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3,717,362 | male | 33 | Technology | Sagittarius | 26,July,2004 | As promised ... Tuesday, July 13 That's consecutive nights on minimal sleep, now, getting everything together. Even so, getting up at 6am seems somehow easier when you can say 'I think we should go to Hawaii today' when the alarm clock goes off. First stop: Atlanta. First fight: Atlanta. Enough of that -- Stevie needs to relax. Second stop: Los Angeles. Arriving early is great. But arriving 30 minutes early when you already had a 2.5 hour layover is a bit of a drag. Let's GO already!! Wahooo!! We're here! Got the Jeep. Now for supplies. Which predictably takes far longer that it should. Sometime shortly after 9pm (Hawaiian time), we head for the rental house in Kipahulu. This drive goes through the center of the island, along the west side of Haleakala, and then east along the south edge of the island. And the last 15 miles of the drive is on a really bad facsimile of a road. Part of it is asphalt with more patches than original road, and part of it is somewhat graded dirt. But, hey, that's what the Jeep is for, right? Christy called this our Rhino Rally drive. Oh, and to quote Helen Hunt from 'Twister', 'Cow.' The 'Cow Xing' signs are not hypothetical. We're going from one blind hill to the next blind turn to ... cows. In and beside the road. Dozens of them. Sometime before 11pm (again, Hawaiian), we arrive at Anya's House. This place is just spectacular. Go to www.anyashouse.com to see it. The half mile drive from the main road to the house is yet another good reason for the 4x4. Being this far from civilization, and presently without the moon, the stars shine like I have never seen them. The Milky Way galaxy is just as plain as it could be. Simply amazing. It was a ridiculously long journey to get here, but we're here. After being up for 25 consecutive ours, we finally turn in at 1am. Hawaiian Time. Whew. Wednesday, July 14 That internal clock hasn't adjusted yet. We're both awake at about 6am. Maybe it's just the adrenaline. Going back to sleep doesn't seem to be an option now, even for me, so we get ourselves going. We arrive at the Ohe'o Gulch, aka the Seven Sacred Pools (which is only a mile down the road -- and not sacred in any respect), before the rangers do, and start hiking up above the pools toward the Waimoku Falls. A 2 mile (each way) hike perhaps isn't the smartest way to start a trip like this, but that's what we're doin'. Actually, I didn't realize the hike was this long until we were a few minutes into it, and happened to look at the guidebook ('Maui Revealed' -- excellent book!) for our first landmark. Christy wasn't too thrilled, particularly since I didn't bring the water, but she was willing to stick with it (but it required me hotfooting it back to get the water pack). We saw the Makahiku falls from an outlook on the trail, and suspected that (what the guidebook calls) the Infinity Pool was at the top of those falls. Yep, suspicions turned out true. What a cool place. This pool has an effect like the 'infinity pools' that seem to have no edge on one side. The water was a little too cold for swimming just yet. So, we hiked out onto the rocks overlooking the gorge for a breathtaking view. Back on the trail again, we found another set of falls and a pool. Apparently, you can hike up from the Infinity Pool to the falls that come out of this pool. Might have to try that on another trip. This pool has carved a big cave in the far wall of the mountain. The falls feeding this pool are pretty loud, given their height. Found another set of multiple falls and small pools, which I promptly set out to climbing lots of the rock formations. Onward and upward. We came to a pair of bridges that cross over some great falls and a pretty sizeable pool. As we walk up, a couple guys are setting up to jump from the bridge. Mind you, the bridge is a good 40 feet above this pool. Apparently the guys had been here the day before doing the same thing. After talking to them, they live in Utah (working at The Canyons ski resort), and along with a few friends, they sailed here from San Francisco. They put on quite a show. Not enough for audience participation, but quite a show. (I must admit, I was a little tempted. But just a little.) Next, we entered a bamboo forest. Now this was impressive. It makes great noises when the wind blows. And for the payoff: arriving at the foot of the 400 foot Waimoku Falls. This might have ruined all the other falls we haven't gotten to yet on the famed Road to Hana. Now, immediately, you might want to get right in under the falls. Until you start considering what else besides water might be falling on your head from 400 feet above. But still, you've come all this way, gotta do it, real quick like. So I get in and while I'm waiting for Christy to take the picture, my heart is pumping and it feels like the water level is suddenly surging, sweeping Lord knows what on down with it. Christy gets the shot and I get back in my right mind. No sense in exercising those life insurance policies right away. Now for the downside. Literally. For 2 more miles. When we get down, we just veg in the car for a bit -- sitting down is a blessed change. Then we head on down to the 7 pools. Which is a bit reminiscent of the Dunn's River Falls in Jamaica, given the throngs of people. The water is naturally too cold for Christy. But I go hiking around to get to one of the higher pools, from which a few guys have jumped into a lower pool. This one I can't resist. It does take a sadly long period of introspection before I can finally make the leap. But it was worth it. Being all out of water, and only a mile or so from our rental house, we went back to fill up. Which turned into more of a rest stop than originally billed. Anyway, we headed off again toward Hana. We stopped at Hamoa Beach, which looked nice, but being this late in the day, it was completely engulfed in shade. Christy wanted to look for shopping places in Hana. Sorry. What (microscopically) little there was turned out to be closed already. (Yes, I successfully fought back the tears.) So instead, we drove down to Hana Bay to look around. Hana Bay isn't that exciting but there is a little (and I really mean little) red sand beach that you can get to by a trail at the south end of the bay. Christy was done with hiking, so she waited while I checked it out. The trail was short but required climbing and the footing was real loose. But what a great little spot. The red sand was really rich red. I dug it, and I thought Christy would too, but she would hear none of it. We drove around to where the big red sand beach was supposed to be accessible. Again, Christy waited while I explored. Another really impressive location. The water was particularly turquoise in color, which put up against the red sand and the red cliff walls just looked stunning. We'll have to come back to this one tomorrow when Christy has more energy. Thursday, July 15 Slept later and took longer to get going. Didn't leave until after 9am. I gotta' keep remembering that this is vacation! We started out at what the guidebook calls the Venus pool. Fantastic spot! It's part tide pool and part spring fed, which makes for constant temperature change as you swim around in it. And yes, Christy even got in. I continued yesterday's cliff jumping theme here. With the waves crashing at the barrier between the pool and the ocean, and the lava formations all around, this easily holds up as a top spot. Next stop is the big red sand beach. It's only a five minute hike, but it is pretty steep up and down stuff, so Christy's not so thrilled. The swimming area has a little protection from the waves due to some big lava formations creating a demarcation line. But still the swells tend to push you around quite a bit in here. After hanging out a while longer on the beach itself, we hiked back out. This hiking stuff is falling further and further out of favor, I'm afraid. Out of this dinky little town. It's off to the Waianapanapa State Park, with it's Black Sand Beach and freshwater caves. The Black Sand Beach is quite a sight, and there's cave you can crawl into that opens to the water. Great little side bonus. Heading down into the freshwater caves, a park employee is walking a couple down ahead of us, so we follow closely. She tells them where it's safe to jump in, and where the caves lead back, and a room that you can get to underwater. I did the jump and I explored back in caves a little, but without mask and fins (which were back in the Jeep) I wasn't up for trying to reach the room underwater. Next stop is the Blue Pool. Now the book describes the unpaved road leading to this spot as being kinda' rough. But we come across this sign, apparently erected by native Hawaiians, that is decidedly dissuasive concerning proceeding to the Blue Pool. Do I listen? You know better than that. The road did turn out to be an adventure, but the Jeep had no trouble. I'm not quite sure how some of the other cars I saw coming and going did. It turns out to be a pretty unique place, with a nice waterfall and a small pool, all right at the edge of the ocean. Hope the pictures I took with the water camera turn out. On to Nahiku, which turned out to be a bit anti-climactic. The guidebook described it as being the place where all green things went to heaven. Neither of us could find such grandeur to it. It had a tiny little waterfall at the end with a cute pool, which would have been fun to hang out in, but time is getting away from us. If we're to complete the drive at a decent time, we can't be stopping at every site for more exploration. Just have to experience it from the highway. Sigh. Especially at Waikani Falls (aka, the 3 Bears Falls). Some kids found a way to hike down from the bridge to the falls. With more time, I'd have definitely been down there. Anyway, the remainder of the drive had some stunning views, including a sleepy little town, way down below the highway that you just wanted to go pinch its little cheeks. The Road to Hana (or, in our case, the Road from Hana) has been conquered. We decide to take Makawao Road back to Highway 37, to get back to the rental house. This takes us to the nice little town of Makawao. It's a shame we didn't find this place during business hours. A shame, indeed. Back on that sort of road. With the cows. Just reminds you, even in a car, just how long 15 miles is. Friday, July 16 Parting is such sweet sorrow. It's time to bid adieu to Anya's Awesome House. We're gonna miss this place. The good news is that we finally get to see the bumpety-bump drive through central Maui in the daylight. Seeing the conditions of the road was altogether amusing. The whole area, however, turns out to be quite impressive. It's simultaneously both desolate and beautiful. The trade winds blow primarily from the northeast. All the moisture in those winds gets dropped on the northeast side of the island, hence the near rainforest-like greenery of the road to Hana. The moisture can't make it past Haleakala, so the southwest side of the volcano is completely arid. But there are impressive vistas in this area, with lava formations, some making deep gorges and some leading out into the crashing waves. The colors are striking. There are a couple places along the drive where you can drive down to the water and have all the beach you could see to yourself. Oh, and as badly as you want the guidebook to be wrong about a public road connecting this highway and Makena/Kihei, it's right. Can't get there from here. What a pain. We drove north all the way up to Kahului, and then south past Maalaea to get to Lahaina, to do some shopping. Christy finally sees some boats, something she didn't see any of in east Maui. Lahaina is a cool town. Quaint shops, funky restaurants, the island of Lanai off the coast, boats everywhere. We'll have to spend more time here on another visit. Alas, we only had 2-3 hours before having to high-tail it back to the airport to fly to Kauai. Once on Kauai, we're doing the whole grocery stock up exercise again. Which means we don't get to the rental cottage until late. Again. Mix in a little confusion on the directions on how to find the cottage itself on the owner's property, and you have yourself quite a scene. No biggie, though. The cottage isn't as impressive as Anya's house, but it isn't nearly as remote either. And the impression that I had that a beach was accessible by simply walking down the road didn't seem to be accurate either. Of course, we never stopped to ask about it, so maybe that was our own fault. Saturday, July 17 Our intention has been to take a helicopter ride and an ocean tour while on Kauai. But we haven't booked anything yet. So the first order of business is to get recommendations from 'The Ultimate Kauai Guidebook: Kauai Revealed' (written by the same folks as 'Maui Revealed', as you might have guessed). We settle on Air Kauai for this afternoon and North Shore Charters (via a referral) for Monday morning. So with the critical arrangements squared away, we head out for the Waimea Canyon. Mark Twain was right. The Grand Canyon of the Pacific. Such rich red and green color. And there's one waterfall way off in the distance that doesn't reach the bottom. About half way down, the wind blows the falling stream of water into a mist. Really cool. At the top of the drive is one of the most impressive lookouts you may ever find, peering down a valley and out to the ocean. Off to Lihue for our helicopter ride. This one holds six passengers, four in the back and two up front with the pilot (who is on the left). The right side of the plane is prime because all the charters tour the island in a clockwise direction. The pilot decides, once everyone is there, who sits where, based on height and weight. Turns out, we get the front, with me on the right -- the best seat in the house. The guidebook tells you the right side is better, but the tour companies try to tell you it doesn't matter that much, but make no mistake, it matters! I felt bad for the lady who was stuck in the back on the right, who later complained about her comparative lack of view from back there. And the guy in the right middle back seat is constantly reaching his camera over his wife (in the outside right back seat) and almost aimlessly snapping photos. But in the front, it was stellar! This pilot has a great routine down, playing Jurassic Park themes, and coming up against cliffs revealing eye-popping scenes timed perfectly to the crescendos. And the whole ride is about as smooth as it can be. The Na Pali coast just has to be seen to be believed. Pictures are wholly inadequate, but obligatory. When we land, we all have the same sloppy grins as the bunch that preceded us. After this sensory overload, we check out the Wailua Falls. Very nice. Should have hiked down to the bottom, but didn't in the interests of sparing Christy's energy and patience. Maybe next time. We stop at the cottage to grab some dinner, and then it's off to the Princeville Hotel. Unfortunately, we took too long at the cottage, so we missed sunset. Word is that clouds have been obscuring the sunsets all week. But, wow, what a hotel. The lobby is truly opulent. After walking around the place for a bit, we come across a chocolate buffet, which we were incapable of passing up. $12 for a small plate, one pass, back as much on it as you like. And did we ever. all while listening to a fantastic jazz trio. (I am completely intrigued by standup bass.) Sunday, July 18 Nothing scheduled for today, so we head out on a beach tour. Originally, I wanted to hike a couple miles on the Kalalau Trail, but I didn't think Christy would have the energy for it. Another time. We start with Larsen's Beach, not far from our cottage. It requires a short hike with a 160 foot vertical drop, and then trekking along the beach for a better location. The intent was to do some snorkeling, but it ends up a bit too shallow to see much. But we have all kinds of room to ourselves. Heading back, Christy doesn't notice Chief Spread Eagle on the back of the beach near the trees. Just as well. He's been out there a lot, apparently. There were a couple other likely barebacks out there, but they were a little more discreet. Next stop is Secret Beach. Another hike, dropping a good 150 feet, only steeper. Christy is not enthused. Unfortunate, because the beach is really amazing. The Kilauea Lighthouse is on top of the eastern point, with another big rock just off shore from it. The waves crash on some nifty lava formations. And there's a couple small waterfalls trickling down the cliff wall at the back of the beach. A great way to rinse the salt water off. In one of the vertical flows, someone wedged the stalk of a palm branch horizontally, creating a natural spigot. I try to do some snorkeling, but the seas are too rough here today. On the other end of the beach, there are some interesting lava pools to hike around. There may have been a few more two legged deer (while tailed bucks and white tailed does), but they kept off in the distance a good ways. By now, Christy is wiped out. I skipped the other planned beaches and went on to a place called the Queens Bath, in the Princeville area. Another short hike, but Christy isn't interested, so she sleeps in the car. Hiking down, there's a nice waterfall, which will be useful for rinsing off on the way back up. This stream leads out to the ocean, where it plunges over a lava formation right into the crashing waves. Very impressive. The Queens Bath is a sort of tide pool among the lava rock. Just a great place to hang out. After a little shopping around Princeville and Hanalei Bay (great little town!), we head back to the Princeville Hotel for another shot at a sunset over Hanalei Bay. Cloudy again! But there is a 2-3 minute window where the sun sneaks out from behind the clouds near the horizon line. Then shrouded again. Oh well. We take consolation by availing ourselves to their hot tubs. Soooo relaxing. Especially when you're not paying their nutty room rates. Monday, July 19 Early start! Had to call the captain at 6am to confirm that conditions are ok. Had to meet at Anini Beach at 7am. BTW, Christy feels cheated to only now find a beach that you can actually drive right up to. And it's the safest swimming beach on the North Shore, due to the reef protection. This is a 30 foot converted fishing boat, and the captain, Gary, only takes 6 people out at a time. Compare this to the consistent 15, 20 or more people on every other charter. In fact, Gary refers to the others as 'Cattle-marands'. The other four people on our tour includes a Dad, his 21 year old son (whose birthday is today), his 18 year old son, and his 15 year old daughter. They are great fun to share the trip with. Seeing the Na Pali coast from the air for part of an hour long helicopter ride is fantastic. Seeing it from sea level for four hours is equally fantastic. Gotta do them both. The cliffs are overwhelming. One of them towers 1800 feet high. Gary points out several parts of the Kalalau Trail -- just have to come back with family so the guys can do that whole 2-day hike. Once again, the cliffs, the waterfalls, the colors, the layers in the rock, it all amounts to the one of the most impressive places I've ever been. We stop for snorkeling and lunch. This reef we stop at has several large sea turtles, which totally captivates Christy. After the ocean tour, we explore the remainder of the drive from Hanalei Bay to the end of the road at Ke'e Beach, which is definitely worth the trouble. Several nice beaches for future reference, a couple cool caves (one with water and one without), and another freshwater stream to cool off in (which I do). OK, gotta get back to the cottage, clean up, pack up, and head to Oahu for -- gasp -- work! This is, after all, the original purpose for the trip: WS-I is having their 2004 Summer Community Meeting at the Turtle Bay Resort on Oahu's North Shore. If you have to spend time on Oahu (the least interesting of the main Hawaiian Islands), the North Shore is the place to do it. Tuesday, July 20 It's our 13th wedding anniversary! Not a bad place to spend it, even if I have to work. The room has a fantastic view of the bay. In fact, there is substantial water on three sides of the hotel, so nearly all the views are impressive (more so on the higher floors, which we had). Some hotels bill rooms as having 'ocean view', but you have to lean out on the balcony to see it. In this room, you have work hard NOT to see it. We have dinner at Haleiwa Joe's. Didn't get there in time for sunset during dinner, but we caught it on the way there. While we're waiting for a table, we met a local couple, and the husband (big dude) turns out to be a huge college football fan. I mention being at FSU's first national championship game, and he pauses, then rattles off the names of Warrick Dunn and Charlie Ward. I'm clearly impressed! Wednesday, July 21 Christy goes out for a horseback excursion. Seems pretty happy about it. After my meetings conclude, we head exactly 9 miles west from the entrance of the resort to a beach that locals say has lots of sea turtles. With snorkel gear in hand, we're set. Only, it turns out that we hardly even need to get our feet wet. Half a dozen or so big turtles are in shin-deep water eating green stuff off the rocks in the water. One (the only male we saw) is asleep on the beach (figures). Christy loooves the turtles. Thursday, July 22 A luau has been planned at the resort by the WS-I folks. Pretty entertaining. The kid twirling fire was probably the most impressive. He was serious. Later, a few guys including myself get dragged up front for public humiliation. (I might as well be up front about it, and undercut the value of blackmail pictures.) Friday, July 23 The last day in paradise! Fortunately, work has wrapped up. So I'm taking a surf lesson. Now, Christy tentatively signed up as well. But she has heard that beaches east of the North Shore get a lot of jelly fish, due to the winds. Since the bay by the resort hasn't had waves to speak of, we suspect they'll be taking us elsewhere. When Christy calls in the morning, sure enough, they're taking us about 5 miles around to the east. Christy says, 'But aren't there jelly fish?' The girl replies, 'Not real jelly fish. Just Man-o-War. You might get rash.' Christy promptly cancels her participation. While I'm filling out all the requisite release forms, I hear one surf dude tell the other one 'we better bring the vinegar.' Not a good sign!! When we get there and walk along the beach, one surf dude ('instructor' just doesn't seem to fit) points out dozens of the little buggas washed up on the sand. Then he dons a long sleeve rash guard, while the rest of us have been given short sleeve versions. All bad signs!! The good news is that we never encountered any jelly anythings. The bad news is that Stevie was unprepared for the unique physical demands of paddling required by the sport of surfing. After only two failed attempts, I did figure out how to get up, so I can legitimately say I surfed. But at one point, after an extended battle with the breakers, I surrender and drift in to the sand. After resting a while, I did actually take one more shot, got out there, and got up, so it was worth the effort. Christy caught the last ride on camera, so I have physical evidence! After cleaning up and getting out of the hotel room, we do some more shopping, slowly making our way down to Honolulu for our flight home. Ah, but there's a catch. Delta called on Tuesday to see if we could change our flight to help them out of an overbooking jam. They offered a flight that gets us home about three hours later than planned -- upgraded to first class! Great, but I need to make sure this is cool with David, who has our young'uns. The hitch is that I can't call the Delta rep back directly. She says she can call me back in five minutes. I clear it with David. I tell Christy, who is elated. And I wait for the call back. And I wait. And wait. This is bad. Opportunity blown. But after some persistence, I find a sympathetic agent who puts us on that flight, in first class, just because of the inconvenience we incurred (and, oh, how we incurred some)! We call the kids again as we make our way south, but now they're at the end of their tolerance for all of this. Ethan is crying and Jared wants nothing to do with the phone. Sorry, David! Bottom line is, when it's time to leave paradise behind and face real life again, first class makes it a little easier! Saturday, July 24 'Mommy! Daddy!' Smiles, hugs and kisses all the way around! So endeth the hands-down best vacation we've taken. We simply have to go back. Beyond that, I'm left pondering just what exactly it is I would have to do for us to live on Kauai or Maui .... |
3,717,362 | male | 33 | Technology | Sagittarius | 26,July,2004 | The blob has been dark for a bit while I was in the union's 50th state, but I'm back now. Oh my, what a trip!! I'll be getting a journal of sorts posted here shortly. (Bonus points if you can name the title reference -- without using Google! Certain reunion folk are not eligible.) However, I was inspired to put up a post by an article about Clemson University installing hydrolic goal posts in an effort to improve safety in postgame celebrations. It's both funny and unfortunate. Funny, in the sense that imagining these posts slowly keeling over after a game (automatically? or in response to fan attack?) just makes me chuckle. Oh, and consider the possibility of a malfunction during a game -- or more specifically, during a kick!! Now there's some potential for real howling! Unfortunate, in the sense that bringing down the goalposts is part of college football. Yeah, I know that it is basically vandalism, and that people do occasionally get hurt. In fact, a police officer broke his collar bone and some ribs during such a free-for-all after the 2002 Clemson-USC game. But anyone who ventures out on the field -- and certainly anywhere near celebrant-covered uprights -- should be assuming any risks surrounding the inevitable fall of said goalposts. I've been part of such revelry, and it is an atmospherethat defies description. It's a shame to see it fading into extinction. One last thing: UM coach Larry Coker is defending the pending completion to the recruitment of 19 year old, 11 time arrestee, Willie Williams -- with a straight face, no less! He says he's comfortable with what Williams can bring to the program, both on and off the field. On the field, sure, he's a heavy hitter who was the number one linebacker prospect in the country. But off the field?? Hmmmm. Maybe he can help re-open some recruiting avenues that are, shall we say, somewhat familiar to the program.... Nice work, Larry. Can you feel it? It's in the air. Football is almost here!! |
3,717,362 | male | 33 | Technology | Sagittarius | 06,July,2004 | Lance Armstrong is under way in his utterly inhuman bid for a sixth consecutive Tour de France victory. These guys are just ridiculous athletes, and to be taking a shot at a sixth straight crown is simply incomprehensible! Go Lance Go! One ... More ... Week!!! |
3,717,362 | male | 33 | Technology | Sagittarius | 01,July,2004 | Today starts NHL Free Agency, and the most notable Lightning unrestricted free agent is Jassen Cullimore. (Not to say that capt'n Dave isn't notable -- his issue is whether to play, not who for.) Last I heard before the deadline, the team was offering $2M and Cullimore is looking for $3M. That's where talks stalled leading up to today. So, coming off the Stanley Cup win, the team will gamble, letting one of their most important defensemen test the free agent market. This happened last year with Vinny Prospal, the team's scoring leader the previous season, who ultimately signed with the Ducks. I thought the team blew it by letting that happen. I thought they took a fair step backwards during last year's offseason overall. But then, Prospal ended up miserable in Anaheim, and was hoping to get traded back to the Lightning before this year's trade deadline. And all the Lightning did was win the Stanley Cup without him. So, I guess there may be a legitmate reason Jay Feaster is the Lightning GM and I'm not. I hope that Cully pays attention to Prospal's experience and gives consideration to more than just the salary. He's been with the team longer than just about any current player. I'd hate to see him leave. Oh, and don't you just love seeing ads for Lightning Stanley Cup Champion gear on all the hockey related web sites?? |
3,717,362 | male | 33 | Technology | Sagittarius | 17,August,2004 | urlLink This interesting article is yet another example of security considerations that seem seriously lacking in this oncoming wave of RFID. |
3,717,362 | male | 33 | Technology | Sagittarius | 02,August,2004 | From Chris Sells of Microsoft, after attending an Edward Tufte seminar ... urlLink http://www.sellsbrothers.com/spout/#My_Day_With_Edward_Tufte |
3,343,504 | male | 16 | Student | Libra | 15,May,2004 | haiz today ar ... hmmm sleep till late afternoon den go to work lo... that stupid marco when sleeping tat time keep calling me ... so dam irritating sia... den later at work something big happen , su fen and ming jie collided with each other... they quarraled ... su fen was saying , 'ming jie ar why your food take so long ?' den ming jie said 'you so good you come do calling la' ... den su fen say ' YOU SAY AGAIN?????' den ming jie said ' you so good you come do calling la!!!!' ... den???... haiz why ming jie so stupid go say again??? haiz ... su fen was so angry that she said to ming jie 'YOU!!! CHANGE YOUR SHIRT AND GET LOSS!!!' so funny sia ... den ming jie dissapered.... den i do calling lor in the end ... den later work was usual , we laugh and joke and eat and went home... so now i am here posting my blog lo ... heehee ... hey ji hee and friendz wait till u guys see my blog worzzz... hee hee k i now going to bath and sleep already ... till then (-_-!!!) BUAYZZZZ!!!! |
3,343,504 | male | 16 | Student | Libra | 18,May,2004 | today was really tired and unlucky. i went to da wrong chalet and ppl fly my bird ... haizzz.... i finally found da energy to go to li wen'z chalet so i too bus no. 21 and reached downtown east da costa sandz .. den i call li wen and wanted to ask her where they were but tried calling so many time but no one answered. That made me realll fed-up.. finally angel picked up the call. i told her i could not find the q-06 chalet so she said she wud come out to loook for me so we decided to meet at the swimming pool. angel:' where are u yeeyenn??? ' den i said :' i am at da swimming pool !!! cant u see me? de where are u??? ' angel:' i am also at the swimming pool cant u see me??? .................. actually both of us were at the swimming pool at the same name costa sandz chalet but different costa sands .. i was at costa sands - pasir ris while she was at costa sands - east cost . WHAT THE!!!!! haiz ... feeling so hot and fed up i decided to go direct to thai ex to find su fen as we wanted to go to minnie ktv with ah_yee to farewell for her. but who knows , ah_yee tricked us ! she said she not going already ... i was so angry when i heared that. so in the end we didnt go as ah_yee wasnt going. haiz why today so unlucky??????? ....so i ate at thai ex and went home with moh tien lo... wat to do??? on the journey we , talked abt work stuff and all that lo , till we reach tampines . den from there we walked home . on my way home i chatted with jerry ... haa haa it was a pleasant chat if 'mai hiam'la heehee ... ea i did called angie too ya know .. felt real happy .. haahaa!! ok ok it seems like my post today is dammm long ... but i still have lotsa things to say you know ... nvm i will cut short the rest on another post.... |
3,343,504 | male | 16 | Student | Libra | 16,May,2004 | hmmm this post is for sunday one coz i didnt really touch my com on sunday so didnt write or post in my blog... sunday was quite a normal day ... i slept till around two plus and found that my family was not at home ... they had gone out to my aunt's house house ... going to my aunt's house was like a weekly gathering but i missed it yesterday. so for the whole day i stayed at home playing computer game. actually i was suposed to go to liwen's chalet but as i was really too lazy ,so the trip was posponed... haahaa.... so thatz all for sunday 16/05/2004 just sleeping and playing game... |
3,343,504 | male | 16 | Student | Libra | 16,May,2004 | Hi ji hee , this is for YOU .. hmmm since ya going to cyber cafe so often .. i tot ya can check tis ting out ya know... itz MY BLOG!!! haahaa i will write all my thingz here all my happeningz and if i got pic lea will put link lorzzz k???? ea if u got any msg for the me lea just the leave your the msg to me under the comments section k and state itz to ME!!! haahaa haa k??? K??? hmmm hope ya doing well there ... miss ya ... yeeyenn 4 eva ... |
3,343,504 | male | 16 | Student | Libra | 16,May,2004 | hmmmm today was quite ok... woke up den went to work... at work it was as usual lorzz laughing and laughing with su fen and ah_yee ... hahahaa den after that me , ah_yee and xing hui went to play pool at da paradiz centre after we split at 3 plus like that... the pool game was fun although i am not a pro at playing pool... later was back to work again ... wasn't very busy but felt like tons and tons of people were eating at that express like that ... so dam tired at the end of the day .. i was the caller and i shouted till my voice nearly went off ..haahaa... that stupid marco count da stupid money so long till i went back home late , missed da train ... shit him man... hmmm yea su fen become asst manager liaoz lo haa hhaa hurray!!!! she wore the white polo a.m. shirt today ... smart huh!!! ... hmmmz thatz all for today liaoz la ... heez ... till den ba buazzz |
3,343,504 | male | 16 | Student | Libra | 16,June,2004 | hmmm ... 15th of june 2004 , tuesday ... wat a boring day ... i stayed at home da whole day and played my playstation and surfed the net and did some online chatting ... hmmmm silvester wasnt online today , he said he had to attend a funeral wake so there wasnt anyone to chat for the nite le.. todayz so funny , i didnt touch my handphone ... i didt msg angie like i nornally will .... really dunno why , i didnt even think of it ya know . itz so funny . actually nothing much for today la ...just slagging around at home da whole day lo ... haiz tml stilll have to go for band .. dunno wat will happen at band tml lea... ;P ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I got your back You got mine, I'll help you out Anytime. To see you hurt To see you cry, Makes me weep And wanna die. And if you agree To never fight, It wouldn't matter Who's wrong or right. If a broken heart Needs a mend, I'll be right there Till the end. If your cheeks are wet From drops of tears, Don't you worry, Let go of your fears. Hand in hand Love is sent, We'll be friends Till the end. |
3,343,504 | male | 16 | Student | Libra | 15,June,2004 | Hi dear friendz who are reading my blog …. For this one ..you may just read the onez that are bold can liaoz ba … the rest is alll complain and etc etc First of all I so miss ah_yee and moh tien cause they all permanently transfer to citilink le … haiz without them the mood at plaza sing really suckz …especially without ah_yee …. Haiz come to tot of it , since I entered plaza sing till now, really got so many things happened already … haiz … Why plaza sing become like that ???? Ming jie like dunno wat like that ? The hair style follow marco machiam like father like son … haahaa .. Den all da new comers all so the cannot make it one .. Haz why like that ??? den at least su fen is ok .. Itz just that she is more stern nowadays coz of her manager post . But at the end of the day , she is still a joker….hmmm she and ming jie still haven ok yet lea .. Duno when den will ok… leave it to them ba…. For me? I went to Malaysia for a week and had lotza fun…. Eating and eating.. Haiz… fatter and fatter liaoz … den itz back to work … I really hate marco … he is such a spoilspot you know … cant stand him any more liaoz … Hmmmm… xing fu??? Happiness?? I really dunno when will it be my turn …. Itz like I am really a ugly ducking … but for the story one the ugly ducking becoming so yan dao but for my ugly ducking case , I am still so ugly only that my personality is really really on da happi side and so cheerful and cutez (;P) that makes everyone that mingles with me so happi …. When will I be da real ugly ducking in da stoy book that becomes yan dao???/ I really dunno …. Well actually now I am like more concentrate on the going on studies ba and my house … xing fu ??? Not now but if can have den itz a plus plus … hmmmm My friends … they are all ok …I really envy them soo much … hmmm Sylvester he is like my senior and sometimes he really can give me some help tru advise …he is really smart too you noe … my thai ex buncha friendz ..still that same lo nothing mush .. That Sunday wasn’t sooo busy so had a little talk with angel abt BGR ..the talk was nice .. She is da kinda person that I am look out for .. The kind the can talk .. Reason well and can talk and talk … as for li wen .. Dunoo never talk to her 4 vry long time le…. Maybe will ask her out lo School friendz ar nothing much .. Only hopping to make more friends in ngee ann when school reopens … ha ha ha … And as for angie, I really dunno how she will think and whether shw willl accecpt or not … I wanna noe her better and more but dun noe how to … hmmmm I will c will c … just hope that thingz will be fine … Hmmmm talking about my self again … I really dunno wat will become of me or who will I change into …. I am trying to change my attitude and style and all that but dun know where to chane to direction of changes to … really stressed up ….. Although I mayb joking , playing all da time when I see my friend actually itz just fake or maybe itz not fake…. To me I think I haven found the right perdon to open up to so all these laughting and joking and playing are just actions to cover up my process of changing …. Sometimes while changing till half I cant move and I really duunoo why .. Itz like some knda force that stop da changes and put them on hold … when this happens .. I will be at a loss dunno wat to do …. Haiz a Who am I??? ill fated ugly duckling??? The big bad person? The funny one??? The lost one??? Who am I ??? I really dun know … haiz … troubles of life …. Anyway me now playing for pasir ris band da vivala 3 … so excited you know abt the concert but I dunno how to play all da pieces ….like Nippon minyo and variation on Korean ….they are so difficult …den the killer RIB aka rhapsody in blue itz so damn difficult with soooo many HIGH notezzz… never go practice … I guess I am gonna train hard with my e-flat le …. Hmmm ok le la …. That should be enuff le …. Haiz till next time when I post my blog …. Nitez my friendz u guyz take care k…….. Written on da 15th of june 2004 … ended at 3.30 am |
3,343,504 | male | 16 | Student | Libra | 14,June,2004 | haha ... i finally entered my blog and post something liaoz after like so so long ... heeheee another reason why i entered my blog is because i got my laptop liaoz... haha ... so happy ... but spent quite alot of money on this laptop ...hmmm itz like late afternoon now and i dun have da mood to put down all those hearty this in my blog o maybe later in da nite den blog again ba ... here is something for u guys ... scissors for my soul ~i've been walking in the footsteps of societies' lies.. i dun like wad i see no more, sometimes i wish i was blind.. sometimes i wait forever sitting out in the rain, so nobody sees the crying.. trying to wash away its pain~ |
3,343,504 | male | 16 | Student | Libra | 10,July,2004 | hmmm today band started early ... i went there and saw xue'er they all sewing... haha so sorry i dunno how to sew so not much of a help... actually is no help at all la ...sorry ...then later nick , fengnan and i went to SIM for lunch ... haiz i join band already two or 3 weekz liaoz still not very click ... hmmm but never mind i will continue to make more friends and more clickz ... heehee so suay today , droped my little 'xiao ke ai' ... why i so dumb one ,my cL also can drop ... den itz spoilt now so sadzzz ... really have to say sorry to betrice ..... today after band yun shuang , shawn etc etc they all went for food at mac... i wanted to go with them too but dunno why also felt like not going ...in the end i didnt follow them to eat and so i stayed in the bus and went home ... regreted while i was in the bus ... the bus was so cold and empty ... i tot alot in the bus ... many things came into my mind especially wat happen and wat i did just now in band, thinking and thinking abt it...is this wat i wan??? is this what i should do??? is it??? i am really very confused , really ... thinking and thinking , i fell sleep in da bus ... during band , i kept looking and looking til da arrival ... wat arrival?looking at wat? only i know ... but then when i saw laughter without me... it was like dark clouds bring rain ... why did i felt like that??? i shouldnt have and i cant have ...i really wanted the laughter to be on me ... thru out the practice ,all i did was glimpsing here and there... at |_| ... only at |_| haiz ... am i really thinking too muchZ? am i really feeling too much??? i really dunno ... i really wish that i could know ... how i hope that ji hee's here now so that i can tell her all my probz ... she has been my bestest friend since sec one and now that she has left for perth to study , itz like so empty for me ... there is no one to share my probz since she left ... can i find someone like ji hee ??? i dunno ... today , i avoided and i walked away and i regreted ... why would i avoid and walk away if i know that i will regret??? you went pass me without saying anything ... u already know??? |
3,343,504 | male | 16 | Student | Libra | 09,July,2004 | Since young i like to stare into the sky at night and look at all the stars... so bright and so shiny... There are so so so many stars in the sky ... Glittering .. wow.. i belive that everybody in this world will at least have a star that belongs to him or her only , at least one ... while some will have more and some will have less but everybody will at least have one of his or her own star ... to me , stars will bring us sweet dreams with the moon and starz will bring us good luck ...our start will always be by our side when we are lonely or when we are sad or happy and just feeling normal , never gonna leave us ... aint starz great??? stars will also bring us happiness ... right??? but some times starz will also have their own dayz when they aint feeling happy ... so when ever i dont see the stars at night in the sky ... they arent happy ... but the next night, u will see them in the sky again and their unhapiness are all gone. thatz why i say starz aint litte petty starz ... they live everyday as happy as they can be ... i hope that everybody can be like every of their starz ... live happly every day with no worries ... thankz my little star... |
3,343,504 | male | 16 | Student | Libra | 08,July,2004 | hey guys .. i am too sick to write about vivla 3 today ... tml i will write about it and upload all da picz k ...so sorry ... any way vivala 3 ruleZ!!!! |
3,343,504 | male | 16 | Student | Libra | 08,July,2004 | Recently i had a crush on this person(letz call this person wind instead of calling this person this person)...ea itz not really a crush but more of like more affectionate feelings for wind ba ... i didnt know wind for long ... jus a very short time only ...ea only about two weeks nia and only seen wind for not more than a few times huh....wind is a really nice person ...really funny too...but i just couldnt speak wind to like my normal frieds ya know ... i am a thick skin person when comes to making friends or wat ... but when it comes to wind, i cant be really that open and my jokes and all that dont seems to come out ... i am also afraid to see wind like wanna avoid wind like that .. not because i hate or dun like wind but itz just shy too see or talk to wind ...wind has lotz o friendz and is also very popular too... there was once where i meet wind den wind talked to me... i didnt know wat to do and just said that i was busy and went off ... after that , i regreted i know things aint going to happen .. it aint ... and i also dont intend to let wind know ... itz sad to know da truth and somemore only u yourself know abt something and you yourself know the out come isnt going to be good .. you only have yourself to talk to and to consult.. aint it a suffer??? wat i could do is only have a silent one sided crush on wind 'wo zhi neng dan fang mian de an lian zhe tha' ..... |
3,343,504 | male | 16 | Student | Libra | 06,July,2004 | wat the hell man ... i am so so so the damn suay today .... today's the pasir ris vivala concert and then i fell sick and my e-flatz abit spoilt spoilt ... wat the man ... haiz got fever den cannot go sch .. missed da workshop practical lesson ... haiyo ... later dunoo gonna do wat lez ... hope that vivala tonight will be a success ... haiz ... thatz all .. gonna change into my black white liaoz ... (Yuckzz) ... opppz forgotten the way to vch liaoz .. OMG later how to go???? 8th of july 2004 1:39pm |
3,343,504 | male | 16 | Student | Libra | 06,July,2004 | haiz ... finally .... we ended here ... da fullstop finally appeared ... no more commas no more question mark or wat so ever ... just a big big fullstop .... haiz ... i didnt want to dunno whether she tot the same too ... haiz ... but anyway da sweet memories will always be with me .... last of all ... she dumped me ... thankz a lot ... |
3,343,504 | male | 16 | Student | Libra | 06,July,2004 | haha hee inh now in school writting my blog worz ... haahaa now having lab secction but yeacher not here yet so took the time to surf net den tot of writting my blog lorzz .... ha also so long no enter new post liaoz ... alot of things happen worz during that time i was away from my blog haahaa ... gentered sws youth den also start school liaoz .... den still got pasir ris da vivala 3 so so close on da 8th of july ... haizzz so so busy sia mee ... haha da rest of ma class mates come in liaoz ... heehee tonight den i continue with my blog ba... buayzzz |
3,343,504 | male | 16 | Student | Libra | 17,July,2004 | there is this song that i really really like, and that's close to you by the Carpenters ... The lyrics are so nice ... really really so nice that how you wished you were the one ... -close to you- Why do birds suddenly appear Every time you are near? Just like me, they long to be Close to you. Why do stars fall down from the sky Every time you walk by? Just like me, they long to be Close to you. On the day that you were born The angels got together And decided to create a dream come true So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold And starlight in your eyes of blue. That is why all the girls in town Follow you all around. Just like me, they long to be Close to you. On the day that you were born The angels got together And decided to create a dream come true So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold And starlight in your eyes of blue. That is why all the girls in town Follow you all around. Just like me, they long to be Close to you. Just like me (Just like me) They long to be Close to you. --- End --- the lyrics is really really nice ... how is wish that the angels decided to make a dream come ture when i was born. sprinkle moondust in my hair and starlight in my eyes... hmmmm how dreamy is that huh .... different ppl are born with different fate and different destiny .. some are good while some are bad ... for me , mine was unfortunatly bad... i did grumbled... i did curse and swear at god ... i did long for alot of things ... i didnt like my life ... i envy lots of ppl... lotz and lotz of ppl... but itz just useless , it cant help in anyway, it just makes u feel worst upon seeing wat ppl have that u dont after living my life , i found that even though it maybe tough , but when u have all your friends and you tried all your ways to find fun in your life and better prospect in life , the fate and destiny of your can be changed .... i learned not to be envious of wat ppl have but be happy with wat i have ... no more did i grumbled about my life no more did i curse and swear again but i just wish ... wish that everythings ok for my loved ones and ppl around me ... happiness ... |
3,343,504 | male | 16 | Student | Libra | 15,July,2004 | these few days didnt enter my blog ... maybe i was really busy ba , or maybe i didnt have anything to say out ... hmmmm... i am so damn busy now .. with homework , schoolwork and band ... there is so much home work every day sia ... haiz ... den band??? monday ,wed and sat theres np band . den on sundayz and some tuesdays there is sws youth ... i am really so so outta time ... altou there are so many dayz of band per week , i dun mind going coz itz really fun and the ppl there are so nice especially ngeeann band ... itz not wasting time like wat many ppl will say ... just look at it at another angle and u will know ... i finally found ppl to go home with me liaoz ... haahaa ... i found andrew( this rich friend with his dream home and dream toilet and many many more that envy so much) and amanada (this real real funny gal that keepz on laughing and laughing non stop) that takes the same bus with me ...hhaa anderw stays in yio chu kang while amanda in seng kang but both of them takes 74.. bus journey will never be boring anymore ... amanda and andrew are so funny ... they are like fighting each other all da time in the bus ... haahaa ... just hope that they dont find me boring .... dreaming... day dreaming ... ... just dreaming ... itz nice to dream,day dream, dun you think??? althou itz a waste of time , but sometimes day dreaming just makes u feel so much better and fun??...itz fun to day dream ok! sometimes about fantasies(opppz) and sometimes itz abt the little thingys in life that u wish u can change and make it all yourz and the way u wan it ... ya i know ...living in your own SWeEt world is like stupid but as i said it just makes u feel theres something ... haahaa hey .. i have slimed down ... muahhaahaa ... and to make it even more effective ... i have not really eaten for long time ... altou the feeling really sux and itz like your stomach's gonna be eaten off already ... but thinking of the resultz ... it make u go on and think ... so no food liaoz .. haha ..thatz all for my blog liaoz la ... |
3,343,504 | male | 16 | Student | Libra | 23,July,2004 | H E Y S T E P H ! ! ! haha steph saw your comments liaoz ... ya welcomed to post more comments or any messages that u wanna send to me ... haha ... |
3,343,504 | male | 16 | Student | Libra | 28,July,2004 | last night i tot of it the whole night after wat looks or sound like a quarral had happened... it nothing after all ... so wat if i like? like den like lorz right??? itz dosen even bother him ... he dont even give a damn about it ... so wat the point ? there's no point to it right ... blame myself for my own stupidness ... i am so darn stupid lo ... let him like that make fun of me ... this is the first time such crush thing happened to me so i didnt really know wat to do ... other den to be so scared and afraid ... anyway itz all over now so there's nothing liaoz ... was i really going around the bush? i dont know ... i just noe that i dont wan anything to happen ... arrrgghhh!!! i also dunno wat i am thinking ... it really hurts la ... the way u speak and the things you say ... u wont noe how it feel coz itz not you ... our friendship ... it kinda like turn sour ... wat to do when we see each other?? avoid? smile? i dont know ... i have no idea ... i really feel very uneasy ... maybe i should just quit band and forget abt every thing ...maybe i should anyway itz i new day now ... althou things are still in my mind ... feelings are still there .... i am sure that they will fade away ... they sure willl... ha.. i got nothing to say liaoz .. hurt or not hurt i dont think you care ... hey ppl... just cant wait to see u all at band ... ____________________________________________________________________ P.S ... every day will be the happy noisy faggot me ... |
3,343,504 | male | 16 | Student | Libra | 27,July,2004 | the previous blog is incomplete coz i didnt had time ... but now i think there is no need to complete it liaoz coz there is something i learn today itz impossible... that wat i learned ... impossible ... thankz for hurting me so darn much man ... |
3,343,504 | male | 16 | Student | Libra | 27,July,2004 | Date : 27th of july 2004 Time : 3.00pm Mood : feeling just not right Song : enrique - Escape nothing just seemed right since two nights ago ... den last night had this kinda quarral with him ( nah not gonna say who coz different ppl read my blog ya know) not really say quarral la but itz kinda off ... he was asking me why why why ... den i was busy at that time so was kinda lag in replying ... den finally i just said ... coz i dun wanna hurt myself .. i also didnt know why i said that ... itz just came to my mind ... den after that itz why and why and why ... just say la just say la ... i was really so scared ... i was real reluctant to say it out ... coz i know that there sure will be changes to our friendship one ... itz either he will ignore me or i will ignore ...and i am already happy with the way our friendship is now ... itz not really a crush la ... but how to say itz just kinda more feelings??? nah ... making it feel so damn yuckz ... but itz really plain more feelings ba ... i really dunno how to say it .... |
3,343,504 | male | 16 | Student | Libra | 26,July,2004 | haiz wat have i done wrong again this time?? WATTT??? why am i so stupid all the time ??? I really dont know wat to do man ... itz so fucking stress ... i know itz useless blaming anyone ... itz me , itz my fault oh dear wat should i do now?? i really dunno whether should go back npcb anot lo ... i really like that band ... the friends and all that ... itz really really very fun lo to me althou i am so so so busy but np band is the place to destress lo ... there are ppl like charlene ( can accompany me home one) , den got nickolas in my section who is so so lame and funny and then there's horn section etc etc ... so fun lo and many other ppl la u ... but i also dunno why i wanna quit band because of some ppl and my attitude ... a lot of ppl say that np band really cannot make it la .. even itz members themself say so lo .... den i makes me think so wadz the point of joning the band? ppl say it sucks lea ... i am in spore wind symphony youth liaoz lor and that good enouff so join np band for wat?? another reason itz that i am really busy la ... i still got other bands den i also gotta work for money and all that and then my studies lea ... so i was thinking that quitting can give me more time la u see but then thinking of the fun and all the friends in np band , i really dun wanna quit .... den somemore i play eflat clarinet in np , itz like a solo part already so i should be happy with it already ( except for my instrument , i dun wan yamaha , i wan buffet!!!) i am materialistic la so no choice .. i will keepig on asking till i get one .... in every group or every organisation , u cant probably see eye to eye with allll of the ppl rite??? that y .. itz not i dun like some ppl ? itz the things that they do that makes me think it just totally sucks la u see ...( itz not u la k if u noe who u are) other than that itz nothing personal la basically ... i shouldnt have told ppl that i felt like quitting coz of them ... i am really so stupid to ... but anyway , itz done liaoz so wat can i do?? haiz itz not that i dont like u itz not that u suck ... itz not that the things u do ... itz not everything ... itz because ... ... ... haiz anyway i so stressed up with so many things on hand ... argghhhh !!!! fuck man !!! but i am still happy anyway... i learned not to potray my sadness out liaoz not like last time when i was younger or just a few weeks ago... haha ... anyway thinking of it , itz like so lame shit lo ... i really think that i am a fucker lo ... wanna quit coz of this kinda reasons ... itz like fuck man dont be so fuck la ... thatz wat i think la .. so for now i will still be going ba , i think so ... den maybe after pnc den i willl think again ... really got to say sorry to betrice ... haiz thatz wat i gotta say la ... itz so 'xing ku' when there is hardly anyone to give u a listen ear ... itz not dun have la but they are all so so busy lo ... den meeting then is so hard ... haiz ji hee u faster come back la u ... come spore study la ... haha ... miss u loads .... haiz gotta end here la ... itz monday u noe so i m still deciding whether to go anot ... haiz k la thatz all ... P.S --> something's are never meant to be for you... these are the skeletons in my closet! do you have any? |
3,343,504 | male | 16 | Student | Libra | 06,August,2004 | itz been a week or more since the last time i blogged in my blogger. I was so busy , so so busy . Many things happened too. Haiz ... everything just come like water gushing into a broken hull of a ship like that. I also don't know what to do. plz someone help!! hhaha ... today's kind of a moody day ... i was so darn tired and tired ... i draged myself for sch at 10 and den sleep till 6pm when lesson end ... i think i have been doing too much things liaoz ba ... really tired .. somemore plus my eatting disorder ... i didnt really eat ... hmmm ... really can collaps , but wont one la trust me .. hmmm many things happened within the week ... i was busy going for band and school , den still there is swsyouth( damn damn darn stressful man sws ... combine with main can die man .. fuck it .....) all that ... clementi town ... hmmm really busy , den comming up are the national day performances .. haiz ... anyway pops n classic went well ... haha .. solos were great man !!!congrats ... brass were strong but the e-flat clarinet suckz ... aww oh by the way abt bassoon .. hmmm i am learning it well till onw already learned two octaves liaoz .. in another few weeks i think i can start as a lil lil lil amature bassoon player liaoz ... hahah ... my eflat ??? i will play both ok so dun think of snatching my eflat ~~~ that thing ~~~ haiz i think quite a no. of ppl noe liaoz ... i didnt tell anybody at all ... but since ppl know already wat can i do? take a parang knife go after them kill them to shut them up ??? itz not that i dont care , itz not that ppl know den know lo like i very happy to let ppl know like that ... i didnt want anyone to know ... Then later there was like this tiff among us .. ea i think itz the among four of us ba ... passing of words around ...haiz ... ['u tell me no tell she tell me say she tell den he say he no tell den dunno why tell den this and that' ....] ----- > i dun even understand wat i writing so u think i understand wat happened?? yes i do la dumbbelll .... anyway things are fine now ... itz only that the little making fun of me by someone ... hmmm anyway nvm .... i admit that the feelings for you are stilll there but i will just keep to myself ba ... i know that u are a hack care person so i know wat i should do ... can talk to u and not let our friendship turn sour is already very good liaoz ... hmmm .... hmmm ... hmmm... ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ geez geez ... decisions are so diffcult to make... gotta go lunch with charl and fatt company or go dinner with manda and faggot company ??? who should i go with ??? haiz char to tamp or a'drew to hougang?? cant they have dinner together??? dunno lea ... anyway think i willl be going home with a'drew manda faggot gang ba coz gonna stay alone ... so itz hougang ... oh nickolas too haha .. nah .. he is just this anything guy so anything's fine for him ... today i called him ' my lil boy boy ' .. haha ... he wrote a testimonial for me saying that i am a friendly gigantic dino say he likes me coz i smell nice and i am tasty ... hhahha funny guy ... calls me bodyguard too ... so call him my lil boy boy lo .. haha .. haiya fooling around one la ... hahha ... shaun... gotta noe him a lil lil lil bit better la ... after going out for pool and all that ... hmmm ... nothing personal to comment on him ba .. he's a good buyer and shopper coz he knows how to shop and i am like must read the book for dumb shoppers and still dunno how to shop that kind ... fail one la me .. hhahah ... many many more ppl la .. ah ... yun shuang ... haha .. funny gal always give her this bright wavvy HELLO when ever i meet her .... a really ' gu dian ' chio bu ba her ...hahahha.... betrice ?? i think we got a lil misunderstanding ba ... or ixxit?? ... aww nah ... andrew??? ea ... ea... .... .... amanda ... haha this funny gal is like so funny lor ... very emotional i think ... very weird too ... me and her now talk more liaoz not like last time ... hmmm ... at least better ... hahah ... got to go home with her la .. crap on and off one .. ah !... ohw can forget charlene ... she's like a good pal cum sister like that .. altou we knew each other for like only a few week but itz inda hell already ... every morning call each other den always will be sleepy voices .. overslept la den??? if not is sms ' aw damn i overslept' ... haha ... crap alot on bus rides la ... go sch go home together ... crap .. crap ... crap ... continue bitching man ... all da way ... wow ... talking abt all my friends?? why suddenly become like that ??? haiz any way gotta go sleep laizo ... real tired ... ... yawnzz .. haiz ... P.s ===> The more u study the more u know , the more u now the more u forget. The more u forget the less you know. So why study? |
3,343,504 | male | 16 | Student | Libra | 08,August,2004 | [ Today made me hope and wish , she told me she like you ] Was late for band today coz the stupid bus on srtike ... also dunno wat they doing ... i waited for like half an hour for that freaking 966 ... wat the hell man!!! ... ... many ppl wasnt at band today , the band looked small today ... den after band the were deciding to go for the steamboat or not ... den i was again stuck in between ... dunno to go with charlene , marill that gang or shaun nickolas that gang... but den went with shaun coz i didnt wanted to eat steamboat den somemore see him like so sian sian like that ... hmmm... remember the conversation we had when he was kinda down and wanted to quit band that time .... haha ... we went for pool den we played lan ... Lan's cool and fun ... time consuming too ... so next time wont be bored by time ... but first need to upgrade my graphic card so can play games like warcraft... heehee ... .. amanda was damn pissed today ... she went off for church today den waited for andrew after church ... den when we finish lan game me and andrew went home ... itz like when we took the bus den she called ba i think... den also dunno ... so never went home home with amanda ... after andrew stop at serangoon there i called amanda den she was so damn pissed lo ... hahaha ... anyway ... itz between andrew and her ... i still curious abt wat amanda told me ...friday that afternoon she told me she like andrew ... den she wanted to tell him ... den after that cT band pract , so told me she was bluffing ... she dosent like andrew ... den actually is like or dun like ???did she tell you anot?? haiz ... also dunno wat she thinking ... ask if i still like '******'??? yes... no... yes... no... yes... i think '******' is cute la ... plain cute ... i also dunno ... i know itz hopeless , itz like 1% out of 100000000% like that lo... will that 1% happen? haha ... itz stupid of me to ask lo ... heehee ... just hope that everything will be fine ... can just say that i cant get over you ba ... hmmm... yawnszz!! ... |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | Hey Class, In case you'd like to have a link of some or all of the class linked to your blog (like mine), here's the code you need: <h6>Class Blogs</h6> <ul> <a href="http://www.popaganda.blogspot.com">Trena</a> </li> </ul> then copy the following URLS (addresses) into the portion of code above which matches & the name where Trena's name is -- before the /ul tag (underline): http://www.dustin-ebay-mediaclass.blogspot.com -Dustin http:// pattyannblake.blogspot.com -Patty http:// sunkistsands.blogspot.com -Heather http:// centerstage777.blogspot.com -Brittany http:// aliciahatton.blogspot.com -Alicia http:// joshanderson.blogspot.com -Josh http:// katieisperfectineveryway.blogspot.com -Katie http:// tracysblogmedia.blogspot.com -Tracy http:// tgoveonemedia.blogspot.com -Terrence http:// stoogess1.blogspot.com -Amber the other option is to urlLink EMAIL ME and I'll just copy the code for the whole class into an email for you & you can copy it. The things that you should recognize about the code above is that you can use it to insert urlLink HYPERLINKS into your blogs anytime you want to. the <li> code is for LINES and the <a href=> is the linking code. Of course this isn't for the class -- it's just for those who are curious or risky... peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | ............................... setting up your blog ............................... hey y'all -- welcome to this crazy new world of BLOGGING! I've included some links over on the right hand side of the page for you to explore if you're interested in the phenomenon of Blogging. But reading those links isn't a requirement for this class. Setting up your own blog IS. So I'm going to devote the remainder of this blog to explaining to you HOW to set up your blog. 1. You may want to be able to continue to read this page WHILE you're setting up your blog -- that way you can read this list *&* follow the steps simultaneously. SO, go up to your FILE menu and select NEW WINDOW. 2. in your new window address bar, type in the following URL: www.blogger.com 3. Now you should CLICK the 'start now' button in the middle top of the page. 4. Filling out the form should be standard for you -- I suggest that your USERNAME be a name that you use to sign in with other accounts (so that you won't forget it) -- the other boxes are self explanatory. Make sure you click the TERMS OF SERVICE box before you click NEXT. 5. On this next page you may name your page anything you like -- and you may describe your page anyway you like. I always say that the simpler -- the better. At the top of my page -- you can see (me)dia -- that's the title I chose. The next bit -- 'Andrew blogs publicly about media.' that's my description. You can go back and change these anytime, so don't spend too much time thinking about it...click on public blog (so we can read it -- you can make your own private one some other time...)now click NEXT again. 6. Host it at blogspot. NEXT 7. You have to come up with a URL name. That's what you'll type into the bar above in order to get back here. Make it easy. Something you'll remember. Ideally something like your title or your username... 8. Pick your 'look' and -- BOOM! you're done. Brilliant. Type yourself an experimental message -- or publish to the whole world...PREVIEW your message and then PUBLISH. NOW be sure to send me your URL right away (with your first and last names) the URL was the last thing you chose before your look -- and the thing that is up in the box above your explorer when you look at your blog. it starts: http://www.[something goes here] .blogspot.com I'm going to make urlLink a list of our class blogs that you'll be able to cut and paste together and read each other's blogs with simple clicks of your fingers... I hope you're excited about this experience. I've made a few 'REAL' media entries. One on urlLink radio (which is really about media diet) and one on urlLink the real world (which is partly about storytelling conventions and partly about media diet). I don't expect your entries to read like mine -- or even like each others -- I expect that each of us have a unique enough perspective that we can say really unique things. In our own voices. I do want you to be reflective, focus on media, and integrate knowledge from class. Kind of like the ones y'all will be making as soon as you want to. You could even do it now! (or after you do some reading / surfing / thinking...) Remember the point is not to BE entertained, but to ENTERTAIN. peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | ...................................... watching me watching t.v. ...................................... i watched the premiere last week of the Real World San Diego. I'm tired of the Real World. It feels pretty formulaic to me anymore. And mostly the plot lines only change in terms of more SHOCK value. The movie Merchants of Cool (that we'll watch in class later this semester) talks about a concept called: the feedback loop -- and it seems like me that these characters have become almost too saavy about replaying old episodes from television back to themselves and us: oh! There's a hot tub! Well its the first night in our new house! Everybody knows what you do on the first night in the first episode! The whole cast gets in the hot tub! So we better get in. Good tv is predictable tv. That's our job this year as 'six strangers picked to live in a house'... the obvious critique to offer is: could this 'real' world *be* more about sex? i have to admit i'm a little bored by that critique (much like i was bored with the sex storylines in the show last night), it seems to me that most of the time when people are freaking out about the amount of sex in the media -- they're kind of freaking out because they're so scared of it. like it (sex) has this amazing amount of importance and sway over them. which it does. over all of us, right? we're deeply sexual beings. But that's not really the point I want to talk about in this blog. the thing which I DID find really interesting was this quote (which i'm only kind of getting right) by the character Frankie (STEREOTYPE: highschool geek, openminded piercer-tattoo-esque, porn-shop working, but i have a boyfriend back home + INTERESTING TWIST: has cystic fibrosis): 'I've always had this dream of moving to a new city and getting to reinvent myself completely.' The world went into slow motion for me. It seemed SO right on. This is TOTALLY the mythos -- the BIG story -- of most emerging Reality Programming, isn't it? Personal reinvention. And its a story that seems particularly important because record numbers of people in MTVs audience ARE going away to college and / or moving away to new cities and places. The shape of the world and growing up is, increasingly, going away. So why wouldn't we want our HEROES -- or at least our CELEBRITIES (B-level celebrities in the case of reality television) -- to have that same journey -- that same quest... But then SOMETHING ELSE struck me. Not only is this the primary PLOTLINE for most reality television. It's also the primary VIEWING LINE. Isn't it? I know that when I watch the REAL WORLD -- I'm invested in the characters. I think about how I'd act differently if I were in their place. I'm eager to SEE the places they get to see, to traverse the CITY and the RESTAURANTS and the SIGHTS and the TRAIN and .. I realized (ironically) that the REAL world is all about getting away FROM our real world. That dream of escaping from our world far enough to turn into something new and different.... more later... |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | ............................. comments anyone? ............................. are you interested in including comments on your blog? push this button: urlLink follow the instructions & you, too can invite responses... I promise i'll comment on your entries once you have the available space... peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | discursive formations ................................... I invite any and all of you to help me develop this entry...as you develop your own explanations (on your blogs or wherever...) I'll try to link and them into this entry. Just a quick refresher -- that in class we talked about the idea that discursive formations are the ...'conversations that we stand on.' urlLink Like sedimentary rocks -- discursive formations develop over time in particular places. Like sedimentary rocks -- we stand on, climb and explore discursive formations as if they were real, but Like sedimentary rocks -- they aren't finished, complete or unchangeable. A hundred years, an explosion or a pickaxe could change them a little or a lot. I gave examples of discursive formations -- law, family, love, school and race. They're real, but they've been created. We use them, but by using them, we also reinforce their reality. Here's a website that talks about urlLink Discursive Formations (this brief overview connects the idea of a 'discursive formation' to knowledge more generally). Remember that I mentioned that Foucault (in class) was really the guy who most clearly talked about discursive formations. Well here he is -- urlLink himself -- writing about Discursive Formations. His writing is dense and rewards diligence... If you want to make some connections between Foucault's thinking and other philosophers -- urlLink here's a link Dr. John Rothfork makes some of those connections. But *truly* don't feel like you have to read these sources -- I'm not sure that they make the concept any EASIER than I did in class. It's just that they add TEXTURE. If you're feeling intrigued -- these resources will add some interest to your day. It's a conversation we'll be developing all semester.... Do you have a blog yet? urlLink Email me when you do...so i can build a comprehensive list of our class... |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | ................................. Look! You're Famous! ................................. Look over there -----------> Your blog addresses are there! Isn't that great! Go read each other. You're published! Or, if you want to, go figure out how you can urlLink add the same list to your blog! peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | ........................ radios in cars ........................ doesn't my title sound like the name of a song? or a band? it seems like such a song would begin: 'We all have radios in cars.' Anyone up for writing the next line? .... no, seriously, though. I personally listen to the radio in my car. more specifically? i listen to the news in my car. at various stages of my life, i've listened to music, morning shows, drive-time shows, talk radio -- all on the radio in my car -- but for quite a while, and more time than not -- its the news for me. Which creates an interesting reality, you know. When i'm in the car, that's where I find out about what's happening all over the world (I listen to NPR news -- so there's more international coverage than the media conglomerates offer us).....so even though i'm usually just travelling up and down Cleveland Avenue in Canton Ohio...back and forth from work to home, home to work, I'm thinking about the experiences and realities of people all over the world. Odd, eh? Because on some level I wonder if that doesn't transform Cleveland Avenue in a certain way for me. You know how you can hear a certain song that meant a certain thing for you when you were 16? And when you hear that song, you think of a person or a place or a moment or a feeling? It seems like media provides that kind of contextual frame for our lives in lots of ways. Almost every CD I own has some attachment to the general time period I bought it. Whenever I play it, I'm suddenly transported to a certain place and a certain time. So what's the impact of listening to the news in my car? Well I'm just thinking that it alters the world that is around me in a way that is discontinuous with the people driving in cars next to me. I'm listening to a story about the dangers of political advertising, but the guy in the truck next to me is listening to Howard Stern and the soccer mom in the minivan that passes me is laughing at Rush. A car packed with teenagers moves their head in unison as a driving beat organizes Cleveland Avenue for their perceptions. We usually think that reality is an intersubjective place....an experience thats mutually available to me and to the people around me. But global media makes that less and less true. I have more in common as I drive up Cleveland Avenue with someone driving on Lakeshore Boulevard in Chicago and someone else driving on Fifth Street in Manhattan, and someone else driving down Main Street in Peoria, IL -- because we're all listening to the same story...in our cars -- our local worlds rolling by, but being narrated by someone far away -- and being interpreted through the grid work of world news... But on the other hand, aren't the realities of -- the potholes on Cleveland Avenue, the lane closed up ahead, the new store that just moved into that vacant building -- aren't these realities more binding than the mediated ones? What do you think? Do you listen to your radio in your car? How does it determine who you are? (hmmm....maybe that should be the second line of the song....? peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | ................................................. discursive formations urlLink (cont.) ................................................. I'm posting some assumptions about discursive formations that should help our (long - term) conversation. I'm just posting them up here so you can remember them, think about them, and maybe develop how these assumptions are created to media on your own later.... 1. discursive formations are invisible. 2. discursive formations are not natural (they're made). 3. discursive formations seem real (and therefore natural). 4. discursive formations exist because of relationships between words and concepts. (those of you who were there in class today -- hopefully recognize / remember these...) |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | ........................................... what makes for a good post? ........................................... Y'all are pulling out some interesting entries! Good job... Here are some emergent formulas that are working well for your peers if you're interested... I like the idea of urlLink Rant ing. It's a favorite pastime in the Blogasphere. Here's another urlLink rant -- this time focusing on the janet jackson / superbowl debacle...such rants are welcome as long as you do connect them to class ideas (which Ben does do here) The urlLink careful articulation of a show's formula for success is a good way to talk about all the dimensions of media literacy at one time... Talking about a new media urlLink phenomenon is great when it allows you to make connections to the media industry in general *&* to our class concepts (which Trena does both of in this blog). Combining a urlLink summary with a rant is another nice way to use your blog-voice... urlLink talking through your notes is a great idea to clarify issues and raise questions -- this would be a good blog for others to respond to...and I'll point out, too, MacKenzie, that another question that appeared for me after I read your blog is (while I know the answer, I'm interested in how y'all (not just MacKenzie) might answer...) If Discursive Formations have to be formed in relationships -- once a GROUP decides on a meaning that they will share -- how can individuals have unique perceptions of discursive formations (unique from everyone else)? Very provocative. Though they don't *have* to be this thorough, urlLink applications of concepts from the readings -- to real life -- are great blogs! |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | A peripheral issue that we'll be dealing with tomorrow is advertising -- and the role that celebrities play in advertising. I had these links sitting around and they're pretty interested for those of you who are interested in advertising -- urlLink this site gives a cultural history of 'anti-ads' (very much like the SPRITE strategy that was featured in Merchants of Cool . urlLink Douglas Rushkoff (whose urlLink blog I really enjoy reading) traces a history of advertising in his book. He was the host of Merchants of Cool More on the danger posed to *truth* in the urlLink anti-ad from Salon.com, and then this urlLink very disturbing piece compares advertising to psychological torture -- but then again, anything adbusters does intrigues me... In some ways celebrity advertising -- particularly traditional celebrity advertising is much more naive than the anti-ad, but Madison Avenue is finding ways to integrate celebrity appeals into the anti-ad... |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | check out this urlLink helpful annotated bibliography on the topic of celebrity (our focus in class on wednesday). anybody trying to figure out a topic to write about for a final project or a critical essay may want to browse through this list for ideas... urlLink this link is really not directly related to mass media -- but the things that it reveals about celebrities and their commodification -- is profoundly revealing about the role and nature of mass media industries within our society more generally.... Probably one of the things that fascinates me most about celebrities is that there IS a real person involved -- one blogger urlLink refers to the awkwardness of the relationship between person & commodity when it comes to celebrity identity -- of course the *empathic* understanding of the 'poor' celebrities is what's featured in movies like Notting Hill or The Bodyguard -- but I like this idea that urlLink Punk'd has really gotten at something more interesting about this relationship... |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | I was bouncing around the internet -- and I found urlLink this article on the Osbournes from back when they were a *hot*, new thing... It's a really NICE explanation of how GENRE - formula can explain a great deal of what does and does not work in a show. |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | EXAM ONE study sheet – These questions are meant to focus your preparation – they’re not a contract restricting the questions on the test. I do want this sheet to help you prepare, though, and so it is my goal that if you understand comprehensively answers to all of the below prompts, you should be able to perform well on the test. 1. Be able to identify and distinguish between the three levels of Media literacy. 2. Understand how the various topics we've covered in this class relate to the three levels of media literacy. 3. How do the two different meanings of 'entertain' relate to media literacy. 4. What are the three functions of mass media? 5. Be able to distinguish between the different ways that power and regulation exists within media industries. 6. What is a discursive formation? 7. What are the 'Big Six Media Conglomerates?' How do they function? 8. Be able to identify Bagdikian’s list of harms which stem from corporate global monopolies in media. 9. What are the ideals that Bagdikian implicitly suggest? 10. Understand what the practice of 'coolhunting' is and how it relates to media conglomerates. 11. What is the 'feedback loop' described in Merchants of Cool? 12. Understand how 'mooks' and 'midriffs' function in the mythology of 'cool.' What are some of the key elements of the myth of 'cool' that we articulated in class. 13. Be able to distinguish the characteristics of “celebrity” established in this class as opposed to more popular ideas about celebrities. 14. Understand the historical precedents which Fowles suggest gave rise to a culture which could appreciate celebrity. 15. Know how the first media celebrities used their power to shape the film industry. 16. What is a 'myth' and be able to match the major myths that we discussed in class to media texts which employ them. 17. Understand how mass media myths work and are created and reinforced. 18. Be able to distinguish between the American Mono-myth and the original mono-myth. 19. How does genre function for society. 20. Be able to explain how genre emerged in television programming. 21. Understand how recursivity and hybridity function in shaping genre now. 22. Be able to explain the different ways that producers, audiences and critics constitute genre. 23. How do the narrative formulas of genre give way to ideology and mythology? 24. Be able to connect the preferred subject position from AMW and COPS to the two ideologies they represent. 25. What narrative conventions from each of these shows illustrate the ideologies of progressivism and populism respectively? 26. Be able to explain the overall point of semiotics, understanding: first and second level signification; denotative & connotative meaning; signifiers and signifieds; and slippage. 27. How do codes constrain signs? 28. Be able to determine the difference between syntactic and syntagmatic meaning. Understand how both operate to create meaning and how the process of studying them may improve our visual literacy. 29. Be able to differentiate between and identify the major categories of camera angles, movements and editing described in class. 30. How do angles, movements and editing work to create a narrative space (in film) that is different to 'real time' and 'real space?' |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | .............. semantic .............. oops. the study guide should have read: 28. Be able to determine the difference between semantic and syntagmatic meaning. Understand how both operate to create meaning and how the process of studying them may improve our visual literacy. ... but you really need to just understand the second sentence -- not the terms themselves... |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | ....................... it is what it is ....................... i happened upon this article about urlLink 'off the grid' journalism -- and there's a great deal of insight about not only political campaign journalism in this article, but also much larger stuff. Ways in which the media operates in general. it feels to me like its a way of offering resistance to our (seemingly) natural complicity with mythic narrative. If you're intrigued at all -- go read it... |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | .................................................................................................................... Want to learn more about Marshall McLuhan? Click on the urlLink McLuhan Probes. .................................................................................................................... |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | ............................. study guide exam 2 ............................. 1. List the ways that Neil Postman argued Newspapers created better citizens. 2. Describe Postman’s idea of “technocracy.” How is Postman an intellectual descendent of Marshall McLuhan. 3. Be able to describe 'Christian Criticism' as Romanowski explains it. 4. What are the four different cultural purposes that Romanowski suggests popular art serves? 5. What different responses to popular culture within Christianity does Romanowski profile? 6. What achievements does Romanowski take pleasure in in his book? What virtues does he celebrate? What failed opportunities does he lament? What weakness does he lament? (be prepared to respond to some of the examples he offers) 7. How does a reformed perspective of theology provide a unique perspective from a traditionally evangelical perspective of mass media? 8. Explain the corrective to Christian Criticism proposed by Dr. Rudd. 9. What are the major claims of researchers who study Parasocial Research? How do parasocial interactions function for media users? 10. Understand how television producers exploit “parasocial relationships” with production conventions. 11. What did Marshall McLuhan mean by his axioms: “The medium is the message” & “We only understand technology in a rear view mirror and fading fast.”? 12. Know and be able to explain the four laws of media. 13. How do our media remake us? What does McLuhan Mean when he says we make media in our image? 14. Be able to apply each of the seven principles derived from J. Radway's study of the history and development of the Romance Novel Industry to other mass media trends and mediums. 15. Be able to distinguish Radway's findings on romance novel reading from Ann Douglas' criticism of the romance novel 'mythology.' 16. Be able to identify and define the terms Radway used to characterize Romance Novel reader's use of romance novels. 17. What was the magic silver bullet theory of media effects? 18. Be able to explain the chronological development and structural differences between the magic silver bullet theory, limited effects theories, and uses and gratifications research. 19. Be able to make connections between the idea of 'mainstreaming' (as articulated by cultivation theory), 'heavy viewing' and the actual research methods used by Gerbner. 20. What are the chief critiques of cultivation theory? What does the phrase Limited Cultivation Effects refer to? 21. Be able to identify the specific mainstreaming effects that have been identified in heavy viewers in social scientific research (as identified in class). 22. Be prepared to explain the role of media in developing identity in children, particularly minority children. 23. How does fandom function to create identity and community? |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | Beware! It's a long download, but the: urlLink media ownership chart is worth checking out... |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | . fall update . The leaves are dropping out of the sky like slow sporadic colorful rain. The light that sits outside of the broad bay window in the dining room still has the dramatic brown and gold quality of all the maple leaves around the back yard, but the sun barely powers the light to penetrate at all. The world looks silent and slightly bored with the inevitable death of autumn hanging in the air like the leaves barely attached to their branches. Jaelyn's just finished her frozen toaster waffles and she's scrambling free of her brightly colored plastic booster chair. She spends a few moments transferring water from the refrigerator door to the sink where one dirty pan soaks. The little blue plastic tea cup only transports a thimblefull of water back and forth. This game is technically an illegal one, but the true danger of the game still sleeps just now. Addison has been waking up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason and staying awake, quite pleasantly, for close to an hour. As a result -- mornings for him don't come until at least 8:30. Later this morning, Jaelyn, Addison and I will take our trip to the McKinley Museum where they will both revel in their simultaneous terror and thrill and the mechanical dinosaur that greets them with a roar and a clunky swipe of his ridiculously mechanized paw. ROAR! says Addie to the dinosaur. One of his most clearly pronounced words. He's just pretend. Jaelyn assures me or her brother -- or maybe herself -- as she tightens her gri[p on my hand. After an hour or two at the museum we'll return for lunch and negotiate how many noodles or how many carrots or how much of a sandwich must be eaten before we can break out the halloween pumpkin full of tooth-rotting possibilities. Lynn will return from Malone & I'll be up and off. This is by far the best semester we've had teaching-wise. We're teaching classes that we've taught at least two times each and we're starting to get the hang of scheduling heavy grading seasons. This semester, Lynn and I both decided not to teach the introduction to College Education and Issues-type course that we've both taught in the past. She decided not to because we almost adopted a third baby. A long story, best shared in person. I'm directing the Forensics and Debate program at Malone (a one year, interim position) so that fills a little extra time, and a few more weekends. Our lives are defined mostly by our work and our kids these days -- but here are some of the events and accomplishments that made the Fall Semester particularly meaningful: A trip to New Orleans for a delayed celebration of our ten year anniversary. I presented at the National Communication Association and we got a chance to spend time with our dear friends Cliff, Mary & Deidra while there, too. Jaelyn started school. Preschool, at least. She goes three days a week, three hours a day to the Lab School on Malone College's campus. That means that I get to take her to school two days a week, and Lynn and I can observe her through the one way mirror / window between classes. Settling into a church that we love (!) Akron Christian Reformed Church was introduced to our lives by Marcia Everett. We're lucky to go to church with many other friends who we deeply enjoy from Malone -- the Waalkes family, the Jensen family, the Leon family, Dawn Buckley, Jim Brownlee...and we're enjoying getting to know others. Family Thanksgiving at the Rudds is always a favorite holiday, and while an injury in our Patriarch prevented the annual NOTAL BOWL from being played...we invented a hybrid competition which included dodgeball, capture the flag, and a dark vast empty building. 10 Year Homecoming at Cedarville -- meant the invigorating conversation and time spent with our dear friends the Cearleys and Janson Cearley in Cincy. After the formal dinner where Jaelyn and Addison tried to turn off the banquet room lights on 300 people (twice), the Rhinds, the Davises, and the Mathiesons were kind enough to wait with me while the locksmith arrived to accomodate the (ironic twist of fate) LOST keys to our car! An odd *14 year* high school reunion for me plopped into the middle of my Fall, too. It was only 'odd' because it was *14* instead of 15. But it was great to see people who have impacted me and who I have loved deeply. It was, of course, too short and quick to make meaningful connection with people who I've missed. Speaking of...if there's any chance that Shannon is reading this...email me! I lost that little bit of paper that I wrote your email address on -- and I can't find you on the internet. A surprise opportunity to catch up with my dear friend Allen McElroy occured when I visited Marietta on his birthday...we stood on the top of a beautiful hill where his home will be built and shared our joys, struggles and journeys. Friends like Marcia Everett and Toby & Elaine shared life in the small ways -- but the best ways...by sitting around and having fun and occassionaly deep conversations with us. My ten minute play, Video Collection, was directed by one of my favorite students, Josh Aufrance and debuted during Malone College's Ten Minute Play Fest. I don't know what the critics said, but I loved it. Lynn made increasingly intricate jewelry for Christmas gifts and fun. My friend from grad school, Bei Cai moved to town and threw a fun party. A great visit from Uncle Ryan and Aunt Angie was cause for celebration and enjoyment. Addison's Birthday celebration was a big one. Friends from church and school came to celebrate with him. Christmas at the Rudds and the Leindeckers were big highlights for the kids who continue to 'get it' each year. The Rudds exchanged individually made 'ART' for each other. Daniel Rudd wrote a BOOK! (literally) for Andy/Lynn/family. Marianne illustrated it and they together had it bound. If you visit, be sure to ask to see it. It's amazing. Erik, AKA basement boy, (our roomate of two years) asked Laura Miller to marry him. She said 'yes!' |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | . Spring Update . We're still too close to the semester to make sense of it. It's seemed busy and relentless. Hopefully in retrospect we'll see more clearly how the press of life and work and family opened up our vision. For now, it still feels like we're in the blur... January 6 - The new semester begins. Lynn teaches Reading in the Content Area for the sixth time and Principles of Secondary Instruction for the third time. Andrew teaches Research Methods in Communication for only the second time, two sections of Mass Media and Society, and directs the Forensics and Debate Team. It's profound how the courses that we teach shape the way that we think about time passing, our personal identities, our work, our play and our ambitions. Neither of us went into the semester very excited about our teaching loads, the rhythm of academic life doesn't always assist in the quest for learning. January 17 - 19 During a forensics meet at DuPage College, the family meets up with and spends time together with the Livermores in Geneva, IL. Spending time together with close friends who share ideals, longings, and many common histories is one of the surest ways to re-enliven our home / life / partnership / enthusiasm. January 29 - Andrew's student and friend, Amy Watkins dies suddenly and unexpectedly. Amy was a funny, dark, talented writer / director who had just completed a successful semester in Los Angeles. She was set to direct a (witty, wry, incisive) film in the Student Film Festival and her unexpected death impacted many of the students who I most immediately share life quite profoundly. March 5 - Mom & Dad Rudd visit for my birthday and we enjoy a long (for them!) visit together. March 10 - Mom & Dad Leindecker come up for a dinner at Pizza Hut -- these visits are more regular and therefore MUCH enjoyed! March 15 - I abandon the family for national Christian College Forensics Tournament. I get to spend a fun day with Gary and Annie, and then enjoy the fact that the entire tournament is punctuated by the presence of Cliff and (very pregnant!) Mary. March 30 - After a long battle with dementia and Altzheimer's, Lynn's Grandma Erman dies. April 12 - The Student Film Festival finally arrives. Attendance is huge, response is great. Andrew says, 'I love this group of filmmakers. Just working with them makes my job enjoyable.' May 3 - Lynn and Andrew enjoy seeing so many graduates who have meant so much to us in the Parking Lot after Commencement. Later in the afternoon, they find out that Lynn's other grandmother has suddenly and unexpectedly died. May 6 - Lynn and Andrew both begin teaching a one-month abbreviated Summer Session course. We have small classes and (thus) good dialogue. We're both really enjoying this teaching opportunity. May 16 - The whole family enjoys a walk to ROS -- Lynn's favorite ice cream place -- a .5 mile walk from the house. We have a blast with Dawn; Marcia, Amy & David; & the Leons. Memorial Day Weekend - We travel to catch up with our dear friends the Gibbs and have inspiring conversations and chaotic-kid-filled exploits. We travel to Ryan and Gigi's and visit the gardens (pictured above), listen to great tunes, visit the (cold damp) beach, and enjoy laughing and talking. |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | . vacation summary - retraction - reflection - . import from urlLink the back burner we spent the last week in michigan. drove from canton at 6 p.m. last thursday, returned to casacommunitas at 12:30 this morning. during the trip up, lynn and i had some deep - dark and some deep - light talks...i felt much closer to her. seems like talking / conversation -- the value we share most deeply and that binds us most fiercely to each other -- is always priced at a premium these days ... spent several days with dave and linda in south haven, mi. we hadn't been there before, but it seemed just about perfect. the extended gibbs family has been singing its praises in several keys for several years and so finally their witness broke through and i accepted this particular unique salvation. what was the shape of this grace? free bikes from our inn, so meandering conversational bike rides, plenty of great food, 'committee meetings' galore, some hardcore sunburning on the shore of lake michigan, lots of rich dialogue about everything imaginable. late one night, after my E self had pretty much vampired all the energy of the other three I's in the room....i proclaimed -- 'that's all there is in the world! memories and relationships!' it still seems like a worthwhile axiom, but later we discovered that i had left out essential things like eating and tables in that particular equation... hung out for a long time with each of my brothers and parents by the pool at geborgenheit. with david was provoked by the shocking revelation that he doesn't think about the future. no five year plan. no ten year plan. no thoughts of legacy or coherence. just honesty and genuineness *now*. with daniel we debated pacifism and then the redemptive arc hermeneutic... which brings me to the retraction -- turns out that LYNN is NOT a pacifist. she's just clearly opposed to the war we've most recently engaged in and thinking really hard about the implications of a commitment to nonviolence. resultant self discovery: turns out that i am more likely to EMBRACE *then* consider when it comes to new positions. this may be a helpful rubric for those of you struggling to justify my earlier self descriptions as *liberal* and *pacifist*. i chalk this up to my 1.) penchant for hyperbole, 2.) my empathic strain, 3.) my procilivity to think outloud (i think marcia gave me the term 'external processor'), & 4.) my tendency to want to think / be / perform outside of 'the box'. which, if you think about it, is kind of odd because this whole *embracing* thing just locks me into a new box... sometime i'll devote a whole blog to how affixing our identities to the various discursive formations that surround us is always problematic and conflictual....but (big sigh of relief audience) not today. have i fulfilled the promises of my title? can i end for the day? ~peace. |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | - saturday. finally. - import from urlLink the back burner it's an archtypal saturday morning. we woke up late. (i haven't woken up late since I decided to be a more serious writer -- as most of you know 5 am is my date with my muse.) I had echinacea tea, j & a joined Lynn for some chai tea. She picked up an obsession from Andrea G. & the kids have joined her in her devotion to the stuff... J & I both have the coughing, sneezing, sniffling, sneezing croup so HONEY in my tea (since I read _secret life of bees_ this summer, I have the sneaking suspicion that honey *is* the cure for everything) was great. Been listening to coldplay parachutes loud. The kids are playing in the new sandbox grandpa garry just built them yesterday (read: that's not a sandbox -- that's a SMALL BEACH.) The whole family ate popcorn and watched the neverending story last night. We've been fielding questions from Jaelyn about 'what *is* the -nothing- though?' all morning. I'm imagining a psuedo sci fi story where the nothing (eg. anti matter, black hole) slowly approaches the earth, and there are religious wars in churches, which are, along with casinos and brothels and prisons -- packed out....but the whole story wouldn't be about the world coming down (and i'm thinking that the world-coming-down story would be gentle and inevitable like the short story _The Ceiling_ and the novel _Blindness_ - not like the movie _Armageddon_) it would be about a religious conflict over whether or not different END TIMES theological frameworks (the kingdom coming, the rapture, the millenia, the apocalypse) could be REALLY HAPPENING in the approach of the coming nothing or if the coming nothing signalled something else. Kind of like a theological debate in the style of the _Name of the Rose_ -- only not quite so death-and-destruction as that story.... Eh? And we put an offer on a house closer to Malone and it was accepted and now our house is on the market and we have to paint our kitchen ceiling, fix our bathroom (downstairs) walls, put in a little flooring, make up for three years of bad gardening plus the onslaught of fall...and we're signing hundreds of papers. And the tenure process is taking forever along with a self study that i'm heading up in the department -- we're sorting data and developing coding processes... (anyone *else* bored with that last paragraph? how'd you like to live such administrivia?! BUT YOU DO!?! that's the kicker -- if it isn't homework, its taxes or investments or gardening and 401Ks and church boards and the United Way...) And so when Jaelyn says but what *is* the nothing? I want to tell her that its the colonization of institutions upon the freedom and happiness of our minds.... But I know that these very same institutions frame our lives and give us privilege (give *me* privilege) that we otherwise couldn't enjoy... It's a beautiful saturday morning -- sunshine in the wake of the leftover hurricane storms we've been feeling. And the resting makes me *see* the frenzy and the routine in a way that's not so benevolent. I hope your Saturday morning gives you rest and peace and HOPE for the rest of the week -- because ultimately, I affirm that its not the presence of the institutions and their suckage that =s The Nothing --- it's the seeping & creeping away of HOPE in the bustle of trying to keep up with the great Sucking....and i hope that rest & hope leaves you feeling God's peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | . Addison's Birthday . urlLink this morning jaelyn, lynn & i surrounded addison's bed and woke him up singing happy birthday. we got through the whole song twice -- inches from his face -- and he was still laying there, hands folded neatly behind his head theoretically sound asleep. at the end of chorus two, lynn said, 'who's going to open one of his presents first thing this morning?' no twitching or changing in the sleeping face, but his hand quickly thumped his own chest. Birthday song? ho-hum. Birthday presents? Well that's a whole different proposition. the picture above is from LAST year's celebration -- the waalkes kids, jae, & leah surround the birthday hero. below is a more recent photo (in action this summer). though most birthday celebrations will be postponed til next week (because of jaelyn's severe strep -- and probable infectiousness of all of us), we're still celebrating Add's entry into our world! He's a crazy, funny, smart guy, and we're the lucky ones... urlLink peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | . wobbly teeth * celebrity dreams . import from urlLink the back burner Tonight we were riding home from the grocery store when suddenly a LONG profound silence from Jaelyn pooled in the back seat. I turned around and turned on the overhead light. Have I told you before that my daughter who has the biggest, most beautiful brown eyes in the universe also has an uncanny ability to spill buckets of tears from those eyes at will? I’m not talking about crying. I’m talking about a unique ability to sit silently, wide eyed and cry tears so violently that her face is soaking within a minute? The moisture is building in her eyes. ME: What is it Jaelyn? Niagra Falls. JAELYN: I almost broke my tooth. ME: You what? Have I told you before that my daughter has the most astonishing oral fixation yet documented (in my somewhat limited experience with such things) in a four-year-old? That she not only chews her fingernails and hangnails and dolls feet and hands and teddy bear paws, but also the sleeves of all of her shirts. And what’s more – tonight, she decided to chew – to pull violently – to … I don’t know what she was doing…snapping her elastic black pants with her teeth? And sure enough, one of her front lower teeth is loose. It was such an interesting moment, because the flood of her tears came to feel like Eden lost...they were genuinely pentitent, but neither she nor I could do nothing to reverse the angels at the gates with the flaming swords. Everythingteeth.com (or something like that) assured us that four year olds are the right age to lose their teeth (even if mother nature gets a bit of help). I cuddled her on the couch as she sobbed after I explained that the tooth would probably fall out, and though she would have a hole in her smile, a new tooth would eventually grow. Its amazing and horrible to feel the weight of a four year old dealing with the profound understanding that a choice she has made is undoable. Is it true that in general, as a child, you get used to the idea that the world is not so much fixed as it is routine? That all that happens may well be purged and cleansed by the next time around? New Years doesn’t matter because years aren’t picking up speed and there's no great loss if you miss an opportunity this time, because it doesn't affect all the future opportunities you'll ever have....? Freudian psychologists say that if you dream that your teeth are falling out – you’re fearing your own mortality. I don’t dream my teeth falling out, but I have been dreaming ALL THE TIME of being on trips – to far away places – amalgams of places I’ve lived and places I’d like to go. In every case, I run into old friends, and together we spend time with more recent friends. And I know that something is about to happen in these dreams. Oddly enough (this is very strange for me), I’ve had celebrity dreams twice in the last week. Last night I was hanging with a bunch of friends (Burt, Brenda, Brendon, Natalie & Lynn) in a library that overlooked the Santa Monica Beach. And what’ya know….guess who was there? Jennifer Anniston! She engaged me in some banter about the note I had sent Brad. She’s been so funny about pretending that I’m really the snooty one to get to know – and people accuse HER of it! Imagine! Two nights before that an old family friend that Lynn and I share – who just happened to be a dignitary in Iran before the Shah fell, asked Lynn and I to take Sheryl Crow to lunch at the local casino. He wanted to get our opinion of her before he asked her to sing at a fundraising lunch he was having. She was also very funny, really joking around and everything with us. I’m not the guy who’s a star-f*$#er. I really have very few parasocial relationships with media figures, and I’m only interested in the phenomenon of celebrity in a very distant objective way. So what do these dreams mean? Will Jaelyn’s tooth fall out? Stay tuned in 2004 for answers to these questions… …and more. peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | ....................... The Psino ....................... import from urlLink the back burner I was never sure why I was a psino (silent p); if it was something i had done; something i should be embarrassed about or something that was generally true of everyone. it was certainly true of everyone that was in my sunday school classes. Jesus loves me, the psino, for the bible tells me so. Perhaps 'psino' was a theological term describing the comprehensiveness of original sin? It was a ridiculously long time before I figured out my error. this, I know. and i thought of it this weekend when Jaelyn asked me and Lynn very insistently and repetitively: 'What is Cruisey - Violence?' It took a lot of conversation to realize that this was her take on the crowds maelovelent chant in the JESUS film (which she's been watching) as they chant, 'crucify him!' She'd been walking around muttering the magical dangerous phrase 'Cruisey Violence' all day. peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | . addison fandom . import from urlLink the back burner my parents gave us this remake of the 'Jesus' movie -- the one that missionaries cart all over the world to show in villages where we don't have time to learn about their cultures or languages or problems, but that probably need to say the sinners prayer sooner rather than later given the impending end times and all... (but wait, i digress, apologies to my dispensationalist friends and family for my sarcasm...) the jesus movie is *way* better than the other two videos that my parents have given me for my kids -- the cedarmont kids & Ms. Pattycake (for these two gifts alone, i'm guessing that my parents will languish in Limbo for several years before they find the pearly gates -- who knew that there was anything worse than those dreadfully stepfordian Barney's children -- trust me the cedarmont kids are two levels of hell worse)...BUT.... Addison is obsesed with it. Anytime there is a question about what we will do next -- where we will go next -- how we should pass our collective time? His answer? Let's watch the Jesus Movie. We were sitting in a restaurant last night and he noticed that they were playing a radio in the background...his idea -- we should go home and bring the Jesus Movie and listen to that instead. Hey Addison -- want to go outside and play? Yeah, then we come in side, and eat and watch the Jesus movie. Me: No, buddy, we've watched enough media this week... Addison: Then we go to sleep and wake up and THEN we watch the Jesus Movie. Me: Add. You've watched that movie enough. Why don't we act it out together. Addison: we play Jesus movie, the dead part, (his other obsession -- along with Mel), THEN we watch the Jesus movie. Me: Addison, we're not going to watch the Jesus movie right now. His entire countenance falls into a mixture between enraged and despondent. ADDISON: HOW we going to watch it? Me: You mean, WHEN are we going to watch it? ADDISON: HOW we going to watch it? We never EVER get to watch Jesus movie. so you take that obsession and braid it with the cultural critics' obsession over the Passion -- and you have a very crucifixion centered lent.... |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | . family update . import from urlLink the backburner this is the 'here's what's happening' regular update -- target audience: people who care alot; lonely parasocial lurkers, beware. tedious cataloguing of the mundane follows: i'm enjoying my semester much more at malone this semester. i'm teaching my two favorite classes (only), & having time to *almost* get all the work done that i'm supposed to... i've got a couple of stories i'm scripting right now -- they're at the stage of newness that i can be purely excited about them still... lynn is teaching a normal load & also partnering with the local urban school district in a number of ways. the work she's doing is very rewarding and difficult -- trying to equip overworked, under-resourced teachers to develop literacy strategies for under-under-resourced student-populations. one of the school districts has made some *huge* cuts in the past few weeks -- maybe more if a second levy is defeated this month. that whole bleak reality has been saddening and disheartening...there were a few days that lynn de-celebrated as the: 'death of idealism'... we LOVE: our babysitting coop. Our friends Jeff & Linda & Brian & Jenni have an arrangement which results in a date night two out of every three weekends and a housefull of two-through-four year olds every third weekend. It feels like a really solid way to share life and invest in each other's vocations and families. It's also really fun to have so many dates with the woman I love. jaelyn's sick. not that that accounts for most of who she is and is-becoming, but it certainly occupies a front-ish burner right now. It's a recurring theme throughout the winter particularly.... Last night was a humdinger though. Between Lynn and I together I'm sure we got eight hours of sleep. Well. Almost. Vomit, not breathing through stuffy nose, fever, achy neck, sore throat... BUT IN GENERAL ~ Jaelyn's delightful. She loves to play imaginatively with little people, dolls & animals; she can do so for hours with her brother uninterrupted and unsupervised. Okay for one half of an hour. But given the (st/)age we're emerging from -- a half an hour feels like a lifetime... She loves to care for sick, sad, or little people. It seems to be a part of her that's pretty unique and just - her. I admire that quality in her.... she really likes preschool & visits to the local YMCA -- as does ADDISON ~ who apparently deferred the terrible twos (because he was sweet, gentle, generous, kind, funny) until this week. He's ornery this week. In eastern-ohio-culture -- the personality trait of 'orneriness' in children is celebrated -- particularly in male children (but occasionally a girl, too). It's a part of the cultural milieu that i'm still puzzling about. He loves cooking. Seriously. Real or play cooking. Trains. Balls. Stories about (as he calls them) ROARS. (the most recent incarnation of said 'roars' is a plea to include at least a guest appearance of Simba in any story you tell him...yes, i'm galled at the triumph of the disneyfication of the universe even in the lore of family and history... we've been trying to sell our house for five months. we want to move into a more diverse school district, a more urban environment & closer to work (eliminate a car) -- but we can't seem to sell our house. we've been showing it more than once a week for the past three weeks, which is great right? Wrong. After 5 months, you're just resigned to the fact that whoever is looking at it is *not* going to put an offer on it. So you punctuate your day with a mad dash home in the hour you have between classes and meetings and you once over the bathroom and swiffer the kitchen and stuff all the brightly colored plastic toys into the large, someone less cluttered looking, but also brightly colored rubbermaid containers. it gets tiring. But its one of our definitive rhythms right now. a recurring motif. i'm using the term 'post-evangelical' to refer to my faith journey right now...and feel disheartened by most of mainline American Christendom -- particularly all of the ways it gets commodified, represented & politicized -- BUT curiously, in light of all that -- I really love the church we're going to now... as always, i miss my friends, miss time with my friends, and enjoy most the few opportunities there seem to be in life for true communion... |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | . a perfect moment . the banks of the creek behind the cemetery which borders the back of our circle overflowed by fifty and a hundred feet today. Lynn saw it on her run, and we all went down to see. inevitably we started to wade, and as the children recognized how transgressive the moment was -- we started to frolic. I'm always reminded that I'm in a perfect moment when I see Jaelyn Running. She has a funny and completely authentic gesture of whirling one arm -- at full length when she's running in complete abandon. She doesn't even recognize it when she's doing it -- and can't really make it 'pretend' to happen. So today as she ran through the Knee Deep water -- splashing everywhere -- Lynn running and yelling too, Woo Hoo -- and the arm started going -- I had a flash of recognition that we had found one of THOSE moments. A moment where all the rules go hazy and all the background floats away -- where you are completely and utterly HERE -- RIGHT NOW -- with EACH OTHER. I flopped under the water myself (brrr!) and then attempted to cross the creek. The raging creek was at my armpits and despite all my (substantial) girth fighting against the creek --> I got SWEPT AWAY. I grapped tufts of grass and pulled myself to the submerged shore. Addison and Jaelyn ran freely and wildly. Splashing purposely to sit down up to their necks, climbing atop an island tree or water main cap. We waved to the maintenance workers who smiled at us from their mowers and bulldozers. We tried to be subdued when mourners drove by, but it was hard. The world was overflowing and we happened to be right in the flow of it. |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,July,2004 | . in michigan this past week . we had quests with the cousins -- trekking across the dangerous Backyardis to recover some potion from the wooden castle to heal Queen Glorianis' fatal eyebrow twitching disease. The costumes pictured here were Queen Glorianis' disguises (pulled straight from the Easter Cantata Closet) to sneak the children past the wizards -- Cousins, acting like foxes narrowly escaped their pursuers Bampa & Uncle Andy, colored with Aunt Gigi, posed for Gramma Glo, collected hundreds of tadpoles from the water above the pool cover. The 'notals' sat around the table for hours like the endless talkers we are. And Bampa and I discovered / created a performance art / game that the kids (ok, and the adults) played over and over. Who knew that a poolcover could be so great? |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 17,April,2003 | Archive Imported from my Original Blog -- The Invisible Next Step Hearing Vocation In The Accidents of Their Work I am a full time, tenure tracked professor at a liberal arts college. This is not where I expected to be. This is not what I wanted to do. This is not how I imagined things. So I find it strange to see that I am tolerably good at it. I find it heartening that perhaps all of the accidents and compromises and negotiations that got me here *may* yield something of promise. As a boy, I was Max Fisher. I was designed for the stage. And when the stage wasn't easily or readily available to me -- I flung myself onto other stages and started directing the goings on as if I were some sort of master-director (I wasn't; I'm not). That same boy would pour over the movie ads in the newspaper, memorizing every detail, since, of course, we did not attend the movie theater -- 1.) there was nothing good there in the first place, 2.) if there was, why was it *there*?, 3.) if we were to go, someone from church might see us and *think* that we were going to one of the bad movies. So Hollywood became forbidden fruit. Because? I wasn't allowed to taste it? Because I was foreordained to love storytelling? Because of its cultural capital? As an adolescent, I was encouraged to pursue the staqe. That way, said my parents, and youth leaders and teachers at my Christian School, I could bring the dramatic arts to the church. Because I would not want to work in Hollywood or on the television (which was growing in its grip upon our family -- now that we could watch syndicated shows from the Good Old Days) or in New York. Big Apple? Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil? The forbidden fruit? A tree with a long oblong chip in the trunk? And then as a senior in college, I affirmed another lifelong dream. I wanted to be a writer. A novelist. And I scribbled a couple of short stories into literary journals, won a small contest, was rejected from two MFA programs and, as consolation, tried to invent a career that could afford to keep me scribbling. And five years later I walked down an outdoor aisle, was hooded, congratulated, and suddenly -- accidentally -- just before I turned thirty -- made to work at a full time job with benefits and pay scales and raises -- instead of quilting together work and gifts and opportunity and talent into a piecemeal something that would allow me to keep scribbling. Last year, I grew suspicious of the whole process. Still scribbling, still scrapping, I ventured in a new direction. What if I just admitted that I was disappointed with this life. What if I just admitted that I wanted a different life, *and* with all the extra resources I had left, *chased* that new life? And so for all of last year, I have fermented in my discontent, dialoguing with Lynn, hammering out a promising screenplay, and doing my dayjob with enough fervor to keep everyone at the college confident that I was not sneaking into the 'bad' cinema... I spent a few days in Santa Barbara and Hollywood this Spring, saw both of my writing partners, spent a day with a television writer from PAX (the *irony*! on so many levels), and suddenly found myself realizing that I didn't want that life. Not now. Not given what I'd have to leave. I'm still hammering out the scripts (with more and less enthusiasm), but realizing that perhaps this path that I am on is a good one for me. Not that this feels like a path. In _Sacred Journey_, Buechner tells the story of his life and recounts the whispers of God to him in the most unlikely places. Whispers that he never recognized until much later as having beckoned him toward God. I tell my college freshman when we talk about _The Will of God as a Way of Life_ that I've never experienced the will of God as a path -- or even the clear blazes on trees spaced evenly apart. What always happens to me is that anytime that my to-do list abates enough for me to take stock of where I am, make a decision, decide to follow God, or try to make sense of my life -- that I look around me and I find that I'm at the deepest place imaginable in the woods. Nothing is recognizable. There are no clearings in the distance. But I hear a whisper -- 'over here.' But by the time I turn around, there's no voice. Maybe even there never was a voice. But *now* there's something about *this* direction which makes a bit of sense so I move... But to you, reader, this woodsy metaphor seems to offer irational hope. A 'feeling of peace' emerging from...what? A confidence which doesn't make sense out of any particular past. It doesn't offer promise about what's come before.... But you weren't lucky enough to have grown up at Treasure Island with me, either. Every summer, our family pilgrimaged North to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan where we wound down a two lane highway to a dirt and gravel road, hewn out of the woods by my grandfather. You didn't feel the surge of endorphins that we all did as we peered through the windshield and through the dense pine forest and strained at the curves in the road, the whole station wagon engulfed by a rollicking chorus of 'Around the Corner's the Cabin!' (to the tune of 'for he's a jolly good fellow'. There -- that's all you needed to sing it -- because there are no other lyrics -- 'and now we're almost there' -- sometimes). But I was lucky enough to spend those two or three weeks every summer in the woods with my father, in a boat fishing together with my brothers, building treehouses, making fires, learning archery, reading novels in hammocks, racing through 'treasure hunts' with elaborate clues and absurd feats of strength and will, playing boardgames as the sunset over the bay. On many days my father would take us into the woods, hatchet in hand, seeking the trails he had blazed in his boyhood. To 'blaze' a trail means to leave an oblong chip on a large tree -- these trees spaced a minimum of ten feet from each other. He taught us how to hold the hatchet, how to 'read' the moss on the Northern side of the tree, how to line up trees in multiple directions to avoid circling endlessly in the woods. From those days, I remember everything. I remember the light through the trees, I remember the crisp Northern air, I remember the nervous excited sensation that we may be getting lost or we may be finding something extraordinary, i remember the sense of tradition that enveloped us. My father, at my age had walked in these same places, his father before him. We looked together for the next blaze. Some of the trees had fallen. Some fallen prey to the spruce worms in the late 70's. But when we found the blazes, they were so ancient -- yet so clear. They had been there for a thousand years of possibility and looked as old, but they were as clear as if I had stepped through the wardrobe just three days ago myself and en route to Cair Paravel, blazed them myself. The byproduct of these days? I cannot feel lost in these woods. (In any woods?) I feel a quiet calm confidence in my training. If we need it I can help us to find a way to an edge of the treeline. But for now, lets just look at what's around, I tell my wife when I take her hiking, pathless through these woods. Because I always watch everything with the trained eye hoping for an ancient blaze on a tree -- every uniquely fallen tree, every surprising fungus, every jutting lichen strewn rock marks my sense of place. And these symbols reassure me. So proceeding at intuition, it turns out, recognizing: 'oh yes, *that*!' is less a blind faith in feeling, and more of a recognition of the tradition and history that has made me. There! There! That mark on that tree! Over there! Is that just a place where an old branch used to be, or could it be a happy accidental call from my father? From my father's father? Despite the trees that have rained down through these eons, the scrubby undergrowth that has risen to meet them, the hopelesly similiar look of so much of this landscpae -- that voices of meaning can emerge? That if I find those voices, I may make something genuine of my own? that perhhaps -- all of the accidents and compromises and negotiations that got me here *may* yield something of promise? [ Tue Apr 15, 04:27:21 AM | Andrew Rudd | edit ] I find it very difficult to hear God. I grew up in smaller mega-churches, just on the cusp of the nondenominational mega-church movement. The demoninations I grew up in were splinters of splinter groups -- fundamentalist, dispensational, pietistic, non-glossolial, KJV only, bus-ministry-sunday-morning, AWANA clubs sponsoring, REVEREND [insert the name of the senior minister here on the church sign] churches. These were churches that would 'disfellowship' a 'sister church' because they believed in the mid-tribulational rapture of the church instead of the pre-tribulational rapture of the church. These were churches where missionaries mourned the 'cult-like presence of the charismatics' in the developing world countries they worked. Do I need to clarify that I do not remain in these churches? Did I *hear God* when I was in them? Probably I did, but to me it was always the voice that was speaking over and against the surrounding babble. The voice of God was the marginal, oppositional, secret sub-text, undermining the proto-text. But since then...! I have tried to be faithful, believing as I still do that God has called me to the divine pursuit, but I have found it very difficult to find a tradition / a community / a place to hear God. Lynn and I have heard God in what's felt like waves and then we've wandered in what's felt like silent deserts for eons. The last three years in Canton has felt, in general, more like a dessert. We visited 17 churches, tried to stay in three, had a wonderful homechurch experience that didn't work out. When I mentioned to Lynn that people would be standing up in church on Palm Sunday to praise God, I thought I saw her eyes fill with disappointment. I read in her gaze -- what does that have to do with us? God is not talking to us these days. And while I wanted to have a different feeling. Those words reflected by deepest suspicions. But this past Sunday our church invited the congregation to stand up and talk about God's presence in their lives. Harry (the minister) threatened that if no one stood up, Ebeneezer might just start in (Ebeneezer is a 3'x2' boulder awkwardly placed in the sanctuary alongside the --; a boulder that Harry hauled into the sanctuary ten years ago when he arrived as a marker of where God had brought the church then). People stood up and told stories for the next hour and I cried quietly for the whole time. The stories were about children with precarious physical conditions and horribly specific dietary needs, about losing a baby after two weeks, about losing a seventeen year old sister in the middle of a long unemployment spell, about feeling Grace while marking the fourth year of being widowed. People losing jobs, bumbling through vocations with surprising profit, finding shocking grace in small 'lowly' work, being healed from a fear of marriage. These people were (I felt astonished) hearing God in their loss, hearing Vocation in the accidents of their work (!), finding truth in the unbearable sacrifices of the quotidian. When I first read Sacred Journey, I felt the same quiet tears of relief. That *YES* God could speak to us through the unexpected. Through what was around us. Through our accidents and mistakes. Everyone was calling out Hosannah on Palm Sunday. Jaelyn, my daughter kept using her palm branch to tickle the 23 year old woman in the row before us, who I do not know. The woman was crying, but laughed every time the branch brushed her. Jaelyn's eyes were delighted by everything. When the drums were pounded she raised the branch high and swayed it back and forth. This caused our eleven year old friends David and Michael to laugh. For the first time in a long time I feel like I am MOVING. That I have a step to make. That my leg is already extended, and I cannot, on any count see where it will land, but I don't care. I want to go. I want to move. |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 15,April,2003 | Archive Imported from my Original Blog -- The Invisible Next Step is a spiritual journey a narrow path, diverging from a wide road? is it scanning the pine trees to see the blazes of a trail mostly overgrown? is it turning and (re/)turning in response to insistent taps on the back by a trickster God? .................................................... I find it very difficult to hear God. .................................................... I grew up in smaller mega-churches, just on the cusp of the nondenominational mega-church movement. The demoninations I grew up in were splinters of splinter groups -- fundamentalist, dispensational, pietistic, non-glossolial, KJV only, bus-ministry-sunday-morning, AWANA clubs sponsoring, REVEREND [insert the name of the senior minister here on the church sign] churches. These were churches that would 'disfellowship' a 'sister church' because they believed in the mid-tribulational rapture of the church instead of the pre-tribulational rapture of the church. These were churches where missionaries mourned the 'cult-like presence of the charismatics' in the developing world countries they worked. Do I need to clarify that I do not remain in these churches? Did I *hear God* when I was in them? Probably I did, but to me it was always the voice that was speaking over and against the surrounding babble. The voice of God was the marginal, oppositional, secret sub-text, undermining the proto-text. But since then...! I have tried to be faithful, believing as I still do that God has called me to the divine pursuit, but I have found it very difficult to find a tradition / a community / a place to hear God. Lynn and I have heard God in what's felt like waves and then we've wandered in what's felt like silent deserts for eons. The last three years in Canton has felt, in general, more like a dessert. We visited 17 churches, tried to stay in three, had a wonderful homechurch experience that didn't work out. When I mentioned to Lynn that people would be standing up in church on Palm Sunday to praise God, I thought I saw her eyes fill with disappointment. I read in her gaze -- what does that have to do with us? God is not talking to us these days. And while I wanted to have a different feeling. Those words reflected by deepest suspicions. But this past Sunday our church invited the congregation to stand up and talk about God's presence in their lives. Harry (the minister) threatened that if no one stood up, Ebeneezer might just start in (Ebeneezer is a 3'x2' boulder awkwardly placed in the sanctuary alongside the --; a boulder that Harry hauled into the sanctuary ten years ago when he arrived as a marker of where God had brought the church then). People stood up and told stories for the next hour and I cried quietly for the whole time. The stories were about children with precarious physical conditions and horribly specific dietary needs, about losing a baby after two weeks, about losing a seventeen year old sister in the middle of a long unemployment spell, about feeling Grace while marking the fourth year of being widowed. People losing jobs, bumbling through vocations with surprising profit, finding shocking grace in small 'lowly' work, being healed from a fear of marriage. These people were (I felt astonished) hearing God in their loss, hearing Vocation in the accidents of their work (!), finding truth in the unbearable sacrifices of the quotidian. When I first read Sacred Journey, I felt the same quiet tears of relief. That *YES* God could speak to us through the unexpected. Through what was around us. Through our accidents and mistakes. Everyone was calling out Hosannah on Palm Sunday. Jaelyn, my daughter kept using her palm branch to tickle the 23 year old woman in the row before us, who I do not know. The woman was crying, but laughed every time the branch brushed her. Jaelyn's eyes were delighted by everything. When the drums were pounded she raised the branch high and swayed it back and forth. This caused our eleven year old friends David and Michael to laugh. For the first time in a long time I feel like I am MOVING. That I have a step to make. That my leg is already extended, and I cannot, on any count see where it will land, but I don't care. I want to go. I want to move. |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 30,May,2003 | In the email today I got Harry's sermon -- I guess since we missed church (one more way that 'community' evidences itself ambivalently -- people *expect* you to be places -- when you aren't your position and identity become more (or less) precarious within the community). It's funny because when I *read* the bulletins / sermons / follow up that ACRAC (our church) sends, I've always read them invitationally -- we miss you, come again when you can. But I know that other churches I've been a part of would have sent such missives steeped in implicit messages of judgement -- 'where WERE you? HMMM?' And that's the funny thing that I'm thinking about this concept about COMMUNITY -- that the more we BECOME community -- the more RESPONSIBLE we are to each other -- the more RESPONSIBLE we are to each other -- the more OBLIGATED we are to one another -- the more OBLIGATED we feel -- the less AUTHENTIC and PASSIONATE we feel about our actions (always our actions before our relationships lose their passion...). Lynn's growing-up-life-in-a-genuine-old-school-community (farm life americana) has made me deeply aware of the perils of COMMUNITY. of SMALLNESS. Harry asked in his sermon -- this poignant leading question: Today’s gospel reading raises another theological conundrum concerning prayer and forgiveness when we read: “If you forgive anyone his or her sins, they’re forgiven; if you don’t forgive them, they’re not forgiven.” What about that statement? How does that fit into our theological framework? And then after developing a contextual reading -- answered it this way: We Christians, have actually become God’s instruments of grace to this world. We Christians, are the way that the world experiences the forgiveness of God. That’s a pretty weighty thought I think. YEAH. me too. He talked about forgiveness within the context of a family -- how our tendency to think about how those around us perceive us collectively -- undermines our ability to *forgive* each other (but fill in the blank on 'forgive' -- 'invite', 'enjoy', 'celebrate', 'engage', 'listen.' I'll get into the institutionalization of relationships in another blog, though. Gotta take a bowl of soup down to my sick daughter who is watching ELMO... |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 29,May,2003 | It's ten thirty and I'm avoiding all the things I should do, because suddenly there are so many things that need to be done. The internet seems to play to this tendency in me. I suspect its because it simmers with incipient connection (incipient is a favorite word of mine). In moments where I'm feeling overwhelmed, I find myself craving some kind of quick satisfaction. The two that are most appealing to me (for better or worse) is a *real* connection with some person / idea / story OR food. I'm trying not to go with the frig tonight, so I'll blog into the great wide open. Everythings going *CRUNCH* right now because I'm heading to Kalida tomorrow. Erin -- my friend and former student -- 's dad died. I don't know the details yet. I'm just feeling the ugly thud in my stomach of death. I've been talking about death to the kids today. Its inevitability. Its importance. Its finality. The brokenness left in its trail. So I'm buzzing across the state for calling hours -- which is the LEAST I can and should do -- but as I'm trying to put all the pieces together I'm struck by this idea -- that COMMUNITY costs something. This is not a surprise, but it seems profound to me right now. I ran into this great blog -- urlLink Ordinary Community --yesterday and I was longing for the things they were articulating (even though I'd say I *have* some degree of them -- as much as 'community' is a thing that you can have), but then later I was thinking Yeahbut -- community as urlLink GOD TERM is sooo not enough (inasmuch as it is a rhetorical move). Because Community Costs. So that's my backburner of the day today. |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 27,May,2003 | Archive Imported from my Orignal Blog -- The Invisible Next Step Longing Together I suppose I've already taken the (invisible and inevitable) next step....I invited several of you to actually read this blog. I've actually been journaling and reveling in the anonymity for awhile on this blog and others, but reading Jared's blog last week convinced me that the whole I idea of *linked* texts created a much more substantial, important way of being in the cyberworld. Or, more likely, a convergence of multiple co-incidences convinced me anew of the value of “community” even online… Last Wednesday -- Josh, Toph, Emily, Sam, Katie, Jeremy, Trena, Andrew G., Ryan K., Seth, Kelly (back from LA!), Sarah, Brian Hollingsworth, a group of people who I love a great deal all came over to watch and discuss Waking Life with me. It's my second time through the film -- but fun to watch it with a bunch of filmmaking people...The sentiments of community seemed pooled all across the shag carpet of the basement family room to me... And that groupness is co-incident with, of course, the whole line of narrative within that film regarding the collective consciousness of everyone -- a vocabulary which I couldn’t help but indigenize -- to talk about the longings we all share and the common brokenness that attenuates living and becoming in contemporary times… Coincident with --reading one of Sam's emails -- each one of which always encompasses at least one narrative universe -- and I told her that she should start blogging and sent her to read the Prayer of Jael postwhich I got a tremendous kick out of... I’ve been lurking for a while on several blogs and only when Sam asked me 'what this whole blogging thing was about?' (and Marcia asked the same day...) that I really started to muse about the communal and co-performative nature of this new communal writing.... I wrote to Sam: …in a sense all the interconnects of people who read each others journals seem to actually create a kind of shared consciousness…people separated by space and time i also sometimes think of their interconnected narrativity as a kind of performance. public performance. almost like a way too wordy play where there's nothing but exposition and the conflict isn't betwen two of the characters and no one's really trying to be explicit about what the conflict is.. Coincident with our weekend trip to the Gibbs Family Abode in the Detroit Suburbs. As we meandered closer and closer to their house, Lynn and I realized that neither the directions I ascertained from Greg, nor the ones Andrea gave her included a house number. Each ended with us arriving at “a brown ranch house.” I have always loved about the Gibbs the way they throw themselves with joy into the life that they are living. They *live* in a brown ranch house like no one I know could. The colors Andrea has painted the walls! The photographs that Greg-I’m-“into”-photography has taken of the kids! The firepit on the back patio! The joi de vivre of their brood! The improbability that they will ever use words in French or Latin backhandedly even though they could! The weekend simmered in happiness…swapping stories, disappointments, ambitions… And then (at least for me) boiled over on Saturday night when, as Greg cooked a phenomenal tenderloin, the stories and the meanings really kicked in. They shared about the community that has adopted them – how powerful and strong the force has been in their life. We talked about the language of redemption that this community has given them (Follow Christ! Even when the Church Fails!) – and I shared how the language of redemption for me right now is probably the opposite experience (What?! I can find Christ here?! In the Church!) Andrea said – so well – “And what’s so cool is that God is calling both of you. Calling you through this one language of redemption and calling Greg and us through this other language.” And we all talked about how that language meant so much because it was so rich in the *presence* of People. How much the love and mentorship and grace and gifts of these men for them – of Marcia (and Harry and the Waalkes’ and Dawn and the Leons) for us deepened and made resonant the possibility of life in community. But for them and for me it has been the presence of so much SHIT in the world that has made this community so important. Andrea talked about the feeling of WEIGHTS around her legs for even the most mundane tasks. Lynn mourned the difficulty of finding respect and love in her disparate roles and apart from her staunchly silent and pragmatic family. Greg talked about the difficulty of separating ego and identity from church and church work. I mentioned feeling lonely, unsure about vocation, fractured in my fathering and partnering. It is the brokenness that is our own and the brokenness that we inherit that makes the possibility of CALLING within COMMUNITY so invaluable…. Coincident with: visiting Ryan and Angela. When I walk through their house I feel like I am drifting through the best possible version of what I like. Ang plays a cello in the living room, white shear curtains billow from the paned windows in the guest room while I page through the collective memories of friends and family who have also slept here, Ryan's pictures and nostalgic technology pop in the most surprising enjoyable places, Angela's albums are as carefully crafted as my grandmother Linda's, Ryan and Ang and I conspire together over guitar, CDs and Cello how we will -- very soon -- become rock stars (!). And then coincident with all of that -- I happened to scroll through my address book today and hear a hundred rushing whispered reminders of the voices that have poured themselves into my own voice. I was impressed with the great fortune of the people I know and have known. So now I’m officially blogging about VOCATIO. And my assumptions (If you’ve slogged through the bramble of all these posts) thus far are: It’s hard for me to hear God’s voice. God’s voice shows up from things that we hated, regretted and didn’t expect to matter initially. God’s calling comes to us through community. What’s next? |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 05,June,2003 | My whole motivation in starting to BLOG at all was rooted in this idea that I’ve been developing for the last year. My good friend urlLink Clifford suggested that we start blogging about our common interest in rites of passage – only our blog – Bytes of Passage hasn’t really started blossoming yet. Cliff has just transitioned to telecommuting and freelancing to make room in his life for the imminent arrival of his new son. I’m (as always) trying to dabble in too many lives simultaneously ( urlLink teaching , family-man, filmmaker, hack songwriter). And Cliff and I are together trying to write a brilliant mainstream, Hollywood-bound, commercially viable version of a screenplay we crafted together a couple of years back (in that incarnation – an “indy, tonal, character-driven piece, refusing (some of) the conventions of narrative structure – it’s funny what a poseur you turn into in retrospect…a really good argument against blogging). So all that to explain what this back burner topic is that’s practically at a roiling boil on that burner because its been back there so long (or maybe the length of time just means that all the liquid is going to evaporate…?). Having urlLink grown up in a faith tradition openly hostile to tradition and ritual – I’ve found the depth and resonance of ritual an immensely refreshing resource in my own journey of faith. I’ve also (of course) recognized the pervasiveness of ritual within any and all cultural milieu – even the fundamentalism of my youth. My current embrace of ritual – and my ongoing interest in Rites of Passage – was even more focused and directed through some conversations with my good friend urlLink Lauren . In the Learning Community that I taught in for the last three years with her – she has been very focused on developing a “Lifespan Development Perspective” in her students. Her talk has really influenced me. I wrote my M.A. project on “Coming of Age Voices” in “genX” (whatever that is/was) films. Only I was very locked into this idea of Coming of Age that was rooted in the adolescent phase of life. Lauren really opened my eyes to see how age-ist that assumption was / is. Coming of Age is something that happens to us all the time. Throughout our entire lives we’re becoming. We’re reframing. We’re transitioning. We’re making sense out of the past in terms that will fit the immediate future. But the kicker is that in the post-industrial / post-Fordist / postmodern world – I’m becoming convinced that we lack the institutions and networks to adequately transition people throughout their lives. Globalization for the last hundred (or more) years has continued to erode the natural / given connection between geography and family, between neighborhood and church, between education and locale. (Obviously I’m lumping vast numbers of political, economic and technological changes into the sort of nebulous category of “globalization.”) What Edward Hall called “Low Context” cultures seem to both 1.) have lost their rootedness in tradition, institutions, and formal ritual *&* 2.) be more and more influential in spreading the syncretistic (and colonizing) gospel of faith-in-progressivism. I’m not railing against the causes – and I’m also not *simply* critical of the processes I outline (eg. I participate in them too). I am convinced though that the current state of the world invites opportunity by the church. Shouldn’t / Couldn’t / Why-wouldn’t the church be the ideal institution to measure out the grace and hope that rites of passage & rituals afford to their participants? Perhaps what I mean (since the evolution of such rituals is – at some level inevitable) is – couldn’t the church be more intentional about developing such rituals. I’ve got ever so much more. Program Planner / urlLink Max Fisher that I am, I’ve developed an entire curriculum / package / ideal…but that will have to wait till another back burner. I mentioned my newfound “friend”, urlLink Jonny Baker and have just two nights ago finished reading his urlLink MA Thesis -- and really loved the framework of what he’s talking about as well as the application of ritual theory to alt.worship. I found the whole experience of reading deeply redemptive and inspiring. Inspired me – in fact to devote this “Back Burner” blog to this long stewing passion. I’m off to the family cottage in Northern Michigan) in two days, so I may not get any more of this hashed out til I return (end of June-ish…), but I wanted to at least get it started. Being trained and (for better or worse) rooted in academic tradition – I’d like to close with a shout out to all the great minds that made so many of the ideas above so much more clear to me….Kenneth Burke, Van Gennep & Victor Turner for their writings on ritual, symbol & performance, Marcia & Lauren for their work with the Learning Cluster, Cote & Allahar for their helpful thoughts on coming of age during “Generation X,” Richard Linklater – who continues to raise and respond to these same kinds of “becoming” questions with his great films, David Harvey, F. Lyotard, F. Jamieson & so may others on all the “post”s. Hall & Geertz & my Ph.D. advisor, Al Gonzales for their ideas and conversations about culture. Geez, I feel like I’m giving an oscar thank you speech only the telecast SO already went to commercial. Sorry about that – just wanted to be sure that everyone understood that those ideas were not necessarily mine – I just happen to be a particular discursive formation hy-bred out of them… ~peace. |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,June,2003 | I stayed home from church with Jaelyn this morning, because we've diagnosed her as having strep throat. I had it last week. She has all the regular symptoms, and we were lucky enough to take her to the medi-center where the doctor heard our diagnosis, nodded his head and wrote the prescription. We decided we loved him. There's something perverse about the medical system that always forces you through this bueracratic routine with the physician approving or testing etc... before you can make substantial decisions about your own or your children's health care. One more argument for how the scientific method has weakened our ability to live well -- or free -- or something. My new best friend (who doesn't actually know it yet, but does he have to in a world of free floating disembodied identities?) Jonny Baker keeps a urlLink list of worship tricks . Maybe I'll follow his lead and keep a list of how the scientific method has debilitated us. I need a catchier title than that, though. A Litany Protesting Science? The Anti-Science Thesis? Where exactly is the Wittenberg door that I can nail this sucker to? |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 25,June,2003 | well it seems like blogging has, for me (temporarily?) gone the way of the ... well, whatever the extinct thing was that went at the end of that colloquialism. Hmmm. It seems like as technologies emerge, I love to jump on the bandwagon around the end of the urlLink early adopters phase -- and then it either does or doesn't integrate well with my life. I'd like to dream that each time they integrate well that they improve the process -- facilitate the flow, but I'm too fond of urlLink McLuhan to be quite that naive. But like McLuhan, i'm also optimistic. Someday when this technological optimism link is blue -- that'll mean that I've devoted a back burner or two to these thoughts about how technology colonizes our imagination and how it might free it... So here's the dream. That all the people I love decide to blog, too. That we all. together. (simultaneously - of course - while I'm on a wishlist) decide. to *be community* via the web. Maybe the most ongoing disappointment of my life (and don't worry I'm not disappearing into a funk -- I got a good sleep and plenty of caffiene today) is the fact that my dearest friends and the people that most inspire me / love me / enrich me. Are mostly far away from me. Globalization! [andrew spits]. [andrew regrets using such a visceral gesture since it translated so thin-ly onscreen and made such a mess on his already disgusting office carpet.] When my friend Kelly went out to LA to study – I set up a blog for her to tell us about her experiences in LA without feeling like she was writing rambling descriptions and depositing them in our inbox unsolicited. i thought it worked out beautifully. i read her exploits religiously -- but whenever i wanted. sometimes i responded; mostly I didn't. the blog seemed as redemptive a technology for the negative massification effects of web technology as was the voicemail / answering machine to redeem the telephone (connection over intrusion in both cases) Martin Buber writes – “all real living is meeting� - if the blog lets us MEET, then isn’t it a life-giving force? Since this is sorta a 'metablog' anyway -- I do have to admit that one of the rich discoveries of this year's vacation was that the notion of BACK BURNER is an important one to keep me whole. I journaled a whole entry (in my private journal, Lynn, just to reassure that even people 'like that' (like me) who want to 'write in journals and then publish them on the web!') on what exactly a back - burner is, what ends it might serve, and how it may (or may not) move forward onto front-er burners... But that'll have to be on another back burner! My heart is with Mary right now who, as far as I know, is IN LABOR having a *baby*! Tell me that's not crazy. To have the disembodied knowledge that one of your dearest friends is BEARING A LIFE right now... I started filling in random links over there on the right. But these have no referents nor categorization, but should at least enlighten and entertain...! Peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 02,July,2003 | Cliff and Mary successfully bore Jackson Grey into the world. I talked to the on the telephone last night. Cliff is responding like I did to the enormous precariousness of just keeping this small bit of flesh alive. Which seems crazy, but seemed so monumental to me. Lynn and Mary both were somehow able to recognize the resilience of babies more clearly then I was / and now Cliff is. But all day on Wednesday last when Mary was in labor -- my largest back burner was obsessing about the astonishing interminglingness of death and life in humanness. My father in law was very sick. And I felt this large sense of dread. My intuition was at +10 that loss was going to counterbalance the arrival of Jackson and the celebration. Nothing so far -- but I've felt very raw each time I hear about loss in other places -- on the news -- in Palestine -- a friend of a friend... The world feels so temporary, and I feel so attached to it in these moments... |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 11,July,2003 | - eriks wedding - dissing ohio - d.dra kicks the diss - about schmidt - compassion in filmmaking - We're packing up to head down the road one hour to Berlin Ohio where Erik -- two year housemate will wed Laura. Jaelyn has a silky white dress she'll wear as a flower girl, and I'm slated to give the homily at the wedding. An interesting sidenote -- we're going to Berlin which is NOT pronounced berLIN as the rest of the world pronounces the famous german city -- as if by decided by some grand old ohio committee sometime in the last two centuries (since this year is ohio's bicentenial), the state has decided to use the rule of them they employ when referring to Lima (lie-ma) and Louiseville (LouiSSS - ville) and refer to it as BERlin. Just around the corner from Sugarcrik (though, its spelled creek). Remember a few days ago when I spat at Globalization -- here's another indicator of my bifurcated identity. I just can't bring myself to take responsibility for the deficiencies of Ohio -- despite the fact that I'm about to enter into the dreaded eighth consecutive year of residency here.... Deidra's been at our house for two days -- she's on a celebration tour after successfully defending her diss. on female action heros -- the short version? female action heros provide positive models for understanding emerging feminine roles in culture *&* female action heros subvert emerging roles for women using coded patriarchal strategy...did i get it right d.dra. Watched _About Schmidt_ for the first time. Loved it, of course. I think my favorite dimension of it was the Kathy Bates character. Scorcese talked about Wes Anderson films having this quality that the filmmaker actually loves his characters. A refreshing way to view the kind of flawed characters that Anderson writes -- and, according to Scorcese, not at all the norm in contemporary filmmaking. I have a theory that this compassion for characters is usually demonstrated THROUGH the compassion that particular characters have for the main character (who is usually the most flawed of the bunch). So i think that Roberta Hertzel's character is that character in this movie. And I love how her libido is sort of a very explicit articulation of this quality. It's like she just pulses -- I have love to give. I haven't heard much talk about how LOCAL a film it is. I really admired Alexander Payne's fiercely midwestern (and not in the OHIO midwestern) vision of the world. I think somebody somewhere should have a blog called Dear Ndugu. I'm sure they already do. In ten years that'd be a great name for a rock band. More later... |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 07,July,2003 | - rededication to blogging - going meta - travel anecdotes - are people MADE for something - Just returned from long weekend in Michigan with family and am now committed to going public with this blog (thanks, Marcaus, for the prompting...). Please pardon the 'dust', all, because its going to be a work in progress shaping the right links and figuring out what i should and shouldn't say here. Blogs seem to me to be sort of an odd (con)fusion of private and public kinds of disclosure. I realize that I have a painful tendency to go 'meta' when i'm writing in this venue. I tend to constantly wrap layers and layers of commentary around everything I'm saying. I'm sure this is a cultural symptom of something, but I'm not sure what. So the weekend away was great. Lynn and I have a great tradition of unravelling the experiences of the trip as we ride home together. J & A are at the age where they are able to entertain themselves and each other for long enough gaps that we're just starting to have those conversations again. I must digress for a moment here. We were pulling out of one of the new 80-90 rest-areas-that-look-like-churches-or-malls-or museums last night and the light was on and Lynn was standing on and over her seat helping the kids settle into the 'beds' that we made for them and we passed a cop. He backed out of the median and started following us. We weren't speeding at all, so we're pretty sure that he started following us for Lynn's illegal stand-and-turn. If only he could have seen HOW illegal we were with the kids makeshift beds all sprawled everywhere. Someone needs to make a laying down seatbelt for kids and long trips. Is there such a thing? So it turns out that not only do i go meta a lot -- I also digress a lot. But if you know me in person, you already knew that... My favorite times were a family history video session with my grandparents and my dad, a long chat by the pool with my dad & throwing the toddlers around int the pool with my brothers. The *delight* that they had: splashing, jumping, getting thrown, climbing up the backs and shoulders of uncles: it all seemed so core: as pure as I imagine Plato's idea of the forms to be: something sacred and divine. I really had a good time smashing together the 30 minute honorific dramatic presentation of my Grandfather's life story. My aunt Nan had written down all the great stories and structured them in four acts. It was up to us to make them theatrical. My sisters in law (and Ryan) have low tolerance levels for Rudd - Theatrical - Performative- Production - Projects. And the show was bumpy -- but a crowdpleaser none the less. from script to stage in 5 hours. It reaffirmed all of me that IS urlLink Max Fisher . Have you NOT seen that movie yet? (DAVID!) Max explains so much of me. My back burner question for the day is this: are we made for something? And I don't mean are we ALL made for something -- because I know what our chief end is -- and I affirm it. What I mean is -- are we made to DO something? Are we -- as individuals? I'm lamenting / considering / reflecting on my profession and it seems so wrapped up in this question of -- but am I doing the BEST thing? Is this the RIGHTEST that I can get it? This year the water at our cottage was Incredibly Low this year. So low, in fact that, for the first time in my life, I found the Fresh (very cold) water springs that feed the lake near the shore (well -- they were kinda ON the shore at low tide this year). The experience seemed seminal (did you hear that Kristy? Jared? ) and deep (not literal). These springs were so -- i know its corny, but -- inspiring! They were just these ridiculous little bubbles of water -- that looked like a broken drinking fountain -- no bigger (until you stepped into them). But you look up and there's a LAKE in front of you. A BIG lake. A lake that is connected to Lake Huron -- which is also just fed by these little miniscule -- ridiculously poignant bubbles. And so I journalled: I was thinking that every person must have SPRINGS inside of them. That some things must feed us just because that’s where they are in our souls. Aren’t there some currents some bubbles in us that are OURS only and not simply products of the world out of which we were borne? Some desires that we have, some gifs that we offer that don’t come only from the people who shaped us and the places where we’ve been? Shapes that are somehow essentially ours? But I'm not sure of it -- and i have lots more to say, but I have to off-to-marcs to stock up on Diet Coke (5 cases for 10 dollars). And I KNOW that I shouldn't like Coke. Jakki did a speech all last year about aspartame (which is just in diet) and J. Baker had urlLink THIS on his site today. SOMETIME -- i need to dedicate SEVERAL back burners to this subject -- how do we consume faithfully in a world that's already overglobalized and overly branded....!?!? please do urlLink send responses if you have them! peace~ p.s. am hungry & headed home to supp -- and the urlLink email leading to this article plopped into my box -- my friend Cliff has nothing but good things to say -- All The Time. I read whatever he writes -- and you may want to, too. p.p.s. deke & kelly had a baby, too! all these babies pouring forth from the universe! the world is bursting with invention and possibility. how will we ever get the world ready for them in time? how will we ever get ourselves ready for them in time? we probably won't be quite ready, Anna, but we're glad to have you all the same! we hope the rudds get the opportunity to lavish half as much love and laughter on you as your parents have generously given addison & jaelyn! |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 19,July,2003 | - correction - speculative rant on political rhetoric - a couple of days ago i posted a link to the urlLink Political Compass . My brother David said me a sagacious and corrective email: >2 things > > 1. your political compass test is not well written, many of the questions > demonstrated a bias toward the 'right wing'. > 2. i ended up one click right and exactly on the horizontal axis. > > I guess that means I am more balanced than you, and therefore from now on I > should be considered the political moderate of the family. > > Thus all ideas differing from mine will be considered extreme I deferred to him and wrote back: > you're right. I didn't realize the negative affect of them framing the test > that way -- though I certainly recognized it as I moved through (Five > straight disagrees in a row) -- but after I took it i clicked on the link to > find literature that reflected my position. apparently NO ONE has written > from a liberal left perspective -- Of course the right wing literature was > blossoming on this site. > > But what ends up happening -- if the test is skewed right -- is that > leftists (eg. me) look like extremists -- and righties (eg. you) look > centrist. > > BUT i'm happy to give you the political moderate slot in the family. and now i've been thinking about the whole experience and wondering if its endemic about something larger that's happened / happening in the american political rhetoric sphere. I think that one thing that conservatives have beat liberals at hands down in the last fifteen years (with the psuedo-exception of Bill Clinton and sorta Bill Maher -- though he's only SORTA a liberal) is POPULARIZING their discourse. From Rush Limbaugh on the radio to FOX news on TV to Focus on the Family in the religious sphere. These folks know how to articulate their message to everyday people. This is a huge shift in american popular discourse. Liberals, after all, used to be voice of the masses. And actually the TERM liberal, I think has become a polarizing one. My take (and obviously pundits have already talked about this) is that the new 'godterm' in our society is 'moderate' or 'centrist' but there's a subtle skewing of the MEANING of this term given the massive takeover of the government and the media ownership (not the reporters or editors -- because i agree -- they're liberals) by the right (of both political parties....). 'Liberal' becomes a devil term to centrists, 'conservative', on the other hand, I think, is only a devil term to the liberals. I think that David would argue (am i right, D.R.?) that my last sentence is evidence that there's been an actual shift of the center, but my argument is that there's been a CONNOTATIVE shift to the right, that reflects how people respond to TERMS -- but that that isn't reflective of how people WOULD actually vote for social policy -- BUT the evil intercourse between the political parties (both of them) and the media industry has reduced our political DISCOURSE to a bunch of SIGNS divorced from the actual meanings that people are living... Am I trying to taunt some of you into starting up your own blogs? Sure. Anything to share our lives together! :-) PEACE (i mean it, even in diversity of opinion) ~ andrew |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 18,July,2003 | - family anecdote – Sometime last week Jaelyn showed me a dollar bill. “Daddy? Did you know that this is George Washington?” I did and I told her so. I asked if she knew that G. W. was our first president? She nodded enthusiastically. ME: and who’s our president, now, Jae? She shrugs. ME: His name is George, too. That small prompt is all she needs. JAE: George Bush! ME: Right! Her face suddenly becomes completely solemn. JAE: He’s killing everyone! (For those of you who haven’t been around recently – Lynn and I have become pacifists; for those of you who have, we haven’t always been.) Well, I nodded solemnly, war kills people and he did choose war. And then (as it always does in a four year old world) conversation changed direction. Well yesterday, Lynn drove the kids past a house festooned in balloons and flags and streamers and signs. What’s happening there mommy? Jaelyn wanted to know. Someone is coming back from the war, she answered, the war that George Bush made him go and fight. (I know, I know, political dogma, but we all do it…) JAE: I’m going to kill him! (for the record, we’re pacifists, not radicals, so this response seemed a bit unmerited.) LYNN: Oh, no, Jae, we don’t kill other people. That’s only more violence and that doesn’t solve problems. ADDISON: (from the carseat) Go home! LYNN: What? ADDISON: GO HOME! LYNN: You want to go home? ADDISON: (and now I’m going to move to a more literal transcription) o-ome-et-tick!-pokey! LYNN: What honey? Eventually she decoded: I want to go home to get a stick and I’ll POKE him. We took the family to see a children’s theater rendition of The Emporer’s New Clothes at the local civic theater a couple of weeks ago, and Hahn, the evil prime minister character was POKING the villagers with his cane – the image has stuck with our kids. POKING is now the most heinous punishment they can imagine. A much more serious fate than even being decapitated (I threaten them with chopped off heads at least twice a day – no! they shriek and laugh and run out of the room. I’m thinking of writing a book – Growing Good Children Through Capital Punishment). It’s finally a quiet day – the last of our dear friends made their way through last week – Ted, Harry, Joe & Roxanne & Bei and family…now we need a day of quiet. Well psuedo quiet. Toby & Mark are upstairs drywalling the bathroom, Gary’s coming later today to help tear off the roof on the porch…but at least its sunny! Lynn surprised me with Panera Coffee this morning. I have an amazing wife… Happy Birthday Dave L.! (Sorry I forgot to say so on the phone!) Hope y’all have a Sabbath day! Peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 18,July,2003 | - hearing the call - so i've been thinking about vocation -- and jotting ideas into a file to maybe make it into a blog someday -- but probably not because it got too long -- and I already impose enough with my rambling ideas -- and as a result of me thinking about vocation -- i asked Harry to clarify what he meant when, in church last sunday he offhandedly corrected himself, 'when i decided to become a pastor. well...what am i saying...i didn't decide to become a minister...' and then off he went in another direction. so he said -- no, he was called by God. AND it turns out -- had an experience where he *heard* God. Now I know that some of you readers have had such experiences -- but I have not. I like the Frederich Buechner sense of hearing God THROUGH your own story -- the countours of your life -- in retrospect revealing a shape of God's revelation to you.... But that's as good as it gets for me, folks. I'm interested in how others have experienced this notion of God's 'CALL' -- Harry described it as a pure clear thought. Like no other mental clarity that he's experienced. I'd definitely take that. I've had the argument with my dad & david -- that moderns (and I am one -- like it or not) cannot hear the voice of God because the selective attention that we've trained our brains for is only attending to the bits of reality that conform to the scientific vision.... Sort of a cultural-lenses argument. but i'm willing to surrender these lenses -- if i could find a way to do so that would make me think that possibly i could hear something genuine and authentic (eg. i'm leery of being trained to speak in tongues or be slain in the spirit...as I'm afraid that such experiences may just be physiological experiences...on the other hand C.S. Lewis' retelling of the Cupid / Psyche myth -- in Til We Have Faces ...and or...the way the stable door functions in The Last Battle ... may suggest that i need to let go of my stranglehold on rationality to surf the experience before I can even get to the magic?) I WANT magic. I WANT the divine -- and I want it in a more immediate package than I've encountered thus far. You know the first scene in Slacker where Richard Linklater's character talks about how all the decisions in our lives end up being other roads in other realities that we never get to know about. I thought of writing a quest story about a guy who is me who just gives up on rationality in hopes of finding God. I guess he'd leave his job and town and everything. Wouldn't he? peace~ andrew |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 16,July,2003 | - Writers Bloc - Hey writers or creative types out there. I've been wrestling with a creative problem for too long. I'm going to ask for input here & then let it gestate for a few days -- i'll work on a different project in the meantime. I'm revising the most recent screenplay _The Legacy of Troy Ludwick_ is our working title....I need a GESTURE or an ACTION that signifies that someone is a nurtuing person. My character is a man -- about my age. So the question is -- can you help me? Do you know a nurturing person? If you were walking downtown with them (or in any public place) -- what gesture might cue onlookers that they're a nurturer? Or what action might you infer that someone were a nurturer from? Stories of nurturers, all. That's what I'm looking for. peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 16,July,2003 | - welcome dear old friends - generic family / life update - for those of you visiting because of my most recent invitation -- let me just say -- hey! glad you're here. things for the rudds seem to be on a predictable arc, generally: 1. we love urlLink our kids who are getting bigger and cuter and smarter all the time. 2. we both continue to teach at Malone -- and, for the most part, find that work fulfilling. 3. i 'go up' for tenure this year -- so am devoting much of my summertime to preparation for that rite of passage. 4. we've been travelling to Michigan and South to Coshocton regularly this summer. 5. to our status-chagrin, but travelling pleasure, we're now driving a mini-van (please feel free to ridicule...) 6. we've settled into a church (Akron Christian Reformed) which we really like. 7. we continue to feel ambivalence about how suburban our life is -- and wonder whether this is the lifestyle we intend to sustain and nourish. 8. we continue to read voraciously -- both fiercely recommending urlLink Peace Like A River -- as our first book to clearly meet our old favorite recommend -- urlLink Atticus 9. we still love time spent with friends and family -- but mourn the fact that so many of the people that fall into those categories live far or work too hard (or we do) to spend the time and depth that we'd like to be able to. (i kept trying to NOT end that sentence with a preposition -- and it just kept getting longer and longer. i just gave up eventually.) 10. we're having our leaky bathroom re-done before the kitchen ceiling falls in on us. in the perhaps-less-predictable category: 1. the film _independent study_ still languishes in post-production-purgatory. i still have hope that a cut of it could be forthcoming within the calendar year.... 2. lynn derives some of her greatest personal fulfillment from her ongoing work with the urban Timken Academy -- she finds it to be a rich environment of professional and educational risk and reward. hmm. on balance, we seem to be more predictable than not. but we feel provoked by life. and that's good. if you read our last urlLink family update -- we sound as if we're about to fall into the depths of the doldrums. i think the summer has been healing... in any case -- we'd always love to hear from you! peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 15,July,2003 | - issue: indymedia, short form art, microcinema - Have you seen any short films? Very many short films? I've been increasingly interested in short forms. I wrote a ten minute play last year that was produced here at Malone -- and I've written several more this summer. (early drafts yet.) i'm pretty excited about urlLink flash fiction ... i think the music video more aptly gets at the experience of contemporary existence than most other extant forms (eg. maybe the music video is the new great american novel). i'm watching the short films on urlLink triggerstreet and a couple of other places, and i wrote a treatment for a short film about a mucisian who is obsessed with writing the perfect short (one minute) song. The perfect one minute song (in my film) would be composed & performed in one minute. The great difficulty as I see it -- is that these forms aren't / can't find an audience due to the deathgrip of the urlLink media industries ... part of me knows that i want it both ways. my imagination about artists finding audiences is shaped by my understanding of MASS culture. An artist hasn't 'found' an audience, part of me says, until they've 'made it big.' On the other hand -- the global monopolies & economies of scale that the urlLink BIG SIX are perpetuating -- are much of what gives rise to this notion of fame = success. Sometime I should blog about celebrity being a format by which this hegemony is perpetrated -- but for now i'm interested not in critique but in redemption! I -- as a consumer -- as a human being -- as a fellow artist -- as someone who is moved by art -- want a way to access these forms of indymedia. specifically, now, i'm refering to short films (though many of my thoughts translate well to the other forms). I can watch short films at work (with some justification since i teach about these subjects) -- but not too many or too often -- and DSL service is expensive & if only DSL-ers should get to watch indymedia (/short films) than doesn't indymedia become an even more elitist, self-referential enterprise? So that's why i'm excited about the idea of urlLink microcinema . and i'm excited enough about it to do something about it. to try to start a microcinema here in middle eastern OHIO. but of course this is a back burner. and my front burners are fairly demanding right now. if you're a local reader (and most of you aren't) i'd love to hear how interested you'd be in volunteering to keep a microcinema organization up and running -- how regularly you'd support it (by coming)...what you think the major barriers would be... heck I'd be interested in hearing that from non-local-ites...too... part of me suspects that i should have as many blogs as i have 'back burners' but that'd be more fragmented -- and my goal in this blog is -- i think to be more unified. so that means that many of you aren't so into indymedia rants...but others of you aren't so into news about the kids...this is like having a debate inside of your head -- in public. peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 15,July,2003 | mundane crisis - upcoming visitors - political compass - theological speculation just before I left the office at noon yesterday -- Jerry Fliger (from BGSU days) called to say that he and Deb were in Akron and may drop in after lunch. We do love drop-inners, but all the same i sped home to redd up a bit (note the VERY eastern-Ohio-vernacular use of 'redd up'? a bit of impressive code switching, eh?). As I walked in the doors, I found Lynn on her hands and knees. Mark and Toby began our bathroom remodelling yesterday and just to get things started on an adventurous foot -- accidentally flooded the kitchen (through the ceiling) by knocking open a pipe. It was a rains-it-pours moment. we're looking forward to lots more friends this week. Teddy for dinner tonight (Cedarville Ted), the Schandersons (of Shy Quiet People) for lunch tomorrow & Bei (from BGSU) for dinner on Thursday. Lynn may off to BG on Friday to watch Scott (old student) play in the all state football game... Took the urlLink Political Compass Test today. Great stuff, if you're interested to know how you rank. I've been speculating that I've been getting lefter and lefter, but who knew! I outlefted Ghandi and Nelson Mandella -- and I even said that I believed in spanking! (not often and never in anger - in case we haven't conversed about this...) Harry said some great things on Sunday-- he spoke of the difficulty of giving *and* receiving. A very nice interpretation of matthew 18. I'll see if I can get a copy up and link to it later. the idea is that abject dependency is the only way to receive the Kingdom of God. So I was thinking -- how is it possible to enter that space of abject dependency given the careful wealthy way I live. I have some answers brewing, but I don't like to think about 'em. peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 13,July,2003 | Friends and Family! Welcome to my blog. It's not organized very conveniently. Tho' this is going to be the site where I plan to keep track of the mundane bits of life that matter -- I also intersperse these mundanities with (*VERY LONG*) musings and meditations. Feel free to fast forward past...(as if you wouldn't on your own...) The idea that I keep this space as my 'back burner' is supposed to allow me to keep a bunch of ideas simmering for a long time -- as they develop in my mind -- and now, hopefully, in community, and (theoretically) allow me to stay focused on my 'real life' -- the 'front burners' as it were. Certainly that whole metaphor and the ascendant values are worth consideration on a different day! Glad you're here! Let me know (or not)! Peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 13,July,2003 | - wedding description - epistemological coup - janson's dissertation - more ohio dissing Well, the wedding is over. Everything was beautiful. Laura and Erik’s SMILES gave me such joy that I started crying with inspiration / worship / happiness as I prayed with them after the lighting of the Unity Candle. Their joy in each other was a beautiful mirror of the love God has for us. BERlin was great – and when I re-read my last blog – I realized that I sounded much more anti-Ohio than I am or wanted to seem. I love Ohioans. Possibly I have more dear-friend-Ohioans than (could this be true, Michiganders?) any other state. Ohio has been good to me. I feel grateful for what I have gained here. Berlin was great – despite its hardcore disneyfication of the amish (for you far-awayers – Holmes County, Ohio is one of the top three spots for Amish-tourism in the world)– because somehow, between all the stylization, the pace and the peace of the surrounding countryside and the centuries of tradition just FEEL like they pool around you slowing things down a bit. Laura’s dad, Paul graciously had us stay in a hotel with the kids where Jaelyn swam a good twenty feet (all at once!) under water. I have a keen sense that such news (look at my honor roll student! bumper sticker news) should be edited out of the blog in general, but twenty feet! Gosh! I preached on First John 4. I liked the stuff I came up with -- can't comment on how it was received. My core reading of I john 4 -- knowledge of the Divine comes only through embodied love of those around us -- i think is a radical epistemological coup, but i tried to steer clear of such terminology... Lynn and I are sitting in our living room waiting for Janson and Heather to arrive. Jans, most of you know, is our still-in-school-since-we-graduated-college-together-11-years-ago-seminarian-friend who is dissertating on the book of NUMBERS – and its literary value. Isn’t that great?! The most demonized book by Christians – who – see – no – point – in – the – last – in – the – last – half – of – the – Pentateuch…and Janson suggests that the key to understanding the whole of scripture is right there in Numbers 1 – 10. We always feel so deepened and motivated by listening to the ideas he's wrestling with. We’re meeting Heather for the first time, just after she’s finished meeting his sister and he’s meeting her sister for the first time (what a weekend!). Then they’re driving back to Chicagoland tomorrow after church. Hmmm. I’m not really blogging about any of the ideas / issues that are on my figurative 'back burner', so if, on the off chance that you’re reading for issue-centered narrative, forgive this purely event centered blog. Oh wait – before I go - one more Ohio-diss. On the way to Berlin we drove through Justus. Now when you say Justus, Ohio – it sounds a lot like Justice – but, I always rant as I drive through (how downright intolerant and non-Buberian of me, this is), Just – US is a much more apt way of describing the outlook of the smalltown folk of the world. Sure we’ll put a sign up announcing the name of our town – and while we’re announcing the name, perhaps we could try to chase away foreigners – we’ll name our town Just Us. And if that weren’t enough the high school in town: Fairless High School. Just to be fair – if it were named Fairness high school, I’d have a joke, too, but please, I can’t let that connection go unrecognized – a town called Just Us and a high school named Fairless? It’s like these people are the home of the villain in a comic book devoted to a superhero whose greatest attribute is her commitment to Justice – this little town is the yang to her yin. BTW ~ the two people I know who TEACH at Fairless ~ Rachel & Ben are anything but fairless. They’re wonderful teachers. So (!) devoted. By this time Jans and Heather arrived, we talked for hours, slept for a few and it’s a beautiful Sunday morning. The kids will wake any minute and we’ll start to get ready for church...so for now... peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 23,July,2003 | WARNING: vegetarians beware! Skip to next post. Gruesome animal preparation details ahead. (healthy eaters, may want to beware too!) yesterday was my day to be the full time stay at home dad. As I am sometimes prone to do on such days – I put together a long-term cooking agenda. First thing, we cooked bacon. J, A & I ate it with our eggs, but it is important to note that the smell of bacon is very low on Lynn’s list of favorite sensations (eg. she doesn’t like it). On the other hand, my very gracious hog-breeding brother in law supplies us with this delicacy often enough that we have a stock of it in my freezer. So its very important to, on days where lynn will be gone for a long enough time, cook the bacon in the morning, and work to eliminate the smell all day. Drat if she didn’t smell it on Jaelyn’s clothes as soon as she hugged her in the afternoon. Note to Future Self: remember to burn the children’s clothes! (What I need is Harvey Keitel’s pulp fiction character to come in to rid the house of the smell – can you just see Jaelyn, Addison and I, naked in the yard, getting hosed down by “the wolf”) So later in the day – about two p.m., I used the bacon grease (now congealed nicely in the frig) to start a urlLink roux – eventually I added chicken flavored with chile, fresh corn cut from the cob, fresh tomatoes from the farmers market all over rice. By the time I sat down to dinner I had already half downed a glass of cabernet savignon, fresh bread came out of the oven. The kids played together happily as I prepared (this alone is a miracle). Jaelyn fashioned the most amazing ostrich out of legos(she first said, this is a bird, and I was thinking – sure. Bird. It does look like an ostrich. Then SHE said it. Ostrich. I didn’t even know she knew what an ostrich was. Kind of like the other day when we were under the tent and Abby and Jaelyn were pretending that the fireplace window was a movie screen – Jaelyn said they were watching Beauty and the Beast, and Abby protested – no it was the Grinch Who Stole Christmas. Oh, I said, Jaelyn hasn’t seen that one. She’s probably read it tho…but Jaelyn interrupted. Yes I have, Dad. At the Y. And with that teenager-correcting-her-impossibly-naïve-parents kind of voice. I was stunned. When did my four year old slip beyond my mind-control-capacity…) The world had this intense smile on her face and I felt as if the smile was directed completely at me. So when urlLink Over The Rhine ’s The World Can Wait played these words – I want to feel and then some I have five senses I need thousands more at least I repeated them aloud to Lynn (one of my more annoying traits, I’m sure, constantly creating pull-out quotes from the text of everyday life: bolding them, increasing the font, adding a fancy little box). That’s exactly how I feel right now! I exclaimed. Five senses are INADEQUATE to experience the world! My friend Greg and I founded the Sensualists Club about seven years ago – he had the coolest of all sensory responses. I think he’s trademarked this idea – but I’m gonna tell you about it anyway -- It’s called the happy-hot-eared-food-buzz. Like the buzz you’d get from alcohol, but it’s a sensation that you just get when your MEAL is really great. (and he and Andrea make some really great meals). Only its this focused buzz-type-thing in your EARS. And its HOT. Isn’t that great? I’m not sure that I’ve ever had it – but I’m SO glad that someone in the universe has it. And quoting from OTR and talking about happy hot eared food buzzes together makes me think that I really should plug the OTR concert experience. There’s something about Linford’s musical structures and Karin’s voice LIVE that is pretty amazing. When I first heard them, I turned to the table I was sitting with and said, “I feel like my entire body just turned into a giant eardrum that won’t stop resonating.” I just finished the novel Secret Life of Bees last night. It is both a novel about sensual experience of the world (simply because Sue Monk Kidd writes such lush descriptions) and a novel about sensing God – sounds like the mystical tradition – a tradition that I have been drawn to – appealing to my interest in sensual experience *&* hearing God’s voice (two themes heretofore alluded to in this blog). Anyway, I was going to insert a section that I read last night which directly responded to my earlier blog about hearing God. ----- [August tells a story about how her Grandmother once heard a hive of Bees singing the Luke 2 account of Christ’s birth. The narrator giggles.] -do you really think that happened? -well yes and no, she said, some things happen in a literal way, Lily. And then other things, like this one, happen in a not-literal way, but they still happen. Do you know what I mean? I didn’t have a clue. Not really… -what I mean is that the bees weren’t really singing the words from Luke, but still, if you have the right kind of ears…you can hear silent things on the other side of the everyday world that nobody else can. ----- And what i left out with my elipses would erode my argument if I were making one – but I’m not. I just thought the passage was powerful about the possibility of hearing the Divine in the world around us. Maybe I’ll return to those ideas in another blog… Let me pause a moment, to note that I’ve rearranged my indexes over at the side. I’ve added some connection points to friends that have web presences. It’s great to feel the possibility of connecting to y’all. (Sense the incipient plug? Where’s your web presence?) I have to compliment my brother David, first family member to join me in the blog. His urlLink reticent yet reflective post cracked me up. i was trying to figure out whether or not Uday or Qusay was the jostler -- or if there were implicit Jacob / Esau, Cain / Able, Levi / Joseph implications in the whole 'bad big brother motif'...? I must also send a BIG shout out to my friend Glen who just successfully PH-d. I truly look forward to reading his diss -- _Seeking Forgiveness_ (a far more impressive title than my laborious and dull -- CONSTRUCTING IDENTITY & blah, blah, blah...GARAGE SALES We're off to Michigan tomorrow (if the day goes well) night & so my posts will be sporadic for the next week. The same goes for email and voicemails out of commission here at casacommunitas right now... peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 21,July,2003 | - rain & mortality - its rainy today in canton. abby & noah were at our house to play -- two two year olds and two four year olds -- means that you *don't* want a rainy day. so when i got there, lynn had built the biggest friggin tent EVER out of chairs, couches, afghans, quilts. it right near filled the whole livin' room. multiple rooms. hallways. ahhh! nostalgic joy that came from building such tents. with the humidity recurred a rattle in my trachea. i had the same rattle (with deep breaths) through much of the month of june (rainy season). But i never put it together with the rain until today. using the spiritual-gift-of-worrying that i've started to learn from Lynn -- i just assumed it was the latent asbestosis that i've been waiting to kill me. it's supposed to have a latency period of about 17 years. I guess I should have about two more years before it kicks in (of COURSE i'm jesting -- i have no intention of dying that soon). but it is remarkable what can stimulate thoughts of your own mortality. and it is remarkable to think that 17 years have almost passed since I was 18 years old. dazed and ancient, i bid you: peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 20,July,2003 | - Theological nugget - The readings in church were great today -- pulled together Genesis 1:28 - in the image of God were they made... WITH Matthew [...hmmm...] do we pay tax or no? whose IMAGE is on the coin? Render to Ceaser that which is his, and unto God that which is his. AND 2 Cor 5 therefore we are ambassadors pleading -- BE RECONCILED to GOD -- the connection of God's image being essential to human beings -- then the ways that so many forces have corrupted that divine image with instutional obligations, the worship of power -- and finally that the new tradition -- initiated by Christ is to call the whole world back into reconciliation -- the symbol of the Divine within us is like a sign cut off from its referent -- just like Baudrillard & Lyotard describe -- and our calling is to be calling to reconcile the world to its maker.... peace~ andrew |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 20,July,2003 | - A post in which Andrew tries (vainly) to argue that his hysteria is not hysteria - A student (who I like very much, in case you're reading, unnamed student) accused me in class recently of being a conspiracy theorist. I thought of her accusation in the shower after I wrote the last email. I think that there's a part of being reflective about shifts in the contemporary political climate (particularly if the shifts that you illuminate feature your own position as being one-down) that makes you sort of SOUND like a conspiracy theorist. SO to distinguish my last post rant from a conspiracy theory, let me clarify how I am like and unalike conspiracy theorists: (how very aristotelian / rationalist of me) 1. conspiracy theorists always reveal a victim. (I fall into this category. I reveal the socio-political causes of the contemporary Liberals to be victimized.) 2. conspiracy theorists always allude to an extant body of secret knowledge. (I don't think I fit here. I admire the righties for being able to harness a particular kind of populist rhetoric, but i don't think there's any secret knowledge submerged by them. Au contraire -- I think its a particular work ethic, combined with a particular a-theoretical bent, a willingness to embrace media institutions, and a proficiency at using the free market to build their audience) 3. conspiracy theorists point to a body of poweful others who protect the secret knowledge & who victimize the victim (albeit indirectly). (Here's another important point of divergence. I DON'T believe in a 'vast right wing conspiracy' I think the right wing (like the left) is made up of a curiously diverse set of bedfellows who sometimes aren't even bedfellows, but in terms of ACCESS to the vast - American - middle, they have found (though not neccessarily cooperatively nor intentionally) some successful touchstones for reaching them.) As always, I'm borrowing heavily from lots of influences for my ideas -- ri urlLink chard hofstadter is responsible for the nice distinction of the constituent parts of conspiracy theories... hope you're still sabbathing! peace~ andrew |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 02,August,2003 | on the way home tonight from Uncle Larry & Aunt Sally's Annual Square Dance (formerly the Leindecker holiday / event of the year -- surpassing even Christmas (I hypothesize its ability to articulate a symbolic grammar of nostalgia for farm life is the reason) some years -- this year just a good ol' time, less of a family time, possibly because of Grandma Cory's 'passing.'), Jaelyn and Addison had a little squabble so I turned around and told them a version of the story / interaction b/n Jesus & Andrew about how ongoing forgiveness must be...how living Jesus' teachings is HARDEST with our brothers. JAELYN: Did they have sisters? ADDISON: More! Tell more. JAELYN: Tell a story about their sisters, Daddy. ME: Not sure that they had any sisters. it's not really clear. [andrew resists the urge to here insert an editorial regarding feminist criticism of the biblical narrative.] ADDISON: More! Sisters, JayJay! JAELYN: Yeah, Dad. Tell a story about their sister, Jaelyn. Of course this is all happening with lines over top of each other, so I'm still deciding on my response, when Jaelyn intervened. JAELYN: 'And their sister, Jaelyn, was talking to Jesus, and all of the sudden a SNAKE came up and wrapped around her leg. Jesus took a knife and he CUT the snake. He cut off its head. He cut off its tail. He cut all the parts of it.' Maybe I'm rearing a prophetess, because the way that she wound the Eden / serpent / He shall crush your head, you shall bruise his heel / Eve - Lillith imagery together was really quite impressive. Anyone ready to name Jaelyn the next Ellen White or Joseph Smith...? Hope your weekend included some... peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 01,August,2003 | - RETRACTION NUMBER TWO (ish) - Why have I been moved over to the NEW blogger posting box? Not a fan. I like seeing MORE not LESS info on my screen. This is public retraction 2 of the day, but I just wrote a long email psuedo-retracting an even longer conversation -- if i had a fortune cookie today it would say something like: You're life will be better off if you can undo breaking open this cookie.. Public Retraction Two: urlLink David, my brother , is far more orderly, organized & Steven Covey Worthy than I am. Which maybe made the whole thing about his a-futurism ( a new religion, perhaps?) so bizarre. And lest you think that I spit in the eye of the sovreignity of God -- worrying, as I do, about what the morrow brings -- let me assure you that I *do* trust in the sovreignity of God, but I also trust that the sovreignity of God is partly responsible for my over-active need to DO. to MAKE. to ACHIEVE. Right? No? It's late. GregGibbs was here. Tonight. Out of the blue. Rich, deep, fun talks. Always. peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 31,July,2003 | - vacation summary - retraction - reflection - we spent the last week in michigan. drove from canton at 6 p.m. last thursday, returned to casacommunitas at 12:30 this morning. during the trip up, lynn and i had some deep - dark and some deep - light talks...i felt much closer to her. seems like talking / conversation -- the value we share most deeply and that binds us most fiercely to each other -- is always priced at a premium these days ... spent several days with dave and linda in south haven, mi. we hadn't been there before, but it seemed just about perfect. the extended gibbs family has been singing its praises in several keys for several years and so finally their witness broke through and i accepted this particular unique salvation. what was the shape of this grace? free bikes from our inn, so meandering conversational bike rides, plenty of great food, 'committee meetings' galore, some hardcore sunburning on the shore of lake michigan, lots of rich dialogue about everything imaginable. late one night, after my E self had pretty much vampired all the energy of the other three I's in the room....i proclaimed -- 'that's all there is in the world! memories and relationships!' it still seems like a worthwhile axiom, but later we discovered that i had left out essential things like eating and tables in that particular equation... hung out for a long time with each of my brothers and parents by the pool at geborgenheit. with david was provoked by the shocking revelation that he doesn't think about the future. no five year plan. no ten year plan. no thoughts of legacy or coherence. just honesty and genuineness *now*. with daniel we debated pacifism and then the redemptive arc hermeneutic... which brings me to the retraction -- turns out that LYNN is NOT a pacifist. she's just clearly opposed to the war we've most recently engaged in and thinking really hard about the implications of a commitment to nonviolence. resultant self discovery: turns out that i am more likely to EMBRACE *then* consider when it comes to new positions. this may be a helpful rubric for those of you struggling to justify my earlier self descriptions as *liberal* and *pacifist*. i chalk this up to my 1.) penchant for hyperbole, 2.) my empathic strain, 3.) my procilivity to think outloud (i think marcia gave me the term 'external processor'), & 4.) my tendency to want to think / be / perform outside of 'the box'. which, if you think about it, is kind of odd because this whole *embracing* thing just locks me into a new box... sometime i'll devote a whole blog to how affixing our identities to the various discursive formations that surround us is always problematic and conflictual....but (big sigh of relief audience) not today. have i fulfilled the promises of my title? can i end for the day? i do want to offer a shout out to John who is a new blogger and has a goshdarn deep urlLink blog entry... ~peace. |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 08,August,2003 | - cushman contest update - D. J. R. sent me an email address, but I've received no confirming email as yet from Joel, so (according to the contest rules) I can't declare him the winner until I confirm that this is -- indeed a legit email address. Unfortunately for our programming sensibilities urlLink Cushman didn't starve in Europe. In fact, he seems to have returned to a pretty normal life. But his August 4 entry has an amusing quote -- particularly for those of you, who, like me have emerged from fundamentalism..... |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 06,August,2003 | - crazy dream - (bringing more bemusement to cedarvillians than to the unwashed.... I dreamed that Lynn and I went to Dr. D.'s funeral (knock on wood -- as far as I know he hasn't passed) &, surprise, surprise, it had quality stamped all over it. Sorta. Or maybe just bizarre carnivalesque stamped all over it. We had to park downtown Cedarville, and I ran into Dave Hamblin (current Malone student) over by Lawlor Hall, only they had broken up Lawlor and were calling each wing a different name. He lived in the back wing and when I asked if I could stop by to borrow a tie, he said sure stop by Unit 28 in Ashanti (hindu for peace). Well I had to get going, because I knew things would be getting started. I joined mom, dad, ang & lynn in the vestibule of the D.M.C. (which had been added onto with another vast floor above the existing one. Floor to Ceiling window. Candles burning EVERYWHERE and -- of course -- the pep band. Trying to play staid music. They were interupted by David Robey and Dave Ormsbe. 'Make no mistake,' said Robey, 'this depiction is true. Jesus died as a virgin.' Suddenly there were torches and drums and sitars playing. and actors dressed as roman soldiers and disciples and Caspar Van Dien dressed as Jesus. He looked astonishingly like the White Jesus paintings that have dominated the last couple centuries of Jesus-depicting. (BTW ~ went to urlLink embody site yesterday, and this is clearly some source material for the dream ~ look out its flash and you can probably only spend enough time if you've got a fast connection) 'Jesus' gave a speech on abstinence and gradually laid down on the floor in the middle of the crowd of Cedarville students come-to-mourn. Roman soldiers hoisted his body up and took it away. Inside the auditorium, the band had already started playing, but the band director came up to me (not anyone I'd ever met before) and let me know that he had met me last year at homecoming. I smiled, nodded, shook his hand, played polite. But he just stared at me like that meant like we had LOTS to talk about. it's the kind of interaction that I imagine urlLink Daniel having on a regular basis with his parishioners. (btw ~ if you have a weak stomach, beware that last link). So then I had to go give my regards to Pat D. who had taken to a large queen size bed right there in the foyer. Gloria was in a chair by her bedside, telling her a hilarious story about getting lost on the way to the funeral. She was laughing and laughing until I started talking, I was relating a story about cleaning out my closet. Pat just turned over and went to sleep. I slipped into the auditorium where Jeff Beste was leading the congregation in hymns. Incense was burning everywhere. Pew candles at the end of each pew were lit and there were thousands of people there. John Ruhlin (Malone student) got up and gave a talk about the inevitability of scientific theory catching up with theology eventually. Only he was absolutely too smart for me to understand. (that's when I knew it was a dream.... JUST KIDDING!) It is when i started waking up... well, we leave for our last pilgrimage of the summer later today so the blog will be relatively silent for the upcoming week. hope you become deeper and truer this week. and that you rest. that may be one of my resolutions this schoolyear -- REST as a spiritual discipline. (so far the list is: 1.spend time with non-students, 2. feel more, think less.) peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 06,August,2003 | - took the enneagram test a couple of days ago -- came out with these results...they don't resonate with me...i wanted to be a four. sort of. Conscious self |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 05,August,2003 | - fell asleep at nine last night. think i'm overtired. sorry i didn't call you, Gary (if you're reading) & Brendon (pretty sure you're not) - rumour is that Brendon (et. al.) up and moved to Austin TX -- where I've been wanting to visit for quite some time -- still -- sad to have him go so far... - had a family movie night last night because, i think, both parents were so exhausted that that was the only feasible toddler survival strategy. - got some relieving news at work -- a major stressor has been removed! (not tenure & promotion -- still slaving away on that...) - the tile we want for the bathroom is on backorder for two weeks -- so the project will be on hold once the walls are sanded and painted. so far it looks airy & light. so opposite from the 70s ski lodge that its been for so many years. - speaking of TandM construction (who we love) -- urlLink Toby is blogging now! Welcome, Tob! - we leave for myrtle beach on friday for a week with the in-laws. Jan asked some incredibly probing insightful questions about family relations while she visited. - Addison is cutting molars and so has this psychotic edge which suddenly appears in the middle of his otherwise: cute, happy, laid back personality. - our basement is almost dry from last weeks floods. had to throw out the old mint green carpet that we had salvaged from the last owners of our house. what a loss! - Trena successfully shot her whole film over the weekend! Kudos to crew! - urlLink Jared' s grandfather passed away -- (see his blog for details) - life feels pretty much like a list right now. ah the marriage of form and content... ~peace. |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 05,August,2003 | - hollywood crumbles - listening for the Divine - last year's roommate Katie stopped by yesterday for a long catch-up. it was great to hear her infectious lefter, be regaled by her anecdotes & hear about her plans -- which are nebulous -- this occupational hazard of finding friends in your students -- it turns out -- means that you go through the 'vocational' struggle a thousand times more than you (in this case me) already have... so Katie spent a year in Hollywood and found that the sheen faded quickly. Its been an interesting year for me -- because for years, i have spent so much of my time / energy writing-toward-hollywood -- and yet the sheen was deeply dulled by Katies experience -- and now my friend Gary's financier has backed out of his promised movie -- more darkness falls... i know that these are archtypal hollywood tales, but i felt ill-prepared to receive them on behalf of MY friends. And unready for how much they would distress my own faraway - exotic - other - midwesterner's - sheen - over - hollywood.... I find it interesting that through such gut-punches to the 'original dreams' -- some part of the 'dream' usually stays intact -- possibly grows stronger. is that pride and stubbornness? -- or a trustworthy impulse -- For me -- my devotion to storytelling remains undiminished... Jan (THE Jan, from which Jaelyn's name is half-derived) is in from MN & had dinner with us & ended up crashing here when the thunderstorm started. She's just started working with a Spiritual Director -- something Lynn and I are very interested in -- This woman suggested that she start by LISTENING for God. And gave her a great word picture. And so -- of course -- I plied her (Jan) with my summer-long question: but HOW? HOW do we listen for God? Jan relayed that the woman suggested that the experience would be different for everyone -- some a palpable hearing or feeling or seeing. Some through dreams or .... And suddenly a light came on for me. I do think that I hear God when WRITING. Ted called me back to journaling as a discipline earlier this summer when he visited. It was an awkward prophetic moment, as I suppose all friend - prophetic - moments - in - kitchens are -- but for the last month his words have been taking root in me, and when Jan said this -- it felt as if it came together for me. When I'm writing, I think I'm best at discernment, insight, elaboration. And I said in an earlier blog I hear God speak through the contours of my life, my story, but that doesn't seem as much an instance of divine INTERVENTION & PRESENCE-- which is really what I'm looking for -- special evidence in an de-magical-ized world. I'm verging on the sort of blogging that would make Lynn blush because, as she so aptly puts it: 'what kind of person would do that? Journal? and then show other people?!' Mist left behind from the fierce rains of the night is drifting over the trees all around our neighborhood. Its already 6:18 a.m., but it looks like it could be night -- a bright night -- or day -- a dark dark day. I love the in-betweens. peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 04,August,2003 | - what happened yesterday - So much happened yesterday. If I wax essayistic about each *thing*, I could write an alternate universe. So I'll try adapting the idiom of the internet -- brevity. Ang & Ryan moved. (after a long battle with U-Haul clerks who were annoyingly friendly) Mark & Toby successfully installed the upstairs toilet! (no more midnight treks down two flights of stairs!) Jeff, with my cowardly help, transported a SKUNK in our mini van from Marcia's back yard (it had lived under her house) to the local park / frisbee golf course. (Wives & Kids cheered as 'Sonja' ambled through the grass to her new life.) A woman in A & R's church told them, just before they went to sleep Saturday Night that a woman SHOT herself in their bedroom. Where they have lived for the last year. And though Ang didn't say this -- I'm pretty sure that this is a secret that their whole church has been keeping from them. (The house they lived in is the 'youth pastor house' for a string of youth pastors.) Of course my interest in the story is primarily Proprietary -- PITCH: young couple moves from house where ghost has lived unbeknownst to them. Ghost liked their life so much that she moved WITH them -- but started to act up once she was in a new * place *. TOBY's ICING on the PITCH: The couple's spending all this effort trying to figure out how this ghost came to be in their new (older) home -- combing through history, etc... but they'll never find a record there, will they? Because THEY BROUGHT the ghost from their home. Dunh, dunh, dunh. Addison slept in his NEW BIG BOY bed for the first two times yesterday and last night. No problems. He loves it! Aunt Jan comes to town today! The whole family's excited... peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 03,August,2003 | - mysteries of blogging - see cushman starve – please forgive! - One of the most interesting dimensions of blogging, dear audience, is that * urlLink you * may very well not exist. I may devote earnest efforts to conjure you (emails, subtle references to blogcontentn in F2F conversation)... But – in the end – you may or may not exist (/read). Who knows? COMBINE this mystery of blogging with another delightful one – The relative invisibility of existing bloggers. Try to find this blog with a search engine. I dare you. I don’t think you can do it. Well actually as long as you use the EXACT NAME of the blog -- you can do it, but you only know the name because you've been here. Just try to find the blog without that specialized knowledge...pretty hard, eh? * but * even once you “find” “me” – JUST by reading you * still * can’t “reach me.” Try to find (I dare you) a way to respond to me on this page. Hunh? Can’t do it! Its crazy! If I actually PAID blogspot for this space – there would be a space for comments – but I’m cheap, and (frankly) a little afraid of my ability to stay “true” to blogging…so for now i'm a freeloader... So the truth is that not only are many blogs unfindable / invisible, but they are also unrespondable – rendering them doubly invisible. WHICH BRINGS ME – to my point.... I found my friend urlLink Joel’s blog a couple of weeks ago, and have enjoyed watching him trek through Europe…hearing his refreshing, hilarious, passionate voice again….BUT… Even though I’ve found him. I can’t * reach * him. He doesn’t know that I’m listening. That I exist (in cyberspace at least) So my idea was -- I'll put it up as a contest on my blog -- first person to send me Joel's email address wins. Since everyone's connected by six degrees of separation anyway -- it shouldn't be too hard. BUT as if this were a fox-network-blog – there's a twist. Here’s the latest entry from “cushman”: Tuesday, July 29, 2003 Quite possibly the most amazing two days I've had. Amazing in the sense of me going completely homeless core. Jenkins and I went homeless all night in Milan waiting to catch our flight. Today has consisted of me in downtown Brussels constantly looking for a bed down in city parks; also trying to conserve my last euro coins; At one point I actually thought about going begging; Tonight I'm stranded by Marcus and am hoping to bed down in the Brussels airport; possibly the most hard core I've gone in awhile; Despite me being almost out of euros; I'm digging on this experience. - posted by Joel @ 12:00 PM Making up hipster language like 'homeless core' is just like Joel! And for him (unlike if I tried to do it), it works! But despite his ability to use language well, apparently, he's disappearing into poverty in Europe somewhere. Possibly Brussels. Running out of Euros to eat (but still blogging -- that's heroism -- a sense of the tragic frame! if you must die in poverty, make sure you do it with an audience (see _Rent_)). Who knows what’s happened to Joel since? My little contest * could * be a very short - lived reality – show – style - blog - quest. If we don’t find him soon – we may very well -- in hyperreal time – See Cushman Starve. Of course, if I were a normal guy and this were a normal blog the whole thing would have said, “Hey! Anybody know my friend Joel Larson from BG? Do you read his cushman blog? Do you have his email address?” But that’d be way too easy. Besides this way – maybe I'll come up with prizes... urlLink Happy International Forgiveness Day! Be sure to keep forgiving everybody that you need to…it’s the hardest work we can do as humans. As my Newcastle Ale cap read the other day: “life’s too short to be bitter.” (in terms of beer, I disagree, but in terms of forgiveness – Amen!) Peace & Forgiveness ~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 13,August,2003 | Great news! I discovered the perfect book to write. No really, this one is perfect. So I told Lynn. LYNN: That's great, honey. I'm going for a walk down to the souvenier shops. ANDREW: Fine. Be dismissive, but I'll maybe, probably have it halfway done by the time you get back from your walk. LYNN: Really. That's great. Really. *portions of the previous dialogue may have been vaguely fictionalized to sustain the greater truth of the interaction. (yes, i mean *my* truth.) |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 10,August,2003 | - axiom of the day - vacation update - getting everything done (in theory) - Favorite urlLink Gloria - ism: There are no bored people in the world. Only boring people. My mother comes from two parents who are eminently quotable, poignantly axiomatic. And she is too. There's something that emerges from that kind of culture. At least I have an ability to articulate many of the base / core / deep-seated values that make me who I am. This is one of them. There are several other great axiom that are in both of my parents' vocabularies which also explain some of the core Rudd-tendencies that are both my greatest assets (/resources if *assets* sounded too braggadocios) and yet bewilder me in such core ways too. With the enneagram ? I don't like hearing that I ifnd it hard to let others be in charge - but on the other hand - I do find it difficult to believe that the average anybody else will give something the kind of treatment that I think it needs. Is that a messiah complex? Am I journaling out loud in inappropriate ways? We're in Myrtle. Gary rented us a cottage and it has the most amazing screened in porch facing the wave. Nestled into a dune. Lynn's sunning on the deck next to me. It's a hard life. Jaelyn took to the waves like a mermaid separated from an old friends. Addison (still trying to shake a 24 hour flu-ish thing) is more tentative. He likes it, but from a safe distance. But the digging of Hooles (his pronunciation) is enough to keep him happy forever. I'm reading a book Get Everything Done and Still Have Time to Play which is challenging. The author does seem to have a big box around the idea that individuals get to make choices for themselves (which Lynn identified as a modernist / industrial - corporate - male mindset -- I agree), but I also really agree with his analysis that we often choose to do things with less resistance (eg. blog) when we meet resistance in the tasks that are more core to the values that we have. His analysis? We end up with too much paper, feeling too stressed, always behind, never complete, and needing more time. His core idea? There's no such thing as time management. Only attention management. We can choose how much attention we give to tasks and issues but we only get the same amount of time everyday. Big problem? We don't get to choose our attention by ourselves. Or at least we shouldn't. (says Andrew, not Forster) Such choices should be made in concert, in communion, in tandem with the communities we live with and in. But I probably shouldn't throw out the baby (attention management -- attending more intentionally to our choices) with the bathwater (his modernist, corporate maleness). Sometime I'll get into a blog / a thought about the western-ness of his preconceived individual. How an eastern WV might differently conceive of a person within the nexus of their relationships / expectations / heritage / resources / etc? And the other question that lingers for me there is -- to what degree is our choice-making, rational individual (championed by apologist Ravi Z. as a sufficiently worthwhile accomplishment of Christianity / Western Religion ? and some version of that claim is echoed by Daniel Boorstein in the creators) --really emergent from Christian theology (in opposition to Hindu / Confuscian ways of thinking-being) and to what degree is that a product of the modern ? western ? rational ? (mostly) Christian worldview that has shaped the culture I grew up in... I know I can bait at least my brother (DJR) with that question -- can't I? And what are the implications of all this thinking upon the metaphor underlying this blog? That our attention can be _back burnered_? I?m worried that these thoughts (you must seize the day! Be a choice maker! Choose your destiny!) may undermine my commitments to discursively BEING (present) in this realm? peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 21,August,2003 | - did the back burner go out? - Toby walked in tonight and said, 'I checked your blog and decided that your back burner was on the back burner.' He's right. School is starting. Freshman have been arriving all week. We've just (finally!) finished hiring two new (one semester & one year) faculty members. Daniel and Andrea just left after three days of lots of fun (they were patient and allowed our fun to flow in and around a hundred meetings / activities / etc....). The joke of the weekend became me turning to Andrea and saying, 'has it been ten minutes? Can I tell you another student-story?' I've said before (somewhere) that I consume people -- not devour or prey, mind you, but I just get resourced by BEING WITH. So I'm pretty excited about my job right now. Despite the fact that the principalities and the powers of this world have been trying to thwart that excitement-- (eg. a long speech about how the most important thing that a Malone Faculty Member could do to Raise the Standard of Excellence (not something I'm all that interested in anyway -- is a commitment to the nebulous inheritance of arete' my birthright as an American -- i've done 'quality-stamped-all-over-it', thanks, and I'm not goin' back) *by* (and this is the kicker) lowering our average GPA score & increasing the reading we assign (not the depth of or value in -- just the page amounts) -- despite these cultural norms of pedagogical evil -- I'm excited to be returning to the classroom. And the hallways and the office and the yellow chair. The Great Bathroom Renovation is nearing completion. My syllabi are really close to being ready to being printed up. Addison learned the difference between the nominative and objective cases in reference to one's self today. Jaelyn is about to start Dance Lessons next week. Lynn likes her first year students quite a bit(though she's pretty tired tonight). The new _Over The Rhine_ CD is still (so far) living up to expectations -- and I'm looking forward to watching _All the Real Girls_ -- finally out on video and available in the midwest this week. I hope your front and back burners are burning brightly... Peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 18,August,2003 | - ouch - good trip - the plan - I'm feeling the squeeze of the schoolyear keenly. Even though we're still a week out from start date. I feel like we're at week seven (which is perhaps the worst for me -- in a fifteen work semester -- by week eight, i just surrender to the tide). I'm keenly aware that my backburner space looms large, luminous and luscious in the summer. (little cross - reference to my baptist-exegetical-preaching-featuring-the-age-old-memory-device-of-alliteration-which-can-handily-parse-almost-any-scriptural-passage-upbringing) And I'm feeling it shrink to a half-operational bunsen burner already. what will it be like at literal week seven? Good Trip (above) refers to Myrtle Beach. Living with my in-laws in a vacation house on a beach is always an adventure. It's just funny to me to be in the fusion of Beach Culture (as I've experienced it) and Farm Culture. Lynn's Dad and Brother have an internal alarm clock which is a feature of their years / life as hog farmers that goes -ding- somewhere between 4:30 a.m. and 5 a.m.. I try to make my way to the public space to write by 5 - 5:30 everymorning, but I was continuously shocked to find OTHER PEOPLE awake! And then Keith was up by 6:30 -- ultimately there was only one day where anyone slept past 7:30. The upside? Lynn and I were looking at each other on the couch by nine each night with the eerie silence of post-apocalyptic desertion. Everybody was in bed. Big full moons over the ocean every night. Wide beautiful swaths of (relatively) un-touristed beach. Hilarious ongoing laughter of Jaelyn and Keith romping wildly in the shallow surf. Waveboarding huge 15 foot waves. Oh -- and the other feature of Farm Life. COOKING. Hardcore Cooking at EVERY meal. ALWAYS sausage or bacon in the morning WITH eggs, pancakes, etc...ALWAYS a HOT lunch (they call it Dinner). And big, endless dinners. The whole getting-naked-on-the-beach-thing was an odd yang to the yin of dinner. So here's the blog plan for the semester. I'm gonna *try* to put some words up here every other day minimally -- but I do want to stay committed to the front burners and fronter-back-burners that I should be. Be assured, though, dear reader, if you're blogging and I have your address, I'm reading you a lot more than I'm writing! I love the ability to be *with* my friends even while so far away. If you are one of the loyal (two? three?) readers who reads every day -- then you'll recognize that I've broken one of the rules of the non-cyber-universe. I've gone back in time and revised my plan as it was first published. With no indication of what it used to say! Who knows what will happen to Marty McFly now? will he disappear from the photo first? or will the Libyan Terrorists in the minivan kill the professor? Peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 27,August,2003 | The world is so full of humanness. I press up against my students, 33 of them crammed into a little room with brick block walls and big metal window frames letting in the spare light of courtyard, not really bright enough to liluminate the thin yellow chalk on the greenboard. They're all taking quizzes and making guesses about 'right answers' and i know, secretly thinking through the next hour, their day, their lives. I try to engage them, to take on their lives and perspectives and burdens in order to make the words and ideas I have to give them deeper and richer and better, and I feel exhausted. It feels like we can only bear so much of the loads of those around us. President Johnson (prez of the college) today addressed the undergrads and told them that to hear God's purpose for their life, that they couldn't look to their own dreams and ambitions -- that they needed to surrender to God's ambition. His source Rick Warren's _Purpose Driven Life_ -- I knew that the book was everywhere (when I saw a trucker at a greazy spoon in Nowhere, Indiana (on a road trip this summer with Erik) reading it over breakfast) despite my lifelong vows against Christian bookstores...but please tell me, somebody, that Rick isn't opposing our will (in any sort of natural or given way) to God's will? Because shouldn't our dreams and goals spring in some way from the riches of God's common grace? Shouldn't our longings be evidence / witness to the creative and sustaining powers of God. And by the way, Daniel is an anti-calvinist. And I can't figure out in retrospect whether he thinks that God doesn't call the elect, that the elect do not perservere, or that God just isn't neccessarily omniscient. One of these I agree with.... Readers? Yesterday Addison wouldn't go into the basement without me. He was convinced. CONVINCED that a Lion would be down there. He played out the whole scenario for me over and over. Go downstairs. ROAR! me: DAD! come. Stick. Poke. DIE! Most of his syllogisms end in bloody deaths. The fastest one is no seatbelt. He shakes his head, says 'on?' and that's the only link needed -- 'DIE!' ahhh my pacifist children. (note: not pacifistIC. IC on the end of words is increasingly my MOST hated misuse of the English language -- or at least of Suffixes.) My brother urlLink David is writing some funny stuff about Pirates these days. peace~ |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 24,August,2003 | - the front burner heats up - so now i'm just blogging about how my job is taking over my whole entire life. i don't think that there could possibly be a more boring blog to read. Dale Soden from Whitworth College came to campus last week to talk to the faculty and he talked about how central to the life of the faculty member it was to be helping our students think careful about meaningful vocation. I couldn't agree with him more. I've felt deeply enmeshed in the struggle of MANY of my students (some of you are reading?) -- unsure of where and how they fit in the world. Harry decided to preach a series on vocation though (so now is the time to come and visit if its applicable and you're interested). This morning he talked about how hearing God's call was often about forcing yourself to listen to the shape of who *you* are. What is it that you love? long for? enjoy? take pleasure in? *AND* forcing yourself NOT to listen to all the seductions and expectations that feel so natural (money, security, normalcy, parents' expectations). It was very moving. This summer I think that I'm starting to think (and yes, that sentence needs to be just that circuitous) that maybe this teaching thing *does* / *could* fit my calling after all. Certainly, I'm increasingly convinced that the bueracracy of higher (and most other levels) ed. is *not* a good fit -- but that maybe the things that I love: - telling stories - casting vision - intuiting truth - building friends can find a home in this profession. Not that they couldn't have found 'home' in another profession -- and certainly I never set out in this direction... I do become increasingly convinced that more often than not our CALLING (vocatio) does not *fit* well with the jobs and the institutions and the places and the flow of money that exist in the world. Isn't that part of what it means to be strangers and aliens. I wrote in a card to Lynn about 6 months ago that i felt 'set adrift in life'. that felt scary and awful to me then. (I remembered the feeling when i saw the card on the counter today -- it fell out of her Bible maybe?) The truth is that I still feel that drift, but am maybe becoming more convinced that the sense of chartedness and destiny that i thought was driving me forward was purely rhetorical construct -- and that we're all trying to make our drifting meaningful by telling stories. Of course I don't want to demean those stories. I live for them. (I'd like to MAKE A LIVING telling them.) But I also want to free myself to enjoy the drift. To acknowledge the possibility and the playfulness that exists in the limin and betweenness. If you're my brother, you're 'blah, blah, blah'ing the screen right now. If you're my grandma you're shaking your head, 'that boy!' if you're my mom, you're hearing me depict my brothers and grandmother publicly and saying, 'andy!' so that's my cue to shut up. happy school start, teachers, parents & students everywhere. peace! ~andrew (p.s. if you're my sister Angela, you're nodding intensely, listening as I ramble, seeming *so* interested...but possibly you're just on screensaver mode...) |
1,103,084 | male | 34 | Education | Pisces | 06,September,2003 | If I have to put on clothes one more time, I’m going to scream. I laced up shoes, like, FOUR times yesterday. And I wore flip flops to work! (went to the Y, in and out of the toddler room twice, getting out of the pool and getting ready in the first place) What a waste of a day. Putting on SOCKS, SHOES, Zipping up pants, buckling them, buttoning up shirts. Aargh! Some people hypothesize that the effects of the fall of man were that nakedness became the private domain. Being something of an exhibitionist, I’m not too fond of this explanation. Others suggest that the fall introduced shame and clothes & nakedness are a good metaphor for this shame. Sure, I can go with them on the clothes part at least – certainly clothes are constantly making us feel inferior. Some say that the fall alienated us from one another (and God) and that clothes are just an expression of that alienation (which is obviously linked to the other two). Right, right. I certainly feel alienated. Who doesn’t? I’m thinking that a better explanation than all of these things would be that the punishing implication of the fall was not any of the theoretical domains above, but that we would be pushed by all of *these* sociological phenomena (shame, alienation, privacy) to have the very *embodied* punishment of lacing up corsets and tennis shoes and buttoning shirts and tying ties. All of which, notably are not extensions of these large scale human problems (sh, al, & pr) but are hybrids of their effects when mixed with the hubris of … Dunh, dunh, dunh, Fashion. Aaargh. (sorry, Elaine, I'll justify fashion in a different blog) So, you may ask, are you, like, typing this blog while NAKED?! Well I obviously can’t answer that question without changing the rating on the backburner…. (BTW, I am not now, nor ever have 'into' wearing corsets -- I was just trying to describe a historical arc of falleness.) Feeling free for now~ |
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