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SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [23f] found out my boyfriend [30m] of 1 year was married in the past. Should I tell him I know?
POST: Hi, Reddit!
So... pretty much explained the situation in the title. I found out a few months ago that my boyfriend was in a decade-long marriage in the past. (Being 23, I have no idea whether it's normal to not talk about this sort of thing, and Google isn't being the biggest help.)
It doesn't bother me at all, but I wonder if he's keeping it a secret because he's afraid that I'll react negatively. I know if I were in the same situation I'd be constantly sweating bullets, haha.
I know the marriage ended badly, and I don't want to bring up bad memories. Should I tell him I know so he doesn't have to worry about it, or let sleeping dragons lie?
Thanks for the advice!!
TL;DR: | Found out boyfriend was in a marriage in the past that ended badly. Should I tell him I know so he doesn't have to worry about it, or let sleeping dragons lie? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [31M] with my gf [28F] 2 months, Learning to adapt to someone who occasionally works abroad
POST: LDRs have never been anything I would have seriously considered, but in this case it came as apart of the package. My new GF (started dating mid-dec), who is pretty amazing, left two weeks ago for a 6 week posting in the middle of nowhere. No airport, unsafe drive, and just plain difficult to get to.
Our first week was pretty intense, calls every night, texts good morning, good night, etc because she was just settling in, wasn't on call, and only working minimal hours. This week she has been working on-call all week, and so I've pretty much heard nothing other than a quick message here or there letting me know how she is doing, etc.
It's been a challenge, I've never done LDR before and I find my mind races all over the place with it. I'm secure in myself and never worry about trust, I try to follow the "whatever happens happens" idea, and I try not to over-analyze things too much.
But I find that the longer we're apart, and the most our communication style varies, the more I second guess what we have. Even doubts and "what ifs..." enter my head and start to wind me up more than I'd think was possible.
In addition, my own work stress doesn't help, and we had a brief call this week because I was a little short on the phone and she thought she did something. I learned right quick that I can't do that and I must stay positive about this thing no matter what is bothering me.
Those of you who date people who are mobile for work, how do you handle long distances over several weeks?
TL;DR: | GF goes away for work, usually for a couple of weeks a quarter, but sometimes for up to two months. How do you adjust from a close proximity relationship to an LDR one? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Dependent, depressive GF (30F)
POST: I've been with my girlfriend (30F) for almost 2 years now. She's had issues with depression for most of that time. We get along very well and have great talks, she just can't find the motivation to do anything when she's having a depressive episode. It's rough, but there are breaks when the good times are just so good.
She can't find employment in her field and I'm sympathetic to that. But it also means she's uninsured and can't seek counselling and medication. She got a temporary job in retail, but was let go and I once again pay all the bills.
This may also be the depression, but she doesn't help out around the house and our sex life has become nearly nonexistent. I've tried talking to her about it and not doing the chores, but she still doesn't do them. The filth and smell seem to bother me much more than it bothers her. Long story short, I feel like I do everything for both of us.
I don't really want to break up with her, as we share a large social circle and I love her, but I feel that she treated our roommates better (when we had them) than she treats me alone. Plus, where would she even go with no income?
I was already considering asking her to move into our spare bedroom when she started having physical health issues as well. Now I'm afraid that asking her to move will look like I'm rejecting her due to her health issues. I still love her. Is there any hope that she will come around? What are good coping methods? I'm at a loss here, what should I do?
TL;DR: | I feel like I do everything for both of us due to her unemplyment and health issues. How do I talk about this? Is there any hope? |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: They say pity parties accomplish nothing, but I think it feels good to let it out sometimes.
POST: I'll share my little pity party and if you have one you've been bottling up just let it out. My girlfriend of 18 months and I broke up last night and it was really hard, we just weren't meant to be together. Anyway, I get invited by one of my guy friends to go to a football game (I'm in high school, it was an away game of ours, but please don't crucify me. I'm not nearly as obnoxious as a lot of high school kids.) I'm thinking, hey, this is going to be great. I'll hang out with my guy friends, get my mind off being lonely after the break up, and have a great time watching football. Well we get there and the guys that invited me met up with some lady friends of theirs and then just left (this is not quite the end of the first quarter.) So I'm chilling here now at the football game, where I thought I'd be able to escape that lonely feeling, all alone. I just stand behind the rest of the student section, in the back, all by myself. When this one girl talks to me at the end of the game because she noticed I was standing alone the entire time, I almost start crying because I realize I'm that guy that looks lonely because he has no friends so people feel morally obligated to cheer him up. I really didn't want to be that guy, but somehow ended up being that guy.
TL;DR: | Got ditched by friends at a football game after a break up. Stand at the football game alone the whole time at a time when I really could use a friend. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19M] with my girlfriend [20F] may be moving too fast. "I love you after a month?"
POST: I have been seeing this girl for about six weeks now. We moved into the same apartment building and attend the same university. I met her on one of the first days living there and we clicked very quickly. We began to hang out everyday. It went so fast. We have an extremely deep emotional connection so I wasn't entirely surprised when she said she loved me after only one month.
I know a lot about her and I've shared things I never have before. I've been with people I really like, I've been with people that I've been somewhat infatuated with, but I'd never said I love you and meant it until now. I was with a girl for a year in high school but I was not in love. With this girl I fell head over heels and she did too. We blazed our way through all the excitement of a new relationship in the first month and a half. What do I do from here? I feel like if we keep going at this pace we'll both be burned out soon which I don't want because I think she's incredible but at this point I'm in to deep to tell her to pump the breaks a bit.
TL;DR: | So is one month to fast for "I love you?" And now that the honeymoon phase is over so fast, where do we go? I've never been this far and I think I arrived way way to quickly. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [25F] have a major crush on my coworker [late20sM] but anxiety is holding me back
POST: A little backstory: I'm very friendly with a few of my coworkers and one of them I started to become interested in. We text a lot, almost daily, and hang out fairly regularly. One time, we were supposed to hang out in a group but one girl cancelled so the two of us just hung out at my place together. We got really drunk and he was very flirty the whole time-as in, when I got him set up into the guest bed he would just pull me down in with him. One thing led to another and we ended up watching a movie in my bed, where he kissed me. Unfortunately I was already half-passed out and didn't expect it, so I didn't reciprocate very much and just mumbled (huge mistake on my part). He left and nothing really came of it.
Fast-forward about a month and a half later. We are still hanging out and I'm starting to like him more and more, but the little anxiety voice in the back of my head keeps stopping me. I don't really take the things people do when they're drunk as an indication of their sober feelings, so I don't feel comfortable using that as a gauge of his interest. His friend has told me that he believes my coworker is interested in me on more than one occasion, but even he admits that it's just speculation based on the fact that "[coworker] is happy around you and he's never happy". I'm thinking of inviting him over to watch a movie and have a couple drinks this week, but I'm still super anxious that he will say no. Part of it is that I am an overweight, not particularly attractive person and the other part is that this guy has admitted to being incredibly dense when it comes to flirting. Based on the background, do you think it is worth it for me to give it a shot?
TL;DR: | I'm majorly interested in my coworker, but he's so obtuse and my anxiety is taking over. |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: How to go about losing weight when living at your parents place?
POST: Hi guys! I'm a 20 y/o female that is 5'6 tall and currently at 142lbs. I started my weight loss journey just over two and a half weeks ago and have lost 6 pounds so far :). I'm not overweight and I know that, but I was not eating as healthy as I should + I am not comfortable with the way my body looks, so I'd like to get down to 130 - 125 or so. Just to be more fit and have more energy. I currently eat 1200 - 1300 calories a day, run three times a week and do body weight exercises.
The problem is, I'm in college and live at my parents place, which is quite common where I'm from. They aren't on board with me losing weight (they are both overweight and although I love them, they just aren't the healthiest). I am away al lot during the day due to school/work/internship and can regulate what I eat during the day pretty easily, except for dinners. We eat unhealthy about once or twice a week (fries and the like) and I'm not allowed to bring in my own foods.
So, my question is: how can I limit the 'damage' done by the unhealthy calorie dense dinners? Do I work out more? Eat less during the day? Substitute part of the dinner with a piece of fruit or anything? I'd like to get opinions and advice. Thank you! :)
TL;DR: | Live at parents place, eat calorie dense dinners about twice a week. Want to know what's the best way to handle this while losing weight.v |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [17 M] with my Girlfriend [17 F] 9 months, nothing makes sense
POST: So quick summary of the past:
I come to this new private christian school after they heard about some stuff at my military school. They send me about half way through the year to this new christian school. I am not christian neither is the girl. Her parents are very christian and we started talking after a week of me being at the school. Things went on and off between us for a few months until finally a month before school ended things were broken off. I asked her what happened and she said she couldn't tell anyone and she was really sorry and wanted me to hate her.
Summer passes, almost 2 months of school and on last Friday she texts me asking to talk to me. She ends up finding me in person on Tuesday and tells me what happened: She told her mom she wasn't christian and her mom got on her knees and started weeping. She was then taken to counceling and some other stupid things. Her parents then monitored all of her accounts. Her only escape was an ipod her brother gave her. While telling me all of this shes literally shaking because she feels so bad about the past ~4 months of denying me. She asks for a hug and I forgive her because I still have feelings for her.
Now, for some background: Her mom heard about me on the girls birthday when she told her about me back in feb. Her mom said no and last night she came into her room and said 'Youre not seeing that boy again are you? I don't want you anywhere near him'
I know its stupid but I still like her and want to be with her and shes been very expressive about her feelings for me lately and in person we sneak around the school and talk in person/hug and stuff but I want to see her outside of school, which is impossible.
I don't know what to do.
Also the girls mother checked my facebook and found I liked certain artists so I wasn't 'christian' or whatnot.
TL;DR: | Girl is not christian, her mom is, forces her away from me. I`m not sure what to do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskDocs
TITLE: Ear canal infection to ear pressure? [Any advice welcome!]
POST: First, let me apologize for the wall of text. I'm a 23 year old female with no history of ear infections. 2 weeks ago I was using a Q-tip in my left year and I heard the weirdest noise and suddenly a lot of pain. I thought maybe I ruptured an ear drum. The following day I went to the CVS minute clinic that's down the street and the nurse prescribed me Neomycin,Polymyxin B Sulfates and Hydrocortisone ear drops. 4 drops in the ear 4 times a day. Basically, the infection got better but as time went on the severe ear pressure in said left ear got worse. I decided it was time to go see an ENT. The Dr. said the ear drops had built up in my ear. He then used a tool to clean out my ear-a little power washer type thing to clean out the ear with water. He said my right ear canal (the non infected one) was a bit red, but everything else seemed fine. He told me to come back if needed. 3 days later I was so frustrated, I decided to go back. He looked in both ears, noticed nothing was wrong, and then took me over to a machine to measure ear pressure. He said my left ear (the one that had been infected but no longer), had elevated pressure. He basically just told me to tough it out. Is there anything I can do to make this ear pressure go away sooner? It's really uncomfortable. Additionally, I need to fly on a plane in a week for my cousin's bridal shower, and then a week after that I fly to England. I've been using a warm wheat bag to put on the ear, and now as I type I have a cold pack on my ear. Any advice or wisdom is appreciated.
TL;DR: | There's no longer an ear infection in my ear, however there's ear pressure that's driving me nuts. Help! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Girlfriend [19] saying I've [18] "changed" even though she's the one who has been getting distant.
POST: My girlfriend of one year has been growing very distant since about a month ago. Not talking to me, hugs, ect. Whenever I try talking to her or try to understand what is going on she usually just gives the canned answer of "Nothing." I'm really confused as to why this is happening. Even our friends think it's weird that this is going on. I don't know if it's me or her at this point. I don't treat her wrong. I take her out on dates, even forgive her for cheating (she seemed sincere but I dunno. also just a forgiving person).
We have had issues in the past such as all our fights or her cheating on me. I don't want to lose her but it just seems so hopeless at this point. Is there any reason for her to act like this? Any way to even salvage it? She's told me she doesn't want to break it off even though it seems like it.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend acting weird. Says it's because I've changed/don't love her anymore. Why is she acting like this? (willing to answer any questions asked if you need more info btw) |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [20] having trouble with unrealistic expectations and pushing my boyfriend [19] away when they are not fulfilled.
POST: I'm a 20 year old guy, dating a 19 year old guy. I'm having trouble with having tons of unrealistic expectations for our relationship. Have been together for 4 months.
I really don't know why, but I have really unrealistic expectations. For example, I expect that we should be able to talk pretty much all of the time, even when he is at work. And when he can't talk, I somehow get upset, even if I tell myself that he is working. I expect/wish he could get back right away and talk to me every time I want to talk. I find myself pushing him away when he can't talk as much as I'd like. I'll start getting slower with my responses or becoming shorter with my responses -- which leads to him getting pushed away from me. Also, if something else happens that didn't meet my ridiculously unrealistic expectation, I get upset and then he sees that and feels bad about himself for not pleasing me. It becomes this vicious circle, all because of me.
How do I fix this? How can I make myself have more realistic expectations?
I really know that I need to fix this myself, but would appreciate any and all advice. Thank you.
TL;DR: | I have unrealistic expectations for my boyfriend and when they don't get fulfilled, I push him away even more. How can I fix this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskDocs
TITLE: Knee pain. Outside of the leg, under the kneecap pain when jumping/running.
POST: Right knee, not the patellar tendon, but just to the right of it. My physiotherapist mentioned that I may need to strengthen my adductor when I was getting treatment for my patellar tendon. Now the pain has moved from directly under the right kneecap, to the right and under the kneecap.
Just last week when I was sprinting after playing soccer, I could not bear the pain and stopped. Prior to that sprint, there were no issues with the knee. Since then, I have only been going to the gym.
How do I resolve this problem so that I can be active again? What exercises can I do? I've been using the adductor machine, and squats with my toes pointed outward. But I'm not sure that the exercises have been doing that much for me, since I still cannot run or jump without discomfort. I've already taken a break from heavy activity for a week.
I cannot run or jump without there being pain or discomfort.
TL;DR: | Jumping/running causes discomfort. Right knee, under the kneecap and just to the right. Need exercises to resolve this issue. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (19F) mom told me that my uncle cheated on my aunt years ago and I don't know how to handle that information
POST: To make a long story short: My mom and I got into a huge discussion about infidelity and somehow my uncle was brought up. I did not know he cheated on my aunt, who is such a nice woman. My mom said that she doesn't condone my uncle's behavior but her loyalties lie with him because that's her brother and that I can't tell anyone. I got mad and asked her how she could look at my aunt for all of those years knowing that he cheated on her. She divorced her first husband because of infidelity so I'm sure that she doesn't know. I don't know all of the details and I don't really want to. She said she shouldn't have told me/compromised my relationship with my uncle.
Infidelity is such a huge betrayal and it makes me sick to my stomach that my sweet, wonderful aunt was cheated on and has spent years thinking that everything was okay. My mom said not to judge a marriage and that theirs isn't perfect, but has conceded that they are not abusive toward each other or anything of that nature. In the heat of the moment I asked my mom how she could live with this information and she countered with: well how are you going to live with this now? Are you going to tell her? Now I feel like I'm in such a hard spot because I would ruin my relationship with my mom, my aunt, uncle and likely my cousins. Also I don't have any information other than what my mom told me -- I don't know who with, when (other than years ago) or anything of that sort, and my mom will not tell me. This is just a shitty situation and I really don't know how to handle this information. All I can think is that if I was married and cheated on, I would want to know. Ugh.
TL;DR: | My mom told me that my uncle (her brother) cheated on my aunt years ago. Aunt doesn't know. I don't know how to live with this information. I feel so guilty. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Help with light bulbs and electricity (is my wiring borked?)
POST: Ok, so last night the lights in my bedroom went out. They've been there since I bought my house (first house woo!). All the lights went out too, so I assumed a bulb blew. So I trudged into my cellar and flipped the lights fuse switch. (after I had made sure to turn off the light switch in my bedroom)
When I went back into my bedroom I flipped the light switch (expecting all but one of the bulbs to come back on, but they only came on for a fraction of a second then the lights in the house went out again. After again turning off the light switch and turning the fuse switch back on I tried again only this time nothing happened at all.
I assumed all the bulbs went (there are 4), I went out and bought some replacement bulbs after I had googled the ones I needed. (Apparently MR16 GU5.3, 20W)
After replacing all of the bulbs the same is still occuring, when I flip the light switch nothing happens.
Is it possible the wiring for my bedroom lights are messed up? Is it possible there's a fuse in the light fixture itself that has blown?
One of the bulbs:
The light fixture itself:
I'd rather not call out an electrician unless necessary. Last thing I want is to be told I just needed to replace a fuse.
Any ideas?
TL;DR: | Light bulbs blew, replacement light bulbs aren't lighting up. I don't know what's wrong. (This is in the UK) |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: She (21F) wants me (21m) to "take it slow."
POST: Alright so I just got involved with this girl last weekend, but now I'm kind of confused. To elaborate, we met while drinking with some mutual friends, had an amazing time. I walked her home, even got a goodbye kiss at the door.
That was Saturday, we've talked a bit since then, and today I tried asking her out for an actual date... she replied that, while I was a really sweet guy and she thinks my intentions are good, she takes these things at a "tortoise pace," and is "slow to warm up to anything romantic."
I really enjoy her company, she's very sweet, very beautiful, and easy to talk to... should I see how this goes, or am I being taken for a ride? If I should go for it, how do I go about taking it slow? Every other relationship I've had started off like a rocket, so I'm very new to this kind of thing.
TL;DR: | New dating interest wants me to go "tortoise slow"and I'm not sure how, or if its worth it to. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [23F] and FWB [27M], need advice about how to approach him about condoms
POST: There is this man I've known casually for a few months, he's in and out of town for work. This past weekend we had sex for the first time. There was alcohol involved and we didn't use a condom.
The rest of the weekend proceeded in a 'well fuck it' kind of manner. It was dumb, I used emergency contraceptives, can't fix it now. I'm scheduled to get tested. He is currently out of town, probably for another two weeks.
When he comes back, I'd like to see him again. But I need to talk to him about using condoms and its hard for me to just be super direct I guess, I'm rather shy and I struggle to just bring things up. I'm just looking for advice on good ways to approach this situation. Cheers
TL;DR: | didn't use condoms first time having sex with friend, but want to continue, but need advice on condom talk, I'm awkward as hell. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by literally scaring the shit out of my dog.
POST: It was my dad actually. I got a brand new puppy, was super stoked, and wanted to show him off to my parents. So I take him over to my parents' place, he is adorable, super playful, and my family are dog people, so, naturally, they love him. Crowley, my pup, loves the "catch me if you can game", and initiates said game in the kitchen around the island with my dad. After a few circuits around the island my dad decides to get clever. He stops mid-circuit, waits for the unsuspecting Crowley to catch up, and surprises him with a giant, "RAW!". Crowley's giant pug eyes go wider than I have ever seen: he flips out, yelps, tumbles, and slides across the marble floor, but not before exploding an array of the worst smelling, brown, watery shit all over the wall... cupboards... door... floor... everywhere. It was such large shit misting, that I was almost afraid he ripped his asshole. From that point on, he has detested my father, bristling and growling whenever he sees him. I have never seen Crowley treat anyone else with this behavior, and no matter what attempts my dad makes to rectify the situation, Crowley is adamant with his hatred. It doesn't matter how much time has passed, this dog has never forgotten.
TL;DR: | my dad was chasing my pup, snuck up on him, and scared him so bad that the dog sprayed shit water everywhere. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (M21) need help with something my dad (M51) about the new girl (F22) in my life.
POST: Sorry in advance I'm posting this from my phone.
I recently started talking to a new girl. By recently I mean 2 weeks ago. Anyway we decided to finally meet each other for the first time. Now me and her are both very sexual people with very high libidos. Sadly I couldn't take us out cause I'm broke cause bills suck. Instead I told her to come to my house and we can watch tv or Netflix and I would cook dinner.
She comes over we watch tv a little and then we got frisky. We had sex rested and started again. The 2nd time my dad walks in. Actually pretty funny. Just go ahead and know that no I don't live with my dad. We rent a place together cause it's cheaper then living separately. Anyway me and my girl laugh it off and after a few minutes get back to it.
She later leaves and my dad sits me down to talk. He tells me I need to leave this girl alone. He is sitting there saying she is a whore. I don't think she is and I really like her and did like her before we had sex. So is my dad right? Should I leave her alone or should I not pay him any attention?
Also ever since mine and his talk I have a feeling in my gut saying what I did was wrong. I've never had sex with a girl the first time I met her. So this is weird to me. But I really like her and we both decided that we want to be together in an actual relationship. I need advice please.
TL;DR: | Met a new girl for the first time. Had sex. Dad trying to tell me to leave her alone cause she is a whore. Need advice. We both just have really high libidos. Plus I really like her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Anybody think they have the worst luck ever?
POST: I know there are worse situations that people went through, but my friend always jokes that I have the worst luck ever. I want to share my stories/I want to hear your stories.
First of all I'm accident prone(well I'm kind of clumsy, but some of the accidents were caused by sheer bad luck).
Had total of 8 car accidents and NONE of them were my fault. I'm serious. Most of the time I got either compensated because other cars hit my car/I was just a passenger.
Drowned at least 3 times, almost got hit by a lightening, broke my right arm twice (once was on my kindergarten graduation day), fell down the stairs, I scrape my knee/sprain my knee almost every year, gets sick pretty often (I got sick 6 times just last year).
Came to US at age 11 because my dad's company bankrupted and my parents feared we were gonna be chased by debt collectors, with just bags of clothes and blankets. Lived poorly for few years, parents bought a house in a nice neighborhood, lived there for 4 years during high school year. We had to short sale the house after all the hard work.
Went through severe depression during high school, tried to kill myself at least 20 times, failed at every one of them, used to cut myself, finally got the depression out of the way, went off to local CC to pursue nursing.
Got into another car accident, totaled car, the day I picked up a new car, dad got a stroke; he was hospitalized and became disabled. Got fired from a job because I asked for less time, my friend possibly(not sure) slept with a guy that I was seeing, and depression came back.
Dad got sued for 500k for the work that he was doing even after the client knew my dad was disabled (he used to be a contractor)
Got a new job, helped mom taking care of dad, then mom got a thymus tumor, so I had a quit a new job after a month because she needed to get a surgery.
Everything is all better now, but I still get into frequent accidents and I still feel like I have the worst luck! Tell me your stories!
TL;DR: | Gets into frequent car accidents, went through some SH*T. I might have a bad luck. Share your stories! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [19M] Girlfriend [18F] of 1 year is telling me that our sexual relationship was non-consensual.
POST: When I got into the relationship with my girlfriend, she told me that I was her first ever boyfriend. She asked me to take it slowly with her, so I did.
It was about 5 months before any sexual contact at all, and even after that, we progressed quite slowly.
I'd have called our sexual relationship quite healthy. It was reciprocal (non-PIV), although she seemed quite shy, embarrassed, reluctant at times. Sometimes she initiated, but it was almost always me.
I always felt a little bit like there was something wrong, like she was 'faking it'. She always assured me that that was not the case.
Last time I visited her, she said she wanted to hold off from sexual interactions for the visit. I obliged.
Soon, she told me that she'd never really wanted to have a sexual relationship with me, but she put herself through it because she was afraid of losing me. None of our sexual relationship was truly consensual, and she says she was scared of me emotionally and physically. She says she truly knows I'd never hurt her, she's told me I've never done anything for her to think otherwise, but she felt scared regardless.
She tells me she's partially asexual and genophobic, but that she wants to start 'working on it' for me. I don't want her to do this, I've asked her not to pressure herself to change and to take as much time as she needs. This is all very recent development, last 2 weeks.
What's a reasonable reaction on my part? How close was our sexual relationship to being abusive? Most importantly, what can I do for her?
TL;DR: | Girlfriend says she's not interested in sexual contact after 7 months of non-PIV sexual relationship, wat do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Texting can make it too easy
POST: Hey R_A.
I received this text today and have been going back and forth in my head on how/if I should respond.
**Just a little background:**
-We broke up 4 or 5 months ago after a relationship going on 4 years.
-Reason for breaking up was because she was "talking" to her best friend's pseudo-boyfriend while we were dating.
-We tried to be cordial for about a month, but behind my back she had been ridiculing our relationship to her friends and her new boyfriend was basically just being a douche, talking as if he had 'stolen' her from me and the girl that he had been interested in for years was all of a sudden a joke that she still had feelings for him.
-So, in typical R_A fashion, I made the decision to sever contact, blocked her on FB, Twitter, etc., deleted the phone number, and it actually helped me dwindle my feelings for her to zero.
-Needless to say, the best friend she had lied to and stolen her pseudo-boyfriend from and I had a lot in common, and are now currently dating, and I am much, much happier with her. Ha.
-Anyways, so after at least 2-3 months of no communication whatsoever, I receive this text.
-If we're being honest, I still have those old feelings of "I hope [old girlfriend] is here so she can see my new truck." "I wonder what she's doing now, I bet she's nowhere as happy as I am." etc. I hope that's normal, but if its not than I figured it will help you help me.
So, should I respond? Cordially? Crassly? At all? Thank you for all of your help, reddit. I love you guys.
TL;DR: | GF of 4 years and I broke up. 3 months later, no communication, thanks to me. Receive this text. May still have feelings for her? Wat do, reddit?* |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: To be friends or not to be friends? That us the question.
POST: Me [21] ex [22] bi. She dumped me about a month ago due to not being happy and feeling like I've stolen her independence. We still talk n text each other nearly everyday keeping things plutonic to a point. I'm still cut up about the break up for It catched me a little of guard. She's told me that she still wants casual sex but wants to make sure I'm ok first and me being a guy who hasn't had sex or any sexual contact for a while wants her so badly. I still love her but she has told me on a number of occasions that she just wants to be friends and doesn't want a relationship for a long time. Shea already talking about how she's met up with a girl she finds attractive but has never done anything.
Knowing all this should I keep talking to her n making contact in the hope that after a while of being friends we may one day find that spark we once lost and have "meaningless sex" or should I cut her out of my life completely, make no attempts to contact her or be contacted?
I have trouble talking to girls and often just become friends with them.
TL;DR: | ex wants to be friends and have sex, I want to work on our relationship through being friends first. Still not over her. She's over me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by walking on ice
POST: This TIFU actually happened few hours ago
I was with my girlfriend on a walk after we ate together, and even tho it was cold, we thought it would be fun to walk together and speak as we oftenly do, we ended up in a nice place with tree and some kind of a river (well it's basically not a river, it was smaller and some duck were trying to swim in since it was almost all frozen) with my girlfriend, young as we are (17) , we were just like "Hey, lets step on this ice, and try to break it!" sounded funny and it was, then she tried to step on that part of the river and her feet almost pass through but nothing really bad, i was still laughing at her cus now she was even colder, but then, she wasn't looking at me and i was like "I want to try to step on it.." and like a 5ish child, when she wasn't paying attention, i tried to step on the ice, it broke, my leg goes through and half of my leg - from my feet to under my knee - was in the cold water, and i let a little scream escape cus' i wasn't expecting to fall, i couldn't get my leg out, i felt and my ass hit the cold ground, which was all frozen mud, and i manage to take my leg out, but god it was so cold, my gf was laughing during 10 minuts and i was few meter away, on a step of a stair, wringing my socks and trying to get as much water as i could out of my shoe, then she asked if i wanted to go back to my home i said no cus i didn't wanted to end this day like that, so i walked a good hour with my half leg soaked..
TL;DR: | Walking with my girlfriend, there was almost all frozen river, stepped on it, felt in, soaked from my foot to under my knee, stood one hour with my half leg all soaked and cold. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me[20M] with a girl i met through friends [21F] do i repulse her?
POST: Firstly let me say i'm hopelessly insecure, pathetic etc etc, this doesn't need to be pointed out to be.
I went out to a bar with a few close friends of mine, and they brought some girls that they knew - who i didn't. Anyway, everything was going good and there was this one girl in particular I really was enjoying talking to, we both had loads of mutual interests so we were literally just talking for hours and laughing , i really enjoyed just speaking to her.
anyway, at some point during the night the rest of the crew went off somewhere and it was me and her just sitting there at the seat thing just talking which was fine, but then some random guy from the bar came over, made small talk and banter which we both loved and then he asked us "are you two together?".
she then responded by laughing a bit and then saying no... this is where the night went downhill for me.
did she laugh because she was repulsed at the idea of being with me? was she laughing at the idea we could be ever date?
this really ruined things for me as i felt quite humiliated. i mean obviously she was going to say no because were not together, but i dont understand the laugh before it - it made me feel so small and ugly. anyway that guy went and the mood was ruined for me so i quickly left too.
the worst part was that I wasn't even thinking about her sexually etc when we were talking i just really enjoyed talking to HER, i mean she's beautiful which i noticed at first but i pretty much forgot how hot she was when we were talking she was like one of the lads. i wouldnt of mind having her as just a friend but the idea that shes disgusted at the fact we could be together just makes me sad.
am I overthinking this? what does the laugh mean? ah god im an idiot
thanks alot for reading anyway and i hope you all have a great day
TL;DR: | i met a girl at a bar, everything was great, someguy asked us if were together and she laughed at me and said no - i think she hates me |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Boyfriend has told me he isn't certain that he would never cheat on me. Healthy or not?
POST: M27 F29 My boyfriend of 9 months has recently told me that he is unsure that he would never cheat on me. He has also been voicing his opinion on bringing another girl into our sexual lives though I think I am uncomfortable with the idea. He also tells me that sex isn't very important to him and that he doesn't want it all the time, so I shouldn't get upset if he doesn't want sex with me. I don't think I have a problem with it until he goes to look for pornography when I am sleeping. I don't think I have a problem with pornography until I realize he hides it. Am I emotionally unstable or are these genuinely difficult hurdles. I feel like I am the one being unreasonable when I try to talk to him about it because there are always the exasperated sighs and body language that clearly tells me he doesn't want to talk.
TL;DR: | my boyfriend doesn't know if he won't cheat on me in the future, doesn't want sex but watches porn and hides it. I feel like the unstable one for having anxiety over this. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Met a guy at the bar last night who works at my dream job and who offered to put a word in for me - but I want to move to another city
POST: So I met kind of a crazy guy last night at the bar. He kept going on about how awesome and amazing I am. I mean, I'm a pretty great person, but I know I was less than my normal awesome self at that point of the night. I had also told him that I'm a lesbian so that I wouldn't lead him on or anything. I talked to him for maybe an hour last night, with no really substantive discussion because he kept going on "you're awesome" tangents. Flattering but also really weird.
Anyways, next day, this guy is still super eager - sending me "good morning, you're wonderful" messages. I respond less eagerly and mention I'm doing job applications. He says his company is actually looking for people and he'd put a word in. This is exactly the type of position I'm looking for, except I desperately want to move.
I've lived in the same metro area my whole life, and I just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship. I need to get away from her and I need to work in a field that I can be proud of (my current job is one of those well-paying corporate jobs you sell your soul for)
TL;DR: | Opportunity for a great job in a place where I don't want to live. Possibility of a recommendation from a rather overenthusiastic guy - what should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/Parenting
TITLE: Question about normal toddler behavior
POST: I have a friend who has a 3.5 year old daughter. My own child is eight, so it has been awhile since I have dealt with toddlers.
I know that toddlers and morals don't really go hand in hand, but at what point is a lack of morals considered abnormal? This particular child seems to have zero sense of remorse. At times, she acts violently, such as trying to hit my child with objects and hitting my dog. Other times, she does things we specifically ask her not to and then rubs it in our faces. One example is her peeling stickers off a toy my child had decorated. My daughter began crying and telling her to stop, yet she just looked her in the eye and continued to do it.
If we find a neat bug, we can't show her or else she will kill it, despite our pleas not to. One day she let my dog out and he ran off. Even when we explained why that was bad, she showed no regret or remorse.
I know toddlers aren't the most well behaved creatures in the world, and I can excuse naughty behavior; however, my concern is mostly due to that lack of remorse and violent behavior. Adding to my concern is the fact that her mother has severe mental health issues. I don't know much about children and mental health, but could something like bipolar disorder show up this early?
Thanks for your input. I have been concerned about this for some time but I don't want to put my friend in an uncomfortable position by bringing it up. Honestly, if the behavior continues, I may consider ending the friendship. The girl is small now, but some things she does has the potential to be harmful and, when she gets older, will definitely become problematic.
TL;DR: | Friend's toddler does violent, destructive, and hurtful things and never shows regret or remorse for her actions. I'm wondering how normal this is? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Need advice on how to be more easygoing, selfless, and stop being an asshole to everyone. Me [21M] with my friends and girlfriend [20s M/F].
POST: I have been blessed with a wonderful girlfriend and friends and family that care about me. But I have problems such as selfishness, insecurity (jealousy issues), and I'm an asshole. I want to be an easygoing guy that does not react as a dick all the time and ruin the mood around me. I want to be outgoing constantly (I am most of the time, but I'm so selfish and when something little bothers me, my mood is ruined.) and easygoing person. I have the ability to be because I usually am, it's just that the tiniest things set me off and ruin my mood and I can't help it.
I need help with my girlfriend and myself. With my problems described above, I always take my girlfriend for granted and do not love her to the fullest. I have become way too comfortable around her and that leads to me taking her for granted and getting into fights. When we fix things, things go good for a while then all of a sudden I'm an asshole again ruining things. I have a bad attitude, bad tone in my voice, and I just don't seem to care enough to change myself for myself and others in my life.
I really need help. I've tried self help books but I'm so lazy and once I feel like I fix a problem, I cannot stay consistent with fixing myself, and I just end it. I'm a problem to myself.
Please help and thank you.
TL;DR: | I need advice on how to stop being an asshole, stop being selfish, and start loving others all the time and overall being a nice easygoing guy. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (20/m) think I fucked up my relationship with my (20/f) girlfriend of three years.
POST: Hey reddit, so I am trying to find an unbiased opinion. So recently my girlfriend and I have not been having very much sex, which is okay since we only get to see each other on the weekends. Unfortunately we don't even have sex on the weekends sometimes, and my girlfriend almost seems like she's not enjoying herself when we do have sex.
Along with that, she sends heart emojis to some of her friends which is fine with me. In the past she had two relationships with other girls and she has also told me that if she was a lesbian she would definitely date one of her friends. Anyways, this got me thinking, well maybe she is bisexual since she acts like this, but I remembered a previous conversation we had way early on in our relationship. She essentially told me she was not and we have not really talked about it since.
Well, today being 4/20 and all I decided to smoke a little bit just to celebrate. And while I was high I started to wonder if she just was saying she was straight when we first started dating just because. So naturally I got the bright idea to ask her if she was bisexual and she became really upset I was asking her after so many years of dating. In my defense there were some pretty compelling signs, but I did not mention it to her.
Instead she started to get depressed because I metioned her old relationship where she was dating a girl and said I was just curious as to why it did not work out. Thus this ultimately brought up her past which was not so great due to reasons we never talk about. I asked her why I didn't really know anything about it and she told me I had crossed a boundary. At dating for over three years I would not think there should be any boundaries and we should be able to talk about everything.
TL;DR: | I asked my girlfriend of three years if she was bi. This made her depressed and I don't know if I actually did something wrong. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Starting over. I need help please.
POST: 30f here. Throw away account.
Short back story: Divorced in the middle of last year. Married 3 years total. I left him. Felt like a mother and not a lover and he wasn't ever going to change. It's my own fault and I admit it was a mistake. I care about him a great deal, but a main reason I got married because he was the first to ask and I was terrified of being old and alone. I know, I'm a horrible person.
Current story: A friend stepped up to the plate. He's romantic and funny, our personalities match nicely, loads in common, all that jazz.
The issue: To start off let me say I don't know whether I'm just looking for reasons to not be in a relationship again or if there is honestly an issue. My personality is generally to conform to what others are doing around me, smile and nod, and let their happiness come before my own.
He doesn't own a car or drive. Where he used to live he was within walking distance of everything he needed and public transportation is extremely convenient. Also he wanted to save up for college and didn't want to have to pour money into a car.
Currently not working, looking to start school soon, we're living together. I truly believe he has a passion for what he wants to do and has the drive to make this happen for himself. Other than that there's nothing else that's a major issue. He genuinely is a great guy and isn't an enabler. He makes me feel stronger and we talk everything out like calm adults when need be (which is pretty much never).
I keep getting a feeling deep down like I had before that I'm going to end up a mother again. Am I wrong for feeling this? Is there a reason to be feeling this?
Guess I'm looking for confirmation or someone to talk some sense into me.
TL;DR: | Kinda recently divorced. New guy in picture. Looking for things that remind me of my past relationship. Getting a bit freaked out. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Update 2: My girlfriend (f20) just broke up with me (m20) 2 1/2 years
POST: First post and
TL;DR: | thought we got back together, girlfriend says otherwise, I tell her to be more clear and communicate with me if she wants to fix things, she's now getting drunk at a party. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24F] with my good friend/FWB [28M] 3.5 years, he's lied to me with really obvious lies.
POST: So, we're FWBs but he has also called me his best friend, and I think that he's one of my best friends as well. We are very close and he plays an active role in my life. I can call him for support and he'll come over as soon as he can. He usually works 12 hour days but if he's bored at work he'll text me.
Yesterday, he texted me and I invited him over to my house after he leaves work, to which he agreed. He has always left around 6 and visits me at 6:30. I picked up my house and started beautifying myself and I sent him a flirty message saying that everything was ready to go. He messaged me back saying he's staying an hour later. But, then I recieve a second message saying "I'm off now, where do I meet you?" Then, a third message from him trying to cover it up by saying, "Oh, I meant to say that since I'm leaving late, do you still want me to come over?" I told him that he could if he wanted to and then he replied saying he would. He proceeded to tell me that he was staying late because one of his employees was sick and left early.
Between when he told me he left work and arrived at my house was less than 5 minutes. He works across town which is 15 minutes with no traffic.
He was very attentive and apologized for coming so late. The sex was amazing, as always, although he finished fairly fast. It's pretty obvious to me that he just lied to me and I blew it off last night but my question is, do I bring it up? It bothers me a little because he's such a close friend. If so, how do I bring it up? I dont want him to feel like he has to lie to me. What is a girl to do?
TL;DR: | FWB and very good friend just lied to me of his whereabouts, im disappointed and wallowing in my stupidity. What do, reddit? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: [SERIOUS] Reddit, how do you help a family member through depression?
POST: More specifically, how can I help my siblings through their depression?
**Story time for those interested:**
*Using a throwaway because almost everyone I know, knows my username.*
At least one member of my family is currently battling depression. Possibly two. Because I am not, nor have I ever dealt with this I can't be sure.
One is my older sibling, and the other is my younger sibling. Both are in their 20's. Both have prematurely left work of some sort. Both have prematurely left school of some sort. Right now they just kind of float through life on my parents dollar.
I see how it's affecting my parents. They feel used, useless and frustrated. I also see how it's affecting my siblings. They're unfocused, unmotivated, have no confidence, and crippling social anxiety issues.
More than this, I can tell that they're almost always sad. Even the good moments are just unbearably fleeting.
My parents sometimes blame my brothers, being so stressed and frustrated they find it hard to understand what depression can do to a person. My siblings sometimes blame my parents, seeing them as over controlling and unsympathetic, even though my parents provide everything for them. And then sometimes everyone blames themselves.
We *do* talk about it to *some* extent. My parents mostly only talk to them about the surface issues. Money, jobs, education, social life. They've even bailed them out of sticky situations, directly related to their lifestyle.
I've talked to my parents about depression, but they seem so lost when I mention it. Either not knowing how to even go about dealing with it, or just not understanding it fully. They are part of a much older generation. These things just didn't get talked about when they were young.
I've also talked about depression with my siblings, but they are just completely unwilling to talk to me. It's honestly like talking to a brick wall. They don't seem to take any of my advice or support in. I've heard similar reports from my parents when they've made attempts to address the depression thing.
So reddit, I'm at a loss. Your guidance would be much appreciated.
TL;DR: | Our entire family is being torn apart by depression. Have you ever dealt with this? How can my family get through this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [35 M] girlfriend [31 F] went out for "work drinks" last night. Didn't come home til 3am. Work finishes at 6.
POST: We live together. We've had some rocky times recently, and this week was our first week back together, 'trying to do things differently'. Showing each other that we really care, etc.
It's a pretty succinct story. Her work finished at 6. She mentioned in the morning that she might be out for work drinks later but would try to make it home early. Obviously I felt like an idiot hanging around at 2am waiting for her to come home, and I tried to focus on work and other things instead of wondering where she was. I did try calling twice, but no answer so I just left it. She sent a few texts back in reply (sketchy, I know) explaining how she was "ssooo tdrunk" and how she'd be home "soonn."
She rolls in at 3, wakes me up and announces she is 'really *really* sorry' before collapsing next to me. She was hanging at some co-workers' house. I don't really suspect her of infidelity, and it's an inocuous enough story, I guess. But if that's where she wants to be, instead of at home with her awesome boyfriend, why am I wasting my time with this person? It seems like she never really makes the effort to be a good girlfriend.
I do try to be a good boyfriend. But it's hard to interpret this episode in a positive way. Was she just cutting loose? Was she testing me? Trying to provoke a reaction? I know that if I challenge her about her motivations, she will simply deny having any responsibility with a non-answer : "we were just out, and kept drinking, I didn't think about it" etc, etc
I feel very distant from her today, and though I would like to save our relationship, I'm not really sure how to inspire or motivate her to actully want to hang with me instead of just being loyal to her self. My worst fear : that she isn't really interested in me, but just wants *somebody* waiting for her at home, was pretty much confirmed last night.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend last night chose tearing it up with her co-workers over coming home to spend time with me. Feel pretty marginalized and looking for perspective and insight of all flavors. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Help me, veterans of LTR's, you're my only hope.
POST: So my SO (27, M) and I (24, F) live together. We have been together a year and a few months.
We have had a very difficult summer, starting with job loss (him), moving in together(to my hometown. neither of us has lived with an SO before and he doesn't know that he can because of his OCD and large need for alone time), stress of starting a new job (him), and an incident of cheating (him, drunk, with a girl he once dated). We have talked endlessly, cried, and fought; I have been suspicious and fake, he has been withholding and depressed, and it has generally been a terrible time.
But, at the end of the day, I value this man more than anything, I am committed to loving him, and I understand that I was wrong just as much as he was in pushing him away and being false with him. I'm committed to trusting him again, and not just in the superficial ways (not looking over his sholder, or checking his phone). I am commited to starting over with a clean slate. He is commited to full honesty.
But I'm nervous, because now I know just how much he means to me. With all of this baggage, how do I move forward on a day to day basis? He's struggling with depression concerning all of the change happening in his life right now and the guilt he has faced recently. I just want to do my best to be beside him and support him. He has been trying hard to put on a happy face for me. Words only go so far; how can I *show* him that I'm ok just being quietly beside him, listening when he wants me to, and supporting from the sidelines without overcrowding him? I want to prove we can do this togehter, and he does, too. I just need a few tips, reddit.
And I know this sounds like a rocky road, but it's the one I want to take right now and he's worth the work. He really is.
Give me your tips, kind folk?
TL;DR: | My live-in SO and I are coming through a major dark period, he's depressed, I want to show support without crowding him. How? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [22F] friend [26M] seems to have feelings for me. Help!
POST: First off, let me being by saying that I am in a happy relationship and have been since I met this guy.
I was new to the area (moved to be with my SO), and it has been very hard. He works a lot and I didn't get to see him as much as I would have liked.
10 months into my stay here, I met my friend. He is a great guy, don't get me wrong, but I am not interested at all. Wouldn't be even if I were single. We were instant friends and it has grown from there for the past 3-4 months.
I've tried my best to be appropriate. I know he's a man and as a cute little girl I have to watch myself. I hate that I don't get along as well with girls as I do guys, but it's just how it is. I value his friendship a lot. We don't touch outside of the occasional hug. My SO knows him and is cool with our relationship.
About a month ago, my friend candidly expressed some feelings for me, but promised that he valued my friendship and wasn't going anywhere with it and he realized it was inappropriate. I appreciated how much he respects me, and I continued from there as delicately as possible.
Now, though, he's started making stronger hints like he thinks I could do "better" than my SO (whom I now love with). He "hypothetically" asked me last night what I would do if I really loved someone and felt a connection with someone who didn't feel the same way in return and basically said he had decided the best option is to wait and to get to know them as well as he can in the meantime. He said he plans to pursue this person "delicately."
I am greatly upset now. He is my BEST friend. I like having friends who are guys. I like knowing other people, and all my new friends in this town are a part of his friend group. Is the appropriate thing to do to just walk away? I don't want to play with his heart, but I don't want to be alone either. This sucks.
TL;DR: | My only friend in a new town now has feelings for me and plans to purse me despite me being in a happy relationship. I'm torn between staying friends and disregarding his feelings and cutting all ties and being alone again. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [19M] discovered that my GF [18F] keeps really creepy memorabilia associated with me.
POST: I'm really distraught at the moment but I'll try to stay coherent.
I've known my current girlfriend essentially since we were born. We grew up as neigbors until my family moved away when I was 11, then we got reunited in high school and have been dating ever since.
Yesterday I was in her bedroom, sitting on her bed, waiting for her to do her makeup. She has a jar of marbles so I took a few out and started playing with them. At one point I dropped a couple and thought they may have gone under the bed. There wasn't much under there, just a pile of blankets so I moved them aside. Behind the blankets was one of those cookie tins. I took it out and opened it because I was curious (I really, really regret doing that) and the contents shocked me. Aside from a bunch of printed out photos, including many straight off my facebook (wtf), there was a ziploc with a bunch of hair in it (WTF) and a ziploc with a used condom (WTF!). I felt creeped out an dsick, so I closed the tin, put it where it was before, faked an emergency and ran away.
I'm 99.5% sure the hair and the condom are mine. We were both each other's first bf/gf. While we never actually had sex, there was one time when we tried to but she got scared and we stopped before any penetration happened. That's the evening the condom was most likely from.
I tried to laugh it off and rationalize it but I just can't. I won't beat around the bush, this is extremely fucking creepy. I was going to break up with her but now I'm thinking that that would just be a knee jerk reaction and would only cause both of us to miss out on each other. Should I talk to her about it? How do I even mention something like this? I love her with all my heart. I always thought we were perfect for each other and I was going to propose later this year. Now I really don't know what to do. Please help me.
TL;DR: | Found a box of werid me memorabilia in my gf's room, including a used condom. Should I break up with her? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [Semi-NSFW] Should I [19M] tell my girlfriend of 3+ years [19F] whom I live with that I watch hentai? I'm worried that it might cause her self-esteem issues and emotional distress, but I also feel obligated to tell her.
POST: Some time ago, my girlfriend and I had a discussion about porn. It had been festering in her for a while but she hadn't had the heart to talk about it up until that point. She said her feelings about pornography, such as how she thinks it desensitizes people to sex, that it objectifies women, and most importantly that it has caused her major self-esteem issues. This worried me and I let her know I would stop watching porn if it affected her so much. So I did.
Sort of.
A while before that conversation the topic of hentai came up, and I (being worried of the social stigma attached to it) pretended like I thought it was weird and asked what she thought. She's never watched porn in her life, but she said that hentai wasn't nearly as bad as porn because it's simply drawings and fantasy. After this conversation I felt relieved and figured doing so wouldn't be such a bad thing in her eyes after all. Something to note is that for a few years she was really into anime and even did cosplaying -- this is what also makes me think she wouldn't find it so weird. She was very into a related (to a certain extent) culture for a while.
Lately I've been feeling like I should tell her. I think telling her I don't watch *porn* porn anymore might help her get over the self-esteem issues and also it might help bring our sexual interests more in-tune. On the other hand, I'm worried the opposite could happen.
Thoughts? My gut answer is to tell her, so I probably should, but I'm worried about how she will react. I just would like to hear your thoughts.
TL;DR: | girlfriend said she really dislikes porn but also mentioned she didn't find hentai to be very weird, do I tell her? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: A hypothetical: What if the 99% abstained from voting in the 2012 election?
POST: What would be the ramifications of almost the entire nation refusing to cast a vote in the presidential race of 2012?
Would this be enough to withdraw our [consent] How would our State Representatives vote if their constituency abstained? Would their failure to abstain along-side the 99% prove the ineffectual nature of our democratic process?
What would happen if we refused to attend, or watch on television, the debates of either party? What if we refuse to make campaign contributions regardless our bias toward one candidate or another? Would the media, the corporate sponsors, or the politicians themselves feel enough pain to open up dialogue with the 99%?
Is this a solid enough goal for the 99% to *really* have an impact on the federal government's policies?
Or would this active non-vote just hurt the 99% even more? I tend to take the cynical view that my vote doesn't count for shit either way, so I'm interested in hearing the opinions of those more well versed in political science than I.
TL;DR: | If we assume that the political institutions of the U.S. are fractured, can we take aim at rattling its foundations by refusing to take part in our own governance? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: He (26m) told me (25f) he would marry his cousin if he was single in a few years. What?
POST: We've been together a year and a half. He's Muslim, I'm not. He doesn't practice but does respect his parents and go with them to anything related as well as family events. They're very American and understand that he doesn't want to involve himself in their religion personally. They know about our relationship and really like me.
We were talking about the future very vaguely. Our goals, what we wanted to accomplish. That sort of thing. He told me very non-chalanty that if he was single in a few years that he would definitely marry his first cousin. I was taken back by this comment. I understand it's apart of their culture but he doesn't involve himself in it. He said while he will never practice their religion as he doesn't believe in it, that he would marry her because she's nice and hot. It didn't affect him at all that they're first cousins. They see each other a lot and it weirds me out. I guess he saw this and reiterated that he would want a girl he cared for but would go with her instead of being single. Even though I'm open minded, I feel like this could be a deal breaker. How do I tell him this or even sort it out so I'm not so creeped out by him?
TL;DR: | Muslim bf who isn't practicing said he would marry his cousin to please his parents if he couldn't find a girl he wanted. They talk and it's weirding me out. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by plugging a laptop charger into a portable vacuum.
POST: The roommate and I decided it was a good idea to charge our vacuum (one of those tiny handheld ones) with a laptop charger that conveniently fit inside of the charging port! Everything was normal for about an hour, and then we started to smell this foul, burning plastic smell. We didn't think that the vacuum was the issue, assuming a nearby exposed heating pipe was the source of the stench. Long story short, that shit started smoking and burning. it was unbearably foul smelling, and it still is, hours later. Judging by the black smoke, it was probably minutes away from complete combustion. It has been airing out by a window for a couple hours and it still smells like plastic-y, burnt, hell.
TL;DR: | used a powerful laptop charger on a shitty vacuum and made black smoke and a terrible plastic smell fill and linger in my room, almost reaching combustion. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [16 M] with my Girlfriend [16 F] 1 year, concerning trust over intrusive guy
POST: I have an amazing girlfriend lets call Emily in high school and we are inseparable, we barely ever fight, always have a great time and she is nearly perfect in every way. We have a very strong relationship yet something has been bothering me. There is a new kid last year at school named Justin. He has liked Emily since the day he arrived even before we started dating. Over the time that we have been dating he is texting her very frequently and they became english class buddies and phone friends.
Whenever Justin texts her and I am there she responds with "ew" or "wtf" but proceeds to text him alot. In the past he always tells about he loves her and "jokes" around that she should break up with me. He dosent treat her very well and she does indeed get mad at him but i think likes the attention due to the fact she is always telling me the flirty attempts to get close to her.
In addition, she always tells me what he is saying to her like "He wants to go get ice cream with me". I know she wont cheat on me however i don't want her to develop feelings for him because she liked him in the past, and he isnt a good influence. I have confronted him about it before and he says they are just friends. Now Emily loves to have deep conversations with Justin and tells him hes the only one she can have deep convos with, and talk about me while he flirts with her but she doesn't really bite. I could easily kick his ass but nobody wants that and i would get in trouble. She tells me he can go suck a dick but i know she likes him as a friend and mabye more. Also i wont break up with her. I dont wanna tell her who she can and cant talk to but i may have to. What should I do?
TL;DR: | Girlfriend is talking to guy who has long time crush on her and he is both mean + flirty with her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [25M] broke up with my GF [22F] of 4 years and got a handjob from another woman soon after. Regret it all and want my GF back.
POST: Hi Reddit.
I recently broke up with my long-term girlfriend, for a number of reasons (which I now see were bullshit, and just me looking for excuses to end things). After getting out of such a long term relationship, I really felt the need to 'let off some steam' - so arranged a hookup online with someone (who I did not know prior). We met up, and it was awkward as you'd expect, resulting in her giving me a handjob.
Literally the split second the handjob was over - a wave of guilt and realisation washed over me, and I knew I had made a mistake in breaking up with my girlfriend the month before. I actually vomited when I got home.
I feel like total scum, and like my actions have sullied our relationship forever. But I love this girl, and need to tell her how I feel. So I am planning to write to her and tell her everything, and that I think we should get back together.
Adding to the complication, she is away visiting family for the next 3 weeks. Do I send her a long email now, explaining how I feel? Or do I wait for her to get back and talk in person? Or maybe wait until she gets back and then send an email?
Or perhaps I really am massively in the wrong here, and need to just let her be. She has been crushed by the breakup, would it be better for both of us to just not tell her about this random hookup, and remain broken up?
Really not looking to either be told I've done nothing wrong, nor be told I'm the world's biggest bastard. I feel like shit. I am just looking for advice on the next step from people who might have had similar experiences in the past.
Thanks a lot in advance for any help.
TL;DR: | Broke up with GF, then hooked up with someone else. Now want to get back with her - how do I tell her? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (25F) am unsure whether to write a letter to my father who abandoned me when I was six.
POST: When I was six, my father left my family in the middle of the night, taking most of the money and the only car. I had eventually learned that he was cheating on my mom with another woman. I even got to read the actual letters from the other woman that was sent to him. It's contents contained comments on sex, her knowing he had a family and her missing him etc...
My mother decided to give him a second chance to work things out and be a family again. During this second chance is when he left.
Ever since then, I never heard from him. Neither my siblings or I received so much as a simple birthday card even. No phone calls or letters, nothing. I have since been left wondering "Why?". Growing up, this has been gnawing at me for a great deal of time, wondering why he did the things he did. What was wrong with me for him to do such actions, if he had other kids and what not. Sometimes I get curious and Google whatever I could find on him.
Which leads me to my current situation. I believe I have found the residence of him and his girlfriend(?)'s home. I would like to write him a letter asking why and also to vent what I feel towards him. I have spoken with my mother about this, but she feels I might end up being hurt from not getting the answers I am looking for from my father. I feel this could be true sadly as well. I also feel like if he ever told others about us, he might have painted my mother to be the villain who wouldn't let him see his children, which is entirely untrue. I guess I fear his denial as well :/
Would this even be a good idea? Perhaps cathartic at the very least? Or would I just be hurting myself? I would really appreciate some advice on this or other people's experiences with contacting a parent that left them. What would be the best way to go about doing this if I do write?
TL;DR: | May have found out where my father, who abandoned me, lives. I am unsure if it's a good a idea to write a letter towards him venting my feelings and asking why. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Issues with controlling parents I'm a 21 year old guy.
POST: Often times it's just an issue with my mom or grandmother as my step dad is usually pretty relaxed about most stuff, every now and then I spend maybe a week at a friend's house and I get yelled at through text often while I do so about why I need to be home or how inconsiderate I am for leaving. I don't like hurting my parents but they don't really let me do anything and I'm 21, They still expect me to ask permission for everything. Now I'm still in college, and I don't have a personal vehicle yet or a house but this is getting unbearable, I don't want to be forced to move out but often times I'd rather just stay with my friend at his place. Let my parents turn off my phone and find a way to manage. Most of my friends agree it's pretty wild that I'm 21 and I still listen to them as much as I do bt it's starting to make me feel depressed when I'm at home I feel like I'm an issue and when I'm away I'm an issue, what do I do?
TL;DR: | controlling parents won't let me do anything without permission or I risk getting yelled at constantly. I'm a 21 year old guy in college. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: A dead friend's ex girlfriend is leaving annoying posts on his Facebook Page. Should I say anything?
POST: The backstory: A good friend of mine passed away in Dec due to cardiac arrest, he had pulmonary hypertension. (33 y.o) Three years ago, he met the love of his life, until the dumb whore went to Costa Rica and cheated on him. The bitch got pregnant as well. When she came back, she moved out of his apt and out of his life. Fast forward today: My friend's facebook page is still up and running, (his parents decided to keep it) people like to leave messages, posts, pics etc.
Out of nowhere, this girl comes out of the woodworks and starts posting. Everyday it's something, "I miss your touch, smile..." Yada yada yada...Attention starving whore
Bottom line it's pissing me off now. Only a few of us knew she cheated on him, everyone else thinks she's some sweet gal. Out of respect for his FB page, I'm not going to bust her out. But I can send her a message. I need input on this. Call me out if I'm accused of being a troll.
TL;DR: | A girl who cheated on my friend who passed away is leaving annoying Facebook posts on his page. I can see thru her B.S. What should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: [Advice] Found out an incompetent coworker is making more than I am, how should I go about asking for a raise?
POST: This week, two unpleasantly surprising things were brought to my attention regarding my compensation at work.
1. A friend at work discovered the internal guidelines for salaries, and when I checked mine out (I can only see the entry for my title), I found out that I am making considerably less than the "target," which is the internal estimate for the average salary in comparable positions at this and other companies. (about 10% less)
2. A coworker who has a bad habit of saying more than he should mentioned his base salary. It was about $5k a year more than I make. Here's the problem: even though we've been at the company for about the same amount of time, his performance has been really poor. He has previously discussed at length how he was placed on a "performance improvement plan" with a 45 day deadline, and the fact that he BARELY survived it.
My annual review last year was really good - I got a lot of praise and a few small suggestions for areas I could improve. I got a pretty small raise (which seems standard based on discussions with some friends at work.) I've worked hard this year to make the requested improvements, and have taken on a lot more responsibilities as well. Meanwhile, my coworker has slacked off again since getting the all clear. As a result, I AM PISSED. We have some other coworkers who are generally pretty good, though I feel like I rank very high among our group (top one or two performers.)
My annual review is coming up in a few months again, so I have a few questions and could use some advice.
* When should I ask for a raise?
* Can/should I bring up the two points from above?
* Will asking for a raise before my review negatively impact me at work?
TL;DR: | Shitty~~ Underachieving coworker is making a lot more than me and doing a lot less work. Found out that my salary is a lot lower than the internal guidance. How do I fix this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [21M] brother [11M] wants me to work on his YouTube videos at the expense of my own
POST: I have a YouTube channel and have been working on a fairly large project for the past few weeks. My brother wants to start a YouTube channel and put out gaming videos every day like his favorite YouTubers. I'd love to support him and help him by editing his videos for him, but after he asked me to do so I asked him to wait until I can finish this current project, then I can properly schedule the next project according to the time it will take to work on his videos as well.
The problem is, after a few days of waiting he wants to know why my video isn't done, saying that he thinks I don't want to work on his videos. Nothing could be further from the truth. I explained to him that I need him to respect my desire to work on my own videos, especially since I started before he asked, but I can tell it didn't get through to him and he still feels hurt and ignored. What's a good way for me to communicate boundaries to him and help him see the need to respect my need to get this project done. The issue isn't that I don't have enough time to help him, but it will take focus away from this current project which is taking much longer than anticipated.
TL;DR: | Brother is impatient for me to work on his videos, I want to help him but also get my own projects done, can't communicate that to him. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Stop me from falling in love.
POST: I'm (21M) afraid that I'm going to fall in love with my co-worker (24F), and I don't want to.
Normally, I have no problem maintaining relationships with both men and women, but this specific set of circumstances is making me uneasy. My coworker who I am very good friends with will be taking several college classes with me this semester, as well as working together on weekends.
In short, we are going to be spending 6 days a week together either at school or work, and while she is neither single nor a good match (she's pretty, smart and selfless, but we disagree too much and are both stubborn and cantankerous), I worry that I'm going to develop feelings for her simply because we are already close and will be doing things I really enjoy together.
Now, before you point out that it sounds like I already have- I'm not there yet- I just realize from past experience that this is probably where I'm headed.
TL;DR: | Well be spending a lot of time with a girl and I want to be sure that I don't develop romantic feelings and ruin out friendship. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21/f] with my (kind of) ex[21/m] He wants to do everything but be in a relationship
POST: So I'm going to make this super long story as short as possible.
Basically he broke up with me after a year, out of the blue, because of personal problems. Things were pretty shit for ages but we never really, properly broke up.
We quickly started sleeping together again not long after we 'broke up' but we were closer to a relationship than fuck buddies.
We have been going on/off for about 5 months now. The thing is he refuses to be in a relationship with me simply because 'he doesn't want to be in a relationship'. He won't explain why and leaves or we get into a big argument every time I bring it up.
I know that I could keep going along in this 'not relationship' but it really messes with my head the fact that he won't commit to a relationship and he has no reason other than 'he can't' (We have agreed to being exclusive and I believe him 100%)
I don't know what to do a this point because it seems he would rather cut off everything (we usually talk/text every day) than to be in a relationship, but we've been through so much and I've been so hurt so many times that it just seems too unfair that it's going to just end.
I honestly don't know how to get over him when I know I can easily go back to him, because it's happened so many times before.
TL;DR: | The only thing not 'relationshipy' about our relationship is the title, but he would rather cut off everything than to date me. This has been going on too long |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: (Update) Me [27 f] with my boyfriend [25 m] of two years have a 4 month old son. I have been living with my [33 m] friend for the past 8 months.
POST: My [first post] didn't go over too well here and didn't get much visibility, but I wanted to update and make some things clear anyway.
In my first post, I shared the history between me and my ex-boyfriend Josh and my living arrangement with Dan.
First, I want to make it clear that I was not looking for relationship advice and being told not to think about relationships right now. I am not looking to date anyone, and I made the decision to not get back together with Josh at this point. I was mainly looking for advice on the living situation and how to deal with Josh wanting to see his son (and me) more and how to deal with him not liking my living situation.
So for the
TL;DR: | Talked to Dan more and talked to Josh. Will be filing for child support and letting Josh see his son so he can get to know him and working on being reasonable with each other for the sake of our son. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My GF [23 F] caused a huge fight, she is stubborn and wont apologise but I [23 M] don't want it to become an even bigger issue, how do I put a stop to it?
POST: I could make this a long post but I guess the background of the fight itself isn't that important. Essentially, she treated me strangely (was being distance and snapping at most things I was saying) for a while. We had just moved back to our old jobs (which means we live together) and she said she was having a tough time adjusting. She had finally been more normal the other day but everything wasn't quite right so I brought it up and asked what was going on (in the previous week I had asked twice and had been told she was fine and to stop stressing and everything was fine). I don't mean she seemed kind of off, I mean she was barely going near me. She is a very reactive person and although this is odd it's not completely out the ordinary for her.
She had been talking to her mom a lot during the week which is usually a sign she is struggling with something, it wasn't hard to put 2 and 2 together. After denying anything was wrong further I asked her 'so you haven't been talking to your mom about feeling weird about things with me and you?'. She instantly flipped out and claimed I had been reading her messages (I absolutely didn't, it was just a guess based on the fact I know her so well).
She has been acting friendly and somewhat normal since that happened but after everything I don't feel like I should just crawl back to hoping she's treating me normally. I know she isn't the type to sit me down and calmly talk about things...that's usually my role.
How do I stop this becoming an even bigger issue than it is????
TL;DR: | how do I stop a fight that I didn't really cause from becoming a bigger issue than it possibly is?? What sort of approach do I take with someone who is very defensive? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Can anyone help me find a job in Germany?
POST: I'm an American and I have been searching for a job in Germany for about half a year without any luck. Though it may sound stupid, the reason I want to work and move over there is to be with my girlfriend. Love makes you do lots of stupid things; namely picking up your life and moving over to Germany. I've been dating her for about a year and a half and I know she's the one. But it's getting to the point where we actually need to be together and not just see each other for two weeks to a month every so often throughout the year.
However, she's not the only reason I want to move...(she's just the main reason) I also want to advance my professional career by working in Germany and find out how German business differs from American business. I have an IT background as a Systems/Network Administrator but honestly, I would take any job. I figured out that I need to earn around €800 a month minimum to survive over there. I can speak German enough to hold conversations but complicated explanations and specialized terms are hard, but I continue to get better and better the more I study.
I'll be staying with at her parents house until we can get on our feet and she lives in the Augsburg area. The €800 would allow me to cover student loans and pay her parents for putting me up (even though they said I could stay there for free).
Honestly, I don't want to just pick up and go over there and try to figure it out but if it comes down to that I will. I was just hoping that some redditor would be able to help. If anyone can do it, The Reddit Community can.
TL;DR: | I need help finding a job in Germany near Munich or Augsburg where I can earn €800 a month so I can finally live with my German girlfriend and live my dream. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, I could use some opinions here to help my g/f.
POST: This is the first time I've ever gone to reddit for ideas, but I think I might be able to get some good ideas since I think a decent amount of redditors work/have worked in the restaurant industry.
So my g/f works for a corporate restaurant (I'm not going to give any details here because I haven't told her I'm doing this yet, if she wants to get more specific I'll update). Going into her shift tonight, she knew she would reach 40 hours by the time she clocked out, but she is still scheduled for tomorrow, which will be pretty damn busy because it is Halloween. She was hoping that either she would be told not to come to work tomorrow or at least get paid overtime while she works on a fun holiday. But when she shows up tonight, she is told by her manager that she forgot to clock out at her last shift and thus was 4 hours over, and also that her shift tonight was being cut short, giving her enough remaining hours to work tomorrow.
She is pretty much positive that she has clocked out when she should have and that this manager is basically taking away 4 hours of pay that she legitimately worked, while also just generally being a dick by cutting her hours tonight. The combination of the fact that she "forgot" to clock out, while also having her hours cut tonight, making her able to work a busy holiday not on OT seems pretty suspicious to me. And this is not the first time I have had issues with the way this restaurant treats its employees, both from a corporate policy standpoint as well as the store managers.
She and I will sit down later and work out the hours that she went to and left work this week and make sure everything works out, but what advice do you guys have? Any similar experiences? She is just scared because even if she takes this to corporate or some other higher office, she is pretty sure she'll be facing retribution from management at her store.
TL;DR: | corporate restaurant manager likely retroactively cut the hours my g/f worked for so that she can work a busy holiday without being on OT. |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: My landlord let someone enter my apartment with absolutely no notice. (US, IL, not Chicago)
POST: Sorry for the wall of text!
I was getting ready for work on Friday, when I had a knock on my door, which I almost didn't answer because I wasn't expecting anyone. Anyways, it was an electrician who told me that he was changing the light fixture on my front porch (my apartment unit is in an old house) because my landlord thought the street corner was dark, and he told me that he had a key to get inside to check the wiring in the switch that I had to my outside porch light.
I didn't think much of it, I just thought he was putting up a more modern, updated light fixture so I didn't really question it then. I get off of work that night, and when I get home there is a bright ass light on my porch. My neighbors were outside, so I thought maybe they installed a motion detector light. 2 hours later and the light never goes off, and I personally cannot turn it off because the electrician came into my apartment and put a flat plate over where my light switch used to be.
I flipped my breaker, and the light is wired up to my electric, so my landlord is expecting me to pay for a dusk-to-dawn light to stay on allllllllll night every night because he thinks the street corner is dark at night.
I normally receive a typed letter taped to my door 24 hours before something like this occurs for maintenance issues or anything else, but I never received anything for this. Am I justified in being upset over this (the no notice AND expecting me to pay for a light I can't control), and should I call my landlords office when they open back up tomorrow, or should I cap off the wires to kill the light and stay quiet about it?
TL;DR: | Landlord had electrician enter my apartment with NO notice to instal a dusk-to-dawn light outside that is hooked to my electric, and to remove my inside switch to the light so I can never turn it off. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [17, F] I am friends with benefits with my best friend (17,F) and I do not know what to do about it. I need advice.
POST: Alright, so I need some advice. I am 17(f) and my best friend is also 17(f) and we are what some people may call friends with benefits. We fool around pretty frequently and have gotten to oral sex.
The thing is, I have started to feel more attracted to her and am developing feelings for her. I have never been attracted to a girl before but I am okay with it. I just don't know if I should be continuing this anymore.
I don't want either of us to get hurt, but I really enjoy the place that I am in right now. Does Reddit have any advice of what I should do? Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation? I am very nervous that we will not stay friends with any road that I take.
TL;DR: | Me and my best friend are friends with benifits. I don't want either of us to get hurt in the end. What should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [23F] with my friends with benefits [23M] of one year. I'm developing romantic feelings for him
POST: I have been friends with befits with a great guy for about a year. At first we would only see each other about once a month. Recently we started hanging out every weekend. We have sex but we started doing other activities together too (museums, dinner, bars). We have a lot in common and I can honestly say he has become one of my best friends. I have developed romantic feelings for him and would love to have a more serious relationship. I'm afraid if I bring this up to him I will ruin our friendship. I'm not sure what to do.
TL;DR: | I am developing romantic feelings for my friend with benefits and im not sure if I should tell him or how to tell him without ruining our friendship. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [16M] having issues with my girlfriend's [18F] past and i don't know what to do.
POST: First of all, i'd like to apologize for all the grammar and general english mistakes i'm about to make. English is not my native language.
Secondly, i hope you guys won't discriminate me regarding my age. I know i'm young, and I know that maybe I shouldn't be dating at all at my age but if we could talk about my problems instead of talking about my age that would be great.
OK, so here it goes. I've met this girl 7 months ago and she's absolutely awesome. She's beautiful, funny, and we share a lot of common interests. About 3 months after i've met her, we started dating. She's absolutely perfect for me, but i've been recently having some issues with her past. She's slept with a lot of men before she met me. And that thought just keeps creeping up into my mind and it just makes me feels awful sometimes. It's been a while since it's started, i've talked to her, i've talked to my friends, but none of it helped. I'm wondering if any of you have any tips, any advice, any past experiences or something. Anything that could be of help, really. What do i do?
TL;DR: | I'm starting to feel bad about my girlfriend's number of men she's been with, and i don't know exactly what should i do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I[m] a 27 yo in a four year relationship with my 23 yo[F] GF. I need out. Help!
POST: Ladies and Gentlemen,
I am in a toxic relationship and I need to figure a way out of it. To summarize quickly the girl I am with has physically abused me, put me down, has a very short temper, and makes me feel like an unequal partner.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm a 200 lb white guy and she is a 90 lb Asian girl, it's not like the punching hurt, I am not trying to come across as the victim. Lord knows I have my faults as well.
At this point I am getting a little desperate. I have tried in three occasions to break up with her over the last two years and she has always managed to break my resolve and get back into my life. I know this is a weakness.
What I am asking and looking for is some guidance from people who have been where I am. Trapped in a codependent, toxic relationship relationship, and how they got out of it.
P.S. The current living arrangement is she technically lives at home (doesn't pay rent) but spends 5-6 days a week living at my place (lots of her stuff is here)
TL;DR: | Unhappy boy in a toxic relationship wants to know how to break it off with a girlfriend of 4 years in as dignified a way as possible. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by getting my school banned from our Tech Finals server
POST: This happened four years ago.
At my old school, we had a technology class covering various aspects of technology, and the final was in 3D design. We used Minecraft because the school was in Finland and Finns like Minecraft almost as much as Swedish people do. The teacher couldn't get a server to run, so he asked the class what to do. Being the naïve person that I am, I suggested we go on one of the servers that I frequented. I got to help everyone get on, and they started their projects.
I knew an admin on the server, and we messed with each other a lot. I was screwing with him a lot this day in particular, so he thought it would be funny to IP-ban the computer I used at the school. I laugh, and go home to play some more on my other computer.
The next day, everyone is logging on to the server to build, but nobody can get on the server. The teacher comes to me, and I try to figure out what is happening.
Turns out, when the admin IP-banned me, the admin IP-banned the entire school. The computers were all directly wired to one network and the server had a no-backsies ban policy for admins.
In the week that followed, kids couldn't access projects, and the teacher kept asking me to fix it. Everyone lost all of their projects and all of their grades suffered because of it. The teacher also had to explain what was happening to the principal, and he was never nice to me again
TL;DR: | I screwed with an admin and he IP-banned me and my entire school from our finals server, and everyone in tech class lost their projects and pretty much failed. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by resting my arm on a fire extinguisher
POST: A friend just reminded me about the most embarassing day of my existence (so far- for you, brightsided beings-), so I figured I will share it with you.
It was 2012, I was in my second to last year of High School, my 40 classmates and I were travelling by bus on our 2-week long yearly trip. The road trip was terrible by itself. Putting 40 impatient and energetic kids inside a bus with a malfunctioning AC for 14 hours is already a recipe for disaster. Little did I know that I was about to make it worse...
I was sitting on the bottom part of the bus, right at the back (yes, I was one of the cool kids). Like everyone in there, I was irritated by the seemingly endless drive, when I decided it would be a good idea to stretch out for a bit. I proceeded to rest my right arm on the fire extinguisher hanging next to me, and at that exact moment all hell broke loose. In a matter of seconds, the inside of the bus was covered by this thick grey gas. People coughing, people screaming...hell, even girls crying in all this confusion.
We were immediately ordered to get off the bus. I was blamed and scolded by the teachers who accused me of doing it on purpose. Although some of my friends found it hilarious, most of my classmates were utterly annoyed by the lenghtening of the already long trip. I was not so cool anymore...
TL;DR: | Unintentionally activated a fire extinguisher on a bus, causing its evacuation and a delay of two hours in our trip. |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: [Advice] Can I hurry along a job offer?
POST: So here's the situation.
I am a college graduate working in metro Detroit at a job I detest.
Last week I had 2 very good interviews; one with a university in downtown Detroit and another with a national camp in Colorado.
I know I want to leave my current job (nothing but cold calls).
I have received an offer from the camp in Colorado for a year long internship that pays dirt, but includes free room and board in the mountains. I would love this job, but it would mean leaving Michigan where I was raised, my girlfriend, and my family.
I'm still waiting for a response from the University, which is the position I would prefer, better money and still in Michigan.
Is there a classy way to try and hurry the university along? Can I make a call and ask about the progress of my application and interview review?
TL;DR: | Need to get out of crap job. 2 interviews last week. Job offer out in Colorado, but want other job more. Can I hurry the second employer without dooming myself? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [22M] am worried that I don't like spending time with my partner [23F] after 8 years. I don't want to break up, though I don't want to spend my life like this. Please help.
POST: Sounds like a silly concern, doesn't it? I'm *worried* that I don't like spending time with my partner? Well do I or don't I!? Well, the thing is, I do and I don't.
I like spending time with my partner because I love her very much as a person. She's incredibly kind, very forgiving, immensely patient with me, cares about me like no one else, and above all, absolutely deserves my love and attention regardless of my silly concerns.
I don't like spending time with my partner because I feel the conversation and quality of time is, well, of bad quality. I want to talk about science, philosophy, spirituality, psychology; I want to learn, expand and evolve as people, *with her*. But she doesn't seem to want that. She just seems to want vapid material and activities.
It's not necessarily that she's not into the activities that I'm into and visa versa, it's that we're fundamentally two completely different meat-bags of likes and dislikes, opinions, and outlooks on life, which I think has developed this way because we didn't have a chance to discover ourselves individually first! We were just two horny teenagers who saw the opposite sex's genitals, initially. This is a fundamental problem...how can I maintain this relationship-building if the foundation is crumbling away?
TL;DR: | I'm probably a selfish douchebag who's whining that my partner doesn't want to do the same things as me. Please tell me if you think that's the case. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My mother(57/F) wants me(23/F) to travel to walk for graduation, I don't want to.
POST: I started going to college at a University in Florida. I lived in the town of the University for the majority of my time studying there. My last semester I moved to North Carolina to be with my significant other, placing me about 11 hours from where the school is. Even though I lived near the university for most of my time there I was working so I mostly did online classes.
I personally have no sentimental attachment towards walking because I have done most of my learning from a distance and was never involved in the school. My mother tells me that I have to walk because "I owe it to her" without taking into consideration the amount of money and time it is going to cost me to go down to Florida to do so. I want to ask her to pay for some of the expenses since the only reason I would be going down there is because of her and I would rather not start the drama of me not walking.
As a side note we were not on goods terms with each other until 4 months ago, I received little help from them financially for most of my college career and I actually had to cut off contact from her multiple times because she was so overbearing and borderline manipulative. I understand that I am her only child and she wants to see me walk but at the same time I really don't want to go and I feel like she should respect my wishes.
TL;DR: | I have no sentimental value about walking for graduation and my mother is forcing me to travel back down to Florida to walk without considering financial or time costs for me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18M] need advice on being patient for "the one"
POST: I know I am extremely young (18) to be thinking that I want to meet "the one" or "the futrue mother of my kids" and I have had no history with dating and while I know this journey is a process, it still gives me fits and feelings of helplesness to not have the answers. I have always felt that I want to know whoever she is as long as I possibly can. Good people of this subreddit; what can I do to dtay positive? What are some words of advice I can live by to occupy myself until she comes out of nowhere and into my life? What can I do between now and then?
TL;DR: | How did you stay positive and occupied while on your journey to meet the girl of your dreams? What are some good words of advice to go by between now and then? |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: I'm 21 years old and I still don't know how to deal with my controlling parents :-( Help me!
POST: I'm a 21 year old female. My parents are great for the most part except with certain things they make my life really hard. I have a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. The problem is that my parents are old-fashioned and they don't want me to stay in his house or even a hotel when I visit him.
Me and my boyfriend made plans for me to visit him soon and I am going to stay in a hotel. I'm going to tell my parents today to see if they will help pay for the trip. But I know they are going to flip out when they know I'm going to stay in a hotel. They would rather me stay with family while I'm visiting my bf, which I've done before but I didn't like it.
I know when I tell them about the hotel they are going to try to get me not to do it. They'll make me feel really guilty like I'm doing something wrong and say that I'm hurting them. Apparently all I do in my relationship with my boyfriend is hurt my parents! It's so frustrating!
So reddit, how do I deal with my controlling parents?
TL;DR: | My parents are going to give me all sorts of crap for wanting to visit my long distance bf and stay in a hotel. How do I deal with the crap/them trying to control me? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18f] with conman/fraudster dad[43m] who stole lots of cash from many people, my university professor included. Professor [50+M]found out that my dad is my dad, and is now acting harshly. What do I do?
POST: Well, I'm changing my last name so this doesn't happen again. My dad was good with his words and had the perfect personality for conning and fraud, and damn was he good at it. He left the country a long time ago, but you don't forget the name of the man that convinced you out of a couple of millions.
So here I am now, doing well in school, working towards my degree. I'm nearly there. Then about 4 weeks ago I visited my prof during his office hours for some extra help.
I never fully introduced myself, and this was the first time I said my name in front of him. He looked intrigued, gave me a funny stare, asked if I was familiar with a man named [my dad]. I said no, but I fucked up.
I hesitated. I don't know why. My eyes went as big as saucers when I squeaked out "No." He smirked and went back to teaching me. I always thought this prof was a smart ass, so there's that.
I think that I'm good at academics. I've been doing well on all my written assignments. He's always given me good feedback. But now the moods changed. He's become an absolute asshole towards me, and shuts me down when I ask questions. He's entirely unhelpful. I've dropped about 35% in the course over an assignment that was already marked by a teaching assistant, but he picks mine out and remarks it 43% lower than what the TA had it as.
What do I do?? What do I say?? There's either miscommunication between him and his assistants or it's clearly academic bias.
I don't even care if my grade sucks. I want to patch things up with this professor now because I know he'll be teaching me more in the future. He's the head of my department and teaches majority of one offs.
TL;DR: | Dad stole money from one of my profs, profs recognized me as his daughter, and I believe he is punishing me for what my dad has done. Do I do anything? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My[24F] friend [28/F] wants to apply for a job with the Dad of the kids I nanny. Should I tell him she's a total flake?
POST: Hey All--
Sorry if this isn't the right place?
Anyways--I have been a nanny for an amazing family for 2.5 years. The Dad is a doctor with his own private practice. Him and I have become very close over the past years and can talk about anything (Obviously it's a professional relationship.)
I have a good friend who has worked in the field he is in before as an office aid/front desk/whatever else position. She is thinking about applying to work with him because he recently hired someone from her previous office.
This is the issue--she is VERY flakey. She quit her previous job because of mental health issues (that have not been resolved) and left with zero notice. She has taken a new front desk within the past 2 weeks, and already talks about how much she hates it. After quitting her first job, she moved and stayed with her brother for 2 months with no warning. She is also flakes out or is extremely late anytime we have plans.
She wants me to put in a good word for her with my boss, but I don't want to look bad/have it be a waste of his time if he hires her.
Do I tell him this?? She's adamant about me getting her this job--but frankly, I know it wouldn't be a good fit.
Any advice would be VERY helpful--I have no idea what to do!
TL;DR: | Friend is a total flake and wants me to put in a good word for her to work at my bosses office. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Free trip to Vegas or not worth the hassle?
POST: Back a couple of months ago I stayed at a hotel off strip in Las Vegas. At 4 AM I got a phone call nobody wants to get: "This is hotel security, we have reason to believe your car has been broken into."
They wound up catching the guy in my car and apparently he had broken into several cars that night. I got my stuff back and the police asked if I wanted to press charges. For putting us through all the hassle and having the opportunity to nail a petty thief, I said "absolutely."
Fast forward to today. I had a subpoena sitting in my mailbox asking me to appear in court. Upon reading the documents, it states I can either fill out a form and mail it in (allowing me not to appear), or they will pay for my airfare (or reimburse mileage at 55 cents a mile to drive there), hotel, meals ($36/day), and even an extra $25 stipend to appear in court as a witness to the crime.
So here is my question Reddit: Do I take a free trip to Vegas, or is it going to be more hassle than it is worth? Has anyone gone through this before? What kind of hotel will they provide? How long will I need I stay there? How much free time will I really have, or will I be spending a lot of time filling out paperwork and sitting in court?
TL;DR: | Car broken into in Vegas, city is paying for trip to testify. Is it worth the hassle or should I just sign their form and be done with it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: My girlfriend wants to have lesbian sex to see how it is.
POST: We got drunk/high last night (which we often do as students) and my girlfriend was being a little flirty with a mutual friend of ours. No big surprise there, but later in the evening she straight up asked me if it was okay for her to have sex with her (our mutual friend). I was a little shellshocked, I mean, every guy's fantasy right, but only if they can watch... But now that I'm confronted by the idea for real, it seems like I'd be devaluing lesbian sex by saying it's okay for her to fuck other girls but not guys. And the flip side is, I don't know if I'm really against it, because she must really like the relationship or she'd just break up with me to go fuck chicks, but then again, telling her it's okay to cheat on me feels really unmasculine. I'm still drunk now and probably not in the best headspace to be writing about this, but it's keeping me up at 3:30 am.
TL;DR: | My girlfriend got drunk and asked me if she could have sex with a girl. I don't know how to feel. Need advice. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: my boyfriend [25M] best friend [25M] sent me [26F] pictures of a porn star having sex on facebook that looks like me.
POST: I want to start off by saying I love my boyfriend with all my heart. The 7 years we have been together have been amazing.
Yesterday My boyfriends best friend sent me a message on Facebook. He said " I finally know who you look like" I responded with "haha who?"
He sent 2 pictures of this girl. In one picture she was being fucked by some guy and the other she was holding some guys dick. He then said Sasha Foxxx. I blocked the fucker instantly and blocked his number on my phone.
I got into bed with my boyfriend, he could see I was upset and he kept asking what is wrong. I said nothing I just want to cuddle with you.
He fell asleep and I looked up this Sasha person and she looks near identical to me. She even has a tattoo on her shoulder like I do, I started to cry because, I don't like the fact I look similar to a porn star and I felt violated in a way. I don't like the fact this creep could have been jacking off to her thinking it's me.
I want to tell my boyfriend but at the same time, he has been best friends with this guy since he was 10 years old. I was just going to put it behind me, but I can't. I also have this fear he is going to think I cheated on him
We live in California and he is downstairs working right now, how do I tell him? Because I want to tell him any minute now
TL;DR: | Boyfriends best friend sent me pictures of a porn star that looked like me and I don't know how to tell my boyfriend. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My SO cheated on me with my best friend. Has anyone here ever has their SO cheat on them but continue the relationship? Is that possible?
POST: Me: Age 25 Her: Age 24
I wont go into the details, but basically I caught my fiance of 5 years cheating on me with my best friend who i had helped out by letting him crash in our place while falling on hard times. I wont go into the reasons, but I feel I have it in me to forgive her. It wasn't the sex to me, but rather the betrayel of trust. I could be happy in an open relationship that was honest, but not in one that involves sneaking behind my back with my (former) best friend. She has already thrown herself at my feet and said that his is the biggest mistake she has ever made etc.
I just want to see if anyone else has experience with a similar situation and eventually being able to reconcile the problem and continue the relationship with their SO. I love her, but a myriad of other pressures from friends and family are telling me that cheating is a dealbreaker and that I should not continue the relationship. I know that each experience is going to be different, but I'm really just looking for any examples that others might have of people having similar experiences and still staying with their SO. What was the relationship like before/after? Was the veil of that incident always hanging over the heads of those in the relationship? Is it possible to still be with them in a healthy relationship if they cheat?
I feel as though the way I'm reacting to this is strange. It's almost as if I just want this period of me "figuring" my stuff out to end as soon as possible so I can forgive her and be back with her. I feel as though my friends and family are telling me I shouldn't try and reconcile when all of my being wants to do so; I can't imagine being without her.
Note: I am on break with her right now and have cut off all contact with both her and her friend. I will do so for at least a week until I'm ready to go back there. We share an apartment but my own area can be pretty closed off with my own bedroom and entertainment so I will probalby move back there once I've cooled off a bit.
Please advise!
TL;DR: | My SO cheated on me with my friend, I caught them. I want to reconcile but my friends and family are saying not to. Is it possible to continue a relationship after cheating? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, I fucked up, what do you think I should do?
POST: I've been dating my boyfriend for over 4 months, I love him more than anything, but we were just at a party and I got really really drunk and kissed my best friend (who is also a girl). I've wondered if I was bisexual for a while and now that I've made out with this girl, I realize that it doesn't matter what gender it is, because the only one I love is my boyfriend. I just got home from the party, I've sobered up, but he refuses to talk to me, he yelled at the girl, basically calling her a whore (he already thinks she's a total slut due to previous events) and yelled at her for "hooking up with his girlfriend". I told him straight after, I told him I think I'm bisexual, I hooked up with this girl, and he's really pissed, obviously because yes, I cheated on him. I tried talking to him so many times but he kept walking away, as he is understandably pissed. Fuck, what do I do?
TL;DR: | I kissed my friend (who is also a girl) and my boyfriend is so mad he won't talk to me, am I totally fucked? |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: [Advice][26M] How to quit my dead-end marketing job, move to SoCal without anything lined up, and make it in a design/marketing agency.
POST: I'm stuck. I'm at an ok-paying, white-collar, but overall unrewarding job. The culture is terrible. There's no room for advancement. And I'm at zero growth. It's driving me insane.
I'm in Chicagoland. I'm 26. I've got great real world business experience in consulting and marketing and design and freelancing and everything in between, even though I'm a political science major. I've got a degree from a top 40 university. I've done awesome web design and content work. I'm exceptional at a dozen other marketing concepts, but all my applications to SoCal get turned down, often because, let's face it, no one wants to fly a candidate across the country and spend time and money only to discover that they're not the perfect fit.
I've even offered to fly myself out anywhere, just for an interview. I've dreamed of living and working in CA, but every interview I take, I only get to round 3 or 4. Some have even said, "You're a fantastic candidate and we love your drive, but there's tons of people right down the road who will also do the job just fine." It's CA after all. Brilliant people are a dime a dozen.
I'm demoralized and frustrated, so I'm considering saying screw it, packing up, quitting my job, taking my life savings, and moving to SoCal to live and grind at a whatever terrible job there is just so I can find a design/marketing agency to hire me.
Reddit, what have you done? How do you make it in an expensive state with minimal income? I want to plan as much as I can. How do I do that?
TL;DR: | Keep getting turned down for jobs because I'm not a local candidate, but now's the time to seize my future career. Considering quitting my current job and moving to CA without anything lined up. How do I do that? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: GF of ~1mo. was kissed by another guy... having second thoughts about my reaction (m, both 19)
POST: I have been apart from my recent girlfriend/coworker (of about 6 weeks) for around the last 3 due to our college's winter break (ending this coming weekend, also we're both **19 years old**). This morning, I got a Facebook message from her saying that a guy she met drunk at a party (who didn't know she was seeing me) kissed her on the way out, and she didn't want it to happen or expect it and wanted to apologize.
She seemed genuinely upset about the situation and confused as to why he even made that approach, to which I essentially replied that I am not the kind of person with trust issues and if she didn't really mean for it to occur, I accept her apology.
Suffice it to say that the school we attend is in one of the biggest party cities in the US, and casual hook-ups are far more common than serious long-term relationships on campus (the latter of which is what we both are looking for)
Not that I regret my response to the situation, but I was just wondering how others in this situation would react. Do you think I'm setting myself up for a further breach of trust or other issues by, essentially, offering my forgiveness for what some would define as cheating? I really like her on an emotional/personality level, but am kind of afraid of setting myself up to become too attached only to be hurt.
I should also mention that this is my first serious relationship; at least one where we've "taken it slow" that was more precipitated by emotion rather than sex.
TL;DR: | Recent girlfriend "unintentionally kissed by" another guy, told me the next day, not sure if I reacted correctly. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [33 F] and my boyfriend [36 M] of two years broke up, still living together, he is already dating up a storm (after a few days).
POST: He is currently on a date while I'm home on reddit (thank you reddit for keeping me company) I promised myself that I would move out as fast as I could, it bothers me so much he is already dating other people (to be fair it's part my fault, I told him I would be ok with it as long as he was discreet, but he was just terrible at it).
I don't love the guy anymore, I don't want to get back together, but at the same time I can't let go. I already paid rent for the rest of the month, part of me is ready to move out and move on, but another part wants to stay, hold on to his company until the end of the month (it's irrational I know).
TL;DR: | He is already dating other people a few days after the breakup while we still live together, I should move out but can't let go. Any advice on how to let go of a bad relationship? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My boyfriend (20/M)of a year says he is not in love with me ( 21/F) but he loves me and wants to stay with me.
POST: We come from different backgrounds (emotionally). My parents are far from perfect, I have had abusive boyfriends also, I have a lot of scars, therefore I am not so positive and balanced, but his presence in my life makes it a lot better.
He has a nice, christian family (I do not believe in god). He is the nicest and smartest guy I have ever met. He is very kind-hearted.
In short, we have argued a lot, because I am impulsive. That's natural for me. However, for him it is something that creates more and more disctance. He only told me now, after a year how arguments make him feel, and that probably because of that he is not in love.
He had been in love with me for short, but then we argued again and he couldnt feel it anymore.
We agreed on focusing on talking about problems later, and not getting into arguments, hoping it will bring back the trust.
How fucked am I ?
TL;DR: | He distances himself when arguing, and I am argumentative, which brought us to a point where he cannot let me close. Now he says he is not in love, but he loves me and wants to be with me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Discussion: State of popular music today: Is Electronic Dance Music the genre of the 10s? (cross- post from r/Music)
POST: Whats up reddit,
I'm writing a paper on electronic music- that which is commonly referred to as 'techno/electro/house' (as opposed to music produced electronically, which is damn-near everything these days) and is increasingly taking over radiowaves (deadmau5), movies (daft punk), and popular music blogs/sites (a solid 75% of the stuff on HypeMachine) and I'd like some input from the most knowledgable and opinionated group of people i know- you.
As a brief history, Electronic started in the 40s with John Cage, (although arguably in 1913 with the Art of Noises, but this isn not the point), and has been progressing ever since. It's highpoints in the 1900s were likely Disco in the 70s, and then underground trance/rave parties in the 90s.
In my paper, I will be taking a historical look at the genre, while briefly touching on what other genres were doing at various times, **I want to make my thesis point that Electronic Dance Music (specifically the stuff you hear Deadmau5 and other similar artists putting out) is going to be the 'next big thing' and take over pop-music in the next decade**. Of course, predicting the future is damn near impossible, so I'll base this mostly off of the history of the genre, showing it's near-constant upward trend, and positioning it against other current and past popular genres.
This is where you come in. I'd like to know reddit's take on my thesis: **Do you think Electronic Dance Music and the likes could be the next big music?** It's already exploding pretty quickly (especially in europe, and notably in NA), and i think this is good evidence that it's going to keep going up, especially with people like deadmau5 selling out stadiums, and everything at major clubs being either EDM tracks, or popmusic remixed with electronic music.
**To clarify and simplify /
TL;DR: | I'm not asking whether you like Electronic music / EDM, but whether you see it's popularity expanding to the point where it may represent a major decade in musical history or not. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me (17f) with my best friend (18m). Both have feelings for each other but he wants to pursue a different girl first. Advice???
POST: Background: I (17f) have been best friends with B (18m) for about three years now. People have told us we should date many times but he has just brushed it off and joked about it. I have known that B has liked this girl (17f) for a while. Most people assume that B and I are either talking or dating since we are always with each other or at each other's houses.
Alright so I have had feelings for B for a while now. I never said anything though because he has liked a different girl for a while and I wasn't willing to put myself out there knowing that. He told me he was asking her to prom about a month and a half ago. That same week, one of his close friends (15m) asks me to prom. Turns out, his friend has liked me for a while. I turned him down and told him that I just wanted to be friends. Last week, B asks for my opinion on his promposal for this girl. I ended up telling him how I felt because I felt like I was going to regret it if I didn't. Apparently he feels the same way about me but the whole thing with the other guy asking me to prom kind of upset him. B told me he wishes I had said something sooner about liking him as more than friends. He told me that while he does have feelings for me, he's liked this other girl for a while and needs to know if they could work before dating me. While I respect that, it really hurts. He told me that if things don't work out then he would keep his focus on us. One of my friends asked this girl if her and B were a thing and the girl said "uh no not gonna happen". I'm not sure though. She could be lying. What should I do? Should I wait it out and see what happens? Or should I try to move on?
TL;DR: | best friend (18m) and I (17f) have feelings for each other but he wants to pursue a different girl first. What do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: (24/m) I move in a month & I want to tell a (23/f) close friend face to face how important they are to me
POST: I am moving away in about a month & I have a female friend who I'm really going to miss. We never connected on a romantic level, just close friends but she has meant a lot to me and its going to be hard to not have her around anymore. She's been a good friend for about four years now. We went and got dinner the other day and it was a great time, but not having those moments anymore will be hard to deal with.
I'm planning a going away party before I leave, but I want to be able to tell her face to face how important she has been to me and why I am lucky to have her in my life. I've held in so much emotion recently and before I leave I want to be able to open up and tell her. I am fairly emotional about things, just more introverted than the average person. She likes to hide her emotions and avoid serious things.
Any advice on how to go about this? My mind is running with scenarios of my going away party pulling her aside and letting it out. Another thought is to do it sooner rather than later. I really don't know. It's important to me that I get this all out in front of her. Text messages don't have the same effect.
Finding a setting to be able to talk about something serious & segueing into me telling her how important she has been and how much I'm going to miss her seems really difficult right now.
Any and all advice is really appreciated.
TL;DR: | I leave in a month and want to tell a really important female friend in my life how important she is to me. Not sure how to find the right time. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [23 M] with my ___ [22 M] 1 1/2 years, 1 time hookup from before we were together refuses to stop contacting me
POST: So just to preface, I've never cheated on my girlfriend and never plan to, she's awesome and we have a fantastic relationship.
A few months before we started dating, I hooked up with this girl, let's call her Jamie. It was a quick hookup off an online dating app, and I figured that was the end of it, as I was kind of just bouncing from fling to fling at that time. A few months later she texted me, and I replied but said I didn't know who she was, as I was with my current girlfriend and just wanted it to be done with. She seemed to accept this and moved on.
A few months later it happens again with a similar result. A few weeks ago she texted me again, this time refusing to believe that I wasn't who she thought I was (she was right, but I didn't admit it and stayed with my plan). This leads to her insulting me, calling me fat, etc. etc. I just continued acting like I didn't know her and the conversation ended. After every single one of these text conversations I told her to not contact me again.
Last night she found me on Facebook and contacted me there. When I woke up this morning I blocked her and made everything private. My profile picture is of me and my girlfriend, so I know she's at least seen that but I don't know if she saw her name. I'm just worried that she might start contacting my family and maybe even my girlfriend, and I don't want to put any of them through what would likely be a shitstorm, as I know she does a fair amount of drugs (she tried to bribe with to come over with them) and seems to have a couple screws loose.
I know I probably messed up in how I handled it originally, but I didn't think a one-time fling would be this committed to finding me. So if anyone has advice on how to deal with this situation I'd really appreciate it, I just want it to be done with.
TL;DR: | One time fling refuses to stop contacting me even after I've told her to stop, and now she's found me on Facebook. |
SUBREDDIT: r/askwomenadvice
TITLE: Met a really wonderful girl at a dog park and don't know when the next time I will see her will be.
POST: Let me say this first; our dogs are like BFF's.
So, about a month ago I met a girl at a dog park, like the title says. Her dog and mine got along so well playing with each other and what not. It was like they knew each other since they were born. Her and I chatted a bit while that was happening, got to know each other, told her some pretty specific stuff about my job, etc. We ended up leaving at the same time and I introduced myself, we exchanges NAMES, shook hands, and went on our merry little way.
I go to the park quite often anyways, but I had been hoping to see her again. She had just moved here not too long ago from out of state, mentioned that she had some friends here, wasn't sure if she was single so I didn't try to ask her out or anything. I had all but given up hope until I saw her the other day. Both of our dogs were happy to see each other, we said hi, I remembered her name, she remembered mine, and made small talk.
After about a month, she remembered what I had told her about my job and asked me how that went, which amazed me. She even mentioned she's driven by me while I was walking my dog and that she'd honk next time she saw me.I know we had a connection.
I'm a single guy, I decided to try Tinder out. I came across her and got overly excited. Decided to look her up on Facebook, only knowing her first name.
I really wanted to ask her out/for her phone number, but it was crowded and asking for a girls number while others are around is like public speaking. Hence me trying Tinder and other dating sites.
My question is that I dont know when the next time I will see her and I don't want to lose the chance to ask her out, can/should I message her on Facebook? Is it toooo creepy?
Thanks!
TL;DR: | I don't know when the next time I will see this girl I made a connection with, should I message her on FB? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (M15) need relationship advice about talking to crush (F15)
POST: I am a 15 year old guy who has never had a girlfriend, or kissed a girl for that matter. I really have no friends who are girls. I haven't really interacted with any girls my age since leaving primary school 3 years ago. I also find myself tighten up whenever I have an interaction with a girl my age, and I don't act like myself.
I have a crush on a girl who I know vaguely. We are in a group Facebook conversation with a few mutual friends. Me and her have talked a few times in the group chat, but the conversations have been short, and have had no depth or meaningfulness.
I am very involved and interested in sport, I play both rugby and tennis, with a very big interest in cricket.
* We do not go to the same school, her's is all-girls, my school is all-boys, they are about 1 km away from each other.
* It is currently summer holidays here in New Zealand, so we both have every day off school until about the start of February
I need advice on how to start talking to her.
TL;DR: | I am awkward with girls, there is a girl I like, we are in a facebook group chat together, I would like to get to know her better. |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: Ex-Girlfriend is avoiding me and will not return valuable things to me
POST: I'll give a short timeline to try and explain this.
July: We broke up mutually while she was away for drum corps. She planned on giving me my things back when she returned for school.
August: Didn't answer my texts and got mad at me for attempting to call her and going to her apartment to see if her roommates would allow me to retrieve my things where I had a gun drawn on me by one of the roommates boyfriend.
September: She has been back at school for a few weeks and hasn't made any effort to contact me. When I found out she was back, I asked if she would be free this week to trade the things we have of each others.
She has a tv, a drawing tablet, some clothes, and a few other small items which belong to me.
Of hers I only have a t-shirt and a stuffed animal.
She obviously has the upper hand in terms of valuable items. I'm just unsure what my course of action should be. It has been almost 3 months since we have been apart and I just want my things back to move on from her.
I live in eastern North Carolina. What can I do?
TL;DR: | Ex-girlfriend wont respond to texts or phone calls and is refusing to give me my things back. Whats the next step? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [29, M], dealing with an harassing girl on a forum [25,F]
POST: Hello people
So, here is the deal. 5 years ago, I met a girl online on an internet community and we had a night out that ended in bed. It was a very awkward moment.
Some days after, I wanted to met her again to discuss about this and she was ok with that. After some weeks I realized she was starting to play with me and asked her once and for all if she was ok to meet, and she started to text me that I was harassing her etc...
One night, she calls me on the phone, saying that she was sorry etc... I said that it was ok but that I wanted some clarity etc...
The next day, I come home from work and I realize that she posted online a whole story accusating me of harassing her, she told that I manipulated her to end in bed etc... and start to say details (some of them true), like I had ED or shit like that etc...
I ended up totally stressed about it, I was alone etc... but ended to accept that she was a crazy girl and that I had done a stupid mistake by falling for her
I then started to rebuild my life, and in a new relationship with my SO for years, but... There is a but. This old ex started to appear again on that community forum I used to go to, (and still goes from time to time, and my SO is aware of that)
She started to trashtalk very offensively my SO, then being less and less direct, she still continues to insinuate a lot of things
Now, today, she revealed that she was aware of my job position, of some professional info about me, that she knows a lot about my current life, and she is indirectly threatening me or saying that she got the power to cause trouble to my family
I need help, please, I'm going crazy
TL;DR: | being harassed by an girl with who I had a one night affair 5 years ago, she now threatens me indirectly and I don't know what to do |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Think I cheated on my ex. Feel terrible.
POST: I (M22) and my girlfriend (F20) split up a week ago due to difficulties with our long distance relationship. We'd been together a year. I really want her back but I found out a few days ago from a friend that a girl and I kissed on a night out back in October. I was drunk and don't remember it, although I thought I remembered the whole night. I'm not sure if she kissed me or if it was the other way round, although the girl does kiss a lot of guys when she is drunk. I feel terrible, I love my ex, and usually told girls trying it on to leave me alone as I have a girlfriend. I feel guilty that I knew nothing about it for the last three months of our relationship. I have never felt anything for the girl I kissed, and I never wanted to hurt my girlfriend.
I'm at a lose with what to do. If I was to get back with my ex I have no idea how I'd tell her. I've also asked my friend (who is friends with the girl) if she knows what happened to see if I can get a clear idea of what happened.
TL;DR: | May have cheated on my ex when we were still together, unsure if I'll be able to get back together with her now I've found out. |
SUBREDDIT: r/needadvice
TITLE: Study/University burnout
POST: I started off studying biology at University. I enjoyed it and I was fairly good at it. However, I also had a newly discovered love for physics so I decided to instead head in that direction.
Studying physics and calculus has been 10x the work load compared to what biology was. I'm at a point where I honestly dislike going to the labs, I don't enjoy doing the assignments and i'm worried about exams. This wasn't the case with biology.
Now, the obvious answer is, well, go back to biology! Obviously it seems like I enjoyed it more, why do something you aren't enjoying right?
Well this is where the tricky part for me is.
I don't think it's a case that I don't enjoy physics, I think it's just a case that i'm extremely burnt out from the workload. I'm at a point where I sometimes accidently shower twice in the morning, I forget to take medication, have constant headaches and brain frog and am generally grumpy and tired. I feel extremely disconnected with everything because my brain is always somewhere else. This is extremely unusual for me, it feels like i've lost the ability to think.
I want to keep studying physics because I enjoy it - I just don't enjoy the pressure from the very short deadlines and big workload. I know where studying this field can take me and I know it's where I want to go.
Exams are coming up in about 5 weeks.. Any tips for working through study burnout?
TL;DR: | Unsure if I dislike my major or if i'm just burnt out. Exams coming up, any tips for a burnt out student? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I don't know how to "laugh off" unimportant arguments and it's really hurting my relationship. Any tips on how I can learn?
POST: I'm 20/f and he's 20/m, we've been together for 2 years. This is both of our first real relationships and we both have been learning through dealing with each other what it means to be part of a healthy relationship with another person. It's definitely been an eye-opening experience.
**Here's the thing, though:** I'm having a hard time arguing like a logical adult. When I get angry, I get furious, and can't back myself down. The most recent example I can think of is last night, when my bf and I got into an argument over Skype and, at one point, he just started laughing, rather innocently, saying that we were taking the issue too seriously. I tried to laugh it off, too, but instead, I got all tense and saw red. I blew up at him for laughing at me and ended the call. This seems to happen a lot with me.
I feel like I'm protecting myself 24/7, from being hurt and from not being taken seriously, so when I get mad, I get really mad, and I don't let anyone in unless they're knocking on my door with an apology. I know this is the wrong way to go about things, but I don't know how to change. Any thoughts or tips from you more experienced guys or gals?
TL;DR: | I take arguments and my own anger way too seriously, and it's making me miserable. How do I start to change? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, how has someone you thought was your friend completely screwed you over?
POST: Last year, I became roommates with a guy who was a very close friend the previous year of college. He had just recently lost his job, and I said I would help him until he got on his feet again. He couldn't afford rent, so I helped him out. Instead of finding a job to pay his part of the rent, he spent his (and his gf's money) on "legal marijuana replacements" (read bath salts) and got addicted.
He owed me about 1,800 dollars at the time. I thought he would be good for it. Around that time i left for winter break. When I got back, he had moved out and completely trashed the apartment. There were at least fifteen bags of trash on the balcony. I also found out that the money I had been giving him for the power bill had been feeding his addiction (from a shocking $600 power bill.)
TL;DR: | Guy who I thought was my friend ripped me off for 2,400 dollars and trashed my apartment, before leaving me a huge bill and a destroyed apartment. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [23M] with my [21F] 9 months, obvious red flag, when is it acceptable to stop giving benefit of the doubt?
POST: Her first serious relationship, my second. Celebrated nine months yesterday, day went swell and today was a good follow-up too. Had a long discussion reflecting on things, end up talking about likes/dislikes that we have encountered. She mentions an air of jealousy regarding female coworkers (I've explained it's inevitable and make sure to let her know what I'm up to, I choose to do so to put her at ease and reciprocation is nice), and I mentioned one instance where she kept mentioning hanging out with a friend...
Not a big deal to me, I tell her to drive safely and have fun, she however keeps bringing it up throughout the day and before she leaves puts on nicer clothing/gets cleaned up,etc. When I finally ask who it is her response is "you don't know him", still not a big deal to me, I tell her to enjoy and have fun.
Today she confesses to having "gotten high" with him (first time in 9 months I've heard that she has this behavior? not a big deal if she's responsible) but it really took me aback. She claims she didn't want to tell me or anyone for that matter because she feels I would think down on her and she knows it was bad. *side note, she parties/goes out and I don't (preference, always encourage her to have fun responsibly) however she mentions she thinks I look down on her for this.
I feel like her omission to tell the truth is hurtful, however I don't know at what point this is a red flag or her "caring about the relationship and fearing a break-up by telling me". She also claims she's done nothing with him or anyone for that matter, at this point I don't know whether to trust her, other than that she's never given me reason to doubt her.
thanks for taking the time to read this
TL;DR: | Girlfriend lies by omission about getting high with a "friend" on premise of me "looking down on her" because she knows it's bad |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [29 F] with my boyfriend [30 M] 3 months, he is getting dogs and I'm not sure I will be able to deal with them. Should I let him know?
POST: My boyfriend (M30) and I (F29) have been together about 3 months. Everything has been really spectacular. We really like each other and have been completely honest with each other from the get go - absolutely no games (how refreshing)! However, he has recently let me know that his two family dogs will be moving in with him. His mother cannot take care of them anymore and his sisters both have families with extremely new born babies - that leaves him. This concerns me for a variety of reasons.
I'm not particularly a dog lover. I enjoy them in small quantities of time and my family does have a family dog that I love a lot - but it doesn't live with me. I know that bringing dogs into his living space will be a huge lifestyle change for him and since my boyfriend and I spend a lot of time together (most nights), that means it will be a big lifestyle change for me as well. I'm not ready to be the type of couple that can't go out and have a good time or has to go home early because they need to feed/walk the dog. Also, my BF's apartment is extremely small with limited space (we live in NYC) and the dogs are big, so I'm worried about being able to spend intimate time with him without the dogs getting in the way. Not to mention the fact that now we won't really be able to spend the night at my place, which I view as a little unfair.
I know that my concerns come across as very selfish, especially to animal lovers, but I feel like they are legitimate because having dogs could seriously alter the dynamic of our relationship, and the current dynamic is something I'm enjoying very much. I would never suggest to him that he rethink his decision, but I feel like it's my responsibility to be honest about what I'm thinking - we've prided ourselves on being very honest with each other. I'm just worried that I will come across as selfish or that I'm giving him an ultimatum, which is definitely not the case.
Should I say something?
TL;DR: | MY BF is bringing his family dogs to move in with him and I'm worried about the inevitable change this will have on our relationship's dynamic. I'm wondering if I should let him know this. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Just starting out with an awesome girl. Before we go any further, give me some advice on avoiding past mistakes! Also, long-term we'll be long distance - advice on that?
POST: I've recently started dating a beautiful girl, and have fallen head over heals. Though we've been chatting off and on for a while, we have so far only been on three dates, but three really good dates, and I think she has a lot of potential.
Now, in the past when this has happened, things went awesome for a couple of weeks, but then the relationship would die down and fizzle out. The pattern is thus - I (think) I get boring, so she starts losing interest in me, and I notice that, and become clingy/needy, driving her further away. I don't want this to happen again. So, what I really need to know is, what are ways to keep the "vibe" going in the relationship long term? And if we do go through a period where the vibe is down, how do I keep us interested and together?
Also, if I do all that right, I'm leaving the area in August. Any and all advice on maintaining a long-distance relationship is appreciated!
TL;DR: | Amazing new girl. Past "relationships" fizzled out quickly. Don't want to do that again. If it doesn't fizzle out, we'll be long distance and even more prone to fizzling out. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [25/m] My boyfriend [24/m] of 1 yr and I are debating whether to stay together (long-distance) when I move away for law school.
POST: In two months, I'm moving 1,000+ miles away to law school. My boyfriend is not moving with me. We've been together for a year. Months ago, when I applied to law school, we both agreed that a long-distance relationship wasn't an option. Recently, however, my boyfriend has expressed that he wants to stay together in a long-distance, open relationship. We've disagreed so much about this that last week, we "broke up" (but are still talking?) two months in advance of my move.
I'm fairly opposed to distance, but in the past few days, have realized how much I miss him.
TL;DR: | Is it better to try long distance (even though I am skeptical), or end things now (even though it hurts)? |
SUBREDDIT: r/dogs
TITLE: [Fluff] How does my dog read a calendar?
POST: I work from home and most days my chihuahua sits quietly by my desk. She's not a yapper in general. Only goes to bark at the door if someone approaches. She's lazy.
Every other week a maid comes. She loves to follow the maid around and bark at her. When I get up and start tidying up that morning, I know she can figure it out. Maid is coming. So she barks at EVERYTHING outside thinking they are pulling up. I figured she could sense my hustle getting things ready for the cleaning.
This morning I did not do that routine, yet she is still perched at the window and barking at any car that goes by. I have given NO cues today. How does she know?
The only thing that happened was my husband threw the sheets into the wash before he left for work, but we wash the sheets at other times, not just when maids are coming, but only in the early AM when maids are coming. Could that tiny thing set her off? And how would she know sheets vs. normal loads of laundry?
Otherwise, she must have a clock inside her. The other thing is that the street sweeper comes today and she may have heard that and knew the maids come on the same day -- but they only come twice a month and street sweeper is weekly, and on other Wednesdays she does not act like this.
Any other stories about dogs unique ability to read time? I can understand them knowing a 24 hour clock based on the sun and their stomach growling and they know it's time to eat - but every two weeks? How on earth could she know? I got up and have been sitting at my desk -- any other day, she lays in the dog bed next to me. She's at the couch looking out the window waiting and barking.
TL;DR: | My dog knows the maids are coming today and there have been NO clues tipping her off - how does she know? |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: [MN/TX] HELP! My car got towed, and the title isn't in my name so I'm unable to get it out of the impound, what should I do?
POST: So my car got towed because of a boneheaded mistake of not starting a meter. The people I bought the car from did not transfer the title to me when I bought it (two years ago, that should give you an idea of how hard communicating with them is) so the car is stuck in an impound in Minnesota while the title holder is in Texas.
I've tried to get the party to send authorization to the impound to release "their" car to me, but there's been no headway on getting them to initiate any sort of process like that. I got a loan on the car through Navy Fed when I bought it as they honored a Bill of Sale as ownership, but the impound requires me to hold the actual title in order to release it.
This all started last Thursday night, and now I've just heard back from the party in Texas that the car was technically in their father's name, not their own, and am now at a loss for what the best next step for me would be. I'm unaware whether or not they are still in communication with their father or not, so I have no idea what to do at this point.
For a little background, I currently owe another $2k on the car and keeping it in the impound costs $18/day. I have the VIN, proof of insurance in the car (illegally insured from my understanding), I don't remember the plate numbers but could probably acquire them. I can't get any of my possessions out of the car without the title, either. Any and all help is greatly appreciated.
TL;DR: | What should I do if my car isn't in my name and the other party is being unhelpful in giving me authorization to let the impound release the car to me? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [15 M] and a former crush [13 F] are obligated to do a dance together, and it's SUPER awkward for her.
POST: Here's the problem.
I used to have a crush. I told her at valentines day, and she politely refused to date until she was 16. I didn't get friendzoned or have a violent act committed on me so I still called it a success. I know from other people she has a crush on me too, so that makes it harder.
Her mom is a teacher for a dance class we both actively participate in, so her mom decided to put us both in a same area, resulting in doing a move where I hold her on her upper-inner leg, and one hand on her belly. She's not ticklish but i'm sure she still feels very awkward and not at all satisfied with how I do the move.
I asked the teacher. We're both doing it how she envisioned it. It's just... I don't know.
TL;DR: | I'm supposed to do a dance move with a crush who feels awkward of where the teacher wants me to place my hands on her, and that position can't change, what can I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Can I (21F) give my lab instructor (25F) a gift card along with a thank you note?
POST: I suck at math. It took me three tries to pass statistics. This semester I have to take a required class that's basically stats again. My lab instructor told me that to pass the lab I'd need to ace the last two hw assignments. She set up a tutoring meeting with me and I met her a few days later. The meeting was scheduled for an hour but she stayed an extra half hour with me out of her own time to help me. She helped me a lot and she explained things very well. I feel I understand everything much better now. I set up another two meetings with her for the last hw as well as other tutoring at the tutoring center. I would like to write her a thank you card at the end of the semester. She was very kind and patient with me and she explained things well. I wanted to know if it's appropriate to give her a gift card for $10 to starbucks or baskin robbins along with the thank you card?
TL;DR: | my lab instructor helped me a lot with tutoring can I include a gift card with my thank you note for her? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [25/M] Please shed some light on this and how she [20/F] interacts with me.
POST: I met this girl 7 weeks ago. We started talking, and soon enough we were on our third date. She's very quiet, only had one boyfriend, and has a hard time even talking on the phone with me. We're not officially calling each other bf/gf. But we hold hands and have talked about it becoming a title soon. She lives in a city 3 hours away.
She has shared with me that she clearly wants to move forward, but she shuts down any time I want to talk to her on the phone, skype, or anything like that. We do really well when we have small talk over SMS, or in facebook messages that detail more complex feelings.
What I'm trying to figure out is how to move forward with this. I really enjoy her, and I want to be a good thing in her life, not a stress. So how do I continue to express my desire to connect with her, and not be a stress on her life? I don't want to grow slowly apart because we don't talk and end up having a flop on the relationship.
TL;DR: | Soon to be gf 3 hours away is quiet and shuts down when I ask to talk on the phone. Has expressed she wants to move forward, but I'm not sure how to do it without being a stress on her life. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Dogtraining
TITLE: Help with Barking Beagle (only on Walks)
POST: We do not have a fully fenced yards, so we walk or two beagles a lot (3 times a day, long walks). The one in question is recently adopted as of March, 4 years old, female. Don't really know her background.
She's fine in the house, rarely barks. It's when we take her outside. She'll let out a bunch of barks right out the door, then will usually calm down, until she smells the first scent, she can (and does) bark for almost an entire block.
We've noticed it's more common in evening walks because there are a lot of dogs in our neighborhood, so lots of scents. We're really considering obedience training, but wondering if there's anything we can try first? This is probably stupid, but we're tried giving our other dog a tiny treat if she'd get on a barking spree and then tell her no treat.
Someone at work suggested a bark collar, but I don't want her to be afraid of walks, or to lose her spunk - I just don't want her barking the entire time she's smelling around and enjoying her walk.
TL;DR: | Female, 4-year old, rescue beagle barks consistently on walks, at least 75% of the walk. Otherwise she's fine in the house, won't bark at things outside, etc. |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: Help! Vibrams + P90X/Insanity Hybrid.
POST: Hey Reddit!
Yesterday I started my P90X/Insanity Hybrid and also bought a pair of Vibrams Bikila. I noticed yesterday that while I had the Vibrams on they worked well, except my right foot didn't feel quite right in them. I was able to do Chest and Back perfectly fine with them but today as I did Plyometric Cardio Circuit I felt a lot of pain and had to stop halfway throughout the video and quit. I took my vibrams off and noticed the side of my right foot was very red and was in a lot of pain. Now my question is does anyone else own a pair of vibrams and does this happen to you? I know you are suppose to break into them but if I keep this up my foot will suffer from injuries. (P.S. I'm a size 38 in Vibrams, yes I know. Small feet. but that's the size the tester showed me.)
Picture of Vibrams: [here](
Also! Sorry if this should be posted in another section :x I figured /r/loseit might have some experiences with this.
TL;DR: | Bought FiveFingers Vibrams Bikila. Tried to use in Insanity Cardio Workout, Couldn't. Right foot swollen + lots of pain. Help + feedback! |
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