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SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by telling a pall-bearer to have a good time at the funeral
POST: some backstory: I work sales at a tuxedo shop for about a year now. Mainly as a "formalwear consultant" you deal with weddings and happy couples in helping choose their attire for their special event. After picked, and all the members of the party get fitted, they pick up their outfits a couple days before the event.
Our company follows a script, and after a while, just like anything else at a minimum wage job, it becomes routine, and mindless. We get funerals on occasion, and this was an account that i personally did not deal with. One of the members comes to pick up, and after his garments are properly fitted, and he's ready to take it home, i tell the usual "have a great time sir" as i hand him his garments and he is about to leave. As he walks out of the door, he gives me this weird uneasy look. I check the account that he was with, and he was a pall-bearer for a funeral. Luckily i still have my job, and no-one heard. The customer returned after the event, and didn't say anything, just gave me a dirty look again.
TL;DR: | I told a pall-bearer for his friends funeral to have a good time at his event, thinking that he was a groomsmen for a wedding |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Crazy to consider a 2 year long distance relationship?
POST: He (26) is an old friend, who I (F/28) met when he was on exchange (from another country) for a year at my university about 4 years ago. He was recently back here for a holiday, he admitted that he's always had feelings for me and we've spent the last week in a ridiculous, love-infused stupor. We're high on love, which is something that neither of us has ever really experienced before. I know it sounds tragic but we're not kids anymore, we've both had plenty of relationships, we've had enough experiences to know exactly what we want from life/love. I think we could be amazing together.
For as long as I've known him, its always been his plan to move to my country/city so thats not the problem. The problem is that he cant move until he finishes med school, which is in 2 years time. We can't walk away and give up on what we have but I'm scared that trying to do the long distance thing will ruin everything before we've really had chance to be together.
Given that he's literally on the other side of the world, we'll probably only be able to see each other once, maybe twice a year. I guess my title was misleading, I KNOW its crazy, but we very much want to make this work.
Does anyone have any positive LDR stories to share? What are the most important things to making it work? Would it be better if we don't make any promises, go on with our lives as normal and just see whether we feel the same way in 2 years time?
TL;DR: | Met an amazing guy, we will be living in different countries for two years but don't want to go our separate ways. How to make long distance work? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18 M] with this girl [18 F], I want to ask her to lunch but I need your help! Can you do it?
POST: So I met this girl yesterday and started talking to her. We talked for 10 minutes or so and I am really into her. Tomorrow, I will ask her to lunch after class. Question is:
a) How do I ask her to lunch? I was thinking of starting off with:
"Hey are you hungry?" she says yes (hopefully) "I was thinking Chinese, unless you have a different preference?" Does this sound fine?
b) Do I pay for her meal? It's not expensive but I don't want it to seem like it's a date (because I don't think she'll think it is one..), and I feel like it'd be awkward.
c)How do I ask for her number? Oh my, this is the most important. I walk her to the train station which is a 10 minute walk. What can I do or say in a *smooth-criminal* way to get her numbah?
Thank you, guys!
TL;DR: | Met and talked to this girl yesterday, how do I ask her to lunch? Do I pay for her lunch? How do I get her number? |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: Compete with your mates in the weight race!
POST: Around Christmas 2009 my wife was talking to her cousin and they were saying how much they had to lose weight and thought it would be fun and motivating to have a competition and see who could lose the most by the middle of the year. I overheard the conversation and having recently started teaching myself web development I suggested I would create a website for them where they could enter their weights and see a graph of who is winning...
I started building it and realised I may as well make it so anyone can login and do the same thing. I checked to see if ourbiggestloser.com was available and surprisingly it was..
Fast forward to the middle of 2010 and my wife and I had both lost more than 10Kgs which was pretty much all we needed to lose and several of the other family and friends that joined us did well too.
My wife and I put on about 20Kgs since then so of course we are competing again and to be honest she's kinda kicking my arse at the moment!
But since that time there hasn't been a huge amount of groups competing on the site until New Years Resolutions 2012 and now there are more active groups competing on the site than ever before which is brilliant! I know it's fun and motivating and I get a kick out of people using something that I built.
There are about 11 active groups at the moment. It would be great if more people joined in but I wouldn't suggest all the /loseit people join one group because that probably wouldn't work so well! But if we can think of some ways to segregate and create some groups it would be great to not only compete within our groups but against other groups to see who can lose the most weight...
I'll leave it up to you guys to figure out how this would work, if anyone is interested of course, and I look forward to more people using my site.
TL;DR: | Created a website at for people that want to compete with family/friends or complete strangers to lose the most weight by a given end date. GL HF! :) |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Not sure if cuddling/handholding with my [22/F] friend [23/M] means anything
POST: Over the past six months, I've gotten very close to a member of my friend group who I was previously only friends with in a group context. We have similar interests and values, and we've spent an increasing amount of time together both in a group and on our own. We often stay up late having deep l conversations and listening to music, and we always hang out and drink together at parties. But we don't text much, make plans during the day, or really flirt at all.
Lately we've starting cuddling whenever we're drunk together; first it was just me putting my head on his shoulder, but recently (while drinking in an apartment with four other friends) we took a nap on the couch together and he cuddled me and held my hand as we slept. Normally I would take this as a sign of interest, but we have a very affectionate group of friends and cuddling platonically between sexes isn't uncommon (though he doesn't do it much).
So, males of Reddit, does cuddling and handholding with female friends necessarily mean anything? I'm not sure if I want it to (I might) but I also don't want to lead him on if he's interested and I decide I'm not.
TL;DR: | I've been cuddling and holding hands with a male friend while drunk. We don't flirt and our friends tend to be a cuddly bunch - is he interested, or are we just good friends? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: My SO [23/F] thinks I [24/M] am being too controlling and pushing her away, am I too paranoid?
POST: So my SO and me have been together for the past 3 years now, we took a break back in April and got back in August because our relationship was very unsteady and arguing constantly. During this time she befriended another male online (twitter) and they've been friends ever since according to her. He always comments on her posts and constantly going back and forth but I always felt like it wasnt just friendship. One day while she was in the shower i noticed her phone was out and I looked through her phone, and my suspitions were correct she gave him her number and they've been txting since april.
In one text this month dated Nov 11th he did try to persue something more with her and showed intrest telling her "Y u ask sweety, just havent had anyone take me out my element in a real long time, I dont mind going new places" she then told him in later txt that she cant and rather be friends only cause he tried to persue her other friend before.
I asked her if she really wants to work on this relationship to delete his number and block him and his friends on our social networks but became defensive saying "he's only a friend and hes very respectful." She ended up blocking him on Twitter but then again I go through her phone and sure enough his number is there but she changed his name and there were more txt saying "nohting love going back to sleep ttyl, I was thinking about you thats all" She never mentions anything about me on her account or to this man at all.
So when I confronted her about it she gets angry and says im controlling i dont let her breathe god forbid shes not allowed to have friends, am I wrong for telling her to cut him off? Everytime i bring it up she gets all upset and annoyed but she doesnt get it, I really want us to work because i have a baby with her and I just want us to be a family. How do I make her understand what shes doing to this relationship or should I just let it go. Im even on the verge of calling him myself and confronting him, would that be too much? what should I do reddit
TL;DR: | My girlfriend is still friends with a guy that keeps showing interest and flirting with her and she doesnt want to cut him off |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My(21M) Girlfriend(19F) might have to move 1,000 miles away because her dad is getting a job. Is there a (doable) way to stay together?
POST: Been together for 9 months. Granted, that's not a lot of time. However we've been through a lot and I'm in love with her. She took me in her house for 2 months when I got kicked out of mine (for sleeping over at her place too much).
She lives alone with her sister in a rather big house paid by her father who lives out of state and he comes and visits once a month or so. Now he might get another job, either in Fort Myers, which wouldn't change much, or South Carolina, which would set us apart too much. Her dad's new job won't be paying him as much for him to be able to afford 2 houses at once.
So my question is... Is there a way I can convince her (and her sister) to stay with me? How easy (or hard) would it be to get an place for ourselves so she doesn't have to live out of state, granted that she would want to?
TL;DR: | Girlfriend of 9months might move away because of father's new job. Help me think of a way to stay with her here in Florida that's doable and won't take a toll on us. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [17 M] with my girlfriend [17 F] are in a relationship together and it seems like she is always upset and questioning our relationship; what should I do?
POST: Hey Reddit. So for the sake of clarity I'll call my girlfriend Mackenzie or Mac for short(not her real name). So me and this girl have been together for about four months, and lately it seems like she has just been constantly upset at me. Whether it be for a couple of stupid mistakes I made to things that are completely surprising to me, it ultimately is apparent to me that she is upset most of the time.
For example just recently she got upset because she said it didn't seem like I wanted her around my family; this took me completely by surprise as I really enjoy having her around them. But it made her upset and we talked and after that it seemed like everything was okay.
Another example just recently is about a week ago, I asked her to come to my school's basketball game to meet my friends and watch the game with me. The day before the game rolls around and I started to feel extremely sick and didn't know if I was going to go, so we just agreed that she'd come over to my house for a bit. Then the day of the game/the day we were going to hangout comes along and she was extremely upset with me and kept saying things along the lines of me not wanting her to go. This also took my by surprise as I really did want her to go with me.
Now as a result of these two things and a few others, she has said things like "I can't have a boyfriend right now", "I cant' do this" and "I don't know about dating you". Whenever she says anything like this it really sucks the life out of me and makes me wonder what kinds of things shes really thinking, especially because soon thereafter she'' say something along the lines of "you're not going to lose me".
Reddit I just really have no idea how to respond or what to do in these situations; this is the first "real" girlfriend I've had and i really enjoy this girl and like everything about her, and I especially don't want things to end between us. I'm really just looking for advice on how to handle these kinds of things, and any help is extremely appreciated.
TL;DR: | My girlfriend is upset often and often questions her being with me, how should I handle that and how should I respond to her in those types of situations? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Boyfriend (21) doesn't ever want kids, I (21) do. Too young to be a 'real issue'?
POST: Basically my boyfriend (21) of a year has made a few jokes about not wanting kids. I (21) do want kids but not until I'm around 30. Last night I asked him if he was serious about this and he said that he was - he's seen a lot of his family members become unhappy after having children.
I know that this isn't a 'pressing issue' but now it's hard to see a future for us. How seriously can I take his word at 21? I don't want to be one of those women who lives in denial thinking 'he'll change his mind' but I also know that at 21 he might not really know what he wants... so I don't want to leave because of this either. We have a great relationship and I feel that it could have a future if it continues the way it's been going.
And because I know people will wonder- I am not baby crazy or wedding crazy -I dont always talk about having kids or anything so I don't think this is about him freaking out or about me pressuring him. I just know that it's something I'll eventually want.
I told him I was upset to learn that he didn't want them because it meant we couldn't have a future ... he was nice and understanding but didn't see why that would upset me at this point and seemed surprised that it might be something I'd eventually leave over. I'm not interested in giving an ultimatum or trying to convince him to change his mind - that will have the opposite effect intended I'm sure. Thoughts? Insight?
TL;DR: | Boyfriend doesn't want kids and I do but maybe we're too young for this to be an issue/for his mind to actually be made up? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [22M] want to talk to a girl [22F] i havent spoken to in 3 months because i lost my phone
POST: So long story short, i met up with this girl back in October. Basically We hit it off and hung out for one night.
We watched netflix, ate burritos, did some art, and even got to making out. For a first date it was really more than i expected. We did keep in touch after, trying to set up a date we can go out again
But we were having trouble due to our schedules. She was in school and i work full time so it was hard to finalize a day where we had time to meet up.
And then i lost my phone. It took about two weeks before i could get a new one and even then i didnt have her number so i lost contact with her completely.
It wasn't until recently that i found my old phone and along with it her number.
Now my problem is that i want to start talking to her again but i dont know how to do that with out coming off too strong or creepy. Any ideas on how i should approach this? Or if i should even attempt something.
TL;DR: | Had an Amazing date with a girl, lost my phone and her number, didnt talk for 3 months and now have her number, want to talk to her without being a stalker. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [22 F] I've never had a boyfriend and don't know where to start.
POST: I'm 22 years old and I've never had a relationship. In high school most of my friends dated but I was never the type of girl that guys seemed to like. I went to uni for four years, thinking that I'd definitely meet someone there but nope. Nobody even asked me out on a date, meanwhile, all of my single friends seemed to be finding people. I've kissed guys before at parties and at night clubs (how romantic) but it's never gone any further.
I graduated almost a year ago now and I have no idea how I'm supposed to meet people. I'd really like to be in a relationship; I want someone to share things with and care about but I don't know how to find that. It's also becoming quite difficult being one of the only single people in my friend group, who are mostly in serious, long term relationships.
I'm starting to worry that I'm going to get to an age where I've never had a boyfriend and any guy I date finds that strange; most people I know have had at least one proper relationship by this point in life whereas I've had nothing.
I'm considering signing up to a service like Tinder or Match.com but even the thought of it makes me nervous, I can be confident in other aspects of my life but when it comes to dating or talking about myself, I lose all confidence. I don't know if anyone thinks online dating would be a good idea?
I don't know if you think this would be a good idea?
Sorry, this sounds a little pathetic. I usually consider myself quite mature and grounded but this is starting to get to me and I don't know what to do about it. Any help would be appreciated!
TL;DR: | Mandatory summary/question! I'm 22 and I've never been in a relationship though I'd like to meet people and hopefully start one. How do I do this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by putting foot powder on my balls.
POST: To preface, my main mode of transportation is the bicycle. Now that summer is upon us, I find it uncomfortable to bike to work without some sort of chafe "protection". I'm sure you've been there. Basically I want to take measures against a swamp occurring in my trousers before a full
Day of work.
Fast foreword to this morning. I get out of the shower and see a bottle ( you know the baby powder bottles with 5 holes at the top and white powder accumulated on top) of powder sitting on the bathroom counter. It's blue, and mine is normally yellow. I think nothin of it. It must just be my
Roommates. So I apply the powder to my nether regions and move into the bedroom to get dressed. I begin to feel a cooling sensation, which isn't normal but isn't bad. After 5 minutes or so the cooling becomes so intense, much like that of icy hot, that it actually begins to burn. I think, it will pass soon.. It doesn't. 15 minutes later I run into the bathroom and look at the bottle. It was goldmanns medicated foot powder for athletes foot. My balls and taint felt as of someone had doused them in gasoline And lit match. I quickly jumped in the shower and washes off. The burning lasted another 5 min and slowly went away. So today learned that while foot medicated powder may soothe your feet, it DOES NOT soothe your balls.
TL;DR: | PUt medicated foot powder on my balls and taint to avoid chaffing and it burned like a motherfucker. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What are your best stories of Passive Aggressiveness?
POST: Mine has got to be with my housemate. A few months ago, he would wake up, play CoD for 14 hours a day and fall back asleep. This is why he was unemployed and seeking benefits whilst also sponging money off his Girlfriend whenever she came round. Now, this didn't bother me per se, it was his smug sense of entitlement that did it. He had this attitude that as he was living with 5 students but no a student himself, that he was somewhat better than us by snide remarks E.G student layabouts (yes, this was my favorite). So, me being the person that pays for the internet and it being in my name, and him being as technological inept as the crabs that no doubt infest his yeast ridden private parts, I set about my passive aggressive plan. I had full router access and with him being the only one that would connect via Ethernet, it was easy to fuck his shit up. I would MAC/IP ban him a few times a day, some times remotely if I was in uni and saw him online. Sometimes I'd get texts or phone calls asking for advice, but I just replied with it being the
TL;DR: | housemate was being a lazy bastard playing 14 hours of CoD a day, I get pissed, mess with the router to give him intermittent access, he gets pissed, blames |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How can I [27 F] help my soon to be roommate[23 F] for a year feel welcome and get comfortable in a new city without her coming to rely on me completely or get too needy?
POST: I met a very nice girl on craigslist who is going to be my roommate in 2 weeks. We hit it off well and I have no major concerns.
However, this is her first time being away from her family and boyfriend. She expressed concerns already to me about how she was nervous about moving to a new city where she doesn't know anyone.
I know how it can be rough and I want to know what to best do to help her whithout her becoming reliant on me or too needy. I can be somewhat introverted and the idea of having someone who needs to be with me and talking to me all the time in my apartment sounds stressful.
What can I do to make sure that doesn't happen?
I was already planning on showing her the city when she got here, including the meetup group that I used to make my own friends. I of course want to support her in this as I like helping people and don't want her to be too lonely. What else can I do?
Also, how can I handle it when I do need my own space? I want to set boundries now.
TL;DR: | how do I help a roomate who is new to the city make friends and establish a home without becoming needy or dependent on me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [19 F] boyfriend [20 M] wants to breakup if we have to continue long distance
POST: My boyfriend and I have been together on and off since we were 17 years old. Currently we are both studying at university in different cities. We have been doing long distance for just over half of our relationship. He has 2 more years left to complete his degree, and I have 1 more of my bachelor degree and either 3 or 4 for my postgraduate. Right now we are at a cross roads where he is considering either moving to the city where I study, or he stays where he is and we breakup. I can appreciate that moving your entire life is a massive decision, and not one I want either of us to make lightly. I have tried offering alternatives, like once I finish my bachelor degree (1 more year), moving to his city for the following 3 for postgraduate. I really do not want to break up as I really love him and I feel like we have a very special connection. I am unsure how to approach this situation and am concerned that there may be underlying reasons as to why he appears to be looking for excuses to leave, rather than reasons to stay.
TL;DR: | My boyfriend and I have been in a LDR for nearly 2 years, possibly looking at facing 2 more or him moving in with me. Unsure how to approach the situation. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: An old friend (28,M) is inviting himself to stay at my (25,M) house and inviting someone I've never even met.
POST: So I wasn't really sure where this went, I figured this would be a good place to start. An old friend of mine (like haven't talked to in years, and friend of a friend would be a better way to put it) recently found me on facebook. We used to hang out together when we were both teenagers about ten years ago. Within a few minutes of catching up, literally like ten minutes in, he is talking about coming down with a friend (I live about two hours away) to visit for a few days. My guess is he's thinking it will be like when we were both in high school, drinking and smoking pot, because he is still single. This weirded me out a little bit because 1) I'm now married with kids and have a professional job and 2)he didn't even ask if this was okay or not. It's not like I can go out every single night like I used to. I don't want to just tell him to blow off because we used to be good friends, but the whole situation makes me uncomfortable. I don't really know how to approach it, any advice on how to handle this tactfully is helpful.
TL;DR: | Friend I haven't talked to in several years, within minutes of catching up invites himself and a friend I've never met to come stay at my house. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25 F] with my boyfriend [27 M] are entering a tricky situation-- do I move when I like my job?
POST: So, I really love my current job. I'm a remote advisor for a university in a higher education company. Although the pay is just average (about 40k), there is definitely room for growth (people are internally promoted all the time) and the benefits are great and I love my coworkers and what I do.
The issue is my boyfriend (getting his PhD this year in a science field) is searching for a job for after he graduates. Although not guaranteed, it is likely he could take a job offer in a different city than me since he is applying everywhere.
We are already long distance, so at this point, it would make sense that the next step would be to move in with one another (which we've discussed), but that means I'll most likely have to move.
I'm just really worried about finding a new job. I have a MA degree in a completely unrelated field than higher ed and frankly, "advisor" is a very specific job and there aren't THAT many openings, making them competitive. I also do program coordination, meetings with partners, handling a large CRM, pulling data, work with excel, give presentations, etc. So, it's not like I only have experience helping students. I'm very smart and hard working, but because there aren't many jobs in my field-- I'm scared of leaving the job I love for something i have no clue what will offer. Will there be anything for me? Will I have to take a job below my intelligence and settle?
In my opinion, do you think I'm over worrying and that people would hire me, even if it isn't directly in my field? I'll have a little over a year experience when I apply. Secondly, would you move or stay? Yes, I'm certain this man is for me and he is very serious about us as well.
TL;DR: | My boyfriend is applying all over for jobs and I may have to move for him despite liking my current job. Will this be a horrible move for me? Looking for feedback/opinions. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Deciding On Which Path To Take
POST: Hi r/advice,
I'm at a pretty confusing place right now. A little background: after one year of college studying theatre, I decided to move cities and join one of my lifelong friends in making a band (with a goal to do it as a career). Kind of a leap of faith, but we believed in it. That was about 2 years ago that I made the move. I'm 21 years old now.
Flash forward to now and I'm a manager at a movie theatre in town. The band is still going (we're doing some recording in June) and I still think there's promise in the music we make...I know things take awhile, but it's gotten much more difficult. My buddy and I just aren't nearly as compatible with making music as we once were. A part of me wants to stay and try and work through it, but it's been months and months and I'm not sure if it will get better. On top of this, customer service has been pretty crushing lately. I've been thinking a lot about changing directions.
The thing that's kept me through the job, and not being in school, is writing and drawing in my free time. I've been working on a screenplay for an animated film (not something I'm trying to get produced, really just for the fun and challenge of it, and the escape). It's a kind of work that I love even when it gets tough, and recently I've been imagining what my life would be like if I pursued a career in the field.
So I'm thinking about applying to some schools, like Rhode Island School of Design and CalArts. They would swamp me with an insane amount of debt EVEN if I managed to get in, but working in animation professionally and working for/potentially being a peer amongst animators I admire would be a dream, and a job I think I could do for a long time. But it would mean abandoning my buddy and the band for awhile...it would feel like so much time went nowhere. I'd need to start school again basically from scratch :-/
Am I being to rash, or are these feelings justified? Should I just wait longer and see what happens? Any and all advice is welcome.
TL;DR: | Left school, moved to a city to be in a band with a close friend. Two years later and I'm losing passion in the band, getting drained from customer service, and considering if I should pursue a career in animation instead. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [Dating] I [18F] started talking to an acquaintance [18M] a couple of days ago. Now he's being silent. I desperately need advice on how to drive this sort of thing.
POST: Hi all! I'm in a bit of a situation. About 3 days ago, this guy I have classes with at college randomly messaged me. We talked for about an hour or so and he even gave me his number. He made it seem as if he was interested (even stated we should talk more). He didn't talk to me at all the next day (obviously because of Christmas Eve stuff) and the next day we talked twice for just a second or two, me initiating the conversations.
Now today he hasn't messaged me or anything and I'm kind of worried I came off too strong and scared him away, or that he's playing me already. He doesn't seem like the type to do that, so am I overreacting or should I be worried? Do I wait for him to text me tomorrow or do I try again? I have terrible social anxiety and honestly have no idea how to talk to guys to top it off, so this is a new adventure for me! Where do I go from here?
<b>
TL;DR: | </b> Guy texts me. We talk some. Now he's silent. I panic. How do I talk to him from here? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24 M] with my fiance [24 F] of 2 years, are currently apart from each other this coming weekend.
POST: [relationships]This Fourth of July weekend my fiance [24F] and I [24M] are apart from each other. She is currently in her home state approximately an 8 hour drive away from myself. She wants me to drive down tomorrow and spend the weekend with her but I've had a stressful last few weeks in the office and I would rather not spend about 16 hours driving, in a 4 day period, for a holiday which I'm supposed to spend relaxing. Is there any advice you can give me that I could use to help her see my side of the argument without having her be mad at me?
TL;DR: | Don't want to drive 16 hours in 4 days to see fiance because of stress. How can I avoid argument when bringing that up to her.? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My bf(39M) is cheating on me (35F) with video games. Together 2 years.
POST: My bf is a teacher and unwinds by playing video games, specifically Destiny. He will play for at least 6-8 hours a day on the weekend, and often stays up all night. During the week he tends to be better but still stays up late (2-3am) at least once a week.
I work on call and often go in for shifts on the weekends. Time together is precious. Im reluctant to turn down shifts as I want to save money to go back to school, and I feel a lot of resentment that my job is secondary to his playtime. We rarely sleep together now so when we get to, its a rare treat. I really look forward to cuddling but the video games draw him away. He will often tell me he will come up to bed 'soon' but then stay up til 4-5-6 am gaming. Needless to say our sex life is zero.
Weekend plans also get pushed aside when he sleeps all day. I'm trying to do things on my own, taking the advice from video game addict forums, but I'm just so sad that our time together matters so little to him.
I've expressed my dislike for this behaviour angrily, tearfully, calmly, every way I can think of, and he acknowledges that it's unhealthy and crappy but no change. Going to bed alone, waking up alone, having plans and knowing ill probably be doing them alone, sadface. I'm resentful and lonely here, and communication doesn't seem to be helping.
What can I do?
TL;DR: | bf plays video games all night, we never sleep together, it impacts our couple time, he knows its an issue but no change in his actions. Help. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Girlfriend[19F] of 2 years believes she is overly abusive to me [19M]
POST: We have been together for a bit over 2 years now and do love each other, but recently she has been finding herself angry at me over even the littlest of things.
She has always had a bit of a temper and acts the same way towards her family too, but she says that now it is much worse towards me.
She believes she doesn't respect me enough, which I find to be true as my general behavior isn't the greatest (Laziness, procrastination).
As of today she has decided we should be apart and do our own things for a while and possibly try to reconnect when school calms down.
I am sure that she would like to continue the relationship; so would I, but she thinks how she acts towards me is wrong and needs to be fixed somehow.
I am motivated to change my behavior and improve our relationship. I was thinking that I could start by helping out my family (and hers, I visit often) more to start to change, maybe exercise too. I am often unprepared or shortsighted when it comes to things, and it is something that contributes towards the lack of respect, but I am unsure of how to go about changing this behavior.
I am going to ask her to retain contact often (The vast majority of her anger towards me occurs when we are in person) as I think not having contact would be detrimental to the relationship, but also would help boost my motivation to change, although I fear I may lose motivation and revert back to my bad behaviors.
While I have a somewhat general idea of what I want to do and am willing to change, I am not fully sure as to how I should go about regaining respect from her, and any advice for me or both of us would be greatly appreciated.
TL;DR: | We both want to continue relationship, but girlfriends lack of respect towards me for my lazy/procrastinating behavior is causing problems, and I am wondering how to change/regain that respect |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by calling my boyfriend a cheesy fuckball in an attempt to be sweet.
POST: This happened around an hour ago. We were on the phone, being all sweet and mushy and couple-y and stuff, you know, like regular couples. I had just woken up from a nap and my head was still halfway into Sleepy Slumber Lala Land.
I was talking about how I couldn't find our old messages where he had first told me he liked me. I like saving cute texts and I had been looking for it in our Facebook messages, but they weren't there even though I CLEARLY remember them. The messages sent before and after are still there, just the messages I actually wanted, aren't. Weird.
So my boyfriend, the sweet, sweet guy, says "It's ok babe, even if it's not in our messages, the memory is still in our hearts"
This is where I fuck up.
It was so sweet and cute and I wanted to say "You're such a fucking cheeseball babe", but somehow, MY FABULOUS BRAIN DECIDED TO SWAP TWO WORDS AROUND and I ended up saying, "Awwwww you're such a cheesy fuckball babe" in my sweetest voice....and kept giggling until my boyfriend said "what...?" and I realized what I had said. *facepalm*
I apologized and tried to explain what I meant but my brain couldn't even explain properly so I just ended up panicking and yelling "I MEANT SOMETHING ELSE. IGNORE THAT, I'M SORRY, BRAIN IS NOT WORKING, I MEANT SOMETHING ELSE"
He said it was fine and we moved on but I'm still cringing at the memory....he did not deserve that....*who the hell calls their boyfriend a fuckball?!
TL;DR: | Wanted to tell my sweet and amazing boyfriend he was a fucking cheeseball, called him a cheesy fuckball instead and then giggled until I realized my fuck up. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Male of 20 dating a female of 20 for 3.5 years- entering a depression, need advice!
POST: So, ny girlfriend and I started dating midway through high school and decided to continue our relationship into college despite the difference (I go to school in California and she goes to school in South Carolina.) in addition to this, my parents moved from Texas (where we were from) to Maryland, so we don't see each other in the summers either.
Anyway, I've been in an out of depression since I was about 9, and it has always been a struggle for me, and I believe will always be a struggle for me. In the past six months I've decided to completely change my goals in life (cause you know... College.) and because of such decisions have been facing a really difficult time. Additionally, this summer is just really rough on me and I know it's negatively affecting her.
I'm posting this seeking advice from you guys- should we break-up? I don't feel like I'm being fair to her by being depressed, I know how much strain it put on us before, and just adding it to the distance makes it even harder.
TL;DR: | Gf and I have been dating a long time, personally going through some major life changes and entering a depression-scared of how it affects the relationship. Need advice |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My[20's F] mom[60's F] expects me to be at her beck and call 24/7 and refuses to believe that I have a life.
POST: I'm in my twenties and live in a different state than my parents, I'm also married with kids. My mom is in her sixties, she lives with my dad and has tons of friends.
She expects me to call her for 3 to 4 hours each day. She's even gotten mad because I don't come over for coffee, I live hundreds of miles away!
She gets mad if I dont answer the phone right away even if I'm driving. There are some days were I'm just not available. She doesn't believe that I have a life outside of being her daughter and has even said that all I do all day is stare at the wall.
I'm a stay at home mom, the older kids get out of school at 2:45. Guess what time my mom calls? 2:45 every single day. I tell her not to call between 2:30 and 3:15 so that I have time to pick them up. She says that she'll call when she wants.
Now that I'm pregnant she expects me to call her 3 times a day! When I tell her that I need time to cook,clean,run errands,help with homework and spend time with my husband, she tells me that I just need to hire a maid to do that stuff.
If I dont call her for 2 or 3 days she even calls the cops and has officers sent to my house as a "welfare checkup".
TL;DR: | My[20's F] mom[60's F] expects me to be in contact with her 24/7, I'm married with kids and live in a different state. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (F24) am sick of my bf (M24) lack of drive to better himself
POST: I have been with my SO for 2 years. I have a challenging job, (mentally, emotionally and physically) and have been working since finishing university after a short period of volunteering. I have had to move all over the country to work, but am now back in the same city as him, where we were both at uni.
He finished his degree (1year ago) and has since been on the dole, applys to jobs but is refusing to take a proactive approach. He fulfils the requirements for receiving the dole but nothing is getting anywhere. He talks of applying to apprentiships and training programs but nothing ever materialises. He has had one job interview in the entire time he has been applying to jobs. Which he turned down when asked 'would you take the job if offered to you.'
By nature I'm a laid back person and can let most of this pass. In other ways he is fantastic but his continual lack of money and apparent disregard for bettering his situation is getting wearing.
How should I best bring up my frustration at his situation? I realise it needs not to happen when am fraught at the end of a day at work but am starting to loose my cool when thinking about his lack of drive and anything productive.
He also drinks near enough every day and is very close with his ex (who is also around most of the day). Again these are things I can mostly let pass but when the little problems get on top of each other the frustration only builds.
TL;DR: | my bf is a dole bum while I work my arse off. how best to bring up my frustration with out being a bitch. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [20m] ex [19f] messages me late at night and I find it offensive
POST: My ex messages me now and again via text or Facebook, but when she does it's always late at night when I'm sleeping. Now I wouldn't have a problem with catching up with her, but given the times she chooses to message me I get the impression that she only ever wants to talk to me when she has nobody better to talk to.
How should I go about handling this without causing aggro? So far I've considered straight up telling her that I find her actions rude, telling her that I'm not her safety net or just ignoring the messages completely.
Further context: Dated for just short of 2 years, she ended it due to her moving to a different city.
Thank you :)
TL;DR: | ex messages me when I'm asleep, which I find offensive. I want to know how to tell her if she wants to talk to choose a sensible time (or if I should even bother replying). |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My bestfriend's grandfather died last night. What do I do?
POST: My best friend has had her grandparents living with her family since she was 4 and her family came to America. She's now 16 and her family moved here from the Philippines. We have been best friends for the last two years and we are very close. Her locker is right next to mine and we have 4 classes together, plus we hang out almost everyday after school. I knew something was wrong when she didn't come to school today. She never misses school for anything. I checked my phone and she texted me about how she needed to talk. Last night her grandfather died and she is very very depressed. I know I need to do something but I'm not sure what. I haven't really dealt with a lose before that I was old enough to remember(My grandfather died when I was 4, wasn't old enough to understand it really.) I also don't know what is acceptable that she won't take the wrong way since I'm a guy, I can't really take her for like a girl's day. I don't want to offend her and mess up our friendship but I know she needs someone to be there for her.
TL;DR: | My best friends grandfather died. We are both 16. I'm a guy, she's a girl. What should i do to comfort her? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22 M] with my gf [23] of four years, live in different towns after college and having issues
POST: My girlfriend and I have the greatest relationship, good sex life, and have been extremely happy the last four years. But she just graduated and moved home (about an hour away) until she finds good employment. I'm still finishing up at a new school but have visited her almost every weekend (i live in a ghetto neighorhood so i like to go to her place).
Problems are arising though. We pretty much have zero sex (or sex related activities) these days, compared to ~3 times a day when we lived together in college. She's never in the mood, saying she doesnt like to in her family house (understandable, but its a huge house and we have our own section in the back). Also, although i love spending time with her, im slightly introverted and extremely socially anxious and becoming especially drained hanging out with her family all the time (although they are very cool people).
Not sure how to go about this. I've communicated these feelings but she doesnt have my sex drive or social anxiety so its hard to relate, and explain to her that this situation is really hard on me. Fuck maybe its just a shitty situation that will pass in time when she moves out. Anyone gone through something similar ?
TL;DR: | Gf moving back home after college, problems follow. No sex, lots of family time. Going crazy. Anyone with similar experience or advice ? I'd love to talk. Thanks |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU Welp there goes the rent money!
POST: So, I recently lost my job. I got completely blind sided by this, I mean it literally came out of nowhere. I was making cheese sauce one minute then being walked out of the building the next. I'm in this sort of weird transitional period between jobs and I've been stressing all week because I knew I'd have just enough to barely pay rent and... you know... starve to death or something because I also lost my girlfriend recently and my rent doubled :D fun times.
So I dragged myself out of bed today, took a bath to try and relax because of all the stress and the fact that I can't smoke any weed because Im broke and likely going to be drug tested soon soooo bath was kinda my only option for those of you that will judge me for it. I got out, showered, used my exs deo that she left here (I'm seriously that broke) pulled on some clothes and went out.
Checked my account at my local [7-11] Withdrew the money, got it in money order form then proceeded to walk out of the store. I folded my money order in half and put it in my pocket. Walked about 10 minutes to the nearest bus stop. Went to get my bus fare out of my pocket and double checked to make sure my money order was still there.......
MRW the money order wasn't* there:
Now I want you to stop for a second and imagine Cleveland Brown (I've been told that I look like him) freaking the fuck out at a bus stop looking for something. I retraced my steps... 3 times. Almost got hit by some jerk-off in a Tahoe that wasn't paying attention... should've just let him hit me, I would've gotten plenty of cash from the lawsuit. Never found the money order and Im almost sure that it fell out of my pocket. I was wearing joggers which are basically skinny jeans and I have no idea how I didn't feel the damn thing sliding out of my pocket. I suspect that it never even made it into my pocket.
My $400 is out there being enjoyed by someone tonight I imagine.
TL;DR: | My money order for my rent slipped away never to be seen again. I have no idea how I'm going to pay rent. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Guys of Reddit, what is the most eye wateringly painful nutshot you have ever recieved?
POST: I went to school in the UK, so we would play cricket in the summer, along with other sports obviously.
I don't know how many of you are familiar with the game, but you need to only really know one thing, a cricket ball is not the softest of things. I was put on the fielding team and we had been rotated round a few different positions to give us all a taste of what you would need to do. I was moved to a position close to the batsman, inteded to cover the side that he would be most likely to hit the ball into. I was only about 6 meters to his left, ready to attempt to catch the ball if he hit it.
He did hit it, holy shit did he hit it. The ball left his bat at about waist height, coming straight for me. I had hardly any time to react, I just pulled my hands into a cup shape near my stomach and hoped the ball didn't knock the wind out of me. There were two large drawbacks with what I did, one was that no fielders wiere issued with protective gear, so no cup. The other drawback was that I probably should of covered my balls and not my stomach. The cricket ball smashed straight into my crotch like it had been shot out of a cannon. I felt like by balls had been smashed into paste against my pelvis. I didn't scream, I just let out a muffled groan and slumped on the floor.
Usually when you see someone take a nutshot there is a mixture of laughter and "ooooh shit". But there was silence this time. I was writhing around on the grass, the wind totally knocked out of me, when my teacher strolled up and asked me if I was ok. All I could do was shake my head and slap the ground trying in vain to relieve the agony currently pulsing from my balls.
I was picked up and told to sit out for a few minutes until I felt like I could carry on. I think I spent 15 minutes lying on my back, cupping my poor bruised ballsack.
TL;DR: | Took at cricket ball to the nuts after it was hit incredibly hard. Thought I was going to puke my nuts up for 15 minutes afterwards. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25M] not ready for commitment with my LDR girlfriend [23F] coming home in a month.
POST: I have been in a relationship with Megan for about 2 years now. We have been long distance for about 1 year of that time while she has been at school. Megan will be moving back home in about two months permanently. Neither of us are really set on our careers - I want a change and she will be looking for a job. So neither of us knows truly where we are going to be location wise within the next 6-8 months.
Optimally, we would both stay together and find jobs/careers in the same city and move in together. However, as the date gets closer for her to come home, I am questioning myself and wondering if I want to continue the relationship. I honestly don't know if I love her the way I used to. We have seen each other at least once every 2-3 months for a week or two at a time and we have a blast together. But, the past couple times we have been together, I just don't feel as much of a connection. I haven't looked forward to her coming back on her breaks and I am extremely nervous about her coming home.
Megan will be coming home for another break within a couple weeks and then permanently in two months. We have a few things planned to do together, but I think it's time to talk to her about it and see where she lies. I still think she's in love with me and this will be heartbreaking for her. Should I wait until she is done with her schooling to have the convo with her? Or would that be just wasting her time. The only reason I feel like I should wait is so she can finish without any distractions or emotional instability... I know it's usually best to get this stuff out of the way, but I already feel like a complete asshole for wasting 2 years of her life, and I really don't want to ruin her education as well.
Help reddit! What would be the best way to handle this?
TL;DR: | LDR GF of 2 years is moving home soon, back for a week before then. When should I have a talk with her about the future of our relationship - possibly ending things between us? |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: How do I[18m] approach this situation of two girls [both 18F]who are intereted in me?
POST: Ok, so I've (a male) been friends with both of these girls for a fair amount of time. One of them (let's call her Jessica. I've been friends with her for 2 years now.) was flirting hard with me and I to her back then all of a sudden she stopped. We talked every now and then but nothing really developed for some reason. Jessica then just tells me to talk to her best friend (let's call her Samantha. I've been friends with her for about 6 months). Samantha then becomes flirting with me hard and I figure what the hell I'll see if this works out. Here's where it gets odd. All of us are at my friend's (male) house with a few other people. I'm hanging out with both Jessica and Samantha where we are just having a good time. They both left before I did. I get a text from Jessica that goes right back to her flirting with me and then Samantha sends me a text of wanting to go out sometime. At this point, I haven't gone a date with either but as you can see Jessica has acted odd whereas Samantha has not. What the hell should I do? Should I date Samantha considering Jessica just stopped? Help me redditors!
TL;DR: | One friend Jessica[18] stopped flirting then got interested again once her best friend Samantha [18] was interested in me. I've been friends with Jessica for two years and Samantha for 6 months. The hell do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [27F] with my roommate [26F] I don't think she should tell her boyfriend she cheated on him.
POST: Before anyone asks why I'm talking about their business it's because my roommate is constantly asking me relationship advice and I want to make sure I'm giving her valid responses.
My roommate "Michelle" has been dating "Alan" for 7 months. They've been friends for about 10 years and are very close. He truly loves and has learned to trust her, he's been cheated on by most of his girlfriends and has serious trust issues. She has told him numerous times she'll never cheat on him just to ease his mind and because i guess she believed it.
Michelle is bisexual but hasn't actually been with a woman up until last night. She frequents a bar where a local singer, "Lucy" (31F), who's a bit of a local celebrity performs, she made it kinda far in American Idol a few years ago. Anyway, Michelle has had a crush on her since she's been a teenager and only doing small local theater shows. She even wrote her a fan letter when she was 17.
Anyway, Lucy and Michelle have been semi flirty for a few weeks but last night they ended up going home together. They had sex and Michelle is over joyed but also filed with guilt.
I think cheating on Alan was a pretty shitty thing to do but at least she's doing the right thing by breaking it off with him. She's decided that Lucy is the one for her and she might have been 100% lesbian this whole time.
Here's the problem, I know Alan is going to be crushed by this news. Since they've been frinds for so long and she's seen the things he's been through with other girls after they've cheated I think it'll really break his heart.
Do you think it's kinder to just tell him you want to break up? I told her she should say that she thinks she's actually a lesbian but leave out the cheating part.
Maybe I'm wrong though. Let me know what you guys think. Is a white lie worth spearing his feelings? Is it disrespectful or patronizing to lie?
TL;DR: | roommate is asking me if she should tell her boyfriend she cheated on him with her girl crush. THey're breaking up regardless. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [22F] parents [48M] [44F] refuse to accept that I can't travel with them for Christmas.
POST: Background: I just started a new job less than a month ago. So far I really like it, but it's an extremely hectic, high-pressure environment--people regularly stay after hours and do work at home, and my job is such that I have to be in the office whenever my boss is. Recently my boss let me know that while she understands that I'm still new, she expects me to work harder and "dig deeper" in order to keep up with everyone else. I'm happy to do so, but am definitely feeling the pressure at this point.
My job is in a different city than where I'm from, and I'm currently living with relatives there since I had to move very quickly. My parents and siblings already have plans to come to my city for Christmas, and I was excited because I knew I wouldn't be able to come home--I only get Christmas Day off, and have to be at work the next day.
However, recently I found out that my parents assumed I would be coming with them to a different city immediately after Christmas. This city is a 7 hour drive away from my city. They want to spend the weekend after Christmas visiting my dad's side of the family (something we do every year). Considering that I work that Friday and the following Monday, I assumed they understood I wouldn't be going with them. But when I tried to explain that it just wasn't feasible, they "compromised" and decided to buy me a plane ticket for the way back on Sunday night, so that I could just drive with them on the way there (they said we could leave after I get back from work that day).
I tried to calmly explain to them that as much as I'd like to go, it would put a lot of stress on me and didn't seem like a good idea. My mom has refused to accept this and keeps reassuring me that it'll be fine and everyone is excited to see me, while my dad swore at me and hung up the phone after I started crying while trying to explain how I'm trying to focus on my job right now.
How can I make them understand that I really do want to go, but I just...can't?
TL;DR: | Recently started new job and need to prove myself, but my parents want me to travel with them and don't understand why I'm saying no |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [22 F] am my boyfriend [24 M] of 1 year's first girlfriend and it makes me anxious.
POST: My boyfriend and I get along splendid. We have so much in common and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with him. He is drop dead gorgeous and an absolute Prince Charming. I already knew that I was my BF's first girlfriend and I thought nothing of it, but he recently revealed to me that I was also his first kiss and I am freaking out a little.
I am scared that he may not actually love me and just love the 'idea' of me because I am the first girl to show interest in him. Also, I am worried that he will realize that he wants to 'experience' other girls.
He always try to reassure me when we talk about it, but I can't help but to continue to feel anxious.
Does anyone have experience in having a happy ending with their first partner? Do I have a reason to be scared? I could use some encouragement.
TL;DR: | I am my boyfriend's first girlfriend AND first kiss. I am worried that the lack of dating experience will lead him to want to be with other people, but I really want to be with him long-term. Opinion(?) |
SUBREDDIT: r/cats
TITLE: New cat after 6 years of losing one. Need advice.
POST: Just got a new kitty, after my last one died of cancer 6 years ago. It took me that long to get over the loss, but now I feel I need some updates on brands of food and litter.
I keep second guessing myself on what happened to my cat, he had liver cancer at age eight and the doctor told me that was not very common. So I wonder: Did he eat grass with pesticides? Was it the food (I always got him the best recommended by the vet), the litter?
I am sure pet products are not regulated as much as humans, so it crossed my mind that it could be anything really. What is the best brand for food these days? And litter?
TL;DR: | Want to assure kitty safety, need recommendation for food and litter brands.His name is Big Bang, by the way. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [33 F] would like to know - When do you give up on finding a partner and go it alone to have a child? Any 30something women (or want to be Dads) who have done this and what is your experience?
POST: Solid professional, maternity leave available. After a near death experience in 2013 truly realized I want to be a mother in this life. I'm not ugly, not obese - actually considered quite attractive and very intelligent. Single and haven't even been kissed in over 14 months. At this point, it's tough because it feels like I really don't want to waste it and end up having awful sex with someone I'm not attracted to. That's another story.
After 6 months on OKC, so many one off or maybe two dates at best, (either me or them just not keen to take it further) I'm starting to see that I'd rather be a younger, happier mum, my kids playing with my friend's kids in their age group. I understand the implications of having to explain to the child how they were conceived later on. I also know I have a huge amount of love to give, I'm patient, and one of the reasons I held off becoming a parent for so long was because I consider it an epic choice and I finally feel ready. By the time I meet someone and get to having kids I could be 35 or 37, and I don't want that. So donor sperm is looking like a better option.
TL;DR: | Everyone in my life says I'd make an amazing mother, so - why not? I'd love to hear from any women who have gone this route?. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [22F] uncle [45M] is dating a much younger girl [24F] and it's creeping me out
POST: Please don't judge me, I know this feels very pityful but I seriously don't know what to think of it.
The whole family is coming over for christmas celebrations in about an hour and my uncle [45M] is brining his gf [25F] (3 years older than me). They met for the first time at the end of february this year, started dating in april, and she moved into his house in september. My uncle's daughter has a severe braindamage caused by her birth and I worry how she will cope with a potential breakup. It feels like this moved very quickly and she (the gf) have made it clear that she wants kids of her own within a year. This is the third time that my uncle is dating someone young enough to be his daughter, and I know that love knows no age and all of that, but it is making me very uncomfortable. I don't know how to act around her, it feels weird treating her as I would with a friend as she's practically turning into my aunt, and it feels even weirder thinking of her as one.
Do anyone have any tips on how I can be more acceptance of their relationship? I can see how happy she makes him and I want to be more supportive.
TL;DR: | My uncle is dating a much younger girl (just 2 years older than me) and I need advice on how to be supportive of his relationship. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [18/F] broke up with ex because I'll be leaving for uni but now I've met new guy [19/M]
POST: Okay so there really isn't any need to expand on this too much but basically I broke up with my ex [18/M] because I'll be leaving to another country for university in September and I didn't want to be in a relationship while I'm away. HOWEVER, unforeseen circumstances arise, and I met another guy [19/M] and we have been meeting up for the past few weeks. My feelings haven't changed in that I don't want to have a boyfriend after I move and I'm still not sure what this guy's intentions are but I'm worried in case he wants something serious and I don't.
TL;DR: | Broke up with ex because I'll be leaving in four months, met new boy, don't know what to do. Have you been in a similar situation? Any advice? |
SUBREDDIT: r/pettyrevenge
TITLE: Was laid off a few months ago, got a new job and attempted to steal one of my old coworkers
POST: So about a year ago I started working for a company under a temp contract with the understanding that I would get a raise for getting a higher certification in my field. This wasn't a small 25¢ raise, it was a significant amount of money, like $2.00/hr. I was also supposed to be hired on full time once an opening occurred. Fast forward a couple of months and I get my higher certification......but I don't get a raise. I ask again a couple of months later, still no raise because "I'm under a contract and they can't change the contract". Okay, no problem even though that wasn't the verbal agreement when I was hired. I wait until the contract is about to renew and I ask again about my raise and this time I am told that they " can't justify the raise at that time". Now mind you, I had been working for 6 months at a higher level certification but without the higher compensation....and the whole time I never complained once! I was always a loyal employee and worked my ass off.
But once they said they couldn't justify my raise at the renewal, I was finally fed up and went to HR to see about filing a grievance. Sure enough, two weeks later I get called in to a meeting where they lay me off. Nothing was wrong with my work, but they just didn't feel the fit was right, blah, blah, blah, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.
So it took me about six weeks to find another job, but the new job is a lot better than my old one. They are also looking to expand in a few months. There is one employee at my old company that they are grooming to take my old spot. Since old company fucked me over, I am attempting to get that person hired at my new employer and have been told that if she puts in for the spot then she will probably get it. I have already mentioned to her a few times, and she is planning on applying when the spot opens in September. Its a long game, but hopefully I will be able to leave my old company without their heir apparant to my position!
TL;DR: | Company laid me off after I went to HR about filing a grievance over being fucked out of a raise. Have now begun concentrated effort to steal their employees to my new company. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: The Fins have a holiday to embrace trying new things and failing. I want to bring this National Day of Failure to the United States. Want to help?
POST: The Fins, as usual, are doing something amazing. The "National Day of Failure" (NDOF) is a day set aside to encourage people to try something new without the fear of failing. The purpose is to attempt something you're quite certain you might fail at, just for the sake of giving it a shot. I want to bring this idea to the United States and have our own day set aside to embrace failure by trying something new and failing (sometimes miserably) together.
So, Reddit, what do you think? I already grabbed a few obvious domain names to host a site. I'm decent at developing sites, writing copy, and doing system/database administration, but I'm pretty terrible at getting the word out (and I'm sure someone could write much better copy and build a better website than I).
My current idea for the site is:
- A concise video with short clips of people who have tried the idea of "failing on purpose" and the benefit they received from giving it a shot.
- Some variety of community system so "group failures" can be organized and everyone can share their idea for how to fail on NDOF
- A "Spread the Word" section with tools for getting the idea out (pamphlets, etc.)
- A video submission section so that, after the first NDOF, I can put together a "Life in a Day"-style video showcasing wonderful failures and unexpected successes (I know there will be many)
If you're interested in the idea, please let me know! And even if you're not constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. I think this could prove to be a very influential idea for a lot of people that allows them to realize through experience that failure is intimately associated with success, and there's nothing wrong with trying and not succeeding.
TL;DR: | I want to create a National Day of Failure in the United States where everyone comes together to try something new without intending to succeed. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: While I was mixing at a party. Someone stole my book bag with my laptop..just found out who it is.police arent much help..how should I go about this?
POST: On sat.august 31 we made a party for one of my friends..a fight broke out..kicked everyone out but in the end my book bag came up missing (it was in the back room where we set up my turntables n stuff)...in it, it had a social(was filing some paper work for a job), upass, school id, debit card, car keys, and macbook pro..the model before the whole Icloud thing to track it..
I filed a police report with the school..they are still part of the Chicago Police Department...the girl that we threw the birthday for just told me that her friend told her "low key.i came up on a book bag with a laptop"..this person also had been known to steal and have a bad reputation..she wants to help in any way she can but is afraid of getting chased after..and when I showed her a picture of how my book bag looks.she said it was the one she saw..i have the persons face book but don't know how to go about it..since I lost the case number, and when I called in to give my serial and leads to the police, they haven't been much help over the past few days.nor called back..
TL;DR: | found the scum bag that stole my shit...not getting much help on the law side..how do I go about this. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: My sister just got in a car accident; Drivers got out of the car, grabbed her by the hair, and busted her lip.
POST: Hey reddit, I'm not exactly sure what subreddit to post this on, but I figured Askreddit would be a good start.
I am not sure how much detail I can give out, and since I wasn't there I can't really say much. I might just be paranoid here, but I like to lean on the safe side; if there is additional information I can give for the sake of help, then I will provide as much as I know. I'm really just trying to get some advice for my sister here. I'll make this as short as I can.
My sister got in a car accident. Judging by the pictures her car is totalled from the front, while the car that hit her got a bit of a dent on the bumper; the point is her car suffered the most damage. From what I understand the two females in the other car pulled her out of the car by the hair, and assaulted her. She has a bit of a busted lip, and is on crutches; i'm not sure if this is due to the accident or the battery. The cops showed up and from what I know, the girls who battered her are in jail right now. My sister got pictures of the damage, but beyond a phone number that is all that she got. Judging from the reactions and the damage, I'm going to say it was my sister at fault for the accident. What can we do here? From reading stories on wife divorce the one advice I have learned is to "lawyer up." I think it was STUPID to not get any contact information whatsoever, but to be honest I have no clue what my sister was going through. It seems like it's one of the hard lessons she has to learn from this.
TL;DR: | Sister got in a car accident, people got mad and battered her, she didn't get much information from them. What can be done? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My husband [33M] can't prioritize anything and I [30F] worry about the safety of our children
POST: We have 3 kids, they are 3, 2 and 1. This is kind of a different problem from what's usually posted here but it is really bothering me. My husband can only focus on one thing at a time. That means if he is tying his shoe, for example, and the baby falls, he will finish tying both does before going over to help the baby. Another example is he could be playing outside with them and is throwing the ball with the three year old, he won't even notice that the 2 year old is getting close to the pool and is about to fall in. It was endearing before we had kids but now I'm seriously concerned for their safety. Another thing he does is go to the gym every single day for two hours and will not cancel no matter comes up, he went when I was in labor and I couldn't talk him out of going.
It's not like I haven't tried to talk to him about this, I've told him so many times he needs to pay more attention to them. He travels often for work, around 150 days a year, so I think he might just not have the same parental instincts that I have developed. I barely trust him to take them in his car anymore. Sometimes I try to sit back and see how much he will let them cry or fight before intervening but he doesn't seem to even notice what is going on until he's done with whatever he was working on.
TL;DR: | my husband doesn't seem to notice when the kids are hurt or in danger and will just continue doing whatever he was doing |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Is it appropriate for a guy [28 M] with a girlfriend to text me [30 F] if he had a crush on me before they started dating?
POST: I'd friend-zoned the guy a long time ago, but from what our mutual friends told me, he was still very interested in me. After things went south with a guy I'd been seeing, this friend was so kind to me that I began to wonder if I should've given him a chance, so I started sending subtle hints that it was okay if he wanted to ask me on a real date. To my surprise, I saw on Facebook a few days later that he'd entered into a relationship with someone else. No big deal. We were casual acquaintances, so he didn't owe it to me to tell me.
The weird part, however, is that he has continued to treat me exactly the same as before he was in a relationship. Anytime we're at the same place, I am his main focus. He's a gentleman (and shy), so he's never out of line, but he'll ask lots of questions and take an interest in what's going on in my life in a way that goes beyond what even my close friends do. I recently had a birthday, and he texted me to say happy birthday (we don't text regularly or anything).
I thanked him but tried to be short as I didn't want it to be misconstrued by his girlfriend. He proceeded to keep texting me, provoking more response from me. He's a good guy, and I really don't think he'd cheat on his girlfriend, but I feel a little weird because it seems he may still have a slight crush on me. I like the guy as a friend and don't want to be rude to him, but I'm not sure if it's appropriate. I'm pretty laid back, but I don't think I would have been comfortable with my bf doing the same.
TL;DR: | A guy who "used to" like me has a girlfriend now, but has been texting me lately. He has never said anything inappropriate, but it seems strange. |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: No one came to my party.
POST: I have been planning this party for months-- sent out invitations and everything. It wasn't a big party, but I had people confirming all the way up until yesterday. Well, 5 people came out of 15.
I just hate when people who know they won't be there click attending on facebook, or they give me some bitch-ass excuse 3 hours before the fricken party that they 'cant go because they have homework" -- um, do you not think I don't have homework?! I'm taking double the course load that most people are, and they use some fucking lame ass excuse that they can't come because they have HOMEWORK?
Also, don't think I don't see your statuses about going out and your "best night" with your other friends, even though you know, you had sooooooo much work to do and couldn't come to my party.
Also, to the 3 people that left when 3 more people finally came: fuck you. Way to make the exchange students feel awkward, and make me look like I was having a really bad party.
TL;DR: | people lied and said they would come to my party. they didn't. And those that came, left as soon as they could. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21 F] just dumped my jerk SO [21 M] after 2 years together. Where to go from here?
POST: I have been in a physically and emotionally fucked up relationship for two years. I basically just accepted the crap as part of life because I grew up in an abusive home and my (ex)boyfriend basically convinced me I was obsessed with my dad and he was forced to "act like your dad to make you behave/listen to me"
I know it sounds so messed up but I just kind of accepted no one sane or normal is ever going to want to be a part of this shit show and I would just have to take the bad with the good.
He used to cheat on me all the time, and I found out tonight he was preparing to again. So I just totally flipped out and ended the whole relationship.
I have ended it like a billion times and am always lured back by who he is in the morning: kind, charming, and mostly, my comfort zone. I have no family and only a couple friends and I just really don't want to be alone.
So I'm really not sure where to go from here.. I feel like when he comes crawling back I am in danger of reconciliation. But I REALLY don't want to. Please, do you have any advice on how to make sure I stay strong??
TL;DR: | Boyfriend was cruel and a cheat, I broke up with him tonight but desperately need pointers on staying strong in my decision. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: 22/F my ex 23/m wants to move to NYC to be with me, and spend the next chapter of his life with me but says his brain has wired me as a best friend?
POST: My ex 23 y/o male and I 22 y/o female met almost a year ago. In the beginning we had the most intense sexual connection and were completely obsessed with each other.
A few months in I decided to move to NYC. At that point we removed the boyfriend/ girlfriend label, but we still had a few months together, and I noticed him pulling away sexually. He told me that he wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore because of me leaving. A few days later was our last day together and we had the most passionate sex. When I moved we would have skype sex a lot, but I felt him holding back emotionally.
After a few months of super rocky on again off again talking he decided to visit me. The first day he was here we had the most intense, passionate, sex a few times— he later told me it was really difficult for him to not just "take" me as soon as we walked through the door. He told me he wanted to move here to be with me, but told me that he sees me as more of a best friend, that part of him is sexually attracted to me and that I'm gorgeous, but that his brain wired me as a friend. I find that sometimes he initiates sex and it's very intense, but most times (as of me deciding to move to NYC) he refuses sex with me a lot.
I should add how intensely emotionally connected we are. We are each other's favorite people in the world and he had told me that he's afraid of a relationship with me because he always messes them up and he wouldn't be able to handle losing me.
We act as a couple, and he has even told me that he wants to spend the next chapter of his life with me. Is this legitimate or do you think he's scared and holding back?
TL;DR: | Ex wants to move to NYC to be with me but says his brain has wired me as a best friend, so he's only partially sexually attracted to me. We still have passionate sex sometimes. Is this legitimate? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [21M] mother [40s] is being unreasonable to my father[50s]
POST: My life is pretty much falling apart at this moment. I still live at home while I attend uni. I had a great life growing up with very supportive and happy parents.
My parents have been together for 20+ years (never married though) and have had a pretty normal relationship I think (apart from being less social than other couples I guess. They don't really do any socializing at all. They spend all time with eachother).
The problem is... my mother was seriously bullied when she was in her teens. Like, seriously bullied. And I can tell that this still affects her today. She has 0 confidence and if you ever object her suggestions she'll go into "Well fine, my suggestion was completely useless, do whatever you want" mode. There is no room for discussion or anything.
So, my father is a big fan of training. He likes to go to the gym and he likes running. But this is a big no no to my mother. She's basically forbidding him to do this for reasons unknown. While she won't EXPLICITLY say "I forbid you to do this" she'll just go into the "You do whatever you want with your time. You always do." mode where she implies that he doesn't give a fuck about her opinion which is not true at all.
I guess that it's not my responsibility as a son to fix their relationship but as I still live in the house, it affects me a lot.
The problem is that I can't really go into the discussion? She'll think that I take my father's side and she'll be even more "I'm 100% wrong and I'm worthless" which is not what I want.
I know the most reasonable thing would be to just move out and think that this is none of my problem but I love my parents, we have a great relationship and I know that they won't deal with this problem if I just leave them to it. They'd just be two miserable people living together.
I really want my mother to go into therapy but I have no idea how to put it without making it sound like I think she's mentally ill or something...
TL;DR: | My mother was bullied a lot as a teen, she's now being unreasonable to my father and goes into a self-hating mode if you object her. What can (should?) I, as a son, do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My mom, dad and sister [55F, 56M, 36F] are all mad at me [18M] because I brought a girl [18F] home
POST: I met this girl through a mutual friend and she lives quite a bit away, around a half hour drive. This time she came to see me and we stopped over at my house. My parents weren't home and we were locked out, so I called my dad to unlock the door for us. He asked who my female friend was and left to go somewhere else after both of us got in. We had sex for a bit and then I dropped her off at the train station. When I come home, my mom and sister sit me down and tell me, "Why did you have that girl over?"
I say that it's pretty obvious as to why, and they say "Why did you have to bring a BLACK girl? Why not Filipina?"
They go on to tell me how she's ugly because of her race and how even though it's my choice and they can't do anything to change it, they hope I make the right choice next time. An hour after I'm left alone in my room, my mom tells me that she doesn't like black women, and how my dad and sister are almost in tears after what I did, and threatened to take away my college tuition.
I probably shouldn't have done that even though the house was empty, but their responses made me uncomfortable.
TL;DR: | my family is upset at me because I had sexual relations with a black girl at our house that was empty rather than someone of Filipina descent or anyone of another race besides black. What can I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: 22F, 23 in July. Am I too young to be thinking about marriage? Been in a relationship for 4.5 years.
POST: The topic of marriage came up in a convo with my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years. We are both 22 (both of us will be 23 this summer.) I am graduating this June with a BA, and he has one more year of school to complete his masters.
I would like to stick around for the year while he finishes up school, and then move to the same area after that.
The topic of marriage came up a few days ago, and he didn't seem that interested in the concept of being married in general. Especially not now. He said he sees me as a long-term girlfriend and I definitely want to be in it with him for the long run. However, it seems that marriage means something more to me than it does for him. Am I worrying about this too soon?
He said it's perfectly fine for me to be thinking about this right now, but all of my friends say I'm too young to be worrying about this.
TL;DR: | I am 22F (23 in July), and my boyfriend is the same age as me. We have been dating for 4.5 years. Am I too young to be thinking of marriage at this point? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by threatening my Tinder match's friend
POST: Not so much today, but this happened two weeks ago.
Here's a bit of background information:
I'm a first year student in university, and like every other guy I go on Tinder trying to get lucky. Never really met anyone, but there's this one special one who really stood out. Let's call her K.
So K. and I have exchanged number and and we text occasionally. All seems good, she seems cool and honestly if I wasn't going to get into her pants we could still be friends.
Fast forward a few weeks later, the all new HTC One M9 was released (any Android fans here?) and I was ecstatic. Long story short I install the software on the One M9 to my One M7 and at this point I didn't have all my contacts.
Here's where the fuck up begins:
A few days later I received a prank text, and I while I won't go into details, the joke requires the person to know my name. My friend and I just hot boxed the bathroom (we live on residence) and were both obviously on Mars. When I received the text we thought it was a good idea to threaten to "fuck you up" and suggest that the sender might be in grave danger. We were so sure the prank came from our other stoner friends - they all knew I didn't have all my contacts so this prank works perfectly.
The prankster played on for a while. Then there was no response.
Then I got a text from another unknown number saying "hey dude stops scaring my friend."
Stoner me call the number and asked "hey who is this". All I heard on the other line was "Seriously? Seriously?"
I was confused as hell but I moved on. As I sobered up I called the second number again and went straight to the mailbox: "hey this is K., please leave a message". Fuck. I retrieved my contacts and realized the second number was K., and the original prankster was her friend. They were probably messing with me when they were bored (yeah I know, pathetic me.)
TL;DR: | tried too hard on Tinder, didn't get laid at all, got pranked by match, violently abused tinder match's friend, asked tinder match who she was, ended up repeatedly apologizing to both people. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: License Plate lookup? (Story inside)
POST: Here's the short version. Someone tailgated me for about 15 miles today, despite my best efforts to remove them from my bumper. I was changing lanes as I approached a red light only to have them shoot past me, nearly hitting me, forcing me to swerve back into the lane, almost hitting another car. I called the cops but they were unable to pull them over due to not witnessing the incident.
My options are this: Go to the magistrate's office next week and press reckless driving charges, or, find out who they are and send them a sarcastic note, letting them know that I decided to send them a note instead of press charges. But I can't find a license plate lookup service that does not charge money. Are there any out there?
TL;DR: | Dude almost hit me today, I'd like to send them a note, but I can't look up the license plate. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Friends, Highschool, loneliness
POST: I normally dont like to doing something like this and bitch about by problems to the internet but I dont know where else to go.
Iv never been a "Cool kid" and I never will be, iv come to terms with that. Throughout my whole life Iv had friends, not a lot but about 3 that Im close with and have been for about 6 or 7 years. So heres where the story starts, Earlier this year my two of my close friends just seemed to abandon me, stopped responding to texts, ignoring me ect. The best reason that I can think of this is because they started hanging out with what I guess you can call the popular kids in highschool. I saw this coming as they became more friendly with them but never really expected them to just act like I dont exist. Iv been struggling with what to do with this for a while, I use to go out every weekend and for about the past 3 months I have stayed in every weekend. So for a lack of better words my social life has gone down the shitter. I go to a very small highschool so there isnt really any where that I can go to make new friends. Im afraid to try to make friends with the "popular" kids for fear of being rejected and becoming the butt end of all the jokes in my grade. I never have been depressed before but I fear that I am becoming depressed, being lonely is defiantly one of the worst feelings out there. If anyone has any advice/comments please share, I am open to anything. Im sorry if this sounded petty to anyone.
I thank anyone who took the time to read all of that
TL;DR: | Semi-popular kid in highschool, friends abandoned me, social life is going down the shitter, starting to get depressed. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [18f] am falling hard for my boyfriend [22m] and I feel really naïve about it all
POST: I mean the title explains itself in how I feel in the simplest words
He's a wonderful guy and I'm pretty sure I love him. I never have said it though because I feel like I am falling a bit too hard too fast and I really don't want to scare him away. I've never said "I love you" because it feels too soon for him and he's also much older and more mature than I am not just from age but from life experiences.
I'm not supremely crazy but it hurts me to already think of not having him. I understand that in the beginning of a relationship everything is seen through rose coloured glasses. It's just that this feels very different from my previous serious relationships. I don't know how to handle myself really, being about as mature as a freshly 18 year old can be.
I just am seeking some guidance to re assure my feelings and maybe reconsider the way I'm handling myself right now. It's no huge issue I just needed somewhere to talk about it.
TL;DR: | I'm 18 and have no fucking clue how to handle my emotions for this man. I know I love him but I don't know how justified it is. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Parenting
TITLE: Who's right, mom or dad?
POST: Mom here, having a weird parental disagreement. My 2 1/2 y/o son is in full on potty training now. Dry most days with only the occasional accident, things are going great. To help with this, I've almost completely removed sippy cups from his life. I see no reason for them, he can drink from a normal cup without problems. He is drinking less milk because of this but I figure if he's thirsty, he'll drink it from the cup. At night before bed he likes to snuggle in with daddy and his milk sippy. Since the sippy has been removed when he asks I offer him the cup. He has a minor fit and dad thinks I'm being a little ridiculous. I feel like it's just a comfort thing for him and he's unnecessarily sucking down more milk, which leads to more accidents. Am I being ridiculous with this? Is it too early to rob him of his sippy time? He's drinking less but I figure he's gotta be fine, right?
TL;DR: | Mom wants to give only regular cups, dad thinks it's a bit crazy to refuse to use sippys as a means to help potty training. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, am I a loser?
POST: Hey Reddit,
Although this is only my third or fourth post, I have been a lurker, reading TONS of Iamas and askReddits, for a long time now.
Today I come to you guys to get some advice and hopefully hear some testimonies from fellow "laid back" people like me.
Ever since about 2nd grade I've hated school... Not because of any bad experiences, I was the class clown, but because I have always done what I've wanted to do and the very minimum of what anyone else wanted me to do. Hence, my grades have always been C's. Flash forward to now, a junior in High school, the C's have not ended. I currently have a 3.0 out of 5.0 GPA and am starting to get more and more nervous as I see a lot of my fellow students getting accepted into and going off to college. I am very interested in web development and think I want to pursue a career in that, but am scared my lack of good grades will either stop or put me in terrible debt getting there.
Although I have never done good in school, I am a dreamer and want to live life to the fullest (who doesn't). I come from a family with a father who works a dead end job and has to worry about if he will lose his house everyday, and a mom who is in her second divorce and jobless. I want so bad to be able to help them out, but have done nothing but sat around picking my ass all of my life. I currently am working two part-time jobs and am what you could consider a good kid (by good I mean I sit around trying to make websites while watching cops in my free time. Thus not going to parties or getting into "trouble"/have no friends).
Hopefully you guys can understand somewhat of my life and how I want to be successful, but am stuck in a world where a system of letters determine how smart you are and whether you have a chance at success or end up a lonely loser.
TL;DR: | Have made shitty grades whole life, want to be rich and live and have fun, but am afraid my lack of desire to do school work will stop me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [35 F] with my new guy [37 M] 2 dates, give another chance?
POST: We met on a free dating website. Went on a great first date. Kissed, good chemistry.
Planned daytime second date--hiking. He called the day of and said he was caught up at work and maybe we would do dinner. Didn't hear from him that night. He texted and apologized the next day. Said he crashed when he got home. Told him I'd give him a second chance, but not a third.
Went hiking the next week. Had a good time. I texted him a few days later saying I had fun.
Got short but positive responses a few hours later (he is glued to his phone). Both said we wanted to see each other soon. Then, didn't hear from him for 5 days. Just got text saying he has been sick and wants a hug.
Wtf. Am I being a girl or is he stringing me along?
TL;DR: | Not sure if he is really interested or following "The System" (which is the dumbest shit ever and no woman with self worth would fall for that shit. What do you think?! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24 M] with my girlfriend [24 F] of over a year, I love her but want to see what it's like to casually date other women.
POST: I never had a serious relationship up until we met. On top of that, although losing my virginity and sleeping with a few woman prior, I wasn't sexually developed until my current girl friend. In fact, The sex I had previously never went well and really put me into a bad place. We spent a long time getting to where I could even have sex but eventually got there.
The sex is great these days. Wonderful even. Our love life is great too. We are such a fantastic match all in all and I've never felt better in my life. I was looking for her for 23 years ya know?
Before her I couldn't speak to women very well when it came to going past just friends, and based on my sexual level I was too scared to try and hook up with anyone. That isn't the case anymore and this is where I find my problem.
I don't want to end things with my girl friend. Things are going so great. She made me who I am now by being patient, trusting, loving, and compassionate. But...when I meet a girl in class or where ever, I notice my new found confidence. I think of how or IF I have the ability (sorry if this sounds douchey) to get her number, ask her out, or even take her home. I don't act on any of this and I would never do something so hurtful to this wonderful woman who has changed my life. But, I worry about the future. Maybe this becomes a bigger deal than it is now and I just have to go out and meet other people. I feel like I couldn't marry before doing that very thing and I don't see this relationship going anywhere but up!
Am I being stupid? I've wanted to be in love with a great person for so long and now that I have it, I want to have some crappy dates and sleep around a little bit because I've never done that?
TL;DR: | I'm in love with my girlfriend but worried that I'm missing out on casual dating even though I know it's not as good as what I have. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Why are atheists so elitist?
POST: I'm an agnostic atheist. I've seen such elitist behavior from people who openly declare themselves as atheists time and time again. Here are a few things that stand out.
I once saw a poster ad for an atheist and skeptics school organization. One of their activities listed included Creationist's Dilemma, with a guy standing beside a pineapple and chicken egg. Rather than rational discussion, the group seemed to do nothing more than mock other beliefs.
Is that really in the spirit of open discussion? These activities are pointless and contradictory to the open discussion and inquiry.
This thread also shows what I'm talking about.
OP wants cool people, but only atheists and agnostics! Apparently people with other beliefs are not welcome. They're not cool enough and they are not really given a chance to discuss at all (atheists and agnostics only).
The implication of these groups is that they promote rational thought, yet they use terms like atheist and agnostic as qualifiers. They don't call themselves "Rational Thinkers Group" or "Open Discussions Group", but specifically "Atheists and Agnostics". Right off the bat, these groups make a statement about what types of people they think are rational. Needless to say, if you are religious people not welcome.
These people do not seem to be interested in pursuing truth; they are only interested in reinforcing their existing beliefs.
TL;DR: | Atheist and agnostic groups are nothing more than elitist circle jerks of confirmation bias. Why does this always seem to happen? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me[29/F] with my husband [32/M] I have an overwhelming need for validation due to a disorder I have and post my photo daily asking if I'm ugly. I need help and advise desperately Reddit!!
POST: Okay so here goes.. I have this intense need for validation,I have a disorder and it makes me feel worthless and ugly. I'll never be "normal" and it pains me,I post photos constantly ,like 5-6 times a day asking variations of "am I ugly" " can you tell I have x disorder" Also I am mildly bulimic..fun times.
I hide that from him also. I have an amazing husband and I love him so much . I don't know how to bring this all up to him,I'm sure he sorta knows,he's on reddit a lot also. What do I do? How bad is my behaviour? Am I am awful wife? I just need some honest feed back on my looks,if needed I can PM pics
TL;DR: | I post photos daily asking for validation because of my disorder my husband does not know this,know that I'm bulimic. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: My girlfriend is terrified of everything (21M)
POST: My girlfriend (21F) is scared of a lot of things and I have no clue how to help or be supportive. My girlfriend is very tiny, 5'1" 100lbs and has severe anxiety. We both are attending a major college and live right around the corner from campus. The area around campus isn't a super nice but it's isn't horrible either. Anyway, she is constantly worried about being attacked, raped or shot. It has gotten so bad that I have to walk her to and from her car before and after work and I have to carry my gun everywhere I go. (I have my CCW). Furthermore, we cannot fly anymore because she is terrified of airplanes to the point where she cries during the whole flight. I know she has anxiety but she refuses to admit it. I have suggested going to the doctor in order to get anxiety medication but she believes that the doctor will either not believe her or the medicine won't work. I truly want to be supportive of her and help her in anyway I can. It is just very difficult to understand why she is constantly so afraid. I am 6'1" 210lbs and I have taken years of self defense classes so I was going to look at taking her to self defense classes to boost her confidence but I don't know if that will help much. I just want to help her and be supportive.
TL;DR: | My girlfriend is terrified of being attacked, raped and has anxiety. I want to be supportive and helpful but I don't know how. |
SUBREDDIT: r/BreakUps
TITLE: My ex of one week is checking up on me and I can't understand his motive
POST: Maybe I'm just reading too into this, but in a nut shell my boyfriend (m23) and I (f21) dated for 3 months, went to an awesome music festival together and got "closer" in my opinion, then right after the festival I had to move back home which was 2 hours away from his home. We mutually agreed on trying out long distance.
After 6 days (without even attempting long distance) he drove 2 hours to my hometown, broke up with me stating that the whole long distance thing wasn't going to work out, and then he drove back to his place. I kind of saw the break-up coming when he called the day before saying he was coming into town and wanted "to talk."
I held up strong for the first couple of days, and then broke down. But I've been keeping myself busy and distracting myself from thoughts of him. Deep down I know we weren't meant to be.
9 days after he dumped me, I get a text saying "Hey I just want to say that I've been thinking about you and would like to know how you're doing if you'd like to talk sometime"
So I responded about 7 hours later and said "Hey! I've been working at the nursery all day, just got back. I'm doing well, hope you are too." - I didn't want to talk to him...
My question is: Do you think he's genuinely concerned about my well-being or is there some other reason why he wants to talk? Because I feel like he's trying to boost his ego knowing that I'm not doing well. Or he's regretting the break-up.
TL;DR: | dated 3 months, bf breaks up with me, now after 1 week is checking up on me and I want to know why |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [26 M] with girlfriend[26 F] for 2 years, long distance for last year, she is about to graduate and move here, but now starting to think of another girl from work...
POST: Hi all, I could really use some input on my situation
I have been with my current GF for a little more than 2 years now.
I graduated last summer and moved to our capital for work, while she stayed behind to finish last year at university. It was always the intention that she would move here after her last year. So over the last year we have seen each other around 1 weekend each month.
Until recently this has been fine, but then this girl started working at my job. And she is beautiful, smart and we share the same interests. And she is obviously into me. She is often asking me about when we should do x and y together. And I can't help it but, every time we see each other at work my heart starts beating like crazy. And I think about her more and more every day.
I feel so guilty - I love my girlfriend. We enjoy each others company, and share interests. She just quit her apartment with the intention of moving in with me here in 2 months when she graduates. I know if I were to break up with her now she would be in trouble with apartment and it would be incredibly bad for her with her last exam and graduation coming up in about a month.
I don't know what im asking really to be honest, I just really need some other peoples minds on this.
Thanks!
TL;DR: | GF of 2 years quit apartment and about to move to my place after graduating, but now im starting to like another girl at work |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Looking for advice on how to turn my life around.
POST: Not to give you my life story, I'll cut it short.
I'm a 23 year old male from England. I dropped out of University because I basically didn't have the drive to do any work and when I did it was rushed on the night before hand in, I averaged a C grade getting by just on what dumb luck I had. I came out without any qualifications except how to rack up debt and get my self into a hole.
I'm unemployed. I tried really hard for about 3 months then got depressed about getting turned down for more experienced people or just not getting a reply at all. Now I apply for maybe 2 or 3 jobs a week online. I, stupidly, refuse to take just any job and am under-qualified for anything better. I'm digging my self further into a hole.
I've moved back in with my parents who support me fully, a bit too much really. We aren't rich just they give me £200 a month to help me pay for petrol, phone bill, general day to day. I basically sit around watching tv, playing games, interneting and going for the odd walk when I can be arsed.
It's gotten to the point where I spend all day hating my self and not doing anything to help my self. I can't find a job, I'm getting lazier and lazier and do nothing to help my self. I need some advice.
TL;DR: | Can you give me some tips on how you pull yourself out of an emotional hole. How would/did you get out of a mess like I'm in. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [19M] am only attracted to my friends and it is really starting to hamper my romantic life.
POST: Basically the entire time of me growing up, I have only ever really been attracted to my friends of the opposite gender. Of course I will see a random woman and think "I would like some.", but it really is a passing thought and the amount of effort I'm willing to put in is minimal. Once a woman becomes my friend (Which as of right now I have many) I am suddenly much more attracted to them. This is a problem because by the time I have become a close friend, dating is a missed opportunity. There was only one time in the past that I have had a relationship and it was a FWB relationship which I ultimately didn't need to put any effort into and was completely done on her end. Suggestions?
TL;DR: | I am only really attracted to my female friends for relationships or sex, I have almost 0 urge for either with strangers. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by not listening to my boyfriend (Possibly NSFW)
POST: This did not happen today it did happen a couple of weeks ago
Let's begin:
A couple of weeks ago I was over at my boyfriends house. In classic horny teenager fashion we started to make out on his couch. We started to make out and were getting really into. I had removed my glasses to make kissing easier and could hardly see a thing but that didn't matter...or so I thought. Anyway I decide to go down on him and I'm getting really into it. I was really focused on what I was doing so focused that I didn't really hear him when he said something. I didn't think that it would matter that I couldn't understand him (it did matter a lot) so I take my mouth off of his, well you know, In order to give my mouth a break. I hear him groan and I look up at him. I couldn't see him very well but I do notice that his shirt is starting to get dark spots all over it. I figure out what is going on and cover his area as fast as I can with my hand. It was too late he was already covered in his own manjuice and had almost gotten some in his mouth. I grabbed some tissues and try and help him clean up.
Later, he tells me that he had said "I'm coming" so I could prepare myself for what was going to happen in my mouth. Oh well. We'll laugh about it one day I guess (ok maybe I'll laugh about it and he'll cringe at the thought of almost tasting his own splooge)
TL;DR: | Didn't hear my boyfriend when I was going down with him. I took my mouth off and he ended up being covered in his own semen. |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: I have problems with my dating abilities and haven't had my first kiss yet.
POST: I have problems with my dating abilities and haven't had my first kiss yet.
I know reddit doesn't usually approve of young redditors, but I pride myself comparitively on my knowledge and maturity. At my high school thoug I still can't bring myself to ask a girl out. This comes from a time when I did ask a girl out: we were friends, and I was really interested in her. She rejected me and I still can't get over it. Now even though I should be the cliche man in the relationship, I feel a deep want not to get hurt. I am introverted and awkward and find myself alone.
Of course, from the fact I am not dating anyone, I haven't had my first kiss. I see the romance all the time in media and school and I want to be a part of it.
Even worse, I think, is that the longest relationship I have had is 3 weeks. My first girlfriend was for two days. Over a weekend. We didn't even talk. This was all topped off by the fact that she got someone else to break up with me.
Pressure to do all of this arises from seeing my brother with his girlfriend. I do know that I can't have everything he has (that would be weird) but I feel that I should have progressed socially enough to be able to have a long relationship.
I had to get that out. I really have told few people because I find these facts hard to face. Any help would be appreciated. Also like I said earlier I know reddit doesn't usually accept younger redditors but by 10th grade I feel I should be able to do these things; it's not like I'm asking for "sex tips" I just feel lonely and want someone besides a cat.
TL;DR: | I can't ask any girl out, I haven't had my first kiss yet, I can't maintain a long relationship and I feel pressured to do all of this as soon as I can possibly with the wrong person. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, what's the story behind your username? I'll start.
POST: Admittedly, my username is pretty dorky. It's a "l33t" spelling of "ubermensch", which from German, roughly translates into "overman" or "superman". Obviously, I got the concept from Nietzsche, but a lot of people totally misunderstand my username and the idea behind it.
Nietzsche's "ubermensch" does not represent a person who *is* better than other people. It represents an ideal that we should all strive toward. Nietzsche believed that our lives are essentially works of art, and that we should always try to beautify and perfect the masterpiece of our own existence. One of my favorite Nietzsche quotes is:
> "I teach you the overman. Man is something that shall be overcome. What have you done to overcome him?"
This is probably one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. After high school, I was in a deep state of depression about the direction I wanted to go with my life, and this quote literally lifted me out of that depression. This quote showed me that I should spend my life always trying to make myself into a better person, and never be satisfied with the result. Nietzsche believed we should burn so brightly we explode. Another Nietzsche quote:
> I love him whose soul is so overfull that he forgets himself, and all things that are in him: thus all things become his down-going.
Anyways Reddit, that's the story behind my username. What's yours?
TL;DR: | I don't think I'm better than anyone. I just want to overcome myself, and then overcome *that* person, and so on... |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What does 'consoling' a person typically entail?
POST: So this past weekend was a gloomy one. There was a death in the family and so I was around a bunch of family members. Needless to say, there was a bunch of crying. As this crying was happening, I looked around and noticed that as people starting crying, someone else would go to them to try to help make them feel better. They would put their arms around them or give them a hug. What I was thinking though, was "what are they saying to them?"
If you come across someone crying or upset, how do you talk to them and what can you say to them to make them feel better, regardless of why they're upset?
TL;DR: | How do you console someone when they're crying or upset besides just putting an arm around them or giving them a hug? What do you say to them? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [28 M] relationship with my girlfriend [27F] of 3 years has gotten stale. Should I end it?
POST: I'm ambivalent about my relationship with my girlfriend. I don't look forward to hanging out with her much anymore, and although I say I love her, I'm not sure I feel it anymore. She's kind and loving, but I feel that our personalities don't click. When I see other couples or even cheesy ads of couples on TV, I find myself longing for the relationships they have.
However, she adores me. I know that losing me would be devastating to her.
She's the only woman I've ever had a relationship with. I viewed myself as a failure before this relationship began, and I'm afraid I'll sink back into that misery if I'm single again for too long. There's also a fear in the back of my mind that I'll never find anything as good as this relationship again given my history with women (or lack thereof). I'm still in my 20s, but as my 30s approach and as I see all these wonderful couples getting married, I worry about the prospect of not finding someone if I end this relationship.
Part of me just wants to settle down with her and start a family; it's the safe choice, and maybe the domestic environment will give me new purpose as a family man. Part of me wants to break free, start a new life in a new town, and play the field in search of a more passionate relationship.
TL;DR: | I'm not very passionate about my relationship with my girlfriend anymore, but I'm worried that breaking it off will just make things worse for me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [25F] hopelessly in love with a co worker [26M] that I've only known for a while
POST: I've been in love with this guy for a year, only thing was that I didn't realize it until a friend of mine pointed it out a few months ago. You can say that I fell in love with him the moment I talked to him; knowing that he was different and that he was unlike any other guy that I've ever met. He's just... everything that I've ever wanted in a person.
But shyness and fear made sure there was no relationship to speak of. We had our moments together, however small and ultimately meaningless, but I will treasure those.
When a better opportunity arose for him... that was pretty much it. He was gone just like that. We still keep in touch through phone but nothing more. At one point it eventually occurred to me to try and meet up with him, but I was too chicken to. Besides, there were moments when I felt that I was being too clingy so I decided that asking to meet up was probably not the best idea. Not seeing him was hard, but hardly hearing from him was harder. I did realize how stupid I was for being so attached to someone who doesn't feel the same way.
And before you ask, yes, I have told him how I felt (except that I used like instead of love) and let me just say that it wasn't... well, it wasn't great. There really wasn't any closure so I'm just left hanging with this huge question mark.
How does one get over such strong feelings?
TL;DR: | Am in love with this guy, told him how I felt but there was no closure; feelings are still lingering and is eating me up inside. Wondering how to get over it as best I can. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Just friends[? or .] Help me figure out the proper punctuation for my situation.
POST: I met him while he was dating a girl who was all wrong for him. After a couple weeks, he wised up to my interest in him and he pulled me aside (drinks involved) to tell me he would NEVER cheat, really enjoys hanging out with me but friendship is all he is after. A couple of months go by, he breaks up with her and we're still hanging out. Hanging out becomes a very regular thing and by month 4, we are hanging out nearly daily. Today, we're both single and incredibly comfortable with one another. Most people we meet think we are a couple and when I tell acquaintances "no", the common response is "yeah, right".
There has been absolutely NO kissing, cuddling, or physical lines crossed. There has also been no clear cut conversations as to boundaries/feelings toward each other. He does check out other girls and comment when we are at the mall/bar/etc. Sometimes, he treats me like one of the guys. However, it's very apparent I am seen as a girl, with all the differences that implies. I do talk about other possible (albeit minor) interests and he shoots down every single guy I even remotely like. I am not his physical "type" but I'm not unattractive and I know there are a few conflict in our dating styles but I know we have the makings of a perfect relationship, if we were to start one.
TL;DR: | I know I love my recently acquired best friend; he hasn't approved or denied the possibility of more. Or has he? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Found out my Girlfriend slept with my Best Friend - What should I do?
POST: I'm posting from a throw away account...hopefully you guys (and gals) can help me out here.
I have been dating Danielle since August and things have been great so far. Aside from one minor argument, things have gone pretty smoothly in our relationship with next to no arguing or disagreements. She and I both go to college in Boston and are both 21. Danielle and I both went to the same high school in Ohio before moving to Boston.
The other day I was having a chat with a friend of Danielle and I from high school. Our friend asked if I was aware that Danielle had slept with Jake this past July. Jake is one of my best buddies from high school who lived with me in Boston over the summer. While Danielle and I weren't dating when this occurred, she clearly left Jake out of her "history" when we spoke about it a few months back.
I called Jake and asked him about sleeping with Danielle, and he confirmed that it happened.
I'm really not sure how to approach this, if at all, with Danielle. I feel mislead, considering Jake is one of my best buddies, and that Danielle clearly avoided telling me about their hook up. Danielle gets defensive when I bring up situations where she is "in the wrong," and is often insecure about me talking to my friends who are girls. On the other side of the coin, I'm pretty trusting when she wants to hang out or study with her guy friends.
What do you guys and gals think? I care about Danielle a lot, and want nothing but an honest and trusting relationship between us, but am finding it hard to see it that way given the situation. Any help or insight would be appreciated!
TL;DR: | Found out that my girlfriend slept with one of my best friends right before we started dating, Girlfriend left him out of her "history" |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My(28M) ex(27F) bf is verbially threatening me and antagonizing to start a fight so my ex can take full custody of my kids.
POST: Ok backstory.
I am currently going through a divorce with my ex of 12yrs and we are done relationship wise. She filed a false order of protection on me in attempt to get full custody of the kids (Im trying to dismiss in courts still, NY has non contested laws to "protect women") and we are separated and she has a bf, which she lives with. We currently are going through a custody battle with our two children(5 and 3).
Incident:
Today, I dropped off my kids at her house at the court order time. When I showed up her bf was outside, chatting with neighbors. I drop off my kids with their mother, give my hugs and kisses and was on my way back to my car and leave. As I walk towards my car, her bf walked up to me and threatened me to stay away, step up and stuck out his chest like a alpha male. After a lot of word exchanges in where he tried to piss me off and get under my skin, (ex. He will be a better father to my kids than I will be, "We are going to settle this soon", and purposely antagonizing me to fight him right there in which his neighbor will back him regardless of what happened) I walked away as the bigger man, which seem to piss him off even more. It seems like they are just trying to push me off the edge so the order of protection can hold ground, since its about to get thrown out due to the courts find it not needed.
Question:
Should I File a incident report on her bf to protect, not only myself, but my children as well?
TL;DR: | ex bf threatened me to start a fight so my ex can claim I am a unstable and out of control to gain full custody of our kids. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm (M27) embarassed to take my SO (F22) home...
POST: So I've been dating this wonderful woman who I'm very much in love with for just over a year now, it's moved fast and we're about to put a deposit down on our first home together and I'm hoping to propose as soon as I've found the right ring (!) but here's the weird situation. She comes from a fairly well-off background, big family, both her parents (now retired) and her three siblings all had/have sucessful, highly paid careers I've met almost all of her family, visited her parents country house over easter, hang out with her brothers and sister often as they live close to us in the same city, while she's only met my mom and my brother briefly at a social event.
She keeps hinting that we should go and visit my parents. They live in another state so even I don't see them often, and I would love to because I'm very close with both my parents, and I would love for her to meet them...but I know I can't take her to their place because honestly, it's just too embarassing. The house is old and falling down and they hoard crap which is piled up in the lounge and most of the rooms, the bathroom hasn't been refitted since probably about the 70's and is full of damp, mildew and mold, they don't have any kind of central heating or anything, even using an old-timey boiler meaning there's no hot water unless you switch the boiler on overnight...
Let me just clarify, my mom and dad are not dirty people, they just really don't have a lot of money so can't afford repairs and things, and although I have a good job I really don't have the funds to help them out at this point in my life.
Basically it's breaking my heart that I keep making excuses to my parents as to why I'm not visiting and bringing 'the missus', and it's breaking my heart that I can't get the woman I'm hoping to marry to have a great relationship with my parents like I have with hers...
TL;DR: | I come from a very different background than girlfriend, my parents house is filthy dirty, embarassed to take her home to meet them. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Is it normal to feel emotionally distant from your partner very easily?
POST: I'm in a long term relationship with a wonderful guy. He's sweet, so caring, makes me laugh, and is super supportive. However, I find it very easy to emotionally distance myself from him. Not like I would ever cheat on him, I just couldn't do that to anyone. But I'll imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone else, and not even feel guilty, even though it would kill me to know he ever imagined being with someone else.
Help??
Here's the bullet points:
* Boyfriend of 2 years is very supportive, caring, and sweet
* First long term relationship for either of us
* I always have found it easy to emotionally distance myself from my partners.
* I'm losing the ability to tell now if my lack of emotional connection with my boyfriend is because of my own issue, or because I am really to move on from this relationship.
Example: My boyfriend recently made a new friend at work who we've hung out with a few times. Let's call this friend Bob. So a few times I've noticed things about Bob that I wish my boyfriend had (like more motivation to work out, less social awkwardness, more maturity). I'm not attracted to Bob, I don't want to leave my boyfriend for Bob, but I find myself wondering what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone less like my boyfriend and more like Bob.
The options I've come up with seem to be: I'm just emotionally stunted and therefore distance myself on purpose, I'm ready to move on from this relationship, or I'm inexperienced at long term commitment.
Any help at all is appreciated.
TL;DR: | I often wish my long term boyfriend was a little different, and I don't know if this is normal, a problem with me, or a reason to end the relationship. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How to make my parents (49F 52M) okay with my (18F) interfaith and (semi?) interracial relationship?
POST: I was raised by white Christian conservative parents. They're definitely not extremists in their beliefs, but they also aren't the most tolerant people. They have never understood how someone can date outside of their faith, and though they've never said it out loud they were visibly uncomfortable when I mentioned my boyfriend wasn't of European descent.
My boyfriend (18M) and I started dating about a week before leaving our college campus for winter break, and were friends for about a month before. So obviously we're not serious at all right now as barely any time as past, who even knows what our relationship will be like after 5 weeks apart. His family is of Iranian descent and he is Muslim.
To start with, I know middle eastern is technically white (hence why I put semi racist in the title), but it's different, and my parents haven't always been big on embracing different. When I brought up his faith and descent my parents looked shocked and immediately started talking about a mix of terrorists and what faith would we raise our children under.
I tried explaining that I know for a fact he is not extreme in his beliefs and a majority of Muslims are not members of ISIS, and that the kids thing is not relevant at all, but it was not getting through to them. Any tips on how to ease my parents racist concerns?
TL;DR: | my parents don't like that I'm a white Christian dating a middle eastern Muslim, any tips on making them okay with this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I[22F] do not want to quit smoking cigarettes or weed, but my husband [23M] will not listen
POST: Lately my husband has been demanding that I stop smoking altogether but when I try to tell him that it helps take the edge off a stressful day of being with our 3 y/o daughter and babysitting another 1 y/o for a couple hours a day twice a week it creates an argument about he finds me less attractive for doing so which only drives me to want to smoke more for the release it gives me.
He constantly uses the argument that I don't work and he pays for everything to try to belittle me into not using his money to pay for these things, and that we have to much on the line (we have two homes, one is a rental and w/out health insurance right now he just moved into a new company).
I'll only have one maybe two cigarettes during the day while our daughter is inside watching an episode on television, everything else I do at night after our daughter has gone to bed.
I'm tired of him trying to control me, and he has smoked weed with me twice within the last 6 months but those are the only times he's ever done it in his life. How do I make him see my side of this in a rational way?
On top of that, this afternoon when we were having a little argument that was unrelated, when he mentioned that he doesn't find me attractive anymore
TL;DR: | husband is demanding I quit all forms of smoking, argues that he pays for everything and mentioned he doesn't find me attractive anymore. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22F] with my BF [23M] having a hard time adjusting to long distance - anger issues and neediness
POST: We have been dating for 8 months. VERY much in love. I recently (9 days ago) moved back to my hometown because I graduated. We are now 4-5 hours apart.
We have fought almost daily since I have moved away.
We were very happy when we were together. We had our fair share of arguments but it was much easier to reconcile when we in each others presence.
The main problem lies within how we both handle our arguments/disagreements. When I am upset I like to talk about things, let each person say their peace and then try to move on from there.
My BF has anger problems, something he recognizes that he deals with but his only solution is just to give him space and let him cool down - except in my eyes, he never cools down...
he takes his space and it just delays the problem because as soon as we go to talk about it later it just fires up his angry feelings all over.
I will admit I am not good at giving him space. Not as much as he needs - which can be days depending on the issue.
Our most recent argument was over an ex flame liking a picture of me on instagram. It caused a very frustrating fight and he said he needed space. Apparently 20 hours was not enough for him and when i contacted him to wish him a good shift at work it just started it all over again.
I cannot stand to have a long distance relationship where we goes days without talking to one another, but if he doesn't get his days of space over petty, silly arguments his anger will destroy us.
How can we find a happy median? Am i being to needy?
We were so happy before, can we survive this? We really love one another
TL;DR: | BF has anger issues and needs days of space after petty arguments, I need some kind of daily contact to remain happy in LDR. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [22/f] need help establishing boundaries with an old fling [23/m]
POST: So a bit of background: I was dating a guy, lets say Dan, a while ago for a few months. I met him in my home town but he had to move across states for work. We didn't end things nor really discuss what our relationship was. I went and visited him a few times and things were getting pretty serious to the point where he said I love you. Yet a few weeks later Dan said he couldn't do the long distance and ended it.
Dan wanted to remain friends and I said I wanted space and time. A few months later he started dating a girl from his state. I've moved on and havent really focused on him since. Ive got a promotion at work and am really happy with my personal life. However about a month ago, Dan contacted me wanting to chat and be friends. Initially it started fine, there were no feelings on my behalf nor did there seem like there were any on his.
However, the other day he told me he was moving back to my state in 3 months and wanted to catch up. He's still dating his new gf but has told me he misses me and that he wants to see photos of me. He's even been telling me he's been going over old photos and videos of me. I definitely do not think this is far to his new gf whatever his intentions may be nor is it far to me. I don't want him to think he can put me on a shelf and then come back and I'll be all over him.
My point is, I know I'm being strung along but I don't know how to say stop treating me like this, in case, well I've misconstrued the whole situation and it makes me seem like a crazy person. How do I politely say that his comments about missing me are inappropriate if he wants to be my friend and still date his new girl.
TL;DR: | ex broke up with me because of distance. Is moving back to my state in 3 mths. Tells me he misses me and wants to see me but he's dating someone new. How do I set friend boundaries with him |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [15 M] friend [15 M] has opened up to me recently and he is depressed, running out of things to say.
POST: So 1 week ago my friend told me he wasn't happy anymore and everyday was painful, everyday was tough until lunch at school where he sits with me a couple of our other friends and a girl. He says that he loves her and she is the only person that lets him forget about everything and be happy for a little while. But he is afraid that he will one day lose her.
I have said some things which I believe has helped him, at least for a little while. But today I text him and he says in response to asking if he talked to one of our friends today: "No. I hate being soical. I always want to kill myself when I get home. Take now for example. I'm ready to die." We talk for a little and he admits that other things have been bothering him but he doesnt know what and he also says he will never kill himself he wants to.
I usually have something to say at this point that helps him get through the rest of the day but today I just didnt know what to say. I tried to throw together something motivating but I don't know how useful it was or if I will be able to do it next time and I just want to be able to help him get through this.
Also let me say that him and her are good friends from what I have heard and seen but he is still afraid.
TL;DR: | Friend is fond of a girl, says she is the only time he is happy. Afraid she will leave. Depression got worse today. Not sure what to say to keep him looking forward. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: A world without trolls...
POST: Why is it that trolls exist? Why is it that every thread you enter contains a post from a troll? Why is it GUARANTEED that several people will troll my pondering of "A world without trolls"?
The world, and not just the internet, let alone Reddit, is filled with judgement and prejudices founded upon fear, insecurity, and ignorance. Reddit might be the type of site you go to for witty and cleverly sarcastic remarks, but why must people troll those who are truly in search of insight and intelligence?
My name might imply that I am a troll to many, but why can't it just mean I am a fan of Ovaltine or that I really like the commercial/phrase because I associate it with old shows that I watched during my childhood and that nostalgia is not such a bad thing?
Do you feel better about yourself for preying on peoples' mistakes (this statement will be the source for numerous trollers, I assure you)? Are you that bored that you'd rather be a smart-ass than perhaps go outside or do something fun with your friends? Or is the problem simply that you don't have friends? Why don't you change that and go out and make friends? These are the types of questions I would like to be answered by the trolls (even innocent non-troll Redditers) of this world (this world is mostly referring to Reddit as there are not many trolls in the real world who are not trolls on here). Or is being a member of Reddit an automatic induction into the world of trolling?
Is a world without trolls un-attainable? If the world in its entirety was equal, would we feel the need to troll?
I open the floor...rather, the thread to all you Redditers out there who are into deep thinking and into trolling deep thinkers.
TL;DR: | Why do we troll one another when the person being trolled doesn't wish any troll responses? Can we live troll-free? |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: According to the Funeral Rule, is it illegal for a cemetery to require consumers to purchase a burial vault for cremated remains? [IL]
POST: I've been doing some reading and some of the specifications in the Funeral Rule have confused me. I know that it states a cemetery cannot tell me state law requires an outer burial container, but can they require me to purchase one?
I know where they're coming from regarding preservation of the grounds and urn collapse, but we're not having an urn. Afaik, in Illinois we are allowed to request a green burial to fulfill religious requirements that specify remains must contact earth. Return and renewal and all that. So if the only thing going into the grave is a specified amount of dirt/pulverized bone dust like fragments, there's nothing to collapse. My sisters and I are younger and not very established, so we're pretty poor and could really use they money they want for a cremation vault on other memorial expenses. It doesn't seem fair for them to require this of us when what creates the need and the law (the existence of a burial urn that will collapse) doesn't exist. We can't go to another cemetery because my mom's wishes were to be buried in the family plot with her mom. This is a Catholic cemetery and they say it's a requirement of the Archdiocese, but that shouldn't change what is allowed by law, right?
TL;DR: | a cemetery (not funeral home) is requiring my family to purchase a vault for cremated remains. Is this legal? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: 29M with 28F long distant for over 18 months, one month out until I move back she asked for space.
POST: Hello, I'm a 29M living in Asia while dating a 28F living in the US together for little less than 2 years. About six months into my relationship with her, my company asked if I was willing to move to Asia for a year. After thinking about it, I decided to go resulting in my relationship becoming long distance. Over the course of the year, we chatted every day and meet for vacations and what not. It was tough but it was working. After seven months into the tour, my company asked me to stay for another year. This was the hard apart because my job was going great but I missed my girl. I end up extending to another year. That resulted in us breaking up a month later. Two month later, I was back in the US for a vacation and we ended up working it out and I informed my company that I need to return to the US. We agreed that I would finish up 6 more months and they would release me from my contract. About two months out from leaving Asia, my girl came out to visit me. It went ok. We fought but had an ok time. Three weeks later, she told me that she need space, we have grown apart and does not want to talk every day. And when I return she would like to take it slow. This came as a shock to me because less than a month from being home and back with her. We have not talked since on facetime but she texts me every four or five days saying hi. I love this girl and would like to marry her one day. But, I'm totally confused now. I feel she might have met someone else.
Any advice? or point of view?
TL;DR: | What do you think the reason is for her asking for space right before I get back to the US from a 18 month overseas tour? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [17 F] with my Bestfriend [16F] Confused and somewhat hurt at the same time?
POST: So I think using Dot points is probably the best way of getting my point across where necessary
:Liked my best friend romantically for the last 8 months
:Had a lot of good times and also bad
:Have very strong feelings
:She's that person that can make you feel sad but also happy within a simple hey
:Told her a month ago how I felt
:She said she didn't at first but then when she knew I was serious said she had the same way for ages too
:Didn't happen as she values the friendship and has a lot going on
:She also puts our other best friend before me a lot which hurts in terms of friendship
:Other best friend is a girl
:Every time I'm upset/not myself she starts asking for hugs and booty grabs aswell as titty grabs
:Have only one other good friend as my school is small and don't know other people
:Also recently when I start doing some things randomly she say stuff in that cute girly voice like you'd be the worst boyfriend
:She's started using that cute voice a lot more
:She said someone called her beautiful and I say that's nice and she started asking me why I didn't care and stuff
:Said that 2 girls within the last week called me good looking and she said that she didn't care
Don't know what too do, she acts like she doesn't care what happens when I'm around the other friend but when we're alone she devotes all her attention to me. She said not wait for her, but every one I've told said that's just a test and I should wait.
TL;DR: | Best friend has me confused on what I should I do with the friendship and further than that. edit I'm a dude |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Help reigniting a failed relationship
POST: I (male) recently turned 23.
She recently turned 22.
2 months of dating.
We met at the end of our 4 years in university and started dating. We got more serious with the whole dating scene when we headed back home, we were lucky enough to live only 1 hour apart.
We had a pregnancy scare the first time we had sex. Ever since that, our relationship turned cold. She was distancing herself from me and no longer responding to any intimacy I was trying to express.
I thought she would open up to me about what was wrong but she never did... Fast forward 2 weeks from that event. I had had enough and asked to talk to her. She ended up breaking up with me saying that she felt she needed to be able to talk and communicate more easily if she was to be in a relationship with someone.. It was really hard on me.. And it's been difficult getting over here.
Fast forward another 2 months to today... I've been texting her a little here and there about platonic things that we have in common in order to hear from her. I really do miss hanging out and being around her.
How can I rekindle the relationship we had? Will it ever happen?
TL;DR: | Young relationship ended prematurely. After 2 months of being apart and "moving on", how can I reignite what we once had together? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My wife and I flirted with my best friends gf while drunk.
POST: This weekend we did a double date with my best friend [29/m] and his long term girlfriend [26/f]. (My wife and I are similar ages) We all got incredibly drunk, much more so than any of us normally do. My friend went to sleep and that left just the three of us at his house.
So his girlfriend became drunk flirtatious with both of us separately. She pecked me on the cheek twice. My wife saw and didn't care. Later my wife starts talking about being horny and privately tells me she would be into a threesome.
At this point his girlfriend is ridiculously drunk and starts loudly talking about deepthroating me. We mention going home soon and she says she will come with us.
At this point a neighbor comes over and kinda kills the sexy vibe, thank god. We left shortly after. When leaving she gave me a big hug and I double handed grabbed her ass. She then came back for another hug showing she was obviously into it... so I did it again.
And luckily that right there was the end of the night. Nothing progressed beyond that. After sobering up the next day my wife and I both feel really guilty. My friend has no clue any of this happened. I'm thinking it's best if I leave it that way and never tell him. At the same time - we'll make sure to watch our drinking and never get into this situation again.
But I posit to /r/relationships - what would you do? How can I handle the guilt?
TL;DR: | Had an alcohol fueled night with my wife and friends girlfriend that included sexy talk, an ass grab, and kiss on cheek. Now feel guilty. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Parenting
TITLE: Update on the bunkbed of doom from about a month ago...If anyone actually wanted to know.
POST: Just in case any of you wanted to know how it turned out (since a surprising number of you actually took interest in [this thread] They ended up sending someone out there later on that same day I made all the fuss. There was still some confusion about who they claimed to have made the appointment with, but they managed to move it back a bit until after she was able to make it home. (They claimed to have talked with her husband, but she's not married, and they hadn't talked to me or her dad which were the only two men involved in this). So, the guy that came out to the house was almost as blown away as I was by the state of affairs there. He hadn't seen the video, but he had heard about it and asked her to show it to him. Apparently he was pretty cool about the whole thing. He brought her those BunkyBoards and gave them to her for free. They apparently discussed together some option about that bottom drawer/trundle and she decided to get rid of it all together and had them replace it with a tall dresser that was an alternate option of this bedroom set which was supposed to be another $500. They also refunded her the assembly fee. And although some commented that the top bunk was not supposed to be attached to the bottom, they were attached when this second guy left. There were brackets on each leg that were supposed to have been installed. I was holding off on updating because I was going to try to make another video follow-up, but when I tried to do it, it came out like crap. My phone takes TERRIBLE video in low light compared to the phone she used the first time.
TL;DR: | After I raised a big stink about the horrible assembly job, Haverty's did eventually send someone out and made things right. But before I did that, she was getting no cooperation from them at all. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I lose faith that my boyfriend truly loves me. How do I stop?
POST: We've been together a year, and are both 22. He shows he loves me, not only through his words but his actions as well. All we do is lay in bed talking and holding each other. I know I love him with every part of me, but there's a coward in me that's dying to conquer the rational part of me.
I do not know why I became so doubtful of love. Maybe it's because I hear about more relationships failing than succeeding. I also can't stop thinking about how painful it would be if he were to break my heart. As it is, even when he is slightly angry with me about something, it colors every part of my world--I can't focus, I feel sick, all I want to do is cry, etc. I think I react so strongly because I truly and deeply love him.
The rational part of me knows what I am doing is ridiculous. I know that I am wasting precious time worrying about if things go wrong rather than just enjoying everything.
So how do I snap out of it? These feelings come in waves, and are not always there. But when they are, I get this horrible sinking feeling I cant seem to shake.
TL;DR: | having trouble believing my boyfriend is sincere, even though he is a great boyfriend who loves me. How do I stop being such a coward? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Breaking my bad habit of nail-biting turned into poor nail grooming skills. Have you ever acquired a bad habit, as a direct result of breaking another?
POST: Since childhood, I had the terrible habit of biting my nails. For several years, I would unconsciously bite my nails to the point where I would bleed, on occasion. When I was 16, I decided I would give up biting my nails for Lent (lapsed Catholic here). It worked. Since then, I have not once used my mouth for manicuring.
Unfortunately though, the countless years spent perpetually biting my nails did not prepare me for the lifetime of nail grooming that lay ahead of me. I was also not aware that my nails grow at a freakish pace, and are very strong (I have had random women tell me they envy my nails). While, I attempt to trim them every week, it always seems to slip my mind with my hectic schedule. This obviously has never played well in my social life. I have made conscious efforts to trim them before job interviews, dates, or meetings, but that tends to fade when I get too comfortable with people. Past girlfriends have taken issue with the length of my nails, and rightfully so (poor girls). It has got so bad, that my wife will hand me a pair of nail trimmers, and sit down with me so that I clip them. It makes me feel like a child.
TL;DR: | Quitting years of nail-biting did not prepare me for having the good habit of trimming my nails. I'm disgusting, and should feel bad. |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: This Has Made Me Feel Like Shit For Ten Years....
POST: 10 years ago it was 2005, I was 20 and I was still trying to find my way in life. My former best friend Joshua had helped me through High School, helped me through my awkward social skills and for the first time in my life made me feel happy.
One night we were at a bar, Joshua was just wasted, and I was still relatively sober. His girlfriend who was also drunk started hitting on me, and being the FUCKING douchebag I am I took her with me, Joshua being wasted didn't even know.
(Before I go further, I had long wanted to date her, I had a massive crush on her)
While she was sleeping I got her phone, and I changed the number she had for Joshua to a phone number for a cheap phone I specifically bought if this occasion were to arise.
She texted Joshua, and I used the after mentioned cheap phone and I said basically "I hate you, we are over" Emily then told me "Joshua blah blah blah" I then told her "Don't worry, unlike Joshua I actually care for you".
Being the douchebag I am, I took advantage of that situation and we started dating, five years later in 2010 we married, and in 2014 we had a baby daughter.
My whole fucking marriage is based upon me screwing over my former best friend, I essentially put hoes before bros.
I think about this Every. Fucking. Day.
I haven't talked to Joshua in Ten. Fucking. Years, and neither has Emily.
TL;DR: | I stole my friends Girlfreind in the shittiest fucking way, I'm now married with a child with the same girl and I still feel like shit. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [21M] am developing a relationship with my roommate [20F]. (Dating)
POST: I am going to attempt to give a detailed concise background of my situation. I transferred to a new college and did a new student/transfer student program which allowed me to meet some people and move in early. The 3 people, 1 guy 2 females, I met during that program are now essentially my best friend group here at school. We are always hanging out and doing everything together, so its a pretty tight group.
At first we all lived pretty seperate untill the next year we all moved in to a dorm together. It is a hotel the school turned into a dorm building so I live in a hotel room with my male friend while the 2 females live right next door. We have a door in between our rooms as it was one of those conjoined hotel rooms. (We did this on purpose so we could all live "together")
I had a gf when I first transferred to this school, however it was pretty obvious there was a connection between me and my friend, the 20F, that I now live with. We always flirted a lot, I felt, but of course did not do anything as I was taken. After I broke up we still chose not to do anything I assume because we did not want to jeopardize the friend group. Now that a summer has past and we are all back together and now living together, we have kinda kicked it up a notch. Hooked up after a party with minor drinking, and have since been basically in an unspoken relationship. We act like a couple imo, but nothing has been spoken between us as far an official relationship goes.
I want to know if anyone has any insight on if I should go for it or not. I do not want to break up our tight group of friends but I do like her a lot. Anyone have any experience in this?
TL;DR: | Want to date a girl in my group of best friends, don't want the group to fall apart because of it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: We just found out our ex-roommate never paid the water bill he was in charge of and we're about to have our water shut off. What can we do?
POST: We lived with the guy for 6 months and always gave him checks for the water bill, which he was in charge of. He moved out in June. Today we get a call from Seattle Public Utilities saying he hasn't paid since March and the amount he paid was only part of a single bill. His account is still linked to our house and they claim we owe them $570 dollars or they will shut off our water. The city doesn't chase down delinquents and they refuse to help us in any way; they say it's only between us and our landlord, and he is also unwilling to help. Our old roommate, surprise surprise, is not answering is phone. What can we do?
TL;DR: | Ex-roommate moved out, didn't pay the bills we gave him money for. City is shutting off our water because of it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Parents of reddit, how carefully do you/will you screen the TV/books/movies/video games your children consume, and why?
POST: This topic came from a conversation between me and my boyfriend. We started comparing how sheltered we were from things like violent movies, sex scenes, mature themes, etc. He was pretty much not censored at all and watched zombie killing movies and other gory stuff from a very young age (6-8) while my parents sheltered me a lot. I don't think it screwed him up too bad. He agrees, but thinks it would probably have been better if he didn't see that stuff. I think my childhood was fairly happy and innocent as a result of being a bit sheltered.
I think I would probably go the route of at least attempting to screen what my kids watch/read/play, because there are probably some things they just don't need to see (and a lot of kids' content is crap these days).
I have a few issues with my parents' choices, mostly because the censoring continued way too far into my teenage years (was made to close my eyes when there were sex scenes, wasn't allowed to read Harry Potter until I was 16 because my of my conservative mother who never read the books, she also made me return a series of unicorn books to the library because they were "new age" which i still don't really understand, etc.) Not being conservative or religious myself, I'll probably allow them more things than I was, and certainly by the time they are teenagers they will be able to make more decisions about what they watch/read/play.
TL;DR: | my boyfriend wasn't sheltered, i was, i consider it mostly good, would be a bit more liberal with my kids. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [Star Wars Spoilers!] I [M/22] unknowingly told my [22/F] girlfriend a spoiler about the new Star Wars movie and now she won't talk to me.
POST: My girlfriend and I have been together for 7 years, dating on and off for the first 2 years in high school and then have been exclusive for the past 5 years. We just recently moved in together and things have been great.
My girlfriend was able to get midnight premier tickets for the new Star Wars but I backed out a few days before because of a personal family matter that I had to attend to. It wasn't a big deal because my girlfriend said she would just go with her brother and that she was happy to spend time with him.
Just as she was leaving the door and joking said "I can't believe they killed Han". I didn't know anything about the movie and I just said it as a joke, thinking that it wasn't possible and that it was such a ridiculous notion she would enjoy it. She just laughed a little and left.
Well she saw the movie and came back and was very short and hostile towards me, saying I ruined the movie and I was a terrible boyfriend. I reassured her I knew nothing about the movie and it was merely a joke, I had no idea! Well she didn;t believe me and called me a liar. I really didn't know but she insists that I did. What can I do to make her believe me/not be angry?!
TL;DR: | Girlfriend saw new Star Wars, I joked about Han dying knowing nothing about it, Came back angry and said I was a liar. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24 M] thinking of breaking up with her [23 F] of 7 months
POST: So I'm overseas on a study exchange now. I was with my gf for about 2.5 months before I flew thousands of miles away. Initially, things started out fine. I guess due to the fact that it was still the honeymoon period during the first few months of the year.
Up until a month or so ago, I started feeling like my interactions with her felt more of a chore than something I look forward to. She's incredibly insecure about herself (not me), pretty high-maintenance emotionally, and always seems to wanna talk to me during whatever free time I have, which doesn't give me much time to myself or my other friends. Part of the problem is she doesn't have that many friends or hobbies to speak of. I have tried encouraging her but it doesn't seem to be working.
She also seems to think the world of me, which I realize I should feel lucky for, but somehow I'm not happy. I feel guilty. I'm not miserable, but I'm not where I'd like to be. One of the days, she asked me if she could Skype me but it felt more of a burden to me
I'm not gonna lie, ending it has been on my mind. I have talked to her about it, but things don't seem to be improving on my end. The only thing stopping me is that she'll be coming over to travel with me in a month's time for a bout 2.5 weeks. Subsequently, I'll be traveling for another 3 weeks and will head back home thereafter.
I definitely do not want to break up with her before she comes over as she has already bought her plane ticket and our travel itinerary has all been paid for and confirmed.
What's troubling me is, should I mention anything when she comes over? or break up with her soon after going home?
Or if anyone has anymore ideas or suggestions, feel free to speak your mind. I'm all for working things out, but for how long should we keep working at it?
MORE INFO: She just graduated but I still a year of study left.
TL;DR: | 7 months together, 5 months ldr, I've lost feelings. Agreed to workout our differences but it's not helping me. How/When should I break up with her, if at all. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Caught boyfriend (M24) masturbating to a picture of me (F24).
POST: This is kind of an awkward topic so that's why this is a throwaway.
We are in a four month relationship together. Both 24 years old.
This morning, I stopped by his apartment before college and he apparently forgot I was coming over. Well, I walked into his apartment and he wasn't in the living room so I immediately went to his bedroom. The door was closed. Hmmm. I opened the door and that's when I saw him masturbating to the picture of me that he has on his nightstand.
I just kind of giggled and told him "I'm here!" hahaha. But the man is seriously embarrassed. lol.
When I get off work tonight, I'm going to call him beforehand and let him know I'm coming over so we can talk.
How do I discuss this with him? Yes, we've had sex, but still, this is an awkward conversation to have. Remember, this is only a four month relationship.
TL;DR: | I'd like to talk to my boyfriend about what happened this morning but I'm not sure how to approach him or bring up the subject. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Roach attack
POST: Reddit, it's summer. Summer in the South means it's Hot and humid and worst of all it's Roach Season. I need help.
I recently moved into an older wooden house(i.e lots of places for them to hide). Two days ago a roach crawled in through the front door and up the ceiling, luckily I noticed it and dispatched the bastard with a few Broom hits. I swept his body on the porch as a sign to others to not fuck with me. Last night, I walked out my front porch and was immediately greeted by a huge one on my door step. I jumped over him and down the steps, and when I turned one landed on my back and another next to me. I swatted the one on my back off and ran my ass to the car. When I came back the roach was still staring down my door.
I can't help but feel this was an act of vengeance and an sign of more to come. How can I prepare?
TL;DR: | Huge fucking Roaches are after my house. What can I do to not wake up at night with a flying roach bearing down on my face. |
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