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SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Getting past some resentment/lack of trust in LTR
POST: I'm 21f, SO is 21m, been dating 6 years. We have an awesome relationship and are very close, we've gotten way better at communicating and don't fight often. When we do, our fights are just discussions/arguments, not fights involving name-calling, yelling, etc. Welp... the past few times we've argued it's been because we're both stressed or had a dumb misunderstanding. However, these bring up negative feeling because I can't get over a BIG fight we had about a year ago. We had agreed on something, but he let a manipulative asshole "friend" change his mind about it and broke my trust multiple times (made a mistake, said sorry, did it AGAIN). I can't help feeling resentment about it and it's really hard to let it go. I'm a pretty reasonable, low-maintenance girlfriend compared to some people I know and I asked him not to do ONE thing and he broke my trust.
So my question is: Am I just holding a grudge for no reason or is it justified? How do I get past this and trust him/not feel so bad about it? I don't know how to fix this... whenever I bring it up he feels really bad about it and apologizes, but I still feel like "sorry" doesn't cut it because he really hurt me and betrayed my trust.
TL;DR: | I can't get past something my SO of 6 years did a year ago that broke my trust and I want to know how to get over it/stop feeling resentment. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [20 F] think I'm falling for my best guy friend [19 M] and I'm worried since this is the second time.
POST: Quick history: I had my first boyfriend the summer before college (so 1.5 years ago). We stayed together going into school (long-distance), but around Thanksgiving our relationship was failing and I started crushing on my best guy friend. I broke up with my boyfriend (on good terms) and my best guy friend and I started hooking up. We dated for a little bit (i.e. last February) but it ended very poorly - he ended up lying and causing me a lot of emotional stress/pain. Now we don't speak, because I don't really want speak to him because I felt he betrayed me as a friend, basically.
Since then, I've been single except for dating someone for a month in October. But recently, I think I've been crushing on my (new) best guy friend (I often have just as many male friends as female friends), and I'm pretty sure he likes me, too. And while I'm usually a big advocate for going for a relationship if you like someone, I'm really wishing I didn't have a crush on him, for a few reasons:
*the current situation very closely mirrors where I was a year ago the first time around, and while the guys are very different (at the time my friends told me that he was a jerk but I didn't listen) I'm nervous that things could end badly (again) and I could lose a close friend (again)
*he's in my close group of friends, and I'm nervous us dating (and potentially breaking up) could complicate that
*I'm not sure if my feelings are genuine, or if I'm just emotionally rebounding to the guy I'm closest to emotionally (like I did last year)
That's basically it. I think this is one of those scenarios I should be 100% sure of before taking action to prevent emotional harm to him or complicating our friend group.
TL;DR: | I think I'm falling for my best guy friend, which worries me since I did that a year ago (with a different guy) and it ended poorly |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [17/f] My parents (50/f) & (52/m) have always had an unhealthy marriage, and I'm afraid of ending up in a situation like theirs or having my fear stop me from taking chances.
POST: There has always been cheating, constant arguing over petty things, physical and verbal abuse, gambling, talking down to one another etc. in my parents' marriage. They've considered divorce a couple of times, but my mom decided that financially and for my sister's and my sake it would be best to stay together.
Growing up around them, along with being a little more quiet and not-so-great with people, has convinced me that I wouldn't be able to have a healthy relationship either. I can't think of any couple I know personally whose relationship is something I'd wish for for myself.
On top of that, I haven't really been seriously physically and emotionally interested in anyone yet besides one of my best friends (17/m), but that could get a little messy, couldn't it? Since he's getting an arranged marriage in a few years anyway, and he's bisexual (I would rather help him feel comfortable than get comfortable and feel him up, eh?), I figured I should just drop the notion altogether, but if you have some advice on that, too, it'd be much appreciated.
TL;DR: | I feel doomed to a relationship just as shitty as my parents'. How can I learn from their mistakes? What can I do to get over my fears? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24F] with my EX [27M] 2yr, what happens after an amiable breakup?
POST: I've known my Ex since 6 years. We've been in a commited relationship since 2 yrs. We were really good friends before being lovers. Due to long distance breaks and other personal issues, we found ourselves being not so comfortable with each other in the later days when we did meet. After attempting to break up several times and getting back unsuccessfully we broke up in a rather calm amiable fashion finally. My ex couldn't see a future with me but still liked me as a friend. We share similar interests. So, We both still talk and exchange texts. I don't think its good for us to be communicating so much after the break up. I'm afraid it would turn bitter in future when we do find ourselves dating other people. But, i had promised him that i shall be his friend always during the breakup. How do I draw the line between being a friend and being his ex ? I don't want to be the jealous ex or the ex that his possible girlfriend would find bothersome.
TL;DR: | After an amiable breakup, how do I draw the line being a good friend and an ex? Should i slowly distance myself? Or should I tell him that its a good idea to go no contact? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [18-F] don't know what to do about my boyfriend [19-M] lying about being a virgin?
POST: So I think this needs some back story. About a month ago, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I warned him that I am a virgin and don't feel emotionally ready for sex at this time. He said he didn't care and wanted to be my boyfriend anyway. I agreed. Not long into the relationship, he told me he was also a virgin. He mentioned it multiple times. Fast forward to yesterday. He had his New Years resolution out and under it, one thing listed was 'Lose your V_CARD'. It had a dash and in caps said 'DONE'. I confronted him a few hours later, and he said that he is a virgin, that the V was an initial (and stood for an ex friends name), and that it didn't say card. He is swearing on his dogs lives he is one.
What would you do in this situation? I don't know what to believe anymore. Any advice or anything is appreciated.
TL;DR: | he told me he was a virgin, he isn't, and now that I caught him he's saying he is still |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [16/m] don't know how to start texting this girl [16/f] I've know for 5 years who I like.
POST: [Older post about if I should date this girl.] I have decided that I want to.
So I've know this girl for about 5 years and have had a crush on her for a lot of that time. About 5 months ago I decided to move on because she was dating someone else and I ended up dating someone else. We both broke up with our SO since then and I realized that I like her more then ever now.
I want to start texting her but I don't know how I should go about doing it. I rarely ever texted her. Once and a while a few years ago but I've only text her now if I just need to ask a question about school, matching band, etc.
I feel like it would be weird just texting her out of the blue. We do talk in person and it's not awkward or anything, but I am bad at texting and don't do it very often with anyone.
So basically I need help how to go about texting her.
TL;DR: | I've known this girl for 5 years and like her, but don't know how to go about texting her because I never do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: How long does it take for cats to get used to a new kitten?
POST: Sorry if this has been thoroughly discussed before. I did searched it and couldn't find much information (maybe due to wording, not sure).
A friend of mine was helping get rid of kittens for another friend. She was holding onto one for a guy she knew out of town who basically stopped contacting her and so she became stuck with this kitten. My husband and I fell in love with it so I asked her to bring it by my house to see how my other cats react.
I have a two-and-half year old neutered male who is very loving and friendly. He treats the kitten cautiously but they have been growling at each other. After about a day of being together, he has started to ignore the new kitten (female).
I also have a one-and-a-half year old fixed female cat who has never been real friendly towards people and can be a bit of a bully to my male but they keep each other busy and she's very pretty so we love having her even though we can't touch her. That cat ran downstairs at the site of the baby, came up the next day to see if it was still here and then hid in an uncomfortable place again.
My concern is they will never except the new kitten. I know my male would probably grow to tolerate her as he did when we brought our second cat home, but it pains me to see my female so miserable. I told my friend I wasn't sure about keeping the baby and she said she would start actively looking for a home if I didn't want her.
How long should I wait to know this is a bad idea for my current cats? Is there an adjustment period to wait and see? I also worry if I wait too long that nobody will want to take the kitten home because she will no longer be a "baby".
TL;DR: | My cats aren't happy with my new kitten and I would like to know if it just takes a while for cats to like each other? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [37 /F] with my Mom [71 F] duration, Mom Dressed Me As A Boy When I Was A Child - Is This Abusive?
POST: Length of relationship seen her a few days ago and before that over 10 years with no contact. I cut her out of my life for the most part since 18.
This happened a long time ago but still makes me rage when I think about it. My mom dressed me as a boy when I was a kid! I'm a girl! She gave me an ugly bowl hair cut (looked like a FOB) and dressed me in ugly ass corduroy pants/boy clothes. I included a pic I uploaded to Imgur (of me dressed like a boy) but Redddit would not let me post it. She never let me wear dresses or have long hair; my wardrobe literally consistd of corduroy pants... short bowl hair cut (short to my EARS).
*************PHOTO *****************************
I never got a clear answer from her as to why she did this. I wasn't allowed to grow out my hair till I was 12! Her excuse for the hair was that longer hair was more "dangerous" and likely to get caught into things.
To me this is child abuse. Other girls got to be pretty, girl etc while I looked like a boy! As you can imagine I was not popular school looking like this and I feel it affected my self esteem to this day.
She's sick now and most likely dying so I saw her for the first time since a decade or so but even so I am still angry because I find her previous treatment of me abusive.
Even so that's not enough for me to forgive her because imo this is pretty damn abusive.
TL;DR: | Want to know if others find it "abusive" that my mother dressed me as a boy as a child. Elaborate as to why or why not. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My fiance of 4 yrs [34 M] Is going on a 2 1/2 week cruise to Alaska we have been preparing for by himself. I'm [23 F] not sure how to feel about this.
POST: Like the title says. things have been tense. He spent over 8k on this trip while telling me it was only a few thousand. I planned to pay him back but there's Absolutely no way I can afford to cover that amt. So now I feel like shit for not going (although I actually REALLY want to - he's just not letting me).
They're his tickets so it'd be irrational of me to feel entitled to go. But it does feel a bit like being given a gift and then having it snatched away, and then given to Satan.
He told me he wants to clear his head away from me. Our argument stemmed from my refusal to get my sprained ankle checked out (its about healed and it's been month since the injury - I just couldn't afford the medical visit because:
A) I used most of my money on buying both our rings when I proposed.
B) My insurance sucks. 50 bucks copay, but the clinic he took me to didn't take mine. Also, my injury honestly seems fine - but mostly I was dumb blowing all my cash on the rings and am pretty goddamn broke.
---
Anyway...
I asked if he wanted to break up. He said no.
He tends not to know what he wants.
I'm kind of on the verge of leaving, however. Because shortly before this, after almost 3 years of being engaged he was making no attempts at getting rings. So I went ahead and got em for the both of us (costed approx 28k together).
What do I do? I want to go. Do I be my usual straightforward self and tell him I want to go with him? Or is it like, his money, therefore his tickets?
What do, Reddit? What do.
TL;DR: | Fiance going on a 2 1/2 week cruise to Alaska, Portland, and Seattle without me tomorrow morning after the stress of preparing. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [25 M] no longer feel attracted to my gf [35 F] of nine months, and I need advice.
POST: I've been dating my gf for about nine months. We worked together for nearly three years before beginning a relationship and for most of that time I had a crush on her. About two months after we started dating we decided to move to a new city together as I wanted to go to school there and she wanted to work there. We decided to move in together, realizing it was a bit early for it, but thinking we were both mature enough to handle it if things started going South.
Now that the early relationship infatuation has begun to fade, I'm realizing that I don't really feel attracted to her. She is extremely attracted to me and very devoted to me. She is an amazing partner- honest, patient and thoughtful, and we get along wonderfully, but the frustration of not feeling a strong physical connection is beginning to wear on me. I absolutely will not betray her faith in me, however lately I must admit I have been more interested in other girls than in her, sexually.
Should I end the relationship? The physical disconnect is really the only problem we have and I am reluctant to give up what is an otherwise exceptional relationship. Of course I also want to avoid hurting her, and I know it will hurt her to know that I am not attracted to her anymore. Is it important that I be completely honest with her in this case or is there a way to avoid hurting her feelings without sidestepping the issue?
TL;DR: | I'm no longer attracted to my girlfriend, do I tell her this or keep it from her? And in either case, should I end the relationship? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My bf forgot about our anniversary and he's planning a trip with his family during that week
POST: This is going to be our first anniversary and I know he's bad with remembering birthdays or any "big days". I've been looking forward to it, nothing big, may be just a dinner at the place we started last year.
He has been planning a 1-month long trip and I was just hoping it won't overlap with our anniversary(because he claimed that he remembers our anni), but turns out it does. He just told me the confirmed date of his trip and I am kinda upset right now. He won't be back until 2 weeks after our anniversary. I don't know what to feel about this and I do not want to make him feel bad by telling him about it when the date is confirmed. I don't know anymore.
I am 24(I know I shouldn't care by this age) but we are each others first bf/gf that's why I kinda really want to spend some time with him that day.
TL;DR: | My bf forgot about our anniversary and he's planning a trip with his family during that week. Should I say anything to him? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Me [20 M] with my GF [20 F] of 2 years, have had a bad time for awhile, including manipulative behavior, people close to me recommend me to break up. Having a hard time making the big decision.
POST: My girlfriend and i met each other when we were 18, this is our first relationship for us both.
The last year or so our relationship has been shitty, from time to time my gf has told me "i have to think about this relationship, maybe we'll brake up soon", which hurt me really much. But after a while she always tells me she wants to stay together. After that it will stay good between us for a while, but then it will all start over again.
My girlfriend is also really insecure, last week she saw that she gained some weight (about 11 pounds, 5kg) and she flipped her shit. Trying to puke, and after a while taking a knife and saying that she might as well kill herself. I took the knife and called her mom who calmed her down.
Yesterday morning she told me she couldnt have sex with me because she felt fat, and that we wouldnt have sex for about 1,5 months. Then she asked me to think if i wanted to stay in such a relationship. After i got home from work she apologized and told me she wanted to fix things between us.
Did i mention we live together about 650miles from my closest family?
We have some other problems too, but most of them are originating from her insecurities, for example about every other time i want to go out with my friends she "feels like shit" and i come late because she wants me to comfort her.
We have wonderful times too, i really enjoy being with her, and i really love this girl.
Anyway, my parents tell me that i should breakup with her. Leave her, and to be honest i'm afraid we don't have a future together, but i really love this girl, and i'm afraid i will change my mind later. It's a really big step to make for me to pack my shit and leave, and i find it hard to do so, even though i (most of the time) feel deep inside of me that this isn't healthy.
Reddit, please guide me through this
TL;DR: | Relationship has been bad for a long time, family said i need to brake up with her before it gets even worse, i have a hard time doing it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [19f] realized that I have feelings for my best guy friend [19m], we've been friends for 4 years.
POST: For the longest time I denied it. Everyone thought for the longest time that we were dating because of our close friendship. He ended up coming to the same college as me and that is when I realized that I wanted him.
I am so far into the friend zone that I don't think that I will ever escape. He considers me one of the 'bros.' I don't want to ruin our perfect friendship by telling him that I have feelings for him becuase it is most likely that he doesn't feel the same.
Everytime that I am with him all I think about is what it would be like to be with him. We are honeslty like the same person and I love everything about him.
I have no idea what to do. I try to go out with other guys to take my mind off of him, but that never seems to work.
TL;DR: | Too nervous to tell best guy friend of 4 years that I have feelings for him because I am so far into the friend zone. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: what to do when the perfect girl, doesn't want to be with you?
POST: Hi R/dating_advice, i need help. Theres a girl [18] who I [18] have completely fallen for, in my eyes we are a perfect couple both athletes with all the same interests, i'm her closest friend/role model etc. about a month ago we hung out and we started to get really close and i got a major signal that maybe she has an interest in me, however when i spoke to her she responded with she doesn't want a relationship just wants to go on dates.
My problem is that I feel we are a perfect match and i hate to just let her go i've tried everything like just forgetting about it but i keep thinking and thinking, basically i need help either getting over her or a way of opening her mind to give me a chance.
TL;DR: | the girl of my dreams has been leading me on and doesn't want to date, and i want to change her mind both of us are 18 yrs old. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Should I [M/21] tell my girlfriend [F/21] I've been thinking about breaking up with her?
POST: We've been together for three years. I'm her first, she's my second. A great relationship all around. We understand each other, we communicate well, we fight/argue very little, and our sex life is good.
But I've felt myself slowly falling out of love with her over the past twelve months. I can't say for sure that I don't love her, but the fact that I'm doubting it whereas I wasn't earlier probably isn't a good sign.
I also tend to feel that it would be detrimental to both of us to spend the rest of our lives together after meeting at such a young age. I don't particularly want that for myself, nor for her.
I'm not desperate to move on to someone else or anything. I kind of just don't have the energy or interest for a full-time relationship anymore.
The thing is, I'm pretty unsure about everything I just said. I'll wake up one day and think I should leave her for all of the above reasons. Then I'll wake up the next and think I'm an idiot for even thinking about leaving such a good relationship.
I feel guilty about not talking to her about this inner turmoil. It's very much her business, and I'm hiding it from her. Doesn't she deserve a right to know what's going on inside my head before I potentially turn up one day and break up with her? I feel that this way it gives both of us a chance to consider our future together.
Plus, the thought of breaking up with her now makes me sick to the stomach even when I do feel like it's what I should do. I deeply, deeply care for her and it would feel like unexpectedly dropping a ton of bricks on her head. I feel that if I float the prospect beforehand and discuss it with her she won't be taken by surprise.
So my question to you: Am I wrong/naive? Am I only seeing this from my point of view? Am I just trying to make it easier for myself to break up with her at a later date? Or is it a good idea?
TL;DR: | Considering breaking up with my girlfriend, but very unsure about everything. It would be totally unexpected for her. Should I lay everything on the table WITHOUT breaking up with her and see where it goes from there? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me (23f) with my bf (22m) sister (26) and mother (late 50s): dealing with everyday issues in a time of great familiar stress
POST: Skipping a WHOLE bunch of backstory and surrounding story, my bf and I are staying with his mom while his father is in the ICU waiting for a double lung transplant. His sister also lives with his mom, and the two of us (really me and his family in general) have very different living styles, ie. they leave food bags out, make messes that they don't clean up, and are just generally very disorganized and messy, while I am the complete opposite; living in such an environment stresses me out to no end.
So, my question is this: how do I approach getting resolution for such everyday issues while being sensitive to the fact that they have much bigger worries on their minds? Or should I just suck it up, deal with my discomfort, and...
In case anyone is wondering, here's a specific example: Sister's bf is in town and they are staying in a hotel while he's here. My bf and I assume, since she's not here to do so, that we are supposed to be feeding her cats and her dog, however, she never asked us to do so or said anything about it. As I see it, she assumed that we would assume that it was our responsibility to take over her responsibility. I find that EXTREMELY rude, especially since she's not really GONE, she's at most 20 minutes away.
TL;DR: | bf's family is under stress and I don't want to add to that, but I still want to resolve issues arising from living together. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Guy [28/M] I dated for 2 months has been giving me [25/F]the slow fade for the past 2 weeks, but keeps liking all my posts...
POST: He and I had the most amazing chemistry together for the first 2 months of dating. He was actually in the midst of a breakup when we met and we are parting ways in a few days, so I wasn't expecting anything serious to come of it. I ended up developing strong feelings for him and then all of the sudden, he shuts down and has stopped contacting me the past two weeks for whatever reason.
The last time we met up, he said he has been stressed out from ex-girlfriend giving a hard time with exchanging possessions, work, school, etc. So I've been giving him space, but that has meant texting each other once a week--if even (he used to initiate talking multiple times a day and dates every weekend). He owes me some $$$ so we need to meet up before I leave the country in a few days.
I haven't seen him in 2 weeks and he hasn't answered my last text in a week, but he has consistently "liked" my posts on Instagram and Facebook during this time (actually just did so a few seconds ago). I don't understand this behavior--if you're going to stop contacting me, stop contacting me. Can someone explain this to me?
TL;DR: | Guy who is giving me the slow fade, keeps liking my social media posts instead of just telling me it's over or cutting off contact completely. It's driving me nuts. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Can I [21M] ever get my mum to trust me? And how can I trust her?
POST: Hi guys, I really need some advice (sorry for the long post).
I'm a recovered anorexia patient. I've been out of hospital and maintaining myself for over three years now. I wouldn't say that my anorexic tendencies have entirely disappeared (I doubt they ever will) I've been happy and eating healthily without much trouble for a long time.
Today I got in to a stupid argument with my mum. Shopping for clothes today she suggested a pair of shorts that I might want to try on. I didn't want to, simply because I don't like to wear shorts, but she took offense. Only just now I discovered that she's convinced that I don't want to wear them because I'm concerned about my body image. This is absolutely not true (I'm quite happy with how I look now) I tried explaining this to her, but she refuses to believe me. This isn't an isolated incident, similar things have occurred before, like if I ever say I don't want to eat something it must be because I'm still anorexic. Sometimes I feel like I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't: if I want to exercise it's because I'm anorexic, if I don't want to exercise it must be because I'm afraid of overexercising again.
I'm posting here because I don't really have anyone I feel like I can talk to offline. My dad is overseas for the Christmas with my step-mum, although I never really speak to him that much anyway, and I don't think my brother would want to listen. My parents got divorced when I was 10, and I feel like my family has been slowly drifting further and further apart, and I don't really feel like I've ever had a male role-model in my life. My mum is really the only person I have, and I want to be able to talk to her, but I'm gradually feeling like I can less and less.
It seems like the best option might be to try and distance myself from her a little, and I desperately want to move out of home, but I won't be able to for at least another year.
What should I do?
TL;DR: | I'm a former anorexia sufferer, and my mother continues to believe that I have recovered, and refuses to trust me. It's slowly destroying our relationship and I'm not sure what to do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: The guy [24/M] I'm seeing [21/F] thinks I'm too busy for him.
POST: I have been seeing this guy for about a month. I am in my final semester of university, more specifically the final month. All my assignments and tests are due in a week and on top of that I am working and have a social life. I had a life before he entered the picture and i'm really trying to make time for everyone but i'm having a hard time juggling.
I really like this guy and want things to work out but I feel like he thinks I don't care about him or the relationship. He thinks he is overwhelming me but I just need him to know that once school is over I will have much more free time to give him. I don't want to loose him so what do I do?
TL;DR: | The guy i'm seeing feels like he is overwhelming me. He's right, I am busy trying to juggle all the things in my life, but I also want this relationship to work. What do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Games ruining our relationship? Need help on what to do...
POST: My SO and I are both freshmen in college. Our schedules this term are relatively light, so I had the idea of playing Pokemon White during some of my free time. My SO caught on and decided to play Black, and we joked about racing each other to see who can finish faster/better, etc. This was a little over 2 weeks ago.
I didn't plan to play a lot, just something to do when I'm bored. He, on the other hand, has started to only play Pokemon. He even brought it to work. When he gets home, the first thing he does is open up Pokemon, and he sits in the same spot and plays for more than 6 hours in a row sometimes. When I ask him to stop playing when/wait for me so we can play together, he just snaps at me and makes some comment about having to win our race/finish quickly or something. Or if he's in a good mood, he'll say that he would stop at the next good stopping point in the game, but when I look over the next time, he's already kept playing.
I've tried to talk to him about this affecting our relationship, he just says it's all in my head and that it's just a game, that I shouldn't worry about it, ending with some sort of promise that he'll play less and we'll spend more time together. But it hasn't happened.
He honestly barely looks at me anymore. When we go to eat, he brings the game so he can play instead of interact. When we do have a legitimate conversation, he would interrupt every few minutes with something like, "did you catch [insert Pokemon] yet?" or something Pokemon related.
Throwaway because this is so embarrassing. What have I done?
This has never happened before. How do I approach him about stopping without angering him/making him to want to play more to spite me, etc? Should I even be worrying about this? It just seems like we hardly interact anymore because he's always either on his computer looking up stats or staring at a DS screen.
TL;DR: | SO only plays pokemon in all of his free time, possibly taking a toll on our relationship. What should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22 M] with my ex gf/current friend [22 F], who is the prime example of confusing. I don't know how to proceed
POST: Hey Guys, fairly new to reddit so please go easy, sorry if this is the wrong spot for this or something!
So I've known this girl for almost 2 years. Back when we met we hit it off straight away; she's loud, gorgeous and a bit nerdy. I'm quiet and it worked perfectly for us, she'd talk while I'd listen and respond sometimes. During this time I saw her a few times a week, would have been more but we both study and work heaps.
Anyway, we obviously started dating pretty quickly, and for the first week or so everything was great. Then she started saying she couldn't see me as much because she needed to study. Then eventually she stopped seeing me altogether, we broke up after about 4 months, rarely having actually seen her.
A while after this, we talked again (we work together, we had to I guess) and we became normal friends again after a few months of talking. This includes seeing each other a few times a week again, texting constantly. This time the friendship became cuddling heaps and holding hands as well (we saw lots of movies together) and we were happy doing that. After a while we decided together that we sort of wanted to be together, but we didn't want to date again, so we settled for that. We eventually decided to be exclusive with a sort of label, seeing her a few times a week leading up to this. Once again she started bailing after we became even slightly committed, we drifted quickly and lost contact except for dull work conversations.
Recently it's all happened again, we're good friends again, talk normally and we're very comfortable together. During this time she also told me about all the guys she's had great relationships with since we went out, blah blah blah. I love being friends with her and don't want to lose her, but I'd also like to be more than that, but don't want a repeat. What should I do? Im so damn confused
TL;DR: | Girl with mutual feelings, who I see plenty, suddenly can't see me after we get a 'label'. Happened 3 times now over 2 years. |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: [CA] Already served papers to drunk driver, should I amend to add punitive damages?
POST: (Riverside Small Claims Court) Back in November I was hit by an uninsured drunk driver who totaled my car. As my insurance didn't include uninsured motorists, I am having to sue him on my own for the cost of the vehicle, towing, and a chiropractor visit. This comes out to approximately 2300 dollars. When visiting my girlfriend's personal injury lawyer (for a completely unrelated accident), I asked him at what point I should ask for my court fees and serving fees to be reimbursed. He asked about my case and when I told him I already served the papers and it wouldn't take place until the end of July, he recommended I go to the court and amend the case to add 7500 dollars in punitive damages and then serve him again. Since the guy was arrested for a DUI that night he said it likely would be a "No Brainer" for the judge and I would get the ruling in my favor.
Now I'm wondering how likely is this to happen? I'm not sure how punitive damages work, so it would take some time and money to amend and re-serve the papers for potentially no return. At the same time I don't want to leave money on the table, especially if it's a "No Brainer."
Another fear I have is that if I sue him for $2300 he might be more likely to pay, but if another $7500 is stacked on top he might just declare bankruptcy and I won't see a dime. Does declaring bankruptcy save you from paying court-ordered debts?
And do I ask the judge for my court and service fees to be reimbursed at the very end? (I haven't been given a very clear answer)
Thanks guys I appreciate any advice
TL;DR: | Drunk driver totaled my car and was arrested, am I likely to receive $7500 for punitive damages in Small Claims Court? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My Boyfriend [21/M] of 2 years just broke up with me [25/f]. Completely confused.
POST: We started out as a long distance couple after meeting during an internship program. Over a year ago, he moved to be with me. We've always talked about a forever.
He is four years younger than I am, so he's always been up front with me that he wants to marry me, but not yet. I've always understood because of our age difference. We've talked about when we get married, some day having kids, moving closer to our families together. We've planned a future.
This past week he started becoming a little distant, and when we finally sat down and talked about it, he said he just can't see being with me forever, and he needs a break to figure himself out.
At this point I'm just confused as to what happened. He says he still loves me, and still cares about me, it's just that as of right now, he can't see us being together. At first I had hope that this is just a fluke of sorts, and in a couple of weeks he'd be fine. We'd be fine. Now (it's only been a day, but I have obviously thought through everything. twice) I just think he's just done with me completely.
I've realized that space is what we need at this point, but we still live together and he keeps treating me like nothing happened. (Bringing ice cream home for me, browsing reddit with me, etc.) He's in the process of moving out but seems to be dragging his feet.
Is there anything I could or should be doing? I want him back more than anything. He's my best friend, and the love of my life.
TL;DR: | My boyfriend of 2 years decides out of nowhere, the future we've planned together is no longer in his future. Broke up with me yesterday, but still carries on like nothing happened. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Is my [20F] new "friend" [20M] playing me?
POST: Hey guys! So basically this guy has me confused af.
We met in the beginning of June at work. I was instantly attracted to him. He's quite introverted but as the weeks passed on and we slowly became friends and he came out of his shell. After a few little conversations here and there that were meaningless, we finally had a break together at work, and we learned a lot about each other in these 15 minutes. I remember him saying "wow we have a lot in common." Which is true we do! Tv, music, movies, sports, sense of humour, ect. you name it.
We became inseparable ever since. He asked for my snapchat and from there we began texting. And from there he asked me "out" to show him around my gym. Nothing major happened, just flirted and touched a lot. (By touch i don't mean we held hands or anything, but he makes fun of me ALOT in a joking way so i always hit him or punch him, he loves it). We always do this kind of thing however. That was the only time we did something outside of work.
But anyways this is where it gets confusing for me. Even though were inseparable at work, (he only shows me attention, flirt a lot, makes me laugh and what not.) But when it comes to texting he never makes contact unless I start the conversation or send the first snapchat. To be fair he told me he doesn't go on snapchat very much, but whats the point of asking for someones snapchat if you aren't gonna use it? And I checked his snap score, it goes up like 1-2 points a DAY. Very very minuscule compared to mine, so he isn't lying about not using snapchat. But even then, can he not send a text? Don't you use any excuse to text the person you like?
I just realized, I see him 6 days a week for about 4-8 hours each day. Maybe this is the reason why? I don't know.
TL;DR: | he show signs that he likes me at work, but then when were not at work, he doesn't try to text to me unless I start the convo? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [28F] with my husband [30M] and FWB [25M]. His mother found out & threatens to tell people.
POST: Now before you assume I'm cheating, I'm not. Please read. Thanks.
My husband was the type that believed in no sexy before marriage. When we started dating everything was perfect except this, and I accepted it since I really liked him and soon we fell in love. After marriage, he slowly realized that he's really not that interested in sex whatsoever and some therapy helped us realize that he's asexual. This was a major disappointment for me since I was looking forward to having sex with him for a very long time.
I couldn't leave him for this since I was (and still am) in love with him, so we worked out a solution that I'll have a FWB for my sexual needs, and we set proper boundaries. We did this two years ago and so far our life together has been very good. This has always been something between us so nobody else knew.
Well. Out of some freak accident (and me not being as careful as I should have been), MIL figured out what's going on. I said something that raised suspicions and she dug deep for weeks until she found out. Now she's threatening me to tell everyone what's going on.
My husband has talked to her, telling her that it's a mutual decision and none of her business but she's bit having it. She's demanding that 1) I confess to my sins in the church, and 2) stop doing it, and 3) Future kids will only be accepted in the family if we provide paternity tests.
Otherwise, she will tell everyone. That will be a disaster since we live in a very religious and conservative community, I work for a church and it almost certainly means I'll lose my job and we will lose most of our friends as well. I don't want it to happen. We really have no idea how to avoid this situation.
TL;DR: | My husband is asexual and I have a FWB. MIL found out and is threatening to tell people unless we give into her demands. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by blowing my nose in the shower
POST: This happened last month. Throwaway for fear of embarrassment.
I'll start this off by explaining that I blow my nose into my hands in the shower as part of my morning routine. The first thing I do when I hop in the shower is cup my hands in front of my nose and blow hard, ejecting the boogers that have formed overnight. I blow into my hands to keep the slime from going into my chest hair or something. When I'm done blowing, I just rinse my hands in the water and go about my shower.
Last month, I had a job interview. This interview was for a pretty great position, and would be my first "big-kid" job out of college. I woke up early, as I usually do when I have something important going on. I laid out my suit, and went in for my normal shower, complete with snot removal. Feeling fresh, I get dressed in my suit, finish getting ready, and drive to my interview.
I'm not going to lie, the interview was fairly average. I didn't feel like I *nailed* it, but I feel like I had performed adequately enough. When it was over, I shook hands with the two interviewers, and walked out of the office. Their office was one of several in a big office building. As I hit the lobby, I spotted the bathroom, and decided to take a leak before heading back home.
When I was washing up in the bathroom, I noticed something in my hair. Upon further inspection, I realized that I had a big, crusty booger stuck in my hair, smack-dab in the middle right above my forehead. I could even see a crusty streak trailing behind it where I had apparently run my comb across it.
I think it's pretty safe to assume that the mega booger was not washed clear of my hand before I continued to shampoo my hair, etc.
Did not end up getting the job.
TL;DR: | Blew my nose in the shower, somehow got a massive booger stuck in my hair, and then proceeded to a job interview. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (33m) family won't stop talking to my ex (36m), current SO (34f) doesn't know
POST: I (33m) was with this woman (36f)for almost 7 years. My nephews (12m, 16m 17m) grew up with her and we did many things together...we broke up about 3 years ago. I've had two relationships since. Now I'm getting engaged and hopefully married to a wonderful woman(33f) and I just found out my ex and my family went camping this weekend. Sister (34F)and nephews.
They never stopped talking to her even though I asked them to. Now, its true that they don't really know my current SO because we're both very busy. But should it not be assumed that when you break up, the family breaks up too? They have no business dealings, there is no reason for it...I know it's hard to let go but I did it, they should too
My SO doesn't know this and I can only assume that she'll be crushed when I tell her...help me to get them to understand why it's important to me that they stop this. They think they're doing no harm in keeping a relationship with her.
TL;DR: | Family wind stop talking and hanging out with my ex. How don't explain to them that this will make things so awkward with my SO |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: Has my fwb caught the feels? And how am I supposed to DTR in this case?
POST: We met online and started out as fwbs for a couple of months without laying down any rules whatsoever.
To be fair, we set an actual date but never got to it because one drunk night (both out separately, both drunk) he ended up at my place and that's where our fwb relationship started. We hooked up a couple more times after and every time we do, we have the best conversations after and I really enjoy his company. I mean like the sex is good, not the best, but our chemistry is pretty mind blowing. We eventually found time to go out for dinner for real some time after, even though neither of us explicitly expressed that it was a date.
As of late he's invited me to spend the evening with him and his family, even going out to dinner with them. He even cooked for me on another occasion.
He's currently away on a business trip for a bit and we still text often.
I think I might have caught the feels but I don't want to get ahead of myself and assume that he feels the same way. I've had a couple of fwb relationships before but they've all been just that - FRIENDS with benefits. I'll probably talk to him about it when he comes back though. My guy friends tell me that it's strange cos they'll NEVER bring a fuck bud home to meet the fam.
Am I getting ahead of myself? And if I do approach the topic when he comes back, how should I go about it?
TL;DR: | I caught the feels for my FWB, not sure if he feels the same way and I don't know what to do or what to say to him. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I just got an Email from Gamestop saying I'm eligible for a FREE Android Smartphone. Is this legit?
POST: I got an email saying I get a free Android Smartphone with a new 2-year plan plus data feature. I have been wanting to get a new phone anyways (which would mean a new 2-year contract anyway as well. I'm not worried about that detail), so this would be awesome if I can save $500 on a new phone.
I'm just wondering if anyone else has received a similar email, and if this is *actually* Gamestop, and not some impostor looking to get my credit card information...
I've always believed if it's too good to be true, it is. Should I be feeling that way about this too?
It's through a site called cellstores.com if that means anything.
TL;DR: | This was not a scam. Gamestop is giving away free phones to those who sign a new 2-year contract with their carrier, whether they are previous subscribers, or just now setting up a plan with a carrier. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [22F] boyfriend [21M] ditched me after a party?
POST: We have been together for two years. We do not live together. Yesterday was his birthday. I brought him over a cake and got him a present and we had amazing sex. Afterwards, his best friend John called him and asked him if we wanted to go to some house party with him and his girlfriend Sam. We agreed. I really am not a fan of parties. I'd rather casually drink and smoke in a small group than bustle around in a house party, but I decided to go with him cause it was his birthday.
A lot of people began leaving after 2am. I had to be at work by 9am to do a short project that needed to be handed in tomorrow, so I told my bf that we should head home. But he is talking to Sam and John about leaving here and going back to his place to smoke. I tell him I have to go home and asked if he wanted to come stay over at my house. But then he tells me, "Well, hey, I gotta go. Thanks for coming out here with me." And he goes and gets in John's car and they leave me. They don't even wait for me to follow them out. I had no idea where I was.
Well, the entire drive home, I was just so *pissed* that he ditched me like that to go smoke. I called him when I got off work this morning. He didn't pick up. I decided to buy us lunch and go over to his house, but he wasn't there. So I went home. He text me an hour ago saying, "Last night was great." I said, "Which part?" And he said, "Oh well I guess you weren't there for the best part, my bad." And I text him, "Thanks for that. Bye."
I haven't talked to him since. I am so pissed. How do I handle this.
TL;DR: | boyfriend ditched me after a party to go continue smoking with two other friends and then rubbed how great it was in my face. I'm pissed. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Close friend kicked me (25) out of his wedding after asking me to be a groomsman, then didn't mention it to me until a week before the wedding.
POST: What are some really shitty things that made you realize your good friends were maybe not so good?
We've been friends for over 5 years, both 25m. Last year I was asked to be a groomsman at the wedding, but didn't hear much in regards to plans in the weeks leading up to the date. I asked my friend, he directed me elsewhere/evaded the question, and it wasn't until pushing him for an answer that he finally admitted I was "removed" from the wedding party.
My gf (26) is still a part of the wedding, and now all I can think about it what an asshole this dude has been. Trying to not bury my head too far in my own ass as to lose all perspective, but this feels like a pretty major, possibly (probably) fatal blow to a long relationship.
On the other hand, it is very clear that both my friend and his fiancee have been enormously stressed. Should I cut him some slack?
TL;DR: | Friend of several years kicked me out of his wedding and neglected to tell me until days before, now I want to leave a bag of shit as his wedding present |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [15F] boyfriend [15M] was touched inappropriately by his friend [15M]
POST: This literally happened about an hour ago. Sorry for any spelling mistakes, I'm worn out.
My boyfriend, J, has just had his friend over his house. This friend is called M and he lives down the road. He's from a pretty well-off family and I believe his parents and J's parents are friends. When my boyfriend was growing up as a child, he wasn't a very social person but out of everyone in his primary school, M was his closest friend. They see each other every morning in school and sometimes throughout the day (we have form periods in school every morning). Once they got into High School, they made new friends but M sometimes comes to his house once every two months or so and they play on J's computer.
J was playing Counter Strike on his computer and M was sitting next to him. Whilst J was playing, M put his hand on J's thigh. He then moved it slowly, all the way to his crotch. This happened 3-4 times. J did his best to laugh it off (although he was really uncomfortable with it) and M did too. I can recall a few times when M has put his hand on J's thigh and said "Hi J" in a creepy voice at school (which was just laughed off). I don't think anything of this seriousness has happened before.
Whilst this was happening, J was messaging me over my phone. I didn't really know what was going on at first. After M left, he cleared it up with me. He called me and almost started crying. He was very upset and I've been doing my best to comfort him. It's hard when you can only talk on your phones. I'm a very protective/mothering person and I honestly don't know what to think of M.
Should my boyfriend cut ties with him? How can I help him? Was it really just a joke? Am **I** overreacting?
TL;DR: | My boyfriend's friend touched his thigh and crotch 3 - 4 times whilst he was playing a game on his computer. He is quite upset. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by flushing one too many times
POST: So this happened about 2 minutes ago. I was sitting on the toilet taking a dump and I accidentally put too much toilet paper in before I flushed and it clogged the toilet (shocker right). My toilet is infamous for unclogging it's self so I waited a few minutes for it to free up (the plunger is on the other side of the house). It drains a little and the water is pretty close to the bottom so I flush again hoping it'd fix it (usually does) but it didn't work, so leaning to keep my balls from dipping in to the water I get on reddit and wait a few more minutes. After those few minutes passed I check to see if it drained and it appears to be about half way down so I flush again and turns out I'm just dumb and the water was still high up and it starts to over flow off the back of the toilet on to the carpet. I stand up and start to freak, and when I'm about to grab a towel the toilet decides "Oh shit my bad I was supposed to unclog right? Ok there you go"
TL;DR: | I clogged the toilet and accidentally flush one too many times and over flow the toilet which decides to finally unclog it's self after a few seconds of spewing water on the carpet |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Hey Reddit, I need help breaking up with my lesbian girlfriend.
POST: I'm currently in a relationship with a girl (I'm a girl) and we've been together for about 1.5 years. I'm 20 and she's 19, both in the same college. In fact we're rooming together. We're both bisexual, and for the past few months I feel like I've lost my attraction to girls, including her. I feel that I'm no longer in love with her. The relationship have gotten boring, and we're always fighting over petty things. Lately, I figured that I no longer want to be in this relationship because I have just fallen out of love, and I don't think I want to continue trying anymore (as harsh as that sounds, it's the truth). Everything I say "I love you too", I feel like I'm lying.
Well anyway, here's the deal. I'm studying abroad in the states right now (I'm originally from Hong Kong) and I'll be heading back on June 1. In September, I'll come back to the states and continue my studies for another year and half. This is where the problem is; I've already leased a house, in which I'll be sharing with her and three other roommates (5 in total). And to make it worse, all my closest friends in the states are these 2 girls, that are mutual friends with my current girlfriend, that are going to be my future roommate.
Basically, girlfriend = A
Mutual friends = B + C
A + B + C + Me = a close group of friends, and will be rooming together for at least a year
I don't know how I can break up properly without making things awkward next school year.The only thing I know that can assist this break up is that I'll be going on a trip to Europe from June 10 - July 2, so if I break up with my gf before then, I'll have close to a month of complete no contact with her. Hopefully that will help us move on.
TL;DR: | I want to end my 1.5 years relationship with my girlfriend, but we will be living together with our mutual friends for another year. How to make the break up smooth and not awkward in the future? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My GF[19,F] doesn't want to have sex with me[19,M]?
POST: My girlfriend and I have been together for a year now, and she doesn't want to have sex anymore. We had sex like 4 times in all year. But now she says she is afraid of getting pregnant. She said that there is still a chance to get pregnant with a condom. I know that myself. She had a boyfriend before me and they used to have sex at every opportunity they get, that was usually like 4-8 times a week and she was the one who was initiating sex. Usually without a condom. When I appeared in her life, she was still with him, but she left him for me.
Now I am really confused. Should I be supporting her? (that is what I am doing now) Or should I be trying to find a way that would make her feel better towards having sex, and less afraid of getting pregnant?
I feel really bad because I cant get sex from her like the other guy could, but I dont want to push her.
TL;DR: | My girlfriend is afraid of having sex with me because of getting pregnant. Im lost and don't know if I should support or try to find a way to solve it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [25/m] My wife [26/f] is holding a grudge against my only friend and I can't hang out with him anymore.
POST: Almost a year ago, my wife and my best (and only) friend got into a fight over something extremely stupid (a video game). It ended with her kicking him out of our house and asking him not to return. As far as the fight is concerned, there were faults on both sides. I figured she would cool off in a day or two and everything would be back to normal, as they had been friends for years as well. That didn't happen. I have barely talked to my friend in 10 months.
She refuses to even entertain the idea of having anything to do with him, even though I have let her know how much grief this is causing me. We have ended up in several fights over it and after another one tonight, I've reached a boiling point. I don't know what to do. I love my wife, but I really miss my best friend. I've had pretty much nobody to talk to other than my wife since then and it's driving me crazy. I've tried everything I know, from calm reasoning, to compromises, and even outright demands.
Can anyone provide any sort of insight on this?
TL;DR: | My only friend and my wife got into an extremely trivial fight. She refuses to make up, and I haven't seen him in nearly a year. Help? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: LD boyfriend denied cheating on me...before i had even thought about. What gives?
POST: Throwaway for reasons.
My boyfriend and i(f) (both early 20s) have been together for about a year now. We're apart over the summer, which sucks big time. We've had a few big blowouts over the summer, mostly due to distance and such. So, needless to say, things are a bit rocky sometimes, but we do love each other.
For the past couple weeks, he has been kind of distant (rarely replying to texts, no calls, nothing. I asked him about it, and he said he's just been busy with work and moving and stuff, which i totally understand. Now, all of a sudden, he's being super affectionate, and i mean far more than usual. I was a bit confused so i asked him, and he told me that i had finally made him feel wanted, and he had more time. I said okay, that's great, cool. But the affection became like...way way way more than i'm used to. Constant "i love you!" texts and saying/calling me things he never did before. So again, i said "haha seriously, what's up with all this?"
Right off the bat he asked me if i thought he was feeling guilty for something. I trust him, and i wasn't even thinking of it...until he said that. I told him so, and he laughed it off and said that he just asked because he knows that's what most people assume when their partner is suddenly more affection. He said his reason was because i was finally showing affection (which i've been trying to do all summer...apparently i fail at it, i guess?) and then he again denied being with anyone. I hadn't even considered that he would be doing anything like that, but with this sudden...declaration of innocence, shall we say, with no accusations at all, i feel a bit uneasy. (i seriously mean NO ACCUSATIONS. I have never once asked him anything about cheating all summer, because i trust him. Just doubtful now...)
What say you, oh Reddit? Do people declare their innocence before an accusation is handed if they truly are innocent?
TL;DR: | boyfriend told me he wasn't cheating/hadn't cheated on me...before i even asked, or was considering, that he had. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [27M] with my GF [27F] nearly a year, having trust issues
POST: Indian guy [27], met an Indian girl [27] on OKC nearly a year back. We have been going steady with one interruption halfway through and she agrees that we have been stronger since then.
She had an active profile till I confronted her on this yesterday,after which she removed the profile. While I initially hadn't made a big deal of her active profile, now that things are getting serious (we were even thinking of moving in/ starting a family together soon) I am concerned on the same and rethinking the whole thing.
While she claimed to be serious about us, she didn't really remove the profile till I told her that it upset me. She hasn't been seeing other people, but just used to log on once in a while to check messages (I had deleted mine 3 months into the relationship)
Now my concerns are,
Should I minimize my risk and call it off or should I give her another chance to come clean and see what can be salvaged on this. Considering she is now close to my friends and family, it is difficult for me to abruptly call it off without unwanted queries from family and friends.
TL;DR: | GF deleted OKC profile only after confronting her and not sure if I should try and salvage the relationship or to just move on. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [28 M] with my G/F [ 27 F] 10 months, she's going out more, working more, having issues taking it all at face value?
POST: This is my first "serious" relationship, first relationship I could see leading to marriage.
Don't get me wrong, there's no evidence of infidelity or anything, just a lot of opportunity...
- She has the occasional "girls night" which usually revolves around drinking at bars, concerts, etc.
- She's a little more distant through text messages/phone calls when we have periods apart then she use to be (long response times, doesn't seem to care what I'm doing, etc.)
- She's been picking up work shifts at her low paying part-timey job left and right... probably just being paranoid but thoughts of "damn son... she meet some one at work or something...?"
There's a few other things... she gets a lot of text... social media... she's not very open about whose texting her or anything...
With all that said I knew her ex of two years and she was never a cheater... IDK. Just having a hard time sometimes night after night having to say "OKAY babe have fun..." when I'm told she's doing something that sounds relatively innocent on the surface, even though I have slight anxiety over it and I got to just swallow it at face value.
TL;DR: | In a longish relationship with a flirty but so far totally loyal girl... she's been going out/working more... how to handle anxiety over possibly being cheated on? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24F], Single for Six Years, Trying to Figure Out How to Date
POST: I'm something of a failure when it comes to dating and romance. In high school, I had a boyfriend (who started out as a good friend), but we dated behind my parents' backs and after 5 years, it got ugly and we broke up. In college, I went to a women's school, so I didn't have a lot of opportunities to casually meet guys. I'm pretty shy, and at the time was extremely depressed, so I didn't go to a lot of parties or try online dating.
Most of the advice I've gotten over the years is to "wait for a guy to make the first move" and "love will find you when you aren't looking", instead of actual tips on meeting partners. I'm fairly average looking, but with pretty horrendous self-confidence issues, and I think people can tell that, which is why I've never been asked out or flirted with.
Cue now, where my life is moving in a positive direction and I really would like to start dating. Trouble is, I have no idea how.
For instance - there's one guy I encounter regularly (he's a frequent customer at the store I work at) who I chat with, and would be happy meeting up over coffee - but it feels weird and uncomfortable to just send him an invite or message, plus I don't even know if he's single. Living in a small, rural-ish town makes things harder - there aren't bars or meet-ups to go to, and going out to the nearby city is a weekend-trip affair. Most of my friends here are already in long term committed relationships too, some with kids, so there isn't a lot of 'going out'.
Honestly, I'm looking for some concrete advice on what I can do or scripts to use to start up conversations. It seems like really basic stuff that I just missed the boat on, but I'm tired of it and want to do something to improve the situation.
TL;DR: | Never really learned how to date or ask/be asked out, trying to give it a go in mid-20s |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Hey Reddit, I need help with a problem at work!
POST: I've been a long-time lurker but I still decided to make a throwaway account because a few of my coworkers are redditors. I see a lot of people getting help from this community and I hope today I can also benefit from your advice.
I work at a store with about 110+ employees, needless to say space is limited and sometimes certain areas become a bit cramped. One of my bosses feels it's right to push people around to get them out of his way because he's "working". He has done this to me on a few occasions and today I decided to standup against him and tell him that saying "excuse me" would be a more effective way to get people out of his way.
He went on to explain that he was working and he didn't have time to say that and the exchange went on for a bit more with him just ignoring what else I had to say.
My plan for tomorrow is to talk to my main boss if she decides to come in and explain to her that this is going to have to end or else I am going to go over her head and contact our HR department.
Can anyone provide me some advice on how to handle this situation best? Are there any labor laws (aside from sexual harassment since this doesn't seem to apply) that prevent this type of behavior in the workplace?
I would really appreciate some input! Thanks!
TL;DR: | My boss pushes people around because he claims they are in his way and I don't think he should be getting away with this. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I work with an absolute crazy...advice?
POST: I won't go into much detail to hopefully maintain anonymity, so hopefully it won't limit everyone's understanding (a lot of redditors at my work). I work in a technical environment as part of a group of about 15 people. Because of the nature of the work, we end up with a good amount of foreign employees (read: chinese). For the most part everyone is fine, but there is one person who is bat shit crazy. Our immediate supervisor is either somehow oblivious to this or purposefully blocks it out because our attempts to tell him about the the crazy guy has resulted in zero action (he's also close to retirement, so doesn't give a shit). The crazy has worked here for 5 years now and still has no idea about how to conduct yourself in a work environment. Constantly breaking things, hoarding supplies, over-spending, making excessive noise in office areas...all while completing little to no work. Trying to talk to him about his behavior always results in the most idiotic arguments that lead nowhere. To make matters worse, there are a few Chinese employees senior to the crazy that readily cover for him to the boss while simultaneously agreeing with us about how worthless and crazy he is. Our direct work doesn't overlap, but some of us are forced to take on extra responsibility (for less pay than the crazy) to ensure that the things we will need to get our work done will be working and available when we need it. It has gotten to the point where our group has gotten a bad reputation as a whole within the company due to the crazy's behavior. I'm afraid this will soon extend outside the company and affect our income, and more importantly our potential for finding new employment in the future. Does anyone have any experiences like this? Any advice? I'm not really in a position to change jobs currently, and to be honest with the exception of this guy (and a few others) I actually enjoy the work I do.
TL;DR: | I work with a guy who is crazy. Impossible to work with, or around. Boss doesn't give a shit. Is affecting my work, and potential my future reputation due to association. Any advice? |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: Need an Extremely Personal and Specific solution to Weight Loss
POST: Hello people of /r/loseit! This is my first post on this subreddit, so be a bit considerate if I make any mistakes here and there. :)
Well, to start off, I'm 15 Years old (Born in 2000, gonna be 16 soon), and I weigh a whopping 85.3 KG. My height is approximately 172 cm. It might sound like the regular overweight person, but hear me out. Well, the reason I need specific advice, is because **I'm Indian and a Vegetarian** (Not sure if I'm one of the only people who are Indian :P). My parents are extremely picky as to what I eat and what I don't (Since my daily cuisine mostly consists of rice and what not which I've been trying to avoid) and this causes quite a problem since my mother is not used to making food from other cuisines. What is the best way to lose weight quick, with doing moderate exercise (I spend about 30-45 mins on the Gym almost everyday, losing about 200-300 Calories) and what are some of the easiest to make / best foods to eat for the 3 time periods (Breakfast / Lunch / Dinner)? I'm extremely anxious to listen to all your replies since I really want to lose weight quick and prove everyone around me wrong. :)
TL;DR: | I'm 15 Y/O, Indian, Vegetarian, Picky mom can't easily make food from other cuisines, Need advice to lose weight fast, Proper Diet / Meals. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [18 F] girlfriend makes me [18 M] sad when she gets sloppy drunk. Am I wrong to feel this way?
POST: I know that nobody is perfect, but her tendency to drink really bugs me. I personally do not drink/smoke/do drugs because I have an alcoholic in my family and am deathly afraid to touch the stuff.
She really is a smart and beautiful girl, but whenever she talks about getting blackout drunk/having tried drugs before I can't help but judge her and think about how primitive one can be to do that. I feel like a hypocrite for having these thoughts, because I am not perfect and do not claim to be. It's just that the only flaw that she has bothers me A LOT.
It's not a trust thing either. I wholeheartedly 100% trust her. I just get sad and disappointed when I see her drink. I do not know why I am like this.
Can somebody just tell me to relax and get a hold of myself? I feel like I'm being unfair to her for having such strong feelings of disgust when I see her/really anyone get sloppy drunk. I know it probably has to do with me having an alcoholic in my family, but I can not help but think of how primitive someone has to be to have to turn to these vices for them to be able to cut loose and act themselves. Just be yourself without a drink for crying out loud! It's like a bunch of monkeys running around with no self-control.
TL;DR: | I hate it when my otherwise perfect girlfriend drinks irresponsibly, but I don't know if these feelings are with merit or largely individualistic. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [32F] want my ex BF [36M] back. Should I make a move?
POST: Connor and I broke up in the middle of August after dating for four months. He'd been distant for a couple of weeks, which I picked up and it ended with him telling me he wasn't sure if he was ever going to fall in love with me, no matter how much he wanted to. He described me and our relationship as 'perfect on paper', but said he just didn't know if he was ever going to have that 'butterfly' feeling with me.
I accepted this and we parted ways on sad but amicable terms. After the break up, he started checking in on me every day, which soon escalated to him texting me even more than he did when we were together. Over the last week, I've woken to 'good morning' messages from him every day, followed by texts at work, then he'll message me when he gets home until he goes to bed. It's like it was when we first met - lots of playful banter, talking about our days, arguing about politics etc.
However, not once has he mentioned meeting up again. I still have feelings for him and would love to get back together again, but I'm not sure if he's just being friendly or if he's realised that we really do have a connection. To give an idea of the amount of contact, I'd say I receive anywhere from 100 - 200 texts from him a day at this point.
TL;DR: | Broke up with great guy in August. He texts me all day every day and I want him back. Do I tell him? |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: Ok Reddit. I'm a man of science who does not believe in the supernatural, help me explain what just happened to me?
POST: So I'm alone, in my room editing a song I'm working on. I'm sat at my desk while the room is dimly lit. (One of my 3 light bulbs is out, the one that points around my desk) I stop the song so now everything is silent besides a slight whir from the fans in my computer.
I get a text (my phone is on vibrate) I had been getting texts all night but this time when the text went off after it started buzzing my can slowly moved towards me at a constant, moderate, deliberate speed which continued after the two short buzzes from my phone. I picked it up without giving it a chance to stop and it was a half full 500ml energy drink, no way two little buzzes would have moved that and they had been going off all night without a nano metre of movement from the can, there are no open windows, nobody but me in here, my desk isn't slanted and also has empty cans on it, which didn't move.
I'm really having trouble explaining this one guys, no I do not think this was a ghost or anything supernatural. Just cause I can't explain it does not mean that nobody can.
TL;DR: | A can that was on my desk moved towards me at a deliberate pace until I picked it up, there were empty cans on my desk that didn't move and I'm having trouble explaining it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [20, M] think I've developed some kind of feelings for a one night stand and don't know how to proceed.
POST: I'm a college student and as comes with the territory, I sleep around a lot. I met a girl in a club last week and we went back to mine and had sex a few times but we also talked a lot and for probably the first time ever with something like this I really felt like I connected with her. The next day we both went home for summer and we've been texting and snapchatting and that stuff since, but she's fluctuating between being really hot (asking me to come over to hers and "cuddle") and weirdly cold (not replying for days on end but still always coming back quite flirty) and normally I'd just be like "whatever" but it's totally fucking with my head which leads me to believe that I've developed some kind of feelings before which seems really weird to me as I've only known her one night.
I want to see her again but there's only two real options I see; 1 is I keep trying to talk with her over summer and endure the highs and lows of it, but as I won't be able to actually see her for like 10-11 weeks I feel like this could fry my head totally, or 2, pretty much just cut off contact until the time comes where we both go back and ask her to hang out or something then, but my worry is then it'll have been so long she'll be totally disinterested. Sorry if this is a little rambling but I'd just like some outside perspective as I've really got no idea what to do in this situation, it's totally foreign to me. Thanks!
TL;DR: | I slept with a girl, we've talked a lot since and I'm worried I've developed feelings and don't know how to proceed. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I[18/m] fell in love with my best friend[18/f] again and she wouldnt want to hurt me.
POST: Alright, i met her last Semptember, i had an insta crush, i told her, she was interested in another guy. Fast forward a year and half, we are best friends.
We hug each other a lot, a hella lot more than i have hugged one of my exes, she kisses me on the cheek, i kiss her on the cheek or on her forehead. I know she loves me, but not in a romantic way. We are really close and spend a hella lot of time with each other. The only thing we are not doing is normal kissing.
In one of her texts she wrote this:
I know you DONT see me in a romantic way, but in case you felt and i rejected you, i'd have made you san, if i told you yes, sooner or later, i'd have made you sad and the whole point is you to be happy. I cant bear to see you sad because you are my best friend and i care about you. So in case anything happens in, one way or another i'd be the cause that would make you sad, only the thought is killing me...
I seriously dont know how to proceed from here....
TL;DR: | Fell in love with same girl again. We are best friends, she claims even if she liked me she wouldnt do anything because she wouldnt want to hurt me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [25 M] am feeling increasingly socially isolated
POST: I lead a very simple life. I tend to be an introvert, and my monday-friday schedule generally consists of going to work, going home, cleaning, exercise, hobbies and sleep. When I look for groups in my area pertaining to my hobbies, I can't really find anything. I didn't go to a standard "dorm" environment for college and I feel I missed out a lot on the social skills and social "seeding" that people tend to do in college. It didn't really feel like an issue until my primary social contact began his move to another state. How do I even start to address this?
TL;DR: | My closest friend is moving to another state. I don't really have any other local friends. How do I adapt to this without becoming painfully lonely? |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I need an excuse to get to Florida.
POST: So I've been looking into getting into the modeling industry for a very long time now. I recently found a great opportunity that has made dreams come true for other models. The agency that I want to work with wants me to come down to Florida some time to shoot and I am very excited to hear that.
Now I live in Virginia, but that's not a problem, as they will pay for a flight. The problem is that I am a 20 year old living with extreme helicopter parents. I am 20 years old and I have a curfew of 10 pm, and unfortunately I can't afford to move out yet. They have very strict rules, like no staying overnight anywhere, I have to be home 75% of the time, etc. Not to mention, they would freak out if knew I was even looking for modeling opportunities (they don't like revealing skin, they're Muslim). If I don't comply with their rules, I run the risk of getting kicked out. So going to Florida for even a weekend is going to be a challenge.
Of course it's intolerable that I am 20 and living in this kind of situation. I hate it and pull as many strings as I can. The hardest part though, is doing something my parents would disapprove of and not getting caught. I really do not want to miss out on this opportunity, and I just need help figuring out what kind of excuse I could make to justify going to Florida. I also am very broke right now, so it would be out of the question that I'm "just going on vacation."
TL;DR: | My strict helicopter parents don't allow me to do anything, but I want to go to Florida for a modeling opportunity. What kind of excuse can I make without making my parents suspicious/getting in trouble? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19M] I'm good enough for my [18F] girlfriend of a year, but I'm not...
POST: So last night my girlfriend wrote me a letter with the problems that she is thinking about. They were:
I don't call her beautiful anymore and she doesn't feel beautiful.
Spending time with me is boring.
Doesnt think we are connected anymore, we never have anything to talk about and feels awkward in silence.
She said she finds herself fharmlessly lirting with other guys to get some excitement.
She is insecure about the relationship because of past relationships.
She wants the "old her" back.
Our sex life isn't good no matter how much we spice it up, but still thinks we are sexually connected?
I just don't know what to do. She says she still loves me and that breaking up was the last thing she wanted. She said she feels like she gets jealous a lot, even when I'm out with my friends, she said she gets jealous that I'm not spending time with her even though I see her everyday. She said that I give her so much and do everything but still finds herself wanting more (??) and that She feels as though she is being controlling and that scares her!
I just need help, I love her so much but I'm just so confused as to what I can do, she said "it's not you its me" and that "I couldn't do anything" but I'd fight for her as she means so much.
Any advice on what to do Reddit? I feel as though there is nothing I can do and things will end bad.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend wants more from me but states that she doesn't know how I could give more because I already do so much. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Does he like me?
POST: Me f/30, he is also 30. We met online initially.
We texted back and forth for a few weeks when this exchange took place:
Him: Says something blunt, I don't remember what.
Me: "Wow, you don't date much do you?"
Keep in mind, we are very sarcastic towards each other and we joke a lot, so his response threw me off. I don't know if he was joking and/or being sarcastic, but he responds with this:
Him: "I'm not looking to date. I thought that was obvious."
Okay, fair enough. We DID meet on a dating website, but fine. If he's only looking for friendship, I can deal with that.
The following week he asks me out for coffee. We meet, have a great time talking for 5 hours, we hug at the end and that was that. A week later, he asks me to come to his place to watch a movie. I declined, as I had prior plans. Later in the week, I ask if he would like to meet me at a bar where my cousin and I would be hanging out.
He came to the bar, we drank, had fun, and I ended up back at his place. We end up making out and nothing more.
It's now almost Thursday and he hasn't asked me out again yet. We have been in contact and I am crushing pretty hard.
I should also mention he has a disorder that keeps him in pain 24/7, and he sleeps for days a time. I don't expect to hear from him daily, I just want to know his intentions with me right now, and it's driving me crazy.
TL;DR: | I want to know this guy's intentions with me. I feel like he may have told me once, but I'm not sure. How should I play this? Roll with the punches or come out and ask? |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: I'd like to devote some time to making a beautiful and super easy-to-use weight loss app. Any suggestions / tips for me would be awesome!
POST: Just as the title says, I'm looking to devote some of my time to work on a beautiful, easy-to-use web app for people trying to lose weight. I'm doing this because I am myself fat and am trying to lose about 50 pounds within the next year or so. I have been looking for a simple, no-frills app for sometime now and while apps like LoseIt and myfitnesspal are great, they're way too complicated and their design is too 'busy' for my liking. Plus, I am not fanatical about counting every calorie or logging every exercise. So, /r/lostit, do you have any suggestions for the design of the app. If you were to design your weight loss companion app, what would it be like? What features would you add.
Oh, I also just registered 'exercise-app.com' and that's where the app will live.
TL;DR: | I'd like to make a simple webapp for people like myself who are not as fanatical about counting each and every calorie and logging each and every exercise. The app will be beautiful and easy to use. Any ideas? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Even though I (20/F) am and always have been monogamous, I want to cheat on my boyfriend (19/M) of a few months, because he is religious and doesnt want to jump into sex.
POST: Otherwise, the relationship is amazing : i have never felt more valued, cared for and loved. In every other aspect, I would say it's close to an ideal relationship. We got through a lot of stuff together (I used to have mental problems, self cutting and such, now, thanks to him, I don't want to do those things anymore).
BUT. However much I appreciate him, I am not a virgin, and he is.
I have used sex for comfort and enjoyed it for it's simplicity. I love passion, it is intoxicating.
In the beginning, I wanted to be with him in that way. I couldn't think, because all I had in my mind was him, feeling him close to me.
But he doesnt want to have sex. He just doesnt, and it makes me feel betrayed, not wanted.
And there is the guy I've been seeing before him (it was a loose relationship), and he is trying to seduce me, and he is doing it very well.
I am torn here. I don't want to break up, I don't want to cheat, I don't want to destroy his faith. But I have needs. I am fighting myself here, just for him, and I'm not sure how long I can keep doing this.
And I think it's important to mention, that I have never ever wanted to cheat on any of my exes, since we had good sex.
TL;DR: | My boyfriend won't sleep with me, I love him, but I don't know how long I can remain faithful. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24F] with my BF [24M] 4-years, he accidentally played a voice note that I "wasn't supposed to hear".
POST: His voice notes are typically for things he's planning on doing/creating, he was showing me a bunch of him singing/humming different melodies when he opened one. It started with "The sound effect of a pokeball opening" and then he turned if off really quick and said to me "You weren't supposed to hear that."
Now IF IT'S WHAT I THINK IM THINKING, I'm pretty stoked. And what I'm thinking about is those pokeball ring boxes. Because I do vividly remember talking about how I thought a pokemon proposal was absolutely adorable (I was girl-ing out on pinterest when I said this).
Opinions on what it might be?
Cheating? (doubt it 100%, but I know how much this sub loves that one) A present? (It's not our anniversary, or birthdays, and obv christmas is pretty far away). The thing I'm thinking??
Or am I just getting overly excited over something silly.
Also if this is what I'm thinking, how do I display that I *don't* want a nerdy pokemon themed anything?
I play pokemon go, and we play pokemon stadium 1&2 as drinking games quiet often. But I'm not a huge pokemon person. So if this is a proposal Idk..
I would still say yes and love and appreciate all of it regardless because it's the thought that counts. But I'm a photographer - so you know; Aesthetics.
The reason I think it may be a proposal is because he's been overly happy and affectionate lately, and he's typically always a really up-beat guy. Also we've had some amazing conversations and talks about our future plans recently and really feel very close at the moment.
Obviously this isn't something I'm going to chat with my girls about because this is a very wild assumption based of a silly voice note, so I figured I'd ask reddit. All in all, I'll probably forget about it entirely in a couple of days, so just keep in mind I'm an easily excitable person and also not taking this seriously.
TL;DR: | Heard a voice note on my boyfriends phone that I wasn't supposed to hear. Our relationship is going really well and he's extra happy lately and I want some other opinion on what it might be. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [28 M] just broke up with my girlfriend [26 F] after 3 yrs - found out she cheated on me.
POST: We've been having problems for some time. Fights intermittently with constant communication problems. She claimed I had a temper and would turn things back on her, I claimed I couldn't approach her with my problems without apologizing for approaching her in the first place. It was a pretty vicious cycle.
We went to a mutual friend's wedding recently where I think all of this came to the surface for her. She ended up cheating on me with a co-worker of hers and I broke up immediately after finding out.
The fucked up part for me is I've always had insecurities about being cheated on, and have expressed this to her. She never indicated to me that things had gotten this far or that she was this far past the relationship. Now, she claims she wants to finally work on it and regrets everything that's happened.
I've been in the other guy's shoes before, which gives me some empathy as to why this happens in the first place. I don't feel like this is all her fault, and understand it's our collective responsibility to ensure the relationship is happy. I've been the cheater with a married woman and understand why it happens. I don't forgive her for it happening, but understand why it got to this point. I just feel lost as to how to proceed from here.
I don't feel like I want anything to do with this until she shows me that she regrets everything and wants to move forward to make this amazing. Am I giving her too much credit in even allowing this? Should I just be cutting the line here and moving forward?
TL;DR: | G/F cheated after 3 years. She wants to continue working on relationship, I don't know what to do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How can I [16M] keep my relationship with my friend [16M] but also get rid of my feelings for him?
POST: Hello! 16 year old guy here.
As I said in the title, I've realized that I may be gay/have developed feelings for a close friend of mine. I'm fairly sure he doesn't reciprocate these feelings and probably never will so to save myself some heartache I'd like to end it right here. He's my best friend and we've known each other for a good 4 and a half years, which makes things all the worse. I would like to get over him but keep him as close a friend as he already is..if that is possible. How could I go about this? If any more details are needed please let me know.
TL;DR: | Developed feelings for a friend but don't want to ruin friendship. How do I stop this? He's a guy, and I'm a guy. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: We hit it off really well at first. Now, she [21/F] is seemingly disinterested. Should I [20/M] move on?
POST: I finally had the nerve to ask out a girl who I've known for a long time, but never on much of a personal level. We went to high school together and, oddly enough, we were in the same kindergarten class in another town.
Anyway, on a Friday night, we had coffee - then we went and chilled/talked on the dock of a pond near my house. Everything was smooth sailing; even though we had never hung out before, there was very little awkwardness. The conversation was decent, and I was occasionally making her laugh.
Unfortunately, the night ended with me getting my car stuck as I was taking us to this "haunted house" (lol). She was completely cool about it. (This part may seem weird to some of you, but understand that both of us currently live at home.) Her mom picked her up and, as she was walking towards the car to get in, she turned around and came running into my arms to give me a hug. We texted that night after I had gotten everything sorted out with a tower.
We've texted since then, but it's mostly just been the how-are-you kind of thing - and she's always taken quite a while to reply. Now, over the past few days, she's completely ignored two texts that I've sent her about doing something again.
I guess I should mention that on Facebook she's been talking about having high anxiety recently. So it could be something that's currently going on in her life. I don't know, still doesn't seem like a valid reason to be rude to someone. Should I try to to contact her again at some point, or move on?
TL;DR: | Had a mutually great time with this girl that I've known for a long time; now she's inexplicably being distant and weird. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dogs
TITLE: Apartment complex dog park rant.
POST: So we're lucky enough to have a fenced-in area at our apartment complex that serves as a dog park. They have a covered bench and some agility-esque equipment in there. Anyways, we took Bailey over there a couple nights ago to run around and get some energy out before we had a few friends come over. We had been in there for about ten minutes when a mother and her son came walking up with their two dogs. The son was probably 8 or 9 and they had a big golden and a tiny Dachshund with them. Usually people around our complex are pretty good about either asking if our dog is dog friendly and it its okay for them to come join us or not, or waiting for us to be done. This mother and her son however, said nothing to us and proceeded to just come right in through the gate. Bailey was off leash and was very interested in these newcomers. Before they got to the gate I said "let me grab my dog first", but they came in anyways. Luckily Bailey isn't dog aggressive, but she plays pretty rough and can get in other dogs faces to play. Then the son keeps walking up to Bailey with their tiny Dachshund while I'm trying to get Bailey on her leash and I keep having to pull her away. So we decide to just leave, and after we walk 20ft away or so, they just leave the dog park. It just bothers me to no end when people don't understand that just because their dogs are friendly, that doesn't mean that everyone's dog is.
Also I should mention that the area is probably 15ft by 30ft, so big enough for a dog to run around in, but definitely not big enough for two people to be in there and have their dogs not interact.
TL;DR: | Some people just waltzed right into the dog area in my apt complex without trying to see if our dog was friendly first. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [14M] mom [50F] may kick my stepdad [40M] out of the house
POST: Unlike many posts here I have created a pretty good relationship with my stepdad(mom's boyfriend not yet stepdad). Its more a good friend relationship not much of a father-dad although he is in some ways.
So today my mom said that he told him to start looking for places to rent but at the same time I can tell she didn't want to or else she probably wouldn't have brought up the fact that it would be expensive for him to move into a new place (she mentioned it would be 600-700 dollars a month). I asked why as their relationship has always been great and never loud or on-going arguments.
Before we continue let me mention that I only have a hand full of friends but most of them are good friends. This leaving my family very close to me especially my parents. So anything that will make my mom happy i won't disagree with.
I ask my mom why she wanted to do this since their relationship from what i have seen is really good. She says that some people have told her that she is better off on her own. But I think these are just loud voices and she is having a rough week and is frustrated which she has sometimes.
TL;DR: | I have a good relationship with my mom's boyfriend. She does too(i think/thought?) and she says she has been thinking about him moving out. Not sure what to do |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I'm almost 16, and car insurance is fucking ridiculous for teenage boys. How can we get the price lower?!?!
POST: My parents have begun looking into quotes for car insurance as I soon going to have my license and need car insurance.
Here is the problem: Car insurance for a teenage boy is $3400 a year WITH straight A's in school and have taken a drivers education course in school as well!
WHAT THE FUCK!
Is it possible that there are any other ways to get a lower quote? I've been driving since I first got my permit...IN FACT, a week after I got my permit we drove from Florida up to Canada, and I drove about 800 miles out of the 2400 miles total (both ways) or so! Not sure if that counts for anything, but maybe it does. Who knows...
Anyways, hope someone might have some tips on getting a lower insurance rate. I'd like to think that I'm an awesome driver and I definitely drive by the rules...
Thanks Reddit :)
TL;DR: | I'm 16, car insurance is $3400/year with straight a's + driver's education course - any ways to lower this price? My family cannot afford that. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Is this a personality flaw of mine or is everyone like this?(26m)
POST: I feel im pretty effected by negativity of a few of my close friends.(26m)
For example, I have a friend when we go out and he wants to leave. He begins debbie downer mode. "This place sucks", "too hot", "the girls arent pretty"
Saturday, He mentioned leaving early 30 minutes after we got there and before we had even met up with my 2 other friends. I told him Im not leaving early, do not bring it up again. So, he sat behind literally all night. Didnt say a word. And looked miserable. That even drug me down and i left 1.5 hours early. I feel like that is me being way to sensitive to negativity. Agree here?
My question is, this is probably a personality flaw of mine where I let negativity of close friends kill my mood. Its probably not all them, btu some me. I need to be able to handle situations like this better
So, whats the best way to handle negative people like this?
TL;DR: | Does me being easily swayed into a bad mood by complainers mean I have a personality flaw and need to toughen up? Or is everyone annoyed and drug down by negativity like that |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Can I still train my puppy to break bad habits if I haven't been very strict with him for the last 5 weeks?
POST: I've got a 12 week old australian shepherd/red heeler/whatever got into the mom that I picked up when he was 7 weeks old. I love the little guy, but he's got a terrible biting habit. He won't stop chewing on my hands, and it's starting to hurt. I haven't been very strict in training him. He's got free reign of the house pretty much. He jumps and nips. He's been pretty good with puppy pad use, but he still has "accidents" around the house. I notice he tries to hide his poops, so I know he knows I don't like him doing it in the house, but he goes to the pad most of the time. We've been going outside for a few weeks , and just recently I've given him free reign of the little area where I'm living (it's out in the middle of nowhere in the Wyoming plains away from everything). Problem is, he's not really coming when I call. Should I keep him on a long leash attached to the porch if I let him out? Is it best to keep him on a leash until he's better trained? Should I have a designated area for him to go when he uses the bathroom?
I've found [this] post that I'm going to look into some more. It seems to have some helpful information for getting started. I just feel like maybe I've instilled some bad habits in him by not being strict enough for the last 5 weeks, or by giving in when he whines, or by not playing with him enough, and I'd like to train him while he's young so he's not difficult when he gets a little older. Any advice?
TL;DR: | my puppy bites and I'd like to stop it; should I let him free roam?; asking for house training advice; not coming when called |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [20M] feeling depressed that my crush [18F] and I didn't work out. I have no idea why I'm depressed about this.
POST: I met my crush a few months back and we started talking on a daily basis. At first I didn't really had any feelings for her but the more I talked to her, the more the feelings developed.
The text we sent to each other were more or less flirty and even sweet from time to time and this made me really attached to her. We would hang out from time to time. Watch a movie or two together and maybe have dinner together. She even kept a few stuffed toys in my car and she even went to the extent of buying an air freshener for my car.
Now the main issue. She told me that due to bad experiences in the past with her ex, she's having trust issues and she's afraid of trusting people including me. She said she's sorry that she was not able to give me what I wanted.
I assured her that what ever happens, happens and I respect her decision on whatever happens next. But I ended up being emotional about this. I don't even know why.
Every time she talks to me. It gives me hope that things would be different. That things would change. I just feel so happy around her or whenever I talk to her.
Now there's another guy that I know recently starting talking to her, although my crush and I are not together. I'm getting jealous and emotional for reasons I don't know.
Ever since this new guy came it. Talking to her is so different now. Replies are slower and She'll be going on and on about the dude and honestly. I feel a little hurt inside hearing this.
I need help. I can feel a thousand needles poking into me.
TL;DR: | I'm emotional because my crush and I didn't work out and now we're not even talking like how we used to ever since this other guy came in which made me worse. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: After processing my abuse I [30M] don't have a barometer for what a healthy relationship is. Do either of these look like heathy relationships?
POST: I've sworn off relationships for years working on some abuse recovery. Recently I've started to put myself out there again, and I am finding that I don't have a barometer for what a healthy relationship looks or feels like. The last two weeks I've started to see two very different girls and I am wondering if you guys can give me some insight into if either sounds like a healthy relationship.
Girl 1 [23F]: Young (23 to my 30), high energy, very social. (A nice match to me socially) We connected physically immediately, and spent a 24 hour day together just watching movies and cuddling. I feel very emotionally connected to her and really enthralled. However, she has some life baggage that she admitted she needs to work out, and it feels like the entire relationship actions are on me. ie: all texts and invites to do something must be initiated by me, it seems as though she wont reach to contact me. (Not unusual for a very socially active girl though IMO).
Girl 2 [30F]: Same age as me, much more successful professionally. Going for a masters ATM, but on par with me career wise more than girl 1. She's quiet, introverted, nerdy. (I'm also nerdy, but much more extroverted.) I've actually known her for a long time, and I find her very attractive, but not in the same engrossing way as girl 1. (Not sure what that means) We went on a nice dinner date, had awesome conversation, and she texted me after that, baiting for a followup date, which I have setup for this weekend. It feels much more mature, slower, and..... boring.
Do either of these sound like healthy relationships? I'm lost.
TL;DR: | Dating two girls, one that I'm enthralled with but maybe wrong for me; the other right for me, but boring. Are either healthy? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24 M] with a girl I've been dating for about 2 months [21 F] duration, keep getting mixed signals
POST: I've been dating this girl for 2 months and we've slept together twice.
I really like her and I got too nervous and couldn't get it up twice.
This always happens with girls I really like, I've told her why and she seems really understanding about it. Luckily I seem to excel in other areas because of that.
She said she wants to come over tomorrow and immediately said she's not sure if she wants to stay the night. I told her I'm fine with just chilling with her. She seemed glad that I said that. However it seems she's not sure if she wants to come over.
What really bothers me is that she seems really distant about 2-3 days after that 2nd time. She used to text a lot more than she does now, sometimes she initiates but she doesn't talk as much as she used to. Sometimes she reads my messages but delays her replies. Also doesn't call me 'honey / sweety' anymore.
Meanwhile she said she made it clear that flirting or dancing with other girls is not allowed anymore (she didn't care about that before). But she doesn't mind me going out as long as she can go out.
Anyone has a clue what's going on? Am I over analyzing stuff?
TL;DR: | Keep getting mixed signals from a girl I'm dating for 2 months, not sure if I'm just over analyzing or that something is going on. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: What Do You Do When Therapy Doesn't Work?
POST: Me (29/f) and my husband (33/m) have been married a few years. We've had our problems, which include a severe lack of trust on his end, a severe lack of sex during the past 6ish months because of some issues/choices he's made, which has made me feel really shitty about myself, and I've become really unhealthy as a result, and some other little things. He's also been texting/messaging other girls he met on OKCupid he met while I was in the hospital recently.
That said, he's admitted to all this, shown me the texts, deleted it all. In the middle of that craziness, we were in therapy and didn't say anything. I've also personally tried therapy before, and I get the "yeah, uh huh, tell me more. What are your parents like?"
So what do you do when therapy doesn't work? I get more out of him when I either decide to walk away (a hotel for a few days) or tell him this is not normal.
As far as the sex, he acknowledged he issues, and I just opened myself up and got a little sexy myself. Ended up being the best week of sex we've had in our life.
We can talk just fine. Somethings that I need, like a little more openess (like access to his iphone, beause he can use his thumb for mine) would be nice. I know some people would say to be an adult and just ask for what you want and need. He can't read my mind, and I know that.
How do you all do it?
TL;DR: | Marriage has been difficult with trust and other issues, therapy doesn't work because he's embarrassed. How do I get him to open up/trust to me so I don't have to read his mind? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by breaking into a closed library, shitting my pants and running from the police.
POST: Today I fucked up by breaking into a public library at 7 in the morning, this happened in my sophomore year of high school so maybe two years ago, but anyways. So I left the house early before school to go to the library because some friends informed me there was a great manga that the library had included in the collections so I was gonna go nerd out. I get to the back entrance and open the door, no problems (It's around 7:10 at this point). I have my weeby anime music playing loud so I can't hear the blaring alarm ringing that's echoing throughout the facility, so I head towards the manga shelves and plop down with the first volume of Dengeki Daisy(great read, by the way). It's 7:45 and schools going to begin, so i choose out three books and head to check them out to read later. I just notice after almost an hour of reading there is not a single living soul in the library and i take off my headphones to investigate. Big mistake. Once I took them off, nothing could prepare me for the loudest alarm I've ever heard in my life. I got so scared I sharted and started crying, wondering why this is happening. I stuffed the books in my back pack and ran for the door, hoping to get out of there. Lo and behold, two police/security officers were on the other side of the entrance pointing at me and ran to the back. I shot out of there faster than you would ever believe, running all the way to school, ignoring the warm feeling of something unpleasant in my trousers.
TL;DR: | I broke into the library for being a weeaboo, sharted in my pants, and ran from authority figures in the process. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [22 M] SO [24F] is moving about 20 hours away this next week, as we tried to discuss what would happen, she suggested an open relationship
POST: This is my first post in this subreddit, so I hope I'm posting in the right place / correctly.
We've been dating for a few months now and have become very close, however she got a job offer she couldn't refuse and will be moving shortly. Neither of us want to end the relationship but both recognize the strain long distance puts on seasoned relationships, let alone a fairly new one.
Not being sure how to go about this, seeing we both care about each other to a great extent and don't want this to end, she had suggested the idea of an open relationship.
I have never been in an open relationship, nor ever found it appealing due to various reasons (not sure how they should work, some relationship issues that mainly pertain to jealously, trust etc.)
Didn't really know where else to look for advice on this issue since most things online pertaining to open relationships are idiotic buzzfeed/ cosmopolitan articles and the likes. How should i go about this? Does anyone have solid experience / advice for things like this?
TL;DR: | My girlfriend of a few months is moving across country. She suggested an open relationship and I don't know what to do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [37 F] having online "thing" with [41 M] 6 weeks, told him I want to stop talking because I caught feelings.
POST: Seven weeks ago, I came across an old coworker on Facebook. We never talked at work but I was always intrigued by him. I commented on a picture he posted, he replied through message. It turned out to be a wonderful conversation. Exactly what I like: no small talk, deep discussions about important topics. We messaged for a couple of hours that night.
After that, we'd message every couple of days. The conversations were never shorter than three hours. Messages coming one right after another, no long pauses. If there was, he'd bring up another topic to keep it going. More days go by, more hours are extended onto the conversations. We're both non-social but you couldn't shut us up. He threw in a lot of compliments. At times adding on that he didn't understand why I was single.
Besides the extreme introverted tendencies (which is why I'm posting here. I cut everyone out of my life three years ago.), we related on so many personal issues, behaviors, thoughts and feelings. We found ourselves telling each other things that we had never told others before. I realized I never in my life have had someone that I related to so completely or anyone whose mind I so thoroughly enjoyed. I developed feelings very quickly.
Last night, my insecurities and fears from other failed relationships had me in a grip of insanity. After we discovered we had both been part of a similar, unfortunate experience in life I got scared of the closeness we had gained. I said that we talk too much. (I know, it's horrible.) He apologized. We said good night.
This morning I told him I catch myself smiling at the thought of him and that have feelings for him. Conversation was very awkward after that. He ended the night by saying he'll back off if that's what I want, he also unexpectedly started to feel things around his smiles when he thought of me but that he's too old for games. I didn't mean for it to be a game. I got scared of my feelings last night and then wanted to somehow explain this morning. It's all..wrong now.
TL;DR: | I admitted feelings too soon to someone I thought liked me. Want to crawl in hole and die. Do I go back to normal tomorrow and act like it never happened? |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: TEXAS- My address is 123 Main Street and my neighbor is 123A Main Street. MLS listing for neighbor's house lists MY address
POST: My address is 123 Main Street. My neighbor's house is 123A Main Street.
Our houses were built in 2012 and we moved in the same weekend. I have constantly gotten their mail- addressed to MY address. Now their house is listed for sale or lease and the MLS is attached to MY address because the realtor left the A off their address in the listing. I spoke to the realtor in person during an open house he held a week ago but the MLS still has not been updated to reflect the correct address. Other than contacting the realtor again what can I do? (and I am not talking to the neighbor because he is a jerk and would probably laugh at me and do nothing)
Could this turn out to screw me somehow, like they do all the paperwork for my address and end up selling my house instead of theirs because no one catches the mistake?
TL;DR: | MLS listing is for my address instead of my neighbor's house. Talked to realtor and it still isn't updated. Can this screw me if they don't catch the typo? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Dated her but didnt have time to seal it. Advice?
POST: So here it is. I liked a girl I worked with in late July. I realize - hey she's about to move out to college in a month! So the next day, I ask her out on a date, everything goes well. Then I learn that she's going on vacation for almost 2 weeks. Bad luck. When she gets back, we walk the beach together and it was a nice time. Before she departs, I give her a hug and that was the last time I saw her. This was in mid August. Between then and now, I txt her every few days, we've skyped once and that's about it. She's a great person, nice, smart, and pretty, but she can get distracted easily. For example, we'll be txting for a while and if I txt back in 10+ minutes instead of 1-5, she may not even txt back. Its not just to me, I've noticed that from being around her, so to me, it appears that she doesn't want to talk to me, but I have to remind myself that that's the way she is.(Some more background info: she also has a packed schedule at college, difficult classes) The worst part is sitting here knowing she's at college and I just may see her once thanksgiving break, but the only definite time I will see her is during winter break. And what happens then? I really like her, but can I secure a relationship with her in that time? Will she still be interested then? It sucks just sitting here wondering. Usually you regret if you don't do something, but my asking her out before she went to college is almost as bad.
TL;DR: | I went on 2 dates with a girl i really liked right before she went to college and now I'm left wondering under winter break. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, what are your stories involving the police threatening you over something ridiculous? Here's what happened to my boyfriend.
POST: We live in an apartment building and one side has businesses underneath it. The business under us is a small investment company, which generally has no one in it (one of the reasons we like this place - it's super quiet). We just got some new plants for our balcony, but because it's been so hot and dry out we've been watering the plants a lot to keep them from dying. My bf usually waters them in the morning before work (around 8 or so) and at night when he gets home (around 6).
This morning he was doing his usual routine of watering when he heard the cop start yelling at him saying stuff like "You just poured water on me a-hole." My bf apologized saying he didn't know there was anyone underneath him (but was kind of surprised because it would have only been a little bit that splashed onto the cop.) The cop started ranting and swearing at him, telling him he was going to come up there and beat him up. My bf, who was totally appalled, said he would be speaking to his supervisor and asked for his name and badge number. The cop said "I am the supervisor. Good luck a-hole", then refused to give his name. When my bf asked again for his badge number, he lifted it and said "Read it if you can" and started laughing. He was able to get the officers car number and he filed a complaint with the police department. We'll see if anything happens, but it made me wonder what other random police run ins people have had where they threatened you because of something totally ridiculous.
TL;DR: | This morning, my boyfriend had a cop threaten to come into our apartment and beat him up because when he was out watering plants on our balcony and some water dripped on the cop. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I'm 21 and in debt that I may not be able to pay because I am an idiot. What should I do?
POST: I'm in nursing school. I could graduate in three more semesters. However, I am *very* bad at nursing school; I'm taking two classes, and I may fail lecture for one and/or clinical for the other. But if I do just barely squeak by, I have another med/surg class next semester, which is the clinical I'm sucking at. Logically (and if you saw my terrible, nervous nursing skills, you would agree), I'm going to fail at some point!
I just don't think I can do this! I've already invested 4 years into college, though (thanks to a waiting period for getting into the program). I don't have a job (just like 80% of my class due to the intensity of this program), and I never have had a job. I have about SIX THOUSAND dollars in student loans right now. I was so sure I wanted to be a nurse, so I took out loans. I'm not sure what to do. Keep going to school and risk failing (and accruing more debt) with the small chance of making it, or quit now and get a dead-end minimum wage job with my supreme lack of experience?
TL;DR: | Do I keep going to school with a good chance of failing/accruing more debt, or do I quit and work? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: It's true! You will be okay. [21 M]
POST: It does get better.
Tonight I cried for the first time since 5 months ago. I've gone through a lot of emotions, since that night. I've had periods of inexplicable rage, sadness, and loneliness. But through it all, I have also been able to find glimmers of real happiness.
Some days it can still be hard, knowing it's not me making her happy. But at least she is happy. I can't be perpetually angry at someone I loved that way for so long. Breaking up isn't a one way street. I obviously wasn't what she needed anymore. So good for her.
It was only for a minute, but I cried because I'm finally letting go of the anger, and the sadness. It's fueled me and allowed me to keep going for too long. It's still there, but I don't want it to be the driving force behind what I do. My time with her made me stronger, and we taught each other a lot. She is the first person I have ever loved, and we will always have that connection. But it is time for me to move on.
I'm not really ready to date again or anything. How are you supposed to when you give something so much for so long? But that's okay. In time, that will probably change.
I'm graduating with a degree. It's only a 2 year one, but it's a start. I have some of the best friends in the world. I'm in a good place at my job, and starting to do something that I really, REALLY love. It's tough, but it has been my dream since I was a little kid.
So for all who are going through a rough break-up or anything at all, just realize that tomorrow isn't set in stone. You can make the decision to sit there and take it, or get up and make the changes you want. It's hard. Believe me I know it. Some days I feel like I've been climbing only to be kicked down a few fligths of stairs. But whoever said it was supposed to be easy?
TL;DR: | Just a little bit of catharsis! Sorry for the length and the rambling. I just need to let it out. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dogs
TITLE: my rescue/companion dog's new trick (will save my life one day)
POST: [magnus,] my rescue husky-white shepherd who we rescued on mother's day this year developed a strange behavior in the last 2 weeks or so that i didn't pick up on until today.
When i was up walking around sometimes he would come lay down in front of me and chew on his working collar. wherever i walked he'd move to be in front of me. well tonight he started doing it and i sat down to study what he was doing. i was leaned forward on the couch when he stood up and walked to me and headbutted my stomach and kept pushing against me. finally he had enough and put his paws on my shoulders and pushed me back against the back of the couch and kissed my ears and neck (like you might do a puppy).
this confused me as i had no idea what he was doing and he knows better than to get on people without being called. so i took him outside thinking maybe it was an emergency, he had no interest in anything outside and when i threw his tennis balls he hid all of them in the sunflowers (his sign of saying he didn't want to play). He got really tense and tried to push me into the patio furniture. That's when i figured it out.
I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis January of this year. as a result i am sometimes stricken with sudden total muscle exhaustion. We originally got magnus to train him to be a service dog. as a result whenever i have these attacks i've given him the shirt i was wearing when it happened (about twice a week). i didn't think he'd pick it up this fast.
So i sat down, as that was all I could do and he laid at my feet watching the door in an alert guarding position since my wife and daughter are out of town and i'm by myself. While i sat there, effectively paralyzed i thought back and noticed that every time he chewed on his working collar in the last two weeks had corresponded with an "attack." i just wasn't smart enough to put it together until now.
this is good, as the condition progresses it will lead to grand mal seizures that he will eventually be able to detect.
TL;DR: | magnus detected an MS attack that left me effectively paralyzed and i noticed he did it several times in the past few weeks corresponding with other attacks. fucking awesome. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I've [22 M] been dating a girl [24 F] for a month, she doesn't want kids but I do.
POST: I met a girl about a month and a half ago, we've been dating since then and everything has been going really well. We are thinking of entering into a serious relationship but when we discussed kids, she says she doesn't want to have any. However, I know I do want kids sometime in the future. She says she's not certain, and might change her mind in the future, but we both know we shouldn't count on that.
The only thing is that apart from that we are really compatible. She's amazing and sometimes I can't believe I found someone like her and she actually likes me back. On the other hand, I know if we get together we will fall even harder for each other, and knowing this will have to end eventually, it seems selfish to consign our future selves to even more heartbreak.
What should I do?
TL;DR: | I met this amazing girl, and things are going brilliantly, but we can't see eye to eye about having kids. How now? Should we just break it off? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [18F] a freshman at a great university, but I feel unapproachable.
POST: I just started Fall Quarter at a great university that I love. I'm great friends with my suite-mates, and I am really happy with my living conditions and the people that I see on a daily basis.
But even though I am great friends with my suite-mates, I don't meet a lot of other people in my classes or just on campus. It really sucks because university is supposed to be a time when you go out and meet tons of new people and have a lot of fun doing it.
I've asked my suite-mates for their opinion on why I'm relatively unapproachable, and they say it's because of things like I'm really tall (5'8), I'm fashionable, my makeup is really nice, I'm attractive, etc. I really don't understand this because... I can't change these things about me, and I wouldn't want to change myself to make other people like me.
I'm a super friendly person if someone just says "Hi" to me, but even that rarely happens. How can I make myself more approachable and friendly without having to change myself?
TL;DR: | I'm a university freshman, and I don't meet a lot of new people because I'm unapproachable. My suite-mates say it's because I'm tall, fashionable, pretty, etc. I need help! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me 26M with my 26M roommate & Friend. He keeps just disappearing.
POST: So I just moved in with a buddy.
He told me had a free room for about 6 weeks as his roommates were moving to go traveling and if I paid the rent it was mine. He really gave it the hard sell that night and told me how we'd spend a lot of time together, go out for dinner etc. All that kind of fun stuff, given I was moving to a brand new city with no friends in that of the country.
I pitched up, got settled, and it's been a weird experience. We work together on some projects as we're both freelance. Bar that I just haven't really seen him. Work has been fantastic, but about 4-5 times he's just walked out of the door and not said bye or where he's going.
He's had his on-off girlfriend over and that's been a little too graphic for my ears.
Then tonight we were supposed to go out and he ran out the door saying "I'll be back in 5 minutes."
TL;DR: | Moved in with a friend who made promise he hasn't kept. Bailed on me and has been really absent. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (F 22) boyfriend (M 23) of a year is constantly talking to other girls
POST: So my boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and a half. It's been a wonderful year and half.
We have had our ups and downs but we've always been able to get through the rough patches and we are even at the point of talking about marriage. Last week he even talked about getting a ring. But here's the problem.
During those rough patches, the reason why we were having them is because I've caught him talking to other girls. And not just friendly talk. So after the second time catching him. I gave him a choice either me or them. And he apologize and said he was acting stupid and selfish and said he would never do it again. That was 2 months ago.
Tonight I saw on his phone that he was using a dating app to talk to girls. Neat right. My stomach is in knots and I feel like complete shit. 1) because he went back on his word 2) because obviously he's "sexting" them 3) I'm obviously not enough for him.
So I need your advice. Should I give him another chance and try to talk to him about it? Or should I just break up with him and if so how do I go about it?
It just sucks cause I love him so much and I thought he loved me too.
TL;DR: | caught my boyfriend talking to other girls after asking him to stop now I don't know whether I should break up with him or try to work it out. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19F] with my boyfriend [20M] and best friend [20M]. I might be emotionally cheating. I dont know what to do.
POST: Using a throwaway because they both go on reddit. I have known my best friend for four years. And I have been dating my boyfriend for just over 2 months, we have only known each-other for 6 months.
My boyfriend is a great guy, I transferred schools this semester and so far he is pretty much my only friend at this new school. He is super kind and smart.
My best friend is hilarious, kind, and super smart. Last night I got super drunk and so was he, we were texting each-other and we ended up telling each-other we like each-other. We talked this morning and both stood by our statements. The only issue is, we live 6 hours away now that I transferred.
Neither of us want a long distance situation and neither of us have cars.
I dont know what I want, I like both guys and it isnt fair to either of them if I lead them on. I feel so terrible, I dont want to lose my boyfriend because he is my only support.
TL;DR: | I like both my best friend and my boyfriend, dont know what to do. I need my boyfriend for support but I also like my best friend even though he is 6 hours away. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22 F] with my not-boyfriend [22 M] ~18 months, he acts like my boyfriend, but doesn't want a relationship. Should I walk? Or wait?
POST: We've been (non?)dating for ~18 months. Meaning, we see each other often, go on "dates", have met each other's families, have traveled together multiple times, tell each other we love each other, and are exclusive.
But he refuses to say we're in a relationship. Whenever he introduces me to a family member or friend, he says "this is my friend, hurlingham_18." For a long time, I figured, well whatever, it's just a title. He treats me nicely, we have fun together and he's not dating or sleeping with other women. So even if he can't say it, that's pretty much a relationship.
But... at this point it's gotten kind of weird. My close friends have brought it up to me a few times, trying to clarify what we "are", and I just have to shrug and try to explain. I've brought it up to him a few times, and he gets uncomfortable and usually says some variation of "let's talk about it later", and later never comes. I don't want to pressure or cajole a guy into being with me--I want to be with someone who actively wants to be with me as well. So I have just tried to ignore it and focus on the ways he shows me he cares for me.
But lately I'm beginning to think I'm being foolish. How much time am I going to waste on someone who can't even call me his girlfriend? But then, I wonder, am I being to picky and caring too much about a title? What if I walk and end up losing someone who really did love me, and just needed more time?
What do you think?
TL;DR: | Guy and I are exclusive, hang out all the time, love each other, etc. but he doesn't want a relationship with me. What gives? Time to walk? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20 M] and my ex [F 19] of 2 years broke up two months ago, but I want to start talking again.
POST: As the title says, my ex and I broke up about two months ago. For a long time we had a great relationship that we were both extremely happy in, but for the last 6 months we became more distant, and I started doubting the relationship a lot (I tend to be a huge overthinker) which caused me to unintentionally sabotage the relationship by being an asshole to her (just not being nice in general).
Two months later and I'm pretty sure I want to talk to her again, I really miss our relationship, all the weird little things we did, how she talked, everything. We met up last week for coffee and it was awkward and we were both trying too hard to seem over things (even though I know I'm not).
Even worse is that she may be interested in another guy now, which has gotten me really depressed this last week and I can't stand the idea of somebody else getting to be with her.
So what do I do? Do I try to forget and live on? Should I tell her how I truly feel? I'm mostly doing this just to vent, because I have trouble confiding these things in anybody in real life.
TL;DR: | Should I try to get back with my ex, even though she might be catching the feels for a new guy already? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do I [18F] find out if my guy friend [18M] is interested in me, feel like he's intimidated?
POST: We're both 18 and hang out a lot in a group setting and have a lot of classes together, where we also decide to sit together and generally joke around a lot + share a lot in common.
Due to our jokey nature we often sarcastically say how much we're wanting to kill eachother etc. - we have that type of relationship and we are known as the 'clowns' in our social group. We've gotten drunk together plenty of times and he always looks after me like a brilliant friend that he is. Few months back I remember just being around him at a party and some guy hinted at 'us' and he seemed to be very happy with the idea of being associated with me.
I definitely like him and recently even thought about him in a romantic way although I m just unsure if it's same for him. Sometimes I feel when I tried to be more serious with him and hint or anything like that I have always been shot down with a joke or an ironic comment. I always give everyone full eye contact and attention and sometimes I feel like that is not repaid. I'm not sure if hes just not interested or it's something else.
I've personally never been in a relationship before and have always been 'much older than my years' as they say and find teenage type relationships a bit pointless but something is really drawing me to my friend. I've been asked out an awful lot of times by guys and get messaged daily from 'popular' guys around our campus although I never engage in any of that- they all seems like dicks tbf. My friend in questions is definitely not Brad Pitt but I really like him and some toxic friends told me I'm too out of his league and it made me question if he might be intimidated? And in that case what I can do without being too upfront as I'm too socially crippled to do that to find out where I stand. It might not even be the case, but it's kinda making me paranoid. Help?
TL;DR: | I recently started being interested in my [18m] long time friend and don't know how to go on about finding out if he's interested also. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (28f) can't seem to connect with husband (26m) family (various ages)
POST: Okay, so here's the thing that's been bugging me for about ever. I know I am kind of a weird person- I never really socialized properly, and in social situations, I can have a tendency to shut down or just kind of flub up. My best friend until I was in my 20s were books. I don't get most modern references to television, music, culture in general. I am basically a social cripple. I try very hard not to be embarrassing in social situations, but I really don't resonate with people.
My husband proclaims if he wanted a more socially adept partner, he would have made different choices, and I believe him. However, though I try my very hardest, I never seem to connect to his family. Especially his sister. Truthfully, my husband has never liked his sister- I don't know her very well, but apparently she's always been a bit selfish and rather bitchy. Since I'm not very good at face to face social interactions, I do try reaching out with social media sites. For example, I've tried friending her in instagram and Facebook. She'll either ignore or friend me and then unfriend me. She is, however, friends with all of my husband's ex's and likes and shares their things.
So I thinks it's my fault. How can I try to reach out to her better? And his more distant family, who she is also great friends with but I can't breach. Please help me.
TL;DR: | Trying to connect with husband's family and failing miserably. His sister is still friends with all his exes but not me. Can you give me strategies to reach out for a socially crippled person! |
SUBREDDIT: r/askwomenadvice
TITLE: How to stop thinking it's "too good to be true"
POST: Hi everyone, thanks for reading.
I met my boyfriend two months ago and we became official a few weeks after. I have seen him around my city before, he was (and is) truly the best looking person I have ever seen. I never thought I would even have a chance.
After a few dates with him, I was convinced it had to be a joke. I think I'm ok looking, but he's just...gah. We also have a lot in common and everything is great. We spend so much time together, he is so so good to me, it's just insane and I feel undeserving.
Anyways, I can't help but be insecure. I don't act like it around him, but I know he can get anyone he wants and that's daunting to me. He doesn't date around a lot either, he has only had one or two girlfriends. He talks like he wants to be with me for a while (mentioned something about next summer yesterday and that just put me in shock).
TL;DR: | I think my boyfriend is a little too perfect for me and I don't know how to get that thought out of my head. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I think my friend has been manipulating me over people I date
POST: Everytime I have a boyfriend she finds something about them to give me crap over.
She accused one of my exs of saying something racist then got mad at me when I didnt believe her. He's never really come off as racist and I wasn't around so it's hard for me to pick a side. She accused him of posting confederate things but he has no southern pride nor is he from the south. When I asked her to show me she could never provide evidence then gets mad when I don't believe her.
She gave me shit over someone I briefly dated because he got too drunk on accident then threw up and asked to be taken home. I don't find that unreasonable.
My current boyfriend has been nothing but sweet to me and supportive. She accused him of rolling his eyes at her and her friend. She had spoken to him not even a minute and there was no logical reason to do so. He offered to talk to her but the minute she'd have to confront the issue she said she doesn't even want to.
Usually about when I introduce anyone I date to her things go sour. If there's an issue it's always my fault even if I didn't do anything. I'm at my wits end and I don't even have an idea on how to handle this. I just want to know why in the world someone would repeatedly do this and what do I do?
TL;DR: | friend finds issue with every boyfriend and can't prove complaints then yells at me. wat do and why she do dis? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [23 M] drunkenly kissed another girl last night, feel like a total asshole and am a mess over it
POST: Last night, I [23/m] was out with some friends and drinking for the first time in a couple of months. At the bar, I unexpectedly ran into my girlfriend [22/f] of almost 3 years with a breakup of about 8 months in between.
She lives 45 minutes away, and I had no idea she'd be there. We talked, I was pretty drunk, we got into an argument that probably never should have happened and she drove home. I proceeded to drink even further out of frustration, and ran into this girl I had a month long fling with during the 8-month breakup period. We got to talking, I walked her home because she wasn't feeling too hot (and neither was I), and when we got there we kissed. As soon as it happened I felt like a total shithead. I left right after, basically said "I'm sorry but I have to go, I can't do this." In the nearly 24 hours since, I've basically just felt like a total fuck-up. And now I'm left with the task of telling her, which I know I have to do, but the thought of her possibly breaking up with me over this is tearing me apart. I love this girl too much to let something as idiotic and irresponsible as this to be the cause of that. I've never done something like this before, and sure as hell will never think twice about doing it again. I just can't believe I put myself in this position.
I guess I'm here seeking advice as how to best manage this awful mistake without it ending in total demise.
TL;DR: | After an argument with my girlfriend, got very drunk, walked another girl home and kissed her. Very fearful for what may come next. |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Should I sell my car to finance my education?
POST: Hi PF!
After a family crisis, I'm finally back in college and set to graduate next spring (2016). I'm currently funded by state and federal grants.
However, I have determined that my financial aid will be pulled before I graduate due to how many course credits I've accrued. Curse my younger self for wasting opprotunity.
Anyway, I've determined that, with good planning, I will only need to finance one semester all by myself. I estimate this to be around ~$5,000, taking into account increasing tuition costs, books, etc.
I'm already $20,000 in student loan debts and I'd like to avoid increasing them if possible. But its obviously more worth it to finish the degree.
I just looked up the bluebook value of my car and found it to be ~$5,500. I bike to school and have access to another car most of the time, so I'm not really going to need my own guaranteed transport until I graduate.
Selling the car would also save me on car insurance. More than Geico can.
Other Options:
I am qualified for Subsidized Stafford Loans. They don't accrue interest while I am enrolled in college, so would it be worth it for me to take out more loans and let them accrue in a savings account or investment account until I need the money?
TL;DR: | was stupid, made mistakes, need $5000 a year from now. Should I sell $5,500 car or take subsidized loans? |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Help with Student Loan strategy (ELI5?)
POST: Hi PF (Insert obligatory "Long time lurker/first time poster comment here).
I have been paying back student loans for a while and I got to thinking that I must be doing something inefficiently. They are as follows:
Loans I've been paying:
Vermont Student Assistance Corp - Subsidised Stafford at 6.8% with a $2,133 balance down from $3,500
Sallie Mae private at 9.25% with a $2,868 balance down from $3,500
Sallie Mae private at 8.75% with a $983 balance down from $2,000
Loans just entering repayment:
NelNet - Subsidised at 5.6% with a balance of $3,500
NelNet - Subsidised at 4.5$ with a balance of $4,500
NelNet - Subsidised at 3.4% with a balance of $11,000
NelNet - Unsibsidised at 6.8% with a balance of $25,500
Granite State Management and Resources - Parent Plus loan - Some where in the $10,000 range down from $20,000 (Monthly payment of $217; I've been paying this one for a few years)
My income:
$50,000 a year or $1,156 bi-weekly after tax, deductions, and savings (10% auto transferred into savings account each check). My (Non-loan) expenses are about $1,100 a month including rent, groceries, car insurance, phone, etc. I have no debts other than my student loans (I own my car and rent an apartment).
My Loan payments total up in the ballpark of $750 a month and there has to be a way to lower that number. I do pay at least double the minimum payments on the Sallie Mae and first subsidized loan. The Parent loan I don't have any information on as it is technically my fathers loan I am only an authorized payer on the account and cannot view any information; my dad has yet to send me the information.
TL;DR: | 50K in student loans, 50K in income. Read through the sidebar but need the ELI5. What's the most efficient way to pay them down? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [24/M] considering moving far out of town for a year with my new girlfriend [23/F] of three months
POST: Met a girl and fell head over heels for her. She's uber intelligent - she's a biology grad that goes on long hikes with me and tells me about sediment dispersal and paleogene rocks, and we generally can have engaging and intellectual discussions that last forever. She loves good craft beer and is as obsessed with making good food as me. We are very sexually compatible, too, which is far different than the relationship I was in previously. So, basically, she's awesome.
When we first started talking in February she made it clear that she was moving at the end of the summer to go to grad school in Austin, Texas. We decided first to just be fuck buddies. But we became far more than platonic as days seemed to merge with one another. I became her de jure roommate and have been over at her apartment many-a-night. So I decided to just make it official.
I've graduated and want to move out of my small town to focus on my career, too. Before I met her I had been considering odd jobs in states far from mine (I'm talking out west) once I graduate, or graduate school for the next spring semester in Cleveland, New York City, or Pittsburgh. I want to experience something beyond where I'm at now.
Now, I think I've fallen for her. I don't want her to go/she wants to bring me with her. My only issue is my friends do not support my decision. They (publicly, on Facebook) made fun of it. It makes me self-conscious. I feel like I've done things for past partners and friends related to accommodating them in the form of staying put in my old town, just as they are.
Is the best way to have that experience - and to keep my new girlfriend who I love in my life - to follow that girlfriend for a year to a place I've never been before, even if I have just started dating her and have only known her for a few months? Have any of you made a life investment like that? Was it worth/not worth it?
TL;DR: | Amazing girlfriend is moving, wants me to come with her, I want to too, friends have made me feel self-conscious about my decision to leave, etc. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me (21m) and my girlfriend (19f) are signed into a lease to live together this coming school year. The relationship has spiraled into a dismal situation.......
POST: I feel kind of weird posting such personal information like this out on Reddit but have faith that there will be some sort of new insight brought by doing so. Here we go!
Started dating this girl back in December and everything was rainbows and unicorns. I was happy, thought I was in love, nothing could get me down. You know, when you think you know its 'the one'. So we said 'hell, lets sign a lease to live together (along with two other female roommates as well)'. So we did, after a month and a half of dating.
The relationship began to get pretty rocky after that piece of paper locked us into our housing. Her 'true colors' came out. And by the end of the year I was left asking myself 'What the fuck have I done?'
Flash forward to now. I don't live close to school by any means (7-hours+) and came home to be with the family and friends I missed so dearly while at school. Since then several unfortunate things have happened. I was told I am a 'heartless bastard who deserves to be loved by nobody and nothing', 'a selfish-emotionless asshole' and my favorite 'un-lovable'. I went up to visit at one point and caught her in the beginning steps of cheating on me telling the other gentleman, and I quote, 'I dont care, I want you.'
SO here I am Reddit. Stuck in my own personal hell, moving in with a girl who being around puts me into a spiraling depression. The only way out is paying the $6000 worth of rent that would be missing by me moving out and as a college kid I don't have that kind of dough.
I have never been more disappointed in myself for signing that lease, and now I have to live (literally) with it.
Good news: Separate rooms, busy class schedule, large amount of extracurricular activities I am involved in.
Reddit, what the hell do I do? About any of this?
TL;DR: | I am a moron. signed a lease with a girl after a month and a half. relationship is far in the shitter. stuck until august of next year or pay $6000 to get off the lease. completely lost. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I'm in a pickle
POST: So while on midtour leave from Iraq I was given a speeding ticket, the cop wasn't in his car and as writing another drive a ticket a short while later he tracked me down and ticketed me for speeding.
Not only was I not speeding I had cruise control on set to the speeding ticket. A speeding ticket was written regardless of my reasoning to the officer.
A week later I then contacted the court and told them to postpone the court date as I still had 8 months worth of Iraq left and couldn't do anything about the ticket.
A short while after returning(a week or two) to the states my mom informed me that she was receiving collections bills to her house with my name on them for my ticket.
This happened in Washington, I am a Montana resident and it's preventing me from getting my drivers license renewed, I also don't have the money to pay the outrageous collections fees.
What should I do reddit?
TL;DR: | Got a speeding ticket, went to Iraq, informed district court I was in Iraq and to postpone the court date, got screwed and ticket went to collections destroying my credit and certain things like getting a new license. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: How can I stop my nail biting addiction for good?
POST: My boyfriend discretely will tell me he doesn't like that I bite my nails, and I (f) absolutely HATE that I bite my nails. I have been doing it for probably about 9 years now, and I have tried everything I can think of to stop. I have used many different kinds of nail polishes to help them grow and to prevent me from biting them, but my mind doesn't care.. and I end up biting right through the gross polish. I also tried getting my nails done (with acrylic nails), but if one chips.. I end up biting them all off. Is there anything I can do? I just want this to stop! :(
TL;DR: | I can't stop biting my nails. Need method to stop it. I've tried acrylic nails, and different nail polishes to prevent biting. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Really enjoy podcasting looking for advice.
POST: Ok so this is my second post on reddit after browsing for months upon months. I've recently, by recently I mean in the past month or so started podcasting. It's me and my brother we talk about gaming mostly or movies anything nerd culture actually. Right now were confined to Facebook and I'm using archive.org as an upload site. So to get to my question/questions finally what content should we use, I don't want it to just be a podcast site, I'd like to do other things such as let's play sessions or walkthroughs. What are some good web hosts, I've googled some but still have not decided. Well I guess that's it...
TL;DR: | I really enjoy podcasting and want to share it with the masses what content should I use for a website, plus what's a good web host. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I (24F) have been having a lot of insecurity issues lately, and I don't want to push my SO (28M) away.
POST: For the past 2-3 months i've been feeling more insecure with my boyfriend and our relationship than ever before. It all started when I found out there were infidelity issues between my parents (Thanksgiving). He was so great and supportive. Was there for me when I needed him, reassured me that he would never do anything like that, and put up with me when it started to affect my attitude toward my boyfriend and some of his actions. He quickly addressed the issue and ensured me I had nothing to worry about. He was wonderful.
Around new years I was feeling like there was distance growing. We were not doing some of the same things as before, he started working more than ever, coming home even later, and is always miserable when he comes home. He says he is happy to come home to me and love me. We have a great sex life overall.
He is leaving in a day to go on a week and half long vacation. He hasn't made any real effort to spend a little extra time with me or assure me things will be okay. He constantly tells our dog how much he will miss her...but hasn't said it to me. It makes me feel weird and second to his dog. I have brought it up, which makes me feel worse and stupid. And many times I bring up any issue he is dismissive and says the same thing - we are fine/there's nothing to worry about.
He has his own jealousy issues and has brought them up with me. I have never done anything to betray his trust. I have never put myself in any situation that if he did I would be uncomfortable with. I feel like we generally have good communication, but me being scared of pushing him away for being insecure has made it difficult for me to bring things up lately.
I know I am being irrational and let things that aren't really anything bother me. I'm not sure if this is something others feel? Is this normal or do I need to talk to someone about the stem of these insecurity issues? (I don't really feel that's necessary...)
Sorry for typos/formatting issues.
TL;DR: | I can be insecure about things that are not warranted - but I can't stop and need help figuring out why so I don't push away the best thing that has ever happened to me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by accidently accusing my boyfriend of abuse
POST: This happened yesterday. My dog, Beau, is a 60lb coonhound who thinks he's a pomeranian. He has a problem with jumping when he gets over excited. Well when I was leaning over him to put his collar on, he jumped straight up and smacks the top of his hard head right into my left eye/cheekbone area. It's no ordinary hit, he clearly jumped with all his might and my eyes water instantly as my whole cheekbone radiates with pain. I know instantly I'm going to have a bruise. Sure enough, when my boyfriend picks me up later, he immediately notices the blooming purple/blue bruise under my eye. We pull into the gas station as I finish explaining and he can't stop laughing. After a few minutes he's still laughing, so I go in to get some beer while he's composing himself.
Here comes the fuck up. I get up to the counter and the cashier is the nice older lady I always see when I come to this store. She comments on the bruise and asks laughingly "who've you been fighting girl?" and, like a genius, I quip back "oh just my beloved Beau". As I realize what I've said, I see the cashier and all the people in line look over to where my boyfriend is sitting in the car, still laughing. Everyone turns back to look at me as I'm handing over my cash.
I stutter a moment and just squeak out a "kidding, of course just kidding" before my social anxiety peaked and I fled without my change. My poor boyfriend doesn't know, but I think we're gonna pick another gas station for a while.
TL;DR: | my dog Beau accidently bruised my face. Blamed it on my boyfriend by saying my "beau" did it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [19 M] trying to decide if it's time to break up with my girlfriend [18 F]. Not sure if it's justified or how to go about it.
POST: A brief backstory for everybody. I've been with this girl for 2 years now and she really did become my bestfriend. I fell in love with her almost immediately and for the longest time, believed she would be the girl I would marry. That was until I went off to college at least. As time went on she slowly demanded more and more of the little bit of free time I had. In her mind, if I'm not busy, I HAVE to be with her or else she will get upset. She progressively manipulated me into not hanging out with any of my guy friends because I get into too much trouble when I'm with them apparently. I was almost blinded, and for the longest time didn't see anything wrong with this. But now I'm getting to the point where I don't think this is healthy for either of us. I care for her so much and it would kill me to not be with her; I'm just starting to think it might be in both of our best interests to go our separate ways. I just have no idea how I would even begin that conversation.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend has become super clingy and smothering since I left for college and I don't know if it's time to break up or not. |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Hi /r/personalfinance, I'm a full time student who might have to live in a car or van next semester.
POST: I'm currently in my last semester at a 2 year community college and I'm going to be transferring to a four year university in Chicago for two more years to get a degree in biology. My parents were planning on paying for my undergraduate tuition and housing for four years but they recently lost a lot of money because they had invested in oil companies. They're still offering to pay for my tuition but are implying that they'd prefer it if I handle all my expenses myself from now on. I'm almost 20 years old, I've got 950 dollars in savings and my parents would prefer it if I left the house by this summer. I own a motorcycle that is probably worth around 2,000$ and my dad offered to give me an old station wagon that still runs okay.
I'm wondering if there are any types of government assistance that homeless students qualify for and how I should go about changing my status from "dependent on parents" to "homeless" so that I can qualify myself. I've already started filling out a Federal Student Aid application, where it asked this question, "On or after July 1, 2014, were you homeless or were you self-supporting and at risk of being homeless?" I've been living with my parents since before July 1, 2014 but I will probably be living in my car after July of this year without any financial help from my family. Would it would be okay for me to write that I will be homeless if I'm technically not homeless yet?
I know that I will be living near the poverty level but I'm okay with it. I'm thinking about paying for a permit parking spot at my sister's apartment in Chicago and to just live in the station wagon in the parking lot for maybe a year until I've found a stable job and a cheap place to live, my sister said that I could come and crash on the couch if it got too cold outside but I think I'll be able to get by with a propane heater. So yeah, any advice/words of wisdom from you guys would be appreciated because I'm pretty scared and clueless at the moment.
TL;DR: | I have to live out of a car for a year or two of college in Chicago, what forms of financial aid do I qualify for and how do I make it so that I qualify for that aid? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [48/F] with my co-worker [35F] 4 years, she's upset after I told her to stop complaining
POST: I have a co-worker who emigrated from another country. I happened to live her in home country for a few years, long before I knew her. On that basis, she assumed that we would have a natural bond, and to her that evidently means that I won't mind listening to her complain about all the things she doesn't like about living here (along with all her other many complaints).
For the sake of office harmony I humored her for a while but it all got to be too much. Daily 20-30 minute rundowns of what isn't exactly to her liking. (She is the type to just keep going even when you have clearly and repeatedly signalled you want to wrap up the conversation.) She has really worn out her welcome and her complaints are all so trivial that I don't like or respect her at all.
Finally the last straw came when she started emailing me with her complaints. I hit the wall and replied with basically "yep, things are different in different countries, but I've had enough, let's drop the subject". Things have been icy between us since then but I'm actually fine with it - I know what I'm missing!
She is acting like she's been wronged and hurt. She's a sad sack to begin with - it's how she gets attention. And I just .... don't care. And because I don't care, that feeds the narrative that she has been wronged, and **I'm** getting a reputation as the office bitch.
How do I do damage control? I *really* have no interest in patching things up with her.
TL;DR: | Finally spelled it out to my co-worker that I've had enough of her complaining, now she acts like I've wronged her, and is trashing me around the office. |
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