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[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general)." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent.", ">\n\nMy kids are welcome at home for as long as they want to be here with the caveat that they must be doing something to better themselves. Either going to school, learning a trade, or working a job. I wouldn’t want kids just sitting around on Playstation all day every day. That isn’t helping them out. But as long as they are doing something they are welcome no charge for as long as they want." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent.", ">\n\nMy kids are welcome at home for as long as they want to be here with the caveat that they must be doing something to better themselves. Either going to school, learning a trade, or working a job. I wouldn’t want kids just sitting around on Playstation all day every day. That isn’t helping them out. But as long as they are doing something they are welcome no charge for as long as they want.", ">\n\nThis is a good unpopular opinion. Not a good opinion, but a good use of this sub." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent.", ">\n\nMy kids are welcome at home for as long as they want to be here with the caveat that they must be doing something to better themselves. Either going to school, learning a trade, or working a job. I wouldn’t want kids just sitting around on Playstation all day every day. That isn’t helping them out. But as long as they are doing something they are welcome no charge for as long as they want.", ">\n\nThis is a good unpopular opinion. Not a good opinion, but a good use of this sub.", ">\n\nSome other countries wouldn't dare get rid of their child laborers just because they get a little older. However, since they were mercilessly worked from age 7 maybe 18 is retirement? Idk" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent.", ">\n\nMy kids are welcome at home for as long as they want to be here with the caveat that they must be doing something to better themselves. Either going to school, learning a trade, or working a job. I wouldn’t want kids just sitting around on Playstation all day every day. That isn’t helping them out. But as long as they are doing something they are welcome no charge for as long as they want.", ">\n\nThis is a good unpopular opinion. Not a good opinion, but a good use of this sub.", ">\n\nSome other countries wouldn't dare get rid of their child laborers just because they get a little older. However, since they were mercilessly worked from age 7 maybe 18 is retirement? Idk", ">\n\nMy dad always told me and my siblings while growing up that at 18 we were out the door. Most of us started uni at 17, couldn’t wait to fucking leave." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent.", ">\n\nMy kids are welcome at home for as long as they want to be here with the caveat that they must be doing something to better themselves. Either going to school, learning a trade, or working a job. I wouldn’t want kids just sitting around on Playstation all day every day. That isn’t helping them out. But as long as they are doing something they are welcome no charge for as long as they want.", ">\n\nThis is a good unpopular opinion. Not a good opinion, but a good use of this sub.", ">\n\nSome other countries wouldn't dare get rid of their child laborers just because they get a little older. However, since they were mercilessly worked from age 7 maybe 18 is retirement? Idk", ">\n\nMy dad always told me and my siblings while growing up that at 18 we were out the door. Most of us started uni at 17, couldn’t wait to fucking leave.", ">\n\nI had my son knowing that it was my choice which also means that my house is his house. That doesn't stop being true once he's a legal adult. Your brain doesn't stop developing until your mid 20s. It's his house too even until he's moved out and on his own. If something tragic happens and he has no shelter, he can come home again. I'm not saying that goes without some expectations and compromising. But I'm also not going to let him go hungry or feeling unloved, either." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent.", ">\n\nMy kids are welcome at home for as long as they want to be here with the caveat that they must be doing something to better themselves. Either going to school, learning a trade, or working a job. I wouldn’t want kids just sitting around on Playstation all day every day. That isn’t helping them out. But as long as they are doing something they are welcome no charge for as long as they want.", ">\n\nThis is a good unpopular opinion. Not a good opinion, but a good use of this sub.", ">\n\nSome other countries wouldn't dare get rid of their child laborers just because they get a little older. However, since they were mercilessly worked from age 7 maybe 18 is retirement? Idk", ">\n\nMy dad always told me and my siblings while growing up that at 18 we were out the door. Most of us started uni at 17, couldn’t wait to fucking leave.", ">\n\nI had my son knowing that it was my choice which also means that my house is his house. That doesn't stop being true once he's a legal adult. Your brain doesn't stop developing until your mid 20s. It's his house too even until he's moved out and on his own. If something tragic happens and he has no shelter, he can come home again. I'm not saying that goes without some expectations and compromising. But I'm also not going to let him go hungry or feeling unloved, either.", ">\n\nNot everyone chooses to be a parent. I agree with you but I think a lot of those parents never wanted to be parents. They may be from a culture where contraception is difficult to get or one where abortion is looked down upon if not illegal. They may be fathers that didn't want kids but as they're men couldn't abort and were stuck with parenthood. Not all shitty parents were people that just changed their minds.\nI disagree with the parenting is forever. I think parents should have the right to reclaim their lives and stop doing everything for the sake of their children at some point. Nobody wants servitude forever and it can get exhausting having someone else always be your priority. I just think the cutoff should be different. 18 isn't enough anymore. At 18 you've got no skills or qualifications outside the very basic ones and minimum wage isn't enough any more. I think support should be given until 21-22 and it doesn't have to be super comprehensive, just shelter and food" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent.", ">\n\nMy kids are welcome at home for as long as they want to be here with the caveat that they must be doing something to better themselves. Either going to school, learning a trade, or working a job. I wouldn’t want kids just sitting around on Playstation all day every day. That isn’t helping them out. But as long as they are doing something they are welcome no charge for as long as they want.", ">\n\nThis is a good unpopular opinion. Not a good opinion, but a good use of this sub.", ">\n\nSome other countries wouldn't dare get rid of their child laborers just because they get a little older. However, since they were mercilessly worked from age 7 maybe 18 is retirement? Idk", ">\n\nMy dad always told me and my siblings while growing up that at 18 we were out the door. Most of us started uni at 17, couldn’t wait to fucking leave.", ">\n\nI had my son knowing that it was my choice which also means that my house is his house. That doesn't stop being true once he's a legal adult. Your brain doesn't stop developing until your mid 20s. It's his house too even until he's moved out and on his own. If something tragic happens and he has no shelter, he can come home again. I'm not saying that goes without some expectations and compromising. But I'm also not going to let him go hungry or feeling unloved, either.", ">\n\nNot everyone chooses to be a parent. I agree with you but I think a lot of those parents never wanted to be parents. They may be from a culture where contraception is difficult to get or one where abortion is looked down upon if not illegal. They may be fathers that didn't want kids but as they're men couldn't abort and were stuck with parenthood. Not all shitty parents were people that just changed their minds.\nI disagree with the parenting is forever. I think parents should have the right to reclaim their lives and stop doing everything for the sake of their children at some point. Nobody wants servitude forever and it can get exhausting having someone else always be your priority. I just think the cutoff should be different. 18 isn't enough anymore. At 18 you've got no skills or qualifications outside the very basic ones and minimum wage isn't enough any more. I think support should be given until 21-22 and it doesn't have to be super comprehensive, just shelter and food", ">\n\nThat's not an \"unpopular\" opinion at all." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent.", ">\n\nMy kids are welcome at home for as long as they want to be here with the caveat that they must be doing something to better themselves. Either going to school, learning a trade, or working a job. I wouldn’t want kids just sitting around on Playstation all day every day. That isn’t helping them out. But as long as they are doing something they are welcome no charge for as long as they want.", ">\n\nThis is a good unpopular opinion. Not a good opinion, but a good use of this sub.", ">\n\nSome other countries wouldn't dare get rid of their child laborers just because they get a little older. However, since they were mercilessly worked from age 7 maybe 18 is retirement? Idk", ">\n\nMy dad always told me and my siblings while growing up that at 18 we were out the door. Most of us started uni at 17, couldn’t wait to fucking leave.", ">\n\nI had my son knowing that it was my choice which also means that my house is his house. That doesn't stop being true once he's a legal adult. Your brain doesn't stop developing until your mid 20s. It's his house too even until he's moved out and on his own. If something tragic happens and he has no shelter, he can come home again. I'm not saying that goes without some expectations and compromising. But I'm also not going to let him go hungry or feeling unloved, either.", ">\n\nNot everyone chooses to be a parent. I agree with you but I think a lot of those parents never wanted to be parents. They may be from a culture where contraception is difficult to get or one where abortion is looked down upon if not illegal. They may be fathers that didn't want kids but as they're men couldn't abort and were stuck with parenthood. Not all shitty parents were people that just changed their minds.\nI disagree with the parenting is forever. I think parents should have the right to reclaim their lives and stop doing everything for the sake of their children at some point. Nobody wants servitude forever and it can get exhausting having someone else always be your priority. I just think the cutoff should be different. 18 isn't enough anymore. At 18 you've got no skills or qualifications outside the very basic ones and minimum wage isn't enough any more. I think support should be given until 21-22 and it doesn't have to be super comprehensive, just shelter and food", ">\n\nThat's not an \"unpopular\" opinion at all.", ">\n\nIt is but unfortunately legal" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent.", ">\n\nMy kids are welcome at home for as long as they want to be here with the caveat that they must be doing something to better themselves. Either going to school, learning a trade, or working a job. I wouldn’t want kids just sitting around on Playstation all day every day. That isn’t helping them out. But as long as they are doing something they are welcome no charge for as long as they want.", ">\n\nThis is a good unpopular opinion. Not a good opinion, but a good use of this sub.", ">\n\nSome other countries wouldn't dare get rid of their child laborers just because they get a little older. However, since they were mercilessly worked from age 7 maybe 18 is retirement? Idk", ">\n\nMy dad always told me and my siblings while growing up that at 18 we were out the door. Most of us started uni at 17, couldn’t wait to fucking leave.", ">\n\nI had my son knowing that it was my choice which also means that my house is his house. That doesn't stop being true once he's a legal adult. Your brain doesn't stop developing until your mid 20s. It's his house too even until he's moved out and on his own. If something tragic happens and he has no shelter, he can come home again. I'm not saying that goes without some expectations and compromising. But I'm also not going to let him go hungry or feeling unloved, either.", ">\n\nNot everyone chooses to be a parent. I agree with you but I think a lot of those parents never wanted to be parents. They may be from a culture where contraception is difficult to get or one where abortion is looked down upon if not illegal. They may be fathers that didn't want kids but as they're men couldn't abort and were stuck with parenthood. Not all shitty parents were people that just changed their minds.\nI disagree with the parenting is forever. I think parents should have the right to reclaim their lives and stop doing everything for the sake of their children at some point. Nobody wants servitude forever and it can get exhausting having someone else always be your priority. I just think the cutoff should be different. 18 isn't enough anymore. At 18 you've got no skills or qualifications outside the very basic ones and minimum wage isn't enough any more. I think support should be given until 21-22 and it doesn't have to be super comprehensive, just shelter and food", ">\n\nThat's not an \"unpopular\" opinion at all.", ">\n\nIt is but unfortunately legal", ">\n\nI remember when the (Greek) owner of a bar I used to frequent once asked me, in hushed tones, \"Is it true, that you (British people) throw your kids out at 18 and don't even buy them a house?\" I tried to explain that it was different from person to person, but that most British people would not consider it there obligation to house their children after they reached the age of majority, but that few would actually throw them out. That it is the norm to pay your own way from that age, if you can. She was appalled!!" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent.", ">\n\nMy kids are welcome at home for as long as they want to be here with the caveat that they must be doing something to better themselves. Either going to school, learning a trade, or working a job. I wouldn’t want kids just sitting around on Playstation all day every day. That isn’t helping them out. But as long as they are doing something they are welcome no charge for as long as they want.", ">\n\nThis is a good unpopular opinion. Not a good opinion, but a good use of this sub.", ">\n\nSome other countries wouldn't dare get rid of their child laborers just because they get a little older. However, since they were mercilessly worked from age 7 maybe 18 is retirement? Idk", ">\n\nMy dad always told me and my siblings while growing up that at 18 we were out the door. Most of us started uni at 17, couldn’t wait to fucking leave.", ">\n\nI had my son knowing that it was my choice which also means that my house is his house. That doesn't stop being true once he's a legal adult. Your brain doesn't stop developing until your mid 20s. It's his house too even until he's moved out and on his own. If something tragic happens and he has no shelter, he can come home again. I'm not saying that goes without some expectations and compromising. But I'm also not going to let him go hungry or feeling unloved, either.", ">\n\nNot everyone chooses to be a parent. I agree with you but I think a lot of those parents never wanted to be parents. They may be from a culture where contraception is difficult to get or one where abortion is looked down upon if not illegal. They may be fathers that didn't want kids but as they're men couldn't abort and were stuck with parenthood. Not all shitty parents were people that just changed their minds.\nI disagree with the parenting is forever. I think parents should have the right to reclaim their lives and stop doing everything for the sake of their children at some point. Nobody wants servitude forever and it can get exhausting having someone else always be your priority. I just think the cutoff should be different. 18 isn't enough anymore. At 18 you've got no skills or qualifications outside the very basic ones and minimum wage isn't enough any more. I think support should be given until 21-22 and it doesn't have to be super comprehensive, just shelter and food", ">\n\nThat's not an \"unpopular\" opinion at all.", ">\n\nIt is but unfortunately legal", ">\n\nI remember when the (Greek) owner of a bar I used to frequent once asked me, in hushed tones, \"Is it true, that you (British people) throw your kids out at 18 and don't even buy them a house?\" I tried to explain that it was different from person to person, but that most British people would not consider it there obligation to house their children after they reached the age of majority, but that few would actually throw them out. That it is the norm to pay your own way from that age, if you can. She was appalled!!", ">\n\n\nhave never, ever understood how any self proclaimed “good mother” or “good father” can be excited to throw their child on the streets without a second thought as soon as they can.\n\nPeople like this have child regret. They either never wanted kids and had one anyways due to social pressure or being plain dumb, or they thought they wanted a kid until they actually had one and realized how much work and stress kids actually are." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent.", ">\n\nMy kids are welcome at home for as long as they want to be here with the caveat that they must be doing something to better themselves. Either going to school, learning a trade, or working a job. I wouldn’t want kids just sitting around on Playstation all day every day. That isn’t helping them out. But as long as they are doing something they are welcome no charge for as long as they want.", ">\n\nThis is a good unpopular opinion. Not a good opinion, but a good use of this sub.", ">\n\nSome other countries wouldn't dare get rid of their child laborers just because they get a little older. However, since they were mercilessly worked from age 7 maybe 18 is retirement? Idk", ">\n\nMy dad always told me and my siblings while growing up that at 18 we were out the door. Most of us started uni at 17, couldn’t wait to fucking leave.", ">\n\nI had my son knowing that it was my choice which also means that my house is his house. That doesn't stop being true once he's a legal adult. Your brain doesn't stop developing until your mid 20s. It's his house too even until he's moved out and on his own. If something tragic happens and he has no shelter, he can come home again. I'm not saying that goes without some expectations and compromising. But I'm also not going to let him go hungry or feeling unloved, either.", ">\n\nNot everyone chooses to be a parent. I agree with you but I think a lot of those parents never wanted to be parents. They may be from a culture where contraception is difficult to get or one where abortion is looked down upon if not illegal. They may be fathers that didn't want kids but as they're men couldn't abort and were stuck with parenthood. Not all shitty parents were people that just changed their minds.\nI disagree with the parenting is forever. I think parents should have the right to reclaim their lives and stop doing everything for the sake of their children at some point. Nobody wants servitude forever and it can get exhausting having someone else always be your priority. I just think the cutoff should be different. 18 isn't enough anymore. At 18 you've got no skills or qualifications outside the very basic ones and minimum wage isn't enough any more. I think support should be given until 21-22 and it doesn't have to be super comprehensive, just shelter and food", ">\n\nThat's not an \"unpopular\" opinion at all.", ">\n\nIt is but unfortunately legal", ">\n\nI remember when the (Greek) owner of a bar I used to frequent once asked me, in hushed tones, \"Is it true, that you (British people) throw your kids out at 18 and don't even buy them a house?\" I tried to explain that it was different from person to person, but that most British people would not consider it there obligation to house their children after they reached the age of majority, but that few would actually throw them out. That it is the norm to pay your own way from that age, if you can. She was appalled!!", ">\n\n\nhave never, ever understood how any self proclaimed “good mother” or “good father” can be excited to throw their child on the streets without a second thought as soon as they can.\n\nPeople like this have child regret. They either never wanted kids and had one anyways due to social pressure or being plain dumb, or they thought they wanted a kid until they actually had one and realized how much work and stress kids actually are.", ">\n\nIf a kid is properly trained to be an adult and has the right attitude, they should want to leave their parents house when they are 18." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent.", ">\n\nMy kids are welcome at home for as long as they want to be here with the caveat that they must be doing something to better themselves. Either going to school, learning a trade, or working a job. I wouldn’t want kids just sitting around on Playstation all day every day. That isn’t helping them out. But as long as they are doing something they are welcome no charge for as long as they want.", ">\n\nThis is a good unpopular opinion. Not a good opinion, but a good use of this sub.", ">\n\nSome other countries wouldn't dare get rid of their child laborers just because they get a little older. However, since they were mercilessly worked from age 7 maybe 18 is retirement? Idk", ">\n\nMy dad always told me and my siblings while growing up that at 18 we were out the door. Most of us started uni at 17, couldn’t wait to fucking leave.", ">\n\nI had my son knowing that it was my choice which also means that my house is his house. That doesn't stop being true once he's a legal adult. Your brain doesn't stop developing until your mid 20s. It's his house too even until he's moved out and on his own. If something tragic happens and he has no shelter, he can come home again. I'm not saying that goes without some expectations and compromising. But I'm also not going to let him go hungry or feeling unloved, either.", ">\n\nNot everyone chooses to be a parent. I agree with you but I think a lot of those parents never wanted to be parents. They may be from a culture where contraception is difficult to get or one where abortion is looked down upon if not illegal. They may be fathers that didn't want kids but as they're men couldn't abort and were stuck with parenthood. Not all shitty parents were people that just changed their minds.\nI disagree with the parenting is forever. I think parents should have the right to reclaim their lives and stop doing everything for the sake of their children at some point. Nobody wants servitude forever and it can get exhausting having someone else always be your priority. I just think the cutoff should be different. 18 isn't enough anymore. At 18 you've got no skills or qualifications outside the very basic ones and minimum wage isn't enough any more. I think support should be given until 21-22 and it doesn't have to be super comprehensive, just shelter and food", ">\n\nThat's not an \"unpopular\" opinion at all.", ">\n\nIt is but unfortunately legal", ">\n\nI remember when the (Greek) owner of a bar I used to frequent once asked me, in hushed tones, \"Is it true, that you (British people) throw your kids out at 18 and don't even buy them a house?\" I tried to explain that it was different from person to person, but that most British people would not consider it there obligation to house their children after they reached the age of majority, but that few would actually throw them out. That it is the norm to pay your own way from that age, if you can. She was appalled!!", ">\n\n\nhave never, ever understood how any self proclaimed “good mother” or “good father” can be excited to throw their child on the streets without a second thought as soon as they can.\n\nPeople like this have child regret. They either never wanted kids and had one anyways due to social pressure or being plain dumb, or they thought they wanted a kid until they actually had one and realized how much work and stress kids actually are.", ">\n\nIf a kid is properly trained to be an adult and has the right attitude, they should want to leave their parents house when they are 18.", ">\n\nHow is that an unpopular opinion." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent.", ">\n\nMy kids are welcome at home for as long as they want to be here with the caveat that they must be doing something to better themselves. Either going to school, learning a trade, or working a job. I wouldn’t want kids just sitting around on Playstation all day every day. That isn’t helping them out. But as long as they are doing something they are welcome no charge for as long as they want.", ">\n\nThis is a good unpopular opinion. Not a good opinion, but a good use of this sub.", ">\n\nSome other countries wouldn't dare get rid of their child laborers just because they get a little older. However, since they were mercilessly worked from age 7 maybe 18 is retirement? Idk", ">\n\nMy dad always told me and my siblings while growing up that at 18 we were out the door. Most of us started uni at 17, couldn’t wait to fucking leave.", ">\n\nI had my son knowing that it was my choice which also means that my house is his house. That doesn't stop being true once he's a legal adult. Your brain doesn't stop developing until your mid 20s. It's his house too even until he's moved out and on his own. If something tragic happens and he has no shelter, he can come home again. I'm not saying that goes without some expectations and compromising. But I'm also not going to let him go hungry or feeling unloved, either.", ">\n\nNot everyone chooses to be a parent. I agree with you but I think a lot of those parents never wanted to be parents. They may be from a culture where contraception is difficult to get or one where abortion is looked down upon if not illegal. They may be fathers that didn't want kids but as they're men couldn't abort and were stuck with parenthood. Not all shitty parents were people that just changed their minds.\nI disagree with the parenting is forever. I think parents should have the right to reclaim their lives and stop doing everything for the sake of their children at some point. Nobody wants servitude forever and it can get exhausting having someone else always be your priority. I just think the cutoff should be different. 18 isn't enough anymore. At 18 you've got no skills or qualifications outside the very basic ones and minimum wage isn't enough any more. I think support should be given until 21-22 and it doesn't have to be super comprehensive, just shelter and food", ">\n\nThat's not an \"unpopular\" opinion at all.", ">\n\nIt is but unfortunately legal", ">\n\nI remember when the (Greek) owner of a bar I used to frequent once asked me, in hushed tones, \"Is it true, that you (British people) throw your kids out at 18 and don't even buy them a house?\" I tried to explain that it was different from person to person, but that most British people would not consider it there obligation to house their children after they reached the age of majority, but that few would actually throw them out. That it is the norm to pay your own way from that age, if you can. She was appalled!!", ">\n\n\nhave never, ever understood how any self proclaimed “good mother” or “good father” can be excited to throw their child on the streets without a second thought as soon as they can.\n\nPeople like this have child regret. They either never wanted kids and had one anyways due to social pressure or being plain dumb, or they thought they wanted a kid until they actually had one and realized how much work and stress kids actually are.", ">\n\nIf a kid is properly trained to be an adult and has the right attitude, they should want to leave their parents house when they are 18.", ">\n\nHow is that an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nmy parents did that with me. I went and lived with my G\ngrandparents until i could get my GED and get a job. Needless to say, my parents will never meet their grandkids." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent.", ">\n\nMy kids are welcome at home for as long as they want to be here with the caveat that they must be doing something to better themselves. Either going to school, learning a trade, or working a job. I wouldn’t want kids just sitting around on Playstation all day every day. That isn’t helping them out. But as long as they are doing something they are welcome no charge for as long as they want.", ">\n\nThis is a good unpopular opinion. Not a good opinion, but a good use of this sub.", ">\n\nSome other countries wouldn't dare get rid of their child laborers just because they get a little older. However, since they were mercilessly worked from age 7 maybe 18 is retirement? Idk", ">\n\nMy dad always told me and my siblings while growing up that at 18 we were out the door. Most of us started uni at 17, couldn’t wait to fucking leave.", ">\n\nI had my son knowing that it was my choice which also means that my house is his house. That doesn't stop being true once he's a legal adult. Your brain doesn't stop developing until your mid 20s. It's his house too even until he's moved out and on his own. If something tragic happens and he has no shelter, he can come home again. I'm not saying that goes without some expectations and compromising. But I'm also not going to let him go hungry or feeling unloved, either.", ">\n\nNot everyone chooses to be a parent. I agree with you but I think a lot of those parents never wanted to be parents. They may be from a culture where contraception is difficult to get or one where abortion is looked down upon if not illegal. They may be fathers that didn't want kids but as they're men couldn't abort and were stuck with parenthood. Not all shitty parents were people that just changed their minds.\nI disagree with the parenting is forever. I think parents should have the right to reclaim their lives and stop doing everything for the sake of their children at some point. Nobody wants servitude forever and it can get exhausting having someone else always be your priority. I just think the cutoff should be different. 18 isn't enough anymore. At 18 you've got no skills or qualifications outside the very basic ones and minimum wage isn't enough any more. I think support should be given until 21-22 and it doesn't have to be super comprehensive, just shelter and food", ">\n\nThat's not an \"unpopular\" opinion at all.", ">\n\nIt is but unfortunately legal", ">\n\nI remember when the (Greek) owner of a bar I used to frequent once asked me, in hushed tones, \"Is it true, that you (British people) throw your kids out at 18 and don't even buy them a house?\" I tried to explain that it was different from person to person, but that most British people would not consider it there obligation to house their children after they reached the age of majority, but that few would actually throw them out. That it is the norm to pay your own way from that age, if you can. She was appalled!!", ">\n\n\nhave never, ever understood how any self proclaimed “good mother” or “good father” can be excited to throw their child on the streets without a second thought as soon as they can.\n\nPeople like this have child regret. They either never wanted kids and had one anyways due to social pressure or being plain dumb, or they thought they wanted a kid until they actually had one and realized how much work and stress kids actually are.", ">\n\nIf a kid is properly trained to be an adult and has the right attitude, they should want to leave their parents house when they are 18.", ">\n\nHow is that an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nmy parents did that with me. I went and lived with my G\ngrandparents until i could get my GED and get a job. Needless to say, my parents will never meet their grandkids.", ">\n\nHard agree!!! \nMy mother told me verbatim “no room at the inn”. I was 19 at the time, a full time college student, and VERY sheltered. Lost. Couch surfed with my dad for a few months until grandma gave me a home. I’ll always be grateful to her! \nGoing thru that, I could NEVER make my children feel as unwelcome and unloved as I felt at that time." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent.", ">\n\nMy kids are welcome at home for as long as they want to be here with the caveat that they must be doing something to better themselves. Either going to school, learning a trade, or working a job. I wouldn’t want kids just sitting around on Playstation all day every day. That isn’t helping them out. But as long as they are doing something they are welcome no charge for as long as they want.", ">\n\nThis is a good unpopular opinion. Not a good opinion, but a good use of this sub.", ">\n\nSome other countries wouldn't dare get rid of their child laborers just because they get a little older. However, since they were mercilessly worked from age 7 maybe 18 is retirement? Idk", ">\n\nMy dad always told me and my siblings while growing up that at 18 we were out the door. Most of us started uni at 17, couldn’t wait to fucking leave.", ">\n\nI had my son knowing that it was my choice which also means that my house is his house. That doesn't stop being true once he's a legal adult. Your brain doesn't stop developing until your mid 20s. It's his house too even until he's moved out and on his own. If something tragic happens and he has no shelter, he can come home again. I'm not saying that goes without some expectations and compromising. But I'm also not going to let him go hungry or feeling unloved, either.", ">\n\nNot everyone chooses to be a parent. I agree with you but I think a lot of those parents never wanted to be parents. They may be from a culture where contraception is difficult to get or one where abortion is looked down upon if not illegal. They may be fathers that didn't want kids but as they're men couldn't abort and were stuck with parenthood. Not all shitty parents were people that just changed their minds.\nI disagree with the parenting is forever. I think parents should have the right to reclaim their lives and stop doing everything for the sake of their children at some point. Nobody wants servitude forever and it can get exhausting having someone else always be your priority. I just think the cutoff should be different. 18 isn't enough anymore. At 18 you've got no skills or qualifications outside the very basic ones and minimum wage isn't enough any more. I think support should be given until 21-22 and it doesn't have to be super comprehensive, just shelter and food", ">\n\nThat's not an \"unpopular\" opinion at all.", ">\n\nIt is but unfortunately legal", ">\n\nI remember when the (Greek) owner of a bar I used to frequent once asked me, in hushed tones, \"Is it true, that you (British people) throw your kids out at 18 and don't even buy them a house?\" I tried to explain that it was different from person to person, but that most British people would not consider it there obligation to house their children after they reached the age of majority, but that few would actually throw them out. That it is the norm to pay your own way from that age, if you can. She was appalled!!", ">\n\n\nhave never, ever understood how any self proclaimed “good mother” or “good father” can be excited to throw their child on the streets without a second thought as soon as they can.\n\nPeople like this have child regret. They either never wanted kids and had one anyways due to social pressure or being plain dumb, or they thought they wanted a kid until they actually had one and realized how much work and stress kids actually are.", ">\n\nIf a kid is properly trained to be an adult and has the right attitude, they should want to leave their parents house when they are 18.", ">\n\nHow is that an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nmy parents did that with me. I went and lived with my G\ngrandparents until i could get my GED and get a job. Needless to say, my parents will never meet their grandkids.", ">\n\nHard agree!!! \nMy mother told me verbatim “no room at the inn”. I was 19 at the time, a full time college student, and VERY sheltered. Lost. Couch surfed with my dad for a few months until grandma gave me a home. I’ll always be grateful to her! \nGoing thru that, I could NEVER make my children feel as unwelcome and unloved as I felt at that time.", ">\n\nMy kids always have a place to stay, but if they stay I still have expectations that they're doing something and being decent and considerate." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent.", ">\n\nMy kids are welcome at home for as long as they want to be here with the caveat that they must be doing something to better themselves. Either going to school, learning a trade, or working a job. I wouldn’t want kids just sitting around on Playstation all day every day. That isn’t helping them out. But as long as they are doing something they are welcome no charge for as long as they want.", ">\n\nThis is a good unpopular opinion. Not a good opinion, but a good use of this sub.", ">\n\nSome other countries wouldn't dare get rid of their child laborers just because they get a little older. However, since they were mercilessly worked from age 7 maybe 18 is retirement? Idk", ">\n\nMy dad always told me and my siblings while growing up that at 18 we were out the door. Most of us started uni at 17, couldn’t wait to fucking leave.", ">\n\nI had my son knowing that it was my choice which also means that my house is his house. That doesn't stop being true once he's a legal adult. Your brain doesn't stop developing until your mid 20s. It's his house too even until he's moved out and on his own. If something tragic happens and he has no shelter, he can come home again. I'm not saying that goes without some expectations and compromising. But I'm also not going to let him go hungry or feeling unloved, either.", ">\n\nNot everyone chooses to be a parent. I agree with you but I think a lot of those parents never wanted to be parents. They may be from a culture where contraception is difficult to get or one where abortion is looked down upon if not illegal. They may be fathers that didn't want kids but as they're men couldn't abort and were stuck with parenthood. Not all shitty parents were people that just changed their minds.\nI disagree with the parenting is forever. I think parents should have the right to reclaim their lives and stop doing everything for the sake of their children at some point. Nobody wants servitude forever and it can get exhausting having someone else always be your priority. I just think the cutoff should be different. 18 isn't enough anymore. At 18 you've got no skills or qualifications outside the very basic ones and minimum wage isn't enough any more. I think support should be given until 21-22 and it doesn't have to be super comprehensive, just shelter and food", ">\n\nThat's not an \"unpopular\" opinion at all.", ">\n\nIt is but unfortunately legal", ">\n\nI remember when the (Greek) owner of a bar I used to frequent once asked me, in hushed tones, \"Is it true, that you (British people) throw your kids out at 18 and don't even buy them a house?\" I tried to explain that it was different from person to person, but that most British people would not consider it there obligation to house their children after they reached the age of majority, but that few would actually throw them out. That it is the norm to pay your own way from that age, if you can. She was appalled!!", ">\n\n\nhave never, ever understood how any self proclaimed “good mother” or “good father” can be excited to throw their child on the streets without a second thought as soon as they can.\n\nPeople like this have child regret. They either never wanted kids and had one anyways due to social pressure or being plain dumb, or they thought they wanted a kid until they actually had one and realized how much work and stress kids actually are.", ">\n\nIf a kid is properly trained to be an adult and has the right attitude, they should want to leave their parents house when they are 18.", ">\n\nHow is that an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nmy parents did that with me. I went and lived with my G\ngrandparents until i could get my GED and get a job. Needless to say, my parents will never meet their grandkids.", ">\n\nHard agree!!! \nMy mother told me verbatim “no room at the inn”. I was 19 at the time, a full time college student, and VERY sheltered. Lost. Couch surfed with my dad for a few months until grandma gave me a home. I’ll always be grateful to her! \nGoing thru that, I could NEVER make my children feel as unwelcome and unloved as I felt at that time.", ">\n\nMy kids always have a place to stay, but if they stay I still have expectations that they're doing something and being decent and considerate.", ">\n\nI agree. I think charging them rent and have them learn how to get a job/ be an adult is the better way to do it." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent.", ">\n\nMy kids are welcome at home for as long as they want to be here with the caveat that they must be doing something to better themselves. Either going to school, learning a trade, or working a job. I wouldn’t want kids just sitting around on Playstation all day every day. That isn’t helping them out. But as long as they are doing something they are welcome no charge for as long as they want.", ">\n\nThis is a good unpopular opinion. Not a good opinion, but a good use of this sub.", ">\n\nSome other countries wouldn't dare get rid of their child laborers just because they get a little older. However, since they were mercilessly worked from age 7 maybe 18 is retirement? Idk", ">\n\nMy dad always told me and my siblings while growing up that at 18 we were out the door. Most of us started uni at 17, couldn’t wait to fucking leave.", ">\n\nI had my son knowing that it was my choice which also means that my house is his house. That doesn't stop being true once he's a legal adult. Your brain doesn't stop developing until your mid 20s. It's his house too even until he's moved out and on his own. If something tragic happens and he has no shelter, he can come home again. I'm not saying that goes without some expectations and compromising. But I'm also not going to let him go hungry or feeling unloved, either.", ">\n\nNot everyone chooses to be a parent. I agree with you but I think a lot of those parents never wanted to be parents. They may be from a culture where contraception is difficult to get or one where abortion is looked down upon if not illegal. They may be fathers that didn't want kids but as they're men couldn't abort and were stuck with parenthood. Not all shitty parents were people that just changed their minds.\nI disagree with the parenting is forever. I think parents should have the right to reclaim their lives and stop doing everything for the sake of their children at some point. Nobody wants servitude forever and it can get exhausting having someone else always be your priority. I just think the cutoff should be different. 18 isn't enough anymore. At 18 you've got no skills or qualifications outside the very basic ones and minimum wage isn't enough any more. I think support should be given until 21-22 and it doesn't have to be super comprehensive, just shelter and food", ">\n\nThat's not an \"unpopular\" opinion at all.", ">\n\nIt is but unfortunately legal", ">\n\nI remember when the (Greek) owner of a bar I used to frequent once asked me, in hushed tones, \"Is it true, that you (British people) throw your kids out at 18 and don't even buy them a house?\" I tried to explain that it was different from person to person, but that most British people would not consider it there obligation to house their children after they reached the age of majority, but that few would actually throw them out. That it is the norm to pay your own way from that age, if you can. She was appalled!!", ">\n\n\nhave never, ever understood how any self proclaimed “good mother” or “good father” can be excited to throw their child on the streets without a second thought as soon as they can.\n\nPeople like this have child regret. They either never wanted kids and had one anyways due to social pressure or being plain dumb, or they thought they wanted a kid until they actually had one and realized how much work and stress kids actually are.", ">\n\nIf a kid is properly trained to be an adult and has the right attitude, they should want to leave their parents house when they are 18.", ">\n\nHow is that an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nmy parents did that with me. I went and lived with my G\ngrandparents until i could get my GED and get a job. Needless to say, my parents will never meet their grandkids.", ">\n\nHard agree!!! \nMy mother told me verbatim “no room at the inn”. I was 19 at the time, a full time college student, and VERY sheltered. Lost. Couch surfed with my dad for a few months until grandma gave me a home. I’ll always be grateful to her! \nGoing thru that, I could NEVER make my children feel as unwelcome and unloved as I felt at that time.", ">\n\nMy kids always have a place to stay, but if they stay I still have expectations that they're doing something and being decent and considerate.", ">\n\nI agree. I think charging them rent and have them learn how to get a job/ be an adult is the better way to do it.", ">\n\nMy parents didn't even want me to move out. I lived at home until i was 28, which i didn't mind." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent.", ">\n\nMy kids are welcome at home for as long as they want to be here with the caveat that they must be doing something to better themselves. Either going to school, learning a trade, or working a job. I wouldn’t want kids just sitting around on Playstation all day every day. That isn’t helping them out. But as long as they are doing something they are welcome no charge for as long as they want.", ">\n\nThis is a good unpopular opinion. Not a good opinion, but a good use of this sub.", ">\n\nSome other countries wouldn't dare get rid of their child laborers just because they get a little older. However, since they were mercilessly worked from age 7 maybe 18 is retirement? Idk", ">\n\nMy dad always told me and my siblings while growing up that at 18 we were out the door. Most of us started uni at 17, couldn’t wait to fucking leave.", ">\n\nI had my son knowing that it was my choice which also means that my house is his house. That doesn't stop being true once he's a legal adult. Your brain doesn't stop developing until your mid 20s. It's his house too even until he's moved out and on his own. If something tragic happens and he has no shelter, he can come home again. I'm not saying that goes without some expectations and compromising. But I'm also not going to let him go hungry or feeling unloved, either.", ">\n\nNot everyone chooses to be a parent. I agree with you but I think a lot of those parents never wanted to be parents. They may be from a culture where contraception is difficult to get or one where abortion is looked down upon if not illegal. They may be fathers that didn't want kids but as they're men couldn't abort and were stuck with parenthood. Not all shitty parents were people that just changed their minds.\nI disagree with the parenting is forever. I think parents should have the right to reclaim their lives and stop doing everything for the sake of their children at some point. Nobody wants servitude forever and it can get exhausting having someone else always be your priority. I just think the cutoff should be different. 18 isn't enough anymore. At 18 you've got no skills or qualifications outside the very basic ones and minimum wage isn't enough any more. I think support should be given until 21-22 and it doesn't have to be super comprehensive, just shelter and food", ">\n\nThat's not an \"unpopular\" opinion at all.", ">\n\nIt is but unfortunately legal", ">\n\nI remember when the (Greek) owner of a bar I used to frequent once asked me, in hushed tones, \"Is it true, that you (British people) throw your kids out at 18 and don't even buy them a house?\" I tried to explain that it was different from person to person, but that most British people would not consider it there obligation to house their children after they reached the age of majority, but that few would actually throw them out. That it is the norm to pay your own way from that age, if you can. She was appalled!!", ">\n\n\nhave never, ever understood how any self proclaimed “good mother” or “good father” can be excited to throw their child on the streets without a second thought as soon as they can.\n\nPeople like this have child regret. They either never wanted kids and had one anyways due to social pressure or being plain dumb, or they thought they wanted a kid until they actually had one and realized how much work and stress kids actually are.", ">\n\nIf a kid is properly trained to be an adult and has the right attitude, they should want to leave their parents house when they are 18.", ">\n\nHow is that an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nmy parents did that with me. I went and lived with my G\ngrandparents until i could get my GED and get a job. Needless to say, my parents will never meet their grandkids.", ">\n\nHard agree!!! \nMy mother told me verbatim “no room at the inn”. I was 19 at the time, a full time college student, and VERY sheltered. Lost. Couch surfed with my dad for a few months until grandma gave me a home. I’ll always be grateful to her! \nGoing thru that, I could NEVER make my children feel as unwelcome and unloved as I felt at that time.", ">\n\nMy kids always have a place to stay, but if they stay I still have expectations that they're doing something and being decent and considerate.", ">\n\nI agree. I think charging them rent and have them learn how to get a job/ be an adult is the better way to do it.", ">\n\nMy parents didn't even want me to move out. I lived at home until i was 28, which i didn't mind.", ">\n\nI moved out at 18. But not because my dad wanted me too, but because I wanted too.\nHe let me and just said there is always a room at home if it doesn't work out.\nIt did work out, I never moved back. But it was good to know if there was any issues I could go back home.\nI've never understood the parents who push their kids out immediately. It's mostly done for selfish reasons, not for your kids benefit, but they mask it as something they're doing for the kids benefit.\nEdit: I'm Aussie if that makes any difference." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent.", ">\n\nMy kids are welcome at home for as long as they want to be here with the caveat that they must be doing something to better themselves. Either going to school, learning a trade, or working a job. I wouldn’t want kids just sitting around on Playstation all day every day. That isn’t helping them out. But as long as they are doing something they are welcome no charge for as long as they want.", ">\n\nThis is a good unpopular opinion. Not a good opinion, but a good use of this sub.", ">\n\nSome other countries wouldn't dare get rid of their child laborers just because they get a little older. However, since they were mercilessly worked from age 7 maybe 18 is retirement? Idk", ">\n\nMy dad always told me and my siblings while growing up that at 18 we were out the door. Most of us started uni at 17, couldn’t wait to fucking leave.", ">\n\nI had my son knowing that it was my choice which also means that my house is his house. That doesn't stop being true once he's a legal adult. Your brain doesn't stop developing until your mid 20s. It's his house too even until he's moved out and on his own. If something tragic happens and he has no shelter, he can come home again. I'm not saying that goes without some expectations and compromising. But I'm also not going to let him go hungry or feeling unloved, either.", ">\n\nNot everyone chooses to be a parent. I agree with you but I think a lot of those parents never wanted to be parents. They may be from a culture where contraception is difficult to get or one where abortion is looked down upon if not illegal. They may be fathers that didn't want kids but as they're men couldn't abort and were stuck with parenthood. Not all shitty parents were people that just changed their minds.\nI disagree with the parenting is forever. I think parents should have the right to reclaim their lives and stop doing everything for the sake of their children at some point. Nobody wants servitude forever and it can get exhausting having someone else always be your priority. I just think the cutoff should be different. 18 isn't enough anymore. At 18 you've got no skills or qualifications outside the very basic ones and minimum wage isn't enough any more. I think support should be given until 21-22 and it doesn't have to be super comprehensive, just shelter and food", ">\n\nThat's not an \"unpopular\" opinion at all.", ">\n\nIt is but unfortunately legal", ">\n\nI remember when the (Greek) owner of a bar I used to frequent once asked me, in hushed tones, \"Is it true, that you (British people) throw your kids out at 18 and don't even buy them a house?\" I tried to explain that it was different from person to person, but that most British people would not consider it there obligation to house their children after they reached the age of majority, but that few would actually throw them out. That it is the norm to pay your own way from that age, if you can. She was appalled!!", ">\n\n\nhave never, ever understood how any self proclaimed “good mother” or “good father” can be excited to throw their child on the streets without a second thought as soon as they can.\n\nPeople like this have child regret. They either never wanted kids and had one anyways due to social pressure or being plain dumb, or they thought they wanted a kid until they actually had one and realized how much work and stress kids actually are.", ">\n\nIf a kid is properly trained to be an adult and has the right attitude, they should want to leave their parents house when they are 18.", ">\n\nHow is that an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nmy parents did that with me. I went and lived with my G\ngrandparents until i could get my GED and get a job. Needless to say, my parents will never meet their grandkids.", ">\n\nHard agree!!! \nMy mother told me verbatim “no room at the inn”. I was 19 at the time, a full time college student, and VERY sheltered. Lost. Couch surfed with my dad for a few months until grandma gave me a home. I’ll always be grateful to her! \nGoing thru that, I could NEVER make my children feel as unwelcome and unloved as I felt at that time.", ">\n\nMy kids always have a place to stay, but if they stay I still have expectations that they're doing something and being decent and considerate.", ">\n\nI agree. I think charging them rent and have them learn how to get a job/ be an adult is the better way to do it.", ">\n\nMy parents didn't even want me to move out. I lived at home until i was 28, which i didn't mind.", ">\n\nI moved out at 18. But not because my dad wanted me too, but because I wanted too.\nHe let me and just said there is always a room at home if it doesn't work out.\nIt did work out, I never moved back. But it was good to know if there was any issues I could go back home.\nI've never understood the parents who push their kids out immediately. It's mostly done for selfish reasons, not for your kids benefit, but they mask it as something they're doing for the kids benefit.\nEdit: I'm Aussie if that makes any difference.", ">\n\nI turned 18 on my first day of college(going to local community college because that’s all I could afford with full time job.)\nI got home and realized all my stuff(bed, clothes, Knick knacks) were out at the curb and the locks on the house changed. \nMy family was toxic, manipulative and emotionally abusive. Truly awful people." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent.", ">\n\nMy kids are welcome at home for as long as they want to be here with the caveat that they must be doing something to better themselves. Either going to school, learning a trade, or working a job. I wouldn’t want kids just sitting around on Playstation all day every day. That isn’t helping them out. But as long as they are doing something they are welcome no charge for as long as they want.", ">\n\nThis is a good unpopular opinion. Not a good opinion, but a good use of this sub.", ">\n\nSome other countries wouldn't dare get rid of their child laborers just because they get a little older. However, since they were mercilessly worked from age 7 maybe 18 is retirement? Idk", ">\n\nMy dad always told me and my siblings while growing up that at 18 we were out the door. Most of us started uni at 17, couldn’t wait to fucking leave.", ">\n\nI had my son knowing that it was my choice which also means that my house is his house. That doesn't stop being true once he's a legal adult. Your brain doesn't stop developing until your mid 20s. It's his house too even until he's moved out and on his own. If something tragic happens and he has no shelter, he can come home again. I'm not saying that goes without some expectations and compromising. But I'm also not going to let him go hungry or feeling unloved, either.", ">\n\nNot everyone chooses to be a parent. I agree with you but I think a lot of those parents never wanted to be parents. They may be from a culture where contraception is difficult to get or one where abortion is looked down upon if not illegal. They may be fathers that didn't want kids but as they're men couldn't abort and were stuck with parenthood. Not all shitty parents were people that just changed their minds.\nI disagree with the parenting is forever. I think parents should have the right to reclaim their lives and stop doing everything for the sake of their children at some point. Nobody wants servitude forever and it can get exhausting having someone else always be your priority. I just think the cutoff should be different. 18 isn't enough anymore. At 18 you've got no skills or qualifications outside the very basic ones and minimum wage isn't enough any more. I think support should be given until 21-22 and it doesn't have to be super comprehensive, just shelter and food", ">\n\nThat's not an \"unpopular\" opinion at all.", ">\n\nIt is but unfortunately legal", ">\n\nI remember when the (Greek) owner of a bar I used to frequent once asked me, in hushed tones, \"Is it true, that you (British people) throw your kids out at 18 and don't even buy them a house?\" I tried to explain that it was different from person to person, but that most British people would not consider it there obligation to house their children after they reached the age of majority, but that few would actually throw them out. That it is the norm to pay your own way from that age, if you can. She was appalled!!", ">\n\n\nhave never, ever understood how any self proclaimed “good mother” or “good father” can be excited to throw their child on the streets without a second thought as soon as they can.\n\nPeople like this have child regret. They either never wanted kids and had one anyways due to social pressure or being plain dumb, or they thought they wanted a kid until they actually had one and realized how much work and stress kids actually are.", ">\n\nIf a kid is properly trained to be an adult and has the right attitude, they should want to leave their parents house when they are 18.", ">\n\nHow is that an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nmy parents did that with me. I went and lived with my G\ngrandparents until i could get my GED and get a job. Needless to say, my parents will never meet their grandkids.", ">\n\nHard agree!!! \nMy mother told me verbatim “no room at the inn”. I was 19 at the time, a full time college student, and VERY sheltered. Lost. Couch surfed with my dad for a few months until grandma gave me a home. I’ll always be grateful to her! \nGoing thru that, I could NEVER make my children feel as unwelcome and unloved as I felt at that time.", ">\n\nMy kids always have a place to stay, but if they stay I still have expectations that they're doing something and being decent and considerate.", ">\n\nI agree. I think charging them rent and have them learn how to get a job/ be an adult is the better way to do it.", ">\n\nMy parents didn't even want me to move out. I lived at home until i was 28, which i didn't mind.", ">\n\nI moved out at 18. But not because my dad wanted me too, but because I wanted too.\nHe let me and just said there is always a room at home if it doesn't work out.\nIt did work out, I never moved back. But it was good to know if there was any issues I could go back home.\nI've never understood the parents who push their kids out immediately. It's mostly done for selfish reasons, not for your kids benefit, but they mask it as something they're doing for the kids benefit.\nEdit: I'm Aussie if that makes any difference.", ">\n\nI turned 18 on my first day of college(going to local community college because that’s all I could afford with full time job.)\nI got home and realized all my stuff(bed, clothes, Knick knacks) were out at the curb and the locks on the house changed. \nMy family was toxic, manipulative and emotionally abusive. Truly awful people.", ">\n\nMy husband's dad called the police on him when he was 15, as soon as he had become big enough to hit him back, hard enough to lay his ass out.\nPolice knew his dad well enough (and his older brothers) to take the 15 year olds side.\nHe was emancipated a few weeks later. \nDad took all his stuff, and sold it at an auction for stupid prices. Father of the year. \nThen left town.\nMatt did better without him." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent.", ">\n\nMy kids are welcome at home for as long as they want to be here with the caveat that they must be doing something to better themselves. Either going to school, learning a trade, or working a job. I wouldn’t want kids just sitting around on Playstation all day every day. That isn’t helping them out. But as long as they are doing something they are welcome no charge for as long as they want.", ">\n\nThis is a good unpopular opinion. Not a good opinion, but a good use of this sub.", ">\n\nSome other countries wouldn't dare get rid of their child laborers just because they get a little older. However, since they were mercilessly worked from age 7 maybe 18 is retirement? Idk", ">\n\nMy dad always told me and my siblings while growing up that at 18 we were out the door. Most of us started uni at 17, couldn’t wait to fucking leave.", ">\n\nI had my son knowing that it was my choice which also means that my house is his house. That doesn't stop being true once he's a legal adult. Your brain doesn't stop developing until your mid 20s. It's his house too even until he's moved out and on his own. If something tragic happens and he has no shelter, he can come home again. I'm not saying that goes without some expectations and compromising. But I'm also not going to let him go hungry or feeling unloved, either.", ">\n\nNot everyone chooses to be a parent. I agree with you but I think a lot of those parents never wanted to be parents. They may be from a culture where contraception is difficult to get or one where abortion is looked down upon if not illegal. They may be fathers that didn't want kids but as they're men couldn't abort and were stuck with parenthood. Not all shitty parents were people that just changed their minds.\nI disagree with the parenting is forever. I think parents should have the right to reclaim their lives and stop doing everything for the sake of their children at some point. Nobody wants servitude forever and it can get exhausting having someone else always be your priority. I just think the cutoff should be different. 18 isn't enough anymore. At 18 you've got no skills or qualifications outside the very basic ones and minimum wage isn't enough any more. I think support should be given until 21-22 and it doesn't have to be super comprehensive, just shelter and food", ">\n\nThat's not an \"unpopular\" opinion at all.", ">\n\nIt is but unfortunately legal", ">\n\nI remember when the (Greek) owner of a bar I used to frequent once asked me, in hushed tones, \"Is it true, that you (British people) throw your kids out at 18 and don't even buy them a house?\" I tried to explain that it was different from person to person, but that most British people would not consider it there obligation to house their children after they reached the age of majority, but that few would actually throw them out. That it is the norm to pay your own way from that age, if you can. She was appalled!!", ">\n\n\nhave never, ever understood how any self proclaimed “good mother” or “good father” can be excited to throw their child on the streets without a second thought as soon as they can.\n\nPeople like this have child regret. They either never wanted kids and had one anyways due to social pressure or being plain dumb, or they thought they wanted a kid until they actually had one and realized how much work and stress kids actually are.", ">\n\nIf a kid is properly trained to be an adult and has the right attitude, they should want to leave their parents house when they are 18.", ">\n\nHow is that an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nmy parents did that with me. I went and lived with my G\ngrandparents until i could get my GED and get a job. Needless to say, my parents will never meet their grandkids.", ">\n\nHard agree!!! \nMy mother told me verbatim “no room at the inn”. I was 19 at the time, a full time college student, and VERY sheltered. Lost. Couch surfed with my dad for a few months until grandma gave me a home. I’ll always be grateful to her! \nGoing thru that, I could NEVER make my children feel as unwelcome and unloved as I felt at that time.", ">\n\nMy kids always have a place to stay, but if they stay I still have expectations that they're doing something and being decent and considerate.", ">\n\nI agree. I think charging them rent and have them learn how to get a job/ be an adult is the better way to do it.", ">\n\nMy parents didn't even want me to move out. I lived at home until i was 28, which i didn't mind.", ">\n\nI moved out at 18. But not because my dad wanted me too, but because I wanted too.\nHe let me and just said there is always a room at home if it doesn't work out.\nIt did work out, I never moved back. But it was good to know if there was any issues I could go back home.\nI've never understood the parents who push their kids out immediately. It's mostly done for selfish reasons, not for your kids benefit, but they mask it as something they're doing for the kids benefit.\nEdit: I'm Aussie if that makes any difference.", ">\n\nI turned 18 on my first day of college(going to local community college because that’s all I could afford with full time job.)\nI got home and realized all my stuff(bed, clothes, Knick knacks) were out at the curb and the locks on the house changed. \nMy family was toxic, manipulative and emotionally abusive. Truly awful people.", ">\n\nMy husband's dad called the police on him when he was 15, as soon as he had become big enough to hit him back, hard enough to lay his ass out.\nPolice knew his dad well enough (and his older brothers) to take the 15 year olds side.\nHe was emancipated a few weeks later. \nDad took all his stuff, and sold it at an auction for stupid prices. Father of the year. \nThen left town.\nMatt did better without him.", ">\n\nMy father always said this to me when I was a kid “as soon as you’re 18, you’re out of here” it made me feel unloved and like a burden and made me very anxious as a child." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent.", ">\n\nMy kids are welcome at home for as long as they want to be here with the caveat that they must be doing something to better themselves. Either going to school, learning a trade, or working a job. I wouldn’t want kids just sitting around on Playstation all day every day. That isn’t helping them out. But as long as they are doing something they are welcome no charge for as long as they want.", ">\n\nThis is a good unpopular opinion. Not a good opinion, but a good use of this sub.", ">\n\nSome other countries wouldn't dare get rid of their child laborers just because they get a little older. However, since they were mercilessly worked from age 7 maybe 18 is retirement? Idk", ">\n\nMy dad always told me and my siblings while growing up that at 18 we were out the door. Most of us started uni at 17, couldn’t wait to fucking leave.", ">\n\nI had my son knowing that it was my choice which also means that my house is his house. That doesn't stop being true once he's a legal adult. Your brain doesn't stop developing until your mid 20s. It's his house too even until he's moved out and on his own. If something tragic happens and he has no shelter, he can come home again. I'm not saying that goes without some expectations and compromising. But I'm also not going to let him go hungry or feeling unloved, either.", ">\n\nNot everyone chooses to be a parent. I agree with you but I think a lot of those parents never wanted to be parents. They may be from a culture where contraception is difficult to get or one where abortion is looked down upon if not illegal. They may be fathers that didn't want kids but as they're men couldn't abort and were stuck with parenthood. Not all shitty parents were people that just changed their minds.\nI disagree with the parenting is forever. I think parents should have the right to reclaim their lives and stop doing everything for the sake of their children at some point. Nobody wants servitude forever and it can get exhausting having someone else always be your priority. I just think the cutoff should be different. 18 isn't enough anymore. At 18 you've got no skills or qualifications outside the very basic ones and minimum wage isn't enough any more. I think support should be given until 21-22 and it doesn't have to be super comprehensive, just shelter and food", ">\n\nThat's not an \"unpopular\" opinion at all.", ">\n\nIt is but unfortunately legal", ">\n\nI remember when the (Greek) owner of a bar I used to frequent once asked me, in hushed tones, \"Is it true, that you (British people) throw your kids out at 18 and don't even buy them a house?\" I tried to explain that it was different from person to person, but that most British people would not consider it there obligation to house their children after they reached the age of majority, but that few would actually throw them out. That it is the norm to pay your own way from that age, if you can. She was appalled!!", ">\n\n\nhave never, ever understood how any self proclaimed “good mother” or “good father” can be excited to throw their child on the streets without a second thought as soon as they can.\n\nPeople like this have child regret. They either never wanted kids and had one anyways due to social pressure or being plain dumb, or they thought they wanted a kid until they actually had one and realized how much work and stress kids actually are.", ">\n\nIf a kid is properly trained to be an adult and has the right attitude, they should want to leave their parents house when they are 18.", ">\n\nHow is that an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nmy parents did that with me. I went and lived with my G\ngrandparents until i could get my GED and get a job. Needless to say, my parents will never meet their grandkids.", ">\n\nHard agree!!! \nMy mother told me verbatim “no room at the inn”. I was 19 at the time, a full time college student, and VERY sheltered. Lost. Couch surfed with my dad for a few months until grandma gave me a home. I’ll always be grateful to her! \nGoing thru that, I could NEVER make my children feel as unwelcome and unloved as I felt at that time.", ">\n\nMy kids always have a place to stay, but if they stay I still have expectations that they're doing something and being decent and considerate.", ">\n\nI agree. I think charging them rent and have them learn how to get a job/ be an adult is the better way to do it.", ">\n\nMy parents didn't even want me to move out. I lived at home until i was 28, which i didn't mind.", ">\n\nI moved out at 18. But not because my dad wanted me too, but because I wanted too.\nHe let me and just said there is always a room at home if it doesn't work out.\nIt did work out, I never moved back. But it was good to know if there was any issues I could go back home.\nI've never understood the parents who push their kids out immediately. It's mostly done for selfish reasons, not for your kids benefit, but they mask it as something they're doing for the kids benefit.\nEdit: I'm Aussie if that makes any difference.", ">\n\nI turned 18 on my first day of college(going to local community college because that’s all I could afford with full time job.)\nI got home and realized all my stuff(bed, clothes, Knick knacks) were out at the curb and the locks on the house changed. \nMy family was toxic, manipulative and emotionally abusive. Truly awful people.", ">\n\nMy husband's dad called the police on him when he was 15, as soon as he had become big enough to hit him back, hard enough to lay his ass out.\nPolice knew his dad well enough (and his older brothers) to take the 15 year olds side.\nHe was emancipated a few weeks later. \nDad took all his stuff, and sold it at an auction for stupid prices. Father of the year. \nThen left town.\nMatt did better without him.", ">\n\nMy father always said this to me when I was a kid “as soon as you’re 18, you’re out of here” it made me feel unloved and like a burden and made me very anxious as a child.", ">\n\nIt’s understandable if the kid in question is significantly disrespectful or abusive in anyway. If my son doesn’t seriously start being a more respectful, helpful and reasonable person, then Im going to strongly suggest he move out in his late teens or early 20s. Parenting is a tough job and when you get abused instead of respected then they need tough love and a few hard life lessons, IMO." ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent.", ">\n\nMy kids are welcome at home for as long as they want to be here with the caveat that they must be doing something to better themselves. Either going to school, learning a trade, or working a job. I wouldn’t want kids just sitting around on Playstation all day every day. That isn’t helping them out. But as long as they are doing something they are welcome no charge for as long as they want.", ">\n\nThis is a good unpopular opinion. Not a good opinion, but a good use of this sub.", ">\n\nSome other countries wouldn't dare get rid of their child laborers just because they get a little older. However, since they were mercilessly worked from age 7 maybe 18 is retirement? Idk", ">\n\nMy dad always told me and my siblings while growing up that at 18 we were out the door. Most of us started uni at 17, couldn’t wait to fucking leave.", ">\n\nI had my son knowing that it was my choice which also means that my house is his house. That doesn't stop being true once he's a legal adult. Your brain doesn't stop developing until your mid 20s. It's his house too even until he's moved out and on his own. If something tragic happens and he has no shelter, he can come home again. I'm not saying that goes without some expectations and compromising. But I'm also not going to let him go hungry or feeling unloved, either.", ">\n\nNot everyone chooses to be a parent. I agree with you but I think a lot of those parents never wanted to be parents. They may be from a culture where contraception is difficult to get or one where abortion is looked down upon if not illegal. They may be fathers that didn't want kids but as they're men couldn't abort and were stuck with parenthood. Not all shitty parents were people that just changed their minds.\nI disagree with the parenting is forever. I think parents should have the right to reclaim their lives and stop doing everything for the sake of their children at some point. Nobody wants servitude forever and it can get exhausting having someone else always be your priority. I just think the cutoff should be different. 18 isn't enough anymore. At 18 you've got no skills or qualifications outside the very basic ones and minimum wage isn't enough any more. I think support should be given until 21-22 and it doesn't have to be super comprehensive, just shelter and food", ">\n\nThat's not an \"unpopular\" opinion at all.", ">\n\nIt is but unfortunately legal", ">\n\nI remember when the (Greek) owner of a bar I used to frequent once asked me, in hushed tones, \"Is it true, that you (British people) throw your kids out at 18 and don't even buy them a house?\" I tried to explain that it was different from person to person, but that most British people would not consider it there obligation to house their children after they reached the age of majority, but that few would actually throw them out. That it is the norm to pay your own way from that age, if you can. She was appalled!!", ">\n\n\nhave never, ever understood how any self proclaimed “good mother” or “good father” can be excited to throw their child on the streets without a second thought as soon as they can.\n\nPeople like this have child regret. They either never wanted kids and had one anyways due to social pressure or being plain dumb, or they thought they wanted a kid until they actually had one and realized how much work and stress kids actually are.", ">\n\nIf a kid is properly trained to be an adult and has the right attitude, they should want to leave their parents house when they are 18.", ">\n\nHow is that an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nmy parents did that with me. I went and lived with my G\ngrandparents until i could get my GED and get a job. Needless to say, my parents will never meet their grandkids.", ">\n\nHard agree!!! \nMy mother told me verbatim “no room at the inn”. I was 19 at the time, a full time college student, and VERY sheltered. Lost. Couch surfed with my dad for a few months until grandma gave me a home. I’ll always be grateful to her! \nGoing thru that, I could NEVER make my children feel as unwelcome and unloved as I felt at that time.", ">\n\nMy kids always have a place to stay, but if they stay I still have expectations that they're doing something and being decent and considerate.", ">\n\nI agree. I think charging them rent and have them learn how to get a job/ be an adult is the better way to do it.", ">\n\nMy parents didn't even want me to move out. I lived at home until i was 28, which i didn't mind.", ">\n\nI moved out at 18. But not because my dad wanted me too, but because I wanted too.\nHe let me and just said there is always a room at home if it doesn't work out.\nIt did work out, I never moved back. But it was good to know if there was any issues I could go back home.\nI've never understood the parents who push their kids out immediately. It's mostly done for selfish reasons, not for your kids benefit, but they mask it as something they're doing for the kids benefit.\nEdit: I'm Aussie if that makes any difference.", ">\n\nI turned 18 on my first day of college(going to local community college because that’s all I could afford with full time job.)\nI got home and realized all my stuff(bed, clothes, Knick knacks) were out at the curb and the locks on the house changed. \nMy family was toxic, manipulative and emotionally abusive. Truly awful people.", ">\n\nMy husband's dad called the police on him when he was 15, as soon as he had become big enough to hit him back, hard enough to lay his ass out.\nPolice knew his dad well enough (and his older brothers) to take the 15 year olds side.\nHe was emancipated a few weeks later. \nDad took all his stuff, and sold it at an auction for stupid prices. Father of the year. \nThen left town.\nMatt did better without him.", ">\n\nMy father always said this to me when I was a kid “as soon as you’re 18, you’re out of here” it made me feel unloved and like a burden and made me very anxious as a child.", ">\n\nIt’s understandable if the kid in question is significantly disrespectful or abusive in anyway. If my son doesn’t seriously start being a more respectful, helpful and reasonable person, then Im going to strongly suggest he move out in his late teens or early 20s. Parenting is a tough job and when you get abused instead of respected then they need tough love and a few hard life lessons, IMO.", ">\n\nHonestly if they are kicking their kid out at 18, chances are being there is more abusive" ]

[ "My parents started kicking me out around 12. Then would threaten to call the cops on my friends parents (who took me in and did right by me) if they didn't return me.\nEvery 3-6 months it would happen again. Rinse and repeat.\nI promised my son that I would never do that to him. He's always got a room with me no matter how old he is, bc life is hard and throws curve balls that we don't expect.\nI've got a laundry list of things my parents did that I'll never do to my kids.\nEdit:\nShoutout to Mr & Mrs H(R.I.P.), Mr & Mrs P, Ms. C and Ms. B for stepping up and being great people and teaching me what true kindness is. I'll never forget it.\nThank you every one for your well wishes. Those who endured horrible childhood's like mine or worse, my hearts with you and I hope you're doing better. \nPlease, everyone, hug your kids and just love them.", ">\n\n/r/raisedbynarcissists really opened my eyes to the kinds of insane shit parents do. I think you and others with these kinds of experiences would (sadly) relate to a lot of stuff in that sub.", ">\n\nYeah I use to think \"narcissistic\" behavior was mainly in reference to the Greek god Narcissis. Being infatuated with ones self. \nOnly found out about 6 yrs (?) ago what clinical diagnosis of \"narcissistic\" actually was. \nIt was a huge eye opener and I say unironically; my mom is a narcissistic bitch and my dad is an enabler with his own rage issues. Not a good combo for me.\nIt's increasingly difficult since I've become aware, bc I'm setting up boundaries with my family and they've unanimously aggreed that I'm a selfish toxic bitch bc I won't let them verbally abuse me anymore.\nSo Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I take it day by day... Sometimes minute by minute.\nYes I fully agree people need a parenting license.", ">\n\nA question that stuck with me that was posed to somebody going thru something similar: \n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\nI believe this had to do with the guilt of cutting toxic family members out of one's life. I took it that way for my situation and have found some solace within that line of thinking. Hopefully others will as well.", ">\n\n\n'If you wouldn't let them in your house, why let them in your head?'\n\nOmg. My jaw just dropped reading that. I always used the metaphor of a sinking ship, 'I can stay afloat if I don't let their negativity in'. But I like yours better and I think I'm gonna use it from now on. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I hope others benefit from it as well also.\nYeah I still get random texts of \"but we're family\" and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. I wasn't good enough to be considered family and it was only when you choose to see fit?\nBut now you want me to consider the term \"family\" bc it's not benefitting you?\nLike nope. I'll make a whole new family! Toxicity is not allowed!!", ">\n\nGlad you found that saying useful. Was afraid I was stretching things too far once again.\nI am frustrated that blocking numbers in a smart phone (Android) doesn't stop texts from coming thru. What kind of stalker-supporting BS is this?! I've yet to figure out how this functionality makes sense.", ">\n\nNo you didn't go too far it made perfect sense!\nI've noticed that too! I get emails sending me texts and I can't block them.\nI've had ex's and family members that are blocked, yet they still get through?\nSeriously...somebody in the IT dept aren't doing their job.", ">\n\nIt happened to my wife. When she graduated from high school they sent her on a trip to Hawaii, and when she came home all of her stuff was boxed up. It baffles me how anyone could do that to their children", ">\n\nThis seems like a very American thing. I just don't hear this happening in Europe. I put this down as a lack of community problem. You would be shamed in Europe if you treated your children this way.", ">\n\nI can't speak for all of europe but here in Finland is normal to leave home at 18. Parent's don't kick you out as aggressively because mostly since it's expected from you to leave, and kids do want to leave and live freely they move out for uni/school/military service after highschool without a lot of encouragement. I have known of cases where parents gift a frying pan or something for your new home when you turn 18 as a cue to go. Some people will maybe stay until 19 or 21 if the situation with the parents is good and everyone is ok, but mostly kids do want privacy. Also have to say that the government helps you pay part of the rent if you're a student (besides the student grants) so if you have a part time job or take a study loan you'll be fine if you live in a cheap place or with roomates.", ">\n\nI always found this interesting about Finland when I lived there. It's important to note however that Finland has incredible social safety nets and support available, so it's not the crisis it would be for say an American kid sent out on their own", ">\n\nExactly. The worst that can happen is you will be poor and have to eat tuna and instant noodles and share an apartment with other 2 people.", ">\n\nWhich is the standard in the us", ">\n\nNah worst case out here is living on the streets", ">\n\nI think that is what they meant. That is nowhere near the worst case scenario and having roommates while you live off of instant noodles is pretty average.", ">\n\nIt is what I meant. Living with roomates and eating crap is kinda expected until your late 20s, and it isn’t frowned upon until your 30s.", ">\n\nI didnt get kicked out at 18. \nNo, instead I got emancipated at 17 and left home due to abuse. \nThere should be laws about who can have kids. I said what I said. \nRaising a child is so much more than providing for them financially and nutritionally.", ">\n\nyou are the first fellow emancipated person I’ve seen here. I got kicked out and started being a sole leaseholder at 17 as well. Still dealing with a parent who disapproves of my lifestyle choices to this day. Also my situation is pretty unusual though because I started college at 16.", ">\n\nthat does sound unusual", ">\n\nThis happened to me at 18, I had nowhere to go, and I met a much older man who promised me an apartment but then took me into a hotel, wouldn’t let me leave, threatened my family, abused me and forced me to sleep with men for money which he took. It was much worse than it sounds. \nMy mum still says that it was my choice to leave. I guess she can’t handle the fact she kicked me out and that happened as a result.", ">\n\nI'm really sorry to hear that. This broke my heart and I don't think it could sound worse. Yeah - your mom absolutely bears responsibility and don't you let her off the hook. It was not your choice to leave. It was responsibility to help you stay or at the very least, give you enough support so that you could be helped. Your mother failed you.", ">\n\nI’ve told my kids that as much as possible, I want them equipped to move out when they want to, but that they’re welcome to stay with us as long as they want. That the only way I will ever kick them out is if it gets to the point that staying with me is holding them back. I’m in no hurry to see them leave.", ">\n\nRemember also, kids sometimes don't think to call their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of us love to help and would gladly take in a young person who needs help. Often times your relatives could use a hand around the house or farm or with their own kids or in their business. \nJust reach out.", ">\n\nI reached out to my aunt.\nShe said she wouldn’t undermine her sister. \nSo I spent three months on the streets until my then-bf came back from visiting his parents overseas.", ">\n\nWhy is this posted as an unpopular opinion? Is the opposite is really what most people think? If so we are truly living in a shitty world.", ">\n\nIndeed we do live in a shitty world. Loads of people, comapnys and governments are unfair and dont put any effort in to changing that, whether it be for consistency, the benefit they get, or even ‘just cuz’.", ">\n\nat 18 people are still in high school and mostly don't have jobs, wtf", ">\n\nWhen I was 18 I was a senior in highschool and lived with my dad. I switched highschools halfway through the year because the one in my mom's district because of some additional services they had that could help me graduate on time. Instead of taking me to school my mom said, \"you're 18 go sign yourself up.\" \nAs it turns out the school figured I lived on my own and I was allowed to write my own notes for being absent or needing to leave class early. In hindsight, it is kind of horrifying to think that's their default. My parents at least waited until I graduated to kick me out.", ">\n\nAbsent notes just have to be written by an adult. Before you’re 18, the adult in charge of you is your parent/guardian. Once you turn 18 you’re the adult in charge of you. There might have been something else that made you think they assumed you were on your own, but that shouldn’t have done it.", ">\n\nIt depends on the school - the third high school I went to was an “alternative” school, for kids who had issues in regular school settings. Most of us were living on our own before 18, lots of students had their own kids, and faculty knew we were all responsible for ourselves, no parents or guardians involved.", ">\n\nThat’s why u kick them out at 17. Jk. \nWell that’s what happened to me. Toxic family. Glad I left though. Doing much better now", ">\n\nMy mom faked my birth certificate so I would graduate at 17, but she kicked me out at 16 anyway...", ">\n\nDoes this sub have any unpopular opinions anymore ?", ">\n\nYes. My unpopular opinion is that this sub has many unpopular opinions.", ">\n\nMy mom allowed step dad to kick me out at 18. At the time I was working part time during the day and going to community College (all paid for by me) in the evening. \nThe reason was that I argued too much with my younger sister. They gave me six months to work to save up for a car handed me anew laundry basket with detergent and basically showed me the door.\nI was a good kid. I didn't do drugs, worked, went to school, mouthy probably, but is that really the right response?\nMy life got very hard after that. I was vulnerable and placed in bad situations around bad people. I was never guided through higher ed and had to figure it out. No financial help at all. \nI still have trauma over this years later. Hyper independent , unable to let anyone in or trust, very few friends that are long term. I keep people at arm's length and I get panic attacks if my money is not where I'd like it. I hoard it like how other people board food. I never had children, convinced that I was too broken (but also financially vulnerable) did a very long time. \nThis had enormous impact on me. I'm reasonably successful now. I'm okay now. I'm working through the cptsd, now. \nI went no contact with my mom only last year, when the weight of flashbacks became too much, especially when she rewrites history and acts proud because her kids are self sufficient like she did anything other than throw us in the pool to force us to swim.", ">\n\nSorry to hear, that's fked up. Hope you can recover", ">\n\nI moved out at 18 semi-voluntarily. I wasn't kicked but I didn't much like the deal on the table. \nI worked hard and learned a lot and I genuinely credit it with me being a much more capable adult much sooner than I may have been. \nThat said, every situation has it's pros and cons. I lived very frugally, I didn't go out with friends too often and I didn't really spend too much on clothes or \"things.\"\nI had simple pleasures, but my own small space. \nThis was around 15 years ago and I know it isn't getting any easier to do. I do however value my independence, capabilities and ability to function as an adult and I've never had to rely on parental financial support as an adult. There is a lot of freedom that comes with that.", ">\n\nThis, absolutely this. Your sense of independence really grows when you have your own space. Not just a room in someone else’s house.", ">\n\nHonestly that probably depends how you’re treated at home", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nLike most of the stuff that’s posted on here", ">\n\nAt this point it's like most of reddit.\nIt's like here we have a place to post pictures of X.\nSomeone posts a picture of Y instead and gets 10k upvotes, what's the point of different subreddits if they aren't utilised correctly", ">\n\nThis literally came up yesterday with a coworker. She said I'm counting down the weeks. \"They have 19 Fridays\". I thought it was sad and then told her my son will always have his room, and that I would keep them under my roof as long as they want to stay. She said she already had plans for her kids rooms and then abruptly ended the conversation. Hopefully they have somewhere to go.", ">\n\nHappened to my high school boyfriend, they changed the locks on the house while he was working a double on a Saturday. Came home and couldn’t get in, only explanation was “your step mother doesn’t think you need to be here now that you have a college dorm.” They also wouldn’t help him with school at all and they made too much income for him to qualify for financial aid. He was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it. He ended up living at his best friend’s parents home which was 2 doors down from his parent’s home. I really hope they felt the shame of that because he never spoke to them again. My ex ended up taking his own life 12 years later and I’m sure that whole dynamic played a part in it.", ">\n\n\nHe was expelled after 3 months because he couldn’t afford it.\n\nNot how that works, something is missing there", ">\n\nIt’s in AU as well. I didn’t get kicked out but got told to start earning a wage and contributing or get out. Studied for a bit then left. I will encourage my son to stay as long as possible and save as long as possible. I don’t understand.", ">\n\nIt’s mostly people in the US who do this, and that’s worse because minimum wage in the US doesn’t even come close to covering the cost of living now. Most 18 year olds are either still in or fresh out of high school and have no choice but minimum wage jobs. And getting a college degree while working full time is really fucking hard. So any parents who do this to their kid are just screwing them and their chances of a good future over.", ">\n\nAnd it's worse in larger cities. Even if you have a \"good\" paying union job, that was coveted in the past, you still can't afford to live decently on your own. In Los Angeles the average APARTMENT rent is $2786. Let's say it's a 2 bedroom so you get a roommate. That's around $1300 to $1400 plus utilities. Then your car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, etc. Then food, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's insane. My kids are going to be screwed if we don't help them.", ">\n\nLA is one of the most expensive cities in the country, but also one of the better paying. A line cook at In N Out will pay $50k a year, making that roommate situation affordable.\nThe national average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is still under $1300.", ">\n\nThat includes rental houses. I specified 2br apartments.", ">\n\nThat link specifically says apartments, not houses", ">\n\nWell as far as I heard it is mostly only western families who do this. Other cultures seem to value to family bonds way more than we do.", ">\n\nIt’s absolutely not “western” families. It’s AMERICAN (US) families. \nThe rest of the west either has very good welfare in place (think of Scandinavia) meaning that kids can sustain themselves outside of their parents’ home, or in other places (think Italy, Greece, Spain…) they live at home with their parents until they have enough money and life experience to move out.", ">\n\nIt’s a tiny percentage of American families.", ">\n\nThat may very well be. I don’t have any data nor anecdote. However, what I do know is that this is a USA phenomenon.", ">\n\nI think maybe modern American-only, but parents abandoning children is not new. My family is newly immigrated from East Asia, and I know (at least in China and Japan) children weren’t taken care of by parents for a long time, as the oldest child essentially took over the duty of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise doing servant-type work. China especially has a history of dumping newborn girls.\nThe whole “18 and you’re out” may be American when presented like that, but the broader idea of treating children like adults (aka not taking care of them) is not at all unique to America. I’m sure folks more familiar with Europe, Africa, the SWANA region, etc. can name similar examples.", ">\n\nI’m more familiar with Europe (being Italian myself), but Europe is a big ass continent and cannot be generalised. \nIn Italy children where not “abandoned”, but for sure up until a few decades ago the same thing you describe happened. Families (especially poor families in the south) would have 5+ children, and the eldest usually took care of the little ones while the parents worked. But they were not forced out of the family house; in fact, it was normal to get married and keep living with either the husband’s or wife’s parents.", ">\n\nWell, the US is a large land mass with 350 million people yet that didn’t stop you from making generalizations about the US.", ">\n\nThis isn’t an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nMy parents kicked all 5 of their children out when they reached 18. I ended up couch hopping (staying with random friends, relatives, boyfriends) until I was about 30 because I couldn't get a decent enough job to pay rent. I also put myself through college twice during this time. My first degree was a mistake. Never got a job from it.", ">\n\nIn India, we have a concept of living together as families we respect our elders and live with them as well, and parents don't kick out their kids as soon as they turn 18 but tell them to focus on their careers, health and lives.", ">\n\ni was kicked out at 17, not even 24 hours after i came home from being an exchange student for a year. we got home late so all went to bed right away, and me and my parents got into an argument that next evening. i was physically thrown out the door without even any shoes (thank god it was summer) and then my dad chased me down the road in the truck and threw me in to take me home right after, where he spanked me like i was fucking 5 years old. i made sure i was barely ever there until i permanently moved out 2 years later.", ">\n\nNot unpopular.\nAlso a repost.", ">\n\nDifferent pants for different people. I was never kicked out. Home till 30. (I know, don’t say it). But my mental was not good enough for me to be alone. That being said I eventually moved out and got married. Personally, I would’ve ended homeless and destitute if my parents kicked me out", ">\n\nDamm what an unpopular opinion", ">\n\nI am not justifying the behavior, but for some, children are a form of income. While a child is a minor, the parent qualifies for government assistance or is eligible for child support. Once the child turns 18, all external forms of financial assistance stops. The child moves from an asset to a liability.", ">\n\nIf my parents had thrown me put at 18 i probably would have ended myself.\nI was 18 finished school applied for college, full time without working, dropped out, got to work in it and now im turning 23. Moving out in a month. Make my own proper money learned to cook and am fully functional. \n18 is still a teen. The amounts of sht 95% 18s still dont knoe is insane. Shoutout to all great parents out there that do the best for their kids.", ">\n\nMy uncle said this about me to my mum because i wasn't working, funny his son is now 24, no job and still living at home with absolutly 0 prospects of leaving anytime soon", ">\n\nHe really stopped half way in my opinion, he should have then made his son get a job either make him pay rent and put that rent money into an account for his son when he moves out, or get his pay put into an account he cant touch till he moves out. assuming they aren't responsible adults considering they're only 18-24", ">\n\nI knew a person who was kicked out at 18 one of my friends had it happen to him. His parents were nice but for some reason just had this belief. Just a couple months after he turned 18 he came home with all his stuff on boxes outside the garage and the locks changed on the house. He ended up staying with a friend and took him a few months to find a place with some other friends of ours. He languished all throughout his 20's. His parents would try to contact to him but he would make them eat static. They even tried asking his friends and me. I told i didn't know where he was. NOW they are concerned. \nEventually in his 30's he got a decent job married and a hospital comes calling that his dad was dying and his mom need full time care. He did go up to the hospital. Told his Dad goodbye and apparently said fuck you for kicking me to the curb at 18 and told his mom for all I care you can waste the rest of your life at a fucking nursing home don't contact me ever again and he left. \nHe has a kid now and promised no matter he will never do that. And as far as I know his mom is in a nursing home. Serves them both right.", ">\n\nI'm going to offer a counter argument (although generally speaking I completely agree with op).\nIf your kid is just a fucking horrific menace (picture We Need To Talk About Kevin), then I think it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with your kid. Obviously parents have an obligation to try to get help for a \"bad\" kid, but if that kid refuses to act right, and is a menace to the family (especially younger siblings), then sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.", ">\n\nAny culture other than western culture this is unheard of. In fact, in most cultures it’s normal for the family to pay for education too!", ">\n\nIn my culture it's just a given that the education is free. Because it's pre-paid over the tax.", ">\n\nI think it really depends on the context. I have no plans to boot my daughter out the second the clock stokes midnight on her 18th birthday. That said, I'm not going to be an enabler if she doesn't want to do anything productive. Working/going to school is fair game, but if she decides she wants to sit around and do nothing I'm not going to be an early retirement plan.", ">\n\nTold my kids, at 18, you are welcome to stay at home, as long as you are making an attempt to better yourself. Meaning, you are employed or seeking employment, attending school or training. They get about 1 year to relax and evaluate where and what they want to do with their life. I will help out as much as I can, but I will not babysit a capable adult who wants to freeload.", ">\n\nExactly. The main purpose of parenting is to raise a capable, self-sufficient human. If my child finishes high school and decides that they want to fool around and freeload for a few years, that's not going to fly. However, if they are moving toward independence then I will support them in any way that I am capable.", ">\n\nIn high school my father told me when I turned 18 would start a timer of me either getting a job or going to college or else he would show me the door. I think this is a reasonable approach? What are your thoughts?", ">\n\nThat's reasonable. After graduation from high school, you do need to be working towards something unless there are extenuating circumstances.", ">\n\nI got kicked out at 18. I appreciate it in hindsight because it forced me to shit or get off the pot. There’s a big difference between kicking a kid out of the nest and maliciously cutting them off.", ">\n\nI left my parents house 6 months after I turned 18. Keep in mind that was back in 2003. The world is much different now and it's a lot harder to make a living. I'm not to the belief that you should kick your children out at 18. I also don't believe they should live with you until they turn 30.\nThe proper thing to do is give your kids time to figure out life teach them about money finances give them opportunity to work a full-time job to save their money so maybe by the time they're 25 or so if they'll have a little savings and that way they can move out comfortably on their own. I think that's fair", ">\n\nWhen I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out. I worked 3 jobs at 80+ hours/week to be able to afford to do so. Who wants to keep living with fucked up parents?\nWhen my kids turned 18 their choices were: 1. full time college with a 3.25 GPA and live rent free. 2. Work and pay for room/board (this money would go to an IRA in their name) or 3. Move out.\nEvery family dynamic is different and trying to impose or even understand some one eles situation can be difficult. From my perspective NOT helping your kids transition to adulthood by having them assume adult responsibilities is the biggest disservice you can do to them.", ">\n\nMost of them want to move out at that age. Yes as a parent you look after them but that extends to even if, and when they do move. \nThey will make mistakes so it's your job to guide and support them throughout their experience or perhaps you might lose them because you're too stifling. \nI've encouraged my 18yr old to get his own place with his GF, he has a job he has a GF he has his mother he has me no matter what. I think he's excited and on the verge of becoming a good man,independent and confident.\nWe all live together and that's OK but he's mature enough to have his own space.", ">\n\nMy ILs moved my husband out the week he graduated high school. Just recently they looked at my almost 17 year old son and said it was almost time to move out. He was like \"uh no\" and they insisted that it is what you do at 18 because they moved out at 18 and so did their two sons. We just replied that is not how we do things and I don't want my kids saddled with debt their whole lives. I'd rather they be able to go to college while living at home and save as much money as possible. And while my in laws paid for my husband and BIL to live in apartments, I'm not going to be doing that. My kids all say they prefer to still live with their family. My son won't leave his dog and he pointed out he regularly takes care of our horses and goats and doesn't want to leave. People are ridiculous. \nWe have a large house and land. They can stay as long as they want but I will not pay for them to live anywhere else and I will not force them to spend money to live on their own so young.", ">\n\nYour husband's parents didn't kick him out unsupported if they paid for his housing. They took care of his biggest expense which makes life much easier. I'm not saying you should do the same with your son, but your husband's situation wasn't what the OP described.", ">\n\nKicked out at 18 and it took me another 20 years to recover.\nNo fucking way I'm doing that to my kids.", ">\n\nSame. May never fully recover. Currently treating my child like a valuable person and ensuring their start in life is a good one.", ">\n\nWith the rising view of \"you don't owe your parents anything. They owe you everything. They can't ask anything of you ever\" I'd understand if a parent would kick them out for basically free loading at a certain age", ">\n\nI can definitely see both perspectives, and taking it to either extreme is unacceptable.\nKicking a hard working mostly respectful 18 year old who is trying to adult is bullshit. But a lazy ass young adult who refuses to work or help around the house, saves nothing and is aggressive with his parents, yeah, kick him the duck out.\nEach and every situation will be different, and different tact's will be needed to successfully launch kids into adulthood. Some kids will thrive on one method, while others would not.", ">\n\nThere’s definitely a balance. I have a friend who’s now 30 that just got kicked out this year, he’s trying to be a YouTuber, but still not making money. His parents are paying for everything though so he still doesn’t have to work. \nHe has an attitude of everyone is a sucker and a loser for doing jobs they don’t totally love, which is hugely entitled and also comes from a place of ignorance for never working a real job. \nMore than anything though, it just seems like a bummer to me, he missed all of his 20s. I’ve had amazing experiences travelling, dating, learning, meeting new people, making a whole load of mistakes. \nHis parents really have robbed him of that by not being firmer. It’s going to be really difficult for him to transition into the real world, get a job, hang out with co-workers, find girlfriends. I don’t know how rich his parents are and if he can manage to survive off an inheritance, but then what kind of life is that?\n18 is way too young, but if you haven’t been working or in education for a couple of years and just hanging out at home, it probably is time for a little tough love.", ">\n\nThis is a popular opinion, only losers kick their kids out.", ">\n\nI couldn't wait to move out, and did so the second I could afford it (at 19). Not because my parents were abusive or anything, but which 18 year old doesn\"t crave freedom and independence??? Doesn't want to be able to come and go whenever they want without parents asking when they're coming back? Doesn't want to be able to invite friends over without parents complaining? Doesn't want to leave a mess without parents nagging them to clean?", ">\n\nI told my kids this, if you have a full-time ,part timejob and are going to school I'll give you a room with low rent so you can save a little for the future. But my now 18 year old daughter who disrespect us messes up the house and demand everything because she knows it all has till May to move out of my house. It's a two way street people. You show me no respect and swear at me when all I do is clean up after you, you go figure it out for yourself. Mind you we still buy all the food and supplies for the house and get no help in return. And if your parents are abusive and shitty it should give you more of a purpose to go live your life the way you choose. My parents gave me no chance and kicked me out at 16 because I liked metal music. I've learned to care for me and others alike because life is what we make it. And I have no time for negative attitudes. My motto is this,get it together- do better! Rant over lol", ">\n\nMost people are stupid, suck, and have no empathy. Many of these people are unfortunately also parents. Wild world", ">\n\nAbusing the word \"abusive\" is annoying.", ">\n\nI feel like when your 18 you should be helping your family by paying rent money but kicking your child out your house without a proper reason is not fair at all especially in these times when it’s so expensive to get a place of your own", ">\n\n100% agree! \nI have an amazing mom and she’s always assured me that she does believe in me and that I can do great things and be independent but I’m also always welcome to stay with her for as long as I need to.", ">\n\nPeople do this..?", ">\n\nI think the idea that kids are adults at 18 is very outdated concept. Yes, they should be legally held responsible for their actions and have autonomy over themselves. At that age though you very much are still in a child like mindset, I left home before 18 and it was such a struggle for me and I’m paying for it later in life. I think if you have children you should try to give them the best advantage possible and kicking them out at that age doesn’t do that.", ">\n\nLegally they don't want to be parents anymore", ">\n\nMany Boomers here in America did this. And it mostly worked out because of the economy of the time. \nMost American generations after that do NOT kick their kids to the curb at 18. It’s not remotely a good thing for the kids or the parents relationship with those kids.\nHaving said that I do know a couple folks that kicked their son out. But he was 24 and showed no sign of leaving. And he did/does have a job. He’s now doing great.\nThings are not always black and white.", ">\n\nYou are an adult at 18. Legally. Whether or not you can care for yourself is another question. \nThough I am not a fan of just kicking kids out, something changes when you turn 18. At some point you need to stand on your own and stop living off of your parent's efforts. 18 might be this point. Maybe 19. Regardless of the number, at 18 you need to start moving towards making yourself independent from your parents. As long as you are working towards that, I feel like you should be welcome to stay, so long as you are contributing and not being a burden. If you turn 18 and six months later you still hang out with your friends and play Xbox all day, then you need to leave.", ">\n\nNo it isn't. Abusing your kid is abusive.", ">\n\nTotally agree, but 18 years old needs to know they are still living under their parents roof. \nI will never charge my kids rent and my kids will be able to stay at my house as long as they need to as long as they are in school or working. What I won’t have is one of my kids graduate to the couch unless they can support themselves or one of my kids thinking they can do whatever they want at the house just because they are 18", ">\n\nThe only time I have heard of an acquaintance being kicked out by their parents was after they resisted all attempts to start working or attending school. Which I understand, if your kid is NEETing all day you’re enabling them by supporting that lifestyle. But kicking your kid out while they are actively trying to improve their chances of becoming a successful adult is indeed abusive, even if they are in their late teens or early 20s", ">\n\nI don't understand how people post this shit thinking it's unpopular.", ">\n\nWhat about step kids? Lol. They gotta go at 18 right? RIGHT?!?!??", ">\n\nI don’t know about this trend, but my parents certainly forced my brother and I to have a plan of what to do after high school. Staying at home was not one of those parts of the plan. It was either go to school or get a job and get your own apartment. That was at. I think that’s healthy.", ">\n\nI’ve seen posts like this on Reddit for years. I think the idea of kicking kids out at 18 is far more nuanced than just being an “American thing” or an “Anglosphere thing”. I think subculture and especially socioeconomic culture has a lot to do with it, and people who force their kids out are likely examples of outliers. For example, in the USA, the types of people who are forcing out their 18 year olds without question are probably not the type of people who value maximizing the long term social, educational, or career prospects for their children, let alone care much about having a future relationship with their adult children. Or, they may be the types of people who value extreme independence to the point where it probably will hinder their child’s chances to succeed in young adulthood. By and large, I think most average American parents want their children to be happy, socially well adjusted, and successful career wise. Its a safe bet your average American parents probably understand that you won’t accomplish any of that by throwing your kids out of the house as soon as they turn age 18 and abandoning them regardless of their prospects.", ">\n\nI left home at 17 when I joined the army. My mom didn't want me to do it but I told her I'd just leave in a few months when I turned 18 anyway. \nMy oldest is now 18 and I totally get where she was coming from. I couldn't imagine kicking that kid out of the house anytime soon. Life is hard enough all on it down. He doesn't need a swift kick in the nuts to start out.", ">\n\nI've seen people leaving home at 18. I have never personally heard a story of a child being kicked out by a parent because they turned 18.\nNot saying it doesn't happen I've just never witnessed it.", ">\n\n\"unpopular opinion\" dude reddit is 90% old dudes living with their parents this has to be the most popular opinion on this site", ">\n\nSometimes, kids need to move out to continue their growth. Even if they don't want to. Kind of like how some small children want you to get them dressed and find their shoes for them, it's easy to resist something (even if it's growth) because the alternative is easier. I'm not saying every case is the same, but sometimes you have to drag them kicking and screaming into adulthood, because the alternative is easier.", ">\n\nI can just tell you I know a person I did make a comment in the about their story they kicked them out a couple months after 18. When his father was dying he went to the hospital and said goodbye and told him fuck you for kicking me to the curb and his mom needed care and told for all he cared she could go to a home and left. \nIf you want stay in your own home as long as possible and be cared for you damn well better treat your kids right. Trust me those places are death traps nursing homes are.", ">\n\nDon't take this the wrong way but I think that's a given. Of course some people won't be able to make it work, but I think we are talking more about overall cultural norms and expectations", ">\n\nYes it 100% is. That’s what my parents did because they wouldn’t stop popping kids out and couldn’t afford having another person in the house. \nThese people are typically sociopaths and already have shitty relationships with their kids. I am completely no contact with my dad because of the shenanigans dude pulled when I was a teen.", ">\n\nwhat shenanigans did he pull?", ">\n\nin most arab countries you continue to live with your parents until you can afford to rent a similar or better place and sometimes even ppl who can do that choose to stay with their parents not only cuz children aren't a bruden to arab but it is a really wise economic decision \nto save and enjoy ur 20s instead of paying rent", ">\n\nIt's for the same reason a bird kicks its babies out of the nest. If you live under your parents for too long, you won't be able to function on your own", ">\n\nRight at 18? No. But I do expect my children to start taking responsibility for themselves. Job/School/Military. Those are the choices. If you get a job, you can live with me for a while so you can save and get on your feet. If school is close by, I'll do the same, but you still need a part time job. Military will give you what you need. But none of my children will get a free ride from me as an adult. Help? Yes. Free ride? No.", ">\n\nPeople like to take literally anything they don't agree with and throw \"abuse\" on it.", ">\n\nThe teens certainly make their presence known in threads like this", ">\n\nAbusive:\n\n\nextremely offensive and insulting.\n\n\nengaging in or characterized by habitual violence and cruelty.\n\n\nWhy do you guys always use words improperly in an attempt to 'make' a point?", ">\n\nIf i was kicked out at 18 i would have been dead. Mental issues and adhd don't mix well with jobs and independance.", ">\n\nChildren didn't ask to be born. You have no right to treat them like a burden when you're the one that made them.", ">\n\nGood grief, the word \"Abusive\" is thrown around to the point it just means \"something I don't like.\"", ">\n\nMoving out when I was 18 was the best decision of my life. Easier with friends, easier with girls, easier when you wanna kick back and do things your own way, parental independence strengthens you and is honestly rather fun if done right.", ">\n\nIt's great that you had the choice but not everyone had the choice", ">\n\nSo? That's the same as anything, if you have the opportunity to it's worth it. House sharing with reliable house mates, having a job and spending responsibly give me more personal freedom than I'd ever have had at \"home.\"\nCan you maintain the same standard of living loving parents tend to provide, no, but you're 18 starting your own venture, you're not supposed to have the same purchasing power as a couple, once you get over than and work on yourself the world's your oyster.", ">\n\nDon’t try to offer a rational counterpoint on Reddit. They just downvote you. But good job on getting your own place! And that’s a very accurate description- when you start out on your own, you’re not going to have what your parents have, it took decades for them to achieve that! Freedom, learning to manage life and home and finances, etc is very valuable!", ">\n\nI'm not really bothered by the downvotes, young redditors have an envy problem and the perspective that the world's stacked against them. \nI say this from the perspective of someone who's 30, moved out at 18 with a very unstable life at the time, it was one of the best decisions of my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today without the stubbornness and determination to go my own way instead of (As I saw it in my eyes, naievely) \"always burdening my parents\".\nI don't blame them for it, but but has to be said sometimes that what you \"can\" do always starts of as an \"option you don't have\" untill you take decisions, plans and discipline enough to move towards making that an option you can take.\nIf you don't achieve something significant to your own personal goals today, just try again tommorow, ask advice, don't just hope for options, make them. No human being has 0 barriers to cross.", ">\n\nFor me, I think kids should have a life of their own at least 20. 18 is too young. I’m 18 and I’m currently a non-working student looking forward to studying in a community college and university. I’m definitely planning to live a life of my own once I’ve graduated college.", ">\n\nThat might not be when you are 20. Depending on what you study but most need more than 4 semesters", ">\n\nStudying somewhere other than living at home I would also consider having a life of your own", ">\n\nIt is ok only if you prepare your kid all these years up to their adulthood 18 year old moment for the independent life. In other words if you actively gear and prepare your child to support themselves it is ok to set them free at 18. I mean all necessary skills and knowledge that will keep them afloat no matter what.\nHowever raising a kid and then just dropping them into the darkest place is setting them up to a failure. It is irresponsible attitude to your own flesh and blood to drop them into a lake and see if they float back up. Also a guaranteed method to ensure you die alone in a shitty rest home when you get old.", ">\n\nAs an 18 year old who was given a one way plane ticket across the country, with no money, place to live or plan, yup it was sink or swim.\nThey had the means to help me and they convinced me they didn't. I could have gone to college or even just have a safe place to sleep and food. Now, they want to take credit for making me an independent person, but I did all the work, alone with no support.", ">\n\nimo this is not unpopular, and it is also mostly in the US that this is a thing (idk why honestly it seems a strangely cruel, people at 18 are lost as fuck in life in general).", ">\n\nI voluntarily left home at 19 and moved in with my bf. My parents were not abusive, but also were not giving me good guidance or assuring me they would help with college. Pretty sure they did not approve of my choice but they made no effort to stop me. \nMy bf turned out to be abusive. By the time I figured it out, my parents had split up. I couldn't move back in with my mother as she had a tiny apartment. I wouldn't consider moving back in with my alcoholic father under any circumstances. He threw out all of my personal possessions without any notice to me. I thought it would be ok to leave things there until i established a more permanent home. So I stuck with the abusive bf way longer than I should have. Needless to say this has had long lasting effects in my life. \nI kept my daughters bedroom hers for years after she moved out just in case she needed to return. And she did a couple of times. I had many talks with her about her plans, what I thought she should do and how I was willing to help her.\nDon't be an asshole to your own children.", ">\n\nHard to judge without knowing the totality of the situation. Some children are holy terrors and leave their parents with no other choice. Some children are wonderful and serve as assets and their parents wish they would stay. Some parents are narcissistic nightmares and remaining with them is toxic and possibly lethal and it's for the best that the children are pushed out. Other parents exert so much control over adult children that they couldn't leave if they wanted to.", ">\n\nI had one of those \"kicked out at 18\" kids come live in a rent house with me and my roommates. He was out partying literally all night, coming home as I was leaving for work. Never paid rent, ate everyone's food, brought drugs into the house (hard rule for all roommates). Stole clothes, food, makeup, etc. Never contributed a dime and refused to get a job. \nWe kicked him out too.", ">\n\nIt depends where you live. In the Netherlands this is quite normal .. but then again: free healthcare and free education is a good safety net that should so ensured by every nation.", ">\n\nParents kick their kids out, then act shocked that they never want to come back.", ">\n\nThis isn't an unpopular opinion my mans.", ">\n\nI agree, it's way better to move out after college", ">\n\nWhile I agree with your premise, I still think some kids benefit from being kicked out. Especially the ones who do poorly in school AND don’t work. If you do one or the other and you get kicked out then yeah that’s a little harsh", ">\n\nYou either fly or you don't", ">\n\nStraight up kicking them out is never good but encouraging them to be independent and not need others to make it is good. My daughter chose her path wisely and hasn't lived at home for two years. She paid for her own education and now at 20 years old she's fully independent and thanks me for the proper encouragement.\nI couldn't wait to be independent, have my own rules, make my own way and take care of myself. It was a point of pride for me to no longer need mommy and daddy and be an adult. I am glad I did what I did.", ">\n\nThat's one of the less worse outcomes. People are irresponsible and we need some form of antinatalism in all places of the world to protect human dignity or in the very least provide a way to safely die without pain", ">\n\nMy parents did a slow burn trick to get me out of the house. \nOnce I was done with high school it would start with just questions about life plans and ideas about starting jobs. After a month it was talks on progress and ideas from what others in the family did. Next few months was talk about some amount I'd be able to pay to help with house payments and food money. I figured something out by then and never had to pay anything. I could tell if I stayed longer I would've had to start paying something soon though.", ">\n\nI dont see what is wrong with what they did\nThey looked out for you and pushed you to grow up\nAlso what is wrong with helping your own family with some money?", ">\n\nIf you only do for your kids what you have to you are a terrible parent.", ">\n\nMy kids are welcome at home for as long as they want to be here with the caveat that they must be doing something to better themselves. Either going to school, learning a trade, or working a job. I wouldn’t want kids just sitting around on Playstation all day every day. That isn’t helping them out. But as long as they are doing something they are welcome no charge for as long as they want.", ">\n\nThis is a good unpopular opinion. Not a good opinion, but a good use of this sub.", ">\n\nSome other countries wouldn't dare get rid of their child laborers just because they get a little older. However, since they were mercilessly worked from age 7 maybe 18 is retirement? Idk", ">\n\nMy dad always told me and my siblings while growing up that at 18 we were out the door. Most of us started uni at 17, couldn’t wait to fucking leave.", ">\n\nI had my son knowing that it was my choice which also means that my house is his house. That doesn't stop being true once he's a legal adult. Your brain doesn't stop developing until your mid 20s. It's his house too even until he's moved out and on his own. If something tragic happens and he has no shelter, he can come home again. I'm not saying that goes without some expectations and compromising. But I'm also not going to let him go hungry or feeling unloved, either.", ">\n\nNot everyone chooses to be a parent. I agree with you but I think a lot of those parents never wanted to be parents. They may be from a culture where contraception is difficult to get or one where abortion is looked down upon if not illegal. They may be fathers that didn't want kids but as they're men couldn't abort and were stuck with parenthood. Not all shitty parents were people that just changed their minds.\nI disagree with the parenting is forever. I think parents should have the right to reclaim their lives and stop doing everything for the sake of their children at some point. Nobody wants servitude forever and it can get exhausting having someone else always be your priority. I just think the cutoff should be different. 18 isn't enough anymore. At 18 you've got no skills or qualifications outside the very basic ones and minimum wage isn't enough any more. I think support should be given until 21-22 and it doesn't have to be super comprehensive, just shelter and food", ">\n\nThat's not an \"unpopular\" opinion at all.", ">\n\nIt is but unfortunately legal", ">\n\nI remember when the (Greek) owner of a bar I used to frequent once asked me, in hushed tones, \"Is it true, that you (British people) throw your kids out at 18 and don't even buy them a house?\" I tried to explain that it was different from person to person, but that most British people would not consider it there obligation to house their children after they reached the age of majority, but that few would actually throw them out. That it is the norm to pay your own way from that age, if you can. She was appalled!!", ">\n\n\nhave never, ever understood how any self proclaimed “good mother” or “good father” can be excited to throw their child on the streets without a second thought as soon as they can.\n\nPeople like this have child regret. They either never wanted kids and had one anyways due to social pressure or being plain dumb, or they thought they wanted a kid until they actually had one and realized how much work and stress kids actually are.", ">\n\nIf a kid is properly trained to be an adult and has the right attitude, they should want to leave their parents house when they are 18.", ">\n\nHow is that an unpopular opinion.", ">\n\nmy parents did that with me. I went and lived with my G\ngrandparents until i could get my GED and get a job. Needless to say, my parents will never meet their grandkids.", ">\n\nHard agree!!! \nMy mother told me verbatim “no room at the inn”. I was 19 at the time, a full time college student, and VERY sheltered. Lost. Couch surfed with my dad for a few months until grandma gave me a home. I’ll always be grateful to her! \nGoing thru that, I could NEVER make my children feel as unwelcome and unloved as I felt at that time.", ">\n\nMy kids always have a place to stay, but if they stay I still have expectations that they're doing something and being decent and considerate.", ">\n\nI agree. I think charging them rent and have them learn how to get a job/ be an adult is the better way to do it.", ">\n\nMy parents didn't even want me to move out. I lived at home until i was 28, which i didn't mind.", ">\n\nI moved out at 18. But not because my dad wanted me too, but because I wanted too.\nHe let me and just said there is always a room at home if it doesn't work out.\nIt did work out, I never moved back. But it was good to know if there was any issues I could go back home.\nI've never understood the parents who push their kids out immediately. It's mostly done for selfish reasons, not for your kids benefit, but they mask it as something they're doing for the kids benefit.\nEdit: I'm Aussie if that makes any difference.", ">\n\nI turned 18 on my first day of college(going to local community college because that’s all I could afford with full time job.)\nI got home and realized all my stuff(bed, clothes, Knick knacks) were out at the curb and the locks on the house changed. \nMy family was toxic, manipulative and emotionally abusive. Truly awful people.", ">\n\nMy husband's dad called the police on him when he was 15, as soon as he had become big enough to hit him back, hard enough to lay his ass out.\nPolice knew his dad well enough (and his older brothers) to take the 15 year olds side.\nHe was emancipated a few weeks later. \nDad took all his stuff, and sold it at an auction for stupid prices. Father of the year. \nThen left town.\nMatt did better without him.", ">\n\nMy father always said this to me when I was a kid “as soon as you’re 18, you’re out of here” it made me feel unloved and like a burden and made me very anxious as a child.", ">\n\nIt’s understandable if the kid in question is significantly disrespectful or abusive in anyway. If my son doesn’t seriously start being a more respectful, helpful and reasonable person, then Im going to strongly suggest he move out in his late teens or early 20s. Parenting is a tough job and when you get abused instead of respected then they need tough love and a few hard life lessons, IMO.", ">\n\nHonestly if they are kicking their kid out at 18, chances are being there is more abusive", ">\n\nI had friends who parents made them pay to live with them when they turned 18 like that kid is still in high school what goes through your head" ]