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491,348 | female | 17 | Student | Gemini | 18,July,2004 | Why are you doing this to me? I hate it when you pretend you don't care. |
491,348 | female | 17 | Student | Gemini | 13,July,2004 | Had a nightmare last night. No, not because I watched 'The Ring' before I went to bed, (which, by the way, has at least 1/4 of material that I still don't understand,) and certainly not because I feel guilty about not practicing very much violin this week. Speaking of 'The Ring', does anyone actually like it? I personally did not find it scary at all. Maybe it's because I didn't understand it in the first place. Or it's probably because I'm Asian, and the Japanese Version was much more scarier. Or maybe because I watched the Japanese Version when I was 10 (and too young), and I didn't bother to watch 'the Ring' until now, (and I've grown up, plus I know the plot and shit). Or maybe because it was on HBO and they cut out all the disgusting scenes... No, no, my dream has nothing to do with not practicing or other horror stories. It's actually a very normal story with 2 main characters (apart from me) having tea and talking. My character doesn't even do anything but observe them. But it's bugging me so much!!! I don't know why my dreams bother me so much. And it always affects me in real life. And I've been thinking about that dream all day already. |
491,348 | female | 17 | Student | Gemini | 10,July,2004 | In Heathrow I slept 4 hours or so. On the plane I slept about an hour half. Wedenesday I slept for about 7 hours. Then I slept for like 14 hours on Thursday - Friday. And then last night (Friday night) I did not sleep. Then later on in the afternoon I was practicing... but then when I woke up ('cos somehow I fell asleep...|||) it was tea time. And now it's 12:00am and I'm not tired. Ahhhhhhhh........... |
491,348 | female | 17 | Student | Gemini | 08,July,2004 | And all the time, and a lot of the time since, I wondered: Why him? It can't have been that I liked the look of him; it can't only have been physical, not that alone. Can it? Was it? Maybe I loved him. I thought I did. As much as I knew what the word means. How do you ever know? I used to think I would know when it happened. Know immediately, without having to wonder about it. But all I knew for certain was that I couldn't get enough of him. I wanted to be with him all the time. And yet when I was with him that wasn't enough either. I wanted to look at him and touch him and have him touch me and hear him talk and tell him things and do things together with him. All the time. Day and night. For instance: He would leave. I'd wait on edge for him to come back. People must have thought I had some sort of convulsive twitch because my head and eyes would keep darting towards the door every few seconds. But they couldn't have been mistaken what was going on, when Mr. Wonderful hove into view again, because then I went to pieces. Lost my grip entirely on what I was supposed to be doing and had eyes for nothing but him until I got used to him being there again. Sounds like a pet dog. And I knew what was happening to me even while it was happening. At first I tried to stop myself. But I couldn't. It was a compulsion, and obsession. Irresistible. After a while I gave up caring how I behaved or who thought what about me. Trying to hide how I felt was too much strain, and I wasn't succeeding anyway. I was just making a fool of myself. So I let it show, let it happen. I felt easier straightaway. More natural. More in charge of myself. If that was the way I was, I told myself, why pretend anything different? |
491,348 | female | 17 | Student | Gemini | 06,August,2004 | I had a GREAT time yesterday. ♥ |
491,348 | female | 17 | Student | Gemini | 04,August,2004 | OK I've edited this entry so many times I don't even know what to write anymore. It was originally about my craziness over QI LI XIANG - THERE. I'm proud to be not ashamed of this. Or ashamed to be proud of that. Whatever. |
491,348 | female | 17 | Student | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | They didn't want me linking the files from urlLink Jay-Chou.net , so I removed the links. But anyway I got all the tracks now. To download, go to urlLink solid07 , so I won't be hot-linking again.: urlLink go here . And the official tracklist is supposed to be (I've removed the translations that I don't agree with, and slightly changed them.): 01 我的地盤 (Wo De Di Pan / My Territory) 02 七里香 (Qi Li Xiang / Orange Jasmine) 03 藉口 (Jie Kou / Excuse) 04 外婆 (Wai Po / Grandmother) 05 將軍 (Jiang Jun / The General) 06 擱淺 (Ge Qian / Stranded) 07 亂舞春秋 (Luan Wu Chun Qiu) 08 困獸之鬥 (Kun Shou Zhi Dou / Duel of the Trapped Beasts) 09 園遊會 (Yuan You Hui / Garden Tour Fete) 10 止戰之殤 (Zhi Zhan Zhi Shang / The Youth That Ends War) My computer's fixed, and it's much better, I must say. |
491,348 | female | 17 | Student | Gemini | 01,August,2004 | It amazes me how some Chinese people can believe in these fortune-tellers (算命師) so much. Like, they believe every single word. This one fortune-teller told my best friend that if she has beef/steak, she'll have bad luck. So all her life she hasn't had any steak or beef or any cow-related food. (Well maybe once or twice.) That's just missing out on the nice food. My other friend (who is a very good violinist,) heard from a fortune-teller that if she goes to Europe, not only will she have get a major illness, she'll also fail to get her degree, and end up broke. So now she's not going to even think about going to Europe to study music. It pisses me off, sometimes, these fortune-tellers. I mean yeah, I know they have no other life skill and probably need this to make money to live... But what they're doing... it's like ruining other people's lives. My friend here could be a very good violinist. And now, if she stays in Taiwan all her life... I doubt she'll get anywhere. Oh, and she changed her name, too. 'Cos the fortune-teller told her that her name would bring her bad luck. So she changed her name. What the fuck?? |
3,361,107 | male | 35 | Science | Virgo | 17,May,2004 | I AM 28% ASSHOLE/BITCH! |
3,361,107 | male | 35 | Science | Virgo | 17,May,2004 | So... after almost two years complaining about the tone of the bridge humbucker of my Ibanez RG548 ('V8'), I finally replaced it. Initially I was going for a DiMarzio PAF Pro, like in my Strat which I love. But I thought I'd rather go for something a bit more different. So I got two pickups off eBay, both DiMarzios: a DP100 SuperDistortion and a DP159 Evolution (Steve Vai's model). The SuperDistortion was hot, really good tone, good rocking pickup. But I found it slightly too trebly. Then I tried the Evolution, and thats' the one I'm keeping. It's not as powerful as I expected, but it sounds very good and it has a very good definition on the lower strings. I was also toying with the idea of coil-splitting the V7 neck humbucker, but I wanted a 500Kohm push-push pot, and I have been unable to find one... so I'm waiting on that one. Next now is the old Arirang Strat copy... I have a new set of pickups (Kent Armstrong, HST1 for bridge, SV4N for neck and STV1R for middle), with a 5-way switch I managed to find (shorter than standard switches, hard to find) to replace the original 3-way one, and I also have a new set of pots/caps. I might also put on a switch for 'neck on' so that I can get all three pickups at once or bridge & neck... Then there's the bass. A Squier precision with an extra jazz pickup by the bridge. It's originally wired with two individual volume controls, and a master tone. I want to wire it for one master tone and one master volume, and install a blend pot to mix both pickups... And then the telecaster... the wiring needs attention, so I'll re-do it, but I'd like to get a 4-way switch to add in the extra position both pickups in series, as opposed to the standard parallel, as I like the fatter sound it produces. The problem is I got two new DVDs: Steve Vai 'Live at the Astoria' and Joe Satriani 'Live in San Francisco', so with this and the G3, it's hard to do anything else! |
3,361,107 | male | 35 | Science | Virgo | 17,May,2004 | I didn't meant to. But I walked past the record store and the voices said 'go inside, gooo iiinsiiide'... and I don't know what happened, only that a while later I was at home enjoying the playing of Satriani, Vai, and to a slightly lesser extent Malmsteen. There's this part where Vai and his bandmates start fretting eachother's guitars... highly entertaining, great show, great music! In fact, I think I'm off to watch it again... I also received today the 7-guitar stand I ordered on Friday from Thomann.de. I'm hoping this will keep me from acquiring too many guitars: if there's no space in the stand, I must sell something in order to get another guitar. The problem is... I already own 8 guitars. |
3,361,107 | male | 35 | Science | Virgo | 17,May,2004 | Nothing much, just something to open the blog. It's way too late and I should be sleeping. Tomorrow is a holiday but didn't realise so I planned some experiments at work, and now I have to go. Early. I don't like mornings. And I have guitar bits all over the place, even on my bed. Yep, this is what I'll initially post about... my modifications to some perfectly fine guitars that I cannot just leave alone. hey! it's cheaper than buying more guitars and keeps me busy! What's that saying about idle hands? Besides, if I didn't do this I might actually do something productive! Like... well, like practicing and learning to play the damn thing, for starters! Oh no, then I'd be sure to discover how utterly talentless I am, and I am not sure I can do that. Not right now. Anyway, today I just changed the bridge pickup on my urlLink Ibanez RG548 ... but more about that later. Now I just gotta see if this works, and clear my bed. |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | I am not sure if I can do this story justice by writing it but I will give it a whirl.... I am sure her pets are possessed... I should have known she didn't tell me the whole story. When I walked in the house I found the garbage can on the kitchen table & a bottle of Pet-Eze (used to calm down hyperactive dogs) on the counter. The first three days went well, no accidents no problems... I knew we would have problems on Saturday (refer to earlier posts) So, on Sunday I decided I needed to stay at her house... I tried to sleep on the couch but the birds keep chirping (they began to sound like the dogs) and dogs kept licking me... I swear I am made out of cotton candy - they were licking my feet, my hands and my face. I gave up and went into her bedroom. Of course the dogs followed. There was some hissing and snarling. Not by me but by the other cat who just had kittens - protecting her young from the slobbering monsters that keep following me around. They got the clue & left the room - I closed the door behind them - thereby locking both cats in the room. I woke up the next morning to the cat scratching at the door to get out. So I dragged my lazy ass out of bed and opened the door for him - I figured it would be a good time to let the dogs out too so that they will have some time outside before I had to go to work. As I opened the door, I found the dogs standing there looking so innocent - Walking down the hallway and I sensed something wrong. I approached the living room with caution only to realize that the dogs have turned destructive. It looked like a cloud had exploded in the room. There was cotton all over the place. After a quick glance at the couches (to my relief) I found they had only destroyed a dog pillow - I yelled a few choice words at the dogs and then let them out... way to aggravated to deal with the mess I went back to bed. Now, let me tell you - I was smelling something funny after I woke up the first time - I thought it was just me, you know, maybe I farted in my sleep or something. However, after I woke up the second time and I could still smell it - I knew something was wrong. Well, remember I told you I locked the freaking cat in the bedroom - he used the bathroom in the bedroom to relieve himself - needless to say she now has one less towel to wash. Anyway, I got ready for work and then brought the beasts back into the house - Just then I saw the bottle of Pet-Eze on the counter - so, I figured it would be a nice treat for the dogs (and me). I went to work that evening dreading on having to come back to the house to clean up the mess from the dogs and hoping the Pet-Eze worked. When I got there I immediately locked the dogs out and proceeded to clean the living room from the cloud burst - as I was sweeping up I noticed a hell of a lot of bird feathers. Upon closer inspection of the bird I realized the little f'er was pulling out his feathers. I could freaking see his pink bird skin. Great, I realized when J got home she was going to have a heart attack - the bird would be bald - the dogs dead and the cat sitting in the corner rocking back and forth - repeating the phrase, I am special to someone! Finally, I was done cleaning up the mess and after a quick glance at the place I figured there is nothing else the monsters can destroy and let them back in. Did I mention there is still one dog pillow left? I woke up the next morning and had an eerie sense of deja vu - minus the cat shit on the towel. Lo and behold there were no dog pillows left and another great cloud burst. I was mad - It took all of my self constraint to not kick the crap out of them. And the cycle begins - the last thing they destroyed was one of the couch pillows - while I was there and awake. The nerve. I thought they were neutered. Let me finish by saying I am freaking glad this week is over and every pet survived - except possibly frog that I never actually saw - I wouldn't be surprised if it was dead, especially since it was locked in the kids bedroom for a week. Me and the cat were like burglars and used my Players Card to break into the room. ( I locked it after the incidents on Saturday & Sunday) - Never did see the frog. Maybe it was playing hide and seek or the dogs ate it. The week was a lesson well learned - I am sticking to cats. I have pictures - I will post them when I get the upload program to work |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | My roommate was sick over the weekend - girlie problems (yeah, I wont go into detail) but I thought we may have had to take her to the hospital.. Needless to say I was up until 4am on Saturday morning - I ended up going into work 5 hours late - there was no way in hell I was going to be able to work a 16 hour shift on 1 hour of sleep - just not gonna happen... She had a friend there but, I was worried about her and wanted to make sure she was going to be okay. All is well. Found out today that Drunk Dialing to a speaker phone is bad - fortunately I wasnt the caller - just the reciever. A monsoon is brewing - it is beautiful out tonight - the wind is blowing pretty hard, we havent seen any rain yet though. The lightning storm is beautiful. The house sitting isnt going as well as I wanted it to... It is hard for me on the weekends - I only work three days a week - Saturday, Sunday & Monday - (yeah, I love my job) The dogs are fighting the power - I think the big one knows how to open doors. Together they decided to make a new bathroom in the house. Maria had quite a surprise when she came over to let the dogs out.... Who says dogs arent smart.... |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | Well, I have figured out how to turn on the living room lights. Last night I sat in the dark because I couldnt figure it out... low and behold the freaking switch is in the kitchen - the lighting in the house must have been designed by the Microsoft Me programmers... ;) I also found another perk - she has the best shower. I cant wait until tomorrow just so I can take another shower. Az has some of the best water pressure I have ever seen. Go figure that we are in the desert.... |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | 2am - I am house sitting for a friend who ironically has the same name as me. It is always wierd to be in someones house when they are not here. Especially when they have pets. My friend has a whole zoo - 2 dogs, 2 birds, fish, two cats, a crap load of kittens and of course the ever present frog (which thank god I DONT have to feed) the thought of having to put crickets in his tank just creeps me out. There are two nice perks though - she has cable & high speed internet. I am glad that I have a laptop though because her computer sucks. I dont care what any one says about XP. It is the bomb compared to Me. I have still yet to figure out what kind of drugs Microsoft was on when they decided to release Me. (Probrably thinking about all the money they would make in technical support calls) Another down fall is none of her freaking remotes have batteries - I have searched high and low and have only found one lonely battery sitting in a charger in the drawer. I tried to give the guy a little pep talk so that maybe he would be able to power the remote - but he is a very stubborn battery.... no such luck. I am off to enjoy the power of high speed internet - if you see a blur across your screen - wave hello that is probrably me surfing by.... |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | Okay, I am freaking OCD - another 4am post. I am Obsessive and Complusive about posting. I was looking back through my 'history' and realized I have only had this blog for 17 days!!!! To top it off I have posted 31 times. (AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Little house on the Praire - oh hell no!) I love it when my kitten purrs... it is one of the best sounds in the world.... It lets me know I am doing some thing right. Okay enough ramdom sentences - I am off to clip kittens nails - he is NOT going to like me after this ..... |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | urlLink I love this - Customer Service Hear me ROAR!!! |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | I would give today a 8 out of 10. I was technically off of work but decided to drag my ass to an off-campus lunch meeting. The director was there so I figured I should make an appearance. I figure the more face time the better. Anyhow, I had the best lunch... We went to Chili's - Normally I dont like the trendy chain Mexican resturants - I prefer Mexican food made by real Mexicans sweathing over a hot stove.... But, I had their spinach & artichoke quesadillas, with their salsa. It was so good!! Beware- the rice tasted like ass. Anyhow, afterward me and R went to the movies - We saw Anchorman ( note - dont waste your money) It was kinda cool he has been winning so much money that he actually paid for me & my drink (no popcorn - I was full from lunch) . The movie was okay - but you really have to like Will Ferrell. I just dont appreciate his sense of humor. Then we hit the casino - this is where the day turned from a 10 to an 8 - Lost another 200 dollars but it did kill time. I met a really cool woman - she called herself Grandma - she was onrey as hell - full of fire. She reminded me of the grandmother I just lost. After the casino we went and saw Soul Plane at the freaking kick ass dollar theather - actually it was the 2 dollar theater - but on Tuesdays they only charge 1.25 ( I paid this time :) ) The both of us loved the movie - I heard bad things about it but, I truly liked it - I suppose you would need to either love the 'ghetto' type movies or be an airline employee to appreciate it... I fit in both categories so I loved it. After that me and R parted ways - i kinda didnt want the day to end - I had such a good time. I have found a friend in such an unusual person. We fight like cats and dogs but it is part of the fun. :) |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | I saw this on urlLink All things Jen(nifer) My life is rated NC-17. urlLink What is your life rated? I am quite proud of my rating! I should print it out and frame it :P |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | I went to bed at 7am this morning and woke up feeling like shit - (note to self - stay out of the casino) I did absolutely nothing at work today - I came in sat down and didnt move - except for the occasional soda refill and the often smoke break. I even went into low rider mode. I suppose I should explain.... We have the best office equipment (Can see the sarcasim oozing off of that statement?) Anyhow, there have been many arguments over the hieght of the the chairs in the office - 99% sit like normal people - 1% puts the chair all the way down and basically sits UNDER the desk... I could never understand how she sits like that - well it is absolutely impossible to get the fucking chair back up to normal height. After many years of fighting with the chairs we have dubbed one of them the 'low rider chair' - labeled accordingly. It was in this chair I sat in and stayed. I did manage to get about half-way through the archives of a blog that I am fascinated by - Yeah real productive - I love high speed internet. |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | urlLink |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | Another long evening at the casino.... I need to move to a state that doesnt have casinos, it would save me alot of money :) It wasnt too bad though, I lost a lot less than I usually do - It is probrably due to the fact that my friend who is on a hot streak right now gave me 150 dollars - I never knew him to be so generous. B was driving me crazy tonight - he wants to get married - not to me, which is cool. 25 and he has this bug that he needs to be married. I dont really understand. I am willing to wait, I want to marry my best friend, I want to marry the person that I am going to be with the rest of my life - not one that I am going to waste a few years on. I dont think he understands that - I dont know anyone these days that has stayed married longer than 5 years - unless they are mormon but they are required to stay married - (if they are good mormons) Found out that my ex has a 4 year old baby - we broke up 4 years ago - I can do the math - the girl would have gotten pregnant just around the time that we broke up - and would have given birth by the time I told him to stop calling me :) I thank god everyday that I never got pregnant by him - I now truly believe that there is a God out there watching over me (even though he is not very generous in the gambling department) Oh well... |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | The strangest things make you reflect back on your life - today I found one of them We had a medical emergency come in on a flight from Prescott, AZ - It turns out the guy was deathly allergic to peanuts. You would be surprised how many people have this allergy - some are so sensetive that even peanut dust would cause them to have a reaction. Anyway, back to the peanut guy - he came off the flight and the paramedics checked him out - he wasnt doing very well, they didnt think he was going to make it and he was taken to the hospital. The supervisor that was there said he didnt make it. For lack of a better name - this poor gentleman was dubbed the peanut guy. Can you imagine - Dying just after getting off a plane surrounded by strangers - after having an allergic reaction to peanuts and being dubbed the dead peanut guy? Later on that evening, I was typing up the report on the incident - and it turns out that he didnt die - he actually came back to the airport with a note from the doctor saying it was okay for him to continue to travel. All day long we believed this guy died. For a short period of time he was dead - I wonder if he knows? |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | Okay, My crazy kitten has a weird fascination with me and the bathroom. I have come to the conclusion that I will never be able to pee in peace and quiet again. Everytime I walk into the bathroom the crazy kitten follows me - he just rubs my legs, walks around and stares up at me like I am the crazy one - I dont like when he looks at me like that :p It actually quite comical - I will go into the bathroom and I can hear his tiny paws tearing through the house at Mach 5 - I dont need to close or open the door, lift the lid ( i keep it closed so he doesnt drown himself - besides I use bleach to clean it and dont want him drinking the water and end up getting a bleach addition - I dont have time to take him to Bleach Drinkers Anonymous meetings) anyhow, all I need to do is cross the threshold and like magic he appears. Maybe he has installed sensors while I was at work one day....just so he doesnt miss one moment of my bathroom routine. I wonder if I could turn his fascination into a benefit for me - maybe I could potty train him? Doubt it..... |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | I saw this on someone else's blog and I thoroughly enjoyed it.... I figured I would do the same... It is supposed to be 100 but I need to put my butt in bed so I will start with 25.... 1. I was born in Glen Cove, NY. 2. I have lived in three states - NY, PA and currently AZ. 3. I have a fear of flying - I know it is crazy considering I work for an airline. I have never let it stop me though.... I fly about once a month. 4. I have been to 12 countries - Italy, Great Britain, Scotland, Iceland, Netherlands, Belgium, Austria, Czech Republic, France, Mexico, Canada, Argentina. 5. I don't like pizza or chocolate - call me crazy, we had pizza alot when I was young so I got tired of it.... Chocolate is way to sweet for me... 6. I have been engaged - threw the ring back in his face. 7. I dont like the vanilla smell. 8. I have never been on a cruise - although like many I would love to go on one as long as it is exotic. 9. Antartica is my dream destination - for my college graduation I told my dad I wanted a cruise to Antartica. 10. I never liked the New Kids on the Block - with the exception of the Hang'in Tough song. 11. My roommates cat hates me - although he likes to sleep in my room. Go figure 12. I am the oldest child - I have 1 sister and 1 brother. 13. I love Chinese Food - New York Style - Chicken Chow Mein is my weakness - Arizonans can not make chinese food. 14. I only sleep naked every once in a blue moon - Usually on those hot still nights when you cant sleep. I lock my door to make sure my roommate doesnt enter. 15. I brush with Crest - whitening paste - No gel - I am a smoker (is that 15 1/2 ?) 16. I was fascinated when I was little at my grandmother's false teeth - I would be the highlight of my trip to her house when we slept over to watch her clean her teeth. 17. I love casinos - as you can see from my previous posts. 18. I was 21 before I saw Charlie and the Chocolate factory - by that time I really couldnt appreciate it. 19. I read all of the Baby Sitters club when I was 13. 20. Only my family - and mainly just my dad calls me Jennifer - everyone else calls me Jenn. 21. Jasper is my kittens name - we called him kitten or pumpkin head for 1 month because I couldnt decide on a name - he was Jacob at first but it didnt seem to fit him - his picture is posted for viewing... Isaiah is my roommates cat - he is a siamese and fits his name perfectly. 22. I wanted to be a lawyer when I was young - Or the ice cream woman - I am neither of them. 23. I like Coke over Pepsi - Cherry Coke tastes like medicine - I also hate Dr. Pepper 24. I took an IQ test and scored 133 - dont know what that means though 25. I had to search on the internet to find things to type into this 26. When I was 15, I had to look up Condom in the dictionary to find out what it was 27. I am left handed 28. I have dropped acid - and I am proud (it was in a previous life though) 29. I have to hold my nose when I swim 30. I drive a mauve 1997 Hyundai Accent 31. I am a Scorpio - and live up to everything they say about them. 32. I am a bad procrastinator - and I hate it 33. I dont wear makeup - my friends tease me when I do. 34. I love the rain and have contemplated moving to Seattle because of it. 35. I hate when people use their cell phones in the bathroom. 36. I like to keep my refrigerator neat and organized - when I go home to my mom's house I organize hers too. 37. I only have 1 grandparent alive - and one great grandparent we call Oma - she is over 90. 38. I love to be right 39. I secretly like some country music - dont tell ron 40. I broke my arm by falling off the monkey bars - into the sand 41. I have a certain weakness for Southern Comfort 42. I worked for the IRS for about 6 months 43. I met a guy on the internet who drove from Chicago to PA to stay at my house for a month. 44. I hate Jerry Springer 45. I am 100% Pro-Choice - although I dont think I could do it 46. I was voted worst driver in High School - because I hit a girl walking while I was driving in front of the High School. 47. I am not ready to quit smoking just yet. 48. I have only been sunburnt once - I got sick 49. I have trouble falling asleep and can lie awake for hours - once I do I am a rock. 50. I am a night owl - go to bed at 5am - awake at 2pm.... 51. I am Irish on my dad's side and Greek on my mom's 52. I was technically cheated on by my last boyfriend 53. I used to watch WWF 54. I am very competitive 55. I cant spell (thank God for spell check) 56. I love to take pictures 57. I am a fanatic about getting those pictures developed 58. I can never remember the actors from movies or characters from books 59. I am afraid of going deaf 60. I love to give advice/my opinion - whether asked for or not 61. One of my childhood best friends is a nun 62. I have a niece who is half black 63. I love reality TV 64. I love sunflower seeds 65. When I was little I always wanted glasses and braces - got the braces - but not the glasses 66. I have never skinny dipped 67. My first round of college I was going for a degree in Secondary Education - Biology concentration - until I had to take Physics 68. I found out in order to get a degree in Computer Science I needed to take Physics also 69. Physics was the only class I ever failed 70. I work with Gabrielle Union's sister - Kelly 71. The first 'celebrity' I ever met was Mike Tyson 72. I hate folding clothes - everything gets hung up 73. I started this blog to try and get gmail 74. I graduated in the top 10 of my high school class - there were only 86 graduates 75. I dont have any tattoos but I want a 4-leaf clover - so I can have luck with me always 76. I love eBay 77. I dont like Nutrasweet - besides it causes cancer in lab rats 78. I used to make out to LL Cool J & Marky Mark 79. I hope that whoever is reading this is not getting bored. 80. I almost became a NYC Correction Officer - I moved to AZ instead. 81. I have been working on this list for 3 days 82. I am a Computer Science major with only a dialup connection - and to top it off - we dont have cable or call waiting. 83. I watch PBS 84. I normally only work 3-4 days a week and I get pissed when I have to work 5. 85. I really dont like talking on the phone, although most of my friends are phone chatters 86. I secretly like being the center of attention 87. I was born out of wedlock - my parents got married 3 months after I was born 88. I used to tell my sister that I had a twin that moved out of the house because she didnt like our mom - and then I used to pretend she would come and visit 89. I had a strawberry shortcake bike when I was little 90. My friends and I used to return soda bottles and cans to collect the money so we could go and eat at the Wendy's Salad bar- we would split the plate in threes 91. We used to create dance recitals on our front porch during the summer - the one routine we did was to the song Toy soldiers by Martika 92. I have very vivid dreams 93. I was 20 when I lost my virginity 94. I used to live on Cummings Lane and Parker Trail - I didnt realize the significance of that until I got older 95. I saved the pregnancy test pamphlet - from my friends positive pregnancy test when we were 16. 96. One time as a joke on my mom, me and my friend turned everything upside down in the house - she made us turn it all back 97. I dont smoke in the house. 98. The first time I took a shower with a guy I made him turn off the lights 99. I have bad credit 100. I am finished - I never realized how hard this would be! urlLink urlLink ? urlLink 100 Things urlLink # urlLink > |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | I recieved this list in an email and thought it was funny.... Enjoy. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it. So I said Implants?' She hit me. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!' A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, Damn...that was fun!' I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place! When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.' Don't argue! with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called LABOR! Wouldn't you know it...Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever. Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building? Bumper sticker of the year: 'If you can read this, thank a teacher....and since it's in English, thank a soldier.' |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | 3 cans Buttermilk biscuits (10 per can) 1 C. Sugar 2 tsp. Cinnamon 1 C. Brown Sugar 1 stick Butter Nuts if desired Cut biscuits into 1/4's. In large baggie, combine white sugar and cinnamon. Shake biscuit pieces and line in greased tube or Bundt pan. Melt butter and brown sugar. Boil 1 minute. Pour over biscuits. Bake 35 minutes at 350° F. Let stand 10 minutes before removing from pan. |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | urlLink Do you think I could remember what the name of it is - I know that it has something to do with Cupid- I is in the Louve in Paris, France. |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | urlLink One reason I love amazing race is because I love to travel - It is so cool to see them in places that I have been - like this last episode - they were in Buenos Aires - I was there this March and it is such a wonderful city - we have such a wonderful time and we found the portenos so awesome and friendly - I dont speak spanish but, my traveling companion did..... by the end of the trip I could understand some of them.... If you ever have the chance to go - you have to try their beef.... it was like having filet migon every night for 2 dollars a meal .... Our favorite resturant was in Puerto Maderno - right on the water in the cool spring evening... ahhh... |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | Can I bitch for a second - so I have been reading some other blogs - checking out their designs seeing what they have... To be truthful - the only reason I started this blog was to hopefully get a gmail account - but I have really gotten into it.. anyhow back to what I was talking about... What the hell is wrong with every one - some of these blogs I need a freaking decoder ring to read... doesnt anyone know how to write a complete word.... for example: 'Ehm,to whoeva is reading tis article or blog, i gotten be frank..tis is my first 1 okie..so it's can be pretty dry and not interesting..but hor i m not soo sianz 1/2 person okie..dun get deceive by my article.. todae skool ended quite early though..i was feeling great the whole dae as i can go hm and slack after skool..time to rest, plae my game and so on lor..bt the lessons in skoo' Can someone please translate? Does this mean I am getting old? |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | urlLink I am testing out putting pictures up here on the blog - I have been looking at other people's blogs and I find I enjoy it much better when they have pictures - whether random things - or actual people..... So I figured I would go with an easy one - Jasper. My new crazy kitten. He freaking climbs everything - the walls - he actually climbs the freaking walls.... I dont believe in declawing animals because it is a cruel practice - imagine having your fingers cut at the second knuckle.... Anyhow - so I ordered soft paws on ebay... hopefully it works... if it doesnt - I will have to chain the little f*($er up... :) |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | The news is Jet Blue is coming to PHX hmm... I wonder how long it would take to get my resume together...... |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | :: Standing up - Head hung down :: Hi, My name is Jennifer and I am addicted to Reality TV. Yes, so not only do I have a gambling addiction - I love reality TV.... you name it I watch it... Thank god I dont have cable or people would think I was an albino from lack of sunlight :) Current passions: Big Brother - I love the twin twist - dispite how predictable it was. Amazing Race - Thank God Allison and Donny are gone - I think everyone was expecting that. Homestead - (0n our local PBS channel) - it is when people go back an live like they were in the 1800's.... pretty interesting. |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | I can not freaking believe it.... I hurt my back playing Bingo... what the hell? For those of you who have never played real Bingo - all it entails is sitting at a table with way to many bingo cards infront of you - 'dobbing' your little heart out - hoping for the chance to yell BINGO!!!... Well, I have never gotten the chance to yell Bingo - but I hurt my back playing. Probrably from holding my 'dobber' over the papers looking for the last number called. How freaking pathetic. I think I will make something good up about how I hurt my back... Hmm.. any idea? |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | You know having off 4 days a week is quite boring. The first two days I run around like a maniac, trying to do everything that I couldnt do on the days I work. And the second two days I just lay around on the couch and watch TV. I may add that afternoon TV is BORING... especially if you dont watch soaps. |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | I am at the brink of having a gambling addiction. It sucks a$$. As of today I am 220 dollars in the hole - Not bad considering I have been going to the casino at least 2-3 nights a week... BlackJack is my drug of choice. I am dream of 21's. What started as a fun hobby has turned into a crappy job. Sitting hours upon hours at the table waiting for a hot streak (which lately seems to slip past my finger tips as a tap the table for another card). I come home bleary eyed smelling like an overripe ash tray. Fortunately I dont think I need to jump on the internet and search for the closest gambling anoynomus meeting - because I have realized my problem and have sworn off the casino until next paycheck... LOL |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | As the thermometer starts to push over 100 - I begin to hate it here... But the monsoon season here is one of the best times of the year - we have the best thunderstorms - you can see it approach over the flat desert landscape and there seems to be an electricity in air as everything and everyone awaits the approaching storm. The lightning lights up the sky and the thunder reaches to your bones. It makes you feel alive. An insane person (me) just wants to run out in the rain and let it wash away all of my sorry and sins. Ofcourse the chance of getting hit by lightning usually keeps me 'safely' indoors staring aimlessly out the window at the power of mother nature. |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | ()_() (^_^) (o o) |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | I like being called pumpkin. Out of left field - over to right field. In the dugout - up at bat -- I have no idea where this person is coming from or heading? |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | Ha.... A LIE |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | Alcohol and Airline employees are a bad mix. We had a going away party for some people at work. 4 people in the last month have jumped ship, I suppose I should say aircraft. It was quite the 'blow-out'. I know that change is a part of life, doesnt mean I have to like it.... the freaking cheese has been moved so many times we need to put a GPS thingy on it to keep track of it. It is always the good people - I understand you can only get kicked so many times - you eventually come to your senses and realize you need to get out of this abusive relationship... Sick part is I am hooked - I wonder why I am trying to get this degree, I know I am going to stay - Work my way toward the legacy carriers - make more money - travel for free. I am truly one of those people who loves to travel. Thoughts wandering aimlessly over the computer lines. I am now confusing myself... |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | I burned it all..... Getting ready to get in the shower - hop in the ghetto ride and head to the airport.... back home to the burning desert - Lack of sleep is not a good thing for me - Here comes Super B*%#h - I am looking forward to my five hour flight - cramming my overweight tush into a coach seat in the back of the aircraft - hopefully - there is always a little apprehsion when flying standby - that on the chance I will not make it on the flight - bitter sweet memories of being stuck and stranded in Argentina - calling Dad to get money to get home - only to be stranded in Miami and then Las Vegas - Ahhh... memories :) Off to clean the lack of sleep slime off of me...... |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | We left the house today - took the little one to Chuckie Cheese - had a pretty good time considering my age - almost thirty and running around the place trying to get tickets to get some cheesy prize - not worth the money I spent trying to get them.... Gotta love corporate america |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | 4am - all is well Ryan is sitting on his computer playing some silly 1st person game - screaming at people who arent in the room I feel like I am in a space time continum (did I spell that right? - who cares it is 4am) I am exhausted but cant sleep - they will be up in a few hours - I dont mind the big ones but the little one will be yanking her spongebob square pants blanket off of me at about 7am - while my eyes rollback into my head trying to get away from the sun shining through the blinds that do absolutely nothing but hide the outside world. ::as my mind wanders:: I wonder what the fascination with spongebob squarepants is all about? Not having cable I have only had a few oppurtunities to see the show - it is rather odd.... ::wandering back:: time zones suck - I have had 3-4 hours of straight sleep in the last 48 hours - you think I would be enjoying my dreams right now .... no instead I sit bleary eyed infront of this computer with a crappy screen that is blurry - ALL THE TIME - as I add another post to this 'online diary' ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ - wish I could take those Z's to the couch with me.... |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | I have this weird thing with Monkeys - well everyone THINKS I have this thing with monkeys when actually I dont really care - it all started with a freaking nickname - Holla Monkey sometimes it can just be Holla or Monkey but, more often than not it is Holla (people get lazy I suppose). I got the freaking nickname because I was aggrevated at the world one day and I just let my frustration out - ranting and raving about everything.... and Holla Monkey was born... and now everything is about monkeys - even when we were planning our next vacation - they asked hey - dont you wanna go to Costa Rica (SJO) they have monkeys there.... go figure... Monkey pictures - keychains - lamps - stationary - all given to me..... |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | July 4, 2004 Actually it is July 5, 2004 and my fourth of july started off with some big bangs... I dragged my lazy tush home to visit the family after some guilt from mom - so I got to spend the holiday with the family - hmmm... we ate chinese food in front of the TV and watched the fireworks from the window - what a blast (ha ha) - however, it did start off with a family blowout regarding what else - money - she owes this one money - he has the car - she wont give up the money and some bill hasnt been paid... it involved a number of people across a few state lines - I should have stayed in the desert. |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | Did you ever want to know what your pimp name is? Well now you can... The best part if you dont like the one given to you - you can re-pimpify... urlLink http://www.playerappreciate.com/pimphandle.asp |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | Yeah, I am a sucker. Another girl convinced me to Housesit for her. The odds were a little better this time, she only has 1 dog who has the best invention ever created - The doggy door!!! The doggy door is awesome for lazy people like me. I dont have to get up off the couch to let the dog out, I dont have to guess when they need to go to the bathroom, the dog just walks outside when she feels like it. Although she does have her dog on a diet, so I feel like I am starving the damn thing. She told me to only give it one cup of food twice a day. It doesnt seem like enough, but I am not going to be the one responsible for making her animal fat. |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | I love this season I am secretly rooting for the 4 horseman - I was sad to see Scott go. Him and Jase actually made the show pretty interesting. I am hoping that either Drew ( who is so hot my TV screen smokes after I watch the show ) or Will wins. I wish I had the 24 hour live link - I refuse to pay for it though. Cant wait until Saturday. |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | So yeah, I am a freaking pushover. I got roped into dog sitting for another friend. She only has one dog though and a doggy door. So today I went over to her house to meet her dog - Harley (a girl). It was Harley's birthday. So she was having a birthday party for her. It was the cutest thing. She invited all of her neighbors dogs over to join in the festivities. The party consisted of us sitting around and throwing the ball in the pool and having Harley jump in and retrieve it. She was the only dog enjoying the pool because she was the only one that could swim.. It would have been funny to see the other dogs wearing floaties though. I got to meet her neighbors who are very friendly, this week should be interesting. I am actually looking forward to it. On a side note - I am actually surprised. I wasnt sure if she actually liked me. It was a fleeting thought that she was using me to watch her dog for free but, I dont think she would let me stay in her house and watch her dog if she didnt like me. Sometimes I have no self confidence. |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | A few weeks ago I caught some drunk dumbass (read Southwest passenger) walking across the ramp in the secure area at work. It had been the crappiest day at work and I had been waiting for hours to be able to go and smoke a cigarette. I had just lit up and took my first drag when I saw this guy walking around like he owned the place. After a double take and a few choice words I asked the guy if he had a badge. He stopped looked at me like I was crazy and said no. So like the signs tell me to (they are posted everywhere in the secure area) I asked him to follow me back into the secure area. He waved me off and kept walking. Note to the world, dont mess with a girl who hasnt had a smoke in a few hours. I end up heading upstairs to call the police when I run into this guy that has a radio and I ask him to call the tower to tell the police - instead he takes off after the guy, who is walking like his shoes are on fire. By the time I get up stairs and call the police the kid has captured him and the police have them surrounded. It turns out the guy had exited a door on the other side of the airport and everyone has been looking for him. Me being the lucky one to find him and the poor kid to run into me while I was trying to call the police. We end up giving our statements and returning to the hell operation. Flash forward a few weeks - I get a call from Montana who can not keep a secret - he tells me we are getting awards for our 'bravery' but I am not supposed to let anyone know that I know. I am supposed to believe that it is a hearing (which, had the guy fought his charges I could have very well had to attend) I should have become an actress - no one knew that I knew. I even apologized to the guys for dragging them into this mess. The best part - we each got a check - I got $50 for being the first to identify him and the other two (the second guy came up as the kid was bringing him upstairs) got $35 dollars. Plus we all got Polo Shirts. Not bad So yeah - I am a hero - I think I am gonna cut my Polo up and turn it into a cape. Protecting the airport. Your Welcome |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | We have a manager here who comes up with his own little motivational sayings - his latest Make the passengers day - deliver the bag without delay He has way too much time on his hands |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | Have you ever read the Dave Berry column - this guys is absolutely hysterical. Here is an excerpt from today's column... 'I know what you're thinking now. You're thinking: ''Dave, are you insane? Our nation is struggling to deal with war, worldwide terrorism, a mounting budget deficit, a health-care crisis and some very questionable votes on American Idol. With all these serious problems facing us, how can you possibly ignore the Honey Nut Cheerios Honey Bee? Surely you wouldn't call IT a male? No, I would not. I would call it gender-neutral. And as the father of a 4-year-old girl, I frankly do not want my daughter to grow up in a world where her cereal-spokesperson role model is an asexual bee. Speaking of which, does anybody know why, when we explain human sexuality to young people, we refer to it as ''the birds and the bees?'' I am an observant person who has spent many hours outdoors, and I have never once seen a bird OR a bee have sex. I don't believe that, organ-wise, birds or bees have any equipment they can have sex WITH. I believe this is the main reason why they can fly, and we can't: They are more aerodynamic' If you want to read the whole (and so I don't get arrested for plagiarism) here is the link - urlLink http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/columnists/dave_barry/9288771.htm?1c |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | Ahhh.... Another night of Mandtory Overtime (mando) - two hours of non-stop fun. Today the airline industry was messed up - American Airlines and US Airways was having problems from a computer glitch. America West & Mesa couldnt get a plane up in the air and have it stay there. Thousands of passengers stranded across the country. And what do we say.... I am sorry for the inconvience, here is a hotel voucher and meal voucher and the next available flight on Tuesday. Thank you for flying this wonderful airline. Blahhhh..... Stupid me said I would cover someone's vacation tomorrow morning... So, two hours of mando tonight (and last night), 3 hours of sleep and back tomorrow for another eight hours of fun.... Yeah and I get to fly for free..... Not worth it. |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | It cracks me up - they have these commercials here in PHX. It is called interactive male. It is basically a chat line for homosexual males. The funny part is that it only comes on after midnight and they never say what it is exactly for... you just have to read between the lines... |
3,842,156 | female | 26 | Transportation | Scorpio | 30,July,2004 | Found out my sister is moving - to Charleston, SC Land of humidity and hurricanes? I have no freaking idea. All I know is that it is gonna be a bitch to try and fly out there. She better get a comfy sofa bed for me to sleep on. Now I just need to get big mamma to move. Thank god it is too hot for here in PHX. |
3,418,356 | male | 23 | Military | Scorpio | 23,May,2004 | Well, it's late. I should be getting to bed soon. Got a little studying to do before work tomorrow. Should have done more this weekend, but as usual... Got distracted. Got too much stuff here. Can't realy get any work done. Keep bouncing between things. Got a big test comming up pretty soon. I know I'll pass, but since is the second time I've taken it, everyone is pressuring me to do exceptionally well. Like ace it or something. I don't care about that. I just wanna pass and get it out of the way. It doesn't count against me if I pass by 1 point or ace it. In a few weeks, they'll forget all about it. Stupid test anyway. I know how to do my job. I'm a damn good worker. I put a lot of hard work into what I do. I suffer, and bleed for them. And get no recognition. Then they ask me to prove that I know what I'm doing, by giving me a test over material I don't even use. What the hell! Yeah, some of it is basic material I should know, but I don't use. And some of it is material that I don't need to know, and don't use, and won't be using in the near future. Bunch of bull shit. Give me a wrench, and let me get back to work. Everything fine and dandy as long as I do my job, and the planes fly (I fix planes). But when I can't pass a stupid test, they're ready to string me up and kick me out. Yes, I'm a little angry. I'm upset. But lets move on... Saw Matrix: Revolutions tonight, yeah I know. I'm a little behind everyone. Got it on widescreen DVD a while back, and just now got around to viewing it. I know theres some complaints that it isn't a good movie, but I enjoyed it. Over all I enjoyed the Matix trilogy. Each one is a good movie. And I really like Sci-Fi, so I liked them. Yes, they present deep, philosophical debates in each one, and I enjoyed that too. Yeah, I think the third one was lacking something... but it was still a good movie. Good special effects. I mean, the guys set out to do live action anime, and in that I think they succeded. Eh, what do you think? Love it, hate it? |
3,418,356 | male | 23 | Military | Scorpio | 21,May,2004 | Wow, what a title. I guess most people would start their post off with a description of themselves... maybe a little background or something. I don't think I'll do that. If I keep this up, you'll learn all about me eventually. Well, It's late. I'm bored, and sitting at my computer. I just cooked dinner, which is a rare thing for me. It's not that I can't cook (given directions I can do anything), I just don't have occasion to cook much. But I was chatting with a friend, and she said she was making hamburger helper, so I decided to make something. After rootin' through my empty cupboards, I settled on chicken flavored Rica-A-Roni, bisquets (sp?), and a bottle of White Zinfandel. I put a little cheese on the rice. Very good. The bis... rolls have bee in my fridge for a while.. and the White Zinfandel is about the only wine that doesn't make me gag. Ironic really... my family owns a vineyard, and I don't like the taste of wine. :-) Well, we'll see how this thing goes. And if anybody's interested in hearing my thought. |
3,418,356 | male | 23 | Military | Scorpio | 25,June,2004 | Well, here I am in Germany. A nice three-month vacation really. I got sent here a few weeks ago, thats why I haven't posted in a while. I've been off-base once, and saw some nice country side. But I went to another base, so I didn't see much of the local culture. Still, I'm planning to. Maybe after payday. I hear theres a winefest comming up soon. Gotta look into that. I'm trying to learn german. Picking up a little bit everyday. But I don't really have anybody to practice with. Thinking I should get a pen pal or something. Anyway. I'm on my lunch break, so I gotta get going. Hopefully I'll post more. We'll see. TTFN. |
3,418,356 | male | 23 | Military | Scorpio | 01,June,2004 | Well, my big test is tomorrow... tuesday. It's almost 2am and I'm still up. The test isn't till 1pm so I've got some time. Haven't looked at my book in a week. Hope I remember most of it. Just enough to pass really. I don't really care about getting a hundred. Just wanna pass, so I can move onto the next volume and get all these people at work off my back. Oh, well. We'll see how it goes. Been spending a lot of time playing Neverwinter Nights (NWN). Been scripting a lot too. I enjoy computer games, especially games that I can get into and make new things for. Right now I'm working on a casino for a friends server. He's on leave right now, but the guy he left in charge requested some games. So I'm putting something together. It's turning out so well, that I might release it as it's own mod. Or maybe just host it myself. Dunno. We'll see. I gotta get a web page for my NWN projects... haven't done a webpage in a while. Haf'ta try that some time when I get done with my CDC's. My brother should be in town tomorrow. Or maybe the day after. Dunno when he's gonna show. He's bringing his truck up, and I'm gonna buy it. Runs well, gets good gas milage, and it has a descent CD player. Thinking about getting one of those spray-in liners put in. Gotta get my own insurance though. And I should probably get my license renewed. Still got the same one I had when I turned 16. Oh well. Well, I'm outta things to say. TTFN. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 29,May,2004 | I relate to that girl. I know what it's like to be locked up in a place where no one can get to you and where you have no contact with the outside world. Maybe not as desolate a location, but it doesn't matter. I might as well be in Siberia for all my connectivity with the outside world. Why do you say this? Why is it that the more I think about it, the more I see how prison could be a better choice? 1) I'm locked up by the evil witch. Well, two actually. They say they want the best for me, and I guess they do but it's still a harsh sentence they have imposed on me. 2) The prisoners get 3 good meals a day. 3) Guards generally don't harass their prisoners or nag them. 4) Prisoners get an efficient laundry system and a TV in every room. 5) Prisoners don't have to work. They are generally free to do what they want. 6) They get an hour out a day. 7) If their behaviour is deemed satisfactory, they are able to apply for a 48hr pass with a hope that it might be approved. Fantastic eh? Suddenly, the penitentiary seems a much more appealing option. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 29,May,2004 | My old one got found out so here I am. Again. With a completely new URL in the hope that they won't be able to find it and discover the details of the secret life of me. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 30,June,2004 | Okay, it's here again and whilst, in other years, it would've been a cause for celebration as it would mean a period of rest and recreation, the fact that we're in the final year of school means that it's just as they call it. A 'non-instructional period'. Which is just a fancy term for not being required to be at school but where we're still required to do as much as, if not more, work then normal. Oh well. Other than that, being back in Singapore is the same as usual. Parents are being as annoying as can be expected and constantly bugging me about things which I do. They gripe about my hair being too long/bushy/unkempt/thick/outlandish and chiding me about my future. Basically just the usual things which all parents do. It's just a constant battle and argument with them about things like freedom and the like. Nothing that most of you don't already know about. Moving along, I had this weird dream last night. Like an epiphany but not quite as intense nor lucid. Peculiar how my dreams are always some abnormal event occuring. Anyway, for some reason, I dreamt I was married. Yes. I know I spoke about marriage before but hear me out first. Anyway. Chris, I think I told you about this. Well.. Part of it anyway. I didn't feel quite right about telling you the whole thing just yet, but heres the rest of it. My memory's a little hazy, but as far as I can remember, I dreamt that I came home, wearing a suit no less and I was living in a dreamy South Yarra townhouse. Modern/contemporary architecture, futuristic design and all. Anyhow, I'm standing at my door in a suit, some expensive tailored one because I kept adjusting it and making it straight and all. Or maybe it was just my vanity, I'm not entirely sure. Guess who answers the door? That's right. Miss You-Know-Who. No, not the one you guys are thinking of. Chris knows who I mean. I hate using names. And I suspect I might have given her the URL to this. I'm not sure. But I'm not taking any chances. Anyway, there's the flurry of hugs and kisses as the lady literally pounces on me. Yes yes, then there's the exchange of sweet-nothings and 'I miss you' and 'I love you' and yada yada yada. I'll spare you the details. Later on in the dream, I use the toilet and as I wash my hands, I see A FUCKING WEDDING RING. Just like the one I always had in mind, platinum with a small diamond inset. Don't ask me how I know, I just do. Keep in mind however, that I was dreaming at the time and all this happening was perfectly normal to me and I did not once think that anything was out of place. Till I woke up. Now, there's a portion of the dream which I'm afraid I'm going to leave out due to sheer embarassment, but as I said. Chris, you already know the other bit. Dear Lord. Pardon me for dreaming of things like that, but you know I can't help it. It was good though. Enjoyable... Mmmmmm... |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 25,June,2004 | It’s that time of the day again, the time where I lie in bed and try to induce a sort of sleep upon my body, except I know that it’s no use and I’ll just be spending the next hour or so lying in bed reflecting, having a myriad of different thoughts through my mind. Only difference with tonight would be that I brought my laptop to bed, with the intention of listening to music, but here I am writing this out. For some reason however, that familiar yearning is back – the one which was originally so devoid and empty. Maybe it’s the music I’m listening to, the familiar saxophone notes and piano harmonics, the sweet melody fills my mind and my thoughts then happen to befit the music. Why not listen to hip-hop or something you ask. Nah, that stuff wakes me up and I need my rest. Although sleep is just a temporary reprieve from this existence I suffer from, a momentary escape from the malady. I miss that. I think the feeling has always been there, except I never admitted it or neither would I have done so. Well, I am now, but oh well… I think I miss knowing that there’s someone out there who tells you “I love you” and means it. Specifically, someone whom you love as well. Yada yada yada, I know I bitch and gripe about “What the fuck is love anyway?”. But give me this once, to whine about something else. I don’t know what you [ie. The reader] looks for in a relationship. And truth be told, neither do I. I’d just be feigning wisdom and maturity if I pretended to know, although I do have a hunch of what I look for. However, it’s a theory, and no more than that. In all my relationships, I always enjoyed the feeling that I had someone there for me. Someone whom upon meeting, there would be a flurry of hugs and kisses, but more than the physical motions, there would be an emotional connection. One in which we both knew we were special and one in which we were both completely happy with each other. A friend of mine [who doesn’t have this URL but will still remain nameless] told me a few days [or was it yesterday…] that it was the worst feeling in the world to be with someone, and yet still feel lonely. How did that particular conversation come about you ask? To be frank, it was completely unexpected… she asked how I was feeling, to which I replied “I’m cold. Miserable [domestic issues for the more curious of you]. Lonely [I’ve gone back to Kelly. My pillow] and not feeling well at all, thank you very much.” Here she was, a girl already with a boyfriend, who replied [after a few messages] that she still felt lonely around him. Her answer surprised me, as this particular girl had been in a relationship with her boyfriend for a year and 2 months now. Or a year and 3 months, whichever, I don’t really pay attention. Anyhow, I wondered how you could last with someone for so long without feeling happy around them. For all the girls I’ve been with/gone out with/were a notch more than friends with, I’ve always felt happiest around a girl whom I’ve loved. Oh, and she loved me accordingly, reciprocating the affection. I couldn’t understand her answer, how her boyfriend and her could claim to love each other and wish to get married to each other [I’ve already talked about this. Read below] and how she could still feel lonely around him. It still confounds me, to tell the truth, I don’t know why she told me that, or how to take it when she said that she only feels happy around yours truly. First off, she’s got her boyfriend, and I think it’s an evil thing to ruin a relationship. As such, I steered away from it, laughing it off as a joke, albeit a twisted one and the awkward silence which followed. Girls. There’s just no understanding them. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 21,June,2004 | Again, I start off with my disclaimer, the one that states I don't intend to be arrogant and to blow my own horn, yada yada, that this is just a series of my thoughts, blah blah. You get the point. Down to business. Someone I spoke to today mentioned that while I'm usually rather mature [hey, her misconception, not mine], on occasion, I am impossibly and unbelievably immature. Me being me, of course, asks for an elaboration of her point and she reported that it was the way I act and the things I talk about. Not so much the way I dealt with things, although my methods of dealing with somethings aren't terribly mature, a fact which I'd readily admit to. And now, lying in bed at 1.40 in the morning [thank God for wireless internet], I finally think about it and say 'Fuck maturity'. Fuck acting old and fuck being wise. If I'm a child, so be it. I'm quite happy to remain that way to tell the truth. As a child, I never had anything to really worry about, except maybe for how many toys I had. And even then, it was a minor issue, nothing which sure, I might've cried over [Man. Action Man toys meant the world to me back then], but nothing that left deep running scars. Now however, with my sudden forceful thrust into a more mature world [well. More mature than Power Rangers and GI Joe's, that's for sure], I find myself wanting to revert back to my childhood days. Ignorance truly is bliss, if I don't know it, it can't hurt me! Oh sure, you suffer from the fact that you don't know anything about the 'real world', but the good bit of it is that you don't even know that! Okay, that might sound confusing, lemme simplify it for you. You don't know that you don't know anything. Which basically means, you don't miss out on anything! How fantastic is that? Apart from the facts we face now, where we acknowledge that there's a lot we don't know and for all that we know, we already know too much. We aren't afraid of physical wounds anymore, a bruise or stab wound is temporary, scars heal over and modern medicine works wonders for cover ups. Botox injections, boob jobs, skin grafts. We won't have to worry about physical blemishes in the next 10yrs. However, the scars which really matter, those that make an impact would be the emotional ones. There's no judge of how long it takes to heal and most of all, because it hurts at the worst times. Physical scars can be ignored, but emotional scars would always be at the back of your mind. Or mine at least. And that sucks. Even then, my emotional scars wouldn't be any worse than what the next teenager has to deal with. Nothing overtly dramatic has happened in my life, a fact which I'm grateful for, and I certainly don't wish anything like that to happen. But then you stop to think 'If this guy, whom nothing major really happens to can be so fucking cynical about everything, how about a person whom deep shit has happened to?' Certainly makes you think twice about saying something to a person whose parents died in a car accident when they were 2yrs old doesn't it? Same with a person who faces a medical problem and is that way because they were born like that. So do the world a favour, think before you speak or do anything. I know I don't really do that, but hey, I'm trying. Give me that. Funny thing is, it's all part of growing up. This whole 'How to be a person' bullshit. Peter Pan! Come take me away! Fly me to Neverland! I promise not to join Captain Hook! |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 20,June,2004 | Being sentient creatures, humans in general worry about the future. Generally, we think about a particular facet of our lives, chiefly our career direction, spouse and the like. Most people think about 5 or 10 years ahead, anything beyond that being too far away to worry about, although we do contemplate the future in moments of boredom. Or at least, I do anyway. Yet I wonder though, for all the dreams and ambitions we have, how many would come true? Even now, I look at some of the relationships my friends hold [No. this isn’t directed at anyone in particular, so don’t bug me about it.] and I notice a particular trend going around that after about 3 or 4 months, both parties in the particular relationship would say that they would like to marry each other. I have relatively little doubt that its an insincere statement. For those who say it, I’m sure they really do desire a marriage or at least, a long term relationship with the other person. What I doubt however, is the likelihood of it happening. Every single relationship I’ve had [specifically. The serious ones where I actually felt something for her, whoever she is], I’ve been prepared to marry the girl involved. I think there would only be two of such relationships, where I actually desired a long term thing with them and not some 1 or 2 week thing which happens. Well the want for them was there, I admit that it was an unrealistic dream. Not that I would’ve admitted it at the time, but gifted with hindsight now, I grudgingly concede. I’m about 16yrs old now and all of you are older than I am, although not significantly [ie. More than 5yrs] and everything I say from here is an assumption. Believe you me, I’m quite happy for those attached among you to stay with your current squeeze, marry him/her and then go have your kids somewhere. Whichever. What I ask though is the likelihood at which that would happen. This would probably be directed towards the most sentimental amongst you, those who talk about marriage as if it were a week away and it is inevitable. Those of you who claim to be deeply in love with each other [hey. I admit I still don’t know what love is, although I think I’ve got a general idea of the outline] and who forget that marriage is probably about a good 10 years away for all of us. Pardon my cynicism, but I can’t help but wonder what would happen in not something as long as the next 10 years, but only the next 2 years… or one, for that matter. Human life is fragile, anything could happen at anytime. Fate could deal a bad card and one side of your relationship would suffer a fatal and tragic accident. Boohoo. Or maybe it won’t be as dramatic as that and “shit happens” and the relationship falls apart. I could come up with any number of scenarios illustrating my point, but basically the message is the same. I, personally [and again, this is my opinion and I might be wrong] think that relationships that occur at this age won’t last. And even for those that do, how long would they last for? I’ve never seen or heard of a relationship [and this might be due to sheer ignorance] that lasted from the age of 18 onwards till adulthood and into marriage. Oh sure, you get tabloid reports of childhood sweethearts meeting after 20years and reigniting a spark. But how many actually last the 10 year wait till marriage? Then again, I do concede that it’d be kinda cute if someone really did get married after 10 years in a relationship together. But I think romantic stories like those have been lost in literature, never coming out and manifesting itself in the real world. Go ahead somebody. Prove me wrong. Stay with him/her till a suitable marriageable age [ie. When both of you have careers and all] and get married. And stay married. I understand the obvious difficulty in agreeing with what I have just said [if you do] and then actually saying it out. I imagine in a moment of amorousness, it would spoil the roses to say “Nah. I don’t think we’ll get married. It’s too far away to think”. Of course, it’d be much simpler [and less tear filled too, might I add] to say “Yeah. And we’ll have kids and name them X and Y”. Even if both parties do know that it’s the reality of things, they usually are intelligent enough to know that it’d cause a moment of awkwardness and silence, the type caused by mentioning taboo subjects like a possible break up. And as we all know… Simplicity is often the way to go with things. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not asking you all to go out and tell your significant other how I feel about this. It’s my opinion, and I guess for all the women I’ve cared about, I’ve had bad experiences with. Which brings me to bitch. Why is it only the women I care for whom I have had bad experiences with… I think I’ll leave this one for another day. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 19,June,2004 | Dum dum dum... Another boring Saturday afternoon and the first this year which I've slept past noon. Well... I guess I overdid it, waking up at 4 in the afternoon. Thats pretty much my whole day gone. Not only that, its about 6pm now and I'm still feeling tired. Sure as hell makes me wonder why I bothered getting up in the first place. Anyway. This new wave of lethargy can't be good. For all my late night/early morning shennanigans, I was always enthusiastic enough to wake up early morning and do my work. Oh sure, it wasn't as high a standard of work as it should be, but hey, fact is that I did get up to do my work anyway. Nowadays however, even without the late night... mucking around I carried out before, I constantly feel tired throughout the day. Sleep isn't really a problem, within minutes of lying in bed, I've entered Dreamland. I assume with 6-8hrs a night, I'm getting enough sleep for any adolescent [although some might beg to differ, but those are just abnormal cases] and I shouldn't be feeling as tired as I do. Oh well... 144 more days till my exams are over. And at the end of the physics exam, I wonder if I'll have the thought at the back of my head, that burning sensation which says 'You do know that you didn't do your best. And because of that, you might potentially suffer for the rest of your life because of a moment's laziness'. Damn. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 15,June,2004 | I have ceased to care and I'm adopting an casually-indifferent attitude to this shit. For some reason, I figured that it's worse than being annoyed or pissed off. At least if I was frustrated, it'd show I still cared about it. Sure it's a step down from being happy but hey, better some care than don't care right? I guess I still DO care. Even that tiny teensy little wee bit. Or enough for me to bother asking 'Why the fuck do I bother anymore' And to those of you who are going to ask me 'What happened?', nothing did. Nothing in particular happened. I just can't be fucked anymore. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 14,June,2004 | Yes yes, I know X'mas is a good long way away, but I guess there's not much harm in writing a list of what I want is there? I figured with the amount of wish lists Santa gets, if I write mine now, then he could prepare it early and I could beat the hordes of kids who write to him. Anyhooo. They're as follows. 1) Panasonic X70 [That's one funky ass phone] 2) A self updating directory of music. The latest hiphop and a touch of jazz music. Not to mention all the songs I've ever wanted to listen to but could never find. 3) New set of speakers. [Not to mention a desk to put it on] 4) A white tuxedo [ie. the suit, a white shirt, white leather shoes and the black belt. Chuck in a pair of sunglasses as well.] 5) A black BMW. Specifically, the M3 or any two door sports series BMW. But preferably the M3. 6) A diamond earring in my left earlobe. [Just to go with the black BMW and the white tux] 7) World peace [I'll chuck this one here so that you won't think I'm completely selfish and don't think of the world. Well. Actually. I probably AM that selfish. But who cares] 8) Nike Year of the Monkey Air Force Ones. 9) Black NY cap along with the white bandana to fit under the cap. 10) A whole new wardrobe. [ie. 20 more t-shirts, 5 new pairs of pants, 10 new jackets and 10 pieces of headgear. That should do the trick.] 11) Oooh. A host of accessories. Like dog chains, bangles, scarves. That kind of thing. 12) Make that two new wardrobes. One would be street gear, and the other would have the formal wear. The... more presentable gear I'll use to meet parents and all that. Wardrobe two would be composed of the Polo Ralph and all that. Pretty please Santa? |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 12,June,2004 | Metaphysics is a rather obscure branch of philosophy which examines the nature of reality and the relationship between mind and matter. Most people, unfortunately, take for granted that reality exists; that some kind of perfect (again I slip in a note that it is subjective) world lies beyond the realm of imperfect manner [ie. Our realm]. In a religious manner of speaking, this perfect world is termed Heaven some other word describing the domain of the spirit. In Western philosophy, metaphysical reality is patterned after Plato’s world of perfect forms from which our senses draw a distorted image of the true reality. If this realm exists, how do we know it’s there? It is a hypothetical construct, inaccessible to our senses but we believe, foolishly or otherwise, that it is there. Christians look at the Bible as a book of law; a constant in this malevolent world of ours where everything is unpredictable and often, the most unexpected happens unless we are fortunate enough to be gifted with foresight. As such, Christians believe the existence of a realm like Heaven simply because “the Bible said so” and because they have been led to believe of its existence. This is not to say that I’m an atheist, although what I’m saying might be considered to be in support of atheism, maybe even sacrilegious. Deep down, I am a Christian, albeit not a very strong one and whilst my faith is still shaky and I’m far from being a crucifix wearing zealot, I still have some faith in the Lord. However, I still struggle with my faith. To believe or not to believe; I can’t answer that question seeing as I really don’t know. On some occasions of my life, I appear to have been let down by Christ. Where some people might say that “It’s all part of the plan”, I believe in direct methods of dealing with things. However, on some events in my life, I wonder if they occurred because of chance or because a higher power had caused events to occur that way. Just some food for thought. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 10,June,2004 | Some people asked me why I had decided to put 'Free Jono' on the back of my Year 12 jumper. Well, first off, it's an ambiguous phrase which has meaning both during my lockdown period and after. If you choose to look at the word 'Free' as a verb [ie. an action word], then it's a plea for freedom. A message on the back of the jumper which means by wearing the jumper, I'm asking for my freedom back. For liberation and final emancipation from my jail wardens. Awhile back, I likened myself to being locked in a penintentiary where I had my jail wardens and so on and so forth. By wearing the jumper, it's like a protest against them and whilst a worthless and useless method of peaceful protest, a method nonetheless. However, should you chose to look at the word 'Free' as an adjective [ie. a describing word], a whole different meaning takes place. That second meaning will come into effect only after my Year 12 exams are well and truly over and the moment they say 'You are dismissed' at about 10.45 in the morning on the 10th of November 2004... I'll be free. Hence my reason for choosing that as a logo on the back of my jumper. To remind myself, even in my old age [if I decide to keep the damn thing] about my situation in Year 12. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 04,June,2004 | For those of you on Friendster, and most of you are, you see that whenever I complete a questionaire where they ask 'Are you in love' or 'Ever been in love', I always reply with a question of my own or claim that I don't know the meaning of love and what it entails. If I cannot even begin to define it, how can I claim to be in it? Anyhow, this morning, after reading a quiz written by a friend, I came up with a few statements and questions to help us figure out what this whole Love thing is about. Love is not about what you are prepared to do for the other person People are limited by physical and financial means and some other person might be able to carry out a task with relative ease what another person might find an impossible task. [ie. An olympic runner would be able to run 100km with ease whereas a paraplegic might find it exceedingly difficult. No wait. Impossible. Same as a billionaire would be able to buy a villa whereas a street bum might not even be able to guarantee a meal.] But that doesn't mean the other one who can't provide the same amount or more loves her [and I use 'her' because I'm a male. So I talk about things from the male side of the show. Sue me all ye feminists]. While a person probably would do more for a person he loves, this is not necessarily the case and a definition has to be universal and this rule would not apply to everyone. Love rather, is about what you'd be prepared to give up Now Jana, this was the purpose of my question. I hypothesized awhile ago that to love a person would mean wanting them to be happy even at your own expense and this one explains it. Not only the materialistic physical or financial means as aforementioned. I think the most important sacrifices are made in intangible means. Money can be re-earned and energy regained, heck, even physical scars can be 'fixed' by means of modern day surgery [they can even make you look like me now. God forbid, naturally. But the option is there should you choose to want a permanent Halloween mask] . However, emotional scars never ever go away. Whilst they aren't visible, we know they're there and they continue to hurt more intensely and for longer than physical ones do. Love is about acceptance If Ken told me he loved Jane [fictitious names. I don't know anyone by those names and thank God for that] but that he rather she'd be smarter or that she'd be prettier, I'd question [maybe not to his face, but certainly at the back of my mind] if he really loved her or not. I think that to love someone means accepting them for who they are, and whilst I'm not so bold as to claim that it means that you don't love them, I'd wonder if you really do love them as much as you say you do if you can't accept them for them. I would think however, that you're in love with who you want them to be and not them. Confusing, I'll grant you, but stop to think about it and just maybe you'll get the gist of what I'm trying to say. Pardon my ineloquence. That's a slight idea of what goes on in my head sometimes. I've got more on the way but I can't really be fucked typing them all out and don't get me wrong. I'm not THAT arrogant to say that I have now defined Love and given a universal definition to it. It's just some rules that I've come up with and like always, I might be wrong. And rules were meant to be broken anyway. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 01,June,2004 | Last night, I was lying in bed, and as all normal people do, I found myself quickly slipping into a state of drowsiness and then into sleep. From sleep, I passed through the dreamless state and entered Dreamland. The place where we enjoy ourselves and relive our deepest desires, survive our worst nightmares and well, to cut a MELODRAMATIC story short, it's a place where what happens there, generally stays there and we don't give it much thought in our waking hours. Anyhow, last night, I had a dream which I felt was... weird [My kingdom for a more eloquent word!]. More interestingly, it was centered around a particular person. She-who-shall-not-be-named. God I feel stupid using that. Damn you J.K. Rowling. For the purpose of displaying the abnormality of the dream, I had another one just last week centered around the same general idea. I'll explain in order of sequence [or what I think is the sequence in which they occured]. Last night, the dream was of me. Standing alone in a dimly lit carpark where I was by myself. Wearing funky clothes too mind you. All of a sudden, she walks up to me and for no rhyme or reason I said 'Kiss me' [When I woke, I thought about the stupidity of the statement and just wondered why I said, of all things, that. Not even a greeting or a pleasantry. A simple two words]. Here's the clincher. She did. Oh, sure it happened in a dream, but I'm surprised that my mind, despite my wild imagination and twisted thought processes, could come up with that. I was [in my dream] understandably confused as to why she did and proceeded to ask her about her boyfriend. 'He never loved me, he just used me [Nb. Here I cringed in my dream and felt a stab through my heart. Emotional knife 101] and I don't know why I ever loved him... I should never have taken you for granted and I'm so sorry about that, would you ever forgive me?' Well. Um. Here, I say 'I don't know... I've got a lot of questions I need answering. Like why did we -break- in the first place.' 'You never show how much you cared [Nb. b-u-l-l-s-h-i-t. I think, in the real world, I displayed how much I cared for her enough. I think. But that led me, upon waking, to realise the dream was complete and utter horseshit.] and we could never see each other... I didn't want to be ditched for someone else; you know me... I don't like being ditched and I thought I had to ditch you first.' 'Fine. But you do know that I would've waited for you forever and ever if it came down to it... And you just had to tell me how you felt. That's all you had to do hun [eh wtf.]...' And then more hugging and reconcilation and we kiss again. So that was the dream last night. The dream the previous week, was one where you [this is to Chris and Jana], her and I were on a double date. We were walking along Collins Street, in the city, and it was just like old times. More laughing and smiling. And everyone was happy; nothing in the world was wrong and it couldn't have been more perfect. Chris and Jana were in the front, walking and holding hands with each other [as they always fucking do] and here and I were up the back whispering sweet-nothings to each other, her head resting on my shoulder. Now, I don't know about what you think. But here and now, I solemnly swear that I have no more emotions [at least not in that way] for the girl. Sure, I think about her at night [but hey, I even think about randoms] but I don't think it'd be anything abnormal. Honestly, tell me you've never thought about relationships long past at night whilst lying in bed and just reminscing. And on both occasions, I woke up, scratching my head and thinking I have the most fucked up mind anyone is in possession of. Of all the people to dream about, I dreamt about... her. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 01,June,2004 | Think about this. Concentrate hard. Turn down your music and focus on my words. I can't ask you to close your eyes because that's just stupid and you won't be able to read the words. Anyhow. Imagine for a moment that the room you're in suddenly changed. A light mist came across you and you couldn't even see your fingers. This mist comes in gradually, slowly thickening in texture till as afore mentioned, visibility is at zero. Then the mist clears. And it reveals the walls, no longer are you in your elaborately designed and comfortable room but you're sitting in a cube. The walls, looking like they are made of a plate of metal and discoloured slightly, are far enough for you to move around but close enough that you begin to feel nauseas and slightly claustrophobic. A familiar knot, associated with fear, starts to twist in your stomach and you wonder where this is all leading. But you already know. The walls start to move in on you, the room starts to lose its dimensions and for a split second, you wonder how it is possible for the walls to shrink in from all directions at the same time. You both marvel at the ingenuity of the rooms creator and how its intelligence will lead to your ultimate death. But centimetres away from reducing you into a paper-thin wafer of yourself, the walls stop moving. And you're compressed although not to the point where your life has been squeezed from your flesh and blood. You cannot move. Breathing, while possible is difficult. Your jaw does not have enough space to move. You panic and your mind starts to race as it both looks for a way out and resigns itself to its fate. You feel queasy as your sympathetic nervous system causes your body to rise to a fight-flight response, releasing all manners of enzymes in your body and causing your muscles to become stronger but due to their inability to move, the lactic acid buildup gives you cramps. You become desperate and not only does your mind works to try to escape, it also runs through scenarios in your life. The worst memories and the best ones. And you wonder if you will ever see the light of day again. Throughout it all. You cannot. Move. And then someone tells you to smile. How do you feel? Like I do? |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 31,July,2004 | This is how bored and sad I am. 1.30 in the morning on a Friday night and instead of being out or doing my thing, I’m home watching Kill Bill Vol. 2. Again. This time, I watched the whole film and interestingly enough, I discovered a few interesting things while watching the credits. Michael Parks plays both Sheriff McGraw in one of the initial scenes in Volume 1 and Senor Esteban in Volume 2. I mean, I don’t know about you, but he wouldn’t be considered a famous actor but he’s pretty good, managing to pull off a redneck Texas accent flawlessly as McGraw and then goes on to play a perfect Mexican pimp. Exactly as you’d expect it from the stereotypes you get. Interesting what make up could do and cover up I guess. Gordon Liu plays both Johnny Mo, the head of the Crazy 88 in Volume 1, and then again as Pai Mei, the kick ass kung fu God in Volume 2. From a distinct lack of hair to an excess of it. Even lesser known would be Samuel L. Jackson, who from having a major part in Pulp Fiction, goes to being Rufus, the piano player in Volume 2. Still, he and Uma Thurman would probably be the only big names in the movie itself, including both volumes, except for maybe Chiaki Kuriyama, the plastic-faced Japanese actor who plays Gogo Yubari, the psychotic school girl. But she’s only big in Japan. I think. Pretty sad how I watch so much horseshit nowadays. Not that it’s a bad movie, just that… it’s an excess of it. Same with TV; every night, without fail, I’d watch The Simpsons [Channel 10, 6-6.30pm]. It’s like a damned ritual for me, one which I carry out daily. I don’t think I’ve missed an episode yet, except for Mondays, where I’ve got English tutoring. I need a life. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 30,July,2004 | I had the distinct pleasure of watching 4 movies the other night; courtesy of a school friend who was nice enough to burn them onto CD for me. Anyway, I figured I’d share my mind on them, like it or not. Kill Bill Vol. 2 God this is a cool movie. Much like any other Tarantino film, the movie is broken up into chapters and then twisted into one incredible film. We see the past of The Bride [a.k.a. Beatrix Kiddo for those chumps out there who didn’t know] and obviously, how she deals with the remaining nemesis’s out there. Still, although lacking the quantity of bloodshed of the first, it makes up for it with the quality of death in the second. Bud gets a snake bite in the face, Elle Driver gets her eye ripped out and Bill, as could be foreseen, gets hit by the Five Point Palm exploding technique. Some tricky shit that Pai Mei taught Beatrix. It’s a bit of an anti-climax, but I guess it’d be pointless having them cross Hanzo swords before someone gets a limb sliced off. A person like Pai Mei who from information leaked in the movie, could possibly be immortal, is considered a pugilist with an unholy proficiency in martial arts and has wisdom far greater than any other being on this Earth. This man is killed by a hot headed Caucasian female under his tutelage. Not only that, he is killed by underhanded means and not an outright battle. That much I can understand. What gets me thinking though, is that if I were Pai Mei, and I’m neither as smart nor as powerful, I’d sure as hell make sure I have the ability to purge poison from my body. If I could kill a person by merely tapping him on his body with my fingertips, wouldn’t I have some all-neutralizing antidote? But okay, I guess for the sake of the movie, we’ll let that little worm of a treacherous bitch kill the coolest character in the movie. Pulp Fiction Watching these two in a row, I got a taste of Tarantino overload. Still, it’s good to watch the man at work, he sure makes a mean movie. Coupled with a A-list team of celebrities and we have ourselves a blockbuster. Bruce Willis, Uma Thurman [I wonder. Does Tarantino have something for her… She’s pretty fine looking in Kill Bill, but not so much here], John Travolta [check out the ponytail] and Samuel L. Jackson. However, at some parts of the movie, I feel I must question Tarantino’s… taste. Oh sure, it’s a subjective thing and all but is it really necessary to see a big, black, bald man getting anal raped by another man? For god’s sake. After watching that, I damn well nearly had to get my eyes cleaned out with paint thinner. Pirates of the Caribbean Ah. This particular one had girls all over swooning over the two main characters. Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom. Speaking as a male and I concede that I might be mistaken, I think Orlando Bloom looked better in LOTR. Johnny Depp definitely steals the limelight from Orlando Bloom as the incredibly charismatic and sneaky pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow. No complaints with this movie though, nothing I could particularly nitpick on. Oh wait. There is. Jack Sparrow occasionally acts like a pansy. Getting slapped by a woman is a painful ordeal [although I’ve never known truth be told. I cover my tracks well] but I doubt a swashbuckling corsair who lays the smack down on a cursed crew of pirates would run and walk like he puts foundation on at home. Donnie Darko Now this one… First though at the start of the movie: “What the fuck?”. Last thought at the end of the movie: “What the fuck?” The movie doesn’t help clarify anything and I have no inkling of how the movie managed to make it into the top 100 [imdb.com]. Definitely lots to pick on this one. I don’t know about you, but if I were to travel through time, I wouldn’t pick a gigantic demonic bunny suit to travel with. I’d pick something like… Luke Skywalker’s robes or a Darth Maul costume instead of a satanic looking soft toy. Even then. I didn’t get this one, but you could blame it on my stupidity instead of the movie’s fault I guess. I’ll make it a point to rewatch this one. After doing something less painful. Like sticking my dick into an oven on high heat. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 29,July,2004 | People keep asking me what I want to do in university. The answer to this is really quite clichéd, seeing as I’d like to do Law, however unrealistic, in university. It’s especially important with my parents, both of the typical Asian breed and believing completely in paper qualifications and that your education is of vital importance such that one without lives a condemned life. This sure as hell isn’t true, seeing as more than a few people have made it in a big way in life without even having completed high school. So much for your PhD dad. Maybe I should elaborate; with my life, no matter how boring and monotonous, I’d like to do something with it. I figure that everyone’s got a talent somewhere, no matter what in. Of course, there are those with talents in nothing useful, but I suppose some would regard it a talent nonetheless. I personally don’t know what talents I possess. I’m still trying to figure that one out. Or at least, the good characteristics so I know which ones to hone on in. I’ll tell you what though? I’m particularly good at the art of horseshit. Which really, is a pathetic thing to be talented in, although it might come in handy getting yourself out of trouble. Since I was young, I’ve always entertained the idea of having my own store. I never quite figured out what I wanted to do with the store but at different parts of my life, various ideas came to mind. Oh sure, there’s been the café phase, the toy store, even the LAN gaming centre. Nothing that particularly sticks out I guess, except for maybe the florist. But that’s another tale for another day. However, with all those hare brained ideas, I never ever filled a niche. I would be one of many and knowing myself rather well, I know I would be unhappy at the prospect of not being a little, beautiful and unique snowflake. Man I’m sarcastic. Anyhow, it was a few weeks ago when I stumbled upon the beginnings of an idea which I’ve given some thought to. See, I love clothes shopping but a major problem with that is that you’ve got to walk around and spend your money at different places; which is fine, unless you happen to own the store and quite naturally, you’d like everyone to spend their money at yours. But what would set apart my store from the rest? First and foremost, it would be a basic store selling street clothes. By that, I mean the clothes that I wear. Kinda like… my style, but me selling it instead of buying. For the less informed among you, this would mean brands like XLARGE, Stussy, Zoo York, Freshjive, etc etc. Ah, but there are plenty of stores like that, Mooks for example, retails all that and what would set me apart from that? Apart from the fact that I’d like my store to stock shoes as well, excessive amounts, mind you, like half Hype DC and the other half Mooks. Not only that, music CD’s would be on sale, along with headphones, turntables and other instruments that a budding musician would need. But what would be the audience I cater to? I figure, right about now, with this particular idea, I’m targeting youths aged 16 – late 20’s. Or those particularly young at heart at any rate. However, the catered group would be a stratified one. They would be the clubbers and not the pub-bers, if you get that. You’re definitely not going to be able to get Shania Twain whereas you’d be able to find more underground hip-hop stuff. Like all the DJ Shadow records. On 12”. Fundamentally, the store would cater to me. Or that’s the bottom line anyway. Pretty fucking small target group ey? But this is a youth superstore. It sells most things a youth would need seeing as we can’t really spend our money at much else anyway [besides alcohol and tobacco], so we spend it on clothes, drugs, alcohol, CD’s, a car and other wasteful instruments of entertainment. The store would stock most things our mischievous generation would want without crossing the legal lines. But here’s where I fill the niche. Many a time, I’ve gone to a shop and requested for a specific T-shirt. I’m the type of person who knows what I want before I go into the store and I’ve got a rather one-tracked mind. See, I’m not going to say that my store would have literally, everything. I understand and sympathize that my stocks are not complete and I will lack in some things. Here’s where I differ from other stores. While another retail store might say “Hey look, we don’t stock it, sorry, we’ll be getting fresh stock in a month’s time, come back then” and leave you thinking “Thanks a lot. Thanks for nothing.” I would, tell you “Sorry, but we don’t stock it right now, if you’d like I could order it for you. That particular T-shirt.” How good would that be? Imagine wanting say, Air Force One’s (Ltd. Edt. Year of the Monkey’s), and going to a store which doesn’t have it. Which is fine. But imagine if they could get it for you if you’d wait for about two weeks or so. Same with the music CD’s [but they’ve got to be good. Don’t come in requesting fucking Backstreet Boys unless you want a Louisville slugger on the side of your head]. Not only that, the employees would be a tad different to other places. See, I don’t pride myself on being good-looking, I admit, I couldn’t begin to compare to say Orlando Bloom or whoever the fuck you pick. But herein lie the perks of being the boss. I get to pick the employees. Call me discriminatory, but I’d like to hire employees who carry the clothes well. For example, going into Mooks today, I saw what a yuppie would term a metrosexual. In other words, a pussy boy. See, no fucking way would I hire something like that. Girls are meant to be beautiful, tall, lithe and sexy creatures that put lipstick on. Males, at their epitome of physical perfection are not meant to carry make-up kits around and wear G-strings. I’m sorry. Sue me. It’s still an idea. I think it could work, but the basic problem would be getting it off the ground. I’ll need a bit of capital for doing that and I know my parents sure as hell aren’t going to give it to me. Maybe one day… Oh of course, the delusions of grandeur are present and I fantasize about going global seeing as I don’t think anyone’s really done this before. Or at least not that I know of, which could be due to sheer ignorance. And then there’s the idea about the club. That one… I’d like to do. But probably after the store. We’ll see. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 26,July,2004 | All of us look for different things when we search for a potential member of the opposite sex. Some of us dig materialistic things, wanting tangible output out of the relationship. These include those girls and boys who date the rich kids, hoping to get a new Louis Vuitton bag out of it, or just excessive pampering. Others look for that someone special to be with, and these are the ones known as the sincere, loving ones. But for whatever the reason, we all look for specific things in the opposite sex. Honestly, I acknowledge that looks do matter and that physical attraction is always a strong starter for a relationship. It’s what sparks your interest in the potential significant other in the first place. I’m tempted to say that I put looks over all else, but someone here would fuck me up for that, so I’m not going to. All I’ll say however is that taste is subjective. So there. Still, don’t you ever realise that… for some incomprehensible reason, the person you feel for is always the most beautiful person on earth? I can’t even begin to understand it, and I sure as hell can’t explain it, but I think that all of you know what I’m talking about. Sometimes, a person appears only moderately attractive or perhaps even slightly unattractive to you. But after you start to fall in love… your perception changes. All of a sudden, she’s the most gorgeous woman that ever existed. You could actually say those words without lying, honestly meaning it with every fibre of your being and genuinely adoring her. Against overwhelming odds, you might beg to differ when someone calls her average looking or perhaps, God forbid, ugly. You would argue for her, trying in futility to convince everyone that even Aphrodite herself could not hold a candle to your beloved. Personally, the thing which has always attracted me to a woman would be her eyes and smile. Clichéd but true nonetheless. I’ve never understood why someone’s eyes could move so little, but yet tell you so much. I personally reckon it’s all in the eyes. Oh sure, the face plays a big part in it, but her eyes would certainly be the major focus of it all. Lying in bed with your sweetheart, looking her in the eye, for some reason, you just know how she feels. It’s at that time where I start to feel fuzzy and warm all over, where heart-shaped fireworks explode in my heart and truly, eternity would not be enough time for me to tell her how much I love her. Her eyes might come in any number of shapes, for Asians, they’re typically long narrow slits, with perhaps a slight hump in the middle, tinged with brown, but Oriental nonetheless. Your archetypal Anglo-Saxon female would have blue eyes and long girly lashes whereas a female of Negroid descent might have circular eyes, short eyelashes with a touch of ruggedness behind them. If her eyes were to be rubies inset into a face of platinum, her lips would definitely be parallel rows of diamond. These are, to me at any rate, the star attraction of any female’s countenance. If she were to be upset or depressed, successfully performing the feat of rescuing her unhappy soul from the abyss of dejection would fill me with more joy than this page could hold. A girl’s smile, for whatever reason, is always a beautiful thing. Even if she were to be considered not-as-attractive-to-others, a smile on her would cause a glow to radiate from her similar to the manner in which the Sun spreads its warmth on this wretched planet of ours. Imagine then, if your precious smiled at you. How beautiful would she look? God. I’m going mushy in my insanity. Still, I’m entitled to dream in my singlehood no? |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 25,July,2004 | Living in Melbourne’s a great thing. It’s a nice city, livable and where the weather ain’t half bad all year round. I could go on and on about why I love this city but I think you get the general idea. Most importantly, some of the women here are pretty damn hot. Going to clubs, or Asian clubs anyway, you observe a stratified sample of the population of Asian women around. Don’t get me wrong, not every single one of them are beautiful [although one can wish…] but in general, they’re generally in possession of a pretty face, or at least a curvaceous body. One thing confuses me though. Why is it you never get hot neighbours? I don’t know about you, but I’ve never ever lived anywhere close [and by this I mean on the same street] as a beautiful female around my age. Oh sure there’ve been instances when I was younger [like the time I was living next to Fann Wong, the girl in Shanghai Knights]. But hey, I was 11 and she was in her mid 20’s. Good luck with that. Anyhow, over the last 2 years, for all the houses I lived in, I’ve never had the fortune to reside next to a hot blooded female who looked semi decent. The female who best suits my… criteria living close to me drives a P-plated car, which lets me think she’s within the age range of 18-21. But she’s so… unattractive that the mere sight of her ruins any chance I have of getting a boner over the next 50 years. So, in a moment of sheer boredom and curiosity, this afternoon I did some calculations on my own. You sure didn’t think probability would come in handy eh? I figured it a little something like this. Melbourne has a population of around 4.3 million people and half of them would be females right? As we all know, the probability of a girl being at least moderately good looking on a scale of 10 would mean that she is at least a 5. Statistically, it’s about Pr(Looks≥ 5) = 9/30. [You’ll never believe where I got it from] Which gives a nice number of 0.3. If you ask me, that’s a pretty good probability rate. But that’s a stratified sample and if only a third of all girls were at least decent looking. If only. But for simplicity’s sake, I’m more than willing to use it. But the buck doesn’t stop there. There has to be a predefined range of ages right? Seeing as I’m 16, and I’ve never been with a younger girl, I’m going to make an exception here. I’m taking all females aged 14-20. Shut up. Not a word. I know 14’s young. And that 20’s old. But I’m being generous here. Again, statistically, this gives me about a fifth of the population. Pr(14 ≤ Age ≤ 20) = 0.05. It’s a pretty small number, I know, but Melbourne’s got an aging population so I figured it for around there. Okay, so if a girl were to be both hot and within the age range, the probability of that would be 0.015. Which is about 1.5%. Now I don’t know about you, but I think that’s a pretty accurate number. God. That’s fucking sad. Still, it’s a fact of life and we’ve got to move on. Even then, forgiving all of that, as I mentioned before, using that number, there would be about 32,250 fine looking women in that age range. So where’d they all go? That’s a fair amount of pretty ladies, more than enough for having two a day for the next 44 years. But as I said, where’d they all go? Okay, assuming there are 2.5 people to a house [on average], there would be about 1,720,000 houses in Melbourne. Which is again, about right. So that 32,250 divided by 1,720,000 gives me a figure of 0.01875. Plugging the numbers into my calculator, that means for about every 50 houses, give or take 4 houses, there should be a beautiful woman my age. Now that’s a fucking fantastic thing seeing as I live in Hawthorn and houses are densely packed together. Heck, there’re probably 100 houses on my street alone. This brings to my mind, the obvious question “Where is she?” If anyone can answer that question, feel free to answer. I’m at a complete loss as to why my neighbourhood has a complete lack of fine women. If someone ever invents a HWSD [Hot Woman Seeking Device], I’m sure as hell going to be the first in line to buy it. I hate statistical anomalies. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 24,July,2004 | Another random test I took. urlLink Insanity Test Username Age Your problem is Sexual Addiction Will you ever be cured? (8) - Signs point to yes. - (8) Just how crazy are you? - 29% This QuickKwiz by urlLink insanitydefense - Taken 152281 Times. New - COOL Dating Tips and Romance Advice! |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 23,July,2004 | Time for a light hearted post. The past few have been pretty damn depressing so I figured I change the tone of this blog. Plus the fact that I’m in a good mood sure helps. Just spoke to my father and after consultation with my mother, we came to a deal for my future car. Oh sure, I realise that I’m only 16 and I can’t drive by myself till I hit 18 [which happens to be in a year and half time but oh well]. If all goes well [and by that, no fucking around, good behaviour on my part not to mention a kick ass VCE score], I’ll end up driving a spanking new Lexus IS200. Or IS300 if I’m lucky. Extra lucky, but hey, an IS200 would suit my needs just fine. Of course, this sparks dreams of what I’m going to do with the car and I think the first thing I’d probably do [apart from putting in a new CD/MP3 player unit plus new speakers] would be to get a personalised license plate. Research shows that it’d cost me around 300 dollars. Which… is a substantial amount of money for a metal plate but it’s not like I have a choice. Frankly, I’d like to put in PIMPIN. After the song P.I.M.P., but I know I’ll get endless amounts of shit for it seeing as not many females would be riding in my car. Still, it bears nice thoughts. LUVVYA would be less ostentatious but it’s more of a girl thing. The license plate being the second thing people look at when you drive up [the first being the car itself and the third being the driver. “Is he hot?”], I need something with neutral connotations. I definitely need more than 6 characters but seeing as Victoria [I hate that name] won’t allow me to put in more than that, I’ll have to compromise. So, I think I’ll settle on something like JAYTAN or something to that effect. Enough to proclaim that it’s my car and yet, not flamboyant [although putting in a personal license plate is pretty flashy in itself]. Ah, I’ll figure something out later. *Dreamy sigh*. And now, Chris is thinking to himself “Jono… Always ‘what’ but never ‘how.” Ah, but this time is different. I’ve figured How I’m going to do it already. Good behaviour shouldn’t be too difficult and the only thing that worries me would be the excessive amounts I’ll be going out and the omnipresent risk of being busted smoking. Again. I’ll have to take extra precautions with that of course, and I’ve already had a number of ideas of how I’m going to conceal it. Smelling salts in the car, packets of tobacco taped under tables and copious amounts of deodorant. It’s all good. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 23,July,2004 | The teen movie that started it all. This movie will live on forever in history as succeeding generations of teenagers carry on the traditions taught to us in this film. I wonder how teenagers in future would look at it. I mean, sure, parties sure as hell aren’t filled with truckloads of beautiful babes. In fact, more often than not, we’d be lucky to get 10% of the girls actually decent looking. Then again, who am I to talk. I’m no Adonis myself. Anyhow, as most of you can tell, I just finished watching Part 2 of the trilogy. Almost like Lord of The Rings, but perhaps making a bigger impact on us because we relate it to it better than a Halfling trying to throw a gold ring into molten lava. Personally, the second instalment was my favourite one. I used to dream that the high school friends I’ve made would be like that. An unbreakable cabal brought together by circumstance and united by friendship. Perhaps, if not for some of the mistakes I’ve made [I think of one particular one, which was a mistake in more than that one way] it would have been a realistic dream. I remember, fondly, of times spent discussing after school plans. I remember one in particular, that we, as a bunch, would drive down to a friend’s beach house in Sorrento. Alcohol would flow in abundance, cigarette packs would be stacked chest high and seeing as we were all single back then, we thought things would remain the same. Complete freedom from the shackles of love and perhaps we might’ve brought a few of our lady friends along. Chances are that we wouldn’t have, but it was a nice thought to bring them along. I still remember, vividly, that I said I’d be Santa Porn for awhile and be in charge of bringing the ah… adult entertainment. No names of course, but someone was to drive and someone else was to bring the beach volleyball. We could all foresee great and memorable times ahead of us. Drunkenness and lecherous behaviour would rule the day, immorality would reign supreme, but in the end… it would be a time we would never forget. Now, I wonder how many of us remember that dream. When we look back on in 10 years time, what memories would we have? I made the mistake [one of many, I assure you] of not taking any pictures of the times I spent with my friends. I have nothing to remember my high school times by. Half of the year has already elapsed and yet… all I remember of this year, or the outstanding bits are times of heartbreak, disappointment and frustration. It’s sad how it turned out this way. I guess, back then, not even a year ago, I was young and childish in dreaming that friendships last forever. Even now, I feel the onset of tears in my eyes. Something which I haven’t had in a long time. Even lost love wasn’t able to bring this about but this… empty promises and broken dreams. I feel pangs of regret, things I should have done and things I should not have done. As you read this, friendships are broken in school. Past graduating years of Scotch Collegians had a group of Asians, seeing as we segregate ourselves automatically according to race, and most of them are friends, albeit not as close, even today. I wonder though, after the year is over, how many of the people would I call? How many would call me? The very thought of this saddens me. What was once a group of young men wanting to have good times, wanting to remain friends forever. I don’t see that anymore. I see a group of immature bitches who have more interest in schoolboy politics than anything else. I accept that people bitch, but is this really necessary? Again, I have reservations on how many people see this. The group is fractured, split and turned against one another. Not many have nice words to say about each other and the other who has left the Asian clique of friends has seen it as well. Sad to say, he couldn’t care less what happened. I guess, I care more seeing as my skin remains the same colour as them, but I find it disappointing that we could be like this. Each of the individual people I’ve had the misfortune to speak to have realised this. No one trusts one another anymore. Just think, wouldn’t it be nice, if we were all friends again. Ready to stand for each other and where for once, harmony would reign. I accept that there would be differences between people, but perhaps not as much as we do now. Wouldn’t it be fantastic if we could say “He is my friend” without having a shadow of doubt over those words? Just those simple words and people find it hard enough to say. How great would it be if we could say “Friends Forever” and know that there’s an honest chance of it coming true. That we would all remain friends forever, that we would never lose touch and we would never separate. It’s pathetic really. But alas, what can be done? People place too much stress on their self pride nowadays, unwilling to make up and to say “sorry”. I know I do. Plus, the fact that we’re all in the final year of school, while making this all the more important, ensures that we don’t have the time to do anything about it. The already strained bonds of friendship we took so long to forge throughout the years have already snapped. We’ll all move on, we won’t slow down. We’ll make new friends and we’ll all go on with our lives. We accept things as they come and as our lives change. But… when we look back, one, two, three, maybe even six decades from now, would we regret this? I know I would. My memory might fail me in my later years, but for the time being… I know they won’t fade. But what memories do I have of this year? |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 22,July,2004 | All of us have taken part in charities every now and then, most of us playing the part of donors, but I guess when we feel particularly generous, or are forced to by the school, we become unwilling volunteers and go out there to collect money for the children of some forgotten land. But I wonder, what’s the real point of charity? You think the $20 you give to the Red Cross every year is going to help the poor starving masses of Africa when countries like America dump thousands of tonnes of grain into their rivers to ensure fucking Farmer Bob in Kansas can afford to have an extra fireplace in his 30,000 hectare ranch? Or when bitching farmers in Australia get paid extra to produce less meat so that the CEO’s of Coles can buy a brand new Mercedes SL500? Good one. The world’s definitely going the right way isn’t it? Oh sure, I’m quite guilty of those charges. I do chuck my half finished piece of steak away into the bin because I’m a vain fudgepacking bastard and wish to become slim. I do buy two chocolate croissants when one would suffice for no other reason than the fact that they’re fucking tasty. I pay a good amount of money more for clothes which I think look good rather than clothes which meet my necessity. Not to mention leaving my lights and stereo on because I like the atmosphere they provide although I don’t pay attention to the music and I’m not in my room. I’m guilty of all that. So sue me. The mere fact that you’re reading this means you’re almost exactly like me. You’re using the internet, an extravagance according to most people in this forsaken world of ours. Chances are you’ll be using the phone later, automatically putting you in the top 10% of the world’s population seeing as 50% have never made a phone call. It’s really quite pathetic isn’t it? Here’s some more. I’m proud to say I’ve never known neither hardship nor starvation. I bitch and complain about having restrictions sure, but I’ve never had to go hunt my next meal. I’m proud to say I have someone washing my clothes for me and don’t have to support 10 starving mouths. I’m especially proud to say I can take a Panadol pill when I’ve got a slight migraine in the morning and have never had a flesh eating bacteria slowly consuming my arm. I’m fortunate and so are you. Appreciate it. Help those masses out there who aren’t as fortunate as we are. Come to think of it, most of you are in private school. I can think of one exception [or two actually. You know who you are] but one of you gets, or used to get, more money in a month than most people earn in six. We’re very fortunate people here. So go help those who really need our help. How do we go about doing this? Frankly, I’m not sure if the money you donate to charity is any help. For some reason, of all the millions that have been given over the years, I don’t think anything’s changed in the country. Of course, this could be through sheer ignorance, but I have it on source from a person who went on a mission trip to Faridabad, India, that over 6 million dollars had been put into that little shanty town. And not one single fucking school. Not to mention the food packages given to the villages of savannah Africa. I still don’t hear any news of them. But maybe that’s just me. I say we pressure the leading world nations of the world into doing something about it. If we spent half the amount of money we do on fucking thermonuclear warheads on helping the needy, we might get somewhere. Isn’t that wonderful? We’re killing two birds with one stone. First off, we reduce the amount of weapons in the world and create and oh-so-wonderful utopian paradise for all of us. Plus, the chance of us wearing fallout masks and radiation suits out to the front yard would be significantly reduced. Also, we get to improve the welfare of the needy people in Mongolia or some other God-forsaken third world backwater country. Man. I should be president. Thank you for your time. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 17,July,2004 | In one of my complete-strike-at-random sullen moods and how do I deal with it? Express how I feel by writing on a site which as many people as I have fingers have the URL to. God I’m sad. Anyhow, reading through another Jonathan Kellerman novel [my third one], something mentioned by one of the characters struck me. Well, two things, both of which were loosely linked to each other. One was misanthropy; the concept of. Wait. Maybe I better define misanthropy first. Reading through the dictionary, it’s defined as “hatred or distrust for mankind”. Maybe we all feel like that sometimes, just world weary and cynical. I know I do. Anyway, there were two chief schools of thought. One by Swift and the other by Pope. One hated mankind as a general structural unit but yet managed to like individuals. The other was the reverse, disliking each link of the chain although incomprehensibly able to love the chain as a whole. One of the more famous and more… pro active misanthropists was a fellow known as Carl Panzram. Now, Carl over here just hated mankind and was one of the most well known serial killers of all time. I say was because of the sheer fact that we know his name, he was hanged, his last words to the world a big “Fuck you”. Carl was a brilliant person and was one of the more genuinely hard-done-by-society-and-has-a-real-reason-to-take-revenge kinda person. But this isn’t about him. I’ve introduced him and I’ll be using him later, just be patient. The next thing that raised questions in my mind were the concept of Limits. Not limits in the sense of the word of “I can’t jump 2 meters like Jordan can” or “I’ve only got an IQ of 140”. It’s more the limits of right and wrong. Your conscience. Let’s skip the peashooters and bring out the big guns. Murder. What we perceive as the most severe of all crimes. For example, all of us [or those who shower anyway] kill millions of organisms every single time we step into the shower. Although insignificant, a bacterium still possesses Life. Others still, have no qualms about killing ants, bugs, spiders, maybe even snakes. Ah, then when it comes to larger animals like birds or cats or dogs, the buck stops there for most females. Moving on, some people slaughter cows, pigs, goats and chickens for a living. Larger life forms and therefore considered more repulsive. Of course you get fisherman who kill dolphins and hunters who shoot elk and the list goes on. However, what distinguishes these life forms? Are they not all life? For whatever subjective limits we impose on ourselves, like “No killing things with a vertebrae” or “Don’t kill cute animals”, we all have our limits when it comes to Death. I think I’d be safe in saying that all of us would not kill for the sheer sake of killing. But what divides a human from a dolphin? Or an ant? Hitler [most psychologists classified the man as a psychopath] revelled in the killing of Jews and homosexuals but cringed at the sight of someone kicking a dog. This seeming reversal of values is considered revolting because we, the vain homo sapiens believe ourselves to be superior to all other life forms on Earth. As such, we learn from a young age that the slaughter of another human is unforgivable and perhaps that’s why it’s considered the worst crime someone can commit [Except in America, where smoking marijuana gets you a harsher sentence than murder. But hey, it’s America]. Of course, there are punishments worse than death, but we can’t really compare seeing as those who are dead can’t talk anymore. And here’s where Mr Panzram comes in. He had no limits or distinguishing factors, believing that the taking of a human life was insignificant and seeing as he was the one who actually committed the act with a knife or whichever murderous utensil he happened to have and not from a vintage oak desk on the phone to Himmler, I suspect Panzram would have been more of a psychopath than Hitler, only that he lacked the means to be on such a grand scale of state sponsored murder. Imagine now, with teenagers reading books stored in school libraries about these men and then having access to firearms as nations allow a mentally disturbed 18yr old to purchase a .50 Desert Eagle whereas prohibiting a 50yr old security guard who stole a candy bar as a kid [and let’s face it. Who hasn’t done something illegal] from purchasing a .22 hunting rifle for quail. Who said the world was getting better? We actually have kids who look up to psychopaths as role models. Heil Hitler. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 16,July,2004 | Spending my Friday night at home alone watching the MTV Movie Awards 2004, I’m naturally a bit bored. Between working out during the adverts and reducing my brain to rot with watching the shows, I couldn’t help but notice a certain advertisement While others might not have noticed, me being the racist bigoted person I am, the new Toyota advertisement made an impression on me. Toyota, as the name sounds, is a Japanese company, or last I checked anyway. The funny thing was that it had Steve Irwin, who prides himself on being an Australian, as the star of the advert. I wonder if the executives over in Japan ever thought about that. Or Steve Irwin’s public relations manager. Supposing he had one, seeing as any PR manager, no wait, any reasonable person would have told him not to do the following. I might not be entirely accurate with my facts so feel free to correct me, but if memory serves me right, Steve Irwin was almost awarded the Australian Of The Year award. However, the dolt, with a stupidity I find disturbing, dangled his toddler child over an enclosure filled with one of the two oldest, most ancient and most perfect predators in the world. The other being the shark, but that’s not the point. So this dumb ass finds himself disqualified from that award but cuts a deal with a Japanese car company to appear on one of their adverts. I don’t know about you, but I guess coming from overseas, I’ve always looked at Steve Irwin as a representative of Australia, and for all his lack of brains and for having one of the most annoying accents in the world, would have been an ideal model for Australia. I don’t follow. Oh shouldn’t he be on a Holden advert you say? Well, Holden’s actually owned by GMC [General Motors Company], an American company. Then again, it’s not the only “Aussie” company owned by an overseas corporate. However, no I’m not all bitter. In all, the MTV Movie Awards was very entertaining, certainly a highlight for TV this year. Definitely worth staying at home for; oh go on laugh. I know I didn’t have a choice. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 14,July,2004 | Being in the final year of school can be stressful and I think the one thing which most of us lack [or want more of at any rate] would be motivation. You hear it all the time 'Oh damn, I'm so unmotivated', 'Shit, I need to study harder but I can't be fucked'. Yeah you know the usual slew of phrases you hear so often from frustrated school kids. Anyhow, me being the curious person that I am, I wondered where motivation was derived from and here are some of my thoughts. Many of my contemparies [myself included] work due to incentive. Some are promised a car, others cash bonuses and what have you. Generally, they are objects of great value to the person and hence is traded for good results. Usually, these gifts are material and have great tangible value. However, this brings images to mind of a donkey walking to get a carrot. And I know who's the donkey. Others work for a sense of satisfaction, and with the Incentive scheme, earning that reward gives you that sense of satisfaction, where you're happy and feel pleased with yourself. There are those who work for intangible things, and by work, I don't always mean academically, and try to get them. The intangibles might include say, a sense of self worth or one of those fuzzy feelings we get from doing a good deed. Like now, it's about 1.30 in the morning and I've got school tomorrow and I'm up chatting to this lady, who happens to be a rather beautiful one, which probably explains my sudden determination to stay up and to keep typing away. Motivation or foolishness. Sheesh. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 13,July,2004 | My friends, it is now the 3rd lap of the race. How shall we run this? Term 3 has just started and we have 2 more laps to run before it's all over. After the race, we shall endeavour to punctuate our sojourn through life with fine food, camaraderie and women. Lots of women! [Just kidding.] Let us then, run this race to the fullest of our abilities, weather this storm with the steadfastness of a cliff face and tolerate the way I tolerate Janice's constant sexual teasing. :) We who are about to study-till-we-drop, salute you. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 11,July,2004 | It has now been 87 days since I’ve been declared single. Those of you who have the URL to this site would know well enough of my previous state. I’m glad to say however, that I believe, rightly or wrongly, that all trace of that has been wiped. Memories remain, some here to stay while others fade with time, but I believe, given enough time, all will recede. What I will say however, is that the lack of makes you desire more. Like when two lovebirds have been separated, the time spent in anticipation only heightens the actual experience of being together. I guess it’s intriguing, but only to be expected out of two people going through a chaotic swirl of raging emotions. And hormones for those who are more… physical – pleasure inclined. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Oh yes it does. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 09,July,2004 | I’m home alone and fucking bored. What do I do? I read. And then I write on what I read. The purpose of this entry however, is not to explain my current condition, it’s much too trivial a thing to write about. However, reading a novel, and quite an excellent one at that [wouldn’t you know it. I have the dandiest luck, picking a romance novel randomly] caused me to wonder about the coming about of human emotions. For example, I wonder about the genesis of our emotions. Would it be the fact that we think and therefore we feel that enables us to experience underlying and tender emotions for others? While some of us might hypothesize that it also enables the strong and raw feelings of hatred, we view violence in the savage and untamed animal world all the time. Whether that violence is brought about by instinct or bad behaviour by the animal is another matter. [I’d use evil, but I’ve mentioned before that it’s a very theologically burdening word and who’s to say that animals have a grasp of the simple and naïve views we have on good and evil]. We see this all the time, people in love, people who hate, people who are indifferent and even those who are on some level, in the range of the spectrum but on neither extreme. I think this would have been the first time I actually ceased and questioned myself “Why do we do the things we do?”. Psychologists believe it is a cocktail of nature and nurture; people are the way they are because of their genes and environment. Let me elaborate, a child born to a violent father, drunken mother and exposed to a torturous cycle of abuse and neglect would quite naturally, have different views to the world as opposed to your typical blond haired, blue eyed angel, brought up with two loving parents who are your stereotyped pay-our-taxes-and-Ned-Flanders-is-our-role-model pair of parents who gave all they could to her. In my analogy, I shall use “Him” as the miscreant and “Her” as the perfect child; a tribute to the fairer gender. =) Would He have resulted the way he did if he were to be in Her environment? One might even surmise that it would be due to his testosterone, the stupidity-inducing male hormone that caused him to behave the way he does. The world reels in shock when a six-year old Him spits venom and talks of crucifixion but sighs in softness when a six-year old Her plays with her toy ponies. But if we proceeded to place Him in Her environment and vice versa, would the results have been any different? Or would there be a compromise of the two? It is a known fact, that males tend to be much like their fathers, or so they claim. I beg to differ, being so different from my father myself… However, such is not the subject of discussion and I beg your pardon for my divergence. The point I’m trying to make, or rather the question I’d like to ask is “Why are we who we are?” It’s of course, exceptionally difficult to find out when we accept that no two people are the same and could turn out completely different. We hear of extraordinary people all the time, those who are in the worst of circumstances and yet manage to succeed where others in far more fortunate positions have failed. To be continued when I can be bothered. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 09,July,2004 | I arrived back in Melbourne early Wednesday morning, at about 4am and here I am back. Went to Mt. Buller yesterday for a spot of skiing and snow fun and well… It’s interesting, playing in the snow, fun and yet intriguing at the same time. For all I know, it could’ve been [God forbid] someone’s condensed piss falling down in a popsicle and me playing with it as if it were pure. Anyhow, as a result of the biting cold yesterday, my lips are chapped to fuck. Dry, cracking and generally unpleasant, both to behold and to be in possession of. Ah well, these physical ailments will go away but soon. Of late however, something’s been bugging me more so than the other things. Not only are the VCE examinations a mere 3 and a half months away [OH MY FUCKING GOD!] but I haven’t been as hardworking as I should be. But alas, that’s not the main thing on my mind. Interestingly [or to me at any rate], I’m dreaming far more than I usually do. I mean, it’s scientifically proven that we dream twice a night [we don’t always remember our dreams which explains why you might or might not know about that] but I find myself dreaming about 4 to 8 times a night, always about completely unrelated things. Some trivial, some weird and some just plain fucked. For example, last night, I dreamt I was a champion, award winning snowboarder. Which I can understand how it came about, seeing as I went to the snow in the day and since snowboarding is so fucking cool. Or I think so anyway, sliding down a slope on little more than a fancy designed and aeronautically optimal piece of fibreglass or wood. After that, I mentally travelled back to Singapore, to be with someone whose name I can’t even remember. As in, I was spending a whole day with her [hey, you didn’t think I’d dream of a him now would you]. I woke up from that one, needing to take a midnight slash [First thoughts: What the fuck!?]. I gave it no more thought, proceeding to fall back into Dreamland again. Next dream was a little weirder. I was walking in a desert with the landscape looking like it was designed by Tolkien, the author of Lord of the Rings. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the beautiful city and architecture of fucking Helm’s Peak or the elfish city, but more the drab and satanic landscape of Mordor. When someone like me, who detests Lord of the Rings starts dreaming about it, you know something’s wrong. The next dream, I don’t want to talk about. That one was just plain wack and I can’t even begin to describe it. Well, I can, but I choose not to. I claim ineloquence. In fact. I don’t want to talk about the next 3. those, I’ll leave for myself. Keep in mind however, that the dreams didn’t appear in that order, I can’t remember the order in which I dreamt them [c’mon. It was in the wee hours of the morning and I didn’t give it much thought till I woke up] Anyway. How’ve you been? |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 05,July,2004 | Found this on a friend's blog. Pretty interesting although completely nonsensical. Or am I really made of those simple ingredients. Hm. How to make a jonathan tan Ingredients: 1 part intelligence 3 parts brilliance 1 part leadership Method: Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Top it off with a sprinkle of lovability and enjoy! Username: urlLink Personality cocktail From urlLink Go-Quiz.com How to make a jono tan Ingredients: 5 parts friendliness 3 parts brilliance 1 part energy Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add lovability to taste! Do not overindulge! Username: urlLink Personality cocktail From urlLink Go-Quiz.com How to make a jonathan Ingredients: 5 parts competetiveness 3 parts silliness 3 parts empathy Method: Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Top it off with a sprinkle of fitness and enjoy! Username: urlLink Personality cocktail From urlLink Go-Quiz.com How to make a jonathan tan choon hoe Ingredients: 3 parts anger 5 parts self-sufficiency 5 parts empathy Method: Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Serve with a slice of lustfulness and a pinch of salt. Yum! Username: urlLink Personality cocktail From urlLink Go-Quiz.com |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 02,July,2004 | Been a long time - you say you missed me Word gets round - you shouldn´t have dissed me Step back - don´t try to kiss me Right about now I´m 50/50 I heard it through the grapevine that you were with him Just the other night I dont know why I Try hard to keep you so happy when you don't love me Don't Love me Are you calling me a liar? Are you saying that I´m not tellin the truth? Denying what she told me You know you got way too much to lose You're claiming they are rumours You say you got nothin else to hide How come she told me? She saw somebody by your side *Sigh*. It's kinda cute seeing all your friends attached. Like today. Where there were 4 females and 5 males. Yup, you guessed who was odd one out. I mean, it wasn't awkard and the lovebirds weren't retreating into their own little world, everyone was talking and stuff. But it still got me thinking I guess. I figured I miss having someone there for me, someone whom I could really be myself around and to just give -her- a hug, one of those long embracing ones and release my pent-up emotions. Then again. I never really did that with the one girlfriend I had or any of the other girls where there was something more than friends. I'd call it a fling, but that's generalizing and probably unfair on some of the girls seeing as in one or two of the cases, there actually were underlying feelings involved. Enough. I remember having a crappy day at school or having a controversial issue in my life, after which I'd receive a message from -her- or -her- saying 'I miss you' or 'I love you'. I reckon that always, without a doubt, made my day and caused a smile to appear on my face. Then again. I don't even know what I want. I guess... It'll come when it does. Whatever it is. Whatever I'm looking for. Which at this point of time, would probably be material things. Like a new phone. And the San Antonio Spurs jersey I saw. And the Nike Dunk Hi's I saw. I won't even start with the car or the clothes. I wish. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 04,August,2004 | Here's an example of how my school views me. A few days before, I was discussing with a friend about the genesis of violence. Like whether it was nature or nurture, basically why people kill other people and assault and all those kind of actions. Not very nice things to do, but people do it anyhow. The debate then turned to a discussion of who among us students was most likely to commit violent acts and if so, how they would go about doing it. The obvious weapon of choice [or for me at any rate] would be a weapon like a flick knife. A baseball bat, while useful, would be too conspicuous and hard to conceal, hardly the kind of thing you'd want to bring to school. A gun would be nice for its unrivalled killing power, but I can't touch one of those till I hit the big 1-8. Or at least not legally anyway. In any case, a gun would make too much noise unless I could lay my hands on a silencer. Not that I'd invest all that much money in ammunition anyway. And hollowpoint bullets, my ammunition of choice, is outlawed in most countries. Nunchakus are hard to use and require a degree of training to utilize proficiently. Okay, so we settled on flick knife. So, unknowingly, I asked my tutor what would happen if a student were to bring a weapon to school. He then went on to ask 'What kind of weapon? Anything could be used as a weapon'. Fair enough, so I said 'A weapon like... a flick knife. Or butterfly. Something like that.' He then went on to talk about the legal proceedings and how the weapon itself was illegal in Australia anyway. Simple and expected. The following day, I get called up and get my locker checked. Would you believe? They checked my locker for just asking about the consequences for bringing a knife to school. I don't know about you, but I don't think I'd be the type to bring a knife or any weapon for that matter, to school. It's too damn risky, plus, I really have no need to use weapons. I'd rather use my bare fists. What bothers me is the principle behind the incident. I think I can safely say that if any other student were to ask an innocent question like that, nothing would have happened and the question would either be dismissed or answered. And that would be that. But me? C'mon. I'm not a psychopathic and I sure as hell don't have a problem with violence. The last time I got into a fight was... okay fine. Two days ago, but the stupid fuck cut my hair. And all I did was just push him around. Oh sure, if you wanna get technical, there was last week, but the dumb shit wrecked my tie and my hair [which I took the trouble of doing in the morning] so he got what was coming to him. Thing is, the school didn't know about that and even if they did, I sure as hell wouldn't bring a knife to school. Which raises the question, how does the school view me? Just a little analysis from this incident and shit, it's like the school perceives me exactly as I'm not. The world's gone crazy. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 02,August,2004 | Finally, some spare time to write a little something. I just got my VCE mid year exam results today and… needless to say I’m pretty fucking pissed at it. All those Saturdays spent studying my unfocused butt off, all those hours wasted and what do I have to show for it? A score worse than my biology paper last year which I know I could not have been less prepared for. So, if such were the case, and the less I study, the better I do, no wonder why I fucked up all my results for this semester. I got dual B’s on both psychology and physics. For physics, I was kinda expecting a C or C+ maximum, so I guess I’m not too unhappy with that. However, psychology… this was a depressing mark. It irks me how for most of the year I had been going relatively well for this subject [through SAC results and all] and the end result is a big B. What annoys me about this is that the other guy and I who had been going well throughout the year both did poorly in this paper. Maybe I shouldn’t have left the exam hall in 20 minutes huh? I knew I should’ve worked through all of it… Oh well. It’s over and there’s one more round of examinations to redeem myself and hopefully, just maybe, Law school is still a dream within my grasp. I don’t want it to be just that… just a dream. Still, I think I shouldn’t have mucked around so much last term and instead prioritized my objectives. I sure as hell shouldn’t have focused on women so much, or clubbing, or socializing. Too many “ifs”. I’m just going to go out and do this thing. New found motivation by the way; no longer shall I use a female as my incentive [they’re too damn unstable]. I’m going to use material goods. I’m a greedy motherfucker and I’m going to exploit this to the max of my ability. See, I admit I’m a bit of a spendthrift, rarely saving any money unless it’s a super special occasion [by that, I mean for someone whom I really really really really really really really really like. That’d be pretty much the only reason why I’d save up.] and I like to enjoy life by splurging and buying on impulse. However, my parents are not able to provide for me forever and sooner or later I’m going to have to leave this comfortable nest of mine and go out to earn my own money. Which really sucks. Not only that, I figure, we’ve got a set amount of hours in a day right? And in those hours, I need to get as much money as possible. Basically, I want maximum output with minimum input. Therefore, I need a high-paying job. I thought of being a gigolo for awhile before the prospect of fucking the women who can’t get any [and think about how easy it is to get a male in bed. And then think about the fact that these women can’t get any. It really does say something doesn’t it? Oh sure, there was the whole moral, integrity thing, but that lasted a fleeting second]. That idea went down the drain, ne’er to be seen again, but not before ruining the likelihood of me cracking a boner for the next 50yrs or so. Selling drugs would be a high paying gig too, but that breaks one of the rules that I have. Yes, I do adhere to a set of rules, albeit ones which I bend to my needs and whims. They’re probably more guidelines than rules, but anyhow… I couldn’t do it, knowing that I might be ruining the life of some kid somewhere and cause some family a lot of grief. I’ve already given my family enough grief, no need to give other families the sort of sadness mine has to deal with. I might, in future, just maybe, smoke a joint or two, but I doubt I’d ever get to the hard stuff [i.e. anything above marijuana. Which means ice, speedy, XTC, cocaine, heroin, you get the idea]. But that’s another thing. But, that leaves the one option of me being an assassin of some sort. Killing other human beings or animals, I’m not particular, for tidy sums of money. Only problem with this is, I realise that because of the nature of the world now, I might have to kill some rich man or woman somewhere. Ordinarily, this wouldn’t pose a problem, however, what if they were to be the father of a friend, past, present and future? I’d hate to hurt my friends and moreover, I hate to make girls cry. Like it or not, with dead people, there are going to be a lot of spilt female tears, so that eliminates that job. Still, it’s probably the dream job of young males everywhere; being an ultra cool ninja assassin with the power of life and death. But, with great power comes great responsibility. Right? Fucking Hollywood. I’ve heard that one enough times. If there’s one person I’d shoot, it’d be… no wait. Holy shit. There are a lot of people I’d like to shoot. Maybe not kill, but at least kneecap. With that, I have only legal means left; which means Law school, which means I’ve got to study hard. Damn. Anyone know any other ways of making quick bucks with minimum input? |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 01,August,2004 | 1am in the morning, raindrops falling heavily on my window sill, solitude, soulful music and an open mind. Everything I need for writing; if I were only in the mood. This weekend has been one of ceaseless contemplation for me as I wander through my mental valleys and peaks, wondering when I would ever come to the end of my journey. Even then, this sojourn doesn’t seem to make sense at any one point of it. It’s such an abstract world, where everything has ethereal qualities and nothing seems to be real. I remember once, as a child, I woke up thinking that I was the one human being in this world. That this world was created specially for me and every other person on this planet was just… an angel of some sort, an interactive character whom I could relate to. Kinda like a computer game, where you’re the one main character and everyone else is just some sprite which helps or stops you from completing the game. I just wonder if all this is real, if everything I’m doing actually has some impact. It’s like taking a walk in the dark, where you don’t know where you’re going or when you’re going to get there. The walk itself makes no sense as you have no sense of direction, inching and feeling your way forward, searching for a light switch which might not even exist. When walking, there’s always the burning question “What if I stub my foot on something” and this applies to our walk through the darkness. With no sense of direction, nothing to hold on to and no light to show you a path, it’s hard to walk. But walk we must. |
1,130,595 | male | 16 | indUnk | Sagittarius | 01,August,2004 | I’m going to try to be a verbal artist here; I’m going to paint you a picture of a city. This is an imaginary city. A city where trains are broken and trees are stripped bare. The weather is cold enough that you can see your breath when you exhale and where the smoggy atmosphere permits minute amounts of light to come through. It is dark for most of the day, the only bright hours in the afternoon, and then again, only for 8 of the 24 hours available in the day. The buildings themselves resemble their citizens; old, weary and vandalized. Graffiti streaks down the walls at every corner, every traffic light and every sign post. It’s a city of hustlers and pimps, where thugs control the streets and pushers and doped out junkies are about as numerous as pimples on an acne-struck teenagers face. Ecstasy changes hands in open daylight and the parents steal marijuana from their children. The kids carry 9mm handguns in their sport bags with a flick knife in their shoes. Basketball practice requires you to bring your gun along with you, in case someone else moves in on your court and a confrontation results. More often than not, weapons are drawn and someone’s blood is spilt. This is a place where the criminals outgun the police. Where the police had .22 handguns and stun batons, the youths had 12 gauge shotguns and grenades. During the night, when the gangs come out to do battle, the high pitched sprays of Uzi fire punctuated by the deep bass boom of a shotgun plays as the orchestra of the hours of darkness. Screams of anguish are heard and when daylight falls, the remnants of the rumble can be found as bodies remain and bullet holes are scattered on the adjacent walls. It is a forgotten city, forgotten by the rest of civilization and its own citizens, where each man is truly an island and help is never extended to thy neighbour. Money is always in short supply and all excess is either spent on weapons or drugs. Occasionally, if one is feeling generous, he might bring a few friends to the strip parlour, where he would pay for a lap dance or perhaps… extra services given after hours and off the record. Of course, not that you had to pay anyway, there is no shortage of young girls who’d do anything for you if you told them that you could get them of this hole. The success of a robbery determined whether someone’s child would starve to death tonight. You’re the luckier one if you’re looking down the wrong end of the barrel as you probably have no need to carry out the robbery in the first place. It is a city with a spirit of desperation; each of the citizens desperate to run away but the question always remains, where to? There is nowhere for them to go, and they know it. Without anywhere to escape, escape is impossible. With most of the school teachers themselves shooting tar heroin into their arms, no one ever gave much thought to academia. The older generations were resigned to their fate, realising that they were doomed to stay in the same place for the rest of their lives and ambition had long left this suburb. Pretty fucking bleak ey? |
3,702,123 | male | 26 | Architecture | Cancer | 21,June,2004 | It's time to discuss something architectural. Due to the recent boom and an explosion in the demand for housing, developers are building homes at a staggering rate, comparable only to the years right after WWII where displaced soldiers need immediate housing accommodation. With the way houses are built and designed, the very core of regional architecture is being obliterated by cookie-cutter style track housing. You can find the same type of housing in Southern California as you can find in Connecticut. Think about this, what if the architecture in Rome looks the same as in France, or in Japan and Thailand? The very essence that separates us apart from the animals, 'individuality' and 'creativity' are destroyed at the expense of quick return on your dollar. We, as home buyers, perpetuate the thinkings of the big developers that 'if you build them, they will come,' mentality. Good for business, not good for our culture. |
3,702,123 | male | 26 | Architecture | Cancer | 21,June,2004 | 1. Chicks that stuff their faces with everything they can find during pregnency, and complains that its' 'soooo hard to lose my baby weight!'. 2. People that point to their wrist and ask 'what tims is it?' Are you wearing a fucking invisible watch that I can't see?? 3. People that say 'You don't happen to have/know/want to.....' If you don't think I have/know/want to do whatever you are about to ask me, why the fuck did you ask in the first place???!? 4. People that ask what the room temperature is. IT'S ALWAYS ROOM TEMPERATURE YOU DUMB NUT!! 5. Straight guys that think every homo wants to sleep with them. Dude, look in the mirror, even gay guys have standards. 6. Fat chicks at the gym who has been on a treadmill for 20 minutes doing a 2.0.. brisk walking! 7. women i work with that feel like they have to be a bitch and half to show the men that they are equal. Just chill out and show up to work when you are supposed to, instead of taking smoke breaks, coffee breaks, tempon inserting breaks..bla bla bla. IDIOTS!!! 8. People that post quesitons without wanting an answer. Well, shit..if I knew it were a rhetorical question, I wouldn't have wasted my fucking time trying to help your ass out. 9. Women that think men have that...ESP thing. I CAN'T READ YOUR MIND!!! even AFTER you told me what you are thinking, I still might not get it. 10. people that blog. |
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