id
int64 5.11k
4.34M
| gender
stringclasses 2
values | age
int64 13
48
| topic
stringclasses 40
values | sign
stringclasses 12
values | date
stringlengths 2
18
| text
stringlengths 4
790k
|
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | urlLink Man, what an old picture! I didnt have anything new and I thought Id post something before I went to bed. Isn't it CUTE! Like a kid with a new toy, well, it IS a kid with a new toy... Now, aint that neat!? |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: FIGHTO! I, in my ifinate wisdom, have found a way for you people to annoy, er I meeeeann, INFORM me without having to leave comments. In the side bar is a most miraculous thing. It's called a chatter box. Im pretty sure you have to sign into your blogger.com account to leave messages and some of my fine viewers don't have said accounts. (shame on you for not wanting to share with us, what don't you love us anymore?) THUS, this chatterthingie! You won't even have to wait for new windows to pop up. Mind you it could get confusing if a comment up there is for a post down the page quite a bit... but I think this is my best solution. I even managed to put it into the html template all by myself!! I bet my parents are proud! Speaking of the woooonderful people who brought me into this world... (and sometimes say they can take me back out and make another one look just LIKE me, hehe) I bet you'd get a great kick out of reading my profile. I outlined my meager and short life span there. It amuses me that it is all true to an extent, the only exceptions are the cheese dip and the siblings thing. Ahh, right down memory lane that profile is... *skips away down aforementioned lane* |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: a bit worried... I really dont know about this. I feel kinda iffy about putting my blog up on a site that Im not hosting. What if something crashes and I lose my posts? Well, I suposed that's just as likely to happen to tripod. Mainly the thing is that I can psot to this blog using my k-tai (cell phone). Which also means I'll have no reason not to post, so really I'm just making more work for myself. And the advertisement at the top isn't too bad. The only real drawback here is that the formatting is a bit too hard for me. I dont have to know anything about html to make my Tripod blog look cool. I'm sure I'll figure something out without having to resort to other peoples stuff. If Tami or Andre know how it would be great if you could help me out. |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | urlLink KIBA! Now, aint that neat!? |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: It's getting hotter... Today was a better day than yesterday. Bob is here and it was a hella busy week. It could have been worse. Im not that much further away from school, maybe 5 more minutes by bike. It will count later, when it snows and I have to walk to school, but even then it wont be bad. i hope everyones holding up well. often think of the much worse things that some of you put up with, or had to deal with to get to where you are, or are worrying about for the future. Makes me feel kinda petty and I try to be stronger because of you. Still working on internet @ home. Ill have my email back soon. PS...damn, the only thing keeping that picture from showing up was a bloddy = sign! grrr |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: callitive I have decided that the friends that I made in Halifax are very troublesome. It's because of you friggers that the people here just don't seem as nice. If it weren't for you guys I'd be used to everyone putting themselves first, worrying about their own problems and only talking about themselves all day. BUT I'm not used to it, and you guys are to blame, poo heads. o(^v^)o My two Japanese books from Amazon arrived today!! One on emotions and the other on onomatopoeia! *kyo wa taiyou ga jirijiri!* I will be paying much more attention to the sound effects in my mangas too! |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: aghast I was supposed to go to art class today and I ended up with an extra class RIGHT in the same period! poo, I really wanted to go to art class today too. Classes today were rather amusing though. Except Roxy's class, it took effort not to walk out she's just so annoying. If I pause she'll whisper my 'line' to me. I often feel like this is some kinda production. Now they've gone and added the 'I can do this so well that I can do YOUR part too!' type. And, of course, she DOESN'T do it that well anyway, she's so caught up in making sure they learn the exact grammar that they aren't gaining any communication skills. *sigh* I wish everyone could teach like Hatanaka Sensei. I feel like I'm getting a cold. I already have a sinus headache, yuck. Naruto is on tonight. So, that's one happy thing. I don't have a light in that room yet though, it's one of the things I'm supposed to buy myself. It's really annoying to be in the dark at night, but I know I'll have a hell of a time finding someone to take me to Eden, they're all either busy or adverse to doing favors for people that don't directly gratify them as well. It's a tough situation since I don't want a car. Asking people for drives is such a touchy thing. It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes. Douglas Adams |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: ok, but slightly annoyed I have decided to do Kiba for the June 12th (13th?) con. Since it's already done And I don't want to have to make a new coat in such a short time. Kinda feeling the festivities from last night. A little dehydrated, felt kinda nauseous after I had breakfast this morning. Nothing huge. The enkai was more fun than I thought it would be. I'm still really home-sick though. And the teacher that's like Roxanne apparently isn't any better at a party than at work. The similarities are really uncanny. |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: Sabaku Kyuu At least it's not a Sabaku Taisou day. Have an enkai today, that's a drinking party. I really don't feel like going but I already told people not to pick me up for japanese class because of this. So troublesome. Maybe Ill get to sit by some talkative people. It would not go over well in my current mood if I end up with people who don't talk to me. Or the english teacher who seems to think I'm a lepper. She's annoying. She reminds me QUITE a lot of Roxanne. Yes, you can see how well THAT must be going, ne? Just today I found out she's hard of hearing, the poor dear. She must not have heard me talking to her, sitting so far away at the desk beside hers and being the oh so quiet person you all know I am. ... yeah. |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: clean, of the squeaky variety... Speaking of squeaks. I was discussing animal sounds with one of the Japanese English teachers and mice in Japan go 'chu chu'. On the topic of animals, there was a bug in my apartment when I came home yesterday. A rather biggish type bug. I couldn't squish it with a urlLink shoe. So I asked my neighbor to help. I got the word wrong so at first she thought it was a cockroach and didn't know what to do, but then she saw it and it was a beetle so it was all good cause the kids keep them as pets and her son wanted it. Thus I was saved. Also you might be wondering where the birds and slugs part of the title comes in. There was a slug in the lettuce that my land lady gave me when I went to her house. Ugh. I washed the lettuce, but I just couldn't bring myself to eat it after that. I don't suppose you can really sterilize lettuce can you? There were ants too, straight from nature that lettuce is. This reminds me of the time I watched eXistenZ and I couldn't eat chicken for about a month. No idea how long THIS will take... And birds... well some of you might remember the little bird that was exploring my house the day after I moved in. Some may not. I was taking a nap and I heard scratching besides my head (cause this is Japan and we sleep on the floor) and when I turned I heard a bird take off and fly into the kitchen. I never did actually SEE the bird in the house, only saw him a few minutes later when he was trying to find a way in the kitchen door. Maybe to find out what that garganuan thing that scared him was... Frigger must have been back the other day too, cause there's no other way that bird poop could get into my sink. At least he had the decency to leave it in an easily cleaned place. I'm animal bloody central lately. |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: its raining Well, It's going to be another busy week. I really need to get my internet back up at home. I have a primal NEED to check my email!! On a stranger note. I met some Chinese people yesterday. Had a spot of tea with them. One of them speaks rather good English. Going to bike to Takayama with them some time. Learned a bit of Chinese too! Very fun! I'm going to Tokyo next weekend, there many be a con involved so there may also be a Kiba and an Akamaru involved as well. Do wish I had a barking one, but I don't at the moment. I need to get out to the fabric store. I have changed the text to black too, since I thought it was unnecessarily hard to read. |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: sleepy Well, its really early, but I have been enjoying my first session of Ragnarok online. Since, I cant order FFXI from amazon.com and Im waiting for my mom to mail it to me. So now Im addicted to Ragnarok, If anyone wants to join me on there, Im trying to catch up to Tara-Lynns monsteriously leveled up character. And its real late. night night.... |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: meh In Tokyo right now. Did many things yesterday, in uncomfortable and impractical but good looking shoes. Went to a convention today, Akamaru and I. It was fun, but much smaller than I thought it was going to be. There were other Kiba's and even a Shino! Fun! I missed going to the Jump Shop though, we were 2 minutes too late. I looked inside like a little orphan at the window. They have the greatest stuff! I plan to go back, maybe Wednesday before I leave. It was very close to the station and easy to get back to. Harry Potter comes out on the 26th here. I may have to go by myself! *cries* I doubt anyone else will want to go. mmm, my parfait just came. Don't eat by the computer they say...heh. Im at an internet cafe and we had to order sopmething to get to use the internet. Pretty expensive parfait, but it has rasberries in it!! I love rasberries, and Japan always only has strawberries. This is sweet! Gonna go eat it and surf a bit!! |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: it's raining Go figure, it's the rainy season here in Japan. Kinda sucks for one whose only mode of transport is a bike. Rain or no rain I MUST get to the post office today!! I haven't mailed the gifts I bought my cousins from Kyoto, OR the stuff I got my mom and dad from Tokyo. GAH! I really need to get some cds as well so I can burn my anime onto cd. Maybe burn off all my Naruto manga scans, I really want to send a copy to my cousin so I can get her addicted to Naruto, cause it's so great. Cept for the current (coughdragonballcough) story arch. Dragging one plot point out way to far. *sigh* I made a chibi Akamaru yesterday, I'm going to put the finishing touches on him today. Little things like attaching his head to his body, stuff like that. He’s designed so that his front arms will clip around a strap. He’s also entirely hand sewn, the little bugger. I think it’s not too small to be machine sewn, but somehow I ended up doing it by hand. Stupid me. I also seem to be way behind on my plots to take over the world, I’ll go think one up right now, but all I have is ms paint. You’ve been warned. |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: summer's here! We had a typhoon yesterday! We're very much inland so only the corner hit us but they still cancelled school with a flood warning. The weather wasn't really bad though. Still continuing my addiction to Ragnarok Online. It's interesting that there's only one race in the game. That's not really the norm now-a-days. Your supposed to be able to be an elf or a troll or something. The differences in Ragnarok are defined by your job, and you can change your job. So that's kinda neat. I'm thinking of getting an actual account if this survives the initial interesting phase. So many things get thrown away after a few days or weeks with me. I really haven't grown up much. (^_^)` heh. Growing up is over ratted. Other than that nothing much interesting has happened lately. Classes are as boring as usual. Tests on Thusday and Friday. I will have to bring my laptop to school. Maybe if I take it in the computer room and hook it up then I can play games or something! |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: happy Well, tripods gone and done it. Now they have the post from your cell phone deal that Blogger has. So I don't know if Ill stay here or go there. Annoying aren't I? Those poor people who will have to change their links yet AGAIN. I can customize all I want on tripod. But I kinda like my profile thing, I can do that over there too though. And Ill keep the chatbox thing too. Sounds like Ive decided to move doesn't it? You'll all know if I do. urlLink The old one is here. On a side note, large bug season has arrived. More on that when I dont have class immediately. |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | urlLink Just can't stop me lately! |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | urlLink Just look at it. |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: whooo I got to play Go today!! They all think I'm all strong now! wooo! but really my opponant just was really new to the game. I'm playing tomorrow too! Had some time free today, you know... the whole day. So you wanna se what I get paid to do? Blame this on a conversationi I had with Jennifer. Only she and Tara-Lynn will really get it, but the first one is hilarious on it's own. One of the teachers actually SAW that one. Kinda embarassing, good thing that guy has a sense of humour. urlLink Really strange. urlLink Plain strange. yeah, I have nothing to say for myself. |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: Hinata-Mode I'm off to Nagoya this weekend. I'm cosplaying Hinata this time. The third and last of the aforementioned 'set'. (see below post) unfortunately I don't have the right stuff to make the Byakugan veins. I'm going to get some of the stuff AFTER the con, I think that's irony. I was reading a blog today, and it really struck me how lucky I am that my friends are who they are. It strikes me a lot actually, I just would never have written it down before I got this blog last May. It was someone I know back home, but noone that reads THIS blog me thinks, and it struck me because of how whiney they were. Now, you may be confused at that, but this person isn't one of my friends, just a friend of a friend in a technical sense. It was one of those moments where you get an insight into how petty people can be, and how some people can take every tiny thing that happens and make it bad so that its one BIG bad thing. Then, because of that, they think the world is horrible to them and that all people other than themselves are idiots . That's really what bugs me, I HATE that attitude. You know them, the person who is complaining (maybe not ALL the time) but instead of sympathy you just look and think 'what?' Some people really DO have big bad things happen to them, and they might complain too, but I can be glad that they don't make a habit of writing off all the people who cause the problems as 'just idiots' or 'uninformed'. As a matter of fact I have learned so many things about positive coping with things from Shannys blog, its not even funny. Id like to think that we know enough to say that they're idiots but people too. I realize that it's too easy to belittle how other people feel because you aren't the one feeling it, but I also really respect people who can come to terms with the idea that EVERYONE has a brain, even if you don't see it most the time. Gah, sorry to rant guys, but it does bug me when I see that part of some peoples personalities. Makes me want to turn away and wait for them to move on. Luckily, I CAN ! WOO! Wow this is starting to be a very long post, and you have to read through all my hate the bitches stuff just to get down to the good stuff. Well... that would make this the good stuff, and I 'm not really sure I can assert that with any confidence. I CAN use large and metagrobolizing language to state it though! ...yes, I looked up that word. What, do I look like Jen? Bet she even knew what that WAS! It means confusing. P.S. The spell Checker told me to change Shanny to Shanghai... hehehe |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: still sandy! urlLink IT'S A SET!! Ohh Im all about the sets baby. The Hinata one fits funny in the arms though, and is too wide at the bottom, but it should do. urlLink Made a new card too. You Do realize that after this weekend I'll have all of team 8 on that card, and they'll all be ME!! MEEEEE!!!! WHHAHAHAAAAAHAAAAA HAAAAAA HAAHAHAAA HAAA HA A a... |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: PIRATE GAARA! He he, I actually made this picture AFTER typing the title. I decided a piratty Gaara was something the world could not live without. I may even make a real picture of that in my art book, then I wont have to draw using a crappy school mouse that sticks like a really sticky thing. |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | urlLink Click the pic for more of these. Van Disel and a baby wombat is really funny! Wow, three posts in one day. And it's not even fully summer vacaton yet... hope you guys want lots of posts. urlLink And click here for PLUSH ALIEN FACE HUGGERS!!!! |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Wackiness: 60/100 Rationality: 56/100 Constructiveness: 62/100 Leadership: 58/100 You are a WRCL--Wacky Rational Constructive Leader. This makes you a golden god. People gravitate to you, and you make them feel good. You are smart, charismatic, and interesting. You may be too sensitive to others reactions, especially criticism. Your self-opinion and mood depends greatly on those around you. You think fast and have a smart mouth, is a hoot to your friends and razorwire to your enemies. You hold a grudge like a brass ring. You crackle. Although you have a leader's personality, you often choose not to lead, as leaders stray too far from their audience. You probably weren't very popular in high school--the joke's on them! You may be a rock star. Jans thoughts... wow Tara-Lynn what a test. All i did was click some words and somehow they knew that I still hate that Chris kid for that thing back in grade 3! You guys GOTTA check this out! urlLink Click here for the test! On a side note, is anyone having problems telling whats a link and whats not on this page? I have my links set to be blue, but some ppl tell me they look just like the other text... |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: At work on a Saturday... Yeah, we have school today. Closing ceramony for the 1st semester. Next week will be summer vacation. I still have to come to work but I have no class so you will get more updates but they won't say anything interesting I bet. |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | urlLink BUGS!! Now, aint that neat!? |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: So, right now I have been at work all day, sitting right here all day, didn't EVEN go for lunch! Why? You DARE ask me why?? So I could update my webpage and give you undeserving gits some pictures!!! So you'd better head on over to urlLink bakachan.com. The layout is new, as are the spelling errors and the purikura section. Make sure you go to the purikura, it's what I was working on all day. I wouldn't have taken so long but I wanted the closeups to open in certain sized windows and they were opening off an image map so none of the html I used was working. But I learned how to do urlLink THIS So, I debated making all the links like that, but it would have meant going back and cutting up the main page pictures and making a table that would work for it all an too much bloody hassle. So deal with sloppy ugliness in the big picture presentations, that's all yer getting from me. Oh and on a side note, I am now annoyed at my Hayate idea. How dare he have that weird middle bang that hangs down so far, doesn't he KNOW thats just gonna be soo ichy!? Good thing I have lots of extra hair from when I got it cut. I have to make a little extension thing for the middle of my bangs. mendoukuse naaa. PPPPPS, Everytime I say 'mendoukuse' the teacher Im talking to will say mendoukuSAI. I think theyre trying to get me to be less crass. For those who have no idea what I mean, mendoukuSAI is like saying, 'oh, how troublesome' whereas mendoukuSE has more of a 'what a &#%$ing pain in the A$$ this is'-kinda feel to it. But of course since were still talking about japanese here, neither are really cursing at all, just different politeness levels. |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: It's a bit hot out... Well I have done what I can with this blog, but I still just cant fix the big type problem. As many of you know, I am getting to cosplay a lot. I usually choose my characters based on a few things. 1. Can I look like them? aka do I have the right hair without the annoyance of a wig? 2. If I have a great idea for the costume, like the Naruto sleeping hat. Thats worth wearing a wig for. 3. Of course, if I WANT to. I just HAD to have the bugs!! THE BUGS!!! (note: I still find random clay bugs in my apartment and often think they are real, causeing near death attacks of the heart) Sooooo, most of you don't care. But I had one of those epithanies today! My action potential was firing away!! Goes something like --> I looked in the mirror and scowled at the bags under my eyes, no amount of wearing my contacts will make them go away, I hate them!! I look like friggin Hayate, *cough* *cough* ... BING! I HAVE that jounin vest! Ive been waiting for cooler weather so I could do Kakashi since wigs are kinda hot to be under. BUT, I could soooo do Hayate! I even have the right hair just now, my eartails are just by my chin line now since I have switched to Hinata hair. (Just cut it yesterday) woooo. I am very happy with this idea. Oh and what IS up with the coughing? Is that guy sick? I mean he's a medical nin, how can he be perma-sick? And the BIG question? Should I wear the little triangle that's the Japanese way of depicting a dead person or not? I think so. |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: I always post so much at one time, it must be confusing for you guys. I am trying to make my template leet. But it simply won't have any of that. The text just under the chatbox continues to be huge no mater what template I use and every now and then the new kanji of the day and phrase of the day boxes decide to join in the fun. *sigh* Anf the chatbox is a javascript, so what am I suposed to do about that? I've tried deleteing so many things, I think I need to ADD something, but you guys know that I don't actually know html, right? just links, images and breaks. That's why I have to change a blogger template and not make one myself. That, and making one would be such a pain in the ass even if I DID know how. |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | urlLink so... um, yeah. Now, aint that neat!? |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Can anyone look at the source code on this page and tell me why the fonts on the side bar keep going big like that? I just cant figure it out. |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: WAI WAI! I have actually USED that hen na koto pun here too. It was a stero that was made from a koto. So it really was 'hen na koto'! |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: BUNSHIN! I made that yesterday! It's a banner for my website. I have one without my website on it, but tripod is being weird and won't let me into that folder. I have started making the large scroll duffelbag that I was planing for a while. I wanted to take an aluminum chimney pipe and use it as the base cylinder but they just don't come with the girth I need. So, there's this thing here that you get clean outside of the bath so when your soaking, your not getting the bath water dirty, cause everyone will use the same bath water. So, to keep the water warm there's a cover for the bath. Mine a roll up type and is curently being used in place of the chimney pipeing. I have it tied to two metal disks to keep the round shape, 'Almighty Gridiron's they were called. And when I say tied I mean tied in true Brian Murphy style AKA way over-done. It took me forever to punch all the string through the rubber parts that hold the hard plastic parts of this thing together. I took some pictures so I would have 'in process' pics. I'll let you see them later. Yes, it's yet another one of Jan's projects. I stayed up way too late working on it. Damn this 8 to 4 crap. I should be able to stay up for 3 days to finish this and crash, but nooooo, gots me an office jooob! phooey on yucky office job!! |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: bushin! I made many Naruto gifs today but didn't make that one. Might make my own version of it though. Decided I'm going to do the Hayate cosplay in Nagoya this weekend. Then I won't be sick of the Hinata one when I do it at Comiket. Truth be told, I just flipped a coin. |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | urlLink I don't think he trusts that cat... Now, aint that neat!? |
1,463,590 | female | 24 | Education | Capricorn | 24,May,2004 | Mood: gawd... Jan is going to make a plush nine tails fox, like the one from Naruto! She started it this morning. Jan is NOW considering making a two tails fox. WHY does it have to have so many bleedin tails! This is taking forever. grrrrr. |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | Can I find the perfect object? the perfect play toy? *rolls eyes* Enjoying life cause thats what its there for. Thinking back today about the people I've had crushes on the last couple months...and a good number of them are YPer's...scary and then theres Beau, Bob and...mystery man. I cleaned my room today, and added a book shelve for all my shit, binders, boxes and assorted pieces of fire hazard. Cleaned out the closet too...is there another meaning behind this? 'Shady would know. Anyways... coffee time with a man I love. and...well...I'm going for sushi on sunday...perfect way to end spring break! BOO YEAH! |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | Over the last couple of weeks, I have slowly started to develop what I feel I am attracted to. Here it is... Confidence Good Converstation Arrogance Muscle Caring Intelligent Smart : Book and Street Intergity Honesty Trusting Attractive Dark Hair Dair Eyes Nice Build University Older If you know of or have any of these qualities...contact me... Kate---> [email protected] |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | I suck in english, therefore I write badly I suck in the bedroom, therefore I win I think in the washroom, therefore I read I sleep in the tub, therefore I am clean I get angry, therefore I yell I get tired, therefore I sleep I bleed, therefore I band-aid I burp, therefore it smells I eat, therefore I get chubby I don't know what came over me...but the word 'therefore' is hot. It describes me at the moment. I'll become like Prince: 'Therefore' T is the new symbol. Reading Amy's blog...and her comment about not communicating with people cause we can just read it is SO true. Anyways. Time to fake it again! Woo Fakers! |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | Tonight I sit here with an objective on my mind, one which I don't know if I can fully express it. I know that there are words that should embody what I feel but whether or not I can put them here in this forum, let alone say them out loud to an empty room. I feel like alot of everything. I feel everything that goes on around me but I don't know how to act on them or live them. There are things in my life which I feel I need to be loved. I sometimes feel like I need the love of others to make me feel valid which is completely untrue. I also feel like I need a guy to make me feel beautiful or wanted. Love |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | tired...and grouchy...and feeling bad and apparently I am getting nailed...for sentence fragments. I wish to be in them for the moment cause I don't feel like being 'grammatically' correct. fuck off. sod off. agm sunday. whatever. |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | so, good afternoon. Its been a couple days. I've been busy first of all...alan is one of the most intelligent ppl I know and I should credit him with so much more than I already do. If I ever had a chance in hell again, I would date him because he's good for me. I'm never getting that chance again but ffs I would like it. But when we go for coffee...I will watch my personality. I will not fiddle with stupid things like Sachin pointed out to me. He read me fucking well. Wow. Hmmm...going for lunch now. but...i must remember not to go into anything with expectations. |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | My mentor sent me an email...which I thought was worth sharing There are so many things I wanted to say while reading your letter, that it actually got me out of bed again- FIrst, Its critical that you remain open-minded, not let your prejudices cloud your viewpoint..especially since you have so little real exposure to other cultures in situ.. you make a number of comments very derogatory to western civilization (corrupted, fake, commercial) that reveals your distaste and bias against it...So, before I get too far into this, tell me if there is any evidence, any argument possible, that would dispel that belief (not that I particularly want to)- If not, then you are holding your views as a religious person, in which facts and rationality take a back seat to prior learning, indoctrination, and negative emotions. (note, this comp does not have a 'return' key, so this will just sort of flow James Joyce style). You speak of the corruption of other cultures...It is true that the west has influenced others, as they have us, however, the use of corrupted is emotive-there are extremely good arguments to be made, as a liberal, that these influences have been greatly for the better, but again, that would be judgemental. You also think that western culture is shallow, fake, and commercial- in some ways, perhaps, but your own outlook is as western (far more so in many ways than mine) as is possible. I seriously doubt that you consider yourself, your views, as shallow and silly. As well, I doubt that the other individual people in the west think they have shallow, ridiculous views. (Keep in mind, a culture is made of the collective values of the individuals in it). Regarding our influence on other cultures, you'll be happy to know that it is much less than it used to be, and growing weaker each year...At the turn of the last century, all of Africa, China, Japan, Indo-china, and India were totally western dominated- Japanese businessmen wore suits, the ruling class in CHina was all western-educated, the governments of Africa were puppet regimes. Western countries directly controlled over 90% of the population of the planet...this during a time in which the west saw itself as a universal culture, assured of its superiority, and forcefully attempted to indocrinate western views (see 'The Rabbit-Proof Fence' for example). Today, the west directly controls less than 20% of the world population, China, Africa, and the Muslim states are very much different cultures than the west, latin America is becoming increasingly indian-ized etc etc. The west as a whole controls far less resources, money, natural products, military power, industry, technology than it once did, and the gap is shrinking. In addition, you speak of the 'west' as if its a monolithic, unchanging entity. In truth, the culture of the US is increasingly becoming seperate from that of Europe, and will continue to do so. Population growth in the US is primarily due to Hispanic and Asian immigration, while that of Europe is due primarily to the influx of prior communist populations. Asians and Hispanics tend to be social conservative, and in the case of Asians, economically conservative, while the polish, east germans, etc will tend to be economically (but not socially) liberal. In addition, western culture today is far far different than it was 100 years ago. At around 1900, the only county in which you could have found a fairly large group agreeing with modern western concepts was the US- which was, until the last 50 years, by far the most liberal country in the world. THere is a fascinating book called 'The clash of cultures' which outlines 7 major civilizations currently extant (of course one can parse them any way one wishes, but there is good rationale for this choice). I've experienced all of them first-hand, some of them for long periods of time, and have found things I liked and things I didnt like about each. I was also struck, in my travels, at the incredible narrowness of views in most foreign countries...these places do not have the North American history of multiple peoples coming together, nor any tradition of personal opinion, individual rebellion, or the concept of self-esteem. Though the US and Europe have exported many trappings of western society (McDonalds, hollywood) these in reality have very very little influence on the core culture...Cultural waters run extraordinarily deep, and this is true to an even greater extent in western culture. Another thing I was struck by, is the incredibly poor way women are treated in almost every otehr culture...African, Latin American, Arabic, Japanese, Indian...Not only do these cultures not espouse gender equality, they actively and vigorously denounce it. One of the first of my 'central tenets' that fell was the idea that everyone believed, way down deep, that all peopel should be equal. In fact, cultures in which people believe in gender equality account for a small minority of people-THe majority of the world thinks women are demonstrably (and in many cases pre-ordained by God) inferior to men. Another shock was the deep-seated hatred and loathing for homosexuality. In the great majority of places, this action is punishable by death (Africa both north and sub-saharan, China, almost all Arab countries, Iran, most of SW Asia) or imprisonment (India, many south american countries). Acceptance of this is present in perhaps 10% of the worlds population, all of them western. Attitudes towards children were shocking to me in some places-Of interest, China and Japan share with the west a great love of kids, and avoid physical punishment, but in much of the arab, latin American, and African worlds, children are regularly beaten, often severely (this varies a great deal in Africa, less so in the Muslim world). Attitudes towards wealth also were interesting- In China and the Eastern European areas, those with wealth were mistrusted and disliked- This attitude is present, but reduced. In western cultures- BUt in Africa, Japan, India, and the Muslim world, wealty people are treated like walking Gods-Untouchable, and deserving of the position they hold. In fact, the role of 'strong-man' is much more prevelant in other cultures than here, and people will put up with much more abuse from those stronger then they, because they feel it is the right of strong people to act this way. One last thing-other cultures are not zoos, in which their precious little attitudes and habits should be preserved so we in the west can enjoy them- Cultures are rapidly evolving entities, constantly influenced by foreign forces and internal developments. Western culture is fairly new, but in reality, all the cultures are...our roots go back to Rome (though Rome stole most its culture wholesale from Greece), the Hebrews, the Orthodox church, etc... We are not really 'like' the Romans or Greeks, or even Imperial Europe, though they were our cultural 'parents'. India is not like it was in 1800, but then again, in 1800 it was far different than it was in 1700. For the last 50 years, India and Japan have been free to pursue their own evolution- they have accepted some of what the west offered, and rejected others. Europe was heavily influenced by the Moors in Spain, from which many things were added to European culture, and others rejected. To think that the west can willy-nilly go into a place and overturn its culture is to fall for the same sin you despise, that of believing that western culture is so much more powerful, more attractive, more universal than any other that mere exposure will kill the host. Other cultures are as deeply held and strong as ours, and the people in them are not children to be spoon-fed new systems. Take Japan- Would they have been better off if Com. Perry hadnt forced western trade on them? The great majority of Japanese would say no- they were feudal, extremely poor, and had no technology or medicine to speak of, not were they exposed to any other culture but their own. To say we should have left them thus is to treat them as sub-human, too delicate to speak with or trade with as adults and peers. Western culture has had a strong influence on the world, but it has hardly overturned other civilizations- And the influence it has had has been one of ideas, paradigms, not commercial interests nor shallowness...McDonalds is not going to make a Muslim turn to Christ, nor is Hollywood going to convince the Chinese that homosexuality is OK, but the idea, and demonstration, of personal freedom, of weak democratic governments, of the strength of science over superstition-these are the things that change cultures. |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | --Belief-net.com Thinks my religious beliefs reflect those of the following: (and...number three...interested in opening that again) http://www.beliefnet.com/ 1. Unitarian Universalism (100%) 2. Liberal Quakers (94%) 3. Mahayana Buddhism (90%) 4. Neo-Pagan (90%) 5. New Age (90%) 6. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (88%) 7. New Thought (78%) 8. Theravada Buddhism (75%) 9. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (75%) 10. Reform Judaism (73%) 11. Taoism (72%) 12. Sikhism (69%) 13. Secular Humanism (68%) 14. Bahá'í Faith (66%) 15. Jainism (66%) 16. Scientology (66%) 17. Hinduism (57%) 18. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (53%) 19. Jehovah's Witness (47%) 20. Orthodox Judaism (43%) 21. Nontheist (40%) 22. Orthodox Quaker (40%) 23. Islam (32%) 24. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (30%) 25. Seventh Day Adventist (12%) 26. Eastern Orthodox (3%) 27. Roman Catholic (3%) |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | I just got another email from Gordon. I think he'll become my mentor. Gordon Glazner, Ph. D. Faculty of Medicine, University of Manitoba St. Boniface Hospital Research Centre I've also been in the market for a muse... Anyways. Jane. I would smack him if I were you. Who ever said physical violence can't solve anything was right, however in the situation...a smack to the head only helps clear the fuck thats stored up there thats rotting away at his grey matter. I wasn't good last night. Thank you Sachin for helping me...and I'm sorry for scaring you. I worked. I'm tired. I'm going to lay in bed, but first...something thats on my mind lately. Things I'm grateful for: -my friends -my family -people who love me -people I love -shag carpet (natures vaccum) -warm blankets -lanudry soap -silver -random acts of affection -poetic music -black -you |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | I tell myself every morning that I don't need anyone... I don't need to be with anyone to make myself happy. I don't need to have anyone there to run to when I'm about the crash. I don't need love from others. I don't need to share myself with anyone I don't need to worry about other people bullshit and emotions... THEN WHY DOES THIS HURT EVERYTIME! This year, I have been fucked with, rejected with, screwed with, played with and almost any other adjective you can think of. Why do I care so much? Why do I feel like someone else has to validate me? Why am I not comfortable being myself...alone. Why do I feel like there has to be another there. I'm a pretty fucking indepedent person...but why do I want a boy there to hold my hand and make me feel good about myself? Was I not good enough for you? Where you not drunken enough? Was I too young? or too immature? Was I too fat? Not intelligent enough? Too time consuming? Fuck! It must be me thats the problem, it always is. Why do I feel like this again! I've never experienced love...cause I'm a fuckhead. |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | Whats better than sitting in front of your computer at 5:56 thinking about how unproductive you've been today. SO far...this day has consisted of nothing and it would make any man proud. I woke up at 2pm...sleeping for 10 hours straight. Fucking rights man! That never happens unless its the summer...and I didn't do that at all during last summer considering I had to be up ear-ly (Drunken Sailor reference) in the morning. I slept and wow...it was really worth it. It was worth the sleep. However I am a donk. I put on Fast Times at Ridgemont High, thinking that I would watch it but then again...was I really thinking. It was three in the morning by the time I had this highly brillant idea. Sachin once told me that I can't sing. I'm tending to agree with this statement. 'Hey...ya....hey...ya....hey...ya. Oh you think you gotta it. But otta don't get it ... Separates always better when feelings are involved.' I love Outkast. Fucking brillant. I've been swearing a little too much as of lately. Whatever...'I'm just being honest'....Now fellows...whats cooler than being cool? fellows---> ICE COLD! Lend me some sugar I am your neighbour....' Hey because of that reference about shaking it like a 'polaroid picture' Polariod issued a statement saying that 'shaking it like a....' does not help develop the picture faster and it causes damage. You've got to wonder about the media. Are there not better things we could report on? How about the fact that lets see...how about concentrating about how biased we report wars, disasters or anything of importance. What was that? American Bias. How about American Spin to quote the cookie nazi! Have I ever told you about the cookie nazi? Well its your lucky day. The Story of the Cookie Nazi One day...a couple months ago I attended a conference for uncovering the real axis of evil which apparently to the U of W is free trade. Fair trade=good...free trade=bad 'cause it means I can't get my granola at a cheaper price. Kay, so the conference in the morning concentrated on the U of W's perspectives towards trade and how big business is bad for us. Then the afternoon consisted of us all splitting into workshops and learning more... Low and behold...we went to the media workshop...Media Hahah. (thats the actual fucking title of it, the cookie nazi thought it would be funny to call it that). SO we went and attended...we had to sit in front of tape recorders and conduct interviews with each other. Aaron and I went together. We came up with a program called 'Eyes on Your Iraqie' It was funny. Ola and Deedem however...crawled into a crawlspace and almost everyone pissed their pants laughing at them. EXCEPT THE COOKIE NAZI! So we did our interviews and then were told to go for lunch down in the multi-purpose room. We went down and had some kinda food...I think it was tacos. Not completely sure cause it tasted like shit. But whatever...we had food and we noticed there was cookies. To make up for the other shit we had been fed, we took cookies and instead of putting them on our own plates, we put them on a communial plate and put them in the middle of the table. Prof who was teaching the Media Hahah course wandered down and yelled at us. 'Why do you have soo many cookies? Are you ungrateful? Why aren't you back in the classroom? Whats wrong with you?' She then took our entire plate of cookies and dumped them back in the box. She then made us go back to her sucky Media class. She was a pro-womans feminist...with a large nose. Scary enough. As soon as she left and went back to her room...after giving us a STRICT warning to follow we yelled...proclaiming her the Cookie Nazi. Thus the cookie nazi was born. When I went to another conference a couple weeks ago...she was there. This time she was the one eating all the cookies. How typical. THAT FUCKING COOKIE NAZI! Gave her the finger and went back to eating our pizza. Take that....whos going to the university of manitoba and never has to worry about her again! Anyways that was an amusing story...and my neck really hurts. I think I may just curl up with my puppy and just nap. Then eat some popcorn. Can someone answer me this please....if I told Ben that I was interested in him...how would that go over? or anything? Can someone just help me out! Ah walnuts to that nucking futs! Call me if you'd like to borrow me. |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | My fingers are very close to bleeding. Not a good thing...damn the dry skin. So today I worked . Started the day at Vic's Accounting at 9am: I sit at a desk, answer the phone, pick up T1-83's, file money, learn log books, check messages, book appointments and assorted other tasks. I left Vics at 3:30pm and started Roger's at 4pm. At Rogers, I was asked to come and do a full fucking shift. Gah! So I came home at 3:35 and then changed into Rogers garb. Put that on...and walked out the door to start at 4pm. Didn't get home till 1:20ish. In the fucking morning people! Closed with Jamie today. He can be a huge asshole, but at times...a good decent guy. Protective of his car...extremely. What else is there. Talked with Dana. Yes my friend...there are things I miss about you. Like talking to you every once in a while. Meh. C'est la Vie my amie...I assume. Anyways. Honesty is the best policy. Thank you for being harsh with me cause I did need it. I know see how much I lost myself. Gordon came into work...good guy! one of the regulars. He's going to bring me a couple books to read. Hmmm. My head hurts. And I GOT MY GRAD RING TODAY! FUCKING RIGHTS! I'm going to check email, blogs and assorted linkage.... |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | New blog format...Amazing as hell. Thank you Martin! You are a demi-god. Thank you for all your help and formatting and amazingness. Apparently...Sam is calling me this weekend...Wanting to see if I want to met the 'mysterious guy' Anyways...What was the result of the UMSU election? I think next time I predict something...I don't predict a negative result. I feel bad 'cause what if the prediction was right? And they lost? Well...I guess if I want to satify this curiosity I could run a check on the website. I guess I'll just wait it out. Mr. Clark bitched at me. Told me to shut up and do my work. I told him he was rude to me later in the day and he said he was sorry and hugged me. This man looks like Karl Marx, and he huggged me. Ah jeezus! And Lukie...'Do I have to come to this meeting?' (He's a teacher) 'I'm just going to sit in the car and test tobacco and eat tacos' I'll be back later with maybe thoughts of wisdom. |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | Kate Sleeman is... an idiot Thank You Folks |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | So Today I was going to work for Vic at his accounting business, but because I'm a new kid...I'm not needed yet. I could be skiing tonight, but maybe I'll just lay in bed and pretend I'm a mole. I'll just cuddle deep into the blankets in a dark embrace consumed with the smell of warmth. True to a mole, I am blind when it comes to the world. I think when I just think I've figured something out, I'm tossed a hardball and I never quite comphrehend it once again. I feel like I'm so young looking at everything and I can't fully see the big picture. What triggers this is my jealousy towards situations and people. Jealousy is not always a bad thing, actually it encourages friendly competation at times... but at others...it has a nasty streak of green which likes to flair up at certain times. Sometimes I feel jealous towards people because of what they have, or who they have. It's a natural reaction to something you want for the sake of wanting it. I'm not sure...why I have these feelings sometimes. But! who really understands the female mind...or even the teenage brain. Sometimes I'm jealous of Martin and Kate, Jane and Paul because of the love they all seem to have for each other and everyone involved. I sit back sometimes and wish I could have someone in love with me as much as Martin is with Katie. I have alot of respect for these four people as I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart that I love them. I love them every much and maybe its because I see them in a non-judgemental way and in a positive manner that I compare myself to them. Thats one of the main problems of myself. I compare myself to others. I put myself up against others who have different strengths...and weaknesses. For the longest time I compared myself to Dana, who was someone in my eyes who I just wanted to emulate. I wanted to be as smart and as talented as him. Did I ever stop to realize that I slowly was transforming myself and become less of me and more like him. I found some things along the way that I actually did enjoy. I really enjoy barenaked ladies, politics, acroynms, and assorted other stuff. And time management...I joined Team Youth because I felt I should. I felt pressured into it and I'm losing interest very quickly. We never do anything...and well. At times I feel this is a pointless organization because what the fuck do we seem to be doing? I know I made a committment to the organization at the beginning of the year, but sometimes I just don't want to go and do anything. I want to lay at home and sleep and just be alone. I don't want to be around anyone. This means that I have to send fucking Kelly an email explaining my schedule. How do you explain that you just don't want to be part of anything because you want to be depressed and boring and lick all your wounds that lately have had salt pressed deep into them. How do you explain that you would rather sit home alone on a friday evening typing in your blog than interacting with people because you know if you interact with people there is tension, or theres a chance there could be a problem. So I'm going to work tonight for Vic actually. Have to be there for 5pm. I'm washing my clothing...geezus. If I would have known then I wouldn't have washed it. I have to schedule some damn appointments tonight! I just want to cry. I want to find something and hold tight. I'm rebounding. In short, FUCK FUCK FUCK and FUCK! |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | Tonight, it seems that Call and Answer is taking its toll on my brain. The lyrics for some reason are just thought-provoking at the moment. Or maybe I'm just looking for a deeper meaning. These days aren't getting any better, I dunno it just all sucks. Thats the only way to phrase it. I looked like shit today in class. Wild brown hair strewn around a chubby globe with two striking eyes and a disportioned mouth with a rather 'british' nose. I smelt like landury detergent and such and dressed completely in black. I was actually asked why I was all in black: Was there a death? Am I paying tribute to Johnny Cash? Are you 'depressed'? Actually the reason...isn't black supposed to make you look slimmer? Appparently not in my case. That bothers me, that what I wear makes people think something is wrong with me. Could I not just love the color black? I'm an angry person, with sometimes nice tendencies. Alright, the two bands that are the only things I will play as of lately: The Beatles and The Barenaked Ladies. Something about them, is so appealing. I think it might be the lyrics...or the lack of recent shit influence. I had a friend tell me the Beatles were overrated. NO! The Beatle actually are one of the greatest bands in the world, next to U2 and...my favourite band the Tea Party (who doesn't love eastern mysticalness?) Another note: If I email you, fucking email me back. I hate those incosiderant bastards who don't bother. You know what I'm talking about! And!! If you perchance are in the mist of being interested in someone...well I've noticed the signs of no interest from one party. Whatever. Fuck you. I'm not playing leap-frog cause theres no use. I don't need to be accepted and held that badly. Kay, Soup is supposed to slightly of a liquid base. My soup isn't. Its chunky and kinda not soup-like. Call the SOUP NAZI!!! I wanted to get my regressal of information out tonight before I was running on zero battery. Anyways a couple more thoughts: -good luck tomorrow Paulo and Dana -need to print my cabinet application -Martin is amazing to come and fiddle around with my settings on here -The Beatles fucking rock Somedays I wish I was someone else. Continuting with this thought, somedays I wish I could be Martin, or Katie or Jane. Somedays I wish I could trade all my bullshit for their bullshit. Just to become someone I admire. I'm just Kate. Nothing better or worse. And thats really sad. Like, I love myself...but there are days where that doesn't get you anything besides some 10 cent bubble gum and a cavaity. My jaws sort of hurting now that I typed that. So tomorrow I have a math test, which is bunk. And now...well fuck him. FUCK HIM! Ben Wickstrom, today I was upset cause I sent you an email a long time ago. Should I just write you off now?! Alan Campbell, wow. Would there ever be another chance. Lord knows I fucked it up really badly with you. Dana Gregorie, I'm sorry for being immature and everything I shouldn't be. This mysterious 20 year old who wants to meet me, I'm not having an expectations of you. Prove me wrong please. We could call the last part of this the fuck post. Yes! Anyways. I'll keep on trucking if you keep on fueling me up. (no sense) Salute |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | The words of the Beatles ring in my head and for some reason they are comfort to me in this moment of stress and anger. I've had a horrible day, not all aspects of the day beginning horrible, but there have been enough parts of today that makes me want to put it right up there with death, periods and break-ups. To begin with, I woke up this morning after a long night of sleeping. Typical. But I laid in bed until 7:40 and I usually leave the house at 8:05. That just gives me enough time to shower, blowdry my hair, wash my face and brush my teeth, put my ear buds in and walk to school with a grumpy look upon my face. But for some odd reason, this morning was not a-typical. When I crawled out of bed at 7:40, I stripped down and headed for the washroom only to find it was in use. Not a good thing considering my time is quickly ticking away. I'm sort of panicking now because I don't know whos in there and how long they will be taking. I listen and discover its my Dad and he's pretty sick at the moment. In a moment of selfishness, I swore under my breath and clenched my fists. I ran down to the basement to our second washroom and threw open the shower door. You may be asking yourself, 'Self...why didn't Kate just shower downstairs?' Answer: Because its my brothers bathroom and theres god knows what actually growing there, and...I know what boys do in the shower by the way. So, from there I removed the shampoo from the washroom and quickly washed my hair in the sink. Whatever. Thats fine. I head back into my room and well, I'm running behind schedule. Fuck that I guess as I sit on my bed reading my book, blow drying my hair and thinking about what else is going to happen today. I walk out of the house then with music in my ears, trying to drown everything out already. Its started really early today. I get to class and its pyschology. I don't need this class, but whatever 'cause I signed up to take it and well I'm not going to drop it because its boring. Its a horrible class and I sit through another lecture from a 60 year old British man with always erect nipples. Thats enough of that. 'Remember you have a test tomorrow'. Great. Math class next, well...beautiful. Now my math teacher is one of those kids you know got beat up as a teenager and he's taking it on the 'popular' kids in his classes. Whatever, at least he's not getting on my case. I'm rather quiet in that class, theres no need to pretend I know what I'm doing. Band Spare, beautiful. Fucking great. Come home and eat lunch meat. Sick. But beautiful. I know what the rest of my life is going to be like. I then head back to school where the torture drags on. History's boring as hell today...Clark needs to get a personality. Percussion Ensemble, cause Kula's a teacher who pushes the envelope, we're playing brooms and yelling and dancing in circles. Cool. If there wasn't SO much fucking dust in the bandroom. Can't breath and getting dizzy from the smacking of the brooms. I can hardly wait for 4:30pm. Didn't come soon enough. Sam pulls me aside and tells me she has a friend who'd like to met me. Well...lets see. Met me. Date me? Fuck me? Love me? Marry me? Whatever. Just, angry at the world right now. So, I'll met him. It never hurts to met a new person in my life. Just I have to remember to go into with no expectations and then I can't be let down. Work for 6:00pm...but I check my email. I'm excited because I'm going out with Alan this week. He had to cancel due to circumstances and I completely understand. I hope he takes care of himself and his family. So that sucks but its okay. I send him back an email telling to take care. Hopefully another time. Works boring as hell. Fucking returns never stop. Then theres some girl who comes in and well...I was trying to help her out and well. I didn't know the fucking answer and I tried to help her. But there were these nerdy guys who didn't realize that I had to do my job and kept bugging me. I don't even know them. I'm sorry I couldn't help this woman better. For fucks sake however! Then she calls back later that evening and says I was rude to her. Excuse me?! What the hell can I do for you? I'm just angry at that. I am not a rude person. I'm sorry but I can't cater to all your needs. I just wrote my boss a note saying she thought I was rude, and I was just confused and misinformed. I was planning on walking home, but I didn't end up doing it. Dad picked me up and well, I forgot my wallet at work. Beautiful, fucking gorgeous! And my diet vanilla coke, and my liquid cheese. Then I checked if I had a copy of 'In the Army Now'. No. We don't fucking carry a copy of it. Screw this. I'm in love with Pauly Shore and you can't do a damn thing? Thanks Rogers. So Dad got me, and I've been home since. I should be studying for my test, but I'm a fuckhead who just wants to blog and re-blog and set everything up. Playing around when I should be working. And QAF is on. FFS! Kate your a fuck head. Wait a minute. On TORTUGA...I had posted a thing about friends of mine defacing PauloandDana's posters. For some reason...I almost feel that Dana thinks I got these people to do it out of vengefulness. Not the case. Lets review, I don't go there and have no control of these people. And! They have nothing to do with the election anyways. I just feel like that the attitude. I'm sorry I haven't been a nicer person as of lately. Just deal with it Kate Sleeman. Anyways. I want to cry. I want to lie under my covers and just die. I just want to pretend I'm not here. Thats not going to work. I just want to be hugged or cuddled and told I'm loved. Have my back rubbed. I'm pissed at myself mainly. So. I can just get over this shit, and move on. Fuck it. I don't love me today. I don't like me. I actually hate me. And its Monday. However, this qualifies as my new blog entry. Salute |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | I'm almost sure I've got it kinda figured out! |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | I know its sort of hard to read at the moment, but I've decided after much thought and well...thought that I would move my blog to somewhere with a better program, as it edits the template. And! You can mess with the HTML on here, which is a bonus. I've had a couple things that have been dancing around in my head, tempting me, just wanting to let the world know whats up. Like grab the world and smack them. Sometime, I wish that I just wasn't me. I didn't have to deal with my stupidity and what I represent. I don't think I'm a *bad* person, but believe me, I am utterly frustrated with myself. |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | A new home, a new place to blog it up now. |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | Can someone tell me how we got to be like this? As I sit at my desk at work trying to assist a person, others decide that they are more important and barge into the converstation which is none of their business. The reason: Because they do not want to wait their turn. How about when I am shopping in the grocery store and women push me out of their way because there is a sale on beef for .90 cents per pound (don't these people know it's bad to eat meat and even worse to be rude?) What about the school hallways where I am always shoved out of the way. Have we not heard of muttering a phrase...something like...excuse me? Our society is so violence, in such a rush and so complusively careless. We don't care about the person beside you because it's simply not you. Its the whole idea of you being the most important person in the world...I believe you need to value yourself, but not at the cost of degrading a person to make yourself feel better. Girls are the worst for this. I speak from person experience, we are catty creatures that thrive on the kill...a savage instinct that is imbred in all of us along with the desire to spite and the motivation to hurt. If anyone realized the potential girls have to be lethal weapons, nuclear war would not be the popular method of killing a group of people. I figure, you could just send in a population of females who would degrade you, this is worse than capital punishment because with c.p at least you know you are going to die. Not with girls, they attack you using your weaknesses, and they know exactly which ones are the ones that will cause the biggest reaction. We are compulsively careless, we spend money at every turn and are unaware of people's feelings and thoughts. We are a rude thoughtless society full of rage, hate and blood...and nuclear women. I do not like people...I feel that everyone is only out for themselves...show me a normal person who does things for the sole purpose of kindness and I will point out their humanist flaw...their hope. What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | So far, this week has been the most amazing experience of my life (or at least one of them) and I've met some people from all over Canada. This has been an awesome oppurninity to connect and establish friendships. There are a couple people here at Encounters that remind me of people from back home: Jeremy: A major liberal supporter and plans on becoming PM one day, all he does is talk politics, and he debates with the facist which is very interesting to watch. This kid reminds me so much of our dear Alan, who would be proud at the liberal representation here in Ottawa...and by the way...there is a kid here who looks exactly like Alan. It seems that I've been followed... The Facist: This kid is wack. Hello?! Did anyone hear that facisism...is Dead? *Gasp* Anyways, this kid and the liberal are fun to watch combat each other. The E-feminate boys: the ones who you question...the ones who make you just tilt your head and ponder...are they, or aren't they. It doesn't matter...I'll let them correct me. Alright, so I had some serious fun adventures yesterday: I went shopping in this marketplace, free of tax to support our artisans and now I come home with a new purse, a beenie hat, a buddha, a princess box, a couple of rings, and an assortment of other fun interesting stuff. I figure, I saved cash for nothing in particular so I've spent a good chunk. I saw this belt yesterday with a chainsaw and I thought of Jamie...and his sick obbession with the TCM (TexChainMass). I didn't buy it...too damn expensive and we're going for sushi when I get home again...this time there will not be 104 spent. Oh! So, I've travelled overseas twice in the last two days...I've been to Japan and to India. Thats right folks, it makes me proud to say that I've been to the High Commission and the Embassy. It bothers me that the Americans have an entire block dedicated to their HUGE embassy...which is full of CIA agents who read other peoples mail. Oh shit. They are probably reading this as we speak ******transmittion CUT*********** ******RESUME************** It's 5:36 in the morning Ontario time..so thats 4:36 Manitoba time. It's early and I'm getting slighty sleepy. When I get back in to the city, it's time to shower and start studying along with call work and find out the damn schedule. Ah hah! An entire week off work...and come May long weekend, we're going to Westerns...another plane. Hells yes! And By the way...Paul, I have dibbs near you...if I can get it. I encourage any of you that are still under 18 to grasp this opporunity and seize with vigour. If your over 18, too bad *laughs* (no, sorry)... You can all see my pictures when I get them developed.... And...I'm still alone. There are people here who 'met the love of their lives' and become a couple. I know I'm not the only person who realizes this doesn't work because it seems that the couple is made of people from different ends of the country. PEI dates BC... does that work? NO And...I'm making cabinet of the HoC...it's the goal. Alright... I had a fabolous time...spend some time with me and I'll tell you some amazing stories. I missed you all.... and I can swear in french... always |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | gmail...exists. I have a new account guys, if you plan on sending me anything at all, please send me all messages at the following account because I will not be using hotmail anymore: endism-at-gmail.com |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | I leave for ottawa for a couple days...and you've started a fight with some unknown source who has stumbled across my blog?? geezus guys...well... I went and sat in the senate yesterday, watched an actual Q.P in the HoC....and yes, Day, Harper and all the crowd was there. So damn interesting. I thought of you Dana!!! But it was the coolest thing...centre block is the coolest. Dana..can you teach me some more french?? Anyways...this is awesome. I can't believe this. |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | Don't use me because you can...don't abuse me because I am here...STOP IT NOW. I know what darkness means (and the void you learned from me) The isolation steams (So I think it wants to bleed) The echoes in my brain (All the things you said to me) You took my everything Now I'm coming for you! [Chorus:] I won't back down I will not bow I've come to bring you hell I cant forget Things you did I've come to bring you hell The shadows that you see (In the places that you sleep) Are memories of me (Better pray your soul to keep) The truth behind your eyes (You know the thing you never see) Your darkest little lies I'm coming for you! [Chorus] All the scars that never heal All the wounds that will not seal I will not forget the day These memories never fall [Chorus] I've come to bring you hell (I've come to bring you hell) [x4] You know how lately I've been questioning who my real friends are and how I have three different sections that friends are divided into...well I had an experience to prove that you only have a couple close good friends in your life. There are lets say, people who you spend time with because you feel obligated to, but also...because of status. But last night, I realized what isn't my friend. I went out after work, to get something to eat...and the people I was with started fighting with each other...so I just asked to have my food packed up so we could leave...then I ended up paying the entire fucking bills. Yah thats what friends are for. Thanks :D Let me cover everything for you... but I wouldn't have minded if they would have said thank you. People buy me stuff but I ALWAYS thank them for it. One of them thanked me, but the other who is supposed to be a good friend ignored me for the rest of the night. I came home and ate in peace because I couldn't take it. Then I find out that after they dropped me off...they went out. Thanks guys. My curefew was 1 am...it was 11:38 when I got dropped off. I felt horrible. Like...am I so horrible that people can't spend time with me or what the fuck? Then...they said that the guy whom I have a bit of a crush on...is 'fat and ugly' 'holy fuck kate...he's so fucking nasty'. Thanks I'm upset...but I can't make a deal of it right. I can't be pissed off...and want to just throttle them right? FUCK! And you know what?? I am a good person. I don't need this shit. |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | I chatted it up with a Com. Grad today...he was adorable. Attractive and dark haired...hot stuff Then there was the plumber named Justin, he was nice. Time to lose weight...going to sleep watched a special on pee-wee herman today... ah porn is so interesting. I love the non-existant story line... see rogers is better than blockbuster...we rent porn... |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | You know, I take alot for granted. I really do. Lately, since my co-worker told me he has no friends, I've been thinking alot about my friends and the relationships I have with others. I know alot of people, and it seems that every I go, I know someone or will leave knowing someone. But, I don't like people. I know this. I think I like qualities of people but not people...I don't like what people represent. I have a large amount of friends, a few good friends and a couple people who I love with all my heart. Lately, I've noticed...it is better to have one close friend then a bunch of false friends. I love things, but I reject most. Explain that. Ah, co-worker...I see you on Saturday...where we'll laugh about the 104.00 bills. |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | I had an interesting converstation today, made me really think about how I evalute myself and the others around me and their opinions. If I was to entitle this converstation: Why Humans Suck So Much and it was eye-opening. Sitting in the car, an interesting thought was proposed...why do we have friends? Why are there some people that we spend time with and share our lives with? Why does this happen? Now this person that I was with, is rather negative and claims not to have any friends and prefers it that way. Then he explained his reasoning for not wanting any friends ...and this is what I want to know share. I actually took something from this because there was no way to argue out of it. 'Everyone is this world will backstab, lie, cheat to better themselves. There is no one in this world that actually cares about how you are as a person anymore. The entire goal of the human race is to better themselves regardless if they are aware of it or not. No matter how good of a person or how christian you are, or how athesist, or how rich or poor, or criminal and sinful, in the simplest ways, you look out for your best interests. Example, man walking down the street (Man A) and lets say that Man A has $1000 in his pocket and Man B knew about the money and he could committ the crime and not get caught...what do you think Man B would do? What he couldn't fed his children? His wife has been laid off work? Man A has money to spare so he should share? So Man B will look out for his best interests. Alright, thats an extreme example, but heres a couple more... You're sitting on the toilet and run out of toilet paper as soon as your done wipping your own ass. You don't replace the roll because you are too lazy... or your at work and you leave something for someone else to do because you don't want to do cause you don't like it. Two examples of situations where...you have backstabbed someone. Backstabbed how? You have purposely left extra work for another person. You are looking out for yourself. In every way, humans look out for themselves...I look out for myself. If I don't look out for myself who will? What?! Someone will call me selfish? Well...isn't that now what we are teaching our children??? Are we not teaching everyone around us to lie and be dishonest? If a man came up to you and said, everything I say is a lie...is he telling the truth? I want to go into politics...a career in which a normal human should thrive, as every person in this world has the qualities required for this line of work. You need to be able to lie, and cheat, and step on toes, and backstab all to better yourself. The average human does this...except politicans get paid for it. Another example...you break up with someone and what is your first reaction? Reach out and cause pain...why?? Because it makes you feel better. Because you are looking out for number one...you are making yourself feel better about yourself. If you don't have friends, you don't need to worry about being loyal to anyone but yourself. You look out for yourself, you help yourself...you get ahead in life. Isn't this what our parents are teaching us?? To work to better ourselves? But do they realize at what this does? We are just a thoughtless society. You may ask...what about those people who volunteer their time and such...same thing. Same goal. Everyone is out for something and its better if we realize this truth earlier. Am I saying...I don't want friends. No. I am not saying this. I am simply just saying that...this was a interesting concept. I am thankful for all that I have...but I don't think anyone understands what they really have. I don't fully understand...if I was so thankful, I would be able to give up everything...but can I? No, I am greedy and human. Love yourself before anyone else. Love yourself before anyone else can. If you don't watch out for number one...no one else will. With this...I look at the world with a jaded, hopefully will. I have my ideals and morals...and apparently I am up with 'Free Love'. It is the experience, of what you make. |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | Dana seems to think that I want a male with a large penis...what would ever lead him to that assumption? Assuming makes an ass out of you and me Anyways...yes. I think I may be a texan in that way...big or go home...but not too big...and not too small cause those micropenis are funny looking. Watched a show about the micropenis...my friend they exist. Check out http://www.google.ca and make sure you take off the filters that way when you type micropenis...you will actually get a result. Thats enough out of me. Post inspired by the penis converstation with Dana |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | Every time I have a discussion or share a thought process of mine, I feel like I've gone on a rollercoaster of learning and experience. When I get the chance to interact with certain people I realize that I should be happy to be who I think I am. There are always thoughts of my past, reflections of who I thought I once was and solutions I felt would fix everything. Today as I walked through the card section of Superstore, I stumbled across the 'With Our Deepest Sympathy' I felt a twinge of what would have happened if those pills really had killed me. Would my sister have recieved cards in honour of her pathetic big sister who felt that she couldn't handle the world? Would my parents have recieved gotti flowers and such? Would my friends have thought about the lack of me, and then figured 'screw it'. Then I snapped out of this thought, and just walked on to the cooking chicken section. It's strange how certain events still trigger the deepest memories in your mind. I do not believe that I am sucidal but I can honestly admit that I am clinically depressed which seems like a cope out some days. Days when all I want to do is lie in bed and cry, eat ice cream and tell everyone to fuck off...who knows. The Future is Fake An interesting quote that I found in the book I'm currently reading. True. My deepest fear, is not public speaking, spiders of bugs, but actually people and their emotions and their baggage. People scare me but there are certain people that I adore. I am glad I have this oppurinity to go through this change in me because it feels like something that needs to be done. Another interesting point about my life, is that I've never had the same friends for more than three years...which I'm a little nervous about considering that this is my third year of YP approaching. I think the best thing that I've heard all day was just to not get involved in the bullshit cause thats what it is. Believe in who you are as a person and well, you'll have to depend on yourself to get yourself across the galaxy. There are some people in this world that do not recieve the full amount of credit they deserve, and I feel I've found someone like this which I haven't been kind enough to. I apolgize for whatever harm I may have caused, but thank you for your kindness. ...Remember when.... There are some people that I would like to talk to eventually but I refuse to push it. I am sitting here waiting, no for you only but for a chance of talking, a chance to spend time with you. ....Remember when... My eyes are getting slighty sore and I think it's time to crawl into bed. |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | Wanted: Katie Sleeman Life is complicated, and sometimes I feel like I'm only here to be confused as some higher power finds it funny to place me in situations where everything I believe in and should uphold is tested in a series of ordeals. Lately, things have been like that. I've been questioning alot, most of all questioning the soul reason I exist along with who I am and what I stand for. I'm not sure who I am particually who I think I portray. Everything I see a movie, or act I become a related character...in some situations good, most of the time bad. (It was not attractive to see me in tights trying to portray Robin Hood) But the main question to me is who is Katie Sleeman? I'm looking for a resume to submit of me. Who I was yesterday laying in bed trying to sleep is not the same person who sits here. I think I am the perfect example of change considering I am a constant mutation. A constant mass changing never disapearing considering mass can't be destroyed but I float from decision to decision changing experiencing learning trying and being confused. My friends are a god sent and their constant support always seems to make me happy. I always seem to get in this mood when someone writes messages in YPM or YP documents. Thank Ya'all who signed. Can I still like or lust? I'm not what my emotions are like anymore. I guess that I can only just exist and try. Lonelyness is not a factor anymore cause God can't possibilty find it so funny to leave me without a better half. My mind is like a strainer...it's quickly draining. Well...if you would like to...you know. Wait no you don't know. It seems that every couple of months I re-evulate everything I stand for but...this 'month' the flavor is as follows: -folk music -the giem (the gym) -afternoon naps -learning how to debate -smiling (rare) -swimming nude -my friends -being what I think I am -being loved |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | So I guess I've been writing in here a little more. I think that I have definitly changed, but I can't spell still. I plan on losing a bunch of weight because I need to for my own sake. Gasp, I don't have my grad dress yet. I'm moving away in a couple years...ah Breanne..I sent you an email :( We're just playing telephone tag badly. My foot has a nasty sore...the skin has began to peal away... Yum |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | A New look for a new Katie |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | I've always wanted to be thin. Maybe because more people will like me in a superficial way. Honesty, I don't care if you all think that I'm superficial or a 'fat cow' (thanks for that one). Does your opinion really matter? You all really do not know me, or understand me. Make your snap judgements after you've spoken to me. Or maybe I should feel justifed in making opinions about you...that means the entire bloody society. How do you think you would feel if everything you stood for was critized and made you feel like less of a person. Please consider I am growing...learning The person who was there is not the same as now I'm SO sick of this western world, and make your comments because I'm sure the western world is sick of me too. Make your hateful comments, make me feel like less of a person. I have a flair for dramatics, but why change my personality? I hate this, I hate the western world, I hate my cottage cheese thights, and I hate accepting people because of tolerance. And, what...should I have an impasical third party? WAIT! We're like the middle east...we're all against each other. Thank you very much, I will pratice my blissful ignorance and isolatism from the rest of you. Long live the hermite! |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | I had a wonderful weekend, saturday night dinner with sachin and then sunday night desert with paul. Great weekend. And...I feel that I have grown. I'm not the same person you once thought me to be. |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one. In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls. In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully. In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus. In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty Nick or Smelly Susan. In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you. In sixth grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to Nick or Susan, your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that if they said no you wouldn't have to be embarrassed. In seventh grade your idea of a friend was the person who let you copy the social studies homework from the night before that you had forgotten. In eighth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals and old baseball but didn't laugh at you when you finished and broke out into tears. In ninth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who would go to a party thrown by a senior so you wouldn't wind up being the only underage person there. In tenth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with at lunch. In eleventh grade your idea of a good friend was the person who gave you rides in their new car, convinced your parents that you shouldn't be grounded, consoled you when you broke up with Nick or Susan, and found you a date to the formal. In twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pick out a college/university, assured you that you would get into that college/university, helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time adjusting to the idea of letting you go... At graduation your idea of a good fri end was the person who was crying on the inside but managed the biggest smile one could give as they congratulated you. The summer after twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you clean up the bottles from that party, helped you sneak out of the house when you just couldn't deal with your parents, assured you that now that you and Nick or you and Susan were back together, you could make it through anything, helped you pack up for university and just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories you were leaving behind, and finally on those last days of childhood, went out of their way to give you reassurance that you would make it in college as well as you had these past 18 years, and most importantly sent you off to college knowing you were loved. Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who gives you the better of the two choices, holds your hand when you're scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you, thinks of you at times when you are not there, reminds you of what you have forgotten, helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, goes out of their way to make time for you, helps you clear up your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure from others, smiles for you when they are sad, helps you become a better person, and most importantly loves you! Thank you for being a friend. No matter where we go or who we become, never forget who helped us get there. There's never a wrong time to pick up a phone or send a message telling your friends how much you miss them or how much you love them. You know who you are, pass it on to someone who you want to remind. If you love someone, tell them. Remember always to say what you mean. Never be afraid to express yourself. Take this opportunity to tell someone what they mean to you. Seize the day and have no regrets. Most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today and are what it's all about anyway. Pass this along to your friends. Let it make a difference in your day and theirs. The difference between expressing love and having regrets is that the regrets may stay around forever. So what does that make one think? I've never had the same friends for more than three years or known the same people for more than six years. Alot of these memories are foreign to me. Is it because of me? Or is it because of my constant craving of change and mutation? Is there something wrong with me? Am I the kind of person that you only stay friends with for a small portion of time? What about partners? I've never been involved for more than 1 month and 27 days (how sad that I know the exact period) but what is it? I think I associate with a shapeshifter the best. I'm just a constant sneaky backstabbing mutation. Do I take this email as bogus? or what...do I delete it and say fuck you and fuck you having your friends? No. I decide to dwell and write when I should be doing other fucking constructive things. Oh God. I think tomorrow will be a disaster...I can forsee a trip to the hospital. Jamies on speed dial tomorrow incase I need him to order me some thai to replace the disaster I make. I hate you sometimes Jamie, and yet at others...I dunno. Why do you fuckers confuse me like this?! Anyways... thoses are my thoughts. |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | (Monty walks into the bathroom. He looks in the mirror. In the bottom corner, someone's written Fuck You!) Monty: Yeah, fuck you, too. Monty's Reflection: Fuck me? Fuck you! Fuck you and this whole city and everyone in it. Fuck the panhandlers, grubbing for money, and smiling at me behind my back. Fuck squeegee men dirtying up the clean windshield of my car. Get a fucking job! Fuck the Sikhs and the Pakistanis bombing down the avenues in decrepit cabs, curry steaming out their pores and stinking up my day. Terrorists in fucking training. Slow the fuck down! Fuck the Chelsea boys with their waxed chests and pumped up biceps. Going down on each other in my parks and on my piers, jingling their dicks on my Channel 35. Fuck the Korean grocers with their pyramids of overpriced fruit and their tulips and roses wrapped in plastic. Ten years in the country, still no speaky English? Fuck the Russians in Brighton Beach. Mobster thugs sitting in cafs, sipping tea in little glasses, sugar cubes between their teeth. Wheelin' and dealin' and schemin'. Go back where you fucking came from! Fuck the black-hatted Chassidim, strolling up and down 47th street in their dirty gabardine with their dandruff. Selling South African apartheid diamonds! Fuck the Wall Street brokers. Self-styled masters of the universe. Michael Douglas, Gordon Gecko wannabe mother fuckers, figuring out new ways to rob hard working people blind. Send those Enron assholes to jail for fucking life! You think Bush and Cheney didn't know about that shit? Give me a fucking break! Tyco! Imclone! Adelphia! Worldcom! Fuck the Puerto Ricans. 20 to a car, swelling up the welfare rolls, worst fuckin' parade in the city. And don't even get me started on the Dom-in-i-cans, because they make the Puerto Ricans look good. Fuck the Bensonhurst Italians with their pomaded hair, their nylon warm-up suits, and their St. Anthony medallions. Swinging their, Jason Giambi, Louisville slugger, baseball bats, trying to audition for the Sopranos. Fuck the Upper East Side wives with their Herms scarves and their fifty-dollar Balducci artichokes. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You're not fooling anybody, sweetheart! Fuck the uptown brothers. They never pass the ball, they don't want to play defense, they take fives steps on every lay-up to the hoop. And then they want to turn around and blame everything on the white man. Slavery ended one hundred and thirty seven years ago. Move the fuck on! Fuck the corrupt cops with their anus violating plungers and their 41 shots, standing behind a blue wall of silence. You betray our trust! Fuck the priests who put their hands down some innocent child's pants. Fuck the church that protects them, delivering us into evil. And while you're at it, fuck JC! He got off easy! A day on the cross, a weekend in hell, and all the hallelujahs of the legioned angels for eternity! Try seven years in fuckin Otisville, Jay! Fuck Osama Bin Laden, Alqueda, and backward-ass, cave-dwelling, fundamentalist assholes everywhere. On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray you spend the rest of eternity with your seventy-two whores roasting in a jet-fueled fire in hell. You towel headed camel jockeys can kiss my royal, Irish ass! Fuck Jacob Elinski, whining malcontent. Fuck Francis Xavier Slaughtery, my best friend, judging me while he stares at my girlfriend's ass. Fuck Naturel Rivera. I gave her my trust and she stabbed me in the back. Sold me up the river. Fucking bitch. Fuck my father with his endless grief, standing behind that bar. Sipping on club soda, selling whiskey to firemen and cheering the Bronx Bombers. Fuck this whole city and everyone in it. From the row houses of Astoria to the penthouses on Park Avenue. From the projects in the Bronx to the lofts in Soho. From the tenements in Alphabet City to the brownstones in Park slope to the split levels in Staten Island. Let an earthquake crumble it. Let the fires rage. Let it burn to fuckin ash then let the waters rise and submerge this whole, rat-infested place. Monty: No. No, fuck you, Montgomery Brogan. You had it all and then you threw it away, you dumb fuck! (He takes a breath and tries to rub away the words.) David Benioff |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | The time is right I'm gonna pack my bags And take that journey down the road Cause over the mountain I see the bright sun shinning And I want to live inside the glow Yeah I wanna go to place where I am nothing and everything That exists between here and nowhere I wanna got to a place time has consequence oh yeah The sky opens to my prayers I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, Please understand that it not that I don't care But right know these wall are closing in on me I love you more than I love life itself But I need to find a place were I can breathe I can breathe I wanna go to place were I can hold the intangible And let of the pain with all my might I wanna go to a place where I am suspended in ecstasy Some where between dark and light Where wrong becomes right I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | So heres to another night of Katie Sleeman sitting here feeling confused, htmlish and foolish in a complete sentence. Maybe my thoughts are scary maybe my feelings are fucked...maybe it's just me. I feel useless at work a lot of the time considering I don't know how to fucking do anything properly...and my boss is leaving me to do her job all Friday and for fucks sake... I'm a fucking retard who can't seem to get anything right. Hell... Breanne still isn't talking to me and you know what...I don't blame her. Self-destruction or self-empathy. Tonight at Rogers... I was confused. I was drawn into a parallel fucking universe where I shouldn't have been. I recieve a call from a customer, who is slightly amoured with me and well...seems he would like to take me out on a date. Is it because I'm happier now that people are finding me kinda of attractive or is it some desparate longing scent. I am happy... I would like to think that I'm happier. Having a constant challenge, a constant battle makes me strive for perfection. Some days I wish I could write in french and not have to rely on the bloody translator. I want to write something here, but I look like an idiot if I do put it here. Where and what and how and why and should I go from here. I want him. I want the answers...but I'm almost not prepared for the questions. Right now... my like is one. One incredible person. One incredible amazing person. And if I had a superpower... I would read minds....and cure world hunger. |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | Alright, after a long break from expressing my thoughts online, I decided that there were a couple of things that I just wanted to get out. Plus I miss writing in a journal and it's so much easier just to write on here instead of a real paper and pencil. Theres a lot been going on as of lately and for someone whos not used to being treated with kindness...its been an interesting haul. A good one...but an interesting haul that I feel extremely happy to be hauling and that was an excess amount of the word haul used in the sentence. I look at this situation and wow, sometimes I wonder why its me in this because there are many days where I don't think I deserve something like this. I remember its always 'Kate have more self-confidence' but thats really not the issue here. I feel like I'm less than what is expected of me, like I get frustrated when I can't do stupid things such as playing idotic boardgames, or banter cleverly in a discussion. Rather in those situations, I run from my thoughts and try to find something else to do where I can feel like theres something left for me. There are more than a few days where I look in the mirror and wonder how one can see beauty where I see nothing but a big black void of nothingness. I don't think that I'm ugly, but I still question how someone can look at someone and find something. I guess its hard for me to see as I am so critical on myself. Because of recent events that have happened, I was slightly mifted regarding the reactions of certain people but you know what... tomorrow that doesn't matter. Dana gave me an example: Would you rather have your best friend die, or have something more insignificant happen when you feel is a big deal? Kate: I would rather keep my best friend alive. These events that seem so important to us on a daily basis are really not as important as they may seem for the moment. Life is not a drama, thats why we have television and soap operas to supply us our own sick need to watch others lives. Life is simply existance. You must adapt to your situation to live. I think that the biggest change for me that has come out of alot of events is the fact that life is not that complicated. The world is your playground and its you who gets yourself the positives or the negatives. It's the choices you make which ultimaley convey the reality that exists around yourself. I think that I'm getting better at taking these shots and letting them roll off my back. I don't need to fret and worry. What is more important? Your happiness or your destruction to allow someone else to achieve their happiness?? What do you do? I'd like to think that I didn't ignore people and not be straight up and honest because I think that I remained quiet and kept everything inside without saying anything. I think that my silence was mistaken as a cheap shot. That frustrated me. I ran a google.ca search regarding ethnics....http://www.marychen.com/girlcode.html and my thoughts: this is bullshit. Bullshit. You know what. You have to be happy and thats about it. Happiness is not a fish you can catch. There are a couple things you need. Cabinet retreat was a good time this weekend (july 23-25) and it made me happy to spend time with Caroline and Britt. I think after these things always there this want for session to happen....but then time goes on and then we're caught in the snow and we're eating at the old spagetti factory. Publications will rock! Anyways enough thinking. |
2,948,997 | female | 17 | Student | Sagittarius | 28,July,2004 | 1. On a blank sheet of paper, WRITE NUMBERS 1 through 11 in a COLUMN on the LEFT. |
4,256,671 | male | 15 | indUnk | Virgo | 23,August,2004 | |
4,256,671 | male | 15 | indUnk | Virgo | 21,August,2004 | I was writing a long post, when, without my consent, the window which contained erased the message! I was proud of what I wrote. I'm depressed, cuz although I can write the message again, I'm not going to be able to write the words I chose... |
4,256,671 | male | 15 | indUnk | Virgo | 20,August,2004 | This post is to the people who visits this Blog for their first time. I'm refering, to Toni, Montse, Núria, who had been given this Blog's URL in todays' morning, to Cristina, who had been given it a few minutes ago, and to the next people who will come here. What I want to tell them is that I'm very grateful to you, because the best reward an author like me can get is knowing that the people enjoy your page or, at least, are interested in it. The support you, the visitors, have given to me is wonderful, and it's why now I'm going to speak to some people individually, if you don't mind (if you mind, please, leave me a comment, and after reading it, I'll act). Jordi, I'm very glad about knowing you. As you said sometimes, since I met you my life's changed. Thanks for all you have done for me (I can't write down all this stuff; it's too long...;)). Then, Alice, our relationship has started some days ago, but I'm sure I've found in you an excellent friend, and I hope you have found in me the same :). Now I have to talk to The Great Family. Yes, I'm talking about Toni, Marc, Montse, and Noelia, my second but not worse family. Thanks to let me saying 'paranoietes'. No, I don't stop girls, it's a catalan expression which refers to a kind of stupid comment. And, also, I've to write something about my musicmates. Well, I only can say that they have inspired me...lol. After having told all these paragraphs, I see you off. Than you again for all these reasons. Bye! |
4,256,671 | male | 15 | indUnk | Virgo | 19,August,2004 | Today has been a very disastrous day: as I've written in the last post, yesterday I come back home at 4:15h, and I had eaten pizza; then, in the morning, I had something like a stomach-ache, but it was worse. Then, during the next 3 hours, this ache has been leaving me and coming back again, so I was worried about what was going to happen. Finally, after 4 hours, I've vomitted. Now, I'm much better, but I'm still with a discomfort in the stomach and in my head... |
4,256,671 | male | 15 | indUnk | Virgo | 18,August,2004 | I've come back from the 'Concerto Night' 25 minutes ago. The concerto started at 22h, and has gone very well! At least, our work has given us its fruits... After finishing it, the musicians have gone to a restaurant near the theatre, where I've eaten a 4 chesed pizza (yes, my favourite food!) and drunk 'sangría', a drink made especially of wine, that has citrus fruits and some citrus fruits' juice. After the meal, we have been talking about everything: from discussing the recent films, to explaining sick sad jokes... it was like a madness; well, it WAS a madness, but we have spent a very comfortable hours with our friends. Now I'm very tired, and, maybe,m you'll ask yourself what am I doing here, writing, when I only want to sleep. The reason is that I have a daily appointment here, in this Blog, and that I'm not so tired that I can't walk, am I? ;-). However, now I'm going to sleep, one of my best interests (look at my complete profile, please; you are going to find there a lot of information), OK? Then, I stop. See you! |
4,256,671 | male | 15 | indUnk | Virgo | 18,August,2004 | The new Blog I told you yesterday has been erased, so urlLink http://carduelis.spymac.net/blog/ doesn't exist. Sorry for the changes. |
4,256,671 | male | 15 | indUnk | Virgo | 17,August,2004 | One month ago, before having this Blog, when I was in a hard life moment, I wrote the following sentence: 'The tears are condensed feelings'. In fact, this is the first reflection I've post, so thank you again for visiting my blog. |
4,256,671 | male | 15 | indUnk | Virgo | 17,August,2004 | One month ago, when I was in a depressing life moment, I wrote the following sentence: 'The tears are condensed feelings'. It's the first reflection I share with you. In the futur I'll post more! I'm very pleased that you read all my stuff. Thank you again. |
4,256,671 | male | 15 | indUnk | Virgo | 17,August,2004 | La única cosa que sé es saber que nada sé; y esto cabalmente me distingue de los demás filósofos, que creen saberlo todo. The only thing I know is that I know that I don't know anything; and this is what distinguishes me from the rest of people, who believe that they know everything. |
4,256,671 | male | 15 | indUnk | Virgo | 17,August,2004 | I'm looking forward to meet cool people like you! Please, e-mail me, OK? Thanks. |
4,256,671 | male | 15 | indUnk | Virgo | 17,August,2004 | Now, you can visit the new Blog I've done. It's on page urlLink http://carduelis.spymac.net/blog/ . There's not a big quantity of posts, but in a few days it'll be fuller. Thanks. |
4,256,671 | male | 15 | indUnk | Virgo | 17,August,2004 | You can visit, now, the new Blog I have done. It's on page urlLink http://carduelis.spymac.net/blog/ . There is not a big quantity of messages, but in a few days it'll be fuller. Thanks for everything. |
4,256,671 | male | 15 | indUnk | Virgo | 17,August,2004 | Well, I'm going to my bed, where I'll sleep, at least, 14 hours... See you in the next post! |
4,256,671 | male | 15 | indUnk | Virgo | 17,August,2004 | I've alredy done the violin class, and it has gone so well that I feel very pleased. It was a very difficult class, and I had to practise my violin a lot. I don't feel stressed at all! Life's beautiful! |
4,256,671 | male | 15 | indUnk | Virgo | 17,August,2004 | I'm thinking about the violin class I've to go this evening. Only thinking about it I feel nervous and stressed. I have practised the violin, but the pieces I study aren't easy at all. Well, wish me luck... |
4,256,671 | male | 15 | indUnk | Virgo | 17,August,2004 | Well, it's not a real post. I just want to try the e-mail I've created. Sorry. |
4,256,671 | male | 15 | indUnk | Virgo | 17,August,2004 | Today, well, a few minutes ago, I've been talking to my best friend by chat, when, suddenly, his mood has changed, and he was not as friendly as before. I supose I've said something which has hurt him, but I insist that I never have wanted it. Then, I need to say: Perdóna, Jordi, pel que sigui que hagi dit (Forgive me, Jordi, for anything I've said). |
4,256,671 | male | 15 | indUnk | Virgo | 17,August,2004 | I'm a violinist, and I'm in an orquestra, also. Tomorrow we do our concerto in a local theatre. Then, these last days, we've been practising a lot of hours, and if we don't play well the pieces tomorrow, I'll fell depressed. Although I'm enjoying my holidays, I'm always working, either with the homework or with the instruments, because I play the trombon and the electric guitar, too. It's why most of the times my behaviour is like a fan's one, going from one place to the other... |
3,681,917 | male | 15 | Student | Leo | 24,June,2004 | I am preparing for my wonderful trip to conn. for a family golf tourney this weekend. Its gonna be soooo cool! But anyways I spent half the day over at Ashley's house...man her mother was acting so wierd. Normally she acts like she wants to kill me but today she offered a slice of pizza.....it was SOOO wierd! i am still working on my nusuni.com page layout...actually I probly wont work on it until i get a new computer. If imac g5's come out on monday (or even 1.5 ghz g4) and if they are shipping now I might pick one up! Elseif (you can tell im a programmer :D) I am going to get a emac g4 with a minivga to vga adapter (gonna dual monitor :D) and get an extra 512 megs of ram off crucial! Its gonna be my baby :D (Ashley..i dont mean it that way... i still love u!) |
3,681,917 | male | 15 | Student | Leo | 23,June,2004 | Today I practiced golf for a tourney this weekend with my relatives. So i was hitting wiffle balls around and one went into a patch of tall grass and weeds....I got very mad and literally started destroying the weeds...i finally got the ball back. Now a whole chunk of the patch of weeds is missing...it looks kinda funny. But anyways...I worked on a beta layout for my nusuni.com site. The picture of it is on urlLink This Page ! |
3,681,917 | male | 15 | Student | Leo | 22,June,2004 | Well...another day has passed...did nothing other than play gameboy and wash clothes....how exciting... |
3,681,917 | male | 15 | Student | Leo | 20,June,2004 | Well another boring day has passed....well wait a second it was father's day.... Besides that it was pretty boring...another day of gameboy and computer. We had to pick some people up at the airport....to get home the highway was closed and that forced us to drive through the *gulp* ghetto. Man I hate the city.... |
3,681,917 | male | 15 | Student | Leo | 19,June,2004 | Well no new computer today. I'm still trying to figure that one out... I have done absolutely nothing all day except play gameboy (zelda oracle of seasons). Pretty boring... |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.