22 years.
So my brother and I live together and our cousin comes over a lot to hang out, etc. That's fine. But we've started noticing our coin jars are slowly getting drained of quarters that neither of us took out. The only time it drains is after he is gone for the day from visiting. I've heard him shuffling coins before while I was in the living room but I felt kind of weird saying anything. From there, I attempted to hide it but he constantly finds it and steals from it. Also, he's probably stolen atleast 50$ in quarters over the past 3 years.
It's really very awkward and I'm not sure how to go about ending this behavior. We've all been really close our whole lives and I don't think either my brother or me want things to go sour.
Any tips on how to resolve this without losing a friendship/angering him?
TL;DR: | Cousin has been stealing coins from our coin jar for a few years, don't know how to go about ending this behavior. Attempted to hide our stash but he continually finds it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18 M] with my _GF_ [18 F] 1 year, Why do I care?
POST: So to make a long story short. My gf and I broke up around 2 months ago. I broke up with her because of differences and some issues that came up after 1 year of dating. I saw her almost everyday and we were the "madly" in love type. She was my first real relationship and I was probably her fourth real relationship. She was also a first for a lot of stuff we did sexually, we were also both virgins. But in that one year relationship, we never had sex I was ready to take it to the next level but she was against it until marriage. And I not being like every other douchebag college guy didnt have an issue with it and I never pressured her about it.
But now that we are broken up we have both been partying and meeting new people but she is moving on so much faster and quicker than I am. She has dudes hit on her left and right nonstop she goes and hangs out and cuddles and kiss and shit. To make matters worse we both work together and everytime I see her we talk about hows things are going and always ask a dumb question like "did you kiss that guy?" I know i shouldnt ask these questions and that they dont help me in anyway.
Things have gotten better but every now and then like now I get an answer and my heart sinks and I feel sad and depressed
My main question is why do I care? Why do I care right now? We have been broken up for 2 months.
TL;DR: | My main question is why do I care? Why do I care right now? We have been broken up for 2 months. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [24 F] ex-boyfriend [29 F] sent me home after having slept with me
POST: I was together with my boyfriend for almost a year when our relationship became really weird. He never had time for me and accused me of doing everything wrong. He pushed me to a point where I lost my temper and I deleted him on every social media account and stopped talking to him.
After that he got really mad and told me we are done. That made me feel really bad especially because I thougth that I did something wrong. He first did not want to talk to me anymore but then he said I should come over to his place he just needed time to think about everything.
When I arrived there he pretented that everything is fine and he slept with me. After that he told me that I want to much and that he needs to think about his feelings. He told me that I have to leave now (it was around 2 am!!) I felt soooo humiliated and used.
Months after that I found out that he was dating another girl for almost six month. But it was not him telling me, a friend of mine did.
I feel so abused and humiliated I just cannot get over it.
TL;DR: | I cannot get over my exboyfriend's abusive behaviour and being humiliated by him. Are there any ways apart from finding a hobby and spending time with friends? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [17 M] with someone I'm interested in [17 F]. Who would she choose?
POST: Sorry for the vague title and my terrible grammar.
I recently started liking a friend of mine (we'll call her H), and through deep talks it came to the point where I told her my feelings for her.
Note: This was over text. (We have no time to meet up so we mostly spend our time texting)
Anyways, I told her my feelings for her and I knew there was another guy (we'll call him J) that likes her. The back story on J is that he has liked H since freshman year of high school. Apparently they dated freshman year but it never worked out. They tried again sophomore year, but around this time H had feelings for me and I didn't know at the time. One year has passed and now I have feelings for her and J has taken another try to date her. H has told me that she has mixed feelings and I hope something works out between us.
So the question I'm here to ask is: Who would she say yes to? What can I do so that she would choose me?
TL;DR: | I like girl. Another guy likes said girl. Girl liked me last year but guy has liked girl for 3 years now. Who would she choose? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: A student at my school is telling people he kicked my ass in wrestling, I am the captain of our team, and went undefeated this season, what should i do to retaliate? (Details inside)
POST: An acquaintance of mine just messaged me on Facebook telling me that a kid who came to 3 wrestling practices, and spent his time there complaining and avoiding work, eventually quitting, has been going around telling people that when we wrestled (which we never did once mind you) that he "beat me 4 out of every 5 matches".
I thanked the acquaintance (let's call him James) and told him to call the kid out (let's call him Mike) in front of a crowd.
I want to make sure that Mike gets the idea that I'm pissed, and also for him to be humiliated for this. Not only is he bashing me, he's lying about his own achievements. Fighting or hurting him is out of the question since I can't risk hurting my reputation like that, and I also don't want to make a threat for the same reason.
What would you guys recommend I do to teach him a lesson, and put him in place, without starting a fight, or a potentially perceived threat?
I think that this community as a whole, with a few people saying a few things could help me out here, as I'm not good at all with this kind of stuff.
Now that I've written it out, I almost don't want to post it, because I feel like it's making me sound insecure, but I don't think that's it, to be honest this really surprised me, and I had heard it before, but ignored it, and so this time I want to do something about it.
TL;DR: | Some punk has been going around and sayings he beat me up, what can I do or say without being violent, to humiliate the lying little prick? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19M] with my ex-girlfriend [19F], she ended things over long distance
POST: So we were together for about 5 months during the school year and decided to try and make it work over facetime for the summer, only 4 months.
We made a really good connection in those 5 months, we we're to couple that everyone kinda envied because we figured out our feelings for each other very early on and hit it off right away.
So after about a month of Facetiming she tells me she's having trouble because it doesn't feel the same to her. I tried to explain to her that that's how long distance is, but you just have to remain optimistic about it all. She said it was her worrying about making it work that stressed her into losing feelings.
So now were broken up, but she keeps saying she's unsure of her decision and seems really torn up by it. What do I do? What do I say? Is there any way for me to salvage this relationship or should I just give up?
TL;DR: | Ex-gf stressed herself into thinking long distance wasn't working, broke up with me but is unsure. What do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, I need some help with a health problem. Any of you out there knowledgeable about joint problems?
POST: I'm only 19, and I'm a guy. Back a year and a half or so ago I got some severe knee pain in both knees. I believe they were brought on by injuries, but now I'm not so sure. (One was a puck to the knee, the other was trampoline problem.)
I went to the doctor, and he told me that it was tendinitis, though I wasn't completely sure I believed him. As the months have gone on, I now have problems in more joints. It's moved from just being my knees to now being my knees, groin, elbows, wrists, and one of my hands.
Though I know it's possible to injure all of these, it seems unlikely. I'm in good shape, and can't really figure out what's going on. There's popping and grinding going on where there wasn't before.
I've been to a doctor and don't have Rheumatoid arthritis. I've thought about getting tested for lyme disease, but I think that's unlikely, because I haven't noticed any other side effects. What is the next step? I could wait, but after this long, it seems like it's only going to get worse from here.
I know this is long, but what would you recommend from here?
TL;DR: | Joint problems that started in just one joint, but have circulated throughout body. Don't have rheumatoid arthritis. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22 F] with my friend [24 M] that I've known since October hooked up and I don't know what to do next.
POST: I've had a crush on my friend, let's call him Peter, for a few weeks. We're friendly and spend time together but nothing really just the two of us except the occasional lunch during studying. On the last day of term we were out drinking with friends and after some flirting we ended up kissing and going home together. Since break started the next day I haven't seen him since; we've texted a bit but nothing too much. I'd like to see if there's something between us, but I'm not sure how to approach the subject without coming on too strong and possibly damaging the friendship. I'd like to just see where things go, but how do I try to see if I can get something to happen? If it helps, the next time we'll see each other is on New Year's Eve, so there's going to be some drinking involved...
TL;DR: | Hooked up with a friend, I want to see where things go but don't want to damage the friendship if he doesn't feel the same way. |
SUBREDDIT: r/needadvice
TITLE: Roommate problems!
POST: My roommate now is a friend of mine from when we lived in the dorms, it's just the 2 of us because our third roommate (and my girlfriend) moved out.
I have an opportunity to move to another apartment in the same complex with different friends.
Im having a LOT of issues with this roommate. Her dog literally shits ALL over the apartment and eats all of my 2 cats food, she's inconsiderate, and I'm going through a tough time, my girlfriend being gone adding to it, and being alone all the time isn't helping me. (Other apartment will mean more friends being around more often)
I would like to move out for me, I feel like I need to do this for myself.
Is there any way I can do this without hurting her? :/
TL;DR: | Having issues with roommate, ability to move out.. How do I break it to her without losing her as a friend? |
SUBREDDIT: r/Parenting
TITLE: Advice on dealing with niece deliberately being rough with my child
POST: I would appreciate some advice on what would be the best way of dealing with the behaviour of my niece (3.5y) towards my baby girl (1yo).
My niece's behaviour has escalated from fairly normal threenager stuff like snatching all toys away and blocking her access to the toy room, to deliberately and repeatedly throwing things at my daughter's face and pushing her over.
In the last incudent, I was secretly watching, my niece looked around, lined up my daughter who was sitting reading a book only two feet away and overhead threw a ball in her face. I immediately told her very sternly not to do that. She looked shocked then pouted and I just stared at her with a stern face. Then her parents said to her along the lines for her not to be upset it's an accident and for her to merely be careful. They've also asked her to be careful after they've seen my baby pushed to the floor.
I think they are in denial that their daughter has entered a jealousy phase and is acting out against my kid. I could however be wrong, but I've been observing closely for a few months now it getting worse.
What would you recommend I do - should I continue to reprimand child in front of them? Am I coming off as harsh given they believe it's all accidents? Is there anything else I should be saying to my niece and should I take it upon myself to speak to her privately? Do I have a talk with the parents about what I think is really going on here? Please bear in mind that her parents aren't big on any discipline, even so far as not requiring pleases and thankyous.
TL;DR: | niece is escalating physically against my baby and I'm unsure of the best way to deal with both niece and her parents. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: She[17F] went on vacation to see family, soon left me[17M] and stayed in the state.
POST: The title gives you just the start of it, sadly. Also, throwaway, because she knows my Reddit username. Once she went on vacation, we began to talk less and argue more over text.
Occasionally, we would be happy with each other, but it wasn't as prominent. Two months of arguing goes by and, at the end of last month, she decides it'd be best to leave me. We talked for a few days afterwards (which was a bad idea, I know.) And she says that she "still loves me" and she "always will".
I tried to keep NC, but she texted me once more over kik. We just talked about how we'd been. She was great, which bothered me. She told me she already started crushing on a new guy. Fast forward a week later, I see one of my facebook friends like her new relationship status. She's in a new relationship with the guy she was crushing on (and, coincidentally, ALSO was crushing on before our relationship) and it hurts me. It took her one month EXACTLY to "get over me", yet I still find myself thinking about her everyday.
Can someone help me get over her?
TL;DR: | Girlfriend leaves me, refuses to have NC, and gets with a guy she was crushing on before and immediately after our relationship. I need help getting over her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Boyfriend [26 m] asked for space and refuses to communicate with me [21 f]
POST: We've been together for 1.5 years and have been through a lot of ups and downs. The "issue" that happened today is small, but I'm looking at the bigger picture and need advice on what to do.
This morning everything was going fine, we were both on our own laptops and doing our own thing while next to each other. He's the type to be playful, so every few minutes we would do something small to get my attention (tickle me, hug me, caress my head). At some point, he tried to tickle me and in defense I tried to block myself, but accidentally hit myself in the head. As an immediate response I said, 'stop doing that!'
Next thing I know, he's shut off, not talking to me, ignoring me, then he tells me he wants space and goes into another room (we live together). He tells me he's just tired and needs space and that we'll be fine tomorrow.
Now I know you're all reading this like 'wow what a petty problem' but I'm more concerned with the bigger issue. I absolutely hate being with someone who let's small things like this become such a big deal. I hate that he refuses to communicate with me and let things go. I hate that he's going to let one little mood swing get in the way of us talking for the rest of the day and it's only 12 in the afternoon. Way to throw off my entire mood.
We have a troubled past together (although with a lot of ups, the downs are significant) and I'm always fearful that we'll head back to that. Although this 'fight' is small, it makes me feel like things are unchanged and cannot be stabilized.
**Question**: Have any of you been in a relationship like this? How did you deal with it? Any advice BESIDES breaking up (I already know that there are red flags, that we have problems, and all that, but NO we are not breaking up).
I sort of just wish I had someone to talk to about these things because it stresses me out thinking about a rocky future with this guy.
TL;DR: | Boyfriend and I have had a rough past, small fights like this and his inability to communicate make me think we still don't know how to solve our problems. Don't know how to move forward. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskDocs
TITLE: Feeling sick on BP meds
POST: Age- 19
M - Caucasian
6'5
220lbs
Medications- Lisinopril 40MG once a day
Hydrochlorothiazide 12MG once a day
Welchol 625MG- 2 in the morning
Caucasian
I have high blood pressure, and I visited a cardiologist who prescribed me Hydroclorothiazide 25MG once a day. During the first week of taking it, i felt miserable. Dizziness, trouble thinking, feeling tired. I went back a few days into taking it and found out my BP was dropping to 100/60, So the dr cut it to half a pill a day. On half a pill I felt fine for about 2 weeks, and my blood pressure had become normal (140/80, Which is good for me). This past Thursday (Oct 15) at around 10:30PM I began to feel extremely light headed again, So I drank a gatorade and tried to sleep it off. I woke up the next morning and found my Bp was dropped to 107/70, Which my dr considers low for me. Im lightheaded mostly in the morning and night, my skin is hot to the touch and my face turns bright red. My dr isnt opened on weekends, Is this just something I should ride out and give him a call on Monday? Sorry for the long post.
TL;DR: | Felt sick on the first week of Hydroclorothiazide, dr halved the dose and I felt fine, Feeling light headed again 2 weeks later |
SUBREDDIT: r/dogs
TITLE: [HELP] Puppy staying with in-laws for 4 days while they have a huge reunion - worried about her getting into traffic, escaping, etc.
POST: Hi everyone. My husband and I got a puppy last year (she will be 11 months by the time of the event I am going to be discussing). Every July, my in-laws host a huge family reunion at their home where family from all over the county come and stay in their house. Due to conflicting schedules, my side of the family is having their July family vacation (going up north for camping/boating - can't bring her with us as my parents don't allow dogs on their boat :() during the same time. We are going to be spending 4 days up north with my family, and then 4 days at his parent's house. We have never put any of our dogs in a kennel, as his parents always watch the dogs for us when we go out of town. I am nervous because while our puppy is pretty good about listening to us when she is inside, she sometimes likes to run away (she loves to be chased) when outside. His parent's house doesn't have a fence. People will be coming and going in and out of the house all day long and I am terrified that she will escape and get hit by a car.
Does anyone have any advice for things we could do to keep her safe?
Thanks for reading/responding!
TL;DR: | Afraid my dog will escape and get hurt/lost while away from us. What can I do to avoid this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: Look after your contact lens's
POST: I have an eye condition, keratoconus. Which essentially means, cornea of my eye goes into a cone shape and not the lovely sphere we all expect (google for some weird pics). This as you can guess means light rays dont hit my fovea perfectly, instead light rays "bounce" all over the inside of my eye, giving a cluster fuck of light, giving a horrible blur, with no focus on anything.
Anyway as a result, I need specifically built hard contact lens which help aid the correct the refraction of light (and do a good bluddy job) because they're so unique, I cant get new ones for weeks. Sooo.. To the "off my chest" part, dickhead here,(ie me) dropped his lens down the sink as it became a projectile when taking it out the other night.
Now I am left for weeks without decent vision, which hinders my ability to efficiently compete university work and taxes my brain as it drives extra hard to process information and also the fact I cant fucking see!!!
TL;DR: | Got some stupid eye, need specific lens' that take weeks to come through and I dropped my lens down the sick. |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: Changed MFP to "Active" and it's *more* accurate for me
POST: Everyone always goes on and on about leaving the MFP settings set to sedentary so I never really questioned it when I set it up months ago. But a month or two ago I read a post here that actually listed the definitions MFP uses for different activity levels. Sedentary is "spend most of the day sitting" and that's just absolutely not true for me. Active is "spend a good part of the day doing some physical activity (waitress, mailman)." And that just sounds more accurate to my life. I didn't change the setting to allow myself more calories -I've been eating at 1200 since I started in July- but I like the screen on MFP that says how much you would weigh in 5 weeks and that just wasn't giving me correct numbers. Now that I've had it set to Active for over 5 weeks, I can go back and see that, yes, those predictions are accurate now. It also makes me feel a little less guilty if I happen to go over my 1200. According to MFP, in 5 weeks, I will weigh 142 lbs. Know what that is? NORMAL BMI!!! Almost there!
TL;DR: | don't be afraid to set MFP to something other than Sedentary if you're not sedentary - it's accurate and it works. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My boyfriend (26M) wants a big, fairytale wedding, and I'm (26f) not even sure I want one at all. Advice needed.
POST: My boyfriend is the youngest of a big family (one of 6), all of whom are married. All of whom had a big fancy wedding. It just seems to be the way they do things. We've been together for 3 years and have talked about marriage in the future. The issue is I'm not even sure I believe in marriage, and even if I were to get married I'd choose a simple ceremony with a few family and friends in a local registry office or hotel. My boyfriend however wants a big wedding, all of his siblings have spent £10,000+ on theirs and perhaps he feels he needs to follow suit.
I've explained to him I wouldn't want the stress or hassle or organising such a day, he has assured me he'd do all the planning, but it's just not me. I hate being the centre of attention. Plus I only have a small family and few friends, I think it would be upsetting for me to have such a small "bride's side" of guests.
He's told me that he has always thought he'd have a big wedding, he doesn't seem that willing to compromise. Ideally I would get married secretly or elope to Vegas without telling everyone but I realise this is a bit selfish!
I'm not really sure where to go from here. It seems it come down to "big wedding or break up".
TL;DR: | boyfriend wants a big wedding, like all his brothers and sisters have done before him. I'd rather get married in the town hall. Neither of us particularly want to compromise on this. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: [21M] Can't tell if she's [19F] into me.
POST: There's this girl that I met through a mutual friend. This was a few months back and my friend told me she thought I was cute. So about a month ago I messaging her on Facebook and we went and hung out one day. We we went to an aquarium and she came back to my house and hung out a bit. We both seemed to have a good time.
About a week later I ask to take her out to dinner and she accepted. I bought her dinner and afterwards we walked around her neighborhood for a bit then went back to her house. We hung out at her house for a few hours and I went home. I was going to try and kiss her but that morning she had an allergic reaction to something and her lip swelled up. They looked fine but she mentioned they still felt weird so I didn't want to try anything to make her feel uncomfortable.
So that all seems great, but the problem I've been having is that anytime I try to text her to get a hold of her she seems to take a few hours to respond to anything and never seems that interested in hanging out. So I decided to only text her when I wanted to try to plan something with her.
And here recently I tried to hang out with her last weekend. I texted her about it on Thursday and never got a response. Then I saw that her and her ex-boyfriend were hanging out over the weekend. I'm not sure if they're just close friends or trying to get back together.
I've no clue at all on how to proceed with this. I haven't spoke since I last texted her about hanging out. Hopefully you guys can give me some good advice, I'd much appreciate it!
TL;DR: | Girl seems to like me when we hang out in person. Seems dodgy when I text her. Doesn't respond to me about hanging out last weekend and then hung out with her ex-boyfriend. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dogs
TITLE: [Help] Inherited a dog without papers.
POST: I was asked to adopt a dog from my buddy this weekend. I love this dog, I've cared for him before and he is honestly my favorite dog I've ever met. And I also love this buddy and his good character is visible in Nailo.
My immediate reaction was concern for my buddy, who I am calling my buddy but I haven't talked to him in probably five months. He has been living very nomatically from what I understand and he mentioned something about Nailo needing a more consistent family... Anyway whatever caused this man to separate himself from the love of his life and constant companion. My buddy had to have been a wreck to find himself in such a place-- giving up Nailo on top of that, is crazy.
Anyway
No real surprise then that between the time I cared for him last summer and this weekend my buddy has been separated from 99% of Nailos' stuff.
**So,
TL;DR: | can I get his records from the humane society or someplace? He's chipped, are his records tied to that? Also Does anyone know If I can get Nailos' chip to link to my information? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Boyfriend of 8 months kisses ex after a drunken heart to heart at the bars. So confused and hurt.
POST: My boyfriend (23) of 8 Months goes is still in college in Indiana while I (23) live and work in Chicago. This morning I got a text from him confessing that he and his ex kissed last night.
"It wasn't anything big and prolonged, but after talking through our futures, and about how she and [him] ended things and where [they] saw their friendship, [they] reached a final kind of closure for it all. [He] walked her home, since it was on the way to [his] place, finishing [their] talk, and it ended with the kiss and that was that."
There is more, but it's a lot of I'm sorry it wasn't anything and we didn't even realize it was happening until it was then it stopped right away. I love you...I'm sorry, etc.
He and his ex went out for I 1-2 years. And his Ex is also currently in a relationship.
TL;DR: | My boyfriend kisses his ex after a heart to heart at the bars claims it was nothing for each of them and just kind of happened. |
SUBREDDIT: r/needadvice
TITLE: I need advice on how to keep my job.
POST: Hi Reddit,
I'm currently facing a dilemma at work. My boss has set an impossible goal for me to reach, When i say impossible I mean logically impossible.
Here is the situation:
I'm a scripter for a large company, my scripts test their software. The dev teams that create the software push out builds, on each build there is an automated process that will run 2 scripts. If a script fails from a broken script (a change in the software that the script can't recover from) it throws a "script lost error".
The goal that has been set by my manager is to reduce all script lost errors to 5%. In an 8 hour work day the dev team has the capasity to put out 32 builds (1 build every 15 min). Which leads to 64 scripts run for the day. Which will allow me 3.2 errors per day at max. There is a possibilty that the dev team will publish less builds which hurts that number even more.
I can't get the dev team to run the scripts prior to check in because it "hurts their turn around". They don't always e mail me when they are changing something in the game so I can react and change the script. Then there is the factor of the automation machines that can't programatically be cleared of the previous data due to the design of the machine which can also cause script lost errors.
Additonal information: my office is in FL, the main branch is in CA.
TL;DR: | going to lose my job because of arbitrary numbers, that due to changes in software and machine desgin will cause me to always go over the goal set for me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21 M] with my girlfriend [20 F] of 1 year, thinking of breaking up, but don't know...
POST: On a throwaway, but here it goes:
So, I go to a rather small school with nothing really around us with my girlfriend. She is my best friend at that school, and we hang out all the time--almost literally. Usually, it's fine, but there's a catch; she is really hard to get along with.
She is irritable almost all of the time, is very negative, and high-maintenance. Honestly, I'm one of the few people who can stand her and stand up to her when she's being unreasonable. Even so, sometimes I feel like I need to pick my battles and walk on egg-shells with her, and I always think I'm one false move from yet another fight where she gets melodramatic and break us off for five minutes to a few hours, but invariably comes crying back.
When we're not fighting, she is always trying to make plans for the future (read children and marriage) or have sex. While I don't mind her higher-than-average sex-drive, sometimes, she is angry when we don't sleep together or if I want to do something else together. It's tiring. I've tried talking to her about it, but it always degenerates into a fight.
Despite that, though, I don't want to leave her; she's my best friend. I realize that I'm her first boyfriend, and she's been trying to work on her issues. It hasn't been too much of a problem as of late, but I've started to hate when she texts me, calls me, IMs me, or asks me to come see her. I've even started making some work for myself so that I don't have to deal with her as much.
Ordinarily, if I weren't at such a small school, went to some school in a city, or in many classes with her, I would have left her. I think I've been more than patient, but I really don't want to lose my best friend and weekend buddy.
TL;DR: | I want to break-up with my best-friend/girlfriend, but I don't want to end the friendship or hurt her. Help! |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: I really like this guy (25M) and he likes me (23F), but neither of us will admit it because he's currently stationed abroad for the Army. Advice Reddit?
POST: I met this guy 4 years ago in one of my classes in college. He was good looking and really funny but I had a boyfriend at the time so I didn't take a second glance at him. Last year however, we met up randomly and caught up. He asked me out on a date. The date was amazing and so was he. Great personality. Smart. Funny. Mature. Basically my dream guy: smart and good looking. But, a week after the date, I left to move to another city (for university) and he left for training and was eventually deployed abroad for a year. However, even once that year is up, he's still committed for another 3 years to the Army.
Once he left, I figured it would never work out between us. How could it? But he's continued to message me about every 3 weeks to see how I'm doing and we continue to subtly flirt through wit and intellectual discussions. I really like this guy. And I'm pretty sure he likes me. But neither of us will admit it because we have no idea where our futures will lead us. He's committed to the Army for at least another 3 years and I will be starting my career soon.
This guy is amazing. I would seriously be willing to wait for him if it meant that it could somehow work out between us. However, I also want to keep other possibilities open as well. I'm still young. I don't want to put all of my eggs in one basket. But seriously, I know I would regret it the rest of my life if I shut the door on a possible relationship with this man. What should I do reddit?
TL;DR: | I like a guy that's committed to the Army for the next 3 years. He likes me too but neither of us admit it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [21 F] girlfriend [20 F] of 3 months told me she loved me but didn't want me to acknowledge it
POST: Texting my girlfriend of 3 months; she's telling me about something that happened to one of her friends and then sends a flurry of texts (read these as separate texts all sent one after another at the same time):
>I just talked to [the friend] and I feel sick
>I'll call you in an hour and explain
>It's funny but a bit disturbing
>I love you
>Don't say anything
>Don't
>Don't don't
>Ok I'm going to study now
At which point I replied with "Okay, I won't," and followed up with "Have a good study session," (she's taking classes over the summer so she can graduate early).
She called me just like she said she would and we talked about her friend and carried on like we usually do, down to the terms of endearment; nothing stilted or awkward about it. The thing is I've been feeling the urge to say "I love you" for the past few days so her text came as a huge relief to me. We had some misunderstandings in the relationship early on arising out of us both thinking that the other person wasn't as committed so I'm wondering if her not wanting me to say anything is could be linked to that.
I definitely don't want her to get the idea that I don't care for her as much as she cares for me, but I'm not sure if I should just say "I love you" at a natural interlude (as part of a goodbye next time we talk/text) or if I should ask to talk about her declaration.
TL;DR: | Out of the blue, my girlfriend said she loved me and then told me not to say anything, so I didn't. But... should I have said anything? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18 M] with my friend [18 M] of 5 years, are growing apart because of his girlfriend.
POST: We have a friend circle of 4 people, all 18, all with girlfriends, but my one friend always seems to put her above the rest of us. I think this because he cancels plans to hangout with the group to hangout with her, but he hangs out with his girlfriend probably 5/7 times a week, not including just seeing each other around school, but afterwards for hours. He also never really asks us to hangout anymore, we always have to initiate it. For example, he routinely skips working out together, which we do at the same time every day, to hangout with her. This is upsetting becasue we thought it would be fun to have something like that to do everyday and challenge ourselves, but he bails. Even when we do hangout, he is constantly on his phone texting her and not interacting with us. This is especially frustrating since they see each other consistently and I wonder what kind of conversations they are having when they talk 24/7. It's like he'd rather talk about crap with her than have fun and laugh with us. It makes us feel as if he is just hanging out with us because he feels obligated to, and if he had the choice he would be hanging out with her, which he has actually said. Whenever his girlfriend is aroud, we cannot get any attention from him because he is so absorbed in her.
This type of thing has been going on for over 6 months since the beginning of his relationship. We all seem to be able to balance our relationships with our girlfriends and each other but he cannot. What should we do to help him realize that maybe he is forgetting about us, or is it too late? Also, is there a term for this type of behavior?
TL;DR: | Friend ditches us constantly for his girlfriend. What should the rest of our friend circle do to change this and help him realize what he is doing? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Girl [18/F] told me [19/M] to come over and 'fu** her' while she was drunk. But there are problems
POST: I somehow felt very good to hear that she wanted to have sex with me yesterday. But I refused. I knew she was drunk and I didn't want to take advantage of that. She also has a boyfriend and when she asked again I told her that she has a boyfriend but she just said and I quote: "uuhh... whatever, I don't give a shit."
I just didn't respond and ignored her following phonecall.
Today she noticed what she said yesterday while drunk and apologized over and over again, telling me how embarassed she was etc.
I don't know what do right now. I think I should maybe warn her boyfriend about her behaviour when drunk. He was lucky that I refused and didn't take advantage of her state. But what if it isn't me? What if she goes to another dude next time she is drunk and he doesn't care if she is drunk or not?
On the other hand she felt really embarassed and I believe she knows it was a big mistake.
So telling the boyfriend might cause even more trouble...
What shall I do now? Do I tell the boyfriend about this or just forget about it and shut my mouth?
TL;DR: | Girl with a boyfriend told me to have sex with her. I refused but don't know if I should tell her boyfriend about it or not. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21F Asian] found out my boyfriend [22M White] prefers blondes
POST: Through an accumulation of remarks and events over our nearly 2-year relationship, I've inferred that my boyfriend has a huge thing for blondes (not blonde hair but blonde, white women-- or else this wouldn't really be a problem, eh). Like real big. He loves blondes.
My boyfriend is my best friend and is loving, tender, and everything I want in a partner, and I'm 99% sure he feels the same way about me-- except for the whole I'm not blonde thing. He's never made me feel inadequate, has never stared at blonde women in my presence, or done anything to deliberately make me feel insecure, but I wonder if he feels that he has settled for less than his ideal woman/fantasizes about blonde women and the result of these thoughts is that I do feel a little bit insecure. Obviously, we all fantasize about other people outside the relationship, but the specificity of this characteristic and the fact that I am so very much not blonde is new territory for me.
My boyfriend is rather quiet and not a Casanova at all. I feel a little bit guilty or sad that he might wish to be with a blonde woman if he only had the courage to pursue more women, and I'm kind of just sufficient.
I don't know anyone else that this has happened to and I'm having a hard time finding relevant posts. I have so many questions! Some of them: Should I be worried (about my state, his state, our relationship)? Am I harming myself by staying in this relationship? Maybe this is a misplaced comment, but it reminds me of being in a relationship with a person who is racist against your race (it *does* happen and the receiver tends to erode emotionally-- I don't get the power play feeling from him that a racist would try to assert against their S.O., however). Should I bring this up with my boyfriend (I was thinking of making a joke or teasing him, like, "John, check out this chick! Oh yeah, those blondies are hot, eh?") Has something similar happened to you?
TL;DR: | My boyfriend likes blondes. I am the anti-blonde. I don't know how to feel or what to do, if anything at all. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [26M] got back together with my girlfriend [27F], but she is having a hard time with what I did in our "off time." Namely, an [18F].
POST: My girlfriend and I were broken up for a few months. I decided to see other women at this time.
Nothing substantial. I really just wanted a physical connection since I was lonely and I wasn't really sure or confident that the ex and I were getting back together.
At some point, we decided to work things out and get back together. We laid all the cards out on the table. This includes insecurities, plans of action, mistakes we have made, etc.
The only thing she really has a problem with is the fact that I slept with an 18 year old in the time we weren't together. Yes, there were other women, but she mainly has a problem with the age.
I can't seem to put myself in her shoes. If it were the other way around, the age wouldn't bother me.
Is there anything I can say or do in order to help her get past this issue?
TL;DR: | Slept with an 18F while we were broken up. We're back together now, but she can't get past how young that girl is. Help? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [23 F] am in a wonderful, loving, healthy relationship with my [25 m] SO for almost a year now and yet I still find myself thinking about my previous ex in spite of it.
POST: My previous relationship was with a coworker/friend I'd had for 3 years prior to dating for 1 year (making it a 4 year friendship/relationship). I was very much in love with him but he did not share the same passion. Due to a dead bedroom, poor communication, a constant feelings of inadequacy (he made it a point to let me know I was not his ideal and my self esteem was/is already in a morbid state), and his deep seated depression intermingling with my own, I left him after a year and some change.
I am still really hurting from this past relationship and still find myself ruminating on it and allowing it to cloud my view of myself and my current relationship and I also miss him sometimes. I don't ever find myself desiring to be back together with him (the relationship aspect was toxic and I know that) but I do miss the friendship. We had 4 years of history together and once I left him it was just over.
He clearly has no interest in me and I've tried deleting all contacts I have with him, moving workplaces and avoiding gatherings of mutual friends to eliminate encounters with him, but nothing seems to get me over it.
I am not in a wonderful, healthy, and loving relationship with my current boyfriend who is everything this previous relationship wasn't. By all means I should be long over my ex and truthfully I just want to be passed this. How do I move on when it's been over a year and I'm still here with unhealed wounds?
TL;DR: | Ended a bad relationship, am almost a year into an awesome one. Still mourning the loss of a friend and bitter. How to I get over it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/GetMotivated
TITLE: How do I stay motivated?
POST: In November of 2012, my mom left me and her last words to me were "Make me proud". It's my senior year of high school. I just came back from my internship in San Fran this summer, I have 2 AP courses, I'm a TA, an school internship, college applications and a job as a junior web dev in which I get to work from home.
I'm finding it incredibly hard to be motivated through all of this. I know it might sound like I have "senioritis" but the truth is I don't even know. Trying to juggle everything has left me incredibly unmotivated. Instead of thinking about the good things that come out of something, all I can do is think about the bad. What if I don't get into this college? What if I fail this test I have tomorrow?
Everytime I feel like giving up, I hear my mom's voice and I hear her say "Make me proud". My mom gave me everything. She made me into the person I am today. Up until now, it's been all the motivation I've needed but it's getting harder to stay on task. I only think about the negatives. I know before I succeed I must fail. After numerous failures and I succeed will I know what success truly is.
Lately, I've just been having a "fuck it, I don't care" attitude towards things. Homework is due tomorrow? Fuck it. I don't care and I won't do it. I don't like being unmotivated and not productive at all. The rush and feeling I get from being productive and motivated is something I want to feel everyday.
I was just wondering if someone can help me out. If there's a way I can stay on point and not fuck up.
TL;DR: | I'm slowly becoming unmotivated and I hate it. I'm looking to do something about it so I can stay motivated and finish things through. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I [21/M] hooked up with my roommate's friend [20/F] and want to make things happen.
POST: One of my roommate's friends came to work in my city for the summer. We instantly connected and began to hang out pretty frequently. After around a week, we both ended up going to some bars for one of my friend's birthday parties. We drank a good amount before and had a great time at the bar dancing and such. The attraction was definitely in the air. After that, we got a cab home and once we arrived at my house, we just went at it. Everything happened except for sex. This was able to happen because her best friend happened to be gone for the weekend and her room was open.
Since then I have been looking for another opportunity for more to happen, but every time some extenuating circumstance prevented it (she or I got too drunk at a party, I had to leave to help a friend with her mother in the hospital, etc.). I've been trying to get more chances to hang out one on one but I live in a house of six people, including her best friend, so trying to find a moment has been hard.
In terms of feelings, I like this girl a ton, she is definitely the kind of girl I'd look for later on in life. But, I'm 20 and I'm still not entirely looking for a relationship. And once summer ends, she is going back to school. So I've rationalized those ideas into my brain. Still, I wouldn't mind having more happen with her.
So, I was able to ask her to come hang out with me during my lunch break at work. We are going to smoke a joint, and I want to spark things up again to let her know that the attraction is still there. So, how do I do this?
TL;DR: | Met a girl who is here for the summer, we hooked up, and now I have a lunch break in order to spark things up again. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I have a crippling fear and hatred of alcohol and related places (bars, clubs, etc.) and I need to get over it to function in this world. Advice?
POST: I am a 21 year old guy, and I have spent my whole life with a passionate disgust for alcohol and the things it does to people. It has always bothered me that people become ... different when they drink, and at the very least it has always annoyed me. My parents drink every other night and become pushy, nosy, hot-headed, and ask the same questions over and over. Also, my grandpa was an abusive alcoholic. These things have kept me from drinking my entire life (other than 2 beers, which were awful).
The problem is, I'm 21 years old! At my age, a social life includes being around those who are drinking, and some who are drunk, all the time. As you might imagine, this means that I struggle in most social situations, despite being an outgoing person. I have tried countless times to go to the bar or the low-key party, and every time it has intimidated me and bothered me.
On top of all of this, the girl I'm seeing right now drinks relatively frequently, and she's perfect to me other than that one big problem. I do not want it to be a problem. I want to get over this, especially so our relationship can be stronger. People I've asked before have just said to go to more places where people drink and get used to it, but it's just not working for me!
Any advice would be appreciated. I don't want to live my life lonely and miserable because of this semi-irrational fear.
TL;DR: | Don't drink, drinkers annoy and bother me, want to learn how to accept that lifestyle for my girlfriend and to help me be more social. Help! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [22F] mom [50F] wants me to co-sign for an apartment for her. She has bad credit, and I don't want to do it.
POST: My mom has been working as an adjunct professor for 2-3 years now, so her income has been wildly variable and unstable. She just got a job with a 1 year contract, so starting in July, her income will be stable again. She's been living with a roommate that she found through a website for 2 years.
Now that she got a full time job, she has to move to be closer to it. She wants me to co-sign for her to get an apartment. Her credit is awful. She recently filed bankruptcy (her second), foreclosed on her home (her second), and has maxed out credit cards. I am absolutely not comfortable co-signing a lease for her. In fact, I would not co-sign for any family or friend.
I love my mom to death. She has been a wonderful mom and I never wanted for anything growing up. I know if the situation was reversed, she would co-sign for me. But, I feel like a mom should be able to co-sign for her daughter, but not vice versa. My mom has mental issues, and will often go 1+ week without speaking to me or acknowledging that I am alive if I make her angry. I am afraid that if I don't co-sign, she won't be able to find a place to live and it will cause her to lose the job.
How can I gently let her know that I cannot co-sign for her? I am willing to help her in any other way. But I am too young to risk my credit. I am not good at communicating with my mom in ways that DON'T cause her to ignore me for days on end.
TL;DR: | my mother who has poor money management skills and mental health issues wants me to co-sign on an apartment lease for her. I cannot do this, and I don't know how to tell her gently. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [24f] broke up with my boyfriend [25m] of 2 years last night, was I too harsh?
POST: I broke up with my boyfriend last night. We had been together for almost two years and were living together for over 6 months. I know it's completely normal to feel horrible and guilty after a break up, but I want to know if I was too harsh?
He was a bit shocked and thought the break up was coming out of nowhere. So, he was eager and willing to do anything to make it work. He said he would do everything in his power to keep me and make whatever changes. But I had made peace with my decision so I couldn't back down.
Is it ruthless of me to not even let him try to make things work? I'm scared that it really could have worked and I didn't give it/him a chance.
See previous post:
TL;DR: | Broke up with my boyfriend, who says he didn't expect it at all. Unsure if I was heartless about it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Anyone know how to pay off a car loan without early termination fee?
POST: I took a car loan in april 2012 and I signed the agreement that said that if I were to pay off the loan in less than a year, I would owe them $100.00. I now have enough money to pay off the remaining balance and still have money left over for a rainy day fund. The question I have is basically a logic question and how interest is calculated.
The interest on the car loan was 4.19%. Currently I'm paying about 50 dollars each month in interest. Obviously that tells me that it'd be better off to just pay off the loan than pay $50 each month till April. Looking at a daily interest calculator ( seems to tell me that I can game the system a little bit. If I do a payment and keep the remaining balance of about, say 10.00, it says that I'll owe 1.78 after 155 days; much less than the $100 payoff fee. The question is, is that legal?
In addition, without looking at the loan agreement, is there some way of determining that I have to continue making my same loan payment each month until April 2013 (or can I just stop the auto-draft and pay $12 at the end of April 2013)?
TL;DR: | By keeping a very low loan balance, can I reduce the rate of interest to be lower than the early termination fee? Is this legal? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by fucking my girlfriend
POST: I'll start off by saying yah this wasn't today blah blah blah. But now to begin the adventure-
It started around 11pm last summer, we were at a drive in theatre and were in the front row. We like to lie in the back of my car and put the hatch down so no bugs would bite us... Worked pretty well for a while. You couldn't see in so we would get frisky when there was a snack break or if the 2nd out of the three movies wasn't that good. This time the second movie was like Transformers or something and we weren't big fans so we turned off the radio and cuddled. We were lying with each other and we started getting handsy. She was wearing a nice emerald green strapless dress that stopped mid thigh. I had the simple outfit of Star Wars T-shirt khaki shorts and Vans. We went very quickly as the movie was nearing the end. As she was choking the chicken near the end I truly FU. When I finish I stretch my legs. My car is a 2015 so it has a button in the hatch that opens it from the inside. When I finished the hatch opened just in time for a family to walk by screaming at me nutting on my gf's face.
TL;DR: | Accidentally opened the hatch in my 2015 explorer or some shit like that and showed a nice family of 6 me nutting on my girlfriends face. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: I [19F] seem to romantically fantasize about nearly every guy I meet.
POST: I was just wondering if anyone else, male or female, does this. It seems that nearly every guy I meet who pays any tiny bit of attention to me - smiles at me, glances at me, talks to me of his own will - I start to like, think they like me, and start to obsess over them and fantasize having a relationship with them. And even though I know deep down that nothing will come of it, because they probably don't like me, as well as the fact that I never make a move, there's still part of me that has absolute faith something will happen between us. This leads to a lot of disappointment and sadness over what could have been, what I could have done, etc.
TL;DR: | Every guy I meet and who pays attention to me in some way, I start to like and see in a romantic way. Thoughts? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [16 M] constantly locks up emotionally with my Best Friend [16 F] though she says she wants me to open up. What is wrong here?
POST: I like many people have trouble conveying problems and feelings to other people im sure... I have to keep them bottled up because people react the same way every time, in shock or anger because they don't know how to handle my "issues" and sometimes seemingly random sadness.
My Best Friend always asks me when I show signs I cannot restrain "What is wrong?". Ofcourse I can't tell her, or anyone else because they cant handle what I WANT to tell them. So like anyone I give people the usual "Im Fine" response.
Though she knows I'm not. I cant bring myself to talk to her because I cant really gauge how much she can handle. I wouldn't want one of my only supporters to think differently of me, just because I would probably turn into a total mess.
How can I get her to "realize" this? Or what else can I do?
TL;DR: | When I try to talk to my Best Friend about serious personal problems, I lock up and refuse to talk about it because of how it may effect what she does, how she thinks of me and so forth. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19/F] with my boyfriend [20 M] of 1.5 years, loss of sex drive
POST: I've been together with my boyfriend for over a year and I love him with all my heart. Sex was never amazing for me. They were enjoyable, but I could never come (he doesn't know this), which I didn't mind because I liked to know that he was pleased and I could just masturbate when I would feel more horny. We used to have sex around 6 times a week, sometimes twice a day for the first 6 months of our relationship. The frequency started to decrease recently and now we only have sex once every week or so, and it is always quite routine-like, always the same.
I have been on the pill for about 2 years now and recently I've been diagnosed with severe anxiety and sometimes I think I may have depression. Could these things be affecting my sex drive? I don't even masturbate often anymore and I used to do it a lot.
Second question is, what can I do to want more sex? I am willing to try new things and work on the relationship because I am very happy with him. I feel guilty that we don't have sex as often anymore. I have told him about my lack of sex drive and also that I wanted to try new things. (Anything but threesomes, I'd get too jealous!)
TL;DR: | I've been with my boyfriend whom I love deeply for over a year, my sex drive is fading and we don't have sex often anymore. What can I do to make our otherwise happy relationship better? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Would it be wrong of me (28/f) to tell my boyfriend (31/m) that I don't want to have sex anymore?
POST: Due to the fact that I grew up in a Christian family, I have been brainwashed into believing that sex apart from marriage is wrong and sinful. During college, I became heavily involved in ministry and even became a bible study leader in which I taught this purity message to other girls.
My beliefs have changed in the last few years, but I am having a very hard time leaving that negative connotation of sex behind. I lost my virginity to him a few months into our relationship which was a huge step for me and something I never ever thought I would do. The feelings of guilt and disappointment were very overwhelming in the beginning and I was under the impression that they would go away with time. But its been six months of sexual activity and they are still as strong as they were in the beginning..to the point where I feel absolutely disgusted with myself afterwards. How unfair would it be for me to tell my boyfriend that I no longer want to engage in sex anymore? Part of me feels like this is a selfish request, considering we are only 8 months into the relationship with no talk of marriage yet, but I don't know what else to do.
TL;DR: | I (28/f) have been struggling with intense guilt for engaging in sex before marriage and want to tell my boyfriend (31/m) that I can't continue having sex with him anymore. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [Early 20s/M] still have longing feelings for an ex [Early 20s/F]..
POST: A little background, I am early 20s male with longterm depression/anxiety disorders. I met my ex when we were about 13-14 and we dated briefly (half a year) before things got toxic (puberty/hormones/etc). We broke up and stopped talking for a few years. Eventually I reached out to her and got back in touch (this has happened numerous times, falling out and me initiating friendship again). We were still both bitter but eventually got along as if nothing ever happened between us. This became hurtful and overwhelming for me and I couldn't deal with the friendship any longer so we slowly fell apart.
This happened two times, between 16-19.
We are both older and more mature and well rounded now. And this time she was the one who started contact. We have had some really great conversations but most of it is kept fairly conservative.
I have confided my feelings towards her in the past and met with rejection. It was unfathomably heart wrenching and painful.
I am afraid I am going down that path again. This girl has had a place in my heart since I met her. I broke down and never rebounded when we initially separated. It is both inherently pleasant yet dissonantly heart wrenching having conversations with her and being friends when I still have these lingering feelings.
What should I do? Is it possible to still maintain a friendship with a weeping heart? I love her platonically and I adore her family and have a great relationship with her siblings.
I am just at a loss for what to do.
TL;DR: | Dated girl at young age, broke up, emotionally distraught, multiple failed attempts at platonic relationship in past, finally have mutual platonic relationship, still have romantic feelings. help. |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: Who am I cheating here?
POST: So I've been half-heartedly trying to lose weight for a while. I know I should suck it up and just do it, but I'm lazy. Nothing other than that. I have the time and what I need to do it, I'm just lazy. I've been watching r/loseit for a while hoping to get inspired and it's helping but no turning points as of yet.
So I'm on my elliptical machine today and thinking about how tired I am and how I don't want to do it and generally whining to myself. I decided to stop and tell my SO that I did the full time so I wouldn't be embarrassed. Because what he doesn't know won't hurt him, amirite?
So as I'm deciding to quit, I thought about r/loseit, and how awesome everyone's been doing and wondering if they ever feel as whiney as I do, and a couple recent posts of girls whose progress made them slamming hotties, and then it hit me. Who the fuck am I cheating here? Him or me? I'm the one who has to live unhealthily and be unhappy with how I look and feel. Sure, he wants me to get healthy too, but he can't force me. I'm the one who isn't living her life because I'm embarrassed to be seen in shorts/swimsuit/half my closet anymore! I thought I had been working out to "look good for him" when I realized I should be doing it for me.
So I stuck it out, finished my goal time, and came in and did some sit ups and arm exercises. Hopefully I can keep this attitude! I'm adding r/loseit to my front page for more daily inspiration! Thanks for being awesome guys!
TL;DR: | working out is for ME not for anyone else, and by blowing it off I'm basically giving myself a giant middle finger. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I [28f] am upset about 5 year friendship with [28m]. Didn't want a gf. Got a gf that wasn't me. Is it time to cut my losses and move on!
POST: I've told him I wanted a relationship but he told me he wasnt ready/ not in a good head space for a gf. Then he got a gf that wasn't me. Then he stopped talking to me ... But then after a yr, he contacted me saying he missed our friendship and didn't know anyone like me. I want to tell him I care...
This is my best male friend since college. He knows the most deeper and darkest of my secrets and dreams.
There was a time we'd sext and we've had intercourse once.
We live in different locations now and in my heart I know I'd move if he wanted me.
I have never ever felt this consumed by a feeling ever before. I am a strong independent person who is being blindsided by the feelings I'm experiencing.
What should I do? Chop him out of my life? Go out on a limb and say "I love you and if you don't love me GTFO!" Or just continue with a platonic friendship.
TL;DR: | feels for best mate. Rejected before, but invites himself back into my life because he misses me. What do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: How do I balance cycling time between my gf and my guy mates?
POST: Yo, I am 27, straight and I just started dating a girl. I have always had a lot of guy mates and we used to enjoy a pretty awesome time in a non sexual way. We used to play xbox games and shit, yo. And in comes a gf into my life and now it seems like I don't give much time to my guy mates. And let me tell you, I really do enjoy my time with them. I like my girlfriend. So anyways, I have to balance my time with both the parties. How do I do that? My gf doesn't like me "ignoring" my guy buddies because of this. Maybe, it's because she doesn't want to come across as a party pooper for them. I like my guy buddies.
She got bat shit insane tonight over the fact that I changed my plans with my guy mates to be with her this weekend. I asked her to watch a movie to chill down. She did calm down but not much.
Nope, she doesn't want to hang out with my guy buddies yet.
Meanwhile, everything is going really good with both the parties even though I haven't hung out much with the guy buddies. Some people call them bros.
So, what do I do to balance out my time with both the parties? And what do I do to calm my girlfriend down tonight(no sex... i am a bit tired)? Should I ask her to watch another movie?
TL;DR: | I like my girlfriend. I like to hang out with my guy buddies too. Balancing the time... how to? Also, I like Jesse's character in Breaking Bad and love GTA IV on my XBOX, yo. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [21 M] was dumped by my girlfriend [19 F] because of the "I love you" phrase and I kind of need a piece of advice now
POST: I know her for quite some time, we were dating for about a month. Everything was extra nice, the atmosphere of childish happiness, kissing, hugging, well, you know what I mean.
At one moment I thought that saying "I miss you" was starting to get boring since we said it to each other almost every time we met. At this moment she was right next to me holding my hand and, basically, I said it. She was dazed (or, as she put it, "shocked"), and the next day we had a talk.
She said that she cannot love back, and doesn't want to date out of pity. "You're way, way too early". It's like, now she knows that I have feelings for her, but there are none from her side. And there never were.
I must admit, now I really doubt that I myself have any feelings for her. Everything is exactly like it was before and I want to get that back. However, she is a bit stubborn, talking to me like if we have always been enemies. And about a month has passed.
I feel like I shouldn't think of getting her back, but, you know, why not? What can I do to make that happen?
TL;DR: | dating -> for some reason I say "I love you" -> "I can't love you back, you're way too early" -> break up -> I doubt I ever had feelings either. -> gotta get her back |
SUBREDDIT: r/dogs
TITLE: Help! Separation Anxiety - 3 Year Old Aussie (Rescued 4 Weeks Ago)
POST: I got a 3 year old Aussie 4 weeks ago. The first 2 weeks, she was perfect. No separation anxiety that I can see. Went in her crate willingly and absolutely no barking and made no mess whatsoever. No signs of any issues.
In the 3rd week, there were 2-3 times when I left that I heard her bark for about two or three minutes.
Now in this 4th week (she's had an episode of diarrhea), she didn't bark when I left. But when I came back, her water dish was flipped over and she pulled and chewed up the blankets/towels in her crate and the cover around the crate. Not crazy chewing or pulling, but a decent amount.
Now today, during our morning walk, while greeting a new adopted pit bull from a neighbor, she was nipped and gave a yelp. I checked her for any injuries and there were none. We walked off and she was back to wagging her tail and walking around normally.
So normal routine, I left a Greenie (which she loves) in her crate with her. She starts chewing it. And when I close the door and lock it, she starts barking non-stop. About 10 minutes into it, I go back in and let her out of the crate and she resumes chewing the Greenie. I leave again with her outside her crate. And she starts barking non-stop again.
How do I stop this separation anxiety before it gets worse? I've already had complaints from the neighbors (I live in an apartment complex). I don't think it's lack of exercise since we ran 30 minutes and walked 30 minutes. And that's even more than our typical exercise which is just 20 minutes of running and 20 minutes of walking. And I let her sprint a few times during that 30 minute walk. (This is our morning exercise. We do about 2.5 hours of walking mixed with little sprints in the evening.)
It's the weekend now so I will be free for two days to try any tactics to try and start fixing this.
TL;DR: | 3 year old dog, adopted 4 weeks ago, starting to show separation anxiety by barking when I leave, doesn't matter if she's in the crate or not |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My wife [33 F] and I [39 M], married for 7yrs **rarely** have sex--help!
POST: My stay-at-home wife and I clearly have different appetites for sex. In my fantasy world, we'd have sex 3-4 times a month (which I think is reasonable but I'm open to your feedback). In the good-old-days, we averaged about once per month. In 2014, we had sex 5 times. I am confident that infidelity is not an issue.
We have two kids, youngest is age 2. Raising young children is tiring and at the end of the day, my wife understandably would much rather sleep, so nighttime romance doesn't work. Morning sessions are also out because my wife likes her sleep.
The sex itself has been pretty routine pre- and post-kids. I've suggested different positions and locations and to her credit, she has been receptive (no pun intended) but finds missionary the only comfortable position for her. We use lube when necessary, have plenty of foreplay, and I am -- ahem -- average sized so that's probably not an issue either.
In the past, we I've expressed to her my desire for more frequent sex, her solution was to schedule it (Friday and Saturday nights), which I find somewhat undesirable because it lacks spontaneity. However, I've given it a try over the past 3 years and, well, you know how successful it was in 2014. 2013 was worse but that's because we had a newborn. 2012 wasn't much better.
I feel pretty despondent about our marriage when it comes to sex. I can't find another partner (we both firmly believe in monogamy) and I feel like I can't bring myself to ask for sex because it feels like begging. I've even considered trying a year of abstinence for 2015 but I don't think it'll make anything better.
Reddit, please help!
TL;DR: | Last year, we had sex 5 times. That's not enough for me and it's driving me nuts. What can I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [19F] don't know what's up with my f*ck buddy [25M] of about 3 months who seems weirdly friendly
POST: In October I met a guy over Tinder because I was just looking for a hook up. Turned out we actually get along really well, have awesome sex, and very similar personalities (similar taste in TV/movies, same sense of humor) so we kept hooking up over the past couple months.
I thought it was pretty clear I'm not looking for anything serious and was under the impression he wasn't as well but I'm getting more and more suspicious.
When we first started hooking up we would watch a little TV on his laptop in an upstairs living room, bang on his couch/floor, and then he'd take me home soon afterward. Some chit chat but mostly sex and not much cuddling or anything, which I liked.
Then he moved the action to his bedroom, we haven't gone back to the other room. He insists we watch TV and cuddle in his bed before sex, and last time I was over he gave me chocolate and raspberries while we watched a movie. Also he now doesn't take me home after sex and likes to have me sleep over and cuddle and drop me off in the morning.
He makes jokes about watching romantic movies with me and just the other day said he wanted to read books with me next time I come over. Today I saw him at the gym (haven't before, though a couple times he suggested we go together and it never happened) and didn't actually notice him at first until I saw him watching me stretch. He made a big show of the weights he was lifting, kept walking by me, and stopped to chat with me several times (I've never actually talked to him in public before)
So basically, anyone have any idea what's going on here? Is he interested in more than fuck buddies, or just being more comfortable with me in general? I'm not really invested either way but it would be nice to have some perspective so I know how to handle him.
It should also be noted that I did not know him before the first time we met and I fully expected it to be a fling
TL;DR: | started hooking up with a random guy from Tinder, now he seems to be getting a lot more friendly and I don't know what's going on |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: He [28m] wants to be with me, but I [22f] have so many personal issues that I'm terrified.
POST: I've known him for about 6 months. We met through falconry, because my ~100 gram Kestrel tiercel thinks it's hilarious to pick on a gyrfalcon three times his size (I don't even know, bird is a total curmudgeon.) He bought his bird from my sponsor a while back, and after a rocky introduction for us and our birds he started coming out with my sponsor more frequently. Recently, he admitted that it's because he's interested in pursuing things with me romantically. He's tall, dark, handsome, excellent job, hilarious, a little geeky, super athletic, sociable, and has a wonderful family (his dad's a falconer too, I met his folks at a regional club function.) More than I could dream of or ask for, and I'm really into him too.
The problem? A year ago I got out of an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship, as recently as October my ex came after me with accusations and threats. The emotional scarring has already destroyed one good relationship because at the time I was having horrific nightmares about my ex, and had no self-worth because of the things he said to me. I still consider myself relatively unattractive and am passing on feigning confidence. I have trust issues to boot, and I worry about exposing them to gyfalcon-boy.
I have been in therapy, and it minimized the problem but I still suffer from it. I've been on two different medications for suitable durations but they put my problem into overdrive. Plenty of other men have been interested in me, and I've dated around, had casual encounters, so on. However, this is the first time in a long time I really feel like I want to pursue something more long-term and in-depth with someone.
I really like this guy and all, and I feel like I have this one awesome chance to connect with him and enjoy time with him, but does my mental state make me undatable? Is there anything I can do to make this work? Should I just let this chance pass me by and wait out my mental state before dating again? What if it never goes away?
TL;DR: | My hyper-aggressive midget bird bagged me a nice guy, but I'm damaged goods and scared I'll fuck it up if I enter a relationship. What can I do? Anyone have any experience with this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Grieving Ex gf [32 F] won't leave me alone.
POST: Like the title says.
An ex girlfriend of mine that dumped me 2 years ago and I haven't heard from since then suddenly called me a couple of weeks ago, telling me her brother had died and needed someone to talk to.
Being the compassionate softy I am, I did lend an ear and even drove her to his place so she could gather some of his things. I even stayed up with her througout multiple nights as she went through the grieving process.
The thing is, I don't really like this girl, she dumped my ass in the worst way possible, via text yet she keeps calling me, sometimes crying hysterically over her loss, sometimes wanting to hang out. I told her that maybe she should consider seeing a counselor or other friends, but she's not taking the hint.
I have recently lost someone close to me so I guess that's why I'm extra empathetic to her cause, plus crying women have always been a weakness for me.
She blows up my phone, even when I don't answer. I'm not even getting "mourning" sex out of this.
TL;DR: | How do you tell the Ex to bounce her grieving ass down the road without being a dick? Guess I am a softy. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What is the worst case of someone being disrespectful of someone's disability that you've witnessed?
POST: I stopped at a gas station on my way in to work this morning and saw a wheelchair van pull into a handicapped spot. Just as the ramp was lowering, a woman in a car pulls into the blocked-off spot next to the van (the space that's reserved for the ramp) so they couldn't get the ramp down.
The woman gets out of the car and starts walking towards the store as the guy in the van yells over his half-folded ramp "Hey, you gotta move your car, I can't get out". The woman yells "I'll only be a minute" without stopping and goes right into the store.
As I'm standing in line behind this woman, she's on the phone almost the entire time. As she gets up to the counter she puts her phone away and pays for her coffee and stuff. I mentioned to her as she's leaving the store "you know, if you're gonna park illegally, you could at lest make sure you're not in someone's way". She just looked at me with this face of disgust and said "look I don't have time for this shit right now" as she went out the door.
When I came back outside, she was just starting to pull out of her spot as the guy in the van put his ramp down all the way and rolled out. As he was folding the ramp back up, another car pulled into the ramp space, stopped just short of the ramp and just started laying on the horn until the ramp was all the way up and they guy was wheeling toward the store. Then the car pulled from just short of the ramp to just short of the guy's chair and starts honking at him again as he's still in the spot (which is clearly not a legal spot as shown by the bright yellow lines on the pavement).
I wanted to say something to this new asshole but I was late for work and had to leave right then.
TL;DR: | people who will gladly break the law and impede on someone in a wheelchair if it will save them 8 seconds in their commute. |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: Need help with estate executor paperwork in California
POST: Hey all, I'm really hoping someone can help me out. Long story short, my grandmother passed away and borrowed at ridiculously awful mortgage rates (6.25% and 11.75%, respectively). I was named executor of her estate and given power of attorney in her will, but need to file the paperwork in the courts. Our goal is to keep the house, but without someone financially responsible, the lenders won't speak to me about a refi. One told me that filing as the executor will allow them to discuss it with me (there are no other assets, she died with lots of CC debt and no savings). Can someone point me in the right direction as far as what paperwork is needed, and how to go about it? Thanks!
TL;DR: | I'm looking for help with what I need to do to file to be declared executor of my grandmother's estate. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Dear Reddit, can you help me with some renter's legal advice?
POST: So, I am a poor college kid, and have rented with a one of the three renting companies that basically own all of the off-campus housing. I lived in one house for two years, along with 4 other guys. Finally, with my lease up, we cleaned the house pretty well, and moved out, expecting to get most of our security deposit back (which was about $900 per person).
A couple weeks after moving out, I called the company and requested a ledger with our charges, which amounted to ~$300. A month later, they sent our security deposit back, to the designated person's HOME address, instead of his new address, claiming our charges were $1300 instead, and that we only had 7 days to argue this. However, since it was sent to his parent's house, we didn't get it for another 10 days, and most of the charges are bullshit ("burns in the carpet, window treatment repair, and fire alarm replacement").
I humbly ask you, Reddit, for any helpful advice, weather it be "shut up, take it in the ass, and just be thankful you're not paying more" to "You were in the right! Burn that mother down!".
TL;DR: | I rented with a company for 2 years, they originally claimed I had $300 in repairs, and later claimed I had $1300, but am unable to fight it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: He (17M) thinks less of me (18F) because I wasn't a virgin, how to deal? (Relationship)
POST: My boyfriend of 2 months thinks less of me because I've slept with guys before I even met him. But he also recognise that he shouldn't be feeling this way because I was allowed to do whatever I wanted.
We're both insecure about things and easily jealous so I can see how it bugs him but I asked if he thought I was wrong for sleeping with other guys before him and he said yes, but also that he has no right to feel it.
I just don't know how to deal with it, he says that maybe in the future he can care less but it will probably never go away. And I know that this relationship won't last my entire life so I don't know if I should just let it go? Or should I break up with him?
TL;DR: | boyfriend of 2 months thinks I'm in the wrong for sleeping with guys before I even met him, but he also know he has no right to feel this way. Don't know how to feel or what do to? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Should I keep having sex with this boy?
POST: A guy who I've been doing some pseudo-romantic stuff with for two months told me last week that he wasn't interested in a romantic relationship. It didn't really come as too much of a surprise (he'd expressed uncertainty before), but I was somewhat disappointed.
We've become good friends, and the sex is very good. He's made it clear that he likes having sex with me, but that he doesn't want to if I'm not comfortable with it, and it's not that important to him (I think I'd actually have to convince him that I was okay with it). He's been really open and honest and awesome through the whole thing, and I trust him completely not to manipulate me or otherwise fuck with me. I'm not sure if I can deal with it, though: I'm worried that feelings will get in the way of fucking. I'm thinking that I'll try it, and if I end up not being able to deal with it, then that's that. Anyone been in a similar situation? What happened?
TL;DR: | Boy okay with sex, friendship, not romance. Still like him lots, not sure if I can deal with having sex with him. Advice? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: In an LDR and bf spends time with ex-- what should I do? (specific situation)
POST: I've been dating my bf for 2 years (our whole relationship has been long distance); he's 27 and i'm 22. Since he's 5 years older, he has a different group of friends, among those is his ex. I'm not a jealous person but something about her made me distrust her from the beginning (ie extremely flirtatious, touchy-feely, questionable morals).
My dilemma is that I know his group of friends hang out a lot on the weekends, and I know my bf joins them every so often, and I know the ex is there.
I dont want to step on anyone's toes by asking him to stop going to these parties, but it really bothers me that his ex is there, and that theyre getting drunk together, while I'm 500 miles away. Everyone involved is very religious, and I completely trust my bf and he has enough respect for me to tell me he wants to breakup instead of cheating on me. Yet I am not naive that the situation could encourage them to flirt and cuddle or hug, etc.
My dilemma: would I be out of line to ask him to stop going to the parties? I dont have problems with him gettin drunk with his friends, but the fact that the ex is there, given her behavior and history, really bothers me.
I have mentioned this to him before, and he was apologetic about everything, but nothing changed.
TL;DR: | My bf parties with his ex sometimes, though I've told him it bothers me. Would I be out of line asking him to stop going to the parties where he knows she is? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [25M] concerned about Her [26F] relationship with her abusive Ex [26M]
POST: The backstory: They were together close to 10 years, he was on-and-off physically abusive for 6 of them. They recently separated, her and I started casually seeing each other and it is beginning to develop into something with potential.
I am finding myself slightly concerned with the fact that she is maintaining contact with him, despite there being a strict no-contact order in place. While I will admit enjoying being with her, this concern is more for her well being than it is for mine. I have known her for several years and genuinely wish the best for her and having more than my fair share of experience in abusive relationships, I worry that she is on the road to being back with an abuser.
Now, were I not regularly impressed with her strength and resolve I would have gotten out as soon as she broke the no-contact, but so far I have put my trust in her judgement.
But lately she has said some concerning things. Talking about how his alcoholism and mental health problems were responsible for his behavior, and about the complete difference in mental-states.
His physical abuse manifested in him going into a rage and beating or choking her while blacked out, then feeling awful about it the next day. However I have made note of a variety of tell-tale signs of classical psychological manipulation (asking her to lie on the stand, taking every conversational opportunity to say 'I love you' or 'I miss you' in an attempt to psychologically ground her to him.
I have let on slightly that I have a fair amount of understanding of abuse. What I have not stated is that I myself am a former, now reformed for many years, abuser. This is the position of experience I am speaking from. His behavior is exactly manipulative in a very familiar way, and the excuses she makes for him sound exactly like things people I have loved have said.
It is breaking my heart, but I also recognize that I don't have the full story and could very well be projecting onto the situation. I'm not sure whether to confront her about the full extent of my concerns, simply walk away to avoid heartbreak, or stick it out and hope she can withstand his manipulation.
TL;DR: | She seems to be at risk of falling back into an abusive relationship, I know because I have been in one, what do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Old friend [19/F] who ruined a friendship comes back asking for help from me [20/M], did I do the right thing?
POST: Heads up this may be a wall of text I'll try to make it as compact as I can.
So an old friend (We'll call her T) broke off a friendship with me out of the blue ~8 months ago and basically said the friendship meant nothing to her. At the time I was trying to help her with her bf at the time.
Fast forward to today and I get a text from her:
T: Hi Hamoflague
I know we didn't part on good terms but right now I'm in such a bad way that the only person I feel I can talk to is you, you understand me and tell me the truth. I'm so sorry for everything, I've been thinking about you the past few months but didn't have the bottle to message you, I really need my old friend back. I'm the lowest I've been and I don't know what to do anymore. It's okay if you don't want to talk, I totally understand. But you know I'm not the type to say I need someone but I really need you back.
(Me): Alright, I'll help you out as a friend but know that if you pull shit like that again and I'll make sure you regret it. Got it? I know you're bipolar but you need to get that under control ASAP
Before anyone says anything yes I may have come off too aggressive with that but when you say a 2 year friendship means jack shit it fucks you up. I apologize for my potential aggressiveness and state the reasoning above and she responds with
T: You know what don't worry about it. You've changed. Wish I hadn't bothered reaching out geez
What I want to know is, did I do the right thing in terms of trying to make a boundary or could I have handled it better??
TL;DR: | Old friend who said our 2 year friendship meant nothing and comes back 8 months later asking for help, I agree but put up boundaries, she says don't worry, did I do the right thing? |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: I may soon be without power.
POST: Hi Reddit,
I have recently started going back to college, and it is starting to feel like the worst decision of my life. I am currently unemployed. Although I had cash to pay for last term, I have also been supporting my girlfriend as she copes with a severe panic/anxiety disorder. Because of this, she is unable to take on a full course load this term, and subsequently did not receive her federal loans this term.
I have tried to secure a private student loan to cover expenses, but they require a cosigner. My parents have agreed to cosign, but not until they finalize a house purchase (understandable). I am worried that even if they do cosign I still won't be approved.
I have some credit card debt. More than I would like, but as I said, I have been trying to support myself and my girlfriend, and it has become my only option. Today I talked to my credit union, who are usually fantastic, but they were unable to extend me any additional loans.
Rent is due in less than two weeks and I just got a notice that my power is going to be shut off on the 22nd.
What the fuck do I do? I have little of value to sell. Most of my family will not talk to me because I do not share their religious beliefs. At this point I feel stupidly jealous of folks who have 100k in student loans, because at least someone would lend them some fucking money.
Sorry for the anger. Any advice would be extremely appreciated.
TL;DR: | Trying to do the right thing and get an education while taking care of the love of my life, might get the power turned off/evicted instead. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [27F] very hesitant about my therapist [50sF]
POST: I have recently started seeing a therapist for anxiety and shame that I am dealing with. Most of this stems from my issues with my family. They do not speak with me anymore because they do not approve of my (other race) boyfriend.
My therapist, is very sympathetic and kind, and gives me questions that make me think for a little bit. However, her advice for my guilty, shameful and anxious feelings is very generic: 'Think more positively' 'Go outside and take advantage of the good weather' 'Think about the good in every situation, not just the bad'.
I feel like it's easier said than done. I also feel like there's no specific strategies or tools she has given me. So far I've had 3 meetings with her. She seems very open to suggestions. What are your experiences with therapy? How do you know that you have a 'good' therapist?
TL;DR: | I don't know if therapy is really helping me. I feel that talking to a therapist is a bit like talking to a friend. Are therapists supposed to give you things to work on at home? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, what do you do when it appears you're being ignored? Advice.
POST: We had been dating for a year and a half, but four months ago he broke it off. It was awkward the first month after because we still have items to exchange and the break-up to discuss, and he requested we stop talking. A two week later, he came back saying he realized how important I was in his daily life, that he wanted to talk and be friends then not talking at all, and that he enjoys my company and I understand him more than anyone else (which is 100% true).
I gave in to being friends, but was straightforward with him that I was skeptical about it. Everything seemed fine in the beginning: he'd want to know about how I was doing, or how school was going, or would remember something I mentioned the other day and bring it up, was supportive when I was down about something, would share stuff that he got excited about, say good morning/ good night in a platonic-friend kind of way. He would actively be a part of my life and we were on friendly talking terms.
Two months later, he barely talks to me. He'll only message when when he wants to share something about himself, won't ask about how I'm doing, will bring up a conversation but randomly stop reply, will take 6 hours in between to reply even when I know he's at his computer, and i'll be lucky if a get a long reply about something. I feel like I'm pulling teeth to have a conversation if he wasn't already talking about himself.
What do I do? I know he's a nice guy, but I'm sick of this shit. Looking for advice on what to do, or how to confront him, or how to be passive aggressive, anything.
TL;DR: | Broke up, he wanted to stop talking, changed his mind and wanted to be friends because I'm "important," but now he barely tries. Looking for advice on being ignored. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Why [30M] cried when he broke up with me [27F]?
POST: My ex just broke up with me kind of out of the blue. We've been spending a lot of time together and everything seemed like it was going great, I've been sleeping over about 4-5 nights a week. He's an entrepreneur and might have to move out of the country for a few months and I've always understood that his work came first. Months ago we had the talk and I told him that I had doubts that we would last. After that talk everything was great until today when he broke up with me. I have never cried in front of him and finally did. He soon started sobbing after seeing me cry and I was a bit confused. He told me he cared for me a lot but didn't want me to resent him because he can't give me the things I deserve. He kept insisting that he thinks I am really a good person and that he doesn't deserve me. He thought that he couldn't be a good boyfriend to me and thinks it would be better for us long term. He also kept using "we" reminding me of our last conversation about our doubts. I actually grew more hopeful than doubtful. He said he didn't know if he was making a mistake. He has never been big on talking about his feelings and he isn't the type of man to cry so when we cried we were both very surprised. He mentioned he wanted to remain friends as well and thinks he's an asshole.
My question
1) why did he cry?
2) is there a chance I can get him back. How?
3) do men regret their breakups?
Thank you so much for reading, I am honestly heartbroken and want him back but with dignity. I am not going to beg. I just need some guidance.
TL;DR: | he broke up with me but cried and gave me bs reasons. Why did he cry? And what are the chances of him regretting and wanting to get back together? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I[17f] got tricked into thinking I was messaging a girl[17f] when in fact I was messaging some dude[25m] and he has pictures of me.
POST: Hey, so before I'm called stupid and retarded, I KNOW. I should have never trusted anyone and I even had a gut feeling it was a fake email but "she" sent pictures too, and she knew some things about my hometown so I assumed she was legit. I even asked straight up, is this a real email and are you a real person and she said yes.
So after I sent the pictures of myself (none of which included my face), "she" confessed to actually being a guy and saying they just wanted to get pictures of some hot girl. They claim to have deleted the pictures but obviously I'm not dumb enough to fall for that.
So go ahead and tell me how dumb I am, I'm full aware of that just curious as to what I should do. Would I get in trouble for distributing child porn? or would they get in trouble for possession? I feel so disgusted in myself for being so slutty and not careful but it's so hard to find bi girls here, and "she" was really hot so I wasn't thinking. :(
TL;DR: | got tricked into thinking I was talking to some "girl"[17f] when in fact it was a guy[25m], he has pictures of me[17f] and I don't know what to do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by using a toilet when my uncle was fixing the pipes in the rest of the house
POST: So like most people on here I read a TIFU and remembered a similar thing that happened to me. So little bit of context, my father used to have a friend who was quite well off and we would visit and spend time there. So basically one time their downstairs shower was broken in some way so I couldn't use the toilet in there, didn't think much of it just was told go use upstairs so off I trotted to relieve myself, thankfully was just a quick leak. Now I don't know if this was the case but I felt guilty all the same and I was about 12 y/o so I didn't think to ask but basically after doing the toilet I came downstairs to see my Dad and my Dad's friend and wife and all laughing at my uncle who was wiping his face with a towel complaining and giving me a horrible look. I still to this day don't know if that was me or it was something else but the fact they were laughing was fishy...
TL;DR: | Uncle working on pipes behind shower, can't use downstairs bathroom so use upstairs one. Come downstairs to my Dad and his friends in stitches and my Uncle drying his face with a towel giving me a horrid stare. |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Tick = Hefty Bill
POST: PROOF
Here's the story...
A while back my family went upstate to relax and do whatever (irrelevant to this post). Well going upstate in the fall, especially the location to where we were traveling, means we have to endure ticks. You know... those things that usually have lyme disease... yea, those things. Well, nothing to be a afraid of, if you're careful enough and don't freak out, you got nothing to worry about.
Well, that was the case, we were careful. Came home, checked for ticks, nothing. The very next day my father wakes up and to his surprise he sees a tick on his body. He doesn't freak out and pulls it out of his stomach. When he took it out, he sees like a bruise forming (and no, it wasn't the rings from a tick, it was a bruise at the site of the tick). He goes to the hospital to check it out, the ER to be specific.
Officer in front asks him if he has Ebola [big scare back then (in October)] -- irrelevant, just thought I'd share. Anyway, he is sent in after waiting for thirty minutes. Nurse asks him what he has, he replies that he had a tick, pulled it out, and just needs to check out if everything is okay. Nurse freaks out and walks out to call the doctor.
Doctor comes in, asks what's going on, dad replies with the same response. Doctor leaves for 15 minutes to go on the computer to check out what ticks are and how to treat tick bites. Doctor comes back, gives my father 2 pills, my father walks out.
The result? Weeks later, we got a bill from the hospital asking for $1613.54. I think that's a little bit absurd, especially for an incompetent doctor and nurse doing absolutely nothing!
TL;DR: | Father got tick, took it out on his own, went to ER to make sure everything was fine, gets bill for $1613.54 |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (F24) think I'm in an abusive relationship (M26). Can these relationships ever work?
POST: Been together a year and a half.
OK I know a lot of people are going to say duh you're in an abusive relationship, leave right now but I have a lot of trouble classifying it as abusive even though I think deep down I know it is. We love each other so much we can't walk away even though just about every day there's the whole "I'M PACKING MY SHIT UP TOMORROW!" "LEAVE!" and then we take it back. I have hand mark bruises on my arm from him dragging me, he shoves me, sits on top of me and screams in my ear (I'm 115lbs, he's 175. It fucking hurts when he does that), and throws me against walls. A few weeks ago he threw me onto the bed, I kicked him in the stomach to avoid being sat on and he hit me in the face. I don't know whether to call it a punch but it was a blow to my eye with his hand open. Last night I was thrown against the wall several times and I have a huge bump on my head. He told me this morning it was my fault and if I didn't make him so angry he wouldn't do that. If I just listened to him it would be different. BTW he is an alcoholic and this level of drama only happens when he's really drunk. I left after he hit me in the face and came back the next day because it was unbearable to be without him.
Don't get me wrong though, I'm no angel. But I'm a little scared because violence is starting to become my reaction to things, where it never was before.
This is a stupid post. But I want this to work. Do they EVER? Can anything be done to make it work? I love him so much I can't imagine a life without him.
TL;DR: | My bf (alcoholic) gets physical with me but I absolutely do not want to leave. Is there any way these relationships can change and work? He's the love of my life. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Found my bf's "personal video" on the internet. Grounds to end the relationship?
POST: I'm 25/f and my boyfriend is the same age. We recently broke up after a few years of being together, and during the small time we were apart he submitted a video of himself on an amateur porn site while he was pleasuring himself. He was using toys and made no effort to hide his identity. So, if any of our friends see it they will definitely know it was him.
I guess I'm asking because he didn't cheat on me and even if he did this while we were together, he still wasn't cheating on me because no one else was involved. However, it doesn't make me any more comfortable.
He isn't the type of guy you can easily talk to, and if you bring something up he basically says to "STFU" and "if you don't like it, get out!"
So, blow it off and pretend like I never saw it, or break up because he is hiding this from me?
TL;DR: | Found a video of my bf shamelessly using toys on himself, submitted to an amateur porn site. Should I break up with him or confront him? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [36F] with my [34M] Got drunk and texted him, even though I didn't want to talk to him right now.
POST: Be sure to explain in detail with line breaks.
Ok, I will try to make this as short as possible. Basically last fall, my friend an I started a more intimate relationship. It was purely physical nothing serious. I had given up on wanting a relationship years ago. But I eventually began having feelings for him. Before I can say anything, everything just stops and it doesn't get resolved
In January, I still had unresolved feelings for him that I wanted to get some closure. So I decide to talk to him about it. Unfortuantly, that day he hurt himself and instead of talking we spend the day at the hospital.
Fast forward, to last week. He and I have texted back and forth a few times, but really havn't seen each other. Now I have decided that I finally want to start dating again; but I was afraid now that he's getting better he may want to start hanging out again, and it may cause me problems with dating other guys.
So I ask him if we can get together because I need to talk to him. We do and I tell him I explain everything to him, and tell him that it may be best if we don't talk for a while. Just so I get over my feelings for him. He said he understood, but I was unsure ifhe really did. I thought this would bring closure, but I was wrong. What I really needed was for him to basically reject me so I would know nothing could ever happen between us.
So last night I'm drinking with some friends, and drunk me decides to text him to get that rejection. Literally, I asked him to just reject me so I could get on with my life.
He didn't respond, thankfully. I'm not sure what to do now. I feel bad for sending it; even though it was what I wanted to say. I'm not sure if I should apologize and explain. Or just let it be because I told him I wasn't talking to him.
TL;DR: | Told someone I couldn't talk to him for a while, due to feelings. Then got drunk and texted him. Don't know how to apologize or if I should? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18/F] with [18/M] Do we break up after he cheated?
POST: Me and my bf both 18 years old have been together for 2 years now. We've had our problems but are both willing to work on them. In the past he has been manipulative and has done some things, guys shouldn't be doing if they have a gf. Such as flirting and texting a lot of girls and more.. but after I found out he promised to quit all weird behaviour and he has been improving I know that but the problem is that I cant forget and I still feel hurt, what he did makes me feel really bad about my looks.
We are planning to move in together but right now I feel like I have to be sure about the relationship because it is a big step, but the problem is I don't know how I feel about him anymore. We are best friends and get extremely well together, we have fun and can laugh for hours but all my friends are telling me to break up with him because of what he has done to me. But they're not the best of friends either for me since they only seem to be using me sometimes.
I do want him but I dont always want to feel like I half-trust him and I dont want to feel bad about my image either. Not all couples break up after the other person cheats. So do I trust in my head: Don't be with him, he's disgusting and will never get better. or heart: He is your best and only friend, he is improving and is willing to be a better boyfriend, he really loves you.
TL;DR: | Do I break up with him after I found out he had been cheating on me a few months back or do I move in with him since he has been showing an improvement and that he really wants to be with me and only me? |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: International Student - Expired F-1, I-20 stuck in limbo between schools?
POST: Asking on behalf of a friend who's in a real rut. We're in New York/USA.
He's an international student on an expired F-1 who is currently enrolled in a public community college. He doesn't have a current I-20 as his former (private) high school has not issued it yet (or transferred it to his current school now from what I understand). I couldn't find his former high school on the SEVP certified list from USCIS. When I asked him, he said his high school doesn't "directly" issue I-20's but through the Board of Education in our state. After his high school sent his SEVIS record/I-20 to the Board of Education, it's been in limbo ever since. It's been over a year now and he hasn't heard a peep.
I asked him if the college he is attending now can issue him an I-20, he says they can't because 1. they are public and 2. they don't have the I-20 from his high school.
What can he do now? He only found out about his I-20 problem after trying to apply for a learner's permit at the DMV. He thought his I-20 was current.
P.S. What's an I-20AB versus an I-20?
I've been researching all morning/afternoon and my brain is in knots now. I still don't understand anything except that F-1 is a student visa and you get can get an I-20 with it. Or something. Any answers would be greatly appreciated!
TL;DR: | I-20 "stuck" between high school and college, has no current I-20, can't apply for learner's permit. How does he get an I-20 now? Is there a way to check status? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [ 22F] with my bf [24 M] of 2 years, hes very self conscious about his bent private parts
POST: He didn't like me touching or looking at his private parts and we sicked to lights off blankets on approach till now. he recently opened up and apparently he has been insecure about how it looked but honestly I didn't even notice it (nor do I care about it) and still think its very subtle but he says its significant.
His private part is bent to left about 30 degrees. During sex he says he feels a strong stretch on his shaft that almost borders on pain. Because of that he can't climax as easily and will need to keep going for a long time. When we watch porn during sex, it seems to help him finish but obviously we can't constantly watch porn.
he has had this problem for several years. He had seen a specialist but didn't want surgery so kind of didnt follow it up. Just wondering if anyone has experience with this ? what exactly can I do to help ?
TL;DR: | bf insecure about his bent private part and can't finish up. He doesnt feel comfortable with me touching his things for long either |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [34M] with my girlfriend [29F] of 4 years, my feelings aren't what they were.
POST: I've been seeing my gf for 4 years. First 2 years were the best in my life. My job was steady, I met her and we instantly knew it was right. Every little facet was perfect. Intellectually, emotionally, physically... Our relationship was amazing.
Over time it started to dawn on me that we'd started to have sex less and less until it became a monthly then every 2 months event. My job took me around the country in hotels and meetings. I was doing well at work but in all the rush to get promoted things weren't well.
This is still the situation we're in now. I love spending time with her, but it's like we're all talked out. Like in 4 years we've discussed most things. I've note my attitude towards our future has changed. I don't want marriage, or kids. She longs for both.
My problem is that I genuinely love her. But I think it's become more plutonic and sisterly. I love our time together and I can almost tolerate her friends. I don't want to lose her, but I don't want to continue in this way. I feel trapped, confused and scared of what will happen.
I know the answer is to talk to her more. But if I reveal the above, it'll totally devastate her. I don't want to do that. Maybe time apart for a month will make us closer? Maybe we need... I'm lost.
I can't walk away this is the most important person in the world to me. But I'm not happy :(
I'm sorry if it sounds self indulgent. I just wanted to type it out in public. I don't know what I'm asking for, understanding I guess.
TL;DR: | My long term girlfriend and I no longer have the type of relationship we once had. I love her, but I'm not in love with her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm an 18 yo male, for all you other young snapchat users. How do you snapchat the person you're interested in (in my case she's a 17 yo friend of 8 months)? (For guys and girls).
POST: Alright, I'm relatively new to snapchat (barely 4000 snapscore) and even more new to snapchatting someone I'm interested in dating. The girl I'm interested in is in no way, shape, or form, new to snapchat (she has nearly 55,000 snapscore).
So, I have snapped her on only one occasion since i added her a week ago (she added me back with the hour). I waited a day to snap her first, we then had a small snap convo the consisted of like 4 snaps each, she responded every time. Other than that though, we have not interacted at all on snapchat, I want that to change.
I think it'd be sweet if we could get a streak going or if I could at least get her to start initiating conversations with ME on there. So my questions are... How do you go about snapping someone you're interested in, in our case we are friends irl who talk nearly every day? What are some ideas that I could use to initialize a conversation with her? What are you're do's and dont's of snapping a crush?
And before anyone tells me that what I need to be doing is talking to her in person, don't worry, we talk literally every weekday. I'm just looking for ways to kinda work slowly towards having a more flirtatious vibe with her. My logic is that snapchats are 1 on 1 interactions, something we have yet to have together considering we're always surrounded by friends at school.
TL;DR: | Guy wants to snapchat his crush? How does he do that? Would it be weird to try and start a snap streak if you've pretty much never snapped each other before? |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: 20 year old looking to get a new car
POST: Hello all! I am a 20 year old looking to get a new car. I am a student at a private university in California. Fortunately, I pay for school solely with federal loans and grants and also scholarships. Due to the fact that I do not have any private loans for school, I do not make loan payments yet.
I have a decent credit score of 610 and currently am building my credit with two credit cards, one from Discover and one from Capital One. I keep up with my monthly payments and only have a balance of $290 total for both cards. Other than that, I pay my phone bill, which is $100 a month.
I work at a good job that pays $18/hour and I also plan to get another job or two over the summer, which would bring my monthly income to at least $1,000. With this being said, does it sound like I am a candidate to finance a car? Also, how would I go about looking for a new car and what should I look for? I currently have a car but it is not in great shape, I can probably sell it for $3,000.
I would appreciate any advice anyone has when looking for a new car, especially considering my situation. I would also like to make note that I am looking to get a normal, affordable car such as a Honda.
TL;DR: | 20 year old with about $250 in bills monthly and an income of around $1,000 monthly wants to get a new car. Where do I start if I am even a candidate to get one? |
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