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2
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4
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6
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10 PRINT "HELLO. MY NAME IS CREATIVE COMPUTER."
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20 PRINT: INPUT "WHAT'S YOUR NAME? ",N$: PRINT
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30 PRINT "HI THERE, ";N$;", ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF HERE";
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40 INPUT B$: PRINT
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50 IF B$="YES" OR B$="yes" THEN 70
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55 IF B$="NO" OR B$="no" THEN 80
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60 PRINT N$;", I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR ANSWER OF '";B$;"'."
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65 PRINT "PLEASE ANSWER 'YES' OR 'NO'. DO YOU LIKE IT HERE";: GOTO 40
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70 PRINT "I'M GLAD TO HEAR THAT, ";N$;".": PRINT
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75 GOTO 100
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80 PRINT "OH, I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT, ";N$;". MAYBE WE CAN"
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85 PRINT "BRIGHTEN UP YOUR VISIT A BIT."
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100 PRINT
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105 PRINT "SAY, ";N$;", I CAN SOLVE ALL KINDS OF PROBLEMS EXCEPT"
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110 PRINT "THOSE DEALING WITH GREECE. WHAT KIND OF PROBLEMS DO"
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120 PRINT "YOU HAVE (ANSWER SEX, HEALTH, MONEY, OR JOB)? ";
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125 INPUT C$
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126 PRINT
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130 IF C$="SEX" THEN 200
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132 IF C$="HEALTH" THEN 180
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134 IF C$="MONEY" THEN 160
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136 IF C$="JOB" THEN 145
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138 PRINT "OH, ";N$;", YOUR ANSWER OF ";C$;" IS GREEK TO ME."
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140 GOTO 250
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145 PRINT "I CAN SYMPATHIZE WITH YOU ";N$;". I HAVE TO WORK"
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148 PRINT "VERY LONG HOURS FOR NO PAY -- AND SOME OF MY BOSSES"
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150 PRINT "REALLY BEAT ON MY KEYBOARD. MY ADVICE TO YOU, ";N$;","
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153 PRINT "IS TO OPEN A RETAIL COMPUTER STORE. IT'S GREAT FUN."
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155 GOTO 250
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160 PRINT "SORRY, ";N$;", I'M BROKE TOO. WHY DON'T YOU SELL"
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162 PRINT "ENCYCLOPEADIAS OR MARRY SOMEONE RICH OR STOP EATING"
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164 PRINT "SO YOU WON'T NEED SO MUCH MONEY?"
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170 GOTO 250
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180 PRINT "MY ADVICE TO YOU ";N$;" IS:"
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185 PRINT " 1. TAKE TWO ASPRIN"
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188 PRINT " 2. DRINK PLENTY OF FLUIDS (ORANGE JUICE, NOT BEER!)"
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190 PRINT " 3. GO TO BED (ALONE)"
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195 GOTO 250
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200 INPUT "IS YOUR PROBLEM TOO MUCH OR TOO LITTLE? ";D$: PRINT
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210 IF D$="TOO MUCH" THEN 220
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212 IF D$="TOO LITTLE" THEN 230
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215 PRINT "DON'T GET ALL SHOOK, ";N$;", JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION"
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217 INPUT "WITH 'TOO MUCH' OR 'TOO LITTLE'. WHICH IS IT? ";D$:GOTO 210
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220 PRINT "YOU CALL THAT A PROBLEM?!! I SHOULD HAVE SUCH PROBLEMS!"
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225 PRINT "IF IT BOTHERS YOU, ";N$;", TAKE A COLD SHOWER."
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228 GOTO 250
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230 PRINT "WHY ARE YOU HERE IN SUFFERN, ";N$;"? YOU SHOULD BE"
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235 PRINT "IN TOKYO OR NEW YORK OR AMSTERDAM OR SOMEPLACE WITH SOME"
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240 PRINT "REAL ACTION."
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250 PRINT
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255 PRINT "ANY MORE PROBLEMS YOU WANT SOLVED, ";N$;
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260 INPUT E$: PRINT
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270 IF E$="YES" THEN 280
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273 IF E$="NO" THEN 300
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275 PRINT "JUST A SIMPLE 'YES' OR 'NO' PLEASE, ";N$;"."
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277 GOTO 255
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280 PRINT "WHAT KIND (SEX, MONEY, HEALTH, JOB)";
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282 GOTO 125
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300 PRINT
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302 PRINT "THAT WILL BE $5.00 FOR THE ADVICE, ";N$;"."
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305 PRINT "PLEASE LEAVE THE MONEY ON THE TERMINAL."
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307 FOR I=1 TO 2000: NEXT I
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310 PRINT: PRINT: PRINT
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315 PRINT "DID YOU LEAVE THE MONEY";
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320 INPUT G$: PRINT
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325 IF G$="YES" THEN 350
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330 IF G$="NO" THEN 370
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335 PRINT "YOUR ANSWER OF '";G$;"' CONFUSES ME, ";N$;"."
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340 PRINT "PLEASE RESPOND WITH 'YES' OR 'NO'.": GOTO 315
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350 PRINT "HEY, ";N$;"??? YOU LEFT NO MONEY AT ALL!"
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355 PRINT "YOU ARE CHEATING ME OUT OF MY HARD-EARNED LIVING."
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360 PRINT:PRINT "WHAT A RIP OFF, ";N$;"!!!":PRINT
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365 GOTO 385
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370 PRINT "THAT'S HONEST, ";N$;", BUT HOW DO YOU EXPECT"
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375 PRINT "ME TO GO ON WITH MY PSYCHOLOGY STUDIES IF MY PATIENTS"
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380 PRINT "DON'T PAY THEIR BILLS?"
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385 PRINT:PRINT "TAKE A WALK, ";N$;".":PRINT:PRINT:GOTO 999
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390 PRINT "NICE MEETING YOU, ";N$;", HAVE A NICE DAY."
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400
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999 END
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