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883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 14,March,2003 | Are you ready for the WEEKEND? How about this lame-o Friday Five. BTW, there are no rules this weekend except ONE: What goes on in the Twin Cities stays in the Twin Cities. That's all I'm sayin'. 1. Do you like talking on the phone? Why or why not? I like talking on the phone if I have juicy gossip or to plan an event for the weekend. I usually don't call people just to chat. Bor-ing. 2. Who is the last person you talked to on the phone? Kellie - we're excited to get the hell out of dodge and head to God's Country. 3. About how many telephones do you have at home? One cordless, one cell. Whatever. 4. Have you encountered anyone who has really bad phone manners? What happened? I absolutely hate people with call-waiting. When someone says 'Hey, can I get this other call?' that basically means 'You're not important enough for me to talk to'. I don't ever use the call waiting I have on my cell phone, and I don't have it on my cordless at home. If someone really needs to get a hold of me and he/she hears a busy signal or gets my voice-mail, the person can call back or leave a message. C'mon people! 5. Would you rather pick up the phone and call someone or write them an e-mail or a letter? Why or why not? Depends on the situation. If I'm dumping a guy, I try to call and let him off easy - it's the least I can do. But Kellie likes to e-mail guys her 'Dear John' letters...she's a bitch like that. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 13,March,2003 | Attention Pandylanders: I'm taking a PTO day tomorrow. There will be no posts from me. Don't worry though, I will see you on Saturday night! |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 12,March,2003 | Why I hate hotel gyms. I kind of have a little ritual when I'm in NY, particularly when I have no plans in the evening. I usually try to walk back to my hotel (about a 40-block hike), go to a deli for sushi or the salad bar, order a cheesy romantic comedy on my TV that I'd never pay for with my own money, watch it, and then at about 9pm I'll go to the hotel gym. I go late because I hate working out when the gym is crowded. So I was all alone two nights ago, until this short, stocky guy came in to ruin my workout time. I was on the treadmill, minding my own business and listening to Coldplay (of course), and this guy starts up the treadmill right next to mine. He had it going the fastest speed possible, and kind of gave me a look like 'check this out.' I was not impressed. He was running his little heart out, with me continuing my walk at a normal brisk pace. I guess I didn't give him enough positive feedback, because he then proceeded to raise the incline. I swear, I think his treadmill was almost at 90 degrees at one point. By this time he was completely staring me down, wondering why I wasn't giving him a round of applause. This totally wigged me out, so I just left. Then last night, I went down at the same time, started my workout, and who showed up again ...weirdo runner guy. He gave me the stare down again, this time with a sly smile and wink that said 'I'm blatantly hitting on you'...so then I blatantly went back to my room. Telling a guy like this off is usually no use. But if I see him again next week, I'm going to punch him in the neck, or at least give him a piece of my mind. And since I have longer strides than him, I'll run him into the ground for sure. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 12,March,2003 | Closed Circuit to DJS [Guess what I spent all weekend watching...pagan poetry indeed] |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 11,March,2003 | I miss you all fiercely (mostly Panda...and well DJS...and especially Stoner...and even Hal (who is with me in Columbus, Ohio...I miss her because she is different on Pandyland. We are all different. We can be free. We can write whatever we want. We don't have to wear clothes while we blog (although we really should sit on towels) and we can curse). I will give my five update later. I have to go train a Chase processor right quick like. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 11,March,2003 | THE WEDNESDAY FIVE by DJS, yo. 1. What was the last song you heard? You've Been Flirting Again by Bjork It's an acoustic version I got on a bootleg CD. Rumor has it, the Swan Princess is planning a North American tour (no dates set yet). I've already decided that I'll go wherever I have to, just to see her again. Can someone say ROADTRIP? Or CYBERFARE, at least. 2. What were the last two movies you saw? Old School - A comedy classic. I don't know who I think is funnier: Will Farrell or Vince Vaughn. Both of them are comedic geniuses who are extremely good at what they do. If I were to cite a favorite moment, it would have to be when Will is shot with the tranquilizer dart and he's lying in a heap beneath some chairs at a kid's birthday party. The best part is, he doesn't want to stay down and he gets up with a slow-mo groan. Insert laughs here. The Good Girl - I've seen it already, but I bought it off of my brother for $10 on DVD. I think the movie is sheer comedy genius. Maybe a bit unbelievable, but then again: why see a movie if you expect it to be believable all the time? I usually don't like Jenny Aniston, but she was pretty good in this flicky-poo. 3. What were the last three things you purchased? - A burrito from Chipotle for lunch yesterday. Need I say more? Mmmm....delicious. - Everclear's new album - Slow Motion Daydream. I think I'm one of the few people on the planet that still really like these guys. I'm going to see them in concert at First Avenue in a couple of weeks. I can hardly wait. - Laundry detergent. DJ LZ said we were low on the stuff, so I got it when I bought my CD. Two jugs of Surf, comin' up! 4. What four things do you need to do this weekend? - Begin editing my 2nd book. Yucka. - Shop for paint and such. We're going to paint our last room. The big 'un. - Install two lights in our upstairs hallway. - Work out a schedule where I can: write, read, workout, learn how to play guitar, play video games, and get everything else done. 5. Who are the last five people you talked to? Jeremy the German - The IT guy who is repsonsible for installing the time-consuming yet fun Photoshop on my PC. If there's been a lack of posts from me, blame the good people at Adobe. It's tre fun. Terri the Mexi-Canadian - She's my neighbor at work across the aisle from me. Amazingly, she's shown up for work everyday this week. Then again, it IS only Wednesday. Liz the Caucasian - The supervisor for the CCS team delivered two delicious roast beef sandwiches to my cube, no C.O.D. required. I guess I'll catch her on the flipside or something. I offered to cut a check. Offer refused. Cim the Irish(?) - She's out today because her little guy is sick. I'm not sure if she's Irish or what, but her hair is reddish and it IS almost St. Patrick's day. Mike the Fat Blob of Shit - He waddled by and asked if Cim was out today. I told him she was. See above. (I don't think we have any Jews working here.) |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 11,March,2003 | Because I took a sick day on Friday I almost forgot... THE FRIDAY/MONDAY/TUESDAY FIVE, by Panda. 1. What was the last song you heard? God Put a Smile Upon Your Face by Coldplay I'm really excited to see this band again this summer...I've been listening to this album a lot...not as much as Hal, though. 2. What were the last two movies you saw? The Safety of Objects : Excellent. Cool twist at the end. Tremendous cast - including the hottie drug dealer guy from the movie Go . Plus Joshua Jackson (Dawson's Creek cutie) plays a paralyzed guy. That's weird. All the Real Girls : Sweet movie, sad ending...you'll cry your eyes out if you have ever been in love. Hell, you'll cry your eyes out anyway. Paul Schneider is the next big thing. You heard it here first. 3. What were the last three things you purchased? Oatmeal w/banana at 'Sushi Deli Flowers' this morning here in NY. Salad and a pack of gum at 'Terry's' for lunch. I guess that's 3 things, albeit boring. I plan on going shopping after work today (I can't pass Sephora in Times Square without twitching) so there will be more things added to this list later. 4. What four things do you need to do this weekend? Drink, shop, laugh, and...drink. 5. Who are the last five people you talked to? Suketu (sits next to me) My lady boss (she's a high-maintenance Jewess - I swear, she is always eating) My man boss (he's a wimpy little fella - wrote a haiku about him once) Myself (I think people are looking at me funny...) The Fella (he makes me smile and likes to cook stuff for me - next meal: Vegetable Biryani, an Indian delight!) |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 10,March,2003 | Stoner, HAL and I had a little discussion last night. We will go somewhere other than Half Time under 2 conditions: 1) You get down on your knees (this was HAL's idea). 2) And you utter 5 simple words.... 'GOD BLESS US EVERY ONE.' It's that simple. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 10,March,2003 | Friends, I'm in agreement with Ms. Stoner. I'm all about the good times, so I'd like to avoid a high-volume crowd if possible. If it gets to the point that we can't even move or talk to each other, fun times will not be had by all. Tis' true that EVERY bar is an Irish bar on St. Pat's day. As for singing, I'm down with that. I'm just going to hope that a couple of you kids will rock the mic as well. What's the worst that can happen? And yes...I think burritos are in order for PBJ2. Mo' definitely. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 08,March,2003 | I'm not so hot on the Half Time idea...I know, Irish and all, but every bar is Irish when it's St. Patrick's Day. I want to go somewhere with karaoke, so I can see DJS perform again. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 08,March,2003 | And by the way, if there is a jig re-match, let's hope we don't have to compete with the likes of urlLink these guys . They would win for sure. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 08,March,2003 | Stoner, I talked to HAL on Saturday and this is what I know: Friday: You are taking us out to dinner. (You're just leading, not paying - no worries!) Then HAL is meeting up with us when she gets in. Girl's night - ow! Saturday: PBJ2! HAL suggested Half Time. I don't care, as long as there's beer. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 08,March,2003 | All: Is PBJ2 on Saturday night? I'm assuming it is, due to the traveling agendas of most of the Pandyland crew. I also have a perhaps more important question - is there going to be karaoke? A jig off rematch? Burritos? Please send deets as they arrive. Thanks, Stoner p.s. Sorry Duf, but I am not posting the new cell number. I've gotten enough strange phone calls. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 08,March,2003 | Duf - Please report on how great the Bjork DVD is. Over... - DJS |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 08,March,2003 | 1. What is your favorite type of literature to read (magazine, newspaper, novels, nonfiction, poetry, etc.)? I read fiction 99% of the time, but I like non-fiction and poetry too. 2. What is your favorite novel? It is almost impossible for me to answer that question. I have so many favorites (ask HAL). But, if I had to pick one book, I would pick Moby Dick . 3. Do you have a favorite poem? (Share it!) Why Regret By Galway Kinnell Didn't you like the way the ants help the peony globes open by eating off the glue? Weren't you cheered to see the ironworkers sitting on an I-beam dangling from a cable, in a row, like starlings, eating lunch, maybe baloney on white with flourescent mustard? Wasn't it a revelation to waggle from the estuary all the way up the river, the pirle, the kill, the run, the brook, the beck, the sike gone dry, to the shock of a spring? Didn't you almost shiver, hearing the book lice clicking their sexual syncopation inside the old Webster's New International - perhaps having just eating out of it izle, xyster and thalassacon ? What did you imagine lay in store anyway at the end of a world whose sub-substance is ooze, gleet, birdlime, slime, mucus, muck? Don't worry about becoming emaciated - think of the wren and how little flesh is needed to make a song. Didn't it seem somehow familiar when the nymph split open and the magfly struggled free and flew and perched and then its own back split open and the imago, the true adult, somersaulted out backwards and took flight toward the swarm, mouth-parts vestigial alimentary canal unfit to digest food, a day or hour left to find the desired one? Or when Cassonova threw the linguine in squid ink out the window, telling his startled companion, 'The perfected lover does not eat.' As a child didn't you find it calming to think of the pinworms as some kind of tiny batons giving cadence to the squeezes and releases around the downward march of debris? Didn't you once glimpse what seemed your own inner blazonry in the monarchs, wobbling and gliding, in desire, in the middle air? Weren't you reassured at the thought that these flimsy, hinged beings might navigate their way to Mexico by the flair of the dead bodies of ancestors who fell in the same migration a year ago? Isn't it worth missing whatever joy you might have dreamed, to wake in the night and find you and your beloved are holding hands in your sleep? [please don't sue me, Galway] 4. What is one thing you've always wanted to read, or wish you had more time to read? The great works of Russian Literature. Up next: The Brothers Karamazov and War and Peace . Yep, Duf' is serious. 5. What are you currently reading? The Body Artist by Don Delillo. Up next: rereading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 07,March,2003 | Stoner, Please post your new cell number so I can put it in my cell phone directory. Thanks in advance, Duf' |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 07,March,2003 | Wow, Stoner. That's a weird and creepy story. Good luck with that new number. So I've been doing some field research on an oddly fascinating phenomena: Golden Tee games are almost always right next to the jukebox in a bar. And this gets me in trouble...mostly because of another fact I've uncovered: Guys who play Golden Tee are total chachis and have no hope of ever sleeping with a woman. Last night I was at a local tavern, enjoying some free beers because one of my friends won a free happy hour. (cha-ching!) Of course, I made a bee-line to the jukebox in order to dominate the song choices for the evening. As usual, there were a few frat-boy chachis gathered 'round Golden Tee. They were all giving each other high fives and other such frat guy behavior. I was just ignoring them, and picking my usual song favorites. Then one of these guys decides to be a smart ass and rips on one of my choices...it happened to be a U2 song. He had no idea what he got himself into. Even while sober I probably would have let him have it, but since I had a few cocktails by that time, it was no holds barred. 'Hmmm, thanks for sharing your fine opinion on music with me. Sorry I'm not as cool as you and didn't pick some lame-ass Dave Matthews song. Oh, and by the way, you've just proved my theory. Guys who play Golden Tee really don't have a penis. Thanks!' Needless to say, he was pissed, but didn't bother me for the rest of the night. Stupid, stupid boy. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 06,March,2003 | I had to change my cell phone number today. Since I got it in late December, Ive gotten about two no number calls a day they never leave messages. I assumed it would taper off as people realized that Im not the person theyre looking for. Twice, Ive gotten messages from the parents of a girl named Amber, asking her to call home. I dont know the number for home, so cant call them back to tell them Im not Amber. After my vacation, I had a message from a woman named Sharon. She didnt give me the reason for her call, she just sounded very professional and left an 800 number. I thought my finances were in trouble or something, because she works for some sort of bank. When I spoke with her, she said she found my number in her husbands wallet. Hes a trucker, and she knows hes been messing around with hookers and she assumed I was one of them. We cleared up the confusion when I said I get calls for a guy named Dan and a girl named Amber apparently the scrap of paper in her hubbies wallet said Amber on it. The last straw, though, came last night. I got a creepy voicemail in a heavily-accented males voice that just said I know who you are I decided I didnt want to know who he was. So I switched it. I wonder who had my new number last? Hopefully, not another hooker |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 06,March,2003 | I have no self control when it comes to chocolate. All day long Ive been trying not to eat it not because I gave it up or anything, but because I eat entirely too much of it. Ive been scarfing it down on a daily basis since about a month prior to Halloween. Here, the candy stream never stops. Right now theres a whole bunch of FastBreak and KitKat and Almond Joy and other wonderfully delicious mini candy bars, all about 10 feet away from me. Every time I turn around I can see it. The only time I dont think about the bag o chocolate is when I am in a meeting, behind a closed door and distracted by the topic at hand. B ut now it is 4 pm and my other coworkers are going home, and that means I am going to be alone with the bag. After 4 pm is when it gets the worst. I start to get hungry for dinner, and the mini candy bars sound better and better. If I have to use the fax machine, Im screwed. Its right next to the bag. How can I hold myself back? |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 05,March,2003 | Thong recently told us about how her dog insists on dry-humping her leg...all the time. I think I'm going to dry heave now. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 05,March,2003 | Thanks Hal. I feel much better. So I've been thinking about what I should 'give up' during the Lenten season. This is a lot of pressure - I mean, I already have to stop eating meat on Fridays, and then there's the whole Easter Vigil thing on Holy Saturday which is just about the longest mass in existence. When I still sang in the Cathedral choir, this was the Big One...the one we all dreaded because it meant we had to stand for 3 hours straight. And we didn't get to stand in the choir loft in back, but smack dab in the front, in front of the entire congregation, sweating to death and feeling like we're all gonna faint. So, yes, Lent is a lot about sacrifice (considering everything JC did on the cross and all), but why does it have to be? Instead of 'giving something up', I'm going to try and be a better person...at least for 40 days. How am I going to do that? Well, I'll start by buying all my friends in Minneapolis a round when I'm in town next week. And then I'll try not to yell at old ladies in the bus anymore. And then for the finale, I will make sure to (try) and keep my mouth shut when I see someone dressed like a slut. It's the least I can do. In other news, if anyone has been keeping score: Mike Walsh of urlLink 'Bowling Roadtrip' fame, has finished bowling in all 50 states. He is also the first person in history to have ever bowled in Alaska AND Hawaii all in the same day . Congrats Mike and welcome home...and good luck writing the book. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 05,March,2003 | Hi Pandys... Panda, while I feel that guilt is usually a pointless emotion, I feel that it's especially true when considering Ash Wednesday service. God really doesn't care if you're there or not. He's got like 6 billion people to worry about, and so he stopped tracking church attendance ages ago. Unfortunately, he's been keeping this info on the down-low, so not a lot of people are aware of this. Plus, The Church doesn't even consider it a holy day, so even the bureaucrats don't care. On the plus side, Santa is still keeping a naughty/nice list, so the pure-of-heart are still rewarded, while the evil are punished. Yesterday I went to Ash Wednesday Mass with Duf and Anjali (I thought it was nice that they joined me). It had a 'centering' effect on us (or at least me), but it was quickly lost on Duf when he later had a little run-in with the valet at our hotel. BTW, sorry DJS, there were no photos taken of me with ashes on the fo' head. But I could probably recreate the look in MN with some dark eye shadow, if you like. Later friends, Hal |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 05,March,2003 | More Links! urlLink I will kick your ass. urlLink One love! I'm sure they all had good intentions, but urlLink give me a break . Waltar Matthau is urlLink not really dead . A low-budget urlLink substitute for The Onion . DJS, you should submit a story. Have a nice day. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 04,March,2003 | Ash Wednesday: not just about walking around with dirt on your forehead So I got this e-mail from my mom this morning: 'This is a day in the Church of Fast (no meat) and Abstinence (no eating between meals). Start to prepare for Easter, the holiest of seasons in the Church. Join the Holy Father and pray for world peace!! In case you urlLink do not get to Church !' My mom can be a little overbearing at times, God love her, but she means well. I read this feeling a tinge of guilt knowing I probably won't make it to mass today, but thank God she put the little clause in there - I can just click on that link and all worries are gone! So I'll pray for world peace, and I'll even abstain from eating meat, but no eating between meals is going to be tough...especially considering my mom just gave me 5 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies and they're sitting on my desk right now. Damn Thin Mint temptations! This is going to be a rough day. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 04,March,2003 | urlLink WWUJD? 'This site is dedicated to proving one thing, and one thing only...the obvious, but sometimes overlooked, fact that Uncle Jesse is indeed sweeter than you.' Have mercy!! |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 03,March,2003 | First off, welcome back, Stoner! Second off, here's my F5 on a Monday... 1. What is your favorite type of literature to read (magazine, newspaper, novels, nonfiction, poetry, etc.)? I'm always reading something, but the bulk of it is newspapers and magazines. My favorite newspapers are the NY Times and the StarTribune. My favorite magazine is Vanity Fair, and Entertainment Weekly is something I'll eventually have to wean myself off of. I also like reading both novels and non-fiction books. 2. What is your favorite novel? My two all time faves are The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald, and Life After God by Douglas Coupland (though I dont think this one is technically a novel). I also have to site To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee as a sentimental favorite Ms. Tyson read it to us in seventh grade, and it taught me that books read in school can be cool. 3. Do you have a favorite poem? (Share it!) Okay, its not exotic, and probably says more about the fact that I saw The Outsiders at an impressionable time in my life than anything else but here goes: Natures first green is gold Her hardest hue to hold Her early leafs a flower; But only so an hour Then leaf subsides to leaf So Eden sank to grief So dawn goes down to day Nothing gold can stay 4. What is one thing you've always wanted to read, or wish you had more time to read? Im a slow reader and I have to have great interest in anything to read it, so I have a pile of books that I swear Ill get to but I never will, and books that I made it 1/2 way through, and I swear I'll complete. 5. What are you currently reading? Tender Is The Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I told CK2 how much I liked The Great Gatsby and she told me that I would like TITN even better. So Im being obedient. I just started it, so its too early to tell if its as good. Third off, I'm in a ridiculously good mood this morning... I don't know why. It is Monday, fer chrissakes... |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 03,March,2003 | I'm in the worst mood today. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 03,March,2003 | I highly recommend booking a last minute cruise to the Caribbean in the middle of winter. Its cheap, you get to eat tons and tons of good food, and you get to sit in the sunshine. Here are five of my favorite things from the trip: 1. Trying new foodstuffs. I ate escargot for the first time in my life, and was introduced to guavaberry rum which is really tasty in guavaberry coladas. 2. St. John the island. This extremely beautiful place is over 90% national park, which means its clean, not chintzy at all, and the snorkeling is cheap. Which brings me too 3. Sea Creatures. Snorkeling was a blast we saw stingrays, a shark, crab, squid (possibly) and an incredible range of tropical fish. 4. Folded towels. Every night, our cabin steward gave us fresh towels shaped like animals including a monkey, wearing my sunglasses. 5. Last but not least. I thoroughly enjoyed having super-extended honey time. It was nice to not have to go to work every day, just to play and do whatever we wanted. And I was very happy to find out that after 7 nonstop days, I still cant get enough of the guy. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 03,March,2003 | Kellogg's sent me a quick response. Thanks, Rosemary: Thank you for contacting us about your suggestion for Kellogg's(R)Special K(R)Red Berries. While your idea is not new to us, we appreciate your interest and the time you took to submit this idea. Our company devotes a great deal of time and effort to developing new and improved products, packaging concepts, promotions and merchandising ideas, such as recipe ideas and alternate serving suggestions, to make our products the best on the market. When this product was first produced Kellogg Company tried different fruit additions. From the information we have received the name originated because there were more than strawberries added. Due to consumer review strawberries were chosen as the only fruit to be added. We are happy that you are enjoying the product. Again, thank you for contacting us; we appreciate your interest in our company and products. Rosemary Consumer Affairs Department On the bottom of Rosemary's very unremarkable retort, there was a push to remember to eat breakfast... National School Breakfast Week is the perfect time to remind parents of the importance of eating a good breakfast. Findings from studies conducted by nutrition research organizations continue to support the fact that children who eat breakfast do better academically and behave better in school than those who do not. The key reason...not eating breakfast means that blood sugar levels remain too low to allow for proper concentration. Adults can suffer the same problems when they skip breakfast. So, remember to treat your children...and yourself...to a nutritious breakfast each and every day. Our cereals and meal-on-the-go products can help! Go to the Nutrition section of www.kelloggs.com to learn more. It's looks to me Kellogg's so-called 'studies' are just pushing people to buy more of their product. My brother always ate breakfast when we were growing up and that never made him 'behave better.' What a crock. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 30,April,2003 | Waging War I've had it and I'm now officially standing up for my cause. If any of you know me very well at all, you'll know I have a severe distaste for smokers. I won't bother listing all of the things that bug me about the filthy habit because it's been said before. But let's just say this: some people are passionate about peace, other about animal rights. This time I'm not fighting the smokers for myself or any other human being. I'm going to war for the tree. Across the street from our building is a lone pine tree that has to sit at the edge of the property. It is this tree that every smoker from across the street gathers to engage in their ceremony of stink. All kinds of pigs waddle across the lawn to get to this poor tree to light up, bitch about work, and smoke to their tar-stained heart's content. Now, if you know most smokers (like I do) they don't bother disposing of their filthy habit properly. Take a drive on the freeway for example. How often do you see some asshole fire a butt out the window because he doesn't want to 'stink up his car' or 'surround himself in his disgusting weakness?' The same applies for the poor pine tree. They fire their butts on the ground and pollute the poor tree with their rancid smoke screens. So, what I'm doing is making signs that I'm going to put in the ground next to the tree. They're going to be high-quality signs that will be laminated, fastened to a pointed stick and inserted into the ground. The signs are going to have little messages on them that will (hopefully) make the smokers feel like gruesome beasts and remind them of what social lepers they are. One sign will say: Hey Smokers! This is the Pine Tree Talking: PICK UP YOUR BUTTS. I dont want to suffer because of your filthy habit. Another one says: Mmmmm.Delicious Cigarettes. You know what else is delicious??? CANCER. Enjoy Your Day. -The Tree I'm planning on making 12 different signs. I will plant them one week from today and let the fun begin. Of course, I'll keep everyone up to date on what happens. I can see the tree and all of the sweathogs that go down there to smoke from my desk. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 29,April,2003 | Last night, I saw Pete Yorn play live. In addition to being a looker, the guy puts on a good show. In fact, it exceeded my (admittedly modest) expectations. As DJS might put it, me likey. Speaking of DJS, Pete sang a song called 'burrito'. I can't believe he's not DJS's soul mate. On the surreal-in-a-good way front, I ran into a friend from high school at the show. Its always really weird to see someone youve barely known since you were both 17 telling you that shes been married for 3 years. Plus, she works in the same industry as I do, and thus actually understands what our company does no small feat. The music, the blast-from-the-past, the nicotine and alcohol all spun together to make me quite woosy. Im having a groggy morning. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 29,April,2003 | Okay, that test was pretty intense. I cant believe they needed all that info to come up with Iron Ethel Bonney . Plus, they had a lame explanation: A pirates life isnt easy; it takes a tough person. Thats okay with you, though, since you are that person. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirates life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr! Sure. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 28,April,2003 | Do You Ever Do This? Subtitled: Duf' Finds Religion By Duf Fer Do you ever wait to share bad news until it's no longer bad? Here are some examples. My friend Renee, a Pandyland reader, who is holding Pearl Jam tickets for the show we are going to see together, lost the tickets, but wisely waited to tell me (I have a bad heart you know) until she found them. And so it is with Duf'. I lost about $1,000 worth of expense reimbursement receipts. I didn't want to say anything to Mrs. Duf' (she has a bad heart you know), and this morning I found them. Praise him! |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 25,April,2003 | My pirate name is: Bloody Roger Vane Every pirate lives for something different. For some, it's the open sea. For others (the masochists), it's the food. For you, it's definitely the fighting. You tend to blend into the background occaisionally, but that's okay, because it's much easier to sneak up on people and disembowel them that way. Arr! Taken from: urlLink What's My Pirate Name? |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 25,April,2003 | Shit. You'd Think I Never Posted Anymore (mostly I'm afraid of Stoner bringing up Justin Timberlake again)...by DJS Inc. 1. What was the last TV show you watched? Since I don't watch much TV, I have to back to Wednesday. I watched the last half of a show called 'Extreme Makeovers.' It's about how 2 ugly people (through the miracles of science and plastic surgery) get to be okay-looking. It was gross. One woman had lips to Rhode Island and the other had a face that looked like it'd been caught in 12 violent hailstorms. 2. What was the last thing you complained about and what was the problem? That I couldn't remember a movie I'd wanted to see (and possibly buy) at Suncoast. I figured it out, Duf. It was called urlLink Series 7 . 3. Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? Wow. I think it was yesterday. I told my bestest, lovey, honey-bear, snookums, tender-morsel (DJ LZ) that I thought she looked cute. And she did. 4. What was the last thing you threw away? A half hour (more like 45 minutes) going to the MOA (Mall of America) with Duf Daddy. We had time to burn, friends. 5. What was the last website (besides this one) that you visited? Shit. I don't know. urlLink FARK? |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 24,April,2003 | The Biggest Reason not to Complain About Work It's Friday Beer Run time. And my mouth is watering. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 24,April,2003 | First off, I think I need to address Dufs obsession with me I havent seen him, or spoken with him today, and yet hes apparently fantasizing interactions between us. Weird. Im not even wearing pants today. 1. What was the last TV show you watched? I flipped between the Today Show (Ive still got something for that Matt Lauer) and Good Morning America (or GMA to those of us in the know). Katie (ugh) was interviewing Al Pacino, and Diane (love her!) and Charlie were chatting about reality TV. 2. What was the last thing you complained about and what was the problem? I didnt vocalize it, but this morning I was upset about how long the wait was at Caribou. I thought to myself there has to be a way for this to be more efficient. Most of these people are headed to work! I shouldnt have stopped. Yeah, I should have. Next time I should go to Dunn Bros. Sebastian Joes is usually quick too Maybe its just slow because its Friday Something along those lines. 3. Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? It was indirect last night I was working on a gift for a friend and I wrote that I felt lucky to know her. We havent given it to her yet (its a group gift) so she has not yet received the complement. 4. What was the last thing you threw away? My O.J. container, and my coffee cup. Dont know which went first. I drink a lot in the morning. 5. What was the last website (besides this one) that you visited? The Internet Movie Database. Im a junkie. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 24,April,2003 | Hal is the Center of My Universe or Sits Near Me, You Decide The Friday Five by Duf Fer 1. What was the last TV show you watched? Fox 9 News - I was desperate (I feel like this gives the wrong impression of my television viewing habits). 2. What was the last thing you complained about and what was the problem? I complained to Hal about co-workers who were complaining about a co-worker when the complaining co-workers are very far from complain-proof. 3. Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? All of my answers are giving the wrong idea, but I told Hal that I liked her pants (in a HR friendly way, or at least I think it was an HR friendly way - I wasn't leering or anything). 4. What was the last thing you threw away? A note to Hal asking her about her availability for golf the week of May 12 (with our boss and a bean counter who works with us). 5. What was the last website (besides this one) that you visited? hal.com, just kidding... urlLink One of my favorite web sites of all time (enter a word and check it out) . |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 24,April,2003 | Short but Sweet Friday Five (since we skipped Tuesday & Thursday...nice tradition, friends) 1. What was the last TV show you watched? A re-run of Everybody Loves Raymond. 2. What was the last thing you complained about and what was the problem? My job. It sucks. Enough said. 3. Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? One of my coworkers brought in his baby pictures and I told him I thought he was a cute baby. Especially the picture where he was wearing a T-shirt that said 'Mister Magic.' 4. What was the last thing you threw away? A banana peel. 5. What was the last website (besides this one) that you visited? Yahoo |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 24,April,2003 | Just thought I'd brighten up your Friday urlLink with this . I'm going to crawl under a rock now... hopefully the ground below it isn't full of DDT. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 23,April,2003 | I think Justin is a good looking man. I didn't used to, but he's grown on me. And if the 12 year old (okay, mayyyybe 13) that hit on me on my Monday flight was any indication, I have better luck with younger men. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 23,April,2003 | I was gonna... ...come after Stoner with both guns for her snide comment, but I realized something: Justin 'I Wish I Was Michael Jackson' Timberlake is too easy of a target. Here's to hoping they find him dead on the Interstate. (any interstate will do) Fondly, DJS |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 23,April,2003 | You shouldn't outta done that... JT will never play Red Rocks. First, it is a venue for venerable talent. Second, mini vans (full of soccer moms toting teeny boppers) have a hard time making it up the mountain. Sorry, but busting on Bjork enraged me. :) Lovingly, Duf' |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 23,April,2003 | urlLink What people do for fun in my hometown. Yikes. This takes the term 'beer goggles' to a whole other level. 'Wisconsin is like the biggest drinking state.' That's right, friends. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 23,April,2003 | DJS, *yawn* Wake me when JT hits Red Rocks. Signed, Stoner |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 23,April,2003 | I Live On A Mountain... The rumors are true, kids. My friend Dirty Abbott and I are going to see the greatest damn concert ever in one of the coolest venues EVER! That's right, doctor. We're going to see BJORK at RED ROCKS!!! You see, I'm a registered member of urlLink www.bjork.com and as such, you get to buy concert tickeys a good 2 days in advance. That's how Bjork does and she does it all night. So, long story short...I'm going to see my most favoritist Icelander tearing the mountains down at the site where the U2 video 'Sunday Bloody Sunday' was filmed. How's that for kick-ass? The road trip begins in August!!! |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 23,April,2003 | We live in a Beautiful World Hal, I read that article: 'This bill will allow the law-abiding citizens of this state to carry a concealed handgun to defend themselves. It's really as simple as that,' said Rep. Lynda Boudreau, R-Faribault, the House sponsor. Defend themselves from what? Minnesota nice-gone-bad? Asthma Action Plan? I thought Elmo was giving you a mammogram. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 23,April,2003 | I don't urlLink get this . Somebody please explain. Sorry for the lack of posts, I've working on my Asthma Action Plan, and it's taking up a lot of my time. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 23,April,2003 | Since you asked It all started with the movie Bend it Like Beckham. At the Uptown theater, you can buy tea. I got some Ginger Peach Longevity Tea, and it was delish!! Next thing you know, Im at World Market buying the stuff. I also picked up some Mango Ceylon Metabolic Frolic tea. I drank some for a few days, and got terrible headaches, until I realized I was WRONG in my assumption that black tea has just as much caffeine as coffee. As it turns out, this stuff has half as much. So I started taking Advil to mask the pain. I decided I want to kick caffeine a while back, but really cemented the decision on a recent trip to my honeys hometown. I realized its kind of pathetic to have to make a special trip to Burger King for coffee. (No Starbucks in his town too small.) Plus my doctor told me to cut back in order to reduce PMS. I think that would really be a good thing for everyone |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 22,April,2003 | That is great news, Stoner. How did you do it? I would like some pointers that I could apply to kicking this damn alcohol habit. Whose idea was it to drink heavily on a Tuesday night anyway? My good news: my tolerance has never been better. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 22,April,2003 | Unbelievable News! So far today I have only had the equivalent of one cup of coffee. I haven't had a Diet Coke since Friday. I think I've only had one latte in the last month. Okay, maybe two. I think I am actually kicking the caffeine habit! It's only been two weeks of weaning so far...we'll see how it goes. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 22,April,2003 | Planning Therapy to Address Lingering Issues Now, I'm jealous of Elmo. I need help. I'm sure it's related to my childhood television habits somehow. I have signed on for some Freudian regression therapy at a clinic in East St. Paul (lowest rates). I'll keep everyone posted. Now, where's my cigar? Duf |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 22,April,2003 | Had I known people loved (except HAL) the Smurf picture so much, I would've kept it up longer. Oh well. I thought I'd post HAL's trip to the Muppet asthma doctor. Enjoy friends. Duf - Burrito? Got yer message today. I was out yesterday. My stummy hurted. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 22,April,2003 | I don't think you're ready for this jelly. La la la la la la... |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 22,April,2003 | I Think It Best to Be Open About These Things I'm in love with the new smurf-a-licious Stoner. I can't help it, her tail looks so good to me. Signed, Duf' |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 21,April,2003 | 1. Who is your favorite celebrity? Sport: (tie) Tiger Woods and Nomar Garciaparra. Film: Tim Robbins (ask me again next week) Television: Bernie Mac and (though I have not seen her show yet) Wanda Sykes Porn: DJS Politics: tie: Sen. Harkin, Sen. Bradley, Sen. Kerry, and, most of all Sen Harry Reid of Nevada (former employer). 2. Who is your least favorite? Osama Bin Laden (for obvious reasons) Jim Carrey (sorry, I don't get it - I never have actually) Lleyton Hewitt (the tennis player - still haven't gotten over the racist comment directed at James Blake in the 2001 U.S. Open, I will root against him until he is dead; he makes me hate Kim Cjlisters (his girlfriend) and he give me reservations about Australia) Alanis Morissette (I can't explain it, I'm a total hater.) 3. Have you ever met or seen any celebrities in real life? Met is a strong word seen is easier. I bumped into Oprah as faithful readers know. I saw Alison Janney at the L.A. Arboretum (no bra!) and John Ritter at Amoeba Records (uncombed hair!). I just saw Nick Collison (graduating forward for the Kansas Jayhawk basketball team) at Yello Sub (best subs in the lower 48) in Lawrence, Kansas (the 23rd street location, not the Jayhawk Boulevard location). Rick Fox small forward for the L.A. Lakers at (then) Dayton's in downtown Mizzapolis. I talked to the poet Anne Carson (stared at my crotch the whole time - 'hey, poet, I'm up here!'). I've seen Duante Culpepper (Vikings Quarterback) and Stephon Marbury (Phoenix Suns guard) at the airport. I talked to (former Vice Presidential candidate) Geraldine Ferraro in her office for about 15 minutes (couldn't take her eyes off my crotch BTW). I've met and talked to Maya Angelou (writer, poet) and Gordon Parks (photographer, artist) and Jesse Ventura (wrestler, governor). I saw Prince driving a Ford Taurus in Minnetonka once. George Steinbrenner at a Yankess spring training game. I sat on a plane next to General Westmoreland (commanded the troops in Vietnam - loves his gin gibsons BTW). I rapped with Jesus once in college (vey, vey drunk, friends, vey drunk). A few Presidents (the elder Bush (S.A.C.), Gore (counting as President) and Reagan)...My contacts have all been so slight that I'm sure I'm forgetting some. 4. Would you want to be famous? Why or why not? Not even for one second. I'm not sure I would want to be rich. I definitely would not want to be powerful, and of the three, the one I want the least if fame. What a burden. If I had to choose one between rich, powerful or famous, I would reluctantly choose rich. I'd put them in this order rich, powerful, famous. 5. If you had to trade places with a celebrity for a day, who would you choose and why? Tiger Woods - for the golf, baby. I know it's boring, but I cannot tell a lie. I would pick Tiger for the golf. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 21,April,2003 | Friday Five, cuz I'm bored. 1. Who is your favorite celebrity? I can't pick one. And I don't have to because it's our site and we can do whatever the hell we want... Bono (for his music, sex appeal, charity work, and for pissing off DJS) Kate Hudson (could she be any cuter?...plus, she's the poster child for flat women everywhere.) J. Lo (not so much cuz I like her, but because she always gives us crap to talk about) Claire Danes (she's been in some great indy films and was in the best show on TV - My So-Called Life) Vince Vaughn (love the funny, smartass attitude. Ms. T partied with him in LA and said he was even cooler in person) 2. Who is your least favorite? Saddam Hussein (for obvious reasons) Renee Zellweger (I have no idea what the fascination is) Britney Spears (that carnie-looking wanna-be virgin freak) Jennifer Aniston (she always looks like she's constipated) Any Super Model (eat already) Andie MacDowell (worst actress ever. stop your whining.) Mariah Carey (no-talent slut) Katie Couric (hiding behind that crazy smile is a cuckoo liberal bitch) 3. Have you ever met or seen any celebrities in real life? Never met, just seen. I saw Sarah Jessica Parker while I was shopping in the village. Queen Latifah when I was dining with Thong (v. embarrassing). The guy from the B-52's while walking through Soho (don't even know his name). Rosie Perez was in front of me in line at the friends-and-family sale at J Crew on 5th Ave. For the record, she was not looking good without make-up...and she bought about $400 worth of clothes. Wait, one more...I saw Elizabeth Hurley in Marshall Fields on State St here in Chi. 4. Would you want to be famous? Why or why not? I think it would be a blast. I'm a sucker for some good drama, so why not get the paparazzi involved? I'd invite them shopping with me. 5. If you had to trade places with a celebrity for a day, who would you choose and why? I picked J Lo before, but maybe this time I would choose Madonna. That would be one wacky day. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 18,April,2003 | Today is Easter Monday (in Canada & the UK) What does that have to do with you? Absolutely nothing. But here are some recent search words...I have no idea where on our site these could come from. 'Indian Animal Sluts' 'Sexy Stoner Click Pics' |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 18,April,2003 | F-f-f-f-f-f-friday F-f-f-f-f-f-ive in DJS Quadraphonic Stereo 1. Who is your favorite celebrity? Always a tough question...because from what realm of fame dost thou choose? Music? Movies? TV? Well, since TV sucks, I can omit that realm. Let's see...I guess I'm going to have to go with Bjork. I know...it was a given, but when I really think about it, there's no one else that I'll drop whatever I'm doing to watch if I see a video of hers or an interview or whatever. I'll even admit to getting into a bidding war with some Kraut over an picture of her framed with an autographed CD in there. The final price ended up being $312.00. Guess who won??? 2. Who is your least favorite? I've got a bunch. Here goes (in no order) 1. Oprah Winfrey (see earlier posts) 2. Dick Clark (there's a reason people call him 'Dick') 3. Jennifer Garner (have no idea why she's famous) 4. Horse-faced Julia Roberts (no talent, big-toothed psychopath) 5. Bill Cosby (mugging, annoying, holier than thou jello-eating jerk) 6. Dave Matthews (yodeling frat-boy rock idiot) 7. J Lo (phony, over-exposed head-case) 8. Sean Connery (egotistical wife-beating drunk) 9. Rosie O'Donnell (head like a medicine ball, loud-mouth freakshow) 10. Avril Lavigne (it upsets me that I even know her name) 11. Michael Jordan (retire for good, you has-been) 12. Dale Earnhardt Sr. & Jr. (one down, one to go) 13. Justin Timberlake (I want him dead. get an identity, white-boy) (to be continued) 3. Have you ever met or seen any celebrities in real life? Yep. I've met Brendan Fraser (nice guy), Uma Thurman (she touched me 3 times), Timothy Hutton (asked me how I was doing), Michael Rappaport (prick), Steven Wright (my mom embarassed him in an elevator), Emilio Estevez (bumped into him), Joel Coen (shook his hand and introduced myself). People I've just seen: Natalie Portman, Martha Plimpton, Queen Latifa, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jean Claude Van Damme, Joe Pesci, Joshua Jackson, Linda Hamilton, James Cameron, Kid (from Kid N Play) there might be some more but I can't think of 'em. 4. Would you want to be famous? Why or why not? I don't know if I'd want to be famous because t would suck for everyone to know who you are. The minute you do something stupid, everyone knows about it. I guess I wouldn't mind being well-known, you know? Like if one of my books takes off and people on the street say 'Hey, aren't you the guy who wrote...?' That would be pretty cool, I reckon. Yeah. Well-known. That'd be all right with me. Oh...and rich, too. 5. If you had to trade places with a celebrity for a day, who would you choose and why? We did this question already, but I'll pick someone different this time. I'd want to trade places with Steven Speilberg. In one day, I'd green-light all the projects that came over from a certain DJS and I'd ask him if I could buy the rights to his children's book so that I could make it into a blockbuster family film. If I was Steven Speilberg, I'd avoid Kate Capshaw...I don't know, tell her I was busy at work and wouldn't be able to come home. That woman scares me. Plus, she ruined the 2nd Indiana Jones movie with her horrible acting (dis)abilities. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 17,April,2003 | Bestiality Discussion at Work Thong has gone waaaaay too far this time. Today she somehow got onto the subject of her dog's crotch. And how her and her husband play with it. I'm not kidding. 'He was laying on the couch with his legs spread, and I wanted to see what his balls felt like so I grabbed them.' 'My husband said 'Hey Thong, check this out.' And then he pulled back his foreskin to see the red lipstick.' I seriously need a supply of airplane sickbags at my desk, because I feel like I'm going to vomit everytime she opens up her mouth. Word of advice: don't tell your coworkers about playing with your dog's nads. I think Rob wants to submit a haiku. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 16,April,2003 | Happy Easter, kids. Be good. I'm off to visit my older bro and his wifey in Ann Arbor. To facilite this, I have a big flight to Dee-Troit tomorrow. I've never been there before. Any Eminem sightings, and I'll be sure to tell you. I don't think I'd say 'I love you' to him if I do see him, but we'll see. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 15,April,2003 | Hal, in this case, when the L-Bomb is used with a celebrity (b-list or otherwise), it never means 'in love'. Like when I told Bono I loved him at the U2 show we were at (well, I didn't tell him as much as hollered at him). Bono and I are not at that 'level' yet. So it just means I like him a whole lot. With that chachi Jaime from the Bachelorette, telling him I loved him was a desperate attempt to get him to talk to me. I wasn't really feelin' it. You saying it to Bono, on the other hand, is a whole other story. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 15,April,2003 | Panda, you should rethink your usage of the L-bomb. Need I remind you of a recent post, saved by a last-minute edit? |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 15,April,2003 | In addition to seeing the Jayhawks perform last night at the Metro (great show!), I ran into urlLink this guy by the bathroom in the club. I remember being a little star-struck (yes, he's only a minor celebrity to most, but hot DAMN I loved that show)...so I had to tell him I thought he definitely was the hottest one of all 25. That didn't seem to get me any points, so then I desperately told him I loved him. (Yeah, good move. Because most guys are so turned on when complete strangers tell them they love them.) He said 'Thanks.' And then ran away as fast as he could. Hmmmm...did I come on too strong? |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 14,April,2003 | I had a hangover today. I am getting back to myself again. I will not touch alcohol for ten years, this is my somewhat solemn oath. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 14,April,2003 | You Look Like a Monkey Happy Birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey but (fortunately for those around you) you dont smell like one too. Happy Birthday Duf Fer. Speech, speech, speech! |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 14,April,2003 | Happy birthday, Duf! Based on last evening's conversation, it's good to know that not a lot has changed in the years between your 21st and 35th. It gives me hope. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 14,April,2003 | I am the first person to post while drunk and acknowledging drunkedness! Owwwwwwwwwwwww! I drunk dialed Hal and then Stoner totally gave me the shove off. I was going to dd DJS, but I don't have his number in my phone. Panda, I don't have your number either. I need Hal's phone to booty call you! So, here's what you missed. I am drunk with Hady (self hating Puerto Rican from Crooklyn) and Andres (self hating Puerto Rican from Cali) and Anj (self hating Indian from Iselin, Jersey (represent, represent)) and Big Kev (self hating Jew from NYC). It's all good in the hood like a young boy should - you feelin' me? |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 11,April,2003 | We Must Be Popular (nah...that's not it) You may be wondering why there's sometimes a high-quality (snicker) picture up above and why sometimes there's nothing but an empty space and a little red X. I know I did. Well, it turns out that the place I use to host pictures only lets the page be viewed a certain number of times before they say 'Eff this. You're taking up too much bandwidth.' Bandwidth is nerd-speak for computer power. So, one would deduce that our crappy little site is becoming somewhat popular because a bunch of people must've stopped by and caused the Sopranos picture to go away. Anyway, long story short, I made a new picture (by request) and it should be up top tomorrow morning. Village Photos (the shitty site that hosts pictures for free) says that traffic was too high today and that my account has been locked until tomorrow. Hasta la taco, friends. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 11,April,2003 | I am outraged! After checking out Panda's link, I am boycotting all things Jim Henson-related!! I think it's sad that sick people would encourage marijuana use among children! On a lighter note, I enjoyed Stoner's article. Just one question - what the hell is an 'animal nutrutionist'?? I hope it doesn't have anything to do with a dope-smoking frog. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 11,April,2003 | Ive been remiss in reporting on my recently viewed movies. So here goes: urlLink This was REALLY great, thanks to Duf for the recommendation. I especially enjoyed the Parker Posey segment. She rocks. urlLink This was okay. I had heard it talked up a lot, and I am a sucker for Campbell Scott (ever since urlLink Singles ). He had me at I just happened to be nowhere near your neighborhood. Anyway, it was just too big on the smug, and too little on the clever. Even with that, it was much better than urlLink This movie . Panda and I spent most of the flick going what the?, and not it a good way. Im no sucker for Mickey Rourke, so I had no love for him as a drug cook. Needless to say, if you like Jason Schwartzman, just watch urlLink Rushmore again. Then your heart will not be broken. This movie sucked. Unless youre into John Leguizamo wearing only a sock. Than this is the flick for you. There. Now I feel much better. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 11,April,2003 | urlLink Kermie goes bad. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 11,April,2003 | More recent search engine fun: 'panda costumes used in jackass' (great movie, btw.) 'hangee uppee club' (Hal, maybe this is from your new best friend) 'Road to Peredition- certificate' (huh?) |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 11,April,2003 | 1. Favorite drink? That's easy: it's vodka and tonic. My favorite vodkas are, in this order: Grey Goose, Belvedere, Stolichnaya, Absolut, and Ketel One. I'd also like to give a shout out to the vodka martini up, eight to one with an extra olive and to the Manhattan. 2. Favorite bar? W.A. Frost in St. Paul is my favorite Twin Cities haunt. Johnny's Tavern in Lawrence, Kansas, my favorite spot of all. I also have to give a nod to two bars in D.C.: The Hawk and Dove and The Sign of the Whale. 3. Most hungover When I was in college, one night I got so drunk that I kissed a man (not on the lips, yo), walked off a porch and fell into a thorn bush, and then had a hard time keeping my vision clear (so drunk I had blurry vision). The next morning, I woke up drunk with a stabbing pain in my head. That was because I 'fell asleep' on the bathroom floor with my sunglasses on and they were pressing into my cranium. Anyway, I went to register for class and pay fees. It was the beginning of the fall semester, so all these parents from KC were escorting their youngsters through the process. I was waiting in line for my scholarship (with my wayfarers all the way on and my high top fade haircut faded very high, thank you) and the urge to purge fell on me (all the way on me). I went to the bathroom and it was packed. Every stall was taken and every urinal too. I could not wait and got sick in the trash can while fathers and sons looked on me with disgust. It was the beginning of a hangover that almost did Duf' in. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 11,April,2003 | My Apologies to Gladys Knight & The Pips Needless to say, I made an ass of myself on Friday at Mickey's karaoke on Clark. 'Is this thing on?...I can't hear anything?...those aren't the words...what key is this in?' 'Midnight Train to Georgia' never sounded so bad. And I never felt so lit. And who knew you could make 'America' by Neil Diamond into a duet? On a more sober note, urlLink here's a movie you should run out and see. Don't just sit there. Go. Now. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 11,April,2003 | Thong Update She's up to her antics again. This time, her dirty, sweaty chonies were strewn about the office. After her morning workouts, she likes to air out her workout clothes (including the 'intimates')...for the entire office to see. Excuse me while I leap off the 25th floor of this building. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 10,April,2003 | You HAD to say 'Sconie, didn't you??? |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 10,April,2003 | We Built This City Starship just came on the radio. Did I ever mention I saw them live 2 summers ago? (Don't laugh.) One of the best times EVER. 'Fish Days' in Port Washington, WI = bad battered cod, cheap beer, sunburnt rednecks, and 80s rock. 'Sconie at its finest. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 10,April,2003 | Allow me to apologize... Im sorry if we didnt call you, and Im especially sorry if we did call you. My memory of Wednesday is very vague. I am not yet aware of why we were on the phone so much to begin with, but Im sure Ill remember soon. That said, this is an ironic set of Qs. 1. Favorite drink? Gin and Tonic. Specifically, Tanqueray and Tonic, and for those special occasions, Tanqueray 10 and Tonic. I also like vodka Panda introduced me to flavored Stoli, which is very nice. Im not a fan of dark booze, like whiskey or tequila, though I do like a rum and coke one and awhile. I also adore beer and wine. Wow, now Im thirsty. 2. Favorite bar? Easy. The Hangee Uppee in Chi-town. 3. Most hungover 24 hours ago. Picture waking up in a hotel room with the lights and television on, and shaking. Then realizing that you have to pack (!!!), go into work (double !!!), and then get on two airplanes (hello, aisle seat!). Luckily, I am never drinking again, so I dont have to worry about hangovers anymore. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 10,April,2003 | 1. Favorite drink? Ive always loved the Captain Morgan along with some delicious Coke. Other faves include, but are not limited to, bloody Marys, Newcastle Brown Ale, Sangria, cider, all types of wine, vodka martinis (with really good olives mmmchipotle stuffed olives), Leinies, Harp, Miller Lite, amaretto sours, and mimosas. 2. Favorite bar? That would have to be the Hart and Spool, our pub from Borehamwood. I also really liked the bar we went to in Portland, which was a converted elementary school (even though it creeped me out a little something about being in a school at night while drinking). 3. Most hungover Ouch. I get hungover pretty much every time I drink nowadays. I havent puked for a while though which is good. The last time I puked, it was after a moderate night out. The phone rang, I jumped up, answered it, said I gotta go, and then ran for the bathroom. I like not being lil sicky though |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 08,April,2003 | Sharing Too Much Time with DJS 1. What's your favorite drink? Why? Wow. This changes almost daily. I'm a simple man with simple mean, so I enjoy the occasional beer. If I were to go to the store right now and pick up a 6-er, I'd probably get Miller High Life which, as you all should know, is the Champagne of Beers. I don't know. Every since Dirty and I went to Milwaukee to see Tenacious D and enjoyed the brewery tour, I'm sold. It's delicious. (insert white trash jokes here) If I'm going to have a drinky-drink, I'd go with a Vodka Sour or possibly a citrus-y drink mixed in with Bacardi Limon or O. Those give me my 'O' face. Oh, oh, oh... 2. What's your favorite bar? Tell me about it. Even thought I haven't been there in ages, I'm going to go with The German Bar or Gasthaus Zur Gumitlikeit (or some shit like that) They play polka music, serve beer that I don't really enjoy drinking, and it's usually crowded and hot as hell. Why do I like it? It's usually a pretty good crowd. You can do snuff, drink beer from a boot, the bartender there gives me a free shot EVERY time I go in there, and the waitresses are cool. They wear funny wigs that look awful on them. One of the waitresses even danced like a crazy woman with me one night. She kind of reminded me of a poor-man's Bjork. God bless her. 3. When was the last time you were really hungover? Discuss. It's been a while. Oddly enough, I don't drink nearly as heavily as I used to. Call it old age. Whatever, jerks. But, I'd have to go with the pub crawl in November of 2001. I was between girlfriends at the time, and I had my sights set on 3 different potential female prospects. Well, we started drinking waaaaaaaaay too early. By the time I caught up with any of the women I had my eyes on, I was completely shitfaced and made a fool of myself. I ended up making out with my (at the time) best-friend's girlfriend (she started it) and I fell asleep in my car with some girl I went to high school with outside my other friends house. No, I hadn't been driving, but I was dog tired and full of booze. Does anyone understand now why I don't drink so much anymore? Thanks for your time, friends. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 08,April,2003 | 'Panda Pictures Humping' Just thought y'all would like to know those are the search engine words that brought some pervert to our site. I don't know whether I should be amused or feel very, very disturbed. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 08,April,2003 | I like The Drink Last night, over a low-ball glass of Makers & Coke, I was thinking about how much I like the Drink. Now, I'm not talking about liking that drink in particular, but The Drink. The Booze. The Pint. The Occasional Snootful. The Elixir. Then I thought why ? Why do I like it so? Let me tell you. The drink makes you feel powerful. Sexy. Vulnerable. Relaxed. Crazed. Energized. Sad. Depending on what you drink, you can feel all these things at once. Margaritas make me feel festive. Wine makes me feel calm. Beer makes me laugh. A Vodka Tonic is my equivalent to speed. So along those same lines, here's the Thursday Three : 1. What's your favorite drink? Why? Flavored Stoli and Tonic. I was way into this before all the cheap versions of flavored vodka came out. What I'm really saying is, I invented this drink. Stoli-O and Stoli-Razz give me the jump-start I need for a night on the town. 2. What's your favorite bar? Tell me about it. There is nothing glamorous about Monsignor Murphy's. Basically, it's a dump. It has Golden Tee next to the Jukebox (as you know, my biggest pet peeve). It has cheesy sports paraphernalia on the walls. Hal once posed with one of their numerous dart trophies. BUT...they do have a beer garden in the summer, and they have one of the BEST jukeboxes in the city (Lots of U2 = Great Jukebox), they sometimes give me free shots, the bartenders have funny nicknames like Ziggy (although I've been known to call him Skippy when I'm hammered). You also don't have to dress up to go there. It's where everybody knows your name...or at least your favorite drink. 3. When was the last time you were really hungover? Discuss. I bet you I can guess it's this morning for Hal and Duf. For me, it was about a month ago after my friend had a party at the Schoolyard Tavern. The party was on a Thursday night, making the hangover feel even worse because I was supposed to go to work on Friday. But I didn't. I took a totally legitimate sick day. And watched TLC all day long. Nothing can cure a lil' sickie hangover like 'The Dating Story.' |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 08,April,2003 | Eff 'em. I didn't get a single call from either of those jerks. It's almost like they HATE me or something. Thanks a lot, friends. Thanks. In other news: I might become a firefighter. Details as I get them. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 08,April,2003 | Those Voice-Mail Sluts I got a choice VM from those 2 trouble makers last night too. (and here I thought I was special ...) I was at the Green Mill, so it was difficult to hear what everyone said, but it was pretty similar to what Stoner decribes below. I called back and got Duf on the line. His response: 'You DO love me.' Yes, Duf. Very much. Hal of course had to get on and give her 2 cents: 'I am SOOOO drunk right now.' Do I detect a pattern? Or did this just start after her corruption in Chi-town? |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 08,April,2003 | Ahhh...the power of voicemail... Duf and Hal sure have fun on their business trips. Hal had called my cell phone last night, and when I checked the message this is what I heard: (background noise...duf asking for more napkins...then somebody ordering something with mushrooms...) Hal: Hello? (blowing wind) Hellllloooooo? Hello? (more background noise) Hal: Hi-Stoner-I-was-going-to-leave-a-message-but-I-can't. (all one slurred word) I also got a phone call at home, so I got to talk to them. I just really hope they're doing okay at work today... Duf, Hal, how about an update? |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 08,April,2003 | Croissant Pockets! |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 07,April,2003 | Check out this incredible article! urlLink Stoner's Article in Twin Cities Sports |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 06,April,2003 | Time to Rant Word to the wise: do not blog while drinking. Hal is passed out. What is this, Sweet Valley High? 'I'm not passed out. What is this shit??' Why do I have a picture of Jon Distad? What the fuck? We can't audioblog and we're MAJORLY pissed. Again, we tried to log in to AUDIOBLOG, but it wouldn't let us for free. It would have been AUDIO GOLD. No, I take that back. AUDIO PLATINUM. Hal's going to wash her face. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 04,April,2003 | Don't you mean physically challenged people? |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 03,April,2003 | Maddox does not like women. Or cripples. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 03,April,2003 | Maddox is urlLink back . God-damned hilarious. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 03,April,2003 | I'm just now noticing how big Pandas hands are. While I'm on Panda, I was shocked that she did not pick the Panda as her favorite zoo animal. It makes me wonder who she got the nickname from in the first place. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 03,April,2003 | Happy Friday! 1. How many houses/apartments have you lived in throughout your life? My parents house, Dowling Hall at UST (4 years, 4 different rooms), Borehamwood, SLP, and now my current place. That makes a modest 5 (not counting the multiple Dowling abodes). 2. Which was your favorite and why? Gotta go with Stoner Borehamwood, baby. It was also the lowest-quality housing Ive ever lived in Stoner didnt mention the mini-fridge (shared by all 7 of us), the lack of a clothes dryer (thats what the room heaters were for) or kitchen floor, and the mountain of garbage piled on the side of the house. Not to mention dodging the television license people for 6 months. Its kinda sad, but I wouldnt last 2 days in a place like that now. Honorary mention goes to the apartment I had in Dowling. Rent free, furninshed, plus free cable (and nearly unlimited C-Store access). It was good. 3. Do you find moving house more exciting or stressful? Why? I can think of few things I hate more. 4. What's more important, location or price? Location. Hands down. 5. What features does your dream house have (pool, spa bath, big yard, etc.)? I dont have a complete picture but its an old place (and since this is a dream, I have the money to maintain it, and modernize it where needed). Im within a walk to a coffee shop, a little restaurant, and a place to buy milk and I have cool neighbors. There is no pool, but there is central air The bedroom is a good size, with a master bath hmmm I have to think about this more, I can come up with better stuff... |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 03,April,2003 | 1. How many houses/apartments have you lived in throughout your life? House on Temple Court, first house in Woodbury, house in WI, townhouse in Woodbury, house in Woodbury, Dowling Hall at UST (four different rooms), flat in East Finchley, 107 Cleveland, house in Borehamwood, Carriage House on Summit, Somerset Oaks (that address is still on my drivers license), Westlake Estates (for one month), and now right by Lake Harriet (yet spending quite a bit of time in White Bear Lake). That makes 16. Look out Duf - I'm almost caught up. 2. Which was your favorite and why? House in Borehamwood three guys, four girls, and over 30 guests in five months. Who could forget the jungle bathroom, the shed, the washing machine we had to keep closed with a broomstick, the skylights that blew into the neighbors yard every time the wind picked up, the psychic landlady who healed Christine and made us reupholster our own furniture, and the characters we met at the Hart and Spool. 3. Do you find moving house more exciting or stressful? Why? They used to be nothing but exciting when I could fit all of my belongings into one car, and do all of the moving myself. Once you start roping people into lifting furniture, etc. it gets a little stressful. But I love unpacking and deciding where everything gets to go. 4. What's more important, location or price? In my younger days, I was all about location. But now that I am older and increasingly poorer (yet wanting to live in a house someday, instead of an apartment) I am all about price. When it comes down to it, every location has its benefits. Inexpensive housing is a big one! 5. What features does your dream house have (pool, spa bath, big yard, etc.)? My pie-in-the-sky dream house has plenty of windows, is near a lake, has a nice big yard for my non-drooling, non-pooping St. Bernard, and a sanctuary-like home office where I work on projects that make me happy, plenty of space for my kids to play without the risk of choking, drowning, or electrocution and the best damn shower in the tri-state area. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 03,April,2003 | 1. How many houses/apartments have you lived in throughout your life? Are you ready for this? The green house in Kansas City, the brown house in Kansas City, my grandparents house in Wichita, the apartment on Rock Road, Wichita, the condo on Bramblewood in Wichita, the condo on Woodlawn in Wichita, Joseph R. Pearson Hall, Lawrence Kansas, Roger Templin Hall, Lawrence, Kansas, an apartment on Fourth Street SW, Washington, D.C., the blue apartments in Lawrence, the brown apartment in Lawrence, the co-op in Dinkytown, the house on 7th street, Minneapolis, the apartment near St. Anthony Main, the townhouse uptown, the house in Golden Valley, the apartment uptown, the house on Chicago Avenue and the house in St. Paul on Iglehart. Thats 19, friends (which means I have not averaged two years in any one place Im a nomad, a gypsy). 2. Which was your favorite and why? A house is made of brick and stone, a home is made of love alone. I would pick my current home as my favorite. Awwwwwwww 3. Do you find moving houses more exciting or stressful? Why? My goal is to move twice more in my life. I would like to move into a home that I will raise a family in, then I would like to move when we empty nest. That is all. I HATE moving. I find it stressful and tiring. 4. What's more important, location or price? Right now I live in a very inexpensive house (purchased pre-bubbleif I told you our mortgage payment, you would all pass out), and I would gladly triply my mortgage for a better location. 5. What features does your dream house have (pool, spa bath, big yard, etc.)? Gee, I have never thought about it (wink, wink). There is a nice view (a lake or a city scape or wetlands. I always liked wetlands). And a wrap around porch (Cape Cod style, y'all). Everyone has their own bedroom, plus there is a guest room and a separate study/den, there is a balcony off the master suite, all closets are walk in (there is an over-abundance of storage space, all bathrooms are so huge they border on gaudy I have my own sink, basin and medicine cabinet), the kitchen is large enough to eat in, but not too large. There is a dining room with seating for 12, there is a living room (no TV) and a family room (with a color TV so I can see, the Knicks play basketball), there is a media room (High-Def, DVD, stereo, those couches that shake with the bass), and a built-in stereo with speakers in all the key rooms, including the fitness room. There is a finished walk-out basement with an 8 foot slate pool table. In the backyard, there is room for a nice garden and for a putting green surrounded by sand traps. There is also a writing studio that is topped by a greenhouse. There is a tennis court, with basketball rims at each end, and there is a phat-ass garage. The whole house is powered by on-site solar and wind energy and has a whole bunch of windows. Last, there is an underground bunker supplied by its own independent filtered oxygen source and accessible from any floor in the house where we can escape when the terrorists attack (instead of duct taping plastic all over everything like suckas!). |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 03,April,2003 | Friday 5: Done and....Done. Sponsored by DJS 1. How many houses/apartments have you lived in throughout your life? Oh, sweet bearded Christ...there's the St. Anthony house with ma and pa shovelpants, then the apartment in New Brighton, then the shithole in Los Angeles, temporarily back to mom and dad's when I moved back, to the house behind Elsie's in Nordeast Minnecrapolis, then to the house in 'upper Nordeast', then a temporary stay in an apartment in Uptown, then back at mom and dad's (transitional), then back to the house in Nordeast, then to another apartment in Uptown, then another, then I moved in with DJ LZ on the busiest intersection in Uptown (Franklin & Hennepin) then finally to the townhouse in Woodbury where we're living happily ever after...until we move in about 3 years. Lucky 13, baby. But I'm counting each move. That's how I do. 2. Which was your favorite and why? I like our place in Woodbury. It's ideal in every sense of the word. Don't have to shovel snow, cut grass or any of that garbage. Can't. Busy. Also, we can park both of our cars in the garage, we get to do laundry a mere 20 feet from where all of our clothes go and last but not least...it's quiet. I don't hear filthy fat pigs riding around on their stupid Harley Davidsons, firetrucks at 2am, or drunken assholes stumbling out of Liquor Lyle's calling out to their equally drunken friends. 3. Do you find moving house more exciting or stressful? Why? Stressful as all get-out. It's the worst thing in the world to do. I'd rather have someone drop kick me in the ball bag than move my stuff every other year or so. 4. What's more important, location or price? I concur with my friend, Panda. Location baby. Unfortunately some of my locations have been less than stellar. Hence the moves. 5. What features does your dream house have (pool, spa bath, big yard, etc.)? I'd love to have a big old office/library where I could work on my latest literary masterpiece. Attached to that, I'd like a nice big dark room so I can pretend that I'm a big shot photographer too. A pool would be okay, too, but more importantly I'd like to have a big old spa attached to my kickboxing gym where I'd have heavy bags, speed bags, lots of kicking shields and a full-size ring where I could have my very own fight club. Oooohh...I'd also like to have a video game arcade where I could have all of the classic vids that I enjoyed growing up. I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the deluxe stadium-seating home theatre, too. Perfect for watching my asspocket of DVDs and playing video games until my eyes were as dry as chicken tenders from Arby's. Yeah, I said it. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 03,April,2003 | I like this Friday 5, so let's do it 1. How many houses/apartments have you lived in throughout your life? Hmmmm....the white house in Madison, the brown house in Madison, the yellow house in Appleton, the brick house in Appleton, the dorms in St. Paul, Crouch End flat in London, 87 Cleveland in St. Paul, Cle-Mar in St. Paul, 3 BR Three's Company situation in Uptown, St. Louis Park place, studio on Lake Shore Dr. in Chi-town. That would be 11. 2. Which was your favorite and why? Crouch End flat for obvious reasons...some of my best times EVER were in London (and Stoner was there, she can vouch for me!)...even though those damn kids would wake me up practicing their violins. 87 Cleveland (w/ AM and Jillios) ranks up there too - ask Hal about cleaning the floors. 3. Do you find moving house more exciting or stressful? Why? The most stressful experience I can think of. That's why I haven't moved out of my tiny place in over 4 years, even though I constantly complain about its size. 4. What's more important, location or price? Location, location, location. 5. What features does your dream house have (pool, spa bath, big yard, etc.)? My dream house would have a pool, but only if I was in California, NOT the Midwest. In Chicago you could only use a pool for about a month. Oh, and I would need a cute pool boy to clean it. I would also like a home gym, but only if Rico (that Fubu wearing hottie) was my personal trainer. Sorry, TG. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 03,April,2003 | Duf, I will see you in Hell. |
883,178 | male | 36 | Fashion | Aries | 03,April,2003 | Duf Makes a Bid for Eternal Hell Fire: ...then she should have sang about eating a ham sandwich or somethin'! |
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